Hollywood Handbook - Paul Rust Again, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: August 31, 2015

Hayes and Sean had a tragic mishap with their phones so they're using this week's episode to reach out with some critical messages. Then, Paul Rust, the head editor of lifestyle magazine "Grauman's" is on the show again to go deeper into the contents of the issue, including Fashion Passion and dad bods,  talk about his new Netflix show Love, and give Engineer Sam some advice about buying his new motorcycle.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. So at this point, everyone's crying and very scared. And I'm practically begging Christian Finnegan to take off this sort of Egyptian headdress thing. Because it makes him look like a cobra. Like a human cobra. And I'm just going, please, Christian, please take it off. And we're crying and Greg Grunberg's crying

and everyone is just losing it. Oh God, I'm crying. And I, yes, and it's too scary to do it because it's like what Cleopatra wore in Nefertiti or you know. It's on and it makes you look like you have the hood of the vicious,

poisonous cobra. And she got bit. And he's moving, oh, by the asp. And he's moving and starts moving his neck around. The way he just moves normally yeah yes he's very live and as he goes to spin around and spook someone who he thinks is behind him and to our great amusement wouldn't you know who's walking in behind him except for, in the flesh, the very wonderful and silver-tongued and smooth-crooning John Legend

in sort of a shiny jumpsuit. And the shine captures Christian Finnegan's reflection, and he sees himself as the human snake and scare him. Hi, welcome to Hollywood Handbook. His just desserts haze. And so that's why you don't, and you don't not have the golden rule be something that you are following. Book an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names into the red carpet lineback

hallways of this industry we call showbiz. What up, what up? I didn't mean to shush. I'm not trying to shush you. No. Although you shouldn't be talking as much. We just have some stuff we need to take care of. So hot, I can't even think.

And that is a great segue into kind of spring cleaning. Hot season. Yeah. It's like... And we put off spring cleaning till late summer. It's always... We're always too busy during spring making the shows. It's just housekeeping where you just go through your day and you have all these things, little

things that you just sort of need to take care of that you keep putting off and putting off and putting, cause it's like little stuff. And then there's this thing that happens when you run your phone over. Well, where you lose a lot of your contacts and your calendars and stuff. I got a badass trike. It is one of these ones, free big wheels, and you can take that bitch down the railroad tracks and just jump on and off over each side.

Yeah. You have to get up because it kind of attaches itself to the tracks. So you have to get up and pick the bike up off the tracks. But you can do that in a cool way like. Yeah. You look like a freaking Hulk monster. And you lift it and go like. Take this.

And you shove the bike off. and go like, take this, and you shove the bike off and kind of tumbles down into a little ditch with some dirty water and you start it up and drive again. And you don't care getting mud on you. So we're driving that thing, and I don't know when the phone came out of Hayes' pocket, and I don't know why I thought that I could throw my phone at it to make

it come back. Well, it was like your phone was going to save my phone. Or to remember where it was, like, oh, well, that's where yours is, so I'll just put mine here, and then we'll call my phone, and wherever it rings, then we'll know where yours is. What I remember was we had set up

my phone standing up in front of your trike yeah and then you're you were gonna be like coming at it and then your phone was gonna be like look out no and like throw into my phone yes save them uh-huh yes so my phone's sort of a hero your phone's sort of damsel in distress and now maybe you know those phones are maybe our phones could be in love yeah um phone sex and so we and and they end up so they end up both going on to the railroad tracks under the train. Yes. They both got run over by a train. And at one point, actually, my wife was FaceTiming with the bottom of a train. So let's circle back.

We have people whose contact information we've lost that we need to take care of, just like the housekeeping little things. But they listen to the show. They listen to the show they listen to the show and so we just want to communicate with some of those people to take care of um a few things that you know just um spring cleaning just spring cleaning you want me to go please um cleaning is actually a great segue. Housekeeping. Need to speak to my housekeeping-er. Her name is Broomhilda. I named her that because the comic strip.

And because she used broom. Take down spider webs and stuff. Yes. Her real name is Muspicia or something. But she, so I'll just say directly to broom hilda she's you're putting the wrong trash cans in the wrong rooms you know when you go wash out the trash can when you put them back in there you have to make sure that the right ones are in the right rooms because you're putting the mesh one in my office which is for dishes it's for dishes and drinks yeah and so i don't look i don't want to like have to look be like oh is this the right trash can that i'm like putting my drink into and so i put my drink in the mesh trash can and now my drink is on the floor

and i see why she's doing it because she wants to like save time and just put the mesh trash can under the sink and wash all the dishes in the dish trash so the water just goes right out uh i understand why for her that makes sense yeah but for me my drinks get all over the floor and bugs come to drink them so we need closed trash can yeah uh in the office the mesh trash can is for the bathroom trash uh because you're not supposed to flush anything. Yeah. You know, you're not supposed to put paper in the toilet. So you have to throw it away. Nothing goes in the toilet now we're in a drought. And so that needs to be in a mesh trash can so it can breathe. It doesn't get all closed off and sort of form its own ecosystem.

Mm-hmm. So this is, you know, for Mospecia. So, yes, I hope you're listening, Broomhilda. Well, I also have lost contact info because of the phone incident, and so I do

need to talk to someone, and it's not a conversation I would necessarily normally have on a podcast. But is this or nothing at all? Yeah. So this is for my doctor.

He is an asshole doctor. He is an asshole doctor. He's a specialist who cleans that part of your body that you can't always get all the way clean without tubes and machines. And what I want – So when you say it initially, I think like house. Or like if Backstrom were a doctor, I think is a better example. Yeah. He is and both those guys are almost special agents posing as doctors. Backstrom would be and House sort of doesn't play by the rules and is able to go places most people won't go and do the hard work.

But some people might call them asshole before they realize that's part of how they do their job. No. Okay. Oh, I'm sorry. You see what I'm saying? It's not that he's a difficult guy. Okay. No. It's this dude specialized in keeping the asshole part of the body clean with tubes and machines.

And what I want to say to him is, you left the machine at my house. It's huge and it's allowed. And I tried to use it myself. And I couldn't turn it off, and now I think something is wrong or something is closed. That makes sense. It should be open. Because I went over there, and it's on wheels, and you can't catch it anymore. No.

and i so when i tried to use it it somehow got stronger the machine and i am much weaker and i'm feeling very bad and i need you to come back i need you to call your machine or something and bring another one that's stronger that can beat it and then i need you to get back in and fix whatever has gone wrong uh and it's gonna be a long time it's gonna take you need a whole day or more and it's not gonna be fun for any of And the machine is getting smarter. It hides. It knows things about me that it maybe took from inside me. And it's... Information. Yes.

I don't know how else because it was answering my phone without me hearing it ring. And then I picked up the line to call out at one point. This is, by the way, your home phone. Just so people don't say, oh, you don't talk to your phone. No, my landline. I picked up my landline. Instead of hearing a ringtone, I heard my voice, but it wasn't coming from me. And it was this machine talking to relatives of mine and telling them secrets what kind of stuff

i mean if it's already out there now well okay uh secrets of what i have as plans for some of my relatives to get their stuff in my name for after they die. Because some of them are, I'm hoping, going to become mentally weak and I can manipulate them. And the machine knew that. And it's not something I necessarily like to admit. That's not an attractive quality. But at the same time, we do what we have to do.

And it's who else deserves that money from my auntie. So that's to the doctor. Can I send out a message to somebody? Yeah. This is for the pizza man. I would like to have a pizza. I would like to have a pizza. I want you to bring it to me.

God, when you listen to this, it's going to be Tuesday. I'm going to be on a hike. So I will be hungry. But what kind of pizza do I want? I like a lot of meat after a hike. Yeah. I hike and then I meat up. Let's do the sausage.

I want flat pepperoni-shaped sausage. Crust on the bottom. Oh, get something vegetable for me, too. Vegetable? For me. One carrot? Because I'm not going on a hike. Oh yes. One long carrot.

And I just have one more message and it's so quick. And this is for police. Please come shoot this machine. Now I've tried calling you from, uh, from my home phone and it doesn't appear that I can route a call to you because the machine has the phone and owns it. So come shoot it. And it's so – and also there's someone friends with the machine or if it is a hologram created by it

but it can't be unrelated if you shoot it it has to be there's a glowing yellow spot on the back do not shoot that spot yes that spot will make it unshootable it looks like you're supposed to shoot it but that's actually the only spot that you cannot shoot.

You shoot that spot, and then what that spot is doing is illuminating the one spot you can shoot, which is not glowing, and it looks metal like the rest. But I know I have gotten the sort of machine blueprints. I don't know what you call them, but there is a spot. And if we can hit it, we have a fighting chance because if this thing gets any stronger, baby, we're going to be in trouble.

And I can't eat any of my food because the machine's friends with the refrigerator now. So bring something. Bring croissant or something. Coming right up, Paul Rudd on Hollywood Handbook. So, I'm playing darts with the guy

who played Vinny Delpino on Doogie Howser. Just the guy. Yeah, the guy who played Vinny Delpino on Doogie Howser. Right, so you only have to say the guy and I know what you mean. So I'm playing with the guy and I was trying, and I said, you know do you have so great you're so great as benny dopino remember the one episode where you broke up with your girlfriend and then you were playing scrabble with them and you kept spelling depressing words because that's sort of where you were at

mentally um but also shortly after you were kind of looking to get laid and get doogie laid as well because he's a bit of a hornball and and he was like oh okay thanks and I fucking hit him with the dart dork mm-hmm I fucking threw the dart at him right in his tongue right in his yeah right right in his Adam's apple which is where the base of your tongue is yeah people don't know that. Yeah, your tongue goes all the way back. Uh-oh, getting a little feetsies touch. And they can't see it at home, but me and our guest Paul Rudd have had to readjust because our feets have intersected. Paul Rudd.

Paul Rudd. Paul Rudd is here. Yeah. The Rod Ulin School of Design. Paul Rudd Rodriguez.riguez okay okay okay so it's you know let's just do let's just do normal paul russ is guest on the show yes he's here what a friend and a man now and you were on the show a long time ago we've been doing a lot of guests coming back and that's not because the well is dry no we know more people and we have more funny famous friends but what we don't

have is any other way to get you to believe that you need to get howl our episodes are trapped inside the howl and the only way to get them out is for you to pay money to listen to what used to be free this service i can't tell you it's unbelievable the old system was you had to search in some menu on itunes and then find the episode you wanted but now how you just pay for the service it's got this easy searchable menu with only some of the shows from itunes and it's here now. And it used to be that you could use it on every phone. And it's like, what am I going to do with all these phones? So now you can only use it on some phones, not most of them. And we're getting rid of the kinks.

So please get in there and listen to the first Paul Rust episode. We're going to be referencing it a lot. And you won't get this episode if you haven't heard that one. Now I'm back. Yeah. Back baby. Now what's that movie from? I'll be back. Yeah, I'll be back baby. Yes, I'll be back baby.

Hey baby, I'll be back baby. Name it Hayes. Hayes is so bad at these. Name it. No, I know. He's so bad at these. Name it. No, no, stop. Joe, name it. When you talk, it's making it harder for me to think of the movie. No, he's so bad.

Joe, name it. New York Jets. Now, go ahead and do it. Tough acting, tenacting. I don't even remember what the original thing was. Hey, baby. I'm going to be back. You know that, baby.

Baby genius. Yes. Yep. I'm going to be back. You know that, baby. A baby genius. Yes. Yep. Baby genius. Baby genius. And he's coming back, baby. We want to talk about podcasts. PC.

You're like, I know about that. It's this. Podcast, what if you could hold it in your hand yeah it came in the mail every time so we are having a big company now because it was wolf cool which is part of calvin and hobbs our production company that's a podcast shingle and the shingle is Wolf Cool and now sort of inspired by that. There's a plank of that that's a publishing company. So there's a shingle on the plank. Yes. The plank

is actually on the shingle. And the plank is the publishing company, which is Movies Books. The Wolf Cool publishing company is called Movies Books because we love movies and that's sort of what inspired us to want books. Of course, yeah. I mean, I think that's why we're all here. So, yes, well, why you're here specifically, Paul,

and I think you know this as the head editor-in-chief, the head editor-in-chief, is we're finally launching Movies, Books, Magazines. That's right, yes. And, well, I could just be part of one-third of that. Not books. No. Not movies, but magazines. That's just the part of one third of that. Not books. No. Not movies.

But magazines. That's just the name of it. It's not movies or books. Only to the extent that magazines are floppy, shiny books. So, talk about your passion for magazines. Well, I think it started like it does with all of us at a young age. We remember when our parents would of us at a young age. We remember when our parents would take us to the magazine rack,

and you just stand there, and you look at all the different covers and titles, porno, mainly porno. Yeah. Fucking cars. And I would go, I remember I'd say, Papa, what's that on the top shelf Papa and he would lift me up he would take his left hand and his right hand on each side of my hips

and he would sort of lift me up and then I would be able to grab squeezing my hips tight and you know I'm 8 years old you're at arm's length or you're clutched against his bosom? He would often, as he pulled me up, I would kind of be my – the back of my body would be tied up against his front.

Flushed to his. Flushed to his front, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great. And a lot of times, you know, my back would kind of catch on his belt buckle. But whatever, you know, I was so excited about getting the magazine. Actually undo his belt. Now he's holding you, he's got you in his hands, but whatever you know i was so excited about getting the the magazine um but actually undo his belt now he's holding you he's got you in his hands but his pants fall down he's you're undoing his belt with your butt i guess yes yeah yes and uh then usually when i

was grabbing my third or fourth magazine his pants would drop yeah and then um well you guys know my dad doesn't wear underwear so a lot of times he would just be standing there sort of with um but he would wear a long like kind of night shirt so it would cover stuff up you know yeah uh homie bugs yeah homie bugs the long shirt, Bugs being a homie, backward tat. Right. Yeah. The jersey. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I know when you said homie Bugs. Homie Taz. Bugs is a homie.

Homie Bugs. Yeah, Taz, yeah. I didn't know Bugs and Taz were friends until that. They play basketball. Well, they're frenemies, and it's a topic we've talked about before where I think they have a lot of competition with one another, and it's a tenuous friendship, but at the same time, they don't just know that many people.

Their world's kind of small. It's like, you know, Lennon and McCartney. Yeah. Yes, when it's just the two of them, it can be a little tense. They're not that kind of friends you know just the two of them hanging out um going to like eat together or something but in like a big group they are yeah they're cool they are they are friends yeah yeah so anyway you know from a very young age i loved magazines do you have those people who you see at a party paul and you go like well in the while i

would never call this person on the phone, but I'm glad they're here because I don't know anyone else. And all of a sudden it's like, I guess I am friends with you. Yeah, suddenly you're my BFF now. How did we, yeah. Fuck, I interrupted you.

Shit. Do your thing. Oh, no, no, no, Sean, it's okay. Damn it. Well, I promised It's okay. Damn it. Well, I promised myself I'd be more respectful. Well, I mean, what should I talk about? Should I talk about the person who had a party you're just happy to see because you can talk to them? Or should I talk about the magazines?

Yeah, what did you want him to talk about? Hayes, I guess we have to get to the magazine stuff. Sam has a hard out. But it could be a feature in the magazine that you as people at a party you know what types right well you did your magazine and so we we have the galleys which is like sam i know you have a hard out engineer sam i know you have a hard out what is it you have to get to actually picking up a new motorcycle. Oh, wow. I think I left my phone out in the main area.

Can you go get it? Sure. Okay, so we did the galleys of the magazine. Yeah, were you guys able to look them over? We were just going to do it now. Yeah. Oh, okay. It's about things's about let the audience

experience it with us okay just know that like it does it is a magazine but it does tell a story so you know if stuff isn't necessarily making sense on page five of the magazine stick with it to page 30 page i think it goes up to about 180 pages oh Oh, yeah. I was about to ask. Most of it's advertising. But when you have what we imagine will be a very sort of intellectual demographic, lots of money, we'll be spending lots of money, ad revenue. It's like when you pick up a Vanity Fair. Most of it is ads for Jules. Cologne.

Yeah. Jules and Cologne. Yeah. Jules and cologne. Fine sense. Jules Asner. What is the name of it? Magazine, that is. Yeah.

It's called Grauman's. Oh, okay. Oh, wow. It immediately brings to mind images of- Like that theater for Chinese people. Yeah. It brings to mind images of- I want to stress, because there's been a lot of confusion, the readership doesn't have to be primarily Chinese.

We would like it if the majority of our readers were Chinese, but it's not. Grauman's is more like a little kind of sly tip of the hat to old Hollywood, because it is kind of a lifestyle magazine for the young man or woman, but mainly men, in Hollywood and the entertainment. I want to choose the right word, industry.

I love the magazine and the name, and I love it, and I don't even know that theater or go to it at all, and I'll tell you why, and it's not about the Chinese. Spider-Man and SpongeBob are not friends. Right. But if you are on that street, you would be led to believe that the two of them are experiencing things together

and doing the same dance moves? No. So I like that you can bring the Graumanns to me without me having to wade through the riffraff. SpongeBob isn't even supposed to be on land. Oh, no. And Spider-Man, if for some reason this universe is supposed to be under the sea, Spider-Man's not supposed to be under there. He should be in the air. It would be like seeing an Air Force guy hanging out with a Navy guy.

You would never see that. It would be the last thing you'd ever see. It goes down from Darth Vader in space, Spider-Man's supposed to be in the air, Shrek is on land, Captain Jack Sparrow is supposed to be on top of the ocean, SpongeBob, bottom of the ocean.

And then beneath the ocean floor, Darth Vader again. That's right. It's a circle. Yes. And then at the Earth's core is Aaron Eckhart. All these guys, listen. In a drill car. All these guys playing Aaron Eckhart outside of Grauman's Chinese Theater.

At least, why are there so many? Yeah, just pick one. And some of them are black. Well, and also, don't do that, be him, because I really want to talk to him and thank him for finally making

Frankenstein handsome again. Everyone always wants him to be a scary, bolt-necked buffoon. When honestly, the concept behind him doesn't have to be a scary, bolt-necked buffoon. Yeah. When honestly, the concept behind him doesn't have to be so frightening. There is a handsome version of him. Yes. That was Fred Gwynn for you.

Yeah. Precisely. Tell me more about this magazine, Paul. Well, it's called Grauman's Chinese Magazine. It has no association with the Chinese theater. I have to say that legally. It was sort of a... And it's Grauman's M-E-N apostrophe S.

G-R-O-M-M-E-N apostrophe S apostrophe. Like Wallace and Grauman. Yeah. Clay dog. And we actually had... Well, I shouldn't talk about it or get into it but Gromit was an editor in chief for a while

the clay dog he's very creative he's very passionate we had differences of opinion communication issues I imagine well he's a silent dog and it was just like the time of having the animators come in

and make him move. It was just like so wasteful of time. To just wag his tail in front of a particular article to know that it was ready to go or whatever. And I was like, I could have known. If this had been a human being who wasn't being created by animators, I could have known this 25 minutes ago that you liked it. That's too bad.

But we have different articles, just sort of what would interest the young man or woman. I'm opening the front page and just getting a look at this table of contents. Careful, the pages are sharp. So I don't want you to... And I have found that out the hard way.

The sharp way. Yes. And I have found that out the hard way. And I wish. The sharp way. Yes. And I wish that I had not had it situated in my lap the way that it was. And I, because I've cut the inside of my thigh in a place. I have a wound, bloody wound, and a crotch of my pants. And my genitals are fine. Good.

There's nothing wrong there. Okay. But the cut inside my thigh is going to make it look like I have bloody pee-pee or something. I'm not trying to gross anyone out. And people are frankly going to try and kiss it better. Yeah. I mean, this is what just, going to try and kiss it better. Yeah. I mean, this is what just is going to happen. That's going to create all kinds of situations for you.

Ribble done otherwise. It's Chaucer all over again. So take us through the table of contents. Well, that's the first page. It's the table of contents. Well, that's the first page. It's the table of contents. That's after the – there's about 26 pages of ads. Omega watches. A lot of Omega watches.

Omega. I'm sorry. What did you say? Oh, I didn't even – I wasn't even aware I was speaking. I didn't even know I was speaking oh it's just weird because i thought it sounded like you said omega no it's omega i wouldn't have done that now these ads look like it's simon baker in the ads as a baker which was his idea he was like i always get you know can i say shit uh yeah he's like i always get crap you gotta i always get crap. You gotta. I always get crap about my last name being Baker.

Can I play with that? Take ownership of it. Yeah. That's great. And so we were able to get some chef hats. We had been doing a shoot with some of the Cinnamon Toast Crunch chefs. They were there earlier that day. So we had one of the Baker hats laying around.

What are they like? Two-thirds are cool. One-third, not. Let's just say his name rhymes with Schmendel. Yeah. You don't like him because of that? It's not a Grendel, is it? No, it's not Grendel.

He's a good one. Trosser all over again. Grendel's mom is the bad one. So we had Simon Baker. And he's pulling out a cake shaped like a big fancy watch. The Omega watch, yes. Oh, okay. Which is how it's pronounced. What did you say earlier?

Huh? Did you say Omega? Oh, well, I was on a phone call talking to my friend Omega. Yeah. Why? Are you talking about watches? Yeah, it's pronounced Omega. So we had Simon Baker come in and do these Omega watches.

And hanging up the phone now, and I'm ready to talk. Who were you talking to? I was talking to Omega and telling her that I was on the phone with her. Oh, her. So the watches are one thing, but the table of contents is another thing entirely. We've got to talk about this. Some of the features and the titles, I can't believe. Oh, yes.

Well, first we wanted to jump into probably my biggest passion. Passion? Fashion. Fashion passion. That's the name of the article, fashion passion. And, you know, guys, just because we're dudes, it doesn't mean we have to dress like slobs, okay? What do you mean? I like to dress nice. I like to look good. Yeah, sorry. Go on. Yeah. Maybe an Armani.

Mm-hmm. Sorry. How did you pronounce it? Armani? Arminis. Arminis. Well. It's like an Armenian man's fashion line.

It can be. Arminians. Like from the movie Minions. Oh, yes. They're Armenian. Armenian man's fashion line? It can be. Our minions. Like from the movie Minions. Oh, yes. They're Armenian minions. It's a rated R cut of the movie Minions. Swarthy minions. Yes. It's a little showbiz term, our minions.

And it's like the rated R because the minions, there's all kinds of footage of them doing some very R-rated stuff. Well, they're like the munchkins from Wizard of Oz. You know, you hear about how they had all those crazy parties. Yeah. Well, even, I mean, they're up to no good in the films, even for kids, where maybe one of them thinks a fire hydrant is a lady, so it takes her into the hot tub with him.

But they cut out of the scene before you see him, you know, reveal his sort of minion genitalia. A lot of people probably wondering at this point if we're going to get into the Armenian Genocide. It's not clear whether or not it actually happened, and it's not something that we... As with all genocides, I'm going to wait 200 years to decide whether it's real, and even then,

I'm probably going to take a week or two to sit and think about it. Now, the passion fashion articles are always so helpful. And you've given me a lot of great advice about whether a bolo tie should be longer than my shirt or should it just come right to the base of it. Well, it changes. You know how they say um you know back the stock market as it rises and falls so do hemlines women's headlines right they're gonna show right now bolo ties are supposed to be worn very very long so if the bottom of your bow tie i want to say reaches your ankles uh that's the best look. And obviously to go with turquoise is always good.

Yeah, if you're kicking the bottom of your bolo tie with your cowboy boots, I assume, then you've, as we say in the magazine, made the right choice. That's sort of our slogan. The term, yes, which is like going to catch on. This article says it's by Happy Birthday. Yes, our writer. That's the guy's name? Yeah, and a lot of people think it's a pen name,

but that was his Christian name. Okay, and he loves fashion. Yeah, well, I think it has something to do, he tried to explain it to me once. but that was his Christian name. Okay. And he loves fashion. Yeah. Well, I think it has something to do. He tried to explain it to me once. It was something like, your birthday suit, I do clothes,

and I'm like, but your birthday suit is like you're naked. It's no clothes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think he's very dumb, and he's nine years old.

Okay. Nine years old, but very big. Yes, it has the body shape of a 45-year-old man, and the stature, and the voice. Dad bod! And let's get into that article. Yeah, we did a 65-page breakdown of the history of the dad bod. Starting with Julius Caesar.

Julius Caesar had the first dad bod. We did our homework and we looked into it. We have a team of interns that we got from Fat Jew.

He loaned us some of his interns and they scoured through many libraries and bibliotecas. That's some of what I love about this magazine as I'm leafing through it is it's really aggregated a lot of the things I like

from other magazines where I don't have time to necessarily read every blog. Unfortunately, I wish I was made of time, but I'm not. I'm made of carbon or something, flesh, bone, plenty of blood that's getting on my legs. But I'm also made of curiosity, aren't I? And sometimes these aggregated articles, I can hold in my hand and read them when I'm in the car or on the toilet. Or both.

Yes. Same time. Yes. And you pull different things. You have the Buzz Beamer cartoons from Sports Illustrated for kids. Those were hard to get. That was a lot of legal wrangling we had to do.

And eventually they told us, you can't use it. And we just said, well, let's. Let's see if we have to lawyer up. Well, it's not for them. It's for your friends. I guess I can see now you've changed his name to Buzz Beaver, which is technically a different character. That was how we got around it. And he had to be, if you look closely in his hands to Buzz Beaver, which is technically a different character. That was how we got around it.

And he had to be, if you look closely in his hands, we've added, he's holding sort of handfuls of beef to help explain why his day is different. Oh, that's what that is. Oh. You thought it was dirt, mud and dirt. We get that a lot. People are like, why is he holding mud? Why is he holding dirt?

It's ground beef. I would think a steak would just be easier to represent visually than ground beef. Well, I think that was the problem. I said ground beef, and then somebody thought I said ground. So they made it look more like the dirt. So there is, because there's pieces of grass in it. Right, yes. And you're going to say grass-fed beef.

But it was ground, and then you just sort of tried to meet up what was initially just a drawing of ground. Exactly, yeah, yeah, exactly. Okay. And the cover is, you got that, I guess, from Stuff magazine. Yeah, yeah, because it says Stuff on it. But we were able to, because a lot of the letters in stuff stuff are the same letters that are used in grommins yeah a lot of them are the same i think

all of them get used uh one way or another yeah it's an abacus so we were able to kind of like just you know add some letters in there and cross out others and uh, you know, it was really inspired by, you know, John F. Kennedy Jr.'s magazine, George. Yeah. That was sort of like an upscale. About George McFly. Yeah, they would do an interview with Crispin Glover and the character of George McFly every issue.

Well, the guy who in the second movie they got to pretend to be Crispin Glover. Yeah, they couldn't, obvious, sorry, they couldn't get Crispin Glover so they got the guy who... And they had to hang him upside down in the magazine.

So you wouldn't be able to notice. Yeah. So many magazines are just one magazine and it's so frustrating to me. The fact that this is a bunch just makes it so much better. Yeah, we like to think of it as like if you went and bought 12 different magazines and

had them under your arm, and then maybe a big gust of wind came by and blew all the pages out. And then they kind of swirled into a box and then got stapled quickly. Yeah, you put a stapler in a bigening machine, and so it can staple anything. Now, you are famous for your three-word movie reviews. Please go back and listen to the old episode, only available on Howl to hear those. You obviously had to do it as a feature in this.

Yeah, I didn't want to, but the publisher demanded it because they're like, that's, you know. That's us. Yeah but the publisher demanded it because they're like, that's, you know. That's us. Yeah. You guys demanded it. Yes. And so as a little peek, just give us one of these three-word movie reviews for one of your favorite movies that came out this past year. When you say little peek, E-E-K or P-E-A-K? Like a little mountain?

Peak energy bar. Give us a little piece of a peak energy bar. Oh, here you go. Juice us up. Nom, nom, nom. Mmm. Thank you for having your mouths open so I could toss it in there. Oh, it's fine.

It's always like that. The, uh, yes. Well, you know, I... Just wait. Sean's going to have a little... a little taste. Now, you want to wet your tongue and get all, off any other tastes off it

so you can really taste the peak. You leave, if you leave the peak in your mouth, when it mixes with the water, it becomes this delightful slurry. Mush. Do you like it? But do you like it? No.

This guy's a goofball. I can't tell if it's the dummy doing that. Yeah, it's... Now who's the dummy? So, uh... Now who's the Dunham? I do a three-word, now who's the dummy? Now who's the Dunham, yes.

Now who's the Dunham? That was, uh, Jeff and Lena Dunham finally came together and did that two-person show we've been waiting for. Yeah, she sits on his lap like Ben Chook. Now who's the Dunham? Now who's the Dunham?

I'm so happy you guys pushed that through because it didn't seem like it was going to get made and then you guys put your necks on the line to get it out there. I appreciate it. It was weird. I thought it was weird that it was going to get made and then you guys put your necks on the line to get it out there I appreciate it I thought it was weird that it was a live concert show and there was no audience I thought that was an interesting choice

well fuck you that doesn't sound nice to me either the way you say it interesting if you're coming at me I mean, that doesn't sound nice to me either, the way you say it. Interesting. It sounds like you didn't like it.

If you're coming at me, calling me out on my show, trying to take food out of my mouth, I made this big magazine for you. I put food in your mouth. Literally, quite literally. Oh, that peak bar was old and stale. If it's on TV and there's an audience, then you're at home and you're like, then who am I? Right. If they're watching it, what am I doing? Yeah.

Wow. He shook up your apple tree just now. Yeah, what am I? I'm supposed to be audience. Right, right. And if you hear laughter and you're laughing at the same time, you like is that all me that's so that's so many doing it i why it's hard for me to a lot of times watch a a multicam sitcom because when i hear the people laugh i'm like how am i there yeah why does my laugh sound like multiple people

it's disconcerting for people uh who don't know the terms multicam versus single cam sorry multicam sitcom has uh it's old and it has a big joke and a single cam it's cool and you can't and it's hard to find the joke yeah i mean both are bad. Will you speak on that? Yeah. Yeah, neither are good options. No. No. Yeah. No, the only, the way to really do it, I think, in the future is going to be. Floor cam. Floor cam. All upskirt.

Upskirt. I'd like to say, I wish they had that back in the Facts of Life days. Oh, to see all those ladies' bushes, I guess? I don't know. I don't know what the style was at the time in the 80s. Because they weren't there. There were no cameras. Because there was no floor cam. There's no way to tell if it was bushes or wax.

I thought multi-cam was that the characters on the show are holding cameras. Was that a misunderstanding on my part? And a single cam is that one character is holding one camera? Oh. As I think about it, I don't know. Now, what did you want to do a movie review of, but it's being only just three words? Very limited.

Yes. Well, you know, we try to do the latest contemporary hits, but also some of the old classics. So really the range is anywhere. Any movie. I think the way this magazine works is it's a little futuristic, but if you say the title, it appears on the page before you okay so should we try it sure okay and i'll read it out the reader says a movie and then it appears on the page and you the editor read it out loud my voice reads it out loud okay so this

is the magazine that's going to be saying this it's's not you. Not me. Okay. Hollywood Homicide. Hartnett. Ford. There. Wow. That's amazing. Contraband. Do.

Take this. Because contraband sometimes you don't want to take. You shouldn't take. Yeah. Is it like take this movie? Take this movie out. Okay. Take it and put it in your VCR.

That's what it means. Do take this. Do take this. Do take this. A lot of them say do or don't take this. I think 80% of the reviews start with do or don't. Do take this or don't take this, which is helpful. Hayes, what time is it? Sam has a hard out.

Get a new motorcycle. That's, I mean, very time-sensitive. The motorcycle, go away. Just be careful, Sam. I bought a motorcycle last weekend and I didn't check it before I got it, but the thing

only runs in reverse. So here I am, the last week, just driving around town, going in reverse down the street yeah it's embarrassing you end up farther away from your sweetie's house yeah now i have to work it out where i i go in the op the op you know quote unquote opposite direction of my my sweetie my goomba my goomba's house and then eventually i wind up there. Sorry, sweetie, I'm going to be late again. The motorcycle only goes backwards. Yeah. And I'm on the opposite.

So it's really one thing about the magazine I love is it has that greeting card feature where when you open up a certain page, it plays a song. We found out that a lot of words with X are difficult to be said by a robot voice. The X sound is very tough. Which one? Twix.

We wanted to use the word Twix up and down in this magazine and then our boys and the techno lab. I think that they said that was part of the problem was that because it's two candy bars if you cross them it makes an x yeah i can see why that would why a robot would have a problem with that. Remember Cookies and Cream Twix? I think that was Kit Kat bars. It definitely was Twix.

Let's talk about love. I would eat it while I watched my Disney afternoon shows. I love just reminiscing. Remember Rescue Rangers? One of them had a fly as a pet. No, for real. And it's that's a dog had a fly as a pet. No, for real. And that's a dog to a mouse as a fly. Think about it.

Yeah. I like remembering things. Yes. It's so funny that it happened and we experienced it. You say. So that happened. Remember Laurel and Hardy? When we would come home from

school and put on a laurel just turn on the tv and every channel was showing an old laurel and grab a box of cookies and cream twix okay okay and then throw on some laurel and hardy and just laugh laugh fell down laurel's using hardy as a log rolling on him so he doesn't go down the waterfall. Yep. Yep. Twix falling out. Just Twix after Twix coming off Hardy's body. Hardy puts his foot through Laurel's stomach.

Straight through. He can't pull it back out. When he does, it's covered in goo. He's pretending like it's part it's part of the show i thought it was weird whenever they would have blood on there that they would colorize it like the little girl's jacket and schindler's list so everything would be black and white but then just a profound red would was she was... Was Schindler's List Pleasantville? Was it part of Pleasantville?

I think she had just had sex. Is that what they're trying to imply? That the little girl just had sex? Well, she's hot. I mean, right? Like, that's part of the point. Like, that chick was a fucking smoke show but they never say if it's part of the pleasantville universe you know what i wish that they would do um i was there too with her and just

have that explained and the red coat yes uh and the red coats there too. Was there too. So. Sam has a heart out. Let's talk about. I want to talk about your show, Love. Is Aziz doing. How involved is he in the writing? I know he's the star of it. Yeah. Well, you know, Az he's the star of it. Yeah.

Well, Aziz is the star of a show on Netflix. Modern Love. Modern Love. Yeah. He can't online date, but here's why maybe you would or shouldn't. And then experts here. It started off as kind of a lark. Yeah.

He was going to – I would help him with his, and he would help. We kind of do a switch time. Yeah. We called it switch time. Uh-huh. We would go, switch time. And then we would switch. Switch shows.

But then it ended up just sticking. Switch time, switch time. Switch time. Switch, switch, switch. Go to the show. Hold on. Switch, switch, switch. Here we go.

Switch time. Here we go. Switch, switch, switch. Switch time. Switch. And you go. And a lot of times, it would just end up us reading the Time Magazine review of Switch with Ellen Barkin. Mm. Mm. Ah.

What does that make you think of that you do such a deep breath? Deep breath, yes. It's a good movie. So I was just reminiscing about that but then it's and you work with leslie arfin right yeah it's very similar to ellen barkin it's like what dogs are doing yes uh i once uh i don't know if i told you i first met leslie arfin and she was in the same room as Ellen Barkin and I walked in and I was like

can you guys keep these dogs down? Can you keep it down, dogs? There's just so much barking and growling and then they said no, no, no, it's just our last names. JK Growling was there. Hairy

Tail Potter, I think is her Like a dog's Hairytale Yep It was hers It was J.K. Growling's creation not mine That show sounds really fun Yeah you gotta check it out

I got one more It's Mark Ruffalo Sam has a hard out Oh Sam's got a hard out So Watch Modern Love It's in a book and it's great You can subscribe to it on Netflix

Which is kind of like Howl for movies I'm trying to think of what else oh by the magazine grommans uh it's going to be available where paul oh uh no nowhere yes you can't have it so we're and we and it's it's impossible to find impossible to buy buy. You can't read it. It's upside down. Yeah. You have to like, if you want to read it, it's printed upside down.

So you have to like put your legs over a branch of a tree. It's designed for you to put porno mags inside, but people will know. You want people to know that you're secretly reading a porno mag because the outside magazine is always And we have a little sort of paper sleeve that you can slide your chubby into so if you're like looking at it and you're getting excited and you want to hide that You need a place to put your chubby Yeah, your little chubby

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