Hollywood Handbook - Ryan Stanger, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: November 21, 2016

Hayes and Sean welcome their trainer RYAN STANGER of the Dumbbells podcast to teach them about being strong. This episode is brought to you by Harry's.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. So, cycling around with Jackie, the joke man, Mark, Mark, Martling, riding a two-person bike where we're facing each other doing our paper route. And eventually we run into these other people doing the paper route in a car. And they're like, what are you guys? I'm sorry, but what paper is this? Newspaper.

Oh. Yes. Yeah. So this is not like the whole paper route that you did. No, go ahead. No, but you used to do a different kind of paper route. Yeah. Where it was just office paper.

Yes, where I would hand out office paper. Printer paper. Yeah. And you and Jackie would get on your two-person bike. And try to throw it at people's houses, but it would mostly not travel there. It was one sheet at a time, so yeah, it would sort of float. Yeah, so this is sort of the updated version of that. That was sort of the beta version.

Now what we're doing is we're going to people's houses, and you know how the other paper route guys just throw it onto your driveway? Yeah. We go, pick it up, and actually bring it to you and say do you want this oh yeah yeah yeah yeah i oh i think i've seen some of this yeah on youtube yeah as you guys it's a social experiment you guys will youtube each other and you'll go and you'll actually ring the doorbell for a while at like four or five a.m yeah and wait for people to come out and you'll go like hey i just found this do you want it wait for people to come out and you'll go like, hey, I just found this.

Do you want it or something? Do you want it? Yeah. And then we said. And you'll go like, I think it's stupid, but if you want it. And then it's like, well, it seems like,

you know, I came all the way here to do this for you. Right. Would be nice if I got something, if I got to at least like eat something. Yeah.

And then you'll try to like get into their kitchen and just like fix yourself a snack and then you'll be like, this is all you have? Yeah. Like what the fuck? fix yourself a snack. And then you'll be like, this is all you have? Yeah. Like, what the fuck? This is fucked up.

And when they open the door, I am sitting down. So it's clear that I'm not really going to leave unless they let me inside. So this is the 2.0 of the paper route. Yeah. But then we ran into the original paper route people. Right. And they ran over our bike. So now we're trying to.

Oh, no. And they're in a monster truck? Yes. The Gravedigger? Oh, gosh. They were driving the Gravedigger with their paper route, and they ran over your bike. Oh, haze. I'm sorry, sweetie.

You fail in this industry. Failure is success, and you use it. Yeah, I'm always so happy when one of my business ventures fails. Because I go like, yes. I go like, oh, good. Now I'll tell Cuban, I'll say, because it was the first one, or in this case, you know, it's like a nine. Yeah, it's like the ninth thing you've done.

I go like, of course it failed, but that's why I'm so confident this next one will work. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook and Insider's Guide to Kicking Butt, to Dropping Names in the Red Carpet, Bike Hallways, I've always been, what up, what up? Ooh, baby. Smooth intro today. Well, we've got a good show to do.

We're going to do all the stuff that you like on a podcast. Ay, papi. Ay, papi. Saying papi makes me think of poppy seed bagels. So we've got a guest here, Ryan the Stangman Stanger. Is that what you want to be called? Let's slow down. Oh, sorry.

We're going so fast. Fuck. You know we like to be strong on this show. Ah. We like to have health. We like to teach other people about. Can I just say it? We like to look great naked.

Yes, yes. I mean, is that something to be ashamed it? We like to look great naked. Yes, yes. I mean, is that something to be ashamed of? I like to look great naked. It's sort of an open secret about me that I look much better naked than I do with clothes on. That clothes, something about the design of them doesn't suit you, and you've tried to have them specially made, but it's just, it looks like shit. Yes. It fucking sucks.

And a lot of times, Hayes will put on clothing when Kevin comes in to take the photos for the podcast, but the rest of the time he is naked during the show just so the guests are comfortable, so engineer Ryan can be comfortable. Yes. But yeah, I love to look great naked. I'm sorry.

And so Ryan the Stangman Stanger is here because he has a show called Dumbbells. Did you want to be called that? Yeah, Stangman Stanger is great. Yeah, Stangman Stanger is here because he has a show called Dumbbells. Did you want to be called that? Yeah, Stangman Stanger is great. Yeah, Stangman Stanger. Yeah, yeah. And he's here to talk about fitness with us today. Hi, Ryan.

Hello. Uh-oh, fitness. You guys are acting like the principal just walked in the room. Yeah, no. The principal. Nobody's in trouble. Yeah, we're in trouble. I hate the principal.

Come on, man man we can have fun I know you guys have a fun show here and I don't mean to be you know bring a bunch of you know weird energy

weird authoritative energy no yeah but you are in charge you're the boss of my body and I want you to know that

I appreciate you taking care with that obviously I look much better than I did before I met the Stang Man. I used to have these muscles that were in all different directions when you met me. Talk about that a little. Well, yeah, that was something I noticed with Sean. He had a lot of what we call synergistic dominance. So, uh-oh.

Principal used a big word again. Yeah. I hate, you know, I already feel like, you know. School bell. I'm getting hit with a ruler. There is an audible shift every time I speak. I just want to say, guys, relax, relax. We're having fun.

Okay. Fitness can be fun. And that was something I implored to Sean when we started working together. I didn't believe him. No, he's like, this is going to be a bummer. My muscles are a mess. This is going to be a bummer. I said, time out.

Time out. Listen to what you're doing. You're talking yourself out of being fit. If you keep saying this over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. I'm saying it a lot. Guess what's going to happen? You die. You start to not even understand what it says.

Yeah, it just sounds annoying. It just sounds. And guess what? That thing that you You start to not even understand what it says. Yeah, it just sounds annoying. It just sounds, and guess what? That thing that you're saying over and over again? My name gets like... No, it's like... Totally. And so, at the end of the day, it happens.

Do we have something happen there with the mics? One of my ears went out. That same thing happened to me. I do Ryan. How come you only want half of me to be able to hear what my fitness guru is saying? I wonder if this is a fight for dominance over who is actually

the most powerful Ryan in the room. And I actually was sure this would happen before the show began. And it's happening again and he's tricking my ears and my head. You know what's fun though? I don't know if you guys remember this and this is going way back. Sorry to date myself. But when they used to do at movie theaters, the THX thing,

and they would do like a train going around the theater. That was like a neat feeling, you know, because you're like, what's happening with sound there? Yeah. And how did that inspire you from a fitness perspective? Well, it inspired me from a fitness perspective in the sense that trains move. Yes. I like to move. People like to move. I mean, I'm just, I'm sorry if I'm stating the obvious here. How can we be like the train? No, it's important to state the obvious. Yeah. And so that's, and that's exactly it. How can we be like the train? And more importantly, how can we sound like the train? I love that you rephrased Hayes's question. You know what I mean? Like that's such a great technique to stay fit and to answer questions. It's like if somebody says, how did that inspire you from a fitness perspective? You say, well, it inspired me from a fitness perspective because.

Well, let me let you in on a little secret. When I do that, I'm giving myself some time to think. Oh, wow. Busted. Yeah. Guess what, guys? Uh-oh, the principal's getting you now in trouble. Right, yeah. I appreciate it because it allows us to cut ourselves out of the show if we ever need to. Right. To have it just be kind of a documentary-style thing where you're just kind of going. Well, sure.

And if I'm given valuable fitness information, you guys may want to repackage it. And I feel like each of my statements should have some autonomy. So that way it's just like, listen, you know, we're taking the week off. We're going to go travel. We're going to go do something fun. Here's some fitness information that's standalone. And travel like a train does, which is like how we move. Oh man, you guys are such professionals. So when I met you, obviously my muscles were pointing in all different directions. It was hard for me to move around. I move around like a crazy crab going insane.

Because one leg's pointing this way. The other one has a big muscle that's pulling me backwards. Yeah. And I sort of was down. My hands are down by my feet and uh my head sort of pointed out like diagonal and i kind of would have to sort of swirl and scramble and shimmy about uh just to get say to the restroom to drain the lizard so when i uh met you thought, this guy can't help me. But what you said was, we got to start fresh, no muscles, because these ones are messed up.

Right. Take it all the way back. Mm-hmm. And you put me in a bed, and you told me go to sleep. Mm-hmm. And I did that for, God, I want to say 10, 15 years. Yeah. I mean, and you're very folksy in how you're explaining it.

It's an induced coma. So we had to create enough atrophy to get a fresh start. And I don't know if you remember the example I gave you. I had a real busy painting. I brought in a painting that was busy. And there's just all kinds of pictures and different things happening. And it didn't make sense. I hate it. I brought in a painting that was busy and there's, you know, just all kinds of pictures and different things happening on it.

It didn't make sense. I hate, I can't look at that. Right. Some parts magic eye even. Right. Some parts magic eye even. You're like,

oh, that's a T-Rex. Some stuff's like, it's like a velvet, daisy, but then there's a T-Rex and then there's a magic eye. Yeah.

A lot of stuff happening, very visually busy. And then I, I whited it all out. And that was something for you. That was something for me. Do you think everything should be all white? I think that's a fair question.

And I think I know what the listeners want me to say, but here's where I'm going to take a different direction. I don't. Wow. Ryan, that's don't. Wow. Ryan, not so brave. Sorry, and I'm not trying to just win favor by saying that. No, I know. I don't stand to gain anything by this.

I mean, I'm stepping into a different world here. I mean, I'm a fitness guy. You know, I live on the health and fitness charts. Sure. Right. So I'm an outlier coming into comedy. So I can come in and I can be disruptive. I can say things that challenge people.

I can make people uncomfortable. Yeah, you're a true comedy podcast outsider. And sometimes the non-comedy people, just the real people, are actually even funnier than the normal comedy people. I've found that. Almost always are. Yes.

Yeah. Almost always. My milkman. My milkman crushes. So funny. Probably the funniest person to me who I've ever met is the guy who reupholstered my sofa. Yeah.

And he had this. What did he say? Oh, God. He was like, which fabric do you want? But it's the way he said it. It's like, because they don't know they're funny. Like, they don't have material, these people, but they're just naturally just set to a funny frequency, I feel like.

Right. There are bones in here, you know. Yeah. In the sofa. Uh-huh, yeah, there's bones in here. You know, there's bones in this milk, you know, the milkman would say. And you start to go like, wow, these guys get it. They don't know they have it, and I hope they don't come for my job, you know?

Like, God forbid they figure it out. Brian, tell me about how we've also worked together a little bit as well. I would love for you to share with people something that I haven't talked about much on the show, but how you helped me with my issue, which is that my muscles were hollow. Right. In answering Hayes' question of how to deal with his muscles being that they're hollow, it's so funny because I have to, I got to take a step back because I just want to start laying science on people. And I can see you guys, your eyes glaze over. It's like- Relax.

Principal science. Yeah, principal science. Science principles here. Sorry. I'm guilty of it. I can't you guys, your eyes glaze over. It's like, relax. Principal science. Yeah, principal science. Yeah, side principles here. Sorry, I'm guilty of it. I can't help it, guys. What I wanted to do is I wanted to up your protein intake. And right away, you looked me dead in the eye and you said, stop right there.

I know about protein. I eat plenty. Back off. And I was like, wait a minute. He was pissed. Yeah, you got very defensive. He was swinging a golf club around at you. Right.

And I was like, hey. I have seasonal affective disorder. And so my lamp had gone out recently. And so I get so cranky. Why is it dark outside, I say. Yeah, no. And to me, once you explain that, it felt forgivable. And even in the moment, I've had similar reactions from people.

Even people whose lamps are working. Yeah, even people that don't have that disorder, you know, even in non-daylight savings times. It just reminded me that it's winter. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. And it is contagious. Yeah, because I had never had seasonal affective disorder before I met Hayes.

Until I sneezed on you. Oh, no. Yeah. Yeah, he sneezed on me while I was dreaming a lizard. But anyway, he had hollow muscles. Yeah, hollow muscles. So right away, he wants to tell me he's the expert on protein. And I said, okay, lay it on me.

What are you having? And he offers up hemp protein real quick. Before I said- So fast. I was like, so where do you have hemp protein? Before I could even finish. And I was like, all right. Hemp protein.

And then he started vaping in front of you. Oh, yeah. And you should see the way this guy vapes. It's something to behold. It's like there's a fog machine in the room or something. So right away, I'm like, great lung capacity. And I sound like that Flintstones whistle when it's time not to be at work anymore. It's exactly like that.

Is there a way that we could have somebody drop this in after the show? I don't know. The sound of the Flintstones whistle? I'll just do it right now. And then he just vapes. I'll just do it right now. And then he just vapes. And he just vapes. So right away, I'm like, great lung capacity.

I'm going to use that as a trainer, okay? Yeah. I'm going to use that. I'm going to use that. You're always observing, aren't you, Ryan? And saying like, okay, this guy's got hollow muscles. That goes in maybe the con column. Right. But I'm noticing his lung capacity

which is pro and i take a little of that away yeah and put fill the muscles with the lungs see i'm reluctant to say that because right away once it's been established that i observed you should see listeners at home both these guys shot up in their chair and they're right away they're trying to show me their posture. And it's just like, guys, I get it. I understand that you're being observed. It's like, yes. And it feels like you're the principal to me.

Guess what? The bummer just stepped in the room. The principal's here. Oh no. Oh no. But I'm like, this is a fun show and I'm a fun guy. And you've proven that time and time again. So hollow muscles right away.

Hemp protein he offers up. And I say, great. That's fine. Let's all agree on that. You vape. You enjoy hemp protein. Great. You can use it for ropes.

You can use it for leather. Benjamin Franklin liked it. All that stuff. That's good. That's in the pro column. And it is true that they actually did grow that stuff, George Washington did. Oh, absolutely.

And I think we know what he used to do with Martha. What are you getting at? I think we know. I think we know what he used to like it as well. Dude, dudes, to get real for one second, Mary Todd Lincoln was in a K-hole for like most of that guy's presidency. And that's why, and I hate to say this, but that's why when he got assassinated, she didn't move at all. Wow.

Because it makes your limbs feel very heavy. Yeah. And she had just schwacked a thick line of ketamine with her and her homies. And she was sort of just zoning. Because they were at a play, so they were getting entertained. And she was just like, yeah, see you in a minute, Abe. And just fucking. I mean, that sounds controversial.

Yeah, it sounds that way. But this was also, I mean, if you know Our American Cousin, the play, you were kind of supposed to do that before you watch it to really understand it. You guys are the authorities on showbiz. I'm not going to argue that. It was like Doctor Strange. It was honestly like the Doctor Strange of its day,

Our American Cousin. Oh, wow, interesting. Well, and what you did lay out about ketamine, those are the side effects. I mean, those are the side effects. Oh, yeah. So I can't dispute that. Because there is footage earlier in the, like, you know, prior to everything going down, where just before the show, Mary Todd Lincoln had to drain the lizard and she

has to hitch a ride on Abe's shoulders because her legs aren't working that great. And he kind of walks and sort of drags her into the restroom. So it's like, that's what happens. Can't speak to the footage existing, but what you're describing about ketamine, that tracks. So I've got- We all know that. Yeah. I mean, I think everybody knows that.

I've got to concede. You almost want to admit at this point that that footage is out there. You do actually concede that. Now, I think the next step is to concede the footage. You guys are the authorities on showbiz, so I'm not going to pretend. From a footage perspective.

Footage, cameras, apertures, gigs, all that kind of stuff. I don't know anything about that. I can tell you about the human body. Your footage is like having big foot muscles. Yes, that's exactly what it is. Or proprioceptive awareness. Using those proprioceptors to help you balance. And as a trainer...

Where am I in space? As a trainer, that was... Wow. Oh, well, I mean, I got a good trainer! You're listening. I know, I guess I got a good trainer. That was, wow. Yeah, well, I mean, I got a good trainer. You've been listening. How did I know? I guess I got a good trainer. This dang man.

I mean, I hate, I just hate that I'm the authority in here. I mean, it's just, I can just see it on these guys. Just get the fear out of your face, all right? It doesn't have to be a bummer. Fitness can be fun. Cutting alcohol and sugar can be fun. Exercising hard can be fun. Cutting alcohol and sugar can be fun. Exercising hard can be fun. I mean, learning about nutrition can be fun.

Counting your calories can be fun. There's apps for that. Hello. So let's talk about what happened next. You put some of my extra lung into my muscles, and then they began wheezing. Right. Yeah. So we're trying to increase your VO2 max.

Yes. So right away, I'm saying let's ignore your lack of knowledge about protein because hemp isn't very bioavailable. I think smoking marijuana gives me protein. Right. I'm like, sorry. I'm not going to sit there and battle with you on that. Yeah. And I do still think that because you didn't argue with me about it.

Yeah. And for you to go on thinking that's totally fine, Hayes. Okay, good. For me, I got to know my audience. I got to know what I'm up against. You don't want to battle with them on that because the second you start battling with Hayes, you're going to end up

in a freestyle battle. Quite frankly, you're not on a level footing there. Just like maybe he doesn't know quite as much about fitness as you. You don't know as much about kicking an insane flow. Well, I'm the beatbox guy as much about fitness as you. You don't know as much about kicking an insane flow.

Well, I'm the beatbox guy mostly, so it's very easy for me to just do that. For me, doing a freestyle rap battle, it always ends up like the rapping granny in a comedy trope. You know what I mean? Oh, wow.

Oh, no, Ryan. He admitted it. I mean, it's out there. Oh, no, Ryan. I'm sorry. He admitted it. I mean, it's out there. Listen, I'm already the bad guy today. Well, anyone can do it. That's the fact. We could just do it now if you want. I mean, people love it when we do it on the show.

Yeah, we could easily do a rap now that would go viral. Yeah, we're not going to force you to do it, but you could force Engineer Ryan if you did want to. Yeah. It's true. You could force Engineer Ryan to do a rap right now that would go viral because it's easy and no one can do it. That's a privilege that the guest has. We cannot force you to do a freestyle

rap, but you are allowed to force Engineer Ryan to do one. I'd love to hear one if Ryan's... He looks real eager to do it. So no one has ever done this before, but... Yeah, it's a privilege. he looks real eager to do it. So no one has ever done this before. Yeah, it's a privilege. It's been available to guests, and we finally have one who's got the frigging stones to step up and say, Engineer Ryan. Stop.

People are going to think I'm a bad guy. No. Stop that. Dang, man. No one thinks that. I don't – You're projecting. Okay.

Maybe. But my job is to make fitness fun and available and accessible for everybody. And I feel like already I'm the bad guy. I'm making Ryan do this rap. I'm demanding. I mean, I feel like I'm such the bad guy. What happened? Well, let's see how the rap goes.

Maybe you're the good guy. Yeah. Okay, Ryan. I'm all wrapped out. I'm sorry, guys. Okay. That was good. Here we go. Here we go.

Drop it in right. I'm waiting for him to get to it. Drop it in right. Here comes the loop. Here comes the loop. Here comes the loop. Ryan. I don't got it. Pass the mic to Ryan.

Sorry. Can't do it. My brother's got all the rap genes. I got to say, sometimes you let those pitches go by. If they're not giving you what you want, you just let those pitches go by. And as a trainer and a sports guy... Wait for your beat. Wait for your beat. Yes. That's why he's the best. Good lesson. I would have jumped on it. I would have done a garbage

granny rap. They would have think, what, a bunch of middle-aged white guys write this for this old lady? That's supposed to be a comedy? And then again, guess who's wearing the bad guy hat? But I think he was actually starting with something where he said, my brother's got all the rap genes. I think that was the beginning.

That was the first part of his verse. That was actually rhythmically a very good line. And that was a good premise. Yeah. It's a funny premise. Maybe some people online

will finish the rap or something. I don't know. Sometimes they take it upon themselves to do little things. Yeah, they think there's like a coded message that like, we want the rap.

So, um... That's cool. cool you got interactive fans yeah yeah do you do you guys not have that on dumbbells well dumb dumbbells we have fans that will exercise and show us what they're doing always wrong but we have a laugh about it and oh gosh and i think they love kind of getting roasted like oh you just wasted your time so they'll send us pictures of you know the calories burned or how far they've run, and we have to laugh about it. And I think they have a good time at that.

Yeah, so I mean, we ask for people to do something physical while the show's going on. It's a gentle request, not a demand. We know that some people drive, but they can squeeze their glutes or do isometric contractions while they're driving. And then we say, hey, guys, picture it didn't happen. Oh, funny. So take a picture in the car.

Right, of you squeezing your glutes while you drive. While you drive. If it's safe. I'm not asking people to get in a car wreck or anything. No, but if they do, that's OK, too. And what I wanted to say, because we should talk a little bit about nutrition here, in addition to just exercise techniques. Let's get into it.

What do you want to know? So, you know, when I did, so obviously I was in a bed taking a sleepy for 15 years. 15 years. And when I woke up, I had a lot of weeping, sores. Right. And your advice to me was, do you remember? I do. Oats.

Oats. So talk about oats and why are these wonder, you know, a lot of people might not even know what these are. I certainly didn't. So what's this like wonder miracle material? Well, it's so weird because I'll just like, I'll casually throw something out like oatmeal or oats. And, you know, for me, it's just like saying the or something. And everybody's like, I see this look of bewilderment on people's faces. And I'm like, what just –

I must have had it. Guilty. You use it to sometimes bridge the gap in conversations instead of saying, oh, you'll be like, oh. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, as a trainer and as a fit guy, it's something that I do. And I see this bewilderment wash over people. Yeah.

And I'm like, what am I speaking in another language? Well, in a way, you are to these people. It's the language of fitness, and it's not their native tongue. I mean, for me, I had been in a coma at this point. That's fair. Yeah, there was a lot of variables to address with you at that moment. But yeah, so I'm offering up oats. Wonder drug, right?

Nature's wonder drug. This is a food. This is something that we take from the ground. And even hearing it now, I'm like, right? Nature's wonder drug. This is a food. This is something that we take from the ground. And even hearing it now, I'm like, what? I wish listeners at home could see the bewilderment that's washed over your face. Again, I mean, the look of wonderment. I get, you know, what is food? But this is eventually what happens with the principal when he teaches you and you really finally understand.

Yeah, it's true. I'm hoping for that. Scary at first. I'm hoping for that stand and deliver moment today. Right now, I still feel like I'm scary Jaime Escalante. And like you guys, you don't want to learn and you don't trust what I'm doing. I'm like angel. Oh, you are.

You are. Right. So oats, I'm saying get those slow digesting carbs in. Get those slow digesting carbs in. So that's going to be fuel. That's going to aid in your recovery. It's going to help you close up those wounds. That's going to give you energy and glycogen. Some of the oats did start falling out of the wounds. So what was the solution at that point? Well, the solution there is that, I don't know if you guys have ever left oatmeal in a bowl

and not addressed it. Good luck getting that out. I've thrown about 500 bowls away. It seals up the wounds. It seals up the wounds. Yeah. So that was, we're going to stuff you to the, fill you to the brim with oats.

You're going to get the nutrients from that. And then they're going to seal the wounds. It's going to grout you. And it's going to grout you. Well put. I never thought of the grout analogy, but that's, I mean, you guys are pithy. Your writers. That's some of the same letters.

Jeez, it's like sitting with two Mark Twains in here. Oh, no. You're humorous. That's so interesting that you should mention Mark Twain. You have a really great story about him. I have a really interesting story about Mark Twain. And real quick, he was a man who worked on a riverboat. And one of the things that he would do is he would test how deep the water is outside the riverboat.

Now, this might make you think of the old joke of the two men peeing off the bridge. And one of them turns to the other. And the bridge, it's rather high up. You know the joke? Getting tight on time. Yeah. So just quickly, the joke is there's two men peeing off the bridge. Let's say it's me and Hayes.

And Hayes turns to me. I'm sorry. My publicist just ducked her head in the room. Yeah. This, I don't know if you guys wanted to talk about fitness more or not, but this. Sure, yeah. We're draining the lizard. We're draining the lizard, yes.

You know, as of, yeah, what's going to happen. So we're draining the lizard, and I am standing there with Hayes, and the bridge is maybe 10 feet above the water. And Hayes turns to me, and he says, boy, this water is pretty cold. And I, of course, turn to him, and I say, deep, too. So Mark Twain worked on a boat. Oh, man. The joke is great.

And he – I'm sorry. Well, think about it. Oh, man. The joke was great. And he... I'm sorry. Well, think about it. Because I thought the first part was funny. Yeah, well... I'm sold. Right away, like, I'm sold on the first part. Yeah.

He told the dirty joke. The principal's laughing, so everybody's... It's like that church laugh. It's like the church laugh where everybody... Yeah, it's true. It's true. And then the second part, you lay that on me, and right away, I'm dying. That was the real joke, it's true. And then the second part, you lay that on me and right away, I'm dying. That was the real joke.

It turned out. That's the real joke. I'm dying. That's misdirection. But Mark Twain is, uh, Slamuel Clements and he is, uh, measuring to see, you know, is the Bocan gets stuck in mud or is there too much sharks here? And so, so pull the stick out. Bocan gets stuck in mud or is there too much sharks here? And so pull the stick out.

I'm sorry to interrupt. One of my clients told me this story. Oh, it probably was. Oh, really? Adam Pally told me this story. He said it was his story. Oh, no. Did you? Wait, are you doing?

Wait, are you serious? Yeah. Oh, no. Did you? Wait. Ryan, wait. Are you serious? Yeah. Oh, my God. Adam Paley told my story. I told you that he was going to do this. Do you know Paley? If you remember, I warned him at the time that he was going to take this story out and tell other people that it was his story. And the joke as well.

Did he tell you the joke, too? He did tell me the joke. He said, this is my joke? He definitely said it was my joke. And I know him as a top-tier comedy performer. The guy's got upper echelon representation, network deals. Some of the top guys. He's getting in all the best rooms.

He's getting in front of people at the Peacock Network. I just assumed that it was. Do you guys know Pally? He's a client of mine. A little bit. We don't know him well it's not yeah

he's a very funny guy we've met him I mean Earwolf has arranged for him to be a guest once or twice I guess he's Brittany reached out to him he's friends with Jeff Ulrich

and so I guess Jeff has a personal favor like Pally promised to like say a prayer for the Cubs yeah you know if Jeff would do something for him and then Jeff somehow held like Pally promised to like say a prayer for the Cubs. Yeah. You know, if Jeff would do something for him

and then Jeff somehow held something over him that he came back. Yeah. But we don't know him that well. He seems to really like us and our vibe. Yeah. And the stuff that you're doing with him, I will say is definitely working.

Oh, the guy's got incredible genetics. Yeah. And yeah, I mean, he is definitely working. Oh, the guy's got incredible genetics. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, he's just been a joy as a client. And, I mean, the guy's really getting in some amazing rooms and signing some great deals. He's got a big team. He's got a tremendous team. They're all lovely.

And I've seen that he's able to get into some of these rooms that there are doors that are closed to a lot of people. But is he getting in there with your stories and jokes? Well, what I'm afraid is, yeah, once the door is closed behind him, he thinks this will never get back to – Yeah. I mean – The clam dog. He thinks it's stupid.

I can give myself that. I organized a hike group that he's a part of with the likes of Bob Iger and Reed Hastings. I mean, a lot of these people that are making a lot of decisions in Hollywood, they seem to really enjoy his stories and jokes. God, that's killing me to hear that. So do I. Candidly, so do I. I cannot get an audience with Iger. I can get you in front of Iger.

But why? What am I going to do now? He's heard all my stories and jokes. I would love to keep talking about this. Kevin has arrived to derail the show. Kevin, I do want you to do your introduction, but we are going to be fixing Kevin briefly at the end of this show. So if you can just think of some things, as Kevin is doing his introduction, just some

things that you would do to sort of- Don't tell him he's going to be observed. Peace Kevin back together. I know. But if you do surprise him with it, oh, he's prepared to read. Kevin has a prepared statement. He's got a written prepared statement that he's brought. Dear Ryan, where do I begin?

I guess the beginning. Sorry for entering the room and interrupting the show. It has been noted that taking photos mid-recording has come off as abrasive and creepy. Sean and Hayes prefer I ask the guest if I can take their photos. So what do you say, old friend? Can I take your picture? I promise they'll look great. S show losing momentum, let me think for a second. I don't want the show to lose momentum, and I don't want us to get off. No.

It won't. It won't lose momentum. While you're thinking, Engineer Ryan will just drop a quick verse on us, just even a chorus would be nice. Anything. Here it comes. We did an ambient off. I could win that.

Go Ryan. Rap, I can't do it Mr. Ryan So okay This is a Ryan production Okay so New shit New shit

So now we are Responding to Kevin's request To take a picture Yeah so I guess so as not to lose Momentum from the show That we were having in regards to taking some pictures and whether or not it's okay with me. Yeah.

Coming from Kevin. Yes, the pictures will be coming from Kevin. So he's going to be taking the pictures. We're going to bang through it quick. Yes. Quick as possible. Can you guys give him some quick picture session? Can you guys direct him? During the session? Can you guys direct him?

During the pictures? During the pictures. That's interesting. Are we allowed to do that anymore? No. Some of the reorganizational stuff has changed in recent weeks. So Earwolf is sort of part of – is under the Trump media umbrella now. And they actually did a lot to help get Trump elected in exchange for political influence.

So I don't know like where we're at with this. A lot of Trump's promises. He said he's going to drain the lizard. He said he's going to do all these things. What do you keep – Earwolf is part – huh? You keep bringing up draining Draining the lizard. Yeah.

Well, that's been a big part of the Trump platform is that he's going to get into Washington. He's going to drain the lizard for some of these people who've been letting it stay full. So for us, we do kind of stand outside of this, but Kevin is sort of a loyal soldier to this movement. Okay. So I'm not sure. Yes. Yeah. So he's Trump this movement. Okay. So I'm not sure if... Yes, yeah. So he's Trump Pence 2016. Yeah.

He wants to snap off some photos. Yeah, I mean, that's actually exactly... That's a big part of his allegiance to Trump. Is being able to... Creep shots. Creep shots. Willy nilly, though, with no direction. He can just make executive judgment.

Creep shots. And we used to try to get him to take photos, mostly of people's faces while we're recording the show. And it was sort of a fun way to be like, hey, this is what was going on in the studio. But now he's shooting up people's pant legs. Up skirts. He's shooting.

Yeah, I mean, he wishes more people would wear skirts. But it's more pant legs lately. Pant legs. He's sort of sticking the camera in the collar of your shirt and taking a photo down the center. He wants creep shots to be in the First Amendment. Wow. Well, I mean, I guess

he's done his part to make that happen. I don't want the show to lose momentum. I don't want our original thread. It's been flying. We strapped this episode to a rocket. Everybody feels it. The trajectory has been just insane.

The blinding pace will not be ground to a halt by Kevin's creep shots. They're just part of America now. There's more creep shots. That's part of the First Amendment. Everybody relax. That's his constitutional right. I's part of the First Amendment. All right. And everybody relax. That's his constitutional right.

I'm fine with it. Fine. Fine. Okay. Nice. So what do we do about Kevin's bod? Mm-hmm. I got to tell you, I'd love to see him use a foam roller.

Sorry to, again, principal just walked in the room. Yeah, that language language can you step me through that what would that even look like geez this to wait these guys snap to attention like they're in the military or something it's just like good grief yeah what am i sergeant foley and an officer and a gentleman good grief lou gossett j., former client of mine. So you are a big movie buff. Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. Movie buff. A buff movie buff. A buff movie buff.

That's very fun. God, Mark Twain. So let's say, foam roller. Get him on a foam roller. Did you ever finish that story? Oh, actually, I didn't. Do you want to get into it? I mean, I know.

Well, it just, you know. I know a funnier Pally version that seems spontaneous, seems organic. How does his end? His ends with what we understand as like a unit of measurement. But he's got sort of an unusual way of saying it, doesn't he? He does. He does. He does.

He does. He does. He does. Dust out. Dust out. Dust out. So that's all good. Yeah. So. Foam roller. What's he going to do with that? he does he does he does he does dust out dust out so that's all good foam roller what's he gonna do

he's gotta get on the foam roller sorry and he use it to get around no not so much he can't just use it to rest his burger

on top of oh my god cause I know that's what he's gonna try to do well I'm serious that is what he will do we gotta get you

on the dumbbells to roast some of our listeners. Really belittle them for what they're doing. Yeah, I could do. Yeah, okay. Are you open to that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could do that. We did Doughboys.

You know, honestly, Doughboys is kind of similar to dumbbells in the name. But you guys should actually switch names because you guys are the ones making all the dough. And they're the guys who are the frigging dumbbells. Yeah. And I do feel that way about them. Neither of them are smart, but I feel like that's part of their charm. They're just not smart people. Yeah.

It's almost like the hook of the show. Yeah. It's been a little on the nose lately where they're, like, leaning too hard into, like, both of them being kind of just idiots. Yeah. It's like, oh, Spielberg, now I know what a Spielberg movie is, so let me just do a Spielberg movie.

Yeah. This is good. Yes. It's referencing it rather than actually embodying it. It's like they're at the war horse stage in their career where it's just like, did this even come out? Who's the actor you picked? It doesn't fucking matter.

I'm Spielberg. And they've killed five, ten horses at least. But nobody's going to touch Spielberg on that. But oh yeah, Doughboys? Not smart. But I mean, I'm fans of those guys.

Oh, us too. Oh yeah, no, a huge fan. I love their dumb shit. Dude's using a foam roller, so he's driving it around like a car. No burgers allowed. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I've got to make myself more clear. He needs to stretch on the foam roller.

And so stretch his piriformis or his glute minor so that he doesn't have a— That's deep inside the butt, isn't it, Ryan? That's getting into the butt where isn't it, Ryan? That's getting into the butt. Where the minors go in. Yeah, that's, I think, where the term comes from. You got to mine into that, through the fascia, into that deep tissue. Yeah, it's all the way deep in the center of the butt.

That's true. Are you guys... We just listened to you. We've got good trainers. Yeah, we just learned from you. Are you making fun of teacher here? Well, no. Oh, teacher, no.

Something's happening where you're making fun of teacher. Teacher, no way. Did you get demoted? Oh, principal, sorry. Good grief. I'm trying to make myself more relatable, so I demoted myself to teacher. But we'll go back to principal. But I got to tell you, listeners at home, these guys are a couple of scamps because they're having a good time with me.

And we do get into a little bit of trouble sometimes. We're a couple rap scallions. That's honestly the way you treat us like friends more than like students, really. And so sometimes that makes us act out a little more. And so I guess it's like where's the line between being disciplined principal and cool principal? I know that I can sometimes get a little too comfortable and do some stuff

that crosses the line and then you have to really step in and punish me. Do you guys want to lay some critiques on me as a trainer? Is there some way that I can improve?

Okay, well, I'll start. I wish we would. Yeah, I mean, I just wish we would I'll start. Okay, yeah. That could be really interesting. Yeah, I mean, I just wish we would because we've done so much talking. We've put me in the coma. We've covered me in oats. I wish we would do some kind of exercise or anything that made me feel like, oh, I'm like getting trained or moving. That's my note as well. Mine is more surgical than me actually exerting myself.

And also, there's no music. Why do we have music? Yeah, I'd love to be able to pick the music. Or maybe there's like You Choose Fridays or something. At least on Fridays, I would get to submit a song that we could listen to. So in critiquing your notes. Instead of the train, does the train sound? You don't like the THX train sound.

I don't. I mean, I am not really... It's not disliking it. It's not affecting my behavior since I'm just kind of lying there while you do surgery. I'm sorry, Kevin. Kevin has something to say. I think foam rollers are dumb. Sorry.

We're giving notes. That's great I love the defiance and Kevin you've got enough photos now enough creep shots see everyone next week

yeah see you next week Kevin all the creep shots Kevin flexing some considerable might after he got his administration

empowered by the administration yeah he feels more comfortable being out in the open with some of his ideas. Which is unfortunate.

I liked it better when he felt like he was alone and he should sort of keep that stuff tucked in. He's emboldened to say what he wants. Yeah, not great. So in critiquing your notes. Please. I love the music note. Yeah. I love that you made it interactive to where you choose, I choose on Fridays.

As far as the long walk to start exercise, I won't compromise on that. Yeah. I feel like the 15-year coma, 100% necessary. And I'm just not ready yet. No. No, no, no. You've got a long way to go. Okay.

A long way to go. Sorry to say. And his hollow muscles being filled with bits of his lung. Yeah. Extra long. Yeah, and that's another one I'm not going to compromise on. I'm confident in that position. Okay.

I'm not going to explain it to you exactly, but you'll see when it works. Okay. It's kind of like. Well, I'm willing to keep waiting it out. Obviously, I've got nothing but time. So that's really helpful. And I'll tell you, once you guys look the way you want to look naked, I'll say, why don't you go back and look at the game tape?

Sorry. Why don't you guys both go back and look at the game tape? We'll see how we got here. So that's what all the recording is for. Yeah. Okay, yeah. So sorry to what all the recording is for. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, yeah. So sorry to lay that one on you over the air. Because I didn't want to give too many notes,

but I was going to be like, I wish I wasn't getting recorded all the time. You know what? I sensed that, and that's why I answered it right there. I wasn't going to tell you guys, because again, observation. Yeah. They did a study in a factory where they gave people warm soup, and they tested their work output.

This sounds like a great factory. It was. And production went up. Productivity went up. And then they tried doing it with dim lights. Same thing. Productivity went up. Then they took the soup and the lights away completely.

Productivity went down. They couldn't see. But then they increased the air conditioning. Productivity went down. They couldn't see. But then they increased the air conditioning. Productivity went up. And finally, when they asked these people, finally, after years and years and years and years of testing them, they asked them why. Like, why the higher output? Was it the morale? Was it the soup?

Was it the lights? Was it the air conditioning? And the people said, we just knew that we were being watched. And so we hustled. It's called the Hawthorne effect. Whoa. Uh-oh. Spaniel Hawthne effect. Whoa. Uh-oh. Daniel Hawthorne.

Yeah. Uh-oh. The principal just taught a lesson. The scarlet soup. The factory of seven gables. The principal just taught a lesson. Everybody's bummed now. Sorry, guys.

Fitness is fun. I didn't come here to learn. Damn, principal. Oh, why'd you trick me into learning? But yeah, no. Principal, Coach Carter, right? Jeez Louise. Coach Carter. Come on. But I do have to train a lizard. oh why'd you trick me into learning but yeah no principal coach Carter right geez Louise coach Carter

come on but I do have to drain the lizard so why don't we what's coming up on the dumbbells yeah what's what am I looking forward to we got a lot of hot

relatable stuff coming up you know it's it's one of those things we're trying to make it accessible so if you're Kevin got excited when you started that we got a lot of hot. He was like, oh, okay, this is going to be like kids.

Oh, boy. Well, sad to say for Kevin, nothing along those lines. But for people at home that just want to connect and do something that's relatable, we have Colton Dunn coming on who just got off a stint of an Emmy-winning show called Key & Peele, and now he's a series regular on a network comedy. And he wants to figure out how to lift kettlebells on a single-camera schedule. So if you're just somebody at home listening, that's something you're going to be able to relate to and enjoy and connect to. That comes up for everybody. That comes up for everybody.

Yeah. Bye. it comes up for everybody yeah uh bye Hollywood Handbook is brought to you by Wolf Cool Productions a subsidiary of Calvin and Hobbes baby that was a hate gun podcast