Hollywood Handbook - Sean O'Connor, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: June 30, 2014

Sean and Hayes discuss good apologies and give out awards to the most choice critics in a segment called "Choice Critics Critic's Choice Awards". Then, hilarious stand-up comic Sean O'Connor is in the studio to talk to the guys about ruling @midnight and the guys break down the specifics of Sean's album. Finally, the Popcorn Gallery is back to ask about paradoxes and Ben Hoffman and everyone gets a new name. This episode is sponsored by Cards Against Humanity . Spark Box Toys . Use the offer code HOLLYWOOD for 50% off the first month of your subscription of some sweet toys.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. And I just read it up. And he paid up. He had to. The bet was that I couldn't snowboard down a mountain in an upside-down turtle shell. Hey! Welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names of the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz. What do we want to do today? You didn't snowboard.

No, it is still snowboarding. Because it's a turtle shell. No, snowboarding is... The board is a product. No, it's the stance. Snowboarding is the stance. Well, why are you not skiing? It refers to the stance,

because I wasn't using two turtle shells. Wait, look. I hate Tony Hale as much as anybody else. It's not about whether or not you hate Tony Hale. The guy's a real weasel, so I'm glad to see some money hop out of his pocket into yours. But a board is a board. What would you like me to say? Instead of saying snowboard using a turtle shell.

Just say shred the mountain. Shred the mountain using a turtle shell. Shred the mountain, yeah. Well, people wouldn't know. You say shred the mountain. How do people visualize that? You say I'm going to shred the mountain on a turtle shell i'll shred the mountain yeah well people would know like if i like how do people visualize that you say i'm gonna shred the mountain on turtle shell but what are people picturing if i say i'm snowboarding using a turtle shell and i'm clearly shut up for a second shut up

if i say i'm snowboarding using a turtle shell i'm clearly saying that i'm substituting the snowboard you don't just ever say shut up to me. I just... Okay, finish. Go ahead. I apologize for saying shut up. I was angry. When I say that I snowboard using a turtle shell,

I'm clearly showing that I'm substituting a snowboard for a turtle shell. And that gives people a mental image. If that's you angry, i don't like you angry and i and i am letting you finish and go ahead and finish but i don't like that side of you i am finished i don't like it either i'm not i'm listen oh it's my fault i wish i hadn't said my fault sean i wish i hadn't said that i would do anything to take that back okay i believe you i apologize for that but you have to understand how frustrating it is when you call me out on things like that.

No, I know. And it's not part of the show. And it won't be. And we'll cut this. But it's not part of the show. I know it's not part of the show. I'm saying for you to protect you. That's all I care about.

If you make a bet like that, if you're going to go back to the mountain next weekend, which you said you are, and you're going to make another bet and ride the turtle shell and shred the mountain on it. But here's how I'd like you to do it. And you say snowboard. Here's how I'd like you to do it. You could contractually. I understand that. I would prefer that next time, instead of you saying the way you did that was wrong, say another way for me to say it.

Right? I hear that. Contribute something instead of just yes i could be i could be gentler with it and i know that i can be kind of a know-it-all sometimes so you would like me to say in the future i shredded the mountain with the turtle shell don't if you say it like that of course no it's i mean do whatever you i'm saying in order to protect you no no no no don't say do whatever you want that's obviously not how you feel. Now you're raising your voice again.

I just want you to be able to hear me. Okay. How would you like me to say it next time? If you are comfortable with doing it this way, if you just want to say snowboard, just say snowboard. And don't tell me when someone doesn't pay up okay because it's not a board and a board is flat that sounds like and a shell is curved that sounds like an apology that doesn't use the word sorry which were those were if that's

what you want to do those are things that we were trying to avoid i let you now i let you finish when we now i let you finish when you were saying your thing. Okay. And so you're going to listen to me. Okay. Okay. So you're going to listen to me. Do you remember what we said about apologies that don't use the word sorry?

When we apologize, they're not apologies. They're not good apologies, yeah. Let's both'm sorry i'm saying that now i'm sorry for telling you to shut up earlier i'm sorry for raising my voice a little bit ago thank you i'm so i'm sorry if it felt to you okay like i was interrupting you and this is another thing we've talked about. You're apologizing. You know about that. I said sorry. You said if I was offended

is basically what you're saying. And that puts it on me. If it felt to you like I was interrupting you, I didn't think that I was. Well, it did. Okay, I don't want you to feel that way. We don't do ifs. We don't do if-sorries.

Remember what we said about if-sorries? They're not good sorries. They're not good sorries. They're not good sorries. Yeah. Okay, so I fucked up, okay? So I'm POS. Thank you. Okay, so I'm sorry,

and I am looking out for your best interest. Thank you. And I want you to be happy and to make all the money on the turtle shells that you can. And so – I know. Sean, I know that's why you do these things. Your motives are never in question with me. I know you do it because you care about me.

And that's the same reason that I get so upset. Well, I'm passionate. We're passionate people. And I interrupted you again. Go ahead. Go ahead. No, I was done. I was done.

Okay. Well, me too. So let's do a short segment now because we don't, you know, I've got tea time. Hey. Hi. What up, what up? No, okay.'s let's clear it let's clear it out hey welcome to hollywood handbook and insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the

red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz my name is hayes davenport i'm here with sean clements we are in the movies. We talk about the movies. We make them. We do them. And they love us. And we love them right back. Yes.

What an experience to have movies. Everyone's talking about the Critics' Choice Awards. We watched them. You know, it's a good show. It's one of the showmanship of those awards. It's probably the single best spectacle in Hollywood. In terms of just pure entertainment. Yes. And people have known this for a long time.

You can't beat the Critics' Choice Awards. It's appointment viewing. And even for, you know, when you're in show business for a long time, you can sort of get jaded. And when you need to learn a lesson about the magic of cinema again, you tune into the Critics' Choice Awards. You return to the TCAs. Yes. But, but, but but but but we watch a critic's choice awards and we say well it's so nice that the critics are putting this on for us but we say what about an awards show that's for the critics what about what about critics who are themselves choice? The unsung heroes is there is bad critics and critics that are so choice.

So choice. And so we wanted to do a segment that we call the choice critics, critics choice awards. So this is like a criticsics Choice Awards for the most choice critics who are really just doing an excellent job. Now, this year they happen to have all said complimentary things about Hayes and I's work. Different things that we've done. Yes, exactly.

And that's not always the case, I think. But it certainly didn't hurt that they recognize different things are choice in different years and i find so often that when a critic is saying something negative about work that hayes and i have done that they are stupid fucking idiots and that they really truly just didn't get it and were they were not evolved enough of people and their thick heads wouldn't let anything smart in their brain they've become close-minded yes they they're truly close-minded and for all intensive purposes they are a caveman so let's just get to the award yeah i i like to give a choice critics award to a man who I think is one of the choicest critics out there.

Rex Reed wrote a review of Fool's Gold, the movie I wrote and directed several years ago. It was a treasure hunting movie with Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey. And if you do want to rent that movie or watch it on some sort of streaming device, please say goodbye to your butt first because you will be laughing it off. I appreciate, first of all,

so many critics do movies that are just coming out right now. That's in the theaters already. I already know about it. I'm already on my way. There are commercials for it saying that it's good. I already been invited. The, the foresight to go back and look at a movie from a long time ago and to say

that that movie is smart and that that movie, uh, has like good colors in it. Like that's what he was saying all through the review that he loved the colors. And he said that when they found the gold at the end, it made him feel so good

and he was so happy for them and the gold was so shiny that it jumped right off the screen and like, his description of the shininess was... And he felt rich and I've read this review

a few times but he felt rich watching it. It made him feel that he was rich too. And he doesn't make that much money, you know,

so that's a nice feeling for him. He doesn't have what we have. He made him feel that he was rich too. And he doesn't make that much money, you know. So that's a nice feeling for him. He doesn't have what we have. He loves a movie that makes you want gold. I actually love that you gave that award, and I think it's great, but I actually am giving maybe probably a braver award, and it is going to Not A Man Critic. And it is Lisa Schwarzenbaum at EW, Entertainment Weekly.

Yeah. And she did a review also for a movie that we were involved in that also was a few years old. It's a little movie that you've probably heard of called American Wedding. It's the third installment in the American Pie series, third and best, and Lisa recognized that. She was saying that it was so nice to see where these characters had gone. We fell in love with them as teens, and they were horny teens, and that too many movies make you feel like horniness is a teenage phase, but we kept them horny all the way up through their wedding. And isn't that a nice message that you don't have to stop being horny,

and Hayes and I never have. And she said something in that review that I really, but it was sort of the message we were trying to get across, which is ladies can be horny too. Yes, that women can have a horny experience and that that's okay. And they can vocalize it to a man who they're close with or to a woman or to their dad or to a scientist. to their dad or to a scientist. The sensation of wanting to shove something up there was not something that she, these are her words, or not things that, something that she had seen communicated so eloquently

in movies before. Yeah, and to pull it back out and shove it in again. And I think that we tackled the horniness of a woman in a way that maybe she hadn't seen a woman do. And it made it okay. And her description, just as a writer, she's a professional writer, but her description of her becoming extremely horny watching the movie was so vivid for the the creators of the movie to be horny for the writers directors and to say of you know that we really get it that of course it's not the same as horniness for a man because the woman don't know what's happening to her body when it's happening and that she had never seen it captured and her, God, I got so fucking horny for those two studs who must have written it.

And I was, you know, getting horny reading the review, and I relieved myself with masturbation at the end of it, I think. uh and one last award uh to the the choicest of critics a.o scott so choice of the new york times who went back to review all hail the king who went back to review our movie evolution and i and what i appreciate about that review that a lot of people hadn't noticed before was our decision to cast a guy named Orlando Jones and make him the first black man in a movie. Because before that, it was only white people in movies. because he does really understand movies is that there was a layer on it where, yes, the movie's called Evolution, but also it's an evolution of Hollywood

into being evolved enough to let a black man be in the movie and have an alien sort of crawling up the inside his skin, inside his leg, like it might bite his dick, you know, like in We're the Millers or something. They wanted us. Of course, they stole that bit from us. That he's doing that and making a big bug-eyed face like he's scared, you know?

They wanted us to cast Dennis Franz for that. And it just didn't, you know, we knew. And a big fight. And we wound up having to finance it independently. Mm-hmm. And it was also the first indie film, which Ayo gave us a lot of credit for. Yes. It was us, you know, Cassavetes and...

Kevin Smith. Yes, Smith. I was... Jarmash came later. Yes. But I, yes, Smith. And so AO really talked about the global idea of evolution. That humans had evolved into a couple different colors. Yes.

And that's okay. And people say for a while, well, the cameras are black. And well, maybe that's not enough you know that's not enough maybe some of the people can be black also yes and i think they were concerned that black people wouldn't show up on the black cameras well someone had to try it and there was a risk involved in that we would have lost a lot of money yeah and we did if it turned out they didn't show up and what a relief when we showed up in the theater and he was up there. You could see him. So, hey-ho, AO.

This Choice Critics Critics Choice Award goes to you. So that was the Choice Critics Critics Choice Awards. Oh, and Kevin McFarlane at AV Club. Love him. We have a great guest today. Sean O'Connor is here. He's a stand-up comedian. He has a new album out called James Dean Type.

He comes to have a really, really, really great conversation with Sean and I on this podcast, Hollywood Handbook. Whoa. Whoa. So, Darren Aronofsky is like, I think the frame should be dirty, you know? Like, he's doing his director thing. And I go, that's a great note, Darren. And P.S., you're out of my fucking biography. It's like, watch your step, you know? That's a real consequence people can have.

You were going to write about him. He was going to have a chapter, yeah. Hey! Welcome to Hollywood Handbook. An insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz. Very exciting guest joining us today. It's a red carpet lined industry or something like that, isn't it? Red carpet line. No, the hallways are lined with carpet.

I'm so sleepy, Hayes. What up? What up, everybody? You thought this whole time that it was the red carpet lined industry? I don't know what I thought. Do you know I haven't been getting any sleep? Why not? My neighbor's building a water park in his backyard. Sean O'Connor is here. He's a really exciting guest for us. Sean, thank you so much for coming on the show. I am thrilled to be here.

We first caught on to you watching. We like to scout for the young guys who are coming up, who are really doing at a high level. I like to say that I've got my ear to the ground and I'm laughing. At what you're hearing?

Yes. Because I'm listening to some very funny, up and coming hot comics. And it's Indian heritage. Yes, I am one-eighth Navajo, and so because of that, I do actually listen to the earth. You can actually hear stuff the way we would put our ear there,

and it just gets dirty. I thought you meant other Indian. I'm sorry. No, that's a dance that they do when they put their ear to the ground. That's what that is. They're just, it's part of a dance. They're trying to trick a snake or something. Now, um...

So when we scout, one of our biggest talent pools is, of course, At Midnight. I love At Midnight. Of course you do. It made you. It did. I'm a star.

You went on... Yes. You went on At Midnight.. It made you. It did. I'm a star. You went on at midnight. We were watching you, rooting for you so hard. Thank you. And you ended up, you won the show. I won. I did win. I won. I beat Julian McCullough and Annie Letterman.

It was great. And what a crushing defeat it was. And to beat a woman, too, must have really felt good for you. I did. She was just so dirty. That's not what I like in comedy. No, and they've been starting to do that. Some of them are doing some jokes that are very blue,

and we don't work in that area. Okay, because I don't want to curse today. It's for attention. But, yeah, I won. It's just to make us think about it. very blue and we don't work in that area. Okay. Cause I don't want to curse today. It's for attention. But yeah, I won. It's just to make us think about it. There were,

I mean, it's very hard to shock me with a word. I can only think of a dozen off the top of my head. So basically, you know, you really can't do it. Think of how many words that don't shock you. Oh gosh. I can think of,

you know, dozens and dozens. So in that way, I don't like that humor. But when you won, you went and put it in your Twitter bio. Hey, do you have that available? It's been taken down recently. I took it down. But I felt like I was just like throwing it in people's faces. Too much.

Yes. Too much. Yes. Yeah. Too much attention. Your Twitter bio still does begin, I am 29. What happens when you turn, say, 30? Oh, I think I'm going to change it, although— You never see I'm 30 anything in those bios, but you see a lot of 20s. I think it's because you're so proud of being in your 20s.

Once you hit 30, it is all downhill from there. I remember that being difficult. How old are you? You know, a lady never tells. But Hayes and I have seen our fair share of sunrises, let's say. We've seen presidents come and go. George W. Bush? A lot more presidents.

More than just the one you named. He's the only president to be. Now, what's it like being a winner? It is great. It is, well, as soon as you get there. Yes, walk us through. Were you scared? Oh, yes.

Yeah, I'm terrified. I do not like cameras. But as soon as you get there, they- Yes, walk us through. Were you scared? Oh, yes. Yeah, I'm terrified. I do not like cameras. But as soon as I came in- You think they're going to steal your- My soul. Yes. I'm an Aborigine. That's who thinks that.

I'm one-eighth Aborigine. Anyway, you go in. They give you a car service, which immediately I'm like, cha-ching. I go in they give you a car service which immediately i'm like cha-ching i go in they give you a t-shirt with the at midnight symbol yeah and cookies then you're like all right here's all my jokes and they're like those are all fantastic you're probably going to win you play the game. You win. Then they take the other two people's shirts away. Wow. In front of you. Like, they're like, would you like to watch this?

Humiliating, undressing, yes. Oh, my. And they don't have anything on underneath, do they? No. And they actually make them remove their pants and put a spotlight on. Then they bring them out into the crowd, and they just start throwing things at them. And then they're like, would you like to partake in this? And then you're like, of course.

Yeah, you're there. And then Chris Hardwick is just chanting for you to do it. Which one is which guy is he? He's the nerd. Oh, yes. Boy, can we relate. You guys don't seem like nerds at all. We've heard that.

This we have heard. We've gotten that. I wish you could have seen me in middle school. Reading science books. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Watching Japanese cartoons? That's nerdy.

I agree. I agree. But now you guys are cool. Well, nerds is cool. Yeah, but I saw what you guys drive. Oh, I could give a fuck about status. I hate it when people bring up my car. It's such a cool car.

I don't care about status. It's for functionality. It gets me from here my car. It's such a cool car. I don't care about status. It's for functionality. It gets me from here to there. It's about functionality. Yeah, that's for me. It's just the only reason I have a really fast car is because I run late a lot. I'm just really disorganized and my snooze button goes for too long.

I don't know how to reset it. And the red wheels it's easy to find in a parking lot. Yeah, that's very helpful. I've never seen red wheels it's easy to find in a parking lot. Yeah, that's very helpful. I've never seen red wheels. I liked those. Oh, yeah. It's like low batons.

They're stupid. Red bottled. Yeah, I think my car's kind of a Samantha. You do stand up all over the countries and states. Now, is different states different from each other? Yeah, I find that to be true. I find Providence, Rhode Island, Rhode Island and Massachusetts, those states, similar. Sure.

But then you go to New York, there's nowhere like New York. We love New York. Speak on that. Oh, well, I mean, it's just the general vibe. Have you ever been to Greenpoint, Brooklyn? Not when it was called that. They have the wettest pizza there. They do have wet pizza there.

It's soaking wet. I was recently in Reno, Nevada, and I will say the wettest buffet I've ever eaten at. Everything was sopping wet. That's culture. It is culture. How do you show, if you're doing a show in certain parts of Pennsylvania or Ohio or a flyover stay in Arizona that how do you show to the audience that they missed

a joke that you told because they didn't laugh it was because they didn't understand it is there like a hand signal you use to show that they didn't get it I do basically word for word Carlos Mencia's da da da I just do that over and over

basically word for word? I go, a-der, a-der-der. He does der-da-dum-dum, and I go der-der-der. It's that little change, like vanilla ice. Yes, that's what keeps you out of legal hot water. Yes, with Carloth Menzino. That's how you're supposed to say it.

Is Carlos a friend? Not anymore because I feel like his social status has dropped off a lot. I'm kind of hanging out now with Kevin Hart and Diablo Cody. Yes, I see those two around. Are they a thing? They are. I mean, I can't say they are. I'm waiting for crazy days and nights to confirm it.

Have you guys thought about going on at midnight? Have we? Scott did it. Scott Anchorman, our boss. And he was coming back and he was like... A collaborator. Well, in like the fictional Earwolf. Like in the comedy Bang Bang Universe.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. The Bangiverse. He came back and he said it was so fun. I had such a great time. I love the t-shirt. He won, right? I have a lot of t-shirts, Sean. You could always use more t-shirts.

And this one has the at midnight symbol, which is an at sign. Is it just the at? It's just the at. So people are walking, when you walk by them, they're like, there's a millennial. I'm usually asleep. Are you usually asleep? During at midnight or during the day? No, during the time that the show is. There's a millennial. I'm usually asleep. Are you usually asleep? Mm-hmm. During at midnight or during the day?

No, during the time that the show is. Oh, midnight. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And during the day. Mm-hmm. My kids run me around.

Yeah, I am usually asleep. Do you have kids? A great deal, yes. I feel like I should have listened to this podcast. Oh, no, don't trouble yourself. It's not for you, you know. It's really who it's for. Yeah.

It's for the people who haven't won at midnight, who don't have a taste of that success. Oh, like Annie Letterman, Julian McCullough. Great example. Julian was a friend of yours. He was a friend of mine, but when I saw him humiliated on national television, I can't be friends with him anymore. To be honest, Sean, to be honest.

To be honest right now. Me? Please be honest. I do worry that going on with my friend, the person I'm hosting a show with that I love, there's one winner on that show. I love you too. I never want you to say that and have to not hear it back.

Do you hear what I'm saying? Like one person leaves at midnight a winner. I hear you and I respect you. I'm here and I'm listening to you. And I don't want to have that kind of competition either and i wonder if the two of us could maybe team up against the third person yes some sort of third

yes like an andrew t like an earwolf night okay well you said it okay yes but if we could somehow get that dastardly andrew t on there with us don't you think we could just really... I do think I'd be good at it. I am very good at knowing what tweets are real and which ones are not real. I'm good at watching part of a YouTube video and guessing what the rest of it's about. Oh, you would be great at this.

These are, you know, skills that I have. He's good at that. I've won, oh, just over 6,000 New Yorker caption contests. So, you know, that I think qualifies me for some of the stuff that they do on there. And I just love anything where I get points. I love pinball and all that. I would worry about going on with Andrew T, though.

He's kind of a racist watchdog. Yes, I would be concerned that some of my humor might be labeled racist. You don't want his sights on you. So if you're not, you know, if there are points to be given out, you're going to want to give them to Andrew T. lest you fall under his, you know. Yes, him being eliminated first could be, regardless of the

quality of the question, could be... Come to be known as racist around town and it is a small town. The best way to deal with Andrew T. is just to stay. Keep a wide berth. Yes. Arms length and then some.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's a nice guy. What happened with you and Julian? Well, I went in at midnight. Yes, do you see him anymore? Not really. He had a kid is the last I heard. Uh-huh. Yeah, he's been.

How big? Eight by six. That's how I say eight pounds, six ounces, eight by six. Yes, yes. Points, points. Yeah. I saw him pounds, six ounces. Eight by six. I mean, I'm just... I saw him scurry into a sewer the other day. Did you? Yes. Is that where he's living? Yes. I did. The last

I heard, he did move. So it's a sewer. Yes. Poor guy. And his baby is living in like a detached toilet tank. No pram? No pram. It doesn't have a pram no i said it because i mean we've fallen so out of touch i don't know this because it's yes it's gator as gator like features yeah and it's a sad state yeah you can't see you can't be seen with him

can i ask you did you do a comedy cd oh yeah yeah. My album came out last week. What's it called? James Dean Type. Oh. James Dean Type what? Oh, I'm like a James Dean Type rebel. I riffed it on stage, and it bombed, and I thought it did well, so I did the album that. Then when I listened to it, it did not go over well.

Oh. So I kept it, because I think that's my whole thing is I don't care. Yes. Yes. And to DGAF, to truly DGAF. Truly DGAF. To be able to say at the – to look back at the end of your life and say zero fucks were given. Yes.

To truly DGAF. And I know you're not comfortable with that language. I like it. But that is the height of art history. As you're fading away and you're looking back on everything you've accomplished, to be able to say Sean FTW. Oh, my God. What a dream.

Yes, it's truly the greatest gift. Sean F-word the world. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. And I am curious because you did do the stand-up CD and it's a recording of a stand-up show. Oh, yeah. With all my jokes.

One thing that Hayes and I love is when people dissect the anatomy of a joke. Now, we don't want to hear any jokes and don't ruin them, but what we'd love to hear is like, where are these ideas coming from and what are these ideas? Oh, I would love... Just the very broad areas of a joke that you do and then take us in there.

To me, that's more interesting. Oh, I love dissecting jokes. So this is... I feel like I'm at home. What's a really good one from your album, for example, that people could look forward to? I have a joke about going to a Kesha concert. And I went there with limited expectations. And what I found changed my life.

Well, don't say what you found. Okay, okay, okay. Yes, but don't say positively or negatively. You know what I mean? Now, what made you think about, like, use Kesha as a target for comedy? Because she's a singer. She's a singer. And you know what?

She's a serious singer. Yes. There's no goofies that she's saying. She's singing about death. She's not a comedy singer. No. She's not a comedy singer. She's not a weird owl.

No. Or even a president of the USA who did, I thought Lump was, I had some laughs during that one. I had more. A Smothers Sister. I had more laughs during Gump by Weird Al. Yeah, well, okay. I mean, you know, Weird Al, we've established that's a funny singer, but I think I can name funny singers too, and that's okay. Yeah, no, you may.

I'm just saying the Presidents of the United States of America. Okay, well, Peaches, that's another one that I thought was pretty funny and bull weevil actually has a funny it does seem like if they were comedy singers that weird al wouldn't do a comedy song they're not even playing a hall guitar is only has some of the strings so if you actually know about presence of the usa you can talk to me about it and you don't. But I feel like it's kind of like gilding the lily if they're making a parody song, if he's making a parody song about an old...

Well, take that up with Weird Al, you know? And I think he capitalized on what was a very popular movie that some of our friends made, and I think that he found the moment and took this song that had entered the mainstream despite being, I'll say it, laugh out loud funny. Anyway, Sean O'Connor, why do you like that joke that you tell? Oh, you know, I think it's just because, like, it's an extension of who I am as a person.

Like, I'm someone who will go to a Kesha concert on a whim. Yes. And then what I'll see maybe isn't for fodder, but I make it for fodder. Yes, and why do other people like it? I really do not know why anyone likes that joke, but it's constantly singled out as being my masterpiece. Your magnum opus.

Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Sure. Your painting with the sunflowers and the stars yeah my my my it was well it did come during my blue period i was trying to think of the guy with the guitar playing the guitar painting i don't remember what it's called well i'll tell you who played

the guitar and they played like three stringstring ones and two-string ones. He's present at the USA, fellas. And the Peaches song, just the idea to sing a whole song just, you know, about just eating the peaches, it's a little tongue-in-cheek, you have to admit. It's farcical. Yeah. You know what?

I guess I wasn't looking at them as being silly. So you're right. I'm sorry. Do you remember the Bull Weevil song that they did? Tell me about it. Well, it's like the Bull Weevil is this sort of character in it, you know, that they're singing to. And that's a bug. It's a farm bug.

Okay. So they're talking to the farm bug in the song? Sean O'Connor, tell me that's not funny. I mean, it's kind of funny. I mean, it's not Bloodhound Gang funny, but what is? Do you guys, are you familiar with the Bloodhound Gang? Fun Loving Criminals. Yeah.

Is that what, do they have a song called that? No, I think that's another band I get confused with them. Yes, points. Tell us another joke, Sean. Oh, I have another joke about something that happened in high school. Okay. Yeah. What does it concern thematically?

school okay yeah and it like what does it concern thematically um i i think just like the length teenage boys would go to uh impress a girl and oh and how incorrect their initial thought was yes on the journey we do have to learn a little bit about the female mind as we age. You seem to draw a lot from your own past and experiences. Is history or your own history funny? I think so. I think that's what makes me me. That's what I'm going for. Because I'm thinking of Jerry Steinfeld and some other comics who I've seen who do jokes not really about their self. Yeah, observational jokes.

I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, sure. Yeah, I can't do that. I don't know how to do it. I don't know how to. I don't feel. Would you try?

Well, yeah. I mean. People enjoy it a lot and he's very successful. Oh, Jerry Steinfeld? Mm-hmm. Jerry Steinfeld is fantastic. Like, his show is, like, one of the most important television shows of all time. Getting cars, coffee...

And you're wearing a Mets hat in homage. Yeah, because I love Jerry Steinfeld so much. In fact, I shouldn't be saying this because I've never said this out loud, but I would like to be the most famous Mets fan. That's worth aspiring to. I know. It's going to be tough. There's Jerry Steinfeld and K. James.

But James Gandolfini's dead. He died, which I'm not too sad about. Yeah, you shouldn't. That makes you number three. Most famous living. Yeah, most famous living. Because if we include dead people. Well, what about all the Mets?

They love the team. They do love the team. But, you know, have you been watching them? They're not famous at all. They're the least famous baseball players I've ever seen. The one pitcher they have made me think of Ice Cream Cones with his name. Oh. Speak on that. David Cone? Speak on with this name. Oh. Speak on that.

David Cohn? Speak on that. Speak on that. Speak on that. Oh, well, yeah, David Cohn used to play for the Mets. He was involved in a famous sexual harassment lawsuit. He pulled his penis out in the bullpen and showed it and waved it to a bunch of female fans. And that's the funny ways we go to the lengths we go.

Yes, it's just like the high school stories. I mean, I feel like I am David Cohn, but I look at him as more of a Yankee. Yeah, is that a Hollywood movie? The Yankees? Just you being David Cohn. Yeah, I think it could be. Just like a really fun David Cohn biopic.

Take note, Scoop Troop. You've got the hat. I had the hat. Scoop Troop, take note, because sometimes you're having a fun conversation and you need to stop and say, isn't this a movie what we're talking about? And it is. It is. It so rarely is, but right now what we're talking about is.

Cone, right? Just Cone. just call it cone or cone heads i like cone heads that's fun because then you could have like a detroit rock city story yes about three guys who really want to see david cone pitch and one of them touches glove and get his powers or he gets his powers i love that keep powers. I love that. Keep going. Keep going. And you know he just like really blows through high school college. This is years of his life. Yeah. With David Cohn's abilities which were pretty good.

He pitched for a long time. He pitched for a long time. It's the longevity. So like it's not like And you're out there. You're trying to get your powers back. I need them back. I'm selling shoes. Yeah. Looking for this guy, hoping one day he needs to buy new cleats.

Mm-hmm. And any time in your life when you have to throw something, you can't do it. I can't. It won't leave your hand. It's basically the opposite of Rookie of the Year. Mm-hmm. Starring me as David Cohn. Mm-hmm. Starring me as David Cohn. Mm-hmm.

Who's buying? David Cohn type. I'm a David Cohn. That's my second album. Mm-hmm. Mm, yes. That's a nice theme you can do. And good for you, the confidence.

That's my second album. Yeah, it might happen. I might not quit comedy. I love seeing that. I like that confidence, too, that you might not quit comedy. I love seeing that. I like that confidence too, that you might not quit comedy. Sean, look at you. I'm very inspired by you. Can you call him something else?

Yeah, I agree. It is very confusing. It's really fucking bad. Please call me David. Oh, exactly. Yeah, just call him David. And then you can still be Sean. What do you think of that?

You're Sean, and I'm David Cohn. But then do you want a new name since we're getting new names? I wouldn't mind being Engineer Cody. I could go with that. But who is going to be Engineer? Like, what's Engineer Cody's name going to be? Mm-hmm. Sean.

Sean. No, that doesn't quite suit him does it no how about I'll take Sean and engineer Cody can be shit bird or I like that shit bird is good shit bird shit bird

to who to me to birds you don't like birds Shit bird. Do you like my new name, shit bird? What? It's kind of rude. To who? To me. To birds? To your name. To who, shit bird? What, you don't like birds? Guy doesn't like birds. Can you believe this, Engineer Cody?

This guy doesn't like birds. I can't believe it. Thank you. And Sean, tell him about the bird that you own, because this is an important story. He had a very majestic bird that was very important to his family, and you're insulting him now. Yes, I keep tropical birds. And I say keep because I don't own them. Because they're free.

Because you can't own something with a personality and a life of its own. That's slavery. This bird, his name is Bryce Dallas Howard. And I taught it to speak and to answer calls and things like that. It's a smart bird. It did a great deal more than you, shit bird. David Cohn, have you had any experience with any sort of majestic birds? I've never had any experiences with majestic birds, but I mean, like, I like birds.

My favorite bird is a parrot. That seems like a healthy attitude towards birds. But, I mean, like, I like birds. My favorite bird is a parrot. That seems like a healthy attitude towards birds. That's a whole, there's a, at least reasonable. Parrot is not a single bird, you know. Wait, what? It's like a type of bird. It's a type of bird. Yeah.

It's a type of bird. It's my favorite type of bird. Which parrot? Yes, which one? Very specifically, Coco Beware's parrot. Okay, yes, now we're getting somewhere. Speak on that. Speak on that.

Well, Coco Beware was a famous professional wrestler in the late 80s, and he had a parrot. And you liked him. I loved that parrot. It was one of my favorite parrots ever. Number two is, of course, Polly. Yes. Love Polly. Oof, yes.

Boy, does that motherfucker want crackers yeah but rest in peace poly yes yeah yeah jay moore did jay moore die is he dead now we can't really oh break the news break it no no no no because there's still a lot of episodes of his syndicated radio show that need to air out. They need to run out and they don't want people thinking about that. And people don't want to know how it ends. It happens on the show. Oh, it happens on air.

Okay, I get it. Him and Bobcat Goldwith. Thwait. That's a hard word to say. Isn't it, shit bird? Bob Cagg-Golthwaite? Oh, that was really good. Ooh, bravo, you learned a word.

You're more like a parrot than I thought. Yeah, what a smart bird. Jesus Christ. If you think you're getting points for that, you got another thing coming. Sean, do we have any Popcorn Gallery questions? We don't have any Popcorn Gallery questions, but we do have a new song that I can play. Okay, I haven't heard this yet.

Shit birds. Give me the cable. There were questions, were they just not good? There were? Yeah. Oh, okay, great. Well, let's play the new song. Yeah, let's get into your forum questions.

This is a new, and you can, this is an introduction to a segment, and the song explains sort of what the segment is. Okay, perfect. Popcorn. Earwolf on them. Yum. Popcorn. Earwolf on them.

Till peanuts walk into a bar, bar kinder says, Oi, get out of here. Popcorn. Earwolf on them. Tell peanuts walk into a bar, bar kinder says, get out of here. Popcorn chicken. What up, what up? Popcorn shrimp. Popcorn rolls. Exactly. With a popcorn limb.

Probably with ham. Gallery man, gallery man. Got more celery, popcorn gallery. Reach down, feel around, grab a grip of butter. Reach down, feel around, grab a grip of butter Reach down, feel around, grab a grip of Mmm, yum, popcorn Hopefully everyone's happy and healthy out there

Because it's the United States of whatever So that should, you know, explain sort of what this is You've got a pretty good sense And I think that's probably the clearest explanation we've been able to provide. Let's reach into the popular. Do we have any questions? Yes. I have a good one right here, but do you want to read it?

Well, let's get it out of the bag. That's tradition. Get it out of the bag, and I'll read it. Ooh, it's the new CD James Dean type. What a great prize to find at the bottom of my popcorn bag. Most people have to purchase it, and it's worth it, but I found mine in a popcorn bag. Here's a question from Michael Bay of Pigs.

Hello, Sean O'Connor. If you're Sarah O'Connor's dad from Terminator, couldn't Skynet just go back in time and kill you before you banged her mom, or would that be a paradox? Could you explain what a paradox is? Oh, wow, that's a very good question. Well, I've never seen the Terminator. Too close to home. It's too close to home.

But I believe a paradox, and I could be completely wrong, is it's a box full of parrots. Am I wrong? Well, we'd have to ask Shitbird. Am I wrong? Am I wrong? Yeah. What is it then? You're such a smart bird.

You want me to like look it up? No, I want you to. If you knew it was wrong, then you must know what the right thing is. Shitbird didn't even know what it was. Shitbird, apologize to David Cohn for smarting off like this. That's absurd. I am waiting. No, it's a bird.

It's as bird. Now, there are a couple more questions on here. I don't think they're all that good. Let's do them anyway. Short notice, short notice, short notice. It's true. It's true. They didn't have a lot of time.

Let's do one and sort of pick it apart. Engineer Cody, let me... Why don't you reach into the popcorn bag? All right. Shitbird! Please, shitbird. That was actually a very good sound effect. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. If we could just hold off one second. I think we might have discovered something here. Can you do the popcorn sound effect again that you just did? Yeah. It's really quite something. It really sounds just like popcorn. Okay, we got it.

Buttery movie treat. Mark really phoned that one in. Question from Octodactypus. Sean O'Connor, you used to be a writer for The Ben Show with Ben Hoffman. Did you ever see him take off his baseball cap around the office locker room? Please describe the birthmark underneath if you saw it. My thing with that question is, love Ben Hoffman. Love him to death.

I don't know if our audience is the right market for jokes about ben hoffman yes you know you have to know you have to have a pretty deep knowledge of ben hoffman yeah you have to know who ben hoffman is yeah you have to know sort of what we're saying always wears a hat you have to have seen him without his hat which i haven't i've known him for two years. Sure. And you have to know he has a birthmark. I don't want to answer that. I don't know any of those things. I don't even know Ben Hoffman.

No reasonable person should expect you to answer a question like that. He never takes his hat off. Okay, maybe, but I don't know that. And so how can I expect my audience to know that? And how did this guy, what's he even talking about? Octodactypus? Doesn't even know how to say his own name right.

I don't know. These people seem like nerds. And Chanson, ask who your celebrity man crush is. Don't even get me started on why I'm not gonna get into that question. Chanson. Wait, really? Who is your celebrity man crush is. Don't even get me started on why I'm not going to get into that question. Shanson. Wait, really? Who is your celebrity man crush? Well, he asked who yours was.

Oh, I mean, that's very obvious. Yeah. James Gandolfini. It's the, it's yes. It's Gandolf, baby. You know they named that wizard in the Ring movie after him? Mm-hmm him he's like a small kid david cone thank you so much oh it's great for coming on the show i had fun i hope you guys have fun we're pulling for you we're pulling for you thank you bye james dean type on it get out

figure out what it is that he types. An email? An email or a tweet? A whole big book. A funny tweet? Like in olden times. He's sort of an older star. I've never even listened to it. But buy it. It goes straight to my

bank account. Are you scared? I can't watch myself. I don't like my voice. It's so hard because you hear it and you're like, why does everyone like this? I like, believe it or not,

Engineer Cody's voice. In fact, as you've been talking, I'm like, I love that voice. Oh, that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. What do you love about it?

I don't know. I just like the tone. Everything he says sounds so sincere. Oh, is it buttery? I mean, I don't know. I just like the tone. Everything he says sounds so sincere. Oh, is it buttery? I mean, I don't know. And I can't listen to myself, but everybody has this. Silky.

Okay. Well, that's very nice. And, you know, if you agree, just go ahead, write it on iTunes or put it on our Facebook page if you think my voice is buttery. With me, it must be more about looks. Yeah. Well, Sean, you're handsome you're striking like i adore you you are now my new celebrity man crush because james gandolfini

rest in peace yes jay moore rest in peace well david cone we like your voice we think it's part of what makes you funny and you're a funny man and thanks for coming on the show. And we're going to be, you know, on the forums reading and lurking and commenting back at you. And you can talk to us there, and you can get on Facebook and iTunes. And where else can they talk to us? Hey, did anyone buy the pro version? I don't know if anyone did. Okay, well, let me think. I feel like somebody must have bought it, right?

What's the pro version? Well, there's a pro version available. It's sort of a premium version of the show. Of this podcast with more tips and special... Yeah, special prizes a lot of the time. The newsletter. You get the newsletter. Hayes sends you, when he finishes a pack of gum,

he sends you a couple of the wrappers, and he sort of origamied them into something wild. Usually a reference to the show, like sort of an in-joke. Yes, an inside joke, so it's like if you didn't... Yes, they like it. Or if they're posers, they don't get anything out of it. Did Game of Scones buy it? I was about to ask that same question.

Did Game of Scones ever buy the pro version? I guess not. What did he get? Game of Scones ever buy the pro version? I guess not. What did he get? Game of Scones brought the pro version, and so what he's going to get is from Sean O'Connor is a description of one more joke. I will even send him a CD. Okay, yeah. I mean, that's kind of better than we've given anybody else.

Game of Scones is kind of a deep cut, I feel like. But okay, yeah. Well, let's send it. Let's do it. Game of Scones, get on Facebook, I guess. Message us how to get a CD to you. Or, Hayes, am I doing this right? I'm sorry.

Sean, am I doing this right? Sorry. I do want to hear one's it? I'm sorry. Sean, am I doing this right? Sorry. I do want to hear one more joke. Oh, okay. Well, you know, have you ever been to a haunted house? Yes, points. Bye. This has been an Earwolf Media Production.

Executive Producers Jeff Ulrich and Scott Aukerman. For more information, visit Earwolf Media Production. Executive Producers Jeff Ulrich and Scott Aukerman. For more information, visit Earwolf.com. EarwolfRadio.com The wolf dead. That was a HateGum Podcast.