Hollywood Handbook - Mitra Jouhari and Joel Kim Booster, Our Urgent Care Friends

Episode Date: October 22, 2019

The Boys welcome back MITRA JOUHARI and JOEL KIM BOOSTER to audit their new podcast. This episode is sponsored by hims (www.forhims.com/handbook) and ButcherBox (www.butcherbox.com/theboys code: THEBOYS)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. small air show then yes it was I was there with Mark McGrath and so we're watching we're having the nicest time we had not met the blimp no we hadn't met each other before yes

had met the blimp and then we're watching and this one plane shows up that just sucks so bad. Oh, no. And it just flies in. It's like, what's up? And it's like, you can tell just from its flying that it doesn't know that it just like is so shitty. And it's just like, it's so pathetic. Uh huh.

So it's like everyone's watching and looking at each other and being like, holy shit. It's like this loser ass plane. It's going like, Hey, you guys want to see me fly? It's like so excited. And we're like,

Oh my God, check it out. Barrel roll, but it's not doing it and you're like what do i say you're not oh you didn't so bad and then uh uh danza kuduro starts playing you know that song yeah yeah sing it for me i don't really know the word i think so if it's and then the plane is just like kind of flying back and forth a little bit swaying to the song just a little just a stiff little yeah oh shoulder rock so bad and everyone's like can we go some people did were smart enough to like leave really fast.

So then you turn around and you're like, well, now I can't leave. And McGrath must've been a little like, why isn't one of my songs playing? Yeah. That was weird. Like they could see me. That was weird. And it feels like air show music to me. But I think it was like when you meet.

I just want to fly. That would have been really good. That would have been really good. That would have been really good. Yeah. Or even. Every morning there's a halo hanging from the horn of my planes for post plane. A parody song. Yeah.

Yeah, well, I assume there's microphones and and stuff anyone could get in and start doing it let's do um let's do that let's start doing it yes welcome to hollywood handbook yeah this show is an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names on the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz and before we even start to my guests who i love having here i am strictly here to observe today. This is from Earwolf Corporate. This is top down. They want me to...

Take a step back and listen. Yes. To take a step back and listen. And I am so willing to comply. So for today, have fun. Do a great show. I'm looking to laugh and learn. And I'm just here to observe.

So are Mitra and I doing our show under your supervision? This is sort of. It's going in our feed. So we're not on the hook for anything else. I know that. Do you do these feed swaps yet? Ever do these? Well, we're brand new. We're brand spanking new, so we don't know anything about it.

You never feed swap? We don't know anything about podcasts worse than being guests. And that is so refreshing to see. Everyone's coming in here, all these new and that is so refreshing to see yeah like everyone's coming in here like all these new

shows and there are so many a lot they're coming in and being like in host mode like they just like

show up and they're like I'm the host and you're like you guys are saying like basically we don't know how to do that we don't know shit no

we just stepped off the bus stepped off the bus from you know, three bucks, two bags, one me. Or two me, I guess. Podcasts have felt too polished and professional for so long. What do you mean with that? What is that that you just said?

Three bucks, two bags, one me. Yes, what is that? But two me. That is a very, like, famous reference. Super famous. But what is it? You know famous reference. Super famous. But what is it? You know the reference. I will say I also don't.

Three bags, two bucks, one me. You know the reference, Sean. Yeah. Yeah. It's a Buck Cherry song. Yeah, exactly. Oh, it's from Annie. It's the star of Buck Cherry.

Oh, okay. Three bags, two bags, one me. But in this case, it's to me. To me luggage. To me luggage. That's what the bags are. And we have a special offer for all our listeners. If you want 59% off your to me luggage,

backslash urgent. See, I always wait until the ads to do this. That's your code is urgent? Our code is urgent. Because our podcast name is Urgent Care. I don't know. I think we can do a funnier. It's not funny.

Well, we weren't consulted. Yeah, we didn't come up with it. You, so, okay. We let the producers take the wheel. I didn't want this to be all about teaching you guys stuff, but you cannot wait to be consulted on these things.

You have to force the issue. They are just like doing stuff. And they just like, they will not ask you. So where do we go? You have to walk in here on weekdays. You have to be here all the time. You got to just lean up against Colin's desk until he notices you. You have to be watching Colin's screen.

Okay. As he types the code in? Like he's Colin's screen. As he types the code in? Yes, as he's like, the executive producer of Earwolf, he's the one who decides all of the codes. The codes are what makes this place run.

This office. This is code money. You're talking into a code right now. You're sitting at a code. What's your code? The boys. The boys talking into a code right now. You're sitting at a code. What's your code? The boys. The boys. Yeah, we got that. I want ours to be Hollywood Handbook.

Yeah. That's too long. www.rothys.com slash Hollywood Handbook. Good viral marketing for us. Yeah, we love it. Too long, but good marketing for us. Well, what could it be that would be shorter that would still direct traffic to your podcast instead of ours?

What you do is you don't come up with it yourself. You just let them pitch a bunch of versions, and then you kind of like don't respond or sigh when you are getting ones that you don't like. So you watch Colin type in like urgent, and you're like, oh, wow. Oh. No, that's really good. I like it.

What if it's like urgent care? What if it's like, who cares? Yeah. What if it's like, who cares? Yeah. What if it's, yeah. What if it's pathetic loser? What if it's like ugly person inside and out?

Betterhelp.com slash ugly person inside and out better help.com slash ugly person inside and out do you feel good about that do you feel good about your life yet that's funny oh what if it's dumpster fire oh like president cheeto oh like oh how about how about how about better help.com backslash ma'am? This is a Wendy's. Okay. I'm typing that. I'm getting a discount now, thank you. And laughing my fucking ass off.

Wendy's. What? No, it's not. Let's talk about... Why would you say all that in line at a Wendy's, sir? That's crazy. I do want to talk about the show. I want to find out what it is.

And I'm shutting up from here. I want to find out how to listen to it. And Sean will be paying attention. We'll be observing. I'm watching, but I've been getting texts already from some of the... Dana keeps texting me and saying like hey i thought we agreed you're gonna and it's like we haven't really started yet but now sean can come yeah none of this is gonna go on the pot yeah yeah and jordan's here hi hi hey what's up what's up jordan i was was telling Kevin that between I and Metro, we are the best laughers for Hollywood Handbook.

Just for us? Yep. Oh, wow. Jordan's wearing her Boston hat today. She does prefer to go by Dropkick Murphy today. Wow. That's the name. That's me.

Jordan, the Roz of Hollywood Handbook. Yeah. To the sort of mecca Frasier Crane that you guys combined make I'm Crane and I'm and I'm

Bulldog who's that? you're not Frasier Heads? I am yeah he's a sports guy yeah exactly is he Bulldog? Yeah, he's Bulldog. Bulldog, yeah. And he fucks Roz up the ass.

I don't remember that scene. Obviously, it's subtext in the show. Did you say you think that's sweet? Or did you say, aw? I think it's sweet. What? No, I just was wondering. I didn't know if you were talking about something else no i think

it's sweet that frazier crane fucks ross no bulldog fucks ross oh my god who the fuck is anyone on this show listen that's what i say when i'm like who is this do not raise your the frazier hive maris oh my god i know but like i know I know, but like- Daphne Moon. I know, I get it, but like who is that? Martin Crane. All of these names make me sick. I'm over it. They're bad names. Why is Frasier British, but his dad is not?

Frasier and Niles are British. He's not British, he's fancy. He's just rich, right? Wait, he just has manners. They're not? No, but Niles is definitely british i think they're both just like arrogant yeah no they have british accents no they don't yes they do listen again once i mean i also like the show no again we have to listen the first time they have an atlantic

accent no it's a rich people accent native to rich people in America. That Niles and Daphne get together because of their shared heritage. They got raised by their freaking fancy mom and their dad can't stand that shit. He's over it. And he just wants to whack it out of them. I mean, that's the story of the show. He sits on his chair and he fantasizes about giving his son, Frazier, a pounding. That's the fucking show.

Much like Bulldog gave it to Ra. This is exactly why I was supposed to observe today. Because this always happens when I get involved. What? Which part of this? We're always talking about Ra's taking it in the tailpipe. And that's not what this show is supposed to be. But you didn't bring that up. I agree it was

kind of your presence that made Joel do that. It never happens if I'm not here. Well, when you're here, people feel safe to say the kind of twisted, fucked up shit that lives in the dark recesses of their messed up brains. Well, let's face it. My head's a bad neighborhood. You don't want to be caught in there alone at night.

Unfortunately, I am the owner. You own the neighborhood? Yeah. How? Are you a slumlord? Oh, I'm a slumlord, all right. Yeah. And if rent's late, guess what?

I go in there with a freaking power drill. Turn the lights out for good. On just different sections of your brain? On parts of my brain. Lobotomy, cool. Yeah. Hey, you'd rather have a frontal lobotomy than a bottle in front of me.

You'd rather have that. Usually it's in the reverse order. Is that how you've heard it? Hey, man. Different folks for different strokes. heard it? Hey, man. Different folks for different strokes. And what is your show? Speaking of show,

what is it? What are you doing? So we have show on Earwolf. It's mostly a platform for us to talk about betterhelp.com and sort of Skillshare and Squarespace. And then other than that that we'll have sort of complete absolute strangers call us and tell us what the kind of fucked up shit that's going on

in their lives and it is a little bit of a narrative podcast on top because of mitra's relationship there's like an underlying story it's it's it's sort of the first um hybrid um narrative call- Colin advice show narrative sponsor content where there's like there's sort of a mythology behind Mitra and I's relationship. Every show is a hero's journey every episode is a

full hero's journey. Every episode is a little bit Harry Potter. Inspired by of course movie life itself where the bed of the sun's creator Olivia Wilde in the This of Us creator Olivia Wilde in the This Is Us Movie Life itself is doing her thesis and then she goes, oh, The Hero's

Journey. Joseph Camel Miss Maisel. Joseph Camel, of course, is a huge part of it because he found the big plate and so he made Mormon he made Utah and then we sort of, that's a huge part of our show. It's no wonder that Joe Camel wanted to create a hero with a thousand faces.

Because his face, if you remember, did look like a wang. Yeah, big wang. Wait, are we talking about Joe Camel? Joe Camel, Joseph Camel. Joseph Camel. The cigarette master. Joseph Camel, the creator of a hero with a thousand faces. No.

Matt Rushmore. I think his face looked cool because he's wearing a leather jacket and sunglasses. And that is the epitome of cool. So this is all sort of what takes place in the first episode of our podcast. We can do a demo. That's all we've got. That's all that's in the can so far. We can do a demo, though.

Okay. Okay. Okay. So it's a problem. Dana's here. I'm sure she'd love that. Does she produce your show or something? Yeah, she does.

Okay. And what's her function here today? I think she's just, she's reviewing you. She's the Clem dog wrangler. Oh, okay. We requested her presence for us to come back because of some of the fucked up shit that you guys said to us outside of the podcast. I have an electronic knee brace that Dana is zapping me every so often when she sees me lean towards the mic. It's on your knee.

Yeah. I've never heard of that kind of thing. Well, it's helping it probably a little bit. Oh, I need it. Yeah. Okay, let's do a demo. But someone has to call. Okay, well, one of you can.

Dana, call me. Or actually, Kevin can. Yeah, Kevin, call me. Somebody call. Okay, well, one of you can. Dana, call me. Or actually, Kevin can. Yeah, Kevin, call me. Somebody call. Yeah, Kevin should. Wait, you don't actually have to use the phone for this. Kevin, call me maybe. They can't see it.

The listeners can't see it. Kevin, Kevin, Kevin. Call me maybe. Kevin. Kevin, call me maybe. That was funny. Ring, ring. Okay.

Don't pick up on the first. Ring, ring, ring. Get it. He's so desperate. Ring. Hi. Hey, Chef Kevin here. Hey.

Hi, Chef Kevin. Welcome. I'm David, not Chef Kevin. Well, unfortunately, we can't edit. This is a live show. This is radio live show. This is radio. So you fucked up.

And that's the first thing. I mean, we see what the problem is already. Hang up on this joker. Okay, bye. Goodbye. Okay. And there literally is no net on live radio. Oh, yeah. No net.

No net. There is no way to edit anything on live radio, which is why it's so difficult to make. So someone has to call and be david and so like jordan jordan ring ring do you want to get this one yeah i'll get it ring ring hello ring ring hello hi this hi hello what's your name? My name is... David! My name's David. Another David. Another David, wow.

With the sky opened up, it's raining Davids. What's your problem, David? My problem is that there's something... And remember, you're on live radio, so don't be like the last David. Well, now I have to revisit my question. I have a pitch for you.

You say your name is Chip, chipping up to Boston. Okay, so we're all giving advice. Let's hang up on this caller. All right, we're hanging up on this caller. Thank you so much. Thank you. Feel free to call back anytime, but yeah, we are hanging up on this caller. This is the show?

Yeah, the calls are really short. Well, they're really short because we try to get about... Listen, have you heard of Quibi? Okay? Yes. We are... I am collecting all my Quibi points. We found that people's attention spans are pretty short.

Like, I actually believe most people who listen to this podcast tune out after the first three to four minutes. And I actually don't know where I am right now. So we want to keep things short. That's sort of the ethos of our podcast is to keep it short. Each episode is 14 seconds long. Wow. Okay.

Snack size. That's so many more downloads. It's for the commute. You know, because we're also, we come out three times a day. Well, we want to figure out a way to fill that sort of liminal space when you're walking from your desk to the bathroom at work but not actually in the bathroom because we know you're going to be scrolling on your phone but what about that space in between from desk to the bathroom from desk to piss we are that

from desk to piss we are that and then once you're once you are actually peeing, it's too loud to hear. It's so fucking loud. Those turds are dropping. And I don't know about you, but it takes a lot of concentration for me once I'm in the bathroom to keep my hands off myself. Yes. Like it takes all the fucking energy I have. It's right there. And this is the kind of thing that I would normally get involved with, this kind of conversation.

But again, Dana, I want you to notice I'm staying out of it. You would probably sing a little of Selena Gomez's Can't Keep My Hands To Myself. That's the kind of mental connection that Sean would make in this moment. Everything. Music is the fabric of my life, and everything is justicking off another synapse To another beautiful song

That I could sing one line of And then move on Right While making eye contact with someone Of course I'd be looking straight down the barrel And maybe even Maybe adding a layer of parody on top of it

Like you did with Dude with the planes Remember that was before the show People won't have heard this But Before we started I was doing something with the planes remember that was before the show you won't have heard this but before we started i was doing something with the planes you're doing something really interesting with that you were doing something really interesting with that and it's a shame that people didn't get to hear it oh god yeah no that was one of my best things i've ever done this uh conversation is making me have to go pee uh And I have the same problem, which is like...

What do you listen to? Yes, exactly. What do you listen to? To distract yourself also, because you do have to take your pants fully off if you're doing this. And shirt. Yeah, so you have to... If you're a girl, you have to take shirt off too. Yeah.

Because when you're pissing, all of your private time. Thank you for that lived experience. And that's sort of what I offer as the woman on this podcast is I actually have to take my top off too. Because when you piss, all privates must be exposed. Podcasts have been a masculine enterprise to date. And we want to change that today and talk about how your shirt could fall in the toilet if you're a girl going pee. Well, that's why they have those big hooks. So the girls' bathroom has actually a lot more hooks than the boy bathroom. The hooks in the back or the hook in the front? Well, there's hooks they have those big hooks. So the girls' bathroom has actually a lot more hooks than the boy bathroom.

The hooks in the back or the hook in the front? Well, there's hooks on the girls' clothes. Obviously, every girl sort of has a bunch of little buttons and hooks and stuff like that. But then also in the girls' bathroom in the stalls, when you take your shit and piss and you get your shirt off to take your shit and piss, there's a bunch of hooks all around so that you can put all your stuff because you have all your layers. Sounds like Hellraiser in there. It's really nice, actually. It's really good.

And it's the only place where I feel really safe and contemplative. We have hooks on the door, too, that we use, too. So we are, of course, peeing with just our T-shirt on. But we will hang our T-shirt from the hook. So we're still wearing it. So we can sort of dangle from there. A little hardness. No pee gets on our feet because we can sort of like lift them up and like uh and just

sort of dangle that way well and girls of course fully straddling facing the wall so you don't because there's that little space in between the door and like the the door the thing that hooks on you can kind of see people walking so normally i will straddle facing the wall when i shoot my piss and drop my i will stretch out my arms against the stall door and my feet against the back wall and kind of walk backwards up so that I'm suspended and then pee straight down parkour see I do it sort of because I am of course

rock hard the whole time it's happening so for me I'm hanging out the back of the door I'm hanging off the back of the door and I'm sort of wearing like a full singlet and so I'm doing I have like it's a ceremonial sort of underwear and I'm sort of wearing like a full singlet. And so I'm doing, I have like, it's a ceremonial sort of underwear and my dick is shooting straight up. And so I have to actually do a sort of calculus

in my head of the angle. I'm sort of like dead shot. You know, it's like a full. You're like dead shot from Suicide Squad. That is like, that's cool. That's iconic. That's what I was going to say and I stopped myself. cool. That's iconic. That's what I was going to say and I stopped myself.

That's kind of the references that I'm bringing to the table comedically. Of course. If you want to know who just spent $60 in 2019 on a full Harley Quinn costume, look no further. Head to toe, baby. I did buy one two days ago. Spoiler alert. New? Birds Harley? Or original Harley? This is Birds. I did buy one two days ago. Spoiler alert. New birds Harley or original Harley? This is birds. I didn't want to wear the shorts. Kaley Cuoco Harley? I wish.

It's so twisted how all of Kaley Cuoco's dogs keep dying. And that's also the other sort of topic of our podcast. We are sort of a where is Richard Simmons serial sort of S-Town. Her and Julianne Hough. Yeah, her dogs.

Two of Julianne Hough's dogs died in the same day. What's happening to their dogs? What is happening? All these blonde, beautiful women keep killing their dogs

and no one's talking about it. Lena Dunham. Lena Dunham. Yeah. Hollywood Handbook. Be a better you in 2024 with Babbel,

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and they take their little index finger and they kind of like draw it towards them. They're pulling it. What does that mean? Does their finger hurt? I wonder if they spotted a spider web or something. They're trying to pull down the spider web. Yeah.

But I've seen this too after a lot of dates and i need i need and have needed something like babble to figure out what the heck is this person doing with their finger because it looks like a it looks like an emergency i know i was supposed to do something or how about those people that stand in the street? They're kind of like, they've got like almost like police clothes on. It may be police. Yeah. And they're standing in the middle. And as I'm driving and I'm cruising, they're holding their hand up for like a high five almost.

And they're really aggressively like pushing it out. And I'm like, am I supposed to pull over and get out of the car? Yes. Or just do it out the window as I'm supposed to drive get out of the car yes or just do it out the window as i'm going that's what i've been doing dangerous yeah but some of these very subtle body language cues have escaped me and many listeners i'm sure babbles tips and tools are approachable accessible rooted in real life situations at which i have all the time and delivered with conversation-based

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eat meals every fresh never frozen meal is chef crafted dietitian approved ready to go in just two minutes speaking of ready to go in just two minutes chef kevin is here with his new show the chef kevin factor where he creates fresh never frozen meals now this is different kevin i just want to i just want to establish it's none of this like here's a like a pile of ingredients like this is the meal the meal has to be ready it's not a recipe okay this is the meal you cook the full meal for us now okay yeah you don't just send us a bunch of stuff you had laying around in your cabinet you're actually doing the cooking and there are 35 different options to choose from every week including calorie smart protein plus and keto which is this it's a little bit of all of

them okay okay it shouldn't be there are also more than 60 add-ons to help you stay fueled up and feeling good all day long how many add-ons and what are some of them it's one big add-on and it's you on your bed you're so tired after you eat my meal the promises the meal makes us sleepy you've been pushing that so much. You're saying that you will be added on to your bed. Yeah. Your bed plus one. That's the opposite of what this is supposed to do.

It's supposed to help you stay fueled up and feel good all day long. A lot of these, I know, give you a ton of energy. They have smoothies and things like that. This is wrong. Reservation for two, me walking in my bedroom. What's the second? It's you in your bed?

The bed. I guess Clippy. Fuel up fast with Factor's restaurant-quality meals that are ready to heat and eat wherever you are. Pancake, smoothies, and more. Discover a wide variety of easy options for the entire day, like breakfast, midday bites, and more. No, we didn't even... This is not even up for consideration. So let's just hear what the actual meal was.

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And so that was, yeah, that was costing me a lot, a lot, a lot. Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash the boys. That's rocketmoney.com slash the boys. Rocketmoney.com slash the boys. Hollywood handbook. Harley's bat says good night on it uh speaking of good night my issue here this is some advice you can give me i will be hanging by the hook in the bathroom stall and i will often fall asleep because my t-shirt is kind of being pulled

against my neck a little bit and that yes yes. And the next person comes into the bathroom and opens the stall door, and I am just kind of hanging there, and I have the appearance of being dead, and I basically provide a jump scare to this person. And it's very difficult to, for a relationship to develop from there of any kind. Okay.

Ellen. Exactly. You are doing, you make it Okay. Ellen. I've got to, so exactly. You are doing, you make it a prank show. I took the words right out of your fucking mouth. You make it a prank show. Ellen.

Set up cameras and then it's funny. It's funny. You got to Ellen the ass. You got to Ellen. Okay. You got to Ellen-ness. Put a camera in the bathroom. Put a camera in the bathroom.

No, 360 view cameras in the bathroom. Put a camera in the bathroom. Put a camera in the bathroom. VR. VR, yes. VR Ellen. That's what people are clamoring for.

VR Ellen. They want the full 360 Ellen experience. And if you accidentally end up getting to watch a football game with George Bush, not too shabby. Because I'm hanging out with her also like afterwards. Or I'm becoming Ellen. I mean, this VR prank bathroom experience goes as viral as we all agree it probably will I think you're gonna be getting some

invites that you have not gotten is the person wearing the VR goggles I guess they aren't the person walking into the bathroom no they're the toilet the person's the toilet they are the toilet they are the toilet

any questions? like David has pumpkins I bought a wig of that what is this Halloween costume? Harley has pumpkins wow Harley has pumpkins pumpkins Harley has pumpkins.

Pumpkins. Harley has pumpkins. You have to. You have to be pumpkins. I bought it already. You have to be Harley has pumpkins. I know. But you have to do it. I will. I spent a lot of money.

I walked into the Halloween store knowing what I wanted and then I ended up with that stuff. I'm going as the La Brea Tar Pits. Aw. Which, by the way, were my idea. The Tar Pits? That was your idea? That was my idea.

Are you going to offer people a magic tar pit ride? What would that even fucking mean? Weren't you supposed to be quiet? What the fuck would that even mean that's my knee is going crazy right now i'm getting zapped to shit there's smoke coming out of it what would it even mean i felt pretty aggressive yeah i'm gonna back off it i'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. I'm going to leave the room. No.

Please do. And when I come back, if there's still a podcast going on, feel free to keep it going. Please be a character when you come back. Really? Who would I even be? I mean, all they said was that Sean couldn't be on the show today. Well, well, well. Okay. I think I smell a life hack.

Okay. Pinkies up. I smell a life hack. Okay. My mind's up. Okay. Okay. Life hack mode.

Activate. Bye. Life hack mode. Bye. Bye. All right. Sean is leaving. Sean's bye alright Sean is leaving Sean's leaving Sean's leaving

who are we gonna see I'm so excited Mr. Math Bugs Bunny that water is too high it's too high to the top

of the glass ugh that's so nasty do you need advice on anything and now and I told you I anything now and and i told you i had to pee and i told you that you're gonna fall asleep do i need advice you're saying that in a

way that suggests that i didn't already ask a question what question did you ask you're like do you need advice anything yeah it was about going pig whoa okay for shot oh sorry someone has entered the room doing a purely physical hey oh so this is like kind of like bang bang stuff okay let's try this okay hey like who are what are you doing here you're not supposed to be here we're trying to do a normal podcast sorry we're just getting real hi who could this be wow okay totally transformative you've got a fire extinguisher yeah it's me the fire marshal sean so it's you with a different job. Let me show you something. What are you going to show us?

The fire extinguisher. I've never seen one before. Okay. I am really scared that it will happen. I don't like that it's pointed directly at me We don't want the fire extinguisher to happen Why did you put it in my mouth? In here

Right, okay It feels like you should know that It feels like we're teaching you fire marshal Sean Yeah, yeah Okay Well Why are you fucking this up so much fire marshal Sean? I'm actually.

Oh, I'm going to leave again. Or I'll be leaving for the first time. But. All right. I wonder what job you'll have when you. Someone else. And I just want to say Dana looks really suspicious. Uh huh.

Yeah. I think Dana is starting to suspect. No, no, no. Might. Yeah. Yeah. No. no, no, no. That this might. Yeah, yeah. No. I'm sorry about all this. Quick, I'll, no, I'll distract Dana.

You figure out. Okay. Okay, so Joel's distracting Dana. And then Hayes, I guess just, do you need any advice? Yeah, I can think of some stuff that I need help with. Well, we talked about piss. Not yet. Not yet shit.

Yes, we haven't talked about anything about poop. Ever. So. I guess my question is. So say the seat is fully up. Okay. And you start to go. You start to sit down. but you want it to look like it was on purpose. Okay.

And so you want to like settle down. Oh. You guys okay? Oh, holding a guitar, but miming playing guitar. Keeping it strictly visual. Who could this be? It's me, Brett Okay

Brett Tells us everything we need to know You all like the Beatles? We don't We don't know who the Beatles are The Beatles don't exist in this world Okay You must have woken up in a world where a band you like suddenly doesn't exist.

Okay. Maybe during the blackout last night, were you drilling your brain with a power drill? What time was the blackout? It was like a really long time It was for like Four or five hours long Four or five hours Then yes

Didn't even need the Point of the day It was actually It was strange because It was a middle of the day blackout So we don't know why we called it that Was it? Okay

Then yes Okay Do you want to play something? Yeah, play us a song Please play us something Play us a battle song. Sure. Hang on.

Let me get the mic down here. Can you hear that? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Every morning there's a halo hanging from the corner of my planes for post plane. Oh my God. this is amazing. I should land it in the hangar and keep it there till I need to fly it again.

I'm at the air show and I have a four-post plane and the plane is friends with me. Wow. I mean, even though that song had the same melody throughout the entire thing, I was sort of blown. I'm really touched. I've never heard anything like that before. Thank you. I've never sang it before.

Really? Yeah. Okay. Brett out. Oh, bye, Brett. I was going to ask Brett if he wanted to open for us on tour. And I think that was really nice because I think Dana was sort of reminded about what she fell for in the first place. Like, I think that actually did a lot of good for the Dana-Brett relationship.

Oh, that's really good. To kind of see him in action like that. It is so damaged and it's really hard. To kind of see him in action like that. It is so damaged, and it's really hard to imagine it being repaired in any way, but it is nice to kind of remember. It's damaged kind of like your boyfriend's forehead. Oh, yeah.

The Joker. Yeah. It is sort of damaged like my boyfriend's forehead. Because you're Harley Quinn. Harley Quinn. Harley. Harley S. Pumpkin. Harley S. Pumpkin. forehead and um because you're uh you're harley harley harley quinn harley harley s pumpkin harley you have to be ready to like get questions like that in character to be like oh your boyfriend's a joker don't tell me what to do you have who is this all these crazy characters keep coming into our studio.

We're trying to do a podcast. Hello? Hey, guys. Chef Kevin here. Oh, my God. Okay. Chef Kevin carrying his signature tom-tom drum. Yeah, why are you dressed like that?

That's really offensive. It's really not okay, Chef Kevin. My friend Yu Song picked out my outfit today. Listen to our podcast. Baby, don't. Tell me about, like, what are you doing today? What are you doing with a drum? Oh, um, well, I guess I'm going to hug my drum and give it a kiss.

And then I'm going to hold Conan's coat for him while he does pushups. He can't do pushups with the coat on Because the muscles will split It's dangerous It's dangerous for his coat What kind of coat is it? It's a leather It's a leather peacoat Oh awesome

Sort of like the Matrix That is so badass So that guy rides away on a motorcycle no doubt It's from the movie Jonah Hex. It's Jonah Hex's duster. It's Jonah Hex's duster, yeah. He bought it at auction. Whoa.

Yeah. I heard that thing sold for like $250,000. Yeah, I heard the same thing. Well, you're not walking out of the Jonah Hex auction without spending at least $250,000. No. That sounds like a steal to me, to get the Jonah Hex auction without spending at least $200,000. That sounds like a steal to me to get the Jonah Hex leather duster. Yeah, a house or a

duster. I'm choosing the duster. No, he said you need to bring some serious coin if you're going to go to a Jonah Hex auction. He said it to someone else. He doesn't talk directly to me. Anyway, that's it for old

drum thumbs here. Thanks for stopping by. Thanks for having me. Oh, so cute. Hollywood Handbook. Well, there's a reason they call me the March Maniac. I get maniacal around this time of year because March

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I'm here to give you a nonspecific line from a college basketball tournament game, which you will not be able to bet on because the college basketball tournament games that are going to happen after you hear the ad do not have lines up yet. I have to give you a line specifically from today. That's how the lines work. Today, there are two games taking place, both of which you will not be allowed to wager on. They will already have happened. San Diego State Aztecs are favored over Boise State.

Oh, mama. Hey, I wonder if their basketball court is blue like their football field. Sports facts. That's the March Maniac for you. Also, the Dayton, Ohio Flyers are favored over VCU. Hey, you know what? I'm going to go double underdog on that one because I'm a maniac. Okay, have fun seeing the games or checking up on the scores of whether I hit my bet that you could not participate in. Download the DraftKings Sports app and use code THEBOYS. New customers can bet $5 to get $150 instantly in bonus bets

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On behalf of Boot Hill Casino and and resort in kansas 21 plus age varies by jurisdiction void in ontario bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance see dkng.com slash b ball for eligibility and deposit restrictions terms and responsible gaming resources life can be ridiculous but you know what's not funny getting ripped off and harry's agrees so what we want to talk about today with sorry you said harry's or harry i said harry's we always talk about harry's first and then we talk about you clean harry uh who are sort of our new noted mask i don't know note taken for this campaign talk about harry's first what we want to talk about is something funny that happened to you recently great a ridiculous or fun situation that you were in okay recently that's the prompt

and that'll take us into discussing the product particularly funny the product funny to me or funny to just anyone i i mean do you you feel like there's a difference there like you yeah i mean i've had things happen to me that i suppose you would find funny okay but that you didn't find funny and and you have not really and you have things that have happened that you would find funny but the rest of the world would not yeah i guess i'm interested in that one that i would find funny yes but that others would not find funny you seem to think that you have like a specific taste when it comes to what's funny or ridiculous that is not i ordered uh um like a scented spray for my pillow to help me sleep at night like a lavender scent okay and uh

they accidentally sent me two okay so you understand that most people would not buy that funny or ridiculous but but you but you do i just had a little chuckle about the mix up at the at the shipping uh warehouse harry saw customers getting screwed over by questionable that's a come up overpriced shaving product harry on the come up i decided to do something better instead of charging the same stupid high prices harry's found their own way to double scent bottle beautifully designed razors for a fraction of the price of other big brands except bogo baby exceptional products honest prices i don't is there a bogo as part of this because i don't want to be talking about deals that aren't. No, but I clean Harry Punk.

Actually got two bottles. Buy one, get one. Their deodorant, their lotion, their body wash, their hair gel, all very high quality products. They all smell great. German engineer blades made in their own factory. They stay sharp longer. You get a five blade razor weighted handle foaming

shave gel and a travel cover for just three bucks at harry's.com slash the boys highest customer satisfaction in the shaving industry no risk trial don't like your shave no worries it's on them getting ripped off isn't funny do you want to hear what happened to me that you might find yes yes sure but that you didn't yeah so you're attuned to this stuff i got my foot stuck in the dryer at the laundromat and it somehow turned on and you know that that was something other people would find funny based on well the responses you were you were getting a lot of people inside that laundromat seemed to find it pretty humorous when my leg started spinning around and flipping me what happened was i was holding my laundry basket with both hands and i saw oh still a sock left in

the dryer so i stuck my foot and tried to pick it up with my little toesies i wear sandals punk and as i'm picking it up i just sort of tripped and my foot got wedged in between there's like slats in there and stuck inside there and then i don't know who somebody pushed the button or what but it turned on and the thing starts flipping over and i'm flying in circles help punk help me you punks are your clothes staying in the basket are you going fast no no no i'm wearing all of them by the end of the cycle get started with a 13 trial set for just three dollars at harrys.com slash the boys that's harrys.com slash the boys. That's harrys.com slash the boys for a $3 trial set. Hollywood Handbook. Wow, it's just like a parade of crazy characters in this office.

It's so exciting that anything can happen. You know, now that I've lived in L.A. for like eight months, I started to believe that there was no such thing as hope or possibility or anything like that. But now that I'm on Hollywood Hamburg with so many people today, I have dreams again. You are giving up hope, living in Los Angeles. Yeah.

Well, because what is... Yeah. You only got one show and a podcast. You only got a podcast, only one podcast and one television show. In how long?

Eight months? I know. Sweetie. Sweetie. Sweetie, no. What are you doing? Oh, no. No.

What'd you do? It's me, Tom Purell. Wash your hands. Tom Purell of the Purells? I would say this is the clearest character we've gotten so far he wants you to wash your hands as Tom Pirell I gotta tell ya

my product is a sham you gotta wash your hands I feel like Tom Pirell is running for president isn't he? one of the Dem nominees oh yeah I'm just there to keep Klobuchar honest hands. I feel like Tom Pirell is running for president, isn't he? One of the Dem nominees? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm just there to keep Klobuchar honest.

Just, you know, rattle her cage a little bit before she goes on to hold the highest office in the country. Got my vote. Oh, Klobuchar does. Yes, of course, Klobuchar. And you're old, you're like an old guy and you're rich. I'm, you know, it's impolite in my circles to talk about money.

Well, aren't you dying? We're all dying, Joel. You're hosting a sort of game to... Look, yo, we're all dying. You're deciding who gets your fortune by who has the cleanest hands. That's right. If you can put your full hand in my mouth, remove it, and I don't taste anything, then I will leave you the entire rest of my fortune.

I want that. Is the Purell product sort of based around taste? Yeah. So clean you can taste it. Or you can't taste it. Also, you're not eating Purell. Look, it's no secret. I'm a big fan of... That's the question. When you put a big gob of Purell in your hand

and you just take it straight to the dough, are you eating or drinking? Isn't that a weird question? Well, I think it depends on how it comes out. Is a hot dog a sandwich? Are you pooping or peeing? That's the question. That's what you know.

Right. Because when you drink something, you pee it. When you eat something, you poop it. I feel like I'm back in the Purell factory because this is what we talk about all day there. It's hard to know because when I eat Purell, it burns when it comes out both holes. So it's hard to say. Well, then I think, you know, maybe it's not a binary. Maybe, you know.

If you do it right. You're throwing up. When I'm hanging on the door, my T-shirt is kind of pulling my chin up. So I'm looking at the ceiling. And so it's I don't know what is happening down there. Right.'re so so you never know whether you're pooping or it does hurt it does burn it hurts but like i can't i can use other senses to like guess what's happening but not sight wait so um how are you using your other senses what are the other senses first of all touch let's name them. It is touching

the sides of my wing and my butt as it's coming out. It's touching the sides of your wing. The inner sides. The inner sides. You're holding a dinner plate right against the hole as well, so it's getting on the sides. So what, you're not

eating when you're peeing yeah um you gotta fill up the tank as you're empty well if i don't eat a full meal while i piss and shit then i black out because there's nothing in me anymore that's right there's no nutrients to power my you become hollow man i do empty and then the other senses are so that we got touch there's smell i don't really think i have to explain that one. Oh, actually, I think you do. I would love if you did. Okay. It smells stinky and nasty.

Stinky and nasty. That's actually the other, that was the alt title of our advice podcast. Stinky and nasty. Hey, you've reached stinky and nasty here. That's a good code. Not far off. Betterhelp.com slash stinky and nasty. Pretend I did this a good code. Not far off. Betterhelp.com slash Stinky and

Tasty. Pretend I did this a minute ago. Did somebody say hollow man? No! Kevin Bacon, why is everything invisible but your penis? Why are you doing that? That's what he does. Because that's the hollow sound I make. Oh, you're hollow

inside. That's you rapping on your head. I guess I could use this. And that's the other side of your head. Hey, don't touch that. Oh, sorry, show cover. This is really good. This is the kind of stuff, what if like your show,

instead of like people like calling in just like normal people and stuff, funny characters come in. They matter. And they like have questions and stuff about, I guess you don't want to have to ask for that you're just sort of hoping that they do come oh my god recording if we could get some people who are just so random that would be awesome it really should be scott won't just like spread the love of comedy bang bang and it's only freaking Gino or whatever is walking into his

show and we have done we've done 300 plus episodes and the door has not opened and Gino or like the all the crazy characters literally think about the crazy characters that have been on that show

think about it nothing could be better for Mitra and I show if we, our phone lines were clogged with improvisers who wanted to run bits. Well, then I can find out who to date next. I know. In fact, actually, the only reason we don't want that to happen

is we just be too horny the whole time. What is it about random comedy that makes you so charged up sexually? I think it's, I think for me, when a guy can be so random. Like Skittles commercial level random. Like Skittles level commercial random. It's like. Like Geico random.

Okay, that actually is too random for me, and that sort of is like the... We sort of live in the sort of space between Flo and the Geico. Yes. So for me, it's just seeing that someone is so brave that they won't actually... They will never write material,

but they will do random material. Yeah. Who do you see of Flo's possible replacements winning the game of Flones? Is it that one guy? It's the one guy. The main guy. It's the one guy.

They seem to be zeroing in on that one guy. He wants it really bad. He wants to be the Flone Unicorn. Do they want you to think like, oh, it's definitely going to be him? He is so really bad. He's sort of the Melisandre of the flow. He is so fucking thirsty. I'm sad for him. It used to be he was the fourth guy, but now he's the main guy.

He's whining and dining flow. He is taking her out to eat every single day. She chooses? She choose. At a chateau. choose at a chateau she choose that chateau they go to a chateau

and they wine and dine every single night that's just what I've heard a flo-toe see I can do that too could have been a chef-lo no but I guess to replace

the syllable that doesn't rhyme with flow is another. Yeah, flow toe. No. I can do improv too. What time does your show come out? 9.30. It will probably come out. 9.30.

It's on 9.30. Primed podcast time. 9.30 a.m. Until 9.30 and 15 seconds. Oh, okay. Plan a.m. Until 9.30 and 15 seconds. Oh, okay. Plan your P's accordingly. That is an interesting time to have to go pee. I don't think I've ever really had to at that time.

At 9.30? That's sad. That's crazy. It's the best time. So I'm never going to be able to hear the show. Yeah, blink and you miss it. And that's sort of what people want. That's what we sort of have learned

is that people really want that. Are you like nice on the show? Are you like getting real sometimes? What do you mean? What are you doing on the show? What's going on? What are you fucking doing? Wait, who?

What? Who's here now? You actually did disappear. No, what are you doing on the show? Say it. Who are we talking to? You're talking to yourself. Which one of us?

Who are you being? I'm but a mirror. Okay. A mirror up to society. Yes. society yes reflecting society back to itself who are you on the show what are you doing what's happening are you getting real are you giving real advice kind of okay sounds really good How do you end it? We sort of end it with a song every time

Okay We could try doing that And it's an improv song? No It's a song that we wrote It's no It's a song that we wrote It's no It's a song that we wrote It's really sincere

Oh it's getting real The answer before was yes We got there We're trying to turn this into a music career How can I turn Into your eyes Make open doors Like open doors.

Open doors. I can't let go. Save me. Bye. Hollywood Handbook. That was a HeadGum Podcast.