Hollywood Handbook - Riki Lindhome, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: July 2, 2018

Sean and Hayes are joined by RIKI LINDHOME from Garfunkel and Oates and Another Period for another big performance they're doing.This episode is sponsored by Mack Weldon ( www.mackweldon.com  code: THEBOYS) and Harry's ( www.harrys.com code: HANDBOOK).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. We're painting a bunch of human femurs to look like candy canes for the Sankari Diet Christmas episode. You know I run props on that. For the what episode? Christmas episode. Okay. For what? Oh, Sankari Diet. Sankari Diet.

Yes. So we're doing it and we're painting it and they're looking yummy but funny, scary but cool, fresh and irreverent. Please don't. Stop thinking of ways to describe this funny prop.

They forgot it was Christmas. I remember from the episode, they forgot it was Christmas and the carolers have shown up. And what are they going to hand out? They forgot it was Christmas. I remember from the episode, they forgot it was Christmas. And the carolers have shown up. And what are they going to hand out? Because all they do is eat people, I think. Yeah, and so they have this pile of bones.

All these bones. They're all, you know, you talk about having skeletons in your closet. This family, I mean, they really do. In like the fridge, even. And yes, it's not just the closet. Is that show about cannibals? Sorry, I know I wasn't supposed to chime in yet, but what are you talking about? That's Yes, it's not just the closet. Is that show about cannibals? Sorry, I know I wasn't supposed to chime in yet, but what are you talking about? That's okay, that's okay. They eat people?

That's okay. Nobody does this, but that's okay. Sorry, I'm not here. I was confused too, honestly. Thank you for speaking up. What is it? The diet is blood. It's about, yes, I mean, it is sort of about cannonballs

because they are nefarious like pirates. I mean, they might as well above their house have the skull and two bones flag soaring. Yeah. Because they're doing something pretty wicked. But with a Santa hat on. But they're adorable. And we all have our idea of what Santa Clarita is, right?

Like that just immediately conjures these images for all of us of a lifestyle. Santa Claus Rita Diet was I think the name of that episode. I think of like aqua and teal colors, some light purple. Oh, my gosh. And cul-de-sacs. Yeah. And homes and people. And let's face it, they've got to eat. Yeah. And homes and people. And let's face it, they've got to eat.

Yes. Thank you, Ricky. Golf shoes. Golf club. And they've got to eat, but they also have to celebrate holidays, and they also have to decorate, and they have to do it last minute. And they have to give something to the carolers. The carolers. I didn't know it was standard to give caroling gifts, but I guess it is.

Oh, boy. In Santa Clarita, it's one of those neighborhoods. I can't wait for them to show up at your house and you start singing and you have no gifts. And I'm just like, how did you get in my building? You have to give them a guitar or something. I know. I have to give them my piano. Because that's the equivalent of Bones for them.

Yeah. Because you have all these guitars. I do have one. And I did run props on Bones as well. And those Christmas episodes were always really fun to plan. He hates Christmas. Brandis? Yeah.

Oh, don't get him started. I was on Bones. I was. Yeah, what were you doing there? I was someone who worked in an office of someone that was murdered. And I gave them some key information. I think I was a secretary or something. Okay.

Did you do it? I did. No, I didn't do it. I wish I did. I was just a witness. Mm-hmm. You could, if you really wanted to make that appearance pop, you could have said that you did it

and then they have to work around you. And then we would know about that because I didn't know you were on Bones. Yeah. I know everyone who did it on that show. If you do it, yes. And if anyone, this is for anyone. Wish I knew you then.

Anytime you're on screen. A little bit, this is about showbiz advice, this show, or it used to be. And one thing you can do is if you book a role on a show like Bones, when they give you your first cue, you go, I did it, but good luck getting me to tell you why. It was me.

And all the writers are like, maybe that's a better idea. Let's go with that one. Well, they have to work around that. That's the footage they have. Well, in many ways. Yeah. Yeah. Hey.

That'd be fun to do on SNL. Is anything live? I don't know. I mean, because I've been, Do you know who Elon Musk is? Elon Musk? Yeah, I'm familiar. He's like a super genius. He's like the smartest man. Yes, he's like the smartest genius.

But he's funny as fuck. He makes like space cars. He is hilarious. But he cracks my shit up. He's got a tight 10. But he does talk about some wild shit where you were saying like when you're filming, it's live. But he's kind of pointing out maybe

none of it's live and we just live in a freaking video game. Yeah, Elion Musk, read his stuff, everybody. That's your homework. That's your homework this week, Scoop Troop. Does he write books? Who

does? What video game do you guys want to live in? Me? Mm-hmm. Candy Crush. Probably Tetris. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. Do you want to live in Tetris?

Drooling. Do you want to live in Tetris? Yeah, I want to be an L-shaped piece and just keep dropping. Oh, wow. And no one knows what to do with me, and I keep ruining everyone's lives. Okay. Oh, whoa. Right?

That's how I live my life. What a nefarious goal. That's how I live my life. What a nefarious goal. That's how I live my life. I'm just like, I'm dropping in. You don't know what to do with me. Oh, did I ruin your whole plan? I'm a little unique, but try to find a way to make me fit. Yeah. And if you can't, that's on you.

And in this town, that's the secret, right? Yeah. Is you just come in and you're whatever shape you are and you're whatever style you are. Hey, biz, I'm here. Make room. And I've got a really unique tone and voice, and the town just had to make room for it somehow because I wasn't going anywhere.

I'm dropping fast. Yep. Yeah. So they sort of got out of the way. Well, yes. What they did was, and this happens in Tetris, first of all, I ended up upside down as an L piece, which sucks because then you need to get a cube to get under it.

Yeah. But they sort of were doing everything on one side, and it was, like, built up pretty clean. And then just there's sort of a canyon, and I'm stuck in the corner. And you fell all the way through. In the corner. Yes. Through the bottom of the screen, which I had not seen before. Yes, yes.

There's just an empty space where your heart should be. You're just alone. There's no peace that fits with you. That might be right. So, yeah. So, the other thing you could do is take one of those Zs and turn them up and kind of jam them in. But then you need another L to be pointing down. You're just an upside-down L looking for your Z.

And another L. It's very romantic. I got a lot of problems. Well, do we introduce the guest? Nobody asked me what video game I want to be, but it's good for you to see, Ricky, because this is kind of my role on the show. It's just to give and give and give. Can I ask you what video game you want to be? Nothing left.

Yes, I'd be Leisure Suit Larry. What video game is that? Leisure Suit Larry, Love for Sale. It's like a porno game. It's a Sierra adventure where if you know the right codes. It's a guy who wears a leisure suit and he is horny. Is he from Santa Clarita? He absolutely could be.

That's what I think of when I think of Santa Clarita. Yes, he could be one of these Santa Clarita guys, definitely. See, this is what happens when I make Sean feel bad, because I'm the giver, is he retreats into his phone. Instead of confronting himself. He just looks at his phone. He retreats into his phone. I understand.

Leisure suit, Larry. I remember watching my dad play that with his friend, Caesar. I remember going over and Caesar wanted to show my dad laser suit Larry. Was it one of the really early ones or the later ones that looked? It was one of the early ones. It was one of the early ones. And then later I also found a game, like a disc for a computer game that was, like, you know, like, Brickle or, like, Brick brick breaker or any of those where you're like eliminating a brick design yes like and you're like bouncing it off a paddle it was that game

but underneath the bricks is a naked lady and you're trying to like eliminate to expose is that pre-internet porn because that's yeah i think so it was like video game Yeah, I think so. It was like video game porn where it was like making a game out of, I guess, jacking off. But your dad was a cop, so is it possible this was a sting? Well, and Caesar was a prison guard. Oh, okay. What's your dad's name? He was like a corrections officer.

Leslie? Leslie and Caesar just jerking off together. Well, I don't know. Isn't that cute? I don't think they did it together. Oh. But I don't know. Don't you like thinking about your dad jerking off together. Well, I don't know. Isn't that cute? I don't think they did it together. Oh. But I don't know. Don't you like thinking about your dad

jerking off with Caesar? Don't you love that visual? Hmm. You know, it was a different time. Yeah. It was a simpler time. This was the early 90s. It was the 80s, baby.

I guess it was the 90s. Yeah, I was probably like 10. Such a purity. Well. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook Insider's Guide to Kicking Butt and Dropping Names in the Red Carpet Linebacker. Always in this industry we call showbiz. We have Ricky Lynn home. And I actually did talk to Sam about this before the show, which is this is supposed to be on stage.

So this is like on stage banter before the show. Yeah, and Sam, Brett lets us do this. Have you told him, like, Brett lets us do this thing where we're tricking everyone? And Ryan actually said it's okay to do it too. No one left me a note or anything. They were supposed to. And they actually said they didn't even have to leave you a note because you would be cool. I think is what they said.

And that's what, and when we asked Ryan, he was like, well, Sam's the coolest one. I was like, okay. So he'll let us do it. Okay. Okay. Yeah. So this one, so we did it with Nobody and we did Coachella. And then we wanted to do it again because people liked it the first time.

And so then we did it with Kate Micucci at Stagecoach, and then people didn't like that as much. So now we're going to go do it a third time so people like it again. But we did South By, so this will be the fourth time. South By was a long time ago, though. Yes. And so now this is the fourth time we're doing it. So that's behind the paywall. We don't reference episodes behind the paywall. And this is the big one.

The fourth one, and it's with Ricky. Sickie Ricky. So people will start to like it. Sickie Ricky. The sickest motherfucker in town. Sickest motherfucker. The L-shaped piece. Dropping into your life. We will make you like this. I would say you're the second sickest

Ricky. After, of course, Ricky Gervais. Ricky, that's a different kind of sick. Yes, that's right. Yeah. There's Ricky and the Flash, totally different category. Right. Fictional Ricky. Ricky Gervais.

Ricky Gervais is real. Who's talking about snogging the queen. Ooh, incendiary. Yes. Wow. See, I would never go there. No. That's really out there. Who's talking about snogging the queen. Ooh, incendiary. Yes. Wow. See, I would never go there. No. That's really out there.

It's really disrespectful. He literally said he doesn't believe the Bible. What? He literally is willing to stand on stage and say it. He said it on cam. What? Come on. He's just saying that.

If you go to MyFreeCams. Ricky's on one of the... Ricky's... There's a lot of... He's sitting... Ricky's... There's a lot of... He's sitting on a bed. There's a lot of sort of... What's your favorite Bible passage? ...Lady Caesar would like, and then...

My personal favorite? Yeah. Don't make me pick. I guess... There's one... I mean, probably there's one really funny one Yeah Deuteronomy

No? Yeah Funnier than Deuteronomy? Deuteronomy Oh Yeah What does that one say again? I can't remember

Well it's a dude Who's got a rod in him And they go And then You know Judas or somebody goes like, hey, where's dude? He's really late. And then he comes in sort of like waddling a little bit.

He's a little bow-legged. And they go, what happened to you? And he goes, dude, a rat in me. And he points at his keister. And Gervais doesn't buy that? He thinks it didn't happen. Yeah, he thinks it's fake. It's too weird that that that's like his name and that

is what happened to him. That would be a really big coincidence. He doesn't believe in miracles like that. That's what faith is for. If I offended you. Now watch this. Hayes, what's your favorite Bible verse? Well, see, the last time I had something that I wanted to do, which is why I asked the question in the first place.

Would you have been Larry in Leisure Suit Larry, or did you just want to be in it to kind of hang out? I guess I would be one of his babes. Yeah. I would like that kind of attention from Larry. You're like Mary. You're like Virgin Mary. Yeah.

And so that, I guess, is my favorite one, where the kid is in the bathroom on a dare, turn the lights out. Outside, they're like, you won't say it. You won't even say it. And the kid's like, yeah, I will. And he says it. Virgin Mary, you won't say it. You won't even say it. And the kid's like, yeah, I will. And he says it. Virgin Mary, Virgin Mary, Virgin Mary. And then she freaking crawl out of the mirror.

Her hair is like hanging down over her eyes. Like she crawls out of like a well in the mirror. Wow. Crawl out and they look at his face and it's like. You guys, I want to play that part. If we should make that movie and then I can play Virgin Mary from The Well-Beer. I feel like that's typecasting. It's a little too obvious on the nose, but I'm into it.

That it would be you? Yeah, but I'm into it. The scariness. Well, because what would happen is the breakdown would go out. It would say, looking for a Ricky Lindholm type. Yeah. And then, lo and behold, you'd go, I think I know one. Yeah, but is that desperate? Yeah. And then, you know, lo and behold, you'd go, I think I know one. Yeah.

But is that like desperate? I guess we should talk about our Dairy Queen experience. Oh, right. Which now we can finally say it. We can finally admit that we were supposed to be the voice of Dairy Queen. There was. What happened? Did we ever talk about this on the show?

I don't believe so. What happened? Did we ever talk about this on the show? I don't believe so. There was a commercial breakdown that went out for somebody to be the new voice, the spokesperson of Dairy Queen, sort of being like a voice of the burger going like, I'm a delicious burger. Like, it ain't fast food. It's fan food.

For people that are fans. Yeah, it's food for fans. So we saw from multiple people who had gone on the audition, they were sending us photos of the breakdown where it was like, should be like a fun improviser type, you know, like, I guess, clever white guy voice. And it was like, and it said like, like, and there was like three famous people that were examples. And then the last example was, or Sean and Hayes from Hollywood handbook. And that was in a different font. Whoa.

So I think there might've been someone at the ad agency that listens to the show and was like, or like these guys. And I'm like, okay. But that was in a different font on that one. But then other, at other places that people went, like in New York too, people had gone and there was like a physical sheet that said our names written on it. So it wasn't just tagged into an email. And so I did reach out to my agent and went, hey, I'm Sean.

You know who's like Sean. And they were like, right, okay. And then I read it. Yeah. And then who is it? John Ross Bauer? I thought it was Rich Summer. It could be John Ross Bauer.

Rich Summer, maybe. Yeah. It's someone. How did that happen? It is someone like us. Not too much like us, I think, was the thinking. My agent did this thing where they wrote back and they said. Sean and Jason.

They said, yes, yes, yeah, they were discussing your name for it. We're going to have you read. And don't worry. They understand that you would then be a celebrity spokesperson and be paid accordingly. And I was like, no. Tell them to have me do it for scale. It is 1,000% not worth paying me. Why would you offer to do it for scale?

Because I'm not going to be allowed to do it otherwise. Because if you're paying for a celebrity, someone somewhere should recognize that voice. Now this, again, would have been such good onstage banter. You know this. You do all kinds of live performance. So many. They're slurping this up. Yeah.

They're taking the bowl and they're just like tipping it into their mouth. Yes. Well, they're literally behind the scenes. Yes. This is how the frigging burger gets made. They hate the music. I'm a mouthwatering, delicious burger. That was part of it, right? Yeah.

And then it was something where he went like, it was something about pants where it's like, it was like, don't get your pants in a bunch. I don't even wear pants. I'm a burger. Yeah, it was stuff like that. God, you could have told your grandkids about that one. Well, I wouldn't have had to. They'd be watching it.

I mean, how many commercials is it? How much money do you think it is? Let's talk about it. It depends on if it's the Celebrate or Scale, which is what you were going for. I think even if you do it for scale, you're doing its voiceover. It's run all throughout the NBA playoffs network. They probably did, what, four spots or something? Yeah.

It's like $100,000. Oh, I was going to say you can make $20K. No. $100 for four spots? What are you the voice of? Nothing. What would you like to be? That little hula girl? The 76 hula girl that Judy Greer got? Have you done VIA? What are you the voice of? Nothing. What would you like to be? Oh, what product?

That little hula girl? The 76 hula girl that Judy Greer got? I don't know what that is. That could have been you. 76 hula girl? 76 gas. The spokesperson is a little hula girl from the dashboard. She got sunburned at the beach.

Hayes worked on that campaign. Really? Yeah. I'm trying to think what product my voice is right for. Let me think. Maybe a yogurt? Say something. A go-gurt? I'd be like, listen, are you on the go? You should get a go-gurt. That feels

right to me. Now, I'm feeling Greek yogurt. Now, do you want to pick one? I sound healthier. Oikos? No. Are you the voice of Oikos? Faye? Yeah. Okay. That just feels right. Hit me. Say just like a, not for yogurt, just like a stock line, and I'll see what product I think.

Hey, guys. What's up? You should eat this yogurt. Well, he said not for yogurt. Oh. Just a stock line. Oh, a stock line. How about- So it's like something that could drop into anything.

Yeah. Hey, are you as busy as me? Okay. We're somewhere. Yeah. Are you a busy mom? Because I am. I guess you're, I guess for bees. I guess you're promoting bees. A beekeeper.

Just like the busiest animal. Oh, yeah. I'm selling beekeeper suits. Yeah. They're called buzzies. I'm selling buzzies. And that's a product they don't really advertise. What you don't want for a beekeeper suit. You don't want it to be buzzy because that means bee inside. Yeah, but the name is electronic.

Okay. Yeah, it's a joke. The first buzzless beekeeper suit. So you have to say that. You have to say that as part of the ad. It's actually very quiet. Right. Quiet a suit.

Buzzies. Hey, are you a busy mom like me? Do you hate getting buzzed on your... I already lost it. I don't know. I lost the job. No, hang on. This is what happened in your audition.

No, we're so close. Okay. No, that's not what happened in my audition. In fact, I gave a great read. And then I emailed it in, and my agent said, Wow, this is a great read. And I'm quoting. I'll be sending you a lot more voiceover.

That was six months ago. I haven't gotten a single other audition. What? Where did you record it? In the office of Ghosted. Okay. I went in my office and closed the door and was like, oh, I have something important and I did nine takes of

this fucking Dairy Queen commercial. You gotta put a blanket over your head. I did. Oh, okay. Yeah. You're like, I know that. Oh, yeah, blanket over the head. Where'd you get the blanket? They sell those at Buzzy's. I'm gonna keep this going. Buzzy's is a store now?

Yeah. Okay. It's mostly beekeeper suits, but they're expanding, yeah. I think it was in my trunk. I think I had like a towel in there. You're just in case towel? Yeah, I mean, if you're driving around without a towel, good luck,

because you might end up at the beach. And then what? So again, Sam, we have to be on stage for this stuff. We are wasting it. Can we go back and add the stage effects to this? If you don't tell anyone i will but sam you want to be cool this is the whole idea is that people know how cool you are just not brett or anyone that can but we won't tell anyone because we want this to sound like we're at bonnaroo

hold on we're trying to do bonnaroo you ever do that i did do bonnaroo i You ever do that? I did do Bonnaroo. I know. Yeah. How do you know? It just feels like something you would do. Doesn't it? I feel like such a Bonnaroo person. No, I stayed in the tent the whole time. I did not partake. Whoa. I went to see Radiohead. The chill out tent? Yeah, I went to see Radiohead for like

20 minutes and that was about all I could do. So that was the extent of my content. What were they playing? They were playing this song. That's what they were doing? Good boy, Bosh. Good Bosh. Stop her. Do you know what I mean where it was just a bunch of

loud sounds coming out of a speaker I was too close to? Because I had an artist pass which is a disadvantage of Bonnaroo. It hurts your ears too much. too close to because I had an artist pass, which is a disadvantage at Bonnaroo. No, I know this Radiohead song. It hurts your ears too much. It was that one. I was too close to the speakers and it hurt my ears. Did you meet any other artists?

No, only comedians. Well, actually, if you do listen to comedy and are a student of it like I am, I do. Comedian is art. It is. It is. Who was there with me?

Comedian Del Arte. Pete Holmes was there. Perfect example. Mark Barron was there. Friend of the show. Judah Friedlander was there. Enemy of the show. Aziz was there.

Not touching it. No. Key and Peele, I think, were there. I'm just going to say everything like that. Love to have them. Please talk to them for us. Mention how fun it was to do the show. I will. Tell them I almost was Dairy Queen. I will. Hayes, did you even try? You're

above doing commercials. Yeah, well, I knew I wasn't going to get it, and so it's now. Look at me now. Didn't even try. I might have the read on my phone. So much cooler. Let's play it.

Oh, my gosh, I want to hear it. Okay, should we get a sound cord? Yes. And that's directed at you, Sam. Listen to the crowd. Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam. Sam's hair looks cool He's got these very light

Streaks in it Because it truly is the summer of Sam And he is Slaying In like a cool way Not like the original Sam did Please don't tell anyone Do you have a bee tattoo?

A what? A bee tattoo Oh no it's a He just got one while you were talking about B? A what? A bee tattoo? Oh, no. He just got one while you were talking about Buzzy. A naked woman riding an elephant. Oh, I just saw the bottom. I have two. I know what bees look like.

Wait, is that a ukulele? I have two reeds on here. Which one do we want? Oh, I need the adapter. Is that a Garfunkel and Oates ukulele tattoo? He personalizes his body for every person who's coming in. And then he's shy about it. He's like, oh, yeah.

It's just like, I don't know. It's like, no big deal. You did that for, I don't know. It's like no big deal. You did that for this show. Hayes, I've got two reads on here. Which one? Let's just roll with it. Let's see which one's better. Okay.

You guys tell me which one's better. Do you guys want to hear Sean do a Dairy Queen read? Yes! Okay, I sent two different reads. Let's see if it was even worth sending two or if they're almost the same. Here's the first take. Let's see if it was even worth sending two or if they're almost the same. Here's the first take.

I am A1 Bacon Cheeseburger, five buck lunch, and I'm only a DQ. I am Steakhouse Flavor. When people see my creamy A1 spread, they say, Hey, what's up, fancy pants? And I say, I'm not even wearing pants. I'm a mouth-watering burger. I don't wear pants. I wear caramelized onions and crispy bacon. I accessorize with fries, a drink, and a sundae, all for

just five bucks. You want to cover all this deliciousness with a pair of pants? You got some nerve. Because I'm not fast food. I am fan food. Okay, I got a feeling the second one will be better. For real, that was so good. It was good. I like fan food. Okay, I got a feeling the second one will be better.

For real, that was so good. It was good. I like the score. It sounds like a... Threatening humming. Yeah, like an Atticus Ross. Well, that's not going to be the final take. Hang on.

I think I was next to a loud machine. Here we go. Yep. I am the A1 Bacon Cheeseburger Five Buck Lunch, and I'm only at DQ. I am Steakhouse Flavor. When people see my creamy A1 spread they say what's up fancy pants and I say I'm not even wearing pants. I'm a mouth-watering burger. I don't wear pants. I wear caramelized onions and crispy bacon. I accessorize with fries, a drink, and sundae, all for just five bucks. You want to cover all this

deliciousness with a pair of pants? Boy, you got some nerve. Because I'm not fast food. I am fan food. Okay. They might have been worried about the machine. They thought that the machine came with me. Maybe you were wearing the machine.

That was so good, though, for real. I don't know what they were thinking. This is no bullshit. There could be a lot of Bs. Oh, yeah. Okay, yes. That was better than most voiceovers you hear in commercials. And it says, really great read. Definitely going to start sending you more VO. This is from October 25th,

2017. Not a peep. You need a new agent. Hey, man, I'm firing everybody live on the show and then you realize your agent doesn't listen to this should i respond to that email right now yes oh my god still yeah we write hey still excited for all that vo hey this means so much to me excited for all the VO. Hey, this means so much to me. Excited for all the extra VO I'm getting. Who's at Bonnaroo this year, Sam?

Slow year. This year? Yeah. Probably Jack White. Sam, are you the least... Probably Jack White. Are you the least musical person at Earwolf now? Easily.

Oof. No, he has a ukulele tap. I know. I know. We have to change that. You would think it was Ryan. Right. But in fact, it makes experimental music. It's wild. Rhett's very musical.

He's recorded a song for Garfunkel and Oates. That makes you the most musical. Ryan has? Rhett. Oh, yeah. I tried to look up who's playing. He came to me the day before he was supposed to do that. And was like, what do I do? I've never heard of any music before. I know.

It was completely fake. And it was honestly the hoax. Wow. It should have been. Remember that Richard Gere movie? That should have been about Brett recording a Garfunkel and Oates song. Are you talking about Summer's Day? There are no higher about Brett recording a Garfunkel and Oates song. Are you talking about Summer's Day? There are no higher stakes than recording a Garfunkel and Oates song.

Yeah. It was the heist of the century, in a way. There's a man found dead at Bonnaroo. Well, the fact is that every con has its bros. And Brett's just one of them. The man found dead. Yeah, that's right. He was in the tent where we last saw Ricky. In the chill tent. He was in the tent. Oh. Where we last saw Ricky.

In the chill tent. Ooh. He was in the chill out tent. The chillest guy on the tent. Uh-oh. Damn, dude. This morning now, welcome. Who else is there?

Is Bonnaroo happening right now? Yeah, the 7th through the 11th. Is there always a huge music festival? These days. I feel like there always is. Yeah. It's freaking insane. I've never been to one other than ones I was performing at.

I'm not interested in concerts. Oh, yeah. What do I like? I like to see the greats, man. Lenny Kravitz. Just the true performers that are left on this planet. I've got to go see them before they're done. Lenny Kravitz and other people like Lenny Kravitz. Yeah the true performers that are left on this planet. I've got to go see them before they're done. Lenny Kravitz and other people like Lenny Kravitz.

Yeah, who are some other examples? Others like Kravitz. Yeah. Eagle Eye Cherry. Yeah, I guess they both have similar hair. Deep in the Blackout. Duncan Sheik is in a Kravitz era. Duncan Sheik.

Duncan Sheik, sure. The Duncan Sheiks. The Fastballs. Because Sheik, sure. The Duncan Sheiks. The Fastballs. Because I am barely breathing. And then he went on to write big musicals. Duncan Sheik. Yeah. So we were looking for who's at Bonnaroo this year.

We found out that somebody died there, which is helpful. Eminem is. For our set. I like Eminem. Someone named Reagan. Do we dedicate our set to the guy who died? That is good for us to know. Because this is a real man who recently died.

So this will be good for a comedy show to be kind of using it as fodder. Because it was about a week ago. So this man, this real person with a family, was found dead at a music festival. Yeah. Maybe we dedicate it to M, Marshall Mathers. Maybe. Well, so, okay. So between this guy and Eminem, I think we should probably dedicate it to Eminem.

Yeah. Should we dedicate it to Stan as well? Yeah. Yeah. Stan's dead, right? Oh, yeah. And his girlfriend. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, shit. He forgot. How's he supposed to send this shit out? Yeah. Yeah. Someone named Rag and Bone Man. This is Stan.

Rag and Bone Man? Mm-hmm. Like the... Is performing? Yeah. Look, if you had one shot, one opportunity, with this... Oh, wow. Was that the spaghetti song?

Yeah, can't you feel it with this crowd sound? He walks out. Look. Yes, people are freaking. If you had one shot, one opportunity... People are freaking their beans....to seize everything you ever wanted. Okay. If you have one shot, one opportunity to seize everything you ever wanted, would you capture it? Me? No.

I did. It was the Dairy Queen spot. I couldn't get away from the machine. You have an answer to that question. You would let it slip. Here's some more peek into the glamour. Our offices were these detached trailers behind the building?

So it was like, it was very, you always felt it was very clear that you were in like a fake structure. And there were just these big loud machines around you. So you'd go into your office and you'd be like, oh, it's the time of day, that time being 2pm to 5am where this machine like grinds something directly next to my window. Should have had your assistants build you a soundproof booth. Yeah, that would have been smart. Is Grinds

performing at this festival? Oh no, and Elion Musk could show up and do a set. Doesn't look like it. It says do some of his bits. Or a stage kit, but I don't know if that's a band or like a literal. Elon Musk reads a Rage comic out loud

on the stage. Oh dope. He reads the Garfunkel note set from five years ago. You should find out if he's a fan. I'm sure he is.

Because he could buy you guys a really nice guitar. I'd like to go into space. I'd like to send you space. Mm-hmm. Okay, I'd like to send you there. I'm kidding. We tease each other on this show.

That really hurt, though. But we're trying to do less of that. No, we tried to be nice. We talked about doing less of that. This year, we're going to be nice. What's that Hank Azaria show that's out now? Bad About You? Mystery Alaska. Brockmire. Huff. Okay, there's a band. I thought that Hank Azaria show that's out now? Bad About You? Mystery Alaska. Brockmire.

Huff. Okay, there's a band. I thought that was this. Whatever Brockhampton is, is playing. We could be using Brockhampton for Brockmire. Brockhampton. No wonder people went to Gabrus' live show. None of these bands exist.

What's Gabrus' live show? He just did Yeez Up Bonnaroo. He just did High and Mighty. Oh, my God. He did a power hour on stage. Nice. Okay. The comedy tent is air-conditioned, and there are seats, so it is a nice getaway.

That's dope. Yeah, that's where Elion would be performing. Okay, Sam. Yeah. We have to do our set now. We don't know what it is. We don't know what it is. We don't know what it is. We want it to be a tribute to Eminem.

And the gentleman who unfortunately passed. Yes. We should give him a name. Let's call him Stan. Let's call him Stan. Not his real name. We'll make him Stan. It's been long enough since Stan passed,

and also he wasn't the nicest guy. Yeah. Yeah. He got so mad about him not signing that starter cap. 13 people have died over its 17-year history. Okay. So what's dedicated to all of them? I could be Dino.

You're going to be Dino? Mm-hmm. What does that mean? That she sang on Stan. Oh, Dino. Oh, Dido. Oh, okay. Yeah, you'd be great at that. I guess I'll be Camila Cabello.

Okay, that could be cool. So we come out. Oh, we need a name for our band. Now, last time it was Stinky Bad Brett. Yeah. And then the time before that, it was the North American Wild Horses Society, just to get a little of the shine off of these wild horses.

You know, these guys. They get all the attention. Enough is enough. Thank you. Everyone's talking about this. That's plenty. Mm-hmm. And so now we need a new band name.

Oh. They openly told us that they wouldn't have us as guests at their Largo show because we wouldn't sell it out. Oh. Which is fake. I don't think that's true. Yeah, which is a fake lie. We're all blondes.

I think we could do something with that, too. Oh, yeah. Ah, yeah. Right? Oh. And now with Sam. Now Sam is blonde, too, so we can be four yes blondes. Four yes blondes.

Four yes blondes. Four yes blondes. Four yas blondes. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. He had a son. Sorry. Stan did.

Yeah, his girlfriend was pregnant. Yeah. Oh, that's right. She was pregnant in the trunk. Yeah. Damn. Okay. Can you do the lyrics to Stand?

I don't know if I remember them. Oh, wow. Bits and pieces. How's it start? Other than... Well, Dino starts it. Yes. That's Jesus.

Dear M. I'm your biggest fan. Something like that, right? Okay, so I come out on stage, and it's just on me, just one spotlight on me. And I say, I am Dino, I'm a dinosaur. I am Fred Flintstone's pet.

All the other animals can talk except me. I'm a purple dinosaur. I am in an old cartoon called The Flintstones. And I am in an old cartoon called The Blitz Joseph. And I am a bat. And that's it. And I come out and I'm like, yo, hey, I wrote you, but you still ain't calling.

Yeah, that's all I say. That's good. Dear Slim. You could have signed a cap for my brother Matthew. I waited out there for four hours and you still said no. That's pretty good, right? Yeah, that is really good. Very good, Stan. Thank you. stan waited in the blistering cold these little details he adds that was paint the stand was of course devon saw four hours but you just said no stan was devon saw one since this is an

episode where we are just telling real stories uh when i went to see Little Giants in the theater, I walked out and a kid who was younger than me pointed at me and was like, Mom, that's the guy from the movie, meaning Devin Sawa. Now, that was so cool for me because I was very ugly. I didn't look anything like Devin Sawa. I was blonde.

But I was like... What do you mean you were very ugly? I was just like a gross... I had like weird glasses. You had like awkward face. My skin was blonde. Uh-huh. But I was like... What do you mean you were very ugly? I was just like a gross... I had like weird glasses. You had like awkward face. My skin was terrible. I was just like a very weird little kid. But from then on, I was like, oh, this is...

I look like Devin Sawa. That's cool. I have a story like that. The hottest guy. I have a story like that that you'll maybe like too. And it was... So I was working at a dry cleaner. I was 23 years old. I had dropped out of college and I was living in my hometown with my parents.

And a woman who was a regular customer there came in and she was like, oh good, you're working. And I was like, okay. And she was like, I was like, do you have anything? And she was like oh good you're working and i was like okay and she was like i was like do you have anything and she was like no hang on and she went and got her daughter out of the car and was like i just watched the movie a walk to remember with my daughter and i told her this boy no shane west this boy at the dry cleaners looks just like shane west now the girl of course uh did go to my high school with me and dated another kid on the tennis team. So it was this very awkward thing where the mom was showing, like an animal in a zoo, her daughter, this boy who looked like Shane West, who worked at the dry cleaners. Now, this girl, of course, was at college.

Yeah. Like, you know, had like a real life. Yeah. And was like, uh-huh. And we sort of, it was like, do we acknowledge that we like have met and sort of know each other? It was like, and the answer for her was no. It's not bad. And so I went with it.

But I was like, oh, thank you. That's so nice. Lovely. This is such a nice moment. I had a woman try to almost pick a fight with me. She thought I was Gwyneth Paltrow. Wow. Whoa. And I took, I know, almost pick a fight with me. She thought I was Gwyneth Paltrow. Wow. Whoa.

And I took, I know, right? I'll take it. But, so, Kate and I, Garfunkel was playing in Texas, and we were signing merch for people. And there was a bar next door to the comedy club, and we were, like, sort of in the front of the comedy club. So, she sees this woman signing autographs, and she is wasted, blackout drunk. And she's like, you're Gwyneth Paltrow. You know, in her Texas, I don't know, you're Gwyneth Paltrow. I don't know Texas I don't know you're Gwyneth Paltrow I don't know what Texas Texas like whatever and I was like no no I'm not she's like bullshit and I was trying to talk to the people who paid to see us and she was uh very angry

because she thought I was lying to her and she didn't understand why and I was like but I'm not Gwyneth Paltrow and she's like bullshit wow and all the stuff and then finally I was like I am and then she selfie'd and walked away you said you were yeah because i was like i just thought this woman was gonna punch me i'm like i definitely don't want to get in a fight and makuchi's not gonna protect me she's she's tiny right who was the actor that was on that show sea lab sea lab the young handsome kid stormy oh Are you thinking of Sea Quest? Oh, yeah, yeah, Sea Quest. Was that Devin Sawa?

Oh, Jonathan Brandis. Yeah, he passed away. He looks like Devin Sawa, though. I would say they're in the same family. He's Sawa adjacent. One time I got stopped, like you said, walking with my friend, and it was a woman sitting in her car with the window rolled down with a boombox in her lap,

and she started yelling at me and my friend Chris who were walking. And she was like, excuse me. And I was like, yes. And she went, are you two identical twins? And we looked similar, but we said no. She was like, yes, you are. But anyway, Chris is dead. Chris passed away.

He died in a car crash. Can we get a thank you for the stories pop on the crowd, please? But anyway, Chris is dead. Chris passed away. He died in a car crash. Can we get a thank you for the stories pop on the crowd, please? Just a little, like, thank you. You're so welcome. Okay, so we have the opening singing part. We need a little more of the song. So I'll do a beat for this part. You can rap, and, of course of course camilla camilla cabello will

sing her hit single on the radio right yes and who are you sam huh who are you oh um first aid he's first aid kit okay in case we need if i got band-aids that that burn cream. That's actually, that is helpful for us. Aloe. Because no one, it's an important part of the band. Do you have emergency? I was the one who responded when that man passed. Oh. No, like vitamin C that you put in your water. Oh, that didn't help him.

Oh. Okay, here we go. Here we go. the way that you move, babe. I could try to run, but you would be useless. You're gonna blame just one hit of you. And I'll be the same you, babe. I can tell the way that you move, babe. I could try to run, but you would be useless. His palms sweating, knees weak, arms are heavy. There's vomit on his sweater already.

Mom's spaghetti. He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready to drop bombs. Halloween, for me, Nick-a-ping. Getting ready to drop bombs. Halloween, forfeiting, nicotine, I am. The whole crowd goes wild. And I itch cream. The blood spurt won't come out. Now everyone is choking. Time's up.

Oh, the blouse snapped back to reality. Oh, there goes gravity. Wow. Yeah. Well, what an awesome performance. Whoa, guys, that's too much. What time is it in the show, Sam? Hold on.

Hold on. How long, how long has it been? The one real music in the show is so quiet. Well, it's on the same... Well, the other one's going to get loud, too. How long, how long has it been? And how long? Oh, a real thing.

About an hour. Bye.