Hollywood Handbook - Pete Holmes, Our LIVE Friend

Episode Date: September 1, 2014

In this first ever live Hollywood Handbook episode recorded at Molly Malone's in LA, Sean and Hayes bring a lucky fan up on stage to do a live version of "Pitch Perfectly" with "The Wedding Singer". Then, PETE HOLMES joins the guys to talk about suing TBS, search for love, and make fun of Hayes' face. Finally, the first real-life Popcorn Gallery asks about Conan and Marvel.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. So they've had to, there's no way Dogbird has lived that whole time. They've had to replace Dogbird at least twice. He was not ready to hear that. I think they're on their sixth Dogbird. Welcome to Hollywood Handbook. This show is an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names of the red carpet linebacker hallways of this industry we call Showbiz. This is our first live show ever. The clapping is great. The clapping element that we don't know if some of our listeners are able to get to a library,

to get on the internet and hear what we're doing. And so just to actually see people's faces when we give out these sort of gems of wisdom and to see you not totally getting it but wanting to get it has been just so rewarding. Because Engineer Brett will not clap when we do it. No. He's trying. He's getting there, and his hands are making contact now when he

tries to clap. It's a coordination issue for him. He's willing to clap, but he's unable to clap. Yeah. Do you see how nice it is, Brett, when people clap during the show? See the energy that it creates? It's nice. It feels...

It's fun. Yeah, it's fun. Brett? Brett? Are you here? Yeah. Come up. Oh, God You look fiendish

You look like you're on vacation You're something I don't get on life Can I sit? You just look like a fiend, a gross fiend You look like you're on a disgusting vacation, like a very bad vacation. I don't actually have to record you guys tonight. I just thought I got tonight off. What do we say about riffing for you, buddy?

No, riff-free zone, right? I'm not trying to riff. How are we going to know? Are you going to give us some kind of time notification as we're going? Yes, we're concerned. We have to keep track of time. Okay. You want the time?

Well, we've started now. I believe I asked you to buy a great big watch. Yeah. What did you say? It's 8.34. Oh, I couldn't hear you because I was talking when you said it. I believe I asked you to buy a great big watch, and ideally

one of those Flavor Flav dealies that you could wear around your neck and I could see it from the back. With Indiglo. Indiglo, so we can see it. Some sort of Indiglo technology and they have that technology now. I couldn't find one anywhere. Go sit down. Okay, go sit down. Brett, Brett, Brett, Brett, Brett, Brett, Brett, Brett, Brett, Brett, Brett, Brett, Brett, Brett, Brett.

Gum, gum, gum. My gum. Go. Thank you for teaching Brett how to clap. So, what did we want to talk about tonight? I guess, I guess Hollywood can be kind of fun, can't it?

It actually can be a little fun sometimes. And I think that gets lost in all this sort of drive and focus. And we are guilty of it. We get caught up in the career side of it. But we really got into it because movies can be magical. We love movies. We do want to explain to all the people who are coming here from flyover states

to learn about movies. This is not movies. No, no, no. I would hate for you to think that this is movies. You're sitting, you are sitting down. The difference is movies is on the screen

and the screen is paper. It's like a kind of paper. That's a great explanation. And what we are is not paper, and we're people. Yes, we are people. I mean, there's a version of the world where you could touch us, actually, because we're actually physically here. But you're sitting and you're watching something.

So for those of you who did think it was movies, you're pretty close. Yes, this is probably the closest you've ever come, and to allow other people to enjoy some of the success in this town that we have. And so we were wondering if there are any aspiring movie makers in the audience or someone who... Has anyone ever had a dream in their lives? Yes. Is there anyone who has a dream of any sort? Does anyone have a favorite movie? Here's what we want to do.

There's a segment we like to do on the show called Pitch Perfectly. We're going to teach you in the audience how to pitch a movie to a studio. We're not expecting you to come up with your own movie on the spot. No, that's too much pressure. Just a movie that you like. Anything you've ever seen. If someone could come and sort of pitch us a movie they love. Does anyone know any movie?

Has anyone seen a movie? You've seen The Wedding Singer. That's perfect. Yeah. I don't know it myself. Yes, it's better if you pick something we've seen, but at the same time. Could you pitch us The Wedding Singer?

Come on. Come on. All right. Boy Meets Girl. just the one singer? Come on. Alright, uh, boy meets girl. Mmm. Mmm. Let me stop you. Yeah, you're gonna want to start, you know,

you're sitting in front of people, you're explaining to them your idea, you're gonna want to start from the very beginning of the movie. What's the first thing that happens in your movie? 80s music. Say, lights up. Yes, yes, yes. Lights up.

Do you remember the very beginning? Dead or Alive's right round. Like a record. In parentheses. Plays. There are people dancing. Let me stop you. One fun thing

you can do is kind of ask these movies guys a question and get them to it. And you go, hey, doesn't weddings always have singing? You know what I mean? And if you frame it like that, they go, hey, weddings does have singing.

And it puts them in this headspace where they feel like they're making the movie with you. Okay? Have you ever been to a wedding? Okay. I'm getting out my checkbook right now. They're saying, yes, yes.

Yeah. You know how there's a party afterwards? Okay. Let me stop you. First of all, when you were describing the beginning of the movie, you forgot the part where they show all the names of the people who were in the movie.

They're going to walk back. Imagine doing the movie and just starting it right in the middle of it and not saying the movie's starting. So I think probably what's happening to you is you're thinking, when I see that part, these are just words. Why are they on the screen? That's not the movie. But those words is people's names.

That's the names. And those people did the movies and so the people that you're asking to pay for the movie are going to want their names to be the names on the movie and say the names of the people in the room when you're saying who's on the movie screen yeah they can be movie stars to start over then the music comes up you're alive you spin me around like a record yeah good, good. New Line Cinema presents... That's great. Oh, wow. Yeah, this is good. That's a great

shingle. I don't remember the rest of them. Keep going. Adam Sandler. Yes. Possibly a Drew Barrymore type. Let me stop you. Drew Barrymore. I like what you're doing here with this cast.

Yeah. My one note is you're not going to get them. You came from the audience. You know what I mean? And I sometimes, and this is embarrassing for me to admit, but I sometimes have trouble getting Drew on the phone. And so knowing that you were in the audience and that you didn't even really seem to want to come on stage. for me to admit, but I sometimes have trouble getting Drew on the phone. And so,

knowing that you were in the audience and that you didn't even really seem to want to come on stage. Well, maybe could we get an Alan Covert? He's probably affordable. Yes, but you have to get Adam to get Alan Covert. That's true. Anyway, keep going. Okay. You know what?

We get to the big, there's like the big tennis match at the beginning. Talk about that. You remember that? Don't quite remember the tennis match. There's a big tennis match. And the two guys, there's the two guys that do like the head dance in that movie. Um...

I remember that, sure. And I remember there's a bride dancing with a baby with no diaper on. Could you talk about when they crash the weddings and then they're just having all, you know, meeting girls? Yeah, talk about that. Sure, you got a charming Owen Wilson type.

And a tall, really sarcastic cynical Vince Vaughn type. Yeah. And you know weddings. Yes. And you know weddings. Mm-hmm. Yeah. They go to weddings.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Even though they're not invited. Mm-hmm. And is somebody singing at the wedding? No, they're crashing at the wedding. Oh, okay. Don't ever say no.

Yeah. Yes. And. Okay. That's good. This. Yes. And. Okay. That's good. This was great. Thank you so much. This was really good.

You did a great job. Thank you. Thank you so much. That was really good. Thank you to this person. What's your name? I didn't hear it. Really important to let them know

that you have a name because if they did like your movie pitch they wouldn't necessarily like that one but if you had one they liked they're going to want to contact you and what a huge lesson because I think Hayes and I probably had 10 or 12 movies

that we sold when we first came to Hollywood that they took months tracking us down yeah it was sort of a Cinderella thing where we had each left he had left a shoe and I had left a really cool

fitted cap. And they would bring people into the studios and have them try on the fitted cap and the shoe to see if that was who had pitched the movie so that they could pay them the millions of bucks. We have an exciting guest. We have a guest.

That's right. Just the concept of a guest. Yes. The guest has a name, and his name is Pete Holmes. You don't even know what he does yet He's a comedian Fans of the name But not the profession

What an unusual Pedalic ship Well, let's see what he looks like Yes, let's look at his face Please, Pete, please be here and come. Pete? Pete? Pete?

Have a seat, Pete. Hello, Peter. Hollywood advice getting it yes giving it your face well it's just not

what I expected at the whole thing I'm not what you expected? I was just picturing something else who were you picturing? I thought you would be doing like a Sherlock Holmes

like a I thought that was part of your thing. The Cumberbatch. Yeah. Just to be clear, you booked me because you thought I was a Benedict Cumberbatch? Well, like a Sherlock Holmes comedian. A mystery-solving comedian. That's sort of what I thought.

Yes, then you sort of told a joke up top that had some sort of mystery inside of it. And then through a series of observations, we were able to reveal the humor in the joke. It was a cool concept to us. You wanted me to come and discuss the way that I weave a mystery into my opening joke, and then solve a crime? Well, we could discuss anything. It's free form. We don't have to just talk about that. That's what we thought you were.

That is so wholly disappointing. I thought you were fans of me, not because my last name is the same as a famous... No, we are. We are. Mr. Holmes. We are. Famous...

Yeah. Dr. Holmes. No. Please. I'm not a doctor. I'm a man. I'm a regular human man doctors aren't

aren't men doctors can be men I'm not a doctor instead I'm a man have you seen House yeah

that's a doctor and it's based on Sherlock Holmes did you know that yeah that's a show that British guy Jess and Lennon are

doing it's funny I hope it comes back Jess and Lennon are doing. It's funny. I hope it comes back. Jess and Lennon? Yes. No, that's Playing House, I think. They're Playing House. Yeah, they're Playing House.

T-H-E-I-R? They're Playing House? Yeah, they're Playing House. Or is they are? They are. This is some doctor shit. Contractions and stuff? Oh, yes.

Conjunctions? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Keep going. stuff. Oh, yes. Conjunctions. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Keep going. Your hair, never. Your hair kind of looks like a cummy batch. I'm not roasting you. I'm just saying if one of us were solving crimes, it would be you.

Lucky you're not roasting him, you know, because you don't want to tangle with this guy. Yeah, that wouldn't be something you'd want to do. I tell you, you don't want to be on the other side of this guy when somebody tries to roast him. Well, you don't want to hurt feelings in show business. And that's true. And show business has fun sides to it, but it has some other sides to it. Very sad sides, yes.

And I think we've talked about some of the fun stuff. We remember someone without a name pitched us a movie. But it's a pretty litigious town. about some of the fun stuff. We remember someone without a name pitched us a movie. But it's a pretty litigious town. Now, you're embroiled in a pretty ugly lawsuit against TBS because they were filming you without your consent. Yes.

That's correct. The Pete Holmes show was unbeknownst. It was not explained to me. And I'll tell you something. With that title, I think you've got a case.

When they called it the Pete Holmes show, I said, oh, they're in trouble. Because that's going to hold up in court for you. They shouldn't be able to use your name. If they just filmed it

and they called it something else... The Big Guy Show. Yes. Sherlock. Lumbering Ogre Show. Yes. Large Buddy. Large Buddy? Like your favorite camp counselor? Yeah.

Like a kid like, who told you you could have more mac and cheese? Large Buddy. Yes. They can't remember my name? I have what I call, what police call probable cause. See, what people might not know about show business is we're constantly... Weird week to invoke the police. We're what? It's a weird week to invoke

the police in a positive way. I'm just saying you might not want to take sides on that whole issue. You're giving me... This is going out. This is going out. So you're saying that you love the police. We don't want this podcast to get sued. Yeah. You know? There's just a lot going on. So you're saying that you love the police? We don't want this podcast to get sued. Yeah. You know? Don't say...

There's just a lot going on. Don't talk about the police. Well, don't say you love them. Can I say I love Sting? And for people who are just listening, they're pointing at each other. He just pointed at me

and I just thought I should point back. And I think it's sort of Hay nice shared moment And I think it's Sort of Hayes acknowledging like You got me there Is I think what the point means He did give me a free bath And truly from the sidelines he did

Now I think what happened is TBS sent over a flower delivery man And he put a bunch of hidden cameras inside your sizable living room. Yeah. I mean, that was a very big living room. Very modern. Yes. It was a modern kind, you know, it's Japanese influence design, right? It's very sparse. A lot of Ikea. I built, I built like a, like a stage and I just enjoyed kind of discussing my feelings into my mirror, stage and I just enjoyed kind of discussing my feelings into my mirror which I didn't know they had installed the camera in so all of that was just me being me my friends would come over

they'd plug their projects yeah they tell you what you're up to they're up too late yeah I would always turn to my mirror and say we'll be right back and you dress up as Batman and things I would also yeah would would throw to tape, they call that. That's a little terminology. You throw to tape, it's something you tape. It's terminology from your house? I use it in my house. And I

found out, I tried to sue TBS and then they explained that the reason they did it was because you can be sued for anything in late night if you do late night. If you do any move, if you do the string dance that Conan does, if you're adorable like Jimmy Fallon,

you're sued. You get sued immediately. Or if you think stuff is awesome like Jimmy. Yeah. I fell into that a lot. I'm a positive man. Yeah, yeah. I really am. And so because this was categorized as a reality show, they were starting a lot of those issues.

No problem. Smart! I mean, it is smart. Are you gonna see any of that, Dosef? Dosef? The Doremi money.

You guys are wasted on a podcast because your face is hilarious. It should be. It's a podcast. They can't see my face. It should be a TV show. It should definitely be a TV show. Yeah.

No, they had to pay me out. That's how I got money from them was I was like if you're going to continue filming me in the talk show that is my life you're going to have to give me some of that cheese do you like having that money yeah people like money

yeah it makes you feel like a big man what kinds of stuff does you have with him? What do I buy with money? Hmm. How is this an audio show? It's 90%. It's 90% your face.

Hmm. I think he's looking at Sean just for the eye. Nope. You can buy, you can pay rent. You can pay a human man's rent. That big living room is probably pretty pricey, huh? Yeah, hard to heat. And you appear to have basically office sets inside your home as well.

Where you do sort of job home as well. Yes. You do sort of job interview type things. Yes. Yeah. I've turned all the bedrooms into places we can shoot sketches and stuff. Yeah.

You know what the weirdest thing is? Now that the show's not on, just continuing to do it for no one is quite sad. Sure, sure. Now that you know what was going on. Yeah.

They've made it a little bit more fun. It's sting. It does sting. We're in our 15 a little bit more fun. It does sting. It does sting. We're in our 15th season in my house. We're going strong. Yeah. Your face.

What is it about it that's so hilarious to you? Yeah, speak. Speak on that, his face. Please speak on his face. I would cast you as a man. Yeah, you said it. My face should be a TV show. No. Your face should be a TV show. Yeah speak on his face. I would cast you as a man. Yeah, you said my face should be a TV show. No, your face should be

a TV show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're the fiancé in a movie. Yes. And you wear long boots up to your knee and you're always you're hunting fox. You're always hunting fox and she's like I love him. He comes from a good bloodline. Who's she? Who plays her?

Let me stop you. Frame comes from a good bloodline. Who's she? Who plays her? Let me stop you. Frame it as a question. Would you hunt fox? Yes, yes. And wear long boots while a woman waits for you and pines for you? God, I would trust you with a bow and arrow, is what I'm saying.

I would trust you to vanquish foes from some sort of, you know, castle. How much? How much? Deal points. What's the... We're negotiating if you want to do this. Are there any terms? Oh, like back end?

That's something, yeah. We'll give you 20 back end. Okay. Out of back end. Okay. Out of a million. Okay. Now, Pete, you said that you wanted to come on the show to find a long-term girlfriend from our audience here. Yeah, I was hoping to come to this bar and leave with a long-term love.

Well, you were saying it's so hard for you as a comedian to meet a girl who wants to attend other comedy shows and that's your favorite thing to do. Live podcast tapings, things like that. Just looking for a girl that I can go to a lot of live podcast tapings. Yes. Someone who is willing to pay for something

and travel to it when they have also the option to listen for free at home. That is my kind of girl. Easily confused. Frightened. And open. Does anyone want to be Pete's long-term girlfriend? I like that this room is set up so that there's no seats in the front.

As if there's a mosh pit that's going to happen. And everybody has to stand in the back like we're in a bus teetering off a cliff. Like, get to the back! Lest we all die. That's number one rule of live performing. I know this is your first live podcast. Keep the audience the fuck away from you. You don't want to feel their energy.

You don't want to hear them. You sure as shit don't want to see them. I will say we did clear a big path to the stage, anticipating that when we asked if people wanted to be your girlfriend, we would get at least one person who would say yes

and run up to the stage. We wanted room. We didn't want anyone to get sort of crushed up against the stage, So we left some space. We had the fireman in here. Yeah. To make sure it was okay. I'm not Minuto. Yeah.

That's a good reference. That's a sweet reference. Speak on making references and funniness. When you make a reference, you're rewarding an audience for listening and watching other things. They say, I know that. Right. A comedian can make a reference to his own act, which is called a callback. Yes, like the sting one I made earlier that you didn't catch.

No, I didn't hear it. How many beagles do you own? Do I smell like beagles? No, no, no. I bet you smell like cedar. I'm not close enough. But I bet you smell great and you keep a journal and like a soft leather diary. Featherbed, canopy, always eating.

These are all nice things. I don't see what's so funny about it. I don't see what's so embarrassing about owning nice things. That's one of the things that you can do with some of that money that we talk about. Oh, I was talking about rents. Oh, it's so funny to spend money on luxury goods. Or to write down your memories in a nice journal. Yeah.

So you can reflect on them. I'm so cool because I go around just forgetting my memories. Yeah. Instagram. Right? I mean, that's what they do. That is. It is. Yes, it's all on computers now That is, it is all, it's, yes,

it's all on computers now. Yes, it's all computers, and you know what? Speak on that. And when the grid goes down, Pete, that leather journal's gonna seem like a pretty sharp idea. What do you think about all these computers, Pete? I mean, I feel like movies can predict the

future, and ever since the 80s, we've been making movies about robots taking us over, so that's definitely going to happen. And aren't they too small? Like some of these iPods, are they getting too small? It's like, cool, you can fit songs in there, but I'm losing the freaking thing. I know.

It's like stuck in my sheets or something. I mean, honestly. And I can't necessarily trust my cleaning lady. So, you know. She's a klutz. You're saying because of Apple, more cleaning ladies are being fired because you're just losing your iPod, but you're blaming your untrustworthy cleaning lady. That's a take, yeah.

I think that is what I said. I'm pro-computer. Will you back up your mind if you're able to in 2054? What? Well, I know what that means, but tell everyone else. We love science. Some of these people might not know, and I read science books. We're nuts for science.

We read so much science books, and clearly you do too. Tell them about some of the science we all understand. Well, they say in around 2054, you'll be able to back up your own consciousness. Exactly. Yes, you will. So just as preposterous as it seems to not back up your phone, people will be like, back in the 2014s, people used to just walk around with only one consciousness.

Yeah. Are you going to do it? In Google class. No, that's another thing. It sure is. Those are... Have you seen some of these helicopters now? You guys are just naming technologies.

Different existing technologies. This song means it's time for the Popcorn Gallery. Popcorn Gallery, it's time for it now. The Popcorn Gallery, you explain it and I will sing the song. So, uh, Pete, we do a segment on this show called the popcorn gallery. It's about movies

and the movies are the reason it's called the popcorn gallery. When a group of people asks questions or chimes in, but they're not part of the main event, they're sometimes called the peanut gallery. But when you go to movies, movies doesn't have peanuts, right, Pete? A lot of times you're eating popcorn.

Popcorn. And so we call it the Popcorn Gallery, and we get questions for the guests from the... And I feel like the song part of it is... Yeah, I feel like we've done the song part of it. Are we going back through the song? It never really stopped. He stopped and I just kept it going. And that can be fun.

Let's get a question from the audience for Pete Holmes. Let's get a question from the popcorn gallery. And that's you guys. That's what it is? Does anyone have a question? Does anyone have a question for Pete Holmes? Oh, yes. Good. Thank you. Yes. what it is. Does anyone have a question? Does anyone have a question for Pete Holmes? Oh, yes. Good. Thank you. Yes. Hello, sir.

Hi. What was it like? How did you meet Conan and what was it like working with Conan? What was it like working with Conan? How did you meet Conan and what was it like? What was it like? What was it like meeting Conan and how did you like meeting Conan? Well, I

met Conan in court because I was suing TBS. Rigging my home against my will with cameras and an audience. The courtroom is the new golf course, isn't it, Pete? I mean, that's where a lot of these deals get made.

We're all just suing each other and hanging out in the waiting room and trying to get on a good jury. When you're going to court to get on a jury. Well, I'm there anyway, and so I just throw my name in there and go, ooh, maybe I can get a good movie idea from a scandalous trial.

That hot coffee lady? Spill the coffee? Yes. Burn herself? Coffee was too hot? Yep, yep. Allison Janney And that's how she got started From mom

Yeah, I didn't get the Leary I call references Leary's Because Dennis Leary is the star of the movie The Ref I didn't get the Leary In itself a reference. Yeah, yeah. It's an uribus. What do you think about that round of applause you got?

I've built a career on the spattering. Yeah. That's the name of my autobiography. I've built a career on a spattering. Mmm, yes. I feel like you should be in the woods hanging up wanted posters for Robin Hood well he was a thief

I don't understand why people are going around acting like he's this some sort of hero he stole from people he gave it away that's how you become loved but he took it from people who had actually earned it when I'm doing my money, it's like I actually got paid that money so nobody's you know Necessarily writing a tune about me

Did they have tunes about Robin Hood? Oh, baby. Yes. Yes, you bet. That's how we know about it It all traveled through song back then Oral history moral tradition. Yeah, Sean knows about that. He's one eighth new. I'm one eighth Native American It all traveled through song back then It was an oral history Moral tradition, yeah Sean knows about that, he's 1 8th Native American I'm 1 8th Native American, yeah That song sounded Native American Yes Okay, well don't do it in front of me

You know, I am I am one of these guys That wasn't offensive Oh, come on I'll tell you if I'm offended Oh, come on. Let him decide if it's offensive. I'll tell you if I'm offended. Oh, come on. I don't sound like that. Give me a break.

What is your tribe? Where do your native... Oh, it's one of the biggest ones, yeah. Yeah. One of the bigger ones. Cherokee or... Yeah. It's the one with the arrows.

Yeah, they used arrows and they would Navajo yeah and they loved you know nature buffalo pieces

yeah they were yes and it was a big really big tribe a deep rich mythology yeah feather headdress

and uh you know you know they were doing a lot of stuff with the earth their headdress and, uh, you know, they're doing, uh, a lot of stuff with the earth. Let's get another question. What we forgot to do, we have to reach

into the bag, we have to play the sound drop where we reach into the bag to get the popcorn questions. Oh, that's right. We did forget to do that. Brett, do you have that sound drop for us? Brett, play the sound drop. In the popcorn. Oh, it's a Sting CD. So I think what happened there is our friend Mark,

who records these sound drops for us, my friend from high school, was rooting around in a popcorn bag and found a Sting CD. Sweet leery. The sound drops are getting increasingly referential to the content of the show as it's going.

What it sounded like in that case is he was trying to do one of those callbacks he heard about from earlier in the show. He was trying to get in on that but not fully understanding how it works. Not really knowing how it works, yeah. Yeah. He's a nice guy.

So anyway, that was that sound drop. Yeah. Let's get a question from... Brett? Brett? Brett? Brett? Is he in the room?

Brett? Engineer Brett? Cody? Engineer Cody? Brett's out back. Could you go get him? Our engineer went outside.

Oh, hi, Cody. Oh, my God. No, Cody, Cody, Cody, Cody, Cody, Cody, Cody, Cody, Cody, Cody. Cody? Cody? How are we for time? How are we doing on time? That's what's left?

Then do we start? Each one more fiendish than the last. You don't look like you're on vacation. You look like you're hard at work painting a house. Look at the rope of chocolate he has on his shorts. And Cody, when we send you to get break, you go around. You don't have to go over the stage. You go around outside.

And Cody, I hope that house comes out nice. That's great. That is just primo. Is there another question for Pete Holmes? Oh, yes. Do we have one more question? It is difficult. Oh, yes.

Thank you. Have you ever gotten any responses from Marvel about your X-Men sense? Okay, so the question is, have you been talking to Marvel or anything? Have they been talking to you about the X-Men stuff? Nope. I mean, what do you got to do

to get the attention of big Marvel? You know what I'm saying? Do you love that stuff like we do? We're such huge nerds for that, and we'll just nerd out right now. Oh, gosh. You guys are big nerds. Oh, huge.

Oh, huge. It may not look like it, but really. Yeah, it's confusing, because that just seems like that's very in vogue, and maybe you guys are kind of monopolizing on a trend. No, we love all the X-Men. We love the big monster. I hope you're having a joke on us,

because we absolutely love the X-Men and some of the Avenger men, too. You love the Avenger men? Yes, the ones... Name one Avenger. Oh, please. You don't want to tangle with me on this kind of thing. We'll be here all night if I start naming them because there's so many that I know

now isn't it fun to nerd out and isn't it not fair that bullies picked on nerds and now aren't we in charge yeah could you speak on that Pete I mean yeah we were just shoved into lockers and i had a lot of sand kicked in my face i had my comic books uh stripped from me and now i own a volkswagen golf

so fuck you with your white baseball hat that says Cox. What does that mean? Yeah, it's USC. It's Gamecocks. Yeah, USC Gamecocks. So you guys knew that? It's a college football team. You knew that right away.

And that just makes you further suspect. Well, if I say Tony Stark, who is that? Oh, gosh, Tony. Well, he is Tony, yeah. He is in the movies. He's in the movies. And he is a fighter.

Yup, it's true. And you don't want to get a big punch from him. No, you don't. Bad guys, look out. You said you liked the big monster. Yeah. Ian X-Men? Yep.

The Big One. Yeah. Do you not know it? I thought you said you liked comics, Pete. I never did. Oh. That's why I only talk on podcasts, so you can prove it. That's a lesson I've

learned the hard way. Find where I said I liked comic books. Speak on that. You can't trust. What was the hard way you learned? Talk about that experience you had. I was talking to Don Cheadle and I kept saying, you should do Cheetos commercials

and say, I'm Don Cheeto. Cheeto. I love Don Cheetos. Yeah. Cheetos. So it's a new kind of Cheetos for toddlers because they call them Cheetos. So he's like, hey, are you tired of these grown-up Cheetos?

And the toddler's like, over here, I am. He's like, have some Don Cheetos. Yeah. And, like, I gave him that idea, and then like, he totally didn't use it. So that's why I only speak to recordings. I think you understand what I'm saying. Sure, that definitely connects, yes.

Yeah. If I hadn't, if I had recorded it, I would have been able to sell the idea. And that's what it's about. Pete! What was that movie with Brendan Fraser? Where he lives in a time capsule for a long time. And then ends up in the present day.

Yeah, like Blast from the Past. Blast from the Past! Is that what it is? Yes, thank you. It's not a good title. I need to make a phone call real fast. Sorry. You guys keep going.

Um... Pete, what was the movie? It's Brendan Fraser. And he's... Hello? There's like animals... Blast from the past. There's like animals attacking him or something.

It's too late. There's animals attacking him? Yeah, there's... The animals are mean and he's mad at them. Could it be the mummy that you're talking about? The mummy. That was it. There's some animals.

What is... Are you making a phone call now? Keep going. Yeah. Mummies, huh? Is that about the scariest thing you've ever seen in your life, or what? The movie The Mummy? Or any mummy.

He thinks it's the mummy. I'm not afraid of mummies or zombies. Anything that looks like a good whack with a shovel. Yeah, right. Imagine a mummy were coming right up on you, and he was attacking you, and you had no defense, you had no weapons. Imagine if you had no weapons and you wouldn't be

scared. Yeah, right. Thank you, Just In Time. Did you hear that? Was that the movie? It was called Just In Time, not Blast From The Past? He said that if he saw a mummy, he wouldn't even be scared even if it was coming right up on him and he had no weapons. I never said that. That is what he said.

That is what he said. That is what he said. Okay, let me get this straight. He didn't say that. Okay, you're here, mummy's here, coming at you. He's coming right up at you. Oh, and he sees you. And he's coming at you.

And you got no weapons. And not even like a rock, which is not necessarily a weapon, but you could use it as one. You got none. And you're not scared? Hmm. Yeah, right. Forgive me, Pete, but that's a yeah, right for me. I'm sorry.

Is this a way for you to try to attract a girlfriend finally from this audience? That I'm not afraid of mummies? Yeah, being brave. I find that women get real excited when you say that you're not afraid of mummies. Well, I don't... Yeah, not really working tonight. I don't think they're attracted to lies. And honestly, you saying that you're not afraid of mummies,

I mean, that's about as crazy as you saying you're not afraid of a Frankenstein or a Skellington. I know, a Skellington. A Franken... Speak on that. Speak on that. A Frankenstein? Frankenstein or a Skellington. A Frankenstein, yes.

I mean, and bear in mind, you've got no weapons when these guys are coming at you. Sketch idea, win Frankenstein's money. Thank you so much for that. It's been so much fun. If I tweet sketch idea colon win Frankenstein's money, how many faves before I leave the stage? Do you want to find out? Yeah. Okay.

Little game. Do you do like find out? Yeah. Okay. A little game. Do you do, like, something at the end? Yes. Oh, subscribe to the podcast on iTunes and Reyes and Hayes. Could you take it from here?

Yes. You buy the pro version of our podcast as well. It's very fairly priced and you get a lot of bonus features, discounted tickets to the next live show, lots of great information, and Betsy from the audience got the...

She bought the pro version this week. She slipped us... You couldn't see it, but she slipped us some cash and her prize is a behind-the-scenes peek at Pete Holmes' Twitter account and she's going to get to see how many faves he gets. Yeah.

And she also gets an answering machine message recorded by Pete Holmes. Yeah. For who? Betsy. Hey, Betsy. But, hold on. It's one of those gag ones. It's one of those gag ones. It's one of those gag ones.

Hey Betsy, just kidding. It's your answering machine. That's so fucking foot-tested. That's so weird. If I heard that, honestly, I'm hanging up. I'm hanging up if I hear that. There's no Sal in here. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. This has been an Earwolf Media Production. Executive Producers Jeff Ulrich and Scott Aukerman. For more information, visit EarwolfRadio.com The wolf dead.