Hollywood Handbook - Mikal Cronin, Our Music Friend

Episode Date: October 15, 2019

The Boys welcome MIKAL CRONIN back to replace their expired songs. This episode is sponsored by Squarespace (www.squarespace.com/THEBOYS code: THEBOYS), Harry's (www.harry's.com/HANDBOOK), and Trtl Travel Pillows (www.trtltravel.com code: THEBOYS)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. So we're in the rafters making spooky sounds to sort of scare the theater goers. And I'm, you know, I'm scurrying across and it sounds like little animals and yeah, all that and I'm with, I'm there with Randy Moss, and he is

I'll say it faster than me, yeah, okay hey, that congratulations, that's really big you know what, I don't want to just like blow by that, that's really big you know what i don't want to just like blow by that that's huge that you could say that i don't have to be the best at everything and i think there are things that i am better at than randy uh-huh what like catching like where are you on that? Catching versus him? Yeah.

It's close. I would say he's faster than me, which I've admitted. Yeah, it's huge. He probably edges me out a little bit on catching. Wow. I'm probably stronger than him in terms of pure raw strength. Country strength. Yeah. Which is like what's real.

I'm what people call country strong, which is like, no, I don't have shredded muscles. Yeah. But I can pick up a tractor and smash corn without ever working out. I've never worked out. But the fact of the matter is when you're around tractors as out. I've never worked out, but the fact of the matter is when you're around tractors, as much as I've been at some point, just by instinct, you understand leverage and you can pick up the tractor and smash all your

corn in like an hour. Um, but you ring the triangle and you come in and the table is just spread smash corn just spread out all over the table smash corn get your smash corn everybody no plates no utensils no plates no utensils no table really we call it a table but it's a blanket smash corn that's the one thing it seems like it would be so much better to serve on a smooth surface right instead of one that it has like fibers and stuff tradition what is it about these traditions that we can't let go of they make it special you feel a connection to your

ancestors who also probably wished they had a smooth surface to eat off of. But something about that frustration, it really makes us hard, doesn't it? Makes us tough. Anyway, I'm tougher than Randy as well because I did have to eat smashed corn off a blanket. You're making the sounds.

We're making the sounds. I'm doing sort of Adam Sandler-y sounds. People are looking up like, what the hell? And sometimes you're going like, who's that? What's that sound? So they're like, am I the ghostly presence? Oh, God, it's looking at me. Is this?

Yeah. Am I like in the others? Am I like the end of the others? But knowing what the end is from the beginning. Yes. Oh God, they're all looking at me. The ghosts are. I'm doing that.

And then the show are. I'm doing that. And then the show starts. I hadn't even started it. No, I was sort of trying to set the, like, it's going to be spooky here. And I got to say, I got so caught up in the funny jokes and songs. Yeah. That I completely forgot to haunt the place wow i wound up just watching spam a lot

hey welcome to hollywood handbook insiders got to gig about dropping names and recovery linebacker always listen to call show business so what up what up and we have a big guest today and we love our return guest don't we haze man oh yeah we say these words we say it's insiders and we say it's the hallways but is it real like what does it mean when we say this stuff when you put all those words together they come up when you put words together they come up with this like completely different meaning absolutely the order they're in and what you are saying and huh and that actually is the same as true for notes and what do i mean notes and musical note music note say that who do we know who does a musical note every once in a while who do i know has music note and it's michael crin. Hey. Hi. Hey. And he is on our label, Gojira Records.

We discovered him. Yes. Do you say thank you? Thank you. You're welcome. What kind of instrument did you play when we first found Michael Cronin? It was a, it tried to be a guitar. It was a it tried to be a guitar. It was trying very hard to be a guitar.

Yes. It was a little guitar that could. And I think it was an empty tissue box with some floss wrapped around it. Maybe a rubber band. Maybe one rubber band. On a good day. Rubber band on a good day. It made noises, yeah. And we could just

feel, this kid's got something special. And it ain't the tissue box. Mm-hmm. That was nothing special. What's this eating noise? It's different than the normal one. Speaking of noise. So, Bosch Man the dog has a toy today.

Uh-huh. Now, last time, he took apart his toy, took out all the fluff and tried to eat part of the Like metal rattly thing inside That's what that was okay Today I have brought Big pretzel we all like pretzel Yes okay And it does not really have fluff inside Or anything metal

So if he does rip it up It will really just be cloth And then it seems like the inner side of it is all Just one crinkly piece. Does it make a loud crinkly sound? Yes. Does that ruin the podcast? Yes. Am I going to take it away from him?

Absolutely no. And can I just point out how effortlessly you did an entire Doughboys episode just in one tiny part of that story saying we all like pretzel that's it that's the entire show it's the whole fucking show man except they're like stretch it out stretch it out but they could just say you play the thing do the theme song yeah it's why

yeah we all like pretzel everyone go home home. Phineas Pretzel IV was baking his bread for his missus one night and left it in a little too long. The hard concoction that came out thrilled his children. Served as a teething ring and a salty treat for after work in the mines. But Phineas didn't know yet that... Michael. Hey. What the...

Everything. The music and the... What's the haps? What are we getting first of all? Some new actual product. Oh, pretty soon. Raw product. Raw. Can I just say also also i think there was maybe a misunderstanding with this whole thing you are of course on our label yeah the assumption was

sort of that you would bring we are operate sort of a bringer label yeah uh-huh where you are the bringer of your friends. Mm-hmm. Young artists. Oh. Nubile artists for the label. Mm-hmm. Okay. You're something of a honeypot, Michael. And the idea is that you would draw in all your young friends who have their little homemade instruments. Mm-hmm.

And you would bring them here and say, say hey these guys will give you 40 bucks and then you get a free song oh that's pretty good deal that's not bad that's not bad um free song for michael should i i have a i have a few young up-and-comers i could i could bring up okay um what what kind of what what are you looking for something similar michael michael is to look at him you'd be like oh this is a freaking punk no it's true coming down the street yeah to beat my ass yeah when i'm out of here when i first saw him when you brought it because you had brought him into the studio and you hadn't warned me on a on a on a leash and my fingers immediately drifted into the brass knuckles that i keep on

my belt loop and i thought i'm gonna need to pound this guy's face in because otherwise that's what he's going to do to me. But what happened instead was this sweet guy. Yeah, he's a sweet punk. Are any of these guys more like you? Yeah, they're sweet. Most of them are sweet. Some of them are a little on the punker side. Okay. You remind me of Sugar High, the song from the end of Empire Records,

because it is punk, but it's very sweet, and it's about just sugar. If you remember when Renee Zellweger finally gets the courage to sing lead on that song. Who are these guys? Guys and gals. Yeah, I call girls guys also no I know that's okay if you know that

I'm looking at girls I'm touring with my friend Shannon Lay she's sweet she's a sweetie she's also punk she's got orange hair

yeah but she's sweet she won't sorry I hit myself in the leg with my brass knuckles I just punched my thigh that's bad that kills they're so heavy.

Basically, if I get them all in my belt loop, I'm immediately punching straight downward at my own leg. The weight of them breaks your fist right into your leg. I don't know what I would do with them if anybody ever really came at me because they basically just drag my whole arm down and send me tumbling ass over a tea kettle. They're heavy. You have to at least hope that they have, for some reason, migrated down by your side.

Yeah, my only real hope is that their initial attack move was to get underneath me somehow, face up. Ground attack. Leg sweep or something well it would be more if they were going to like pretend to be a mechanic going under a car in order to initially attack me and then as they're sort of rolling towards me boom with the brass knuckles and then I'm

tumbling ass over a tea kettle regardless Michael made a couple changes around here yeah fancy new digs New office Yeah, you think? Yeah, it's not bad

Not too bad But also, we have someone in the room Who this whole episode has been like Oh boy, when am I gonna When is it my turn? Music, we're talking about music Who is residing in the cut And her name is Angie Jordan.

Yes, hi. And she has BA Vocal Performance. Mm-hmm. Yes. Mm-hmm. And so, as we do songs today, we are going to do song. Yes, guys, it's Michael who's here. And yes, our license expired on all our old songs.

We did not do the paperwork correctly. And it is illegal for us to use the songs. And we forgot to use them on the show. Anyone who doesn't remember is Michael came here before after Colin screamed at us, humiliated himself more than us, really, but said that we were no longer allowed to have music on the show. We said, fine, we'll make our own music. And Michael came in to help us, and we made the music. We never used it once, and the license expired, and we have no access to it.

And people listening are like, oh, go check out that episode. Sounded them smashing into the paywall. Smeared on the paywall. Just another stain up against the paywall. Just another stain up against the paywall. Fuck, man. This fucking place is brutal. People want universal healthcare, you can't even get universal podcast access.

This shit, dude. This fucking country. At least Colin's happy, right? Office recaps. Yeah. Kevin, were you pissed about that? Comes over here to take our healthcare. Kevin, were you pissed about those office recaps?

Did you see this? Hey, guys. Chef Kevin here. Yeah, I was pissed. Me and Tom have to start from scratch now. So we're taking ideas. Did you see this announcement, Michael? No. Yeah, I was pissed. Me and Tom have to start from scratch now. So we're taking ideas. Did you see this announcement, Michael? No, I haven't seen it.

Michael, did you see this? You seen this? You're loose. I haven't seen this thing. You seen this thing? It's an office recap podcast. Apparently, Pam and Angela from The Office do little recaps. What do you think about that?

It's not this office. No. Okay. It's The Office. It is in this office. Yeah. Do they get into this office? This is now, I guess, The Office.

It's technically The Office. You ever do one is now, I guess, the office. It's technically the office. You ever do one of these, Senator Jordan? The office? One of the recaps. One of the recap episodes. Oh, no, no. I've seen them in the studio. I haven't personally recorded them, no.

They're in the studio, but they know when to do our show. Who's doing those? Who's engineer? Sam. That's a Sam production. Oh, gosh. Well, it is a ticking time bomb. Who knows? Who's engineer? Sam. That's a Sam production. Oh, gosh. Well, it is a ticking time bomb.

That's why he changed his hair back. His hair was freaky pink for so long, and then all of a sudden, he looks like Mr. Norman Normal to ingratiate his way onto the office recap. He went from paranormal to Norman Normal overnight, and you've got to wonder what inspired that. He's trying to fit in with all Michael's punk friends, and then the next day it's like, no, no, no, I'm a part of the office too. That is a powder keg.

That's typical Earwolf. Michael, we have to do, we got to replace all these songs. And they're also out of date. Some of them, the information has changed. At the time, Kevin was almost exclusively a pervert. Now he's also annoying and abandoned us. So should we do one about, I guess, just the experience of looking to,

like basically it should be a segment now where we need Kevin for something and then realize that he is not there. Right. So the song is a story. It's almost like a musical. Right. And the story is that there's literally the most basic thing that a producer might provide to your show.

His physical presence. And instead what we get is a fucking knife in the belly. Sounds like a country song. That does to me. And this is why Michael has been so helpful to our label. I'm running late. Could somebody meet the guest in the lobby for me? Somebody meet the guest in the lobby for me.

I'm running out of ideas. Maybe I can make fun of the producer. I need a glass of water, need a glass of coffee, need a tissue, need a napkin, and somebody's gotta walk my dog. I sure ain't gonna take care of my own dog. But he's gone. He's gone. My friend who I despise. He's gone I miss his hair and his perverted eyes

Haven't seen him for nigh on a year He's out with Conan and the Freedom Gang He's selling shirts and celebrating his birthday And I haven't seen him in a month. Something about having a girlfriend made him big for his britches. That's a fact. He bought a car and he's strutting around like he's King shit. Hollywood of the podcast world.

That's how songs end, right? Yeah. Hi, Bosh. What's up, buddy? He's right up in the window. Bosh, you want your own song? This is like, honestly, in Bosh's musical biopic,

like in Ray or something, he hears a guitar on a podcast and he's like, what the heck is that sound? And he gets addicted to the sound. Yeah, it's true. And he becomes a famous musical dog. That's quite likely to happen. I love seeing this sort of seed be planted that will later grow into the beautiful tree of Botch's music career. I mean, he has become a much bigger part. I don't think he got his own song in the first iteration of this, right?

Was he an alive dog at that time? He might have been. He might have been a puppy. Okay. He wasn't here um he wasn't here he wasn't here that's why yeah

but at the time he was maybe going to the Bosch segment will be good that one's great so that kind of replaces the need for like when I need to use

Kevin as a crutch on the show then we can just play the song uh huh and I'll use that time to figure out something else to do we'll just kick to like hey Boschhuh. And I'll use that time to figure out something else to do.

We'll just kick to like, hey, Bosh, didn't you have a song you wanted to play? And then he'll sing his own song. That is great, too. Something soulful, right? I mean, Bosh has got a little bit of soul. Mm-hmm. Okay. Squish squash A dog named Boss

Careful buddy Or you'll end up on Tosh Cause a dog biting butts is a hell of a scene Well, it could go quite viral if you know what I mean You know what I mean Boss put your ass on Tosh When he bites your butt Daniel Tosh laughing at you Better tell you what

Karate chop your face And put your ass on Daniel's Toes That's right Squish motherfucking squash Very soulful I am a little concerned about the specificity of the content. It's, it's Bosh threatening.

He's basically like, yeah, he's threatening. Yeah. To, to put someone on Tosh.0. He's saying that he's going to your butt uh-huh and that someone will i guess be recording this on video and that daniel tosh is gonna make a meal out of that on his show so what do you what's the concern i don't know just like it doesn't seem like there a lot of opportunities to use a song about that it doesn't really like i don't know just like it doesn't seem like there are a lot of opportunities to use a song about that it doesn't really like

I don't know it doesn't introduce him you want a more general well it's introduced it's what we have he says squish squash I'm a dog named Bob no that's right

that's my fault so that introduces him yeah and then it basically like I think it's more universal than you're giving it credit for because basically he's saying anyone who was about to criticize or attack us, you will get your butt bit so hard you end up straight on Daniel Tosh.

It's good to get out ahead of that. It's a one-way ticket to Tosh.0, and there will be no web redemption. Andrew Jordan obviously needs a song, and she has been asking me in between records, she's been saying, like, when am I really going to get to flex these pipes? Yeah. And she's been going over my head to ask you that

because I, of course, said, hey, that's not really part of the show. It's like a comedy podcast. It's like a sort of improvised comedy podcast. Yeah. And a Hollywood advice guide. God, that was so long ago. But I said, we don't do music. Yeah, I want to feel old.

Tried being me. Yeah. Want to feel old? My knees are killing me um yeah so I said absolutely not

under no circumstances and then she goes around to daddy mommy said it's okay that I can sing my sing as loud

as I want that's verbatim yeah as long as I want. That's verbatim. Yeah. As long as it's okay with you. And then I go off thinking you approved it and you think I did.

She was saying like, you got me splashing around the kitty pool with these socks that we're doing. Just like swimming under the kitty's pee pee. No. She's like, I'm ready to do a fucking half gainer into the deep end, baby. Lady Gaga style.

She kept saying Lady Gaga style to me. So let's finally give Jordan an opportunity to like fully let it rip you don't even need to use like words like we'll just like set you up in the song and you can just like tear off some real vocal performance here comes jordan she's about to go off here comes jordan clearing her throat with a cough to open up that throat for a big old song jordan three one. Won't be long. Here's my song. I'm singing on Hollywood Hamburg. You told me to sing a song.

Here on Hollywood Hamburg. Okay, that's enough Back to the show Hayes and Sean are the only stars of the show Jordan sold her soul to the devil for a good voice And all she got out of it was a ten second song People listen to the show to hear Hayes and Sean. What do you expect? An entire show of you just singing a song?

Nope. Not happening. Sorry, pal. Let's do this again next year. Thanks guys. Sure. Yeah. We'll guys sure yeah we'll use that we'll use that so many opportunities that'll come up to use that hollywood handbook be a better you in 2024 with babble the science-backed language learning app that actually works don't pay hundreds of dollars for private tutors or waste hours on apps that don't really help you speak the language. And the question that I always get, people stop me and they say, like, hey, I trust you.

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and michael if you had any ideas as you listen to the show, for any times where you're like, oh, it could be good to do a song about this. Yeah, you're a fan of the show. Is there anything you feel like needs its own song? Let's see. Any part? You have the opening song that's important. Okay, yes.

Which is a very short closing song okay goes whoa uh yes that is a song thank you yeah yes technically a song people trying to tell me that's not a song songs can be short who's telling you that's not a song please that's false yeah thank you um so you got those um do you need an intermission do you ever do you ever feel so that we could just take a break and go to the bathroom or something long intermission that could be really good oh wow yeah that could be smart bathroom song i know it's just you two running this running this ship and like yeah i know that you might you know i don't know you ever need a

break i've trained my body it's incredible what basically a superhuman podcaster i've become where my endocrine system and basically all my other internal organs will shut off or just be like it's okay no need to like take care of us for the next 50 minutes. Because they know. They just know. Yes. I don't even have to do it consciously. Oh, wow. Okay.

At this point. So if I were to try to go to the bathroom, I would get hurt trying to do it. Okay. You don't want to do that then. You don't even want to try. Don't make him try to go to the bathroom. But I like to be able to say that I have to go to not have to speak on the show. So then I could go in the bathroom, stand still.

Take a breather. Yeah. Yeah. Just wash your face. I come to Earwolf, first thing I do, I wash my face in the bathroom. I clean under my nails. And not to splash water on it, like fully wash it. No, no, no.

I get in the bathroom, I lock the door, I do a mask. I have a whole case of brushes and stuff. And I get in there and I polish it and I use different creams and special elixirs. You have to feel comfortable. You have to. It's an emergency. And it comes through on the show. And it got some fresh as a daisy.

Yeah, you don't see it, but you hear the results. But you hear it. You hear what you would be seeing. You hear my face. Well, and I talk through my face. I'll admit that. So Michael pitched an intermission song that we could use if we want to go to the bathroom. You said you don't go to the bathroom.

I don't go to the bathroom, but I like to be able to go in there and stand perfectly still. So do we want to do a song for that? About having to go to the bathroom? Yeah. And then other people could use that too. Yeah, that's true. That could actually be, we could license it out to other podcasts.

It's like people did songs about different days of the week. The new, I turn on the radio and there's that Panic at the Disco, like Saturday song. Yeah. That's one day of the week. People go to the bathroom every day. Yeah. All the time.

No, it's so, yeah. Every second of every day, someone is going to the bathroom. It's a trip, you'd think about that. Dude, yeah. Somebody's dropping one right now. A big pee. A big P. What's this feeling Swelling up inside of me

There's something inside me I have to get it out There's a hole in the front of me That it could come out of Man, I just wanna scream and shout I have to stand over the water And get the other pee in the water There's only one room I'm allowed to do it in

In this whole damn building And I got to go gotta go gotta go gotta go and there's only one part of the special room where I'm allowed to do this thing it's usually in the corner of the room but not that corner that one over there. It's in the other corner from the first corner that I checked. And I forgot that there's a lid on it sometimes, which is down. And I gotta lift it up. Gotta go, gotta go. What do I do after I'm done?

I'm just standing here. No one's here to give me directions. Oh, yeah. I'm just standing here. No one's here to give me directions. Oh, yeah. I guess I'll call out down the hall and see if anyone wants to help me out. No one came.

It's good to have just in case. Yeah. No, I think that'll come up it's relatable yeah Kevin any requests? yeah any requests? parody song?

parody song would be super fun anything you guys are listening to lately? Kevin I am asking you do one thing help us okay I am asking you, do one thing. Help us. Okay. What would Conan like to hear, I guess?

Yes, thank you. Bring it back to him. Fetch your boss's slippers or whatever. Any Conan stories? Yeah. No. Sounds like an interesting guy. A lot of people apologized to me on tour that I met. They're like, sorry what you're going through with Hollywood Handbook.

What? What are you talking about? Keep pushing through. You know, just the glasses half full. You mean not getting to participate in it? No. For weeks on end? Mm-hmm.

Because you have your priorities fucked? Yeah, I think that's what they meant. What about like Lizzo? Okay, which one? You want to do that? You want to perform a Lizzo parody song? Oh, okay. I'm going to do that you want to perform a lizzo parody oh okay i'm gonna parody it we can help what are you looking at on your phone any song it is a question why is kevin great until the second he has to be great like right right like right now. And that one is called Truth Hurts.

Okay. The main one? Yeah. That's the main one. The DNA test one. It's become the main one for sure. Yes. Yep.

Good as hell was the main one before? No, it's that other one. Fitness? No. Tempo? It was called, was it called? Juice? Juice.

Yeah, that used to be the main called? Juice? Juice, yeah. That used to be the main one. Juice was the main one. Now it's this one. Do you know that one? The Lizzo? No. Do you want a little sample?

Yeah. Good acoustic guitar stuff. That's not it. That's Juice. This is the Juice. No, we want to play Truth Hurts. Truth Hurts. Say the truth.

Truth Hurts. Truth Hurts. Say the truth. Truth Hurts. That's all I can play. I got it from here. Yeah. Holy shit. Okay, and this is me. Yeah. Why chef great till he gotta be great? Yes.

I just took a DNA test. Turns out I'm 100%. That chef, even when I'm crying crazy. Yeah, I got boy problems. That's the producer in me. Bling bling, I solve them. That's the goddess in me. You could have a bad bitch.

Non-committal. Help you with your podcast. Just a little. Thank you. That's it. Okay. That was good. Yeah, that's really good. Yeah. That's a really good parody song. That's it. Okay. That was good. Yeah, that's really good.

Yeah. That's a really good parody song. That's really good. Wait, did we do an intermission? Yes, we did the intermission song. That's the bathroom one. That was about going to the bathroom. So I'm not going to take the bait on this.

Dana and Brett are like together now, and they want us so badly to talk about it. Yes, They would like an official love song to commemorate their romance. Not happening. Please.

We couldn't possibly do something like that. At the same time, maybe we need to. Are there any other? Oh, wow. I broke a string on the last one.

Holy shit. The trip does hurt. Yeah. It's okay. I don't string on the last one. Holy shit. It does hurt. Yeah. It's okay. I don't need that one. Damn. You were jamming so hard. Breaking strings.

Yeah, it did fucking rock. Thank you. Yeah. There's another guitar. I can grab it for you in the other studio, but it's electric. This is okay. Okay. Yeah, thank you.

He likes it this way. He's got a Presidents of the USA kind of thing going. Yeah. The less strings, the better, actually. Brings me back to my tissue box days. But a love song. A love song about Dana and Brett? Yeah.

Wow, that's juicy. That's spicy stuff. It's really nice of us to do, frankly. Engineer my heart. Check the levels. Make sure we're recording, dear I need to book a guest for dinner tonight Sign my table, I love you

Hey, did you think I was good on off-book? table. I love you. Hey, did you think I was good on off book? This afternoon when we did it together, then we went home together, then we kissed together, had our dinner together, watched TV together. We're together.

You and I. You and I That's so nice of us. That was really sweet. Okay. We have to do more songs. Yep, we gotta do a bunch of them. Should we do another Show thing

We did it for Da Vinci's Demons Oh yeah Do we wanna just knock one out For like a TV show Sell one And then the podcast Pays for itself Yeah

And we can sell One of these songs That's our year Yep That's actually sick That's gravy Everything else is gravy The rest of the podcast We can do for free that's our year. Yeah. That's actually sick. Everything else is gravy.

The rest of the podcast we can do for free. Mm-hmm. Is there a show now that like new show needs a theme? Mm-hmm. On becoming a god in Central Florida or whatever? Yeah. I don't remember what that is. That is what it's called.

That one's called, yeah. Is it Central Florida? I believe it is Central Florida. There's that one. Are there any new historical shows? So we can be like, hey, you remember that song we did for Da Vinci's Demons? Right. And sort of, we've carved out this niche.

This is from history. The Romanoffs? The Romanoffs. Do we do a theme song for the Romanoffs? That is really smart. Because they appear to have a pretty big budget. So, Michael, you crushed the Da Vinci's Demons one last time. Thank you.

So, can we hear just a theme song for the Romanovs? Maybe listing some of their names? Some of the Romanovs' names, yeah. And maybe their jobs? Yeah. I haven't seen the Romanovs. That's okay. That's okay.

That's okay. That's okay. One of them is probably named natasha okay gotta be there's mr romanoff there's mrs romanoff there's little baby little baby romanoff little baby romanoff is always roaming off so cute there's auntie romanoff um i'm roaming off I'm Romanoff with Auntie Romanoff and Baby Romanoff, Grandma Romanoff and Dr. Romanoff, Romanoff Professor

Romanoff and Uncle Romanoff We're all Romanoff It's on Amazon. I didn't say it's on Amazon. It's on Amazon.

That shit, that's a little coin right there. So now, like, it's gravy now. Yeah, now whatever we want to do. And I'm sipping gravy. I'm just drinking a big wad of gravy. Tea bag full of gravy.

Just drop it in. Drop it in my mug of tea. So should we improve a song off your new album? Is there any that you feel like aren't quite finished and maybe need that Is there one that is, some of them are fucked?

You're fucked. Is one of them particularly fucked and it needs a touch of two fucking miracle workers like us? I could use, I could use a little help. I just kind of scrapped it together. Doing what I could use I could use a little help I just kind of scrapped it together doing what I could by myself

yeah um shit I'll just I'll play the you sort of fucked around for three years give us

give us a version and we'll give it back to you yeah okay I'm so little in the middle of a raging storm

is it settled in the center like I've always heard so? So. Okay, I got it. That's where I'm starting. I got it. Give it to me. I'm a big ass bitch in the middle of a fucking tornado I'm kicking its ass and I'm

sending it back to wherever it came from Oh, so more aggression. Yes. Yeah, keep going. Tornado gotta suck my wing cause I'm a badass Ain't tornado ever seen

one of these, that's right right it's my big ass wing so that's aggressive it's okay because it's a tornado well yeah that's what's great about it is it's a tornado so it's not like a person like we're all trying to beat up tornadoes are aggressive inherently they're completely destructive. They're completely destructive. And there's no redeeming quality. There's no unifying force for humanity. Like, can we finally find some common ground in making this tornado suck our way? Yeah. Hollywood Handbook.

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Talk about Harry's first. What we want to talk about is something funny that happened to you recently. A ridiculous or fun situation that you were in recently. That's the prompt, and that'll take us into discussing the product particularly funny the product funny to me or funny to just anyone i i mean do you you feel like there's a difference there like you yeah i mean i've had things happen to me that i suppose you would find funny okay but that you didn't find funny and and you have no not really and you have things that have happened that you would find funny but the rest of the world would not yeah i guess i'm interested in that one that i would

find funny yes but that others would not find funny you seem to think that you have like a specific taste when it comes to what's funny or ridiculous that is not i ordered uh um like a scented spray for my pillow to help me sleep at night like a lavender scent okay and uh they accidentally sent me two okay so you understand that most people would not buy that funny or ridiculous but but you but you do i just had a little chuckle about the mix up at the at the shipping uh warehouse harry saw customers getting screwed over by questionable that's a come up overpriced shaving product harry on the come up i decided to do something better instead of charging the same stupid high prices harry's found their own way to double scent bottle beautifully designed razors for a fraction of the price of other big brands

except bogo baby exceptional products honest prices i don't is there a bogo as part of this because i don't want to be like talking about no but that's what happened no but i clean harry punk harry's two bottles buy one get one their deodorant their lotion their body wash their hair gel all very high quality products they all smell great german engineer blades made in their own factory they stay sharp longer you get a five blade razor weighted handle foaming shave gel and a travel cover for just three bucks at harry's.com slash the boys highest customer satisfaction in the shaving industry no risk trial don't like your shave no worries it's on them getting ripped off isn't funny do you want to hear what happened to me that you might find funny? Yes. Yes, sure. But that you didn't. Yeah.

So you're attuned to this stuff. I got my foot stuck in the dryer at the laundromat and it somehow turned on. And you know that that was something other people would find funny based on the responses you were getting. A lot of people inside that laundromat seemed to find it pretty humorous when my legs started spinning around and flipping me what happened was i was holding my laundry basket with both hands and i saw oh still a sock left in the dryer so i stuck my foot and tried to pick it up with my little toesies. I wear sandals. Punk.

And as I'm picking it up, I just sort of tripped, and my foot got wedged in between. There's like slats in there, and it's stuck inside there. And then I don't know who, somebody pushed the button or what, but it turned on, and the thing starts flipping over, and I'm flying in circles help punk help me you punks are your clothes staying in the basket are you going fast no no no i'm wearing all of them by the end of the cycle get started with a $13 trial set for just three dollars at harrys.com slash the boys that's harrys.com slash the boys. That's harrys.com slash the boys for a $3 trial set.

Hollywood Handbook. You want to give us a taste of something else that's fucked? Um. Save a place for the sinner Mind yourself of my lows Make a path for the wanderer Are we ready to go? So, I'm a little lost on this.

Yeah, okay, I got it. I got it. I'm feeling that. I, okay, I got it I got it I'm feeling that I got it, I got it Save a place for Bigfoot Let's go hang out with Bigfoot Imagine meeting friggin' Bigfoot You'd be

a fuckin' legend, dude You've seen those funny commercials Guys are hangin' out with Bigfoot Imagine if you could be those guys From those funny ass commercials

Having jerky with Bigfoot, my man This is better. And we're selling something as well. So instead of it just being like, I'm doing this song. You gotta actually be like, Hey man, you guys at Jack Link want to get into some of this?

Just something more direct. Yeah. Yeah. Directly. I could see that line. Sinners is so vague. Save a place for the sinners. It's just like,

that's a lot. I mean, which sins? But when you say Bigfoot, okay, that's a mental image I can sink my teeth into. We've all seen the footage. Is it sinners? It was sinners.

Okay. Where are we saving a place for them? Jail. Oh, yeah. Sinners go to jail. Felicity Huffman, etc. It was more trying to bring everyone together.

But if we... Okay, you fucked up. You fucked up, man. That's not 2019, dog. Okay. So more direct... Do you want to... I mean, i don't know if you wanted to talk about this before this you were saying that you might want to do a campaign song for mayor pete

right um well i i not that you were gonna vote for him i think you were not gonna vote at all but you were saying i don't vote yeah but you were saying that you wanted mayor pete to have like a fucking kickin' campaign song. I just thought it would be helpful. Do you want us to workshop it? Yeah. Let's hear what you have. Okay.

Well, I just started working on it this morning. Mayor Pete, Mayor Pete, here we go. Everybody gettin' Pete. Everybody's in a show. And a... That feels dumb to me. It's getting... It gets better at the end. Yeah.

I... Mayor Pete. Mayor Pete. Here we go. Are we gonna win? It's gonna win. See, I'm like... Yeah.

Yeah. I'm totally... Yeah. Yeah. I'm totally... Yeah. I could keep... Just keep writing it back. Mayor Pete, Mayor Pete, here we go. If we're gonna win the race, then we're gonna need some votes. Mayor Pete, he's the Pete to beat.

You wanna meet Pete? He's elite on the street. He's speaking languages, Mayor Pete. Yeah, he's eating sandwiches, Mayor Pete. Oh, yeah, yeah. Mr. Buttigieg. His attitudal judge. You for being a bad voter

That's sounding a lot better. Boom! It's a wrap, people. Send these little clouds home. I just had the Mayor Pete. Which was great! That's a really important part of the song. That actually got me off. And you notice how you sort of went off that.

Yeah, okay, so that was helpful. That was huge, Michael. Okay. That was really important. I'm not sure if it's like what he's campaigning on. No, I don't know, yeah. He does want votes. Yeah, exactly. And we captured that. He does want votes. Yeah. Exactly.

And we captured that. Pretty safe. And he's got to eat sandwiches, right? Everyone's got to eat. Yeah. So that's a wrap. Okay. So where are we at in terms of like, do we have any other songs we need to do?

I mean, the last time we ended on doing a song about how we're never going to do the show again. Yeah, should we do that? I remember sort of fucking it up last time. Should we try and get a better take of that song? Yeah. Do you remember your old songs, or do you

basically give them freaking Viking funerals? I typically dissociate from them. Because who wrote that even? It wasn't you. It was me at some point. It was some past man, some version. Michael, you would do well to remember this.

Their cells. No man can step in the same river twice, for the river is not the same, and he is not the same man. Did you know that? I, no. So I'll ask you again. Did you write those songs? And if you took apart, so imagine you are taking apart

the Nina Pinta Santa Maria, and you replace one board at a time, and you switch the Pinta's board goes over to the Santa Maria and you switch them all up and then at the end which is it the same? You switched him

and he is not the same man. Is it which is it all the same? And is Michael and the river is not the same? Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Think about that. But that is not how the song went No it's not Does it need that one string? It's kind of an important string It leans on that string a lot Do it Do it

Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it

Um Well we don't have to do it. That's good. Do you remember this now? Yeah. Okay. It's working. It's working. I've been doing podcasts for a long time. I don't want to do the show no more because I don't

think we're funny. A's is right. It isn't very good now. We should just go do something else with our time. No more shows on Earwolf anymore. We're done with shows. That's worse. It was worse than the first time we did it, sure. Yeah, but the important thing is we did it again. The exact same thing. Well, that was, yeah, that was my intention.

That's really important to do. It ran its course on the licensing and stuff. And it's Taylor. This is what Taylor's doing. Well, and we didn't do the exact same thing, right? Because the song was not the same. It was worse. And we were not the same man.

Yes. And we, too, are worse. That's true. And I was worse. I'm missing the most important string on the whole. Sure. On the the whole. Sure. On the whole guitar. Whatever.

Michael, is there anything you want to talk about? What's her album called? What's the album called? Seeker. Seeker. No. Like from freaking Quidditch, dude? That, well, it was, I love Harry Potter.

I didn't, nobody's caught that quite yet. It's all Potter references. I think Quidditch is a really underrated game. Yeah. All of life is comprised in Quidditch somewhere. It could be. You know? Yeah. All of life is comprised in Quidditch somewhere. It could be. You know? Yeah.

The seeking, the broom. It's not punk. Sorry. No. Should seek for a different title. You think Draco Malfoy's not punk? Draco, though, is not. I don't believe. He's not playing Quidditch? He's cheating. He's cheating. Yeah. Good. That's punk.

No, I know, but just like the Just Seeker, it doesn't like there is a punker version of this. Okay, so what do we want to do to adjust Seeker? Is there a word we can add or something? I assume a lot of the graphics are

done, but we just slap something in front of it or after it to make it more punk hmm something of a heat seeker that would be easy to change yeah that's four four letters right there

I mean really what it should be is tornado seeker tornado seeker I think we're going to adjust a lot of the songs to being about you getting pleasured by a tornado. Right. Can I just say, we don't have to use, we do not have to use this. MILF Seeker. Think about that, Michael. And there's no requirement to use it, but MILF Seeker.

Just let that roll around in your mouth a little bit and see how it feels to you. What are you doing on the cover? I'm not on the cover. It's a wave crashing. It's a wave crashing. Into a MILF? MILF possibly off camera. Okay. Okay. All right. This is a new direction. can we see her is there a shadow is there a silhouette uh of like a tasty milf there could be again we could add

we we got some we got a few months yeah you got some time yeah yeah i mean a lot of them are just online you can find them on there and just slap them on there. Yeah. Yeah. So let me ask you again. What's your album called? Mill Seeker. Bye.

Hollywood Handbook. That was a HeadGum Podcast.