Hollywood Handbook - Nicole Byer, Our Close Friend Again

Episode Date: August 8, 2017

Welcome to NICOLE BYER from Loosely Exactly Nicole to talk about the game show Family Feud she did and to do other funny shows. This episode is sponsored by Casper Mattresses (www.casper.com/HANDBOOK code: HANDBOOK) and Chapman University (www.chapman.edu/GRAD).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. So, I'm in the hedge maze with Perry, Ellis, and Ralph, Loren, and Fred, Perry, and Andrew Cunanan. And we are moving through these hedges. They've grown very tall now. It's labyrinthine, and I am worried at this point that we have encountered the null set. Of course, we've designed this maze with 64 unique solutions, but there is, in fact, a single null set,

which means that you can't get out. And if we did encounter the null set, Andrew Cunanan is going to be very cranky. Because he hates being trapped. The one thing that really makes him mad is encountering the null set. He hates being confined. You know? And so I'm going,

Ralph, you know, you're a clothes guy. Did you bring any scissors with you? And then Perry's like, what about me? And then Fred's like, yeah, hey, what about me sure and then fred's like yeah hey what about perry meaning him or the other i don't know and i didn't ask uh because i'm thinking maybe we can cut some of these hedges with like some taylor scissors or something yeah or even just make clothes out of them imagine you know uh We'll look like Daniel Stern

in Bushwhack. Didn't he wear underwear made out of leaves? He must have. For underwear. I'm thinking, let's make lemons on lemonade or whatever. Anyway, the end of the story is a bunch of mole people burrowed in and dug us out

hey welcome to hollywood handbook and it's that guy kicking button dropping names on the red carpet linebacker always in this industry we call showbiz what up what up it's nicole it's a call that's hayes that's hayes he just said that part my name's Sean a lot of people can't tell our voices apart and it's gotta be Nicole it's me it's loose leaf Nicole yes Lucy and Jackie Nicole yes Lucy and Jackie Nicole that's my full government name that's what's on my driver's license you got your driver's license you were so nervous I was so nervous and I I got it last week during the test. The man was very mean to me. He said, you're never going to pass.

And I said, shut up. I heard you got the one guy. He's almost like a drill sergeant. Did you make me? And he sets a cup of coffee on the dashboard, and he goes, one drop of that coffee spills, and you fail. Yep, that's exactly what happened. And that you did the whole test and at the very end of the test, you freaking screeched the brakes

and you looked in slow motion. The coffee went tipping end over end, but he had just finished the last sip. Crisis averted. Got the license. It's like you were there. Yeah. It's wild.

Did you make the smoochy lips at him like I said? I did. I did. Right at the end, I said, thank you so much. Oh, wild. Did you make the smoochy lips out of him like I said? I did. I did. Right at the end I said, thank you so much. Oh, yeah. Try to fail that. No, that was lucky. So then the coffee thing

didn't even matter almost. Nope, didn't matter at all. Now, have they found out yet that you had actually failed the written exam, but when you failed you got so mad you smashed your fist on the keyboard and the whole computer system went down? I don't know if they found that out yet. Oh, okay. But there are cameras in the DMV,

so maybe they're going to find out soon. But they'll take them forever to get around to reviewing it. I mean, everything takes forever at the DMV. Who are you telling? Yeah, it should stand for, damn, move, Vicky. Because I wish that Vicky, who runs the office I go to, would move this thing along faster. Vicky's always standing in the way.

And it's like, Vicky, come on now. You're not supposed to be in line. You are supposed to be helping the people who are in line. Yas. And you get to the front and you say, somebody help me. Well, that is you. You are supposed to be doing that. And she just goes to the back of the line.

I mean, Vicky. Damn, move, Vicky. Come on, Vicky. Cody is here again, and he is doing great, he says. He said he's doing as well as can be expected, and it seems as if he's working under a set of circumstances where there's a pretty defined ceiling on how well he could do. Sure.

And he's got Uncle Cody's homemade water is back. You remember that from last time? I do, and I still don't understand it. The product has really evolved. It's gotten very black. It's now totally opaque. It's really evolved. See, that to me doesn't seem healthy, Blackwater.

And it floats in the glass. See how it doesn't really touch the bottom of the glass? Yeah, it's damning. Is this at all inspired by the song Backwater? Never heard that song. By Meat Puppets? I think it's Blackwater.

Blackwater. Some things will never change. You don't know that song by the Meat Puppets? I think it's Blackwater. Blackwater. Some things will never change. You don't know that song by the Meat Puppets? It's probably the biggest Meat Puppets song. Isn't it Black Sun or something? No, no, no, no, please. Too soon, Cody. Too soon, Cody.

No, no, no. It's Blackwater by the Meat Puppets. It's probably their biggest single song. This is a great way to track the evolution of Cody in the last year and a half or so. When he first introduced Uncle Cody's Homemade Water, he was so excited about it. He was talking about the, what was it,

like the phosphate or something? The potash. He was so excited about the potash that was in the Homemade Water. Like, the world was just laid out ahead of you and there was so there's so much possibility and now listen to him talk about his homemade water yeah he doesn't remember the meat puppet song he doesn't want to talk about the water well i mean what meat puppet song do you

know do they i i i mean is there one about the black waters turn and there are some things that will never change. It's Kurt Cobain songs. The world gets rearranged. You don't... Is it too soon to talk about Kurt Cobain and how he didn't need love? Yeah, because I was just at his house. Cobain's house. Mm-hmm.

I went to the Cobain house. Looking for clothes. Yeah. It's still open. I'm going to piece this thing together, man. Because some of it doesn't add up. Really? And he was the ultimate prankster, all his friends say.

He was a true BS artist. Kaufman-esque. Yeah, yeah. So then I'm going like, when's the other shoe going to drop? Nicole, what do you think? I don't know. I'm still thinking about that homemade water It's hard to get out of your head

It smells very strong I've been thinking about it for a very long time And now that it's black water I'm just I'm sad The smell gets in your brain and makes you think about it It does, it's just swimming around my brain Speaking of homemade water, you did Celebrity Family Feud I did

and it was just like water very smooth and refreshing Steve Harvey what a god damn dream Family Feud gives me life it gives me life I honestly the best time Steve Harvey's like my best friend after we finished taping I went to his place

we got in the pool we talked about the answers. His wife came out. She gave us a bunch of cheese, no crackers. And I was like, well, that's not right. Get out of here. And then she was like, you get out of here. And then we got into a fight.

That was a message. When she came up and said, give you cheese and no crackers, that was her sort of marking her territory. Yes, asserting her power. And I was like, no, bitch. Steve's my best friend now, so you have to step aside. You can't be his best friend. Well, it seems like you were thinking like a man.

I was thinking like a man, too. Yeah, very smart. Because a man, you give him cheese with no crackers, and he's trying to hang out with his new best friend. What do you think he's going to say to that? He's got to be like, we're the crackers. He loves talking about the answer. He's like the biggest student of the game.

The biggest fan of the game in addition to the host is Steve Harvey. Yeah. Because then we had a slumber party where we made smoothies. And he asked me a bunch of questions. And then we went over the answers. And I was like, this is different asking a hundred people because I'm one person but I was like I see where this is going and I appreciate it I like how that game has evolved since Steve Harvey took over where some of the

questions and the answers would be really varied but now about 90% of the time the category is like name a part of a man that you might put inside you in bed and then top four answers on the board yep you're getting real saucy yeah yeah that i always enjoy because i go like uh-oh she's gonna say it yeah the answers that these people give are very dirty like when like these contestants have such freaky minds that they'll say like a man's winky

or something. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. His meat missile. You know, it's usually something like that. They get freaks to be honest.

They do get on the show. They do get true freaks. But he's a big alt guy too. So it was like you and Sheer and Pally and Andrea Savage and June. June and Christian a big alt guy, too. So it was like you and Sheer and Pally and Andrea Savage and June. June and Christian Shaw and Gene Cordero.

Because these are Steve's, like, you know, this is like sort of the community that he's following in the comedy world now. Yes, yes. We all kind of run together. He has a very alt sensibility. We'd love to have Shaw, by the way, if you could mention. Last time we talked to her, she said she was taking a break from podcasts. Now, I don't know how long the break was. It appears to have been about three years.

And it was sort of a mass movement, I think, with a lot of the guests that we talked about. A lot of guests we reached out to were just starting their break. It was like a trendy, like a juice cleanse kind of thing, but for not doing podcasts. And not doing this one. I understand. Sometimes you need to just

cleanse your soul, cleanse your body, not talk into a microphone in a studio and then talk into a lav on a set. Ah, lav. Yeah, a lav. Can we get into this, the lavs? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, where are they putting these things half the time?

I mean, sometimes they go right between your titties. Top six answers on i mean sometimes they go right between your titties top six answers on the board oh right between your titties number one 75 answers that's huge yeah and then you go like well the rest then only like three people said it so now i've got to figure out what these three weirdos said in between my butt cheeks steve and it's on the board. Okay. Good answer. That's my favorite thing that gets said. Good answer. Good answer. Good answer.

Yeah. It's not going to be up there, but it's a good answer. Sometimes Steve will hit you with that. Are you going to do more of these funny games? I hope so. I hope to play Family Feud for the rest of my life. Well, no, you can't just do that one. Well, you can't just do Family Feud. But that's all I want to. Well, no, you can't just do that one.

But that's all I want to do. No, but you can't just do that. But what if we try to make some of these other games a little funnier? All right. Because there is this big void now in terms of the funny games with At Midnight Has Gone. And, Nicole, can you actually do us a favor, which is we are putting together sort of a memorial reel for At Midnight. All of our guests that come through here. All our guests have been doing this, and we just sort of talk about some of our favorite

At Midnight memories, and we sort of wish it well. Yeah. Okay. So I'll do the back. Can I do the background music? Sure. And you just say a little goodbye? Sure.

Mm-hmm. Another turning point of all stuck in the road. Oh, I'm going to miss at midnight so much. I'm going to miss Chris Hardwick screaming, points!

Points! Points! Points! I'm also going to miss people buzzing in and then Chris saying after their answer, points!

Points! Points! Do you have the time to listen to me? I'm just truly gonna miss the word points. I don't get to hear points often in my life. I am one of those. Alright, rest in peace. R.I.P.

at midnight. I'll miss you. I'll dream about you. Sometimes I give myself the creeps. I'll be so sad for the rest of my life Sometimes I might place tricks on me When I go to sleep I'll cry It all keeps adding up When I wake up in the morning I'll cry I think I'm cracking up

When I take a nap I'll cry Am I just paranoid? When I go to Target I'll cry Bye bye Well they're going to love that That was one of the sadder ones we've done. Thank you. We might have to edit it a little.

Speaking from the heart. There were points when you were drowning out my vocals, so we might have to edit that out. A lot of the other ones are people saying they are glad that it is gone. They didn't think it was a good show. Oh. Oh, well, I guess I really went in the other direction. Yeah.

That is initially what we were going for. That's what we asked people to do, was talk about how they were going to miss it. But there's a lot of people, I think, who are mad that they lost and didn't win the internet. Here's the thing. I lost twice, and it's okay. Okay, well, you've got a great attitude about some of this. And did you learn from it, and did it, in fact, make you stronger? It did.

I said I need to go home, tweet harder, work stronger, live faster, and drive around. Taking life one quarter mile at a time, yeah. Yeah, that's really sweet. Did your family, the girls, win? I don't think I'm allowed to say anything. Yeah, not allowed to say because it airs tomorrow. But we won't broadcast this until Tuesday. Oh, it won't be broadcast

until Tuesday? Which is today for anyone listening. Yes. Oh, today. So Sunday had already happened because today is Tuesday. So the girls won. And we do leak it in advance sometimes. Suck it!

We do pick a little clip to use. Oh no! ABC Disney's gonna come get me! Suck it. Oh, no. We do pick a little clip to use. Oh, no. ABC Disney is going to come get me. Suck it, Horatio. Suck it, Eugene. Yeah, suck it, Pally. Hey, Pally. Why don't you snort that up your nose, Pally? Oh, that got me.

But we like to have fun here. He's holding it for his friend. Was his energy on the show like frenetic he was very happy to be there oh good yeah yeah it was contagious he shared it it was a great energy that he had no he's oh yeah he always has been

that way well that's really cool so we obviously think He always has been that way. Well, that's really cool. So we obviously think that with the vacuum created by At Midnight, Leaving the Air, Rush and Peace, we could maybe make a lot of money and make a lot of funny. And when you bring the funny, you get the money. And some honeys. And we think that we'll be able to invite some honeys.

Ooh, money, honeys, funny. Sign me the fuck up! Yes, and that's what we were hoping you'd say. So we want to play the first sort of inaugural round of our new game show. And we don't know what it's called, and we don't know how the game works yet. But that's why we have you, Nicole, because all you do is just generate hits. Yeah. I'm just churning out all these hits.

People love me all over the world. Yeah. No. And that's exactly the kind of thing we need because we are loved really in a very small pocket of the world. Where? Ohio? It's Hayes' living room. Oh, okay. Mm-hmm. And there's a pocket of the world. Where? Ohio? It's Hayes' living room.

Oh, okay. And there's a lot of love there. And when the cheese shows up in that living room, there's crackers. Yeah. That's nice. If you know what I mean. Oh, I know what you mean. And that's true love.

And it's not, you know, there's a bunch of people in there. Oh, yeah, sure. Kind of a rotating scene. Sure, sure. You know, like people move in and out. It's almost a salon. Generations. in and out. It's almost a salon. Generations. Yeah, exactly. It's almost a salon. Yeah. And then night

falls and then, you know, we start to loosen up a little bit. But you should come. Oh, I'll come. Yeah. I'll come. I'll come on Wednesday. Okay. At 4.52pm. Oh, that'll be good. There's a good crew there right around then.

It's almost a think tank. Ooh. Oh, is there an actual tank we get into and think? Yeah. Perfect. Sensory deprivation tank. That's my jam. But it's like physical.

It's not like, you know. It's Rogan. I mean, Rogan's always there and he's got his tank. Oh, perfect. And we'll get in there and float. Yeah. Joe Rogan. Yeah.

Oh, I know. Yeah. Oh, I know. Yeah. Joe Rogan. Yeah. Oh, oh, I know. Yeah. Oh, I know. When you say Rogan. Cause Seth Rogan also is into some trippy stuff.

I don't know about Seth. We had a falling out. Oh no. I want to hear that story. Before I was best friends with Steve, I was best friends with Seth. Oh no.

And he just, he kept calling me, he kept calling me Pineapple Express and I said, that's the name of your movie, not your friend. Oh, no. And I just didn't understand why he couldn't say Nicole. He called this movie's name.

Yeah. And then when he got mad at me, he would call me neighbors. But it's so, I mean, like he is trying to be nice. Yeah, it's a very high compliment to be paid. And I don't think you should shortchange yourself. I should. Now, if he was calling you, well, if he was calling you something else, a movie like, if he was calling you Kick-Ass 2,

I think you would have to go, I don't think that did as well as the first one. You know what I think you're right and when he calls you pineapple Express you go that did definitely as well as the first one there's only one mm-hmm mm-hmm you know I mean yeah I guess I'll call him later and be like hey bud sorry and how did you terminate the friendship because if what you did when you terminate the friendship was what Seth this is the, he might think you were complimenting him.

Oh. In which case, you could sort of slide right back in there. I did say this is the end. Ah, lucky. I am lucky. I haven't answered his text messages in 46 months. We got to do this funny game. Yeah, we have to get to the funny game.

Let's get to the funny game. Contractually. I'm sorry. I'm talking about all my problems. No, we have to get to the funny game. Let's get to the funny game. Contractually. I'm sorry, I'm talking about all my problems. No, no, no. And it has to be, so the questions have to be based on like current events,

but not like big ones, just like little stuff about like animals. Goofy shit to fuck around with. Okay. I just saw a picture of the world's biggest wombat, so something like that.

Yes, that's a perfect example. Yes. Okay. It should involve the internet in some way. So I guess it's like, yeah. I mean, what we're going to call this is pre-written caption contest. Great. So imagine you were seeing, and I'll pull up the photo.

Imagine you were seeing. Oh. You pulled pull up the photo. Imagine you were seeing. Oh. You pulled that up so fast. Seeing that big, big mother. That's a big wombat. Yeah. That's a very big wombat. He's huge.

What might you say? And we have all day to figure this out. Oh, perfect. Yeah, so what we would do is write up all these answers ahead of time and then give them to the comedians. Ah, okay. Who sometimes pretend that they're thinking of them on the fly. They'll hit the buzzer and be like, uh, uh, uh,

but then say the thing that is written down in front of them. And then say something wildly hilarious that's pre-written. Yes. Oh, I get it. Just like at midnight. Well, no, I don't think. Those were spontaneous. Those were a lot of things. You having done it, know that those were not. Oh, you're midnight. Well, no. I don't think. Those were spontaneous. You having done it know that those

were not. You're right. It was completely spontaneous. Coming right off the dome. Just spitting them off as I came up with them. Should I give you answers for that picture? Yeah, please. And this picture will be on the website. And Cody, you do have to give one as

well. And Cody will give one. I'm already ready. Okay, the caption for that would be, Oh, dang! This wombat is so big! I'm about to fall down because it's heavy! I could see Kyle Kinane delivering that one really nicely. Yeah, or Kyle Mooney.

Yes, he'd be great. Cody, you said you were ready, so go ahead. And we need an answer for Paul F. Tompkins for this one. Yeah. This is for him? Yes, say what he would say. Good golly. That's a mighty big wombat.

And then maybe say you're about to fall down. I'm about to fall down. I'm about to fall down. Yeah, that's pretty good. Because it's heavy? Yeah, because it's so big, heavy. Okay, you didn't say why. Yeah. Because it's heavy.

Yeah, okay, perfect. So that's Paul. We've got Kyle's, either Kyle and Paul. And then Hayes, maybe you and I could collaborate on one. Who's this for ooh Margaret Cho I'd like to get some

female energy Margaret Cho yeah let's get let's get Maggie well I guess her mom would probably she would probably be

she would probably do her mom telling her okay yeah I'm not sure we want to do that but we could write it out just write the words yes

and then Margaret could do I think you should do it as her mom really stretch yourself can I do that she said I could what's interesting is I want to I think you should

but then at the same time I know that I shouldn't but I don't totally know why okay know that I shouldn't, but I don't totally know why. Okay. Let's just work on the words. Just on the words. Okay. Yeah.

Margaret, put down that big wombat. And go study? Yes. Go to your room and study? Get good grades. Is that okay? Yeah.

That's the kind of stuff she would say, I think. What else would she say? Um, she'd probably say, I love Margaret Trout. She'd probably be like, that wombat,

it's too heavy. I gotta put it down. Ow. Yeah. Okay. So we, that we were scared about doing that voice.

Doing that mom's voice so well. But you can do it very faithfully. I sound just like her mother. It's a perfect impression. I'll put on my SNL reel. She might also say she's slipping. Like her hands are slipping. That's good.

That's a good addition. Hey, Cody. I'm the first to be skeptical of when you go to interject. That is really good. Because you think about the size of this thing. It's going to be hard to hold on to. And just falling down isn't the only problem.

You could stand upright and the thing could slip right out of your hands. It's so heavy. Yeah, and it's sad for me that you were scared to say that the first time. Thinking of you having this nice idea and being like, oh, I don't know if these guys are going to like this. You've got to believe in yourself. Of course we like it, Cody.

It's a great idea. But this isn't totally his fault. That shows me that I need to be a little more open to my friend Cody sometimes and to let engineer Cody feel comfortable being himself. And I think I've spent so much time bopping you on the nose with a magazine. Yeah, and we can hear some of the imperfect ideas and not just dismiss them out of hand and say, okay, maybe that one's not right.

But if you come up with something like it's slipping, my hands, it's slipping. The idea that we would have not been able to hear it's slipping. My hands, it's slipping. The idea that we would have not been able to hear it's slipping because of our actions in the past where we have judged you. That really makes me sad and really makes me kind of scared

for the future of the show and podcasts in general. There's a lot of lessons to be learned about empathy. I feel. And I would say you're ahead and podcasts in general. There's a lot of lessons to be learned about empathy. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And I would say, you're ahead. Thanks. You know, you're way out in front right now. Until we come up with another slipping to keep. Yeah, when we have a slipping on our hands,

I think we're going to be able to feel that a little bit. How's that homemade water? The foam has kind of receded. Foam? Yeah, it's okay though. I don't know about this homemade water. pH is balanced. I don't know.

The pH is balanced? Yeah. And it's foaming? Mm-hmm. Is it carbonated? Maybe. I haven't decided yet. Put it in your mouth.

No, it's not. It's neutral foam. It's uncarbonated foam. All right. We got to do, there has to be like little skit elements, I think,

to this game show. Or like challenges, things like that not just not just questions we have to get more of like a physical element in this in this game i think we need to go we need to do sort of what's our wipeout moment yeah that's right where somebody falls on their butt wearing the same clothes, trying to answer this funny question while getting into the same t-shirt. You know what I

mean? That's good. On a slip and slide. Yes. That's good. Get sort of a sexy element into this.

Yes, because they'll be changing and you'll see titties. Right. And you'll see nipples. Right. Nipples.

Nipples. Thank you. It's very important. Can we get some nipples into this? Yes. I want to hashtag free the nipple on

this show. Yes. And we're thinking of this show for HBO or maybe Amazon. It's right next to your groceries. Like this thing, you know, male nipples you can see on anywhere. Anywhere you want. There's man nipples.

Yeah. There's no lady nipples. We need to show our nipples. All I want to do there's man nipples. Yeah. There's no lady nipples. We need to show our nipples. All I want to do is show my nipples. And what about a point? There being like a points aspect to that, to the nipples. That whenever a nipple pops out, that our host goes, points! And the host is probably, I mean, it's got to be Jonah Ray, right?

Yeah. Oh, yeah, sure. Or, since he was found not guilty, Bill Cosby. Mm, Dr. Cosby. That's right. He needs a job, probably. He needs a job. You know?

Mm-hmm. Yeah. And he loves nipples. Right? He'd be like, oh, everybody put in the nipple. Okay. Now, that's Margaret's mom again. I thought you were going to do Cosby. You mom again. I thought you were going to do Cos.

I thought you were going to do Cos. That was Margaret's mom. I got my impressions mixed up. Oh boy. Okay. So you answer a question and then if you get it correctly,

if you get like the highest score, then you're allowed to take your nipples out. One nipple. One nipple. Okay. And then in the, I guess the lightning rounds were double the points.

Yeah. And so then you get to point both your nipples at the camera as a prize, which also is going to save us a lot of money on people having to win something. Yes.

But you could only get a maximum amount of points for showing your nipple because there's only two nipples. Right. Now this is a problem. We need more nipples. something. Yes. But you could only get a maximum amount of points for showing your nipple, because there's only two nipples. Right, now this is a problem. We need more nipples. Yeah. Is it worth more if it is a nipple slipple,

like in an accident, you know? Okay. And the slipping thing. The slipping area. We've really found where he lives. Yes, this is still an untapped area, the idea of things slipping. There is a lot more there,

and that was an organic way to... And I'm realizing when I said they're getting into the same T-shirt on a slip and slide, I was maybe being inspired by some of what Cody's been bringing to the table lately. What did you say earlier?

Empathy is always going? The best policy. Yes, empathy is the table lately. What did you say earlier? Empathy is always going? The best policy. Yes. Empathy is the best policy. Okay. Yeah. So we have to figure out how to get more nipple, like audience nipples. Yeah.

Like you can. You get to pick someone from the audience and then they're forced to show their nipples. Or you could phone a friend for nipples. Yes. Face a friend for nipples. So. Face a friend for nipples. So there's a sexting element. Yes. That would be huge.

That is cool. That is very cool. Well, because now it's interactive because you can sext a random number and then they have to send back an image of their own nipple or else they go to jail. That's perfect. And that's the internet too. Yeah.

That gets the internet in there in a good way. Well, we can finally get the internet too. Yeah. That gets the internet in there in a good way. Well, we can finally get the internet involved. And when it's interactive and people feel like they're a part of the program, it's just so much more rewarding. Because you're never safe. I mean, if you're sitting at home and not watching and then your number is selected to be a victim of the sex. Victim's the wrong word. Participant. Yes.

That's right. Then, you know, you could be stuck because what if you're meeting your girlfriend's parents for the first time? Right. And now you've suddenly got to whip it out in the middle of dinner and freaking start snapping pics. And you don't want to just take one

because it might be like the focus isn't right. Yeah, you got to get it just right. I can't tell you how long it takes to photograph a good nip. Oh, yeah. Well, you don't have to tell me. It's like starting in Castaway when he has to start that fire. It's kind of like that, just getting it exactly the right firmness and all that. Yeah.

Yeah. So those are all good parts of the show can we somehow get this show to embrace a sort of group that I don't think is getting enough air time and this group is

the nerds yes do you understand what I'm saying not enough people with glasses on television? Well, I mean... No, no. These nerds should not have glasses. I'd rather they don't have glasses.

I'd rather that they kind of look like cute. Oh, cute little nerds? Not little. A lot of them are going to be sort of model-esque. Oh, okay. But they are into and passionate about and being a nerd is just being passionate they are passionate about

some aspects of culture that are completely ignored by most of society Star Wars? well yeah as we say this I'm looking at a Star Wars tissue box that we had to special order but Star Wars and there are actually these short books.

They're almost the size of a magazine, but thinner. Pocket books. Thinner. No. They're thinner, and they're serialized stories. Goosebumps books. Slim books. No, but that also is interesting.

And what they have in is stories of these magnificent people. People with almost superhuman ability. The Bible? Again? Okay, so now this is... Now, Sean sometimes gets

in a thing here where you mentioned that the Bible is like one of these books. Like one of these fake books. I guess he doesn't want to do it. I don't know if your attitudes on this changed. Here's where I'm at. And this is a new perspective on all of it. For everyone. I am not

religious, but I am spiritual. And so far be it from me to tell anyone that they can't apply a certain code and say, hey, wait a minute. Maybe I'm not the be all end all, you know,

maybe, you know, my measly human existence is not necessarily the peak achievement of the universe, which is infinite, by the way. Okay, so I don't think it's out of line for someone to go, okay, hey, I love the Bible. Okay, hey, I worship Satan, you know, and I'm putting a pentagram on here and I'm cutting up, you know, my friend and putting their blood here. Or if they're going like, hey, you know, Xenu the alien freaking lives in my asshole and like pops out every once in a while to like scare my freaking neighbors neighbors or I love Lucifer or the devil and I'm killing animals or kids or something.

It's all spirituality. Because I'm spiritual and I don't have these strict rules where it's like I only believe in just like what this book says is the truth. I'm kind of able to borrow a little bit from everything. Here, I'll take this sort of parable and go, oh, you know, the mustard seed. Maybe I can sort of have that in my own life.

The restaurant? No, no, no. The parable of the mustard seed that grows among the rocks or whatever. And I go, oh, that is interesting. I'll take that, but I won't necessarily take this story of Adam and Eve where they got to put fig leaf on their dick when it's like, let them just keep their dick out, you know? But if you do want to worship at the restaurant, like Nicole, I mean, like you don't like, you know, if that restaurant is your God.

I shut you down a little bit. It's okay. If you want to go there and you want to get the power burrito, and that's your God, that's okay. That's what I do every Sunday. And maybe I borrow something from that. Maybe I take that sort of rice they have with the salsa verde, and then I put that next to the mustard seed parable from the Bible, and I'm mixing it with, like, you know, if you're worshiping Beelzebub

and you're drawing, you know drawing devil horns on the wall and you're killing people. I'm able to sort of incorporate all this and go like, hey, I don't want to make rules. I just want to admit, all right, I might not know all the answers yet. That makes perfect sense. I agree with working the nerds into the show. We should play some of these games, some of these nerdy games that we play

just like ourselves, in the salons and stuff. Like is this Superman where you show them a picture and they have to say whether or not it's Superman. Nicole, if you show up on Wednesday, you're going to get to play this. Oh, boy!

Yeah. Oh, I'm elated. I've never been more excited. Well, we can play a little round right now. So look at this picture. You say if it's Superman or not, and why. Yeah. Oh, perfect.

Great. So look at this picture and tell me if it's Superman. I'm showing you the picture that is definitely not Superman why? because it is a person holding a wombat that is the same photo

that's the only photo we have today but in a way it is Superman right? because look how heavy that wombat is. That wombat's very heavy. Uh-huh. I guess I got it wrong.

I guess I lose the game. There's no right or wrong. I'm not a good nerd. I've lost. Nicole, don't get dark on us. And do you know who that wombat is? Mystique. Mystique from the X-Men?

Mystique. Mm-hmm. Oh. She's shapesh X-Men? Mystique. Mm-hmm. Oh. She's shapeshifted. Yep, yep. Mm-hmm. Oh. Wow.

That's real nerdy. And Superman's about to throw her into the ocean. That's real nerdy, mixing... Yeah. Mixing... Also, you know who else it is? Odo from Deep Space Nine. Who is Odo from Deep Space Nine?

Oh, Odo had to sleep in a bucket, Odo had to sleep in a bucket. Odo had to sleep in a bucket? He's a shapeshifter, but when he wants to rest, he turns into water and he sleeps in a bucket. They dual shapeshifted. So then he's the wombat and Mystique's the... I don't trust people who turn into water. Okay. And now Cody is going to maybe be upset about this.

Because he is ultimately trying to become his homemade water. He says it's the key to living forever. Cody, are you going to try to become your homemade water? I can't really speak on that. You're going to turn brown? So you'll be in blackface? You'll be blackface water? No, fuck no.

Okay, and this is getting into an area that Cody is not ready to take public yet. Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive with you. No, it's okay. But Cody, I'll remind you, this is going to take public yet. Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive with you. No, it's okay. But Cody, I'll remind you, this is going to air on Tuesday. Cody doesn't want to go on blackface until Sunday night during that family feud. He's going to live stream on Facebook

him in blackface doing what he says is like, you know, sort of edgy, saucy commentary on the funny family feud that you did. Well, it's not only that, but you said that it's Sunday. It's a day of spirituality. And if that's how you worship your God. Yeah, and if that's how you worship is you get in blackface

and every time Steve Harvey says something, you pretend you're responding to Steve Harvey like you're in the car with him or something, then that's actually not something I can judge. And maybe I borrow a piece of that for my beliefs. I mean, I'd love to see that. I'm very close with Steve, and I think he would love it. That's his all side.

Yes. Yeah, he likes that kind of anti-comedy. Loves anti-comedy. How was his tie? His tie? Very big. It was so big it was dragging on the floor. Then wardrobe had to come in and cut it.

Nicole, did you play Fast Money? I did play Fast Money. Oh. I thought it was going to be real easy. Oh, no. And it was very hard. One of the questions was, when you hear the word cheese you say and i said big like the big cheese in charge of course what else would you say there's nothing cheddar american swiss

like types of cheeses and then another question was could it be that steve harvey's wife was trying to you know what maybe she was maybe taunting you about that she's like before she only brought cheese i thought you might like to learn what cheese is was that maybe the kind of thing that You know what? Maybe she was sending me a message before she only brought cheese. I thought you might like to learn what cheese is. Was that maybe the kind of thing that she was saying? This is deep. This goes deep. We just cracked that whole thing open.

You truly did. How wild. Do you need a minute? I do. Oh. Oh. Oh. I'm good.

Okay, great. What else about this game show? What do you want to see in a game show? I feel like we're sort of like... We have nipples. We have Superman. We have the pre-written caption game. I mean, if I'm going to be real,

I'd love to see at least 20 to 75 babies just crawling around in the background having the time of their lives. I love background babies. You don't have to pay them as much as normal background actors. And they're cute. Sort of a Hungry Hungry Hippos game

where instead of the balls all floating around, it is babies. And you have a basket in your hand. And you have to snatch the babies. And they're wheel bearing you out, and you get as many babies under the basket as you can, and you bring them backwards into your mouth. I love that.

And then you eat the babies. Yeah, and like a fake, you know. You're pretending to be a hippo that's eating all these very cute babies. I love that idea. What, Cody? Hungry babies. I think that's disgusting. Really? really yeah i don't like it you know which part the baby about the babies eating what i can't believe that and see now for you to say that as you're taking your black water and rubbing it on your face and like

and like the transformation is is beginning for you. That's okay. Again, as we were saying, we aren't going to take your belief. As we try to make a fun game show, we're going to let you do your thing over there and not pass judgment on it. It's a live and let live mentality. If you could do the same for us. Yeah, if you could give us the freedom.

I think this country actually was founded on religious freedom. I think that's why we left. Yeah, I remember reading something about that. I think that's why we got in our frigging boat and left. In the Bible, if you actually read the Bible. And told the queen, yeah, smell my fucking farts, bitch. And just peaced out in a boat. bitch and just pieced out in a boat.

Like, I hear what you're saying, but what if part of my spirit is to give you my opinion about your spirit? Like, part of my spiritual purpose. Now, is that trapping me in a way? Yeah. You know what? Not in a fun way. Yeah. I don't think so.

I don't think that's going to give us anything. Here's what I think. There's a reason that we told the King of England, snort this up your nose, pal, and just freaking peaced out in a freaking sick boat and went, we'll start a new one where we're allowed to do just about anything. Except certain things you're not allowed to have.

You get arrested. You have to go in a cop car, yeah. Even if you're holding it for your friend. So, I think that one thing that could be cool is if over the credits of the game show, we do a sort of Marvel movie thing where you have to wait all the way until the end

and there's kind of like a neat stinger. Like a little sneak peek of what's to come yes and so then you're like oh like dan saint germain is like i'm gonna be in the next episode of this yeah so you're already it sort of whets your appetite yeah i like that i like that a lot so what would that look like yeah what would that look like? Yeah, what would that look like? And can you help us write the dialogue? It would be like a tasty little treat. I guess it would be like, ooh, what a fun game. More fun games are coming.

Yeah, so it's like Jonah Ray saying, and I guess that's Margaret's mom. Yeah, Margaret's mom would definitely be there. And they're saying like, oh, that was so fun. I'm glad we beat the bad guy. Because one contestant should be the villain of that episode. Ideally, yeah. Francis from Deadpool should probably be on a lot of these episodes as, like, the bad guy. And so they're, like, okay, good thing we, like, defeated Francis again.

Because that's, like, nerdy stuff. Yeah. I wonder, like, I guess that's the last episode. They should probably say, like, every episode. Oh, yeah. And then guess that's the last episode. They should probably say, like, every episode. Oh, yeah. And then. That's a cool idea. And then, like, Dan St. Germain or, like, Megan Nuringer, like,

pops out of the ground and is like, I challenge you to an episode. Ah, yes. I like that. I like the popping out of the ground aspect because it's scary. Eating their way out of the ground. I like that because you don't ever expect Eating their way out of the ground. I like that because you don't ever expect people to pop out of the ground. So that's like a nice surprise

element. I mean if I was walking someone popped out of the ground I would go Yeah and that's what we're trying to get. That's always our goal. The audience as they're having that reaction their nipples are exposed at this point. Perfect. And so you imagine it's having like a solidifying effect on those

nipples, which really gets them primed for the next episode. We want these to sort of get harder and harder. Yeah, that when they see the next nipple that it might be almost ready to explode. Now, Hayes brought up an interesting point about the last episode. This is not the last episode of our show.

No? But, we are only a few weeks out from episode 200. Wow. Which seems like a good round number to sort of pack it in on. Oh, wow. We have been joking about this for a long time, about ending the show. We'll say this is our last episode. Yeah, as if we're blindsiding the audience

but maybe that was not nice and what's nice is to give them a little advance warning the show is bad

what I don't want is for it to get worse yes okay for it to become worse than like any other show. Yeah, because it's still the best podcast being made. Yes.

Although it is very bad. But we've talked about not to steal your thing, but to do a kind of thing that's based on our lives. And it's like, what's it like being our friends and just sort of going out of the world the way we do? And that's Cody's crying. He's very sad about the end of the show. That's such an interesting cry.

You're going to miss me. Is that better? Yeah, he had to blow his nose. So we kind of got that out of the way. And we'll start thinking about what is our crashing? What's my crashing yeah crashing yeah or Lucy and Jackie

Nicole what did I do you know 20, 30 years ago yeah that I can pretend to be doing now what were you doing

20, 30 years ago I don't know I don't know were you here in LA? When we were on, like, stuff about how, like, when we were on our way up, but we still have to be in it. Yes. So, it's us kind of making our way into the business at, like...

It's us as young us. Yeah. And everyone kind of noticing, like, hey, these guys really have something special. Because, of course, we became us. And everyone kind of noticing like, hey, these guys really have something special. Because of course we became us. So with no other context, I think a lot of people should see us and go like, oh, you. I don't want to see us doing

anything that would give them a reason to have that reaction, but I want them to have that reaction. Does that make sense? It makes absolute sense. I think that's a fantastic idea. I think maybe Showtime or HBO or the Hulu

or the Netflix, one of them would be so lucky to have that show. Yeah. And it's us. It's not for the old networks. No, not the ABCs, the NBCs. And you don't have to be nervous ever because you kind of know where it's going.

Yeah, you know exactly where it's going because you know the story. And I always love knowing how a story ends before it ends. You know that at the end of probably seven or eight seasons, we're going to make 200 great podcast episodes. Which I think the idea is ideally that we do six or seven seasons and then we start just airing us doing our podcast, recreating every podcast episode for 200 more TV episodes. Because instead of doing this show, what now I think people are interested in finding out is what is the show about doing the show?

It's not the show itself. How did those guys start doing a show? And what were they doing beforehand? What we were doing beforehand, it turns out, is trying to come up with the show. Or practice doing the show. Let's see that. Truly, I'm on board. I think this is

phenomenal. I'm going to give you Steve's number. You can call him up. You think Steve would be involved? He's got a production company. He'll do it. Maybe Tyler Perry can get involved too. Let's see. You think Steve would be involved? He's got a production company. He'll do it. Maybe Tyler Perry can get involved, too. Let's see. Who else are my friends with? Oprah, maybe.

Uh-oh. Oprah and I are pretty close. She's got a studio right here in Los Angeles. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Because Steve had his version of that. Mm-hmm. What was it?

Harvingving Smart Guy oh the Steve Harvey show right but this was the one that was like the like premium cable version

that was about him oh yes Steve B. Steven Steve B. Steven thank you him like knitting the big suit and him

like coming up with all the Family Feud questions. Him listening to music. Yes. Yeah. Him driving cars. Yes.

Sitting down. Sitting down. The sitting down episode. Do you remember that? Oh, my God. It was wild. I was like, will he keep sitting? Yeah.

And he did. Yeah, he does. Except for 22 minutes and the very last shot of him backstage before the first episode of Family Feud

going like I think I should tell them that we've got a good one yes and then he takes a deep breath and then he goes

out there end of series and then you you know and then we start watching Family Feud yeah so that's the kind

of stuff that we feel like we'll be doing when we well this is so exciting I'm so excited to see And we start watching Family Feud. Yeah. So that's the kind of stuff that we feel like we'll be doing when we get going on this new project. Well, this is so exciting. I'm so excited to see your premium cable show or premium streaming show. See, that's the transition that we hope other people will make who are so sad about the show ending like you were and now are so excited to see what our next step is. Yeah, and our next step, of course, is just going backwards.

Yeah. And just looking at how we got to the steps. Looking back at how we got here. I mean, because those are the most interesting stories. How did people get to where they are? Yeah. Especially comedians. Yeah.

Everybody needs to see the backstory of a comedian or how they've tried to get on a certain show or something. Everybody needs to know about it. Well, now that I'm good enough that I'm undeniably one of the best, then wouldn't it be interesting to see me sort of trying to be good and knowing

this guy's going to get really good. And seeing me be not that good, but everyone's kind of going like, but he's going to be great. Seeing other people say, this is good. Watching you work and be like, yes. And seeing's kind of going like but he's going to be great seeing other people say like this is good yeah watching you work and be like yes and seeing the potential

and going like well that person's smart to see the potential because I know they reached their potential because they ultimately be very good for a short time

before they go back to just talking about how they're going to get good yeah you have a lot of stuff on your show I know where people are just kind of watching you

just in conversation just like make jokes and stuff and be like she's really good she's like so funny that's what you need when you get to a certain point you have to go back and be like I need everyone to know that people used to say that I'm going to be good

and now I'm good because I have a show so I'm good so let's keep saying that I'm good. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Oh, totally. Totally. No, that's one of my favorite parts of your show.

Oh, thank you. Is when people like, I kind of, and this is just a soft note. I don't love the stuff where you're being good. Oh, okay. But I love the stuff where people are going, hey, she's good. We could just come in on that, I think. Okay, that's a great note. If you're ever put, press for time. Yeah, going forward, maybe the episodes

will just be like, you're good. And then I'll say, thank you. I'm not sure. Don't worry. You should do your struggle. Maybe you're nervous. That is the struggle, like not realizing how good you are. Yes. And then, I mean, that's the true struggle. You're like, am I good? Then people keep telling you you're good and then yeah that's the true struggle you're

like am i good then people keep telling you you're good yeah then you get a show then you're like well i have to tell the people about that whole process of becoming good when i was good and it's so fun for me to see because this is where cody is right now cody's at this stage where like he has discovered like the slipping bit that i can see is going to just like unfold oh yeah yeah and now he's saying... Now he's going to have to start making some pretty big sacrifices that then he can remember. So I would say he's probably got about six months

of playing out this slipping thing before he can go back and make a show about when he was an engineer and the day he came up with the slipping thing. And they're going to do this. They're going to show this episode of this show. They're going to film it. And we're all going to show this episode of this show. They're going to film it. And we're all going to be cast.

Maybe we'll get to play ourselves. It's up to Cody, I guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who would play me? Queen Latifah? Jada Pinkett Smith? Viola Davis? I don't know if you want to.

I would. No, go ahead, Cody think I would No go ahead Cody I would play you You would play me Yeah see this is what I was Can I please hear an impression of me Wow Cody What a great opportunity

Really I would just It would be I would feel so honored What a win win I never expected to be queued up for such an honorable situation. Truly, it would make my life. Okay, let's see. Hey, guys, I'm Nicole.

I just showed up today. How's it going? Is there any water in this joint? I'm thirsty. Oh, okay. A little. Yeah. It's right on the line. Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. A little. Yeah. It's right on the line.

Yeah, yeah. Wow, yeah. Teeters the line. Was it freaky for you to sort of see yourself on the other side of the table? I was like, whoa, who am I?

Am I, where did I go? I felt like my soul left me and entered you. Yeah. And I, for a full 10 seconds, was like, I'm a shell. Yeah, you don't have your soul. I'm not Nicole right now. Yeah, you're the shell without the ghost.

But I think Cody's right to not pigeonhole these characters by race and gender just because you are black or you are a woman that you can't just be played by Cody. Honestly, I think it's really progressive that all black women be portrayed by white men. By Cody. By Cody specifically. By engineer Cody. By Cody.

Yeah, that is always something I think about. Obviously, this movie, Girls Trip, is out right now. Yeah. And it's good. It's funny. it's good. It's funny. But a lot of these roles wouldn't it be more daring and

more sort of open-minded if they had cast Engineer Cody as all of the leads? Instead of just his character Regina Hall. If those had all been Cody instead of just her.

I think that would have been brave. I think that would have been brave. I think that would have been like shattering standards. Well, and he's blowing a lot of these women off the screen. And you just go like, well, is it fair to them that they've got to act against Engineer Cody as Regina Hall?

When we could have had Engineer Cody as Regina Hall acting against Engineer Cody as Tiffany Huddish. And so that, to me, would have been, okay, now we've got a real movie on our hands that celebrates the diversity of Cody's range. Yes. And it honestly probably would have won an Oscar or something. Instead of just winning what it's going to win. Which I don't know what that is.

I don't know either. Cody, you on that poster with different costumes. Yeah. No, it's just you, and we just set this whole thing up. It's just you as Regina Hall. You're not playing all four of them. But you on that poster, you really want to see that dig dog. Oh, yeah.

Right, dog? Oh, yeah. Yeah, you're thirsty for it. That hostess. Mm-hmm. With the most. Mostess. What does he think it is?

Hostess with the mostess. The hostess. You fucked that up. He wants to host. Hostess with the most. I mean, you're definitely looking to host that dong. You want to roll out the red carpet, a.k.a. your tongue. I love hostess snacks.

Does he think Girls Trip is a game show? I think so. I think he's still on the game show thing, and he's like, yeah, I guess in this thing, I'm hosting Girls Trip, the game show. Well, Girls Trip could be a game show. Sure, that would be a really funny game show. Well, girl's trip could be a game show. Sure, that would be a really funny game show. Will this girl trip over this? Mm-hmm. Or slip over that.

Oh! Bye. I'm a horny girl wolf. This has been an Earwolf production. Executive produced by Scott Aukerman, Colin Anderson, and Chris Bannon. For more information and content, visit Earwolf.com. Ow. That was a HeadGum Podcast.