Hollywood Handbook - Nip/Tuck Commentary Episode 408

Episode Date: October 5, 2015

There's no guest today as Sean and Hayes address some issues that have come up including plagiarism and cemetery screenings. Then, they delve simultaneously into watching and reviewing an episode of Nip/Tuck from Season 4.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. which kind of root beer do we like again? I can't remember. Like, which one did we get last time? Was it barrel brewed or was it draft brewed? And I'm just like, I mean, I don't know, Jake. Get the one with the dog on it, right? Yeah, the spicy kind. But I don't know if it was the one with the dog on it. Well, the spicy kind is Barks. That's the one that has bite. Yeah, but I think, oh, that's what I thought you meant

when you said with the dog. That one has bite. No, no, no, but the dog Barks. Yes, that's close. But this one is like a different dog, like a brown guy. So I am saying just get that one. Oh, like that kind of dog? Hmm?

Like. Like. Like a chocolate lab. Oh, okay. Just didn't understand what you meant for a second. Yeah, like one of my dogs. Okay. Like DMX is always talking about his chocolate lab oh okay just didn't understand what you meant for a second yeah like one of my dogs okay like dmx is always talking about his chocolate lab okay got it so anyway and he's going but i think the one with the professor on it is actually the one that i really liked and i'm like look jet just pick a root beer already.

Remember when he got the tattoo of the trophy, of the basketball trophy? Mm-hmm, and then he halved the trophy after. And then he won the trophy. And then he get the trophy. And nobody stopped to think about what to do with this amazing power oh well and also i was like why don't you just get a tattoo of the root beer you like so you don't forget it anymore and then you'll be able to hold that up over your head yes because if you go that's a real victory that's a that's like memento if it's the professor or whatever because then i also remember that he

got tattoo of a shamrock for the six months he was going to play for the Boston Celtics. Yes, and then did he get a shamrock? I assume he got a shamrock. I think that, yeah, lucky the mascot gave it to him and punched him in the nose. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook. And Insider SkyJet kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz. kicking button, dropping names in the red carpet linebacker hallways of this industry we call showbiz. We want to do something a little different today, not because anything else hasn't worked.

Like everything else is working fine. Going good and big listeners and people like the show. People know about it. But one thing we see is other shows that people know too. And that seemed better. So we're seeing some of these shows like we've talked about before, Gilmore Guys, and they talk about the show they like. And then we've seen Pat Walsh, who we kind of launched to stardom from our show. He has a new show now.

After he is done making it weird, now make a new podcast with Fangor Eva Fangoria. Then he and her talk over movie. They watch movies and they talk over them. They talk about them. So it's like, we have all these people on our show and then they go off and do another show talking about TV show movie, which kind of is our area.

And so what if we talk over TV show movie, which kind of is our area. And so what if we talk over TV show movie and now you know how it's good? Yes, because so what Gilmore guys don't do, they talk about the show, but they don't talk about it during the show. No, they play a little clip, which means I'm supposed to watch the whole show and then listen to them.

And then try to remember. And when am I going gonna have time for lunch and this way if they're if they were just watching the show speaking of lunch during the show speaking of lunch while i listened to it and watched i did the most embarrassing thing and you ever have one of those moments in your life you wish you could just hit the undo button? Oh, yes. So I'm going to go. And there's a combination of buttons that does that as well.

Oh, I wish I knew that for this because I'm in line at one of these places that has all these foods, you know. And as I walk up to the counter, I'm sort of seeing they've got them all written down on this kind of menu oh and i go and i go oh um and i'm trying to pick between the different salads and stuff and i go you know what i'm gonna get this combo the uh two soups and a salad but it was actually two salads and a soup you know like that's not even something they offer. Two different bowls of soup and a salad. No, you get a little cup of soup and you get two salads. Two big salads.

Oh my God. And the whole place laughed at me. And Minka Kelly was there and she laughed at me too. I didn't mean to make you think about that bad lunch you had. Oh, that was lunch this week and I haven't mean to make you think about that bad lunch you had. Oh, that was lunch this week, and I haven't eaten it since. So what we want is to play. We're going to play a TV show, and we're going to talk over the show. So when you binge, when you want to binge, you can listen to.

It can be like you're binging with friends. Yeah. So it's like, if it's a show you loved, you go back through it and experience it with your buddies, Sean and Hayes. And if you've never seen the show, what a great way in to hear Hayes and Sean tell you how they're your buddies

and they're watching it. And we talked about what different shows to do. I looked outside and they have, they about what different shows to do uh i looked outside and they have they talk about different shows uh on the sign talk about i called the library and i and i was saying how i love shows and uh and it didn't yield as much results as what I want. Because what did you see outside, Hayes? What signs was there? They talk about crazy ex-girlfriend.

They talk about bastard executioner. Things like that. It doesn't say where they are. Yes. And it almost looks like when you look at the big sign like it's about to start yeah well and i've been i've found myself in front of those signs for quite some time because it looks like a big outside movie and it's almost like it's saying here it comes and i don't know if it like if it starts whenever you turn around like if it's that if it's only when you're not looking um but it doesn't say anything where to

find to watch so speaking of outside movie haze so some people may know that here in los angeles they do these very cool creepy screenings at holly Forever Cemetery where they play a movie outside. And maybe we'll say, oh, we'll- A cult classic, like Indiana Jones. So it says, come see Indiana Jones, one of these movies you've heard about, but maybe you've never watched, and come see it in the cemetery. So, okay, that's a neat idea. And I've heard people talk about it.

But let me tell you, God forbid you go to the wrong cemetery or at the wrong time of day or in the wrong area of it and start watching Indiana Jones. Because people are crying and they're being mad and there's dirt everywhere. And it is a total nightmare. And there's no way to know i'm just trying to watch ania jones's cemetery like all my hipster friends but you go in the daytime well yeah i'm busy at night and the cemetery in the daytime is for people yes because it's and night it's for ghouls and so i'm not really gonna go watch a movie there where ghouls could actually come and get me and there's only porta potty toilets. Imagine.

So the show we could find, we Google show, we get Nip Tuck season four, episode eight. We wanted to see the first one. And then I realized why why that's when they're still figuring it out yes this one they probably really have their feet under them yes and so we're gonna watch the whole show and we'll talk about it with you and you can watch it too if you like or don't and hopefully you'll be able to hear the show while we watch it but we sometimes have trouble with the volume and also sometimes we're against the law and so we need you need to

hear the noise to sync up to start the show but i don't know how you have to make the noise while i start it because i can't make a noise and start the show at the same time. Who, me? Yes. So I make a noise to say that it starts? Yes. So, because people, they have to start at the same time, so we're not talking spoilers. But do you... Seeing something before they... That's fine, but can you give me a signal when you're going to start it so I know when to make the noise? Yes, I'll say start it.

Uh-huh, and then I'll make the noise. Yes, and then... But when you say start it, can you point or And then I'll make the noise. Yes. And then. But when you say start it, can you point or something? No, because then I have to. You need your hand to start it. Yeah. And the other hand is holding the clicking hand still. Should I make the noise of my hand?

Because mine's free. Or should I point at you? You say start it. I'll point at you and then I'll make the noise. Okay. That's good. Because then that'll tell me when I should go. Mm-hmm. Okay. That's good. Cause then that'll tell me when I should go. Okay.

Now this one's called Connor McNamara, uh, which is one of the best guys on the show and engineer Connor. That's so interesting for you because that's your name as well. And do you want to get your mic so you can thank us? Thanks guys for mentioning your name, huh? Yeah, that's my name. Thank you.

Yeah, Engineer Connor. And that's a funny coincidence. And we'll probably find more as we go through the show. NipTuck Season 4, Episode 8. Okay, start it. Okay, and then I make the noise. I should have picked a noise because I'm doing the point.

And I did try to click, but it hasn't gone. Oh, what a lucky thing. Now it's going. Go, go, go. Boom! Oh, Dinklage. Dinklage. He's actually very handsome. You know how girls say, like,

he's actually very handsome. Yeah, he looked good to me. She's, okay. One thing is it looked like the baby's hand is a Vulcan symbol. And he called, they were doing a surgery. And this is all what happened before. And now we're into what's happening now. They're doing a surgery on a woman.

Oh, boy. Okay. Just catching up. I don't remember this guy. I've seen him in something. Maybe this. That's precious. Isn't it?

I don't think it is. Who is it? It's her mom. Or it's one of her friends. I think it's her mom. And I think her name was precious as well. It had to. It's my only defense against them.

I wonder if this guy's a mean guy or a nice guy. It has been a long recovery, Dr. Troy. A long. Okay. Dr. Troy. A long recovery. Okay, Dr. Troy. Okay, Dr. Troy. Dr. Troy. So I moved home.

So that's a big clue. So, okay, we're starting to piece it together. And his name must have been, last name was Troy before he became a doctor. I haven't seen anyone. I'm so depressed about how I looked. I wouldn't even let my own daughter visit me. And so she must have gotten some kind of surgery before. And it's interesting to think about.

She did. Is that what we saw? Was that her? One of the things is they were going, you're addicted to plastic surgery. Take this woman. And that's one of the things they do on the show. And so that's one of the things that it's helpful to explain, I think, because that is one of the things we do know that this is a plastic surgery show.

So here's, and the show will keep going, but I have, I think, a very good thing to tell you. And it is, we were talking about lunch before, is we were talking about lunch before, and we're seeing these doctors doing hospital stuff in these sort of surgery rooms. And so one funny thing that you- She said she had stage four lung cancer, but I heard- Hang on, we'll get to the show.

I heard lunch cancer. We'll get back to the show. No, but this is about what you're talking about. It is, but here's something funny you can do, Hayes, if you're sort of eating your lunch and you've finished your lunch and you're sort of ready to move on and you're done you've got the empty plate in front of you

here's a funny joke that you can do. You can go. Okay. Time of death. Oh, and then someone else says what time it is? Yeah, like about the meal, you know? Like you're calling it. Oh, you're calling it.

Like the meal's over. You ate it. Time of death. Like they do in a hospital. Okay, I'm sorry. I've been trying to... They're talking so much on this show. Yeah.

Zsa Zsa is dead. Shit pants. Why do I Zsa Zsa is dead. Shit pants. Why do I care? I'll be dead. Okay. So the story is. I won't be your undertaker. She.

Oh, she is sick. And she wants to be. Like handsome. when she dies. I want you to be the last man to touch it. Did you see Last Man on Earth? Oh, yeah. Or I started to. Which one is that?

That's the one. The sign for that one. Hang on. I'm trying to- Credits. Yeah, credits. the sign for that one hang on I'm trying to credits yeah credits so they're drawing on the people

yeah drawing I like this the bottom of a of a booth one of the things I like yeah oh

like mannequins or something and now these are all the people that are in it but they're And now these are all the people that are in it. But they're like robo people. They're Simone versions of the people, you know?

Remember Simone with Al Pacino? That is happening now. It's so crazy how people said when Simone was on that it would never happen. And now today, it is happening. How often science fiction becomes science truth. Now I think there are three Simones. You can have sex with them.

Mm-hmm. I wouldn't because I never have to pay for it. But then they get mad. I never have to pay for it. But then they get mad. I never have to pay for it. If you do it too much... Why would you pay for it? If you do it too much, they get mad and then they get revenge. That sound is

for when you're supposed to drink water as well, if you're listening. So you don't go through the whole thing and don't have any water. We were supposed to drink water as well, if you're listening. So you don't go through the whole thing and don't have any water. We were supposed to drink like 15 glasses a day. You okay? You got in so late last night. Now all the names have a slash in the middle because this was the first show,

people talk about the history. This was the first show that told you when one word was ending and when the other one was supposed to start in the name of the show. This is one of these camera tricks that make me mad, where she is feeding the baby from one of her frontal torpedoes. I hate this, yeah. And they have the baby's head in such a way from the camera where if I was in this kitchen, I'd be able to see whatever I want.

But the baby's blocking it from where they are. So the baby is covering the whole thing? Yeah, it's like, well, move the camera onto the side or something. Yeah, and also just pull the baby's mouth out a little bit so just the tip of the mouth is on it and I can see everything else. Or get rid of the baby. Get the baby out of there. No, don't get rid of the baby.

I want a little of the baby's mouth. I want the baby's mouth to be just barely touching it. Okay, yeah, but I'm not, yeah, so I can imagine that. But you don't, I wasn't saying hurt the baby. I was just saying, like I'm not. Yeah, so I can imagine that. But I wasn't saying hurt the baby. I was just saying move it. I'm not saying hurt the baby either. You don't want to move it too fast. Oh, boy.

What is happening? Oof, this is like a flashback. So this must be season one or whatever. Yeah, this must be when Dr. Troy it looks like the 50s. When Dr. Troy was a kid. He's being taunted and humiliated and he is suffering. See, you don't see his face. I wonder if it's like the baby has a funny face. Yeah, and stupid.

Did I do this right, Dad? Oh, and he's holding a glove. He's almost like Wilson from Home Improvement. They use all these camera tricks where they're trying to hide. Does he have a nipple on his face, maybe? Everyone's hiding everything. I hope by the end of the episode I see his face. Incredibly lucky.

I promise. No, this is the other doctor, I presume. Now, people were always asking which one's Nip and which one's tuck in this show. I have a guess. Well. Take the morning for yourself. You deserve it. Is the nip the one that the baby was dealing with?

You would assume, but the way they film it, there's no way to know. You would assume, but the way they film it, there's no way to know. And then is he tucked because he tuck it all the way back between, like, make it look like doing that, you know, I think they call it a mangina. Yes, playing a trick. Being deceitful. I love words like this, right? Mangina, where you're combining a word. I like when they get in the dictionary. Isn't it so when you see the new dictionary what a victory for our generation like drop the mic well everyone's like oh we're done with words and it's like well we already

proved that we're not because i just invented man gina now everyone has to deal with it in the dictionary and uh ginormous uh Uh-huh, ginormous. So we can always remember it. Deaf, D-E-F, like from after Deaf Comedy Jam started. Hmm. Sorry, I got really absorbed in the show for a minute. Yeah, he's punching a fat guy. You're not half as big an asshole as his father.

I'm not on the main character's side. Yeah, I'm not either. I don't think he should have called the boy an asshole. Yeah, he called the little kid an asshole, then he punched his dad. And they're making fun of... Ooh, Ryan Murphy. So this is... I wonder if this is the same...

This is actually... Because when I see Ryan Murphy, I know there are going to be... spooky elements. And what I'm thinking is something else, too, because Ryan Murphy has Precious on his American Horror Story now. Right. Is this how he knows her? Is because he had her mom

in this? He had her mom. Yeah. Okay. Boy, I mean, so... Slightly different circumstances from when you were last here, Dr. Troy. Though it doesn't have to be. Okay Boy I mean So This is where it's very helpful That we have worked so much In TV and stories that we Can piece together what's happening Now a lot of people would

Jump in in the middle and go like well hold on What about what how do these guys Know each other and the fact is I can Tell just from looking. This guy's a doctor. It's doctors. It's plastic surgery. It's doing surgery on the people, right?

Yes. Changing the people's body. The looks of the body. Yes. With only two regrets. Hmm. That I didn't sleep with you when i had the chance she's trying to fuck this guy but she older rainbow room and so rainbow room she's in bed

and he's sitting on the bed listen to my demo on your way home you'll see listen to my demo on your way home so she's in like a punk band. She has spiky red hair. Like Johnny Rotten. Silk kimono. Yeah. She's maybe Johnny Rotten's mom and she's friends with Precious. I hate how Johnny Rotten's up to no good. Oh gosh. Go back where you came

from. There's a certain level of sure I like to you know thumb my nose at the institutions and powers that be, but also do it in a polite way. Not all this spitting and nastiness. And it's like he's speaking English

but it sounds like it's from another language. Oh gosh. I almost hesitate to call it English and I'd rather call it gutter speak. And the safety pins. What is it with that? Gosh, I almost hesitate to call it English, and I'd rather call it gutterspeak. And the safety pins. What is it with that? Oh, also, sex pistol?

I know what that means. You're not sneaking it by me, tricking me. It's a wiener, Hayes. Think about it. I don't know if that's what it is really? no I mean really? what do you think it is?

really? I'm sorry I didn't come and be really telling me oh please I thought it was like you put your hand in the shape of a gun. I think that's what it is. Have you done that?

No, no, no. But it does seem like it would maybe work. I remember Dane Cook would do the one shape with his hand. And it's like think about it like where's you know if he's saying what he's actually really gonna do with that like where's that last one gonna go

yeah that's right because yeah where's the last one gonna go because that is what was implied because it was like the two fingers going up yes but then where's the thumb exactly Because that is what was implied because it was like the two fingers going up. Yes. But then where's the thumb? Exactly.

And the shocker too. Yes. Dane Cook was an innovator. The shocker as well. He changes the way that you finger people's bodies. Now, is it time to take a break? Yeah, we have to do... I'm so engaged.

Yeah, I don't know if we... Anyone who thinks that we're thinking about bailing on watching the whole show, you're out of your mind. We're really committed to this. And it's going well. The show is generating a lot of stuff for us to talk about and just watching the show is really getting us somewhere so i'm also gonna call dr mcgobby i don't think you know because i do know sometimes people listen to episodes we do like this that

are innovative yes and they go hmm they really didn't know where they were going. And I just, to those people, I'm giving you two, I give you the super finger. Just wait, buddy. Yeah, wait. Till we come back. No guest on Hollywood Handbook. He's watching the boy play catch. And he hit the ball. And he's watching the boy play catch.

And he hit the ball. And he's thinking about his own baseball experience. That's so funny. And his dad's saying baseball stuff. And so what's happened, what I've managed to put together is the boy has funny hands. His son has funny hands. Well, like Spock,

when Spock do the symbol for Vulcan stuff, but not, he can't undo that. So that was not... Almost like Dane Cook doing... His son has what could be seen as an advantage. He has a permanent superfinger. A perma-shocker.

Yes. That's what it is. Okay. And so he watched another boy... He goes to a Little League baseball field to watch other children throw baseballs. I think he's watching the dad of the kid

he beat up. Was that that kid? It is him. There he is. He called the guy's house. How did he find the guy's house? Oh, wow. They know each other and stuff.

It seemed like they'd never met before. For sure. They were in like a laundromat. I think that was because there were a bunch of people eating there. Was that like a lunch place? I think it was. And I didn't see, I thought it was a laundromat too at first, but then I didn't see any clothes, any washing machine or dryer.

But there were lots of people eating coins. Coins, yeah. Yes. Okay. Okay, I'll take your word for it. But it had the feel of a laundromat, which is something I guess some lunch places are doing, according to Hayes.

And so we're still watching the show. Uh-huh, and it's still our show, but we're watching another one. And one thing that I love about TV... The subtitles of that said, it said, walk off home run. And then it says, indistinct, in parentheses, but he said, buzzer beater. Hmm. Okay. But one thing about watching...

Ryan, why in the... When you were doing the subtitles... Ryan did the subtitles for this episode. Why did you say that was indistinct? I didn't make the subtitles. He clearly says buzzer beater. Engineer Connor. Were you pissed off?

I think. Hmm. Oh, he said bye. He got very shy. He said bye and disabled his microphone. One thing that when I'm watching you, when I'm watching a show. Web fingers, not like what Spider-Man has. When I'm watching a show, very funny, is when we take these little breaks that we have to take,

I am used to seeing TV with commercials. I am used to seeing TV with commercials. We've talked before about how Hulu is trying to rob us. I'm sorry, Hulu's doing it right, and we get to pay to see the commercials on Hulu, and they're trying to rob us, I was going to say, because they're trying to do it ad-free now. Yeah.

And that will make them almost as bad as cable, where it's like, yes, there's commercials, but you DVR it, and then you have to skip it yes and so here we want to watch a commercial netflix you can't even find them if you want and this why don't we watch this commercial probably the way it should be done which is during the show yes on top of the show yes well no no need to stop the show. Yes. On top of the show. Yes. Well, no. No need to stop the show, but let's find a commercial. Because then if you skip it, you're going to miss some of your favorite show. So we'll find a commercial to watch. I kind of like sometimes those

ones that seem like they're from Europe that were banned. Oh gosh, I was going to say like, oh yes, because they're too naughty. I was going to say like, maybe like Sapporo or something Japanese because they're too naughty. I was going to say maybe like Sapporo or something Japanese because they get so crazy over there. And you're watching the commercials like, what?

If you think Skittles is rando, how about Japanese Skittles? Yes, I'm always seeing those appearing on my various feeds. And big stars. Okay, so this is just the top beer commercial. Did you see Lost in Translation? No, but I heard... Me neither. I heard the main guy.

Yes, I heard the main guy talking about it. Yes. Julia. Now this is not the commercial we're going to watch. Pre-commercial. This is a teaser for Point Break Yes, extreme sports That's playing ahead of the commercial And now we can skip it

This looks good And I'll leave it up to you We can skip it or we can watch the Point Break teaser No, hold on, I'm into it Maybe it's a little mini teaser freezer We'll watch that on top of the show Splash off the boat and he's looking with binoculars I'm into it. Maybe it's a little mini teaser freezer. Well, watch that on top of the show. Splash off the boat and he's looking with binoculars.

Oh, that wave's too big! He surfed it. No! Surfed right out of it. Nasty. He crashed in the wave A tasty wave They call me Bodhi

Bodhi like from the other point break Now what's very interesting A decision in this movie Is they made the guy Who's doing the Keanu part Yeah Look like Patrick Sway they made the guy who's doing the Keanu part look like Patrick Swayze. And the guy who is doing the Patrick Swayze part looks very much like Keanu. Keanu.

And I wonder if Patrick Swayze is going to play his dad in this. Wouldn't that be so cool? Yes. If he came out like right like sort of before the end where like maybe he was the real bad guy uh and they're jumping from the plane and this is something that people underestimate if you're good at surfing and skydiving then you're actually good at every extreme sport the only prerequisite is adrenaline fearlessness yes fearlessness

because people are bad at surfing because they are scared and that's it and if you're and so that's also why you can't steer your squirrel suit properly Yes Because you're like, oh, what if I mess up? But anybody who surfs can then do a big jump with skis Yes, if you just go in with a fearless attitude Fearlessness or ride a dirt bike like we're seeing now And do a huge jump off a fucking cliff Okay, so that's the first Okay, and what you're hearing in the background now is Nip Tuck is still playing and do a huge jump off a fucking cliff.

Okay, so that's the first. Okay, and what you're hearing in the background now is Nip Tuck is still playing. Here's the new Sapporo beer, and he's on a horse. It must be very messed up if it's from Japan. What? It looks like a fantasy cave. Oh, yes. A cenote. What is that?

Oh, cenote? It's a sinkhole with water, and they have it in Mexico. Is that one of your caving terms? Yeah, well, me and Steffi have been doing more caving lately just as a way to connect underground. Mm-hmm. And when it's dark and you can't see someone, sometimes you see the real them, I always say. Well, then it's like seeing them with your fingertips.

Mm-hmm. You know? Which is another way to, you you like map someone's face and so if you just sort of reach out and make sure by the way that you're not touching a fish oh yeah reaching out and and gently mapping a fish's face with your fingers because then you'll have trouble looking at your significant other the same way anymore. Well, and one thing I like to do when we're down there is I go,

hey, could you feel this rock and see if it feels normal? And then what I really make her do is touch something else. Someone came toward me with a black mask that had this smell and it made me sick. When I woke up... I've tried. My experience with that is, as I say, feel this rock.

See if it feels normal. That it's underwater. And then she feels it and she's like, it feels very soft for a rock. Yeah. It's like very squishy's not, it feels very soft for a rock. Yeah. It's like very squishy. Fleshy. It's hard to convince them that it's a rock because it is so, it has so much give.

Yeah. And it's buoyant. Because, yes, it floats. It floats so much. Because it's almost like cork, except soft cork. And it kind of brings your whole body to the surface. The lower part of your body is on the surface. And so then your head is going under.

It's kind of turning you upside down, yeah. And it's dangerous, truly. It's very dangerous to be in the surface. Yes. So then your head is kind of turning you upside down. Yeah. And it's dangerous. Truly. It's very dangerous to be in the water. Yes. With all that soft cushy cork.

And just as a P.S. the commercial was messed up. Unfortunately it had no noise. But it looked like a magic world. This lady again.

What's happening on Nip Tuck? It's the same lady. Dinklage. Dinklage. He's happening on Nip Tuck? It's the same lady. Dinklage. Dinklage. He's actually very handsome. You're my rock. Okay, that's maybe a reference

to what we were talking about. I wonder if... The idea that Dinklage is one of the surgeons? I'm not saying that's bad, if that's what he's doing. I actually think that's very interesting. But it seems like he would, and this is not against what he's like at all, but if he were going to be doing that, he would have to be kind of suspended from the ceiling. Mission Impossible style.

Mission Impossible style. And doing the surgery as a secret. And someone has like guiding just so he could like get a good angle. But I think all surgeons should have to do that. Because otherwise sometimes they can't reach. It's bad for your back too. They kissed.

He's kissing a regular woman. I believe she's sitting down and he's standing up. And he must be mega boned out right now because it was a very deep kiss and he's walking away and effectively giving himself blue balls so maybe that's the worst blue balls you've ever had well that's so interesting because maybe that's what he has to go to the doctor for. Oh, yeah. You could get sick.

Because I had to go see his hurt. I had these giant blue balls. She's not going to catch anything. It's her last time in the saddle, Sean. I just want to give her the full. And I had to go with. Stomach ache. Yeah, it was really hurting my stomach

And I had to like Go into the doctor and say like Doc I have blue balls He looked at him and He was like yeah we do have to Take care of this right away I got it so bad that It was like a medical emergency

That you had to bust her ass Yeah They had to bust her ass. Yeah. They had to suck the nut or whatever it was out of me. And then afterwards, I don't know what they did with it because they were like, I was like, can I have just to make sure that it's

not out there getting used to make a race of super soldiers. And they were like, oh, we don't know. We just threw it in the garbage. Flushed it or whatever. Meanwhile, you hear all the noise in the background of them making these rifles. At the moment, I'm grateful for every single

surgery that's given me the skill to make my son whole. Making rifles to shoot the special juice. Make him as close to perfect as possible. Hmm? Is that what the rifles do? Well, it's for the super soldiers once they're completed. Oh, okay.

I thought they would use it. They fill up the rifles with the juice, and then you would shoot it on a normal person, and they would become a super soldier. Well, if you shoot a woman in the stomach with it, also now she's pregnant with a super soldier because you have basically a bullet with special juice on it. And if it's because it's being shot in there, it makes the baby faster and bigger. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, because the fast... But that's a really bad case of blue ball the faster it goes in there i was told that when uh how did you get them so bad with some chick just teasing you off yeah it was i was watching tv oh no that's why i don't have one i was watching wild on E and spending a half hour with Jules Asner without getting that release. And the show's out very late at night. So by the time I went to the doctor, you have to go to the emergency room. Long line. Oh, yeah. Yeah, very long line.

It is the faster that goes in there, it's true. The faster that you make the baby comes out. Because the first time... That's why I don't finish inside. Yes. But I've never had that. Yours goes very fast.

I have the opposite problem. Mine goes too fast. have the opposite problem mine goes extremely slow I have to like carve out some time afterwards just to sort of work its way out

yes yeah it's almost... If you've ever seen the maple syrup process, where the sap dribbles out of the tree overnight. It is, yes. The very beginning of the maple syrup process. And they attach a metal bucket to sort of my undercarriage.

And it sort of my undercarriage. And it's sort of King Dribbler. I mean, you know. But yes, yours is very fast. Yeah, but I've, and I've never had, perhaps as a result, I don't need to carve out time.

I've never had that experience. That's why you don't finish inside. You go to like the other room. I don't finish inside. I always bust and I never pay for it. And so I don't, that's why you don't finish inside. You go to like the other room. I don't finish inside. I always bust and I never pay for it. And so I haven't, I haven't had some of these. That's why I interview you about this stuff. It's so interesting to me.

And it's not like faster or slower is better. Actually, something in the middle would probably be best. One thing about this show now, Nip Tuck, is the lady they're doing the surgery on is the lady singing while they're doing the surgery. Singing at the same time. Yes. How fucked up is that?

And Burt Baccarat is the guest and you remember him from Austin Powers? Yeah. He's the guest and you remember him from uh austin powers yeah he's uh um one million dollars right yes yes this is gross i wish they didn't have to show him carving up because, you know, not that long before we were practically almost seen the baby, um,

sucking on milk. And so, and now to then put gross stuff, it's going to create, it's going to conflate these two things in a way that perhaps makes me a pervert. Yeah. But this was a good way.

I've never seen this show but i sometimes google image it and this was a good way to see because you can show a breast on tv if it's fully removed from a woman body or men or man. Or a man. And so this was a good... But it can be on a rat's back. It can be part of a cabinet. Yes. It can be a funny doorbell. So,

they've managed to find a lot of different ways. Ooh, I'm gonna see his face. Do you... lot of different ways. Ooh, I'm gonna see his face. Is that Breaking Bad's brother's wife? Is that actress? I don't think so. I think it's Breaking Bad's brother's wife. It doesn't really look like her. I guess it

could be. What makes you say that? Because she has a baby, but she doesn't have a baby. Oh, yeah. She does have sort of brown hair. I wouldn't even say it's really brown. No, not totally. Parts of it are a little brown. The middle.

And I wouldn't say that Breaking Bad's brother's wife really had brown hair either. This part's unrealistic because my wife could never talk to me like that. Yeah, Sean, we do. His name's Sean. Oh, shit. And so we have, oh, that makes you mad? I know I've been kind of a mad man lately. I was so obsessed with the name Connor Surge.

You heard that someone else had your name and you said, oh, shit? Yeah. You said... You heard that someone else had your name and you said, oh, shit? Yeah. Why? Does that mess something up for you? Come on. I got to compete with every Sean, Dick, and Harry on TV? I'm the Sean in this town. Okay, just to be the Sean.

Baby. Okay, that makes sense. Good, I'm going to see this town okay just to be the Sean baby okay that makes sense good I'm gonna see his fucked up face I hope they show it but I wonder if it's just like they've been teasing this in every episode of the show forever and every time you watch it you say I'm gonna get to see the boy's face

and then you get to the end no oh boy I mean I cause everyone else on the show gets to see it why don't I get to the end. Oh boy. I mean, because everyone else on the show gets to see it. Why don't I get to see it? Yeah,

just because I'm not on the show. I mean, the back of this kid's head is great. It's like really good. It looks soft. But I do want to see the front as well.

I found several dozen ways to show me the back of his head and to put him in various hoods and hats. Oh, okay. I'm so close. I can see the top part. Oh, boy. It really is like Wilson. So he had a smile train

face. And it makes me wonder if that's what Wilson had. Yeah, I think so. Is this the other Doctor I don't know Wasn't there supposed to be two There is Doctor

Are you trying to figure out which is the other one No he was doing surgery with the other one But he just didn't have a story or something This week I know I saw the other one i remember dr troy oh he said he is a plastic surgeon so they've revealed it they solved it it was him so they solved it so this might be the last one yeah i guess and now does he become the joker because they'll establish a new mystery does he become the joker because we know he's changed his mouth once yeah so it does seem like he he would be able to change it again

with the toxin and we they showed him basically punch a man for no reason and that's the very beginnings of really starting to embrace chaos because what I love about all shows is wondering which characters which boy is gonna grow up to be Batman and which of the other characters are gonna be

the different bad guys from Batman's world. And even in shows with adults. Mm-hmm. So I'm kind of done with this. Do you want to stop it? Well, it did go black for a second, and I was hoping that that was going to be the end.

But it was not over. He's the only one at the funeral and he killed her on the operating table. She did die, huh? Mm-hmm. And so she was singing. That was her heaven prize. Yeah, I guess we could just have it be...

What do you think happens when you die, Hayes? Well I thought she I thought she was just gonna say I came That's such an interesting question to think about You're bad. You're filthy.

I'm asking what happens when you die and you just want to go back telling more stories about being King Dribbler. I think it's that you start over again. You get to decide who you want to be next. And pick it out, yeah. Yes. And you can take a break if you want. You can take as long a break as you want and watch everyone else make their decisions. But you can also reserve somebody so people can't take your choice.

Yeah, be your guy. Yes. And it can be someone who already lived. It can be anyone. Mm-hmm. And it can even be someone who is alive, and you can

start being them at any point in their life. That's very spiritual. So you don't think we're just worm food? No. Unless you want to be worm food. Unless you pick to be that. Unless you pick worm food. So do you have your eye on anybody to be next

time? Uh I would like to El Chapo or anybody? El Chapo would be really interesting. I guess I would like to have the brains of El Chapo. Because you can combine anybody as well. Brains of El Chapo.

Speed of... What was the guy? Not Usain Bolt. That's too fast. Dan and Dave. Remember when Dan and Dave were going to race at Barcelona? But then one of them didn't qualify. Yes, I like the speed of Dan and Dave.

Or were you going to say Michael Johnson with his gold sneakers now that would be interesting do you get the sneakers if you pick to be him or do you have to go and find them yes no you can get his sneakers he already has them or you have to go find them

Hayes you have to go find him but he tells you he gives you the initial clue ah that's cool so the speed of him and the brains of el chapo and then any particular body or face i guess the body of Tim Allen when he is becoming the Santa Claus, but he's not all the way. He's fighting it. When the woman asks if he got stung, or he says he got stung by a bee at work. That was a funny body. And she's like, a bee?

We should do... Really? And he says, yeah, it was a big bee. That's what I want to do. And then be able to run away so fast. And have the braids of El Chapo. We should do... So you could hide. We should do more of these commentary episodes because it really focuses us nicely.

Because some of our episodes feel kind of aimless and we're just like feeling around for something. But this is a nice anchor where, yes, this guy's a plastic surgeon. Yes, this lady's dead. And so that is like a constant in the show and you never feel lost. But also we stumble onto, through talking about the show, these great things like, imagine in having the speed of Michael Johnson

and a clue to get his shoes and the braids of El Chapo and the stung by a bee joke body of Tim Houghton from the Santa Claus. The perfect man. And if you could sort of pick who you wanted to be, I mean, who among us wouldn't select those type of attributes? Oh, there's the baby again.

I hope they do it right this time. Is this the same show? Yeah, maybe. I cannot believe how long a show can be. How much time was there? Did you see? When you did it so fast? Yeah.

Well, that made it even longer. So whatever it would have said, it now takes longer. I feel like we're done. It says on the top. So the subtitle just said George Michael and that's it. And then this song started playing. They didn't feel that they needed to be any more specific. I think they think this is George Michael's most famous song, but it's not.

Is our guest here for a different episode? they think this is George Michael's most famous song, but it's not. Is our guest here for a different episode? He texted cool after I told him the address, and that's the last I heard. Okay. Well, that seems like he's going to be here really soon then.

So this is a song. See, and this is one of those interesting Ryan Murphy things. They're about to do surgery on a baby, and the song is very sexual because I feel like they're going to do surgery on a baby And the song is very Very sexual Because I feel like they're Gonna get to see all the baby's Parts is what's kind of implied No No

If I know this show We actually won't They'll find some way to like Put a baby's Mouth over it or something Seems to be the MO You know what I never asked What kind of face would you have

What kind of Well Or is it implied that you have Tim Allen's face as well? Because that kind of makes the Stung By A Bee thing work. That is a big part of the joke. I wonder if I could have just his funny chin. And the face of like... See, it's interesting. The face of like See it's interesting

The face of LeBron But like white Does that make sense? Not to me But I'm Piecing through it you know But immediately Just being totally honest does that make sense to me?

No because I haven't gotten there yet, but I think when I get there, it's going to be worth the trip. Right. Because I don't want... Shh. I'm thinking about it. Oh, sorry. Okay.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. What were you going to say? I just don't want there to be two different colors of face and chin. Right. I have no idea how glad I am to see you. Is Peter Digglage married to the same lady as the doctor?

I can't tell these ladies apart. I think that is the same lady. But he kissed her. Oh, my God. And he left and came back. Probably to finish the job. The blue balls were too much. Even the way he walked in was very slow.

Yeah, no Michael Johnson here What would you do? In what situation? When you get to come back Oh well I believe the same thing As you do so What am I gonna be? So I'm putting together the perfect

Man With different parts. Well, Pauly Shore's sense of humor, duh. Who's Pauly Shore's sense of humor? Yeah, that's good. Gavin Rossdale's songwriting ability I guess I want to be able to jump as high as Bruce Jenner

but without the and I have no problem with what he's doing be careful because they will trick you. It's not any... I'm just... Because just the... They can just be very tricky with the requests.

Mm-hmm. Because if you say, like, jump as high as Bruce Jenner, then it might be that... It has to be in high heels. Oh, okay. Well, okay. And I would like to... No no because that's caitlin that's right um that's right his is sneakers

and it's this is not to start any controversy but i'd like to have the bravery of the of the navy seal man who should have won the bravery of the Navy SEAL man who should have won the bravery award this past year that I always am so invested in. That bravery award is so important to me. I'm always talking about it. But not his... So the runner-up, I guess, I want his bravery.

You want his bravery, but not his leg... Not his jumping ability. Or his leglessness. Not to start, no. Later? Later? Mm-hmm. I think this time it really is over. I'd want the Keith Stone's Taste in Beverages.

Do you remember the Keith Stone campaign? No, tell me about that. For Keith Stone beers, there was a guy named Keith Stone who was really cool. Just got me thinking about commercials when we watched that Sapporo commercial. Keith Stone Beers? No, Keystone Light is a beer, and Keith

Stone was a real cool guy who might be hanging out in a 7-Eleven. Yes, I remember. To get that one. So you want to come back with bitter beer face? No, I want no bitter beer face. That's the advantage of having Keith Stone's good taste. Because if you don't specify sometimes, they will send you back with bitter beer face.

Oh, don't I know it. Hmm. I guess I'd want that Prince Symbols wardrobe. Like when he was the symbol. Right. But he's Prince again and he was Prince before but when he was the symbol

that's when he was dressed great. When he was that Prince symbol. That's when he was dressed great. Do you have to find those? Hmm? The clothes? Ooh, okay. Well, I guess what I get is an Amex black card and a ride to Rodeo Drive. You have to say whose Amex black card. His?

Bill Lawrence. And then he made Scrubs. Undateable live. And then I guess I want my sister's old dorm room. Okay. Because it had some really cool posters and what else do I want

is your sister there no where does she have to go I don't care because I'd like to be alone with her roommate as well and then David Fincher's Eye for Detail. Kelly Clarkson's experience on American Idol.

Just winning and all that. That's the best one. Of all the winners of American Idol, that's the best experience to have because it was so new. That's a good choice. Biggie's flow with Tupac's hardness. I chose Philip Phillips' experience on American Idol, and I wish I had chosen Philip Clarkson's experience. Biggie's flow, Tupac's hardness. Yes.

in this experience. Home. Yeah. Biggie's flow, Tupac's hardness. Yes. And then, am I full up?

Do I have more stuff I should ask for? You have two more lines on the form. Hmm. Better choose wisely. You need a body still, I think. Well,

I wouldn't mind being the Mohawk gremlin from gremlins. In terms of how, because he seemed very strong and ferocious. And you say, oh, society won't accept you like that, Sean, but I know I'm going to win American Idol, so clearly they have. Yes. But I don't need to have his face, but I want his body. And you also won the bravery award.

No, I'm a runner-up. That's right. You didn't win, but you had the bravery that should have won. I'm not saying should have or shouldn't have. I'm just saying that guy seemed pretty brave to me. I thought you did say that. And I really care about that award. I thought you did saying should have or shouldn't have. I'm just saying that guy seemed pretty brave to me. I thought you did. And I really care about that award. I thought you did say should have.

No, I never said should have. I never said that, Hayes. Okay. All I said was, if you ask me, that guy's mighty brave. Snoopy's face. Bye. Hollywood Handbook is brought to you by Wolf Cool Productions, a subsidiary of Calvin and Hobbes. Ow, baby.

that was a hate gun podcast