Hollywood Handbook - Naomi Fry, Our Important Writer Friend

Episode Date: December 8, 2020

NAOMI FRY writes a seriously major article about The Boys.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is a head gum podcast okay gang here's the headline gather round gang i ain't never been one to be the last guy left at the dance when the lights come on i uh have actually been licking my finger and putting it in the air. The wind, she's blowing. It's time to gather up my things in my little bindle, toss it over my shoulder, and head on to the next stop on the truck. So we... Help me out.

the truck so we yeah so it helped me out john and i uh and the show are as of the end of the year not going to be on earwolf anymore we love earwolf and we've had a blast we could never repay earwolf for everything they've done for us they have given us the figure that it would yeah and it's like it's just. That's not going to happen. And so what makes sense. I think for everybody at this point. Is that we stay friends. But we. Don't stay.

No more. We're not. We're going to leave Earwolf. So we're saying this now. Tomorrow is our last pro version on Stitcher Premium. And then in January, the pro version is going to be on

the Flagrant Ones Patreon, our Patreon. And we're also going to have season three of Masterclass of Hollywood Masterclass on the Patreon sometime in 2021. So everything's exactly the same. Not like, you know,

nothing is... You get it. I also am going to be leaving Earwolf at the end of the year and i will continue producing the show with the boys and i'm going to be working with this your stuff is just going to get like buried this feels like it should be on maybe don't so i'm on the beach the big next to the do you see what i'm the big the water and you've seen this yes it's kind of brown huge brown yes very brown but not the water but some of it no that's what i'm saying yes exactly it's the bit it's like i'm on the brown part and it's me and it's pete's dragon and we are trying to trying to teach a man to fish

okay let's talk about this we had been giving giving a man a fish. Let's talk about this. We had been doing it every day. And what do you think would happen the next day, Hayes? And I didn't see it coming. And I had to eat a pretty good heaping helping of crow from Pete's dragon, Elliot, who was telling me this would happen. When I do this and I go out and it's like hot and my feet hurt and i'm like still

doing this and i give man the fish and it's getting everywhere and well at least i don't have to do this ever again and then the next day man comes to me and you were me you were me and he and his hands are on his belly and he's kind of rubbing his belly a little bit. And he's saying, oh, that was a pretty good fish yesterday. And I'm like, oh, my fucking God. Yesterday was a fish. Oh, I mean, many of you had the same fish from yesterday. The same fish? Yeah, I do.

Yeah, okay. Fuck. At least this won't happen again tomorrow thank you yes that's what i did for i think it was 225 days in a row i said well luckily this is the last time and elliot would turn he go and i go oh I know what you're saying, Elliot, that we should just teach him to fish. But I think he'll have learned by that point. And so we had sort of come to a head with it. I was basically out of fish, too.

And so I said, well, why don't you come down to the pier with me and I'll teach you. And I started to realize how bad pollution in the ocean is whoa no yes and so really it was the message of environment as well so so many lessons in this one day hey welcome to hollywood handbook kick your butt and drop your names in the red carpet line of this industry we call showbiz back hallways no you gotta write about you gotta write about this stuff no me you gotta do something have you ever thought about like doing uh like you do a little thing about this we gotta get we gotta talk about this how about no me's no me's fish fry oh about the fish no me's fish fry yeah about the fish yes yeah the fish the fuck we've been talking about you know i remember actually that's a daily column no me's fish right yeah it's my and my

first column will be about how i you know don't nobody sue me but i remember vaguely that maybe 15 years ago i read in us weekly that angelina jolie said that you shouldn't give a man a fish you should give him a fishing rod and i remember being very disappointed when i read that but you know who knows if that's even true um but that's what my first column will be about that's the kind of thing where like. And nobody's suing me. Sources say or whatever. Nobody's suing me. And it'll just go from there.

You know, that'll be my first column. And then my second column. Isn't it crazy? We have to start every column these days with nobody sue me. Isn't that nuts? We are living in the era of political correctness. And, you know, we just got to be really careful. It's every man for himself.

Nomi, I once read a headline in Us Weekly where some of the cast members of This Is Us were fighting and the headline was, This Is Fuss. Have you ever thought of doing something like something like this you got it like you write something about this i don't think i could reach that that level because you so this is nomi fry right this is what we're doing like we're talking about this and like we're doing this this is the first time we have talked to a like journalism writing this okay yeah okay we've never talked about this and like

and the power of the pen and the access we have now with this and we're talking about this journalism it's writing now huh yes it's right now it's writing uh yeah definitely yes and what what uh what did you what did you write about what did you write please you mean over the past like 20 years yeah i mean what did you say what do i what did you say what do i mean yeah like in the past it's like a pretty normal just like to me it's like just a very basic question i'm like yeah like what did you even write about like this is pretty cool huh it's amazing uh yeah i i've you know been writing about a variety of things i I actually wasn't writing there, but I worked at Us Weekly for a while. Okay.

Why don't you want to say what you wrote about? Tell us. Yeah. Just say what you wrote about. Okay. What did I write about? Just tell us what you wrote about. Yeah.

Okay. Let's see. What did I write about? I was actually just looking over some of the things that i've written about um and i was reminded yeah that's perfect for this question yeah that is getting us so so close to the answer this question i knew you would ask this i knew this and so i was looking back you know just taking a little bit of a journey down memory lane throwing it back if you will and um that's what that means i remember that i wrote about the p-tape and the amazing

thing was that i had completely forgotten about the p-tape you taped over it i taped over the p-tape there was a family guy on that you liked and you taped it over the p-tape you taped over it i taped over the p-tape there was a family guy on that you liked and you taped it over the p-tape yeah and that happened it was the one where um peter did a his own uh rendition of the king and i is family guy the one with the baby uh yeah so that's really interesting this is like a really good question is that the family guy uh yeah so that's really interesting this is like a really good question is that the family guy is that baby the family is that baby is that baby the family guy is the dog i know there's a baby and there's a dog i've never watched the show the dog i really i don't think is no way the dog is family guy he's the family dog but i actually think but he's always with the baby who i guess

is the family guy no but? But this is interesting. This is what I've been thinking about. And you've got to do something about this, Nomi. Okay. I have actually been thinking that the mom can be family guy. It's, you know, in this era of political correctness. Nobody sue me, but the mom can be family guy. Yeah.

The dog can definitely be family guy. And that is actually where I disagree. One thing where we did say that it was not the dog. Everything is topsy-turvy nowadays, you guys. And she's also the first one. You ever notice this? Maybe by the time you're hitting record

on the tape, sometimes the time you're like hitting record on the tape sometimes the beginning you don't get the very beginning or like gets it gets cut off but like she's the first one and i the effect on me is i have this sort of imprinting phenomenon that the first person i see in a show that is that's the title of the show yeah whatever the show is the first person i see is named the title yeah so for me it's like i can't recall if it was rizzoli or aisles but one of them is rizzoli and aisles to me does it does it have is it only with people or can it it be like us? No, no, no. It could be a bridge or a train. Right, so I am now recalling, I believe I'm slightly or a lot older

than you two youngsters. And when I was growing up, one of my favorite shows was Who's the Boss? Okay. And the first frame of the show, of the opening credits was a truck that's driving from new york to connecticut trucks the boss no the truck's name is the truck's name is who's the boss yeah truck's name yeah who's the boss yeah sometimes it works out why was that why was that so like i'm also really old but like i uh

but i like you know at different points in my life have been like studying uh and like doing uh research on different things where i'm like now learning yeah yeah and like yeah but learning and like always in school you know yeah life is your school yeah here's school oh right outside this door but so like i'll actually be like out and like doing stuff and like going to the zoo and things like that but why was that truck named who's the boss why was that part of the show this could be good this could be good if you want to do something about this yeah you could write about this yeah yeah i can write yeah this is giving me a lot of ideas good maybe next time somebody asks what you wrote about you'll just right away be able to go the truck's name who's

the boss why was that truck why why was there a truck in the show why was there a truck in the show yeah do you want me to like do people do this when you ask them questions and just like say the say the question yeah all the time again okay yeah all the time yeah yeah that's where you learned it. Yeah. That's what I learned in the school of life. And so why was that truck there? Well, Tony and Samantha. Okay. You know, two Americans of Italian descent. Thank you.

Thank you. You know? Yeah. Mm-hmm. And I was- Italian ex. Italian ex. I was watching this show in Israel.

I had never met an Italian American in my life. Absolutely had no idea what that was. But the show taught me. knowing that Italian Americans, you know, sometimes they take a truck and they drive from, I think, Brooklyn? Queens, maybe? Mm-hmm. And they drive to Connecticut to seek out a better life because Samantha, you know, her mother died and she, Tony wanted to go.

Mona? No. Oh Oh my god. Mona, you're bringing me back. What is that? Dead? She's upstairs. Mona? You know, I think Mona was the first.

No, she wasn't a MILF. She was a GILF. Mm-hmm. Right? She was the grandma. She was like the horny grandma. Nobody sue me. She was a horny grandma. Nobody sue me. She was a horny grandma.

So Samantha, Tony wanted her to have a better life, go to a better school district. Kim Guilfoyle. Kim Guilfoyle. Just sounds, right? Yeah. You hear something and you go. That's actually interesting. And you know what else is interesting?

That you called her Kim rather than Kimberly. It's sort of like when I say I worked with Marty on The Irishman or something. Mm-hmm. Yeah. To me, she's just Kim. We got to stand on ceremony all the time with this Guilf. Come on. No. It's just Kim. We got to stand on ceremony all the time with this gilf. Come on. No,

it's just Kim. So no, me. Yeah, we, you know, we can do something today. We can do whatever we want on this show.

Anytime we want. We're free. You must have a lot planned. Actually. I mean, you've been begging to be on the show. I've been really begging. It's true. I'm not going to lie. You must have a lot planned actually i mean you've been begging to be on the show i've been really begging it's true i'm not gonna lie you must have a lot planned for us then a ton yeah i'll say one thing

happy to be here okay with the boys okay not what i meant and this is main feed no me do you know this or you've been made aware of this this is this so this was a big negotiation happening behind the scenes we don't always let everyone in on this but you know there was a question of look no me really wants to do the show like no me's dying to do the show yeah i've been kevin of course said no way no we said well come on kev he said all right we'll put her on a pro version throw throw the kid a pro version you know what i mean make her feel okay we get you know wash our hands of the whole thing and walk away everybody everybody gets a win you know we're not necessarily doing like a main feed episode yeah yeah so so what

happened ran out of people i don't know in the time it took to book you on the pro version yeah we had everybody else who was willing to do the show and all of a sudden kevin comes up maybe nobody could be made feed okay but you felt pretty strongly that that would be in your words kevin a disaster for the show so you know that makes me hesitant because you had pretty strong feelings about that but he said basically he'd been on the phone with everyone the previous week and nobody else was going to do the show. And this is where we were at. Right. And then, Sean, you reached out, as they say, on the DM.

Those are the DMs. And you said... Carpe diem. Carpe diem. And you said... That's funny there's a chance there's a chance that you're gonna be asked to be a guest on the show didn't want to say that it was main feed because that yeah that aspect had not been negotiated the ink wasn't dry on that yeah and then um and then you said

chef kev will be reaching out. And then I responded within, I don't know, maybe 30 seconds, maybe 45 seconds. And I said, oh my God, the day is finally here. I can't believe this. It's actually happening. And then Kevin emailed me. And then I DMed you again. And I said, Kevin, just email.

This was maybe, I don't know, 15 minutes later. And then, of course'd you again and I said, Kevin, just email. This was maybe like, I don't know, 15 minutes later. And then, of course, you did not respond, which is a classic situation. And I said, OK, OK, the boys are keeping me on my toes. And that's just how I like it. That's how I like it. And I was, you know, like, you know, humbled, excited, concerned, all of these things together. What do you want him to say to in response to Kevin just emailed? Affirmative? Affirmative.

Yeah. Or just, you know. Just some exclamation points probably there that sounds you know maybe something just like awesome awesome okay okay but

not the first like yeah sure that's an option first instinct but oh wait he did but oh really why oh uh what do you mean okay oh okay uh okay that's fine we can let me call him real quick okay yeah no that was intentional yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. You know. So, great.

Oh, great. And so, okay, so I'm going to keep on telling the story. So then Kevin, I was emailing with Kevin and I was keeping it like, you know, I was like expressing my excitement, but I was also trying to like kind of mitigate my potential disappointment if it didn't work out. kind of mitigate my potential disappointment if it didn't work out and so i i i was like okay i was kind of keeping it a little bit um i was being a little bit cautious and then kevin said can we do it tomorrow or friday and then i realized like clearly like a guest had fallen through it was an emergency and it was an emergency no not that's not true a guest had not fallen through every possible guest had fallen through this is how it was expressed to me by Kevin so and you know and and once again I felt um um the the feeling was it hurt,

but it was familiar. And so I felt, you know, kind of comfortable with the way the situation was playing out because I, you know, that's kind of like the way things usually go. And so I was like, okay,

oh, this is okay. Sure. Sure. I'll do it. Sure. Friday, Friday,

Thursday, I have therapy. And I'll do it. Sure, Friday. Friday. Thursday, I have therapy. And I wanted to, you know, put some air. Okay, are you okay? Put some air between my therapy day and hanging out with the boys. Yeah, can we back up? Like, are you okay? Is everything, like, all right?

Yeah, everything's great. Everything's great. Okay. So like in therapy, I get built up. And then I knew that once I was hanging out with the boys, I'll be torn down again. And it's kind of like the Phoenix. It would have been better probably to do us than therapy. For certain purposes, certainly. Yeah.

What's SpongeBob's name in israel spongebob no it's something else oh you're right oh shit yeah should i uh bubs fog bubs fog bubs fog uh like uh uh mink mink nas maruba or something Hayes, this is very surprising. What's going on here? That's the only, but like, that's interesting. That's more interesting to me than what I was hearing about. Hayes is passionate about like foreign market Spongebob. This has been something of a pet project of his for a while.

I sort of, I sort of, I sort of collect them. I'm trying to, Bob's Fog. Yeah, I mean, I don't, I mean mean i think it's mostly bobs fog and then yeah is as square pants it's true i'm trying to remember if that's i mean that i think that checks out yeah probably right i mean that's his name yeah do you know it also in like um like hungarian and so on and like you know like no so like i like i collect them for the most part i don't like open them like they they're they're all sort of like the mint in package for me these all these like exotic spongebobs um so a few things have happened over here my wife at one point delivered a really

delicious looking and smelling lunch uh and she and she put it on the desk for me and then just now she just took it away without me uh getting to touch it at all and it's that easy and it's that easy haze how long was it on the table how long was it it was on it was there for a good amount of time almost the entire time she decided to deliver it pretty much as soon as we hit record which was tough for me to figure out how to eat an entire lunch while we were doing the podcast and i appreciate the fact that she brought me lunch at all it's that's really nice what's at the lunch cheese and potatoes yeah today today actually today i just said I woke up this morning and I was like, do we, I would love for once, do we have like capers?

Yeah. I would love just like a bowl of capers. Like, are you talking about those giant capers you get in like, in like Tuscany? I would love a mix of, oh. Under the Tuscan capers you get in like in like tuscany i would love a mix of oh the under the capers yes being smushed under a huge tuscan caper just diving into one of those giant caper bins that they have there and the the like you know the farm out in the field you see them rolling the huge caper down the hill with the stick yeah to the big hole that they've set there to like catch the huge caper and all the different people in the village yes are coming up and ripping off pieces of it with

their hands you know it's so fresh they could just eat the giant capers with your community you know this is how they used to do it you knew your neighbors then because you because you had shared a caper with them you had ripped it off and so you had accidentally touched fingers inside the caper as you were digging around for the sweetest piece oh we've lost something the internet we've lost something with all this. There's no human connection anymore. You certainly weren't getting sued for quoting an old Us Weekly article

by your neighbor who you just had a big hunk of paper with. Certainly not. Certainly not. But so look, Nomi. Yeah. Like I said, we do what we want on this show. And that's it.

We don't do anything else. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. But today, since we have Nomis here, I mean, it's time to do it. And we thought about this for a while. Let's write a major article. Let's do it. Yeah.

And so we'd like it to be major we'd like it to actually go it would really help us if it went really quite viral you're doing like new yorker stuff huh yeah yeah yeah lord lord graden's man's i mean right come on yeah like let's do this let's do like what's the thing let's like we're bumping to steve around the office steve martin yeah all the time he wears a white he wears like um what's it called after labor day a se Day? A seersucker suit. The thing that... He's earned this. I don't really care. On this show, I think we can talk about this kind of stuff.

He sucks at the banjo. He plays the banjo? I guess I didn't know that. Steve Martin? He's obsessed with the banjo. No one, I guess, is willing to tell him that he's like it's all yes men yeah it's like you get to this point in your career where you're like this is cool right like i'm playing the banjo i'm doing it the right he's not even doing it the right way no then like is he playing it with his teeth that would be better he's like you could say that

he's like he is flossing with it sometimes which i understand like it looks right there it's right there it looks like you are supposed to be doing that but like yeah everyone's standing around and telling like yeah that's really good it sounds great it sounds like shit it sounds he basically puts it at the top of like a big ladder and then he jumps up and punches it as hard as he can from the bottom? yeah

and it sounds horrible like it's one of the worst noises I've ever heard not even just like it's not good banjo music like it's a very bad sound what he's making and his hand is what he's making. And his hand is bleeding. He's bleeding.

Is this what we're going to write about? I hope not, man, because this is probably one of the least pleasant things going on today. It's Steve Martin's brutally violent and unpleasant banjo fetish. It really is distressing to me i'd rather write about something positive like um ah damn uh and this can i know me for you while sean thinks about this yeah we would love to it would be really interesting to write a story about spongebob uh but what uh this can be helpful to you in a way we're like you know you're doing like articles and stuff now and that's awesome but like we can really get you consistently into daily shouts i think like yes yeah yeah yeah we can like we can get to that point where you're like you've

you're flirting with them now what we can do is we can make it a full-blown relationship we're talking like put a ring on it because honestly i think we're at a point like you are at a point and like with us uh we can get to like uh like an mwf situation monday wednesday friday no me i feel yeah i feel like you guys can really take me over that edge, which I would really appreciate. And let's do this. I mean, I'm really excited about it. This doesn't have to be part of the article. Do you have any feelings in particular about the fact that your episode of our show is ultimately the episode that has destroyed our relationship with Earwolf, the network which hosts our show.

Okay, so can you maybe say a little bit more about that? Just so I can know, you know. Oh, yes, sure, absolutely. You said you would take me behind the scenes. I just want to know just a little bit more, if that's possible. Honestly, this should probably be what the major article is about i guess so okay so tell me so wow i mean like uh do you want to begin at the beginning uh not really well hey scan if you want yeah no it probably makes more sense

to like no i think you start you just start wherever you feel comfortable with starting you know i i okay yeah so i don't really remember exactly what happened just like so like kevin has been for a long time like walking around with like uh exciting new gear you know and he knows that like the stuff that he's like wearing like he's like kind of like flashing it in a way he's got like uh this like wad falling out of his pocket it's just like like kevin like what's up with you like where is this like coming from and that's normally not like uh something i care about but just like the way he's wearing like these blinding white sneakers and like hard jeans raw selvedge denim jeans we should talk about him asking us to call he was like hey can i not be chef kevin anymore and you guys call me

mr frosty because i'm so iced out and and i thought like wow chef kevin's like established people like this yeah he is dripping yes and he's begging us not to mind it his his genes are technically ice because they are as as hard as diamonds yes the salvage denim is so raw it hurts so much yes that like it is effectively jewelry right and so i so they mine this denim this denim is not like like they mine it out of the hills in tuscany oh so you so you've I've been there I know I know the

workers just like with the wheelbarrow rolling the big it's like there's contact it's like flesh It's like flesh. It's touching flesh. Sean, you know you have

a boy, right? I've got a little boy. It's skin to skin. It's, you know, in the hills, it's like there's you don't see that sort of thing so much anymore. Right. It's true, yeah.

And it comes with a certain primitivism. I'm just going to say it. That's interesting. I disagree with that. I actually think it's the most advanced that a society can be. That technology has regressed us and that we've actually moved backwards by getting into these Zooms. I'm so sick of these zooms and that actually skin touching skin is the the peak of technology and that's what this is

actually this is actually like caveman stuff like what we're doing right now uh yeah like we've gone so far back this is so far back just looking at an image and like and endowing it with meaning regardless of what it actually is like this is caveman brain but the real facebook is when you just you smush your face in between two other faces that i guess would be the pages of a book sort of like a book and it feels like a book and you just smish around back and forth that's now that would be some technology but that's more face mash so that's so that's where they they get chef's jeans yeah yeah so yeah that's where they get mr frosty's jeans and so i'm like kevin like what is up like what's going on and he's like oh you know like i've just been working with like some other podcasts that have like gone independent and

like don't tell anyone and i'm like holy shit i could get my hands on some of these like iced out jeans just one pair of the jeans would be good for me yeah and like i don't need much you know but i do need one pair of really really expensive jeans and so that was kind of the beginning of like kevin like show me what the like like what's your pitch like how would this work and i mean like shani you can like maybe talk about this in more detail but like kevin's pitch uh was honestly one of the most compelling it was such a dynamic presentation and it was so clear

there were so many levels to it he's just a phenomenal communicator as a communicator yes much like President Reagan in his time yes absolutely it is the reincarnation I found myself checking to make sure it wasn't Reagan

Ronnie's back and that it wasn't. Ronnie's back. Ronnie's back. And that it was Mr. Frosty. Ron's back. And he'd take these little breaks and he would just slap me around with a wad of hundred dollar bills. He would just, I mean, he would beat my ass with these things. Like he, he, he had a rubber band and he, yeah, he'd unwind the rubber band from around.

He'd start snapping me with it and it was and it made me these little welts you know but that was a reminder even when i got home that night and i was showering in front of the mirror and i would and i was looking and saying oh wow these welts are reminding me of this presentation that kevin gave i have to strongly consider going independent you know i don't want to be mr frosty i wouldn't mind being a little snowflake he rented out it was it's not just us so like kevin has this like whole like empire of shows that he that he does and he like you know he works on our show and then he goes to um like corolla and like his his other guys and so he rented out like an airport hotel

like conference room. And he's got like a big screen that like pulls down. And he's like running us through the financials, which like you're saying, like this is Kevin's love language. You know, to some people, this is like, for some people it's physical touch. And we've talked about this.

Acts of service. Acts of service acts of service exactly yeah for kevin kevin it's it's running through financials yes and it's like and he and like to communicate that to us is a is a gesture of of love it's an act of love and basically what it comes down to is if we can get 40 other podcasts to uh to do what we're doing to go independent and to be a part of our network essentially and if each of them can get at that point i think it's like 120 podcasts uh to to do the same then now at this point it's it's passive right it's what kevin calls mailbox money yeah where you literally you know the money just shows up in the mail every week yes and you no longer are having to like do the grind although you love the grind you know i used to call myself a podcaster i've now become entrepreneur. I am my own boss because of Kevin, who is my boss as well. I mean, I personally

live for the grind. I don't know about you guys. No, I do. I do. I do. But the idea that one day I could, you know, look, podcasting's It's a young man's game. It's a middle-aged man's game.

It's a middle-aged man's game. It's a middle-aged man's game and I'm not going to be middle-aged forever. Right. Yeah, at some point I will be elderly and it will be time to hang up the mic to shut down the TASCAM. And at that point,

the mailbox money will be really... That's when it really comes i'm gonna need it i'm gonna need it so we're talking to earwolf and we're like what's your pitch and they're like i well our thing is like we're gonna like pay you money to do the show right and i'm like as we've been doing hey yeah like it's kind of busted like that that. There was no slides. The idea kind of sucks. They didn't ask me any hard questions and then answer them in my face afterwards. Yes.

And they didn't show me any charts. Yes. It really sucked. Nobody kicked my ass. It's true. It feels kind of, honestly, listening to this right now, it feels kind of like the passion isn't there really.

Like it feels a little dead and the jeans colin had on his his his trousers you know these were like they were so soft they were so flimsy and soft they were really fucked up i thought they were gonna blow off him they're like pretty like just like a lightish blue. Whereas Kevin's jeans are like blue, but like so blue. They're black. Yeah. They're really extremely dark, hard and hard jeans. And really hard.

Kevin showed me he has a harness at home with hydraulics that he uses to get out of his jeans. He gets lifted out of his jeans by this big machine every night and it's it's really impressive and i got the sense that colin possibly just sort of wiggles his hips and i saw i disintegrate i showed up a little early to the meeting and I so I saw Colin put on his jeans at the at the beginning of it and it took like one second there was no machine you know I think I heard that the machine that Kevin uses is also made out of the same denim it has to be it must be right it must be strong enough to to stand up to what he's working with yeah hollywood eating better is easy with factors delicious ready to eat meals every fresh

never frozen meal chef crafted dietitian approved ready to go in just two minutes speaking of ready to go in just two minutes chef kevin is here with his new show the chef kevin factor where he creates fresh never frozen meals now this is different kevin i just want to i just want to establish it's none of this like here's a like a pile of ingredients like this is the meal yeah it's not a recipe okay this is the meal you cook the full meal for us now okay yeah you don't just send us a bunch of stuff you had laying around in your cabinet you're actually doing the cooking and there are 35 different options to choose from every week including calorie smart protein plus and keto which is this it's a little bit of all of them okay okay it shouldn't be there are also more than 60 add-ons

to help you stay fueled up and feeling good all day long how many add-ons and what are some of them it's one big add-on and it's you on your bed you're so tired after you eat my meal the the promises the meal makes us sleepy you've been pushing that so much you're saying that you will be added on to your bed yeah your bed plus one that's the opposite of what this is supposed to do it's supposed to help you stay a lot of these i know give you a ton of energy they have like smoothies and things like that reservation for two me walking in my bedroom. What's the second? It's you and your bed?

The bed. I guess Clippy. Fuel up fast with Factor's restaurant quality meals that are ready to heat and eat wherever you are. Pancakes, smoothies, and more. Discover a wide variety of easy options for the entire day like breakfast, midday bites, and more. No, we didn't even. This is not even up for consideration. So let's just hear what the actual meal was.

What was the food? I don't want to go to bed. It's very simple. This is not even up for consideration. So let's just hear what the actual meal was. What was the food? I don't want to go to bed. It's very simple. It's one huge chicken nugget. Sign up and save. We've done the math. Factor is less expensive than takeout.

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Does their finger hurt? I wonder if they spotted a spider web or something. They're trying to pull down the spider web. Yeah. But I've seen this too after a lot of dates. And I need and have needed something like Babel to figure out what the heck is this person doing with their finger? because it looks like a

it looks like an emergency i know i was supposed to do something or how about those people that stand in the street they're kind of like they've got like almost like police clothes on it may be almost yeah and they're standing in the middle and as i'm driving and i'm cruising they're standing in the middle, and as I'm driving and I'm cruising, they're holding their hand up for like a high five almost, and they're really aggressively pushing it out. I'm like, am I supposed to pull over and get out of the car? Yes, or just do it out the window as I'm going. That's what I've been doing. That seems dangerous, but some of these very subtle body language cues

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That's rocketmoney.com slash the boys. Rocketmoney.com slash the boys. Hollywood handbook. So that's the article idea. I mean, we're pretty deep into this thing and we haven't written word one of the article. But if you have an angle on this, because we really need this to go viral. Because this was like the beginning of a process like we can talk about this forever this was like we're like okay how do we

make this separation from earwolf like okay you know like we don't want to yeah hurt any feeling like you know burn any bridges so we're like let's do a bad job for two years right and the first and so i'm just very subtle yes so i'm the first i'm trying to understand if i'm like the apex the the you know the crystal at the end of this two-year process or whether i'm like the really really really strong kickoff point of these two years you're the little like the little piecey the resistance where like this is like ratatouille's friend or whatever you remember when the guys like the eating that food yeah i forget who oh like when the chef when the chef right has like ravioli from chef pierre or something yes and it's like a it's like a can and where is really the human touch you know where where is that no it's corporate it's not really

and so we say like okay like nomi's on the show and earwolf is like okay i think we're good i think we're good here. You're doing us an enormous service because it's essentially been like a point shaving scandal in a way where it's like, we don't want to do anything obvious where we like throw the ball to the other team. Sure.

But we've been making these little mistakes along the way for, I think Hayes said two years, but it's probably been more like five. Yeah. That we've been doing these little tiny errors where it's like, oh, he normally would not, you know,

you know, miss that many free throws or whatever. But we don't need to lose. We just can't cover the spread. Yeah, yeah. You, but you, at the same point though,

you didn't want to go out strong, like really, really strong. We wanted to make a strong statement that we were leaving. A strong statement. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. No, I totally understand. And the way that like certain smells are very strong. Sure, sure.

It's like when you come in a room and you say, what's that smell? When you come in a room and you say, what's that smell? You don't mean like, oh, it smells terrific. It might, but you're impressed. But you're definitely impressed. Yeah, it's definitely having a huge impact. It's literally remarkable. Like you are forced to remark on it. You are forced to remark upon it.

And you're like, okay, what's this smell? So it's like, does it smell like roses? Does it smell like Chanel perfume? We don't know. It's a whole new smell. We don't know. We don't know. But probably not.

Probably not. No, Chanel or roses. That would, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's probably something else. We do, just to give you an idea of the stakes, we do need to go viral almost immediately

because if we do not hit a certain subscriber number, we do owe Chef Kevin for all of the equipment and basically the back half of our Earwolf contract. And that's like, you know, that's like beginning stages. Like we can eventually build up enough subscribers to like dig ourselves out of the debt well there's a certain amount of cost that kevin has taken on he tells us that you know just to sort of launch this entire model yeah yeah so it has to happen really quickly yes

yes i think we have like a week where is this going um in the magazine is this like uh is there annals of podcasting has that ever been done before i believe there is annals like i wouldn't it might come under the brave new world rubric brave new world apartment okay yeah that's what uh the annals of something could would be actually good for us because then i can do a bit later when we're talking about the article on like what um sean connery connery and trebek are doing about that like in heaven oh by the way you know because sure am i allowed to do this um am i allowed to do the snl jeopardy sketches with sean connery and Trebek. You mean... Well, they're both gone.

Can I do that now? Like, are you talking in terms of like the sue me situation, like the sue me era? Yeah, or like sure, yes, let's talk about that. Absolutely don't want to get sued. No. There's a legal

aspect. There's also like the social one of like at uh gathering socially distanced of course of course can sean be just like doing the like the whole thing people certainly liked those sketches i know i do yeah i mean i think we could see it as a tribute you know it's it's it's like uh it's kind of like you're paying your respect and and would you gather like people around or just like because john i've been talking about this would you like kind of gather everyone or would you just kind of launch into it i think i would just like uh launch into it maybe you just start doing it just start just just like just go to the grove or something just go into it just fire it off yeah just start going yeah you know whatever and i don't know the

sketches by heart but i basically would be at the mall and you know there'd be a family near me and i would just go like butt wads for 500 and then i'd go like it's boot wads and then i'd go like it's boutois and then i yeah and you know what john people might come either they'll come along or they won't that'll be their decision story of my career it's on them what are you gonna do you know i'm certainly not gonna change it's not gonna change what you do certainly not gonna change the marketplace adjust to the marketplace or what my superiors want. I mean, that seems like that's a level of compromise that's not smart professionally. No, no, not at all.

Not at all. And that's why it's good to be mobile at that point because you're at the mall and walking around kind of as you're doing it. You can always go to the next family or around kind of as you're doing it you can always like go to the next family or sure whatever and now they're into it and they're kind of actually like vibing to this yeah you know yeah so you can never really tell like you might have you might hit that first family and your heart will like drop a little bit yeah you know if they're not like really into it

but then like hayes is suggesting you might just sort of like move move along and then another person might love it i just slip i i slap my earbuds in or something i go i was talking this and like i was you know yeah yeah i go excuse me you're staring at me i was on the phone yeah and you might do a thing like a bit be a little bit intimidating like be like at that point you like get mad at them and like yeah yeah yeah like what are you looking at like what you thought i was talking to you yeah like you're like calling like talking to the like the like the mall cop yeah you're talking to this guy being like this guy, like come over and like, actually like you punish these people. Right.

You're pissed. I think, yeah, I think that's the way to go. Kevin, you just been like sitting here the entire time. Like, I guess what I sort of wanted when we did agree to like go along with your

plan. I don't know if this is like intentional or what, but I guess I thought we would get more of like a positive reaction from you when we did decide to like you know give up what has become our entire source of income and bet on ourselves if you've been saying but also like yes not bet on you but like pay you give you money pay you but yes bet on ourselves you've said a lot yeah do you not believe in yourself and i feel like shit saying like well not really but i go no of course i do i do and i guess you know i'm just like being totally honest and like finally agreeing to do this a big part of it for me was anticipating your reaction. And not needing for you to throw a party or something.

No, but a virtual fist bump of sorts would have been, I think, much appreciated from our end. Rather than what we've gotten, which is sort of silence yeah i remember you being like oh yeah sick sick yeah it's a little i can i can i sympathize with you guys i feel like that would be a little like i don't want to say disappointing but it's it's a little it's a little bit like surprising maybe well no me you told a very vulnerable story early on in the episode about sending a DM to me that said Chef Kev emailed me and getting nothing back.

Absolutely nothing. And what I'm realizing is hurt people hurt people. Hurt people hurt people. Hurt people hurt people. And maybe what happened is I learned it from Chef Kevin. And I'm acting out. I'm passing that pain on to you and it wasn't fair you're finally understanding you're finally understanding something and you're learning something um and i think we all are and uh and i think i'll go in my dms right now and i'll respond to that message wow so so when i'm off this zoom i'll go

on twitter and a dm might be waiting for me you're saying but maybe something that's like doesn't necessarily require another response sure sure so it'll be sort of like let's close this down thumbs up emoji i'm not telling you what to do but no no it's it's uh i said i said that i can't see it's kind of hard to read it's hard to read yeah oh yeah oh my god chef i said i feel like a young bride on her wedding day and then i wrote uh maybe yeah 28 minutes later i said om chef reached out nothing nada but then I sort of can't see what you've written now yeah does it say okay it does oh it says okay that's really nice yeah yeah that's great that's great um I feel, you know, I'm, I'm, as I said, I'm very familiar with this.

You know, it's a kind of like a pleasurable sort of pain. I would say, you know, so I, I, you know, for me, it's like part of part and parcel of being a person in the world. And I, you know, it's kind of like, you know, I kind of, I parcel of being a person in the world and i you know it's kind of like you know i kind of i kind of seek it out almost i find that i like pleasure spiked with pain yeah don't get me started on music don't yeah that's where we get actually insane like when we start talking about that and i won't even do it uh so does that you have you got what you need uh are you talking to me yeah the article yeah oh oh yeah yeah yeah you want to give us like yeah i mean you know i feel like we've we've been talking a little bit

more than you this episode do you want um do Do you want to give us the first couple lines of the article, just a tease? People know what to look for. Yeah, how do you begin this stuff? Yeah, show me how you start this. I feel like the scene has to be set in... I don't know really that much what it's like now during the lockdown in LA.

Like, is like, is Intelligentsia open? Right. Like, I would set it, ideally, the stage would be set, you know, it would be like on a Monday, you know, last spring. Hayes Davenport picked up some mesclun greens. Yeah. Like I picked up some mesclun greens. Yeah. Right.

And fished a walnut out of his. Yeah. And something about Chef's Pants. Like, you know, because you always have to describe something. So he was wearing pants that took on the sheen of a hardened diamond or something. pants that took on the sheen of a hardened diamond or something you know and like even though we're sitting at spagoo and we're surrounded by like the you know the luminaries of the entertainment industry i'm like i'm watching them but they're watching him and he's watching his mesclun greens which the entire

time i'm just going to be like, like just picking at and like, I cannot figure out how to get this thing on a fork. Yeah, they won't come up. You keep bringing the fork out and sure enough, it's empty again and go back in. And a piece, an article needs tension and the tension, the underlying tension, the core would be, will he finally get like, you know, a green on the fork? For me, the tension, for me, would be will he finally get a green on the floor? For me, the tension, for me, it would be where am I? I thought I would be part of the article because we've described Chef's Pants.

We know what Hayes is attempting to eat will not be successful. Right. But I actually don't know that I'm even in the article at this point, which is a disappointment. What do you envision yourself doing, Sean? Like ideally, in an ideal version of this article? I think something that I love in articles like this, in these profiles, is when it's a celebrity, right?

But they're kind of breaking down the like some awkwardness that happened with the waiter you know and they're like really breaking down like the awkwardness of the situation of like or they're saying like i feel like i freaked him out with my my question about the bronzino you know like i didn't mean to like put him on the spot like that that was so awkward i'm so. And I'd be the waiter, I guess. And you're sitting there and be like, I'm writing this. Right.

I'm actually going to write this. I'd be the waiter. I'd come back and I'd go, Hey, I actually found out from the chef about the bronzino and it was really interesting. Thanks for teaching me. You know what i just the image that i had in my head teach a man about a fish right now is do you remember how in the movie

garden state yes i'm gonna i'm gonna remember whatever you describe from garden state i'm gonna know it okay so i haven't watched it since the year I believe 2004 whenever it was that it came out. But I remember that in the beginning Zach Braff is an aspiring actor in LA, I believe. He's like a failed aspiring actor. Better believe it.

And he is a waiter at a restaurant that has a kind of like orientalist there's like a kabuki theme to it or something isn't it and i believe that he has to wear eye makeup for some reason yeah i think you remember that and so when you were sean when you were saying that you were a waiter in the story, I imagined you wearing this sort of like dark under eye eyeliner. I get the news of me from the weather report.

I have to speculate that God himself does make us into corresponding shapes like puzzle pieces from the true. I got nothing to do today but smile and dee and dub. Here I am.

I catch my troubled head when you're away. You could submit this as poetry to the New Yorker and it could just be reprinted and they'd be like, this is good. And the title would be Garden State. The title of the poem is Garden State. And it's a mashup of two of the songs from the soundtrack. Yeah.

I mean, definitely. And no one would ever know. No one would ever figure it out. And it says, read this poem. It'll change your life. And it says Garden State by Nomi's poem. That's what. Yeah. Ugh. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, I think this is really productive, though. This was awesome. Are you kidding me? Yeah. I think this is really amazing. I'm ready now. And I'm ready now.

You know, I'm standing at the abyss and I'm yelling into the abyss, Nomi. His infinite abyss. He's ready to explore it like um a washing machine what was that like wasn't there some something got thrown in for sure they had to get rid of the old washing machine yeah and i'm standing there and i'm going peter sarsgaard's there jim parsons has like i forgot about peter sarsgaard's there Jim Parsons has like a suit of armor on I forgot about Peter Sarsgaard I did a talk of the town with Peter Sarsgaard like a year ago

and now you're doing one with us what was uh Hayes Davenport is ready for his close up to the mic what was the occasion of the of the Sars guard if there was uh the sars guard toot uh yeah we call them talks i guess toot is not a natural pronunciation for that we call them we call them talks talks yeah um what was the occasion it was what give me where's that stars guard talk

yeah exactly um there was uh a movie he was starring in, it's so him. It was a movie starring Sarsgaard and Rashida Jones. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. And I just had to horn in there. What was the name? Fuck. I don't know this movie

um what was the name something like sounds of silence maybe it was about a sound expert like a guy who is we gotta go we can't keep we can't we can't keep talking about this if you knew the name of the movie i'd love to keep talking to you but we're actually fucked because we gotta go and we're just like leaving the network entirely so we just we gotta get out of here and it's been one hell of a run and yeah yep bye that was a hate gun podcast