Hollywood Handbook - Scott Aukerman, Our WTF Friend

Episode Date: July 15, 2025

The Boys talk to SCOTT AUKERMAN about taking over WTF with Marc Maron.Get a Hat Pack Hat here!Watch the video of today’s episode at Patreon.com/HollywoodHandbook This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Hollywood Handbook via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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with a paranormal twist? The entire Oracle trilogy is available on Audible. Listen now on Audible. Available on Audible. Listen now on Audible. ["Rip a Grit"] Who do shoes on? You gotta, you going shoes on for this one? I guess, yeah. Yeah.

Cause here's my idea. I'm not accustomed to taking my shoes off for a show. This is one of my ideas. You know, like we're sitting doing the show and like we're talking on the podcast. Isn't that what podcasts are? But then everything else is not being optimized, right? Mm-hmm.

Every other part of us. So what if we're all sitting crisscross applesauce? Mm-hmm. I don't think I can get my body in that position, to be honest. This is not my first time. Do you do yoga? Do you do yoga? I would love to say that I just like sat down here

and just like did this, but this was like. We've been working on this for a couple of months. Yeah. This has been in beta. You don't think I'm doing it? You look like you've been doing it for the first time. You don't think I'm doing it? In your life.

Well, one thing is, the chair's a little, the chair's a little bit, my chair's a little skinnier. Yeah, your chair's skinnier than that. Well, okay, I'll give you that. I'll give you that. Thank you for giving me that. I'll take that. I'll take it from you.

You were saying for a while, what is this for? It's so big. Oh, it's for crisscross applesauce. Yeah. I was spreading. You're proportionately smaller than him as that couch is to that couch. So.

Do you really think so? I think so. Yeah. Okay. Let's run the numbers. Let's get it going. What is your width? This width over here? No, your body's width. Oh. Everyone talks about your height, but no one ever talks about your width. I mean, I guess I'm like two and a half. Two and a half, you think? Two and a half. And what's your width?

Yeah. As the crow flies. One. This one, yeah. And that's about the same with these. No, I just didn't think, Jesus Christ, two and a half. Let me see, one, yeah, you're about one. Yeah, I'm one.

Yeah. I didn't realize I was that much less wide. Yeah. And so it's up here. So what are you talking about when you talk about opposite? It's a podcast. Thank you so much for walking into that concept. Podcast up top.

Podcast up here. Little egg down here. Little egg that you sit on. We're incubating an egg. You sit on top of an egg for the whole show. And then you're using the lower half of your body because the egg can be getting warmth from you. Is this an egg that has some sort of baby in it or just any egg?

Yeah. I mean, I would want it to have a baby, if not a baby person, at least some sort of baby mammal. Okay. Kevin, can you get your wife down here? Um, we can get, maybe we could sit on her stomach or something while we do the show. They hate when you ask them to just like lay an egg like that. Yeah, they don't like to think of it that way, even though that's definitely what it is.

They don't like it when you ask them to do it and when you ask them not to do it. I don't even know which one is worse. Yeah, but they do want to be asked. That's the problem. Oh yes. I'm sorry, I'm still sticking a little bit on him saying that he's two and a half. Two and a half. Do I need to stop saying wide load coming through

when I walk into a room? I think you have to. I can't say that anymore, cause I'm realizing like, well, if he's two and a half, what are you? I'm so sorry to ask. I'm only like two and a quarter. But then I shouldn't say wide load coming through.

When you're walking in a row. And I'm only one. Yeah, no, definitely not. Just oversized load. Just load coming through, I think is okay. Load. Just anytime you walk in a door, just make sure you say load.

Load coming through. Yeah, I don't even need to say coming through. Yeah. Load. Just load. You know what you could do just to create the wide load illusion is walk through, like turn to the side.

Turn sideways like I need to. Like you really need to. Yeah. Although every time I hit a doorway, I kind of stop like, uh-oh. What's your depth though? And I can kind of do this. What's your depth?

That's right, he's very deep. I am deep as hell. Really, are you like a three? He goes back. Three and an eighth. Three and an eighth deep, but only one width. And then what's the height? You're five, let me guess. Five, five.

Five, five, so five, five, one width and then three and an eight theme. Those are some interesting proportions. Yeah. I mean, you know, it's like, hey, everybody's, you know, everybody's body, right, is gonna do what it's gonna do. Body's gonna body.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I'm just imagining you coming out of your mother with that much death. When she laid an egg. Yeah, when she did that too. Which she hates when I describe that. Yeah. Yes.

So, I mean, this has been fun. No, this was really great. Really nice. Thank you so much for stopping by. This has been awesome. But. And can we just like sit in gratitude for a second that like we're all.

I'm not sitting like this. No matter what you're trying to get me to do, I still have not heard about this optimization. We're only talking about sitting in gratitude. No, the optimization is the egg. Okay, the egg. No, we don't lay the eggs. These are good bits, but can we?

But we're sitting in gratitude for a moment. Okay. We're all here. We're still here. It's been a long journey that we've been on together. We're still here. We're still here. It's been a long journey that we've been on together. We're still here. We're still here. Is this, I'm just confused.

What is this? Me too, I never thought. I mean, you told me. Wait a minute, how'd this happen? I'm scratching my hair. I told you, twer, years ago. It's a little like my body proportions. The math ain't mathin', and yet.

Yeah. We're all here. Is this all that's happening? Everyone else. Are we really? Everyone else is dead. Everyone else is dead. Everyone else is dead that we, that we started on this journey with.

Everyone who tried to do it. Podcasting is a, it's a risky, risky thing. That's what I thought for a while, that it was like the job or just like a lot of time had passed. He's dangerous. Right? It's the sound that I think about it.

I don't know that song, I guess. I know Michael Jackson's Dangerous. Isn't that from Jesus Christ Superstar? Oh, he's danger. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did that part. That's right. Yes.

Two productions. Scott. How do you know that? I'm a fan. Of Jesus Christ Super superstar or me? Both. I understand. But guys, let's get to the thing.

The main, yes, you wanted something you wanted to. No, it's just something I thought you guys were doing. We were sitting in gratitude. We were definitely, and we did. We are still here. Everyone else is dead. Are we actually recording? I got into your resume a little bit.

I just, this is confusing to me because I thought this was going to be something different. What did you think it was going to be? Yeah. What was your understanding? Well, I mean, we're, we're taping this. I don't, it's coming out a little later, but we're taping this in the last couple of days of June.

Yeah. Yep. Is it an actual, we're taking this in the last couple of days of June. Yeah, yeah. Is it an actual, we're just doing a show right now? Cause you, I mean, why, it's just a little weird. Why, why would you call me here so close to July 2nd? July 2nd. My birthday. I guess I had just assumed that this was a

ruse for a surprise party. Oh, Scott. Surprise to you. Surprise. Surprise to you, Scott. Surprise to you, of course. Of course, Scott. I. Yes.

What's the surprise that you, that this is Of course, Scott. Yes. What's the surprise that you, that this is not a surprise party? This is just doing a podcast? Scott, Scott, what do you get the guy who has everything? That's right. You know what I mean? Including podcasts. And what do you really, I mean, seem to like

kind of more than anything else? What's the, yeah, when I think of you and how I know you. Doing shows in general. Showing shows. Showing in general, yes. I would never not say like things are like doing shows. This is very specifically your show.

Making shows. Sure, but it's show. So you agree it's show. Scott, when you're the guest, it's your show and especially today on your surprise birthday party. I guess I had assumed that, you know, you would welcome me, me in here. We would start the theme song and then, yeah. Then you'd yell surprise and it, you know,

tastefully curated group of my closest friends would step out. As the consummate host, isn't it more satisfying for you to kind of pull the surprise birthday party out of us? Cause this is what you do Scott. We're just doing your fucking show, aren't we? Fuck, you sit down on a, oh my God.

I don't, Scott, I don't have to do this. Scott. Why did I show up to this? Scott, I think this impatience is actually going to serve you quite well. In what way? For the next phase of your birthday surprise, because I do have a present for you.

Yeah. Okay, what? Scott, the throne is vacant. Mm-hmm. Mark has finally stepped aside. It's interesting for someone to be on the throne who started after you and quits before you quit, but he's been on the throne.

I think it's interesting too. I've been saying that. Kind of interesting that this guy got to be on the throne. It's like, hey, why don't we pass over the eldest son and we'll go to this, you know. Hey, it's vacant now. It's a little like that, right?

It's vacant now. And I think he kind of dragged it out to maybe give us less time to plan. Like you didn't like, you wouldn't know, is this ever gonna happen? Normally someone stops doing a show, they just announce it on the last show. They just do it.

But he's like, oh no, it's happening in six months or something. At some point in time. Yeah, it'll be ending soon. So really soak it up. Soap it up. I wonder what it's done for his numbers. To move on like- It has to give you a boost. It's gotta to be like, oh, it's the last one. Oh, I got it. It's

going to be really timely that I have to hear his interview with. Name a musician who's 80. Yeah. Yeah. I got to hear Mark Mirren talk to John Prine. Those two are going to really connect. You could not pay me $1 million to do Prime. Those two are going to really connect. You could not pay me $1 million to do that. Isn't he dead as well? I mean, he's probably not saying all these people. Like everyone is dead. Yeah.

So you, so this is part of my birthday surprise is that you telling me the throne is vacant. It's time for you to sit. Do you have a plan for this? Crisscross applesauce on the throne. Why do you think we're teaching you how to do a cool sit? Yes. Because the throne, right, is gonna be really bad for your back

unless you're able to get into this kind of, or more like that. There's really not just like a group of my friends behind the door who like are gonna come in here and you guys go, ah, okay, we got you. Buddy, we're behind the door. Then you excuse yourself. And we're a group of your friends.

We care enough about you to prepare you for the throne. A lot of people who- The first thing you do when you sit on the throne is think of all the friends that you had to eliminate from your life to get there. Was it all worth it? Yes. Yes.

You ever watch Game of Thrones? Uh, House of Cards, you mean? I don't know what I mean. Okay. I watched House of Cards. One of the main things about this show, I never know what I mean. I love House of Cards except for the last season. The last season.

Okay. season. The last season. Okay. But, but I, but, but I, if it's anything like House of Cards, then I. What was different on that season? Then I, then I understand. Yeah. I mean, I've had, I've had, it is true to get to the top or, or second in line in this business, you have to run over a lot of people and lose a lot of friends. I feel like, you know.

Well, first we have to do some scheming, right? Cause like, let's look at who else, so let's do our sort of succession tree and who else is up. Cause you know, there's a couple of people who are like, oh, Marin's only got 18 months left of doing his show. It's interesting because when anyone has ever left the daily show or Letterman or anything like that, I get a text from my mom of like, Hey,

maybe you could get that job. Yeah, could be you. But why isn't Mark just leaving WTF to a new host? So that's so good, Scott. Cause I would like to talk to the, the nitty gritty dirt band. They're, they're also all dead. That's why I mean that they became actual nitty gritty dirt to the nitty gritty dirt

you shopper dirt. Under what they're buried in. Yeah. Mm hmm. Um. No coffins. Cause I have a. It's an interesting thing.

But you mentioned. Interesting. Just interesting. You mentioned. You mentioned have an interesting thing. But you mentioned. Interesting. Just interesting. You mentioned. They just wanted to be there with the worms. And the succession. Why put a barrier? Scott.

Hayes. We're talking about something. God, I think I preferred when you were on zoom. Let's, you said something Letterman and like these shows that like the shows open up. Conan is probably. You heard one word out of everything I said, which is Letterman.

Conan is thinking like, okay, the throne is vacant. Conan's thinking that. Right. Dax is thinking that. Alex Cooper. What if Alex Cooper started hosting WTF? Alex Cooper, WTF, WTF with Alex Cooper and she's interviewing daddy.

Yes. She only interviews daddies. Oh wait, this is a ego show. I go to, I go, I go gotta be looking at that. It goes gotta be eyeing this just to do, you know, an upwards move from, you know, a pretty, I mean, look SNL. Yeah. It's looking pretty old in you know, a pretty, I mean, look, SNL. Yeah. It's looking pretty old in the tooth.

You know what I mean? But WTF is a fresh brand. Not even long in the tooth. The tooth is looking old. It's looking old. It's an old tooth. Yes. I actually think it looks short.

I think it's getting shorter because it's so old. Short and old in the tooth. They say long in the tooth sometimes to mean, you know, aged, but I'm thinking at this point, it's short, old tooth time for SNL. It's short, old tooth time for SNL. We've been saying that. And so she's gotta be. You know what SNL stands for?

Somebody nudge Lauren, he fell asleep. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, fuck. At the table, at the table, ready for the stretchers. Fuck. Shit. Oh, shit.

Oh my fucking God. I just thought of it. Ah! I just thought of it. Haize, you hear what I say? Oh! Somebody nudged Lauren. He's asleep.

I love that. Who's Lauren? Huh? Which one is Lauren? The guy who does what up with that? Lauren is also probably looking at the throne. Lauren. Hosting WTF.

He's friends with everybody. He's got to be considering it. I mean, first of all, he made Maren jump through his hoops. We all know about that. Well, look, he was a guest. He's got be considering it. I mean, first of all, he made Marin jump through his hoops. We all know about that. Well, look, he was a guest. He's gotta be on that chair that he was sitting across.

And what better opportunity to tell your own stories than to ask people one question that doesn't tell. Mm hmm. Just tell a much longer thing yourself. I had the exact same thing. Who are you doing right now? So that's, that's Lauren. That was Lauren.

That's Lauren. That one, yeah. Okay, it's not, he's not the guy who does the Californians? The guy who does, no, he is. He is the guy who does the Californians. He is the guy who does both, but when they're in sketches, they do these sort of like, I mean,

they take on these characters. You know as well as anyone, Scott, that that's a part of comedy. I guess so. I don't know, I like truth in comedy. From the guy who brought you the Californians. WTF, the podcast. This is a good billboard.

Yeah. I would listen to that show, and I'm a guy who doesn't consume any content. It's another like Maren style drawing, like just peeking, more peeking up from under the billboard. Serious question, would you say Maren style drawing? What do you mean? I don't know this about him.

Does he draw? The drawing from WTF, like just like a drawing. The line drawing of Marx. A line drawing, yes. Is that a drawing? We used to call it a line drawing. I now call it a Maren style drawing of Marx. A line drawing, yes. Is that a drawing? We used to call it a line drawing, I now call it a Marin style drawing. Oh.

His face, meaning on the logo? On the thumbnail, I believe it is a drawing. That's a drawing. Did you think it was? I thought it was a photograph. Maybe at the time the show started, he actually did. In front of a green screen maybe.

He actually did look like that maybe, when the show started, it was a long time ago. He should have actually. I guess I've never asked him. Maybe every, not every day, but every week. Just adding. Scars, adding scars. I guess I'm not saying adding to the existing drawing.

Like, you know, forehead lines and stuff like that. I just mean like take a new picture every week. When he's eating, they should put a little bit of food like crumbs on the drawing. And then when he's done and When he's eating, they should put a little bit of food like crumbs on the drawing. And then when he's done and he washes his face, they should clean it off. Yeah, so like, oh, this week I ate. Just a little transparency in media.

A powdered sugar donut. Okay, yeah, and so then we could put the powder although it might look like something else going on. When he's sick, it should have a hot water bottle on his head. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You know, the big glass bottle. You don't see a lot of that anymore, do you?

No, what? It used to be that's how you would cure any illness. So he got past the need for having a hot head. Put a fucking water bottle on your head. Yeah. When he's doing a live show at South By, he should have a little cowboy hat on, huh? Don't you think? That would really help to promote.

Because he's in Texas. Just so you can look at the logo. When in Rome right? Sure yeah yeah you should have a toga on. Although I guess he's just the head. He could put a toga on his face. A crown of leaves. Yeah oh crown of leaves. Grapes. What about a little speech bubble that says I'm wearing a toga? Sure then it clears up any confusion. You know what I mean? That's like so refillable. But people might think that he's doing like a college tour because that's also what you would wear for like I'm doing my big college tour. Well, what if it's a, then maybe it's a think bubble, thinky pain. Maybe it's a think bubble and it says like,

boy, this Roman toga's a little tight. It's a Roman, it's not a college toga. And I'm not on a college tour. And I'm not on a college tour. I think that would, that's pretty specific. I think it would, yeah. Whoa. Hollywood handbook.

Whoa. Hollywood handbook. It's just crazy how ripe this format still is after all this time. Sinkbubbles so much. And not to say that he's just been like, well, just like this podcast how ripe this format still is after all this time. And not to say that he's just been like, well, just like this podcast that I had started, I think it was kind of tapped out.

I've been trained to think that by his laziness. When we like instantly have like so many ideas for what we do with this. We're having really good ideas today. Can I ask you a question though? You guys are obviously trying to get me to host WTF. Who are you asking a question to? I'll direct this one at Hayes, I think.

Okay. And then if I have a follow up. So then are you, so, but the first question you had was can I ask you a question? Yeah, that's to Hayes. So why don't you say, so you're asking him. Yeah, can I ask Sean a question? Oh, thank God, yes.

Okay, Sean, you guys are trying to push me into WTF, which I'm game to do. We may not call it this anymore also. So gross. WTF, I know. It's so fucking gross. It's filthy. It's just so gauche. I wanna talk to my parents about it.

Yes. I know. Obama's gonna be on. The last episode is also Obama. You guys hear that? That's crazy. Yeah. He's coming back to the garage. Is that also a thing with you?

It's a little snipers on the roofs of houses. Like, oh, it's the guy who interviewed Obama. Yeah. You know what I mean? There must be a little, you must feel like, oh yeah, the one guy who ever did something with Obama. Oh yeah, great. Come on, give me a fucking break.

I worked with Obama maybe a year before that happens, but do I get any credit for that? Yeah, I wanted any. A little, yeah, some, yeah. Sure. It's named in my bio anytime. Yeah, get an interview. It's anything.

Anyway. And the Jesus Christ superstar stuff. I don't know how. I can't an interview. I can't an interview. I can't an interview. I can't an interview. I can't an interview. I can't an interview. I can't an interview. I can't an interview. I can't an interview. I can't an interview. I can't an interview.

I can't an interview. I can't an interview. I can't an interview. I can't an interview. I can't an interview. I can't an interview. I can't an interview. I can't an interview.

I can't an interview. I can't an interview. I can't an interview. I can't an interview. I can't an interview. I can't an interview. I can't an interview. I can't an interview.

I can't an interview. I can't an interview. I can't an interview. I can't an interview. I can't an interview. I can't an interview. I can't an interview. your resume called biohacking. It's just like a term, a term that generally means like taking vitamins or whatever. But okay, fine. But, but idea. But I would have to stop doing comedy bang bang if I did WTF. Would you?

Well, I think some of your, your. They took like five minutes. I wish they took five minutes. We're at fucking 20 right now and we're running out of juice. Oh God, it feels like we just started. You did not take breaks on this? Yeah, we have more juice.

To be honest, I assumed there would be a birthday omelet bar here. And so this is what- Again, the eggs, we can't get this man's wife to lay enough eggs. At least a big community omelet with candles in it or something. I'm telling you, it's one thing to just ask for one egg but an entire omelet bar. Look, let me justing you, like it's one thing to just ask for one egg,

but an entire omelet bar. Look, let me just ask you, you guys are, you're angling to host Comedy Bang Bang, is that it? Oh, I guess if you, Jesus, I guess if he's doing WTF, somebody does have to do Comedy Bang Bang, oh my God. I mean, how would that even- I'd be the right person for that. How would that even work?

So it's just you now, you're cutting haze out of it? Well, how would that be the right person? How would that even work? So it's just you now, you're cutting A's out of it. Well, how would it work? We'd have someone be you sometimes and someone then gets to like play all the characters and then we switch for the next one and like they get to be the host and then the other person does all the characters. You're getting ahead of us a little bit.

So your idea, just to clarify, is that one of us hosts every episode and the other one does any kind of crazy characters they could think of. And then we switch. And then we switch from the next one. And then we both are the stars of comedy bang bang all the time. And you're doing Marin, so you don't care.

It should still be called Marin, I think. I don't think it's ever been called Maren, so we could switch it to Maren. Maren with Scott Walker. Or WTF could be, or it could be the guy from all the good seasons of House of Cards, and it's what the Frank. Yeah.

He's your guest. What the Frank? He's your guest. He's my guest every week. Oh my God. Every week. So you interview Frank every single week of the show. Then I'd still be interviewing people doing characters,

which I think would be good. Because that's my skill set. And yes. I don't, I mean, I just don't, I hadn't really thought about it, but if, I don't know that you guys. It sounds like you have. It sounds like you have a whole, like, a whole succession plan.

You have like this whole idea. We hadn't even thought of it in this idea that we rotate each episode. Could I hear a little example of it so I'm not going in blind and just giving my show to people who have never done anything like this before? Of course, of course. Because I mean, you guys,

I think you did a character on the show once, is that right? Barely. What was it again? The character's name was Rich Mindvane. The character's name was Rich Mindvane. They were characters name was Rich Mindvane. Rich Mindvane. Yeah. Yeah.

I remember that. Yeah. It was good. Yeah, it was fun. Yeah. Why haven't I invited you back? I don't think you're a fan of what I do, which by the way, no one is.

You guys don't need to be on Comedy Bang Bang. Look at everything you've achieved. Yes, look at this. Right? Look around. Really? Now I'm really seeing gratitude. Let's look at this room.

I'm not really seeing gratitude. That looks like the same room that every Headgun podcast is in. Yes. Well. Wow. Pretty soon it's going to look different because we are going to give back half of our money in order to purchase a table

that someone has to move in and out. And this is not half of your fee for the podcast. This is half of your bank account money. Same thing. All of it. Yes. All of it. Okay.

Just to purchase one table. I mean, that would be great because honestly there's a little, I guess I would call that a coffee table. Am I looking at? How many bagpipes around a table, yes? Oh yeah, of course. We have a beautiful table.

Oh my God. Gorgeous, six people can fit around this thing. Oh yeah. Meanwhile, we're in a semi-circle. There's the tiniest table I've ever seen along with the grossest plastic grapes that look like they're from my grandmother's house. No, you forgot those over there, those are grosser. So those are the second grossest. What the fuck like they're from my grandmother's house. No, you forgot those over there.

Those are grosser. So those are the second grossest. What the fuck are these doing in here? Like, is this meant to be additive or decorative here for the podcast? I really don't understand. For me, if I think about it for one second, I will go completely insane and be unable to do anything.

And they can't afford a table. Apparently not. So, you know, they pay us a very modest fee and we would like to return a portion of it in order to have a table here inside the studio with us. But we may not need to even do that because if what you're saying is true, which is you'll be hosting Maren What the Frank.

I'll be doing it from his garage. And we'll be doing Comedy Bang Bang. And it sounds like you have a table already. From my studio, yeah. So like, you can, like, if you just like provide that table. We do the table, and then who would do Hollywood Handbook?

No one, I guess. I guess no one. It would just stop, and no one would miss it at all or care. Even as you were saying it, I was like. But there's gotta be a smaller show than you guys, right? What a bad question. I mean, one of these. If there is, we wouldn't be able to name it.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Like at that point. But you guys gotta be punching down on someone with this show, right? It's just totally anonymous. We might have been for a while, but then it was sort of like, Hey, where'd they go?

Oh, look, they're up there now. Okay. Cause that's, that's, that's what happens with podcasts. Like I punch down on your show, you punch down on a smaller show. Yeah. It was the thing where like we're at the beach and we're going to like bully some guy and we say like, Hey squirt, and then he kicks sand in his face and then he rises up out of the sand.

And he actually, after using the Charles Atlas method, much bigger than we could have ever reasonably anticipated. His head is buried in the sand and they've sculpted a tiny stick thin body. That's fooled you. That was a fake sand body.

A fake sand body. Yeah. He bursts out jacked. Fake sand body. Yes. He bursts out jacked. And which we know, and what sucks is. With a width of like five. It's as soon as you kick it, cause you're kicking sand and as soon as some of the body gives way and you realize it's sand.

You're like, well, fuck, I guess I'm committed. I still have to say, hey squirt. I'm not committed at this point. I have to say. I know he's not squirt. Oh, sorry. And I don't want to say, hey. And I don't know if he did the Charles Atlas

method like while he was under there. That's what I don't understand about hey. And I don't know if he did the Charles Atlas method while he was under there. That's what I don't understand about that method. I don't know what the method is. It might be something you do under the sand. I never sent out for it when you see the ads for it in the comic books. In the ads, all I know from the ads is you can do it while you're reading the book.

You remember, he's actually doing it, but he's holding the book at the same time. He's holding the book while he does it. Doing something with his arm. Yeah, the book's giving holding the book at the same time. He's holding the book while he does it. He's like doing something with his arm. Yeah, the book's giving him instructions in real time. He's like reading like how to do that. Real time, who's going to host real time?

Jesus Christ. So if you're doing Marion with What the Frank, and you're doing Comedy Bang Bang. And the Club Random throne is kind of vacant as well. Guys, I think Bill might do comedy bang bang, but then you guys could do club random. So Bill Martin and comedy bang bang, now I'm doing club random, I'm pretty random.

You can smoke pot, right? Around people who don't want you to? So I've been practicing, I can't get it in. You gotta inhale actually instead of exhale, I don been practicing. Yeah. I can't get it in. You got to, you got to inhale actually, instead of exhale. I don't know. I, I, have you heard this before? Intellectually, I understand what you're saying.

I did not inhale that woman. Have you heard that? That's Lord. Tell me this because like, I, like because like, I think I'm doing it. I think I'm like really smoking it. There's been times where I was certain I did it. But it's not changing my personality at all. Oh, you need something to change your personality. I think therapy maybe might be something

you would look into. When I do it on a show, this is like Bill kind of too. Like there's kind of like a, here we go. Yeah, like I'm, I'm When I do it on a show, this is like Bill kind of too. Mm-hmm. Like there's kind of like a, here we go. Yeah. Like I'm getting fucked up. Does he do it at the top of the show?

Or has he been doing it for several hours before the show? That's what I don't know because like, I wish I could see that part. I need a behind the scenes book about club random. So I would know like how, what am I supposed to be doing before this and after. Yeah. So I now am not sure. Did you move my mic? like how, what am I supposed to be doing before this and after? Yeah.

I, so I now I'm not sure. I'm not sure I want to do. This is why you need a table. Like what is this, this whole crossing. I'm not sure I want to do any kind of. This is so uncomfortable. Podcast anymore. What I think I want to do.

It's the best. This place is the best. I, what I remember when you first moved here, you were so happy. And you were like, this is gonna change everything. This is what we've been looking for. And now it's still the same old shit. Yes. But even that, even that it's the same old shit.

Sorry, I was just like. I mean, you were able to do it over Zoom for I gotta sit and grab a dude. Seemingly years. That it's the same old shit. I've really cultivated that identity with you as the Zoom guy. He mentioned it a bunch of times before the show.

We did one episode and you were on Zoom. Yes, that's right. That's my recollection as well. I still get the scuttlebutt on the street and I heard that you were like mainly over Zoom for a long period of time. He's got the Zoomies. I was a Zoom guy.

Yeah, I guess so. What was going on in your life? It's so the same as like a normal podcast. Like I don't really like, you see a difference. Like I don't really, it's kind of the same. By the way, I'm sorry I didn't go to your fundraiser or whatever it was. There's so many things that you could be referring to

over the last. It was like a week. So many things you could be sorry for. It was a week ago. And it was a very funny email. Oh, thank you. Do you find the funny emails attract, like, do you catch more flies with honey?

Or do you catch more flies with funny? That's so interesting. Like people show up to my events when I send out those emails and they are kind of like. And you had COVID at the last one. And it was a super spreader event. They were like, I got it there. Yes.

You got it there. Catch more pies with funny. Catch more super spreader event. I got it there. Yes. You got it there. I think so. Catch more pies with funny. Catch more pies with funny. Pies in the face. Yes. Pies in the face with, yes, banana peels.

You catch more pies with funny. It's a clown. With pies. It's a clown. You prefer banana peels, really? Yeah, yeah, that's funny. It's a groucho glasses. It's a clown.

The clowns. You catch more groucho glasses with funny. Bozo the clown. Groucho glasses. I'm missing banana peels already. The clown steps into frame. I think we struck gold with that. You catch more pies with funny.

Pie in the face. Uh-huh. Mark Maron featuring Scott Ackerman. What the Frank? What the Frank. Right? The pie slides down. The pie slides down and it's-

What was Frank's last name on the show? Underwood. Underwood. Underwood, underworld. Underworld. Frank Underworld, sorry. Frank Underworld. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Whoa, wow. So- And this is something like- I wanna know- In the same way we're trying to create these like moments where like an egg hatches on the show for example. Tick tockable content.

Yes, this is like Head Gum has these traps, like little traps like rigged for every episode. Mm-hmm. Hollywood handbook. Hollywood handbook. So I'm thinking that what could be cool is if I make a, if I make a documentary about the making of club random.

Oh, okay. Where we actually answer some of these questions of how do you, how do you smoke weed? What does it look like? What? Yeah. Right. Who's bill? Who's Bill?

Who's Bill? Where, where'd he get that t-shirt? Where did he get that t-shirt? What, what. Are that t-shirt for sale? What galaxy is this set in? It's like, remember when the bear first premiered and everyone was like, here's the

heavy t-shirt. The beefy t-shirt. This is the heavy t-shirt that he wears. It's like, where's the club random t-shirt? That's right. Like that's actually. He wears a heavy t-shirt in this show. And club random.

Either bill either one. Bill wears kind of like either the bear or bill who wears the bear had a heavy t-shirt thick t-shirt. How thick, like what's the depth on the t-shirt? Let me try to put it in terms. You'll understand.

Hmm. Hopefully numbers. Okay. I'm going to have to, because he was going to do terms. I was going to do terms. Um, six. That's a thick T-shirt.

Yeah. Yeah. And then it was all the rage, these thick structured T-shirts. It was like, here's how to have thick t-shirt. Yeah. Yeah. And then it was all the rage, these thick structured t-shirts. It was like, here's how to have a t-shirt, a Japanese t-shirt, like the bear. It was like some company that was like from Japan.

And they're nice and shallow too. Like they don't, they kind of just go to the top of your belt. So like most of the day. Yeah. Okay. So it's six deep. Six deep. But it only goes to midriff.

Yeah. Like just past the nipples. Yeah. But yeah, it's only like a third. Tell me, I gotta see this shirt. Right. Nice and shallow. Uh-huh. Yeah. Does the thickness of your material hurt? You know a lot of songs. You've done a deep cut from Jesus Christ Superstar.

Yes. A Star is Born Shallow. Pretty shallow. Shallow cut, this is a number one single. This is two songs on one show. You're a song guy. Well, if I'm gonna take over comedy bing bing, I'm gonna need to be.

Maybe you need to be doing Song Exploder instead? Is that what it is, Exploder or Explorer? Why would he wanna to do song? Exploder if he, he's a song guy. What is it actually? Is it explorer or exploder? It is exploder. Is it really?

That's not, I don't want to hear my song. It's esploder. Exploder. Esploder. Song exploder. Okay. But Bill wears these shirts that leave just enough to the imagination. Oh my gosh.

Just enough where I could just imagine. You fill in the blank. They're just like delicately sort of cupping here and just cinching in there. And then if one gets a little moist, it just like sticks to his abs, his perfect abs. And then it kind of steams off. Yes. I love it. This is why I watch the show.

The video feed. Yeah, I don't listen to it at all. On mute. Yes, but just to see him in those shirts. Just let me, I get a drink. But I do think you're right. Like everyone's moving one notch up in the podcast world. I think that're right. Like everyone's moving one notch up in the podcast world. I think that's right.

Um, so Bill does my show. I do Marin's show. And you guys, I don't know where you. We do your show, are we true? We do, sorry, we, we did, we did talk about that just a second ago. What's that? We do your show.

Well, he's saying Bill should do his show. I think Bill. I don't know if Bill's a song guy. That's a good point. Can Bill do a solo bolo? Yeah. Can I do a solo bolo? Barely.

I, yeah, so at that point it's like, is Bill gonna be able to do that? Not that I would be able to do that, I wouldn't. Yeah. But I'd have hate. You guys could do a solo bolo, what if you guys- We'd have a duolo bolo. What if you guys did, just basically,

you did Comedy Bang Bang, but you did solo bolos. We do a solo bolo right now, where we're both the Bolo. Yeah. Can we be the Bolo? And you do the Olympic song challenge where you guys. Is that why it's called that? Cause you're solo and he's Bolo. I think so.

Cause you're suh and he's buh. That's really why it is called that. Yeah, exactly. S and B. And we were like, what else is an S and B out of here? Hey, I'd rather do a bolo chili. Although you bring up a good point. Eating snacks.

He's another S. He's another S. Yeah, that's right. Maybe you just do comedy bang bang by yourself? Well, that would be such a huge relief for me. That would be, it's like. You're SC. Look. And I'm an SC, Scott. Scott.

So it's not that different if we're just like, comedy bang bang with SC, and people just like go, oh, it's probably Scott. Probably OTT is the rest of it. Yeah, but then you find out it's S.CLE. I was about to say that. But at that point, they're already listening. Yeah, they're in at that point.

And they're loving it. They love this thing. I was about to ask if I could do it on a new schedule or something because like this is way too much the way you do it now. And so like- One a week? I mean, it's even.

That's crazy, man. Yeah. How many of these do you guys do? It makes me sick to my stomach. What episode number is this? Oh God, Scott, it's episode number birthday. What episode number is this? Oh, God, Scott. It's episode number birthday. Yeah. What episode number is this for your birthday? Yes.

For, I'm hitting the big two nine, finally. Wow. Oh, boy. Next year is the big one. We're gonna have a big celebration. So, 30's gonna hit me like a fucking macro. I cannot believe it. It's just like, so much of my identity has been wrapped up

in like, I've achieved all this and I know it's the only. In your 20s at such a young age. Really smart of me to invest in the wonder kind persona. Yeah. That's gonna last me forever. But now when you hit 30, it's like, oh shit, what have I not achieved? You know what I mean?

You really start, now you have to compare yourself to people in their 30s. You have the young pups who are nipping at your heels. Oh, I look back at some of them. And 29 year olds dating 20 year olds, like that's like, that's okay. That's fine, it's actually good. But a 30 year old dating a 20 year old.

And even 29 year olds dating 19 year olds is fine. 28 dating a 19 is good. 28 dating 19 is fine. 28 dating a 19 is good. 28 dating 19 is. 28 dating 19 is good. But that's, that's the limit. And no one should ever complain about it. Yes, but I do think 30, 30 dating 20 is fine. Yeah.

But you're so close to being like 36 or 37, at which point you really shouldn't be dating 19 year olds anymore. Yeah. I think, I definitely feel like there need to be new laws in place for this. I think that- Yeah, you said you wanted to talk about this. New laws. New laws.

That's a big part of club management. New laws. Yeah. But I think- Okay, new law. That's a big part of club. New law. Yeah. But I think. Okay, new law. Yeah. I think any what's what age difference should be illegal? What age difference? Yeah.

Well, I think we need to actually I think what we need is a chart with actual numbers. Is it like a sliding scale? It's like a blackjack like when like when to hit. Yes. No, it is. It's the yes. It's the sort of like progressive grid. I'm wearing kind of a shiny gold vest too, so they just kind of like-

Who are you in this situation? He's playing at the table. I'm playing at the pit boss table. He's wearing the same outfit at the deal. I'm matching their outfit. Is this your audition for Comedy Bang Bang? You're playing a pit boss right now? I could just like jump over there like any second.

No, I'm not the pit boss. I'm sitting at the table. I'm not the pit boss. I'm sitting at the table I'm not the pit boss. He's dressed like the pit boss I'm the same as I'm doing the same character you guys are where I'm dressed like the pit boss I'm playing at the table. I'm just contributing. I'm losing track. You're wearing a gold character I'm now wearing a gold. That's what's kind of interesting about it that I'm a Guest at the casino, but I'm wearing a shiny gold vest.

Who are you? To intimidate. In what we're doing. I'm playing at the table with everyone else, with you. I'm getting to do the same thing you're doing. Well, we're both playing three hands. Yeah.

This scene is very murky. I don't know. You're, you're muddying it a little bit. You're both playing three hands. You're making it a little confusing. We're playing three hand blackjack. Yeah. And you're a guy wearing a vest.

And it's free bet blackjack. Free bet. It's free bet. It's free bet blackjack. It's free bet blackjack switch. Yeah. Or you can switch cards with the player next to you. Yeah.

If you don't like what you have. Yeah. And it's free bet. Free bets. They automatically double down for you on a nine, 10 or 11. If you don't like what you have. Yeah. And it's free bet. Free bets. They automatically double down for you on a nine, 10 or 11. Maybe my guy thought that. Huge advantage. Maybe my guy thought that switch met, you could go be the dealer for a second.

That's why I wore my vest. I don't know that you have a guy. Just, just to keep it clean. Your guy is, yeah. I, I don't, I don't like this guy. Could you, could this guy leave and come back as a different guy? Because the scene is not working. I'd love to see a different guy. I think the gold vest is throwing it off.

Am I wrong? Okay. Yeah. Well, I wouldn't, I just wouldn't play at this table. If I see a guy. I thought I understood it. I would move on to a different table. But Scott's convinced me that I don't get what's going on.

My guy can't get up because he is sitting on an egg. He's trying to make money, top and bottom. So we're gonna get up and move to a different table. Okay, that's great. And you can do your scene by yourself. You guys are taking up all the spots. Yeah, bye. Each playing three hands.

Okay, bye. Do a scene by yourself. Okay, I don't even know you. Why do you say goodbye to me? Love you. Bye, see ya. I love you too. Thank you, bye.

Like who cares? Yeah, I love you. Like, Luke gives a shit. Yeah, I love you, yeah. I love you. Okay, could gives a shit? Yeah, I love you, yeah. I love you. Okay, could I have a four, please? Yeah. People like never just like,

people are scared to ask for what they need. I do it. That's the thing, you have to manifest things. I've been saying it for years. Visualization, I bring my vision board to the casino and I put it up next to me. And it's you holding up an ace and a king and then them pouring like a sack of gold coins

into your purse. Mm-hmm, it's Ben Affleck getting removed from the Hard Rock Casino for counting cards with a big stack of chips in front of him. Do you get to keep your chips if you, if you get removed. Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

Then, then why not do it and just win $3 million and then be like, okay, I'm good. Well, you do need to win $3 million. What did they think I wanted to just like live here forever? It's like, no, I'll take my 3 million and go home. Yeah. I mean, I don't have one now, but I will because I have all this money. How do you count cards? Is it just like a, like anytime the dealer puts one down, you go one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

It makes it a little easier because they have the numbers on them. That's what they kind of don't want you to like make the connection with is the cards are actually kind of counting themselves. A bunch of them have a number. And then with the Kings and Queens and stuff, it's just the letter of the alphabet, like whichever number or letter it is. Yeah, so it's like a J is like a. F G H I J 10. Yeah, so that's a 10.

Yeah, yeah. And K is worth 11? K's gotta be, yeah. K is worth 11 and then Q is like. I've never seen it actually get up that high, but like if it ever actually does like get to be that many, then that'd be 11. I would just, if someone dealt me a cue,

I would be like, I'm good. I would simply say I'm good. I would simply say I'm good. If they gave me a queen, I would say, no thank you. No thank you. That's too high for me, too rich for me. Too rich for my blood. Yeah, you should be able to like get one, take back seas.

One mulligan. Yeah, one mulligan in every casino. Absolutely. If you have a really big hand and you like take a hit and bust, you should go like, okay, I'm using my do-over. I'm using my do-over. When they walk in they should give you one do-over

chip. They should let you do that for your birthday too. Oh fuck. Give you one do over chip. They show you do that for your birthday too. But if you're. Oh fuck. Here's the thing. I would just then go into any casino. I'd bet $10 million on something. Yes.

If I lose, I get my mulligan. Oh, that's a great way to use it. Yeah. That's really smart. That's maybe why they don't do it, because somebody would, because they know you might figure that out. I would simply bet 11 million.

Do you have 11 million? Wait, you did? Wait, I thought you were just using your mulligan because you knew you wouldn't have to pay. You have to prove that you have the money. You have to have the money? Yeah. Well, I mean, you exchange the money for the chips. Oh, okay. I thought you just say this is my bet.

You get the $10 million chip. You go, oh, 10 million, please. I'm sorry, do you guys not have $11 million? So you know how they sometimes- You know, it's so tricky the way they do, you know. The way they count the money these days. The money now. Yeah, yeah.

Because that's like, what's confusing to me is like, why are you even there doing this if you have $10 million, you know? Like what? Why are you at the casino? Why aren't you at, you know? And why aren't you like sitting on top of it with a shotgun? Yeah. It's really dangerous.

But you have you have to prove because like when you know sometimes they put the key like someone throws their keys on the table or something. Yeah. But what if those happens all the time? What if those are just keys? Yeah what if it's a storage locker at Penn Station or something? And you're like no you're winning these keys. Yeah. What if it's a storage locker at Penn station or something? And you're like, no, you're winning these keys. There's just like gym clothes in it. Yeah. I didn't say you're winning whatever these

keys open. My storage locker keys have a little, like a Ferrari little dongle on it. Yeah. Sure. They don't go be like, well, let me like see the car, let me test drive the car. I mean, let me see what the MSRP is.

What if casinos didn't, they were like, hey, no more money, we're only gonna do barter bets. Yeah, you have to just throw things on the table. Throw things on the table. It has to fit on the table. It has to fit on the table, it has to be like sort of an equal value that everyone agrees. And it can't get the table all messy,

whatever you're throwing on there. Barter bet the Scrivener. People like it when we reference. Jesus fucking Christ. Barter bet the Scrivener. Yeah, well you said barter bet. I know I said barter bet, but then you said barter bet the Scrivener.

People like it when we talk about that. Talk about what now? Scriveners and stuff. Scriveners? Yeah. Not enough Scriveners and stuff. Scriveners. Yeah. Not enough Scriveners in the world these days. Well, it's kind of, but aren't we all just out here? Scrivening.

Yeah. Yeah. Isn't that sort of our little. That's a good point. Hmm. Our little day. 49 43. How long does this go?

We try to get it to 49, 51. Oh, bye. That was a hate gum podcast.