Hollywood Handbook - Mike Still, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: August 3, 2015

Sean and Hayes weigh in on the Cecil the lion controversy. Then, MIKE STILL, featured in Fast Company Magazine, stops by the studio to talk to the guys about sex positivity with his son, becoming the next Lorne Michaels, and the first time they all saw Princess Leia.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. She says, I'm expecting this call. She came to my house to dog sit. I figured she's just, like, updating me. She says, okay, I tried to go into the house. I didn't want to scare the dog, so I tried to go in like a dog through the dog door. We don't have a dog door. I think she just, like, burrowed through the screen okay she said it's created a sort of chinese finger trap effect i'm picturing it where she's now stuck right she's managing to call me it's hard i'm really good at finger traps, so you may have to use a different analogy because I know the trick. That's interesting that you would say you specifically are good at them.

I'm excellent at that. Because you go around saying, with your fingers in them, saying, I know how to get this off. Yes. But then why don't you just not have it on? Because then I guess people wouldn't know. There's no trick. And you can't. If a magician has a deck of cards and is like, I can guess which card is yours,

why doesn't he just not have the cards? You know, that's what you're saying. I mean, that's literally what you're saying. Okay, so you going around like that is not because your fingers fingers are stuck it's because you can't oh please you can't reveal the secret i'm just telling you i can get out of this this thing's going to be off later tonight and probably uh again after that anyway but susan's stuck for real stuck not stuck like my fingers appear to be when i am actually able to get them out and she's been there at the time i get this call she's been she's embarrassed she doesn't want to call me she's been there for a few days the male the mailman thinks her

butt is the mail slot yeah Yes, sir. Yes. And so the mail is stuck. He's been sticking the mail in. In her butt. And I don't want criminals to like go by. Part of the job is like bringing the mail inside.

And I don't want criminals to come by see the mail piling up in Susan Boyle's butt and know that I'm not home. That you're not in town yet. Do you know what I mean? Mm-hmm.

So this is what I'm worried about, and this is why I wish you would tell me how to release a Chinese finger drip so I could get her out. Get her out? Because the mail is piling up. If I do that, I'm dead meat at parties from now on because that is the main thing I talk about. That you know how to get a figure trap off. I say it. No one has asked me to do it yet, but that lets me sort of float above the fray and I would be lost without that gimmick. So I can't tell you how to do that.

Here's what I can offer to do and i don't know if it helps i know a guy who makes great doggy doors you're saying the problem is that you don't have one right uh yeah i mean does it does he build them around people because i never asked him to do that that sounds like it costs more the only the option we have because the door is not we can't use the door with her in it so you know we have to otherwise we have to move okay well i have another offer for you do you want to move in with me? Is that, when you say that. You're worried about my dad. I'm worried that your dad.

Me too, yeah. Yeah. I could see you. I would be trying to keep it a secret. Your teeth are chattering when you ask that. I don't know why I said it because it really, I'm going to be in big trouble if he even hears that I floated out there. That you asked.

Yeah. Yeah. And I've been accidentally leaving my Bluetooth on lately, and so he hears a lot of what I say. Well, he's also got a Bluetooth. It's very. Oh, you got a nice one. Yes.

Yeah. It's big. Huge. Huge. It's created like an African tribal effect of the lobe the lobe yeah yeah yeah no one's arguing with you hey welcome to hollywood handbook and insider's guide to kicking button dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call show biz and that's a spooky one you, we like to get mad about animals.

Oh God. Well, a lot of people have been wondering, okay, Sean Hayes, you're going to weigh in on this Cecil thing, which is sad. Yes. You probably are thinking, well, you guys have both said before that you hate hearing anyone else called king of the jungle and you feel a real need to establish that you're the king of the jungle and so are you on the side of the mean, evil dentist?

No. Let's talk about cowards. Cowards are men who enter fights with animals. Or anybody. And use technology. Technology and tools and inventions. Yes. And gadgets and items.

Because let's think about animals. Let's think about fighting and like the first fight. Mm-hmm. David versus Goliath. Or wait, which one? No, that's what I was going to say. Exactly. Goliath shows up probably without any weapons of any kind. And yes. And then David brings out a shooting machine and destroys Goliath that way because he's the first coward. And destroys Goliath that way because he's the first coward.

That's right. And that really started us off on a lot of wars because it is a story from religion. And so, if you remember, that's early Christianity. And they're telling all these stories about use weapons and now religion has killed more people than every disease. That's my fault because when you started saying it, I was agreeing with you. That's right. And I did back you into it and I was hoping you were saying David and Goliath. I should have snipped it off very quickly. So isn't this guy, mean dentist, just doing what all people of his religion do,

which is try to be more like David and use these tools. When you fight animals, hunt, do whatever, the way you really become king of the jungle is you use your hands only. No, close fist. Yes. Open, open palm. Open palm combat.

Open fingers. So your hands are splayed out like a star. And you can do anything in that position. You can chop. You can do a chopping motion. If you bunch too many fingers together, that's really cheating because then it starts to have a density in that part of your hand that's an unfair advantage over the animal kingdom. And, you know, I'm going to say something controversial. I could have and would have killed Cecil the Lion myself if he came across me.

Sure. But it would have been a fair fight because I would have been slapping him about the head. Yes, rapidly chopping his head. I would have been playing the bong the head. Yes, rapidly chopping his head. I would have been playing the bongos on his butt, essentially. And if he managed to get in with a... I would hope he would be honorable enough not to use his claws or teeth, but if he managed to get in some shots with his claws and teeth, then okay, now we've got a real battle on our hands.

Sure. But I would think he should just be using open paw, and maybe he's allowed to swing his tail at me too. Use it like a lasso. Yes. Maybe he tries to wrap his tail around my neck and choke me with it, and then what am I doing?

Fanning my hands around, just waving my wrists and doing big slaps. Trying to chop his tail off with your hand. Mm-hmm. And if I manage to do that, fair play to me. Mm-hmm. But the thing that is disgusting to me is that this dentist is not only using dental tools at work.

Tools. Yeah, he should be using his open hand. Two hands. Yes. We already got the hands. Mm-hmm. That's great. Uh-huh.

Putting, yeah, like a filling in, just mushing it in with your open hand. Yeah, squish it up with your fingers and get it all squished in just the right shape and you can shape it and stick it in there and smish it in. And if you do that, that's good. But he's using that and then he's shooting arrows, guns, and going to Africa

and it's not allowed and he's on my list of naughty no-no boys. And if he meets me in the street, open palms coming for you, brother. And if you kill Cecil the lion. Great. Cut its head off. Great. But you got to eat it. You have to eat everything.

Even the dick. I mean, I hate to say it that way, but you. No, but people want to know what you mean. You do want to eat the dick. You can't waste a single bit of it and part of what people have said about it. Because it's like, I'm not mad at deer hunters in areas where deer are overpopulated and people are shooting it to eat the venison meat. Some people eat meat. If you're all vegetarian, then maybe you can have that high horse.

But I unfortunately have had a sausage so i can't say that but having had a sausage i know that if i did get in a hand-to-hand fight with cecil and i do believe i would have probably slapped his head clean off with my open pub i do have to eat his dick afterwards and that's just because you can't waste anything or use it for some i mean if you were to go back and then use that to be a dentist with, then that is okay. You are allowed to use it for tools. You have to eat all of it and you can use some of the bones for tools.

Or you can grind them up in like a Vitamix or something. In like a kale smoothie. So, I mean, people are going to be upset, obviously. It's maybe vulgar. We're talking about killing a noble animal that people are already upset about. And we're talking about eating parts of his body that are unsavory. But then otherwise, what you've got is just a lion's dick just laying there in the desert. Just doing nothing for anyone, just wasted there, baking in the sun.

Yeah, which is a hazard. So what I want to say to this dentist is anytime, anyplace, you and me, open hands, I will knock your head off, and I will eat you afterwards piece by piece because I fight fair. He should wear the lion's head if he's going to do this. Like, if he is going to do the big fight with you, what if he showed up? Imagine, would you not be scared

if he showed up with Cecil cecil hawaiian's head on his head he's he's got it on his head yes he's wearing it as i guess he would have to like scoop some of the inside part out but then put it on and then he's showing up to scare you at the beginning of the fight. What kind of sounds is he making? Well, what if he was making a ghost sound, like he was Cecil's ghost? He's the ghost of it? He's the ghost of Cecil. Okay, I thought you were going to say a roar. No. Okay, that's really scary.

A lion's ghost. Fortunately, what I know is my fear feeds my adrenaline, and my adrenaline makes my slaps even stronger. You go crazy. Oh, gosh. That's the thing about me in a fight. Yes. No, I'm not the biggest, strongest guy.

It doesn't matter if the bigger is stronger. All you have to do is go crazy. And just be swinging around and go crazy. Oh, yes. There is no thought to anything I'm doing. It is just blind effort. Which is why I wonder in boxing why they don't why people aren't just swinging wild just flying all over the place twirling around and just yelling yeah yeah that's a better fight swinging so hard that you can't get in swinging

too fast just doing like a helicopter just constant So even if they tried to get near you, they'd get punched. Oh, please, yeah. No, that actually would end the sport because if anyone ever found that secret, then there'd be no more matches. There'd just be two windmills in there. First guy hit is out for the end of history. People are probably scared of throwing up.

Yeah. From spinning. That's never been frightening to me because I know that's just my body getting it out. Throwing up and from spinning so hard it's just blasting everywhere in a circle.

Like a sprinkler. I know. You wouldn't be scared of that? Hayes, how long have you known me? You're asking? if I know anything about you it's that you're not scared of throwing up no I do it everywhere so that's it we're done

Mike still is here see you when I see you stick around actually on Hollywood Hairbook so I'm signing for the package Oh, stick around, actually. On Hollywood Hairbook. So I'm signing for the package, and I look up and I sort of look under the brim of the cap of the UPS person, and I go, Carla?

Kajina? Is that you? And she says, oh, yes, busted. Yeah, hi, Sean, but I'm studying for a role where I'm going to play a mail carrier. And I said, well, you're doing a very bad job because a mail carrier would never tell me that. Right. They would always just say, like, yes, I'm Carla, and I am working at UPS. Was her name written under the brim of her cap?

No, but she had her head tilted down in such a way that I hadn't seen her face when I initially took the package. And then something inside my belly just told me, get a look at this face. And also because her body looked good. What was written under the brim of the cap? Yeah. If not her name, what else would be written? I mean, oh, on the bottom of the brim of the cat? Under the brim of the cat? Yeah. If not her name, what else would be written? I mean, oh, on the bottom of the brim. Because I was just saying I was looking at her face, but on the bottom of the brim, what was written?

Yeah. It was just an ancient maxim, one of Marcus Aurelius' ancient maxims. And I thought, oh, this is a bit of wisdom to take with me. I think it was something about a pound of feathers, and I can't recall exactly. Yeah. No, I know that one. Yes, and it was...

A pound of feathers is worth more... Brain teaser, yeah. ...than a pound of live birds because they fly... You have them all. ...away. You have the feathers. Salted birds. Feathers can't, yes.

Which was food back then. Well, it used to be, yes, because that's how you kept it fresh. Yes. And- You say gugino? Gugino? I always thought it was gugino. Gugino?

I always thought it was gugino. Oh, okay. Because she has those big guginos. Oh, I don't know about that. You don't know what I mean. I just know my friend Carla, who's a very bad mail carrier, but a pretty good actress. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook,

an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet linebacker hallways of this industry we call showbiz. And here we go. Fast Company. What's that? Ferrari? Does the cart go fast? No.

Oh, well, is it a group of teenage friends that are getting into all kinds of crimes and maybe the girls are easy? Like you're keeping fast company? Go around with a bit of a fast company. Yeah. No. No. It's magazine.

And the hottest magazine on the planet. And a magazine is a podcast that you can hold and look at and get in the pages of. Yes, in the mail. In the from your phone. So, Mike Still is here and he's a guest. And why did we talk about a magazine before we say his name because he was in fast company magazine when we here we have sean was talking about mailmen mail person yeah which is they bring the mail to your house you don't have to go to the the um the market like

the um i know what you're talking about. You don't need to find the word. In some parts of the country, you get your mail by auction, basically. And you highest bidder gets the best mail. Whatever mail. Well, there's one piece of mail per week, and then

a lot of times there's one guy in town who usually outbids everyone for it. Here, it comes to your house. Sometimes they bring a magazine. Fast Company Magazine. Mike, you were in the magazine. How would you describe what Fast Company Magazine is all about? Fast Company Magazine, first of all, thank you for having me here.

And I feel blessed to be here. Thank you for showing up. No problem. Some people don't. Oh, yeah. Oh, well, people get busy and they forget things. That's what they say. blessed thank you for showing up no problem you know uh some people don't oh yeah oh well you know people get busy and they forget things i that's what they say yeah i wish they'd just offer an excuse like that you know that there was some kind of emergency something bad happened yeah they're hurt yeah i'd like that better than just i forgot i'm busy yeah or just a three or

four exclamation points or question marks when someone, you say, hey, why weren't you there? And they just write back three question marks. Yeah. No, that always feels good. They're engaging in a mystery, yeah. Yeah. They're solving things.

Well, you do know what this magazine's about, right? I hope you're not stalling. Fast Company is a magazine, and as far as I know, it's one of the three or four magazines that are left. Yeah. Yeah. Yum. And what I think is so great about it is they do a lot of sidebars. They do a lot of lists, and some of their graphics are excellent.

What are the other magazines that we still have left? Coffee Magazine. Coffee Mag. Did you read that expose? Yes. I got so offended. Oh, yes. It really grinded my beans.

Yes, the beans. You don't know how much is in those beans. No. And, like, I'm going to give my kids coffee anymore. Sam will not touch it. Oh, right coffee anymore. Sam will not touch it. Oh, right. Yeah. Sam will never touch it again.

Well, Sam's not touching much. He blew his hands off with fireworks. I know. He's touching. It's not that he can't touch anything anymore. No, okay, yes. I'm sorry. That's insensitive.

But I mean, we've joked about it before. We have joked about it. You should say Sam's not going to prod coffee anymore. Yeah, you're right. You're right. And we have joked about it. I know it was less than a month ago. It was on July 4th. Yes, yes. It was very recent. But we got right in there. I think that's what

to bring it back to Fast Company, that's what the magazine's all about. And his favorite football player, Jason Pierre-Paul. Sam. And so he wanted to blow his hand football player, Jason Pierre Paul. Sam. And so he wanted to blow his hand off. They were holding hands. Yes.

And that's one of the downsides of being such a public figure. You can get your kid in touch with some of his heroes like you did, but... Sometimes they'll hold hands around a big rocket thinking that they'll launch into space together. And smash all the fingers off. And I think it's important, you know, thinking about parenting is, it's important to like listen to the things they're saying. Like he all year has been like, I want to blow my hands off. I want to blow my hands off. Sure. And you don't want to discourage the imagination of a creative kid.

I don't want to pour water on that. So, you know, you just want to say like, because my parents didn't tell me I could become anything I want. No. And so for a while I thought, oh, what do I do? And you never know. I thought I was just there to feed the geese. And you did for a long time. Uh-huh.

Did you see that list of the best geese? Best geese. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yes. The main one from Fly Away Home. of the best geese? Best geese. Yeah. The main one from Fly Away Home. Definitely the best goose. Yeah. One Disney one with a bow tie.

Honk. Right? One bit somebody's nose. Oh, yeah. Oh, the one that flew in Fabio's face. Yes, that's a great goose. A roller coaster. Great goose. Yep. So we named's a great goose. On a roller coaster. Yep.

So that's, we named a few geese. Oh, the one that killed Sully. Oh, yeah. To get revenge. Yeah, because once Sully flew through that flock of geese, geese have the longest memories of all birds, and they have the deepest sense of revenge of all birds that's the truth that is true uh but um but anyway yeah your kid kept telling you he wanted to blow his hands off

and you don't want to say no you can't and you don't know what if that's like kids slang but when i was a kid that used to mean uh jerking off well yeah or getting jerked off. They'd say, like, how was your date with Liz? And I'd go, I blew her hands off. We used to say that. We just used to say it, and it just sounded normal. And it doesn't mean you are actually losing your hand. It means that you came so hard. It came so hard that they flew out.

And that's what was tough is that I didn't want to – first of all, I'm a very sex-positive role model with my son. That's huge, and I'm glad you brought that up because that is huge, and that's a passion of yours. Yeah, I try to be sex-positive. So when he's saying this, I'm like, great, Sam, good. I want you to blow your hands off. I'm glad that that's happening. I don't want to shame him. No. I don't want to shame him. No.

I don't want to make him think masturbation is bad. No, because it fucking rules. It's great. How is he doing it these days? It's tougher for him. He does this thing where he takes two pillows now and kind of rides them like he's riding like a recumbent bicycle upside down. Yes.

And he's kind of moves his feet. He's pedaling his legs in order to create the friction. Yeah. It's harder for him without hands. Yeah. Yeah. You don't realize how much. And you also.

How much you use your hands to masturbate. Yeah. Yeah. We take it for granted. No, I never think about that. Also, half of the feeling of masturbation is pretty much your palms the good feeling yes yes yeah it is so i get so excited about how my palms feel that i am that i wind up ejaculating but and so yeah you don't

realize like how much you're losing because people think oh, how do you hold a fork or eat spaghetti? Sure. But it's like, also, you got to jerk off. And you got to. It's hard for him. Yeah. It's hard for everyone. It's hard for everyone in the family.

Yeah, I bet that's difficult. It's hard for everyone in the family to masturbate. Yeah. Because now you don't want to make him feel weird. We don't want to make him feel weird. We don't want to make him feel weird. Well, you're doing it like he does it now. You're doing the pillow thing on the couch right next to him to try to be like, hey, it's okay. Yeah, trying to normalize his sexual growth is super important in my family.

That's a great story of family. And I want to say for regular listeners that when he does talk about his son, Sam, this is not my little cousin, Sam. No. Because we do have a Sam on the podcast who we talk about a lot. Oh, no, no, no. That is totally different. That is not. His hand thing he was born with.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And that's just he was born gluing his hands together. That's so wild. Yeah. Yeah. He was doing it on his hands together. That's so wild. Yeah. Yeah. He was doing it on his way out. Yeah.

It's an enzyme that can create glue. Mm-hmm. Just coming out of his palms. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And that's tough for masturbation for different reasons. You start getting your hands glued to your penis. Yes.

Mm-hmm. King Midas. Yeah. Anything you touch turns... It's the same old story turns to you glued to it you're glued to it

and then you can't and you're making solid gold records careful what you wish for yeah but we're talking about Fast Company

and so we were saying lists and we were saying something else you were featured in an article in Fast Company magazine. You were the star of the article.

I was the star of the article. One of the main people in it. It was pretty good. I had a lot of lines in that article of things. I don't know if you've ever been interviewed for anything, but they will sit there and they'll write down what you're saying and then they'll... We were one of LA Weekly's best people of 2014 and we were in Splitsider and

we were considered for an article in the AV Club, but they said that there wasn't enough room. No room. Which can happen. And we do know how selective the AV Club can be. And that does happen a lot on websites, that they just get too full. It's bandwidth. You're paying for so much bandwidth. And so if you released, let's say they released maybe four to ten articles a day.

So just imagine if they did five or eleven it would explode how uncomfortable that might be it seems like a small increase one to you seems no no i'm saying it seems like small but if you do the math and uh i know your listeners always have some a pencil and paper ready yes they scoop true time to crunch some numbies all right time to crunch some numbies they All right, time to crunch some numbies. They know what that means. So take four and then add one to it. And then now you have five.

Now multiply that by seven. Yes, because if they do it for us, they have to do it for everyone. And the website's on every day. Oh, please. More than that almost. I one time, one in the morning went to look at it and it's still doing it. It was still going. Yes.

I remember in the 90s when we first got the internet and the teacher, we had one teacher. The teacher called us all in. Yes. Yes. The country teacher. He's like, come on in, boys. And he brought up the computer, and we went to a website. And we're like, this is going to change everything.

Yes. But it used to close. And then at 10 p.m., you have to get off. Yeah, it was all finished. Depending on where you live, yeah. And if you tried to stay on past 10 p.m., you'd be locked inside. Yeah. Oh, gosh. Yeah. Yeah. And the teacher would— Well, that's tried to stay on past 10 p.m., you'd be locked inside. Yeah. Oh, gosh.

Yeah. Yeah. And the teacher would. That's how we lost that teacher. Yeah. Mr. Anquillari. Oh, Mr. Anquillari. Yeah.

He was, he had an article in Fast Company. Did you see that one? No. Yeah. Tell me more. Well, Mr. Anquillari, and I don't know if that you knew this about him. He was a teacher, but he was also an artist. And those things aren't mutually exclusive.

I know a lot of times people are like, oh, you're a teacher. Okay, you don't do art. You don't do art. That's kind of a misconception. Those who can't do art teach. Are you talking about an art teacher? He was, yeah. Well, the thing is he had a sculpting mindset.

So whenever he would see, and he would try to teach this to his students sometimes, but he would like, when he would see clay, most people would be like, that's a mound of clay. He'd be like, no, that is, that's the Eiffel Tower. Oh, wow. And he would just say that. Yeah.

Oh, wow. What an amazing creative mind. Yeah. That he would look at the lump of clay and go, that's the Eiffel Tower. The art teacher is the same guy that showed us the internet. I always think that's so interesting. So Fast Company Magazine article, you are the star.

Headline. Headline. Is this man the next Lorne Michaels? Yes. I mean, yes, that's the headline. I don't know if it's true yet. Well, tell us about being the next Lorne Michaels. Yes. I mean, yes, that's the headline. I don't know if it's true yet. Well, tell us about being the next Lorne Michaels. Well, this is kind of a weird – I entered a contest about who's got it.

It was this contest called Who's Got It. Yeah. And it was kind of a talent competition, sort of the view meets the voice. Yeah, sure, yeah. And my talent was Lorne Michaels. Yeah. Because he does so many good things in the world. And I wanted to be that.

Your talent was discovering talent on a talent show. Yeah. So you would go on stage. And go, the guy before me? Nope. But the guy before him? Maybe. Yeah, exactly.

And then the judges would judge me. On your judges. On my judges. What was the view element of it? Because you did say that it was, because that sounds like the voice more to me. They were, in the voice, they Voice more to me. In The Voice, they sit on chairs. But in this show, they would sit on a couch

like in The View. Is that right? Yeah, so that makes me think of The View. It might be tenuous, the connection. I don't know if I'm the next Lorne Michaels or not. I'm waiting to call. I forwarded that to Lorne Michaels. Well, did Howie hit the golden buzzer and send you straight through to the finals?

I'm going on to the finals. Yes. It's going to be next May. They're going to do a special one, which is really exciting. It's going to be on national television. I'm going to be in front of everyone, and they're going to let me know if I'm the next Lorne Michaels. Yeah, and it's called Who's Got It, but the original title was America's Got Guys Who Know Who's Got Talent.

Yeah, exactly. It's a bit of a Russian nesting doll. And do you get to inhabit his body? I don't know. And that's something that's been really exciting for me. Yes, imagine. for me as I've never imagined. I've only had this vessel to be and just the thought of feeling another man's

fingers. Not just another man, I mean like that body and that'll be something else. In this company, so many great minds have occupied that body over time to be the next one to sort of preside in that stately physical, you know,

it's a body. I mean, I guess it's a body. I don't know what else to call it. Totally. I mean, it is a body. It is a body. It is. We should stop dancing around it.

It's a body. Let's just call it a body. Let's be sex positive. That's a body. Yes. Finally. Yeah. Have you thought about my parents the first thing

you would do in that body oh i i know for for sure uh there's some skits i want to get on snl real bad that i think would really break the place down when you get a new body how long before you blow your hands off well that's the thing it's i think it's like the first thing you do depending if you have he wears a lot of suits so probably when i when my soul went into his body yeah uh i'm gonna be in a suit and i always feel weird about jerking off in a suit um because it makes me feel german okay so i need a little more well it's just like i know what you mean just like unzipping just the zipper and trying to take it out without taking your belt off and stuff. Yeah. So I probably would.

I assume there's a sauna or something at NBC studio headquarters. Yes. Probably go to the sauna and be like, don't let anyone else in here. But then I would worry to be too hot. That's the best environment. Too hot? There's no such thing. Come the best environment. Too hot? There's no such thing. Come on, man.

Too hot? It could get too hot. Whose leg are you pulling? It could get too hot and I wouldn't be able to function. But I don't know. Maybe his body's different than mine. To me, what is it in the sun? 104 degrees?

104 to 108. Yeah. Okay. Perfect. That's so good for blowing your hands off. I just feel like you'll get too sweaty, right? Oh, no. That's how it's good. That's so good for blowing your hands off. I just feel like you'll get too sweaty, right? Oh, no. That's how it's good.

That's smart. Being the next Michael's isn't easy, is it, Mike? Well, no, because now people assume that I can give them sketch notes. And that's not what you do. I do not get, like sketch comedy is weird. Like I get stand-up comedy makes sense because that's people telling you things that have happened to them.

Yes. But sketch comedy It's a mess. Yeah, I don't get it. It's insane. They're pretending. It doesn't seem fair. Well, no. It's not fair. I just think that if people are going to... There's enough happening in your own life. Just tell me about that.

Oh, speak on that. What's happening in your own life? Okay, so like earlier today, we're at... What's the place called? I want to call it... Tamarind Deli. Tamarind Deli. Yeah, and I don't know if you've ever been to the Tamarind Deli, but they have a great ham.

Ham. Yeah. They use Boris Head ham, but they also have a Black Forest ham. And it's a great ham, right? And so Sam is trying to choose what chips to get. And he's like, well, I like cheddar chips, so maybe I'll get that. I'm like, that sounds fine, Sam. So just do that.

Make that a sketch. Him opening a bag of chips? Yeah. That actually does sound very funny to me. That sounds good, yeah. Because everyone's laughing. Everyone's really laughing at him, and I'm like, well, just make this a sketch.

Don't have have you would have to use the floor probably so that he's and he can make he can hold the chips right but he just can't get he can't get them open so yeah he's stomping on it or something yeah and then they're getting they get all smashed up so

that's that's what I would want to bring to SNL yeah you cast Sam in it. Yeah, you don't just have him up. Put him up there with some chips. Just pull it from a real place. Don't have these wigs and stuff. You can keep it, SNL.

I would just go and be a Sam no likey. I'm so sick of wigs where is the kid who blew his hands off trying to open a bag of chips and then it starts why did we get away from that I know but that's what comedy came from originally that's what it came from originally

just people not able to do stuff and everyone laughing at them. So like, and in the beginning people wouldn't say live from New York to Santa, it'd be like live New York Sam no likey. That sounds good to me. Yeah. I mean, you'd have to keep Cecily, but yeah. Oh yeah.

She's great. So in this article, you make some bold claims. Mm-hmm. How many times a day would you say you're putting somebody in Star Wars? Now, I have, and this is a cool thing. I had J.J. Abrams' email. Whoa. And I was emailing him all. Just say the first letter and I'll tell you if he's telling the truth.

Jay. Okay. This guy's good. And so I was suggesting new characters to put in and then people that would play those characters well. And so I was doing that a lot. And then eventually I started getting bounce backs. And eventually, at first he was like responsive and then less so.

But then I think he stole one of my characters because I had an idea for an X-Wing pilot that was like. I love this stuff. Yeah. He was stronger than the rest of them. A lot of times you watch these X-Wing pilots, and they're really like nerdy little bodies, but he was a big, strong X-Wing pilot. He stole that.

Yeah, the trailer, that one X-Wing pilot looks real strong. There's one guy with sleeves. He has no sleeves on his suit. I'm scared he's going to tear the steering wheel off. But if that happens, then that would be a great thing for episode seven. Great conflict. Yes. So good. How do I fix the steering wheel? You're going into the Death Star to kill it,

and then you rip the steering wheel off, and you're like, oh, no. I get so excited hearing just these terms. I love this stuff. Dead Star. You're killing it. Yeah, what are some of the other ones that you like? Oh, well, he said X-Wing, Pilot, all of it. Just wars.

And I think that for me, that's sort of my childhood and that's high school, was going to see Star Wars. Yeah. And so a lot of my memories come from that. Do you remember the first time you saw Princess Leia? Uh-huh. Oh, wow. Wow.

This is bringing me back, and I'm almost in a really nice-feeling time machine to have me ask that. Yeah. This would be a good game. Maybe this would be a game. The first time you saw Princess Leia. We ought to talk about the first time we saw Princess Leia. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

What would we call that game? Hmm. Ryan, why don't you spend, because you don't seem to be doing anything over there. Will you come up with something? Will you come up with three really good options? And this is what Lorne Michaels does, is he farms stuff out. Yes. He's not doing everything himself.

It's important to delegate. Star when? Star woes. And I can see you using the internet and maybe just use your brain. You were going to talk about the first time. The first time I ever saw Princess Leia. Yeah. Well, for me, it was a pretty typical Sunday.

I had woken up, put on my pajamas. Yes, queen. And I was just scootering around the village and high-fiving my friends and figured, let's try to sneak into the cineplex. Yeah. Oh, boy. It's easier then.

Yes, and we're not, don't try this at home, kids. Yeah, don't, guys, let cineplex. Yeah. Oh, boy. It's easier then. Yes. And we're not, don't try this at home, kids. Yeah. Don't, guys. Let's not. Yeah. So we don't manage to do that. We get kicked out. But in the process, I dropped my Chinese yo-yo into a sewer grate.

my Chinese yo-yo into a sewer grate. Now, a Chinese yo-yo is one of those yo-yos where you have the two sticks that have a string between it. Yes. And it has that sort of top-like thing, and you pull it, and it flies up in the air. Maybe. And so when I- Yeah. It went down a sewer.

I don't know, because I- So I ripped open a manhole cover, climb into the sewers. While I'm down there, I find this lunchbox. Ooh. So I go, hmm, maybe there's – Lunch. Maybe there's – well, there could be lunch. There could be a lady's panties in there.

You don't know what. You don't ever know. Yeah, because especially like why is it in the sewer, you know? Yeah, got to get rid of it quick. Somebody was hiding something. And I'm hoping, yeah, there could be anything in here, jewels. As I'm trying to open it up, I suddenly become enchanted by the face of the woman on the cover. Elvira, Mistress of the Dark.

Yes. She was something else. Yes. So I start going home going, who was that lady? Yeah. Who's that lady? And of course, my wife, Steffi Graf, doesn't like that I'm asking that. I should point out, this was 18 months ago.

Yeah. Uh, so she doesn't like that I'm asking about this other sexy woman. And she goes like, if you're going to think about another sexy woman, why don't you make it her? And she throws Princess Leia at me. She had a trading card or something. Oh yeah. Oh wow.

And she can really throw those. She could stick those things in a water mat. She's like Gambit. Yeah. She's like Gambit. She's like Gambit. So. She's like Gambit. Was she trying gambit she's like gambit so she's like gambit

was she trying to hurt you yeah oof um but she actually helped me because i see princess leia and wow for me then i went and watched star wars and that to me was my high school 18 months ago when i watched star wars wow um what was the first time you saw Princess Leia, Mike? Oh, Carrie Fisher. She was an unofficial aunt to me growing up. So I always thought of her as Aunt Carrie. So I would watch Star Wars and be like, oh, Aunt Carrie's on screen, Mom. So for me, she was always part of my life.

She was always there, going all the way back to the very beginning of my days in Indiana at the Speedway. You were an English baby in Indiana. Yeah, my dad was a Formula One racer, but then he got into Indy cars. Yas, queen. Yas, queen. So he had to move to Indianapolis, and I was pretty much raised on the speedway. Oh, wow. Very dangerous. Yeah.

Tough place to grow up as a kid, yeah. It's very loud. It's very loud. But that's really where I learned everything I know. Too loud to hear your teacher and stuff. No. And the teacher is trying to show us the internet, trying to open up our minds about what things can be made into.

Look at this brick. Yeah. But to him, it's not just a brick. Or was that not a brick he was pointing at? Was he like holding a rock and said, look at this brick? I mean, he was holding a rock. Is it the brickyard where they have the thing? Oh, yeah.

It is the brickyard. Yeah. So that's just what's around. It's around. But he was holding a rock and making us be like, this could be a brick. What imagination. Yeah. Wow.

So then what else? Well, Carrie Fisher, Aunt Carrie, really taught me about America, taught me the ways. Do you know that you're doing that voice, when you say her name, that you're doing it like a... Yes, you're changing your voice slightly. Yeah, you change your voice a little bit. Aunt Carrie? Yes.

Well, you didn't really do it that time. You had done it to a much more extreme degree every time prior. Aunt Carrie? That's even less. You were talking. Yeah. So she and I were pretty much aunt and niece, nephew, nephew. And, you know, she'd take me all around the country.

She would teach me about America. And I slowly, you know, gave away my British ways and really truly felt American when Aunt Carrie was around. And that's the first time you saw Princess Leia. Okay, Hayes, how about you? I was trying to prove to a friend that I could set up a projector to watch a movie on the surface of my pool. I made a huge bet. How about I do this?

With Nicky Cat. From the inside so like you stand because imagine this perfect movie experience stand in the pool and just all around you is the movie and you can be inside the movie

you can splash the movie but you're also swimming really you can make characters kiss movie, but you're also... You can splash the movie. Yes, but you're also swimming. If you want to watch... Really, you can make characters kiss who don't want to kiss because you just splash their head into each other. Yeah. Yeah, you make them kiss. They're like dolls.

But you have to stand very still to see it. And you have to... You know how my... Pool is. Set up with like... Oh, yes. My hose is running into it it all the neighbor's hoses kind of rigged up it seems like too many hoses no because you would think but the pool has a big

leak well i'm yes because i want you know those infinity pools where it's like pouring over the side yeah i wanted to do that but infinity pools, it recycles water generally. But how? Because it's going off. I think they have some other. This is what I can't figure out. There's like another littler pool under it, and then it goes in that pool. And then there's probably a tube.

Well, it looks the same. What people don't know is it looks the same if you just like kind of hammer out a big piece of the side. It's still going off, but now it's that it just falls down the hill. And I'll say this, you wouldn't want to recycle the water that's coming off, because it's all going into this big swampy, muddy area that's been created. It's a sinkhole. It's called what it is. It's a sinkhole. It is, and so you really

don't want that water anymore in there. What they also don't tell you about this effect is that the hole gets bigger over time without you even having to do anything, and at some point it becomes so big that if you get in the pool trying to watch a movie, it's Star Wars. It's trying to watch Star Wars. You get sucked out of the side of the pool and you go down the hill. And so you're trying to watch this movie swimming against a very strong current. You go through the hole.

It gets a very strong current. You go through the hole. Luckily, thank God for this sinkhole because the fall is very far. Yeah. Yeah, it's too far. Yeah. I like a good small fall. Yeah.

Small fall. That is a great thing. Oh, that taught me. That taught me. What that thought you? What? Mike? What that thought you?

That thought me of Nuskit. That thought me of something else, too. So you have, okay, so you're on SNL, right? And you're playing a drum. If you're a band. Yeah, if you're a band. Yeah, exactly. And then, so they always say the band ends and everyone claps, right when i'm lord michaels they always say that yes oh that i've heard that every time they always

yeah they always say they always say clap and so why don't we change it up so when i'm lord michaels which hopefully next may uh the band is playing and then... Very long way up. It's a while to find out. But they're playing and then a cast member will just like fall in the middle of the band and everyone will be like, oh my God, is he hurt? And the cameras will be weird and...

He's hurt or no? We don't know. Yeah. Oh, and then he just ends. And it goes to a commercial. How are the cameras going to be weird? It'll be like everyone's clearly panicking and a little bit scared that maybe he's hurt. You also could put googly eyes on the cameras above the lens and then it looks like the lens is a snout.

It's going, ah! Yes. And that could be kind of weird. I like that. I only wish the audience at home could see that. What a maddening wait period you have to find out. Let the actors enjoy some of the experience too. This is what's so unfair.

Why is all the funny stuff – It's so boring for them. They don't get to see anything funny. The cameras aren't doing anything funny traditionally and that's why we need a new Lorne Michaels in the office. It is a long time that I have to wait. That's got to be driving you nuts. Well.

Because the article's a few weeks old, and then you've got another like eight months. Well, me and Tracy are going to try to have another kid since we're so disappointed. Well, okay, I'm not supposed to use the term disappointed about Sam's hands. But I mean, just between you and me and the listeners, it's pretty disappointing to have a son like that.

So we're going to get another one. And it's nine months. I mean, this is absolutely no offense to Tracy Ellman. I don't think of her as being of that childbearing age. Listen, Mike, she's a beautiful woman. Thank you. She's a beautiful, beautiful woman. You're extremely lucky.

Yeah. Well, and she's many beautiful women because all those characters. So many characters. She's the perfect woman in a way. The Simpsons started on her show. Yeah. There were shorts that Matt Groening would do on her show. And it was my idea to say, I said to Matt once,

I was just a PA on the show, which is how Tracy and I met. I said, Matt, make those longer and do it on Fox. Yeah. How could they have Bart Simpson? Yeah. Bart Simpson was in it. Just a tiny little bit of Bart Simpson? It was like, it showed his full body.

But it wasn't just like a little. Even so, you want was like, it showed his full body. But it wasn't just like... But even so, you want Bart Simpson, you want the whole damn thing. Yeah, but that's, they didn't, we didn't know yet. That's worse than no Bart Simpson at all. Yes. Yes. That's right. Yeah, that's Queen.

But we were learning and we were growing and that was one of my first Lorne-ish moves. That's like a punishment, just a little bit of Bart Simpson. Interesting. And you were a PA, and you were blasting her off. I was blasting her off. And then you guys got married. We were hands off. And so how's the kid going to work?

Well, with technology, we froze eggs earlier, and we froze my semen earlier, too. And we're going to use... In freezer same freezer oh yeah we're like hey ice cream's in that freezer sam don't use that freezer oh god he's eating your sperm yeah so okay so uh and we yeah and sometimes if it gets like during the Silver Lake blackout, man, that – This is taking me back. Remember that Silver Lake blackout? And the – so all the energy was out. Power was out for three days.

All the energy, yeah. All the energy was gone. And none of the machines could live because the machines generally need energy to live. I don't know if you've seen the Transformers films. When all the energy is gone like that, I'm like, why don't we get Jack Black in here or someone like that to just fix it? I mean, I know when I see him doing his thing,

I always think... To stick his finger in an outlet and power the whole house. Yow! KG! Remember our tension game? Yeah. So the freezer wasn't working, and we'd be like, Sam, stop opening the freezer. You're letting the cold air out, because you can keep the cold air in there for long. He kept letting it out.

He was trying to cool his stumps. Yeah, well, no, he still had hands at this point. Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead. We have very fond memories. And he kept opening it, right? And then everything thawed. We lost most of my semen.

Can you not just, like, thaw it all out and then freeze it again? You can do it. Because it's on a plate, right? So maybe it was in a cube and now it's kind of all spilled out. Actually, plates is really the best way to do it because plates themselves retain some of the cold. So if there's semen on there and you have – it keeps it cooler on the same temperature because there's cycles within a freezer. I know.

Yeah, you know about that. You were talking about freezer once, right? They don't tell you. Those ones at the grocery store that they keep ice in, those don't open from the inside. Yes. I don't have to tell you. Well, no, you don't. And I wanted to get one of the bags on the bottom because I wanted to have the later expiration date.

And so I did climb all the way in and was passing the bag out when my buddy walked away. It was me and Gio. With friends like this. Bernard. Gio. With friends like this. Bernard. And so me and Gio were in there and he walked away chasing tail.

There was a nice piece of strange walk by and he got one sniff of it and had to fucking follow his ding dong. It's like Yogi Bear. He floats on the scent. He boobies. Yeah. Picnic.

Butts get... Oh, I like that. That's better. We found it. Sometimes you need the one to get to the one. Yeah, we were finding that today. But one of the employees, understandably then, not knowing there was an adult man inside the freezer, just said, oh, well, let's close this so the ice doesn't thaw. Yeah.

And I was in there for, I don't know if it was a fortnight, but it certainly felt like it. You don't know if it was a fortnight because you don't know how long that is. No, no idea. But it certainly felt like a length of time like that. You don't know if it was a Fortnite because you don't know how long that is. No, I have no idea. But it certainly felt like a length of time like that. They based the movie Short Circuit 2 on you, right? Yeah. And remind me why that is. There's a – I got to feel like I have to describe the whole first one.

So the government makes this... But assume I know the first one. Okay. There's a robot named Johnny Five. He moves to New York City. And he's having the most fun you can have in New York. And he starts a toy company with an Indian man. But then a gang gets upset with him,

and they make Johnny Five his enemy. Wait, this sounds a lot like Home Alone 2. Oh, it is. I mean, he does go to New York, and a gang gets upset with him. He's not a robot. There are toys. There's a lot of toys.

Well, that part to me sounded like toys. The movie Toys with Ron Williams? Yeah. I don't know if this happens at the end of Toys, but in the end of Short Circuit, one of the main characters is trapped in a refrigerator, and he has to use a pager, and he plays pop songs in order to transmit a code

that he's trapped in a freezer. You should have thought to do that. Yeah, I wound up not doing that. Now, Ryan, you've been visibly working harder than really I've seen any engineer work on anything since we've done this show. Yes. The expression on your face is one of such anxiety. Are you okay? No, Ryan.

Just say whatever you came up with. And we'll help you. The only one I could think of was Leia Nation. Leia Nation. Like Rogue Nation? Yeah. It's impossible. Like Rogue Nation?

What does that have to do with Rogue Nation? It doesn't. Leia Nation. It's't. Leia Nation. It's the name of Rumination. Oh. Oh. But Leia doesn't share any letters with Ruma. Exactly.

I mean, there's an I. It's bad. Ruma. And then I gave up. That's why I'm an engineer. Oh. Oh, come on now. That's not fair.

That's not. Why? That's not fair. You love engines. Oh, wow. I. That's not fair. That's not. Why? That's not fair. You love engines. Oh, wow. I never thought about that. An engine for your ears. An engineer.

And here he is doing the podcast stuff. Wow. Have you thought about doing more etymology in your life? You know what? I wish I had the time. Yeah. Because it's a true passion of mine. Uh, what etymology is doing what I just did. Yeah. Where you find out what works.

Exactly. Yeah. And, uh, and it's just a matter of, I don't necessarily have time because I still am. I get up, put on my PJs, I scooter around town, high five my buddies. Yeah. And on most occasions, we'll try to sneak in the cineplex and then get diverted onto some other adventure. And so that's sort of typical. A normal day. Squeeze in etymology. I can't see how that happens. One thing I wonder is if it's true from the article.

You're doing UCB. Yes. UC Berkeley Theater. Yeah. article, you're doing UCB, UC Berkeley Theater, and it's saying that they even have a show about the dark side of your Google history featuring SNL's Nicole Byer. Yeah. How did you get SNL's Nicole Byer? It was a coup. It was a coup.

Now, UC Berkeley is a- Yeah, what's the relationship with that piece? Well, they do a lot of exploration of themselves and exploring of things. And we're always looking for new things to explore. And we said, why don't we do something where we look at, you know, everyone has a light side of their history. Oh. Their search history. Everyone's like, ooh, here's the stuff that, this is the stuff that I can show mom.

But what about the stuff I can show dad? Mm-hmm. Yeah, what about the good I can show dad? Mm-hmm. Yeah. What about the good stuff that dad wants to see? Well, assuming dad's sex positive. Dirty. The dirty dad. If you're a sex positive dad like me.

So now Nicole Byard, of course, was on SNL for three seasons. Mm-hmm. Some great characters. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She played, oh, a crazy Arctic scientist. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It's too cold to do this science up here. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. She did ISIS DJ. Uh-huh. Yeah.

I really like that character. That was pre, I mean, that's... I think maybe they got the idea for Isis from that character? I don't know. It was all talking about a caliphate and stuff. That was the first I'd heard three years ago. Yeah, it was pre the Isis movie. It was where they got the idea for Isis and

We Are Your Friends starring Zac Efron. Both those things come out of that character. Yeah. So she approached me and what happens is people will pitch me an idea, and she pitched me this idea about, like, what are the things that dads search online? And so that's the show is pretty much you bring – people bring their dads. You have to bring a dad to watch the show, and people bring a dad,

and a lot of times the dads are confused. People usually trick their dads to get their dads there. Yeah. And then we pester the dads about things they've searched. I can't stop thinking about times my dad has been dirty. I mean now that you've brought that up, I just keep remembering just those isolated moments when he was very willing to be dirty. I know. Do you want to share one?

Well, one time he went to see MC Hammer in concert. Get out of here. No. No. And I was asking how the show was, and he was saying that it was difficult to describe that a lot of the dance moves that MC was doing, Hammer, were just defied how you think body mechanics normally work. And he's like, I can't even show you, but he's doing this crazy sideways shuffle, and his leg's going this way.

And he goes, but he did do one dance move that I can show you. And I go, oh, yeah. And then he just starts humping. I mean, really humping away. Oh, no. And he's like, I could do that one. And I'm like, what is this supposed to mean to me, you know? Yeah.

Yeah, that's awkward. Yeah, well. Did you close the blinds or was that, could people see in? I guess if they want, they could. I don't know what they would have thought was going on. I didn't know what was going on. But so it's so different between the internet now and then is that now, you know, you do that to your kid. He's going to put it on Vine and you're going to become a star.

Yeah. Yeah, that's true. You know, it'll be like Hump Hump Dad. Hump Hump Dad, yes. be like Hump Hump Dad. Hump Hump Dad, yes. Hump Hump Dad. Yeah, that's right. And that's just how the world is now. You can't just have a private moment

teaching your kid about MCM. Just a sex positive moment with your kid. Without getting famous and rich. Yes, Queen. Now, when people have to take medicine, Mike, you make them take it straight up famous and rich. Yes, Queen. Now, when people have to take medicine, Mike, you make them take it straight up or you let them have some

sugar with it? That's a good question. Now, a lot of times people a lot of times people have trouble taking medicine. You know, a lot of pills are have trouble taking medicine. A lot of pills are too big these days.

They try to put too much medicine in one pill. Or sometimes it's very bitter. It doesn't taste good. So I hang out around Walgreens, and I have a big old box of Domino's sugar. Yeah. And I'll offer to get – people can get like a spoonful of it and put it in their mouth. I have a disposable spoon that I wash. And they take that.

It's much easier for them to take their pills and such. And I'll do house calls. I'll go. It's kind of like Uber but for someone with a spoon and sugar. Where do you wash the spoon? In all these situations, I mean it doesn't seem like in a Walgreens or something, you'd have easy access to the bathroom. What I do is, you know that most, the chemical composition of hand soap and dish soap is

pretty much the same. So you can wash in a bathroom. Most bathrooms have like a soap dispenser. You can wash a spoon in there. You can wash anything in there. Do they let you use the bathrooms at Walgreens? Well, what happens is I'll say I'm an employee or I'll say that I'm from a neighboring Walgreens. You kind of are.

Or that you're Lorne Michaels. Oh, yeah. Well, I'll drop that. It's so hard for me to focus on this story because now I'm remembering the hump face that he made when he was humping the air. What was it like? There was like a hump face with it. Oh, well, it's not going to translate on the podcast. You can describe it.

It was like really folding the lower lip in. Did he close his eyes or did he make eye contact with you? He sort of looked at this middle distance in the room. He closed one eye. He sort of looked at this middle distance in the room. He closed one eye. Yes, I guess it was, yes, sort of an extended wink. Yeah.

Well, anyway, yeah, that's so nice to have the medicine for everyone with the sugar. Yeah, you need medicine for dessert. Yeah, and people do. And that's, you know, we can get into, like, antibiotic-resistant bacteria discussion, but we don't need to. But you don't want to take too much medicine is basically. There's a lot of medicine. If you take too much of it, it hurts your body. No, that's not true. It actually makes you not sick anymore.

This is what people – I don't understand how people get this wrong. Medicine makes you better. The more you take, the better and more healthy your body is I think it's kind of like fire though we all want some can you picture like a bonfire I'm no art teacher

I can't just create an image like that from nothing picture a leaf a leaf? A leaf? Like a red leaf. I've got it. Cool. Now picture a bunch of them in there.

But they're all flooding around. Can I use the Canadian flag? Yeah. Well, sort of. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Small, but it has to be small, the size of a hand.

Oh, sorry, Sam. Yeah, small, but it has to be small, the size of a hand. Oh, sorry, Sam. So you picture a small Canadian flag about the size of a foot. And picture like 30 of them together in a small space that's about five feet across, like a circle. And they're all waving like it's windy. Yeah. But they're bright, a little bit bright too. they're all flat flapping around and stuff right so that's kind

of what a fire a bonfire they like alive are they like are they pissed at me are they guys because mine are as i'm picturing it they're becoming pissed it's that's the thing is that a lot of times people say uh when people are writing art like an artistic book or something they'll use fire as an imagery for being angry describe it as like pissed red leaves yeah exactly so they'll be like pissed off canada flags it is it is kind of like that that's what i'm seeing yeah yeah damn Yeah. Damn. So like medicine, you don't want that fire to get too big, right? We want to keep it in that circle. Mike, this is getting scary for me.

Is this going somewhere? You just want to keep the fire in the circle. You don't want it to grow. Right now, most of California is on fire because they got the fire in the circle. Sometimes it's just someone throwing a cigarette. A lot of the water you'd normally put the fire out with is in Hayes' pool. This is coming out this Tuesday, so it might be all of it is on fire at that point.

Well, if you're listening to this and you are a refugee, good luck. Be safe. And turn around because your butt is probably on fire. If your butt's on fire, it's too late, baby. Just enjoy the ride. If you're listening to this, just maybe grab your butt and run around in circles. And run in circles.

And then a common misperception is to stop, drop, and roll. Yes, that's another. That's the old way. That's like the old CPR. We don't do that anymore. No, they don't do that anymore. We've updated it. Now what you do is you dance to Stayin' Alive.

Now, I'm going to just wrap this up because it's just time. Yeah. And we loved having you here. Congratulations. One other thing from the article, I guess we forgot to mention, is that it did say that the UC Berkeley Theater has such famous alumni as

former Fast Company cover girl, Amy Poehler. Yes. Yeah, she was on the cover of Fast Company. Now, I know her from the cover of Fast Company. Has she done anything else? Yeah, she's done all sorts of things. Okay, yeah, because I mostly know her from the cover of Fast Company. I was glad they identified her that way.

They're sort of doing the Time Magazine thing where every time they mention Bill Clinton, they'll say former Time Magazine cover boy, Bill Clinton. Yes, that's right. Well, most people know her from her Fast Company cover. But she's done more stuff, right? Where the guy's hands are reaching around and covering. Because when I was reading Fast Company, I thought she seemed so familiar to me. She's done all sorts of other things. She's in a movie now called Inside Out, which is very good.

It's about emotions and balls. It's about emotions and balls. It's about glass marbles that turn yellow and blue. You're okay. Before we wrap up, Mike, do you want to plug anything?

Yes. After next May, I think you all should be watching Saturday Night Live for a few big changes. So good for you. It's going to be really fun. And we're really going to break open what people think of as sketch comedy because I think it's generally confusing. I agree. We're going to make it a little more accessible.

Great. We asked Ryan to come up with a just something with the word Leia. Mm-hmm. And he went to rumination. Yeah. How did that happen? Why that word? I don't know.

Bye. Bye.