Hollywood Handbook - Sean And Hayes, Our Closest Friends

Episode Date: November 3, 2014

The guys obey the most powerful wishes of their listeners and do a show without a guest where they interview each other, then take a barrage of questions from the Popcorn Gallery (no song).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. So I turn to Hayes Davenport. You! This is a story about me? Okay, yes. And what did you say? I think I asked you to hand me a Mai Tai or something. I was thirsty or something. Do you remember?

Because I actually was... I don't know the second half of the story. Well, I think I remember yes, you asked me for a Mai Tai. Did I? Yes, you did. And I think... Because I made that up. I don't know what happened. Well, here's why you remember because it was very funny because we were on a desert

island. Oh, yes. Okay. And you said... It was very funny because we were on a desert island oh yes okay and you and you said it was the first thing you said yes i go can you hand me a mai tai and it was really good and i at the time i had been scared well and i think i did it just to lighten the mood a little bit of look we're gonna get rescued we're to make more movies together. And that turned out to be true. We didn't get rescued so much as we got ourselves. We created a raft, and then we made those flares out of coconuts and bark. And so then it was the idea for Cast Away.

And combining that with just enjoying volleyball, wanting to popularize volleyball a little bit. Yes. And that just became... Why is volleyball not the national sport? Teamwork, jumping, a bet. And you're trying to keep it from getting dirty, which is a great thing to teach.

You think about for kids? Yes. Keeping things not being on the ground? Well, especially with germs, the way they're starting to grow these days. Yes. And don't even say the word. I hear, actually, if you say it too many times, you get it now. No, that is how it gets let in.

It's like a vampire. You invite it in, you know, because if you don't acknowledge it, it's not there. Don't even say the word. You can't get it. So we're not saying it. But kids, don't put, because when you you're playing baseball people put their glove in their mouth and they put and they get the dirt in their mouth yes and they're sharing a bat seeds spinning seeds they're all over each other holding it yes and don't do that and get out there and bump set spike and side out. It is such a nice thing. I mean, when the ball hits on the ground, everyone says,

Boo. Keep it nice and clean. Yes. That would be good for fat Americans who are just slobs and sitting in their own filth to just have finally a game that's about keeping it clean. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names

in the red carpet lines of... I'm not even going to get mad. Take your time. Because this is a good... Take your time. I want this to be a nice show. I'm excited about this show. I think it's going to be a lot of fun.

It's a special show, and so I'm not even going to get upset. Welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet linebacker hallways of this industry we call showbiz. I'm Hayes Davenport. I'm here with Sean Clements. What up, what up? And you may have noticed, and we're telling a story. You know, I almost want my what up, what up to have a real zip on it today. Because it is a special show. Because it is a special show.

And if you could give me just a hair's breadth, just a moment, and I'll get into it, and let me just do a just the quickest warm-up. What up, what up? I found a Waterloo note of categorical. I'm very well acquainted to what matters mathematical. I understand equations of both simple and quadratic. In short, it matters vegetable, animal, and mineral. I'm very mad at the matter of matters general. What up, what up? How do you do that? I'm always so amazed that you say everything exactly right. I know, I know.

It's not a single flub. And it's almost like, well, do I even need a warm-up if that's how clean it is but it just makes me feel better do you warm up for the warm-up i always wonder about that do you do a little secret oh out in the car yeah i've been accused of this before and one time i let them put a camera in my car and i'll tell you what they saw in there was not me warming up my vocals. What? What they caught me warming up was not necessarily my mouth muscles. In the car? When they had the camera in the car,

yes. We're getting off track a little bit. We're just enjoying talking to each other so much, and what a lucky thing that is, because that's really what we want to do today. We've been listening to our fans, people who enjoy the show, and they listen to us. We have these guests on the show all the time. Guests, guests, guests, guests every week.

A new guest. And we have this big star on the show, and they come on, and they talk all about their Hollywood experience. Well, and I'm fascinated with these guests. I mean, I really am listening and really fascinated with what somebody like, and this is off the top of my head, Annalisa Schlesinger, or what some of these guys have to say. And people get pretty pissed off that we're listening, and they maybe tune in. They want to hear us.

Yes, and they wonder, you have us tantalizingly close to a microphone where we could be answering questions ourselves. And it seems like to have these microphones right here, what a waste of electricity to have it on and ready to have questions inside. But we're not doing any of those ourselves. And why don't we? Yes. And it's very – it's like when a young woman will dangle her fingers just centimeters away from that most sensual – from that most sensual organ, the male penis. Yes, and so we think, why don't we just friggin' touch it?

Yes, let's finally... Why don't we just move it a little bit farther so it's touching it? Let's reach it. And so that's what we're doing today. You know, what we internally desire and what the natural instinct is to do, which is to actually touch it and speak on the microphone and not to ask a question of someone else, but to explore ourselves. Yes. So that's what we're going to be doing today.

We're going to be talking a lot about our own experiences in this industry, catching up with each other a little bit, because we talk so much about work and about business and things like that. It would actually be really nice to get a little personal with each other. It seems – you'd think that we'd just hang out all the time. Of course, we would know everything. But there's actually quite a bit that I don't know about you still. No, and yes, personal life-wise, there's some blank spots for me. And also, good to touch in again, because it is always evolving with what your creative philosophy

really is. And so, that's what we're talking about. I mean, that's the purpose of the show, is to explore. It really does depend on the day, just like how you got out of bed, what your creative philosophy is. And today I got out of bed from the top, which I had never done before. And it really changed how I just went through the whole entire day. And so I'm picturing this. You just sort of leaned up onto the hands, do a handstand, and then sort of roll. Yes. My bed is in the center of my bedroom.

That's Feng Shui. So there's room on all sides. And so, yes, you can do the back handspring right onto the top, balance against the wall, and just do sort of like a spider crawl onto the ceiling and then out the door. And do you feel like that feng shui has changed the flow in your house and the energy? Because I don't know if I buy into all this stuff. I mean, because I know you put the bed in the center of the room so you could spider crawl out your door. And then you put a lot of the windows, you had them lowered to floor level

so you could see people's feet when they walk by. Yeah, so I can be lying down and I can be falling asleep on the floor, but I can still see people's feet as they're going by. Yes. So that has been a pretty radical change from the way it used to be when I would look out there and I couldn't see anybody's feet at all. But other than that, the one thing that has made a difference is that the the toilet bowl and the tank in my bathroom are now separated and the tank is outside they're not really connected

at all and you have to physically go out and get some water from it in order to sort of fill the thing back up. It's complicated, but this is a thing that they're doing a lot now. Yes. Yes. I'm not really doing – I mean, that's an issue for me because I'm not really doing the bathroom. That's right. You're doing perfect zero net calories.

Yes. You use everything that you consume. It's almost a reverse cleanse. It's like I'm not letting anything out. Because it is waste. Well, just when I think about the concept of what do I do? What do I do for a living? What do I do?

That's actually – this would be a good thing to talk about i produce excited to get into this i produce content i produce things i put out ideas and in return i get paid money so going to the bathroom making uh pps or you know making a duties doing that is i am producing something. I am putting something out. And what do I get back? And it's currently nothing. And so keeping that internal and just keeping myself only for myself has proven to be very rewarding. And then the truth is once there's a scarcity to it, then the value starts to get a little bit higher.

Yes. You know what I mean? And so maybe it gets to a point where since there's less and less of that out there, people are a little more willing to pony up. And this is boring marketing stuff, but it's all part of the same thing. And we did sort of blow by the idea of what is it that we do uh and so yes well maybe one thing maybe a fun thing just for the very top let's just define our job because it's everyone in hollywood says hi i'm a movie maker but but what is yeah anyone could say movie maker. And what is actually your job description? Yes. I would love to speak us that.

I think it would be a nice thing to do. Yes. Yes. Go ahead. Okay. So I'll start. Really? When you really look at it, what I do, the exact nature of my job title.

I'm a spaceship driver. Okay. And how does that work in terms of what you actually – that's not what you actually do. Well. And so it must have some other – Yes. I mean, but it is, isn't it? What is movies for people and why do they want that and why do they love mine? movies for people and why do they want that and why do they love mine because i'm transporting them taking them somewhere to a world that maybe they can't get to without me

so in that way because you have to drive you know the way well and it's an even spaceship driver which is a great title but is a little limiting because i also have to build the spaceship figure out what kind of fuel it runs on i gotta figure out what kind of tunes i'm gonna put on in it and i've got to figure out how far away how long a trip it's going to be to get to the other planet and i gotta make sure that we're laughing our butts off basically the entire way. Right. So you can get on the intercom and things and – Yeah.

And say like what, for example. OK. OK. Check out this asteroid over here. It's a cool character. it's a cool character and so you know that's really how I think about making these movies

and I might get on the intercom later and go look at the size of that star it's a big movie star and so in that way I am able to not only drive a spaceship, not only build it, not only figure out a safe fuel that it can run on, not only determine length of the trip, but also everything you see and hear along the way. So I built the universe and the

spaceship, really. And the world you go to. And I'm drawing from this world to do it, so in a way, I kind of am responsible for this world. And you're a bit of a passenger on the spaceship at the same time, aren't you? As much as you're the driver, aren't you also going to space at the same time?

Yes, and I'm ringing the call button. Excuse me. Excuse me, driver. Yes, what is it, young man? Excuse me, driver. You've just passed my stop. Sorry. Oh, sorry.

You know, and so that's sort of the kind of internal struggle of, you know, do I keep going with this scene or do I not? It's very nice that he was sorry. I was just wondering how that would end. It's conflict. You set up a conflict. This is what you're so good at. Like, how is this going to be resolved? And this will be fun for everybody.

Let's see what happens if you're not sorry. You passed my stop. No, I didn't, you rascal. Yes, you did. It's right back there. No, it wasn't. And so you see how that's a whole nother avenue

that's available to you. And my brains is actually capable of doing that where my brains can actually see both the forks it's become two brains yes we are all a man of two brains when being creative and so it's a lot of understanding what brains is and being able to get in there and to move it around and to look and see which brains do you want to use. And so what is your job title, Hayes, to you? I like to think of myself as a sled dog racer. And not really because of an analogy, but I do think it would be – it is fun to think about.

Yes. Doing something like that. And just imagine being able to hang out with the dogs. And the dogs are not just your – and they're not just normal dogs they're like your work partners may i tell you what what your analogy really is though but i i for i would really just prefer to keep this separate from work because it's a it's kind of a thing it's just a fun thing to imagine just imagine that you're with the dogs and you kind of like are working with them. Yes, we're like co-workers.

And it's not even the same as having dogs for pets, which I do not agree with one bit. Because it's jail. For them it's jail. Yeah, it's not jail for me. Jail for me is a real jail. Jail for them is my house jail Jail for them Is my house And then what's the pound? The pound

Boy for me or for them? For them For them? Dude you tell me both Well it's like a hotel for them And for me It's a place to go inside at night Open all the cages up that's a freedom free

freedom making yes but then the window's too high you can't get back out the same way you came in so really they just they just find you there the next day and all the dogs are out and some of them are very mean some of them have been mean to you the entire night, even though you were trying to be a rescuer. Yes. But they don't know that. Their brain is the size of a walnut. And it's because of how we treat them. And what if we were giving them a race to do every day?

Well, and that's great. Now, I know you don't want to make it about work. Great. Now, I know you don't want to make it about work, so can I separately tell you about why my job is kind of like being a sled dog racer? Okay, yes. This is your job. Well, I guess when I sort of saddle up at my computer, I'm kind of stepping up onto a sled. And you know there is no saddle. It's standing up. You're standing up the whole time. And you're lassoed to the sled by your feet. Yes.

Okay. So, and I'm sort of saddled up on there with my feet. And what happens to me when I begin to create is I'm sort of dragged along by these mad demons of creativity and ideas, and I don't really have so much say over where it goes, but I'm just trying to wrassle and rein it in somehow and get to the destination that I want to go, almost as if the dogs are dragging my sled.

Well, it's a mischaracterization of them being mad demons. It's false. And for me, if your dogs are mad demons, if you're trying to do a dog race with dogs that are essentially mad demons, then you can't call yourself a dog race with dogs that are essentially mad demons, then you can't call yourself a dog racer. You're just a guy. Anyone can just get up there with a bunch of strange dogs and just let them run wild. But to be a real dog racer, there's a significant training component.

Well, it's okay for us to disagree, but I do not think that anyone, first of all, someone with a severe allergy cannot do it. Secondly, someone who can't afford the flight can't do it. The flight to where the dog race begins? Yes. If they are far away from it and they can't afford the flight to the starting place, you're right. They could never do it.

And that's two examples. Can we get a little personal for a second? I would love to talk a little bit about our personal lives, which is something we don't do quite enough on the show, I don't think. I've never met a single person in your family. And I always wonder about that because you do talk about them often. You talk about Steffi and you talk about your kids and all that, and your dad. But I haven't met any of them even once, and I would so love to meet them. Well, I guess I do make compartments out of life.

And one compartment is me and Hayes. And that's a fun compartment. And another compartment. That's like you go to the container store. It's like one of the ones you slide under the bed and you keep toys in. Yes. Yeah, what's in there? Maybe a Chinese yo-yo.

Paddle. Yeah, what's in there? Maybe a Chinese yo-yo. Paddle. The game you play at the beach where you hold the little Velcro pad on your hand and you're throwing the ball around and you catch it on the pad. Yes. I think that is us to me. You know what?

I'll give you something more fucked up. That's us, but we're not playing it at the beach. Because we can have that kind of fun anywhere. That is pretty fucked up. Anybody could do it at the beach, but what's fucked up about us and what's a little bit like is the reason maybe we get into so much trouble is that we're not playing it at the beach. And that's maybe some of the reason that people have a little bit of a problem with the way we do things here, and they maybe want to start some shit, and we're not biting. I just keep on smiling, and I glide on by.

And we'll all float on okay. And that's the bottom line. Shake it off. But anyway. Talk about. Let me talk. I want to talk about my family. So I guess part of the reason that I don't introduce my family to my Hollywood friends is that I'm almost embarrassed.

in a way I'm leading uh to life lifestyle because being a farm orphan who came from nothing to now have a beautiful basement apartment in my dad's house

I was not always um cool or funny or smart or even able to see out of both my eyes. You know? Mm-hmm. out of both my eyes. You know? Mm-hmm.

So it feels like I keep these things separate because I'm so afraid that if everyone knew everything about me, maybe they wouldn't like who I am. So some of those people do know that stuff about you. Yes. And you're worried. Everybody knows one secret. Everybody I know knows one secret about me. And you know what yours is.

Oh, yeah. Steffi's got one. Each one of my kids have one. And I'm very scared they're going to tell Steffi. Some of them are babies. Yes. Yes. And they have it just written somewhere on them.

Yes, yes, and they have it just written somewhere on them. And then, of course, you know, my dad has a secret that he knows about me. And then there's just certain baristas in this city who have secrets about me. My ATT U-verse cable guy, Tim. And what a fun scavenger hunt for somebody to try and go all around the whole city and gather up all the secrets about you to piece it together yeah because each individual one is not so bad but when they're all together it really does paint a pretty very very horrifying pretty grim picture yes when you get every piece now one thing that's always fascinated me about you is I obviously have met your girlfriend, all of them. And you go through them pretty quickly.

and it starts to make a guy wonder, do you yearn for that great love, that one true romance? Do you seek that? Is that something you even desire, or are you settled in the the lifestyle you have i'll tell you what happens and the way it honestly sort of plays out every time um not to be like too candid about this but i'll meet someone that i really like and we'll talk on a few dates we'll get to know each other. Sounds good so far.

And sometimes we'll really start to hit it off. And eventually it gets to this point where, you know, we start to feel more comfortable with each other. Maybe we'll go to each other's place at some point. It'll get kind of late we'll talk about spending the night and then we'll start to you know start getting intimate and kissing and and and touching and uh maybe one of us starts disrobing in the in a fun way. And then it gets to the time where, you know, like, we're adults and we get to the point where

when it's time to have intercourse. It's a natural thing. It's time to have intercourse. And my thing goes in there and I don't like it. Are you afraid it won't come back out or? No.

It's just something about it. It's so fucked up. As soon as it goes in, I'm just like, I hate this. I just got to get it out. And then, you know, I run away. And then I'm sort of in the corner of the other room. And then they come in and say, what's wrong? And I say like something like I just remembered something sad from when I was like a kid or something.

Okay. That was, you know. And that makes me just want to do it even more. Yeah. big okay that was you know and that makes me just want to do it even more yeah uh and so it's just i'm waiting for the one for the one girl to answer your question yes is there anything that you do like the way it feels the one well this is you know this is getting very personal. Well, that's what we set out to do. You know, in my house, the woman who comes and cleans up, she'll leave food. You know, she likes to keep stuff around for me to just kind of snack on throughout the day.

No. Once in the night, woke up uh i was going to the bathroom it was very dark uh and i tripped and kind of speared a grape yeah just so it and it was sort of like the experience of having like a wet hat on it. Mm-hmm. And that. You smush it and it bursts. So there's sort of that. It's dripping down it.

And the skin is hanging. Did it happen? Have you done this? Never unintentionally the way you're describing. I've never tripped and fallen and done it i've been well because that's the problem because i when i have tried to do it again it has to be an accident uh it doesn't work if i'm trying to do it well i mean if you i mean you know i there may be a situation where perhaps you get into a relationship with a woman who's willing to hide grapes and also hide roller skates and things that you would trip on um around the house

in order to that's what i when yes that's what i say to answer your question am i looking for that one person the answer is yes for that reason or maybe there is someone who has like a thing down there that is kind of like that it's like a half grape yeah and they could kind of jump you surprise you yeah very personal wow wow yeah i mean i guess i didn't know we were going to go this far in, but at the same time, this is what people wanted, and this is what all our guests do when we have them on. We get this far with them. And this is what's going on with Carrie Ann right now. I mean, this is very, like, and I pray she's not listening to this, but it's why I am scared to seek intimacy with her because I'm concerned that it'll be like all the others. And I like her so much, Sean.

And that would kill me. I've hung with the two of you, and it feels like I'm hanging with best buds. Oh, God. Best buddies. We're best buddies with each other, yes. Yes. Yes. Always playing, you know, just playing.

And with me, yeah. Running or chasing each other. Yes, chasing each other, setting up games and challenges for each other, stacking up all the creamers that are on the table, and sort of then one of you gives the other one like a sugar packet, and you have how many throws to knock down the sort of creamer pyramid. Yes, it's always playing games. It turns life into this big funny game.

Yes. And so to have that disappear from my life would, God, I don't know. I don't know what to do. And she is starting to press. She's doing it in front of you. Yes. I mean, she point blank has asked me.

What the story is there? story is going on there yeah but you i guess didn't know until now no i told i but i am kind of something else i'll be honest like well this is a you know it is a personal story that i just told i've never really said it out loud like that i am kind of like i feel like i'm advertising it. I don't know. That's just what I, I feel like I drop hints a lot, but maybe not. Right, yeah. No, I was able to tell because you are, you've made a couple strange jokes to this effect. I remember that you, at one point we were drinking wine and you said, you held up the wine bottle. This is just making sense now.

You held up the wine bottle. You went, I wish my ding-dong speared this cat's grandson. Grandfather. Grandfather? I said grandfather. About the wine? Yes, because the grape is the grandfather of the wine. Yes, yes.

It just felt like a good segue because it's a convenient way to talk about it. When we were watching that California Raisin special with her, you were like, I would like to fuck their dad. Yes. And then you said, well, not fuck. What I'm really talking about is much more complicated than that. What I'm really talking about is much more complicated than that. And we all laughed, but I don't know if any of us knew why. And why I always use the male family member,

describing these great ancestors I'd like to have intercourse with, is because the red ones are the male. Yeah. And the green ones are the female. Yeah. And it's the red ones that it works on traditionally. Yeah, who knows why, but. Should we take a break?

I don't know. I'm just getting really sad all of a sudden. Sure. really sad all of a sudden. Sure. I feel like I had one thing that I was going to ask, but now I can't remember what it was. There was somewhere in there I had one question. Okay, well, maybe when we come back for the break you can ask. I guess so.

I had one question I was going to ask. I really feel like I had it right in there. But I guess we can take a break and then figure out what either during the break or after or if I don't remember it, we just can't do it. We have a really great guest today. It's me. And you say, it's me too. It's me too. On Hollywood Hamburg.

Hollywood. Hollywood Hamburg. Hollywood. Hollywood Hamburg. And so I think I turned to Sean, you, Clements. Me, what? And I said, I remember I had started out, I said, did you rewind this? But I don't remember what I was holding or what the... Yes. Okay, yes.

Yeah. Okay, now I do remember this. Okay. Yeah. It was a, you know those party things where you whip your arm and a ribbon unravels? Okay, yeah. Yes. Yes. Party things where you whip your arm and a ribbon unravels. Okay, yeah. Yes.

Yes. I don't really know how those work, I don't think. You don't? Well, I'm always a little confused. Well, yes. What happens is when you snap your wrist, it extends, and there's some sort of wire or mechanism in there where it automatically returns to the pole. Okay.

And so you would snap it out, and then when it returned to the pole, you would look at me just mystified and go, did you rewind this? And I'd say, no, it winds itself. And you refused to believe it. It winds itself, and you refused to believe it. Well, it doesn't make sense that it would be able to rewind itself because with the force of the flick, you're extending it all the way out. Is that sense of childlike wonder what makes you such a great artist? Was that your question? Yes.

Is it your sense of childlike wonder that makes you such a tremendous art man? That's so interesting. I think it comes from the fact that I feel like I never really did have a childhood. Yeah. Growing up, as you know, raised in a fire truck, I was surrounded by fire all the time. And just like, just when you think you're about to get some sleep. And that's a bad truck. Because the truck should not really have too much fire on it.

You know what it was? A really short hose. Yeah. At the firehouse where I was. And so they had to really get up right next to the fire. And sometimes there would be fire on the truck itself. And so when you're trying to play with toys, but there's fire all around you,

and sometimes you have to pitch in, you feel weird. Even as a kid, you feel a little weird just sitting there trying to play with toys when other people's things are being consumed by fire. Well, and they say it takes a baby to catch a baby. And so a lot of times if a woman was going to drop her baby out the window because there were so many stories up and the fire is coming.

You use another baby to do the catch. Well, you use another baby because they're – Soft pallets. Yes. They're drawn to one another. They recognize each other and they can anticipate the baby's movements in a way that adults cannot. We want to do a special little new thing today, which is that since we're asking questions of each other today and we're talking ourselves, we thought we'd do the same thing for the popcorn gallery.

And now you already know this because you submitted questions to ask Sean and I today. And so the question is, do we play the song because the song is to explain the popcorn gallery and we of course already know what it is and how it's for questions and so do we just skip the song?

Let me say this. Intern Andy did a popcorn gallery theme song a while ago. I think it just sort of got forgotten, and I wouldn't even know how to find it today. But let's make it a – okay. I was going to say, let's do a Throwback Thursday, which is a new thing that my cousin Sam was telling me. And he found an old picture of me in an old Halloween costume, and I thought, what better way to just celebrate Thursday

than to put this up, and it's not vain. It's just fun. Where did you find that, that old photo? Sean has a bunch of stuff at my place. It's in an old box. Yes, I've been keeping some stuff at Sam's apartment for when I have to stay there. Well, let's just not do it. Okay, no song, and I vote no song.

Sam, you have some questions that are from some of our fans to ask us, and let's try and get, we got a lot of questions, let's try and get through these quick, and we say them quickly, and let's just be efficient about it. Sure. No dancey dance. Aztec would like to know, what was your first memory of a movie?

What a good, what a good question. I think it's the part in Under Siege where the chick with the big jugs pops out of the cake. And now you were not young when that movie came out. No, no, no. No, I mean, I was a producer on the film, but it was in a screening. It was an early cut, and someone suggested making that scene shorter, and I actually said I'd like to make it twice as long.

For me, there's a scene in Fury where the one guy is quoting a Bible verse. Oh, powerful. And the main guy already knows what it is, and he finishes saying it. And this is right before the end where everybody gets blown up. Okay. I don't know if anyone was going to see that movie, but I wouldn't because everyone gets blown up. And that movie does not look like it would be scary. No.

But the idea of everyone exploding actually is scary. It's a guy, the poster's a guy resting. Yeah. He's resting on a big pole. He's relaxing. Okay. Well, that's another one. And so I think that was, if I think back, I think that was the earliest memory of a movie I have.

I'm sorry, but they're now trying to trick you into seeing movies with scares. Yes. Where it used to be some are the scary movies and some are the fun movies. And you go see the fun ones and you leave the scary ones all the sick twisted fucks like for example imagine uh what would you imagine a movie about a doll to be like me yeah if you said i saw like oh there's a doll in this movie probably kids playing having fun well isn't that what you would think well that, that's what kids do with dolls. And now suddenly the doll has a knife and is stabbing the kids. Yeah.

Well, no thank you. And you know what? If it makes you feel good to trick people and that's how you want to have fun, then go hang out with Dax and BJ, Whitney, hang out with Dax, BJ, and Whitney, and just go punk yourself. New question, new question. Just come in and ask the new questions. All right. Mean Detective would like to know, how have your personal and psychological difficulties informed your work as professional humorists?

Boy. I don't know. Do we like that one? No. Okay. Charlie Murphy Brown wants to know, As hilarious as it was and remains to this day, is it not the premise behind reality show show and its offshoots like your Joel McHales, Ryan Seacrest, and Nick Lachkies?

Isn't the whole, hey, it's important to act like this is important thing just some marketer's wet? He knows. Rod Aug wants to know, I think I have a dope connection at a major studio in Hollywood, but I don't know how to take our relationship to the next level. What's a creative or original way to show him that I would do anything to be famous? That's a real question. This question's okay. Yeah.

I don't have a good answer for it, but it's a very good question. I've never really been in that position before. No, they mostly come to me. Bozo's of basketball would like to know, Hayes, what is more important, being really cool or really funny? Funny. Funniness is cool, don't you remember?

Funny. But because funniness is coolness. It is. You remember being in high school and just making everyone laugh? Yes. And it sometimes can be a secret key into the cool world. Whereas maybe a – And this is the one from into the cool world. Yes. Whereas maybe a – And this is the one from the movie.

Yes. Yes. That's – if you remember at the beginning of the movie, Brad Pitt is sitting there and he's a dork. And everyone around him is getting into the cool world by being cool – by being good at basketball and being, you know, handsome. And he makes a cracking good joke and busts everybody up. And then that's how he becomes friends, gets to fuck cartoon Kim Basinger. Sean, what is the scariest thing you has ever seen? Probably a mouse skeleton.

And I'll tell you why. Because a skeleton is bad enough, but if it's small as a mouse, it could be literally anywhere. And you could have it in the room for an hour and not know it's there. At least if a skeleton is in a room with me, I know that. You get out. Well, I can leave, but I might go to bed and then a mouse skeleton could be inside my pillow, eat its way out, and then eat my brains. If I'm lucky.

So in that way, probably a mouse skeleton. And you saw this? I've seen one, yeah. What happened? probably a mouse skeleton and you saw this i've seen one yeah what happened oh well i don't necessarily want to tell the whole story but i'm gonna beat out some of the tent poles for you victor garber and me aren't friends anymore we't talk, and he doesn't have my current cell phone number. And he and his mouse skeleton, I hope they have a long, happy life together. And he can, as far as I'm concerned, hang with Dax, BJ, and Whitney, and they can go punk themselves.

Say no more. Come on, come on, come on, come on. Valerie Bryant would like to know, Hayes, what's your favorite inside joke between you and Sean? It's an inside joke. Greggy would like to know, what's your guys' favorite podcast? Of the Airwolf ones?

What do we like to listen to? There are parts of each one that I like, I would say. Yes. If you took a certain part of each one and made it into its own big podcast... And we're not describing a Frankenstein. What we're describing is just a good podcast that has the couple good parts from all these different ones without all the crap. Yes.

I would do from Comedy Bang Bang. I like when they're not just kind of playing around. Yes. I like when they actually take it seriously. Yes. And are not trying to make a joke about it. Mm-hmm. I think from Improv for Humans,

I like the very long phone calls. Foggyness Files. I like the videos Yes The videos are funny That part's okay Totally lame Obviously I keep most of it

I keep her, I keep him I keep the Oprah game I mean that one I pretty much I guess I'm shoving these other elements we described into the basic framework that is that show. Yes, that's the bowl. Yes. So. Is that all of them?

Oh, and I would, you know, Andrew T. Oh, and the cracks. And I'd add Andrew T. Andrew T. would be all over it. I'd want his ad reads, actually. I'd like his ad reads. I feel like that would be perfect. And what were you going to say?

He's married to the girl from a movie show. How they make movie. Oh, that's funny. Now they're married. And they are having a nice dinner with Totally Lame and her husband. Okay. Who is your dream guest for the show? Well, I was the joy of that question, but let's move on to the next one.

Who is this from? Still from Greggy. Okay, Josh Radner. Next question. Where do you get your funny ideas? I would say that my actual dream guest. Oh, the one that you. The one that I dreamed.

Yeah. Is like almost, it's Paul Bunyan, but he almost is like, has skin like a crocodile. But he's not scary. He's nice. He's helping me. Yeah. He's helping me learn how to drive a truck. So that's my dream guest.

Greasy Bob would like to know, what is the most hardcore blue-collar thing you've ever done? And he included the examples, dig a ditch, fix a toilet, milk a cow. Make a movie is you have to think of it like a lunch pail job. Does he doesn't make sense? You know what I'm saying? And you have to think of you wake up every morning and it's as if you're

going in and going down in a sooty bog to do your work, and going down in a sooty bog to do your work. Put on your hard hat and grab your pail that you keep your lunch in and climb out on the steel girder that is Video Village and pick a pick hammer, which is calling to action, and start pounding away on the nails, which is giving notes to the actors to say, don't say it like that. Say it like this. Thelonious Junk would like to know, what is your favorite episode, segment, or guest? Huh.

Wow. That's an interesting one. Is that a good question? Of the show? This one? good question? Of the show? Is there anything of the show? I like this one too. You do? Yeah, I think this is the best one.

Yes, this one. Between the two of you, who would win in a fight? Between the two? Like it's a secret between the two of us? Whoa. Oh, whoa. Don't try to do this. Everybody loses if that happens.

Oh, like if you and I were fighting? Yes. Okay. I didn't understand that because it said like between the two of you. So I thought it was like. Like if there's a fight happening in between you. Everybody loses when that happens. I thought it was like just like the way you say like between

you and me like it's a secret and if you say like between the two of you is it just a secret for us but then it's like i don't know who they're talking about do it say do it again between the two of you who would win in a fight oh so it's if you and i fought each other. Is that what the question is? Now I'm seeing it your way. Now I'm thinking that he actually is saying just for us to tell each other. But then who is fighting?

I mean, we're movies, guys. Is he thinking about a Rocky movie or something? Yeah, like a boxer. Yeah. A boxer would win in a fight. Yes. Well, boxing's the highest form of fighting. Thelonious Junk would also like to know, how big of a donation to Earwolf would it take to hang out with you guys?

Let's explore that. Oh, fuck, man. Oh, wait, to Earwolf? Yes. How big of a donation to Earwolf would it take? The donation is to Earwolf. It does not go to you. Oh.

To hang with us. At the same time? Does it say? No, it doesn't. Hmm. To Earwolf. To Earwolf. Hmm.

I mean, the answer is zero. We could call out. And then there's a sub-answer, which is you could make a donation somewhere else. It might wind up making a bigger difference. Yeah, because the higher the donation to Earwolf number gets, the angrier I'm getting, just as I think about it. As the numbers are going up and up and up to ear wolf, I'm getting madder and madder because it should be going to me. Yeah, you're hanging with me.

You're not hanging with ear wolf. Yes. And so I guess the answer would be zero. What does that even mean, ear wolf? That's nothing. I would actually love to talk about this because I've been thinking about this for a long time. A wolf's ear? Is that what it is?

Then just say that. That's how you say that. You say a wolf's ear. Yeah. That's how you say that. And I know because I dated a veterinarian for a while. Valerie Bryant would like to know, Sean, where do you see yourself in 10 years? Six feet under. Valerie Bryant would like to know, Sean, where do you see yourself in 10 years? Six Feet Under.

We're bringing back that show for another season. I'm going to play Peter Krause's character. And it's been hellish scheduling it, so it's kind of sort of a joke that I say Six Feet Under because I actually do think it might take 10 full years to get that together. But we're getting Richard Jenkins back to play a ghost again. Dexter's going to be kissing the cop guy again. Chick from Can't Hardly Wait is still doing art. Are we – I mean, is that it?

I think those were good. Yeah. Yeah, those felt like enough questions. Yeah, those were good questions. And anybody who didn't... We didn't get your question, you should have had it up first, earlier in the...

Yes, you should have had us write it down first. Mm-hmm. Put it on top. And it's a quick lesson to be on time because it's, you know, if you're the...

It's not... Jack Nicholson's not the best actor. He's just the guy who got there first to the movie set. And so that's a lot of how it works. Let's give out the pro version. Excuse me. Oh, boy.

We want to give out the... Rate us on iTunes and please chat with us on the forums and NiceDad43 gets the pro version. Yep. And I guess that could be if we were to tie it into the show. Well, okay. This was kind of interesting the way we had to answer that one question between the two of us.

had to answer that one question between the two of us he can so as his prize nice.43 can ask us each one question on the forum but we will not answer to him we will only answer to one another but we have to answer the question to each other that he asks us yes and that won't that be nice for for you and to know that we're sharing with one another what the answer is bye this has been an earwolf media production executive producers jeff ulrich and scott ackerman for more information visit eario.com The wolf dead.