Hollywood Handbook - Sarah Hagi, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: April 11, 2023

The Boys ask SARAH HAGI from the podcast Scamfluencers how to make a real  show.See Hollywood Handbook live in Los Angeles April 17th with guest Lily Sullivan at the Dynasty Typewriter!Click for ticketsWatch the video recording of this episode at Patreon.com/TheFlagrantOnes.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is a head gum podcast so you know this like this is a perfect example of what we want to talk about it's perfect and also like kind of exposes us in a way no that's what i mean like this is what we need to this is an area this has to be addressed yes it has to be addressed and as long as we're coming to it from that place then it's like it's less embarrassing but still it's like doing it in front of sarah and just playing our like one our one like tiny little music which is now already over it's ended and it's um and it's old. It's so old.

Doesn't it feel dated? Because Sarah's podcast has so much music. There's actually music through the entire thing. The whole music. I'm trying to imagine. And it's so now. There would still be music playing right now. What I'm saying now would be over music?

Yes. And right now? and for so much longer than this picture a podcast for just for people who listen to our show we want to talk a little bit about what sarah does which is okay picture a podcast doesn't have to be mine it probably should be now picture it's got music the whole time is that accurate sir sarah haggie yeah are you here i'm here i'm here i was just listening i um what's up dude uh i'm chilling man yeah same same same. Yeah. No, I am chilling, actually. Thank you for bringing that up because I have been chilling and isn't it the best? Yeah, you seem really relaxed. Yeah, yeah, I am.

Yeah, no. People have been noticing, actually, that I'm very relaxed. I'm not having a nervous breakdown lately. No, I don't think you are okay so you agree great so yeah good so that's out of the way so anybody who wants to ask me like just refer to this podcast sarah can practically see me and said that that's not what's happening for me no not sarah Sarah, writer of the news. Right?

Yeah, sometimes. Who did get your ideas for the news? Oh, my God. I really, I wish I had a good answer for you, but. Me too. Me too. I just kind of wait for it to happen, and then. No, but imagine the show.

If you had a really good answer, we'd be off. I know. I'm sorry. We'd be off and running. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, please, the show. If you had a really good answer, we'd be off and running. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, please, please, please. Okay, where do I get my ideas? I wait for things to happen, and then I, I don't know, I just kind of twist them into something that people might want to read, you know?

It's tragedy plus time plus a twisted mind. Yeah, exactly, yeah. Just go ahead and put it through the mind. Yeah, exactly. Just go ahead and put it through the blender. Yeah, exactly. And you are the co-host of Scamfluencers. Co-host in this...

A ghost? To me means coach. The co is for coach. Coach host. I'd say so, yeah. Because you're in there hosting. It's like a for coach. Coach host. I'd say so, yeah. Because you're in there hosting. It's like a player coach. You're calling the plays.

In sports, yes. You've got the clipboard to the side. But you're also out there. Is there a player coach in sports? Oh, Sarah. So this is actually something we do know about, unlike the news. Okay.

There used to be. There used to be. There used to be, and then they had to stop because they were so good. But any one of them at any given time could get out there. Obviously, they know how to play the game better than anyone else. That's why they're coaching the game. It sounds kind of unfair, if you ask me. And so it would destroy competitive sport as we know it.

You're from Canada, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm in Toronto. You say sports. You say sports instead of sports. Toronto. Yeah. Been there.

It would destroy sport and the sporting life as we know it. So, are you friends with Brody? Yeah, I would say so. Get her on the horn. Look. Call her.

Okay. I'll say this. Is she the worst guest we've ever had on our podcast? Yes. Well, okay. I was thinking of someone else, but I'm realizing, no, we didn't ever actually do that episode. We had a worst guest book are you thinking of are you thinking of are you possibly think of who was in that episode was it was it maybe brothe oh we did do the episode it was brothe okay yeah yes that's right i had that same thought process it was like wait oh that actually was her because it yeah i think i sort of suppressed it in a way the recording was so uncomfortable let's call her though let's call

her let's get her on the horn did you tell her you were doing the show i did tell her i was doing this i actually was just talking to her i told her i was i was gonna do this and i asked her for some advice killer mic screen is that your house yeah is that at your house this is in my house um okay the only reason why i have kevin up right now is because i was recording my podcast earlier um i didn't set this up for this yeah Yeah, yeah. They're very strict about that. But here's the thing, Sarah. Kevin, why don't I have this? But Sarah, I just want to... This is confusing to me because I am recording my podcast right now. Yes.

And I don't have that. Kevin, why doesn't Hayes have this? You have to talk to Kevin. So that's what's confusing because you have it because you were recording your podcast before. Earlier this afternoon. So you have it because you were recording your podcast before earlier this afternoon so you have it because you were recording a good nice podcast yeah i am recording my own podcast actually right now as i as we as i speak which is what i do what i do the podcast just so

i can walk through it if you hadn't been recording your podcast you would not have used that for just our podcast. It wouldn't have been worth, I guess, the process of assembling it. That's the implication, certainly. She said it's the only reason. She says it's the only reason that she has that. She said it's the only reason. I heard that.

Only reason. But that's only because I wouldn't want to seem like too- Careful with only. You've made one mistake. Kind of like a loser who just does this for fun, you know? Uh-huh. So it would be more me trying to be cool than disrespect to you, you know? Scanfluencers is on Wondery.

Yes. Wondery's different. You know what I call it? Wonder why. Wondery is different different doggie right yeah it is because that's what it says wonder why like that how do we like how do we get like because that it's what you come to expect right and that's what they said like to to their hosts if you know you're you're fulfilling the wondery standard yeah every

time you get on the mic yes it's got to sound wondery good it has to sound good enough that no one's thinking about anything else in what I'm saying. They're not thinking about a noise or anything else. A popping pee. Yeah, a popping pee. That's their biggest fear. That is their biggest fear. Earwolf just said that we had to wear shoes.

That was the only standard when we were... So we used to be on this network called called earwolf and they didn't give a fuck about how it sounded they said that all they all they cared about is that we showed up we had to be wearing shoes and that wasn't even down in a chair and said we don't give a fuck how you sound yes even if your own home in your own put those stinking hogs away they pointed at my my feet. I had my feet out. And the reason for that is not for anything related to cleanliness or whatever. It's so they can sell podcasts where the hosts are not wearing shoes as a higher tier. That's a premium add-on. That's a premium, I'd say.

So you guys aren't wearing shoes now. No, we are. We haven't graduated that. They said they can't sell ads on our piggies is what they said. Yeah. That was how it was explained to me. But no, we are wearing shoes. But you agree that that's a good premium add-on.

But something you should know about Earwolf is they failed. They don't exist anymore at all. Oh, man. That really sucks. I didn't know that. I so sorry gone i'm done matter to me you know i'm really sorry that they don't exist anymore it's only my life but you're here so you know where is here where i don't know where you are you in a, you're very far away in a room, in a big room. Kevin wanted to add more scope to the show. Mm-hmm. He just was saying that it just like doesn't feel like, you don't feel the world.

He said it was claustrophobic. Yeah. And so the camera's not very far away. Okay. Yeah, I get a sense of that. He wanted to be sitting on top of his car while he's driving around. This was a compromise.

Scanfluencers, 10 binge-worthy podcasts I'm wondering that you do not want to miss. Wonder why? Who said that? BuzzFeed. Mm-hmm. Oh, that's nice.

I didn't know that. I know it was buzz-fed by it. Yeah. More food for the buzz it's number two wow that's looking up at the at the at the smart list guys you know cost of doing business over there i guess those smart list guys man what are they like around the around the office? Yeah. I haven't been allowed to be around them. I'll say that much. Okay. They got their own little section. Velvet ropes.

And you say I'll say that much, but that I guess would be everything since you haven't been allowed to. Yeah, there'd be nothing else to say. You have no other observations about that because you've never been allowed to see them, talk to them. You ever bump into D dirty john around the office dirty john there and his scrubs yeah uh was dirty john the doctor i thought that

is that's dr death oh i don't want sarah excuse i don't want to get in trouble yes and i don't want to dispel you of any notions about dirty john or whether he actually is a doctor so i'll say for your purposes yes dirty john is just a normal doctor he's just a doctor nothing to worry about there but he's a dirty doctor. Nothing to worry about there. Dirt why, John? But he's a dirty doctor. Is that what he did? Well, doctoring's dirty work. The whole world's a little dirty, isn't it? Who's to say?

Yeah, there's a lot of filth. All of us are trying to operate in the world. There's a filth over everything. We pick up a little dirt just by moving through this world. So we're all dirty Johns, really. Mm-hmm. Throw a music bed under it. Cover up the scum.

I mean, that's what they're doing. Put a fine sheen on the absolute filth. on the absolute filth. Sarah, the challenge we face in addition to not having resources or listeners is... Or friends. When we have tried to do the thing that you do, because obviously it's like how you unlock so much.

It's like... Oh, my God god the quality of the show the the clientele you attract when you put a a class a high class music bed in there oh yeah um it polishes it all up doesn doesn't it? It signals to the listener. It levels up. Wait a minute. Yeah. I mean, it's, you know, and it goes back to olden time of entertainment, right?

It's the symphony. It's the orchestra playing beneath the players upon the stage. Yeah. And it tells them, you know, we're here with like a calliope music it's like a organ grinder even if we had that that would be amazing I like the song you guys have at the beginning

it says your names forget the song forget that song that's great it's a personal song for you please forget the song that song because one it's short and we can't just keep playing it over and over again. We've tried that. But they're talking, and it's, yeah.

Kevin said it makes his finger hurt. It's not even actually a song. It makes his finger hurt to press the button, so even one more time is not an option. Kevin said to us, and I didn't ask him about it at the time, and I won't ask him about it now, but he said, I can't keep starting this song over.

It makes my finger hurt, and I need it for later. Ugh. Oh. Ew. No, that's, yes. That's why. I don't want him to explain it, but I didn't want to hear it again. I assume it is, but I didn't want to hear it again.

Anything you need for later is disgusting. I think so too. So I was like, well, let's just forget that song. Because it feels like it's invited Kevin to give me more details every time. And so I think what we need to do is find another. I'm so sorry I brought it up. No, no, no, no. You didn't know.

Yeah. I'm sorry that I told you. Like, now you have to know what I did. Yeah, I don't want to think about that anymore. no one wants to think about that except kevin that's all i think about okay stop and it could be i mean we i we assume you're gonna use your finger at some point like over the course of the rest of the day of course course, yes. You open your phone or whatever. But the fact that he's saving it later, that's the part that gets in my head. There's something

in particular. We know that he has to ring the doorbell so that they can let him back into jail every night. I'm sorry, Kevin. You've been nothing but nice to me.

Well, they let him go. Don't be sorry. They let him go out and do whatever he wants all day. That's a good arrangement. It's a great arrangement. You don't pay for that? I pay for it. I cook everyone at the jail uh a midnight snack when i

get back i say let me do anything i want but when i come back i make a softest pudding you ever taste boys softest pudding you ever taste boys what oh my god i'll tell you my secret i'll tell you my secret sarah no see this is what he does if you if you open the door a little tiny bit he kicks it off the hinges it starts explaining his secret pudding recipe uh softest pudding you ever taste boys he wanted that to be a shirt a onesie he thought that should be a shirt what's what's the secret i know we're not gonna get out of this without we have to okay fine just say it yeah say it say it say it say it it's grandma cinnamon that would have made it softer that would have made it softer

what is it gonna do what is that gonna do it's also not something that can be grandma's it's just an ingredient it's always the same grandma's is finite yeah you put grandma's in front of something

people trust it everyone trusts their freaking grandmamas and moms for that. My mom's lasagna. My grandma's this. That's Kevin's plan. It's grandma's everything. So nobody questions it. But maybe we should look a little deeper because grandma's cinnamon implies to me that cinnamon's not the only ingredient.

Grandma's secret cinnamon. Grandma's cinnamon has something else going on. I've said too much. I've said too much. Hollywood Handbook. This week on the Patreon, the boys record another memorable pro version

and the flagrant ones are mostly talking all things basketball. Plus, see Hollywood Handbook live in Los Angeles April 17th with special guest Lily Sullivan

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Putting some class, real class music in our show. We were going to make a real podcast at one point. Yes. Funny to look back now. There's an issue every time. Kevin, do you have some music you can play? I can show you a little bit. This is how it always goes.

How it sounds, yeah. Yeah. And then the unthinkable happened. The man's wife came home and found... I'm sorry. This shit is a vibe. Damn. i'm sorry this shit is a vibe it's i'm i think music can sometimes make things a bit too scary like that okay so i i mean but that's what every time i get kind of like that has happened we're about to get to the unthinkable which is yeah my understanding

is that's a big part of the wonder why brand it is yeah yes that's right the unthinkable happened the unthinkable happened to dr john he never knew it was gonna happen yes uh it's and like you know there's always like a cliff like that where it's and you'll and he'll never guess where he ended up. And at some point you're like, well, this shit happens in every episode of every show. Like how unthinkable can this actually be? When is this going to become thinkable for someone involved in one of these stories? I don't know. But, you know, people they're not thinking it.

I'll tell you that much. They're not. The problem is thinkable is that a name for like a smart list spinoff the thinkable thinkable by smart list thinkable by smart list a wonder why production oh yeah they can come up with they yeah i i... That's a vibe. That is a vibe. But the problem is loving music too much, Sarah. Like, when it's playing, I will be captured by it. It's so hard to record. I will, like... Okay, I have to tell you something.

Just be consumed by it. I will find it to be a vibe. I get lost in the tunes. I have to tell you something. When I'm recording my show, I don't know those sounds. I don't hear them when I'm talking. You said, I don't know those sounds?

No, I don't know when they're coming up. Like Mariah, right? I'm talking. I don't know her. I'm telling the story. Sorry to this sound. I don't know when those sounds appear. I don't know her. I'm telling the story. Sorry to this. I don't know when those sounds appear. I don't hear them.

They put those in way later. I have nothing to do with the music or sounds. So you just tell a story and then there's sounds. Yeah. Try that. Yeah. I will say listening to your show, it does show. You can feel it yeah that you're

you're you're not on beat at all not to be critical not to be critical um and it's that's that's a choice it's torture to listen to yes i've heard that but that's what the people want you know yeah some people do really want that so people enjoy it it's true yes and who am i to say no to a buck that's right i'm not gonna say no the pay pigs line up what are you gonna say i'm not gonna go back in the barn no no not at all you're gonna say squeal squeal piggy yeah i say squeal. Squeal piggy. Yeah, I don't know. We're just trying to give the listener the most pleasurable experience of their lives.

And so we're also just so meticulously involved in every single aspect of the production. And our voices are part of the melody. Kevin, can you give me a music bed and I can just try something? Jacob got into the car like it was any other morning. What he couldn't have known

was what was in the back seat. Can anyone else hear that? Am I the only one hearing that? Is that my heartbeat? I think we're all hearing something different. And that's the magic of being a podcaster. You don't know what the other person's hearing.

You simply will never know. That's true. And everyone does hear something different. And people come up to me and like, I liked this part or i didn't like sometimes this part of the podcast that you did i'm like what are you talking about yeah i go that wasn't even a part of it for me yeah i didn't even do that yeah so that'll always happen when sean is doing it sean will say can anyone else hear that? Yeah.

I just start to get freaked out that I'm like, is this happening? Like, is something wrong with my body? Because I don't usually hear those kinds of sounds when I'm talking. And it gets me kind of upset. How do you move past that? This is the problem. I'm asking you for your help. Oh, you want to know how i get past it got it it's like okay what do you oh i'm talking about here i thought you guys had your

own like you guys have been doing this for way longer yeah but we have not been able to figure out this one element of it i this is this is you as a mechanic i I'm like, hey, my car won't start. You're like, oh, geez, how do you figure out what's wrong with it? You have to, you just have to embrace that you don't know. And you should be okay with that. You don't know. I'm embracing that you don't know right now. I don't know. I'm being forced to. I don't know. I'm being forced to.

I don't know what I'm doing. They just tell me what to do and I do it. You need someone to tell you what to do. And you guys don't have that. I guess I'm the pay pig. You know? Somebody tell me what to do. You need someone to tell you what to do.

And that's my job. Someone tells me what to do, I do it. Okay. All right. and this is the problem kind of a bad boy though with being your own boss yeah exactly kind of a bad boy a bad a rebel but also the boss of the entire business yeah you'm simultaneously both the man and the most punk rock fucker on the entire planet. And it's like, it's a balancing act. I'll say that much. Yeah, it doesn't sound fun. At least I have Kevin.

Does Kevin not tell you what to do? Kevin won't upgrade to like, so we've talked about this many times on the show. One of the biggest problems with music and one of the mostly kind of intractable issues with it is that you cannot see it no it's not tangible when it's like you don't actually know like for sean did it start forever like has it started for everyone is it still going is it supposed to be? Is now what I'm hearing something happening to my brain?

This could all be solved if Kevin were to upgrade to a Winamp visualizer. Yeah. He's not doing that? No, he will not get the good visualizer. He refused. I got the L-amp.

The lamp. I love L-amp. I don't know why he's not doing that wait so i don't really get it though you're you guys are in charge but you're waiting for kevin to do things for you without telling like i just don't understand the hierarchy here i asked i i asked him if he'll do it sorry you're telling him are you asking him i told him hey i want you to do this yes he's concerned about the impact that trippy visuals will have on our on our performance yeah which like for me you get too excited or what i have i have synesthesia oh a lot of girls and so it is primarily a girl thing i've i i've noticed i think of it as like a girl thing yeah but then i then i also think of it as i have

it haze has it none of my guy friends have it except sean of course like we both have it yeah it's definitely girls who sing pop music all have it. Yeah, isn't it funny? Yeah, and we're both actually very naturally musical as well. No training, but it's, yeah. I mean, we experience music in a more intense way if you combine it with the visuals. I don't know where I'll end up.

But I don't see it. I can taste colors. I taste, yeah. I can end up. But I don't see it. I can taste colors. I taste, yeah. I can taste one color. I taste touch. It's orange. And it is more specific than the color. So, okay.

And you, Hayes, you taste touch. When I touch something with my fingers, yes, I could. So are you saving that finger sometimes in my mouth no absolutely not like i'm actually withholding it most of the time because the impact is so severe it's like my entire mouth is full of whatever the thing is that no that's the same with me when i touch an orange i can taste it right afterwards if I suck on my hand. That's classic. Classic synesthesia.

Well, yeah. And it's very confusing. Does it make me a great artist? Creative? Yeah, I guess so. I guess that's fair for you to put that label on me, Sarah. But it also presents some challenges. Does it make you a better podcaster?

What would you say? What we're learning. But what we're learning. Sorry, I can't get we're learning sorry i can't get out of interview i can't get out of interview i'm so sorry i know i know i understand the same thing happens it's so hard to step away it's so hard yeah it's so hard yeah look who you're telling but i'll go back to being casual but i am curious you know does it help the cans never come off, right? They never come off. They never come off. I'm always on.

I try to walk away and I put my whole computer off the desk. Because the cans are still on. I've never heard of them being referred to as cans, but I knew instantly what you meant. Well, because you're from Canada. I mean, it would be insanely confusing yeah would be like it was called headphones of death yeah no it's true but we call them cans here they call me oscar the grout because i sleep in the cans damn um do you guys have canadians on here often it's have we ever had any other ones to it i know we have oh uh yeah we had like your we had

annie murphy up in this piece yeah we had your like main mascot dave thomas dave thomas been a couple times one of One of the McKenzie brothers. Dave Thomas. Yes. Yeah. Strange Brew. The McKenzie brothers. Bob and Doug McKenzie. No.

I don't know him. Yes. I thought you meant the one. Oh, Mariah's back. When he said Dave Thomas, I thought I was like the Wendy's guy. Sorry to this man. I am sorry. I don't know him, but I'm sure he's great. I thought Dave Thomas was theendy's guy sorry to this man i am sorry i don't know him but i'm sure he's great i thought dave thomas was the wendy's guy and then in my mind i was like is he canadian and then i realized

you're talking about someone else ctv um no it's under fire this is this is the canadian version of mariah carey and jennifer lopez she knows who dave thomas is they're the equivalent of those celebrities in canada the competition i'll just say he can't sing the way i can that's all i'm gonna say say this shit we cannot get involved in this it's not because we we love all of our guests. Yes. Except fucking Brody. Oh, my God. Just was like, wow, so uncomfortable. Why did you guys have her on? Do something.

Multiple times. I got tricked. Multiple times. I got tricked. Yeah. You know how you like. The second time was just supposed to be her apologizing for the first time. Like to our listeners and to us.

Oh, she's never said sorry ever in all the years i've known her do you know sometimes you like put something on a stain that you're like okay well that made an even worse stain no you you don't know about that you don't you don't know about it no i've never done that to a stain you're just like oh i gotta get this out well i better put something like really extreme on it yeah what gets out chocolate ketchup yeah oh well now the chocolate is still there but now there's also a ketchup scene as well that's what it's like having broken the under for the second time oh wow i'm sorry i'm sorry you had to experience that i know it's i know how it is

with her sometimes and whatever we don't have to get into that it's not well let's call her right now let's call her who wants to call her i'll call her where's my phone maybe this will be the word that okay i'm gonna give her gets the stain out you know we'll see if she picks up she doesn't sometimes you know sometimes you just gotta throw the shirt away okay i'm calling her maybe that's what this call is it's time to sever all that's so interesting i was picturing a rug oh really isn't that interesting but i was wearing it the podcast everyone hears something different don't they no it's true people come up to me i like that part of the podcast where you're talking about the rug and i go like that didn't happen i was talking about a shirt

but it's like you get to create your own experience i just tricked her i said please pick up it's important so hopefully hopefully she thinks it's an emergency and she'll call right back oh wow even though it was important wow okay i've tried that one with the guys doesn't always work sarah sorry maybe she'll call me back i've been in an accident me back immediately yeah i've been in an accident you know podcast girls do something girls do something this all the time and maybe she won't be scared. It's all mean girl stuff, isn't it? You don't think so?

Not answering your phone call when she knows it's important? I know. It's Friday night. Anything could be happening. That's big mean girl vibes. Yeah, that's not really nice. It's the most dangerous night of the entire week. It is.

That's why I'm home. It's not because no one asked me to hang out. Because no one thinks that. Oh, she texted me back. She said, I'll call back in one minute. Okay. Are you guys ready? What do you guys want to do for the next minute?

I'm not going to be able to think about anything else. Okay, wait. I have to take my headphones out, though, so she can hear you guys. Okay, make it seem like we're still having a big emergency. Hey, what's up? Hey, what's up? Oh, nothing. She's so fucking scared.

Oh, my God. She has no idea. We were just about to have dinner. fucking scared oh my god she she has no idea oh well i i'm calling you because it's important yeah this idiot wait once wait actually wait one second dinner on the show one second oh now it's it's working now anything you want to say for yourself did you hear that no i haven't i didn't hear that wait what are you ready to apologize are you ready to apologize hang on i know that voice i'm waiting it's the dinner dumbass.

It's Devin there. No, it's not Devin. Oh. It's the damn ding-dong dinner Devin guesser. She doesn't even know who I am. She's been on my podcast. She's ruined my podcast all these times. She doesn't even know who I am.

And now I'm Devin? Oh, my podcast. She's ruined my podcast all these times. She doesn't even know who I am. And now I'm Devin. Oh, my God. Sawa? Are you scared? I'm a little scared. We've done phone calls on the show before. It's never gone this badly. It's absolutely never gone like this.

Nothing like this at all. Tony Newsome's dad has done full episodes over the phone. Where he couldn't even hear us. And you have a podcast. I'm not recording this. Actually, I am. I legally have to say that. You know what I'm doing tonight?

Oh, God. Is this? Tawny is there. Kind of. Yes. Yeah, that's what's going on. Yeah, it's all he was saying. Stupid idiot. is this kind of yes yeah that's what's going on yeah it's Hollywood damn

10 hours later oh my god 2 minutes to figure out the fucking dumb dinner dumbass strikes again I don't talk to one of them on the phone because I'm mad at him and then I don't talk to the other one on the phone because I'm mad at him. And then I don't talk to the other one on the phone because that's not how we communicate.

Oh, I think I know which one I am. OK, well, we'll discuss that now. OK, but you can have dinner. What are you mad at Sean about? This has gone so poorly. But can I say that it's gone exactly as well as every time i've been on hollywood handbook okay so we all agree on that so we all agree that's one thing that we can say is true that this terrible phone call is as bad as every other time you've come on the show

yeah i mean i imagine for the listeners i've had a fantastic time expressing my truth and doing my art oh what's for dinner i'm taking my friend katherine and my husband greg to oh my coffee at night. Weirdo. Okay. Well, thank you so much for calling back. Nothing bad happened. I'm sorry I scared you.

That wasn't nice. Hey, that's okay. We're done. I love you. Yo, should we all go to oh my coffee? And bust her ass? Oh my God. i can't believe she's at oh my coffee yeah i walk in she's about to take her first sip of coffee i go how about oh that's my coffee i grab it i don't do a good job i spill it it spills on my hand my hand gets burnt

i go oh more like oh my hand. You can sue them? No, I can't sue them. I was being a bully. Sure, sure. But it's America. I feel like you can sue a lot of people there. Yeah, well, ask Gwyneth Paltrow. Mm-hmm. That's the news.

That's the news. That's the news. You bring it out of me, Sarah. I said... You reported the news. I the news that's the news wow you are good you bring it out of me sarah i said reported the news i said how do you do the news and do you remember what you said i just wait as i said and you you're gonna come up with news at some point and now it's even more topical because of the oh my coffee my own life was connected to the news so it makes me remember the news story go ahead like has anyone made the pitch like can we just bring gawker back for one second like gwyneth paltrow got run into by a guy on some skis like and then she sued him for a dollar

like it just seems like can we just bring it back for one second to just for that yeah i know i've been thinking about that a lot i i actually do still have access to the website somehow oh so you should just post it say like oh go with patrick she was she did pizza was supposed to do french fries. Is that what it was? That's what they say. She was doing pizza, she's supposed to do french fries. She's supposed to do french fries, and she was doing pizza. It slowed her down too much. It slowed her down too much, and the guy was like,

Oh, damn. Do french fries! Not pizza! French fries! Oh, man, I should post that. But it's over now. The thing that you have to keep in mind, it goes by so fast.

If you don't grab it as soon as it happens, it's gone. And no one cares. And you failed. Ferris Bueller said that. Damn it! I knew I didn't make it up. I'm so embarrassed. Nice try, but you're not going to sneak a famous Harris Bueller quote by me.

My ultimate hero. Sarah, can I play you my demo for first game fluencers next season? What you could do? Yeah, of course. No problem using his finger for this just saying seems to pick and choose when it works new fear unlocked choke on death by choking on a grape

my friend chef kevin has quite the deal at his prison. He can leave during the day, do whatever he wants. So you're her. As long as he come back and make his famous pudding. I'm sorry, is this about yourself? Yeah, so I guess he's being you you sarah this is how you sound to him wait do you unlock a new fear on every episode do you know every episode okay i don't i i was almost gonna fuck around have you have you unlocked any fears any new fears i haven't i have it's only

made me braver really really, I think. Okay. Oh, yeah. It's confronting evil, you know? The fears are getting locked up. They're getting locked up. New fear locked up. It's true.

Like Kevin every night. Kevin, that was good, but the problem was that it sounded too scary. Okay. So this is sort of the note you had on hazes i thought it was listening to death grips yeah it was i felt like something bad was happening to me to my heart it wasn't it didn't make me feel good you know it wasn't it wasn't uplifting i would say and that's what gets people listening the The idea that things will get better, you know?

What kind of music do you like under, under your stuff? Like, is it Scott influenced? Uh, I would say like new metal meets Scott. Oh wow. That's uplifting.

Yeah. So, I mean, it's high energy for sure yeah that makes a way to start your day yeah i guess so yeah i mean what music would you add i actually have the perfect track damn that's a vibe new fear unlocked can everyone else hear that oh damn am i okay oh damn damn did you make that? Yeah.

Oh, wow. Tell me the answer is no without telling me the answer is no. How did you come up with that? Imagine the producer said that to like Drake or something. How did you think of that? Yeah. thing let me play this how did you think of that yeah if someone said that to me i'd be flattered because it it means they're surprised by me what's it say on your shirt kevin yeah kevin you got writing on your shirt you're holding out on me well sarah funny story i tell a story on um

you just answer there's a lot of buildup joe Joe Mandy wore the same shirt last week actually funny story two weeks ago my fiance yeah I got a fiance now whoa she work on Mel Brooks show his mouth fills with phlegm history of the world part 2

there's a famous sketch about a statue removal removal oh my god i text my best friend darius they stole it from us because we did a sketch about removing sand from a sandbox called sandy pearson a lot of similarities suspicious now i remember this and for the wrap gifts they had extra sweaters of the steven santa mello statue removal in supply um sometimes i wear it to sleep i true this fucking swag i wear the wrap gifts to bed because i think if i had kid lucid dream i'll be in the show have you ever done that i hope you only wear it to sleep in because if you ever wear that out in public and Nick Kroll or Ike

Barinholtz sees you with the stolen valor of the Steve Santamelo fucking sand sketch sweatshirt, they'll knock your ass in the next week. You'll be, it'll be, it'll be history of the world part forever for you. History to the world. Your history, your history of the world part forever for you. History to the world. Goodbye.

Your history of the world. Yeah. As far as the world's concerned, this kid's history. I try to sneak in a premiere party because there's so many celebs there. They have Hulu up there. Oh, my. No, we don't. You don't have Hulu. We don't have Hulu up there. Oh my. No, we don't. We don't. You don't have Hulu.

We don't have Hulu. You don't have FXX on Hulu? That's all on Disney Plus for us. Oh my gosh. Isn't that crazy? Move it around. FXX on Hulu is on Disney Plus? FXX on Disney Plus?

Yeah, it's on Disney Plus. It's all connected here. It really is the Wild West. It is the Wild West. And then we don't have a separate... We have a streaming service that has everything else. There's HBO on it. There's Showtime on it.

There's whatever, whatever. What's it called? Frigging Maple Syrup Plus? It's called Crave. Crave? Sounds pretty good. there's showtime on it there's whatever whatever you know what's it called freaking maple syrup plus it's it's called crave crave that sounds good it's a dumb name pretty good there's like everything here's kind of off you know nothing here's like everything feels a little off brand sometimes you know which is why i like going to america you watch global a lot no no i don't unfortunately do you know mackenzie davis uh oh she's canadian yeah yeah i don't know her personally but she was just we know her she was just but she lives in the uk now and she was talking about her

like prince or i guess like king charles like now that he's gonna become king it's just like kind of over he says like over with the bullshit basically he's just like done with all the fucking bullshit i know and he is going to make with mackenzie's help he's going to make everything just england again yeah i miss the queen so you want your that you're okay with it oh you missed the queen because she was letting you be canada and she's actually barely holding prince charles at bay i miss her yeah that's why i miss her you know basically killed her damn near killed her mad dog king charles straining against the chain the queen's bony fingers.

I don't feel safe with him being my leader. I don't. I just don't feel safe. It's making me uncomfortable, too. I don't like that image. Of Sean being uncomfortable? No, of King Charles doing all that. King Charles is doing too much.

Did you see his portrait? I thought it was nice. They released an official portrait. Let me look at it. And I think he looks pretty good. Let me look at it. Let me look at it first. That was painted by AI.

What? They're getting so close. What? Dude, it freaks me out thinking about how ai did the king charles this was painted by ai yes yes how do you know how do i know you can see the fingies oh damn it oh he has so many fingers oh man does he really in that i thought it was a real one. But also, does it matter? He's a real one.

Artificial imperialist. Hey, guys, guess what? Bye. Hollywood Hamburg. That was a Hate Gum podcast.