Hollywood Handbook - Our Farewell to Earwolf Episode

Episode Date: December 29, 2020

SHAUN DISTON helps The Boys say goodbye to Earwolf.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is a head gum podcast this time i just wanna what do you listen yeah just listen just listen i haven't just listened in so long wow wow i guess doesn't matter though we're keeping the song so it doesn't matter well i that was so we are keeping it we must be yeah that's ours so then it's like no point in just listening we might want to go back and talk over it well no this is well that was my question so like that will keep happening we'll be able to hear we'll be able to hear the song kevin yes and it's the same the song is the same i can listen to it whenever

i want do we want to add anything do we want to add like just like my voice real low going like now on a different place just under you know something to make a difference should we if you i know backwards yeah i know there will be some different. We can't have headphones anymore. Is that right? That was a thing. Yeah. We have to give those back. We give the headphones back.

We're taking back the headphones, which is fine. So we won't be able to hear each other, really. So we won't be able to hear each other, but we'll be able to hear the song. And this is like, this is just a new frontiers going independent leaving a network yes we're we're we're taking the leap we are flying out of the nest things are going to be a little different so sean and i my understanding is that we will not be able to hear each other we will be recording on completely separate tracks but now at least we'll know when to start because we will be able to hear the start and then we'll just and i'll just go be for fear that haze isn't talking i'll just be talking

for the entire record are we allowed to uh and i probably actually won't talk at all well and that would be my preference and i've said that since we started the show for fear that you are talking i will probably just i will probably just sit in the cut. So this might actually work really nicely. We can't talk before, huh? We can talk after. Is it true I'm allowed to call him but not on speakerphone? Like, that was so strange to me that that was in the contract.

They also put in the contract we can't listen to the older episodes. Who's we? The three of us. Okay. Okay, you got yourself in there. All right. Slid in. Safe!

That's the lawyer. Well, I guess this is part of what you can expect on the new version of the show. I know we're kind of saying goodbye to the old one here, so I don't want to focus on that entirely. But yeah, I'm going to be doing some observational sort of wordplay comedy. And I just have one to just kick us off with, which it's. Hey, why do they call it a quick time when it takes so damn long to load the thing? And are we allowed to? I want to clear this up to you. When it takes so damn long to load the thing. And are we allowed to... I want to clear this up to you.

Say damn? Well, we can't use brand names anymore. So is that a brand? Yeah, is QuickTime a brand? Technically, yeah. So I wonder how we can get around it. Well, this one, it's fine for it. It's just moving forward.

So I'm just glad I used that one. We can do whatever we want this one is great we should get them all out now yeah so i don't i don't want to wait like forever to talk talk to our guest either i know it's like so uh you know we have a very special guest he's been on some of our best episodes sort of the tradition with him is we do an episode with this guest that is a very good episode that never gets referred to as his episode no yeah people the things people remember are very little about things i've said or joke about it's what it mostly is is sort of you get me on an episode in which the premise is so strong that we probably didn't even need a guest to be up there we could have

done it without a guest and The premise is the guest. Yes. The premise is itself. I just wrinkled in a couple observations. I get a nice little laugh in there. You guys feel, you go home feeling good. No, it feels great. And it's, you know, he's been, you can hear his voice now.

It's Sean Diston. That's right. I'm here. I'm ready to co-sign. I'm ready to laugh. I'm ready to watch. He was on Masked Engineer. He was on 27 Christmas Songs, both famous episodes that do not invoke his name in any way.

And now on the Grand Earwolf finale. Articles have been written. They're talked about on the Reddit. And oftentimes people are like, man, Carl Tartt was really funny on that episode. And unfortunately, I am not Carl Tart. None of us are. Yeah. Well, no, actually, we are legally.

Sean and I are. So things are changing a lot. I already noticed that Kevin has popped off on Mike multiple times. Is he going to be on Mike more? He's like the third boy is that what's happening that's what he said yeah that was like the big that was like the big pitch when he

first talked about going independent and he's like then I can really talk a lot and what is this contract like you guys are going independent so like what is this contract that I know I know it's I was confused too but Kevin basically said like if we want to keep using not only the name of the show but our own names just like if I want to even keep like

my same credit cards and stuff I had to sign something over and yeah he pitched it to me it was pretty enticing obviously he said you know if you do it this way then i can really do my fang and he hit me with like finger guns and then he like pretended to twirl them and like tuck them back into these holsters and i went okay i have to know what this means yeah it's so confusing kevin is becoming sort of a like modern day con man in his sort of like that is so confusing that I have to have follow ups on that. Yeah, that's right. It's true. Well, guys, I'm glad to be here. I'm glad to be chopping it up with the boys. Should I be as unhinged as Julie Klausner was recently? Should I like because normally the energy I bring is i lay back in the cut you know

i sort of wait for what you guys are bringing to the table but i can if if what we're if we're just throwing it all at the kitchen you're just doing it all at the end of the season i could chop it up yeah that's a great question moving forward we do want people to kind of air out their personal grievances with us and and of course compare compare us to the Columbine shooters. Look, this is an episode to celebrate what we've accomplished, our collaboration with Earwolf to hear messages from people. I mean, this could kind of be a masked engineer format where it's like the masked goodbye.

And we hear these farewell messages and we guess who sent them. Kevin reached out to people who've been touched by the show, been impacted, and just asked if they would do a little farewell message. And we thought it'd be nice to give them space on the show. That's great. Listeners and fans and people people who worked with us and because when you have a guest on a show you generally want to get other people that are not on the show a lot of other people talking you want other people talking we you need to take it up time yeah just because it well i mean just to talk about it like if we didn't do that

yeah what would the show actually be? Yeah. It's just you? What are you talking about? Ninja Turtles or some bullshit? No. Yeah, you're right. We should probably hear from other people.

And that's a plug for your ended show. Yes. Plug for a show that is, as of today, dead and being fled like a war zone. Dead and fled. Yeah. today dead and being fled like like a war zone dead and flat yeah i mean like we're talking like we went out to you know obviously our first conversation as we were thinking about going independent was with scott because like he doesn't have a stake in stitcher anymore and we were like why don't you just like come out like do a show with us you don't have to leave comedy bang bang right right but just like do a patreon show like imagine how excited

people would be and he's like not really in that headspace right now not gonna do turns out he already had one in the can he was working on we found out maybe like three hours later that he he announced that he was doing a ninja turtle show uh with with a kid with a not a person with a character from one of the characters from his podcast, which is very confusing to even me why he would agree to do it. But I to clarify, too, he said Scott doesn't have a stake in Stitcher anymore. He doesn't have a stake in Stitcher premium. He does have a stake in Stitcher standard. And I believe Stitcher Signature Selects.

Right. And the airline and the sort of airline wing of Stitcher that is also running. That's obviously taken a hit in these uncertain times, but those flights, I believe they'll bounce back. Yeah. bounce back yeah stitcher signature selects the monthly box that subscribers can get of podcasts suggestions uh really just little note cards that say like random printouts of just lacy mosley's tweets and stuff yeah yeah yeah no well this is great i i want to i want to hear some goodbyes Stitcher Fisheries they mostly do it Scott has a hand in that as well and like again that was like

grocery like retail style fish and stuff but now it's becoming just like pet food restaurant industry is taking a hit and they've moved into exotic like tropical fish as well yes scott has a 2 000 gallon fish tank and there's no fish in it 400 well he has 400 lionfish but he says they're not ready for the

tank he's they're not ready for the tank he keeps them in another tank that i've yet to see they're not ready for the tank he keeps them in another tank that i've yet to see are there yeah i've seen i saw one in just a bag it's just like a grocery store like plastic bag with water in there it was like hanging off of a door handle i was like this can't be how that fish is supposed to and when like i don't why he keeps the big aquarium empty the way he talks about it he's like and you know obviously be stupid if like i lived in or something right he said that to me too always kind of breaks that up he's like it's he's like it's for fish so like yeah it's like for fish and so like extremely strange people would think that was like crazy yeah there he always goes if you think about though kind of is is like Scott says he likes to say that it is down next

to it. He's right. And most aquariums are like wider than they are high, but it's like this one is very tall. No, it's tall. Well, he could he could definitely move in there. That was he told me he asked me he went you dare me to put my bed in there.

It's like it's like no, I didn't even bring that up doesn't seem like a dare he's like oh you don't think i'll do it oh yeah he's like yeah i probably wouldn't even do it unless like i mean if you really dared me i'd never back down from a dare but i i honestly i i probably wouldn't want to do it yeah why are you you coming at me bro he sort of poked my chest Scott if you want to do it you can do it

I can do whatever he wants yeah for sure okay should we hear some clips yeah let's say goodbye to this bad boy let's put it to bed let's send this baby off to sea these are from two hosts talking about when they interacted with you guys in the hallway like last year.

It's really hard, especially when it's someone that you admire. That you admire. Yeah. And that you kind of want it to go a certain direction. Like we wanted it to be a little funny at times too. Yeah, we didn't want it to be like a joke interview because we respect them and wanted it to be worth their time. But at the same time, we want it to be funny and we want to still be ourselves. But at the time, we're freaking out and we can't be ourselves.

And I found myself thinking about being a teenager and just how much I've been following them through all of these years. And it was all hitting me while I was there with them. I couldn't stop. And I lost my sense of humor. But they couldn't have been more gracious and cool about it. Wow. It was hard to think of anything to say while that was happening because it was so engaging and fun and like felt like type of it.

I should be a podcast. I would just. It made me want to just keep listening. Listening, right? There's something about those boys. Yeah. Yeah. It felt like their dynamic and their voices could have been a show I would listen to.

So that's so funny to hear that their experience of running us into us in the hallway, which, which you know you don't know what's going on inside someone else's head i thought they seemed totally normal and yes absolutely they were like they were playing it so cool uh they were and i was nervous i was a little nervous yes am i being funny you know i mean i knew i was being funny now that i think back on that conversation they were kind of like tugging at their jeans yeah or like or like and like pulling like kind of pulling their shirt down really hard yeah sort of kicking like a yeah why do you think they're so like shook by you guys? It feels like normally I feel like Scott and who's that? Adam Scott?

I feel like those guys are confident guys. Scott Adams. It's Scott Aukerman and Scott Adams. Scott Adams and Scott Aukerman. They've obviously done plenty in their own right. I actually would up until today would have maybe even considered

them peers. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. That's amazing. But it's kind of like when you're stomping around the hunting grounds of the pro. When you're walking around those earwolf hallways and the boys walk by, you're kind of like, okay, all right. Home court advantage.

You know what I mean? But that was me, too. I remember when I showed up. When I first met Matt besser i i i hid behind my mom a little bit i yeah i sort of like grabbed onto her leg and just kind of you and like i'm talking guy yeah and i'm like being funny and cool but i am sort of hiding behind my mom you know i mean are you guys gonna miss the hallways you're like when you know eventually this this thing will end and people will go back to the studios you're gonna miss the studios yeah i you know i'm remembering the first time i saw i almost i almost said

wampler uh but when i saw jessica st claire yeah I actually went into the bathroom and I stayed in there for the rest of the day. I didn't come out until it was nighttime. The sun went down and a maintenance man found me in there. And I had to, but I was so afraid. I thought if you'd asked me the day before, would you like to meet her? Would you like to run into her? What would I have said? Yeah, absolutely.

And the maintenance man back then was Brett, right that's right yes before he was an engineer sort of do he he would he would go in and sort of clean out the trash from the bathrooms and stuff and then he was like oh i got an idea for that edit you know and then yeah and then one with the engineers one day that engineers didn't show up. Yeah. And he just said, oh, let me see. Started fiddling around. I know how to take out the trash, if you know what I mean. And then he started fiddling around. Then the rest is history.

And I remember seeing him just kind of strumming on a bunch of tampon strings, kind of pulled tight over a tissue box. But he had fashioned himself, right? Yes, he had fashioned that yes uh yeah brett um it's really sad that i'll never get to talk to him ever again yeah he's dead to you guys yeah it sucks uh yeah the hallways i'll miss um the new format of the new studio where like you used to walk in and like be right in among the desks with everybody you could almost read kevin's emails from the front desk yeah it was just right yeah i'll

definitely miss the new version where that was a that was going on at a at a different place a farther away place yeah that i would have to actually make a big deal of going over to, but didn't have to. I guess I'll miss having a different person have whatever job I was familiar with someone in every week. So one month you'd get like an email being like, here's, you know, here were your, whatever, merch sales this month that you're not entitled to.

And then a few short weeks later, a different person would be sending that email. You'd never hear of the first person again. You'd reply to the first one and it would like erase itself. And you'd just be like, I don't understand. You'd say, hi, I have an idea to do something. And they'd go like, oh, that's so great. Let me pass you on to Kelly.

And then you'd email Kelly again. And you know, your email would start like glitching out and a laughing skull would appear on your screen. And then you'd go like, oh no. When you reset your computer, you'd go, hey, I tried to email Kelly. And they'd say, there hasn't been a kelly here ever they'd say but if you if you'd like to talk to branigan branigan is in charge of that that sort of department now and then you talk to branigan we email him same thing you know it was really interesting and it kept me on my toes and it

kept the place exciting and lively in a way that i'm not sure we're going to be able to recreate. Okay. We want to hear from. Yeah. That was really nice, by the way. Thank you to those guys. I'll really I'll miss them. I'll still keep talking to them.

Here's two more hosts talking about working with you. I love this human. He is one of my favorite humans. I'm so excited for you guys to hear his awesome, this human. He is one of my favorite humans. I'm so excited for you guys to hear his awesome, sweet voice. He's just a delight. I can't wait. Go ahead. Go ahead. That's how he would say action. Yeah. Go ahead. He would also give me notes like this. He would say, Jenna, you know what? In this next take, why don't you... You know what? Go ahead. Yes! He would start to give me a note

and then not give me a note. I would be like, what kind of ninja mind game is this? Yeah. Wow. They were saying he, so I'm like, I want to know which one of you they were talking about. Is it both of you? Who was the one giving the notes? They thought

we were the same guy. So, obviously, Because is it both of you? Who was the one giving the notes? They thought we were the same guy. So obviously we've met them both on many different occasions, you know, over the years. And they think you're a guy named Sean Hayes. Is that right? Yeah. Which is odd. I guess you would think that they would have dealt. They don't know about the other Sean Hayes.

And you would think that like they's they were, I think, that would be night for at least for a little while. Yeah. But no to us, like to them, we are the only Sean Hayes that there is. But they and I wouldn't say I was giving them a note either. I, you know, when I would go directing their show, we're directing office ladies yes but like i i also like continue like yes we were directing their podcast but i wouldn't say it was

like giving them a no but you were saying that no i that's what i that's all i was saying is yes we were directing office ladies yes we were you know at the helm obviously they're the talent like we're just trying to create an environment where they can thrive where they can do their thing and kevin's giving me the finger guns again and which i think we did like i think that you hear i mean you see how many fucking i heart radio awards these cats get nominated for i mean this shit is insane it's electric when they get together and so our job really was to stay out of the way. Yeah, just contain it. And I think your note was a good note.

Like there are no cameras to be looking at. So like stop doing that. Okay. The podcast is good without the mug and the camera. Like we don't need that, but they were just so trained. Go ahead. That's the only note they needed. Yeah.

And I would say go ahead rather than action and a lot of times it was not it was because we were both standing like just outside the doorway of the studio yeah and they were refusing to kind of enter which i'd say go ahead walk please walk inside now please go in there we cannot record from out here go ahead but they still love you they still love you guys they love this human this human Sean Hayes

and I get like the direction that I remember giving that I think they are still doing, which is to stop kind of like running around. Yeah. They would like really kind of get their energy up and then just kind of have to just

like zip around the room a little bit. And my note was like convert that kinetic like physical energy to just like zoom around the room and turn that into remembering the office that's all you

all they have to do just like remember the office with the same energy that you're now because now you're tired now you're too tired to remember the office now you can't remember shit right remember the it's too much then Kevinvin it's like yeah okay

i remember yeah that part is good but do you remember the marathon episode that's also more of yeah i wish that was more of what we were doing here rather than we run around for so long and then the remembering the office is like such a small percentage of what we do in the studio time. Those early days were frustrating. But I would just say, go ahead. Again, so nice. Thank you. The best.

The best. All right. Here's one more. Look around you guys. This was your first home. And it was a happy place. Filled with love and laughter. But more important, because of rent control, it was a friggin' steal.

This is harder than I thought it would be? No, it's going to be okay. Well, do you guys have to go to the new house right away, or do you have some time? We got some time. Okay, should we get some coffee? Sure. Where?

Where? Oh, please, we all knew where in the earwolf cafeteria sort of zone we all knew where we were going from that like weird keg raider thing that definitely has mold in it the joyride yes tap coffee

that was broken two thirds of the time. I don't want to be unfair. Sometimes coffee came out, but you were like, well, I know it shouldn't look like this. Kevin, do you want to talk about the process of getting

that clip for people who might not know who it is? Who was talking, yeah. Yeah. Like who was talking there? Yeah, was that an Earwolf host? Potentially. Hey, the way things are going.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Nothing's off the table, right? Kevin's doing his thing. I mean, there's going to be a Kevin's doing his thing that's I mean there's gonna be a lot more of this guys strapping that was the the cast of friends talking about their experience and talking about us and how like this was really our first this was our first home and because of rent control it was a freaking steal yeah yeah and we did you know we moved around it

we've seen them like the different offices come and go we were in that tiny little sean do you ever see that tiny little office i don't think i was around that was before sean that was pre-sean before this place really popped off it was really hot jeff alrick said it made us funnier uh and that little bit of suffering yeah uh not no sorry not funny he said it made us funny uh and uh that stuck with me for a really long time i think he was right those were the best episodes it has all gone downhill since the room was so so hot from all the machinery couldn't open the window because you would hear the street outside.

The window itself had kind of a magnifying glass effect where the sun would come in and not leave. Just roast you. It was a convection oven, basically. There was a really intense effort at that time to figure out a way to record podcasts on video that was never really figured out. So yeah. And that video equipment was pretty good with the heat, right? Like didn't make it any.

Yeah. It was good to add more machines, wanted more machines soup. It was so nice to invite, you know, people who were, you maybe had one favor you could cash in from them in your entire life. And to use it to get them into just the hottest room.

And for the experience to be not by any normal standard pleasant. Yeah. To watch them sweat through their shirt on camera for vpn which was really cool i remember that oh vpn yeah that's what got you into this so you're like i gotta be a part of this i gotta get a vpn i gotta get on vpn that shit was gone by the time I showed up. Well, VPN ultimately became Veep. You notice it was a lot of the same Airwolf people. They were on camera again. But they were Veeping.

And they ended up Veeping on HBO to the tune of about a dozen Emmys or so. So that's what can happen when you have that kind of magic. Obviously, we were not brought over in that shift, but it still was really exciting to see all my friends have that happen. None of them, huh? It was nice of them to reach out to.

We've been talking for so long about them doing Friends Ladies, doing a show where they talk about friends, but i guess i'd like they can't get the deal to work or something or they can't remember it like uh well they're they're probably currently at the stage that we were initially at where they are running around and getting so tired that by the time they try to remember friends they actually can't remember jack shit this is why you got to bring in a director guys like i know you guys think you're famous and you can just have a show and get microphones but you need direction but just get two guys who you think is one guy and let them direct you okay here's one more clip okay sorry hey go ahead no go no no no you go you go it's it's a third

kevin show now so he's no sorry kevin's gotta go. It's the third Kevin show now. So he's... No, sorry. Kevin's got to go, Sean. Whatever you... Like, Kevin's gonna do this clip. So everyone else, complete silence while Kevin plays his little clip. My only wish for you, because I do honestly really consider you a friend. You're someone who's... I have a lot of admiration for as a person my wish for you is that you take

30 seconds every day to understand that you have done it and that you have some self love every day to say I did it I did do it, it has been done you are continuing to do it

but honor that you did do it kevin you know what i mean no that okay hold on oh wait a minute now hold on wait a minute that was so nice of him wait what did he say i guess this was to me. Oh, my. But what is it? What's the it that he's referring to? How'd this get in here? I think just making it, you know? God.

So I thought we were past all of it. I thought this was a nice olive branch. So, of course, as soon as he shows up to the network my first thing i sent to sean is like only one of us is getting out of here alive like this is became a thunderdome situation immediately yes it's like it's it like the two silverbacks. The two tall white dudes who essentially represent. And so it was like, okay, here it goes. Here we go. Let's see what happens.

And made it work for a while. Like the competition for guests, for studio space, like everything became this, like everything had to be a fight. It's a fucking zero sum game for some people where I, you know, it's just one of these guys where a guest you're getting is a guest he doesn't have.

I always say they could stick around and do the podcast right after, but you know, that's not it. He said, I don't want your fucking sloppy seconds and for that reason we don't we haven't had a lot of overlap with guests and i think that's a lot of his haven't done our show you'll notice you just go down the list and but we've had a lot of people too that he didn't get how you're talking to one of them you're talking how rodnick myself okay have not been on on the show let me ask you this. You know what I mean?

And we don't need to be this territorial about it. I'd be happy to introduce him to Hal. I wouldn't mind having Sandler on our show. You just exchanged. Hayes, is it true that you and Conan are doing a versus battle where you're going to both do a podcast in front of a crowded Atlanta and sort of figure out who's who's the podcast king they said we are gonna do an in-person versus i like i feel very

unprepared for it uh i am working very hard to contract covid to find an out to stop because and then do like like what ashanti did and be like oh i'll oh i'll still january but then they're like no we have to cancel this why did we start doing these in a shared space anyway wasn't kind of the idea that yeah this was a way to do this while like keeping people separate so to be the bigger person and to say like you know what this is yours and best of luck with it and like we really hope it goes great for you

good luck with the chill chums like cause summer s'mores with the chill chums yes we were gonna that was we were gonna do that with Matt and his assistant Sona but and then he took the chill chums that's okay that's great I'm happy We were going to do that with Matt and his assistant, Sona. And then he took the chill chums. That's okay. That's great.

I'm happy. Happy. As long as the chill chums have a home, I'm happy. Because for me, it was never about like, it's my thing. It was about the world needs to meet the chill chums. This is huge of you guys. I feel like just... Oh, please. Oh, please.

This is how I've always been that's what people don't realize yeah this should be your reputation shot yeah thank you you're willing to step aside for the good of other people the good of the network and instead

it's what being funny I know whatever so fucking pathetic oh i gotta make everybody laugh all the time dude's got me busting up left and right right everything's a joke it's like oh how about i just sit down and tell you the truth i love the chill chums but and so to go through all this all this this whole thing and to have his farewell be start out as this very nice thing but it turns out to be to Kevin only he might have got confused I think it was on purpose with him you think I think it was on purpose I think he he understands

you guys are leaving the network and it's a sort of like fuck you guys on the way out i feel like he's just saying like deuces don't let the door hit you or the good lord split you it's kind of and that what is what i heard conan's reputation is like he's vindictive he'll come at you yeah and i i did like, it's been this weird thing where, okay, now he gets to take over and he becomes the kind of earwolf big dog. Right. But he was saying, like, I see that you're stepping aside, but then you also better not start a new podcast at 10 o'clock right before mine. Which, I don't know what that means. start a new podcast at 10 o'clock right before mine? Which I don't know what that means. When do podcasts drop at 10?

We've said it's yours. Take it. We're giving you the space to thrive. He's looking for a fight. He's looking for a fight. No, he's really is. He's searching for something to be upset with us about. It's like, I'm not starting a new podcast at 10 o'clock right before you're like that's that makes no sense at all yeah kevin talk about your history with him you guys went on a trip one time or something

yeah we went to new york i watched him interview lin-manuel miranda for about three minutes before so that's what he considers making it is watching him. Just take some time every day to know that you did that. Just remember minutes. You know, I don't care if it's the first, second or third minute, but just relive the minute. One of the minutes of the Lin-Manuel Miranda that you witnessed. So take 30 seconds every day means just like split it up over. Remember the entire thing over the course of like a week.

And then restart over again. Yeah. Well, there must have been a little bit of a post game, you know, analysis as well that he could probably save her on Sunday. Why did you have to leave after three minutes? There's too many people. I think I kind of became like the machine the machines that earwolf or just the room and just your sort of like heavy breathing was starting to add to the cacophony 90 seconds you saw people kind of like shaking their shirt a little bit like

oh man we gotta get this kevin guy the fuck out of here and you got the message or you were told explicitly to leave the room I got the message because someone looked at me looked at the door and looked back at me someone oh damn another hot another hot Kevin anecdote

another staple of a Sean distant episode. We turn to remember how much Sean loved the story that Kevin told Sean's the best guest. Love to hear him. Enjoy Kevin stories.

Okay. I screamed when I saw it was a sean distant episode and just knew i was gonna hear a full kevin story be a better you in 2024 with babble the science-backed language learning app that actually works. Don't pay hundreds of dollars for private tutors or waste hours on apps that don't really help you speak the language. And the question that I always get, people stop me and they say like, Hey, I trust you. I know when you endorse a product, it's something that you really use and care about. But there's one language that I'm trying to learn, and that's body language. Can Babbel teach me body language?

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for real conversations, and that includes body-based conversations. What does it mean when you drop someone off after a nice date, and they turn around at the door, and they take their little index finger, and they kind of draw it towards them.

They're pulling it. What does that mean? Does their finger hurt? I wonder if they spotted a spider web or something. They're trying to pull down the spider web. Pull it down. Yeah. But I've seen this too after a lot of dates,

and I need and have needed something like Babbel to figure out what the heck is this person doing with their finger? Because it looks like an emergency. I know I was supposed to do something. Or how about those people that stand in the street? They're kind of like, they've like almost like police clothes on it may be almost yeah and they're standing in the middle and as i'm driving and i'm cruising they're holding their hand up for like a high five almost and they're really aggressively like pushing it out i'm like am i supposed to drive get out of the car? Or just do it out the window as I'm going?

That's what I've been doing. That seems dangerous. But some of these very subtle body language cues have escaped me and many listeners, I'm sure. Babbel's tips and tools are approachable, accessible, rooted in real life situations, which I have all the time, and delivered with conversation-based teaching so you're ready to practice what you've learned in the real world. Studies from Yale, Michigan State University, and others. Can't feel good to be others there. Continued to prove Babbel is better.

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want to establish it's none of this like here's a like a pile of ingredients like this is the meal yeah it's not a recipe okay this is the meal you cook the full meal for us now okay yeah you don't just send us a bunch of stuff you had laying around in your cabinet you're actually doing the cooking and there are 35 different options to choose from every week including calorie smart protein plus and keto which is this it's a little bit of all of them okay okay it shouldn't be there are also more than 60 add-ons to help you stay fueled up and feeling good all day long how many add-ons and what are some of them it's one big add-on and it's you on your bed you're so tired after you eat my meal the promises the meal makes us sleepy You've been pushing that so much. You're saying that you will be added on to your bed.

Yeah. Your bed plus one. That's the opposite of what this is supposed to do. It's supposed to help you stay fueled up and feel good all day long. A lot of these, I know, give you a ton of energy. They have smoothies and things like that. This is wrong. Reservation for two, me walking in my bedroom.

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This is not even up for consideration. So let's just hear what the actual meal was. What was the food? I don't want to go to bed. It's very simple. It's one huge chicken nugget. Sign up and save. We've done the math.

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They're the scourge of our modern life. And you never realize what you're subscribing to or that you're still being charged. I know that I was about 19 dresses into receiving each one of the 27 dresses from the movie 27 Dresses i found out how much it was costing yes that they intended to send me by the way you'll this will shock you 54 dresses if i did not cancel and i you know oh that one's got an end point by like dress 14 15 i think it starts to become clear like these aren't the dresses oh no they were not from the movie they didn't resemble anything from the movie they were not they were either way too big or way too small for a human to wear yeah and one of them was a dressing

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that 500 million was most of that was the the dresses well yeah i mean you're talking about hollywood memorabilia you're talking about like ornate gowns, you know, in some cases. And so that was, yeah, that was costing me a lot, a lot, a lot. Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash the boys. That's rocketmoney.com slash the boys. Rocketmoney.com slash the boys. Hollywood ham.

Any more clips go ahead here's a Earwolf host talking about their experience doing the show and it is this incredible combination of

both funny stand up and social observation but also heartbreaking honesty and sincerity around

trauma as a child and how that goes on to shape the rest of your life and probably led him to being a stand up comedian. So he's on the show being funny and cantankerous and overly opinionated. And we went to all kinds of stupid and then heartbreaking places. And he even surprised me with how vulnerable he was willing to be on this podcast and we still just don't see that enough from men so i'm so grateful for him because you know we all need to be soothed we all need to figure our shit out and so i welcome i welcome that conversation wow yeah we i mean we had a wonderful experience uh she she did our show uh we the stand also thought we were one person even though you were both sitting in we were both in

the room we were talking not at the same time but she has a condition in which she sort of merges it's it's a lot she never seemed to look at either one of us to her credit like i think it was purely an audio experience for her and and we've been told our voices are close she was kind of looking between us and it looked like if this makes sense it looked like she was doing a magic eye but she's trying to like blur the room so much that she could see like a dolphin image or something yeah for like for the whole time and the stand-up thing like we were yeah we were standing up to do the show i'm not i don't forget what it was for you sean i had a little just a thumbtack sticking out of my butt yeah

and i don't i didn't want to reach down and like look and make her think that i had like pulled it out of my the inside of my butt or something not that like that's okay no absolutely normal now i know that would have been fine and now we're like with with with with her in particular that she would have thought that was totally fine and cool yeah i had a metal rod in my skinny jeans that was making it that my knee wouldn't bend. So you either are sitting down in a way that looks like offensive, like you have your foot on the table. Yeah.

So I chose to be polite and say standing for the entire time. And I was, you know, I'm obviously not going to take off my skinny jeans or right yeah wrestle with a metal rod do you guys think that you're gonna be bringing a lot of the sort of trauma and sort of heart breaking yeah i think it's important for men to be i think it's important for men to be vulnerable in the way that we were in our episode with her and that we've tried to be in in all of our episodes with you you know, I try to talk about, um, some kind of fucked up shit that happened to me. Right.

Right. But now to do it on, on Patreon, I think, uh, is to really do justice. Yeah. You should be getting these stories.

Absolutely. This is shaping up to be a classic episode. I'm feeling it are you guys feeling it oh my god the format is incredible i feel like this should be every episode just sort of bringing in other clips hitting them chopping it up kevin's coming in yeah the clips has been really good and and some of kevin's stuff i've liked as well i really liked it Some of Kevin's stuff I've liked as well. I really liked it.

Okay, Kevin. You got to come back, man. When we go into bed, I mean, it's been great to have you on these Earwolf episodes. We got to find a really strong premise to get you back on. We got to see if it translates. Maybe it's like the episode

where you have like 25 other people on and I can sort of be one of 25. That feels like where I sort of fit in the pocket, you know? Yeah, 25 people or some other way we could pull clips, something to listen to with you. That would be so cool. Yeah, that'd be really fun. We could listen to my Ninja Turtles podcast, just the Scott parts. And then sort of talk about what you guys would have said in my place,

you know, just the Scott. That kind of centers you into the premise though, in a way that I, actually, if they were to do a write-up, there's no way to sort of avoid the name. Yeah. You're related to, cause I think on that other podcast, you talk. Yeah. Even if we're not listening to that part, it's good.

It could kind of steer people towards something you've done. Yeah, I'm not getting any Google alerts on the Vulture article that drops for that. So I feel like you're right. Yeah, that's maybe not right. But something like that. We could listen definitely to a different podcast. That could be really fun.

And there's no rules on Patreon you sort of can do whatever you want and here are so many rules Kevin okay these are our friends Jack and Christian saying goodbye the most important part of your life was the time

that you spent with these people that's why all of you are here. Nobody does the Lone Jack. You needed all of them and they needed you. For what? To remember. to remember and let go. I had heard a lot of people think that Hollywood handbook is purgatory. Like, like,

I don't know if that theory is true, but every time I do the shy, I do get this feeling of like, man, I don't eerie. It's not like that. It's not like the worst feeling of like, man, I don't eerie. It's not like that. It's not like the worst feeling. No, it is.

It's also not good. It's not great. It's right in the middle. Definitely feels long. And it's been going on. Yeah. Forever. Yeah.

And no reason for it to ever be over. I don't understand a lot of it for sure, but it's entertaining. Like the broad strokes of it for sure but it's entertaining like the the broad strokes of it are good no obvious next thing and even that like the ending of like this version of it people are like kind of like why is this happening yeah it's true and and like your podcast is about remembering like i think in like a hundred years people are gonna look back at hollywood handbook to sort of understand what it was like to be in hollywood yeah and be doing a podcast you know well to have been raised by tv i mean it's

yeah it's like just to remember that yeah that's how we were raised and to like different bands to like really go deep on a few different bands you guys showed up as newcomers for sure and you know what you should do for the patreon you should bring back the reality show show why not wow that's a really good idea um yeah let's see if we can get two people to say that they want that. Look, I have a hole on my Patreon right now. Maybe I could ask Scott if he wants to do the reality show show with me. That's cool. I would take a very reasonable percentage.

Yeah. I was flattered. Kevin told me that they said on the best ofs that they referred to the reality show show in a way that confirmed that they did know what it was. Which they had claimed they didn't. Yeah, they've been saying for a really long time that they did. We don't even remember that happening. What do you mean you've been here for a long time? Yeah.

And that people say now, like when people ask like, you ended this show, like what was the point of doing all this? Like, what was this all like leading up to and when i say like it was about the characters it was all about like the characters of their journey it's about if you're not understanding and going on the journey then it's like there's no answer that's going to satisfy oh you felt like you were interested in like what was actually going on and stuff? No, it was about the characters. And it was about letting go. It's about letting go.

Just fully giving up. Just kind of going limp and letting the current take you where you're going. I mean, it was, you know, which is hard to do. Yeah. I think in the beginning you can feel us. We're so rigid and we're trying to make the show into something yes that's right you've got your you both have your ties on you were a tie to every episode i remember and now you're just like you've let go in a way that

is healthy i think it's much easier to just punish the audience instead of yourself that's one or the other either you have to like work very hard and uh and please the audience or you please yourself and you punish the audience i have a really i have a question why do they say small in the theme song so many times that's one of those easter eggs i've always wanted an answer to sean. That was Sean's idea. Why do they say small, small, small? Okay, well, the... Answer it for the finale. The fans want to know. The answer is, well, we're keeping the song. The answer is...

We are, okay. The original concept of the song was to list the four people who... In concept, the four people who we think other people think are the biggest celebrities on the planet. Then to say those celebrities are in fact small. We are what's big. Wow.

Okay, so I actually am now getting a new understanding for the song. And wow, this really does feel like a finale moment. And wow, this really, really does feel like a finale moment. So it's sort of like we're so out of touch that we think you think Richard Gere and Roopar Grant are the most famous people. In fact, the most famous people are Hayes and Sean. So forget them. They're small. Here comes Hayes and Sean.

That's good and if that clarifies the show for people in a way that it could like expand listenership and like we could even like stay at earwolf with a bigger if that's been what we're totally open to having that open to changing it or just putting this explainer in after every play so now this episode will now be known as the episode where they explain what the song meant when they do write-ups. And they'll sort of forget who asked the really important question. I forget exactly how that came up. But really interesting answer. Wow.

I'm so glad I learned that. That's good stuff. Okay. Do we have one more clip, Kevin? Can I play, too, one really short one and then one more? Jesus Christ. Oh, my God. We're going to have no time to do any Christmas songs.

We got to do closing time. We won't have any time to do any Christmas songs. Yeah. Christmas time. Time. There we go. There we go. Here's a short one from two hosts that weren't really happy that you guys were leaving.

Leaving just when they're finally getting good again. It's a bummer. They've been dieting. They've been working out. The gray is coming in. It's looking distinguished. And they're leaving a city that really has supported them for decades through the crappy years.

They were good in the early 2000s. I do think he is right. Absolutely. He has a great point. Like you guys are just getting good but that's why we're taking that sick that one guy taking it to patreon is the right move but that guy is right and earwolf is gonna miss you guys that guy yes jason randy is very just like perceptive about that he's got yeah oh gonna miss jason randy for jason randy who why he wears

glasses on only one of his eyes i've never it's an interesting look but yeah i will i will miss him it's sad that i can never talk to him again uh all right one more okay one more i have to explain that this is from some of the fans. And this is it. Let's just sit in being an earwolf right now. Let's sit in this moment of being an earwolf show. Christmas time. Final call for all the fans to say hi to Hayes and Sean. All right, good.

This is your last chance to be sitting at home listening to the show and say hi to us. Or in your car. Just say hi to us. Or in your car. Just say hi to us now. Give you one second to just say hi. Give us just your best hi. Okay. There was a download issue, so if you hear any beeps, I apologize. I couldn't get rid of that.

So here's the last clip. This is David, and I'm messaging you from Tokyo. This is Ian calling from Western Massachusetts. Hey, guys, it's The Knife. Greetings, it is I, John Hodgman. Merry Christmas, boys. It's Trevor and Amanda. Hey, it's Eva Anderson. I miss you guys. Happy holidays. Hey, this is Christine Engel.

Hey, this is Betsy Sedaro. I love you so much. I just want to say Happy Holidays to my best good friends. Because I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for y'all. Since y'all discovered me yelling at that server in a awards restaurant in Long Beach, Mississippi and gave me a shot, I've done nothing but thrive. Thanks for making the show, guys. It's our go-to podcast whenever we're in the car together, and it's brought us a lot of joy

over the last few years. There wasn't a lot to celebrate this year, but at least you gave us Tri-Month. We'll be more to listen to in the new year. Merry and happy

and everything to you guys. I love it when I get to listen to you in my ears, but I prefer it when we can be in the same room together and I hope that that happens again soon. Wow. That is so nice. Wow. A lot of people who have been really important

to our show. John Hodgman, Trevor and Amanda. Trevor and Amanda. Trevor and Amanda, yeah. Great to hear from Carl. Interested, like, that everyone is just wishing us happy holidays. Yeah.

They're not quite getting sort of the big moment that's going on with you guys. Yeah, but, like, that would make no like to have a podcast where like people here if you record just like saying happy holidays to you why would anyone it also felt edited like it's a lot of time going into that i don't understand why someone would make that kevin did you like cut that together the beeps were really there were i did hear a lot of beeps so bad it was a filthy video i think that was a an internet issue that was the internet did that

i apologize yeah okay but you did the music was really nice you did a great job cutting it together thank you damn another classic in the books boys vulture come at me seven years a body of work three distant episodes we here dog we here thank you Earwolf for giving us the opportunity to do this thank you for

letting us go uh we love you we love everyone there uh and thank you to our listeners for coming with us and every single one of them has already committed to subscribe i can't that is so that was so moving again i want to echo to the everyone at earwolf you know uh present and past of course it's been an honor serving with you we love you to all the listeners and even people who were listeners of other shows, just in solidarity saying that they were going to subscribe at least for the first year so that it wouldn't feel like a mistake.

That touched me in a way I can't even explain. And I want to thank everybody too. Shut up, Kevin. I want to thank everyone for coming along the ride. I feel like the first episode I was in over my head. I didn't know what I was, you know, I was scared. Yeah. And then I came back and ultimately we put things together.

But now I feel like I've become a man, a podcast man. I'm here at the end of the Hollywood handbook. It's been a journey for me too. It's been an incredible journey for me too. So I want to say thanks to you guys. Thanks to Earwolf. This moment cannot be about you. Thanks to Matt Apodaca,

Cody Ziegler. I want to say thanks to Brett. Thanks to all the engineers that, Cody Ziegler. I want to say thanks to Brett. Thanks to all the engineers that have worked. Devin, Brett. Cody. Cody. Ryan. Jordan.

Sam. Jordan. Sam Kiefer. Jordan. We should keep having them as guests. Devin. Did we say Devin? July and Dalton and Katie Baker, who all published every episode. July. And all the pro versions as guests. Devin, did we say Devin? July and Dalton and Katie Baker, who all

published every episode. Yes, Dalton, Katie. Big ups to Bosh! Other just names I remember. Bosh, Scoop Troop. That other dog that was in the studio that Paul F. Tompkins kind of liked.

Yeah. Tugboat. God bless Tugboat. Big ups. Thank you to everybody. Big. Such big ups to Tugboat. Big ups to Earwolf, Scripps, Midroll, Stitcher, all of the animals.

Wolfpop. VPN. Our fallen comrade wolf pop shout out to whoever does the um right now on earwolves at the beginning of every episode shannon i don't know who that is shout outs now i know what's on earwolf so shout out huge ops to resuming episode. We'll miss you so much. Bye.

Bye. Hollywood Handbook. That was a HeadGum Podcast.