Hollywood Handbook - Please Don’t Destroy, Our Close Friends

Episode Date: September 19, 2023

The Boys talk to Please Don't Destroy (BEN MARSHALL, JOHN HIGGINS, AND MARTIN HERLIHY) about living in Gotham. See their live show at The Wiltern in LA This Thursday!Watch the video of today’s episode here!Like the show? Rate Hollywood Handbook 5-Stars on Apple PodcastsAdvertise on Hollywood Handbook via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is a head gum podcast is the song playing is the song playing songs songs happening right now the song's playing now it's going to it's hard in the new studio i don't know how to tell if the song is playing or not it's beautiful by the way who did this casey did you do this guys you don't know we've been struggling yes it's been really hard to um get anyone to do anything right at this and i am loving this and i have um certainly asked for it long enough but it's tough like do I love this because this is

good or is this normal and what we had before was like should I have expected this level of care from the beginning and am I in a way denigrating myself by even enjoying like what should be the bare minimum

right we got these great guests we got big guests big guests and it's uh the show's gonna be late because the scheduling was fucked up kevin do you want to talk about how fucked up the scheduling was schedule hey guys chef kevin her schedule was crazy messed up all over the place with the confirmation and emails and scheduling and rescheduling in the studio and the mics but we persevered and now the episode's coming out today and we're so excited and grateful yeah we're really grateful we've got please don't destroy got all the boys we've got

benji and marty johnny uh jesus jizo and but the fucking whole crew's here and i'm intimidated usually we have two people and one guest and we're kind of like the big boss but right now we are outnumbered and uh you guys stronger you could have your way with us yeah yeah no you could absolutely demolish us yeah yeah well thank you for hey please do not destroy us. Anything you want. Well, thank you for your knowledge. Hey, please do not destroy us. What do you mean? Don't. What do you mean?

Please don't hurt us. Oh, no. Okay. I wasn't going to. I wasn't going to either. Yeah. Good. Yeah.

You probably couldn't. No, I could. Yeah, but it's three of us. It's less than could we could beat the fucking shit so okay i didn't want to i guess i didn't want to talk about that at least not right away sure sure yeah i get like i i want to present a scenario we're gonna get into it because there are three yeah so i want like imagine an image that's divided into four areas and the four areas are cheeseburger yep hot dog yep yeah salami sure salami turkey turkey sausage and you see this image turkey sorry turkey sausage turkey it's all of it turkey burger link it's all of it turkey sandwich turkey salad turkey fingers hot dog turkey sausage

and all cheeseburger all hot dog but it's all salami but everything's too sorry yeah but then you introduce the concept of one gotta go okay and so mike the question i present to you is wid which effectively means what you did when you saw that what you did i'm gonna go ahead and knock off cheeseburger link okay cheeseburger link well are you sure you can't have it anymore if one's gotta go you can't have it anymore right am i understanding this yeah that is one got to go for the next 24 hours it has to or a couple of minutes what is it it has to go and we never talk about it no we don't ever again we never see it again no one else knows about it you know you eliminated it and the rest of the world forgets that it existed if you try

to explain it to anyone you get killed turkey turkey it's gone i would fucking get rid of that and that's all i know we said that before i want to make sure that you turkey hot dogs turkey salads turkey salad turkey fingers and as clarification is that just for the turkey quadrant or does that apply also to cheeseburger all cheeseburger okay so all the variants so if you get rid of one you get rid of you may all want to agree on one because now we've gotten rid of two yeah sliders sitters which is what I call the big ones. Turkey tacos are gone. We can each get rid of one for all time? So yeah, guys, we should team up on this.

I'm not changing my mind. One gotta go. It's turkey. I'm not changing my fucking stance on this. But where my head is at is that you could always There's always pepperoni

okay well let's find out john chill what chill sorry pizza with pepperoni on top yeah i don't care pepperoni for salami get rid of salami still got pepperoni uh-huh so i don't care what happens to me you guys are having a side conversation or whatever talk about what are you totally get conversation whatever it's totally cool I don't give a shit if I fucking live or die I don't care what happens to me physically fucking end me yes

I'm begging you one has to go right one of the turkey you but it's all fake it's like who gives a shit we're imagining it in the picture you made it's all fake like it's fake like right it's like who gives a shit we're imagining it in this in the picture you made it's right and i can see like you all like getting into it or whatever like it's it's like it's not real it's fun because you guys had this really funny debate you were all

like weighing the pros and cons and like it was like a rich conversation so it's like and it as an intellectual exercise it's fucking badass right because like you know you see a picture like this you get a group of funny guys and it's like dude the fucking quips are flying everybody just like it was like it can i say it was pretty electric yeah our responses to yeah no and i knew i mean that's why we wanted to do it like because we were like yeah this is going to be this like because we were like this is going to be this is the crew for like this kind of thing where like you at one point were saying cheeseburger and i mean i was dying like dude i was dying dude so it was it was really nice no it was

a good way to kick it off too yeah yeah yeah well. Yeah. Well, that was part of like Hayes's idea of like, let's get everybody comfortable and just get into something where it's like funny. No holds barred conversation. Yes. Like, so you guys talked about everybody weighing in. Yeah.

So you guys were like, Hey, maybe we should start the show off. Like we split foods into quadrants and that'll. I don't want to get too much. I love talking about this okay i'm a process guy yeah i don't like to know what no it's cool it's cool because is it beats is it scripted yeah yeah how do you guys yeah it's a loose outline with some

lines we know we have to hit yeah yeah like i knew at one point i was gonna say i don't care if i live or die right that i was like i'm gonna work my way that felt rehearsed that felt rehearsed a little that and i knew it i i wasn't uh i wasn't in the moment performance wise i could have beaten it but uh yeah it's okay it was but we had the outline of like Hazel. Talk about the quadrants. Hazel. Hazel. Have we started? That's something.

Have we started? I don't know because they said the song played, but I didn't hear a peep. No, I didn't either. Is that a new studio thing? And also I said, is the song playing? Right. Kevin said it's going to play. So we don't know if it's played yet, Kev?

We can start whenever you guys are ready. Okay, cool. Let's start it up. to play. So we don't know if it's played yet, Kev? We can start whenever you guys are ready. Kevin said it's going to play and then he said it has played in the past. Yes. So it's like every song has played in the past.

But don't be singing it while if it is playing at the same time as you're singing it it can make people throw up. Really? I wouldn't want that. playing at the same time as you're singing it to make people throw up. Oh, really? Yeah. I wouldn't want that. It's physically overwhelming.

Then we have to slap the red E on it. Can I bring something up? We have to put a T on it for throw up. Can I bring something up? Last night, teen throw up. I was on Instagram and there was a video Don't get us in trouble

No no no It's not about you guys What do you think of this I was on Instagram There was slow jazz music On stills from the original Batman animated show It was jazz music

What it would feel like can't be promoting this stuff can't be talking about this okay yeah yeah okay strike wise it's just strike wise that's fine but it's not fine yeah sorry it sounds like you have something really good but i just think cannot be doing this is like trying to stay kind of like okay okay but just take the information that you know right that i've already said it said what it would feel like to live in gotham and somebody commented this is fucking really cool but it would be it would be a fucking nightmare to live in Gotham. And I cried, dude.

Yeah. Why would it be a nightmare? Oh, the penguin? The Joker? Oh, I don't know. Penguin's your neighbor? Yeah. Hey, trick or treat.

Yeah, he actually does live there. What are you doing? Whoa. The penguin. And I respect the fucking strike. I love the fucking strike. Okay. yeah he actually does what are you doing the penguin and I respect the fucking strike I love the fucking strike but we need to be talking about things that fuck outside of

like television we need to be talking about it we can't be doing this it's like I need to I need to I'm so bottled up I've got a tv talk blue balls i mean we all do a little bit we all are a little bit suffering from that craving to discuss content and like thinking about living in gotham yeah i mean having a date with selena kyle

and getting my throat slashed open with cat claws it's a nightmare to me you know because i like order the wrong you got an appetizer like the wine she has to sip the wine and she asked for a little bowl to be put on the floor she's drinking the wine out of a bowl on the floor. I say miss using the back of her tongue to scoop it up into her mouth. We don't normally. Yeah. We don't normally drink out of a bowl on the floor. Yeah.

Right. I know it's I just wanted to bring that up. It's a good thing to think about. At the Gotham Grill, I've saved up all month to take her to the Gotham Grill. Like scrimping and saving.

Eating ramen. Because I want to go to the Gotham Grill. I want to impress Selena. And you go up and you go, can you not drink wine out of a bowl? This is my special night. No, I'm sorry.

You were going to say, can I get what? No, you go to the cashier. He looks normal, right? Go, hey, can I get a bat beer? Whatever they have in Gotham. And you look up. It's all bats. It's a whole bat.

Yeah. And it's the fucking penguin is taking your order and so you looked up the penguin works right yeah okay he's huge well the seats are so low in gotham the chairs are like against the ground the table legs are like it's like ridiculous really yeah it would be a night he's on his big like parade float tank which i guess he probably would be yeah you know he's like out in the world so then yeah he's huge penguin is yeah that's fucked up but we can't like i don't want to promote it but we have to talk about and think about some of this but it's questions like we have this time right are we using this time to develop our work are

we going to come out the other side of this yeah exactly the way we went in and it's where i think the one gotta go concept is like really can be very incisive can we take it out of right the context of these imaginary food debates which by the way still laughing about some of the stuff we were coming up with during that but can we put it in the real world and say okay we've got these three guys here do we need three oh like us one gotta go gotta go that's interesting okay now that is interesting your idea i'm starting to like the one gotta go out of the three what josh has meant like the the applying one gotta go because you're you're actually getting something which is like when it's like comedy stuff it's like one obviously

is pathetic like one person up there one's a loser one standing still on stage who are you talking to like what like yeah no yep no three is a disease it's also pathetic right two is the middle ditch and schwartz sweet spot right well you've got middle-aged schwartz okay uh let me think um steven marty oh steven marty martin and martin we got uh jake and amir yeah that is real and so since you did mention can we just get a mirror i do just for full disclosure since you are a fan i don't know how this will affect you but amir did uh refer to the three of you as please do not destroy yesterday without he didn't do the contraction yes he did not and so please do not destroy that's like he knows your stuff that's hard to hear that's really hard to hear don't really digging in

not necessarily but like it has passed he's not peripheral vision he's not hearing it spoken he's not reading it he's not typing it into a search yeah that's kind of walking past someone who's having a conversation about it yeah yeah yeah which is like that's how big this thing is yeah that amir is like almost in contact with him yeah but you got those two guys. What's other two guys? Penn and Teller. Uh-huh. Bingo! One of our bigger inspirations. Penn and Teller, for sure.

Not necessarily comedy, but Bush and Cheney. Sure, there's all kinds of... Yes, and the dynamic. We had the heavy, and then we had the kind of goofball. Yes! I mean, it does work. It does work. No, it's so simple. It's an odd couple, not an odd thruple

yes yes yes ooh could I sell the odd thruple I think you could and we think like we expanded that

even more let's talk after let's talk after the odd thruple that works sometimes it just works I don't need to hear about it but in this but just for the purpose that's for later yeah that's for after this one's really messy but one's really clean but one's really smart one's a dead body i get one of them is dead that's odd and then you are

and so then the third one is is effectively something that has to be either cleaned up or not yeah yeah oh yeah okay when are you gonna clean that up? I'm not. I told you when we signed the lease, I was messy. Yeah, I'm so messy. I will not be doing that. Now, okay, well, I'm so tidy, I can't touch it because it's like a rotting corpse. You know what I mean? So this is the one thing I won't clean.

I'm very clean. I'll wipe the soap scum in the bathroom, but I'm not going to touch that. It's like, not touching i'm messy i'm messy i like it and you guys will edit this out uh this part just kind of all of what we've done so far are we start i don't know if we started oh no that's the other thing almost i've almost found the theme with this i mean get used to this pete's not gonna be any kinder in terms of letting you know where you're at. He'll just capture the moment. Scary.

They're doing Beat Homes later. So. It was supposed to be a surprise. Is that also coming out? It'll be surprising. No. Yeah. Okay.

So we were asked to do a delayed release. I wasn't looped in on Pete. What was the concept of Pete is Day Of? Sorry. Pete is Day Of. Hey, hey, relax. Wait, did we make you guys change your schedule to accommodate? Yeah, we fucking did.

I wasn't looped in on it. So yeah, I was told the guys there's the big show at the will turn and i guess it's fucking nuts dude so it's this will come out today this is tuesday thursday you're gonna be at the wilter at the wilter treading the very same boards that colin mulloy once intoned the verses of odelise gone this is your moment yep thank you let's talk about it guys i mean her majesty castaways and cutouts like what is our what's our december so be doing be doing stuff about kissing a bird? Yes. Not ancient catacombs.

And yes, Bartleby the Scrivener, et cetera. Yes. Yeah. It's a lot of that stuff. Okay. But kind of for the Gen Z. Could be so funny like if if we were about like it like it could be like i could stop wait dude dudes this was maybe thinking like sick you know what you ought to do what's up bro you got to put us in some of your

stuff yeah like not even just the show if like we were that's insane so we're in the videos oh my god that's fine i do it that's so fucked up yes you have to do that shit you have to man that's so funny oh my god i'm so i'm glad you're here maybe you play us maybe you guys and kevin play oh well what's great is there's two right so which we know works maybe one yes maybe once we activate the One Gotta Go protocol, then that would be so... At that point, it's so easy. Do you guys do voices and stuff? Do you guys do characters?

Or what would you... Because we do a lot of voices and characters. In our lives. No, yeah. So do you have a character or anything? Don't make me pick no i got yeah the shorter list is characters i don't do do we do voice i don't do trump i don't do anyone famous yeah you don't shorter list yeah that list is shorter it's basically i don't do any celebrities i don't do anything feels like i don't do any long list if you don't do any celebrity

well the list is only three right now trump anyone famous accents right oh easier in some ways to say what we do sure yeah sure well and i guess what we do like voices characters like not so much what we do do is the damn thing every damn day wow i like that every single damn day i just got chills do the damn thing. I just got chills. We're doing it right now. We'll do it long after you're gone. We did it yesterday. We tried to do it the day before that. We didn't.

But essentially it's every damn day we do it. What happened the day before? Yeah, what happened? You were sick. I forgot to drink water. You ever get like a little headache and you go like have i had a single sip of water in the past 72 hours have i had but a single sip in the past like i really do kind of go like yes yes i'm gonna don't like can i take care of myself i

forgot to drink water. I think it's one of the essential elements that helps us live. For some of the Tulsi, if you do it without water, it could get stuck. And sometimes it's like, does coffee count as water? Right. Yeah. It feels like it should. It should.

I know I put water in when I make it. Yeah. But no. Yeah. I guess it doesn't. Or like vodka or everclear ice right let's clear out for martin for a second

because it felt it didn't feel like it's something was happening here. I just thought we were kind of chugging along with the water and the coffee, and I was thinking, nice. I loved that. I loved seeing that. That was very powerful. It was very sweet. Thank you.

You're making a strong case. It was coming from a very honest place, I felt like. And the timing. Because I'm looking at the clock, it's 23 minutes in, and I would say that Martin has arrived on this episode. Michael Jordan. Michael Jordan. Michael Jordan.

Michael Jordan switched the goat of all time. Well, I said that thing about the penguin being tall, too. That's true. No, I wouldn't necessarily about the penguin being tall, too. That's true. That was just... No, I wouldn't necessarily say that was your thing. That got cut. He was looking up. I said...

And I'm not protective of, like, it's not my stuff. No, a bit. No. I'm only responding to the fact that you said that you did it. I was like... Noticed that he was looking up at the pigment what I'll say is nobody's keeping score

you know what I mean like that's not an attitude to bring to this you are on the board now which is great like with the ice thing like you know there's no it's undeniable that you're on the board but nobody's keeping score Hollywood Handbook

be a better you in 2024 with Babbel It's undeniable that you're on the board, but don't always keep it square. Hollywood Handbook. Be a better you in 2024 with Babbel, the science-backed language learning app that actually works. Don't pay hundreds of dollars for private tutors or waste hours on apps that don't really help you speak the language. And the question that I always get, people stop me and they say, like, hey, i trust you i know like you when you endorse a product it's something that you really use and care about but there's one language that i'm trying to learn and that's body language so can babble teach me body language So Babbel now has visual in-person lessons.

Part of their quick 10-minute lessons that they do for other languages, handcrafted by over 200 language experts to help you start speaking a new language in as little as three weeks. Babbel is designed by real people for real conversations, and that includes body-based conversations what does it mean when you drop someone off after a nice date and they turn around at the door and they take their little index finger and they kind of like draw it towards them they're pulling it what does that mean does their finger hurt i wonder if they spotted a spider web or something they're trying to pull down the spider down yeah but i've seen this too after a lot of dates and i need i need and have needed something like babble to figure out what the heck is this person doing with their finger because it looks like a it looks

like an emergency i know i was supposed to do something or how about those people that stand in the street they're kind of like they've got like almost like police clothes on it may be almost yeah and they're standing in the middle and as i'm driving and i'm cruising they're holding their hand up for like a high five almost and they're really aggressively like pushing it out i'm like am i supposed to drive get out. And they're really aggressively pushing it out. And I'm like, am I supposed to pull over, get out of the car? Yes, or just do it out the window as I'm going. That's what I've been doing. That seems dangerous.

But some of these very subtle body language cues have escaped me and many listeners, I'm sure. Babbel's tips and tools are approachable, accessible, rooted in real life situations, which I have all the time, and delivered with conversation-based teaching so you're ready to practice what you've learned in the real world studies from yale michigan state university and others can't feel good to be others there continue to prove babble is better one study found that using babble for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college babble has over 60 million subscriptions sold all 14 all of their 14 award-winning language courses are backed by their 20-day money-back guarantee here's a special limited time deal for our listeners right now get 55 off yourbel subscription, but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash the boys. Get 55% off at babbel.com slash the boys spelled B-A-B-E-L dot com slash the boys.

B-A-B-B-E-L. B-A-B-B-E-L. B-A-B-B-E-L. Dot com slash the boys. Rules and restrictions may apply. With Babbel, we can't promise it'll always be easy but you'll always be glad you did it kind of like this podcast except it is easy for me eating better is easy with factors delicious ready to eat meals every fresh never frozen

meal is chef crafted dietitian approved ready to go in just two minutes speaking of ready to go in just two minutes chef kevin is here with his new show the chef kevin factor where he creates fresh never frozen meals now this is different kevin i just want to i just want to establish it's none of this like here's a like a pile of ingredients like this is the meal yeah it's not a recipe okay this is the meal you cook the full meal for us now okay yeah you don't just send us a bunch of stuff you had laying around in your cabinet you're actually doing the cooking and there are 35 different options to choose from every week including calorie smart protein plus and keto which is this it's a little bit of all of them okay okay it shouldn't be

there are also more than 60 add-ons to help you stay fueled up and feeling good all day long how many add-ons and what are some of them it's one big add-on and it's you on your bed you're so tired after you eat my meal the The promise is the meal makes us sleepy. You've been pushing that so much. You're saying that you will be added on to your bed. Yeah. Your bed plus one. That's the opposite of what this is supposed to do.

It's supposed to help you stay fueled up and feel good all day long. A lot of these, I know, give you a ton of energy. They have smoothies and things like that. This is wrong. Reservation for two, me walking in my bedroom. What's the second? It's you in your bed? The bed.

I got clippy. Fuel up fast with Factor's restaurant-quality meals that are ready to heat and eat wherever you are. Pancake, smoothies, and more. Discover a wide variety of easy options for the entire day, like breakfast, midday bites, and more. No, we didn't even... This is not even up for consideration.

So let's just hear what the actual meal was. What was the food? I don't want to go to bed. It's very simple. It's one huge chicken nugget. Sign up and save. We've done the math. Factor is less expensive than takeout.

Every meal is dietitian approved to be nutritious and delicious. Head to factormeals.com slash theboys50 and use code theboys50 to get 50% off. That's code theboys50 at factormeals.com slash theboys50 to get 50% off. Hey guys, Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills. You can see all your subscriptions in one place

and if I see something I don't want, I can cancel it it with a tap i never have to get on the phone with customer service the subscriptions are insidious they're the scourge of our modern life and you never realize what you're subscribing to or that you're still being charged i know that i was about 19 dresses into receiving each one of the 27 dresses from the movie 27 dresses before i found out how much it was costing yes that they intended to send me by the way you'll this will shock you 54 dresses if i did not cancel and i you know i think also got an end point by like dress 14 15 i think it starts to become clear like these aren't the dresses oh no they were not from the movie they didn't resemble anything from the movie they were not they were either way too big or way too small for a human

to wear yeah and one of them was a dressing yeah one of them was it was it was a vinaigrette it was a raspberry vinaigrette it was a french raspberry vinaigrette dressing oh they'll even try to get you a refund for the last couple months of wasted money and negotiate to lower your bills for you by up to 20 all you have to do is take a picture of your bill and rocket money takes care of the rest they have over 5 million users and have helped save its members an average of 720 a year with over 500 million dollars in canceled subscriptions and that was i mean just to be fully transparent that 500 million was most of that was the the dresses well yeah i mean you're talking about hollywood memorabilia you're talking about like ornate gowns you know in some cases and so that was uh yeah that was costing me a lot a lot a lot stop wasting money on things you don't use cancel your

unwanted subscriptions by going to rocket money.com slash the boys that's rocket money.com slash the boys rocket money.com slash the boys. That's rocketmoney.com slash the boys. rocketmoney.com slash the boys. Hollywood Handbook. It wouldn't be that bad living in Gotham. Well, what I was thinking earlier... Okay, all right. Because I was crying about it. Yeah, what's up?

Well, is that I would feel so protected having Batman. Batman, right. I don't have a Batman. Who's my Batman here? Biden? But I love this where everyone thinks, and this is just like, it's so American in a way.

Like everyone thinks like, oh, if I lived in Gotham, I'd be one of the people Batman was protecting. And it's just like, I'm a good person. And it's like, oh, really? Like, look around at the ills of society and your failure to proactively prevent literally anything bad from happening to anyone. And maybe Batman being there isn't such a comfort anymore

when you know he would be kicking your happy meal ass up and down Gotham's main street. He would show up and put your ass on the fucking deck. One shot. Boom, bitch. See you later. Started using guns today for you. Literally went back on his

only policy to use guns on you. What did you do? It's what you failed to do right wow we can always be doing more and it's the whole idea your thing of like i want to go to gotham because like i'll be protected yeah so i can get away with anything i want feels kind of odd it's like a very american point of view to me i'm sorry there would be shouldn't have said that you said one foot i love that you said it because it actually allowed us to have the kind of conversation this show was intended to foster totally totally which is like what's wrong with you yeah like what's wrong with you and how

do we fix it totally one's gotta go yep yes we know that i'll say right now it seems like it's between me and martin can we just acknowledge well i mean there's a lot of time left if there's anything like josh for example is introducing stuff that he saw on instagram stop calling me josh just i not just sire you just call me john johnny boy okay well this is part of the thing i mean well i speak up for myself right but yes but it's like there's it's so many but it's good there could just be one josh then i think we would do you see something i can wrap my head around we're like we have a job we have a job okay great we could just have one because yes yeah we've got now is johnny boy

yeah that's a lot benji and marcus and we're and we've got there's nothing that sticks to me in any way the way that Josh does it's can we get it one by one just like the whole just like can we just kind of like a marker the name thing which one is please yes which one is right so this

is yeah this is a good question to talk about yeah who's please voices and stuff too for people listening i think it's it's helpful i would say i'm please yeah okay don't yeah don't okay just destroy yeah i got that and batman understands that as well yeah and that's why i believe in batman's sometimes you have a gotham public the second jacuzzi sometimes you have a conversation on a podcast and you start thinking am i evil right yeah right you are now entering gotham you are now exiting gotham how the fuck in structure yeah that you're shot in the head your point blank

batman yes your soul is uh i don't know going to hell or I don't know. Eternally suffering. Hey, touch my shoe. It's just something I say when you touch my shoe. I'm just curious to see. Stop it. Come on. Ben, dude.

I'm feeling like I got to go. No, no, no, no, no no no no you know what i'll go figure it out because i'll be fine i so i sing i fucking dance uh i'll be fine so i'll go okay okay all right all right later buddy yeah it's okay should we fucking is that feeling do we could on thursday at the will turn we could Is that feeling... We could. On Thursday at the Wiltern, we could. That could be so fucking funny. It would be funny. Are you doing December songs in your set?

Whose name is the show in? Yeah, what's on the... Who signed the thing? Contract or whatever. I don't understand the question. Whose name is the show in? Whose name is the show in? They gotta put the show under somebody's name just for like.

Obviously someone like reserves the stage time. Yeah. And just for like liability reasons and like. Yeah. Someone got to show their ID. We're going to need to see ID. You're going to do a show here. That's a character.

We can't just have anyone showing up and just like being like, it's my show. It's like, no, I'm going to have to see your ID. You're going to have to get this on paper. Yeah. So whose name is that? I'm picking to have to see your ID. I'm going to have to get this on paper. Whose name is that? I'm picking up not yours. It's boring. This is boring. This is boring.

What? Can we get all the names? It feels like John wanted to switch with me. John. Yes. John. Higgins. Higgins. Okay.

Higgins. Got it. Higgins. Got it. Okay. Martin Hurley. Martin Hurley. Okay.

And you're not saying he said Martin before. He was saying Martin and Martin and stuff. You're not just picking up off something he said before. No, that is my name. Okay. We're talking about Martin. Got it. Okay. Because not just picking up off something he said before. No, that is my name. Okay. Got it. Okay. Cause some people are receptive.

He does like this. Neuro-linguistic programming. NLP. Yeah. You might not even know. Yeah. No, but I worked the word penetrate into like casual conversation so that people

are kind of picturing. They're thinking about. Yeah. Pounding and stuff. Yeah. Polarization of. Yeah. Ben Marshall. Okay. Okay. We are, thinking about yeah pounding and stuff yeah polarization of yeah ben marshall okay okay we are we are marshall and so they're saying

and so your response to basically what happened to them is no i am marshall yeah okay you so you see that old movie yeah so you're adding one thing they want is the most important thing to them. In the wake of a tragedy. Yep. Just for them to sort of embrace their identity. And then you come marching in, right? Not so fast. Yeah.

Actually, I march. I am Marshall. No, actually, I am Marshall. Yeah. And you're not. You know what? Chevy did that that that wands mode yeah not to talk about you know yeah yeah yeah yeah film right sorry it's an hour and a half right it's a so yeah it's a it's a yeah it's a film it's a movie every week we make a new movie

yeah you guys know how you guys do the titles of like our best friend or whatever our close our personal friend yeah it should be uh i don't read the time i mean like it's my i do the show every week so i'm not like you're not like you know like the newspaper and being like what's the title is this in the newspaper? The schedule is in there. I would love to read a transcript of this conversation. Well, I was thinking it should be called Please Don't Destroy Our Worst Conversation Ever. Kevin is not really an accessibility guy.

You know? He takes a stand against that? Yes. Yes. Damn. he talks about successability yes in his mind is like the opposite of accessibility just like if you're if you're a true winner you'll have the will to succeed and you will find a way to access whatever the content is that he makes oh no i don't agree with that doesn't want to like he said he's just not about like hand holding yes for this this generation

jeez i don't know what you know i have a horny version too called success ability kevin that's on the back that's in the back of the newspaper taking his pants version he has a horny version it's a horny version of anything as a horn you know and you know how in the back of the newspaper taking his pants version he has a horny version it's a horny version of anything as a horn you know and you know how in the back of the newspaper there's like the horny version of everything that was in the other parts of the horny sports yeah like horny movie review basket balls sack right yeah probably yeah the war in ukraine yeah the horny war yeah yeah yeah they just need to not. Both sides probably. They could get over whatever misunderstanding.

Everyone could just not at the same time. Literally if Putin ever had post-nut clarity, this would be a darn conflict. It's because he does no fap. That's why he acts the way that he does

yeah which is not to say that you can't go too far the other way nutting all the time marty hey man hey brother when he was saying ice before it's because he needed some ice yeah my dang balls were too empty yeah oh good god hey hey drain those fuckers jesus no this is what kevin does you know what i mean yeah he's the idea of a horny version and this was a pg conversation we're ripping it and we have an energy here that i don't think we've had since we first were talking about the turkey and the hamburger it's back waves we ride these waves start recording have we recorded yet going yeah this is good okay here comes and we could do something like martin enders gotham batman sort of taking a just a hands-off approach to that doesn't really know not really my role not totally my jurisdiction yeah he's kind of yeah it's really good it's really good yeah yeah no i do a good batman so wait we're we're john were you proposing earlier

that um you and sean link up and do start doing stuff together you were looking at haze i thought i take it back for either but just me is like the you know the person who handled the shows are in my name like so that okay you know what i mean but i it's all it's like we do the this stuff together i'm here but i'm also on a leash and that and it helps me because um i think like level of responsibility of like giving your ID to someone and all of that is a little bit outside of the scope of what I can provide. Just because I washed it. Your ID? Yeah.

I'm sorry. Okay. A little condescending. Well, that brought it back. That solved his problem. You're sorry. Why are you mad at me government uh been sorry oh okay yeah here's a new id not how it works not how it works actually okay and mine is my i still have my id it's not washed and i can deliver it i hold it between two fingers like Gambit

and I can just like goes right nice into the wall now you see me yeah yes I can yeah now you three yeah

four work for you see me do you guys want a hat you guys want a hat no thank you you got more questions well let them say I'm good I haven't had a single question

I'll take a hat Jesus Christ Ben wants a hat great good trying to mend things between me and the hosts here i don't know that's cool man it's cool kevin you want to talk about how you got looped in on the email where these guys got booked on a different podcast and you had to just kind of watch as their schedule got filled up by their apps and they refused to just kind of watch as their schedule got filled up by their reps

and they refused to engage with us in any way. Kevin basically became... He was like, well, I know when and where they're doing tiny meat game. I've been unable to get a single response to my

request. And Gmail applied a label to the email that just said cucked. I did ask to be taken off and they said so sorry and then continue to keep me on and confirm it and lock everything. So sorry, you little piggy. You like that? This is the first podcast we've ever done is that true yeah yeah god what a bad start scary first and last not worth it jk i'm uh i should say we're huge fans of you we are can we cut the shit for let's start let's should we start now you guys are so funny man hey man forget it what you know we don't talk about that on the show

you're interesting you're smart and you're handsome i'm saying less audio more video guys yeah where's the video guys let's let's amp up those numbs can we amp up those numbs please what would your job be in gotham so we talk about please officer sorry police officer yeah i mean just getting fucking owned by batman all day working with batman you fucking idiot no batman shows oh yeah yeah you cannot work with commissioner gordon if you were that's good at your job making me laugh oh is that what you said that you'd be the police commissioner i thought you said be police officer i'm not gonna you're the person you're the person who commissioner gordon goes we need the room i gotta talk to batman because you don't fucking deliver so like can you step out of the

bank vault while we figure out what the actual plan of attack is for catching these psychopaths who you're allowing to run amok in the city my i think you would be a police officer my love would be spider-man that's not even that's not even all right so this is just a fuck around what would your job be in gotham spider-man okay i'm not even gonna my job would be spider that's a really great answer i mean i didn't even think of that like what we're setting up here that I'm really excited for is what I've come to think of as an epic Martin moment. Right?

Yeah. This is the low before. It's the perfect little setup. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. It's the fucking pressure under the champagne cork. College boy said right up front, me, me, teacher. Yeah. At around 15 minutes of silence silence that's when you start thinking uh-oh it's gone and then a little funky little left field thing buying

some time yeah and the fuse is getting closer and closer to the martin dynamite keg and i'm just sitting here waiting with gold under my ass oh i'm just i'm just ready to say usps oh let's go let's fucking go when do i grace them with the ultimate fucking denouement? That's so cool, guys. I don't think I want this hat. Don't want the hat? What is it?

Is that one for kids? It looks small. Can I see it? What's the issue with the hat? What are you upset about? Or what can we do better it's okay we really want your generation to engage with the hat that's really important to us we can maybe put an ipad in it okay with some games

if you can't i want to say performance wise it's making you look like very engaged you know what i mean yeah thank you look no you're listening better with that hat on than you have the entire time get those eyebrows up make sure to get them up. We can talk about... Get them higher. Try to get them higher if you can. That's alright. What were you guys asking about? I mean, the iPad logistics, I guess, would be like, Kevin's GF makes the hats, and so, like, wear...

Congrats, Kevin! You got a GF? the hats. And so like, where? Congrats. Kevin. What are you so horny? Little fucker. My fiance does too. Oh, yeah. Oh my God.

Making a lot of hats at chef Kevin's palace. Oh, right. Kevin, this guy, fiance hat. And so like the iPad is like on the on the bill like where where we think like where did like your generation like to have ipad time well martin's actually the youngest one in the group so maybe this is more up his alley. We're actually a cross-generational

schedule. You guys are allowed to have it in the car. Where do you guys get to do that? Get to do what? 20 minutes before dinner. Get to have iPad time. Okay. Before dinner. Okay. Seems like no incentive to eat your dinner at that point.

Take it up with the parents, bud. Yeah. Okay. Alright. I'm also curious, who's in charge in the tub? eat your dinner at that point but because they get up with the parents yeah okay all right i'm also curious who's like who's in charge in the tub oh i mean i know you're first yeah who's sort of district i know no one's like the the boss or whatever but like someone is in charge somebody's got to set the tone and it's just a question of like oh well so like when you're distributing the little bath pills that turn into like sponge animals like who who gets to pick like which colors john's dad john's dad yeah okay my dad mr college mr college john college college boy ass My dad. Mr. College. Mr. College.

John College Boy Ass. But yeah, my dad picks... Oh, yeah, he does a lot. Okay. He does a lot of stuff? Yeah. What else does your dad do? This is now getting actually very interesting. No, let me just put it this way.

Your eye. Are you allergic to the hat? I just want to point out you just touched his shoes. You've just been rubbing your eyes. It's fine. If you're trying to give yourself pink eye and end the show. I'm not. I'm getting just...

How would you feel if on your birthday your dad wasn't there, but he's playing charades with Cardi B? He's supposed to play charades with you. Every Christmas. Go downstairs. Watch it again. I watched what's up with that on christmas 70 times in a row what's the third beat you watch his shit yeah and it's fucking a lot yeah but i know at the end of the day hanging out with Marlon

and Bean we're gonna be okay you made your own family I don't need him we love you man so the show's at the Wiltern it's gonna be Decemberists

based comedy is this right? Is this accurate? Here's a premise. I don't know if you've probably done this already. No Nut Novemberists? It was their concept

before they moved on to the Decemberistscember and so then what does that suggest about the december yeah right they're blasting off load it's like so fucking big yes yeah saved it up so messy like that's what that means an advent calendar but instead of pieces of chocolate yeah they're busting loads so it's just like that pieces are dropping there or is it just like is there cum in that yeah you just open the little door and well it's a little piece of pornography Pornography. Each store has a tiny piece of fat material. Yeah.

Something to induce the session. Gradually coming out of No Nut November, you can't have a big piece of porno. No. You might die. You could die.

Just a little piece yeah two tits that's normal for me that's like a normal for you that's just a tiny number that's yeah i need it that's really two that's it i heard this about sml but damn dude i thought all that stuff ended in the 70s sounds like it's still pretty wild in that studio man have you done 30 rock hard huh have you done cocaine oh yeah yeah no i fucking i'm still sweating it out man that's amazing i knew i liked you breakfast lunch and fucking dinner dog you guys have a weird thing i love the way it makes me feel it's so good i mean it makes you

want more cocaine is the problem because you know you yeah you either run out or uh or you run out but um yeah it feels incredible no i do too i can't even go to bed yeah i'm never i'm when i do it i'm like not sleeping i go to bed no totally i'm running around when i do it i get into bed and i go not gonna happen getting back up let's change the cd you're like oh i got my book yeah i flip through are you jimmy ray who wants to know who wants to you know what i mean i'm just like Who wants to know? Who wants to know?

You know what I mean? I'm just like fucking bouncing, you know? Go try to find my dog. Missing? Dog's gone. Dog's gone, but that's cocaine, right? You know, it's not perfect. It's not perfect.

Not a perfect system, but it's a damn damn good one and I challenge you to do better yeah and I challenge you to find a better one we are wrapping up here it's getting close to the end so we've sold some tickets

one didn't gotta go can we do something because it's our first time in this studio let's do it can you guys go in the other studio and we can just see how soundproof it is case we work really hard but i just want to know in case anybody wants to record over there because hayes and i are gonna hang out here and just kind of do a post on this thing and that could even be like an epic martin moment like what he says well if it does bleed through you know yeah i might need like 15 minutes to think of something though can you imagine how electric this conversation would have been if it was just you guys and me

well you had the head gum uh company yeah especially if we have been able to give you what you what you really needed which is that like we ask a question we all go our separate ways for 15 to 20 minutes yeah and then we get back together and you drop it on us usps definitely and then we fucking go we're out yeah ice definitely a couple of them i'd have to come back and be like, I don't, yeah, I got nothing. Yeah. Tall penguin. Yeah. Think about it. I don't want to do that. You don't want to do it?

I don't give a shit. Bye. You know how Stern has a wrap-up show? We said bye! Hollywood Handbook. That was a Hate Gum podcast.