Hollywood Handbook - Paul F. Tompkins and Joe Wengert Present Brandon Content, A WolfCool Exclusive Character

Episode Date: October 26, 2015

On a very spoOoOky Halloween episode of Hollywood Handbook, Sean and Hayes tear away the cobwebs off the Teaser Freezer as they breakdown the new film "Burnt." Then JOE WENGERT, Head of Branded Content at WolfCool Industries returns to introduce a brand new PAUL F. TOMPKINS character by the name of BRANDON CONTENT.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. you know what'd you think was crimson peak was it scary was it smart all these things and i i said i love the first like hour and a half but then when it when it turns out that it was that it was all Beetlejuice. Doing all the pranks, yeah. Yeah, when it's like Beetlejuice has been hired. Remember me? Yeah. Yeah, that's when he's small. Yeah, remember me?

When he's in, yeah, when he eats the fly and he goes. Yeah. Which they do again yeah they do a lot of stuff again it's like the first 90 minutes is a new movie

terrifying it's almost as if they stitched the reel from Beetlejuice into that he didn't finish the first movie and then just started playing Beetlejuice into that, like they didn't finish, like he didn't finish the first movie and then just started playing Beetlejuice. Well, yeah. And it's so weird.

There's just a scene where she suddenly, and it seems to have only occurred to Guillermo del Toro, like after having filmed the first hour and a half she goes to wind the cuckoo clock yeah and then what comes out is beetlejuice with a little hammer and he bonks himself on the head he goes cuckoo cuckoo remember me and then she goes beetlejuice have you been up to all this nonsense and he's like you got me babe and then he then he eats a fly burp. No, he says, bitch. That's right. Yeah. It's really bad. And he honks his crotch.

It was a really strange thing. I mean, this is a great thing to sort of talk about for our Halloween episode, which we're doing. And I was saying, you know, when I had a similar note, because Guillermo asked me and I said, well, here's your pull quote, you know, like he goes, did you like it? I go, yeah, I was crimson freaked. I was like, you can say that. But I do want to talk to you about the Beetlejuice element of this film and how maybe it weakens some of the other scares.

And we should say that it's October, Goose Goblins rule the earth, Frankenstein, which is- It's Monsters on Parade. I mean, yes. It's Monsters on Parade. It's spooky goblins taking over disneyland so we are normally an enemy of this stuff people always say yeah too scary too spooky anytime we bring up anything spooky people almost think that we're being inconsistent with our characters

um which it's like we're not characters we're real people. But people tend to call that out. But for October, I hope that you'll give us a pass because basically it's still about making money in this world. It's still about earning a dollar and a cent. And in October time, that means – This is how you make cash. Yes. Yeah. That you got to freak the kitties.

the kitties and maybe the scariest thing of all is how much money you make from talking about ghosts in october yeah it's you know people also always quote that nerds are cool now well frankensteins are cool now and that's and that's what october is about yeah and i did have someone come up and say that to me on the street uh which nerds are cool he said uh you should talk about how since it's october frankensteins and skellington's are cool now um he came to me on the street a stranger yes well i'm sure he'll be very discouraged by hearing that on the show uh he'll you know he'll probably just want to do more of that now i mean like you've given him now probably the best positive reinforcement he could have gotten by like repeating that on his show. He's listening to it now.

It's his show now. Yeah. And now it's his show. Well, let me say officially that's the last time I'll ever do that. So, uh, yeah,

I thought, uh, the movie ruled Beetlejuice stuff felt like it was from a different movie, a very specific different movie. Beetlejuice stuff felt like it was from a different movie, a very specific different movie, Beetlejuice. Speaking of movies. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking button, dropping names, and the red carpet linebacker hallways of this industry we call showbiz.

What up, what up? What could be scarier for a Halloween episode than doing the teaser freezer segment for a non-horror movie. And getting locked in, yeah. Getting stuck in the teaser freezer. So imagine you've gone in there to

find a teaser for a dinner party or some such thing. All your friends are coming over and the door swings shut behind you as if on its own accord. Hey! Hey! Look out of there! Can anybody hear me?

That's you. Yeah, that's you. And so I think that is sufficient connective tissue between the season of Halloween and the segment we had already planned on doing. Also suggested by a stranger. Suggested by a stranger, yeah. Bface on Twitter. And this is the last time we use any of your suggestions, so cut it out.

He wanted us to do the teaser freezer for the movie Burnt, which we were already going to do. So why don't we get into it? We'll play the theme song, which I don't think we've ever played before. It's so cold. It's so cold. It's so cold In the teaser freezer It's so cold It's so fucking cold

In the teaser freezer You want me to bleep that out? Yeah, could you? I hate it Sure It's supposed to be like You know Yeah You want me to bleep that out? Yeah, could you? I hate it. Sure. It's supposed to be like, you know. Yeah.

The teaser freezer is supposed to be nice. Even when it's scary, it's supposed to be nice. And we don't say the F word about it. I mean, it's not even offensive to me. It's boring. You know, I don't even get offended by that stuff. But it's just like that. Just like it's like swearing.

It's just boring. No, I've said this before. You can't really find a word that offends me. I can think of maybe a half dozen. And it's like how about using an original word? Yeah, if you want to really offend me, use it. There you go. Thank you. What?

If you want to really offend me, use a word I don't know. Yeah, use an... That makes me feel stupid at least. How about like veep cursing where they have all kinds of inventive... Oh, that's so creative. They say like, what are you doing here, whatever, Jonas? You like filthy porcupine. Donkey rectum. Yeah, yeah. Porcupines

I guess anus. It's usually anus or rectum. Yeah, you hedgehog sphincter. And I'm like okay, are they cursing? Yeah. Am I busting up? Yeah. It's like Shakespeare. It's our

Shakespeare. It's our Shakespeare because they're making new words even better words. So you want them to say Hedgehog's anus teaser freezer in the song? Brett. Okay. Well, let's get into the teaser freezer. This is for Burnt. It's a movie about a very mean badass chef and it's played by bradley cooper sort of an extension of his silver linings playbook character who was also damaged with mental problems oh yeah

this is different for me this is a departure for him because we're used to seeing him. Golden Boy, got it all, winner, top of the world, and no real conflict. So there's a lot at stake here with this movie for him, S-T-E-A-K, on this chefing food. chefing food the it will he be able to keep his fan base playing a character that's so scary and rude and so messed up and like can you root for a guy who's like doing so who's so badass and so punk rock and such a dangerous presence that uh perhaps you would not want your children to even do i want to invite this character into my home yes because he will be sitting in your living room with you and he will be trash talking. I'm 16. I quit school.

He's quit school at 16 already. It's just enough for a one-way ticket to Paris. Oh my God. One way. That's so much money. Maybe I just wanted it really bad and then when I got it too early, I didn't know how to hold on to it.

Fire. What do you want? I'm going to run the best restaurant in the world. Motorcycle. If you're a chef, he's like the Rolling Stones. The Rolling Stones of chefs? He's like the most badass famous band yes and also the rolling stones need like four or five guys to be the rolling stones but this guy's only just one he's not mick jagger he's the whole

stone there's no individual person who they could have used there's not a single one to make a connection that makes more sense to an individual chef. It's only all of the Rolling Stones. And by the way, if you think of like, well, isn't the Beatles more famous than the Rolling Stones? And it's like, yeah, but who would more kick your ass? Than Ronnie would. And Brett laughs like, oh, I know who that is. I got that.

I just want everyone to know I know that guy was in the Rocks. That's one of the guys from the band. Yeah, we know Brett. Mike doesn't need to be on except to just check in saying like, oh, a music joke? Here I am.

Shut up. Shut up, Barrett. We know you know who Ronnie Wood is. He's cutting butter. It's like Philip. I don't want my restaurant to be a place where you come and eat. I want people to sit at that table

and be sick with longing. Okay, this is a good philosophy. He wants people to feel sick at his restaurant. And not eat. Can you think of a crazier characteristic for a chef that did not only not want people to eat, but to feel sick without having eaten?

Okay, this guy, I don't know if I want him in my house. But I do want to go to that restaurant. You want to get sick? The way he talks about it. I mean, getting sick with – I mean, this is something that we have talked about a little bit recently. But getting sick with longing, it sounds to me like he's talking about blue balls.

Sure, yeah. What else could that mean? blue balls sure yeah what else could that mean or yes or longing is sometimes of course an action it's like sick with if i'm longing that sick sick oh no i thought i thought you meant getting sick because your zone is longing too fast. No, I know that too. But also, if you're straight up longing someone, like that also can make them feel sick. So it's an interesting thing for a chef, and this is what makes it so scary that he wants people to go to his restaurant

and, I guess, be made sick by either becoming long so quickly that, I guess, it hits the table too hard, quickly that I guess it hits the table too hard. Or your version would be longing. Longing a chick. He went to Louisiana and he did food like a drug. He injected some French toast or something. Try to start a new restaurant. There are at least a dozen people who will try to have you killed.

He got punched. Someone threw an apron at him. Yeah, well. They say someone is going to try to have you killed and then they show a woman sort of missing him with an apron. Yes, and that is one nice thing if you are a chef. You sometimes make a lot of enemies and they are allowed to try to kill you, but they're not allowed to use any of the dangerous kitchen tools because as a chef you're so respectful of like knives and stuff. That you do have to use either an apron, maybe an egg beater, at worst like a plastic bowl for like a mixing bowl. And so you can sort of hope that like if the apron strings flew in such an exact way that they wrapped around somebody's throat and garrotted them.

Yes. Yes. Created a makeshift noose. And then they go to run after you like, don't throw that apron at me. And it yanks the noose tight around their neck. But in this case, it just sort of grazes his shoulder and falls harmlessly to the floor.

It's the only place I've ever felt like I really belong. I love every minute of it. The heat, the pressure, the violence. Throwing plates. Oh, God help you if you're a plater at table in this movie. If you know a plater at table or you have any friends who are plates or tables, be careful because not a single plate is going to survive this movie. It's not a safe movie for plates or for tables.

And we've been saying this from the beginning. And I now almost am on the side where I don't want to root for this character, but I do want to say this, Hayes. There's a moment where he talks about the kitchen being the only place he ever felt like he belonged. And I thought, that's me with movies and stuff like that. And we all have that, don't we? We all have places like that. That place where we felt at home. Yeah. We all have that, don't we?

We all have places like that. That place where we felt at home. Yeah. That maybe seems crazy to someone else, the pressure, the heat, the violence of the kitchen or the movies place. For that to be where you're most comfortable in an area of discomfort, that's a character who's broken in a way I can relate to. Does any of this make sense? For me, it's my home office. Being surrounded by my books, my pens. It's really the only place that I've ever really felt comfortable. Those kind of butterfly clip things.

Yeah, and it's a kitchen too. It is, yeah. And so on that level, I really connect to this character being forced to put my office in the kitchen by my now live-in girlfriend, Carrie Ann Moss. Carrie Ann Moss. Carrie Ann. That's a joke they do with each other. Yeah. And Brett, you have Walgreens.

It's like kind of your place. Yeah, I remember seeing you holding court in Walgreens one day when I walked in to grab some ChapStick. You're sort of this sniveling little weaselly loser who everyone just picks on and you almost look like you're about to piss yourself whenever I see you. But when I walked into Walgreens, I thought, oh, that's a full adult man who has this sort of harem of – they look to be very young, very overweight foreign women who were just hanging on your every word. And you were helping them pick out combs and it was just really cool to see. Why didn't you say hi, man? I didn't want to spoil the moment. I don't know if it's sort of like seeing your teacher at the grocery store. Right.

For you. A plane exploded. What happens if you succeed? Fireworks. Immortality. Immortality. What happens if you fail? I don't know if I can do it. fireworks and mortality mortality what happens if you fail table adam jones and god one hoped you were dead

play i'm back we're a plate now he's back now i'm back you are looking at that all the time yeah you have eyes on the whole time, so you have to pass. Yes, chef. Yeah? Look at me. Yeah? Yes, chef. You up for it?

Yes, chef. All right, let's go! Yes, chef! Yes, chef! And it ends in the most badass way possible, where you can tell he's so mean because he goes up to the other chef and he says, you're looking at that, right? And she's like, yes. And he's like, you are, right?

And she's like, yes. And he's like, okay. Yeah, that's badass. That of confrontation is like so heated that's how crazy it can get in a kitchen where you ask someone twice if they're doing something and they're like yeah you're like okay good and you're grilling them and i gotta say this. So obviously this guy's a badass. People wished he was dead. He might be actually immortal. They don't make it clear if it's a metaphor or not. I think he's maybe really is one.

But he's so badass and tough. And they want him dead, I think, because he doesn't play by the rules. Now, here's a distinction let's make. There's a difference between not playing by the rules and not knowing the rules. And some people think me and Hayes don't know the rules of podcasting, and maybe that's why Scott and Scott from you talking you two to me Want us dead We know the rules

Sweetie We choose not to play by them Sweetheart we know the rules Sugar we knew the rules Okay The rule is don't put your tongue on the mic How does this sound Does that sound good

How does that sound How does that? Does that sound good? How does that sound? How does that sound? Does that sound good? Like I'm not Like I just said the rule So I know the rule But I don't think I Pray about the rule

Don't give it a big look That's the rule not to shock yourself It's not about good podcasting Okay We know We know that It's not about good podcasting. Okay. We know. We know that. We know the rules and we know why they're rules. We like it.

But it's so punk to get shocked. Makes my hair like Johnny Rotten's hair. So, just so you know, I think this chef does know the rules and he's ignoring them anyway. Not knowing the rules. That's how innovation happens. Not knowing the rules and breaking them is like being Lenny from Mice and Med. And being a yes. Or Frankenstein is another example just to tie in.

We've been doing a lot of Halloween stuff. Frankenstein doesn't know the rules. Does not know the rules. That's why he's breaking them. tie in we've been doing a lot of halloween stuff frankenstein another example the rule does not know the rules that's why he's breaking them he just knows he's still like fire and uh actually um uh so sorry to do this hayes but frankenstein was the doctor and i think you're talking about Dr. Frankenstein's monster. It's such a...

I mean, you're right. I just wonder... I just wonder why you haven't mentioned that. We've said Frankenstein's hundreds of times on this show. And I said it myself earlier. But what you found out... That's another great point that you did say it myself earlier and you said what you found out

that's another great point that you did say it yourself you found out is that I actually knew the rules I just refused to play live that's why you're breaking them so that's like this guy he knows that plates are for food on not wall throw

tables are for legs on the bottom not for flip upside down more plates everywhere and what are some other oh and food restaurants are for eating

not for longing sick with chicks longing some chick yeah so it is really a movie that I'm scared to see

but it's exciting. And I look forward to seeing Coop at the awards, take home the hardware. We have a great guest this week. Great one. Either Brandon Content. Brandon Content and Jeff Wenger. Or Stephanie Allen.

Depending on which one we did last week or which one we're doing. Although I guess. Jeff Wanker. Yeah. Yeah. This is going to be. That's like the character he is doing.

In the show. Yeah. We're real guys. I guess we've been talking about this being our Halloween episode. So I guess this will have to go with Brandon Content and Jeff Wenger. So now you heard how we figured it out. Yep. On Hollywood Handbook.

Bye. Hollywood Handbook. So, lingering after the Deftone show. And Chuck, Closterman, says, do you have a light? And you know how I can like take my Zippo out and like light it in one very smooth motion.

It comes out of the holster and it's like already lit by the time. Yeah, one move. It's out there. Yeah. Well, this time it's out there. Well, it's on that bungee to keep it attached to the holster. And I think because of the

weather being sort of unseasonably hot, the bungee was more elastic. I don't know if it's more or less elastic, but it was looser. And so I end up just kind of throwing it. Throwing a flaming zip-o.

In his face, yeah. Into his beard, yeah. Yes, and part of his beard exploded, but it wasn't, it like went out very fast. So I was like, oh, phew. Right. This is okay. But I guess some of the hairs are like a fuse that goes like inside his head. Oh, God.

So they're actually connected into his inside of his head. And so the inside of his head was on fire. So some of the hairs acted as a little fuse that went into like almost of his brain as a bomb. Yes. Or not a bomb, but like a stack of stack of wood i guess something that is supposed to catch so you're hearing a sort of crackling and smokes coming out of his ears yes but it ended up being sort of okay because he got an idea oh for a book or something yeah to write a book about how muham invented rap or something. Mm-hmm.

Oh, that's interesting. And it was a really smart book. Yes. Yeah. So, welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names. In a red carpet. Red carpet, linebacker, hallways of this industry we call showbiz. What up, what up?

And Paul is really judging the cold brew that I'm drinking. Don't say. What? Do I? Don't say who it is. Well, I mean, we want to say who it is. Oh, right. I shouldn't drinking. Don't say. What? Do I? Don't say who it is. Well, I mean, we want to say who it is. Oh, right. I shouldn't even.

Oh, right. I shouldn't even have brought up. There's no Paul here. And it wasn't me either. Thank you. Perfect, Joe. Not Joe. Go ahead.

No, Hayes is doing the intro. What up, what up? We just have a specific way. No, we have a way that Hayes wants to do these things. Go ahead. So we did an episode a few weeks ago. You could find it on Howl.fm, which we want to talk a lot about today as well. But before we get into that, we did an episode with Joe Wenger.

It didn't go exactly as we wanted it to go i remember it sort of being the most scared i've ever been doing an episode yeah because joe you were here as our head of branded content which you still are yes now i'm here yeah yes uh and oh welcome joe it's the first time seeing and when i. And when I say you still are, I mean you still are in the room. You remain in the room from that episode. You are still here. Yes, that's right. Okay, good. We got

into a discussion of a character named... I'm sorry, before we get into that, did you get any of the stuff that I asked you to bring me? What was it? Soup? Was it soup? Soup.

I need underwear. I need soup. I use Sure, which is a – that's not a gender-specific deodorant. But recently, they've really – there's a lot more lavender on it, so it makes you think it's a ladies' deodorant, but it's a gender – it's not gender-specific. And who cares if it is, if it's what you like? It works for me. It works for me and my body. It makes you feel confident raising your hand in a classroom.

It makes me feel confident whenever I have to sort of present to the rest of the team. Or if the light bulb above you goes out you got to reach up and yeah just twist it you don't have to feel like i can't put my arm up because that's someone unsure who can't put their arm up and you are sure right i'm reaching up into the top shelf of the and as you are through cabinet for the tampons for my wife or girlfriend, not for me. And I don't want to make up a stink. Now, I only use Mitchum because, of course, I love the movie Friends of Eddie Coyle. And so I can only use the deodorant based on the lead actor from that film. And it is incredibly masculine.

And I don't mean that as a dig at you using the lavender flower one. That's not why. It's just what works for you. That's what suits me. And you can borrow mine because we don't have your shore here and we also don't have your soup and we also don't have the wafers you requested or the underwear. Was it Night of the Hunter that you like with the knuckle tattoos and things? Didn't you get something because of that?

Oh. Is that why you got the knuckle tattoos? Knuckle tattoos, yeah. Okay. Yeah. That's a bone on one hand and ing on the other hand? Yes. Now, I haven't seen Night of the Hunter. It's a hyphen on the first knuckle on the other end? Yes. Now, I haven't seen Night of the Hunter.

It's a hyphen on the first knuckle on the left hand. So it's B-O-N-E across four knuckles, then hyphen I-N-G. Okay. Yeah, you haven't seen Night of the Hunter? No. Well, it really makes you want to bone, that's for sure. And my knuckles tell that story.

But Joe was here in the past and – And where I've remained. Where he's been since. And can I have my phone? Is there a reason why you guys took my phone with you when you left? To charge it for you. OK. I feel I just haven't been going to work.

I haven't been checking in with people in my life. Yeah, and the battery has been finicky. So it won't take the plug we want to give it. It's like very particular about the plug it wants. No, it's an iPhone 6. Okay, whatever it is. It must be one of those European ones that use like a different jack. But we've actually tried to use one of those converters.

No, it's not. I mean, I got it. Oh, yeah. And I almost feel like the converter practically broke it or did. So anyways. Okay. And all of that is immaterial to what we're here to talk about yes which is there was a discussion of a character named brandon content who we could use to explain the concept of branded content

in a very personal exploding yes and there was discussion of the possibility of Paul F. Tompkins appearing in the studio at a specific time, playing the character, branding content. And confession time, we said on that show that it was not a Paul F. Tompkins character. Yes. And that he wasn't going to appear, but we had wanted him to appear and actually he was just held up at a taping of no you shut up and that is why he wasn't here and we did think he was going to walk in at any minute and of course he did not but it is a funny idea for a character and he did work really hard on a voice for it and so we should actually hear it and he is here and that is why joe was waiting and so do you want to swing your

microphone? I'm sorry. I know you wanted that to be heard so you can put it back up and make your microphone swinging down noise. And as an announcement, a triumphant announcement of his entry and Paul likes to... Yes. It's not making as much noise as I

want it to. You don't want it to and Brett looks so nervous when you jerk around there. Hello! It's me, Brandon Content! Okay, and before we get into really exploring, and I love that as a start, where did you come up with this idea? What? You, Paul.

As you, Paul, yeah. Well, you know, Brandon – I did it by accident. Branded content I think is a very important thing. And a rising tide lifts all boats. And so I thought – I heard your episode. It started – I was listening to something else and then that ended and your episode started playing. I was listening to something else and then that ended and your episode started playing and I think I was in a

situation where I couldn't do anything about that Is that a feature of Howl? That sounds like it works better than a lot of the other ones I used Howl Shuffle which is only for Android Howl Shuffle is only for Android

and so you listen to a thing that you want to listen to, and then the app will surprise you and play something else. And so I'm a dedicated Android user. I won't use anything else. I'm not one of these Steve Jobs cultists or whatever. Oh, yeah. I have my own mind, and so that's why I use an Android device. That's neither here nor there. We're here to talk about branded content, which is very important.

And is that a shot at Joe who talked about his iPhone 6 just moments ago? Not an intentional shot at Joe, but if you take it – Hey, you're preaching in the choir because my iPhone isn't charging properly. That's what these guys have told me. Would you consider switching over to an Android? Can I still have 1,000 songs in my pocket? Would you consider switching over to an Android? Can I still have a thousand songs in my pocket?

Do you need a thousand songs in your pocket? I need at least a thousand songs in my pocket. How many of those songs have you listened to? All thousand of them. You listen, well then, time to start over with dozens of songs. All new ones, yeah. Oh, yeah, I keep listening to the same dumb old songs. Same thousand songs. Absolutely.

Reconnecting me to memories of stuff I've already lived. And thought about. Yeah, let's get into something new. And let's make some new memories. New memories. And one of the new memories we're going to make is Brandon Contant. And he'll be a memory. Hello!

Hey, Ben! Before we get into that, where were you last? Why was that taping taking so much longer than usual? Yeah, I remember that day. It was – that was rough. Our guest was Tavis Smiley, and he was having a bit of an issue with the puppets because there's puppets on the show. And we had explained to Tavis these are puppets. And he accepted that they were puppets except for one puppet.

There was a trash can puppet that he kept insisting was real and he was kind of freaked out by it. And I think because of a connection to Push the Talking Trash Can at Disneyland, a discontinued character. But it was a trash can that looked like a trash can at Disneyland. Yeah. It could talk to you. His name was Push. His name was Push. You push it.

Because you had the word Push on the flap there. And people, of course, actually put trash into the trash can. And they disabled it, I think, because of terrorism fears. So Tavis is one of those guys who has a you know subscription to disneyland he like goes yeah all the time um one of those childless people that loves to go to disneyland and collects the pins and all that stuff so get in line early for the dole whip because the dole whip line gets long what What is the Dole Whip again? It's sort of a mixture of vanilla ice cream.

Oh, no, no, no. It's like a pineapple-y flavored ice cream. Just to be clear, not a ride. It's not a ride. Okay, I thought it was a ride. Yeah, long line for the treats. Well, it sounds like you're going to get whipped around. By Bob Dole. Yeah, it sounds like it's going to slowly whip

you around while you're kind of bored. Who famously can't move his arm very high. With the hand that's not holding the pen. He works the lever that whips you around. Mm-hmm. Anyway, so we had to really talk Tavis down because he was kind of freaking out.

He's like, this is the second talking trash can. He skittered up into a corner. Yeah. Yep. Yeah. We had to chase him down with a broom. And so that took a while because, you know, obviously the ceilings in the studio are very high. You send enough time with a trash can and then they do become real.

Yeah. That can happen to anyone actually in your home. Yeah. If you have a childless people. Yeah, if you're a childless person, you have a trash can in your home that has like a lid where there's a little door or a flap or something like that, then you will start to see it as a mouth. Well, it's eating things. And it's – exactly, exactly. That's its main job. And you're waiting for it to speak. has helped me. Douglas is this trash can that's here and he's allowed me to reach

in and grab some of the food and stuff that's been in there since I've been in the Earwolf studios here waiting for you to get here. What's rare is that Douglas, as you call him, is just a regular old wastebasket. Well, I mean... If you spend enough time in him and then at night time

it's just you and him. You say allowed me to reach in. Was that like a process of negotiation? I asked him and I was like, if you don't want me to reach in and get the rest of the scone that Jason didn't want, then tell me.

Okay, and what did he say? He didn't tell me to not do it. Didn't want or didn't finish. Wait a second. I mean, I don't want to get into like a real discussion of this stuff. This is like – but – I can't – I mean, because it's probably not – this is like shop talk.

It's not that interesting to people. Oh, and I want to get into the thing because I've been waiting so long for branded content. Oh, yeah. Well, you as head of branded content must have even stronger feelings about branded content than, than anyone. But very, but very quickly, let's find out more about Joe and the, I just feel like that's alive.

The idea of like, he didn't tell me to not do it. It's kind of like dangerous territory. You're saying silence equals consent. Yeah. Yes. That's sort of a, that's always been my thing.

You guys know that, right? Yeah, I know. No, we do know that that wasn't in the past, and we thought that we had discussed it to a point that we tamped it out a little bit. I honestly thought it was like an onstage thing. I wonder if us all laughing at you doing bits about Tyler's equally cassette. Hey, nobody told me not to do it. That was sort of the punchline of

a lot of your raunchy stories it was almost like an urkel-esque catchphrase no one told me not to do it yep yeah it was yes it's a story where you're whatever in the coma ward of a hospital or something and then you talk about some things that you dated, then you go like, eh, well, nobody told me not to do that. And I sort of thought like, oh, this is a raunchy, edgy stage persona, but this isn't actually... Everybody listening knows my raunchy stuff.

Yeah. The coma ward... Yes. It's just room after room. Just coma guys. And girls. Coma guys and girls, yeah. One big room,. Row after row of beds. And girls. It's like one big. Coma guys and girls. Yeah.

Yes. One big room. Just like a row of beds. We're just waiting for people to wake up. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Why? What is?

I mean, I think a lot of people think that there isn't like a specific. Coma ward? Room for like people in comas. No, because they're friends. What do you think about it? Everyone that's in the coma ward is friends? They're connecting to an Inception machine. Well, yeah, they connect all their brains with wires. Just in case they want to hang out.

They connect all of them with wires, and then Joe has this story where his wiener gets tangled up in all the brain wires. And I won't spoil it, because if people haven't seen your live stuff, I don't want to. You can't spoil it. It's out there. Yeah. Well, yes, that's true.

But his wiener gets tangled up in all the brainwires, in the coma ward, and then, you know, the end of that story. Hey, nobody told me not to do it. Exactly, yes. Big, big applause.

Big applause. Yes, no laughs, but a big applause. The thing about that specific case is people did tell you not to do that. Okay, yeah, but you can't. That's what makes that one unique. But the culminations didn't. When I'm making a bit, I'm like, I'm not going to just tell it exactly 100% how it is.

No, you're bellish. You've got to sort of goose the funny parts. Exactly, yeah. I like to goose it. No one told you not to do it. Yeah, no one told you not to goose it. Yeah, so, but anyway, you're excited about Brandon content. Oh, did someone say my name?

I'm excited to meet him and hang on. Okay, sorry. I think that what we maybe didn't really get to is why this character is important. Why today? Yes, why today? The biggest piece of storytelling, right? It's like you have to know how long have these characters known each other and why today are we seeing them know each other.

So, Joe, you love brands. You love content. Why today are we going to meet Brandon? Well, you know, today is the time to do it because we're all here. Yeah, and how do to meet Brandon? Well, you know, today is the time to do it because we're all here. Yeah, and how do you know Brandon? I know him because I'm

at Wolf Cool trying to make content and he comes in and he's going I love brands and he's constantly trying to get the brands into the content. Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah.

And why today? Do you know what day it is? Yeah. Well, today is – I don't know what day it is, but today is the day that we're all here, and now I get to do it. And then I get out of room because all I know is room. Joe, I've noticed you check in with douglas a lot before you answer a question to see if it's okay for you to answer it's like a senate hearing where you you keep you're almost covering the microphone and looking at him you look to douglas like and then

you wait and then you nod like okay and then you'll turn and respond douglas doesn't necessarily think that you're gonna let us out of room today he knows he's not going anywhere and so he says that i should go before brandon content but i want to hear brandon content i've wanted to hear it and i want to get there so is that a point is that a sticking point for you that he is gonna stay i mean if you leave he's just gonna be here like well he Was there any thought of taking him with you? Just think, I don't know if he, he's happy here and it's going to be overwhelming for him out there. So he doesn't want you, he doesn't want you to leave. More than he, it's not so much he wants to leave room,

but he doesn't want you to leave room. The two options he wants are either we both stay in room or he comes with me out of room. But you would never give him a plan to escape room because he's a great deal smaller than you and could conceivably escape in a less conspicuous way. Even if it was just someone taking him to empty him outside. You know what I mean? Yeah. No, I don't.. You know what I mean? Yeah. No, I don't. I don't think I totally followed that.

And again, you looked at Douglas before you answered. Right. And it felt like maybe you did know what I meant, and he didn't want you to say that? No, it's because I'm just hungry. Yeah. Does anybody want some refreshing gel? What brand of gel? I'm interested. It's because I'm just hungry. Yeah. Does anybody want some refreshing gel? What brand of gel? I'm interested.

It's Purell. It's a brand. Oh, so funny, Brandon. And this is exactly what we want to get into. It's Purell Refreshing Gel. It kills the germs. But if you mix it with water, it's okay for you to drink when you're here. And so then we should talk about then, of course, Joe's been here for so long in part because that was several weeks ago that you weren't able to make it to that one. Then we scheduled another one, but you had a very special spot to do.

Yes. At the same time. And so we weren't able to get into branding content in that studio. And can you talk a little bit about that spot? Yes. I did a special episode of spot where all the people on the show had leukemia. And the idea was we were trying to show people, hey, just because you have leukemia doesn't mean you can't do improv comedy. It doesn't mean that you're a freak and you should be banished or whatever.

That people – everyday people have leukemia and leukemia people are funny too. And admittedly, a lot of the improv was about leukemia. And certainly all we talked about was leukemia. But I think we put a spin on it that was positive and 10 percent of the proceeds went to leukemia-based awareness groups. And 10% of the proceeds went to leukemia-based awareness groups. That's interesting that you'd say that. I mean, I guess comedy is subjective because the message I took from it that you seem to be trying to get across is not everyone can do what I do. You, Paul F. Tompkins, saying basically like you think that anyone can just step up to a microphone and like be really funny.

Right. You know, I'm bringing in all these people to show you like, no, it's like an actual talent that I, Paul F. Tompkins, have. Well, here's my reasoning, OK, is that people with leukemia are just like everyone else, meaning they can't do what I can do. Ah. Yeah. So it's a dual message. It's like, hey, everybody, you think you can do this and it's easy. It's not. Also, guess who's just like you and not being able to do this?

People with leukemia. So treat them nicer. Yeah. Don't make them outcast because you guys have a lot in common in that you're not good at this. I know this is supposed to be about Hollywood and everything, but I just want to say it makes me sick the way people treat people with leukemia. Like they treat them like – people are always like, put them on an island. I don't want to have to look at that, you know, that kind of thing. And I think that I – I hope I'm not going to lose a lot of Twitter followers for this.

I feel that that's wrong. People pay a lot of money to go to the island. Stashing them in a hospital. Locking them away in a leukemia ward. Just be out and go to work. Let them out. Let them out of there.

They need to get out. Bring them some soup at least. It's so hot to want soup. I interpreted it as soup because you said you wanted food water. Oh, food water. Now that makes sense. Yeah. So that's what I have here.

It's more of this soup that I make. Well, you make a soup. Yes. Out of the Purell Refreshing Gel and water, I want more of that. There's not enough because people keep rubbing it on their hands. Is it a cold soup, the Purell soup? Yeah. Like a gazpacho?

It's like a gazpacho, yeah. Unless you want hot gazpacho, remember? I do remember. Yeah. Series, that's rain. Now, plushie grata on roll. That's rain. Now, play Che Grado and roll.

We may have gotten a little off topic just because, of course, I do need to double back and defend the idea that putting a bunch of people who have a specific disease on an island is seen as so negative. But islands are very nice. Well, there's a lot of nice islands, that's true. So, I rest my case. Now, what might

Brandon Content have to say about the launch of Howl.fm? Oh! Howl.fm! Oh! Howl.fm! Are you familiar with our logo? Well, hang on. Don't do the voice yet.

Because I got... Oh, no! Before we really get going with that, it's time for the popcorn gallery. Just to be clear, when you're saying a thing like what would Brandon content think about that, is that not a cue for me to come in?

Yeah, but no, that's time to talk about, to get de-beefed, sponsored by Arby's, to get de-beefed about the meeting that we had about the Brandon content. Did you say de-beefed? Yeah, that's part of it, right? Yes, yes, yes. Okay, so you didn't get any of this, Paul. I'm sorry. No, I really didn't. I just assumed, like, what does Brandon content have to say about that?

That seemed like a natural cue for me to come in as Brandon. It's so odd that Arby's wants anything to be de-beefed. You would think it should be re-beefed. Yes, if anything. Now, when he says, what might Brandon Contant... Because you get de-beefed. You're de-beefing the sandwich when you eat it. Well, you're de-beefing Arby's.

You're taking the beef away from them. Get de-beefed. You're not taking the beef out you eat it. Well, you're de-beefing Arby's. You're taking the beef away from them. Get de-beefed. You're not taking the beef out of the sandwich. Oh, you know what? If it was... It'd help us get de-beefed. De-beef us. De-beef us.

De-beef us. Yes. Okay. Yes. You're de-beefing the Arby's location. No, you can try. But wait a second. Joe, how do you eat sandwiches?

Do you open up the sandwich and then take the contents and then eat that? i try to get all the stuff out of there and then i throw away the container i think maybe he doesn't remember the rest of the container yeah i think maybe it's been a while since you've and i'm not gonna do it the thing you're gonna do what forget it uh the scott i can't even just. Don't even get me. Yeah. That it's been a while. When he says, what would branded content have to say about that? You say, well, we had a meeting to discuss this movie. Oh, okay.

So as myself, then I talk about the behind-the-scenes story. Okay. But also some of our Brandon content is he comes in and gets everybody de-beefed. We had a meeting where- Who needs a de-beefing? He de-beefed us. Yeah. Easy.

Are we in the popcorn gallery right now? Oh, oops. Yes. You all know what that is. Come on. Quit doing the mess around Yes, yes, y'all It's time for the Popcorn Gallery

We have questions for Brandon Content, actually For me? Mm-hmm Does this... No? Yeah, does that queue for him to... I actually don't know Yeah, I think it's for Paul

To, like, discuss what brand of content would say. Oh, okay. Yes. All right. That's probably more helpful. Okay. Yes. No, absolutely.

Absolutely. Okay. Do we need to reach into the bag to get the questions? Okay. Hang on. It's food water. And that's what was inside that popcorn bag. So the bottom of the popcorn bag was soup?

Yeah, or somebody poured soda inside the popcorn bag and it mixed with the popcorn to make what Mark now calls food water. My high school friend Mark, does this sound right? It didn't sound like that. It didn't sound like a popcorn bag full of soda. Oh, yeah. It sounded just like all the other ones. Yep.

Okay. Unless, have they all been filled with soda? No. That would have been an incredible reveal. Oh, yes. It's like the end of the usual suspects or something. Yes. When verbal kints walking away and Kobayashi is revealed to have been a plate.

Mm-hmm. Yes. Oh, such a great thing to have been a plate. Yes. Such a great thing when it's a surprise. Sixth Sense, you seen that? Big twist. Everything red is death. Dead.

Red, dead redemption. I'm so ready for the question, A's? Here's a question from Just Add Pepper. Brandon, what's the most important part of advertising? I think Brandon would say the most important part. Well, you can talk to him to ask him. Oh, okay. I didn't realize.

I mean, don't just like speak for, you know, it's funny if you like. I got you. I got you. What was the question? What's the most important part of advertising? Brandon, what's the most important part of advertising? Oh, well, of course. It's content that's branded. I think that's what he would say.

That seemed like an easy question. Brandon! I think that's what he would say. Hmm. Hmm. And now- That seemed like an easy question. Is part of this character that he's lazy? Like, he just answers questions in like a very- He has a conception. A very obvious way. I don't- If you listen to the question, that seems like a layup for brand and content.

Right. That, of course, he's going to think the most important part of advertising is branded content. Why wouldn't he think that? No. I don't know what you want. No, that's okay. But maybe explaining why after that in an interesting way. I'm just asking.

It's your character. I'm not trying to— Okay, Lorne Michaels. I didn't realize that you had some sort of stake in this where you can like tell me what to do or how it goes that's not Lorne Michaels

that's Lorne Michaels' nanny Hayes now yeah I can understand yes I'm sorry I'm sorry

that I got it he's with Lorne's kids a lot so yes so I could see why you would think I was Lorne Michaels and I'm giving them fatherly kisses

and you're holding a glass of white wine his adult children that's his that's Lorne's you're holding I'm also the fatherly kisses. And you're holding a glass of white wine. His adult children? That's his. That's Lawrence. You're holding his glass of white wine? I'm also the nanny for the wine. Well, I didn't know you were a wine nanny.

Lauren can't have his hands full. Okay. Guys, I'm sorry that I got upset. I just... Say the wine nanny. People might think you're talking about... Free Trisha! Oh, that voice.

Wow, yeah. I always forget that's how she sounds. Oh, I don't know anything about characters and stuff. The wine nanny. So now we know. He immediately busts out a legendary character. Yeah. And so maybe you do want to take his notes.

And I think we had discussed Brandon content almost as like – at one point we were calling him Randon content because he was very in love with the philosophy on rant. Right. Yeah, and being Randon. And so objectivism. And about makers and takers. Yes. Yeah. And just – yeah, sort of he's like a John Galt figure.

Right. So maybe he works that into some of his answers. Sure. Do we have another question for him? Yes. Let me give it a shot. Let's discover it in a funny way. Slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp.

Oh, yeah. It sounds much more wet now. Slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp. It's a dry piece of popcorn. Ugh. So you reach through some soda, then into some popcorn, then into some more soda, but you pulled out a dry piece of popcorn. I think there was Tupperware inside. A little tiny Tupperware?

Yeah, that he was trying to unscrew. It sounded a little. Yeah, I heard that. Yeah. This is from Skizzolo. Brandon Content, do you have any embarrassing stories where your content accidentally got off-brand? Hey, Brandon, do you have any embarrassing stories? I'll wait.

I'll wait until that's done. Yeah. Huh? Maybe he's drinking some coffee to give this next answer a little more thought. Okay. Oh, maybe Brandon is? Yeah. Oh, I see. That was Brandon who was little more thought. Okay. Oh, maybe Brandon is? Yeah. Oh, I see.

That was Brandon who was drinking the coffee. We hope so. Brandon, did you ever have an experience where... What was it again? Is this another thing of the character? No, it's not. I don't remember what the question was. I'm genuinely asking you.

Brandon, content. Do you have any embarrassing stories where your content accidentally got off-brand? I got it. Hey, Brandon, do you have any embarrassing stories where your content accidentally got off brand? I got it. Hey, Brand, do you have any embarrassing stories where your content accidentally got off brand? Interesting you should say that, Paul. Because one time I made something for the good of all society, but people wanted it for free. They just wanted to take without making anything of their own. And so I would call that being off brand.

What was the something? And the randoness as well, because he does rando humor. So like Skittles commercial stuff. Right, right, right. I thought rand only referred to like an Ayn Randian kind of thing. And then there's an O afterwards. And so it was rand content. Sorry, I'm seeing Joe.

To be fair, you didn't tell me that until just now. And then there's an O afterwards. It was to be random content? Sorry, I'm seeing Joe. Sorry. To be fair, you didn't tell me that until just now. Joe's been trying to sneak under the door. He's not going to fit under the door. No, I'm going out there because I wrote... That's where some of my memories about the old mix-ups from the content is in there. I don't have to go out. I get one from here. Is in there?

You mean outside? It's in, not room. Joe, Joe. The pep seeds were mix-up. Pep seeds? Yeah, we made those seeds for Pepsi. The pep seeds were mix-up? And it said Pepsi on it.

Pep seeds. They were Pepsi seeds, but it said Pepsi. But then when you planted them... Pepsi can grows? It's kind of a... Oh, that would be nice. It's almost kind of a food water. Soda is food water, right?

Well, certainly if you're growing it like food. Our idea was that it would be a can of Pepsi, but it wasn't. It was just a plant. Yeah. Just a great regular plant. I'm worried, Joe, that the way you're hugging Douglas he's going to bump the microphone. Is this okay? It's fine. I mean, if it makes you feel good

it's good, right? I mean, you were shaking your microphone around before. I can't have him up here. He said, yes, okay. I'll answer this time so that there's no gray area. Yeah.

Nothing good in here. Did we ever find out what the random... Oh, Brandon, what about... Is there anything else about the branded content getting off brand? Yes, I grew a talking unicorn out of my forehead. That's good. Shot laser beams. Shot laser beams my forehead. That's good. Shot laser beams. Shot laser beams.

Yeah. That's random. Was that Douglas? No one saw that coming. Was that Douglas that said that? Can you hear Douglas? No, we are. I thought you were translating for Douglas.

I heard someone say, I wasn't looking at you. I heard someone say, wow, that's random. Well, we're kind of, it's hard to tell when it's me or when it's Douglas now because we're getting connected. You're achieving like a symbiotic relationship. You're almost like those coma patients with the brain wires connecting to each other. I was thinking Birdman. When Birdman, you know, he's walking down the street and then real Birdman is behind him speaking in the distance.

Oh, gosh. Oh, boo, superhero movies. Yay, Birdman. Yeah. He becomes the bird at the end. Yeah. Remember in the hospital? Mm-hmm.

15 minutes after the movie should have ended? Yeah. Oh, gosh. And then it turns out he really could fly. Oh, wow. Yeah, she looks up. Yeah, she looks up. Oh, it turns out he really could fly. Oh, wow. Yeah, she looks up. Yeah, she looks up. Oh, thank God.

Birdman could fly. I was afraid something else. Looking up for once, finally, because you never know. She even knew how to look up from her Twitter for most of the beginning. Because all she cared about was going viral. Hello, young people. This is at you. This is for you, millennials, and it's not pleasurable.

Maybe if we stop cutting to different shots, you'll pay attention for once. Yes. Here's what's bullshit. Movies, bullshit. Plays, also bullshit. Reviewers, bullshit. Books, I guess not bullshit. Those are good.

Yeah, they're mentioned in a favorable way. John Updike, bullshit. He was drunk when he saw that play and wrote on a napkin. I liked it. Being on the toilet, funny. Always funny. Dicks. Phones.

You forgot phones being bullshit. Phones are bullshit. Social media bullshit. The internet is total bullshit. You know, it's not bullshit. Uh-oh. Branded content. Here it comes.

A segment that you can refill again and again with comedy that people enjoy. Mm-hmm. And it's proprietary to your, the thing that you're putting out there. Mm-hmm. So I thought Brandon, in saying refill, that he would mention a specific brand like Pepsi. I don't know. Or the Now and Later Porcupine. Take your...

If you remember the candy Now and Later. Yeah. Yeah, and their mascot, the Now and Later Porcupine. Yeah. And he's got Now and Later stuck on all of his quills. And then when you pull off a Now and Later, then he shoots the quill into your face. And so the end of the commercial is a cartoon kid's face is filled with porcupine quills. And he's saying, at least I'm eating this now.

Yes. And later I'll go to the hospital. Yeah. We have a question. Oh, good. Wait, does Douglas have something to say? Douglas has a question Oh okay

I thought he wanted to be The popcorn bag It's maybe a better job for him He doesn't have a job at all What? No Hayes He watches while I'm asleep

That's not what I thought the job was I thought the job was being a trash receptacle. I'm sorry. He hates that about himself. I'm sorry. And I guess he would have to sleep now. When I'm awake, he's asleep. When I'm asleep, he's awake.

That's how we stay safe in a room. And shift. But you talk to each other. Yeah. But he's always sleeping when you talk to him. One of you is always asleep. How does that work? Well, we can hear each other when we each other. Yeah. But he's always sleeping when you talk to him. One of you is always asleep. How does that work? Well, we can hear each other when we're asleep.

Oh. Do you ever wonder if you're a character in his dream and vice versa? Oh, my God. Maybe. Trippy. You guys like to trip out on some crazy shit? I do. You got one?

Oh, no. You don't have a crazy thing we can trip out on some crazy shit i do uh you got one oh no you don't have a crazy thing we can trip no but i love like just thought experiments you know oh uh how about um your skin is an organ what it is yeah to think of like organs being outside they're supposed to be wet yeah and mine kind of they should be soaked all other organs are wet being outside, they're supposed to be wet. Yeah. And mine kind of is. They should be soaked. All other organs are wet all the time. They're soaked. Your eyes are wet. Your appendix is wet.

Oh, God. It's soaked, Paul. Yeah. It's dripping wet. Yes. If you wrung out your appendix into- You'd be able to fill a whole Douglas. Yeah.

He liked that. He got very excited by that He's asleep but he can hear you He really stirred when he heard me mention it When he pops himself around He wants to be filled with appendix juice Well he hates people Oh no Why does he hate people?

The people keep him in room and they put the trash inside of him. I see. He doesn't hate me, but. Have you ever put trash inside of Douglas? A long time ago, yeah. I had. I needed a little pep me up before coming in to do a. Pep seat?

Go ahead. Pep me up? coming in to do a – Pep seat? Go ahead. Sorry. Pep me up? No, no, no. Oh, yeah. So I went to Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf and I got a medium hot coffee with room for cream and then I put some cream into it. What show were you doing? Well, I was coming here for Comedy Bang Bang.

I could see why you'd want to be on top of your game for that. I was wearing on all cylinders. It had been a while and I wanted to make sure I was ready to do it. Uh-huh. And then what happened? You threw it into the trash? I don't want to tell any more of this story. I'm surprised.

See, so I'm surprised. Like, this is what's curious to me. And I don't know if you wanted someone to point this out, but as you tell that story about throwing a cup of coffee away, you were urinating into the trash can. That's what I have to do. I know, but he's okay with it and I'm okay. Yes. That's why he

bopped his head up at the thought of appendix juice. He likes any human fluids. Guys, we gotta do the Brandon content thing today. Hello. I have tickets to the Dodgers and LCS game. Okay. That's the only reason I brought up because I thought that would be the thing you would

talk about. It was like a bad thing you did to Brandon instead of the coffee cup thing, but that's good. That's not bad for him. You don't understand though. For Douglas. For Douglas. Yes.

Not for Brandon. Right. Douglas. Yes. We have a question for Brandon. That's what I was thinking of. Okay. We want to reach into the bag.

Mark's had a lot of time to put together a good sour drop. It's the Krampus. Okay, well, I don't know if you've seen the posters for this Krampus movie that's coming out. But it looked pretty scary. What was the noise at the top? Was it a motorcycle or a helicopter? Jesus Christ, Paul. I'm not Mark.

Well, what? Okay, I'm sorry.. Well, what? Okay. I'm sorry. I should say that's good. This is our Halloween episode, so it's good that we got... As you can see, it's on theme.

It's a cramp. On brand. Yes. That would have been a great thing to say first if Brandon got that choice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I see now. I see now what I should have done. Dear Brandon, this is from Spunky funerism remember that big argument you had with your high school math teacher about how you didn't

need to learn trigonometry because none of the real ballers ever use that shit in the real world how's that working out for you big guy and so i think this is like a universe where maybe brandon has discovered a need to use trigonometry like you're like he feels bad or something hey paul i'm sorry i just texted with mark it was a motorcycle oh yeah i'm sorry no that's okay i i understand your frustration i flipped out i feel like i feel like tempers are really running high in here, and I don't know what it is. And I don't know if it's because Joe is talking so much about being trapped in here that we're feeling that way. And maybe we are.

Do you want to trip out on something? What if we are trapped in this room and none of us can get out and we're all trash cans? That's tripping me out. Oh, boy. Could be. Yeah, it could be now Joe's drifting backwards very slowly

because your face you're slowly pushing himself away from the table I'm as loud as I was I'm not Joe you're so close to the door it's making me nervous your face was so casual it did almost make me think. I thought we were getting farther away. Like the table was moving.

Yes, he must be in the same place because his face is so casual. Yeah, I never saw you move. It's almost like you were looking very casual on purpose. It was an optical illusion. Like the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland. Yeah, you're just rotating around. Another very scary, as you know, this is our Halloween episode. So it's only appropriate to talk about all manner of haunted stuff.

Got to get in line early. Hey, want to feel old? Oh, wait. You guys want to feel old? Want to feel old? Sure. The Krampus hasn't even come out yet. Oh, man.

Who was that? See, now that drives me crazy because the first time when the voice said, wow, that's random, I couldn't see who was talking. But then I was kind of looking at you and your mouth wasn't moving at all when I just heard that. No, that was me. You saw my mouth move. No, that was Douglas. When it just said, oh, man. It didn't really sound like it.

That was me being disappointed that I'm so old because Krampus hasn't even come out yet. It's not Douglas being disappointed in me because I almost got out of room and then I got called back in because then that's all that was. It was an okay plan that didn't work. And that's it. And that's all there is to it. So we got to get into the branding content stuff. So there's commercials and questions. And the commercials

is the content. The content is the commercials. And it's, you know. Okay. I'm sorry. Does Brandon have some brands that he would like to discuss? I mean. I love brands.

I love content and I love brands. Leatherman tools. Get one of those little ones. You can stick it in your junk drawer. It's good for anything. You might have to do a little repair on around the house. And there was two times that that commercial almost scared me. One is just Leather Man.

Right. Just hearing that. It does sound scary. Leather face is scary enough. Right, right, right. What if all of him was leather, not just his face? And as much as it is our Halloween episode, I don't want to be terrified necessarily. So much as I want to sort of reference, okay, I kind of feel old. Certainly death is impending.

The Krampus hasn't even come out yet so how old am i second though after i finally get over leather man it's like oh leather man tools okay but then it went it said stick it in your junk i thought does this guy think that i want to put like sharp metal tools into my zone, into my area. Yeah. You know, like, yeah, you're right, Douglas. Yeah. Wait, was that Douglas who said that?

Yeah. I wasn't looking. Oh, my God. That was definitely Douglas. What? I've always been me, and I've always been the one talking. Look, Joe is lying where the trash can was with his mouth open. Don't want nothing to do with Leatherman. He's become a trash can.

Douglas is peeing into Joe's mouth. Leatherman's dry. Leatherman's organs are dry. I like the human with the wet organ. Put the liquid from the organ into me, I'm Douglas. Well, what a scary, terrifying Halloween-isode.

This is pretty scary. Yeah, so anyway, Leather Man, but then it was Leather Man Tools Junk, then it was Junk Drawer. Sean, are you scared of Eddie Murphy from the Raw comedy special? The Leather Man? Yeah. Who comes out and scares me in Raw? Mm-hmm.

I am. Because his head, he's like fully wearing leather. I'm scared of a few things that are involved in that. Mm-hmm. I'm scared that a Leather Man seems mad at me. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. For sure.

I'm scared that somebody who's so cool is so funny because comedy is supposed to be the domain of dorks like me right and so like i've never seen somebody that cool be that funny before and then i was like okay and they are they pushing me off my block right because nerds like me who are fucking reading computers, books that are comics, friends that have retainers. Science movies. Everything like that. Thank you. The Mars Man. Yeah.

The freaking Mars Man. Eat my asshole, Neil Armstrong, he says in that movie. I'm going to have to science my dick off. He's saying everything. The Mars man doesn't give a F. What I'm scared about in Raw is that the PC police are going to show up and assassinate him.

You can't say anything anymore. If you look at that special, it holds up so well, and those ideas are so fresh even today that it's like, are you telling me that we live in a world where it would not be great to watch raw anymore and not laugh out loud at every single thing? I don't want to live in that world.

That homosexual people talk different. They're always looking at Eddie Murphy's ass. They all want his ass. That every single man in the world is cheating on his girlfriend yes that is stated as a fact yes just all of these ideas that's not funny anymore yeah all of a sudden that is not acceptable as a comedic premise that all women just want your money in a divorce yeah and that the only way to really be safe is to go and find some african bitch which is what he says and then and then she would

probably get ruined by our modern american society and also become just a money grubbing right shrill like i'm laughing right. It's hilarious. It's a funny idea. Is that not the funniest shit to you? It's hysterical. What happened, America? It certainly deserves to finish in the top three of every appraisal of stand-up comedy that's ever been done.

That's right. Yes. It does. Brandon agrees. I agree. Yes, that's always, that's the funniest stuff to me talking about being cool fucking all the time yes being a badass this is what not liking people who are different right this is what comedy is pretty good impressions back when you could tell a raunchy story and there were no there was no qualifiers after it.

Nope. No. Whether somebody told you not to do it or whatever. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. And he was the first one to put Cosby on blast. Well, thank you guys all for coming and being on the show.

Everybody. Douglas. Brandon Conant. You're welcome. Paula Tompkins. Sure. Joe Wager. Engineer Brett, Hayes, myself, the whole crew. We haven't done the pro version in a little while.

Is there a special thing we'd like to give out for DemonLover69? Oh, yeah, DemonLover69. You could have Joe's phone. That's a good one for the Halloween episode. That's a good one for the Halloween episode. That's a good user for the Halloween episode. Heads up, Demon Lover 69. It sounds like it's broke. That would be a good Simpsons, like in the Simpsons credits of The Treehouse of Horror. Why doesn't James L. Brooks just be Demon Lover 69?

Or James L. Demon Lover 69. Yeah, you can have Joe's phone. And it's not – you can see the insides of it, which is so interesting. But before next time, you guys will bring me some soup and my short deodorant. Oh, so you've given up on the idea of even leaving. It's almost like you don't want to leave. I mean, it's just assumed that a week from now, Brooks was here. You've been institutionalized.

It feels like you guys aren't going to let me out, so whatever. What if it's James L. Brooks was here? Bye! Bye! this has been an earwolf production executive produced by scott ackerman adam sacks and chris bannon for more information and content visit earwolf.com that was a hate gum podcast