Hollywood Handbook - Rob Cesternino, Our Traitors Friend

Episode Date: February 3, 2026

The Boys bring on ROB CESTERNINO (Survivor) to discuss his recent appearance on The Traitors and his new book The Tribe and I Have Spoken!Get a Hat Pack Hat here!Watch the video of today’s episode at Patreon.com/HollywoodHandbook This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Hollywood Handbook via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Big, big, big, big, big day for the show. Huge episode, not due to the guest, no offense. But announcement, yes, for us. We have had so much fun doing Hollywood Handbook. But let's face it, that's not what it is anymore. And the guest is relevant to that. It's not really a Hollywood thing at this point.

It has become something else. And I think the title should reflect that. Therefore, the new title that I feel would fit the show and would potentially bring in an even bigger audience who knew what they were getting is if the show was called smartness. Smartness. Because we're presented for smart ideas. Smart commentary.

We've been doing smartness for actually a little bit. You might have noticed if you've been listening to the show. Even when we do touch on Hollywood topics, it is with a level of smartness that I think is missing from the discourse so often. And so this is the first inaugural episode of smartness. And it's different amounts of smartness. Oh, my God. You're like how much you say the show's called smartness now? How much exactly?

Is it the highest level of smartness all the time? No, that would become effectively boring. That's white noise because there's nothing else to listen to than just all the smartness. Sometimes there's going to be a very small amount of smartness to the point that it's. almost fucking stupid. Sometimes it's a T-spean. Sometimes it's a trough. Mm-hmm.

And sometimes it's... Could be a dram, a drip, a dollop. Mm-hmm. And sometimes it's... Call Gareth. Frickin' river BCCP. And... Of smartness.

And often it is. And... And by the way, that also connects to our guest who was, you know, referred to, and he must be... be tired of hearing this.

Can I just say before we introduce the guests? But could you ever get tired of hearing this? Go ahead. I'm loving on smartness now that we feed the guest out of it for a little bit. Well, I don't need to be talking to the fucking guests the whole time. It's been guests, guess, guess, from the very beginning. And now on smartness, we like to have a little time. A little time that's just us.

Then we bring the guest in. Maybe one of us knows the guest. Maybe one of us doesn't. It doesn't matter. But the thing about smartness. which is what we provide here is the guest comes later. And this guest

and he was called and he's got to be tired of hearing it, although could you ever get sick of hearing this? But Jeff Prope said he was the smartest player to never win Survivor, or something like that, is that right? Smartness. I believe he said the smartness player

to never win Survivor. No, actually I said that. And of course, he said that. Actually, I said that. Actually, Hay said that, but he may have been agreeing with Jeff. And he said that, and we're still using that quote, although that was around like 40 seasons ago, yeah? And just to explain. 40 years ago.

40 seasons and, yeah, something like 30 years ago. And but it's still, it's, oh, he's the smartest player to never win. I'll say it. I use that as one of your athletes. One of your laurels. And just to explain why I said something and Rob said the exact same thing. On smart lists, they do a thing. where only one of the...

On what? I don't know what you're talking about. We're only one of the hosts knows who the guest is. And on smartness, we do a thing where only... The guests can only hear one of the hosts. So we're doing our own thing.

It's unique. It's funky. Yeah. And so Rob is here. Rob's here. Rob C. Rob Cester Nino. I mean,

can I be like, yes, and? here because I feel like what if smartness had three hosts? What if there were three hosts of smartness? Like could I be the third host? No.

I think actually given how Jeff talks about you, it could be an interesting pitch to be the third host of Survivor. So once they get around to adding a second one, oh buddy, then I think. circle swing the heavy bat. That I think is the time. Oh,

you are in the hole right now. You may want to keep your third host powder dry. Dug out stairs. You don't want to jump in on smartness, which is really just getting there. We don't know if it's going to work. I think it'll work though. I know it'll work. But you're doing other stuff, Rob. Oh, my God. Well, it's Rob has a podcast. Do you have a podcast?

Rob have a podcast. the book the book and speaking of the smartest player to never win Survivor which is still referring to him 30 years later it's he's

also writes a book that's some of the smartest stuff ever thought about Survivor and getting written down and it's according to him he's got this podcast the know it all's with Stephen

Fishback Fish Book Stephen Fish Book and he's and he saw Stephen and he saw that Stephen wrote a book and he went I can do that.

Yeah. I love guys like that who you tell them you did something. I'm like, ah, I got to do that. Uh-huh. They see that you did it. And in their head, they're like, if you did it. Mm-hmm. Was that your inspiration going, if this fucking numn nuts can write a book, I must be able to do it.

Yeah, that was one of them. If you see, I mean, see, and Stephen's book just came out. I'm reading it. Press tour. By the way, I'm reading it. Now I'm not the fact. fastest reader in the world. This thing, I said to him, I said, hey, I'm about 70 or so pages in. I am loving it. And he said to me, okay, good. I'm glad you contacted me now because my

understanding is it gets much worse beyond that point. But it's just to anyone, like, go listen, go go listen to or read the first 70 pages of this thing. Man, it'll hook you. And then I'm excited also to give up on it in another 50, 60 pages or so. Yeah, but you, tried. You started it. I started it. I was ripping through it. You know what I mean? And it's, I was gone, oh, man, this is some good writing. This book's pretty good. I'm excited for yours. Yours to me, and I don't know if this, we can cut this if you don't want it. It feels like an audio book to me. Oh, no, it's a coffee table book. This is like a book that you are going to want to have on display. You need the hard copy. A lot of glossy images. I don't even care if you don't

ever read it. It'll just look like, oh, I didn't know you like Survivor. It's going to be right a display piece. Is it shaped? Like, because this was the problem with Stevens book, when he hold it up to the screen, which did forever, by the way, it's vertical. And the Zoom screen

is widescreen. We need a book that has the aspect ratio. Yeah. This is like, my book is a square. So it's good for 16 by 9. We're getting there. The tribe and I have spoken.

The tribe and I have spoken. It was my idea. And I have a podcast as well. Yeah. I, I, I, I. Me, me, me. Rob has it.

And he's in, by the way, Rob doesn't have a podcast. Rob has 19 different podcasts. How many are you pushing around town these days? How many you do? It's really just like one big podcast. and then I put a lot of stuff in it.

Like, just like a one overstuffed podcast. No one to stop, Rob. You know what to stop. You do... I don't want to spread myself too thin. A podcast. You do that podcast again.

And then you do another one that's about basketball, but is actually that original one again. Or, and all the podcasts are... Each podcast is talking about the other podcast, which is only talking about the main podcast. Which is really just a feeder into the basketball one. And...

You're going to want to rebrand at a certain point, and I'm sorry, smartness is taken. And you also, you do another one for a while that is not the original one, and people really like it, and then you stop. That's, that's, okay. Stop once people like it. Yes, they say, thank God this isn't the first thing. This is different. And there's only one of them, which is amazing for me, the listener. If people like it, why stop?

Because they like it. Are you hear yourself? And then leave them wanting... Are you hear that? If one desires to be remembered is tasting well, Rob. Yeah. One would be wise to leave them hungering for more. And so we've left this pleasant taste in their mouth.

And of course, they can barely even remember what it tasted like, but they know they liked it. And it may be served again. What else is you did... What game is that called? What's the game? Monopoly. Come on, Rob's for babies.

This shit's for grown-ups. Dude, it's smartness, man. We're not doing this like weird fantasy land bullshit. It's not a goofball show anymore. This is a real show. And you can't be fake and name different companies when it's not real on a podcast. And you should know that if you have 19 in them. You can't just like be like,

be like, I'm part of this company and even as a joke. So what game is that called? The traitors? The traitors. Ah, the traitors. And can I even trust him to be telling me the truth now? Should be called the Democrats Party. Did you want to be a traitor?

I wasn't a traitor. Did you want to be? I didn't want to be a traitor. What are the rules about? The rules and the traders. What are the rules to do it? There's three people or four people that are traders. Who?

Who? Who are they? Yes. Other than Donna Kelsey. Donna Kelsey that she was there. Well, yeah, Donna Kelsey, of course. Spoiler alert. You must have sniff that out immediately, huh?

You know, I kind of didn't. I didn't. Rob. Everybody was like, oh, it'll be so perfect. That's brave to admit. That's what they want you to think. Brave. Very brave to say you didn't know it was Donna Kelsey.

Even Hayes knew it was Donna Kelsey. He didn't see the show. Yeah. And where do they? And it's which ones? Go ahead. You were saying just like, yes. Like what like.

So there's two traders who are real housewives. Where? Oh, where is the show? It's in Scotland. Okay. Sorry, I only have the Sean feed on Smartness. Okay. Well, Hayes has a lot of questions about the show, and it's very fair.

The show, I'll say they take their time. The show takes its time. Finally. Yeah. Finally with some of these shows. So many of these shows are such a rush to get to eat. You know what I mean? You're screaming, screaming.

Wait! You know? Come on. trying to chill out a little bit. I'm trying to unwind at the end of the day. I want to see... You're not rewind. I want to see two people at a time walking through a door to breakfast.

And then each one gets to say, hey, good morning. I'm here for breakfast. Yeah. And then once I know who's not at breakfast, I want a whole other meal to be made out of taking down a picture off a wall. Like that's it. Like, that's my breakfast is, can somebody really take their, time with this?

And then can everyone act surprise when the guy does the thing with the picture that he does every single episode and going like, that was harsh? And it's like, yeah, but is there, it would be more insane if he didn't do it, right? Or if he just like

act like he's going to do it and then like you flinched. Uh-huh. And then two for flinching. Two for flinching. Two sharp punches on the shoulder from Helen coming. And so some of us listening, I do just want to remind having to see every show in the entire world. Okay. Okay. And so if we could just... No, smartness is actually a show where we do try to be inclusive, you know. So Hollywood Handbook, I feel like, kind of kept people at arm's length sometimes. Thank you. So what I'm describing for people who haven't seen it is the show the traitors that Rob was on.

And so I'm saying some things that happen on. Who ate it? Who ate the breakfast? Everybody does. And they really like smoked salmon. Smoke salmon. Ah, interesting. So for a show like the traders, you might suspect that on the menu would be poison,

but in fact, it's poisson. Yes. Yes. How did you know? I understand it now. Hard-boiled eggs. Also, a lot of hard-boiled eggs on the traders. So you got the fitness freaks, and then you got the fancy pants.

It's kind of a continental breakfast. Not a hot breakfast. Yeah, I was curious. Any other complaints about the food? You want to drag their ass? Yeah. I mean, I didn't even get to have that much of the food. Like, I didn't even get a chance to get sick of it.

Your happy meal ass kicked up a doubt. And so there's three, there's three traders? Sometimes four. Sometimes four. Okay. And they're all women? No, no. There's another guy.

So I forgot there's a guy that's from Love Island. They're all women except one guy who's from Love Island. This is the format of the show. Which is a very feminine thing to be in love. So it's like, it's women. And then it's this guy who's really representing the most female quality, which is to fall in love. Oh, okay. Or, you know, masculinity is about not.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, I mean, very handsome, yeah. You had said that you aspire always to be the worst Rob on a show. Of course, people will remember in your Survivor days. There was Boston Rob, and then there was other Rob. Worst finishing, worst, you know. You do worse and you are just if people had to pick between either Rob.

But you, the first time you did. Survivor, you were fine. That was fine. But then, since then, they figured out the formula, which is let's get a better Rob next to this guy. We got Boston Rob, huge celebrity. Still, he's hosting the Traders podcast. Meanwhile, you are, Rob has a podcast, but actually Boston Rob has a podcast, and it's about traders. Probably several. And then we got, of course, Rob, Rob Rosh from Love Island. He's probably not going to have a podcast. Doesn't need it. I don't think so. So, I'm once again, there's just people who haven't seen every show in the entire world. There's Love Island.

Yeah. There's Survivor Island. There's the traitors. But Love Island is on it. Mm-hmm. Yes. With women. Yes?

Yeah. Okay. So it's them and the guy who's on every show, it turns out. He's just on two shows. Go on every different show. And what is it? he like to do? He's a snake wrangler.

That's true. Okay, seems like it could be, that could be a valuable set of skills on a show like the traders. Yeah. Along with Poisson, there could be deadly serpents on the menu as well. Yes. Inflicted with poison in their fangs. And yet, these serpents take human form on the traders.

I understand it now. So you get it now. The people themselves are serpents. Yes, the snakes is wrangling. He's among them. And he's a snake himself. But when the one man on the show is there, the serpents are on the menu.

Yeah. That's basically it. Because what do you do with them if you wrangle them? The snakes? He like holds them up like on like Instagram. He's like, hey, look at this snake. This is a, This is a deadly snake.

Once it's wrangled, you hold it up. Yeah, he holds it up. And then... It wouldn't make sense to just put it away at that point. Yeah, he just, like, makes, like, content. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. He's, I mean, I think they call it aura farming.

Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. So obviously, there's people who haven't seen every show in the world. So what's the aura farming show? They call it what aura farming?

Yeah, what do they call it? Yeah, like, if you hold up, like, A lot of snakes on, like, you know how like Stephen Fishback's book is like for TikTok? Like on like these like people love it. Yeah. That poor book. That's that lovely, well-intentioned book that has been subjected to so much suffering online. The holding up and shaking it.

Someone should call book protection services. This is so painful for me to see And I don't want to associate the book with that But what else can I think about? You know? It's really, really disturbing. Ha, ha, ha, merry quincements. It's me.

Who should be like the Quincements Santa equivalent? We've done so many Santa things. I know, but we have to really find something. There has to be a reason to do another one. So it has to have that. Vince Quincements. Vince Quinsman's. And it is like, it has to be good because the Quinsman's season is eternal. Yes. We can't just pick someone like Vince Quinsman's and have it be something that is not going to sustain itself over.

We're going to be living with it for ever. I did explain that, you know, on the last ad of you missed it, that, you know, Christmas is over, but Quincements is still. here and the Quincement season runs from January 2026 up until your eventual death. And Vince Quincements is

going to say a few words about some of the clothes they have. Oh no. Oh you gotta get dressed. I don't think this can be it. I can't do this the whole time.

It's not sustainable. for you. I think it might be for the listener because it's just, it's kind of small. But we, I mean, it has to be about them and you. One thing they want us to say is that the Quincements of course is like applies, the Quincement season applies

everywhere in the world except the shower. Yeah. Probably because it is a clothing company. You're not supposed to wear it in there. I have found myself taking longer showers. Not because I don't like quince. I do really. I wear a lot of the pieces.

Love it. I have sweaters. I mean, I got the drawers on right now. If you're looking at me, I got I got quince. Check downstairs. On bottom. But I, just having that space to, like, not be

Quinsman's, and the shower has to be on. It's not Quincyman's in the shower when the shower is on. So like, you know, I just find myself just taking a second to be like to have something else, you know? That's it. The idea of eternity can be oppressive. Yeah. But you know what's impressive are the organic cotton sweaters, pools, polos for every occasion

that you can even jump in the pool wearing lighter jackets keep you warm in the changing season. The list goes on. They work with top factories that cut out the middleman. You're not paying brand market. Top factories for the, you know, the top factories are for the shirts and the sweaters. work with bottom factories as well. Everything's built to hold up to daily wear and still look good season after season except in the shower.

They only partner with factories that me rigorous standards for craftsmanship and ethical production. Vince Quinsman, do you want to come and say anything else? Thanks. I just don't have it. I just don't have it. It was different for sure. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince.

Go to quince.com slash the boys for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada 2. That's Q-U-I-N-C-C-E dot com slash the boys free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash the boys. You go there. You're there. It's breakfast.

Yeah. And then and then what? Walk me through it. Yeah. So you go to the door. Uh-huh. And then you knock on the door.

The breakfast is outside? No, no. It's in there in a room, but the door is closed. Okay. So how did you get in? Wait, wait, wait. I know he's going to ask. Who's they? Before that, but I do want to put a pin in who's they for sure. How do you get into that room?

So in a castle. The castle has a bunch of rooms. Okay. And there's one room that they call the breakfast room. Is there a door? There is a door. Okay. So you go to the door and then you have breakfast. Open floor plan. And then you go to the door again. No, no, no, you go, you knock on the door to come into breakfast. Like, hey, can I come in and have some breakfast? And then they open the door and then you come in. It's literally what I just said. Everybody's excited to see. Rob, you're being really rude to Hayes. Just for this episode, please turn on my mic.

So you're not. Please, just for this episode. You're not on one of these reality shows where you score all these points by like insulting everyone and like starting these feuds. This is actually a podcast where friends talk to each other. So you're being really rude to Hayes. So he basically explains something very clearly. then you said, and I quote, no, no.

And then you said basically the exact same thing again. It's smartness all over again. Please turn on my life. Smartness is about connecting to each other and communicating. And do we like to get our shit off, tease each other, have a little fun? Yeah, but only when everyone is kind of on board for that. Not when we're just picking on Hayes saying no, no, and gaslighting him. This is my least favorite guest dynamic in the fucking world where they see we're like messing with each other.

Oh, yeah. A little bit. We're a little plate, but we have a big history, obviously. And they think that gives them a permission to be cruel. Oh, I get it. I can just bust chops all day and never listen. and gaslight. No, no, that's not what smartness is.

That's how what smartness is. So let's... In your defense, it's the first episode? Yeah. No, but that was... It's Bush League. You're right. Let's...

I'm not Michael Rappaport, you know what I mean? I'm not your enemy here. I'm not so in chaos. You know what I mean? You voted for him. You voted for mayor, though. Hmm? not for mayor

yet and so who's they who's them at breakfast yeah the other the other contestants that are at the castle

you need water or something you need a big sip of water okay yeah you can go get it when we had Stephen on he left the water when we had Stephen on

he left frame for 10 50 minutes yeah yeah he moved started a new life came back to finish the episode. Totally different persona. Yeah. But, um, okay, so the other contestants.

All right. And they all go to the door. Must be some door. They remain seated and then you come into the breakfast. Oh my God. Now he's what? He's leaving something out. The door almost looks like it's part of the wall, no? I never thought about it that way. Yeah. Yeah. They remain seated and I, I'm there I come in Yeah To the breakfast

Sometimes they clap for you though Because you're not dead Alright Now we're talking Like Hayes is here Yes I was so nervous for you I gotta check this thing out

Does that feel good when somebody says I was so nervous for you I was so worried for you It's a little bit like Why were you so worried? Yeah That's how I would feel Why do you think it was gonna be me

I would go Yeah I would rather have people feeling confident. I don't need that vibe. Oh, it's you. I knew you'd be here. I was nervous for him. Point at Hayes. Picking on him. Bullying him. That's what smartness is all about.

But he can do that. Of course, I can. Do you understand? Because we've actually, like, we have a... We've been in the fucking trenches, brother. You know? Yeah. Yeah, it makes sense.

It makes sense when you say it like that. There's a little bit of history here. A little bit. A couple 24s. Those are days. The number of hours. Go ahead. So the door I walk in, now we're all there.

And what's next? Then they clap for me. Yeah. That's so nice. One person is not going to be there. And then... One person is not going to be there. Yeah.

Oh. Suspicious. Well, not exactly. Rob, how far did you make it on this show? Because, again, I've never seen the damn thing. I had a similar question. Pat myself on the back too much, but I ended up in 20th place. 20th.

How many days were you in the cast? And as far as I understand it so far, the show is three women and one man from Love Island. Yes. And you somehow, in a cast of four ended up in 20th place. No, there's that, that's just the traitors. Then there's the other people. There's other people that aren't traders. There's the faithful.

But I need to know, so I just want to do some math here. So how many days were you actually in the castle? How many breakfast did we see? So I went to one breakfast So were we talking two days Yeah I think it's I mean it's a little bit longer than that Yeah so that's three day was it

But that's your secret You take one breakfast But he makes it last And you keep save half of it for tomorrow What how many days are you thinking Three days? Four He has like four days Okay so like four days

Like a long week ago was it Like back in June So seven months So four days seven months ago How How long are we planning on dining out on this? I mean, I'm going to try to see if I can get a full year out of it. Okay.

Okay. I wish you luck. You know, it was a long time that I played Survivor. I got at least a couple new stories. Did they know about the book? Who was they? The Traders. Did they know you have the book?

Did the traders know what that about Survivor? You know, Donna Kelsey didn't ask me about it. it, which I'm surprised. Frankly, I thought she would be like a little bit more interested in what projects I was working on, but it didn't come up. Well, was she the one who... Was she the one who wasn't there? Is that why?

No, she was there. Okay, then who was the one who wasn't there as a woman, right? So the person that wasn't at breakfast when I was there? Yeah, Rob. It was a guy. It was the guy who was the breakfast when I was there. Okay. Then say that.

But not the guy from Love Island. Okay. And I know what was. Ian. And what does he like to do? Played backgammon. He likes games like backgammon. Yeah.

Okay. It was Ian. He's an incredible backgammon player. And what? Compared to who. The world. but he's like top 250 he's ranked and so the show

is you're there and he's not there are we accounting for how and I'm there you're there but he's not he's not and that's the show that's the show and then everyone's like oh man

where's Ian okay traders must have got him oh wow they add a new trader sometimes Sometimes they ask a new trader

It's called a recruitment You should know that That's bullshit right They shouldn't be allowed to do that Yeah and then you don't even know who it is Could be anybody Well let's just see we're going the whole season Well I know this person is a faithful

But then they got recruited Yeah might as well call it the freaking She should call the show the Democratic Party Because they are recruiting You can't beat them join them That's what they say Mm-hmm Mm-hmm yeah for you're faced with the decision

Do you want to join? Do you want to become a traitor? Or do you want to just die and leave? And also it is a TV show that you want to be on more. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. They say, gonna have to sleep on this. A lot of suspense.

Cut the commercial. Yeah. And who's like your guy there? Hmm. Do you have a guy that like you are controlling? there's a guy you move around and stuff. No, I'm not controlling any guys. But it's a game. You don't get to pick?

No. Okay. Mm-hmm. It doesn't sound like a game to me. You know what I mean? Are you shooting? Are you shooting at someone? When I ask a question,

sorry, you have all these podcasts. When I ask a question, if the answer is no, that's fine. Yeah. That is fine. If you could then tell me what the correct answer is instead of just making me guess an infinite number of options over and over and you just say no until I land on it. I think we get out of here a lot sooner. Anyway, like, but that's not his goal.

Like, I think he wants to be on the show until the book comes out. He was planning on Beyond Traders the whole time. And this is, what days the book come out? This is my follow up. This is actually, sorry, I changed my mind. This is actually my least favorite guest at Mamick. This is, This one now. I hate this shit. A guy walks in here with big penis energy. Uh-huh. And...

BP. And he's supposed to be the one playing the game. But now, suddenly I'm playing it. Guessing game. Guess everything in the world. And by the way, there is no correct answer. And I know that. I know this game.

keeps moving the answer Every single answer is no I'm getting clucked I've played this before I'm getting with a lot of guys Played these games before Mm-hmm Oh believe me

It's the gamesman the game master This is what we get for inviting on It's like what is this guy known for Well he's plays these games He's not there The traitors got him Traiders got him Traders got them.

There's no guy. What do you do? You're shooting at someone? There's really, it's not a shooting show. Oh, okay. Then what are the shields for? Yeah. If you have a shield, that means the traders can't kill you at night time.

There's a lot of also, like, people getting ready for bed. Really, it's, they should film it. It's like a bed and breakfast, because there's a lot of, like, everybody's going to bed and a lot of everybody going to breakfast. Shields are only for nighttime. Talk about the filming process. Talk about the filming process when you're in the bed. And do they get a couple different versions? Going to bed scared. Going to bed. Restful, nice, comfy, cozy, easy. How many different takes of putting your head on the pillow are you doing for that? A lot. A lot. There was a lot of like, okay, could you sort of like, like, sort of shimmy and try to get comfy? Like, you can't, like, you can't sleep. I got to say, the traders are going to kill you. Yeah. We did that a lot. Yeah. And the bed, I think, is probably, could be like a hundred years old. Mm.

Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. You're sleeping in the actual castle? No, you're sleeping somewhere else. Uh.

Not allowed to say. That's Scotland magic. Not a lot to say. Mm-hmm. He's not sleeping in the castle. Let's fucking ruin this guy. Let's fucking this guy out. Because this is probably my least favorite

guest dynamic, I think. where it's like holding this like sort of like oh um i've got a secret and i'm going to kind of tease you with it and then the whole show is just me frustrating you in your audience the answer to every question is no except the question where the answer is no and then that then the answer becomes oh i can't tell you that i can't disclose sign in an n d a You know what that stands for. No, don't, asshole.

Not on my show. So what's, what if I just go to bed all the time? Hmm. Like you go to bed early. You said that shields are for when I, for when I go to bed. Right. So you might say like, it's, yeah. Nobody's ever tried that before.

It's not allowed to go to bed all the time. You're like, hey, I'm going to, you know, I'm going to get 40 winks. I really think a traitor would be so sleepy? Yeah. Might throw the traders off. I like that idea. Well, it's not allowed. Like, they're actually not allowed to shoot me because I have my shield.

Did you get a sense at all, Rob, that sometimes on the show, some of the traders in this current season got a little confused during their confessionals over what their POV was supposed to be and they were almost talking as if they were also scared of the traders or that maybe like the secret trader was working against them even though they are the traitors

so there was a secret trader maybe they were scared of the secret trader yeah but that's another now this is another secret I think to play the game What if you don't know what you're doing? Yeah, well, that's actually a very common thing on the traders. That seems to be a popular tactic. What if you forgot?

Yeah. I don't think anybody ever forgets. I think that a lot of people just don't know in the first place. They didn't even hear it. They never acquire and lose information. Yes. But they do sometimes go in without it and refuse to get it. Yes.

they're going to vibe Okay And then what? Wait What other meals are we eating? There's like a lunch And then they put Like some food out for dinner often

Like there's no There's no formal All three Breakfast Ian's not there Right Lunch Is he ain't come to lunch

No Okay Dinner. Dinner is just like they're going to put out a bunch of food and then it's like it's a working. We're grazing. We're grazing, right, and we're talking about who we're going to vote out. They ever tell you what room to go to? No, you get to go whatever room you want.

A lot of room freedom. Favorite room. Oh, even better. Top three rooms. Top three rooms. Okay. And this could be, we could put these on screen. The kitchen.

Kitchen. Kitchen is a lot of snacks. I was obsessed with food. I brought up breakfast. He's never moved on. Yeah. Second best room. I'll say there's a billiard room, but it's kind of, it's a snooker table. So, I don't know. Is that still a billiard room if it's a snooker table?

Mm-hmm. Yes. Is it a snooker room? It's a billiard room. Still a billiard room. Yeah. Is billiards? So you're asking, is billiards only?

pool or does billiards is that an umbrella term that encapsulates both snooker and pool yeah did i throw the question back to you rob yeah i don't know i maybe one of the listeners knows yeah i think i know so he thinks maybe just only one of our listeners yeah out of 30 well if that one listener could please reach out one out of 30 he thinks is the number of listeners that knows the answer to his trivia question. So please do reach out. Smartness. Yeah.

By the way. Please email us at smartness, smarties at at porno.biz, which is our new email address for the show. And you are, any listener of our show, you're an official smartness smarty. And we're in the business of doing porno.

And please reach out and tell us, what is billiards? And help us and we'll forward that email to Rob. He can read it on his podcast. Not that he's ever, when we have him on fucking 15 times, his buddy's book, everything, and he never brings us up at all. Speaking of breakfast, lunch and dinner. No shit, huh?

Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Okay, so that's the number two room in the house. Did we have the number three room? In the bar. I'd say bar is number three. The bar, okay. Bar. Mm-hmm.

Okay. All right. If you want to put that out there, guy's got a family he's out there having drinks at the bar with the traitors and then

you go to bed a bunch of times I wish a bunch of times that would be nice you just said that you do it in every different possible way didn't he say that I asked how many times

they have you like kind of go to bed in different styles and you said, oh, they do that a lot. And then when he said a bunch of times, you were like, the fuck is this guy talking about? It almost seems now like you are trying to invent new guest dynamics

to be our least favorite. And this is an example. I mean, I know you're a game strategy guy. You got one listener on your side with the, like, they're the one that knows of billi or snooker thing.

Yeah, snooker. I got 29 little guys. Mm-hmm. sharpening their knives, friend. And they each have three knives. Yeah. So that's 40 knives.

Wow. I'm going to need a lot of shields. Yeah, and you said no guns. No guns. Thank God. You didn't say, can't bring 40 knives. So you pull back the covers. Yeah.

Ian is there. That's not part of the game. You look around and you think, like, is this part of it? Yeah. It becomes really clear that it's not. The traders did this? Mm-hmm. He's not there in a sexual way.

Right. But he's not asleep either. And he knows it's not his bed. So, like, what are you doing here? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. At least if it were, like, some kind of a sex thing, you'd be like, okay well at least I know what this is.

I know exactly what is being requested of me and I can confidently sort of engage in the conversation either accepting or denying you know there's an entrance into this dynamic you know. This it's like this is my bed

he says I know okay so far removed from even knowing how to engage with it you know when I see Ian there and he's not a sleep. And he doesn't even jammies. Is he nude? I don't think so. I mean, Jesus Christ.

So this is my new least favorite guest dynamics when everything becomes sexual for you. It's just like we said it wasn't sexual, clearly. He's just in his like his big normal day clothes. Not pajamas. Big honking socks. Yeah. So there's maybe there's been some case of like mistaken identity. I'm in the wrong room. see this is maybe this is what they do to you this is what they do this is the traders what he's doing to me or what he is in your bed heans in your bed and you go i'm in the wrong room i must be

because why is he in i was trying to think of a funny shirt for ian to have on that says like front gammon or something it says what front gammon front gammon that's really good front gammon is good Can I pitch on our email address while we're doing that? Oh, yeah. Pornow.org. If that's available. Dot asim, huh? Porno.

Dot asim. You're going to have a straight, you're going to have a straight pornogasm. Ian is there and he's got you thinking now it's not even your room. He's gasolating you. Yeah. No wonder. Now I know where you learned it.

for me and yeah oh wow and now suddenly it's breakfast again I've been victim blaming this guy was suffered at the hands of gas lighting

it's the only thing he knows anymore that's the environment that you are in and then you go out how are you supposed to know how to behave when you go on a nice podcast like smartness

and you didn't get any sleep and there are 30 listeners getting not getting any sleep four days in a row last year can actually make you really sick. Literally drives you insane. I'm talking to a psychopath right now, and you cannot be held responsible

for anything you say or do on the podcast. That's a relief. That four days of no sleep is what has created all of these toxic guest dynamics. Well, it's hard to sleep because then somebody's in your bed and you don't even know why they're there. And they won't move. They won't move.

It's not sexual. I know why it was. was hard to sleep. Why? Because somebody was in your bet. Yeah. That's right. So who else?

Yeah, what else is going on? Who else was there? Yeah, who are we putting on blast? I'll tell you who was there. Who else was where? You know who was there, Hayes. Former guest of our show. Mr. Ronald Funches.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. Ron there. Some housewives.

Who else? Kristen Kish? Who are we putting on blast? We need some kind of big sound bite. We need something out of the show. We got nothing. We got no fucking clips. You have given us nothing so far.

We have nothing. Nothing for social media. We need you dragging someone's ass. I need you to say something extremely controversial and damaging about one of the other people in the trader's house. Hmm. You know Stephen Coletti? Yeah! Yes.

Mm-hmm. He also was in my bed. Oh, my God. No. This is... And he wasn't supposed to be there. Oh, no. This place is...

And are they, like, are we the sardinis, or we... Like, are we stacked? Mm-hmm. Are they... Are we... When you say, monkeys jumping on the bed. Are we all... Are they, like, blo?

Are we short stack of pancakes or are we sardined out? Yeah, sardine. Sardined, yeah. You think when they put Stephen Colletti on screen and they put one tree hill as his credit, do you think that was a little bit of a stretch? Hmm. Are we thinking maybe Stephen Coletti's Laguna Beach? I think you get, you must get to say what they put on the bottom of the screen.

Would you say? He must pick that. This podcast, probably. Jesus, full phrase. Yeah. Oh, my God. Smartness. Do your smartness, guess.

Rob C. Smartness guest. Oh my God. Then I'm associated with this guy in four days. Four days out on his ass. Up and down Main Street is Happy Meal ass. It kicked by three women and a love island guy. Can I ask a question? So I haven't seen every show in the freaking world.

Yeah. But I did see Ron Funchless is. putting up, it's the show, right? Yeah. And he's in it, but he's green screened in it. Did you see this? Yeah. Yeah, he made his own edit.

I didn't see this. But isn't he, is he, is it him green screening himself over himself? Yeah. I guess so. Saying it again? We can do that. Mm-hmm. Oh, I got an idea for this episode before it gets released then.

and then he can just... I'm going to get my shit off one way or another. I'll tell you what. That's what Ron Fudgelow is doing. I'm going to say my piece. Actually, I'm going to say the whole damn pizza. So is that allowed? You haven't even said what the rules are about yet.

I think he just does it. Brother. That's how he gets to where he is. Robert. He just does stuff. Screen screen screen yourself into the show. You didn't go. You didn't go home 20th.

Put myself back in it. Yeah, screen screen yourself. You have screen screen equipment there? Just eat breakfast. Can you, do you have a screen screen in your house? But I have like, uh, TikTok. I feel like you could just like put my, like, you know, I'm just like floating. You're floating.

You're floating. You're pointing at yourself. Yeah. I think of mistake Ronsming is very obvious because he's like saying consequential things when he does it when he puts himself in there. What you could do is you're just there. Your next comes and your eavesdropping or something. Just your screen screen screen. yourself just listening outside the door or, you know, just like reaching in and stealing

a little bite of, you know, whatever they're cooking in the kitchen. Spoked salmon. Yeah. I like the idea. I think that would be a good cutaway of me just like acting like I'm like next door. Oh. Like Rob heard that. He's listening.

Oh, Rob heard them now. Now he knows who the traitor. Now he knows. You know, but then he's not. He's not in some other parts of the episode. Do they have you like cupping your ear against different stuff? Like the different versions of that, you're scared what you heard? Hmm.

Or you're like... They didn't have you do that, but... Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's why I think this could be like really original if we added into the show. Yeah. Biggest regret, if you could go back and do it over again, what would you change? Hmm. I feel like I would have gone and said to people either...

about Donna Kelsey. Not about trainers, Rob. We're not Rob. Yeah. It's not all about... Yeah. This was like four days. Like, if you could do it all over...

We've all moved on. If you could do it all over again. I would have stopped 9-11. If you had been on that plane, would have gone down a little different, huh? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Hmm.

Actually, it kind of brought... It did bring us together. Saw something and said something. If even temporarily. Mm-hmm. You know. Yeah. And so something way worse could have happened.

So great job. That's actually my fear, yeah. Yeah. Sort of a butterfly effect thing, yeah. Like a Markey's paw. Yeah. Maybe it should be, maybe even if you had the whole life to go back through, it should just be that you warned people about Donna Kelsey.

I'm actually sort of gravitating. I'm warming to that now. I'm going, you know, of all the stuff you did, maybe just like, let's put them back in the Traders' house where you can't do this much damage. And now I think you did understand the assignment. That's what your book should be called. I understand the assignment.

That's a good book name. I understand it. I understand it now. I understand it now. Well, this has been smartness, and we always sign off the same way on this show, which is with Rob C's thought of the week. We might as well price in Rob at this point. You know.

Sure. Sure. If you have a chance to go back and do anything over again. Bye. That was a headgum podcast. Hi, I'm Drew Offalo. And I'm Jason Offoalo. And we host the HeadGum podcast, Two Idiot Girls.

Each episode, we're discussing plenty of topics that you would be giggling at a sleepover with your weird cousins. We talk about all kinds of things, like weird dating horror stories, maybe a really bad wedgy you had once, or even a show you. you're loving and anything in between so you can listen to two idiot girls on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on youtube new episodes will be posted every tuesday