Hollywood Handbook - Sarah Sherman, Our SNL Friend

Episode Date: January 24, 2023

The Boys help SARAH SHERMAN create some new characters for Saturday Night Live.See Hollywood Handbook LIVE at Dynasty Typewriter in LA Feb 15th and March 29th at 7:30 pm PT!Can't make it to the show? Livestream tickets are available too!Feb 15 - Tickets Available HereMarch 29 -  Tickets Available HereWatch the video recording of this episode at Patreon.com/TheFlagrantOnes.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. talk about we had we'd always heard people saying like do you like do you know sarah sherman like she loves she loves the show she listens to the show and i would be like oh like which is so great to hear it's awesome it's awesome and i'd be like sarah squirm and they'd be well she's like she's sarah squirm until she gets snl and then she's going to be sarah sherman and this was in like 2015 or something like that. Yeah, which I was like, oh, wow, that's pretty confident. I think that's awesome. And it paid off.

It was good reason. You backed that shit up. And people would say, but she really admires you guys and what you're doing. you guys and like what you're doing and she has sort of like floated the idea of like when she does get it of like giving giving you her spot because lauren like her people do doesn't if you don't know you get through like the audition and like the quiz and everything and then he offers you the chance to perform the noble deed which is you if there is someone who you who's a creative work you admire yes you admire usually someone inspired you who in a way got you on the show because they if they have shaped your comedic identity, as we apparently have with you,

you are able to bestow upon them your slot. Sorry, as a faithful and obedient listener of the show, I don't know if you can tell, but I'm sort of sitting in silence because I actually don't know if it is my... Am I allowed to talk yet? Well, and I should talk to Hayes about this if I could talk to Hayes about this separately.

So, Sarah Squirm is... I'm giving you your privacy. ...is a listener of the show. She is a fan of the show. Before we do this, you're not covering up the lens. What we can see is just all skin. And for some people who subscribe to the video feed that's

going to be too much in in one direction or another you know what i mean totally say no more it's a lose lose yes uh yes so so i want to say hayes that you know it is one of the only times we have had someone on the show who does listen and you have in asking for a favor effectively stolen from her you have robbed her because what but true listeners love is the half story at the top of the show it happens over the music and this is one of the only people who would who it was safe to do it in front of because they were going to know what was happening and who may have

even enjoyed it. And instead what we've done is we have excised that. And so I don't know if it's a punishment because we were not given the slot. I don't know what the thinking was we haven't talked in i would say a month yes you and i and i know you feel the same way about this one if you actually

do you think about it that it's not a punishment it is a gift i don't want to create that sense of obligation i don't want to do snl my shit is for grown-ups i don't do shit for like college boys you know what i mean little college boy little like the shit i'm working on right now is like it is for grown-up adults i'm working on like a farce right now for example the doors it's it's it's so it's so noises off yes this farce haze has. It's like an Italian Noises Off. So Noises Off. It's like if Harlequin were just sort of wandering within Noises Off. You know what I mean? Yes.

And being able to rearrange people. And also for Sarah, if you do perform the noble deed, you can never see lorne again and you and you won't you will not remember lorne okay so i get like the men in black kind of like flashlight in the eyes yeah but it's not a it's not even a flashlight that's just like a nice light it is a punch in the face from callin jost yeah and i want like you i received it i received what the noble i i was i i know i sean's done it many times they keep bringing him back and he doesn't i was cast yes i was i was cast i've i've nailed the audition i've been

flown to new york i've gone on the stage i've made the writers laugh i've made lauren laugh and then when they give it to me i'll usually pass it off to someone who i think needs a little bit more shine and after you do that and and i've done that you know it's it's sort of an inside joke among us true uh snl noble deed doers that colinokes called his memoir a punchable face because he has punched me in the face five or six times in order to wipe my memory clean of my

SNL experience. I would do it again and I will do it again. If you tried to give it to me, all you would be doing is just giving me a new punch in the face because I would probably at this point let kevin do snl instead of me i think he's ready i think he's ready kevin talk a little bit about what you're

gonna do this season on snl after sarah gives me the slot and then i give it to you how's this one sarah this is my i'm all ears this is my grandma who doesn't like Avatar. I'm not going to watch it. You know what keeps happening to me is like, I know that like technically I am part of the conversation, but this four square Zoom experience of my favorite podcast known to man, I feel like I'm watching a little play. And even though I know I'm a part of this and i know i'm a part of the dialogue let's not say that i just want to say people do we do like say that people say that about us but they're it's it's actually we actually

cater to a really lots of different people it's a big tent how do you think you're doing sarah how we're like let's check in yeah let's do a little check-in we're around minute eight so um this is your stop down and say what year is this chance this is this is two we're we're this is by the way my dressing room again for the listeners at home who are watching this like a a little play. Okay. It's just like a normal room to me. And you're shrugging and you're acting like you're not getting an eyeful, but there's an eyeful here and you're kind of like acting like this is no big deal to be seeing what you're seeing right now. But I actually think that I'm giving, I'm actually giving a lot.

And there's a lot of servings right now. Very normal for me. Actually, what I would be like like really like my jaw would drop if i ever saw just like a normal like working person's bathroom or something their bathroom if i was inside their bathroom that to me is like i'm usually getting an eye full or at least an eye half full because i'm not so none of you are charmed at all by the clown sitting on top of my lamp none of you there's nothing is striking anything within you like oh there's a clown sitting on top of the lamp i actually like to be seeing that shit didn't affect me i am curious because you have this like kind of nice

landscape painting and i can sort of see in the water. Is there a Sasquatch or something there? The swamp thing is rising from the swamp. Yes. Thank you. OK. And if you guys could see, you know, how small it is for me that I was able to identify that is actually pretty cool. I do think that is pretty amazing and again as someone

who literally minutes ago forgot that i was on the podcast and was watching this like a movie and a private show for me and my i did notice that i did think that that was amazing i want to check in i haven't looked at the numbers in a while are we how are we doing on like av club like best sketch of the night are we are we in what percentage would you say yeah sarah usually sarah is it sometimes sarah so so here are the options never, usually, always. So, one to four. So, the fact that I don't know, does that mean that I'm not it? Because if you are, if someone says that you're the best catch of the night, that means you know that you are, right?

They usually try and get a quote. Like, they usually try and call and just like get your you know just like so if they haven't uh checked in with you and just looking back hello kitty that's not good no not mine were you background in that or i was about actually you know i don't know if you guys like are familiar with my work but i had a line in that sketch so you did kind of a barn yeah it was a barn burner of a line so you know a lot of times people say like when you have an x factor like even the hello kitty one line character here with us today sarah i mean do you think we could have a quick very quick one sentence conversation with the Hello Kitty one-line character.

I think I could whip out the line. Are you ready for this? It's going to blow your fucking mind. It's going to blow the top of your skull, clean off the top of your head, and the brain is going to hit the ceiling with what I'm about to do. No, it's not. That's fine. Well, the hat could fly off first, and then the rest of the...

Well, or his is in there. His damn wig will come off. Mr. Skyscraper. Okay, ready? Mr. Sky Scraper okay ready I thought this would be like an insane place to get high okay yeah and I do have to wash my hat now I'm just like checking in

so many people say like you know like Sarahah like you seem like not very serious like you're always being crazy and like totally random and wacky but if you put me in a sketch at saturday night live even if i have one line i will memorize it i will put my pussy to the pavement i will work harder than you could even possibly imagine one fucking lie come on come on we stopped saying that you as a fan of the show should know we stopped saying that months ago you want me to stop being our catchphrase well i put my hole to the floor and i grind it out that's how we talk here that includes everyone now. Now everyone can enjoy it. I put my lips to the sidewalk and I got to going.

That's kind of stuff we say here. Have you done inside joke yet? Have you been on inside joke? What could you possibly be talking about? Have you done inside joke? Have you been on that? Or good one? You must have done good one.

Have you done good one what on earth could you possibly be talking about oh my god okay well all right does everyone know i'm just trying to find like where you're at like in the comedy landscape i'm in nowhere you guys knew for years that i was your number one fan in the picket line standing with my fist in the air saying hollywood handbook forever really i think it was maybe the messaging the way like the it's the fact that you did it in a way that's like what is she mad about what is she protesting yeah the scientist says hollywood handbook yeah and you're screaming yes and a lot of times there's a another protest happening nearby because i don't necessarily want our sign yeah i'm at the front lines for you guys

it doesn't matter what's happening who's there what's going on it should matter what's happening it should matter who's there i guess that's what we wanted to discuss in part is that as much as we appreciate the support we could be a little more selective but aren't you glad that like there is there is conversation constantly on the front lines on the front page you know i'm saying like it doesn't you know what i'm saying? You know what I'm saying? I'm always bringing it to the fore. I think we can maybe if we bring you a little more to the fore.

Just Hello Kitty alone, I'm reading the sketch belongs to Palmer and Yang. So Kiki Palmer and Bone Yang. So no mention of my line? No mention of your line at all cecily gets a mention um and total ownership of the sketch is given to other performers so and i respect that as a team player and a member of an ensemble i can respect let's actually talk

about that because like you are mostly known for like let's like just tick off some of your characters can we just like yeah please let's go through it right now please i welcome so one is like you just said like it's like it's you sarah sherman you're just doing like you just i'm being real i'm being 100 real i'm no no fake no fake that's the one i know the one that hayes that's the only one i know too yes and you seem very invested in that one that one i i feel you putting the work in um i don't know what else is going on, but Hayes and I always talk about this. People tune into this show to escape. To escape. Because there's so much bullshit out there.

And this should be a relief. The world of fantasy, right? Crazy costumes, wild accents, incredible Hello Kitty sketches. Yes. If I wanted to see Sarah Sherman, I would just spend six months

scheduling a single podcast appearance with her. You know, I wouldn't have to turn on my TV and tune in late at night. Mm-hmm. the country and possibly develop some new characters that a little further removed maybe from what we're enduring right now i mean i basically again as as your guys's number one fan who's putting my hooves on the pavement trying to get the word out constantly about hollywood handbook shorthand known as hh you know again not offended that i wasn't asked for years not no seriously i'm not i'm not good did you get a follow back did you get a follow back i actually sort of i'm kind of looking at my feed right now and i'm kind of not really seeing anything in the realm of fallback territory,

fallback Friday, but no, seriously, as someone who is great, as you guys know, big fan of the work, um, who again was not asked to be on the podcast until quite recently.

Um, I know I'm not, I'm never, yeah, this again, it's been, it's been quite the dance we've done to, uh,

to land in this spot. Kevinvin do you have the email number sometimes kevin collects the number of emails that it took to schedule someone i started on instagram then worked my way to email so let me scroll down when was the ig message when was it initially uh explored uh july. Hey, we're coming up on one year. Okay, one year. And I just want to, if we kind of like do the math, kind of like blow it, kind of like explode it outward. So we're talking July a year. But if we're talking the grand scheme of listenership, like I'm kind of going back.

You know what I'm saying? Like the math of like how long I've been listening to kind of how long i kept you guys waiting it's kind of you know i'm saying it's like a drop in the bucket kind of thing when did you earn it in your mind what was the moment yeah when should you have been asked let's let's go back in your career and let's let's pinpoint the exact moment where you earned it where we where we missed when i was doing um bar shows in chicago and i was kind of like out in these streets being like you know oh like you know oh there's a chicago comedian who's kind of a little different she's kind of interesting and we had so many we were having just like

we did chicago we did chicago 2018 that i. Every single show in 2018 was a Chicago bar show comedian. Yeah. But I was, you know, I was... We actually have Jon Hamm! Oh, yeah. That's right. And how's that fucker doing? Actually, awesome.

He's actually really nice. He's Fletch now. He's he's actually fletch now that you ask well i can't even actually want to know i'm sweating profusely i have to say you don't have to say that at all i have to well because you guys wanted to know the sarah sherman like behind the mask and who. Who is she really? No, that's the opposite of what we wanted. The absolute opposite.

We wanted more masks for Sarah Sherman. That is what we were here to... So fucking give it... Listen, I'll tell you what. My range is limited. Okay? I can't do accents. I can't do an insane little gestures.

I can't do characters. I need you badly. I need you guys an insane little gestures. I can't do characters. I need you badly. I need you guys to be telling me. We got to do something. This thing with just like, honestly, the thing with like Jost and like abusing Jost, this is going to come back around. People are just going to be like, this guy's the most, one of the most oppressed people on earth. He is. So you guys are going to, you think people are going to look back in three, four, six, seven, nine years

at those YouTube clips? Yes. And they're going to say... You victimized someone. Yes. And there's going to be a new wave of cancel culture that's actually going to... We know she's being ironic. We know she's being tongue-in-cheek.

She's being coy. She's being a little bit funny, would you say? It's cyclical. We know that now. We're in this very coy era right now totally but that's not going to translate to like five years from now they're going to say this is conflict this is abuse and they will by the way right now they will go back and watch coy era joke they'll have to they'll they'll be selected for the jury yes and it will be shown in the courtroom and you will have to pick the right face to make while it's airing that's better that's that's better but better than

what i thought you would do yeah we're getting colder colder that's further away i think this is what we were looking for that you're scolding your past self you shouldn't have done that now we must build characters let's go let's just let's okay no go ahead i's go. Let's just... Let's just throw something out. I was going to say let's just start, but you made a noise. I was going to say, I feel like... Listen, I'm not pointing anything out.

I'm not pointing fingers, and I'm not trying to be confrontational. But you guys are sort of familiar with what I can bring to the table, what kind of tool belt I'm working with. So do you want me to tell you what i can bring to the table you kind of work from there because like i already want to just go like you want a blue sky it you said no accents no like no voices of any kind i could i could do pirate voice. Do you know what I'm saying? Okay. That is huge right now.

Mm-hmm. Talking like a pirate. Captain Jacqueline Sparrow. Oh, and I will wear like any like thing. Captain oh and i will wear like any like that's girl boss thing captain captain captain jacklyn that's girl boss that's funny that's kind of good you'll wear anything so clothing wise we're not limited and we're not even limited just to clothing

no but posture could also if this kind of strikes anything character wise like kind of like going like that is a big shoulders as earrings yeah yeah let's let i'm gonna throw some stuff out there okay and we're just gonna kind of see how this fits right do with it yeah you want to watch me cook so what do we think about Snape Dog okay do you want me to go for it we don't have to jump right into it we can

I'm feeling inspired can I just you're ready to go let's do it now I smoke weed mate You're ready to go? You're ready to go? Go, go, go, go. Off the top of my head. Let's do it now. I smoke weed, mate. That's very close. I think Snape Dog would probably smoke wart, wouldn't he?

Isn't that probably, he'd probably say that he'd smoke wart every day. I need a tiny bit. Smoke wart every day. I need a tiny bit. I think we need a tiny bit more of the dog in there. And maybe he would smizz-o-k wart every day. Same voice. Smizz-o-k wart every day. Smizz-o-k wart every day. And I'm not a child, so I'm not familiar with the Harry Potter franchise, but I can respect

that you guys kind of like off the top of the dome could just like at any moment like reach back into the like unconscious and just kind of pull a Snape out. You know what I mean? I respect that, seriously. Good. That's really nice. Good. The way you said it sucked, but I guess

the idea is fine with me i'm gonna put snape okay do you have one more in you or is this yeah i had one more thing yeah give me one my my best friend's martha stewart and those pictures everybody was posting online at one time right and of the two of us she was in jail when actually i should be in jail is do you believe that i didn't go to jail hollywood this week on the patreon the boys helped me prepare for an upcoming big trip to vegas and the flagrant ones are mostly talking all things basketball. Plus, you can see Hollywood Handbook live in LA February 15th or March 29th at Dynasty Typewriter. If you can't make it, there will be live stream tickets available or you can watch it later that week

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It's one big add-on and it's you on your bed. You're so tired after you eat my meal. The promise is the meal makes us sleepy. You've been pushing that so much. You're saying that you will be added on to your bed. Yeah. Your bed plus one. That's the opposite of what this is supposed to do.

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want any tea or anything and then if they say yes you hand them just a huge cup that's great the cup is so big it's it's target we're drawing from target lady yes the dna of our of our ancestors right yes are always going to be a part of the fabric of what we do here at SNL. And she's hosting what? Sorry, just put me in the place. No, people are coming over. It's just people are coming over.

She's just hosting at home. I see, I see. Kind of like Martha Stewart, like you just talked about. Because you say host, and I immediately go, you know what I'm saying? You put me in the place of like you think i should host snl you know oh

okay you think i should host snl you know i posted not that long ago that if i got 10 000 retweets i would host snl and i was going through the retweets and for such an enormous fan, I did not see but one from you. Not even one retweet. Here's the thing about me. I'm actually off the grid. Okay. I don't know if you guys could tell earlier, kind of before the podcast was rolling,

I held up my phone. and i didn't know if you guys could tell but my i got a small iphone yeah kind of kind of to discourage me from being on it so much because i thought if it was such a small phone why would i be on it yeah so i'm kind of off the you know i'm saying i'm like off the grid. My phone is really small. And it looks like it's like kind of stinks. Like it's smelly or something. Yeah. It's really small. It's even smaller than your hand.

So, yeah. I mean, you know, I don't know how you would demonstrate that character for us, but like you could maybe just sign off. No voice necessarily. Or even come up with an example of like what, something else really big that you could give someone. Do you want me to just have that right now? Because something Costco is huge. Just rattling off things that like could be so big.

You're carrying them. Okay. Okay. What if I was like, okay. Okay. Hold on. Hold on. Thanks.

Okay. Give me a host. Give me a host for the show Sean is hosting I mean yeah if you want to actually be funny yeah I think I should yeah I mean yeah I told you like I'm boots to the pavement with

you guys well mention it like say you know tell the fucking please don't destroy guys or whatever like hey this guy got a host like hey you guys like looking for like a fourth like you guys got you guys want another guy in the mix it could be cool you know what i mean sort of an elder statesman of please don't destroy are you old type figure hey something's missing right who's to say it's not I figure.

Something's missing, right? Who's to say it's not a slightly older white guy? I can see you just being their best friends without, you know what I'm saying? It wouldn't look visually strange. Like, oh, there's the three guys and they're like best friend who's i'm gonna say you know 15 to 22 years old i hate to put an exact number on it you know but the fact is like funny's funny at any age like you know we're just really about making people laugh and comedy and and young stuff fuck man like funny is fucking funny fuck i thought the fuck that

so you have no ideas for like big stuff that could be big nothing big if you're distracting from like thanks okay thanks y'all for coming over choice by the way big accent big choice yes yeah incorrect choice i might say you want me to go more mid-atlantic i don't think they don't they have sam's i don't even know if they have yeah sam's it's like that's like walmart country it's like not we we want to go costco so okay sorry thanks everybody for coming over to my house that's good and then okay you come over and you take like one of the crudite that i have on a big platter and then you walk away and then you come back to the crudite platter a little later with a mustache and say it's not me it's a different

that's so different from the idea no because now we're kind of playing with the you're playing off the sample the free sample element that's completely the opposite which by the way that's only on certain days and this isn't even one of the days where they have that that you're hosting this because i think they don't have it on saturday night like they don't do that you can't go to costco on saturday night and get free samples so that makes zero it's closed you already bought the stuff the store is now closed if you guys want to write the two dimensional sketch have fun i'm trying to make a five dimensional chess sketch out of this shit. Okay.

The next time you want to serve me shit on a fucking silver platter. And I'm trying to make, I guess, I guess, I guess, I guess, I guess my real goal is not to get cut at dress. That's sort of what I was aiming at.

But if you like being cut and dressed then by all means oh what a huge honor thanks well maybe that's why AV Club isn't writing about my sketches it is why that is why you know and sometimes guess what

I dare to write something that gets pulled before the fucking table read you wanna know why cause I dare to fucking think big and by the way not many people know that sketches get pulled before the table read but they do well because the table read is famously supposed to be like seven hours long right like you just read everything anyone's thought of but apparently not everything was seven hours and five minutes god bullshit Lauren forbid so it's interesting obviously uh that you want to ruin it maybe we should focus less on these kind of the visual sort of characters like like like my costco yeah yeah cost Costco this one

I'm just putting this out there like and I we can just sort of sit with it for a second and then maybe come back to it later

totally psych berbiglia you have something for this you feel it good just go

just go so whatever you were about to say about psych berbiglia okay but add this on to it psych burst smalia so whatever the character is it's that but he's this big he's the size of peanut and go okay and see again so whatever you're about to say you just want to add on the

extra layer okay so this you get something being extra small like now you understand like a with Kelly Cosco something being big was like so foreign to you and now you're just like crowbarring

a size change it's a psych for biglia I said maybe we should move away from these visual things and get into more characters and you were a goddamn fucking bobble head on a dirt road just like yes let's move away and then instantly it's like hey i've got a visual aspect for this like okay but you said we couldn't do that anymore and and furthermore it should be psych that anymore and and furthermore it should be psych burst small glia i think you still do need the g you think you need the g too i understand why we're taking the whole word big out i get like it's not that i don't understand i get it i get it but we need the g we have to have it so okay he's really small and he's saying like

what i what i should have said was something psych yeah psych should have been nothing do think twice psych so that you know we you know we can get back into that and i just want to say here's a 90 minute story about my couch psych i do want to say kind of like again the age gap between like you guys and like me and pd i kind of loop myself in like kind of in the age bracket of pdd like again you guys could be like 15 16 years older than me like i'm not going to understand kind of like the rich reference base that psych brings like god forbid people that have actually done something in this world have something to like enjoy at night after holding up this entire fucking planet for a week god fucking forbid that we actually get to relax make one thing for them

psych let's know let's throw out everything that came before i'm sure the new shit we invent will be way better and now we're making let's now we're making now we're everything that worked yeah so small that we have to get our freaking cheaters out just to be able to enjoy see this character great that's the one change we make great yeah thanks thanks for your help with that three just really really quick sarah come on inside joke psych that's fucking psych for smoglia just really quick i know we're going back for just really quick i don't even want to get into these i just want to kind of consider them mrs peepers antonia banderas will mango there these are i think available i think we're ready just write them down just write peepers so this is you this is you mrs peepers antonia banderas womango and can i pitch on mrs peepers yeah just for a moment okay sure yeah pitch on it dare i for for just a moment

mrs we said yes we already said yes do you think the listeners at home are familiar no with is there with with mr peepers your pitch is people don't know what it is okay okay okay okay okay here's my okay here's my pitch here's my pitch in all seriousness seriously guys seriously seriously i'm being serious right now i've been serious the whole time mr peeper's doing his thing okay y'all know what i'm talking about he's going to town on that apple and everyone's going like i'm sorry this is kind of the circle soleil of comedy with how physical it is and etc he says bah he says bah and someone comes up to chris katan who plays Mr. Peepers, and says, Is there a Mrs. Peepers?

Kind of, you know what I'm saying? Like, honey, is there a Mrs. Peepers? Kind of a flirtatious kind of way. What we're pitching here is not somebody else who's not this character. You want to play the character who says says is there a Mrs. Peepers well and then someone like go flirt so let's say Sean is hosting the show he's playing you know Mr. Peepers

is in front of you think he should yeah if you think I'd do a good job I mean I'd be jeez I'm nervous but I would try it I mean my lips to God's ears honey and boy do I a good job. I mean, I'd be, geez, I'm nervous, but I would try it. I mean, my lips to God's ears, honey. And boy, do I wish, you know what I mean? So, you know, your baby. You wish that your lips were at God's ears?

I just think I have a lot that he should be hearing right now, especially. At a time like this, I think i actually have a kind of a lot of ideas about what could be going on what'd you say something about peeing i think she said worst pee no i would i would go into god's ears and i would say world peace call me crazy right like he hasn't had that idea. Like, I just love this is again, like I'm young. I've got the idea.

Like it's like, yeah, we've been working on that. It actually doesn't work. Like if you actually were, if you were kind of in the draft with us, like piecing through this and knew all the problems that we had encountered this is the best version

you're living it sweetie you go you go to Chris Kattan and you are hitting on him sexually sexual style and you say you tilt your glasses down

like that and then you wiggle the arms of your glasses like this and you say is there mrs peepers okay and then he goes unfortunately he goes unfortunately yes and then i and then i do come out and i'm saying bah and i'm kind of doing the kind of olympic physical olympics of comedy feeds like i'm on top of the stool and i'm kind of flipping around and i'm eating the apples as well and it's kind of like apples i mean can we plus apples how do we feel about and i want to get a sense of your range here what kind of peel thickness do we think we can really like take down yeah at that speed i think if we're like extrapolating on on a theme like if we have to like escalate from apples i think we got to start

eating things that are edible wow so we're skipping fruit entirely this is i mean you're talking about like i'm young like what are we using your youth for? If not to like have your bottom teeth scrape. I was going to say like an unripe grapefruit. That's good. Just have it spraying everywhere. You shred through a watermelon. That's good. But you're talking inorganic stuff.

Okay. Keep going. Throw somethinghmm. Let's, okay. Keep going. Throw something out. Nothing in the room. Do not pitch anything that you see in the room. Something out, something that is clearly not in the room. Something that's an idea that your brain makes. Just, like, off the top of the dome. Like, I was thinking, like, maybe, like, a bunch of chalk.

Chalk? Like, you know, I'm putting'm putting myself like in the scene like a big round piece of chalk if it's huge i mean this is why like the big chalk would have been great for the costco sketch like this is why i'm so frustrated is i just feel like we threw that one away but actually it is where a lot of your ideas live i don't know we could go back to costco i have one idea i have one idea and i want to see if you can do this and it does require some accent work actually might work with what you were what you were doing for costco so this idea is is james carvel and it is is the famous political mind um he has bought carvel ice cream and he wants to make cookie puss more cajun

so there's sort of a raging cajun version of cookie puss that he's advising cookie puss on how to like get out how to like really ingratiate he's advising carve bell on like deal with a scandal or something strategy for around cookie puss but everything is making cookie puss more cajun more cajun yes and sarah's like oh james car james carville yeah he's like he's too like he's a's a stefanobolus guy yeah i'm yeah okay so see how you do with that all right good luck like carl rove it's like okay y'all okay y'all no we could y'all we can move on we could do something else let's do i actually like this idea actually might do it if i host so i don't want to

i don't i don't want to leave i don't want to leave this taste in everyone's mouth of you trying to do the voice because it's like it's good it's gonna be too fresh in people's minds y'all okay yeah y'all fudgy the whale i cannot he doesn't say i cannot he doesn't say that he does not say i cannot with yeah actually famously has like a can-do spirit yeah yes is any it's uh it's tuesdays is um is a man called otto spoken for this week anyone Is a man called Otto spoken for this week? Anyone? Has anyone kind of named it? Well, I was kind of thinking. I was kind of like, okay, so it's Tuesday.

It is writing night. So I am taking the time out of my precious writing night to be here with you guys today. Okay, we're actually doing your job for you. But yeah, we're writing way better shit. So I was kind of thinking somebody comes up like i like famously like again like my range is small but powerful and like you know my one line can steal something away so maybe mikey day is playing tom hanks and and someone comes up to him and goes is there a woman called mrs otter okay you and he says unfortunately yes

unfortunately yes yeah oh and then i go was is there a cat i can get my hands on that's you now yes that's herman again okay okay i have this i have this i don't know if this is anything but just hearing you guys talk about it and maybe this makes it in the show this week um a man called auto erotic asphyxiation that's what we're experiencing right now as a country with cosco with now we're cooking with gas with costco you came in and gave me fucking nothing okay but with auto erotic just the entire sketch it scales so it builds so easily it's done it's it's done on the pitch things that are small can get so much bigger for this

um you know they take the tea and they go oh thank you and you go oh i'm sorry i forgot to offer you sugar and then there's a fucking sugar cube the size of a volkswagen bus okay hear me out hear me out it's your hand again okay yeah go ahead yes sarah sorry i thought you were doing what you're trying to cover the camera again okay when you come to kelly costco's house you might be eating in bulk let me tell you you're gonna be shitting in bulk as well no she doesn't talk about it at all she thinks these are normal it's not she thinks it's the regular size for it yeah yes but you guys don't think she has a big massive toilet for when everyone takes their big beefy dumpers after she does have a huge toilet she got it it's huge yeah or she has like where's the restroom and then she points where's the toilet

i got it right here she has a palette of toilets that are yeah i guess the toilet itself isn't bigger at costco they just have a bunch of them either one either one works so when i do this sketch this week do i have to like give you guys like producer credit or do i have to like again my i'll be hosting i can say this was my idea like i'm there so i'll just be like hey this part was my this was my idea he can introduce like instead of the way they come out for like the musical guest he can just come out like just in front of the stage and be like this ladies and gentlemen this one was my idea did i just go into that sketch yeah and then we just pop right into the sketches walk over into the stage i want to just put out there um turkey sorpresa which is a character

from spain who's like kind of the spanish thanksgiving santa claus and you're and you're doing like a holiday event at like a school or something like that and you want to honor like all different traditions around the holidays and so like you like you know we're doing christmas and hanukkah and quranza and also spanish thanksgiving which is represented by turkey sorpresa which is your character i think that's cool i had one this maybe is more in keeping with what you want to do it seems like you want to go sort of dirty so i was thinking maybe you could be you could be mini mouse and it's kind of like a sex in the city type thing where you're like telling daisy duck about how mickey blew your back out and i could say stuff like you know like i put my mini mussy to the pavement

you know i'm not gonna write that we famously have stopped saying that on the show but i do yes please sarah you had something i just also, again, your idea, yes, that, and I just want to add to it, maybe it's Biggie Mouse, Biglia Mouse. Oh, my gosh. Biglia Mouse. Micklia? Yeah.

I just, again, so it would be, again, just a scale thing. So it's whatever the specificity like you wanted to put on the character like i'm respecting that like i just want again put it in your mind kind of like we can play with scale here this is topic and uh and if i would prefer they be huge that's better for me and like people of my cohort it's easier for me to see them if they're gigantic than if they're small so this is like this is an improvement it can be like hbo max they're like selling off their catalog and like disney is like expanding and so they like bought this up so it's like i could be first it could be like a pre uh like whatever the cold open thing you know because it's like

in the news sort of um bart garfunkel it's just like that's kind of self-explanatory he has live he's like fully cartoon except his hair is like live action and and i guess for you he would be maybe reuniting with small simon and can i just like again off the the top of my head he could be like you know like he high shorts like that kind of something like in that maybe regard as well kevin i mean we've been saying that kevin's ready for this I do just want to see like if Kevin has any well here's my you're gonna be doing this like

by next week do you have any characters for I guess here's my big moment what about repo baby instead of nepo baby okay Sarah Sarah has something. Is there a Mrs. Repo baby?

Bye. We can go. We can go. Hollywood Handbook. That was a HeadGum Podcast.