Hollywood Handbook - Scott Aukerman, Our New Business Partner

Episode Date: May 19, 2026

The Boys bring in SCOTT AUKERMAN to sort out the details for the inevitable merging of their two shows. Get your tickets for the Comedy Bang! Bang! tour now!   Get a Hat Pack Hat here! Check out Sean and Hayes’s bonus shows at Patreon.com/HollywoodHandbook Listen on the iHeartRadio App!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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and sharp guests. Each episode digs into what these stories reveal about desire, fantasy, identity, and how we love now. Listen to the Radio 831 podcast on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, mm-hmm. Mm. Have you had Scott? Gutnuts? Is this new, this theme?

Something seems off about it. It seems different, no? Can we run it back with? I think Casey compressed the shit out of it. I'm realizing what it is. I don't listen to the show, so I'm not used to it. Casey's been saying it's lossy. Oh, what are you saying?

Gutnuts? Have you had gutnuts? No, what are these? Oh, let me grab them. Let me grab them. And this will be important for, um, if the merger does happen. Yeah. Which.

I've been, I've been on the horn with the top grass. Yeah. And my understanding is that they do not comment on rumors. That's fine. That's our job. At the high level. Hang on, I want to take the sticker off so people can't tell where I bought it. This is a food product or this is?

Oh, yeah. Is it like truck nuts? I put it on a, this is gut nuts. So this is gut nuts, guys. These gut nuts were invented by snack incident one day when I found my sprouting nuts bubbling. Hold on. You mispronounced a word. That's what I thought too.

And I actually wrote a letter to the company. You did. They're having fun. This is from Tim. Chief philosopher at philosophy foods. Oh, yes. They did. No, they were so nice in the letter back.

Really? Did they think they were dealing with like a five-year-old mentally challenged child? You know, I hate to speculate on exactly what they thought, but I know that they included a lot of stickers. Do people, when they write you letters say... A coloring book menu? When they write you letters to they say, here's who I think I'm dealing with. But you can get it from the context. Hey.

Here's my assessment of you, the recipient. Mm-hmm. You can get it from the context, can't you? Wait, are these fermentes? Gutnuts. Are these some of my feralds? Femence. Just ferments.

Just ferments. Yeah. Me and R.FK. Jr., we only eat ferments. Fermentos, can you imagine? Hayes, am I correct that when you found... You leave them out there sprouting? It's an accident. They're not fresh maker.

Hayes, when you found your sprouting nuts bubbling, I believe you called the hospital. What did they say? What did they say? They said, we think we're dealing with a sick five-year-old who's smart. A little smarter than he knows how to call the hospital. Who's neurodivergent. Yeah, sure.

But that is actually mentally an advantage for them. Yeah, that's a superpower. Mm-hmm. Yeah, Eureka, I realized they had fermented. And so following my gut, I tasted them. If we do end up murging, my understanding is, and while the top brass doesn't comment on rumors, that we will all be at your house. Recording in my house? That this entire shop is moving to your house.

And it's so exciting for us. We remember being under the same roof, but that it did feel a little impersonal. You guys would coach my guests a lot. I could not take a break in your bedroom. Yeah. Yeah. And the excitement I feel knowing that we'll be back working with you, that the work stuff, the studio stuff will all be there, but also that I could take a break, maybe even take a nap in your bedroom in your marital bed. Yeah.

That's exciting to me. And I actually heard something else. Oh. It's not just the companies that are. merging. The shows are merging. What? What? The shows themselves are merging.

Scop it. Yeah. No, I'm not going to scop. I'm going to continue. Comedy Bang Bang and Hollywood Handbook are becoming one show. One super show. Comedy would bang book. Oh my God. Where's the holly in that? Comedy would bang book house?

Colliewood. Where's the holly? You bring it with your jolly Christmas spirit. Oh, oh, ho. Oh,

indeed, scop. And so we so that's one side. You know, Casey? Is this a trick? Am I supposed to look

behind it? It's not a trick. He is. He is moving into your bathroom. I always struggle with the right way to say that word.

Yeah, I know. I'm going to do you. You said vase. It's not a silent V. I'm doing you now. Vos.

Gags. Yeah. I had been saying A. As. But that's, but you say, yeah, it's not a silent V. No. It's a full on hard V. Right.

Hard V. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no. So you guys are going to come over. Be in my house, live in my house, have sex with my wife. I'm crying a little bit.

I'm crying a little bit. Yeah, what's going on? So that's what I thought you meant when you said poach your guess. I was like, that's such a strange way to refer to that. To refer to me sleeping with your life. And I get what you guys have too. We all share everything. Isn't that what B got on? It's supposed to be a community. Mega podcast is all about. It used to be back at Earwolf, an actual community. It truly was. Where we share. I would have celebrities on. You would pester them after the show and say,

Hey, what if you did our show? I camp out right outside the door. And I go, actually, I don't. I've ever watched road rules? I heard you like podcasts. Little birdie told me. And that's what it's going to be like at my house. And you'll bring your wives, you'll bring your children. And we'll just, it's kind of a commune. Really special.

And you know what they could call me around the house? Love Dad. Like the old Earwolf show. Yeah. Oh, yeah. What was that? That was, it was Jeff. It was David Kekner.

That's right. Right. Yes. It was about parenting. Oh, right. Yes. Maybe the side of what we don't always discuss it. It was love Commodad. Cool.

And that's what we'll call him as well. Love Commodad. Love Commodad. Mm-hmm. Any punctuation in your name? Ooh, now I haven't picked my name yet. I haven't picked my name yet. And it has to be a show.

Well, it's going to have to be a show. It has to be an old earwork. First-gen old earwolf show. Okay. Let's riff through a couple. Shots fired. I think I could. I could really thrive if my name was Hard Nation.

Yeah. But I don't know. You're erectile dysfunction. So this is an attempt to combat that. Sure. Like mentally. For you. Well, yes.

If enough people are calling me Hard Nation, maybe I will internalize it. And then perhaps my pubis region will begin to function again. Specifically your penis. Well, that's the main area that I'm worried about. It's a region-wide issue. But the zone itself, I can just feel that some of the other stuff is not going right. Do you guys know what the biggest organ on your body is? Oh, interesting. This is the kind of brain teaser that I love. The imagination. It's your penis. Love. Oh. Yeah. That's the biggest organ of the human body. Now that's It's starting to make sense.

The human pebus. If you play your cards right. Wow. Okay. Hmm. So just to, yeah, just keep that in mind. We could have given me a thousand guesses. And you wouldn't have come up with that?

Would not have gotten there. Yeah. Yep. Well, this is exciting, guys. I'm really happy that we're going to be working together. And we're going to be, and so nice. And so how do you want to break the show up? Do you want to do like half of it is me?

Half of it is you? Do you just want to do, do you want to do the? comedy bang bang stuff with me um i would love to what i would love to know what it is what is it now what is the stuff like i know what it was comedy bang bang yeah it used to have you guys on yes you'd be hanging around and i would be there sorry for you these fucking guys yeah yeah maybe if i let them read that or something they'll go away sure and that was fun for a while but you know but to everything there is a season if you're feeding you know bread to the geese or whatever, they're just going to keep coming back and get more aggressive.

And ultimately we worked our way onto the show itself. So you would bring us on to do ads. We can say this now for companies that you had shorted in advance. Yes. And by doing the advertisement, it's sort of a major league or the producers type scheme, you could profit off the failures of the companies. No, I don't think so. I mean, you mentioned the term sorting.

No, I don't think. I don't see the connection. Modern one that actually uses that term and the title. I don't think that's an appropriate reference. And so we would do the show. And to your frustration, both our stock and the companies would rise precipitously. Yeah. It was because you have this whole, it's so bad it's good. Or Major League.

Yeah. How do they do this in Major League? In Major League, they recruit. They recruit. They're just a rag tag team. Oh, they're recruited in order to tank the scene. They intentionally recruit the most problematic players in the league, guys with no value, so that the team will lose the actor Charlie Sheen, for example. I think he was playing a character actually in that.

Well, he's quite a character. It's why we're all obsessed with tiger blood. I understand why you are misunderstanding me. It's very common, but he was actually playing, I could look it up if you want, but he was playing someone with a different name even. It might have actually been Charlie, come to think of it. What are that, what are the, if you had to bet. That's sounding to me more and more like it was the after Charlie sheet and the way

you're described. Uh-huh. If his character's name was Charlie in Major League, would you bet for or against? I think, well, let's do it. Let's see what we could. I'm going to take, okay. I'm going to take against. Against that his name was Charlie.

You got to take the field on that. all the other names it could be. I think that's pretty smart. Yeah, I think it's safe. Especially knowing the character's name. Yeah, I do. I do as well. We both do.

What is it, guys? I believe it's Ricky Wild Thing Vaughn. Yeah, Rick Wilde, think Vaughn. Why do you guys know this? We love the movies. Our thing is having seen movies. I know you are very invested in the idea that you never see a movie before. This is Hayes and Sean have to see.

And you were on on I do a podcast where which one is my camera this one this one so they're all going to be capturing you And then and then we will film ourselves separately later I do I do a show called Scott hasn't seen which is all about movies that I haven't seen with the fake guy With the fake guy with a fake guy And you guys were on the first episode is that right? It was pretty early on Yeah It was one or two and we watched Space Jam together We watched the Space Jam 2. Oh, it was two because I had seen.

But you don't know. To you, it's Space Jam. Yeah, exactly. And that was fun. And then you have not returned. I have not. Oh, wow. What did you watch?

Wow. We watched Empire Records. And what was the thinking there? You really liked it, right? As a team. Sounds like fun. I had loved it. But Hayes, you have to understand.

Yeah. turned your back on comedy. Mm-hmm. When you started doing the show. I turned. I turned. You, you decided.

Hey, yeah, I'm enjoying it. You know what I mean? And it's, by the way, I'm part of the show, you know, but I'm taking it on the chin and it's making me laugh. This is like the Kevin Hart roast. Right.

Yes. It's going to get a little offensive in here. Yeah. But we're all going to enjoy it. Okay. Yeah. Um, you,

you decide you didn't want to be a part of comedy. Let me freeze my face and a pained. You decide, hey, I'm going to try to make a difference in the world, which we all respected. And then you realized that's not possible. And you said, you know what, I'm just going to get back into doing comedy again. You got me. Hey, I took the check. I did the comedy festival.

I got to take the hit. Who, what did you enjoy? What was your favorite? premise of the just for the Kevin Hartroast joke from the Kevin Hart roast joke premise yeah so not the punchline his size his ubiquity

well does it have to be on Kevin okay doesn't have to be on Kevin because everyone took some licks there they did yeah I mean it seemed like a lot of them were possibly not exactly heterosexual well everybody was being gay

well they were saying he was being gay they were saying kill Tony was oh kill to and and I'm confused because I'm not you know I'm I'm I don't know the lore you know what I mean I don't uh it is hard now it's hard it's hard can hasn't seen the lore yeah it's like you know I don't know every Wu-Tang clan affiliate I don't know every kill Tony person are are they all gay every single for both groups every single one is being gay uh capadonna's buy okay cool I heard that yeah on the deal or That I actually even I don't know. Okay, yeah.

But these guys in Kill Tony? He's on the disabled list for being by. Okay, cool. These guys in Kill Tony, this is a group? Or it's a... Well, that's interesting. You brought them up. He brought them up.

What? Maybe you were talking to him when you said that. Well, my camera is right behind you. He was talking about someone... Where's my coverage? Not being heterosexual. I was assuming it was a reference. I only saw a handful of...

jokes from the show, but some of them were going at this Kill Tony fella. Right, right, right. And they were not saying that he was sleeping with women. They were not pulling any punches when it came to him. And I, and I, you know, look, you guys know my comedy. I'm an equal opportunity

offender. Yes. Everybody gets it from you. Everyone gets it except why. You're by and your comedy. Exactly. Because you, you don't give a shit. You know, either side. You'll stick it anywhere. comedy wise. You will stick it into anything. And what you're sticking in is your razor sharp humor.

Yeah. Other than for white people and for straight people. But yes, you're right. I'll do that. There's nothing to say there. What's funny about that? First of all, I think they've gotten enough of a hard time the past few years. Honestly, like the past since late 60s, you know what I mean?

Is there anything worse than being a white guy these days? It's been open season on these motherfuckers. I remember graduating from college at that time and thinking, here we go, you know. Now, I'm certainly going to get opportunities. Oh, yeah. In the workplace. And you made a good living.

Yeah. I guess, but. But imagine what I could have did. Yeah. I could have had literally everything in the world. Zero friction whatsoever. I could have not even had to do anything. Yeah.

And now you were, as I recall your story, you started in New York, then you came out to L.A. and got an immediate job. In fact, the only problem that you had was my wife wouldn't let you into the theater one night. Well, your wife wouldn't let me into the theater prior to me moving here. Oh, that's right. I was still in New York. That was an issue. That was the one piece of the way you were to sleeping with your wife is so all these euphemisms. So to see an Asian woman not letting you a white man do something that had to hurt. And that's part of what we're talking about with this new society. Didn't feel good, and I couldn't help but think that 60, 70 years earlier.

Yeah, you would have just breezed right into that theater. I would have been the one deciding who comes into the theater. You know what I mean? Is that what you wanted? And I would have been in there. I want both jobs. The watching a show and admitting to taking tickets? Mm-hmm.

That's fun. So you turned your back on comedy that night as well. Yeah. By force. Oh, yeah. When he was thrown out on his rear. And then you've worked steadily since. then and you have a movie coming out and Scott the show's about you I mean you know what I mean

people listen to this they don't want to hear what I'm doing you got a you got a whole big tour coming up sure this was inspired theater tour we we thought can we just do this in one theater yeah like the world's largest maybe one theater that moves around yeah yeah on wheels yeah yeah yeah that's probably the easiest way to do it put it on wheels yeah oh yeah yeah yeah yeah so you're gonna roll it everywhere Yeah. Yeah. To orgasm.

To orgasm. You see his new look? Dane Cook's new look? Yeah, he's styled himself a little bit differently lately. Yeah. It's nice. It's a little more respectable. You know what I mean?

I don't really like to comment on people's look a lot. It's called turning 40. Yeah. No, I just think it's normal. I think it's great because, like, my father always told me, like, you want to look kind of normal if you ever get arrested you know you don't want any tattoos

anywhere below this level on your cuffs anywhere above your shirt collar and Dane Cook you know God love him he's he's been he looks too cool most of the time and so for him to look like he looks now it's kind of like yeah great

gonna be better for him when he gets arrested yeah that's nice yeah who would you out of anyone in comedy who would you who do you think will get arrested and sent to jail for like 20 years and who do you think should get arrested because they've done something bad but you think they won't because you think they'll get away with it and then who would you want to be arrested even though they haven't done anything but you'd want them to be like go into a kangaroo court and then be thrown in jail for a long time because you just hate them three three prong question Hmm. Okay. So it's, we'll get arrested. We'll get arrested and we'll go to jail for 20 years. They did something. We're doing something wrong. Won't get arrested, but I know they've done something wrong. But they did something that should get them arrested and they should go to jail for 20 years. But you know that because of the system or maybe they have, you know, they're people of privilege, you know, they'll, they have high powered lawyers, they'll get off, you know. And then who would you want to go to prison? Wrongfully imprisoned.

Wrongfully in prison. Despite not committing a crime. Yeah. Shotshank redemption stuff. Some sort of comedy crime, I assume. Should we just riff through some names so that we get clips where you know how sometimes they'll be like they said this was going to happen? This could be really nice. You know?

Yeah. We can look really smart a few years from now where it's like taking up this old clip. Boy, they were. These guys were telling us. Boy, this was an open secret. Yes. Yeah. So you say.

They tried to warn us. Scott and the boys tried to warn us. tried to warn us. Yeah. Oh, I'll start Gene Smart. Mm-hmm. Yes.

Who, which, which category? Mm-hmm. I think in, you put it, you cut, see, you can edit it.

Oh, yeah, edited it. Mm-hmm. I think in the category of didn't do anything, but I would like to see be arrested is Jeffrey Epstein.

Okay. Epstein, we got to get. Uh, just in comedy world, you said Steve Corell from the office. I'll go with another office guy. Blowjob Novak. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Is that what the BJ stands for? I never knew that. The EPSC thing. It does when I see him. I'm a fan. Not to like, you give him a blowjob? That's right, King. Because you're such a big fan of this.

That's the implication. And he wants one? Well, I mean, it's his name. That doesn't mean he necessarily wants one. Yeah. My name's Hayes. You force a blowjob on him? That's not no.

I, no. No. No. What about, uh, Like old earwolf people Do you want to expand on the Epstein thing Where you think You think he deserves punishment

No But not for the reasons that everyone said Yeah Right He was just annoying Right I think he was innocent Yeah right

You know But what's like It's kind of a try hard You're saying Yeah exactly To the feds Like You're so close

If you just shift your focus Just a little bit to the left. My point is you guys are on top now with the merger and you don't need to play these silly games. Okay? You don't need to be coming at other comedians. No, I didn't want to. I feel like I was kind of painted into a corner.

You need to be, look, look. Oh. Punch up. Well, Adam McKay told me don't look up. It's good advice. And I'm believing nominated for Academy Award for doing that. I hope so. Yeah, you're bringing up the big.

This is the year going through the rest of the filmography. You think he'll be nominated this year for it? Or don't look up. Yep. I hope so. It's got to happen. They don't call it a punchdown session in your little writer's rooms. No, no, no.

And they are getting little, they are getting smaller and smaller? Mm-hmm. It's a very few seats. Mm-hmm. Sometimes it's just you and another guy across a table. Well, yeah. I'm Cynthia Lois and I'm Josie Dye. And we're done pretending we have it all figured out.

Each week we laugh, cry, and talk our way through life's messiest moments. The things you think about but would never say out loud. The questions you are always too shy to ask. Relationships, regrets, awkward moments, and the stuff no one warns you about. It's honest, it's funny, and sometimes it gets a little uncomfortable. But that's kind of the point. This is Cynthia and Josie's Unmentionables. Listen on the free IHeart Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

Another podcast from some SNL late-night comedy guy, not quite. Unhumor me with Robert Smygel and Friends. Me and hilarious guests from Bob Odenkirk to David Letterman help make you funnier. This week, my guest, SNL's Mikey Day and head writer Streeter Seidel help an a cappella band with their between songs banter. Where does your group perform? We do some retirement homes. Those people are starving for banter.

Listen to humor me with Robert Smigel and Friends on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get. your podcasts. There are times when the mind becomes a difficult place to live. This is David Eagelman with the Inner Cosmos podcast, and for Mental Health Awareness Month, we're dedicating a series to understanding the mind when it struggles. I'm joined by doctors, researchers, and those with lived experience. We'll talk with singer-songwriter Jewel about anxiety. I started living in my car, and then my car got stolen. I was shoplifting. I was having panic attacks. I was and making it through hardship.

To be present is a learned skill, and it's hard to be present. We'll talk with John Nelson about clinical depression and the brain implant that saved his life. What I learned is that procedure made me happy because I'm disease-free. And we'll talk with leading experts like Judd Brewer about anxiety, and John Hirschfield about obsessive-compulsive disorder, and the science of how the brain can change. This is a month of deeply personal and honest conversations about what happens when the brain goes off course and what we can do about it. Listen to Inner Cosmos on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey, everyone, it's Ryder Strong and Will Ferdell from PodMeets World. And now the Pod Meets Twirled podcast. We're two men who were completely clueless to reality TV, who now have covered Dancing with the Stars, traitors, and we're gearing up for the season finale of Survile. So yeah, now we're experts. I know we annoyed a lot of our listeners by our severe lack of survivor knowledge. That is the point of the show. I'm just going to remind you. I have watched some survivor.

I obviously haven't watched enough. Did people not like it? Yeah. Just because we? Yeah. We'll be recapping the big conclusion in the 50th season from the final attempts at gameplay to the desperate pleas of finalists to a bunch of, ha, who. Ha, ha, ha, who.

Again, we are exes. So make sure to tune in to Pod Meets Twirled for all our Survivor 50 takes. Listen to PodMeets Twirled on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You're flying across the country. You're going to all these different theaters. Must be very expensive for you to do that. But you love it. I understand that you love it.

But it also must cost you. Bring it back to comment. Must cost you a huge amount of money. So going to all these different places? Yes. Gasp being what it is. We lose money every show. Okay.

Talk about being inspired by the Riyadh comedy festival and how you thought, couldn't the comedy be happening in all these other cities as well? Where I'm sure there's also been conflicting things. It was the first time that I really had heard about, oh, wait, you travel to another place and then you bring laughs to a very deserving group of people. And that brings joy into the world? Huh. Let me investigate it over here.

And then I called up a theater. I was like, you've heard of the Riyadh Comedy Festival, right? And they were like, of course. Yeah. What if we did a version of it here in the States and in Canada and UK and Ireland? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

You know. And it's me. And it's me. And I'm doing the comedy. And it's me odd comedy. And it's me. It's the me odd. And I am a bit odd.

Mm-hmm. I drive a me odd. That's where some of the comedy comes from is some of the odd behavior. Some of it, some of it. Well, some of it comes from just observable observation. I'm the guy sitting behind the guy who's wild and crazy. Yeah, and I'm just studying her. Are you guys seeing this?

Am I the only one who's noticed this? Is the world crazy or am I crazy? Or is he crazy or some combination? Or are we all crazy? Because we're all laughing about some of this stuff because we're recognizing ourselves in it. I'm so glad you said this. Because this is comedy to me. is the fact that we can all sit around and be like,

oh, you know what, this guy has success. And this guy gets to be in Kill Tony, and I don't get to be in Kill Tony. Yes. And it's not about that. It's about we all are fucked in the head. We're so crazy. And we're so strange.

And to have an outlet for that and to have a way to have people, to have people like to hear us and to respond to, to make that noise, that ha, that ha, ha, I love it. Let me ask you a question. Let me ask you a question. What is the single most satisfying syllable in the English language? Oh.

Oh. Is it O? You're so close. So that's so close. Reverest it? I always think you really close to that. It's ooh. Yes.

That can be. Ooh. Oh. Reverse O. Oh. That's not the reverse of O. That's the reverse of Huh-uh

Ah Uh Oh Take out the O Oh Put in the O What do you get Ho-ha

Hollywood handbook Is that what you guys Call each other Hey Right Ho-ha No ha Ha

here. These go up. And two, pushing mine up. Wouldn't it be great if these were way up high, plenty down? I don't think they knew how tall we were going to be today. There we go.

I don't think they knew. The, yeah, the unbelievable medicine that it can be the, the salve, the healing balm that you can receive. Because your life can be a shit show. Pardon my.

Like a disaster. No, no, no. Honestly, I think it's necessary. Sometimes it's necessary. Sometimes it's necessary. Your life can be so bad sometimes, you know, you can be. It is, yeah. You can be, I'm trying to think of a bad situation.

I'm having a hard time imagining it because my life has been so good. Let me see. You can, let's see, I started doing comedy and my second performance, Bob Odenk, recruited me to work on Mr. Show. So what was bad? I guess there was a year where the Mr. Show movie didn't come out exactly like what we've wanted it to be

that was bad I'm sorry that happens to you Scott so I mean something like that you know you can like put out of a major motion picture to someone who was like 26 or something instead of 23 when it didn't yeah I was 28 yeah

I'm sorry Scott yeah I didn't get about that. I didn't get into comedy until my mid-20s because I was too busy, Scott. Getting a lot of pussy. So, after I put that up. Scott, that must have been

that must be so hard to focus on comedy. And people say like, I'm drowning in it. Like, that's literally a cry for hell. No, like, they're supposed to rescue you from that. Yes. No, someone's drowning in general. Throw me a dingy. I'm certainly throwing one. I got one right here. If anyone

needs one, if you know what I'm saying. And these are the jokes we would make. I do. I, And mine's going to start working again soon too as well. That was the 90s, though. Yep. You know? That was a different time in comedy. You could do a little bit more.

The oh 90s, 2009. You can't do stuff like that today. Yeah, no, they really put the clamps on us. Every time I think of a joke, I go, I can't say that anymore. But to that end, you have these observing powers, and you've accumulated so much knowledge of the comedy world. You've been doing this show for a long time.

And to talk about how this tour is you're the one being all the stupid fake goofballs this time. And everyone else has to sit around and watch you do your bullshit. Because you've had to sit through theirs. That's exactly what we're doing this time. We're doing reverse comedy bank. This is literally what you're doing. you're doing. I'm,

I, the tour. It's bang, bang, bang, comedy. If you've seen comedy bang bang bang, the,

the previous tours, I come out as myself and then other comedians like Paul F. Tompkins, Lauren Lapkus, the rest, they all come out as fake people.

Yeah. We said this year, let's flip it. They're all real. They're all just themselves. They all come out at once. And low energy, is that right?

Yeah, they're all low energy. Yeah. Beautiful. And low energy and people kind of go like, how did he fall? How did they?

I mean, because it's, how do they fall into doing this when they're not even, you know, they have no training? And then you kind of take them through their whole career and go, no, no, no, you got to understand. I started doing comedy when I was 25 at my second performance. Bob Oden Kirk came up and said, you got something. Will you work on my show? And then you take them through and you kind of make them understand like the history. And they say, Bob Odenkirk is nobody and you haven't seen the movie. You don't know.

You don't see movies. That's your thing. That's my thing. So you think that's insulting to you. Hey, hang on. He's a big influence. He was a mentor to me. Yeah.

And they're like, hold on, hold on, stop beating the shit out of me. Yeah. He has a movie called nobody. And then I'm like, I don't know. I hasn't seen. I hasn't seen. I hasn't seen. And that happens almost every night.

Every night. Every night. Yeah. Anyway, so it's a reverse. comedy bang bang and it's going to be pretty bad well are there still tickets available

get your tickets yeah yeah so there's tickets out there so please do buy them what's one by Dubai Dubai maybe another comedy festival oh yeah uh Dubai sounds like Capadana Dubai we tried that we did a boo bye comedy festival audience said boo we said bye

that was the end of the festival I'll tell you what No, but I'm joking around, but the live shows haven't been going great, Scott. Your live shows? Yeah. Yeah. When do you do live shows? That's part of the problem. The scheduling has been very good-paneful.

We are available a lot, but the audience seems to have a lot of conflict. Yeah, I'm surprised, honestly, Hayes that you're here, because the last couple of times I've done the show, you've been on a big giant video screen. Like, you can't even deign to come to a show. that I, you know, like, what's going on with you? Excuse me. Eric Dane passed away. The minute I said it, I was like.

You want to see somebody get McSteamy. You disrespect that man in this house. I'm so sorry. I apologize to Rebecca Gayhart. What's my camera? Excuse me. Please don't call her that. I'm sorry, what is it?

This isn't the Kevin Hart roast. Jeez, Louise. I apologize to Rebecca. She's Noxema girl I apologize I apologize I'm so sorry But yeah

It's gonna be a lot of fun And I'm so glad to be back on this show And you know You guys How long have you been doing this? Yeah I love that question I love that question Especially from you Scott

Because we've been doing it as long as you allowed us to You gave us our start You pushed us off from shore I did And then every now and then you circle back. You take your little speedboat and you zip back and you go, how's it going back there? And we go, still working, still trying to catch up.

Can I just say what a pleasure it is to share a room with someone that looks like they're auditioning for someone who just injected heroin? Our friend over here. He's in a corner holding his arm. He looks like he's an abscess in it. He didn't, like he doesn't have props. He doesn't have like the work. to like tie himself off or whatever. No, he does have a, he has a band, like midway up his arm.

No. And that, but that, that can be taught. But a lot of what he's bringing, you can't teach. The two different colored socks, which are only apparent because the pants are eight inches too short. And of course, this is like the gentle stroking of the arm. Yeah. In the spot where he's like Dr. Evil without his cat. He got the jab.

Mr. Biggelsworth, remember? Because what words? Mr. Bigglesworth. Mr. Bigglesworth. Mm-hmm. And so he has seen some stuff. I... Well, the show's been going on for a while.

I got to admit. I have to say... I mean, I was part of that franchise, so it's like... Right, of course. Yeah. At age... At age 33. 31.

Yeah, don't age him up. 31. I was 31 when that came out. I shot it when I was 30. So, yeah. Bowler hat. Didn't wear a bowler hat as far as I should have. That was the character's name, bowler hat.

Wasn't the character named bowler hat? No, but you know what? I went to high school with a certain gentleman from the first Austin Powers movie who wears a bowler hat. Random task. Random task. Yeah. Wow, you went to high school with a random task. And he ended up in jail for a very long time.

Okay, so that's my pick then, I guess, for who will get arrested. Random task, random task. Who didn't do anything but should have been arrested? that's interesting well let me pass that on to the families of his victims that's not going to mean anything to them they don't know what the fuck and victims could be any number like it could be two and it could be from the same family so that would just even be what

there's a few more than two look at his Wikipedia page okay geez okay yeah well I guess I'll be uh staying up late to read random tasks Wikipedia page any other homework for me Scott well I mean quite honestly some of my other alumni that I went to Cypress High with

Justin Lin of the Fast and Furious Yeah, sure You could read his Wikipedia page That might be fun for you Yeah, that could be interesting for me Might learn a thing or two Might jump behind the lens

You ever You want to direct? You have any aspirations Do you have any aspirations to direct? Have you ever wanted to direct Because you have a movie coming out You've got an eye for things You got an eye for talent for one thing.

You spotted us. And you also have, you know, not afraid to say it. Yeah. What are you not afraid to say? Go ahead. You've been able to identify some pretty big stars, got their start on your own show. You may want to, you may want to use that to direct. Ben Stiller, started on my show.

Bill Sterler. Ben Stiller. Will Ferrell. Started on my show. He's your boss, right? Yep. That's our boss here, yeah. Yeah.

And that makes you our boss again. Mm-hmm. He and I are going to run this new merged network. And IOS is part of our family tree, which means that she's part of yours. Craig, I love this. Let's combine it. Why are we doing two separate shows? Why are we fighting?

We aren't. Why are we to do a separate shows? The premises that we are. And you remember just a little bit ago, the premises that we're doing one merged show. Yes. I know the premise. That's what I'm saying. But we don't have to do.

What's going to be great about doing the show together? Because it is two shows together. We don't have to do just one. premise the whole episode. Yeah, okay. Yeah, let's do too. I'm saying when the merger happens, and it hasn't gone through yet, we're going to do one show. It saves people time. It saves people money. I love it. Merger most foul. Mm-hmm. Merger by death. There's so many things. Merger she wrote. There's so many. There's just so many merger on the Orient Express. Yeah. Merger in the first, dude.

Dial. How to get away with merger, everything like, throw more. merger from the train? Yeah, absolutely, yeah. Throw a mama from the merger. Throw a merger onto mama? Three mergers in the fountain. It's a story of a lovely merger. Now, what is that?

That what I don't know. Well, that one is actually a merger. That actually was. Merger of two families and one lonely made. Wow. Yeah. Who's made what she before? Are they ever talk about that?

I don't think they ever talked about that. And this is good because this is... She was already in the house, maybe. Yeah, she was the house's made, right? And then they said like, but he designed the house, didn't he? Mike Brady? Yeah. It was Mike's made.

Right. So he designed her as part of it. Yeah. Came to life like Ruby Sparks. He was an architect who, man, he looks so fucking bored. It's, no, it's, we hit his veins, like pure fentanyl. And so he's in ecstasy right now. Yes. He's blistered.

Yes. This is the not. This is the best part. Because this, doing the show is such an odd combination of hearing a gentleman named Matt Apodaca laugh uproariously just off in another room. And this guy looking like he's going to kill himself the entire time that we're speaking. It's just, it's an odd combo. Well, here's the general public's reaction to the show.

And then the very narrow fan base of people exactly like Matt Apodaca. Who's one of a kind for better and worse? Yeah. So it is, you know, it's bringing back to podcasts what's been missing from them. Is that live feel, you know, the immediate feedback. Of someone almost snoring. The beauty of the bomb, right? Yeah.

That's where you're really toughen up. Yeah. You guys, that happened to you at that festival, right? That Conan O'Brien was at her? Which one, you know? You guys We bombed everywhere Every festival there was

Yeah And it turned into a great episode For us And we wish we'd be able to Replicate it But we never bombed again Oh no Sorry

That would have been so good For us to be able to do Another episode Like our most successful one From that point on But we were unable to recreate it It wasn't bad enough That you like do a whole episode

About it We didn't do anything good enough To be a good episode like that one or bad enough. Well, you guys should come on tour with me and well, now that we're merged. It is one show. The question that remains on the table is Vimeo.

We all of our shows are on Vimeo. All right, I'll take me down. It's time. You'll what? Take all of your shows off Vimeo. Off Vimeo? Is that what you're saying? Wait a minute.

This mustache is adding so much to your funny faces. I have to say this is a good move for you. Look at that. Look at that. Wow. And the face he's making now is very funny. He couldn't have done that with no mustache. No.

Imagine you without a mustache doing that. I'd be like, this guy, he's got nothing. Let me raise an alternate proposal. Okay. We stay on Vimeo. And you put all your stuff on there too. What does that mean? It means that.

What is on Vimeo? What are you talking? I don't know. You set up with you, man. I don't know what this guy's talking about. So those cameras are Vimeo cameras. Everything we do in here. Pivot to Vimeo.

Goes online. To Vimeo? Yes. Not YouTube? It's a YouTube Vimeo. They're Vimeo taped. They're Vimeo taped. They become YouTube Vimeos.

I don't know. Casey must be watching a different comedy film in the booth. right now. Excuse me. Sorry. Casey and I, you know, like, you guys are getting into directing. Like, we actually know what we're talking about here. So, like, he understands what I'm saying.

Yeah. Look, I'm game because whatever you guys are doing, it's obviously successful enough that we need to merge. Yeah. Because you guys are the flagship show of whatever this is. It's starting to look that way. Have you thought about Scott? Have you thought about this? Three Ferns.

Oh. Three ferns. Did you say three ferns? Bethrean, bethreen, bethreen three. Was someone in here the other day talking to us about between two ferns? Yeah. Who? Who?

Who? Chuck Closterman. Yeah. He was asking. Yeah. How does that work? He wanted to know. Because we said that we were involved.

He was like, do they write that out? I said, in fact, not only do they write it out, I know exactly who writes it out. he's the fight club guy no who is he that's Chuck Polaniak he's sexed he's sexually and coca puffs no no the guy

the guy who's in fight club that's Chuck Norris yeah look I'm game I'll tell him the whole thing okay let me get you guys together is he still on the Zoom Kevin is he still on the Zoom

he refused to leave he refused to leave the Zoom oh really yeah yeah that's how desperately refused to come in person. Just enjoyed it, wants to do it again.

Yeah. Yeah. To answer your question, Sean, if we were going to do a sequel, it was going to be called between two and then the number ferns, colon, three ferns. But no one,

not enough people watched it. Between two and then the number ferns. And the number ferns. Colin. Cologne. Three ferns. Yeah. All of those words.

Between two. And then. The number ferns. Did they know about this? Because I think that I might have put them over them. I think the views may not matter if we have a title like this. That's a good point. And I'd love to see you guys in between the ferns.

Is that why you're asking about the ferns? Because like one on each side of you and then one right in the middle. We might need three ferns so that we're each technically between two ferns, Hayes and I. Okay. I can see this. Yeah. I would love to have you guys on. What would you ask us?

If we're between them, what kind of stuff? Because I know you're going to get us. And we deserve it. Yeah. Nothing about being gay. Don't do that because just because. Are you guys gay? No.

And that's why I don't want a question that is making it look like I am. If I was, I would say, ask away, you know. If I were up there at the roast, I'd say, there's been a huge misunderstanding. I am not gay. I'd say, I'd say, hey, guys. nice try and all but how can I be gay if my dick

doesn't even work see you're trying to embarrass me with this it's not possible yeah the thing doesn't do anything yeah what show is doing the worst right now out of our combined networks

on the tour on the tour what show needs what show is on life support what show needs the injection I think San Antonio, Texas, probably. I'm not going to walk. I can't go there. Wait, you guys were proposing that you would... I'm not going to go to San Antonio, Texas.

I like you. To watch you? I like you. To watch the show? I'm not going to go to San Antonio, Texas to see you on tour. How far away will you go? What's the show that like needs, like... What show would need us?

I told you. I told you the show. But like within reason. San Antonio is one of the closest ones we're doing, and you won't even go there. What shows doing the worst on Comedy Bang Bang World? You were going to answer. Oh, I know I meant on our combined networks. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's ours. Yeah. Bye. I, look, you guys. Oh. Hollywood Handbook. Another podcast from some SNL late night comedy guy, not quite. Unhumor me with Robert Smygel and friends.

me and hilarious guests from Bob Odenkirk to David Letterman help make you funnier. This week, my guest, SNL's Mikey Day and head writer Streeter Seidel, help an a cappella band with their between songs banter. Where does your group perform? We do some retirement homes. Those people are starving for banter. Listen to humor me with Robert Smigel and friends on the I-Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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