Hollywood Handbook - Pitching Reality Shows (with Rob Cesternino)

Episode Date: September 28, 2021

The Boys pitch some reality shows to ROB CESTERNINO (Survivor, Rob Has a Podcast). Watch the full video episode at Patreon.com/TheFlagrantOnes.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is a head gum podcast so uh you didn't ask but my day was also interesting okay yeah no i guess i was i wasn't finished talking about my day but you apparently are so eager for me to ask that. Okay. You went silent for a long time. Yeah, it's called a dramatic pause. Okay, go ahead. Finish, finish, finish, finish, finish. Please go ahead and finish. I don't want to set the whole pause up again,

but I need some of it. So I'm starting the pause now, and it's here. It turned out there was a second gummy bear stuck in there a third do you yes sorry no you made me lose my place i know i know i'm sure that's my fault i i do accept that but the second gummy bear was such a big part but that's why it smelled like that okay okay okay so please mr hayes will you please tell me about your day i so fucking guy today i woke up and i just like do all my morning stuff i went back to sleep for like so good so far so much better than my story it's i i am not saying it's better than your story okay well it sure

felt like you were your story was that you you thought you smelled a lime yeah and then it was brings you inside i mean the sensory experience and then it was like where is the lime and then it was the discovery of the first two gummy bears that were stuck in in there oh thank you for listening and that so well So well. And I guess the third one I. So you didn't even. I didn't deliver. I guess the third one was a lime one. And is that why?

Yeah, because the first one was pineapple. Yeah. The second one. I don't know what it was. I want to say root beer, but I'm like, that's not one of the. And that's not one of the main ones. Main gummy bears. But it may have mixed with something else to kind of transform. But the third one was lime as the day is long.

And that's normally how I finish the story. But you, of course, threw off my entire rhythm. So I woke up and I this is like later in the morning. I did go back to sleep for a little bit from like 10 to 11 a.m. And then I come out and then I come out again. little bit from like 10 to 11 a.m and then i come out and then i come out again and there's a like a roast turkey i guess just kind of like sitting on my couch my couch cushion and thanksgiving bird that's my that's it was my first thought. I said that actually. It was just me. I said that.

And I don't know who, so I have this new roommate, Howard. Hmm. And I don't know if this is something Howard has like left for me. Howard has been saying he has a surprise for me. That's actually what he said. Like when I interviewed him to take this room so you're like i've got this extra room like you know i keep you know i keep unusual hours sometimes i go i said sleep until 11 and then and then you were like is there anything you

i should know about you and he said tell me about yourself i've got a surprise for you he said yes he said he he worked he works at a car dealership. He does... Not selling cars. When I spoke with him, he was very clear about that. He said, I work at a car dealership. I don't go near the cars. Yes, that's right.

And he's in an adult kickball league, and he has a surprise for me. That's what he said. I was like, okay okay i guess i want to find out what this is so he's in the room and i'm like is this it i guess this is like this would be like a culmination of it it's not uh hot but it's not like really cold either it's not like it's like relatively fresh but it's not hot but it's not really cold either. It's relatively fresh, but it's not hot. But it's not room temp. Because the room is extremely cold. Yes.

Yeah, the room has been really cold ever since he showed up. I wonder if that's the surprise. But then this would have to be something else. Thanksgiving bird is not the surprise. Or you haven't seen Howard since? I'm asking. I have not seen is not the surprise or you haven't seen howard's asking i have not seen howard since since the interview but i know he i know that he is that he is there because things keep changing okay well i gave him keys okay so to me and and rob will of course get to you in a second so to me this story could be really good okay i would wait to tell it to anyone else until you effectively find the third gummy bear of the story

okay got it there's got to be that big blow that just makes people sit up and say damn that's the end of the story yeah we're we're now in a little bit of a no man's land where i'm intrigued you've got my attention but you're leaving me hanging and maybe it'll sort of continue from here maybe it won't i i mean i ate a piece i might not eat anymore okay ate a piece of the turkey I ate a piece. I might not eat anymore. Okay. Ate a piece of the turkey. I ate a little piece. Was there anything crazy that happened when you eat that? No. It's normal.

Kind of dry or? It's been so long. Don't remember. Yeah. It's been so, so long. Don't remember. Rob. Rob is here.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to hollywood handbook our esteemed guest mr rob sister nino rob has a podcast rap yeah that's right he's talking all things reality whether you're into big brother survivor or a reality rewind and you want to see him go all the way back and turn back the clock with one of his crazy buddies, this guy loves to pod it up. He does the Survivor Know-It-Alls. He does the wrap-ups. He's inviting you in to enjoy a big mouthful of the slop. He knows what we know is reality.

Show, show. Fans will dig what this to get to 8 10 keep going what's to tell you and whether it's uh you know with the his patreon subscribers tuning in for additional questions to be answered about particular classic survivor season for a good reason or a bad one or if it's for a good reason or a bad one or if it's some of the more uh polished podcast personalities or even his damn wife he lets everybody out bike 7 40 30 more seconds the guy is known you've seen him on tv now listen to him on your ear bees and b stands for buds and and p stands for pots and and i don't care what kind of headphones you got neither does he

because it's just the getting in your ears and telling you what's what reminding you some of the classic things that have happened and and also giving you in real time his reactions, and we're done with the show. And, Rob, thanks so much for being here. Am I correct? We're leaving now. Yeah, I mean, where do I send the check? Damn.

For that micro. Yeah, that actually does bring up something. We did pay you last time you were on the show because that was behind the paywall. This one, you get nothing. Nothing. Yeah. Nothing.

So, boy, do I feel so stupid right now because that I sent my Friendsgiving invitation to Hayes. I worked it all out with Howard that I sent. That was my, the turkey was from me. I was inviting you both. That was the invitation.

Turkey's the invitation. Friendsgiving. Yeah. Oh my God. And I sent it to Hayes and now I feel like I should have sent it to Sean after that warm introduction.

I love Friendsgiving. Rob, that's so sweet. For Friendsgiving? Each person who is invited receives a cooked turkey just kind of left on their couch. Yeah. And then the RSVP is, I guess, whether they finish it or not. Yeah. Just sort of like the little sample., whether they finish it or not. Yeah. Just sort of like the system I'm trying to understand.

Yeah. Yeah. It's the start of the season. So it's just a little, there's more where that came from, if you know what I mean. Two more turkeys. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Okay.

It was really, it was one turkey meant for both of you. I don't know what Howard did with the note I sent. Again, like you are much closer to Howard than I am. I think I actually had no idea that you, that you and I both knew Howard separately. And I wonder if you are how Howard got to me. Cause I didn't even list this room. Yeah.

Well, I had asked Kevin for contact info. How do I get something into Hayes's house? He said, okay, he said okay he said well maybe you can get howard to live there that's an interesting that's interesting version of contact info to say hey how do i get something inside his house it's like well he's got a spare room is there anyone you can set up to interview have we now did we say it's howard dean did i not say it's howard dean yeah so when he like when he

said i thought when he said i have a surprise for you i was kind of like i thought he was going to do the thing do this yeah you go i'm surprised it's kind of what i expect that wouldn't really be a surprise maybe the surprise was him not doing it the surprise might be that he never does that. That he just did it the one time. I can't believe people took him seriously as a candidate. And then he did a big yell. They say that they played around with the levels.

He actually was not even yelling that loud. It was a Bilderberg group. The Bilderberg group played with the levels. Yeah. I love those places in the mall yes Bilderberg I took my kid to Bilderberg

yeah he made a great Berg Rob Sean I guess we ran out of time in the intro i don't know if he said that you were on survivor as well yeah i said you've seen him on tv okay yeah sorry that's my fault yes we i was at a knicks game once and they put you on the on the on the feed Must have been good seats. I know. It was, yeah. I had won a contest. They win?

No, sadly. That's, I mean... Ah, shit. I didn't mean to bring it up. Oh, no, wait. You brought it up. Well, yeah. The guy without Survivor... Damn near almost won. Close. And the Knicks might have been watching that. Can you imagine? damn they're almost one close

and the Knicks might have been watching that can you imagine yeah I bet some of the Knicks saw it did they put you on did they put you on and say Rob yeah they did they gave you the banner and everything

I mean I don't know what was on the telecast I was just on the jumbotron in the in the banner and everything? I mean, I don't know what was on the telecast. I was just on the Jumbotron in the building, and I'm assuming it was also broadcast out to the crowd. And they tossed to you, and the crowd went fucking psycho, huh? Yeah. When they saw you in there? Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Holy shit. Yeah. Damn. I mean, it was such a great moment. When the garden was eaten right yeah yeah yeah marv albert was was psyched now oh yeah what did marv say he was like hayes probably knows what he probably said yeah yes rob yes yeah did you hear it did you see did you yeah i did yeah i remember that game

yeah i remember alienware yeah he started pitching alienware computers he was so fired up about seeing you on the jumbo damn dude yeah so i'm sorry i didn't work that into the intro yeah what year was that oh that was uh 2003 like it was yesterday oh yeah yeah and so rob has taken an unusual path to this show which is cutting his teeth on the pro version initially and now here we find ourselves on the main feed is that unusual it's an unusual path i'm trying to remember who has anyone ever i know we've had proper guests on the main feed who stuck around for the pro version kevin has anyone else made the leap pro versions are

archivist if you could pull out the official compendium the collected episodes and i feel like if anything there's been like blow on it blow on it blow on it blow on it harder dusty that's it bow really really hard that's it's so quiet yeah why is it quiet like that rob do you have this problem with any of your engineers and stuff i don't really hear you talk to your producers or engineers this is a one one-man band? Yeah, one-man band, pretty much. I have an editor. Got the symbols between your knees. I mean, I kind of feel like I've got the engineering.

A kazoo hanging down from the billiard hat. Mm-hmm. Yeah, but I've... It's a flat brim hat with a kazoo hanging off. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I mean, that's how you set the tone. Symbols between the knees. Two big symbols in your hands.

Yeah. Yeah. Elbows got symbols stuck to them. Playing a little piano in front of you, but your hands are symbols. Yeah. I mean, it's not easy. I get caught up in the strings constantly

with all the chords and everything. This next one's called the symbol stone uh that yeah that that's impressive so we do have someone who works for us but it might as well be a one-man band because the way he blows off the archives yeah you can barely fucking hear this shit yeah the dust is thicker than damn shredded cheese on there big huge hunks of it because we can't get the man to blow it off and i don't know if he has a lung issue i don't want to like be too hard on him because he might have a medical condition oh no but it certainly hasn't stopped him from talking a bunch fucking up a bunch of our episodes. So then I go like,

well, what, like how, how do I connect these two ideas? But anyways, sweet kid, good kid. And I hope he learns how to blow on something for his sake and others.

Now, Rob. Yeah. Last time when you did the pro version, we pitched you some reality show ideas. We're going to do it again. We'll just keep doing, Rob, last time when you did the pro version, we pitched you some reality show ideas. We're going to do it again. Did you like that?

We'll keep doing it every time you come on. I loved it. I've been a little frustrated that we haven't been able to get anything going from the last time, but I guess that's just development hell. Especially with COVID. With COVID. These studios are moving at a glacier's pace. And, you know, I get it.

You want to be really certain what you're putting your money behind. And so we're in the pitch process. We're in development. I've been looking to make some sizzles for some of the ones that we pitched before. And I remember them all. i won't bring them up but uh i do want to say just as we do to close up talking about your path here it's really impressive because sometimes we'll pitch a guest we'll say like you know i was on this guy's podcast or i know this guy and kevin will say they kind of seem like pro version to me yeah which means they're not ready for the main feed

and this is the first time ever if i'm not mistaken that kevin said i messed up this guy's got the goddamn fucking goods kevin yeah i said that i took an l it was uh i had to make a big apology to the fans and the boys. And I guess this is my apology to you. That was a big no-no. Big dookie in the pants. So I apologize. Kevin, I understood the assignment, okay?

Yeah. Talk about understanding the assignment. This man understood the assignment. Go on the pro version yeah go go on and then go off king be the pro so reality shows yeah we pitched him last time i did most of the pitching we do want to keep some of my premium pitches behind the paywall and so this time i will be mostly reacting to some of these pitches and just so you know if you'd like to go back listen to the premium pitches they're still they're still

there they're waiting for you but this time i'll be mostly mostly be haze reacts so here's my first one and there's a lot of you know these are usually in genres you can recognize but but we're getting a new spin on it so this one's called bug makeover we turn over a stump and get the ugliest most fucked up looking bug you can imagine we take this thing down to the studs then we turn it into a stud we're going to make this bug so beautiful that you are turned on by what starts out as a truly grotesque creature bug makeover okay are we dismantling are we dismantling the bug first you were saying that you're we're gonna take it down to the studs yeah is that just like well maybe it has to be cleaned off. It's probably dirty.

Yeah. Oh, God. It's living under a stump, as so many of them do. No judgment, but it's just a fact. If you turn over a big ass stump, there are bugs in there. So what I'm thinking is, yeah, I want to take it apart. I obviously don't want to remove its head or vital organs, unless its head looks bad. Because I want

the bug to be able to enjoy the new lease on life it's given when we make this thing over and it can sort of flex on some of the people who maybe didn't give it the best treatment and bugged school or

whatever. I think there's a lot of potential here because i feel like that the whole insect kingdom is set up a lot like the reality tv show world anyway it's like think of a beehive that's like the bachelorette there's the queen bee yeah and i'm gonna i'm the only uh queen bee. Yeah. And I'm going to, I'm the only queen bee here. Everybody's buzzing around. All these drones coming to do the bidding of the queen. Right. And we find one bug who is just hideous. Yeah.

The bug's got to look like shit, man. But are we trying to get that bug to mate with the queen? Or then that bug is going to be so incredibly attractive that a human will want to then mate with a bug? I think it's for the humans to be attracted to the bug, right? Ideally, it's to make it more appealing to humans. Are we making the bug

bigger? Parts of it. Let me say this. I blew up the kids. Yeah, honey, I blew up parts of the bugs. I mean, that's big IP. Because what I'm thinking is, if we make it more appealing to bugs,

bugs still aren't going to watch the show, right? But if we make it appealing to humans, ideally some humans are watching the show, and that's who buys, right? Hyundais. Would you shrink the people down instead of blowing up the bug shrink people down

to the bug so you've taken the show Bug Makeover and you've made it people shrinkener I just don't know how a person is going to have a relationship with an insect that you'll crush it. We're going to give the bug actually some really strong...

First of all, a lot of these bugs look fragile. They're tough, dude. They are strong. They got this exoskeleton this thing fast too quick as hell oh yeah the way they take corners yeah and i'm thinking of maybe like like uh like an ant but maybe we're maybe we're talking like a like a huntsman spider or something that's like you know got some like size to it it's not an ant. Ants are almost a little cute. The buck I'm talking about,

this thing looks like fucking shit. When we find this thing, it's so fucked up. It's dirty. Its own mother don't want to give it a kiss. And it's filthy. And it stinks. Step one's just cleaning it off.

You ever see those Dodo videos where they find some cat living under a trash can? And first they fucking wash it and shave it. They pull it out and you go, God damn, man. I don't want to see a cat like that. Why are you showing me this? But then by the end of the video, it's like, oh, yeah. I could see going on a date with that cat.

Yes, exactly. So this is like that. It's not a cat looks going on a date with that cat yes exactly yeah so this is like that it's not a cat it's a bug so we've got a little more work to do but i think we have more room to play too because there's less of a you know platonic platonic ideal version of a cat of a bug rather yeah it's gonna be a hot bug summer yeah yeah yeah i don't i'd like i'd sing a fall premiere ideally yeah i don't think we want to get buried in the summer with this yeah that feels like we're getting burned off although with streaming now i don't think the seasons are as important yeah but by awards the award cycle hasn't changed you know like you still like you want it to be fresh by the time the screeners come out by the time the voting actually happens that's like february march if we

premiere in the summer people will send we'll send the hot bug to like a globes party and people be like oh yeah i sort of remember oh right were you not nominated last year and it's like well we were ineligible last year and it's like so yeah if it's gonna be if it's june we're gonna they're gonna have if they drop the whole season at once maybe but ideally there's one where we're doing one or two a week to get people invested in the story now my questions for you really are host ideas. Who are we bringing in? Does Steve Irwin have more family members? You would think he has to, right? I know there's at least a couple kids.

Is maybe his mom still around or something like that? Because the kids will not do this they're young and they've got everything in front of them and they're already working a lot with other animals but surely steve irwin's mom might be willing to get down under that stump with us and pull out this bug we need something to we need something to get this stump out too probably yep oh yeah that was another question how the fuck do you move these stumps i've been leaning on these things i would i was out in the woods earlier this morning yeah they won't budge solid yeah so you know do you like you've been on reality TV?

What do they do with the stumps? I think that a lot of times you just have to leave the stump and you need somebody to come in and grind down the stumps. And maybe that's like part of like, you know, this is like a very like, you know, titillating show that maybe we'll talk about the stump grinding in sort of like a jokey way oh okay right yeah right right right right right so like he's about to stump and grind maybe he's a bed bug now yeah i don't see nothing wrong with a little stump and grind yeah a bad bug oh they're trying to bed this bug yeah i mean i think nicole byer seems like uh a natural she won't do it she'd be amazing she will not get her she would be so good such a good idea it seems like our hosting pool is gonna skew older not hume cronin won't do it but who's our hume cronin so uh so that's so then my other thing with bug makeover which i think we have probably a hit on

our hands yeah is it one season long story of a bug or are we gonna try to do a bug every episode yeah i think it's a bug every episode because i mean that what are you gonna follow on the week to week we don't know how many the issue is we don't know how many bugs are under the stump we're like i can't move it yeah we yelling in there. We're kind of like setting some of the deal terms and stuff by just like just yelling really loud and like hoping that they're whoever like. I can't tell you whatever's under there. I did like a flying kick into it.

Yeah, he did. Yeah, I put on a pair of Sambas and I did like a running flying kick. Did it work? Rob, it did not work no he grazed the he kind of he kind of glanced off the top of the stump yeah and that's great my shin scraped his shin and it's on the edge of like there's like a big incline on the other side of the stump i went rolling down into the creek yeah all the way down i got really mad i got pinched by some crawdads that were

crawling around in the creek yeah and i thought is this the buck you know but i think they're they are ugly yeah yeah yeah yeah more like but you've got potential yeah what would you say more like a craw daddy now across the makeover across eddie yes cross eddie that that's really strong so okay so you got some good kind of bantery ideas it's feeling a little like um like maybe the host needs to be sort of a the circle type narrator yeah like michelle bouteau would come in and just after the fact after everything's film would just have like a he's more of a cross addy type line um so we maybe we need someone sassy and also if it's just vo we may be able to broaden our net. We may be able to get someone a little bit younger.

Yeah, they don't have to be on location. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe someone really young, right? Like a little kid. Because, yeah, kids love bugs. Yeah. Yeah, I wasn't even thinking about that.

Kids really love bugs. Mm-hmm. So maybe the whole show is for kids they probably know how to get under that stump huh they could just wiggle around they could probably fit their fingers under parts of it yeah yeah eating better is easy with factors delicious ready to eat meals every fresh never frozen meal is chef crafted dietitian approved ready to go in just two minutes speaking of ready to go in just two minutes chef kevin is here with his new show the chef kevin factor where he creates fresh never frozen meals now

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And we see, we've got cameras in there. I guess, is it a problem to have cameras in the bathroom that they don't know about? Well, at any rate, we'll figure that out. You don't have to turn them on until they come out of the stall. The camera doesn't need to be in the stall. Okay. Thank you.

When they come out of the stall, basically... Or it could be really dark in the stall, maybe. We have a camera in there, but you can't... But it's blurry and the camera's not very good. Because we're going to want a camera in that stall yeah does as you were saying like don't put a camera in there i was kind of like but maybe a microphone yeah rob doesn't yeah yeah maybe get it but we

just basically see how long it takes them to get out of that thing okay is there a prize is there like it's like american ninja warrior of like how who can get out of the thing. Okay. Is there a prize? Is there like, it's like American Ninja Warrior of like who can get out of the bathroom the fastest? It is. Well, go ahead. There's water. Yeah. We started to like back up the toilets. Yeah.

The water is rising. Well, and from the sink, that's kind of a prize. There's water that comes out of the sink of a bathroom. That's free. One issue that I'm curious about the format, but I am worried about, you know, there's like a crew and it's got to be like, the crew is going to have to use the bathroom at times.

So how are they going gonna like get in and out without releasing the the contestant huh so this is why i bring this stuff to you guys because i don't i haven't actually thought about all this yeah i just thought the idea of like imagine the thrill of using a bathroom going to leave realizing you are trapped inside this bathroom public restroom too you don't know what's going on and how i like you asked me if there's a prize i go well is there any greater prize than the feeling of accomplishment you would have yeah after you somehow escape from a public bathroom, you've been locked in against your will? And so is there someone to tell them that it was a show

or they just never know? You know, I haven't worked it out. I was thinking, why ruin it for these people go like, Oh, it was just some part of some TV show when they're probably going to be feeling pretty cool by the time they get out. So they never even know that they were on TV. Just let them walk off.

I mean, if they're watching it. Yeah. But I'm also thinking we don't even need to air this thing. Let's just get some cameras in the bathroom just a prank let's lock some doors let's see what we end up with this one's pretty low budge and as

Hayes pointed out we're probably gonna have to minimize the crew because otherwise they're gonna be whining all day about can't use the bathroom maybe we find some crew members who are a little more flexible about where they're willing to go, you know?

And so that, you know, but we, we get a pretty pared down elite squad of people. Toss a couple cameras in some public bathrooms, throw a padlock on the outside of the door. When we see someone go in, just see what we get right yeah now does this is this i don't know if this is related or not but like the fact that this happened to you me yeah is that just like a

coincidence that like this is the idea or like is it related related to the fact that you had this exact experience in Huntington Beach? Best day of my life. How did you get out? I cried. Yeah. I cried so loud that somebody said security.

And they had like a saw. That made it sound so loud. Yeah saw yeah special bathroom saw they had a bathroom saw it is something that would happen in the saw franchise yeah yeah i cried and then uh yeah somebody finally heard me crying you know and it's it's a little unfair to say that this happened to me this would be someone locking it from the outside i had actually locked it from the inside and then i guess it was just sort of slippery and my hands were wet so i couldn't get it unlocked i gave up pretty fast and then just started started screaming and crying but they got in there with that bathroom saw pretty quick which again was so loud it made me cry even more um i'm surprised you didn't drop kick the door like you did to the tree stump i didn't have my sambas on did not have my sambas on so there was no way for me to really do it um the bathroom saw

was giving a very loud noise yeah oh yeah it was the bathroom saw was giving loud noise it's true and i'll say when i calmed down afterwards and once i sort of toweled off and everything i felt so elated first of all all, I appreciated all these things, these little things that we take for granted, right? Not being in a bathroom, right? Being outside, not having a loud, scary saw really close to you. All this stuff that I walk around and I just think like, this is normal life.

Now I really was looking at that with fresh eyes. And so it was a very powerful experience for me. And I'd like to share that with others. And if we make a dollar and a cent along the way, that's not a bad thing. Yeah. So many people will be like trying to chase that for the rest of their days,

that feeling when they first got out of the bathroom, like how do I capture that and you can't bottle that it's childbirth really childbirth is the first escape from the bathroom escape from the bathroom let's escape from the bathroom and we can move on

do they go to the bathroom in there if they're in there long enough babies yeah they go to the bathroom in there if they're in there long enough babies yeah they go oh remember yeah they do right yeah they have to they have to they have to whether like as soon as they come out now they go to the bathroom no it makes no sense it must be they do it in there yeah they swim in it wow but they like it yeah yeah doesn't bother them no they love it there's a lesson in there somewhere

i want to know is i know kevin has a reality show idea i don't want him to be like sitting here wondering whether or not whether or not he's going to give it. I guess we can just decide now whether or not he will get to do his idea. If we're not going to get to him, you have a bunch more. If we're not going to get to him, he can just go lie down in the back. I have three more.

I'm going to say nothing is going to be as good as Bug Makeover. Okay. I do have three more ideas. That's why we have this time issue now as Bug makeover okay but we but i do have three more ideas that's why we have this time issue now is bug makeover was so later i mean like had so many facets for us to examine no that one and i we didn't even talk about where that should live like what the right network is for bug makeover if it helps to know my pitch is very long okay okay so that's making me feel like we're not gonna hear it yeah so you could just go lie down and rob you're the guest you want to hear kevin's tldr yeah sure well it's called no that's not how that went, it's called No, That's Not How That Went.

And it's basically a big race with a lot of details that I wrote out. Now, if you're interested, I can share it, but if you're not, we can listen to Sean's too. A big race? It's a race. Mm-hmm. Okay.

Or we could do this. I could just talk until you guys are no longer interested, and then we could do this I could just talk until you guys are no longer interested and then we could just stop well I guess why is the title it's part of the description okay

so I cannot hear just why it's called that I have to hear the entire thing no that's not how that happened that made me think it's almost like a rashomon type reality show you see everybody's perspective and maybe kevin thought rashomon was pronounced racer man so he the whole time has been like why don't we do why have i never seen a racer man type show about one of these races where everyone thinks something different happened in the race okay i don't think i need to hear the rest on the like do you does anyone else we can move through my other ideas okay too yeah let's do it this one

i mean you might want to just hear and then move on immediately. This one, I don't really have a... The titles of working title, especially I know you, Rob, and I listen to a lot of your shows a lot, and you don't really work blue. That's very kind. And this show, even the title, I think you wouldn't probably want to be associated with it. But working title right now, it's called Ski Fuckers.

So this is young newlyweds attempt to make love while skiing down a double black diamond and if either party fails to bust they do not receive their cash prize at the end of the at the end of the ski slope. Okay. Yeah. So this is also then if this is a heterosexual couple, the woman has to reach orgasm also. That's what I'm saying and what I want to tell

you, Rob, is I will know. You can't fool me. So I think some people probably hear this going oh I'll go on that show I'll trick him I am not going to be tricked I will know if you really

busted or not so don't don't embarrass yourself and your family by trying to go on ski fuckers and fool me by faking i hate lag and i hate fakers so don't try to do that to me you're not doing yourself any favors if you want to go on the show

because you want to try to ski down a double black diamond with your newly wedded whatever. Yeah. And see if you can figure out a way to like both kind of get there. And you gotta be going kind of fast too. None of this doing the, doing the pizza slice style with your skis spread out the whole time. Go slow. Cause you'll walk up and give them a little nudge with your foot or if they're going really slow, do a flying kick with your sabas

so that's one that's available so this is just I mean who wouldn't watch that at least once right you'd have to check out because I because you know like people like this naked and afraid I don't want them to be afraid how about naked having fun with

what about a show called naked and horny naked and horny and having fun with your partner yeah and i would think that they're gonna be wearing ski clothes also i think that that's gonna they're not gonna be naked they'll get frostbite at first yeah they'll have ski clothes but you know as you get going maybe some maybe you know you heat, you're not as worried about it, but this is all stuff that can get worked out. I think this one, probably we don't have a host question. I'm going to host. Cause I'm the only person who I'm certain will be able to tell. Yeah. Yes. I will know if you're trying to trick me. I'm not even going to say you have to wake up pretty early in the morning. It does not matter

when you wake up. You will not be able to trick me. So you probably have to get to the slopes early. Are you a skier Rob? No. Yeah. I'm barely a fornicator.

Okay. No aspect of this is gonna. It's not appealing to you maybe interesting to you as a viewer as a viewer i mean but not as a judge certainly yeah yeah can be interesting yeah it's something you don't you know necessarily do i watch shows people doing stuff i don't do all the time it could be exciting and be fun it's another world um and then i don't know how like the insurance works and everything because obviously skiing under normal circumstances on a double black diamond is somewhat dangerous yeah so we're gonna have to get some serious waivers signed on a lot of different levels if someone has a baby it's like whose is that you know right just like the rights issues yeah like a nightmare the first ski fucker baby

the first ski fucker baby was born today in minneapolis minnesota yeah but when that baby comes out boy fans of the reality show will remember the time someone tried to trick the host sean clements he dressed them down once they got dressed back up um so so that's ski fuckers um Went better than I thought. This next one is called Top Toast. Top Toast. Top Toast. We built a toaster of my own devilish design.

No numbers. You just got to feel it. We get the best chefs from across the country to come and see who can use this devilishly designed toaster to make the very best dry toast so the die is it a circular dial yep and it just doesn't have the numbers on it yeah yeah that's right okay but is it a uh a toaster oven or is it the slices go in the top? It's the slice one. I've already made it actually. Yeah.

It's just a modification of one that I bought a really long time ago. It just got kind of old. But it seems like people could just kind of like you go by feel you play by feel. Right. Well, it seems that way, Hayes. But, you know, they've never used this toaster before. They don't know. Wow.

You have used it. I don't know that I should be a contestant. You know, I'm not one of the best chefs in the country I'm pretty good what happens if they burn the toast go to jail go to jail now there's stakes

go to jail locked up go to jail because the toaster is pretty old if you burn it enough somebody is going to get hurt is there one toaster right now i guess there's one yeah yeah currently there's one but i i i have faith actually that we could we could figure out a backup although i don't know if they make this model anymore

could be nice if afterwards like uh you know there's the stuff with like the show the activists and stuff and if this show like afterwards gave the toast to like a pelican or something or like a huge like a really sick bird yeah it would all show up yeah the bird's sick as hell and then all the chefs show up to the hospital together and they go and they like give it to the bird and the bird is the judge. I mean, that's the other thing. The bird should really be the judge.

So it's like the sick bird. They eat it and then they say like this was the best toast. They're not going to say that because they're a bird, but they somehow indicate like with a big squawk that like this was the toast

that was the most pleasing to them. Should there be an element where they have to give a toast also okay so you want to play on the word and it's like they're doing yeah if they're toast masters and they're and they're able to so so should it be the bird's wedding day and they're effectively the bird's best man as in addition to i mean this could pair great with ski fuckers yeah they're the newlyweds it's all but the betrothed yeah so um yeah so then someone would have to also be judging the toast are you saying that because you feel like you're very good at giving toasts no i mean i i love toast uh eating the toast um you know these but these toasts could

go really uh off the wall i mean you know the you ever be at one of these weddings where uh it's just a brutal toast i mean I like that better than a good one. Yeah. Yeah, there's more to talk about after. Where uncle gets up there. Mm-hmm. If uncle's up there and maybe he's had, you know, one too many Heinekens. Mm-hmm.

Sure. And suddenly uncle is saying things that you really don't want to hear from uncle yeah that can be good uncle marv uncle marv from home alone yes no this is a different bar this is marv from home alone he's like and he deceive me it's rob cesternino yeah yes he's like buzz your girlfriend wolf yeah he says that he's giving away like different aspects of their crime during the toast and so yeah that so so then you're on two different wavelengths so that's that's actually really dramatic if someone clearly made the best toast the bird was squawking its damn head off when

it's munching this guy's toast and then they go up to give their toast they know they're the front runner and they're so nervous that they tell an embarrassing and inappropriate story about the bird group from like their you know bachelor party weekend or something weddings off now then another person who totally just absolutely botched the toast comes in and they give their toast

it's actually really touching it's got and they were shy if they start off shy yes and they're reading head down buried in the note card but then when they do look up it's even more impactful and they say bird i love you and i love your wife yeah i'm so happy you found each other so i only have one more reality show idea, and this one will be fast. We may get to Kevin's. It's called Car Hunt.

You got to find something in my car. Find something in your car? Yeah. Like the steering wheel? Oh, no. What is it? Or will we just kind of know when we find it? I think when you find it you're

gonna know what it is i'd rather not say but it's in my car uh clues if i had them i'd give them but basically i dropped it it's somewhere in my car i can't find it were you driving or were you like sitting in the driver's seat or like what like what were you driving or were you like sitting in the driver's seat or like what like what were you kind of doing in the car when you uh i just got it i was just rolling around doing donuts okay yeah so you were in the driver's g-force could make it fall and roll in the driver's seat yeah i drove down i i drove down to the high school parking lot and was doing donuts. Okay. So,

it's in there. I can't find it, but you can find it for me. Do you want to say what color it is? A couple different colors. Yeah.

Okay. Will you tell us which car is yours? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. don't like yeah yeah i will i'll tell you i don't need am i a person on the on the show yeah okay i mean it seems a little like insider trading yeah look I just really need to find this thing in my car it's kind of important and so like I need you guys to help me find

this thing I trapped in my car I can't find it so like this show is called car hunt okay but like yeah you're on the show it's a couple different colors like a shape or it's a couple different shapes okay multiple shapes all right i guess we can get to kevin's we it turns out we do have have time and just so like in case people like want to leave or anything rob is there any oh yeah people want to stop listening before kevin starts um is there stuff you want to plug or any shout outs you want to do oh um i mean how could i top what sean already said i mean i'm

just going to be talking about the boring regular reality shows on Rob as a podcast, but I'm just going to be like hopelessly depressed that there are these better ideas that are in production. You can talk about these. And I'm not podcasting about them. You can talk about these. Yeah, we don't need to wait for that.

You can start doing recaps on Bug Makeover or Top Toast. Ski Fuckers could you could shout out your friend no you have a friend who likes the show huh too scared to come on this rob has this friend and he's like scared of the show he's shy, I think we can all relate to that. Yeah, we're all shy. We're all INTJs. We're really shy. Yeah. Yeah.

So, yeah, you don't want to plug anything. Okay. When will this come out, Kevin, in relation to the new Survivor season? September 28th, so next Tuesday. So, okay. One week after? Yeah, it'll be about four or five days after the premiere.

So we'll be talking about the second week of Survivor then. This is the cycle we're on now. For multiple guests in a row is the show that comes out right after the thing happens. No, this is perfect.

Okay. Thanks. I know it's perfect. It's all right, Kevin. No, we cracked it. Go ahead. The show is called No, That's Not How That Went. Each contestant wakes up 50 feet underwater.

Never Let You Go by Third Eye Blind is playing live from a submarine next to the contestants. If the song sounds a little odd, you're correct. The band members have all switched instruments to further disorient the contestants. You have till the end of the song to swim to the surface, hop on a jet ski, and arrive at the Orange County 2021 convention on eco-friendly scooters. You are giving a big speech at the end of the event. If it seems statistically impossible to make it to the Balboa Peninsula in 3 minutes and 57 seconds, don't worry. Tim Wright, aka Curveball, the drummer of Third Eye Blind, forgets the lyrics to the bridge.

Instead of saying, I remember the the lyrics to the bridge instead of saying i remember the stupid things the mood rings the bracelets and the beads nickels and dimes yours and mine did you cash in all in all your dreams yeah he says i remember the little things the onion rings the blankets and the seeds two dollar bill what a thrill did you catch up on all of Wheat's? Singer Stephen Jenkins stops the song to correct him on the lyrics. Quote, no. But Stephen Jenkins isn't singing. Exactly, yeah. But he still wants to correct him.

And then says, no, that's not how that went. Saying the lucky phrase means you get an extra 45 seconds to get to the peninsula. If you make it to the peninsula on time, congratulations. You can now give the big speech. If not, you have to fill up the jet ski with diesel fuel. TMZ is going to snap a few photos with this headline. Eco-friendly scooter speaker caught doing big bad before big event. It's not a great headline you'd never you'd never want

that not the headline you want yeah i mean the one you do want is good jeans or good docs yes that's a that's a that's a headline and it's. It's good jeans, like the pants and good docks, like good dockers. Also the pants. Yeah, it's basically the headline is what kind of pants are these? Can anyone tell? That gets me pretty pumped up.

Kevin, good job. I liked the new alternate verse a lot. i'm glad we left time for it now it's no car hunt sure it's it's not gonna it's not gonna do better ratings than ski fuckers at the same time it was worth listening to and maybe it inspires us to come up with a similar show that we don't have to pay you on. Bye. Hollywood Handbook.

This week on the Patreon, Carl and Ahsan discuss fantasy football, Tom Sharpling helps bang on Hollywood Masterclass, and the Flager Ones are mostly talking all things basketball. Check out these bonus podcasts and videos of the full episodes, including today's with Rob at patreon.com slash the flagrant ones. That was a hate gun podcast.