Hollywood Handbook - Seth Morris, Our Close Employee

Episode Date: February 9, 2015

The guys dig through their large backlog of negative feedback for an installment of "Eh, Wrong!", open up some listener mail, then choose a good name for the mail segment. Then SETH MORRIS arrives to help launch "Talkin' Turkey," the first podcast from Hayes and Sean's Wolfcool Network.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. I'm going to be the front man. And they're like, well, so here's your guitar and stuff. And I'm like, oh, no. I'll just wear the drums. And so what I do is I. Oh, and you can move around the stage. So then I have the big bass kind of hanging around my belly, the toms on my chest kind of, and the snare I'm kind of holding. Almost like the zooms. Under my arm.

Yeah, so that was a big part of it of it you do a little dot in the center and it really looks like bazooms and then the cymbals are kind of on my shoulders and to be like kind of marching around the stage singing the song and also playing this whole drum set on my body

and that's rave culture to me that's a mind culture to me. That's a mind-blowing piece of entertainment, yeah. And do you do the snakes on the plane song? Yeah. I don't know the words really, but... No one knows the words, but it's just if you have the attitude. It's all attitude with them.

And saying, I do know lines from the movie and so I was able to kind of sing... Yeah, there's snakes out there, there's big... Different lines from the movie, and so I was able to kind of sing. Yeah, there's snakes out there, there's big. Different lines from the movie, yes. That's a good example. I don't want to do it like that in that kind of voice for the podcast. Why are you uncomfortable doing it like that?

It's a black voice, and as a white person, that seems like the kind of thing that some people might get mad about. I mean, are you uncomfortable you think I crossed the line of thing that some people might get mad about. I'm not mad. Do you think I crossed the line? No, I'm not mad at all. I just know a lot of other people would find that really offensive to be doing a black voice. Is it offensive, though, if I am friends with somebody who is a brother and they really talk in that way? Is it offensive for me to just do an accurate because if i had a friend from london yes and i do or say like nigel if you did like

an idris elba impression for example is that what you were getting at well yeah well what if i did do that what if what if i came in and doing impression of Idris? I said something like Bond, James Bond. Like, is that now offensive? Because Idris, for all his refinement, is in fact a cast member on the show The Wire. I just know that there are a lot of people who... And The Wire's primarily brothers.

You're right. You're right. I'm just wondering, and I'm genuinely asking where the line is, because we touched on this a little bit with the Amy and Tina stuff last week and I've come all the way around. You've changed my mind. I totally agree with you and I think you should do it again.

Well, if that's true and you've come all the way around, I'd like to hear you do the voice, and I'd like to hear you say, there's snakes out there this big. I'm defending this. You're right. I can't do it as well as you can. I think you should be the one to do it, because you already did it once, and now I think you can really lean into it. It's from Snakes on a Plane, and Ice Cube did something where he said, there's snakes out there this big about one of the snakes he found on the plane that was huge and I would like to hear you say it and that would really make me feel comfortable. I think it would be fun actually

to give Sam a chance to do it. Because otherwise I'm uncomfortable. Don't you think Sam would enjoy that opportunity? If Sam can do it. Can you just get on the microphone real quick and say there's snakes out there this big in a way that you would imagine Ice Cube would in the movie snakes on a plane

oh okay um there's snakes out there and they're big doesn't sound like anything like a brother we don't even know the line showmouth's done he's hey welcome to hollywood handbook and insider's guide to kicking butt dropping names of the red carpet linebacker always of this industry we call showbiz. Thank you for listening to us now that you heard us on with special guest Lauren Lapkus this past week. With this extra attention

from that show comes listeners who don't necessarily understand what we're trying to do. There's a negative side to getting new ears on you and it is that you get some uneducated people yes who haven't had the same opportunities to learn that a lot of us have and don't understand what they're hearing and people get so angry when they're confused if

you can picture a caveman when they first saw the Indian ships coming over and they didn't know what it was and so they started throwing torches at the ships. And, you know, if you remember that old story from history. They tried to eat them. Well, they tried to eat them and they succeeded in many cases. We want to do a segment

based on all the negative feedback we've been getting from this week in a segment called Ant Wrong would be great to have a theme song for this one we have this fan base that claims to be very dedicated and they seem to like this segment too

and you'd think if they want to hear it again they would make it easier for us to introduce it by putting a song and I don't want to write the song for you. That's not what I do. I understand the circle of fifths very well. And it's pretty simple, actually. C scale and then we're going to go up one fifth to G.

And that means you're going to add a sharp. But as it is, what we have is just our own voices saying this segment is called Antron. Let's read a comment from itunes first the subject line of the comment is a shame uh it is a one-star review from user j carpe dm and j carpe dm says i get the kind of humor they're going for it's just weak sean and hayes are funny and great i guess i just want the reality show show back i guess you could call this an ant wrong sandwich ant wrong yes uh it's because yes because it is pieces of ant wrong with an okay good job in the middle yes two ant wrongs yes with the with an accurate piece of information in the center. And I will say this.

If Sean and Hayes are funny and great, and if you... Yes, very high praise, and we appreciate it. And maybe the only thing you should say, but if we're funny and great, and if, in fact, you get the kind of humor we're going for, isn't that at least a two-star review? I mean, one star? Doesn't it seem like you could? Now, look, we've said many times, we only want five-star reviews, and those are the only ones we deserve.

And that's what everyone should be doing, or they should be just going and working at the tire factory, or whatever it is those friggin' cretins do. I mean, how is that the worst rating you can give? Just that you can perceive what we're aiming at, even if we miss by a lot. Sure. And weak, I mean, weak is, you know, it's not good, but it's not bad either.

It's not terrible. It's just not very good. It's not the worst thing you can do. Weak is just like... That's two stars. Weak is two stars. Bad is one star. A weak cup of coffee is a two-star cup of coffee.

It's still a cup of coffee. An empty cup, that's one star because you can't drink it. A cup of thumbtacks is one star. It hurts you. But just a cup of coffee that's not very good is two stars. It's still coffee. You get it. I drink the coffee. I get it. I drink the coffee.

I get what it's trying to do. Honestly, a cup of coffee should be three stars because a cup of water should be two stars. One star should be a cup of thumbtacks, like you said. Yes, I don't get what a cup of thumbtacks is trying to do. Honestly, a cup of bugs might be three stars because it's scary to eat it, but you can eat it. So at that point, we're four stars just for making a weak cup of coffee,

which, by the way, we didn't. It's actually very strong. So that was ant-wrong, except for the part where you do confess that we are funny and great. Oh, and you don't. You actually do like us a lot. And you don't miss the reality show show we should get to uh the first in a series of comments from forum user delino deshields delino deshields posts on the best betsy sedaro episode i don't get this show or this corner of the forum you fuckers are weird satire is lazy just wanted to say i love betsy sedaro so that comment happens to be wrong

to say like i don't get this show i don't understand it but here's like how i feel about it that's a it's okay to say it's okay to say you don't get it i don't get this yes but then don't go on to say i would say if you don't get it go i don't get this show could someone please tell me how funny smart and good it is and why these guys are so cool and how they got so cool yes and why they're so nice but that is cool if you don't understand like it's just like doesn't make sense to you like two smart cool funny guys being nice and they're making the show like that is confusing to people i think but what you've chosen to do instead is say i don't get this it confuses me i listen to

it and it's going over my head here's here are my thoughts on this thing that to me is very advanced math that i'm i'm not equipped to do. But here's me trying to do it. People don't want you to try to do it. Like other people will help you with this. Imagine I saw Il Postino. And my review was, I don't speak Italian, but here's what I think about the quality of the dialogue.

Isn't that a good example I just came up with? And isn't that the kind of example that a smart, funny, cool guy who's nice would say? And so just in the fact that I made that example, haven't we kind of proven this man's comment in the forums to be wrong? Moving on to another comment from Delano DeShields posted. Busy boy. Posted a little later the same day on an earlier episode thread to comment on our Paul F. Tompkins episode. This user writes,

PFT knows what's up. This was all fun and fine, but every episode he's done stop podcasting yourself was funnier, better ever. I get the joke, guys, but it's not enjoyable actual free conversation. Satire is lazy and or for 15-year-olds. So the thing about this comment is that it is ant world. First of all, you don't get this. is that it is Antworld. First of all, you don't get the... You say that you get the joke,

but you already admitted that you don't... You don't know what the show is. Yes. It's essentially, to you, this show is il postino to someone who does not speak Italian. So, like, you can't say,

I get it. I mean, I could watch that movie and go, I get it, a postman. Yeah, the idea of watching it. So it's like, I know, you know that we're doing a joke, so then you say I get the joke. You don't get the joke. To watch Il Postino without speaking Italian, the postman

shows up at the house and then they start talking and then they kiss. You know, if I didn't speak Italian, I would say, that's weird.'s weird the postman yeah i don't kiss my postman i get mail from him and the woman receiving the mail should not be kissing but then if you speak italian you would know what they're saying which is like what you know what are you doing a big kiss and and she says here's here's the mail how about a kiss kiss instead? Can we have that? And then now all of a sudden they've walked you all the way to it.

And so this man who doesn't speak our language is saying he gets the joke and he clearly don't know what's good and stop podcasting yourself. What is that? Let's talk about satire, which I define as any honest conversation. It's an honor, frankly, to be compared to some of the satirical greats in the history of literature,

like, for example, George Orwell. He is actually a real role model for us. If you've actually read Orwell, and we have, his satire is so great and so rando. Talking pigs. He's doing talking pigs before Skittles, before anybody. And that is so rando. And it's in a book, which usually books are dusty and boring. And there's, you know, musketeers or something in there. But this guy's got pigs.

And so to me, that is so good that the fact that he put us in the same category as Orwell with his comment, thank you for doing that, but ain't wrong. You thought you weren't being nice. And just the effect of a book like 1984, when that scene when they're all in the factory, just like marching along and lockstep and everything's the same. And then when the hero comes in with the javelin and reaches back and throws the javelin into the face of the of the overlord computer yeah it destroys the overlord computer and then everyone starts thinking different afterwards yeah they think

different they are different colors is there a better expression of what we're trying to do on the show yeah i'm not i'm not sure that there is no everyone is marching in lockstep and they're all the little musketeers out there and And we're able to actually break that down. And so to call a satire, I will say you actually are very right. And so side note, a lot of people don't know that the Three Musketeers was actually written by a brother. And that's another British guy. That's another Idris type. That's right.

And so is it to what you were saying before. I have a impression of him going, saying like, I think I'll have D'Artagnan in this scene. Like, is that racist? It is a good question because you hear people reading that book all the time, but not as he would do it. People being that book. I mean, they make a movie out of it.

Without any brothers, which is not the intention of the writer. If he is a brother, clearly he's expecting all these characters to be brothers as well. We have another comment from Delano DeShields to discuss. A lot of people think that he's a French guy, but I think I'm right that I say he's a British guy.

But even if he is a French guy, is it okay for me to go like, ouh, doux, toi, you know, like, is that okay? Toi, moscoteer. Delano DeShields also did a post in the thread for Lauren Lapkus' show. He writes, great showcase for how Lapkus is playful and inventive and why she's so good on CBB, while Sean and Hayes just stick to their one-note schtick,

like they're scared or nervous somehow. They're satire if you like satire but zero versatility and a joke that died a long time ago i really don't get why anyone likes them ain't wrong but i would like to comment on one part of this because this idea of us being scared has been brought up before. And I would just like to say, okay, you've tapped into something. One thing is it's scary to be so truthful and to speak against power in the way that we do. A second thing is Hayes is often smiling at me when he talks. And if you've ever seen somebody smile, the teeth is part of the skeleton of your body that you can see. So in a way, someone smiling is Hayes' skeleton trying to get out and get at me. Delilah, I hope you're listening.

I'm doing it right now. I got a big smile on my face right now while I'm talking to you. Do I sound scared, buddy? Do I sound like I'm scared it right now. I got a big smile on my face right now while I'm talking to you. Do I sound scared, buddy? He's not scared. Do I sound like I'm scared of anything in here? I get scared a little bit because it is hard for me not to think of seeing someone's teeth as seeing their skeleton trying to escape and get at me because it is the skeleton peeking out of the body through the gums to say,

hmm, what do I see out here? But if I were scared, they'd be chattering. Wouldn't they, Delino? Do you hear him chattering, Delino? No, he's not scared. It's pretty quiet in here. I don't hear anything like that. I certainly don't hear my knees knocking as well.

His knees are knocking. His teeth aren't chattering. And I wear a mouth guard during the podcast. Out of respect for Hayes, I don't want to frighten him. One of us has to be able to keep his cool. And please, I urge you not to do what I've done and start thinking about smiling and teeth as the skeleton creature

that lives inside your friend's body trying to get at you somehow and crawling out to the gums. You'll start doing what Sean does, which is covering his mouth when he smiles, which is off-putting for people who are trying to have a conversation with him when he's... Or I pretend to be eating.

It's concerning. I pretend to be eating, and I go, oh, that's interesting, and I shove a hamburger sandwich all the way into the mouth so that it's all covering up every piece inside. So that was Aaron Wrong. We had some other, we got some mail last week. We did. We asked for mail.

We have a couple of notes on the mail. Yeah, great first effort in that you did do something. effort in that you did do something. We got a letter from a listener named Nicole. I do suggest that you, as a male

listener, give yourself a female name to help us get the word out there that we do have some female listeners. That was a positive thing to do. It is sent on a postcard it's breaking bad news of baby animals breaking bad news of baby john ralphio's uh written by john ralphio played by ben schwartz um we already have these we've we we have bought these like the idea that we wouldn't have bought the funniest postcards that exist on the market today.

That I don't own. Not only breaking bad news of baby animals, but also asking awkward questions of baby animals. Why is daddy in a dress and it's a little duckling, something like that. The idea that I don't own that. You could interpret it as a little insulting. It is insulting. This is like a new thing that you're showing us, people who are are in comedy and we know what the funniest postcards are yes um i i almost want to send this back to you but um i'll give it to sam i guess you don't know these right

no yeah see that that's the kind of person that you send brain venues yeah some give it to a sam someone who doesn't know what good stuff is here is a letter from anastasia anastasia vigo it says hi it says hello sean and hayes uh hi engineers um don't need that part it talks about it's it says here i am sending you a letter which you don't have to say. We are reading the letter. Yeah, just to speak on what we've already heard, there's just a lot of wasted space where it could be, I guess, compliments. And at the end it says, I hope you never retire, which it's like, well, what if we get old and too sick to do the job and you want us to keep doing it?

I think we should have the right at some point to retire. Do you and you want us to keep doing it I mean I think we should have the right at some point to retire me if we want to yeah and then it says P.S. Greggy has never received the pro version he hasn't paid for the pro version yeah I don't understand

he never bought the pro version he doesn't receive the pro version unless you buy it and we actually got a letter from Greggy as well. Dear Hayes and Sean, he says he likes the show. And he drew us a picture with suggestions from his son, it says. And it's a crayon drawing of the two of us. What is this called? With the parachutes and the speedboat. Oh, yes. What is this called? With the parachutes and the speedboat?

Oh, yes. What is that? It's shoot sliding. Shoot sliding. Yes. Shoot sliding. Shoot sliding, yes. Yes.

Shoot sliding. And there's a shark and a submarine, and Greggy's driving the boat. Don't send us crayon drawings if you are an adult from an adult yes it can be drawn if you have kids the kid draw it in a crayon okay if your son is you get a pass it don't tell us especially that your son is present watching you do a crayon operate the crayons on his behalf. For some fellow, to send to some fellow adults. Yes.

Give the crayons to your children. You can draw with charcoal pencils or a kid can draw with a crayon. But if you're an adult, you can't have the crayons. That's for the kid. Because I can't put this on my fridge now and have. An adult manona lewis or somebody come over to my house and say oh what is that from and i say like oh this is somebody's father drew this for me in front of their kid like leona would you know there'd be a leona lewis shaped hole in your door because you absolutely just disappear what you would hear is a Doppler shriek,

which I don't want her to do. She's my friend. So that was male trail snail kale. The male eel postino. That was eel postino. We have a really great guest today. Eel Postino. That was Eel Postino. We have a really great guest today. Seth Morris is here. We have a special announcement that is coming up regarding Seth and some of our other projects in the podcasting area.

And we hope our announcement really freaks your bean. On Hollywood Handbook. So now it's really getting tense. Yeah. And at this point, they're in each other's face and Kat Von D. Yeah, yeah. Slaps. Oh my God.

Kat Williams. And I, by the grace of God, have the presence of mind to go. It totally diffuses it. Wow. They both love me. We go out and just pick the town. Everyone picked up on that just in the... They got it.

I mean, that was the thing is like they also are pretty sharp. The both of them are very sharp. Yeah. In their own way. Because if you hadn't done something. Oh, I don't know where it would have gone. Yeah. To the hospital.

Hey! Welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet linebacker hallways of this industry we call showbiz. What up, what up? And unapologetically, what up, what up? And that's just what I'm going to say. Very exciting announcement today, really. We have been in discussion with Scott Inkerman for a while about setting up our own production shingle. And so new guy.

It's Scott and it's a new guy. There is another guy. Yeah, there was Jeff. Jeff, and then he... And we used to say, we used to talk to people about doing something about Jeff, and I guess they did. But the fact is, there's Scott and this other guy, and we had this one podcast,

but we've been looking for opportunities to set up a production facility and have sort of a stable of other podcasts. We have more ideas for shows than we are able to host. So they've hooked us up with some very exciting talent in the studio today, who has recorded his first pilot for our first new show coming out of our shingle, which of course is called Haze. It's called Calvin and Hobbes Productions, because we both are big Calvin and Hobbes fans. Well, they're not just funny, but they are funny.

They're not just funny, but there's a lot of philosophy in them. We want something that captures that same childlike wonder, but also kind of a sophisticated edge because those comics were actually, if you go back and read them, those comics were actually really smart. There was a lot of commentary on life, society, America. Mm-hmm. And there was some pretty funny stuff in there, too. Mm-hmm. And so, Paul Scheer got Wolf Pop. Now, we should name what our actual network would be.

That's our production shingle, but we need a name for the network. Wolf Cool. So this will be part of the Wolf Cool Network, and Seth Morris is here to debut his new podcast. This is so exciting, you guys. We're so happy with what you've done. And thank you for the opportunity right off the bat. It's not easy to get a podcast off the ground these days oh believe me we know and uh that's part of why we're so excited about this is we see all this talent out there and we go these guys have nowhere to put their voice and the thing is

as people out there listening they might not know it's like it's you know you need a you need a structure you need infrastructure to put on a podcast like yeah i've got ideas but i'm not i don't know how to get it from my head out into the world you know and you guys have you know paid your dues here at earwolf so you from that you got calvin and hops productions and then wolf cool which i do have to say it's a little confusing because when i try to get valeted there's like i guess like three different things i have to go through that's neither here nor there but the point is i'm excited to be here. So I get to work with you guys because you've done the work. You put the blood, sweat and tears into this.

And then they reward you with your own sort of engineers and everything. And that's really exciting. That's a really cool opportunity for me. Yeah, because you could just do, you know, podcast into your phone or whatever and just like do it on a voice memo or something. You can do it on a voice memo and you can send it. You can only do like 20 people at a time, though. Right. Because I have an iPhone, too.

So I don't have like the capability to. Just your contacts list. Yeah. And even then. Well, and it has to be all one unbroken take. Yeah. You know? Yeah.

But what they have with these engineers and stuff is the ability to stop and start and all these great things and sounds yeah and when the engineers are actually paying attention and not just drinking pizza sauce if everyone could right if everyone could look at sam's drinking if sam could take a picture of his drink he's halfway through a friggin jar of pizza sauce yeah that looks like a uh food stamp bloody mary right there it's like pizza sauce in a glass. That looks like a food stamp Bloody Mary right there. It's like pizza sauce and mouthwash or something. Sam, he asked you to take a picture of your drink for him. Very slow to the camera today. So before we get into it, I mean, this podcast stuff is great,

but just look, you're in Hollywood. It's Hollywood Handbook. What advice do you have to young guys who want to put themselves in the position to get tapped to buy a buy a wolf cool yeah and it goes without saying that none of this stuff just happens you know what i mean like i don't just get a show on the shingle of one of the shingles that's related to a major, you know, mid-tier podcast network. That doesn't happen by accident. It happens because I work. I'm here. I'm doing it. And more than anything else, I think that your show, this show, it just saves people time. Like,

if you listen, we want to tell you guys out there, we want to tell you, don't make the mistakes that we made. Just get out there. We learned about this. And so first thing, come to Hollywood. And what you have to keep in mind is that once you get here, you got to be here. Okay. That means your audition starts when you get off the plane. The first step you take out into actual Hollywood air, you're auditioning.

You are trying to get noticed. You're trying to make an appearance. You are trying to get noticed. You're trying to make an appearance. You're trying to make connections. Second thing, when you land, get a podcast. Podcasts are the new headshot. They're the new IMDB.

You have to have a podcast. Even if that means you just do it on your phone. You do it on your phone, dude. The information kiosk at the airport I think a lot of times will help you out with that. At LAX. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely.

Use them. There's a Backstage West kiosk at the Burbank Airport. Go check that out because that's going to be a great resource. I would say when you're even on the plane if you can get up into the cockpit area the pilot has a little thingy that he's talking to with everyone here how funny is it when you go flying southwest and they're funny you know i mean you remember oh that was a great experience yes i encourage people to elbow their way up to that that microphone crack some fucking zingers because that is a podcast people don'tingers. Because that is a podcast.

People don't realize this. That's a kind of podcast. Well, the plane is a pod. Everyone's hearing you. And you're casting over those speakers. If it's funny. I'm of the belief that if you can hear it, it's a podcast.

If the first thing you say is funny when you get on that mic and have something good, they don't care how you got up there. Whether you elbowed through, whether you shoved a stewardess or whether you had a box cutter in your hand, nobody cares. And by the way,

I'm not saying everybody who comes here is a comedian. You might be a dramatic actor. And if that's your thing, say something intense. Once you get on that microphone. It just has to be, whether it's funny or serious. Do a monologue about your kid that's dying with cancer

or something like that. Do some blacklist scenes. Do blacklist. I mean, if you can do blacklist, you can do anything. I often, I was doing blacklist before a lot of people. What I would do is every time I entered a building, I would just get on my knees and put my hands behind my head. Yes, I remember seeing that.

I remember that was the first time I saw you. But I had this look on my face like, you're not catching me, I'm giving myself to you. But you turned to me and I said, who is this guy? And you said, if you recall, I'm a criminal. And I thought, okay. I'm sold. I will say it took me a while to find the right size hat because in the beginning I had a tiny fedora and it took away from the whole, you know.

That made it seem comedic to me. That made it seem comedic. But now I have just, it's just right. You would put your hands on your head to kind of hold the tiny hat, but it would cover the hat. And then I got a chin strap to keep it, but that made it worse.

So then I just eventually, and actually it's the same hat I just built out on the brim. You could do that. Yeah, they can do that now. It's just you add felt to the brim and so it is just a little bump on top of your head and then a big wide circle but you know the point is that got me noticed that started to get me out there so that's that's something you got

to do of course you got to get headshots get color headshots don't you know and i don't care about this digital bullshit that people are talking about it's the business is not done online it's done with hard paper okay get a headshot uh guys lose your shirt yeah let's show some skin let's see some stuff everybody guys or girls get a fucking brick wall behind you do you know what i mean i don't if i'm going through headshots, I don't want to see the same old shit. I want to see a brick wall with some natural light, and I want to see something popping in the eyes. Yes. Thank you so much about the digital thing, too, because those are not shiny.

Not at all. You look at the digital ones. Not at all. You've got to do the legwork. You've got to drop your headshot off at all these different places. And you know what? Walk. Don't drive around.

Let them see that you mean this. You're putting some sweat into the game. Yeah. Yeah. When people say how long it took you to get here or whatever, they want to hear a big number. Absolutely. No folder, by the way. Don't carry them in a folder or something.

They should be loose. No, you're holding it out. No, you're holding it out. Sorry, but just to stay on the digital thing for a moment, I know these young kids are coming out here, and they're on their surface and whatever else, and that's fine, but the people who make the decisions in this business,

the people who really need to decide is this headshot good enough to give them a Wolf Cool podcast or some equivalent opportunity, those people are not on the internet no those people are at canner's deli with a three foot stack of headshots that they're going through every day minimal busy they're too busy for them yeah yeah and you know this is another thing a lot of people don't know this get your everybody has headshots Get them out there in an interesting way. You know, send a singing telegram to this casting director.

Any way that you can put them on the spot. I know that you're casting on the road right now. Do you have a Dean Mariotti? Because I'm your guy. Yes or no? And you, yes. And you must decide now. Yeah.

And if you decide to use me here are my demands yes and don't and don't say the character's name right because you don't want to like say Mary say Mary already like you like don't really care that much say Dean Mordecai just because Dean Mordecai yeah then you're tying in then you you're like it's a little wink like I know that that's a movie that's going on and then then they might give you more to kind of, you know. That's right. Say a bunch of characters' names kind of in one. So they might confuse you with something else.

Well, yeah, you don't limit yourself that way. Because I don't do just one thing. I'm an actor. I become different things. So, like, why would I just say. Yeah, the or part is I can act or I can do whatever else you need. Exactly. Exactly.

Well, that's another thing. Learn all the different aspects of the business. I encourage people, if you really want to impress somebody on set, know how to tie a cable, even if you have nothing to do with electric, because everybody sees that and goes, oh, that's cool. That's pretty, I bet you maybe two out of a hundred people know how to do that. And so that is for sure going to get yourself noticed. Yeah. If you're on set as an extra or something, you can bump somebody out of the way and start moving equipment around. That is how you really make headway. Hey, man, you got your foot in the door.

You might as well get your whole body in there. Now, once you're in town, once you've sort of established some of these things, let's say you're starting to get some work. God willing, you start getting some work. What you want to do is make demands. You want them to know, hey, I'm fucking here now. So no matter how small your part is, it's like going to prison where you beat, you smash the biggest guy on the first day to show like I'm not somebody to be fucked with. Let's say you get a job as an extra or a stand in or whatever.

Make a scene. You want to get that second AD to know who you are and that you mean business. So make demands. My trailer's too small. You expect me to eat this food? Hey, I busted my ass to get here. I don't go to where you work and slap the dick out of your mouth.

You got to get these things out there. Nice. It's that they suck dick for their job. Right. Right? Can I use that? If you could hold off. Oh, right.

Because I want to try it out a couple more. Okay. Okay. Fair enough. That's fair. But I like to say, if you want a deal, you hear about people signing these big deals. If you want a deal, make them deal with you. You make them deal with you.

That's where it comes from. Yeah. That's where it comes from yeah that's where it comes from is just you're such a problem and you're doing that i won't do it but you're making them saying they're sick dick for their job yeah yeah and stuff like this yeah yeah yeah isn't that funny though oh gosh i can't if somebody says that to me i'm like uh uh no but as i used to when i used to do that joke i started i've been workshopping that for like seven months. And I used to go, I don't go to your work and slap you in the face.

Okay. But it did, you know, because that doesn't tell a story. It's a good starting point for something. It is. It is. No, it is in the neighborhood of something good. And I think you got all the way there. Oh, can we talk?

Sorry, can I just back up a little bit and talk a little bit more about headshots? Oh, gosh. Yeah, I had something about them too. Oh, good. I hope it's not this. Well, it could be the same. Well, I'll go. You go, and then a little bit more about headshots? Oh, gosh. Yeah. I had something about them, too. Oh, good. I hope it's not this. Well, it could be the same. Well, I'll go. You go, and then I'll tell you if it's the same.

I want to talk about fonts. Okay. It wasn't this, but thank God you said something. Yeah. I mean, look it. We're in 2015. You got to. Helvetica, that's a ghost.

Okay? You might as well be writing in lemon juice and invisible ink. Nobody notices that. You need to get, how about some Albertus Extra Bold? How about some Ariel Black, okay? What about Cezanne? That's a fun font. Here's a great way to remember what you should be thinking about.

Font is only really one different vowel and the omission of a T away from fun. So if your font's not fun, then it's really not a font or close to it. I have the same thing, but with fonts. Okay. Yes. A lot of people don't know that reference, but you should Google it. Even without fonts, if you write your name with an asterisk in between every letter and it's all in caps, like MASH, that was a really big show. That was a huge show. And then people will associate you with a show that they, it's like your name is now a TV show.

Yeah, they're like, I grew up with this person. Couple of my other favorites, and you guys know this, Pickwick Monotype. Oh, that is a home run font. I'd like to say this about fonts if people are talking about fonts one thing that's always funny you say wingdings first yeah you bring up wingdings before they bring up wingdings then you're wearing the comedy pants almost an oversight i don't want to criticize you but in this case to not mention wingdings yes because it's so funny because you can't read it and so to say that something's written in Wingdings,

like let's say you hand somebody your resume and you go, it's in Wingdings. Right, right, right. Like that is killer. I want to just thank you for calling me out on that because this is another thing. I know I can do it. You got to always be learning.

Yeah. You're always learning, okay? You have made yourself my enemy by doing that, but that just fuels me well i learned something too yeah in this case yeah um oh so let's say you so you're in town you got your head shot you're starting to get some work take classes yeah get out there take classes and i'm of the belief it doesn't matter you know it doesn't matter if it's an acting class or not because everybody in Los Angeles is in

the entertainment business. That is a fact. 100% of the people that live here work in this business. So even if you're taking a real estate class or typing class or whatever, cooking class, everybody in there is in the business. They might be able to help you one day. And be being funny at that real estate class. Absolutely. And you know what? People are going to tell you, go take a UCB class. Don't take a UCB class. No. You're not going to be that good.

It's hard to get classes. What you want to do is find somebody somewhere small and be a big fish in a small pond. Yeah. If I could play devil's advocate, one thing you can do is take one UCB class. And then when people ask you what you're up to, you go, well, I do UCB. I perform at UCBb i'm in the ucb yeah i'm in the ucb and same with ground links take one ground sign up for it and then withdraw and then go like no i'm in the ground link absolutely so you're in the brigade is

actually how they say it like i'm just i'm a brigadier is what those guys tend to say and i'll wear like epaulettes and like a Prussian like general's hat. And so if you just say like, I'm a UCB guy, they'll be like, oh, are you really? Yeah. If you say like,

I'm a brigadier. Speaking of epaulettes and a Prussian general's hat, when you're getting headshots, wouldn't you say, look at the movie posters and see what's coming out? So if there's a robot movie,

get a robot headshot. Yes. When Brokeback Mountain came out, if you didn't have a headshot with a cowboy hat, well, good luck getting looked at. If you're a girl, like the Fault in Our Stars thing, the two little tubes going up your nose, you've got to have those in your headshot.

Absolutely, because you convey, not only that you know which movies are out, but a vulnerability. You're talking about, hey, my comedy or whatever it is, it's grounded in the real world and in the real world, beautiful girls die every day. Yes.

Right? And guys talk like weird, huh? Like that guy really talks strange in that. He's talking like he's in Shakespeare, but everyone else is in a normal world. Wow. He was sick. Wait, you, I don't want to spoil it.

Oh, he was sick. It was because he had a brain disease. Well, is this before this measles stuff? Yeah. Oh, boy. Boy. normal world well hey he was sick what you i don't want to spoil it oh he was sick because he had a brain well is this before this measles stuff yeah yeah oh boy boy oh boy but you know speaking of that i'm a big fan of the composite headshot you know you get a bunch of different costumes you have six little small panels on one eight by eight by eleven uh eight and a half by eleven uh photo so then people get to see, hey, you know what? This guy's a cowboy. This guy can be a tennis player.

This guy can be a nurse. This guy can be a cop. Cop, yeah. I was going to say cop. Right? Yeah, and it tells a story. Yeah, if you can afford it, as soon as you land in L.A., get a doctor's outfit, a cop's outfit.

Captain's hat, sea captain's hat. Sea captain, yes, sea captain's hat. Sea captain's hat, captain's hat sea captain yes sea captain's hat yeah and a race car driver outfit because those middle of the country those are going to be

your first couple jobs yeah flyover states are filled with doctors, cops, race car drivers and sea captains they get sick a lot who can't relate to that

who can't relate to that so those are just a couple of the things you know well boy that's helpful and so if you do all those steps you might find yourself sitting in the very same seat as a Mr. Seth Morris he's got his new wolf cool podcast coming out of Calvin and Hobbes Productions which is an offshoot of wolf pop which comes from the ear wolf parent tree actually while we're on that

can you guys stamp like can I get like I need four validations. I got four different parking ticket validations for these. You're going to need the other ones first. Did they explain that to you? You guys don't have to. We can't stamp it first. Ours... Oh, you have to. It can't be covered up by the

Earwolf. Earwolf is the biggest one. And then it's like nesting stamps. You guys do that time-released biggest one. And then it's like it's nesting stamps. You guys do that time released ink thing. Yes. Okay. All right. Well, we'd love to do it. And we've asked them, but because it's the weekend, I have to, I'll have to come back

on Monday and get the Earwolf stamp, right? Yes. I don't think Wolf Pop is here till Wednesday. So I'll get that. And then I can get the Calvin and Hobbes. Maybe next week. I'll just leave my car here. Yeah, I think that's probably best. And then you will have to pay, I guess, but then just check in with your bank to make sure that it's processed, that it comes back once you do get the validation. And what is that, like four to six weeks or something?

I mean, it depends on your bank. I don't know what's going on with your finances. Are you paying from you or are you going through your loan out? I'm going through my loan out. Okay. What's the name of your loan out? It's called What's Up With That? Oh, like the SNL sketch? Really?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you said, oh, yeah, like that wasn't, is that just a coincidence that it's that? No, no, it is that. You can't use what up with that, I guess, because that is the SNL sketch, but that is probably the closest thing you could do i don't want to i mean i do love that i love that sketch and to me it's like a sign of like commitment because part of the joke of that is like it just keeps going and going and that's me in this

business in this town but um actually it's it's uh i had a harsh experience when i was getting incorporated um somebody the the guy or notary public or whoever he was he went crazy he he spit in my eyeball oh okay so it was an accident that that was just written down that was an accident he spit in my face on purpose oh okay he was like a it was like a dude what's up with that and then he writes that down and now that's your company yeah no so anyway but yeah i'll leave my car here i i we took a huge tangent but if i could if as long as i get validated because it all you know the tax money baby oh yeah me yes yes uncle sam's got hisentacles Three quarters of the way up Oh yeah sure Yeah

His dick tentacles Uh huh Anyway But I'm so psyched About this podcast You know I'm sure people Yeah we just wanted to play some clips

Yeah Yeah just this is a little bit Of a sneak preview And This American Life Has done this a couple times lately Where they sort of launched Serial and Startup Through just playing these clips From the first episode and that took off so we're gonna use our huge show

uh to launch this one and um hey hayes do you want to talk a little bit about the concept behind the show i mean you just came to you yeah we looked at um i looked at the top 200 uh comedy podcast informational podcast just seeing what was out there, what wasn't out there. It's kind of like when Gordon Ramsay on Kitchen Nightmares walks around all the restaurants and says, well, there's a hot dog place. Well, there's a hamburger place. Well, but there's no onion rings here. And then it goes, you're an onion ring place now. Yes.

And what I didn't see, there's no podcast about Thanksgiving. And you think about it, Thanksgiving, holiday, everybody has Thanksgiving. How can that be true? I'm still tripped out by that. There is no Thanksgiving podcast? There's no podcast about Thanksgiving? That's what I was saying. And I checked over and over and over again.

I never even saw one once. I listened to all of them. Did you try different search engines, a couple of different search engines? Because sometimes that makes a difference. I tried different browsers. And just quickly, the wingdings of search engines is, of course, Ask Jeeves. And you do want to get there first if people start naming search engines. I know we didn't go down that road, but if you can do that first, then you win.

Yeah. Yeah. Believe me, these little zingers are, these are extra feet and extra doors. We're giving you guys a shortcut to how to get successful in this business so the thanksgiving show we thought you know talking turkey is a funny name that's not that's not taken by anything okay and it got me and just to talk about the experience of having thanksgiving and to be funny be funny, also tell a story about family. And maybe sometime Thanksgiving can be sad. Sure.

Somebody make an announcement that is scary or maybe your family doesn't get along at the beginning. But they do at the end. So tense. It's such a volatile. Politics. Politics. And the food. Yeah.

And the dog could steal a turkey. Yeah. And so wherever it goes, we don't, like, as long as it does pertain to Thanksgiving, we don't want to limit the food. Yeah. And the dog could steal a turkey. Yeah. And so wherever it goes, we don't, like, as long as it does pertain to Thanksgiving, we don't want to limit the conversation with our future guests. But, I mean, it's your show now. We've had our- You gave it to me. You told me explicitly that I had to do a show about this, but it is my show and I'm

trying to, you know, I think I'm making it my- As long as it's Thanksgiving, it's whatever you want. And do you feel silly now because you had some other shows that you wanted to do? Well, I thought I wanted to do a show called Actor Parking. And it's, you know, just because it's one of the most practical things in this business. You're always in your car. You're always having to park. And parking is always a pain in the butt.

So I just thought we could, again, help people cut some of the BS out of their lives when they're first landing in L.A. to try to make it here and give them some insider tips about, you know, but you guys convinced me. I think you agree now that we should be doing. That's more for us, for Sean and I to do. That's correct. It is a good idea, but doesn't it make sense for us to do that? I did. I got all your emails and your calls. I'm convinced. Again, I

don't know how to tell you this more clearly. I am convinced. You don't need to keep reminding me of that, but yes. And we don't want to keep going into it. But from the guy who didn't know that he had to get the other three validation stamps first before he got ours. It's like now you're hosting the actor party. Doesn't really make sense. Fair point.

And so now it's like we have our great idea and we make you do that. And you have your good idea and we make you give it to us. So it's like, you see, it's just a trade. So to set up the podcast very quickly, a lot of people are probably listening to us having come from the Lauren Lapkus podcast we did where she is, of course, the host, but the guest is the host and the host is the guest.

We wanted to, because that is such a popular format, play this podcast from our guest who we're hosting, where he's hosting another podcast and we are his first guests. That's not going to be a longstanding format for us, but that will be what's played. And then we'll pop back out of that podcast that he hosted where we were the guests. And we will be hosting our own podcast, talking to our guests about that hosting job. Talking about the podcast that we hosted. Which is great because it's essentially like a little notes session. So people are going to get to hear how, you know, we're showing how the sausage is made here.

They love the story and they love feeling like they're in the room with us. And that potentially, they close your eyes, we're their friends. Right. Sam, do you have all the clips queued up, ready to go? Okay. If you would just set it in motion, please. Is it going to be like this every time? At what point did you want the song in?

When I asked for it. From the beginning of it? From the end of my sentence asking for the song. Love to eat turkey. Hello and welcome to Let's Talk Turkey. I'm your host, Seth Morris. I'm very excited about the launch of this show. It's the launch of a couple things, actually.

Let me get right to my guests. We have Sean and Hayes from Hollywood Handbook. And they are not only my first guests, but they're also sort of my bosses, right? You know, we're co-workers. Well, sure. And today, you know, for now, like it's all you, like your show. You're running it and I just say it's called Talking Turkey, not Let's Talk Turkey. You're right.

And talking if you just put a little zazz on that. Zazz, okay. And talking, if you just put a little zazz on that. A little zazz. Okay. Folksy, you know? So these guys have launched a shingle on Earwolf. Now, is it officially an Earwolf shingle, or is it a Wolfpop shingle? It is a Wolfpop subsidiary. Okay.

Okay. Partnered with the Earwolf Network. Right is itself uh on itunes okay but anyway this is a podcast about thanksgiving all things thanksgiving um you guys uh crunch the numbers and convinced me that this is a better idea than mine so i'm excited to dive right into it today i thought we'd just get things started and I think a lot of people can relate to this. Why once a year do we have stuffing and cranberry sauce? Oh, thank you, Seth. You can eat all year in different forms, but even yams sometimes.

Oh, yes. Seth, thank you. I got to say this. Everyone loves Thanksgiving dinner and the foods, but why wait all year to eat it, and can't we have the dinner on a day that's not Thanksgiving? Absolutely. They sell it at the store all year round. Yes.

And so what I'm asking is, what do they do at the store when they only sell one time a year? What do they do at the store when they have it in July? And they have all those cranberries. No one wants to eat the cranberries, but why? Yeah.

Yeah. Do you know why? And sorry, I just want to step out and comment on that thing. What we're sort of hoping is that as you know, that that will become, that conversation will be something that everyone is kind of having. Right.

Yes. Ideally, every episode will open with you saying that people like the food. And then your guest or guests, as it were, also saying they like the food. But having some questions. I should have some questions? No, no. They had, like, I had a question of, like, why do we have to wait? And then Hayes had a great question of what they do in the store.

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah, yeah. Should we explain that we're not in my podcast anymore? Oh, sorry, yes. Yeah, that tone that you heard, the little tone sound, was us ending the clip, and the clip will always end with that sound. This is Hollywood handbook. This is Hollywood handbook.

And if you listen close, you can tell on my podcast, it's a different tone because we shoot it in Redondo by the airport. It's a whole different. And it is filmed. I don't know what we're going to do with those videos. And I sound a little weird in that other one. I'm just... You don't sound like yourself.

No, no. I had a lot of shampoo in my hair that I had not washed out the shampoo, which nobody mentioned. I thought that was so odd. You introduced me to dry shampoo. Yeah. I think that's- It's so great for camping. But it looks a little unusual.

The amount that you use, I think, is incorrect. I think that as a product, it's fine. But I think that you are going to want a bottle to last you maybe a whole month. And your bottles, the way you use it, lasts you, I mean, they're one use. They're one-time usage because you just pour it out. I didn't know when to stop. And so when it hurts is when. You carry bottles of dry shampoo the way other people carry water in their backpacks.

Like you've always got. In a Nalgene. Yeah. And so it doesn't really spray out. It just kind of slowly pours because the mouth is so big anyway let's let's go back to the clip okay and my aunt puts you there's like some orange in the cranberry and it's just that right amount of tart and sweet now that is something that i don't know i can't force my aunt to make cranberry sauce all year long. You know, I wish I could,

but how do you guys do your green beans? Well, this is kind of a sensitive subject around my house because I like sliced almonds, but my dad is scared of them. And so what has to happen is there has to be a secret set of green beans for me hidden somewhere in the house. And then I will at one point excuse myself or have an animal create a distraction outside. And then I will sneak around and scoop some of those green beans into my mouth so that I feel like I've had my Thanksgiving dinner. But if my dad does catch me, it is a real problem.

Now, is that a cultural thing or did something happen specifically to your dad? Like, you know, I know different families with different ethnic backgrounds. If you can get that out of him, if you can get that story, I would love that. He really shuts off when you start getting into the sliced almonds thing. And he kind of looks out the window and you can see. He becomes very distant yes and um uh and when he did the one year where he did see me eating them he did then i mean he tried to burn the house dude i keep saying it but you and your dad need to sit down and watch the judge

that's uh that's that's that you guys are going to get so much out of that i'm not going to say it's going to be easy but i am telling you that your relationship is going to get so much out of that. I'm not going to say it's going to be easy, but I am telling you that your relationship is going to be better for doing it. The conversations that I know would result from seeing that film, and if you guys haven't seen it, Dobkin is on top of his game once again. Duvall, Danny Jr., the whole team, what a cast. D'Onofrio. I could keep going. Vera.

Vermiga. But anyway, the conversations I know would result, yes, they'd be productive, but am I ready for them? Well, yeah. I don't know if we're ever ready for that kind of work. And let's be honest, that kind of stuff comes up at Thanksgiving all the time. It's a hotbed of emotional stuff because you're with your family of origin and you are, you are back at the place that made you,

you and for, for, for better, for worse, you know, and there's, I always, I was thinking,

I always call Thanksgiving haunted because it's like everybody's ghosts, all these psychological ghosts, things from your past and their past are coming together no and so you notice that uh you know seth did start talking about ghosts there and uh that's like a first episode thing yeah that uh like that's the kind of kicks that we ironed out at the first one we're like what we're not trying to do. He laid into me pretty good. I didn't see it at the time, but I get it now that that's not a... You don't go off on that tangent.

Well, Thanksgiving is kind of a time to forget about Halloween, isn't it? In fact, I think it might be interesting if people could hear when he went off on me. I think that could be a useful... Do we have that in the raw? In the raw, Sam? Mm-hmm. Okay. I'm sorry.

You're scaring people so bad they're pissing their panties. Talking about goats. Okay. We're supposed to be a family time. Let go of my shirt, man. I'm sorry. It's my shirt. Everything you have is mine.

Okay. Seth. I gave you this podcast. Can I have a turn Seth you asked Sean about the green beans yeah and you didn't ask me

about what I do with the green beans and so when you have two guests on the show like a lot of times

you'll ask one something and then the the other one will kind of like you know prepare his answer and like kind of get really excited about it I just felt like

unless somebody fucks up and starts talking about i mean jesus christ man are you fucking crazy no i'm not i'm sorry i just i i had that theory about the emotional aspect of it i wasn't even talking about real ghosts i was talking after hell it's like when you finally can put that behind you when they finally take the decorations. It's fine. It's talk to him. You're okay, sweetie. Talk to him. That was hard to hear.

You know, that was hard for me to hear. And I sort of feel like it proves. I was like listening to that just now. I was back in that moment. I can feel my heart rate is increasing. I'm like my dander's up i'm i'm it was almost like being scared by a ghost wasn't it that's a good point and how did it was that good when that happened no we don't like that feeling huh no and that's the only reason and i don't i

i hate to get no man it is not your fault do Do not apologize. No, I wasn't going to. I was just saying I hate having to do that. Oh. Yeah. Okay. But it's the right thing to do. I just hate when you put me in that position. And I don't want to confuse things,

but now that we're on Hollywood Handbook, can we talk about your views on Green Beans now? Or do we miss that? Has that ship sailed? God, I'm trying to remember what it was, what I was going to do. It was so funny. Oh, man.

It was about... Oh, you told me right after. Yes. Because I was so excited about it when you were asking Sean about the green beans and he was doing something good and I was like, oh, I have something really good for that.

Was it about the Jolly Green Giant? These guys are trying to help you. Oh, oh, oh. Was it something with that? Oh, man. That would be funny if it was. Remember, who was it? Sprout.

Sprout was the little guy. Okay, he's got a buddy. Yes, he had a little buddy. Who is that? Who the fuck to make that thing? Was it his friend or his son? His friend's son? Okay, it's his friend's son.

Yeah, so he's like showing the ropes. I bet you the Jolly Green Giant is sleeping with Sprout's mom, and they say, oh, this is your uncle. She probably lives in a trailer on the outside of town. It's like, oh, your uncle's here. Yes. And see, this would have been great for the show. Yes, Hayes might have gotten us there.

Although I think it was that you make a Rasta wig out of the green beans, and that was sort of your thing. That was it. Yes. And you did a pretty funny Jamaican green bean mon. Yes. That's it. Yeah, that's the whole thing.

Jamaican green bean mon was kind of the thing. But seeing it on Hollywood Handbook, you could see how it doesn't have the same. Yeah, this is it. Jamaican Thanksgiving man. You were doing that. Yeah. What else did you say? That is an awesome Jamaican accent, by the way.

Thank you. Hey. Thank you. It's mine. Yeah, I'm doing Hayes's. He's doing an impression of my Jamaican accent. Oh, okay. So thank you.

I appreciate that. Imagine if you'd heard the real thing. Anyway, this is what we did instead. I don't know how I would have said it again. I'm really sorry. I'm really, really sorry. Well, you should find a new way to say it, because that obviously didn't work. Okay, can you guys just get off of me?

Like, my chest hurts because you're both sitting on my chest. If I let you up, how do I know you're not going to do it again? Because you've made it clear to me that that's not cool. Please. All right, get up. Clean your shit up.

This is a network launch. Wipe yourself off. This is the launch of a podcast network. We're talking about about big fucking opportunity. Okay. You know, just like Thanksgiving stories,

asking about childhood stuff, the kids table. Isn't the kids table a member of a grown-up table? Kids table, yeah. I wanted to ask you guys a little bit about the kids table.

Do you remember that? You know, like, I don't know if they still do this, but if there's enough kids in the family, they'll put them at a small, like a fold-out card table. And that's a whole other world.

You've got cousins. You've got all sorts of – do you guys have any fun cousin stories? Well, we used to – in my family, there would be the adults table. And what they would do at the kids table is they would dress us up. Two of us would be the bride and groom. And so my cousin would be dressed up as like a bride. And then sometimes I would be the groom and it would be set up like a wedding table. And they'd have us give a toast and like kind of get like do a little whole wedding ceremony.

Wow. At Thanksgiving. Yes. That's incredible. I've never heard of that kind of. What does that ritual ceremony at Thanksgiving. That's incredible. I've never heard of that kind of – what does that ritual come out of? Kids' wedding. I think it was because my grandmother had a wedding experience that her husband passed during the wedding.

And so I think the experience of watching other, like watching little kids go through a wedding helps replace that memory for, for her, of her husband dying while they were getting married. Wow. You see, now this is a great thing about this podcast. I never knew about this part of your family history.

We never, we didn't do anything weird like that. We just dressed up like, um, rebel soldiers, you know, just because it's about early American times

and we, you know, reenact sort of an idealized version of the War of Northern Aggression. Mm-hmm. I mean, that almost seems like

a whole poltergeist-inspired ceremony. God damn it, Seth! I'm so sorry. I'm so... Fuck. Are you... That is a stupid man of ghost, Seth.

But doesn't that seem like a thing that maybe the spirit of your grandfather... It feels like you want me to hit you. I don't. Is that what this is? No, no, no, no, no. Am I playing right into your hand? No. I mean, are you some kind of sick fuck?

This gets you off? No, man. this does not get me off listen give me another chance let's just talk about yams can we talk about yams if i can trust you to talk about yams yeah well i think they're too sweet what do you want yeah what is there to talk about well that's well that's one thing how many how many marshmallows is too many marshmallows oh that is a good question actually actually yeah that's great i mean just talking about the different numbers i mean i you know ratio wise yeah melody yam minis or minis or jumbos minis minis oh i don't know anybody that uses jumbos in their yams do you not anymore that seems kind of I don't know, kind of white trashy to me. Yeah.

You remember that whole marshmallow bag with the State Buff Marshmallow Man on it? Oh, like from Ghostbusters 2? Oh. It's from Ghostbusters 1! Seth, you're supposed to be... You're supposed to be... Are you serious?

Ghost... The guy... I thought... Oh, no, you're right. It's from Ghostbusters 1! The Statue of Liberty came alive in 2. You're right. Now, that movie's fine to talk about

because they're actually busting ghosts in that, which is what I wish someone would do. Although, this female version... They're barking up the wrong tree. That's more for... which is what I wish someone would do. Although this female version? They're barking up the wrong tree. That's more for, we should talk about that on the other show. That's more of a Hollywood conversation. Okay, well let's...

That's why I think it's a terrible idea. You know, because it's like, well you get it, I made all my points. You did want to give your dream cast. My dream cast of Ghostbusters? Yeah. Your Sega Dreamcast. We do a segment called Sega Dreamcast where we talk about, yeah.

Uh-huh. You're remaking Ghostbusters today. Yeah. Martin Lawrence. Cat Williams. Eddie Murphy. um kat williams eddie murphy um you got uh uh lonnie love as the secretary and then in the uh sigourney sigourney weaver part to rajee p henson and then for the guy the role that ernie hudson played in in the original you have original, you have, what is his name?

DJ Qualls. Exactly. Exactly. That, I think, would be funny because Hollywood has a long tradition, let's be honest, of how African Americans respond to ghosts. To the supernatural in general. It's funny. It is funny. because they wouldn't stay

in the house no white people they're like oh no there's a ghost here i guess we've got to try to make friends with black people be like i'm getting out of this house right now yeah they don't go through this so to me that's a more interesting starting point. Yeah. A brother is not necessarily going to endure as much. They're not going to take that shit from a ghost. They'll be like, this is enough for me. I'm leaving. I'm out of here. And perhaps feats don't fail me now or something.

Yeah. or something. Yeah, and something I've noticed is the brothers are less likely to sort of go investigate a scary noise. Yeah. Because if you did grow up

in the hood, you know that the scary noises you hear are something you want to stay away from. Right. Yes. And you know what the other thing I think is funny about this, and inherently funny,

is that DJ Qualls, he's not African American. He's very thin. He's very tall. And he's very sort of, he doesn't seem tough. So they're going to make him, you know, go and check out these places. Yes, all kind of crouching behind him and pushing him forward. And I bet he'll be hesitant. But one thing is when you see a guy like that and everyone he's dealing with is a brother, I think that they will have sort of an authority over him that will be enjoyable to watch.

Oh, I think so. Yeah, so he's not going to have much of a choice. Yeah, yeah. But anyway, I still think Katie Dippel should write this new script. Let's go back to the Thanksgiving. I'm glad we did cover this. Wait. So we're back here at Let's Talk Turkey.

It is Talk Turkey. Talk Turkey. I'm so sorry. This is the pilot episode. Let's talk silverware. Do you guys use any fun, like, antique silverware serving utensils at Thanksgiving, the kind that only come out once a year?

Because that was always a big thing in my family. We made a big ceremony out of it. They're serving the ladles, and the carving knives had their own boxes, and that was always just, you know, it's like for us, I'm sure it was like in every family, when do we get to open the utensils? It's like Christmas day.

Can I open just one present? You know, the night before Thanksgiving, it's like, oh, can we just please look at the salad tongs? Look at the ones. Yeah, the ones. Either spatula or yes. Yeah, I had that exact same experience. That's why I'm not on board with all this bamboo utensils.

Because that is just, I get the environment thing. I get it. But those are meant to fade away and to not leave an impact. It's very difficult to eat something with a stalk of bamboo. And I care about the environment as much as anyone else. More, I would say. Really, all you can do is, I mean, like you can use it as a huge straw, I guess, for pretty much any drink. But then it's so big, the liquid is like shooting into your mouth.

And to swallow it, you have to take your lips off the bamboo. It's just like. There's just no history there. There's no, you know. We, you know, there's a story for each of our utensils in our family, you know, different, different. And it really tells a story of America. You know, one of the utensils was forged from an old cannon from the Revolutionary War. Wow.

You know, one of the carving knife. This is an old electric carving knife. It's from the set of Mad Men. It's been in my family for years, yeah. Yeah. Who in your family was involved? Well, my great-grandfather is Matthew Weiner's assistant. Really?

Yeah. Oh, wow. What a great position. He must be learning so much. And, you know, Weiner, the thing about Weiner is he is so, he pays so much attention to detail. Everything on that set has, you know, has been touched by him physically or emotionally.

He makes sure that everything is to that period. Well, that's why he gets his name on every script. Absolutely. Because he was like, well, I chose all this furniture. Yeah, he was like, hey, remember I yelled at you about that chair from that last episode?

Put my name on the script. This is, yeah. We actually, we carve our turkey with one of the scalpels from The Mob Doctor. Oh. And so, you know similarly it is like an old hollywood uh thing where yes it's been in our family for a long time yes it's a tradition um but it also does relate to entertainment and uh and my life currently

and so it's sort of a nice melding of past and present all of our placemats in my family are from from operating scrubs from that one season of Jekyll and Hyde. Oh, really? The corn we eat is from the actual field of dreams. Oh, yeah? The corn we eat?

Oh, corn you eat. Okay. Mm-hmm. F***. And this is another, you know, we talked about it yeah uh at the time it took some explaining but now i did get i did hear corn we eat sorry i just went on for so long and it's also like what else am i gonna be saying you know like the corn that we eat and correct me if i'm wrong seth but i think that everyone knows that weed is funny, just basically referencing smoking pot. And I still do think, you deny this, but I still do think that's kind of what you were trying to do. I think you were trying to backdoor in some of the humor that is like, literally just talking about being stoned for a lot of people is comedy.

I mean, you know. I had some pot observations that I was trying to shoehorn in, but it didn't. Okay. This might be a good place for them. It's like, how is it different to be stoned? Honestly, hopefully I'm not overstepping, but I think that's for the other podcast, honestly. Seth, I really don't think that's for this podcast. I mean, honestly.

Having the munchies around your mom? This is a family show. It's about families. It's for families. Hey, man, is that turkey smoked, man? And see, what ended up happening after that, Seth, is we got the red E next to the name of the podcast. Okay, so now that red E is on there,

and now no kids can listen to it. See, I didn't realize that because I went off of Sean's Jamaican voice. Well, hey, it's a Jamaican voice. Oh, sorry, the dynamite voice. I do see where, I do see, you know, this is why I'm learning so much from you guys. This is really great. And for those of you people out there,

you know, hey, this is it. This is how you get your grind on. You keep your ears open, you keep your mouth shut, and you try to learn. Hey, man, these cranberries is cashed. I should have stopped after the first. You know, you guys made it clear that I wasn't. That wasn't cool. I mean, I came around to it ultimately in the moment,

but just in terms of the podcast as a whole, I don't think it was good. Getting some distance from it, I don't think it was good. But you got into it. You got into it. What's funny for us is not necessarily. I mean, we got a call from iTunes. You know? Yes, we did did because they call us seth when you do stuff like that it's us that has to deal with itunes yeah you know i'm sorry i you know i do and then ready gets bigger and bigger

the more you do that stuff you know what it is when you have a joke and you're sitting up the night before like what's gonna be funny what's gonna be funny how am i gonna do that and you think it and it comes to you and you think oh this i'm smoking turnips onto my boob sled man and i am sorry that i got that i got so involved in it haze and i know you were trying to get us back on track in that moment and And also you took his voice. I did, yes. I have been telling Sean in the past, I don't blame you because I've been telling you to let the

podcast come to you more often. Yes, I do need to do that. That's assuming that we have a host who is capable of leading a podcast that doesn't get us in trouble with the biggest podcast provider that there is at the launch of our big network.

Yeah. You know, a good learning experience all around, and I think we wound up coming out with a killer pilot that needs some editing. I mean, once all the notes are done, it's only going to be a couple minutes. You've got to be ready to make it. If I may give a little Hollywood insider tip here, you've got to be willing to fail. Michael Jordan,

you know? Yeah. Einstein guy. Yeah. I mean, all of these people. Quentin Tarantino? Bill Gates. Yeah, boy. These are all people.

So, you've got. Yeah, for sure. I mean, these are all people. Uh-huh, yeah. So you got to keep your mind open. None of them are necessarily Hollywood people, but it does. Right. But it's all, yeah. And I don't consider Quentin Tarantino a Hollywood person. Oh. We can have that conversation about. Right, right.

The original Hollywood outsider. Yeah. He's an industry bad boy to the bone. Yeah, yeah. Original Hollywood outsider. Yeah. He's an industry bad boy to the bone. Yeah. Yeah. And he, by the way, he'd be a great one for the all African-American Ghostbusters cast. Well, I, yes, I do like when, because he can do a voice. He's basically a brother.

Yeah. Well, he's, yeah, he's an honorary brother. He can use the word as far as I'm concerned. He's allowed to use a word. He can use any version of the word that he wants hey let me ask you a question do I have a sign that said dead brothers over my garage no then why are you bringing dead brothers I can't say the word but you know

the way he does it quite a bit it's better than when they do it I think and I love when they do it I love when they do it but I did watch it was a directors guild Q&A with Tarantino, and he had this story from the set of Django

of sort of upgrading an extra to a principal, and when he did that guy's half of the conversation, I was like, where did Quentin go? Because he was becoming a brother. Yeah. Sam, is that pizza sauce coming back up on you? For anyone who didn't hear that, and you probably did, a noise came out of Sam's body just now

that was like a marsh or a bog when a bullfrog is mating. I can't wait for the next Thanksgiving podcast because I'm going to talk about those body sounds. Next week, I want to talk about the body sounds. Because you know when you're hungry and you can't wait, and then also when the food is digesting? Yeah. Oh, and maybe something about how it makes you sleepy to eat turkey. Yes.

And see, that, I think, is maybe for the next one. I mean, yours could be good for once we're farther down the road and everyone's kind of comfortable with it. Yeah. You don't want to run out of road. You don't want to run out of road. Sleepy when you eat. Let's do sleepy when you eat.

I'm ready. We'll do sleepy next week and then we'll do the body sounds. And you guys think it's a good idea for you guys to be the guests again next week? Because I think that could get. I mean, do you want to listen? I mean, first of all, we didn't get to talk about being sleepy when we eat and that's kind of our idea. We could agree.

Yeah, okay. We have a lot of material for that. Most of what I prepared, yeah. Just like putting it in a drawer or something. Why not put it on the shelf? Yeah, you're right. You're right. Again.

And Sam, that came from inside you? Yes, it did. What happened? Are you still paying for all your food with your shelf station credit card? It's all I have. Hot Pockets and Pringles? This is a sound show. You are the sound engineer.

The idea that you would drink something that is guaranteed to make your body produce a weird sound right before the show i mean it just seems like it's it seems intentional to me i i can't get around i don't know if you're drinking that or eating it like it's so thick it's so viscous that i don't know if you have to lip it into your mouth like it like it sludges toward your lip when you when you tip the glass and then you have to use your upper lip to kind of scoop it in. You couldn't use a straw.

It should be a spoon. Yes. It looks like eating to me, but it's coming from a glass. It's just V8. Sam, we don't want to hear about your motorcycle engines right now. The guy's always talking motorcycles. No, it's a popular Tomato drink Okay see you later Sam

Tomatoes is food Sam And Sam play the Turkey theme song again To eat turkey Thank you So check out Talking Turkey We'll give you the chance to do your show Oh check out Talking Turkey. We'll give you the chance to do your show.

Oh, check out Talking Turkey on Wolf Cool. Now, can they actually get that on Earwolf, or is it a separate? It's still not clear to me the platform. Okay, the infrastructure is still getting put into place. Coding. It's Earwolf.com slash wolfpop slash podcast dot diamonds dot limos yep

and that'll get you to a direct snail mail address to which you'll get a zip drive of the show each person right now

we have to do it individually yes because of some things that we're sorry thumb drive thumb drive we'll actually mail you

a thumb drive yeah not a zip drive and it's a funny one. It looks like a banana. So is there anything else you want to plug while you're here? Let's see. Not really. I also have my Bob Duca podcast that I do on.

Is it okay to talk about Earwolf stuff? We don't really want to hear about it. Okay, then no. Yeah, I mean... Okay, okay. Then no. I'm going to be... Actually, I'm going to be polishing the silverware for next Thanksgiving.

See, this is good. Yes. You are the Thanksgiving guy. It's confusing for them to hear you talk about a more popular podcast than ours. You talk about Thanksgiving. I'm glad to see that. No, you're right.

Anyway, I'll be cleaning out... I'll be polishing silver ladles and serving utensils at King's Road Cafe on Monday, probably at around 3. And I'll probably get a veggie scramble omelet, even though it's 3. I probably am going to sleep in on Monday and take the dog out. Yeah, I like to have a late breakfast. Yes, points, yes. Rate us on iTunes. Like us on. Yeah. Rate us on iTunes.

Like us on the forums. Like us on Facebook. Talk to us on the forums. Leave reviews. Tell your friends. The pro version was purchased by Chefski this week. Okay. And I guess one last bonus clip from Talking Turkey that mentions Chefski.

We slipped a little something into the podcast for you. Thank you for buying the pro version. Look it over there, man. It's a ghost of Chefski. Oh, Seth! Goodbye! Bye! This has been an Earwolf Media Production Executive Producers Jeff Ulrich and Scott Aukerman

For more information visit Earwolf.com EarwolfRadio.com The wolf dead that was a hate gum podcast