Hollywood Handbook - Rob Corddry, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: March 17, 2014

Hayes and Sean start the show off with Sneakquel Peekquel, a segment where they  go into detail on sequels for two of Hollywood's biggest hits: Two More Bigger Guns and The Girl with Two Pearl Earrings. Then, funny man ROB CORDDRY, goofy clown actor joins the guys to talk about how inherently funny children's hospitals are and the importance of always being honest, and walks through a new pilot that includes Two-Face, Chicano wives, lawnmowers, law enforcement, and car sex.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is a head gum podcast frida pinto is like i thought this was a romance movie and i put down the camera and i'm like uh it is you love being chased by these dogs and it it's like, it's called Dog Escape. It's like, why did you sign on? Right in front of you, yeah. Hey! What up, what up? Welcome to Hollywood Handbook and Insider's Guide to Kicking Butt and Dropping Names in the Red Carpet Line

to Back Hallways of this industry we call showbiz. It was another week in Hollywood and we we spent it here, and we spent it observing and watching the way people work and behave. We report back to you. We're out there, and we're getting all the information, and then we collect it all in our little sort of jars that we call our brains. And then we come back, and we open up the jars and unscrew the tops of our heads. And we let the information out through talking. And one feature we like to do sometimes, just sort of to get warmed up in terms of helping people, is called Engineer My Career. Where we let the engineer ask us a question. It's so nice to have the engineer here as a true everyman.

And any question they have, we feel that a lot of the public could have because they really are in a place where they're sort of at the bottom and they could do anything, you know? A lot of people were hit very hard in this financial crisis. Katrina, Hurricane Katrina. And ended up, yes, losing their home to some kind of environmental disaster and having to do something that... Is not that glamorous.

Yes, in normal circumstances you would not do. And today we're very happy to have Engineer Sam with us. Engineer Sam, what is your question? My question is, so I've been here since November. That's your question? Oh, no, no, no. Have you been here since November? Not a very good use of the word question.

People could learn a lot from this. It was clearly a question, right? There was a very hard question inflection at the end of there since november that's him it's like uh i fucking guess man not exactly your secretary not keeping your calendar not a useful way to spend your question when you have literally just one to ask, two of the finer minds in the modern media landscape. I apologize. If I could go again, could I go? If you could, wouldn't that be?

Yes, could I go again? That's a question. Okay, could I go again? Well, the answer is dream fucking on, dickweed. And it comes back to the lesson that we've given before, which is please come prepared with a good question when you have an opportunity like this. And that also applies to, like, how you dress. You know what I mean? Like, when you show up for something like this with, you know, with, like, people who are in a position to maybe help you, maybe wear something that fits your body.

What would you change about the way I'm dressed now? It's just like, maybe it is actually the body that is. Yes, and this is sort of what I was going to say when you were saying be prepared. It's like success is 90% preparation and 9% perspiration. And 1% is just look good. The perspiration from like going to the gym every once in a while. Yeah, perspiration.

And some of it's inspiration. And that's like, think about that. You know, there's nothing inspired about the way you dress. And your body is a disaster. It's a joke. Oh, that's mean. Thank you, Engineer Sam, because I think a lot of people are getting a lot out of this. And not everyone's so brave to have a stupid-looking body and get on here and ask us just the worst questions.

Couldn't possibly help you to know whether you've been here since November. And why would I know that? I know how to make successful movies. I know how to really crack people up with a ripping good joke. Do I know how long you've been here? So we're going to move on to the next thing we wanted to talk about, which is, you know. Movies. Yes, movies, big and small.

One of our favorite things in this business is sometimes you can go see a movie, and if you like it enough, you can see another one of that movie uh and in this business they call it a sequel and there are some sequels being made this year that we're excited about we looked at the at the slate and so there's a little segment that we like to do called sequel sneak will peak will which is where we take a sneak will peak will at some of the sequels that are that are in the mix for this year uh yes and the first one that we wanted to go over hayes uh wanted to describe this one because he of course was involved in the original successful project and uh he uh

is just so excited that they've decided to continue there's two reasons they make a a sequel one made a buttload of cash everybody wants another taste of the piece of the pie. Two, they screwed up. They got to do it again. We've talked about that phenomenon before. This is the former. It's called two more bigger guns. If you remember two guns, and I believe, I wasn't in the room, I believe that some, Wahlberg wanted to be two more guns,

Denzel wanted to be two bigger guns, and Hayes, if you want to tell the story, I think you finally cracked it and said, guys, let's make it two more bigger guns. Yeah, and having seen this movie because I made it and was involved in it, and knowing what it is uh I could say that the first movie where we left those guys once they invented guns and you know they each had one and it was sort of I think about the the competition between Remington and Smith and Wesson and like

which of the two gunsmiths was going to be the most famous and make the most money in business. Now, then this new one with the bigger guns, it's flash forward to the present day. And now, these guys have been frozen

for a long time and now they're two unfrozen cowboys. Juicy. Trying to make their way in the present day, but not really understanding the horseless carriages they see in the streets, but still shooting guns a lot and being very good at shooting. Yes, and I love this concept.

I love this take on it. And to make it present day and to deal with so much of the Putin stuff that's been happening and to have that be the backdrop that there's always a TV on in the background and he's always sort of doing his stuff. And just how they're sort of talking about it the way we do. Yes, but also the way an unfrozen cowboy trying yes trying to understand a political crisis when the the country of russia is not really something they were

familiar with or maybe i guess it would have been but certainly not the ukraine or or possibly that too. And just even phones. Yeah, like what they think of phones is actually an interesting look at what's so crazy about phones in the present day. Sometimes it takes a voice from the past to look at the present and say, is this really right? You're looking at these little beep boxes all day like shouldn't you be out in the fields like enjoying life you know a lot of

people listen they don't take them seriously at first uh but it you know actually a lesson that we could all learn from these two uh old cowboys and the character of Beep Box, the tiny robot butler who is helping them in the past and in the present. He froze them. Yes, he's the one that froze them. And he's from the moon? Yeah, he's from... He is Japanese in his behavior and his voice.

But yes, he's a robot who comes from the north. I loved having that character to sort of stop down and explain the plot every few minutes. Well, because he's Japanese, he is very smart. And he's very good at following some of the complicated things that are happening to these cowboys. And also on the world stage as we keep following the crisis in the Crimea. Well, yes, but I just remember I was watching and I would not know why something was happening

and Beepbox would kind of go, let's freeze! And you know that's funny because he froze them. Right. And then he'd come down and say, you know, Mark Wahlberg is shooting because he is so mad. And I would go, okay, because I was like, why is this guy shooting? Anyway, the movie is very sad.

Yeah, it's a 10 hanky movie. You, I know, we're really excited about. And this is sort of the other side, I guess. Like, you know, this movie did not do as well the first time. You, of course, yeah. It was not my decision that made it not work. Yes. It was not my decision that made it not work.

Yes. But it sounds like there's a lot of exciting stuff happening with the girl with two pearl earrings. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. seen this movie and really knowing what it is and what it's about, I couldn't be more stoked to have another crack at what was truly just one step removed from, I think, being a mega hit so you all recall in the original the girl has a rock on her ear she thinks it's a pearl um it gets stolen by a mean crab she she chases the crab into the sewer. She's in the sewer. She meets a whole family of like alligator people who live down there. She marries one of them. He kisses her so hard that he bites part of her jaw off.

She decides she can't stay in this marriage. She goes back up, finds the crab actually, gets the rock back. It's not a pearl. And where we left her off kind of at the end is she's going, well, if this isn't a pearl, should I have married that crocodile man or alligator man? Should I never have left? Because that was part of why she left. Should I never have left? Because that was part of why she left, you know?

The reason I think it didn't work is because a lot of the alligator people's movements were too stiff. It wasn't fluid and that's because uh i wanted to do um uh you know henson creature type uh creations and uh do it practically and a lot of people involved were you know wanted to be cgi it's all computers now yeah it's all computers yeah and it's like we don't how about what happened to something you could hold in your hand? Just because you can do something with a computer doesn't mean that's the best way to do it. And I say that about writing, about going on the internet, about raising... Playing computer games. Playing a computer game is like...

Sometimes the best way to play a computer game is just get a deck of cards and just start doing it. So for me, I thought let's get the puppets, but let's also take another crack at the story and see did we do a disservice by not giving the backstory of how some of these crocodile men are friends. these crocodile man are her friends and i think we we did because i want to see them you know um playing croc ball which is like baseball but they they whack a ball with their tail and it's bigger than a baseball it has stitching but it's like um not as big as a soccer ball. It's very heavy. They have tough hides, so they don't have to worry about using pads as much. But how do I describe croc ball? So, okay. And the ball is alive. It's like a rolled up bug.

The ball is alive. Yeah, it's like a giant roly-poly bug. And it has stitches into it. They've sewn it into its rolled up form. But it's saying things like, hey, buster. Like, that's a heck of a whack and can't catch me, nerd. So the ball is kind of part of the comic relief. Also, there's one fat crocodile man, and that's very funny, too.

He's bursting out of his vest um so anyway we thought showing a lot of their life and maybe eliminating the girl and maybe eliminating some of the pearl earring okay so it's called girl with two pearl earrings uh as kind of a nod to the audience saying we heard you the first time and we're um and we're doing what you wanted the decision to she's not in it much no she does make a cameo the decision to recast because it was uh scarlett johansson in the original yeah and the now it being ken jong what went into that choice uh well uh when we found out that ken was tech avail uh i absolutely said we've got to get him and it was a big uh sort of whining and dining meeting with dr ken did you know that you that he was a doctor he's a real doctor a real he's a real he's not just called like dr ken like a joke

because he's japanese it's like he is yeah he is a. It's like he is. Yeah, he is a real. He went to school. He went to medical school, got the doctor certificate, and he's and has the stethoscope and everything. And I thought that that was something that would really bring a lot to the production because you don't have to pay to have a medic on set. And also because he is Japanese, he is so smart and able to do a lot of things that a Scarlett Johansson can't exactly do. And a lot of people getting sick, living in the sewer for four months on your, on your ship.

Yeah. Yeah. We, again, I wanted to do the sewer practically before it was a build. It was on a soundstage and it didn't feel authentic. and the audience responded by making us take a bath financially. And then taking a bath, I guess, non-financially after being in the sewer. Yeah. Yeah, every day when I got home, I would have to really scrub up, really clean up. really scrub up, really clean up. And, um, I, uh, uh, thankfully am healthy. Uh, the same can't be said for a lot of the crocodile men, certainly for, uh, the croc ball who had to splash around it was Andy Serkis. He's amazing. What a genius.

So good. The main crocodile, the romantic interest for Ken, who, you know, as you said, Ken's the girl. He's not in the movie a ton. She's not in the movie a ton. The main crocodile we did get, Michael Fay, who's the man who was caned in Singapore a few years back for doing graffiti. Oh, sure.

We were able to get a hold of him, and he's pretty irreverent. What a rich experience he could bring. Having known a lot of Japanese people in Singapore, and really understanding how smart they are and how funny it is to talk to them. Yeah, and so it's a smart movie. It's a funny movie. We think America is going to – we hope that you accept our mea culpa. We missed a little bit on the first one.

Thanks mainly to the bad decisions of one Mr. David Fincher. And now we got that fucking hack off the project and we're doing our thing and we think you guys are gonna just gobble it up we'll be right back with our guest Rob Corddry you may recognize him from TV shows he's been in the movies

before he lives on the same street as a friend of mine and he's gonna talk about that and some of the TV shows and the movies that he's done. Coming right up on Hollywood Handbook. Hollywood Handbook. So I said, she goes like, it's called a plantain. And I go, look, Crispin Stewart, to me and everyone else in this room, it's a big banana. So you either start calling it that, or you get the fuck out of my green room.

And she apologized. Hollywood Handbook. Hey! What up, what up? Welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz. Great guest today. Great guest.

Big fan of ours. A huge amount going on for him. Rob Corddry is here. Thank you so much for having me on this show. I've been listening forever. this show i've been listening uh forever you know when you guys when it was what it was it's iteration before uh-huh podcasts you know when when you were just like just having conversations just holding those round table remember conversations places yeah that you were at actually spoke to each other instead of yeah instead of just uh like

taking ipad photos and stuff it's like yeah and so just everybody's on their kindle all day it's you have to look at each other and facetime doesn't count it's not the same thing no it's really not because it freezes sometimes and you get stuck making a funny face rob go ahead you got a huge amount on your plate right now. Things are going great. You have a show. Yeah, Hope Hope. Are you talking about the ones, the many shows that I actually have?

No, no, no. I'm talking about that one. Just the other, the show in development that you're hoping will replace all those shows. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Right. Because all this time, you've been doing like the goofy things. The goofy stuff.

The stuff you're goofing around. Where you're like a clown. Right. Yeah. What is that one? That one's Children's Hospital. Yeah. Yes.

Okay. So you know what I mean. Which you never worked in a children's hospital's Hospital. Yeah. Yes. Okay. So you know what I mean. Which you never worked in a children's hospital or anything. No, I don't. It's just like your funny jokes. No, anything about that world, and I'm glad that you brought that up because I do want to apologize to all the real children's hospitals and just say to everybody that it's nothing. There's a lot of talk that it's nothing like a real children's hospital

at all. But you hear about these kids making themselves sick so they can go to a children's hospital. So they can meet you at the children's hospital. And I'm never there unless my children are really fucked up in some way. Like they've cut themselves

or they've fallen off things. But then is that good source material for you? Yes. Yes, for sure. For sure. You know what? It's funny. The last time I was at Children's, I had ripped, it gives you the wrong impression, but ripped

my daughter's shoulder out of her socket. Yeah. But really, it was just this funny weird thing and we had to take it to children's to get it popped back in and when i was there this is a good this is a really funny story i was in the uh i was in the you know waiting room for the emergency room and she's crying and i'm just surrounded by all these like parents who are weeping and there's like a kid being like it was like a tv show really yeah a kid comes in they burst him through the door he's on a stretcher but the stretcher's

really tiny that's you know and there's a life flight pilot like pushing the thing and you know because he's been flown in on a helicopter because there's no way they're gonna get him here in time anyway and and it's like there's blood everywhere and everybody looks really serious and i'm just like god this is the stuff right yeah all you see is stories all you see are stories yeah and i'm like this is going in the show that's writing that's it's observing yeah that's all it is right gathering observing right what you for the most part no yeah and it's creating those scenarios that you can observe whether it's ripping your daughter's arm or what did your daughter do to to deserve that oh no like i said it was a it was a total fluke it was an accident uh she she does this thing and it's really cute where when she tries to talk to me at dinner

which for one is no no yeah that's a no that's eating no no that's eating time and it's just looking down and being thankful for your father who has who works his fucking ass off to bring you this food right yeah and then when she did speak, she had food in her mouth. Wow. Okay. Okay. So already I'm like, why are there words being spoken right now? And then they were fucking words with like food smacking food in it.

So that's a double whammy. You know, the closest thing to me was her left arm. And I just gave it this yank. And later on, we just laughed about it. But at the time... Well, she must have been like,

thank you. You know, that's a mistake you only want to make once. She gets it. No, she gets it, right? And having kids is just hard. Yeah, we know. We have a lot of kids.

Yeah, we have too many. But now I guess the thing that we really wanted to talk to you about today, something that's very rewarding for you, it's pilot season. You have your new show. It's the most wonderful time of the year. Pilot season. Your show, based on your own life experiences, your own crazy family, I believe it's called Rob?

It's called Rob or The Rob Show or the show featuring Rob. Well, I know Rob Schneider had done Rob with like an exclamation point. Yes. And so you were going to do Rob with either a question mark or a semicolon? Or a semicolon. But I realized I don't know how to use, like, this is a show, this is an honest show, and I don't know how to use a semicolon at all. And you don't have to. Exactly.

But I thought, well, it would be dishonest of me to put that kind of punctuation, the punctuation that I don't understand, in the title of the show. Is honesty important to you in your work, Rob? Yes, absolutely. Speak on that. 100% honesty all the time.

And that's why this show has been brewing and percolating and marinating and all the things that you do with ideas in my head for years. And I feel like with all these other little silly hospital shows that I do, that those are just like I'm swinging three bats in the batter's box. And now I'm stepping up with one really light bat and I'm just gonna knock it out of the park wow what a nice feeling what an image for me

and I don't mean like I mean the bat too like the bat's gonna fly out of my hands and it's gonna go out of the park too like even farther than the ball does

and it's gonna smash a windshield of a car maybe an eagle catches the bat yeah exactly exactly and that's points and I put a note on the bat I put a note on the bat.

I put a note on the bat, like a secret. And then whoever, when the bird drops the bat and then the person reads the note, they'll get it. I mean, I'm not going to tell you what. Maybe you guys will get it. Oh, I'd love to be there when that note gets read. Yeah. Should we read? Yeah, let's break in.

So Rob is going to be a show that follows you and your crazy family. The Cordries is the working name for the family. Sure. But of course, network. We'll have notes, I'm sure. And how does that break down? You have one daughter who's kind of fucked up and you have. One daughter who is severely handicapped.

Yeah. Who misbehaves a lot. and then i um i have a chicano wife yeah that's funny she's 100 chicano that's very funny right and that's in my real just in my real life no but yeah but just imagine imagine the like imagine a christmas morning in that household yeah you know it's like you've got ham she's got tamales, and who's going to win this one? Well, no. I'm glad you brought that up. She's not actually of any sort of Latin descent.

Oh. Right? Because one day she asked me, what does Chicano mean? Like, what is a Chicano? And I said, I don't fucking know what a Chicano is. I don't care about that kind of thing. And so she looked it up on Wikipedia, which we have always by our bed. We have the whole set.

Yeah, the whole thing. The whole set right by our bed. And she looked it up, and Chicano is apparently a self-described term that the indigenous Mexicans that have grown up in the southwest United States give to themselves. So it's a self-described name and so she decided to describe herself as chicano so anyone can do anyone anyone can make

the choice you know hey i didn't think i was gonna learn today what a racket because they make it seem like it's so hard to be one but really it's just a matter of saying you just say it i mean that's as a as one eighth native american that is very frustrating to me because of course heritage is very important i feel like uh so to just say it it's not really the same thing as being it and doing it yes on one hand yes but on another hand no way absolutely not right right yes you know like there's two sides the opposite is true as well and even maybe truer two sides to every coin as they say yes that's what makes two-face such a powerful character right who is also two-face you're referencing the script two-face is also Two-Face. You're referencing the script. Two-Face is also the villain that lives next door.

Wow. I live next to a Batman villain. And we have that kind of relationship where we get along, but his face has been mutilated and he's angry about it, and he's a really evil guy. It's such a great moment in the pilot. And do we want to go to that scene where you're returning his lawnmower?

Okay. Do you want to read Two-Face? Yes, I'll do Two-Face. And I'll read Rob. That sounds great, yeah. Exterior corduroy lawn Two-Face is trying to mow his front lawn

but he realizes that he doesn't have a lawnmower in his hands, and he yells out angrily. Rob? Oh, great. Yeah? Why am I not holding my lawnmowing machine? Huh. Let me think about that, Mr. Face. Maybe because it's still in my garage. Well, that's why I'm so friggin' pissed.

Oh no, I know what's coming next. Two-Face reveals a large dollar coin, half of which has been scratched up with a knife. I'm going to flip this coin, and if it lands scratched upside up, I'm going to boil you in a big pot. Ting! Ting!

All right, just give me a lot more back. so and that's the scene um that went through many different workshopping sure yeah and then it just ultimately became you know what it was what the actual story was that just really happened verbatim like that funny story about um two-faced that a lot of people don't know uh he's a huge gay okay wow yeah yeah and that that will show up it doesn't show up in the pilot both both parts of his face are gay the whole deal the whole dealie the whole package interesting yeah because so much of him is conflicted yeah uh but in this case one thing about him that is that he's 100 consistent on yeah you'll find that out as the season goes on like that he actually lives with a man, an older gentleman who's an associate professor at UC Bakersfield, a professor of history, and he's just a real curmudgeon.

He walks with a cane, and he's really sweet and very feminine. Is that Donald Sutherland? Well, hope, hope, right? Sure. It sounds like him. It sounds like it was written for him. It sounds like it fits him. I know.

He's not all set up on email yet, so I have not been able to get in touch with him. Yeah, that's been a problem with us for Donnie, too. Now, go a little deeper into your actual family makeup. You have the one daughter, but I know that's not the only person in your house. That's not the only daughter. No. So there's my daughter here's your Chicano wife

my Chicano wife there's my mother who lives in an RV right outside my house right on the street and that's gonna be probably

the second episode where the whole thing is about how it's street cleaning day and she's got to move the damn thing but she forgets how to drive all of a sudden right yeah she's got dementia and you guys see where i mean that's just goes it goes exactly where you think it's gonna go i drive it to the other side of the street uh yeah yeah after a bunch of hemming and hawing, I bet. And, though, lessons are learned.

Sure, yeah. Like she relearns how to drive in the process. So she's learned there's a moral to it. That's really nice. If you live in a moving vehicle, you should know how to drive. And so much TV now forgets to do the lesson part. Yeah. Where they have somebody drive, but they don't talk about how you drive.

They just show up already knowing how. Right. Or something. Yeah. And you don't see any change. There's no arc. And so that way, it's not a tool, is it? No, no, no, no.

You know. Exactly. Well, that's one of the things I set out to do this show is that I, in my life, I learn a lot of lessons. I'm like a vessel. I'm like an empty lesson vessel that I want to fill to the right where you think it almost looks like the lessons are like there's a bubble on top. And how is that not spilling? It's because I just want to suck down more lessons. That's my life. is that not spilling? It's because, it's because I just want to suck down more lessons. That's my life.

So every episode to this show is going to be a very special episode. And you go out in the world and you see a problem, like all these people getting street cleaning tickets, you walk down the street and just windshields littered with street cleaning tickets in this city and in every city in the world. And you say, like, what can I do? Like, as a writer-performer, like, how can I? What can I do?

I'm not the governor. I'm not the mayor, you know? And what you can do is you can educate. I'm just a storyteller. Yeah. But it's not just a storyteller. It's actually more important. Just a storyteller is minimizing it.

That's a pretty big thing to be. Gosh, I mean, there's a lot on our shoulders. Yeah. As story. We have a big, big responsibility. Mm-hmm. Now, your character loves his own car quite a bit. That's right.

Right? That's right. Talk about sort of the romantic love triangle that develops between you and your wife and your car. Right. So, my character um loves fucking you know fucking sucking the whole thing feels amazing yeah exactly exactly and that's what i want to sort of bring like i want that sort of visceral like i want you to feel like when i'm fucking on television that you're right there getting fucked. You're getting it. You're doing,

you're getting the whole thing. Or if you're not taking it, that your dick is my dick. Exactly. And I'm imagining that I'm fucking what you are. Exactly. Well, it is what you make it,

right? Because we bring our own life to, to the stories we read. And that's why the POV scenes, I think are some of the most interesting. Well, it's 90% POV, which some said was crazy and others

said this is stupid and then others still said i'm not even going to say anything about this idea i'm not going to even tell you what my opinion is and then some people were like great and i listen to those people because they are doers if if if one person i feel like gets horny from like a show from something i've then i've done my job right you know well so i have a very very charged sexual relationship with my chicano my white white chicano wife uh and i also have a very, very sorted relationship with my 1975 Ford Pinto wagon because it has wood walls. And that's something that you've never seen in a show before. I mean, fucking a car, sure. There was a whole show.

It was a documentary, quote unquote, about guys that like fucking cars. But you've never seen it the way i do it which is just fucking the longest scenes in television history i hope of me just laying into that car man just laying into that car you know what i mean like should we do that scene yeah yeah let's read it and this is just me uh but you if you want to do the car sounds because because the car is on. Mm-hmm. All right? And the radio is on as well. Okay. Playing. Great.

Okay. Let's do it. Fuck, yeah. Oh, God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Turn the heater on. Turn the heater on. Oh, yeah. Turn the heater on. Turn the heater on. Oh, you get the fucking heat. In case you notice you do too much, too much, too much. Are you sick of paying too much money for your auto insurance?

Call 1-800-646-AUTO to get better prices on your auto insurance. I can. The garage light turns on. Mrs. Senora Corddry enters the garage. Rob! What are you doing? I am having

sex with my 1975 Ford Pinto wagon. Or at least I was until the lights came on in here. Oh, Rob, please don't waste your massive sexual energy on that car. I need it to satisfy all of me.

I'm so horny, baby. Now, can I ask about this character? Her concept of Chicago. She takes it to the limit. Now, can I ask about this character? Her concept of Chicano. She takes it to the limit.

What's her source material for what she thinks a Chicano voice is? She goes like a lot of Vietnamese refugees from the 70s. Sure. She heard one interview on YouTube with one who was severely burnt. And basically, it was just this little girl crying and saying words every once in a while. And that's what she based her accent on. Because I don't even know if Chicanos have an accent. So it's kind of like a squirrel's nest. It's whatever you want to do with it.

It's part of the self-description of just being able to say, this is who I am and I get to decide what it is. What an inspirational lady. What else is at the show? Oh, well, of course, Grandpa's in jail. Yeah. Yeah. For killing a cop.

Yeah. And so there are some nice reunion scenes where you go to meet him, and it seems like maybe you killed the cop and he took the fall because he's so old. Yeah. Well, definitely. That actually should not even be subtext.

Okay. That should be understood. You guys do say that's what's happening, but the tone of it, I didn't know if you were joking with each other. I'm still tweaking that storyline. You're tugging your collar a lot when you're talking. Yeah, a lot of gulps.

Yeah, you keep winking at him. So I guess when you see it, it will be clearer than just reading it on the page. Sometimes reading something doesn't fully bring it to life. He's sort of the character. He's like the wise old grandfather in jail character that you see, like that trope. Yes, yes.

A trope that, have we seen it a billion times? Yeah. Is it still great? Well, it works for a reason. You see it a billion times for a reason.

Yeah. And that's why it made so much sense for him to be black. Yes. When it would normally make sense for someone related to you

to be of a different race, but he's also very wise and like... But listen to what you just said. It makes sense, right? So... Hayes, you did say that. I did. You said it.

I don't remember anything else you said except for that. I zeroed in on that. I don't either. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's pretty wild, right? So you hear else you said except for that. I zeroed in on that. I don't either. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's pretty wild, right? Now you hear when you said that, now you kind of know.

It's really interesting. Yeah. What we mean. Yeah. Now your character hates cops. Yes. Hates all law enforcement, including cops. Yeah.

And that's from your real life. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I studied to be a policeman I was pre-law And then I was post-law, I guess And then I took the exam and they said, no, you're too fat

So you were pre-law to be a lawman A law enforcement officer Because I wanted to know the law before I enforce it. People always think being pre-law only means you can be a lawyer, but it's any kind of law stuff. Yes.

How could you go out and be a policeman without knowing what the law is? You better not. You better not. There are so many policemen out on the street that have no idea. They think their whole job is riding around, smiling, giving out candy, and fucking wearing Oakleys on the back of their head.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Right. That's what they think the job is. They literally think that. They think it and then do it. Yeah, and that's what you're seeing. Well, yeah.

No, I want all cops, all law enforcement officers dead. I want them all dead. I want to end them all when I see them. Like a rage, a boiling, boiling hot rage. And that's what makes that scene where you do get pulled over so tense in the pilot. Yeah. Should we do that scene where you do get pulled over so tense in the pilot. Yeah. Should we do that scene? Yeah, let's run right into it.

Great. All right. Sir, do you know why I pulled you over? No. Why don't you tell me? Well, you had a taillight out and it's kind of dangerous. You know why my taillight was out, officer? He finger quotes in the script right there.

Yeah, it looks like there's a hatchet sticking out of the back of your car. I think it's out from the hatchet that you, I guess, jammed into your taillight. That's exactly right, officer. Wow. You must have gotten a good sleep last night because you know what's going on with my car. You just described it. I was also taking hatchets to all sorts of shit that you don't know anything about. Because you're not in my life.

You don't know me. All you see is me. You look at me and you see a hatchet in my taillight. Sir, you seem agitated. I don't know what you're upset about. I'm sorry. It's because I'm drunk. And I am a bad drunk.

Okay, let's stop before one of us says something that we can't take back I hate black people I'm hey hey something like that yes that would be an example I mean if you're just giving an example that's okay but hey look I was maybe out of line I saw the hatchet I overacted. I don't want to be the bad guy here. Oh, wow. Are you done with your power trip yet? Are you done with your power trip? Look, if you feel like I'm in the power position,

maybe I get in the car and sit down. You get out and talk to me through the window. Let's do that. Okay. Door opens. I don't know if I'm in. Okay. This takes a long time because we do Let's do that. Okay. Door opens. I don't know if I can. Okay. This takes a long time because we do it in real time.

Yep. And then. The seatbelt has to come up. And at the seat. Yeah, exactly. There's a bunch of holes in this seat. It looks like you've been fucking this car a lot, sir. Yeah, get comfy.

Okay. But not too comfy. If you start fucking this car, role play over. All right. Because this is my car. Hey, do you know why I pulled you over? Is it about my taillight? Yeah.

It's about your taillight. Okay. And I hate you. And I hate all cops. But now you're a cop Right You Now you're learning Now you're listening

And you're learning Thank you What a really nice scene I feel like There's still some tweaking To be done on that scene I don't think so Because it doesn't really end.

Should it be longer? It may want to be longer and you may want the cop character to make fewer choices. Just in terms of what he's doing. You might want him to be more passive. Because it just feels like

he's driving it so much. You're the main character. Let's have an active protagonist, and let's make sure that the cop character is sort of just there. He sort of takes up from that point. That's what was so interesting. You're right. The cop character drives away. Drives home in your car.

In the car. It sort of becomes. He starts living your life. I'm left on the side of the road, and the rest of the show breaks into two shows. Yeah. And there's a spinoff, well, a backdoor pilot, we call it. Sure.

Where the cop has just taken over my complete identity, and I spend 22 minutes by the side of a road. Just trying to hitch. Just trying to figure out what happened, and no one picks up hitchhikers anymore. No, yeah, and you talk about that a lot. It's all I talk about. That's all I talk about. Hitching just ain't what it used to be in this town. Yeah.

Yeah. Now, there's the one sort of triumphant final scene that I sort of felt really uplifted by, where you and your weird daughter have a lot of conflict through that pilot episode. Yeah. Each sort of fighting for like who's like dominant in the house. Right. And then there's the fist fight between the two of you at the end where you like really show her who's boss.

Yeah. like really show her who's boss yeah but it's really that's one of my favorite scenes because i think it's got the funniest joke in it in the whole uh show it's got the fit ends with the funniest joke and it's which i think if i can't if i may say is pretty brave because i the whole scene there's nothing funny happening at all i'm bashing I'm bashing her in the face with my closed fist, right? Just bashing her and bashing her. Punching the fuck out of her. Bashing her and bashing her. And at the end, I say...

Should we just run it and we start with the bashing? Okay, great. Okay, great, great, great, great. Okay. It's another one! Ow! And another one what is that a hundred make it 101 yes uh-huh i'm learning from this oh your head and face were so soft to begin with and now i've made them softer and you're so strong oh take that oh this. Oh, this is going to help me.

Oh, my hand hurts. I'm going to switch hands. Oh, no. Not the other hand. And then we just fight for a page and a half. And then here comes the joke. Ah, now I'm done. I hope you learned something.

Wait a minute. I don't know if this blood on my hand is yours or mine. Now get the hell out of here. Okay. That's a nice, nice joke. Well, and it shows that you are a family. It's a joke, too, that you've heard a million times. Yes. You know? Well, that you've heard a million times. Yes.

You know? Well, that's what's comfortable for me. I hate when these people are trying to do new jokes in some of these shows. Right. And I'm like, well, how am I supposed to know if that's a joke? Do you know what I mean, Rob? Mm-hmm. You have to telegraph it by doing a joke that has been done a million times.

I think sometimes that's just one of the tools in your toolbox. Will you speak on that? Yeah. You have to telegraph it by doing a joke that has been done a million times. I think sometimes that's just one of the tools in your toolbox. Will you speak on that? Yeah. The different tools? Oh, my God. Well, you've got, okay, in the toolbox, right? So let's imagine that it's an actual toolbox, right? Oh, yes.

It's a big red toolbox. And you open it up. Or you try and open it up, but it's locked. Because you lock your toolbox full of tricks, right? Right. And so you've got to fumble around with a lock for a minute right and then you uh wish i had a tool to open the lock yeah but it's in there but it's in the toolbox so you just have to somehow get it open and and let's say it's with uh those big big fucking metal shears that'll cut through anything.

Bolt cutter, yeah. Yeah, bolt cutter. Thank you. And then you open it up. You get it open. And there's another bolt cutter there, which is irony, which is a tool in your toolbox. Oh. And then you take off that shelf that is just full of irony.

Yeah. And then under it, there are a bunch of devices. Oh, no. Uh-oh. Yeah. Sounds spooky. There's a ticking clock. Oh.

Okay. Yes. Like a bomb. No. No. A just, you think, a ticking clock no it's like a stopwatch it's a device a storytelling device and there's also a bomb oh a silent bomb a silent bomb right so you spend all trying to disarm the clock but the bomb clock, but the bomb was the true threat.

And isn't that a red herring? A red herring. Yes. Surprise, you got a red herring in your toolbox. And that's comedy. Comedy is about surprise. Comedy is only surprises. We've said it so many times.

It's only surprises. surprises we've said it so many times it's only surprises uh-huh and i surprise people sometimes like we were saying with jokes that have been done before that's a surprise that it came back i can't believe i can't believe he just did this joke that i've heard paul rodriguez do on stage for 20 years sure um but he did it and that's a surprise. So that's just what I do. Well, thank you so much, Rob. I mean, just for you to speak to our audience and educate them on, it's just so important to write from your own life. We see all these people out here trying to invent shows and imagine shows.

That's callous. You're living in a TV show. Yeah. Just write it down. And it's like they spend so much time writing and imagining that they aren't actually going out and actually fucking doing it. How many times have you heard some of your bros, like you're toking some weed with a couple of your bros, right? And they're like, oh my God. Oh gosh, busted.

If we could just film this conversation, it would be better than any TV show. And I say, only if I'm one of the guys in the room talking shit and smoking a fat doobie. Right, and that's the point where you have to negotiate to make sure that... It's all about negotiation. You actually get a prominent role in that conversation show. No, you fight. Yeah, you gotta fight for it.

And then your agent has to come in. That's what it's about. Jokes. The reefer jokes are some of the funniest ones. Sure, because you're the most famous. Of all your bros, your bros aren't really that famous. A lot of them are not.

If it's gonna get on TV, A lot of them are not. No. If it's going to get on TV, it's. I'm not going to hang out with a, a famous guy. I'm, I'd like to be the funniest, most famous guy in the room at all times.

Sure. But isn't it amazing that have some non-famous people are actually like very funny. Oh my God. That's a good point. That's a good point. My friend, Brian from my hometown is so funny and i almost feel like he could have done like a really funny thing with his life yeah and it's like how you weren't the funny like he was he was actually the funny one between us when we were younger but then

i turned out to be the funny one because now i'm on TV. Right. And is that funny? And isn't that sort of what's funny about just the way life goes? And a lot of it's just about being brave and having the fucking balls to pony up to the table and just go, Hey, look, this is fucking my big honking dick. I'm going to lay it out there and try to make you laugh. And actually having the cojones and the nuts and the stones to do that and i think brian didn't have that i think that's why he's pumping fucking gas too scared to pony up to the table and he didn't pony up to the table and he didn't lay it out there and he didn't have

the cojones or the stones or the nuts speak on that rob um i don't know b, but I do know this. If he didn't pony up and fucking lay it all out there, then he's not only going to be pumping gas, he's going to be pumping gas on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning because that's the worst shift. So many people trying to get gas. You're always out of gas on Christmas. That's really frantic. Yeah.

It's a terrible, terrible shift. And it's cold. And they're in their church clothes. It's cold because it's December,antic. Yeah. It's a terrible, terrible shift. And it's cold. And they're in their church clothes. It's cold because it's December. December-ish. The tips that time of year are actually very good, though. It's the best. Yeah, it's the most magical time.

Financially, yeah. Financially, by far, the most lucrative because people are just in a generous mood. Handing out money. But it's snowing. Well, Rob, again, just thank you so much for coming in. And we really appreciate it. If you want to plug anything, I mean, do you have anything coming up, a live tour or maybe an album?

No, I'm on Twitter, at DwayneTheRock. Okay, so find him there. Please do like our Facebook page, rate us on iTunes, give us a high rating, and then write a nice review about us. And get on the forums. Don't be scared of that. And please buy the pro version. Hayes, who bought the pro version this week? I think the Narnold the pro version this week? I think the

Narnold bought it again this week. I think someone named Pat Smear Oh, no, that's right. Sorry, the Narnold. Pat Smear bought the pro version this week. And what does he get? It must be a good prize.

Yes, he definitely gets a good prize and i and i speak on that i think the prize must be rob corddry explaining what is funny about your name yes that's right so pat smear is the caesar's name and i have a lot to say. And you go ahead and lay out for him what makes that so good. Over a breakfast. Yeah, you guys are going to sit down. Or just right now. Or on air, live on air.

Okay, first of all, your name's probably Pat, right? And pap smear is like a thing that chicks do with their vagina. And, alright, so there you go right there. Bye. Bye.

Bye. This has been an Earwolf Media Production. Executive Producers Jeff Ulrich and Scott Aukerman. For more information, visit Earwolf.com. Earwolfradio.com Earwolfradio.com Earwolfradio.com Earwolfradio.com The wolf dead.

That was a HeadGum Podcast.