Hollywood Handbook - Rory Scovel, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: February 11, 2020

RORY SCOVEL joins The Boys to give The Bachelor an important upgrade.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is a head gum podcast i'm marching marching saying hi hello i'm here me and harvey uh p car harvey p car and we're going like wait like where's enough of this and we're like holding the signs and stuff protesting we're next to a grocery store so i guess food i but like well i wasn't sure which one of the food i think it was a potato ah i don't know if it was one or one kind uh-huh but you're fucking pissed so pissed yeah like honestly looking back on i know it was like for a good reason but gotta be we're also marching really fast it wasn't like you know like a lot of these protests like they'll like go around they these protests they'll go around really slowly.

They look lazy and it doesn't I don't believe that they care as much as they say because it's like they're just kind of wandering. Yes, but we are. Let's get some fucking speed to this bitch. We're screaming through the parking lot. Yeah. Kicking up

dust, bumping into each other. Oh yeah. Hey, if nobody's getting hurt at a protest, I mean, amongst themselves, then like, how do I know that you're, what we've been saying on the show, the term we've been using is the real, real. And that's something we've been saying a lot of the show that's like

how do i know a lot of different ways yeah yeah and so harvey is there judah judah friedländer oh yes there and his hat is like potato no uh-huh and well he's not wearing the hat because he is doing that character again from american splendor and people are like huh is this okay uh do we need to reckon with this today of all days while we're running yeah that seems

like something you would want to at least hit a light jog to talk about because you want your breath right because it's going gonna be a complex thing to untangle that was 2004 wasn't that long ago yeah but then again 2004 was longer ago than you think want to feel old hey welcome to hollywood handbook and hi welcome to hollywood handbook and insiders guide today we're doing an insider's guide and And you're going to love it. We've got a guest. Guest, do you want to say something to the listeners?

Hi. Ooh, and you know that voice. Can I comment that with the protests, you are correct. If that protest isn't in motion, then you're just a target for people to disagree with you. Absolutely. But if you are in motion, you're a tornado. And what are people afraid of?

Tornadoes. Well, yes, and when people say that they're willing to cross the picket line, if you're, for instance, having a potato strike. It was actually, no, you said tornadoes reminded me of tomatoes. That's what it was. And this whole time I was going, this can't't be potatoes because they're pretty good but tomatoes uh-huh let's get them yeah and it's like sure yeah you cross the picket line good luck yeah because we're gonna fucking trample you'll get trampled you'll be bloody yeah that's so i think that's a yeah that's a very smart point that like if you're holding still then people can talk to you they can walk past you they can ask

you they can challenge you yeah they can go hey wait a minute that doesn't make sense tomatoes are actually nice you're not there to be challenged it's not a debate you're there to stir shit and the listeners are like that's's a fun protest, too. These observations are familiar to me. This brand of observation. And it's Rory. And it's Rory's here. Rory,

talk about comedy for just a moment. What does it mean to you? You do make these sort of observations hunts and why now why now why comedy now more than ever why now why do we need this right now more than ever and why you uh well when people say laughter is the best medicine i say thinking is actually the best medicine yes so when i thank you so i want to be clear that our definitions of comedy maybe exist on the same bookshelf because i don't i'm not there for laughs i'm there for agreement i'm there for people to say this guy gets it this guy's right this guy has a voice yeah and people say i didn't like that answer people say not funny and we say

thank you did that on purpose yes yes who go not funny. And we say, thank you. Did that on purpose. Yes. Yes. Who go, not funny. I go, good. Yeah. That's actually good. Now we can start. Wow, I really appreciate you saying that.

You know what I say? If people yell, not funny, I go, well, now we're talking. Yeah. Now we are literally talking and figuratively communicating. Start a conversation. That's what's important to me. And literally communicating. Hey, we started a conversation.

Yeah. The conversation happens to be at this point about how my joke isn't funny. Yeah. But that's the first step on a journey of a billion miles. Now the training wheels are off. Yeah. My next special is, this is the title. So it's the word comedy and then E-D-Y is crossed out and then added to it is municate,

communication. And when people say, what style comedy do you do? I say, well, I communicate. And I don't. I'm not so shallow. I'm not so shallow that I would still do comedy. Do you know what I mean? Oh, my God.

No. How do you pronounce that title? Com. Maybe comedy. No, no. Yeah. No. X. X. calm maybe comedy no no yeah no x x or we're thinking a scratch to make it look like it's sort of graffiti like sort of a uh a rogue rebel misbehaved and surely you're standing there holding the can yeah yes yes i'm at the bottom with the cam but like arms are crossed banks banksy scarf

i'm wearing a scarf that says Banksy. Facing the wall. Yeah. Overalls with the flap open so you can see. Yeah. And on my back, it's just a peace sign

to be like, hey, I might be doing this, but it's for a good reason. Calm communication. It's a rat eating a flower. You go, oh. And people go, okay.

All right. I think this guy has something to say. I'm listening. So I have a pitch and it could be comedy keep the e cross out the dy and say come talk to me about how my jokes aren't funny and then let's see where it goes from there and then let's see where we land yeah yeah yeah because that's the first step in a journey of a billion miles yeah yeah. I say that to people when they say, what are your shows like? And I go, imagine getting on an airplane and no one tells you where it's going.

But when you land, that's where you needed to be. You know what I mean? Like Dallas. If it's you needed to go to Dallas. Or it's going home, hopefully. Or just your house. Am I starting at my house? Where am I getting off?

So here's the thing. There is no rule that says you don't land back at your house. You could start. That would be nice, ideally. And it's a loop. Yeah.

But when you arrive back, But enough time to watch a movie. You've changed. And this is the story circle, and this is Joseph Campbell, a hero of a bunch of phases, is that you are starting

in a place of familiarity. Yeah. The goddess comes, I mean, gives you a little tug job. Yeah. Then, Hello. I'm sorry, familiarity yeah the goddess comes i mean gives you a little tug job yeah then hello and yeah i'm sorry but that's a lot of stories yeah that's the story of creation isn't it yeah creating a load yeah and following that all in one afternoon you're changed and you now return

to the place from the beginning but you have the special knowledge yeah and then you go oh the place i needed to be is where i've always been yeah yeah but now you're but now you're out like i had to get one out yeah but now it's like just that much less money yeah yeah but you did get a meal you got a movie but that's motivation so you met small talk on a plane i'll do shit when people ask me on a flight what is it that you do you know classic small talk on a plane? I'll do shit. When people ask me on a flight, what is it that you do? Classic small talk. I communicate. But right now, these are noise-canceling headphones.

And I'd kind of like to communicate with myself. And that's important too, isn't it? So we don't actually have time to talk about this. So we have- We've gone way over. at least we did have a little bit of time and i think you said that yeah we do have our own show to do it's not the rory show i think you did say at the beginning like yeah no no you had warned me you had said yeah that it's something to keep somebody keep in mind you know because we have our own shit

introductions people actually like it yeah Yeah. Engineer Jordan. Hi. This is Rory. That's our new high. Communicator. That's Engineer Jordan's new high. We have been workshopping that. I'm so thrown off. I'm opening things. Chef Kevin. Rory. Hey. Hey Rory.

Chef Kevin here. Engineer Jordan and Engineer Brad and all this. We're like adults. You know? We're all adults here. Engineer Jordan, Engineer Brad and all this, we're like adults. We're all adults here. To do this like, I'm Engineer Brad. Engineer Duffy is your name. I'll go with Engineer Duffy.

I'm happy with that. Engineer Duff McKagan. Engineer Duffy, Engineer Morris, Engineer Kiefer, Engineer Donut, Engineer Donuffy, Engineer Morris, Engineer Kiefer, Engineer Donut, Engineer Donut. Engineer just not coming to me. Engineer we've talked before. Engineer please don't tell me.

I'm so close. It's something with like a G. Engineer red shirt. i know so right would be engineer connor but we can't do that because inevitably there will be someone with the first name connor being an engineer probably within the next week yes so that's not we can't do that so it has to be engineered don't know well and if somebody looks up connor in the phone book and goes, I'm going to kill every one of these people with the last name Connor, I don't want them coming here. Right.

I'd rather that he's listed under Engineer Ryan still. Yeah. I actually find. If the Terminator's here. I find names to be sort of a false sense of communication. Oh, shit. And I was so ready to move on from all of your ideas, oh shit and i was so ready to move on from all of your ideas but this now has me percolating and now we're talking and now we're starting to talk and we are actually

riding for real and i hate this idea but i will fucking die for your right to say it on my podcast would you like to make your mic stinky, Rory? Yes, sir. I've been stinking up our mics. That's a new tradition on the show. You spray the mic and you just make it a little stinky for the show. Just a stinky mic machine. Yes. Gobi Labs. Sort of funny cartoon

logo on it. And you know I'm stinking my mic. Oh, so stinky. Let me hit it. Don't do that! It's what it's for. No, you don't put it on the mic. What else is it for?

You take it off. You take it off? Yeah, if you spray it into it, you ruin the microphone. Okay. And now we've started a conversation. Now we're talking. this is and so this is actually comedy me doing it wrong that's exactly right and she's angry thank you thank you i did do this on purpose and engineer duffy is angry so that actually means that we're doing really

interesting comedy roryory? Yeah? Did you want to say anything else about the names? Do you want to move on? I just wanted to put that out there because I think a lot of people interpret names as some form of communication when really it's false information as to who people truly are. Yeah. The name game is the entire game that you got played when they gave you a name because it doesn't mean anything. Because they're all the same.

Yeah. Here's your name. Here's my name. Human being. Yeah. You know what I mean? I'm just a goddamn human being. But Hugh, the first name. H-U-G-H. Last name Man.

Man being. Man being. Man with two Ns. And then Bean, like Mr. Bean. Hugh Man Bean. Mr. Bean's name is Hugh Man Bean. Hugh Man Bean. Yeah.

He sees all of us. Mr. Bean. Yes, he's all of us. We are all Mr. Bean. We've all done that. The classic Hugh Man Bean. Yeah. So, we have to talk about ABC's show, The Bachelor. Have you seen this program?

The Bachelor? ABC's The Bachelor. I don't. I don't. I don't. And you don't need to. You are going to be helping us promote ourselves for this show. You will be, if we are successful, the next Bachelor.

So you will have to leave your family. Yeah. If this works. Okay. We used to do a show about reality shows years ago now. But also, not that long ago because we are still pretty young. And people are always like, people didn't really listen to that show. But now that we don't do it, people will semi-regularly be like,

can you guys just do that again, please? Well, and I got to say. Can you just go back and do that again? When we started it, we found it very limiting. And we thought, we have so much more to say to this and so many more ideas. And a few years in, we found that, no, we don't. And it's easier, actually, to talk about something that we saw than something that we thought of. That's right.

But sometimes you need to go on a long journey. We've returned to the beginning. To find full circle. That we're actually home all along. And the goddess has given us a bit of a smack on the keister. Okay, hello. The old keister. That's a hell of an afternoon.

Hell of a flight. Hell yes. Get back. Seatbelt signs on. get back seatbelt signs on um so we are going to talk about on these dates that they go on on the bachelor often maybe a group of women maybe one woman but often towards the end of it they'll say the bachelor kind of cheeky will do and you can maybe practice doing this and the bachelor is a boy okay yeah i'll go do you guys hear that music do you hear that music and then they'll go oh my god who is it and then everyone in unison will go like chase rice it'll be it'll be a musician who is apparently very famous i may be watching it with seven or eight people.

We don't know them from various backgrounds. He hasn't dipped into any of those people's lives. Yes. And seeing that, my friends are very diverse. If you're implying that they're not. You know, people think ofvard as a monoculture i think the fear of that implication is the most you said from various backgrounds but there was a little bit of a like surely there's a catch in your surely not of surely when in fact surely when you're watching

the bachelor we watch it's a select group of people for you. Takes all kinds. Yeah. But we, so, we have had this idea where we go, wait a minute. If it's, they're going to attend

this thing by someone very famous. And they often also will have a shot of one of them sort of mouthing the words along with the song to imply that the song

is so popular and not that they were pulled off camera for a little bit to listen to and memorize a session of it. If it is someone who's very famous, but no one has ever heard of, that could actually be us. And what we're picturing now is at the end of a date, the bachelor's student goes, wait a minute, do you guys hear that podcast and then the girls go who is it and then we all go hayes man and the clam dog and so that is my idea yeah and we're kind of pitching ourselves to abc and chris. Of course. You'll be the bachelor.

You'll walk these women into a live taping of Hollywood handbook. We'll have a guest. Probably we'll try to get like Andy Daly or someone, and we'll end up settling for maybe chef Kevin or maybe like just Mike Mitchell. Like we can't get Weiger and Mitch. So we'll end up with that. They'll watch and be like, oh, and it's a Mitch episode.

And then at the end of that, we'll turn and we'll go, hey guys, we had a lot of fun doing this live taping. Podcasts are about passion. Rory really wants his future wife to be able to show her passion not only in her marriage but on the microphone in someone's living room yeah so they'll have to start their own podcast yeah do you like this yeah i like this a lot here's my question no questions i have one he has well i do have a, but the very first one that comes to mind is, where in the season of competitive dating do you think,

like have we narrowed it down to like 10 women and that's when the big surprise comes? Probably the date will be like eight or nine women. They usually do these early on because I have seen Amy Schumer teach them to do stand-up. I have seen some sort of sex monologue person teach them how to tell a story about going

to sex town. I have seen them learn to sing a song and have to write a song together. Did Chase Rice do that? That one was not learn to sing a song and have to write a song together. Yeah. Did Chase Rice do that? That one was not Chase Rice.

Who did that last season? Someone did it. A musician? A musician. Yeah. What I also would like is that, let's say there's 10 women left. What's that? Hey, what's that sound?

It's you guys. And then individually, I watch you guys do 10 episodes and each episode is with a different woman. This is maybe the whole season is every day. Yeah. We were thinking this would be a group date. That's good for everyone. But that's weird.

I mean, like really, it should be you individually. The show's pretty intimate and listening to a podcast is usually an intimate experience. Even a live episode, most of our fans are there by themselves.

Yeah. Because I, as The Bachelor, who's ultimately deciding which one of these women I'm going to spend the rest of my life with and more than likely make children with,

I want to be able to gauge what are they reacting to on an individual level and to keep it fair you know i think each episode that you guys do has to be identical so that there is a fair playing for us will be very easy that's helpful yeah each bachelorette or each each date has the exact same moment to laugh or react to the same thing. Wow, and you'll get it authentic. I think that's fair. And I can tell you that our performance will be pretty consistent as well.

Yes. And that it will have just a little something on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little mustard. We're not showing off. Right. You know what I mean? We have to sustain ourselves.

Right. When you do this every single week you have to like leave some we're saving next time yeah like a little oil and vinegar on a sandwich like you don't do that at home but you go to the deli yes you're gonna get that a little bit yeah yeah and it makes a world of difference it can yeah yeah the way i do it so you're thinking like what's my role in like, how do we do this today? Yeah. And the answer is you help us by recording a sizzle reel that we can use to pitch basically what this experience will look and sound like. Some stuff about some of the women, the connection you're feeling with them, whether you like

or don't like their podcast. And we'll try to give you, you know, we'll maybe come up with some ideas for what their shows would be and what they would be like. And maybe some noises while you're listening to our podcast because I know on the show, while they're, like, listening to the show, The Bachelor will be, like, awesome. Or, like, so cool. Yeah.

Like, stuff like that. So, like, while you're listening to us, like, the kind of noises that you would make listening to a live podcast. And like a Chase Rice, I mean, we won't be able, since this is audio, but if it were filmed, like Chase Rice, I'm also maybe mouthing some of what you guys are

saying in real time. No, that's what I would love. Naturally. Like a song, but yet it's in real time and you're just saying it off the top of your head. Quickly, Kevin, can you actually look up a list of musical guests who've appeared on the bachelor and read some off brett young was last season brett young so you know because i feel bad we're kind of only talking about chase rice he's getting all this free promotion but brett young isn't getting a piece of the pie here did you enjoy their performances when? When you were like, oh, I don't know them,

did you go, I should? Chase rocked my fucking ass off. That's why he's there. He brought me to outer space and back. Brett sort of rocked me to sleep

ever so gently. Which can also be its own drug. It's also very soothing. You can't go to outer space all the time. sort of rocked me to sleep ever so but you need but you gotta you need some drugs so yeah very soothing you can't go to outer space all the time no no uppers and downers right it's uppers and downers i mean i mean they took you where you needed to wake cycle yeah they took you where you needed to be yeah no i use medication to manufacture my sleep and wake cycle i've been doing that for a long long time and the fact that the music now can help me with that, where when I do wake up and I inject however many milligrams of such and such a dream. The music is like a boost that you add to a smoothie.

But to wake it up. Exactly. It's a smoothie boost. It really is. It's just water that you have to inject. And you have to be injecting. Please remember to inject water, people. People are walking around in their daily lives so dehydrated.

Yes. Please remember to inject a full glass of water before you go to school. Thank you, Hayes. Yeah. Jordan, loop that. Okay. Loop that and play it a dozen times. Right now.

Because we're primarily an educational show. So Brett Young was the other one, and was there any other good ones? Brett Young is Engineer Morris' stage name. I think we didn't mention that. I called Kevin Hayes, by the way. Robin Thicke, Chicago, Bare Naked Ladies, Train, Vanessa Williams, Soulja Boy. These are not helpful.

Did you just go back in each previous season? I'm actually going to ask that we edit that out, and can you find the ones that are funny to say? Train's funny. No, they're a huge bit. They're enormous. Brett Young and Chase Rice, and he's like, I've they're a huge band. They're enormous. Brett Young and Chase Rice, and he's like, I've got another one. Train.

Led Zeppelin reunion tour. I mean, I know Dolly Parton did it once, but it's like. Sarah Darling. Who? Thank you. Kate Earle. How many seasons have there been of The Bachelor? Ben Taylor.

How many seasons of The Bachelor and Bachelorette combined or just The Bachelor? Combined. Are we talking like 30? Yeah. Engineer Duffy, didn't you say you had to be supervising the cabinet maker outside? You said that you couldn't be in the room with us because you had to be going. The cabinets had to be made to your exact specifications out in the hallway

to supervise the cabinet maker I don't think that happened during this record did it? it's happening right now and what are you using these cabinets for? to store equipment her curiosities yeah my curiosities I put my thoughts in there

that's what I thought jars of thoughts. Thought jars. They're all empty. Every night, please, and this will go along with the water tip, think into a jar for one hour before you go to sleep. Yes. When you wake up, pour the jar back into your ear,

and you have all these wonderful ideas that you don't let escape. You know how people will say money can't buy happiness i've heard it but people will keep a jar of money yeah that's even the fact that money can't buy happiness why can't anything go in that jar like you were saying no fill the jar with yeah or intentions not stuff you write down no open the jar think of the intention close the jar yeah yeah different size screws and put holes in the top of the jar, obviously. We're not monsters. No, yeah, especially if there's going to be bugs in there, too.

Yeah. Won't they leak out, though? It should be bugs, and it should be thoughts and intentions. Different size screws. Yeah. Affirmations. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

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three weeks babbles designed by real people for real conversations and that includes body-based conversations what does it mean when you drop someone off after a nice date and they turn around at the door and they take their little index finger and they kind of like draw it towards them. They're pulling it. What does that mean? Does their finger hurt? I wonder if they spotted a spider web or something.

They're trying to pull down the spider web. Yeah. But I've seen this too after a lot of dates and i need i need and have needed something like babble to figure out what the heck is this person doing with their finger because it looks like a it looks like an emergency i know i'm supposed to do something or how about those people that stand in the street they're kind of like they've got like almost like police clothes on it may be almost yeah and they're standing in the middle and as i'm driving and i'm cruising they're holding their hand up for like a high five almost

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Hollywood handbook. slash the boys rocket money.com slash the boys so let's talk about i guess what one of the podcasts might be okay and then we'll be one of these women suitors. Okay. Um, my name is Rebecca Q. Rebecca. Rebecca Q. Yes. Not to be confused with Rebecca J. Last initial Q. Yeah. First name Rebecca. Yeah. Yeah. Because there's two Rebecca's this season.

I'm a porno blogger from Kansas City, Maryland. Yeah, that's exactly. And my podcast is called The Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn. So, such a specific podcast. And it never deviates from that one movie. It's all me planning to

hopefully see it. And how you'll see it. It's going, hey, this week I wasn't able to make it. Obviously, I know last week I promised that I was going to. Yeah, right. But I think next week I am going to see it, and so tune into that episode. Yeah.

And my guy's name is Julia-Abadale N. My job title is permanently unemployed. And I say what podcast I'm doing. Yeah, come up with a podcast so that we can, and we give a little sample if you want or whatever, but Rory's got to know, he's got to marry this woman and have possibly children, right? And it is passion.

And it's about your passion. And someone's passion is so specific, that helps narrow down who I believe them to be. Well, often they'll have an activity on the show. I know you're not a huge fan of the show, if you're jealous. And they will be like repelling into a ravine and they'll go wow it's really sort of like how falling in love is you have to take a dive but you want to stay under control but you have to face your fear yeah but also there's water

at the bottom and so that's sort of how we're tying this in to falling in love, which is about passion and it's about talking. Yes. So my podcast is I interview comedians. About how they got started. Yeah, that kind of thing. When you first realized you were funny. Yeah, it's called Here's to the Crazy Ones.

So we have those. We maybe need to check that that's not already out there yeah come on yours yours as well Rebecca right yes no that's dangerous the bases. Do your due diligence. I would also like to maintain my marriage during the whole... No, that's okay. Yeah, because sometimes people have kids and stuff. Yeah, and I do. And I'm just kind of like, oh, I don't want to lose them merely because I gained a new wife. I think it will make these women maybe work all the harder.

Well, knowing that I'm clearly a guy that's willing to go the distance. I'm not one of these, hey, let's get married and never go the distance. I'm like, let's get married and let's go the distance. Would you be bringing your wife on some of the dates? I would like to. Yeah. Yeah. Because she's going to wonder where I'm at. If she has to sort of co-marry, it's

just as much her choice as it is mine. It's producers at that table for three. It's 2020. Thank three. It's 2020. It's 2020. Do you want to bring any of your buddies? You want to bring maybe your podcast co-host? No, I think just me and my wife and sometimes my daughter.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That'd be great to kind of have her there for her to go see a live Hollywood handbook tape. Yeah. I mean,

that's pretty cool. And she's going to be potentially picking a stepmother. Yeah. Some people. Yeah. I do say like kids like growing up in los angeles or growing up in the city like you it's like you're like spoiled or jaded or it's not real and you don't get that good childhood experience but how many kids who live in freaking you know kansas city maryland or whatever are going to a live hollywood handbookbook taping when they're as young as your child. Yes, exactly. That's irreplaceable, that experience.

Yeah. Well, there are adults who come to LA, stand in the line to get to be in the crowd at the Price is Right, and they go, I can't believe I got to do this in my lifetime. And it's like, well, there's equivalent joys you could have achieved before you were even in kindergarten in this town. But you're totally, honestly, and I say this a lot, people that don't live here, it's because they're too afraid to. And you don't say it enough. Yeah, I agree with that. You don't say it enough.

I agree with that. You say it a lot. You say it maybe too much, but you also don't say it enough. Yes, exactly. And so, the fact that we're saying it now is both good and bad yeah i just must say your daughter obviously can't come into the like fantasy suite and stuff because you are going to be like fucking and there's going to be obvious limits like you pick three women to fuck whether it's rebecca q yeah yeah well because that also will define who i feel like i could be with forever. I think so.

That attraction, that connection, that passion, that passion. Sex is part of a romantic relationship. After a podcast where you kind of get to know someone, you then go, well, now let's connect physically. Yes. We've now connected emotionally and mentally and all those things. And Maren did that. Maren started that. You basically say, hey, I've seen what that mouth can and all those things. And Marin did that. Marin started that.

You basically say, hey, I've seen what that mouth can do to a microphone. Yeah. Talking to it. Yeah. Why aren't you talking to this? Yeah. And then what is this when you say that?

Huh? What are you? I'm cupping my hand. Okay. Got it. Okay. When Marin just nailed Obama after that show, that like got to open doors. The country started to heal.

Yes. And Bond, and it opened doors and garage doors for everyone. Yeah. I agree with that. I agree with that. Rory and I both agree with what you said. agree with that rory and i both agree with what you said chef kevin you're awfully quiet in there okay mine's called holy and one and it's a first to agree with that yeah it's just for you to agree you don't get to do anything i agree good point you know you can say this but you don't get to do it and do say it and do actually

if you even were a fan of the show which you've had a front row seat to this entire time first you say a funny name then you get to the fucking podcast yeah i'm uh pastor pete and my show is Holy in One it's a religious golf show oh right because Rory likes golf and he has a shirt that just says the word golf on it it's called communication

I'm communicating even when I'm not talking yeah that's fucking me up that's right and that is calm communication that knocked me on my fucking ass so your person who is trying to marry the bachelor is is named pastor pete yes do you like that it doesn't matter no it doesn't matter what i like. No, it doesn't. Yeah, I guess ultimately I have to like it. Yeah, it's for more.

And also my wife and my child. Your wife and your child, your daughter, are going to have to like it. They get to weigh in. There's a part of me that thinks that my wife will be more inclined to vote for you. Yes. Because she'll be like, well, he's a man, Pastor Pete. Right. Right.

She would rather be married to a man. She might be like, well, if I vote this way, I get two husbands as opposed to him getting two wives. She has a record of marrying men. No, I don't think we're telling tales out of school. I mean...

No, we're not. We're not putting her on blast. And also, if you're a pastor, if there's anything i'm to gain in in post life by having become intimate with you and also i i'm not here to lie i do enjoy golf yeah there's a lot of variables in that yeah that one is actually probably the most appealing one to you i can't sit here and say that i'm this huge harley qu fan. I'm willing to find out. But I am a huge porn blogger fan.

Pastor Pete actually has a catchphrase. He gets down low and he goes, gotta go past. He's a big fan of the original Sonic the Hedgehog trailer before they fucked up his big teeth before

yeah before they ruined it yeah before the schism in the religious community when the new when the new trailer came out yeah

that divided the country Jordan would you like to be yourself competing for Rory's love or would you like to be yourself competing for Rory's love or would you like to create a character? I want a character. Okay, please create a character

starting now. Hi, I'm Sarah. And I'm a personal coach. And my podcast is The Legend of the hidden templates okay okay now two out of three really very difficult to you you said of like it's much too high a bar three is so funny it's your it's your own way i can't the job title personal coach for a bachelorette contestant is unbeatable.

It's the most perfect thing I've ever heard. Yes. Yes. You're welcome. Okay. When the teacher becomes the student. I'm a personal coach, but I do need to be here to meet somebody. I don't know how to do it.

Oh, all right. So what should we get first rory doing reactions to listening to our podcast should we record some of like what the dates look like like we got to do all this stuff and how much time do we have like three minutes jordan and now this is time hasn't been recording any of it. 15 more minutes? Yeah. Okay. Okay. You okay with that? Yeah, let's do it.

Okay. So which should we begin with? What should we get first? Let's get some reactions of just Rory listening to some of these shows. Okay, so it's like, well, yeah, first they walk in and they hear us. They see us doing a live podcast. Okay, let's get that so it's like them rory reacting to listening to but he knows haze and sean he knows what he's walking them into too and they're freaking out no yes yeah but don't you think there should be a

little bit like isn't this cool yes yeah yeah yeah that kind of thing but also i'll give you a read but also enjoying it like so i'll take a read I'm very I'm not insulted by reads someone goes say it like this I go you got it whatever gets us

out of here I say it on every set I've ever been on trying to get home we want you to be the character I go I don't care who the character is

I don't care what they're doing I don't care what's on the page or what's not on the page what should I say and how should I say it I'm ready to move on if you want to do it I'm ready to should I say and how should I say it? I'm ready to move on. If you want to do it, great.

I'm ready to move on. That's the first take of the day. I'm ready to move on. Let's roll on rehearsal, guys. I go, let's roll on rehearsal, and then let's cut, and then let's move on. Anytime you work with me, lunches are are three hours they have to be three hours because they they're just it's not in the schedule yeah in order for other people to fully move on basically keep their insurance yes exactly they need to say we have to still be there yeah yeah um okay well

uh so let's just get i mean do what you, and then we'll see if we need anything else. Andrew, do you want to direct this segment? I could try. Maybe put some, like, give us, like, a music bed. Or maybe, like... Wait, so it's Hollywood Hamburg? Yeah, so maybe it's, like, a clip from an old podcast of ours. Does that make sense? Yeah.

So just, like, pull up an old, and this helps you just while I'm talking, because otherwise there's going to be a long pause. I was going to sing the theme song. No, but we pull up an old episode of... Jordan has a BA in vocal performance. She's mad that we haven't mentioned it in a while. She wants to sing.

And so when we were like, play a clip of us, she was like, maybe I'll sing. Yeah. Which is like, that could easily be a clip of our show. She's done it before. But just if you were like, that doesn't really track. It doesn't. And so now I am in the studio with Rebecca and Julian Wozow.

You're in, I think, basically like a black box theater, probably. Yeah. And you're walking in and you're like... They set up a tent, I think. Yeah. You've been riding roller coasters on a closed amusement park all day with your sweetie. Right. And now there's a tent set up off to the side and you're walking in and you're going,

do you hear that? Yeah. And they've set up more chairs than they would need because they know it's just me and this date. Yeah. Okay. So, maybe we get from rory like uh hey what did you hear what that podcast is yes and then we fade up on the clips of us and then

we hear rory reacting to he no no no no no no no no no we just said that rory has to say do you hear what this good funny like What's that funny podcast? Do you hear this? Yes. And then it fades up, and not now, and then Rory says what he would say listening to a funny podcast with his potential sweetheart and his wife.

Yeah, and I'm guiding them into the tent. Yes. Because we're just outside the tent. should be like it could be like a big top okay yeah circus yeah um okay here we go wow that was an incredible roller that's your cue okay i got it like this is interesting i wonder what is we're gonna hear and see in here i'm hearing this is also the full sizzle reel all of this gets sent to them we don't have we don't have the ability to edit it and we want them to know we want to be transparent about this is what you will be dealing with

thank you on set we've used up our editing for the year already sure sure i think if we sell ads for like um uh lockheed or like raytheon, we get more editing. Easily. We're not super comfortable with that right now. Yeah, yeah. But that's something that's been presented to us as an option if we want to do more edits. And those aren't just common purchasable items either.

Those are big time. It's a big contract for them, I think. Military priced. Yes. No, it's a, yes. If it's, it's for Raytheon and it I think. Military-based. Yes. No, it's a... Yes. It's for Raytheon, and it's specifically for, like, death machines. Yeah.

Yeah, so it's... You're never buying... People are like, oh, Raytheon makes a lot of products, but it's for, like, guidance technology into school. You're never going to Raytheon.com and filling up your cart. That's right. Wow. Click the microphone in the corner on Raytheon.com. Exactly.

Use code THEBOYS. Type in code WRECKAGE. For a 15% discount on a ballistic missile. On a missile. On a missile. So we can't, if we decide we want to edit this, if we think what we have is that good yeah but i think it's i honestly think this is a bad idea it's a lost cause yeah we're not getting

anything you haven't been helpful i'm not yes there's i'm not here to debate that jordan is i mean maybe what's coming into her headphones is chase rice or something because she's definitely not listening to what we're saying and she is acting like she's in outer space. So we... To be fair, she's got shelf stuff to deal with. That's true. That's what I heard. I remember hearing something about that.

Okay, let's play. And let's do it. And let's do it. That was an incredible roller coaster. And I can't believe this afternoon has been oh wow it is four in the morning do you sorry it just is four in the morning it's good to be informed about do you do you hear that do you happen to hear that sweet sound of a podcast in the distance hand while you were supposed to be recording the show it sounds like it's coming

from right inside this tent and it's over should we step in and repeat see what's going on no i know the show the show's over oh wow um over because of this it gives the impression that you're not having a good time okay just have some back pain you know no you don't know from what let's just take these two i saw you skateboarding i saw you skateboard no you don't know for what let's just take these two i saw you skateboarding you don't have back pain we all know that that's like skateboarders don't have back pain it's the exercise cody the idea of skateboarding is too true too true sitting up say that's awesome and being engaged okay oh that's awesome acting like you're listening and you're having that's good sitting up and being engaged.

Okay? Oh, that's awesome. Acting like you're listening and you're having a good time. That's good. Okay. Thank you. We got it. Thank you. Kind of a weird, like, now I guess Hanford and Dave Ferguson are there.

Yeah. Who we can't get. No. Those are not. They're in an interesting category where we can't get them, and we don't want them. But they're in your sizzle. They're in your sizzle.

So now they're in it for good. It does plant the idea, hey, you get guests. Yeah, no, that's true. Yeah, that's true. It paints a picture. We should maybe be doing our pro version we should maybe be doing a non-guest episode yeah that would have made more sense yeah also just because it puts more money in stitcher's pocket yeah that's right um and then it might make the

bachelor episode like a pro version technically like it like i think like exclusive stitcher premium content right if we're doing it on that show which would be huge an abc primetime show is only available on stitcher premium just because we played a clip of the pro version on there i mean that would be yeah we'd have them over a barrel oh yeah everybody they would have to give us our first raise ever. But also, think about that pro move of now putting yourself in a position to sue them for using your content that you submitted to them to use. Sue their ass. Yeah. And they're like, well, you gave it to us.

And you go, I don't see a contract. Now either we're doing the show or we're not. And I'm hiding it. Now we're talking. Yes. Now we're talking. And now we're not now we're talking now we're talking and now we've started a conversation and although this is the same

conversation we had at the very beginning of the podcast we're now at the end of the podcast and we have changed as a result of having had this conversation twice and think about that and that's comedy that's my comedy

my comedy is yeah change it's change it's repeat yourself it's it's talk it's talk about how you're talking repetitive growth yes yes doing reps grow grow again grow again the same way doing yeah reps you know what i mean yes but i mean consciousness is a muscle and i'm in the gym all the time if that's not a t-shirt i don't even know what t-shirts are yes and neither do i i and neither yeah based on what you said i'm not sure i do either yes i definitely thought i did if you had asked me this morning do you know what a t-shirt is i would have had a pretty succinct answer yeah but now now shattered the whole world has opened up i'm completely and it could be

anything and whatever it is i don't know yeah hollywood handbook well there's a reason they call me the march maniac i get maniacal around this time of year because march mania is happening in draft king sportsbook, one of America's top rated sportsbook apps, is giving new customers and maniacs like me a shot to turn five bucks into $150 instantly in bonus bets with any college basketball bet. Those maniacs are even more maniacal than me, the March Maniac. And during March Mania, I get a little maniacal. And let me tell you something. The best bet that I'm seeing on the board is one that will already have happened by the time you hear this ad. That's right.

I'm here to give you a nons-specific line from a college basketball tournament game, which you will not be able to bet on because the college basketball tournament games that are going to happen after you hear the ad do not have lines up yet. I have to give you a line specifically from today. That's how the lines work. Today, there are two games taking place, both of which you will not be allowed to wager on. They will already have happened. San Diego State Aztecs are favored over Boise State. Oh, mama. Hey, I wonder if their basketball court is blue like their football field. Sports facts, that's the March Maniac for you. Also, the Dayton, Ohio flyers are favored over vcu hey you know what i'm gonna go double underdog on that one because i'm a maniac okay have fun seeing the games or checking up on the scores of whether i hit my bet that you could not participate in download the draft king sports

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Bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance. See dkng.com slash bball for eligibility and deposit restrictions, terms, and responsible gaming resources. Mania! Life can be ridiculous, but you know what's not funny? Getting ripped off.

And Harry's agrees. So what we want to talk about today with... Sorry, you said Harry's or Harry? I said Harry's. We always talk about Harry's first, and then we talk about you, Clean Harry, who are sort of our new... Noted.

Mask guy, I don't know. Note taken. For this campaign. Talk about Harry's's first what we want to talk about is something funny that happened to you recently great a ridiculous or fun situation that you were in okay recently that's the prompt and that'll take us into discussing the product particularly funny the product funny to me or funny to just anyone i i mean do you you feel like there's a difference there like you yeah i mean i've had things happen to me that i suppose

you would find funny okay but that you didn't find funny and and you have not really and you have things that have happened that you would find funny but the rest of the world would not yeah i guess i'm interested in that one that i would find funny yes but that others would not find funny you seem to think that you have like a specific taste when it comes to what's funny or ridiculous that is not i ordered uh um like a scented spray for my pillow to help me sleep at night. Like a lavender scent. Okay. And they accidentally sent me two.

Okay. So you understand that most people would not buy that funny or ridiculous, but you but you do i just had a little chuckle about the mix up at the at the shipping uh warehouse harry saw customers getting screwed over by questionable that's a come up overpriced shaving product harry on the come up i decided to do something better instead of charging the same stupid high prices har Harry's found their own way to make beautifully designed razors for a fraction of the price of other big brands. Bogo, baby. Exceptional products, honest prices.

Is there a bogo as part of this? Because I don't want to be talking about deals that aren't. No, but I clean Harry Punk. Actually got two bottles. Buy one, get one. Their deodorant, their body wash their hair gel all very high quality products they all smell great german engineer blades made in their own factory they stay sharp longer you get a five blade razor weighted handle foaming shave gel and a travel cover for just three bucks at Harry's dot com slash the boys. Highest customer satisfaction in the shaving industry.

No risk trial. Don't like your shave. No worries. It's on them. Getting ripped off isn't funny. Do you want to hear what happened to me that you might find? Yes. Yes.

Sure. But that you didn't. Yeah. So you're attuned to this stuff. you didn't yeah so you're attuned to this stuff i got my foot stuck in the dryer at the laundromat and it somehow turned on and you know that that was something other people would find funny based on well the responses you were you were getting a lot of people inside that laundromat seemed to find it pretty humorous when my legs started spinning around and flipping me over. What happened was I was holding my laundry basket with both hands

and I saw, ooh, still a sock left in the dryer. So I stuck my foot in and tried to pick it up with my little toesies. I wear sandals. Punk. And as I'm picking it up up i just sort of tripped and my foot got wedged in between there's like slats in there and stuck inside there and then i don't know who somebody pushed the button or what but it turned on and the thing starts flipping over and i'm flying in circles help punk help me you punks are your clothes staying in the basket are you going fast

no no no i'm wearing all of them by the end of the cycle get started with a $13 trial set for just three dollars at harrys.com slash the boys that's harrys.com slash the boys for a three dollar trial set hollywood handbook do you want to do your podcast yeah you you want to do the same one or should we i mean there's probably more women i i think you know we can explore the ones that you that you came up with i thought that was a good idea the rebecca porn blogger fantabulous emancipation yeah or if you have another one if you have another one you can do that one and introduce yourself and do a different podcast. Okay. We have to do it all, and now we have what?

Like 25 minutes? It was seven minutes. Okay. Well, seven minutes is kind of a long time. Especially, I mean, if you think about eight minutes ago, we were told we had 15 minutes and that feels like it was over an hour ago. Yeah. No, that felt really long. So, all right.

So, my name is Bisbo. I am, my job is listed as professional shoes. Yeah. And my podcast is going to be called Weekend Update with College Jokes. Hey, it's me, Bisbo. Please, by the way, I forgot to say this last week. Do go get shoot for feet. So these weekend the news has been just oh very respect

the news has been so and i am just gonna like i do every episode check in with the trending topics The trending topics. So, hashtag Timmy Failure now streaming on Disney+. Okay. Yikes. Hashtag Catterday. All right. These cats are ready for the weekend.

And I'll just tell you, I'm looking at a cat that is looking at something I can't see. Because I can see his face. And he's looking. Or she. So that's the news. So this was Bisbo. Just, if you, if your feet have rock or glass please get you do you want to introduce your

guest my guest uh and i'm the producer uh thank you thank you producer i just mean like he's he's supposed to be like your get like bring the yes no i know no it's oh sorry it just seemed like you were ending the no okay bring the news guests fetch me the news um well as uh maybe people can recognize from my voice I'm a local meteorologist here in Kansas City, Iowa and I am happy to be here to talk about either shoes or what I'd like to talk about is some of these trending

storms that you see kind of right now coming up the east coast we're having a lot of a lot of rain, a lot of highs and lows, a lot of cold fronts I have an idea. Meteor, but it's like more meaty. Sure, yeah.

Go ahead. What were you saying about the storm? Well, I was just saying that when those cold fronts come across the northern part of the country, it shifts a lot of hot air down. Nothing cold about these fronts. I'm sure they're colder. I'm trying to get a husband. I am just a local meteorologist.

And then it's like a much meatier than thatologist over there. Yes, no's that's exactly what i was thinking of but i didn't have the rest that kind of thing but that's exactly the kind of thing i was thinking about doing with it yeah i guess i didn't know like what that just means so i didn't because I did kind of have that idea. But hearing it, it's like, it doesn't matter. Because you're just fucking, you're sticking it to some

pencil dick. You're pinning his ass because you just said you're meatier than him. So like, doesn't matter what he's doing. And then you're also building up your guess, which is great. Okay. So give me me say your job again i'm a meteorologist much meteor

ologist yeah i do weather much meteor than you sure yeah i did i anyways uh we're gonna see some snow in the East Coast this year, and it's kind of surprising, especially in the Southeast. This time of year, you'll kind of be tapering off, but we live in interesting times. Yeah. Yeah. Totally.

You hear about this Caturday shit? I haven't, no. Yeah. Now, Sarah, maybe you see those two hanging out, and you're like a little jealous, right? You've seen Bisbo. Can I steal you for a second? Yeah. I don't think a personal coach would be jealous, but okay.

Can I steal you for a second? Me? Or Bisbo? We kind of were just both of you? Really? Oh, okay. Sure. They were just having a two-person conversation. Both of you? Getting... Really? Oh. Okay. Sure. Yeah.

Okay. They were just having a two-person conversation. So you can just stay here. You don't have to... Can I get stolen from my podcast? No, I want them to come to me. Okay. I just have to check with my producer? Like, what happens to my show then?

Well, this is all like... It's not a real show. It's like you're just practicing doing a podcast for. Felt real as hell. As a meteorologist, I'm used to it. After I do the weather, I then walk over to the main table. I'm moving around the studio. So this is very common.

Being stolen. Basically, I'm always being stolen to a new segment. They are stealing you for a minute. Yes. It's true. Okay. You want to say something, Sarah? I think meteors are very personal.

And I coach them a lot. Now we are just leaning on it a little bit too hard. I was going to say that last time you brought it up, but now I definitely am going to say it. I think we just let... It was so great great that's what they told me to say okay okay and she's pointing at the shelf people and finally the shelf has come into play their cabinet folks folks um okay yeah uh so this was pretty sizzly this reel yeah this is gonna work did you want to take us out maybe you do one with your last minute or so my comedian or yeah what's up crazy ones it's me julia abadale. And we are here interviewing Rory Scoville. Rory, thank you so much for being on the show.

Thank you for having me. Talk about who are your men? Like idols in comedy? Who are your men? Yeah. Like my crew or like just like i look up just like not guys met like who are just your guys we can't say to me men uh my men that i am inspired by constantly are any professional athletes uh and any almost any Republican senator. And then anyone who knows how to grill a steak to a good medium rare. Without naming specific people, that's my men.

Or mechanics of any sort. Cars, planes. These shelf guys. Absolutely. A thousand percent. Yeah. And those are also the people that inspire me in comedy and what's one of your what's one of your jokes um who uh my wife and i recently had makeup sex something i thought only clowns did yes right right and? Right? And that... Right? And that's my

catchphrase. I say right. He had me in the first half, not gonna lie. Right? Right? That gif. Right? Right? No, you're right! You're right! Okay. Sipping tea. Yes. And Kevin, did you want to do

a little bit of yours hey everyone pastor pete here gotta go past welcome back welcome back to um holy and one hey did you guys see the new sonic trailer god damn it introduce your guest and today my guest is uh comedian rory scoville you might have heard him from the crate these guys are crazy these was it the crazy ones here's to the crazy ones um hey rory thanks for being here thanks for having me so did you know that golf balls were originally made of wood i did know that yeah Do you know what else was made of wood? The golf clubs. The cross.

Oh. Yeah. Bye. Hollywood Handbook. That was a HeadGum Podcast.