Hollywood Handbook - Mike Castle and Marques Ray, Our Close Friends

Episode Date: June 24, 2025

The Boys talk to MIKE CASTLE and MARQUES RAY about their show Misrepresented.Get a Hat Pack Hat here!Watch the video of today’s episode at Patreon.com/HollywoodHandbook This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Hollywood Handbook via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. I can hear the comments already. Excuse me. And one little boy. I might wanna check your math on that one. Four men and one little boy. Holy shit. Kevin, just like, it's fine that we think of you as a little boy, but you should start to, I mean. I thought it was me, honestly. I thought you were the little boy. I thought you guys saw my feet dangling.

Oh, that was so close. It does kinda feel like the couch is too high. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, Kevin was so close. It does kind of feel like the couch is too high. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, Kevin's a little boy. Yeah. Yeah, you tripled down on it. Yeah. Stupid dumb little boy.

Yeah, yeah, you dummy. Get this pillow out of here. Yeah, let's toss the pillow. I mean, it's four men in here. Hey, tell Marty. We get rid of these fucking pillows. Tell Marty when it's four men recording, we don't need all the pillows.

What is it with women, they have so many pillows? Uh-huh. Here's the thing, like, okay, we're all men. Every day, my wife puts 350 pillows on top of the bed, and then every night she takes off 349 of them. My wife puts 350 pillows on top of the bed, and then every night she takes off 349 of them. But we're the problem. And the car, like you get in the car

after your wife has driven it, and the front seat and passenger seat and the back seat and the trunk are filled with 350 pillows. Where does she take them? Just keeping them there. And you have to take out 349 of them? But filled with 350 pillows. Where does she take them? Just keeping them there. Take out 349 of them. But they do look beautiful. It makes the car look beautiful.

What about the bath? When the wife takes a bath with all the fucking pillows. That's right, that's right. Oh my God. She just lays them. And then they're like, excuse me, I'm late for work. Like I need to get in the shower,

because I take a shower. Sorry. Very nice. I'm a man, I have places to go. And of course I get in the shower, because I take a shower, sorry. Very nice. Same, yes. I'm a man, I have places to go. And of course I'm in the shower, I'm gonna masturbate. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Strain babies. And I'm bumping into all these pillows, I can't get a good angle on it, you know what I mean? And you can't stain the pillows, because then you're gonna hear about that. Oh my God, the conversation we've had about the stains from my jism on the pillows from the shower.

And the pillows have like a cross-stitch dog on them, or like whatever, different animals and stuff. Or a banana car. This ain't my thing, exactly. I don't make it work, but. And they say like, a girl's just a crown away from a queen, or something. And random words are underlined in that.

Yeah, it says like, yes. It says like, she rested. I'm not gonna give you a fucking crown, okay? Oh my God. I get it. You put the pillow in the shower for me to like read this and be like, get you a crown. Oh my God. Some of the pillows say, I wanna divorce.

Some of the pillows have it stitched on it, it says, I wanna divorce. Is this the only way I can talk to you? Yes, I have the you're a cuck pillow. Oh my God. What is this about? And that for like jerking off in the shower. Insane.

No, that helps me. That helps me. Well, just, yeah. To read it. Eventually. It takes longer in a good way. Yes. It's just like, yeah, it's so exhausting.

Women in these pillows, man. And that's what it makes me think of that we had them on the cow. Yes. No, I can tell you're still reeling from that. Well, it's upsetting, you know what I mean? You guys just have a fight? Hmm?

Did you just have a fight about the pillows? Pfft. What day is it? Oh, it ends in Y. Y. So yes. So then yes. Nice. Y for yes.

Yes, the Y is the first letter of yes. I'm gonna take my jacket off, guys, and we're all men here. Let's see how he does this. Oh, come on. Holy shit. Oh man. Pretty fluid motion for taking that off.

Tossed it like a pillow. I'll tell you what, it might as well be a pillow. It's just a fucking pillow for your arms and body. Amen. That's right. I don't need all that shit. They call it throw pillow because I'm about to throw my wife's ass out of the house

with all these pillows. That's the truth, man. That's why they call it that. You know what I mean? Amen. I would be the one moving out, but it's her house. Cause we're men. Yeah, that's right.

We're the ones who move out. I'm supposed, a billion years ago, we were out there hunting, gathering, right? Exactly. And so what? Shooting bugs. I'm gonna be the one like puttering around the house by myself and like showering.

It's like, no, I'm gonna go live at the gym. Come on, man. I'll walk out to the gym bright. Just get in touch with my roots. I don't need a fucking jacket. No, no, no. You know what I mean? We used to be essentially nude all the time. Which was great. She was in bunks. Go ahead. It was awesome.

That was awesome. It was great. When we were nude all the time. Talk more about that, Marcus. Yeah, Marcus, you actually brought it up even before we were recording. Yeah, I wanted to talk about it, but I didn't wanna talk about it on an air.'s really a great thing. Yeah Marcus, you actually brought it up even before we recorded how often we were near. Yeah, I wanted to talk about it, but I didn't wanna talk about it on an air. But it's all good.

Nakedism is a new thing that we're trying to bring back. Nakedism, it's a movement baby, nakedism. There's Naked and Afraid, there's the Naked Skillets. Now there's Naked Food. There was a naked dating show. Talk about the skillets. But the skillets. The skillets is the one that I was most curious about. Well now they have. That was a naked dating show. Talk about the skillets. The naked skillets? The skillets is the one that I was most curious about.

That one I didn't know. What they started to do was hex-clad everything. Yeah. With just like a carbon that they put all over the steak. It looks futuristic, I like it. And it cooks great. I don't know. Is it safe?

It's super safe. That's the big misconception. Gordon Ramsay, you see the one pushing that right now? I don't know who that is, but there's somebody that's pushing a lot of the hex clad stuff, and I don't like it. It's totally safe because they put chemicals on it that stop it from getting really hot.

Right, from being dangerous. Okay. Especially against heat. Instead of touching the hot thing, your hands are touching all the hex chemicals. Oh, okay. Hex chemicals. Yeah, I like that.

That's right. Which is six. Oh, you know what? We're saying four men, we didn't even say who these guys are. What's up? Oh yeah. It's Marcus and Mike.

Could be interesting. Could be kind of interesting to do. It's Marcus and Mike. It's Marcus and Mike. Do you call yourselves Mike and Marcus? I call him Marpie. My daughter, my four-year-old calls him Marpie. So we just kind of go by Mike.

Mike and Marpie, we're getting closer and closer to Mike and Molly in a way that I think is actually really helping. Hold up, hold up, hold up. Mike and Marcus. Megan Markle. Mm. Oh my God.

Hayes and Sean. Harry Styles. Harry Styles. Oh yeah. So there's a British thing happening. It's British, it's very British coded. We're doing the same thing, basically. Yeah, I mean it is similar.

Well, yeah, we are kind of doing the same thing. It's like the Zarl World. It's the British thing about this. Hayes, Sean, Jay's similar. Well, yeah, we are kind of doing the same. It's like the Zara world. It's the British thing about this. Hayes, Sean, Jay's Bond. Oh, shh. Oh, wow. Jay's Bond himself. Jay's Bond.

Jay's Bond, Jay's Bond. Bond, Bond, Jay's Bond. Bond, Jay's Bond. Sean, Hayes, Sean. I feel like we're in like a rehab facility of some kind. And we're walking down the hallway and this is what we're overhearing Yeah, what about this Kevin Bartell? King Bartolomew. Oh Yeah, I never thought about that. I mean is that crazy? Oh, I'm actually getting freaked out. Yeah, I can see your goosebumps

Bart will be the Kevin er That's that's freaking me out. It's Mike and Marpie. Mike and Marpie. And talk about the show, is there nakedism in the show? The show, talk about it. It's nakedism, we're waiting, that's season X. Season triple X.

There is a little dirty. That. It is. Season triple X. There is a little. That was not planned. That's 30, that's, you gotta make it stick around until 30, dirty 30. Dirty 30. We didn't plan that. It was organic. It was just came out.

Yeah. Yes. Well, you have four men together, stuff, stuff's gonna come out. Organic stuff comes out. Stuff's gonna come out, yeah. Yeah come out. Organic stuff comes out. Stuff's gonna come out. Yeah. Hell yeah, baby. Organic stuff coming out.

Uh-huh. No, but tell me about the show, what's up? What's up with the show, man? Are we talking about our show, our misrepresented show? Or are we talking about Okay! She wants to pitch it a name. Oh, you guys knew the title.

The New It Show. You guys knew it. Okay. Misrepresented. Who's she? Huh? Marcus plays she. Yeah. Okay. Who's she? Marcus plays she. Yeah. Okay.

It's kind of like a her, you know, the artist her, I play she. Yes, yeah, and the movie as well, but it's not like that. You would have said that if that's what it was. No, not the movie, the artist. It's like the real artist, the girl. The girl, yeah.

So I play her. She's actually her. Hers her? She is her. She's actually her. She-huh hers her she is she's actually her She is her and so are you does her hold up is it good? Do we think is it still oh my god? It's more pretty. I know it doesn't hold up because it's actually our the wives. We're living Doesn't hold up you watching you go like oh, I guess I could have looked out my window and seen this shit Yeah, cuz that's actually what's going on. No, it's yeah

Do we would we say that the industry is is that its peak right on. No it's yeah. Do we say that the industry is is at its peak right now the best it's ever been right right at this very moment? Because of her? We got a we got to specify which industry because Hayes and I have gotten really into we've been branching out into some other avenues. Like what? Well frozen I mean frozen products. Is that industry good? What are you guys freezing? Well, like it's getting to be.

Well, that's part of the problem. We haven't picked. We're waiting for it to get really, really hot. Yeah. And hoping that like that's the season where like frozen stuff is really gonna take off. Yeah. Because like the colder the better.

That's the hope. And in the meantime, like we're happy to have the time because we've been just freezing different things and nothing has felt quite. Do you have some sort of industrial freezing? Why you guys, I guess. Yeah. Why us?

Well, it's gotta be somebody. Right. You know what I mean? What we basically saw is a gap in the marketplace where no one was freezing certain things. And we had all these hats. Oh, it started with freezing the hats. And that's all.

Oh, it's just that. It did start with that, but it has remained at that. It stayed that, but it hasn't felt quite right. But it doesn't really, it's in a big block of ice. So like it does cool you down, but it doesn't stay on your head. Yeah, you can't really put it on. We did find one guy whose head it stays on perfectly,

but people don't wanna look at him. Oh, whoa. The shape of his head is of no- He's in a really bad accident. People are not fucking with it, yeah. Yeah. So it's kind of like- He was in a really bad accident.

It was his fault, so you don't have to feel like super bad for him, but it's, yeah. Free bad accent. It was his fault. So you don't have to feel like super bad for him. But like it's yeah. Freezer accent. Super bad. Hold up. I was just going to ask. Yeah, it was just yeah.

But it's yeah, he was yeah, he was hurt. That's the only reason that he can wear it. People don't like thinking about it. I don't I don't know how structured of a show this is that you guys do. But I did have one thing I specifically wanted to talk about. A segment? Just one little thing I wanted to talk about,

just to kind of like... Well, the show's pretty structured, so I love it if it could be a segment, because we gotta kind of hit our mark. We have our segments, we gotta do... If you're bringing in another segment, we'll squeeze it in between two of ours. And I love it if instead of being like,

can you come up with a fucking segment for me? Just like, if you could... Is that an impression of me? Just like, if you could take what you wanna say, let's find out. But if you could take what you wanna say and make it a segment, let's just slice right off. Pitch that and then. Well, here's what I was thinking.

I noticed this whole- Can we slide those off, please? Yeah, but it just comes right off. It does if you slide it off. I won't, yeah, but it came way easier than I thought. It does if you take it off yourself? Yeah, but it just comes right off. I couldn't believe it. It does if you slide it off. No, I won't, I won't. Yeah, but it does way easier than I thought. It does if you take it off yourself. Yeah, that's true. That is a good observation.

I was basically, do you ever notice that when a- A lot of things break if you break them. That's true. You know, I break, it's like, well yes, if you break it, it does. I did an audio format, it's an audio format, so don't say, these slide right off. Yes, say this little box on the microphone base.

The Headgum branded microphone base box just slid off because I'm being. Because I slid it. It was in the email, dude. It was in the email. Yeah, I read it. I had to slide the box. And so I wanna get to your segment too,

if it even is a segment. By the way, great email. So far it doesn't feel like it'll sustain it. Yes. Did you like the email? I loved them, man. I didn't like the way great so far doesn't feel like it'll sustain. Yes I even like the emails. I loved them man I didn't like the subject line don't slide the box because I didn't understand what that meant until now and now I go I Feel like I was set up a little maybe that's a reason to open the document Yeah, but it was very long. It's a they like

Well, it's a two-factor authentication. We're not just gonna let everybody know our box sliding So it's long markets And Marcus loved it. Yeah, I loved it. It's a lost one's flag. Yeah, he did tell me about loving it. Me and Marpie vibing, man. He was incursive, man. How do you do that incursive?

I'm fucked with Marpie, man. I'm on the fence. Is Marpie a beautiful man? No, yes. I knew that there was gonna be hostility between us for sure. I'm thinking it actually took no air in a minute. That's why we chose this couch. I'm thinking of squeezing my little toaster in there.

So you're Bike for me like I need one. Yeah But you want to double know like in some ways the ideal. Mm-hmm My get to your segment, please like it's a structure Joe So here's here's this thing I was thinking about so so do you ever notice that one? Oh my god, when certain celebrities die the one of the main comments that people will say is, this one really hurts. Yeah. Ah.

And I sort of go, so that's the segment. So big fuck everyone else who's dead. Yeah, and I go, this one. And that's about a human life that has ended, this one. This one got me. No, this one hurts. And then I was thinking about all the ones,

these ones don't really affect me. And then I started going like, that's kind of sad. And then I thought maybe the voice was. The others, so many others have just been just glanced off me like nothing. I just felt absolutely. I actually was enjoying a lot of the other ones. This one hurt.

I'm starting to understand why people were upset about some of the earlier ones. Now I get it. That I was kinda fuckin' with. I was kinda feelin' them. Oh, you can cuss on here? Yeah, oh, dude, go nuts, man. I'm not going to, but it's nice to know they can.

Sometimes when we have a little boy on the show, what Kevin will do is set a timer where they can just get all their cuss words out for the day. Do you guys leave the room and just say, hey, to camera, all the cuss words you want. And then you own that footage. And you can blackmail them. Because we can't be on the camera when a little boy is doing all of his cuss words you want. And then you own that footage. Because we can't be on the camera

when a little boy is doing all this cussing for the entire day. You know what I mean? Yeah. Okay, that's a clip where we're just sitting there. Yeah. You know, not like... Are you guys paying attention?

Are you scrolling? And if you do get all your cusses out for the entire day, we have a little spray bottle that we have to use just for like clip purposes. Outside of the, yeah. We can't have a clip where you're cussing and we're not spraying you with a little bottle. It's like a mister.

What's in there? ACV? It's a mister. Apple cider vinegar? That you mist with? Yeah. It's mister mister. Yes, that's right. Yeah, it's mister mister apple cider vinegar brand That you missed with? Yeah. It's Mr. Mr. Yes, that's right.

Yeah, I like that. It's Mr. Mr. Apple cider vinegar brand. I like that. Works on stains as well. Okay, well you're not supposed to like it. Oh. You're supposed to be like, irritated by it. Well I use it in my cooking.

It's supposed to be a little bit of a reminder to like take it easy. On my naked hands. Yeah. It's really nice after in a finished dish, take that apple cider vinegar mister and just 30 squeezes. Just blast any finished dish. When I was in third grade.

Desserts, noodles, Google, which is a dessert. Hang on, Mike's having a memory. I wrote down every swear that I knew and then I would kind of like. His eyes are rolling back in his head. And I just loved to look at those swears. God, he's there. And then my mom found it

and she was really disappointed in me. And she held up this little list of all the swears that I had written down. And she said, what is this? And I said, those are the swears I know. And we never recovered from that. Why are they underlined? Yes, why are some underlined?

Why do you love fuck? Why is that one underlined? Yeah. We never were able to recover from that. That's one of the big ones. Yeah, it was great. I got in trouble for writing sucky down once. Sucky.

It was in the sentence about something else, but using the word sucky in high school. Yeah, yeah, it was not allowed. High school. I remember going over to, my sister was babysitting some little kids and one of them ran in the other room and was like, whatever if their names were,

Mike and Marcus or whatever. And Mike came around and went like, Marcus is swearing, Marcus is swearing. And then Marcus was behind him and went, Beavis and Butthead, Beavis and Butthead. Oh, that was nice. Beautiful. Just beautiful. It's a shame we never ever do this on the show. Just drift into memories. Just have nice real stories. Yeah, just recollect. But anyway, let's get back in the other thing.

Yeah. So, Misrepresented. It's crazy that this is the episode where we dropped the act. I know. It was for, no offense. It was for the Misrepresented episode. Yeah.

And that's when we finally did the thing people have been calling for and wondering about for, I guess, 12 years now. Usually we would do it on like a whatever, a John Ham or something when we're really scared. We're trying to find like whatever is the place that makes them the happiest, you know, which can be like having a nice memory.

Yeah. But. That's a good segment, Mike. Thank you. Yeah, having a nice memory ended up, we backed That's a good segment, Mike. Thank you. Yeah, having a nice memory ended up, we backed into a segment. The first thing you tried to do, I know. Didn't work.

Yeah, it was bad. I know. It wasn't quite a segment, was it? I did feel like you were wanting it to fail a little bit. Like that I was sort of going, there's no way I can land this, Sean doesn't want that. Pardon me, the Clem dog doesn't want that.

Yeah. The what? The Clem dog. Oh. I think it's gotta be a self fan of the show. I'm sorry The what pardon me did you misspeak? It's fine. I Don't like that you call him that I wanted to that was the main thing I was excited about today was crying I know I got one of those out how to feel It could have felt better. Mm-hmm. I do think that Marcus or Marpie in or asking say it right Fucking bitch. Yeah, I'm fucking dumb bitch. I'm sorry about that. I do Jumping in her. Yes. Yes

Sorry, okay, I apologize. Uh huh. Hollywood handbook. Hollywood handbook. Who'd you guys vote for? That's where we should go. Oh, interesting. So I had the wrong day. Mm-hmm. That's hard. Which is just like something that happens is like,

my calendar's a mess. It's one of Kevin's fault, honestly. He's just a little boy. There's one of it's Kevin's fault, honestly. He's just a little boy. There's all this stuff in there and it'll be like, okay, wait, am I supposed to, wait, hold on, am I supposed to do the election on this day or am I supposed to record 16 hymns ads?

And I can't always tell which one takes priority because they'll be at the same time. And then I'm like, well, the election must be tomorrow. And you also, have you ever noticed, have you spent much time here at HeadGum? This is my very first time. I spent a lot of time here. You may have noticed it shows the guests

on a little computer as you're coming in. It actually said it was the calendar for that day. It was requesting the Apple sign in when we went there. Like someone's ID or something, the password had lapsed. Shit. Yeah. That means fucking Ethan Hunt's been in here. Oh shit.

That fucking sucks, dude. That fucking sucks. It sucks that he came in here and actually went inside the mainframe again. Have you guys spent much time watching Tom Cruise eat popcorn recently? You've been going down that? I yeah, I'm aware of this.

Sounds like you practice the same practice. It's just no. But the issue for me, OK, is like. When everyone was picking on Britney Spears, people said, leave Britney alone. But when we're all picking on Tom Cruise, there's no hero. Everyone says, yeah, to cry into the camera. They go more, it's weird, the popcorn. So this is the show where we, the four men in the room,

say leave Tom alone. I apologize. Leave Tom alone. When the movies are gone, then I think we'll look back and say, oh, he was right. It was nice to have popcorn. To have two popcorn.

Two full popcorn. My only thing, you can just get a lot more velocity with the popcorn with a device. He can throw it in his mouth really hard, but a device with like- Like a straw, maybe. Straw's great, maybe a straw that's more like a barrel I was gonna say yeah, how about a pump action Mossberg like

450 like something, you know with like a tactical side saddle for like extra popcorn ammo Some like aftermarket. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What is that? It's the brand of whatever favorite by the US military Yeah, yeah. What is that? It's the brand of shotgun favorite by the US military. I got it, I got it, understood. Yeah. Uh-huh. You don't know about Moscow? I mean, if you'd rather have a handgun to go into the theater, we could get like, yeah. I was the specificity of the-

It was a Glock 17, sort of Austrian, yeah. But it's like, we're all around it. Are you a big gun guy? Oh God, big gun guy? Medium-sized gun guy? I mean, I love gun culture. Yeah. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. You know, it's just like, something about thinking about a gun. Yeah. And knowing all the specs on it. Yeah. It just soothes you, doesn't it? I hate, you don't have to look at me.

It just really calms me down Mm-hmm. You know they pack them in grease when they ship them guns. Yeah, every single gun is packed in grease I mean you want it smooth. Don't you you want it slick you want the action on it to me? Yeah Slippery yeah, and then you like guys that are in that stuff can tell when you like shake hands You know I mean they feel those because it's silent That stuff can tell when you like shake hands. You know I mean they feel those because it's silent Yeah, they almost fall over. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, you're kind of falling right into each other. Oh Another gun guy and goes all the way up the floor Or you know it you're tickling them. Yeah, you can feel their deodorants on your fingertips

Beautiful thing a little front wedgie hold on each other. Yeah, then you're down on the ground, and now you're letting nature take its course. Yeah, naked. Nakedism. If I could finish what I was saying before. Oh, thank you. They put the guests on the calendar, and they'll be like, oh, Brandon Flowers is on, why won't you date me today, or whatever.

But you notice they never say, today's the day to vote for who to be president. It's not on there. It's not on there. You can look at the calendar on the way out. They think it's more important that Brandon Flowers is on why won't you date me rather than, today is the day to vote who to be president.

They'll say like, Brandon Flowers is here, David Brown from Jury Duty is on Hollywood Handbook, and then they'll say like, don't vote, basically. Don't vote. I mean, indirectly, they're telling you not to vote. Yeah. Isn't it incredible that that guy who didn't know

that he was on a reality show on Jury Duty got like an overall deal? I'm, I'm, I'm, isn't that great? I'm rooting for him. That actually could be. What, myself? Well, he's, I'm, I'm. Isn't that great? I'm rooting for him. That actually could be. What, myself? Well, he's, it's like, all he did was be a nice guy.

Yeah. And it's like, well, look around, that's pretty rare. Yeah, amen. Let's see what show he wants to make. That's an A-lister. Well, the show's already in the middle. I mean, that's what I call an A-lister. And he was realistic about it, he wasn't like,

oh, I'm gonna be some huge director or something. He said, well, I like dogs, maybe something with that. Yes. And that to me was like so charming. That's what we need. And I was like, give this guy some of the money. You know what I mean? There's a bunch of it to go around right now in the business.

Get him on overall. Yeah, get him on overall. Let's just pay him and then figure it out. You know what I mean? I don't want to like get all bogged down in like what is ideas or whatever. Exactly. It's just like, get the moneyged down and like what is ideas or whatever. It's just like get the money over there

as a motivator to make sure he's really thinking hard. Just get it into his account and then let's figure it out. You know what I mean? And what they've landed on over there is that he is really good at like getting tricked. And so they are gonna do another show. They are gonna trick him again.

In a different show. It's gonna be like, punked in every single week. He's surprised. Yes. Got me again. Yeah. Episode 400. Oh man.

Oh. Yeah. But he just recommends a bug's life to everyone, like in any situation. They're pretending to tow his car and he goes like, oh, it's pretty cool the way this tow truck hooks up to the front of the car. Have you ever seen a bug's life? He starts describing, that guy was an inventor

and you've sort of invented something here and the tow truck driver, who's an actor, is like, well. It's David Brown again. Yeah, David Brown. I don't know why they cast him. I guess it's kind of against type. Yeah. It's like, I well. It's David Brown again. Yeah, David Brown. I don't know why they cast him. I guess it's kind of against type. Yeah. It did actually work for me.

Yeah, that was one of my favorite ones of the pranks that he fell for. But it's sad because he thinks the overall is going really badly. And so like. That's part of it. Oh, it is part of it. And so his actually onscreen persona is getting worse and worse.

Very depressed. He's melting down to all these people, you know, people are stealing food out of his car or whatever at the grocery store and he starts being like, oh, this is just what I need right now. Another thing to go wrong when my overall is completely nonproductive. I have a not productive overall I Think for years they need to service this thing The studio needs to service the overall this is in a grocery isle

through the cashier And that was the last box of Captain Crunch. Unless this is a prank. He looks hopefully around for one more box. They'll never tell him, they'll never break again. Show's over, 20 years from now, show's over. They just have the box of Captain Crunch on like a wire and it just flies away. And he thinks that's just something

that just happened to him. Oh no. Oh no. Sonic steals the Captain Crunch. Oh and I was a fan of his. I still am. I talked about that. I still am. I still am.

Well, laughing's laughing, but I wish he didn't do that to me for my own hero to steal one of the Captain Crunches. That's a good segment, Laughing's Laughing. We should start that one. Someone needs the last name Laughing, I think, for that one. Why? And Marcus pointed at you. Yeah, he pointed.

Did he have to do everything? He said we should start that one. He just came up with the segment. He's the writer. He's the guy who named the segment. He just took something someone else said and called it a segment. You saw what happened with my last segment attempt.

But you saw after the last segment attempt how much joy you brought to us. Well, it brought us all together. It's not how many times you get knocked down, you know what I mean? It's how many times you get up off the mat and pitch another segment. Marcus pointed him again.

You know? Here we go. Thanks for the cue. Your idea is that somebody's last name is laughing? Kind of feels like you're botching Marcus's segment a little bit, no? I mean, I felt the silence after I said it. It was fucking agonizing.

Didn't we come up with a misrepresented show on this show a few weeks ago? You guys did? I think we did. Misrepresented. Yeah, it was about like an agent or like a talent manager. Was it with James Austin Johnson? Was it the like? I think so.

Yeah, where, cause he was talking about how he had moved on from UTA. UTA, yeah. And he said he really liked everyone there. Every time he said, every time he said like, yeah, I moved on, I went to CAA. He was like, I really liked everyone there. And I guess he thinks that like,

you know what actually I'm now thinking was? It's that like he had a crush on everyone there. I think that's actually, I think he was saying that he, I think he was saying that he liked, liked them. I think he was saying I really like, liked everyone. So he was like, he has to get out, he can't even like go to the office because he has a crush on everyone.

Well, every time he gets an email, it's like he's like nervous to open it and his heart's fluttering. And then they go like, well, you missed that audition that we emailed you about a week ago. And he's like, I know, but I just thought maybe it was gonna be you finally sharing the same feelings I have.

And that longing would be so great to like take into an audition. And CAA, an incredible agency, very fugly. I mean, we can just say that. And I think by design. Completely busted. We see, right, how effective that can be. And do you cover that on the show at all?

We haven't gotten into that, but I think there's some mention of Avenue of the Stars, which I think is such a beautiful street name. Oh, yeah. I really like that. And then is CAA still in that building that was in one of the Star Trek movies? Is it still in that one, that black glass one?

I love that building. Really beautiful. Very warm and inviting. And Star Trek is still in there too. They're still shooting it. Benedict Cumberbatch. They're just having Star Trek in there. Interestingly, because I believe they referred to that building as the Death Star. Star Trek is still in there too. They're still shooting it. They're just having Star Trek in there.

Interestingly, because I believe they referred to that building as the Death Star. Mm-hmm, yeah. And then it was in Star Trek instead. Yeah. They've got it unified. But those guys are all friends, it's not like. Star Wars and Star Trek.

They all arcade each other, I mean like they're friends. Right. They need a cipher. That'd be tight. Like Star Trek versus Star Wars with a, like a freestyle rat? They did Epic Rap Battle of History. Can you imagine that?

Oh. It's Jean-Luc Picard versus Luke Skywalker for who gets to have Luke in their name. Yes. I mean, I don't wanna steal your bit, but segments, that's pure segment. Epic Rap Batt battles of history. Epic rap battles of history.

You can't really see the thumbnail. You can't really see the same segment on this show. Come on, man. Yes. Come on. Yes. We just had Liam Brady a few episodes ago, if we could have him doing both parts of the epic rap battles of history.

Epic rap battles of history and it's- And I could just kind of curl up and tuck my knees into my chest and sort of hug My legs just watch him do both parts and then we clip it So it's like him battling each other. He's like facing different voices Different facial expressions as well. Probably. Yes. I mean, yeah Sorry about that one. No No, I mean, yeah. Yeah. Sorry about that one. No, no. I just wanted to-

No, I love- You didn't see the look you gave me. Yeah, I love that you were in there. If he looked at you like he just looked at me, you would also apologize. Yeah, I'm just trying to think about why that matters. Yeah. No.

Yeah, no, we'll stop him and give him that note. Yeah. It's like- We want different facial expressions. The lyrics are crazy. It's unbelievable what you're coming up with. The face, we just need more. Yes.

We need more face. Some eyebrow lifts maybe. You know, a little. A brow lift. So you think we should send him in for a brow lift? Yeah. Get surgical. Get a big strip of.

Just so you wanna perform. Is this saying we should get a big strip of Wayne Mark was just saying we should get a big strip of Wayne Brady's forehead taken out. Just so it raises the eyebrows. Uh-huh. Because it makes you not only younger, but more expressive. Both, you think, or just one? Just both.

Okay, permanent people's eyebrows. So you're on just both. Just both. Just both, just both, let's not do a third one. No more than both. Just both, just both. Let's not do a third one. No more than both. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna set the line at both. No less and no more than both. Yeah.

I don't wanna go beyond that. I really think it would be overkill. It's too much. To add a third eyebrow and then also do that one. But if anybody could do it. Wayne Brady. The B. Mm-hmm.

Hollywood handbook. Hollywood handbook. Who won when you guys did the Floor LeBorg video game show? Oh yeah. Oh I think Marcus did and Marpe did. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was leading the whole time and then I lost. Yeah, that's right.

Classic. I was a little braggadocious. Marpe's very competitive, he's very competitive and I'm less competitive. Which sounds like I'm being competitive. Yeah, I was going into it because I thought I was a gamer. I thought I was a big video gamer.

Would you say it's lame to be competitive? I don't think so. I really don't. But if you do, you know, it's lame to be competitive? I don't think so. I really don't. But if you do, you know, it's America. No, it's just the way that he said, you know, Marcus is very competitive, I'm less so. I thought, oh, he thinks it's corny to be competitive. No, I insulate my ego by not being competitive

or by saying I'm not competitive. If I let myself be competitive at all, Yes, yes. There's no end in sight. Yes, exactly. Before you know it, I'm doing both eyebrows. Exactly, I'm exceeding both. Just both, yeah.

Mm. Oh yeah, and then, just to get back to the show. Yeah. Yeah. What's going on with the show? Uh-huh, uh-huh. I don't think I, in any of my listening on this, Yeah. What's going on with the show? Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

I don't think I, in any of my listening on this, I don't ever think I've heard you guys get back to the show so much. Just to get back to the show for a second. Yeah. What is going on with the show? Yeah. You know, it's showing. Yeah.

We're showing it and it's a show. It's kind of the classic LA experience of we, nothing's going on with it. And we're, but we got, our hearts are full of hope that someone's gonna swoop in and give us that overall, you know? So that's just going on. We're kind of walking around giving everyone that,

can we get an overall kind of look? Standing on the Sunset Boulevard handing out the flyers. Check this out. For other stuff. Check this out. Not for our thing. That's just our job. Yeah, that's our job.

That's my thing. If I can't hear the flyer, how do I know that there's something for me to grab here? We need advice here. You know what I mean? I need it to be like loud. I need a loud flyer. Have you ever seen like a poster, like put on like a lamp post

and then you went to that show? Let me stop you. Yeah. Yeah. That's great. What about guitar lessons? You guys do guitar lessons? Lamp post guitar lessons? No, do you do guitar lessons?

Anybody teach guitars? Guitars was the last thing I heard. Guitars. I combined the lessons. Guitars and chart. That's guitar lessons combined. Obviously you don't teach guitars. Gitaros. Combined guitar lessons combined. Obviously you don't teach guitaros. So nevermind.

Guitar tutorial. Guitarotart. Guitario. That's beautiful. Next segment, guitarotart. Yeah, well that's what, yeah, when they fucking pull their heads out of their asses over at SNLL let him do update

He should be guitar. Oh I'm gonna pitch have they never had someone do update where like with a guitar that doesn't know how to play the guitar Seems like Kristen would have been great for that. They should bring her back to do it I actually don't think they should let she let any of the current cast do it. Yes, yeah. I love when they bring someone back to just do something that anyone in the cast could do. But instead, it's Alec Baldwin. Yes, but not anyone in the cast could do it

and that's the reason why they had to bring in Alec. You see what I'm saying? Yes, now I see. You show me as a member of the cast that can purse their lips and that's when I'll give you a break on this one. But the way he was kind of pinching them together. Sir Alec, I believe he's been knighted.

But the way he was pinching them together. It was an honor to be alive at a time when he was making comedy. Unfortunately, he's dead. It is pretty haunting to see, I haven't seen the show, but to just see a segment of his reality show with his wife is one of the more haunting things currently available.

Well, him having to be sort of fun for the show. He'll kick your ass. That's the best fit. Of course he'll kick my ass. He'll kick your ass, dude. Big old bear of a man. And then it's like, you watch the show and the message of it is like, well, I guess she was being a little pig. You know?

He's like, he's nice here. Yeah. So like, obviously he's nice here. Yeah. So like obviously he's not, not everyone is being, he's like, so I guess maybe she was being a little big. That's what I took. Yeah. That's a bold, that's bold to take, to take his side there I think.

That was also him self editing so hard too when he was saying that. Yeah. That was the best. Yeah you could tell. When the voicemail leaked he was like, phew. Wow. Glad I made that out of this.

I was like, he must be panicking. And he was like, oh, thank God. Just said the pig. Oh, I'm a little pig? It could have been. If I had spoken my heart. A selfish little pig? Come on.

Dude. His publicist, he was on the phone. He was like, don't worry, I got it. I'm a little pig. Yeah. It's like don't worry. I got it. Yeah It's handled And Hilaria is from the East Coast of these United States, right? Yeah, Spain, right? Yeah

She's from the East Coast of of of man, and you're like, isn't that land? Isn't the east coast of Spain? Like, France? Yeah. Yeah, it's more of a border than a coast. Yeah, yeah. She said it like that. I don't fucking know that I'm from there

I'm just fucking from there off my fucking nuts About the fucking Spain thing already fucking East Coast of Spain thing I mean, what do we think? Like we get James back in here, like he has new representation. We take the show that we developed with him a few episodes ago. Ours came out, ours came out a little while before this. Is there a way it before our podcast? Before that episode, the James one was pretty recent. That's okay, I think we can still.

No, I guess what I'm saying is that it's not your idea. We can't still. No, I'm saying I feel like you don't have any claim. So what's the idea? It's sort of satirizing the kind of Hollywood nonsense that goes on. Yes, well Mark is. But it wasn't our idea. No, no, and it is kind of specific Hollywood nonsense that goes on? Yes, yeah well Mark is it? But it wasn't our idea?

No, no, and it is kind of specific to Marvie as well I would say. I guess it wasn't our idea then. No, no, no, why are you turning? Why are you on their side? I'm saying, I almost feel like the Clem Dogg is backing down as well. Oh. And as he's backing down, then you're joining their side. Yeah, so what's the big deal?

Yeah, so then I guess you're the only Can we work on your show with James it's literally everyone back down like what's the like what's the big deal? Why are you screaming? Claimed by anybody. Yeah, Lee. That's okay, that's peace. Yeah, that's actually good. Imagine that all the wars, both people backed down. You're the guy who's shooting at everyone.

He is still going. Who's trying to, you know what I mean? There's a big hole in the white flag now, you know what I mean? Is there a big hole in the white flag. You know what I mean? Is there a desert eagle cult 45? There you go. I wanted the specific. Yeah.

Slicked up all slicky. Can we get. Trying to be a gun guy. He's trying to be a gun guy. It's all slick. And it's all slick. Oh damn. That's a slick piece.

No, but I just, the clock stopped working and I do have to check the time because I do have to go to work with all love and respect to everyone here. Mm hmm. Can we just quickly get James Austin Johnson and his representation situation into the premise. Just work it into the premise.

Well, we've got an episode already for you and it's maybe the whole season. What is the name of the jury duty guy? It's something, it's not what I think it is. I wanna say it's Blake, but then it's something way bigger than- Is it Ronald Gladney or Glenn Stone or something? If we can get Ronald involved so that we could get a little cash.

Yeah, then I'm happy to do with James. That could be good if we could free up some of that money. Just some of the cash. Unfortunately, a lot of it is committed to the sort of like ongoing prints. Well, what if it's this, one of the prints, we trick him into thinking he's gonna be in a TV show as a result of his overall deal.

So we trick him into being like, hey, you, hey, you did so great on Jury Duty, you're in a show now, make the entire show, and then the last episode be like, hey, just need you to know this was not actually a show. And you're paying for what we shot. These are all actors, but not in the way you thought they were being actors. Oh man, you guys are the best. Yeah, you had me.

You all seen a Bugs life? Yeah, a while ago. And bye, is that a bye? In a couple minutes, yeah. Okay. Is that a goodbye? Well, I mean, yeah. Okay. Is that a good buy? Well, I mean this is a- So, I can't like show-

You're like our, you're like a sort of our distant father who's put in his 40 minutes with us. This is our segment- You're looking at the counselor. Again, it's a very structured show. Yes, we have really strict segments. When we come up with a full show idea,

we ask, Kevin basically buys it or not. That's what I was wondering. So we say like, is this a buy? And Kevin weighs in on. I thought you were saying like a buy isn't a good buy. Like is it a- No! Is this a buy? Bro!

And it was like, is this a buy? No! Are you kidding? Is this a buy, bro? Did I check my phone a minute ago and said I needed to leave? Yeah, that gave me this weird feeling like it was a lie. I'm here, I'm with you.

I'm present. Dude, you're so like, why are you very unattractive to be this way? You have to admit that Hayes is sitting like he's going to leave. You're so insecure. It's honestly crazy, man. It's very emotionally fucked.

But I feel like you guys are all calling me out about, and now Sean's fucking leaving. Mike, where are you going? Mike, I just want to say, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. It's so insecure, it's honestly crazy, man. But I feel like you guys are calling me out about, and now Sean's fucking leaving. Where are you going? Mike, I just told you that this was a very unappealing quality. So like you have an opportunity right now. Yeah, but then if I adjust, then it's like, you know, I'm your bitch.

I think I agree. Stand up, Mike, stand up. I'm not gonna stand. It's crazy, it is so not. Where is he going?, Mike, stand up. I'm not gonna stand. It's crazy, it is so not. No, Marcus is. Where is he going? Honestly, the episode. I'm not ready to leave.

Honestly, the episode is so good, you guys. You have nothing to worry about. Like, it's great. Thank you. It's like not, it just, I can feel the tension and it's like, it's crazy to me. We don't need the tension. You guys don't know how fun this is. Bye.

See ya. See ya. Hollywood Hamburg. That was a hate gum podcast. Hi there, my name is Alison Williams. If you know who I am at all, it would probably be thanks to my job as an actress on shows like Girls and in movies like Megan.

Recently, when I was having a moment of gratitude for my group chat, I thought, I wish everyone could have these geniuses at their fingertips like I do. Well, now you do. Hi, hi, it's Hope. Hey, babe, it's Jamie. Welcome to our podcast, Landlines, where we share our life-sustaining

and shame-extinguishing friendship. We have known each other and we've been friends for a very long time. Hope was my first best friend, but it wasn't mutual. extinguishing friendship. We have known each other and we've been friends for a very long time. Hope was my first best friend, but it wasn't mutual. I mean, it wasn't a story of my life. I asked, I distinctly remember I feel so bad about this. calling her on the phone

and asking if she'd sit next to me on the bus and she said maybe. At least she didn't say no. It was yet. Maybe it was me. She wasn't sure. Maybe it was like discerning. When I was pregnant, I started this group chat

to prepare and crowdsource, and it's been such a delight to troubleshoot with our friend group. And we just had this thought, should we invite other people into our group chat? I'm a therapist. I'm a trained early childhood educator. And I'm, well, you know, whatever I am.

I guess someone who has the vibe of having it all together. And still the three of us find it hard to be moms, partners, friends, family members, professional women, and just, you know, adults. The stuff we're talking about, whatever the recent fight was with our partner or the parenting concern we have or a funny thing with our kids, or it's like, what's going on with my body?

I feel like I have like a family of squirrels living in my lower abdomen. Like I feel affirmed, I feel normalized. I feel like I what's going on with my body? I feel like I have like a family of squirrels living in my lower abdomen. Like I feel affirmed, I feel normalized, I feel like I'm not going fucking crazy. And I had to talk it out with you guys with different perspectives and different identities that you're juggling. Totally.

Lifelong friendship has been our lifeline. We sincerely hope our conversation makes you feel less alone in whatever you're going through. So subscribe to Landlines on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes are out now on Headcom. Love you!