Hollywood Handbook - Nicole Parker, Our Close Popcorn

Episode Date: April 10, 2018

Sean and Hayes are joined by NICOLE PARKER for Hollywood Handbook presented by Popcornopolis.This episode is sponsored by Rehabs.com (888-893-3052), Casper Mattresses ( www.casper.com/THEBOYS  code: THEBOYS) and Simple Contacts ( www.simplecontacts.com/theboys  code: THEBOYS).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Do you want to do the tab? No one else of note. What? Where it says, hey, like I'm supposed to say like, hey, what's up? What have you been up to? We have to do it that way? I don't know. That's not how we normally do it. But go do it. I think we should just follow the script. Hey, Sean, what's up?

What have you been up to? Oh, I'm so glad you asked. Hang on. Let me finish chewing. So it was me. You know how we do these things. And I was with a big bag of tasty popcorn and no one else. And I was eating it so much and loving.

And then I turn and try to read the label and say, who makes this? And wouldn't you know, it was my friends at Popcornopolis. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook presented by Popcornopolis, an insider's guide to kicking butt and eating popcorn. Popcorn. And an insider's guide. Sorry. In the popcorn waste, limes, packed hallways of this industry we call showbiz.

Presented by Popcornopolis. So exciting news. you maybe have seen more and more podcasts are doing these branded ventures where a big cool company will get in right at the top give them a very minimal amount of money to make it

that they're not risking I guess recording a podcast and not getting four grand or something and so what we have done is gotten in and done that too, and Popcornopolis was happy to help, and they just make such great tasty popcorn. It's a natural fit for our show.

Our show is about movies and TV, and what's the food of movies and TV? It's popcorn. And actually maybe Nicole can answer what's the food of movies and TV, and we have a guest even yes our guest is

Nicole Parker for this episode your name is Nicole Popcorn yeah that's fine okay Nicole Popcorn my initials don't change

NPNP I know your initials are by far the most important thing very important in terms of a lot of the stuff that you own, not having to throw it out. I have monogrammed everything. Yes.

No, I've noticed that. Your hair. Yeah, it's shaped in my left ponytail and right ponytail P. But that's fine. Nicole Popcorn. I'll answer to that. That could actually be great outside of this show for you. And if you want to take that,

you can. I'll probably start an Instagram account of my own as Nicole Popcorn. But I will say Nicole Byer is in here sometimes. And the next time she is back to be a guest on our show, she will then also become Nicole Popcorn. But maybe she can be

Nicole Popcorn Byer. And we just add a U. A U into the last name. Yes, okay. Then is Nicole Parker. Nicole Popcorn Parker? Nicole Popcorn Parker. She's parking the popcorn.

In my mouth. That's right. Hey, wow. Nicole Popcorn Parker in my mouth. Popcorn-opulist guys are going to love right. Hey, wow. And so that's so good. Nicole Popcorn Parker in my mouth. Thank you. Popcornopkulists guys are going to love this. Okay, good. Yeah.

So really fun to have you here. And Nicole, just tell us. There's so much fun already. Yeah. Well, it's fun when you eat popcorn. It's really fun. That is fun. It's fun when you pop popcorn.

I find that part fun. Do you have a first popcorn memory? Oh, my God. And it's fun. That is fun. It's funny you pop popcorn. I find that part fun. Do you have a first popcorn memory? And it's okay if it's romantic. Well, I do remember way back in the day when Wizard of Oz was broadcast on television once a year

before young people were alive. And that was the one time for whatever whatever reason, we got fresh pop popcorn. It's not like, it was a luxury. Yeah. In fact, you know, anyone can do it. Anyone can do it. But I remember that very well.

Would you, and I don't know if you picked up on what Sean was saying, they would really prefer if there were a romantic element. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry to the dark side. That story's great. If you want to just add a romantic element to that story, that would be huge. And hey, hey, hey, you are good at this. Oh, thank you so much.

I appreciate that. I'm new to the ad game. It's not an ad, it's a fun podcast. It's a fun, funny podcast. We're just all our funny shit. We're a little less silly maybe than we normally would be. But that's just because we're so passionate about the popcorn. It feels very serious.

Thank you. Okay. So, yeah, I would watch that movie and I would just think, I just want the scarecrow. Let's say I just want the scarecrow. There is something about him that I feel like he got me. I feel like he would get me. Well, sometimes people without brains are a little more into it. Yeah.

It's just like there's just like less complication, you know, but there's just something about him that's like non-threatening. And I loved him. I had a real romantic connection to him. Is that it? Yeah. That I loved him. I had a real romantic connection to him. Is that it? Yeah. And it would be great if you would say that he is your boyfriend and he became your boyfriend after that because you guys both like popcorn. Yeah. And so he became my boyfriend for like 10 years.

Oh my God. Yeah. And we had a popcorn wedding, which if you have never had a popcorn wedding, they're amazing. Wow. they're amazing wow you instead of rings you exchange popcorn garlands and you fill like have you ever seen the sand ceremony

where like they'll pour like a white sand into like purple sand and they'll combine together so the sands will never be separated oh yeah

yes that ceremony I know that a bunch of kernels yeah I know you do yeah like you each have different colored kernels you know

I had purple he had pink the cheddar popcorn oh yeah and like he had cheddar popcorn and everyone we ate cheddar popcorn and everyone and we ate cheddar popcorn and then

we licked the residue off of each other's fingers honestly that ceremony just really hard for him to eat it the ceremony made of straw sounds like you're just making a zebra popcorn bag which Popcornopolis probably does present oh can you explain what that is kind of because I've never heard of it

but it sounds wonderful. Yeah, it's so yummy. This is where we kind of run into trouble. They were like, oh, we can give you a popcorn expert. We'll send a popcorn expert to sit with you like a brand representative and we were like, no, we got it. We know popcorn inside out because we used to do the popcorn gallery

on our show was a big segment. She knows. Actually, what we have been talking about is popcorn for most of our lives we're realizing now they sent these samples um was corn was is regular corn actually just corn like just ears of corn or you like take it a lot of times they'll actually slice it up slice it up for you you can take that to the concessions person at the movies or whatever and just say, can you get the corn off of this? So wait, you got sent this as opposed to the actual popcorn?

Well, no. No, this is what we have been when it was like, oh, we'll eat popcorn at the movies. When we had the meeting, we said, we love popcorn. We thought it was like popular corn. You thought it was short for popular? Popular corn. Popular corn.

Like trending corn. Yes thought it was short for popular? Popular corn. Like trending corn. Yes. Interesting. It's interesting that you thought that. I hope so because it's a lot of what we have to talk about because the popcorn they sent us, the actual popcorn,

is so dry. We sent it back the first time. Well, if we thought that there had been a mistake, we said the car must have gotten too hot and something caused it to actually physically pop in transit. But then they said, no, this is what you're in for. Oh. Okay, so you guys were...

There was just miscommunication. It sounds like. Yeah, quite a few. I want to say, to back up, you did talk a little bit about... and Kevin, this is for you. Chef Kevin, introduce yourself. Hey, guys. Chef Kevin here.

So we did talk a little bit about Wizard of Oz and your popcorn story. She self-edited. Did you notice that? Mm-hmm. The second time she did it, she said the movie. Yes, because we can't necessarily say Wizard of Oz. Right, right. Just because, like, obviously that's, Popcornopolis doesn't own that.

They don't want to be shelling out a bunch of bucks they've already paid you know almost $4,000 for this episode and so

it's so weird to just choose almost do you know what I mean like why wouldn't they just pay $4,000 just to be like almost $4,000 well

this seems shitty sorry I should have not said that that was sort of their ceiling they obviously weren't going to go to that number and so we were able to get close but not there and it was shitty of us to be that greedy and we are splitting it

and they do have Wizard of Oz especially they do have this as a not mention because they do have their own character the mage of Popcornopolis who is casting all manner mention because they do have their own character, the mage of Popcornopolis. Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah.

Who is casting all manner of spells to turn some of their products into zebras and into different colors. So, like, they're stepping on a lot of their stuff. He will cast a caramel spell on the popcorn. Oh, yeah. I've seen him

where he's like, Caramel corn! Can't get enough of this popcorn-opolis! That one, right? Yes. Well, that's an older one. That's one of the old ones. That was before, because the other guy, that guy was amazing.

I think that guy died. I think that there, isn't it Gilbert Godfrey now? He super died, yes. No, but he lost it, too. They've been through many. I don't know who's doing the mage right now. I think he lost it because of the Aristocrats movie. Yes, exactly. I don't know who's doing the mage right now. Gilbert lost it because of the Aristocrats movie. Yes, exactly.

I don't know who's doing it now. It was a conflict. It was a filming conflict. That's all it was. Yeah, I don't know who's got it right now, but I know that whoever it is, it's great. Yeah, yeah. But we learned that we couldn't mention a lot of characters. I wanted to say that I was eating Popcornopolis with Steve Polychronopolis, of course,

the famous Adam Sandler music video character. Yes. And what music video was that from? Steve Polychronopolis. That was the music? Steve Mother Truckin' Polychronopolis. Okay. Yeah, that was the name of the song.

Yeah. Well, I first heard of it because they came out with the joint live album, Popcornopolis Live at the Acropolis. And that was really good. That won a Grammy. Yeah. That, I don't think was— And Yanni produced it.

He did produce it. I don't think that was really the actual Acropolis. Oh, really? That is my understanding. They didn't want to go to Greece. Are you like one of those moon conspiracy guys? Well, there is— He is a moon conspiracy guy.

He thinks there is a moon. Oh, weird. It's obviously a spotlight. 100%. That they just block a piece of every night. Yeah. With cheese. Just do your research. The moon is

true. So where did they shoot it? They didn't want to go to Greece because of popcorn grease. They don't want to be associated with that. Oh, no, like the grease, like the residue? Yes. Yes. So they did.

There is an Acropolis in Popcorn, Indiana, which is a competing brand to Popcornopolis. But ultimately that is. It's like one of the things you like on a long road trip. You stop and take a picture in front of the fake Acropolis. In front of the fake Acropolis. Yeah, so that's where they did the Popcornopolis

Lab of the Acropolis. I went to college in Indiana. It's weird that I never saw that. You saw everywhere in Indiana as part of your college? Yeah. Well, I kind of did because to be fair,

I mean, I know you think you're being funny, but I was in a geisha choir called Singing Hoosiers. A gay show choir? No, no, no. It was a pretty gay show choir. Oh, okay. It was for all the gay men and all the women who wanted to do musical theater and wanted to date them.

Okay. And we traveled all over that state. So that's the only reason why I said that because, yes, I do see everywhere Indiana as my college experience, because I went pretty much everywhere. And Indiana loves gay people, right? Loves them. Loves them. Huge there.

There's a popcorn store that will do a popcorn cake for your wedding. Oh, wow. Yeah. Wow. That's so nice. And speaking of popcorn cake, what are some of your favorite ways to eat popcorn

that I wouldn't expect? Oh, I love to eat. Well, I'm a sleep eater, so I'll actually eat popcorn. It's the first thing I choose. I'll wake up, and I'm like, I've been eating it in my sleep. So that's an unexpected way to enjoy popcorn. Okay, popcorn in the bed. That sounds comfy.

Hey-o. But also wholesome. Just enough. And I sometimes like to actually, like you said, just eat the kernels, just eat the hard ones. You know what I mean? I don't need them to be popped at all. Wow.

Yeah, that's true. You don't have to pop it. I just swallow them straight like an oyster. It's more about the flavor as it's going down. I do that for the small ones. I also do it for the popped ones. No chewing. Just no chewing.

Yeah, you want to see? Yeah. I'll take a big. There's nothing I love more than the sound of eating on a podcast. But here's the thing. This version of it is quieter. You just put some in your mouth. You're right.

Much quieter. What a nice sound. That's good. that's good. That's good. I did crunch a little back there. Boy, I wonder if even Bosch would do that. You let the saliva do the work instead of your teeth. That's right.

It is a little bit like cotton candy. Sometimes you get one that just kind of shrivels up. Yes. So the little, what I always feel like looks like the wings of an insect. You know, that part of the popcorn that looks just like the you know the little yes i know those those special pieces each piece is like a different character or a different part of an insect that's right i always think of popcorn as looking like you guys bosh is going crazy for the popcorn he loves it and he loves how much he

has to chew it could i try some of that delicious popcorn? Oh, please. Thank you. Actually, get your own bag. Oh. I want my own bag because just one's not enough. Yes. I can't just take a handful. But maybe.

Oh, thanks. Just to be safe, should we get that one is enough in case the whole thing is that they have the most filling popcorn of all? Oh, like just one. But that wouldn't be a very good business model, would it? That you only need to buy one? Let's just get a version where, because I don't know, maybe it's you buy one. Maybe you are renting one. You're like, you have one bag all the time and you're like paying rent on it.

You know what I mean? No. Because you only have one apartment. Maybe you do. Yeah, maybe you do, but me and Nicole popcorn have one apartment. Maybe you do. Yeah, maybe you do, but me and Nicole popcorn have a bunch. I'm sorry. I'm saying for the peopleistic. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fair, fair, fair. That's like their situation. So it's like you have one bag. You just pay a monthly rent. Sure. Or can I pitch this? Go ahead. If you want to tie in the movie thing, it could be like, oh, Popcornopolis, take one.

Oh, shit. Wow, that was great. Take two. I've got to take three. Wow. You know, that kind of thing. Like, take one, two. Isn't that a thing that they say in Hollywood?

That's really clever. That's the thing, right? They do take one, take two, take three. We can't get up to take five, though, because that is a food. And they do, yes, they do not want to get sued. Is that that gum that acts like it's. That's regular five gum is also a food so it's two foods that we're putting at risk.

The one that's like an experience like literally describes as if it's like a fifth dimension. How it feels to chew five gum and then it's different. I hate those commercials. That it's killing you. Can we just shut on take five? We're not sponsoring this right? It's just the pop. We don't want to wall off any sponsors. But it's not take five.

That's just five. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry. And we don't want to shit on either of them because any company can give money to us. At some point, some other company could purchase this podcast ahead of time. Get almost $4,000 from someplace else. Well, and at that point, if we have multiple bidders, five and take five, we might be able to get $4,200 for an episode of a podcast.

All right, so just five. Bosh's name can't be Bosh for this episode. Okay. Because that is a show. That's a character, yes. What is a name he could have? I guess his name is Popcorn. I think his name has to be Popcorn.

So Nicole Popcorn and my dog Popcorn. Make him sound like Pop Cornelius or something. Pop Cornelius is the name of the mage of Popcornopolis. Yeah, you're right. That's why that popped into my head. Get it? You like that? I'm sorry, that was corny.

Wow. I'm sorry, I can't stop. I'm on a roll. She's great. I am a little concerned about how bitchy is this. I had those and I was going to do another. I feel like we should be. Oh, you did?

I feel like we should. I hate it when that happens. You know what I mean? I feel like we should be the ones doing these. Yeah, I know. Do you want to do those? Just get one with. Wait, really?

Get one with Sean doing it. Are you serious? And you laughing at it. Yeah, but I know. Let's get one with me doing it. Oh my God, God damn it. Are you fucking serious? Hey, take one.

Wow. Okay. You didn't even do it right. Okay. So I'll just run through a bunch of them. Oh, my God. Hey, this just popped into my head. Hey, I'm sorry I'm being corny.

Flat, flat. Hey, hey. He sounds normal. He's being like normal about it. It's just conversation. It's grounded, like an actual grounded version of it. Are you giving me notes on how to do what I just did? No, we're saying that Sean is doing it.

Wow, Hayes, what a buttery smooth idea. Hey, sorry to salt your game, Nicole Popcorn. Imagine if Nicole Popcorn met Salt Bae, I love women with beautiful caramel skin. Imagine if Nicole Popcorn met Salt Bae, who I think is somebody. Cheddar. You better think of something quick. Better think of it in a jiffy. Oh, man.

I think that was a Popcornopolis reference. But Popcornopolis wouldn't want that. That's a competing brand. No, they probably wouldn't. Oh, you got me there. And we also should not mention, by the way, that none of the popcorn that we're eating is Popcornopolis wouldn't want that. No, they probably wouldn't. Oh, you got me there. And we also should not mention, by the way, that none of the popcorn that we're eating is Popcornopolis.

I wasn't going to. Because I couldn't find that. I'll tell you right now, this one has a great tagline, which is open, eat, repeat. Sorry, I don't know how you beat that. That is a really good one. Open, eat, repeat, can't be beat. I would add that. So for this, you open it, you eat it, and then you open this bag again?

You're caught in a time loop. In fact, actually, that might happen to us. It's like every, like, one out of every 50 bags, every 50th bag, you're actually like. You can just continuously open it forever. You'll eat that popcorn until you, like, learn how to be a better person or whatever. And that movie has to be called The Popcorn Experience. It does? Yes, for this show. Groundhog Day has to be called The Popcorn Experience. It does? Yes, for this show.

Groundhog Day has to be called The Popcorn Experience. Yes. Interesting. Bill Murray and Stephen Tobolowsky's Popcorn Experience. It's Popcorn Phil and not Punxsutawney Phil? Hey, what was in this bowl? What was in it? Nothing.

Okay. It was going to be a popcorn bowl. You're giving Bosh water? Well, he just had all that popcorn. Yeah, I know, but we can't. We can't have it be like water. Like, popcorn makes you need water. Right, it just makes you need more popcorn.

Yes. Oh, right, you wash it down with popcorn. Right. Well, can we just say that that's the sound of him, like, really gobbling popcorn? Or wet popcorn, we can say. Yeah, or blended up popcorn. Maybe we threw it in a ninja. Have some more wet popcorn, Bosh.

Yeah. Yeah, popcorn smoothie. Like a popcorn remoulade. Wow. Yes. Popcorn ceilings. You could also do a popcorn flight. Just three lined up of like the different kinds.

At the bar. Yeah, I could see that really catching on. Do you want to talk about another thing they want you to do as your favorite popcorn moment of your career? Yes. My favorite popcorn moment, and this has to be romantic as well. Ideally, yeah. Okay. romantic as well. Ideally,

yeah. Okay. Probably the favorite popcorn moment of my career was when I was doing a show, a musical, on Broadway, and I used to eat popcorn at night

afterwards because it was one of the few things I could eat because I get acid reflux, so that's another thing, is that popcorn's really great. It doesn't give you that, but here's the could eat because I get acid reflux. So that's another thing is that popcorn is really great. Doesn't give you that. But here's the thing. When you get acid reflux, it feels sometimes like you have a popcorn kernel stuck in your throat. Which is a good feeling.

Which is a good feeling. Yes. Right. But see, and so one night I felt like I had acid reflux, but it really was a popcorn kernel. And I met a fan afterwards outside, and I was like, I have this popcorn kernel. And I was like, could you stick your tongue way down my throat

and get it out? And he did it, and we fell in love for like five minutes. Isn't it interesting that you want to marry your fans? Oh, I totally do. And you just wish you could date and marry all of them. I wish I could date and marry all of them. And there's just not enough time. No, because there's so many And you just wish you could date and marry all of them. I wish I could date and marry all of them. And there's just not enough time. No, because there's so many of them.

Like, so many. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Popcorn doesn't get stuck in your teeth. Fact. Fact. Popcorn facts. Fun popcorn facts.

Popcorn facts. Mm-hmm. Yeah. What else? Is there other stuff that we have to hit in this? This is why we should have had an expert come I really think we could have I have a segment maybe with the holidays

just around the corner what kind of popcorn do you think Santa would eat oh that's really good so I'm sure Santa probably has some popcorn stuck in his beard yep that's it I mean what did you guys have anything? well it's a fun healthy alternative

to all of the other things that could be maybe fattening and too sugary during the holidays yeah that's right and people love getting those big tubs and they always eat the whole thing I got one from earwolf they usually eat just one kind

and then there's one that just stays but not in this case in this case they always eat the whole thing. Well, they usually eat just one kind, and then there's one that just stays. But not in this case. Yeah, in this case they always eat the whole thing. In this case they always eat the whole thing. And the yellow ones never become inedibly stale instantly. Right. They always are fresh forever. Popcornopolis is so great because it's in a big triangle bag.

Like a cone almost. So you cut the bottom of the – I see lots of people eating it out of the top. What you do is you cut the bottom of the bag and then you squeeze the popcorn into your mouth. Like a tube of toothpaste? Or like you're doing buttercream designs on a cake. Oh, yeah. Squeezing buttercream flowers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the frosting. Piping.

Piping. Thank you. But you're piping some hot piping popcorn. But speaking of buttercream flowers, you can use it as a flower vase after you've finished because it is in the perfect shape for that. I like the way you said vase. It's fancier.

They're going to like that. Yeah, Popcornopolis. I mean, we're not dealing with Cracker Jacks way you said Boz. It's fancier. They're going to like that. Yeah. Popcornopolis. I mean, we're not dealing with Cracker Jacks here, people. Right? Solid Cracker Jack burn. It is. Yeah, it is for.

Yeah, because with Popcornopolis, the prize inside is inside of you. It's that you feel good about yourself. Yeah, that's nice. You feel good about yourself, making a healthy choice for yourself. Mm-hmm. I'm so worried. Nicole is so good at this. I'm worried that they're going to want to sponsor her.

I just want to clear up the financial arrangement of this show. Right. Because it feels like you're making a real run at the thing that we have going here. Oh, I'm just trying to, like, yes-hand the situation. Is that a problem? It shouldn't be. Yeah, you're right. I agree. It shouldn't be. Well, I agree with that agree it shouldn't be but well i agree with that seems now like things are very in theory it wouldn't but when you're

sort of running circles around us with the popcorn stuff and so for us it's just like we've this took a very long time to put together we are we will be paid after the fact, after they listen to it and they decide that it's like the kind of thing that they want. It was not an upfront thing. Yeah. The model was, yeah, if they are happy with our performance that they will give us nearly $4,000. Oh, nearly.

And so for them to listen to, I'm picturing a scenario where they listen to this, and it's supposed to be about us celebrating their brand. And Nicole is here doing all the good popcorn stuff. And they hear, like, Nicole – and her name is Nicole Popcorn now. We just have regular names. Which we actually did not think that through. No, and you're the ones who gave me that name. I just want to be clear about that. I didn't start... I'm as mad at myself

as I am at you almost. Oh, okay. Wait a minute. I can't even think of how to change Hayes' name to make it about popcorn. Chef Kevin I could do. He could be a popcorn chef. Hayes, Dab, and Pop. Yeah, but you have to wait so long to get there. So long. You're asleep

by the time you get to the pot. And then for me, if my last name becomes like Colonels or something, I don't know. It doesn't feel good. Colonel Sean. It's not the part you want to think about. You could be Colonel Hayes. Either one of you could be Colonel. Colonel.

Started at the top. And now it seems like you're trying to pit us against each other by giving one name we can have. That sounds more like kind of stuff coming up between you guys. You want us to battle over the name. Because you said that, and I know this was intentional, and I immediately wanted to fight my friend Sean for this name. Who I used to have a lot of love for, Hayes. Now I see him only as my enemy in the battle for the name Colonel. Well, it's good.

I don't blame you. I don't know how you're going to fix it. You picture a scenario where the Popcornopolis people, who are nice. Are you sure? I feel like you're scared of them, honestly. Are they literally listening right now while we're recording it? They did want to put extra machines in here. I don't know what those machines are for,

but as you'll notice, there is a lot of more mics on the ceiling. And there's towers of computers. It's hot in here. Yes, it's hot. And there's a lot of cameras and they all start blinking red whenever we mention any kind of IP. I assumed that this was to

keep the popcorn hot. All these big black machines. Does that stand for intellectual popcorn? Intellectual property. Hey, Nicole, if you want, I can cut out the top and just make it seem like you're hosting the show and Sean and Hayes are your guests. So if you want to do your own branded popcorn show.

I would love that. Okay, I'm going to do it. Ready? I'm going to start as Ellen. Hey, everyone, how are you doing? This'm going to start as Ellen. Hey, everyone. How are you doing? This popcorn, Popcornopolis. It's great.

I have my two guests here, Colonel One and Colonel Two. That's what I call them. That's so funny. And they don't get stuck in your teeth. And you ever wonder if, you know, in Popcornopolis that they have lost kernels? You know, kernels would be the kids and they're like, oh, missing. And would you put it on the back of a milk carton? Probably not.

Probably on the back of a popcorn carton. You know, and you just wonder, that's good. Can you cut that? Yeah, I'll stick that to the top. Powerless to stop this. And now they have Ellen as a sponsor. Not only do they have Nicole Popcorn Parker in her mouth.

And then we became Colonel One and Colonel Two, and I don't know which one is, but That really makes me want to fight to be Colonel One. In a true battle, because I'm Colonel Two. Forget it. I'm done. I'd rather then, if we have Ellen, I'd like to be the damn Daniel kid. Please.

Please may I at least be the damn Daniel kid. Back at it again with the white cheddar? Well, I'm sorry. You pushed me to Ellen because you made me feel really uncomfortable. Oh, no, you're great.

No, I'm saying that to them. Kevin, you're a perfection. Yeah, I could be your producer, too, if you need it. Please. Great. All right. All right.

So now they're listening to this. They have Ellen as a sponsor. They wrote the check, but they left the name blank. Well, that is... Everything about this deal sounds incredibly sketchy and really not thought through. On either side. They really wanted a romantic popcorn version of it.

And Nicole, correct me if I'm wrong, but you are engaged. Yes. To all your fans to your entire fan base. I'm engaged to my entire fan base That's huge. It's a virtual engagement but it's also

literal. That's really romantic because I think a lot of fans have this idea like they do want to pretend that they're like in a relationship with you. And to take that to the next level and actually be engaged to all of them is so smart. Well, and with the advancements in VR. Thank you. Yeah.

It is going to be a lot easier to be engaged to entire fan bases. Nicole, can you expand on that and speak on it, please? Well, because it's hard when you're, well, first of all, for all the fans in prison, you know. Thank you. Because, I'll tell you what, Mad TV is popular there. Yes. And I get

their letters, and I appreciate them, but how am I supposed to get married to all of them? You know what I mean? When they're incarcerated, so that's one way for me to be able to marry them. And also thanks for watching everybody. They talk a lot about prisons being overcrowded and it is because there are so many mad TV fans.

That's right. That are trying to get in there so that they can watch their show with like-minded people. Yeah, there is, there's a, there's a, there's a, um, There's a channel that's just a prison channel that it's actually the only way that you can watch Mad TV now. They still have, weirdly no checks are coming in from that, but they're still playing it all the time. And I believe this is a government

plot to basically enslave us by getting us into the prisons is by saying that's the only place you can watch Mad TV. Well, now, I mean, I don't know if I want to be a part of that sort of, like, statement. You know, this feels like – I was just trying to answer your question, you know. But as a fan of – I don't pretend to make any sort of grand statements about, you know, our prison system.

Well, we don't like to take sides either on whether it's good or bad, but it sounds like there's mad TV in there, which does sound pretty good. As a fan of Ruth Funniest – I'm just saying it is a plot. I'm not saying it's, like, a good or a, but it sounds like there's Mad TV in there, which does sound pretty good. As a fan of Ruth Funniest... I'm just saying it is a plot. I'm not saying it's a good or bad plot. You didn't say evil plot. Oh, that's right. I forgot. You're a conspirator. You're like, you know, you question

everything. You know, Aristotle said that plot is character. Plot is character. I mean, Aristotle said that. So when he says that's a plot, it's like, well, that's really good for his character. And Mad TV is obviously a lot of characters as well. Yeah. That's right.

So, I mean, you know, anyway, it's just – that's one way for – it's just, you know, one way for me to be able to be engaged to people I would otherwise not probably have been able to ever see even. Or who knows how long I'd have to wait. So – One Way is a little close to One Direction, which is a pretty famous band. And so Popcornopolis doesn't really want us to say One Way. Wow, not even that. Yeah. So we're going to have to bleep that.

Like two to five steps for it. Okay. All right. I mean, well, to be fair, you can make those connections with almost anything we say. So how do we move forward? Well, and that is part of it as popcornopolis has talked about maybe canceling the show which made me like the whole entire show they bought the show oh they bought the show that's right do you like to come on other people's shows and basically take money

out of their family's mouths and do you have the soul of a thief. That was really, Pat, that was, first of all. I'm asking you. There's a question. You can answer it. Yeah, but this is like, you know, how long have you been beating your children, Mrs. Parker? I mean, like, this is, you know, that's one of those tricks that you're doing. It's like, now that you put it out there, it exists. You know what I mean?

Well, when you answer it in such an evasive way, here, ask me that question. Do you like coming on other people's podcasts, which is a weird way to put it anyways, do you like coming on other people's podcasts and taking mouths, sorry, taking money out of the mouths of families? I don't know, what did you say? Families' mouths.

I don't know, it was just so, so laid in with like. And do you have the soul, and ask me if I have the soul of a thief. And do you have the soul of a thief? No. Oh. See?

That was such a thievy, that was such a thievy no. No, it was no. Try asking. It was very thievy. No such a thievy no No it was no It was very thievy No a thief would say yes Ask me Ask me No but you sounded like a

Like a thief in medieval times No Like you became a different You became a thief Nicole can you hear me Yes I can hear you Ask me Do you have the soul of a thief

Who me Thief Now that's just adorable Thief Yeah I believe you I believe that you don't. Another way to answer that is just be like, I'm so happy you asked Colonel No. 2. Oh.

And then your bond with Sean will get a little closer. Oh, is that what I need to do? I will say, if you... Do I have to form an alliance with one of them? Or whoever is asking you questions you don't want to answer, just call them Colonel No. 2. This is 100% not what I expected when I agreed to do this podcast. What were you expecting? I'm always curious. First of all, I was expecting it to be on the first day that we

scheduled, but that didn't happen. No. Boy, oh boy. And usually we're on the other end. It sure takes a lot of days. We're usually on the other end of that, so sometimes it's a little fun for us to feel strong again. Sick thrill. Sick thrill. I was already very honored to be on it, but boy, did that really make, you know, to make

it so, you know, really like elusive was very effective. Yeah. It was good. Yeah. When we see how much we want guests like a Kevin Pollack or something like that, who will continually reschedule on us and then cease to communicate with us altogether. We know how – But he'll cancel on you as Christopher Walken. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. He won't do it as Kevin Pollak. And so in that way, it's more fun. Yeah, exactly. When that happens to us, we say, oh, I want that feeling. I want to make other people feel the way I feel now. You did. Done.

Done and done. Yes. Well, because his value has skyrocketed to me. And now that he's canceled on us a few times and refused to communicate, I go like, this guy's on a freaking rocket ship to the supposed moon. I need him. To the alleged moon. Have you heard of the, are you familiar with the hierarchy of needs?

I have not. For me, it's food, sexual gratification, Kevin Pollack, and then like— Popcorn. Popcorn. Thank you. I think you have to move that one up a bit. Yeah. Well, popcorn is food.

Popcorn is food. Popcorn is sexual gratification, let's be honest. Yes, that's right. So that's the top two. They're both popcorn. And then Kevin Pollack sort of is popcorn, too, because of right. So that's the top two. They're both popcorn. And then Kevin Pollak sort of is popcorn too because of movies. Yeah. Are you going to have a popcorn wedding with all your fans and they all get popcorn garlands instead of rings?

Yeah, popcorn balls. They're going to throw popcorn balls at us as we walk down the aisle. Wow. Yeah, because the individual popcorn is too much to clean up, we were told. The balls are very easy to just pick up. Yeah, I feel like they're going to be hard, so I think it's going to be maybe an issue, but it'll be easier to pick them up. And if there's a way to tip the church, just kind of lift up one side of the church,

they'll all roll out the door. We can get one of those tippable churches, for sure. They're like the tiny houses. They're becoming a big thing. So yeah, we can do that. And then we'll sing popcorn hymns. Those tiny churches. Hymns is actually a former sponsor of ours.

What was? Hymns. Yeah. It's like the opposite of Herms. Yeah, the exact opposite of Herms. Yeah. Wait, how is it spelled? H-I-M-S.

Oh, yeah, I'm talking about H-Y-M-N-S. I know, but you're just saying it, and so nobody knows. Oh, but are people that dumb, honestly? Can we just? Well, you have to say it like the correct pronunciation of Jimenez. Right. Jimenez, Jimenez, Jimenez? Yes.

Right. So, well, we'll sing popcorn songs. That's great. Right? So that's, so we'll do that. That's good. And then, yes, there will be like a huge, there will be two statues of our likeness, two busts actually, just popcorn from different colors

and one is of you and the other is of all the fans what's weird is it's like with popcorn it's like one of those tiny where it's like a picture of Elvis and if you look closely it's made up of a bunch of tiny

different pictures of Elvis so it's actually a bunch of different tiny popcorn pictures of our fans. And when you stand back, it's a picture of us. Wow. Me and who am I marrying? All your fans. Oh, yeah, all the fans. Me and all the fans.

If you could be any popcorn, who would you be? I would be the skinny popcorn because I'd be skinny. Yeah, okay. I know that's another brand, but that's just my honest answer. Popcornopolis is going to hate that. Yes, we finally have gotten the upper hand. Kevin, can you cut that out? I'll cut it out.

God. Popcorn Chef Kevin. When did he become Popcorn Chef Kevin When did he become Popcorn Chef Kevin? He's always been that What are you talking about? Oh, alright What would you be?

What kind of popcorn would you be? Oh no, she's the host again Nice, good What kind of popcorn would you be, Colonel One? Well, please don't not say popcorn

I'll go as Sean I guess for me oh boy Well, please don't not say popcorn. I'll go with Sean. I guess for me, oh, boy. Well, I guess when I was a kid, we used to go to this mall called the Crystal Mall. And it had sort of this big, like, clear glass structure on the top of it. And then the thing that I remember going to was there was a place where they had all these flavored popcorns that had like sort of a flavoring drizzled over them that were different colors. And one of them I would get was like a watermelon flavored popcorn.

So I guess I would probably be the watermelon popcorn from the Crystal Mall, which I don't think is open anymore. And I don't think that popcorn exists. Wow, that was really carefully done. It's a version of Sean saying he does not want to exist anymore. I guess so. This is kind of what all...

When you ask him a question like that, that's kind of what these things all lead to. I mean, that was a bleak story. You're invited into the dark labyrinth of my mind. It was bleak. Yeah. Yikes. Well, I hope this works. They're having a lot of shows do this

and only one gets the check. So it's like a competition? Yeah. Yeah. And we willfully participated and we're just really hoping that we can make this podcast a positive

experience for ourselves by getting a little tiny bit of money in exchange for completely altering the content. Yeah. Like, are you going to change the title of the whole podcast? Or is it just going to be— Everything, yes. Everything will be approved by a sponsor that gets in at the head of it. Popcornopolis' popcorn wood popcorn book?

Well, there's two models. You can make something that you want to make that you think might be good, and then if it finds an audience, you can try to bring advertisers in. Or you can just go straight to advertisers and go, what do you want me to make? I don't give a shit. Wow. That was popcorn-sweeney.

Yeah. Yeah, it was. How long has it been? That's always what you want to hear how long how long has it been 40 minutes Wow. They wanted 90. 90 of popcorn tent. Popcorn content. Yes, they wanted 90. Corn tent.

Corn tent. All right, we did that together. I think it's fair to say I helped you get there. I started the, I paved the road. I don't remember that at all. Well, the whole thing's my idea. What? Corn tent? This whole thing.

The whole show. So you say like, oh, it was you two who did it. This entire thing is me. We don't even exist without it. I feel like he's more aggressive, so I have to make my enemy my friend. I'm getting more heat off of him. It pays to be a nasty guy. He's very hot.

Yes, I am not pleasant. He's hot like when you open microwave popcorn too soon and the steam just blasts. That's happening to me. He's popcorn steam right now. Oh, I always thought my reputation was I'm something of an ice queen. So to hear now that I'm as hot as popcorn steam, that feels like an improvement. Well, you're hot today. That's probably a good advertisement for Popcornopolis, which is normal heat.

Mm-hmm. It's not scary. You are never given the opportunity to pop it. And therefore, you can't burn yourself with it unless you go really crazy. Popcornopolis tastes like just the normal inside of your mouth. Room temp popcorn. Yes. So that you won't even know if it's inside or outside of your mouth.

Yes. You would literally not know. I remember. It's as if it's already in there. Growing up at sleepovers. There you go. Popcornopolis. It's as if it's already in there.

At sleepovers, we would stick somebody's hand in a bucket of popcorn. A popcorn, yeah. When they fell asleep. Is that what we say? So that's the actual name of the... It's not like when you say, hey kids, would you like some popcornopolis? Is that like the purple stuff? Oh man.

But then mom's got popcornopolis. Mom's got popcornopolis. You literally say popcornopolis in a bowl of popcornopolis. Yes. It feels like it's already in there. Because it's not... It feels like it's not like popcorn you literally say popcornopolis that is a bowl of popcornopolis yes it feels like it's already in there because it's not it feels like it's already in there it's it's like a kfc thing it's not technically popcorn oh it's what we is what we learned what have i been eating it's it you've been eating popcornopolis this was in the do not read section no i know I know. We're not going to do this. But like Popcornopolis is a –

Is it soy? It's a synthetic product. Oh. So it's – no, it's not soy. All right. You don't need to get like that, I don't think. It's from science. It's like –

We're not soy boys. Now look – That's a podcast I would listen to. 100%. I'm sure there is somebody doing it. They're on HeadGum. I promise. I can think of someone right now who would be doing that. Soy boys just side with HeadGum.

So we are kind of on thin ice with brands in general. What are some of the other brands that you're on thin ice with? Well, there was a certain luggage travel company that we did do a single ad for And they have an innovative disruptive business model Technically we did not do a single ad for them because they had it removed from the show Well, but it did run and then it immediately was removed and they did want their money back So this sort of was seen as a way to avoid that hopefully By just getting Popcornopolis involved at the top and going like, hey, what can we do? Because what happened to us with this luggage travel company is they were very mad.

Okay. And so if you could just say a luggage or suitcase company that you really like in order to kind of sting them. Me? And hopefully you don't say the same one. Yeah, so Nicole Popcorn is going to tell you what kind of suitcase she uses when she travels. I use Tough Stuff. Oh, Tough Stuff. And it would be great if that could have sort of a romantic

story behind it. When I was packing one time to leave London because I was with a beautiful man that I had been

dating there. Yeah, he had scarecrow tendencies about him. You know, like long and lanky and sort of gender. This is Batman's enemy, correct? Yeah, it's Batman's enemy. Okay. It would make you insane. It's the scarecrow,

and I just would stare into his burlap eyes and get lost in them. And I didn't know which way was up and which way was down. And where I ended and he began. And I was packing and I was folding everything up and realized there was a tiny bit of burlap that just got caught up in my clothes. And you know what? I realized he was giving me a piece of him to pack. Of his face? Of his face.

It's not funny. It was really painful, actually. Sorry, the popcorn makes me laugh. I'm so freaking zooted off this popcorn. I'm high as hell, man. Dude, I got a freaking heavy stone on with this popcorn. I'm worried about what's in this stuff now. I had no idea it was synthetic.

Yes, this is the thing that they do want to get out there is that it does give you a body high, a head high, and it goes away for a while and then it comes back. Well, I didn't want to say anything, but I cannot feel my legs. Right. At all. Finally. Jeez.

But, right? Well, I don't know. You go around all day. I would never say finally to someone saying they can't feel their legs. I'd never. That's not. That's like the last response. I'd be like, oh, she called 911.

I'm so sorry. You wouldn't have time because Hayes would have said it all i would be in there first i get it well yeah i can't feel them so you know how all that you just go around all day thinking about just like the feeling of your legs and how annoying it is just to like be conscious of them just like there you have these two giant legs you have to be thinking about. And then freaking kill. Giant? Okay, speak for yourself. I don't think of them as giant.

Jesus, Hayes. What I'm talking about in my experience is having huge legs. Well, I've got to admit that Colonel Do-Over there has pretty big legs. No one has mentioned him the entire show. I thought you said Colonel Do-Over, and actually that's a fantastic character name. Colonel Do-Over. That would be like somebody who would do our ad reads. Old Colonel Do-Over, and actually that's a fantastic character name. Colonel Do-Over. That would be like somebody who would do our ad reads. Colonel Do-Over.

Chef Kevin, write that down for our ad reads. For our ad reads. That is a character that will really come in handy. Colonel Make Good. Colonel Make Good. Colonel Make Good. Here to do a make good for companies that are willing to let us try again.

Unlike a certain luggage travel company. I really want to know what this luggage travel company is. I'll have to ask you later because this feels like a real thing. I'll tell you after you go away. I'll tell you when the mics are away. Well, we haven't made the red lights go off a lot lately, so we must be doing something right.

Well, and you know why? Because we got honest about us. We talked about our lives, ourselves. Instead of playing characters. Something that actually you could have learned, a lesson you could have learned on MADtv. It's like, just go out there and just hang out and be you. Just be yourself.

Yeah, because that's what, if anything, at the end of the day, that's what this town wants. There's this new show, Freedom, on the network. Oh, yeah. I haven't heard of it. And it's finally, these huge podcasters have finally escaped from all the characters and all the bullshit. And they just can hang out and be

themselves. Because this is what I would watch Mad TV during a little moment of insanity. In prison. themselves. Because this is what I would watch Mad TV during a little stint that I did in prison. And I would watch you guys doing these characters and think, these people are scared.

I'm watching scared people. Well, and they're lying. Yes. Why are they so scared to be honest? To be themselves? Because we're just afraid that no one's watching. That's how it always felt.

So we were right. We were scared. We were scared that if a sketch fails in the woods, does anyone hear it? Yeah. Have you ever heard the song that goes, I want to see you be brave? Yes, I have. Yeah. Yeah. Do you know part of the song of it, of the lyrics and stuff?

Yeah, but like, I mean, if we can't even say popcorn. Yeah. We'll let the world fall out. What's happening? Honestly. I want to see you be brave. I feel like we can't sing this. Is this allowed?

Well, I can't see how Popcornopolis would ever have a problem with people being brave. Mm-hmm. And talking about their love for popcorn honestly. Yeah. Letting the words fall out. Yeah. And keeping the popcorn in. And let the words pop out.

Honestly, I want to see you. We need something other than be brave. If that song had come out before MADtv, do you think the show would have been just you guys hanging out? The show probably wouldn't have existed at all. Because it wasn't brave enough. It wasn't brave enough. It was just not brave enough now.

And this show would have started a lot earlier, I think, our show. Yes. Like in the day? That's how we got the idea for it. How? We were taking the direction of the song, and we did the show version of Bravery. Being brave and honest in the show. Just letting the words fall out.

Yes. Yeah. And that song was written about Alex Borstein, who did do this show. And Ike has done it as well, like Baron Halls. I know he has, yes. And we are collecting all the characters. I wasn't really a character person, though. I impersonated all the people.

Right. But, you know, I like to think of them as characters. And I think they are characters because they're playing characters, a lot of these guys. Right? Isn't that true? Isn't that the truth? And they're not being themselves. For sure.

So we are collecting everyone like Pokemons. And we're the only two honest men in Hollywood, and we're brave as hell. I appreciate that. I'm sorry that I made you think I was a thief stealing... I mean a soul stealing thief. I'm sorry that there was some weirdness there for a minute, but I feel like it's kind of calmed down. I feel like we took back the show

over and dominated it so well and just performed at such an extremely high level that it will be impossible for them to listen to this show and not have us

be the winning podcast instead of Wait Wait Don't Tell Me. At about 47 minutes in, I feel like Hayes and I entered a state of flow that was undeniable. And we sustained it for six minutes. And at that point, it's like, if you're a big popcorn brand, what else are you looking for? What else do you want?

What else do you want? Bye. This has been an Earwolf production. Executive produced by Scott Aukerman, Chris Bannon, and Colin Anderson. For more information and content, visit Earwolf.com. That was a HeadGum Podcast.