Hollywood Handbook - Shaun Diston, Our Globes Prediction Friend

Episode Date: January 23, 2018

Sean and Hayes have SHAUN DISTON into the studio to record an episode from before the Golden Globes where they predict them. This episode is sponsored by Harry's.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. So, Stitcher Premium has been talking to us for a while. Stitcher Premium, the thing you have to know about them is their goal is to make money at all times. They're obsessed with money. It's the only thing that they love. It's the only currency they understand. Yes. And it's how they measure other people and the only color they can see is green.

So, Stitcher Premium comes to us and says, hey, we want money. We need it. We're obsessed with it. We need it all the time. And they can see gold, too. Yes. Say gold. They say, yes, the other color they can see is gold.

Yeah, exactly, because that's money. And so, Stitch, the other color they can see is gold. Yeah, exactly, because that's money. And so, Stinger Premium demands money. And so they come to us and they say, so here's a way that we're going to get money for your show. More money out of your show. Yeah, which doesn't make any money. Yes. So they hate us. They hate us because we're so real and we're so cool.

And the currency that we understand is actually respect and love for our fans. Yes. Funniness, smartness, being coolness, niceness, and being cool. And we are doing that, and they hate us for it. Yes. And I will say this episode, this ad is a big announcement, but we're getting to that at the end. And they couldn't just get rid of us because we were here first. Yeah.

Yeah. So their idea for how to make money off of our show, and Kevin, can you just pay attention while we're doing the ad? Sorry. And say what their idea was. Their idea for doing the show? Stitcher Premium's idea for how to make money off our show. Yeah, they just wanted to re-release every episode and say, this was actually just for Stitcher Premium, and that's not true.

They thought they could trick your fans. They did try to trick our fans. Which is mean. Something funnier than that. Which our fans are too smart and do funny things. Okay, they thought you guys could be like pilots, and they wanted you to record like on the plane, and it would have cost millions of dollars,

so I don't know why they think that would have worked. It doesn't seem like a good way to put it. First they tried to smear us, right? Yes. First they wanted to actually plug in audio clips that they cut together of us saying controversial things or jokes that would age poorly into old episodes. And their plan was to make money, was that we would go on the show and say mean things

about our fans and our fans would have to pay us to be nice to them. And I said, I refuse to do that. I refuse to make money off my fans that way by threatening them with not nice statements. By holding them hostage from we have this established credibility where what we say is the gospel truth. Yes. And everything we say is good and everyone listens to it. Yes. So if we want to individually start targeting fans, they would have to pay to just get their lives back.

Yes. And we didn't want to do that. No. That was the opposite of what we wanted to do. And in fact, what Stitcher earned themselves by even asking us to do that was a mighty punch. Yeah. I pushed them as well.

And the punch did not connect, but the force of the swing made them decide, we need a new plan. So that's what, it was a punch for me that kind of became a push. Mine really connected, but they were standing so close to me that I couldn't really load up. There was no wind up. So by the time I'm like, I'm punching, I'm already kind of touching them. So I do just end up giving them a mighty push.

And mine went right by them intentionally. I have just laser accuracy with my punches. And the wind of the punch sort of made them go like, whoa. I tried to tabletop them, like get underneath them on my hands and knees, and then you guys were going to push them. But I think I thought I told Hayes to do it, but then Hayes thought I told Sean to do it. So I just got behind them. But Hayes to do it, but then Hayes thought I told Sean to do it.

So I just got behind them. But Hayes did push them. But you were in front of them, and I have been meaning to talk to you about this. And you said that you were going to get behind them to tabletop them, but I really think it was to kiss their butt. Dude, check out Bosh. He's on acid. He's sniffing the walls. He's tasting the walls.

He's tasting the walls, and the snozzberries taste like snozzberries from Super Troopers. Seeing whating the walls like he's tasting the walls and it's the snozzberries taste like snozzberries from super troopers seeing what flavor the walls are he's on freaking acid from super troopers he's looking at uh yeah and so anyway so we were like hey how's about this is a better idea yeah we actually have an idea let's think about whether this is we're doing a better idea than that which is we record special premium episodes. That's just us, just me and Sean. New episode, the raw shit, the realness. And sometimes Kevin and Cody, and it's just us talking to our real friends and our real fans, and it's for people who pay money.

About the truth, and it's honest, and it's for our real fans, and it's for people with money who can pay extra money. And it's on Stitcher Premium with our other old episodes that you already took and held hostage there. And so instead of saying, hey, let our old episodes out of jail, we're saying, hey, we'll actually go in the jail

with our old episodes. We broke into the jail. Yes, and we're having a huge party. We're having a huge party in jail. And now jail's even more fun than freedom. And so now freedom, people in freedom are saying, hey, we actually want to be in jail now. They have their ear up against the wall of the jail listening, and they're turning out going like, it sounds like they're really having fun in there.

Yes. And the warden's locked out with them. Yes. You know? Colin. So it is a huge announcement that we are doing premium episodes, and they're on Stitcher Premium, and it's just more of the stuff that you're so crazy about. The stuff you love.

And Hollywood Master Class is on there, too. Really good show. Do you guys want to say the name of the show and when it comes out? Hollywood Handbook Pro Version? It's a Hollywood Handbook Pro Version. I don't know when it comes out. It comes out, yeah, why don't you say? January 31st.

Okay. It's going to be every week. And what day of the week is that? Is it going to be on the same day? Wednesday. Wednesday. Yeah, it'll be out every Wednesday on premium. Oh, that's good real estate.

Yeah. What else comes out then? What's a Wednesday release show? They have their shows drop every Wednesday. So Big Grande's Teacher's Lounge will be... Is it on Wednesday? I don't want to compete with that. Not anymore.

Not anymore. Teacher's Lounge is the new Hollywood handbook, really. The way people talk about it. The momentum is very scary to me of that show. Yes. People love it. And it seems like they're still working pretty hard on it, and they're building a whole world.

And I used to think, well, thank God it's behind a paywall, because otherwise it would have crushed us, and now it feels like we're entering their territory, which is a very stupid idea. Yeah, and so we've gone in the jail, and then the biggest guy in the jail is already running the place, and he's probably going to start beating us up pretty fast. I work on that show. Do you want me to send them a message?

Yeah, have us as guests. I've said this directly to them. Okay. I said this directly to them. Have us as guests. It's now starting to feel pretty personal. to them. Have us as guests. It's now starting to feel pretty personal. At this point, it is so insulting that I'm not sure I could ever do it because I'm worried that I'll go on there and be insulted even more. Yeah. And actually, cut me saying have us as guests because I actually have

said it to them a few times and I've done it in sort of a lighthearted way of like, hey, you know, if you ever need a guest, but now it actually does hurt my feelings. And it definitely is something they know that they could do, which is have me as a guest. And they have made a pretty clear choice not to do it. And they have guests all the time. And so they don't like something about me. To that, I guess they could say, have the rest of us on your show. I only know two of them.

I only know two of them. So listen to your premium Hollywood Handbook Pro version on January 31st after you pay big bucks. So, you know, he bursts into my office and is screaming at me. And you know how he gets. Yes, yeah. And so I'm like, Doctor, Dre, I'm in the middle of a meeting.

And I'm in there, and I'm with Ice Cube and D-O-C and E-Z-E and Snoop, D-O-double-G, and the group that said, motherfucker, the police. Yeah. And they said that, by the way.

Yes, yes. I'm just saying that. I'm not approving. No, the group said that. I just want to make clear. And so that's who's in the meeting with me, and he's waving around this paper, and he's screaming, and he's like, I just read my new verse

and you guys got me saying that I taught everyone how to smoke trees. And he's upset. Yeah. Because he doesn't know how to smoke trees. Yeah.

He's going like, what if someone asked me about this? To teach them. Yeah, well, yes. So it's, so here, so now I've got this

whole group of guys. So it's me, it's Snoop D-O-D-O-G. It's D-O-C. It's Ice Cube. It's Eazy-E. It's a group of some motherfucking police, and we've got to teach him how to smoke trees, Dr. Ray. Yeah.

So that he feels comfortable doing the verse. It was just outside of the fact that we didn't say – we don't have him saying, I taught you to smoke. We're having him say, hey, who do you think taught you to smoke trees? So there is some plausible deniability. But I do think some people at the time, not everyone knew how, and so people were approaching him saying, please teach me how to smoke, we're having to say, hey, who do you think taught you to smoke trees? So there is some plausible deniability. But I do think some people at the time, not everyone knew how, and so people were approaching him saying, please teach me how to smoke trees. And he didn't know, but he had to pretend that he did.

But even then. So it was a lot of people who were smoking it by, like, just burning up the whole thing. No, I know. And as we're trying to teach him. Just, like, setting the entire thing. As we're trying to teach him in my office, I'm thinking, the smoke alarm's going to go off because he's sticking it in his ear.

He's got the wrong kind of tree. There's Keef everywhere. And kind buds. And I'm so freaked out. And he's got my nicest tomahawk bubbler. And I'm just thinking this guy is going to drop it. What is he going to do with that? Oh, yeah.

What does he think that's for? And he's sticking his tongue in the carb and it's everything and i'm so annoyed and i'm like hey we just asked you to posit the question who do you think taught you to smoke i said hey i've got it i've still got to work on marshall's verse you know so i don't necessarily have time for this i know i've got i'm still loco enough to choke you to death with a Charleston chew, but I don't know where it goes from there. That's all I have. And so the whole time we're teaching you to smoke trees, now ultimately we did smoke trees. It did inspire me, and I did wind up coming up with some killer stuff in that verse

about the Mercedes Benz goes up to the mid-80s. But at the time, I was very nervous just because of the deadline. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook Insiders. It's a guy that's kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet line back hallways of this industry we call showbiz robot man. The Hollywood Handbook robot. I'm a Hollywood robot. So we're so excited to have our guest here.

We're obviously doing a thing where... How do you want to do this? Okay, yes. We shouldn't have even done it. We shouldn't have even started. Should we not have? No. Well, no, we'll just splice it.

Cody, you're good to edit this, right? Can you splice that, Cody? Hmm? Can you splice that part? Can you splice this? Take that part that we just did and splice that. We're going to splice it in? It's not really called that anymore, I don't think. Okay, just mark splice that part? Can you splice this? Take that part that we just did and splice that. We're going to splice it in? It's not really called that anymore, I don't think.

Okay, just mark splice in, splice out. We'll tell you when splice out happens. I don't splice. I don't splice. That's not a thing anymore. What's the new term for it? Copy paste. Okay.

Copy pasta. So, okay. Let's just get our guest saying hi just to get it because he's like looking like mad that he hasn't

talked yet yes so just say is this part for it this will be for it so okay but as you say hi have him say what up

what up have him say what up what up what do I call if I'm calling him Sean yeah maybe what do you want, if I'm calling him Sean? Yeah. Maybe what do you want to be today? Was that fun?

Ooh, that could be. Because I have to be Sean. That's what I'm saying. So is there something that you have just been wanting to be? Well, Bane. Do you want to be Bane today? Bane from Batman. You can.

I think that's nice. Bane from Batman Rises? Yeah. I'll be Bane from Batman Rises. That could be so fun. Oh, yeah. Cool. Okay, so.

Should I say hi? Yes, but. Right. Hey, wait. You have my permission to hi. Nice. I like that. That's really good. But you don't yet to hi nice I like that but you don't yet because

and I won't do that voice again the thing that you have to remember when you're saying hi and about this show is that in the pretense of the show it happened like weeks ago sorry so okay

so it's Sean Diston yeah yes hi I'm Sean but for the purposes of this I'm Sean Diston but we'll record another one

and say yeah and say what up what up because people what up what up okay cool cool

so this is 2017 probably yeah so what we're gonna say is just like well because people these podcasts do this

all the time like Spontanean Nation records like they bank them they record like five months ahead of all the time. Spontanean Nation records like... They bank them. They record like five months ahead of time. There's a Spontanean Nation bank vault that they put all the podcasts in that they're banking. No, I know. I come in at night and try to crack it.

You can't. I imagine we got access. If I had it, I'd just release them all under our name. Crazy. And then we'll see, yeah. Who really does the improv so

we so we okay we're gonna say that we recorded like a bunch of them like before the holidays and so

this is our Golden Globes prediction episode that we're doing that we are like I hope this is gonna seem so dated

you know but we have to because of our schedule Hayes is going to seem so dated, you know, but we have to, because of our schedule, Hayes is going to, you know, France. Yeah, and yes, that's good. France. Yes, France would be really good. That's great. For people to think I'm going there.

I just came up with that, but that's good. That's good. And so, because I sound like you have money. So we then are going to say like, so we're just releasing this, but what we're going to do is. But people might think. Go ahead. Because of.

You want to call it freedom? No. People might think because of Call Me By Your Name that I'm going to do that. But that's why I'm going. Oh, right, right. You're, like, going because you love it so much. Which is not, like, I don't know why they'd think that. I'm the one who went to Harvard and looks like Armie Hammer.

That's true. But. And it's not that I'm saying that, like, I don't want, like, you know, I'm for or against it or whatever. I just don't want people to think, as we're talking about me going to France, it's not that I'm going to do what happens in that movie. Okay. So, I don't know if we want to go too far into that. You know what I mean? Well, if we just leave it that I'm going to France, people are like, oh, is he going to go do what they did in that movie?

Okay. Okay. Because that was in France. Yeah, no, I understand. Or maybe, or was it not? Was it in Italy or something? Was it like in Italy? I think that people

may not totally know. Okay, so that's what we could say. We could, even if it wasn't, we could say that that movie was in Italy, so. Yeah, so it's fine. Where does Mr. Ripley live? I know.

He just lives everywhere in Europe. They all seem to be in the same place. I know. Are you talking about Downton Abbey? I don't know what Mr. Ripley is. I don't know. What's Mr. Ripley? Mr. Ripley?

Well, he's very talented. Okay, I was right the. What's Mr. Ripley? Mr. Ripley? Well, he's very talented. Oh, the talented. Okay, I was right the first time. Okay. So we are going to say, oh, we recorded all these? This is like a pretty good plan, and you're kind of lucky to be here because you're about to go viral. Yes. I'm very excited about this.

I'm going viral again. You'll call your, you know. So a lot of our recent episodes have not gone viral. Mm-hmm. So this is like we're— We're on a lot of our recent episodes have not gone viral. So this is like we're on a streak of about 220 episodes without going viral. The Tense Task episode we just did was like antiviral. It was like antiviral medication. It stopped another video from being viral. Yes.

People involved. People who were involved in it, yes, were not able to go viral, anyone who was in the room. I'm feeling good about this idea because people are really going to be excited about how it happens.

Well, let's clarify what it is. We're going to get freaked out. So what's going to happen is we're going to go, oh, Golden Globes prediction. It'll probably be out of date, but we got to give our guesses. We know maybe we'll get one right. We're going to get them all right

because it's not 2017 and the Golden Globes has happened. Yeah, this is good. And so then we say, Cody, please be present and listening for this, okay? For this part because this is very important. We need you for the splicing in and out. Copy pass. For the copy pass. And then we're going to need you to have the list of the winners.

Yeah. Yes. We need you to be able to signal us who the winners are. Because I don't know them in my head. Quite honestly. And maybe even pull up images so we can say what color their clothes will be.

And also, once this is released, Cody, you have to say that you lost the episode after we recorded it. So you'll be recording something on the front of it where you go like, hey, this is Engineer Cody. Yes. I lost the episode. Do we do that now?

I flush it down the toilet. Let us all do it live. Let's get that. Let's get that. Yeah. It's always good to start with a big Cody thing. Mm-hmm. All right.

Before, you know. Clocking in. Here we go. What do I say again here? Okay, so you're going to be telling. This is so fine. So you're going to be immediately in the episode going like, hey, guys, before you listen to this episode, I got to explain some stuff.

It's me, Engineer Cody. I was doing CrossFit with my girlfriend, and I accidentally smashed the episode. I had to put the tape back together, so it's being released a little bit late. And also they recorded a whole bunch at once. Luckily, they recorded a bunch bit late. Yeah. And also, they recorded a whole bunch at once. Luckily, they recorded a bunch at once. And so, that's why it's coming out late, but this was recorded before, and it's me, Cody. That was pretty good. I think I'll just, I'll take that, and I'll make it.

You're going to copy? Why do you need your wallet to be open like that, so you're looking at your driver's license? Oh, what, down here down here yes down there why do you need that for why is that information gonna be useful during this record i was checking it's okay there is a reason cody if you haven't memorized your new identity by now you're in trouble well it's good to have it on the fly here. I lost my credit card and I was observing

my situation here. Okay, so then you should be able to convincingly say that you lost the episode. Yeah. And Cody's watching something on Netflix and that's it's fine as long as it, it stops now.

Because now we are really getting into this. And you did clock in. If I could remind you. What are you watching? Wormwood. Are you on a part that's like acting or like a documentary part? That part, that always kind of loops me up around, but it's right now, I think it's It what? It loops you up around?

Because I can't tell if it's real or fake. Oh, yeah. That's what the whole show's about. Yeah. Yes, it really defies genre. I don't know where I'm going. Errol doesn't even know where to submit it. Bosh just has to. What category does Errol put it in? Bosh, no eating

that. What is that anyway? Okay, so now, okay, so Cody is putting a pause on Wyrmwood. Yep. So I'll copy Pasta's, Sean's thing, and then I think we'll get the idea here. Just do, no, just do a Cody version. Just say what you did. Okay.

And also his name is Bane from Batman Rises. Thank you. Just so. Here we go. Howdy, Scoop Troop. Just wanted to let you all know that this is Engineer Cody here. I went around. That's what you just wanted to let everyone know?

I went through and I recorded an ep with the boys. Well, things didn't go quite as planned. Dropped the ep on the floor, shattered, destroyed. So we irrecoverably destroyed it, or I did, I guess. Well, no, it can't be irrecoverable because you're going to hear the episode. They're about to hear the episode. So don't say it was irrecoverable. Just say it's been delayed.

I almost thought I irrecoverably destroyed it, but it turns out it was... A little detail helps. You were doing CrossFit with your girlfriend. His big story that he invented is that he dropped it on the ground and it shattered. And it shattered the podcast.

You were doing CrossFit with your girlfriend. The secret to telling a lie that people believe is having a lot of detail and having a couple of different reasons why it's coming out now. So one is that we recorded a bunch at once because Hayes was going to France. Yes. Not that you called me by your name, but just for food or whatever. And one is that you were doing CrossFit with your girlfriend, who's real. And then you guys smash it doing a freaking squat curl thrust or something.

All right, let me try again here. The boys recorded a whole batch of slew of eps, and we had them all on the bank, but I was at the gymnasium with my real girlfriend and we were doing backflips. She's very acrobatic. She was teaching me some moves. Next thing you know, it slipped out my pockets and almost irrecoverably destroyed. Almost. And now it's fixed. But it just fixed. But it just fixed.

Found it. And I got it ready. It just fixed. Got it ready for y'all. Found it. So enjoy. On the Earwolf Network. Hey, what up, what up?

Welcome to Hollywood Handbook Insider's Guide. And I can't believe the predictions we got on you today. Yeah, what up, what up? Yeah, we're doing our big Golden Globes episode. We're doing our big Golden Globes episode. Oh, I should introduce my guest. You don't have to say hi again because you already did. Yeah, I'm ready to spice that in.

Yeah. Copy pasta in. Mm-hmm. Sean Diston. Tell us't have to say hi again. I'm ready to spice that in. Copy pasta in it. Sean Diston. Tell us about the Golden Globes. Yeah, the Golden Globes are like... You have a personal connection to them. Yeah, I do. My dad used to work the Golden Globes when I was young.

He was on Usher and it was incredible to sort of just hear the stories of him seeding seat fillers. But it must have been tough for him to go away for that, you know, to have to. Yeah, yeah. It was tough to be away from the family, you know, for that one night. But yeah, I do have a personal connection, but I will say, like, this year, any sort

of predictions I make would probably just be, like, total guesses. I don't really know if I'm, like, that. This year, I'm just going to be totally guessing, too. Just totally guessing. Yes, just based on what I know about Hollywood and stuff, but no insider information. It's a guess, yeah. I don't really know. And for me, it is a guess this year.

And I haven't seen any movies, and I don't know what's going on. Yeah, I didn't pay my dues, and I got no screeners. Yeah, and I wasn't able to pay my dues, but I am a member of the union. So, yeah, because we don't know all the information, we might not get them all right. Yeah. Yeah, I lost my insurance this year. So we are doing the Golden Globes, and we're totally in the dark and so

it's probably gonna be a bad episode probably won't even go viral yeah sorry but you have to cut Cody you have to cut out that laugh

yeah because it was too maniacal people are gonna know something that really seemed like we knew it was gonna go viral copy it and can we splice in the part where I'm banned from

Batman Rises just so we don't have to explain that again yeah yeah that's copy paste cause then we could then we can actually just say that And can we splice in the part where I'm banned from Batman Rises just so we don't have to explain that again? Yeah, yeah. That's copy-pasted. Because then we can actually just say that that's who's laughing. Yes. Yeah, yeah.

Sure. That's good. That he's laughing about a different plan. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I guess we could also predict other things like what people were wearing and probably stuff people would say. We should predict at minimum what color their clothes are.

Because, yeah, that's always a fun thing to be surprised by when you see them on the red carpet. You're like, oh, yeah. Gillian Anderson, purple. Yes, that would be huge. But that's another thing. I haven't seen all the clothes, so it probably won't even be a situation where we get them all right.

Yeah, that's the thing for me. I haven't really been keeping up with clothes this year. I wasn't able to afford my Trunk Club or my 5-4 Club subscriptions, so I did have to cancel all my clothes. So I'm just going off of a pure guess, unfortunately. It would really just be a guess. But imagine, say it would be so crazy if an episode like this did go viral and we were talking about

Trunk Club and stuff on the episode. That could be really good advertising for them and maybe a free trunk. That would just be such a crazy thing. A free trunk or if they want to buy an ad or anything. If an episode went viral, yeah. So they should think about that. So

anyway, this is our non-viral Golden Globes episode. We're just doing the normal thing, and it's really just not even a big deal. Yeah. And that's why we have sort of a nondescript guest. Yeah, yeah. I'm just like sort of you brought me in because it's mostly about the guessing and the just like Golden Globes. Yeah. Because it's trash.

I'm not going to take too much away from that. Yeah, exactly. Thank you. So let's fucking do this shit. Let's dig in and just get it over with. We're going to get them all wrong anyway, so who cares? Let's just start with one that we probably like an easy guess. Oh, yeah.

Okay, so let's start with just like one of the main categories that's easy. Yeah. TV. Okay. Yeah, let's. Do we want to guess TV? Let's guess TV. Okay.

Okay, so who? And just to remind you, Sean, we're going to get these all right because this has happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, okay, so I don't even know who the nominees for TV were. Yeah, so let's get the list. Mimi? Mimi? Mimi from Drew Carey?

No, I said need me. Oh, need me. You're asking us to need you? Kathy Kinney? Mimi? Okay, so Mimi was not nominated. No. Okay.

Are we just going to guess? We're going to go down the list of the people who weren't? Well, Game of Thrones for sure. Gotta be. Has to. At least nominated. But let's get, should we get, Hayes, do we have a list or anything? No, well, that's Cody was going to do.

Need me? Oh, my God. Yes, Cody. Okay. Yes, Cody, I need you. You don't see, he's gesturing to his thigh, and he's going, need me? And he wants me to sort of massage his. Like a cat or something?

Yeah, his quadriceps. That's fucking weird. I guess he did too many squat curl thrusts. That's good. That'll help support the story of the show. Yeah, nice. Yeah. The nominees for Best Series Drama.

CSI Crime Scene Investigation. ER. The Practice. And The Sopranos. And The West Wing. And The West Wing. Okay. That's good. Okay. Well, I can try to...

So we should already know who won. Yeah. Who won? So let's talk about these shows for a second, and then Cody, tell us who did win. So, well, The West Wing's having a big year. The president's going crazy. Yes, everyone is talking

about the president this year, so that could be the one that won. Huge. But, as for whether it did, Cody,

did it win? It did. It won. It did? It did win? Okay, well, we didn't spend enough time

talking about it. Okay, so we should talk about something else first then if it's really a guess. Well, ER is a show that, like, you know, it's a good show, but I feel like there's a lot of hospital shows. Yes. And it's going to split the vote.

It's going to split the vote. With the other hospital shows. And it's going to split the vote. Yeah. And people hate being sick. People hate it. And unfortunately, nobody knows what CSI stands for. Yes.

Yeah. So. And they said it in the nomination, but at that point, it's already too late. It's too late. Once they're saying it in the show, it is already too late. It's already too late because they've already made up their mind. The voters, the votes are in. NER is another.

NER is the same thing. And like, to be honest, like in the climate right now, like in 2017, I mean, I don't know what it's going to be like in 2018, but in 2017, Sean,

that's really good. That's really smart. In 2017, I feel like it's all about the president right now. We're talking a lot about the president. Yeah. And that the frigging

White House is like a TV show. Yes. It's like, yeah. So I guess what I'll, my guess, and I'm sure it's wrong, but, you know, if the voters have a brain in their head, yeah, they'd probably pick West Wing. What's your guess? West Wing. West Wing.

The West Wing. Unanimous vote for West Wing. And we said it at the same time. Yeah, we did, which was interesting. So it wasn't even like that you said it first. No, we all said it. We obviously said it at the same time. We all said West Wing.

So I don't want it to be like one of us is getting them all right. No, thank you. We do, you know. Well, especially you, Sean, but especially you, Hayes. Right. I don't want to necessarily have it be. Well, it seemed like you were just about to like rush ahead and be like. And I was trying to do you were just about to rush ahead And I was trying to do that And I did have the idea

That maybe it would be that I got them all right And that you guys just agreed with me But then I did catch you and I did come in and say it And you did catch me and that is one of the reasons I wanted to work with you And I wonder if it's because you're calling yourself Bane from Batman Exactly the kind of

The kind of plot Yeah You were born in darkness. The kind of plot. Yeah. Yeah, I was born in the dark. And you merely adopted it. So. Yeah, you know, we're going to probably sound like idiots because West Wing probably won't win.

Yeah, won't even. But that's our guess. That's our guess. I'm going to do the next category. Yeah, what's the next category? I can't do it. The next category is Best Actress in a Musical Comedy Series.

Best Actress in a Musical Comedy Series. The nominees are Sarah Jessica Parker, Sex and the City, Kalista Flockhart, Ally McBeal, Jane Kazmarek, and Malcolm in the Middle. That's it? Okay. That's it. And Bette Midler. Just's it? Okay. Okay. That's it. Okay. And Bette Midler.

Just Bette Midler. Just Bette Midler. In life in general. Okay, and Bette Midler. And can you tell me who won? For when we talk about it so I kind of sound smart. Sarah. Jessica Parker won.

I think it's probably going to be Sarah, Jessica Parker. Well, hang on. Wait. Wait, come on. Shut up. Copy pasta that. I just wanted to throw that out there. Copy that out.

Then paste it into the trash. Paste it away. Okay. You guys have the power of copy pasta. I was going to jump in there. All right. Fine. We'll talk about him for a little bit, and then we'll all simultaneously say it.

I can't believe that. So, okay. So starting now. He revealed himself as Talia al Ghul. Yeah, it was me who was the villain the whole time. That's what happened. I was the little girl in the beginning. Which I hated to see that.

Here I am thinking that we could be in love, and he's Talia al Ghul. Unbelievable. Sorry. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. So Bette Midler was not on a TV show. Yeah, so I'm going to say that the voters are going to sniff that out. Yes.

I think they're smart enough this year to not reward someone. In this climate, to not be on a TV show, you should not get the award. No, absolutely. Can we talk about Kalista for a moment? People like her with the dragons and stuff. Yes. You know? Yes, exactly.

That she's the mother of dragons. Game of Thrones. My fear with her is that the dancing baby was doing so much of the work. Yes, yes, yes. Again, we're splitting the vote. Yeah.

And so we're splitting the vote between her and the dancing baby. And it makes me wonder, does it have to then be not Jane Kaczmarek? Yeah. Because to me—

Wait, do we let Kevin in on this? Hey, do we call Jane Kaczmarek Jane Kasper mattresses just as a way to bring— Oh, hey, yes. Just as a way to bring in another— Or another like a trunk club style integrated promotion. Just a viral integrated promotion. But I do want to do it before we get too much farther into this. Kevin has already heard a lot.

Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. So what do we... But I don't want... Can we explain everything to Kevin from the beginning? I think it would be easier to just kind of remove Kevin as a concern. You know what I mean?

Can Kevin just be coming through doing something very 2017? Okay. What did you want to do in terms of removing him? Drop him in a well or something? You know, something like that. If there is a well, something like that would be great. Just because ongoing, I don't necessarily trust him. Once we're fully viral and stuff like that, I'm not worried.

Kevin would, even if we had done this for real. By that time, he'll crawl out. Then he would say, oh, it was fake or whatever. He would get jealous and try to sabotage it. So people will expect that from him. Yeah, I think that that's true. I think if we do drop him down a well, we're going to want to put a lid on the well because I don't know if you've noticed, but he has been growing his nails very long.

Yes, for creeping. Because I saw his pinky nail first, and I thought it was just like a Coke spoon thing. Yes. Historically, he's only been able to creep horizontally, but now with these nails, he can creep up and down. Yeah, they're thick as hell, and they're super sharp, and he's always filing them to a point, so I think he's going to be able to dig straight through the wall.

So what's going to happen? He's going to be all wet. He will be soaked. He will be soaked. It's true. I mean, it's not, you know. No, it's not. It's true. it's true I mean it's not you know no it's not it's true

it's true so Kevin uh just do since you're here since you're now a part of this you understand

what's going on I don't have to explain it uh just do Bosh burped in my mouth what were you doing there yeah why were you kissing him? He's just really cute

and I got really close to his face. It's my fault. I'm sorry, Vosh. It is your fault. He's extra soft because he got a bath. Did you know that? I did. I could tell. So just do something. Come in again. Come in again. Come in again.

And he just sits down and puts on his headphones just being like, okay, ready to go. Here I go. Part of the show now. All right. I got a thing for him too. Hold on. Hey, guys.

Jeff Kevin here. How's it going? I'm just walking down the street and living my best self. Trying to be a better me and hopefully, you know, you can be a better you. Say it's 2017. And it's 2017. And some stuff from then. Sure, some stuff from then.

You know, unfortunately, Trump's president, but you know, we can push through. Don't say that. Sorry, sorry. This is our fucking show. He's also going to be president in 2018, you idiot. And he's still the president. We don't necessarily want to say unfortunately. You know, Cardi B has that

new song, Bodak Yellow. Okay. Lady Bird just came out. So did Get Out. Don't say that. Make it about more other stuff. Yeah. Other stuff.

The memes this year were pretty great. You know, I'll let you fill in the blanks for your favorite. That's good. That's good. That's nice. Good. The sports, again, pretty mind-blowing. You know, you can't win them all, but, you know, you can die trying.

Some of the sports. Some of the sports. Some of the sports, yeah. You know, the baseball games were closer than ever. And the... Turn the music up. See you soon. Wow, that was so great

that Chef Kevin came by. Yeah, that was good. He's always so timely and topical. Chef Kevin is hashtag goals. So, um, let's... And now you just stay in here until the episode is released. And then you can go out and, like, sabotage as much as you want.

It'll be too late. There'll be a virus at that point. It'll already be viral, yeah. Yes. And you won't be the cure, believe me. But until it comes out... Stay here? Yeah, it would be great if you would stay here.

Okay. What were we on? We were talking about... We should put him in the spot vault. Jane Casper mattresses. Jane Casper mattresses. Oh, in the spot vault. Let should put him in the spot vault Jane Casper Mattresses Jane Casper Mattresses oh in the spot vault let's put Kevin

in the spot vault yes because that I know he doesn't know his way out of because if he was able Paul opens the vault to get the episode out

and Kevin is in there then we can say Kevin ate all the episodes that might solve two problems at once. Yes. So... We were talking about Jane Casper matches. You know, I just don't think...

Did you see that video where Paul was talking about... He talks about Karl Tart and diversity and stuff. And he doesn't mention us once. Yeah, he doesn't mention you guys once. I know. Because I saw that he had a video that got applause, and I thought, oh, good, I'll watch, I'll come up. First of all, he's really taking the spotlight from the other improvisers,

and it's not even that funny a scene. Yeah, I know. It's so meta, He's talking about them. To me, it breaks the reality. Like a horse stable or something is the location that he's talking about. Diversity and improv. It's not good for the scene.

It's framed out, but he is putting a shut-up finger on someone's mouth right next to him. They're trying to keep the scene going. He just clearly came in with that idea say someone had pressed the flashback button right before that's cut out too but it's like why is that how is that a flashback he ignored the flash he just ignored his own fucking is your idea which is all of this is fine but it's also like then you start naming people who've been on the show, and then it's not me.

Yes. What are we doing? That could have really helped the scene. Well, yeah. At least then I'm like, okay, this is interesting. So Jane Casper mattresses? So I don't think she's going to win. I actually have a feeling.

And this is just a gut feeling, and sometimes you just go with your gut. Yeah. I think Sarah just could partner. Sarah just could partner. Sarah just could partner and put mine in right at the same time. Yeah, bump his up a second. Yeah. Okay.

Well, whatever. We're probably going to be – I'm going to feel so stupid when we see who wins. I know, I know. But I do think she could. I thought she did the best job, so yeah. Can I say something? If she wins, quite honestly, I'll eat shit.

Oh, that's how confident you are that you're wrong. I'm so confident I'm wrong. That if she wins, you're going to actually eat shit. I will eat shit. And do you want to take that again and say it faster? Because it seems like I was really struggling. Only because you didn't really come up with anything. You might want to have it be an off-the-cuff remark rather than something

that seems to have a lot of intention behind it. Why don't I think, maybe I think longer and then actually come up with something good. I don't know if we want to bank on that. Yeah, you're right.

You're right, you're right, you're right. You know what? If Sarah Jessica Parker wins, I'll eat shit. Okay. And you splice that in. And you'll really do it? Yeah, I'll really do it if I'm that confident that I'm wrong. That could be something else that goes viral. That's what I mean.

I'm trying to add on to the viral. Go ahead and splice that in like dren. Remember? Remember? So what's the next category? Remember? So, uh... So... What's the next category? Let's get into it.

And, Cody, you got the list there. I don't even remember what the friggin' award is. What award are we doing? Grammys? Yes, sir. We're doing the Golden Globes. Nice. Next category is the best actor in a musical or comedy series.

Your nominees are... This one will be big this year. Yeah. Kelsey Grammer of Frasier. Ray Romano, Everybody Loves Raymond. He's back. And Ted Danson in Becker. Ted Banson?

Ted Banson in Becker? Okay. That was it this year, huh? Just three? Yep. Okay. And who actually wins? Kelsey Grammer.

Kelsey Gramdog. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Hard to know what to do with that. Doesn't he fall off the stage? Will you play Kevin's music if he's going to talk?

Just say music up, Kevin. Hey guys, Chef Kevin here. Man, it's still another beautiful day in 2017. Hey, wasn't Kelsey Grammer the one that fell off the stage, but his mic was still on and was like,

uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. Yeah. Uh. It was him. Okay, you can cut to the end. No clouds. Bye. Why don't we do something where we have a random guess? You know how they make the octopus guess? Oh, yes.

That could be good. And then it's like, oh, wow, the fucking octopus guessed the Super Bowl. How about this? You know what we should do? We should say that that octopus is here. And we have him guess wrong. And then we say, I think the octopus is wrong. And so then we beat the octopus.

So this is the one guess a year that we do. This is going to be a tradition on our Golden Globes show, which is we will have the octopus do the guess. You know the guessing octopus. And he's going to go. And they're supposedly one of the most intelligent animals, although you have to sort of alter the way you define intelligence because they're one of the most alien species on the planet. Their entire skin is their mouth, and each of their arms operates independent from sort of a central brain. It's like each one has its own brain. So maybe the smart arm will guess this one.

Let's just go ahead and give it and put all the cards on a suction cup and whichever one the octopus shoots ink on. And they're not... That's the one that wins. And they're not monogamous, which we're not meant to be. Yeah, so the murderer

of the sea is here. He squeezes himself into the shadows, releases from a crevice, and strangles and devours his prey with his poison-tipped beak. Okay, so we have the three papers. Yeah, we got Ted Danson. One says Ted Danson. Kelsey Grammer. And then what was the third?

Is there a third one? Ray Romano. Ray Romano. And Ray Romano. Okay. And so, Kevin, do they blast it? Yeah. That the octopus blasted?

Yeah, he's blasting. He has to blast the thing with ink. Or is there an effect for that, Cody? Cody, find a good sound effect. Octopus blast. Octopus blasting it with ink. All right. I don't know if the blast YouTube search is necessarily going to come through for us here.

Whoa. Oh, wow. Wow, he missed all the papers. Yeah. Hey, Chef Kevin, looks like he likes you. Okay, so he blasted Chef Kevin. Yeah. So he says Chef Kevin. Yeah. So he says Chef Kevin.

Because I was saying about him not being monogamous. Yeah, they're pretty much up for whatever. Does that mean he thinks Chef Kevin is going to win? Yeah, so the octopus is maybe, I predict a fail this year. Yeah. And I think it's going to be Kelsey Grammer. Yeah, I think it's Kelsey Grammer. Okay, Kelsey Grammer, Kelsey Grammer. Kelsey Grammer. Yeah, I think it's Kelsey Grammer. Okay, Kelsey Grammer, Kelsey Grammer.

Kelsey Grammer. Yeah, I got to go with my gut, because my gut was telling me, before you said that, my gut was telling me Kelsey Grammer. Kelsey Grammer. Well, at the same time, at the earliest. Kelsey Grammer. At the same time, yep. Wow, well, the octopus was a bust.

It just made a huge mess. Wow. So he's a fail. Mm-hmm. So I guess there's one more award this year, is that right? I don't know, because what, like, come on. I mean. How many award this year. Is that right? I don't know. Come on. How many do they expect us to get?

Jesus Christ. Did you want to talk about what they wore on the red carpet? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh, frigging. Casey Affleck. Yeah, speaking of Skittles, you know, Taste the Rainbow, man. There's so many great bright colors and just all different stuff that we saw at the awards.

Yes. No, no, no. Not that we saw, that we will see. Yes, yes. Thank you, thank you, thank you. That we're going to see. I have a prediction for that. And here's my prediction, and it goes by the name of Roy G. Biv.

I think we're going to see the entire spectrum. Very bright colors this year. I actually think you're wrong. I think you're probably going to see a lot of black this year. Okay. I don't know why I think that. We don't really disagree with each other on this. It kind of, you know what I mean?

It undermines the viral. You're right. Yeah. You're right. But one thing I do know about the Golden Globes is they did wear a lot of black because of this. Cody? Cody? What's the Casey Affleck thing?

He's wearing brown, so I don't know. He's wearing brown this year. So here's the thing. Cody's red, orange, green. Some of the rods and browns in his eyes have detached. You can actually see, if you like really look at his pupils, some of them are trying to

push their way out of the front of his eyes. He has too many. So, Cody telling us what the colors are. That one is probably right. But not all of them. Probably not all right. It's going to be also a lot of brown. Casey Affleck.

I'll also predict that Casey Affleck he's kind of in trouble now because it's 2017. But 2018, I'll bet everyone will have basically forgotten about it. It'll just be all over, yeah. Because he just won't do a big movie really. Yes. He'll just be sort of drowned.

Totally untouched by what he did. So yeah, there'll probably be the whole rainbow of colors there. I want to agree with you. What's a ragosling? Well, yeah, just do it. Gosw rainbow of colors there. I want to agree with you. What's up, Ryan Gosling? Well, yeah, just do it. You want to know what Goswar is going to wear? Yeah. I predict that he'll wear some denim jackets.

Okay, yeah. And he's from Canada, and I feel like he'll have the old Canadian tuxedo on, baby. Denim on denim. Yeah. And that's just why we call him Ryan, baby goose. Yeah, I feel like if we're going to guess, we should probably guess what someone said in their speech. No, Cody, I just want to make sure.

I'm looking at the picture you were looking at with the denim jacket. And there's a Comic-Con background behind that picture. I just want to make sure this is from the Golden Globes. Are the Golden Globes at Comic-Con this year? I just want to make sure. Because I know they've been talking about doing that. See, can we talk about this for a minute? Comic-Con used to be for us.

Yes. Okay? It was about comics, counterculture, nerds, and it's become another arm of the marketing machine. Speaking of octopus. Yes. Freaking, yeah, there's no bigger octopus than the corporate marketing machine that has taken...

Sorry. Yeah, excuse me. It looks like I like you Kevin but the thing I have to say is it used to be for guys like us and now it's just another way to do more commercials for all your

big giant blockbuster releases cookie cutter movies I used to go there to see Spiderman Superman and Morpheus. Thank you, yes. Now that I'm there, I'm going to see the Cottonelle laundry detergent bear. Hello. As a corporation.

Yeah. Sorry, cuddlers. That pass is no good. This is for the real OGs only. The true comic heads like me. I'm there to see frigging Wolverine, Spider-Man, and frigging Neo. And maybe one of the droids from Prometheus or something. You know, can I just see that, please?

And none of this all of a sudden it's the frigging Tide Pods. Is this episode going to go viral because of your, like, hot Comic-Con take? Can we talk about this for a second, though? Comic-Con used to be for us. Yeah, so, like, it did. Yeah. So, like, it's a good way to get the message out there as it's going viral. I punted a BB-8 like a soccer ball last year.

Can you turn the music up? Is there like a sadder music? You spelled music M-Y-S-U-C. Hey guys, Chef Kettering here. You know, Comic-Con used to be for us. Now it's not. You know, you used to see your pals like Spider-Man, Superman, and someone else in Matrix. Trinity, Trinity, Trinity.

Trinity, Trinity. Trinity. Trinity. Tank. Tau. Dozer. Dozer. Dozer. You used to see the whole cast of The Matrix. Mr. Smith.

Mr. Smith. Mr. Smith. The Keymaker. The Keymaker. The Merovingian. The Merovingian. The Oracle. The Oracle.

The robot. The robots. And all the robots. Those white Rasta ghosts. Used to see almost everyone you could imagine. Joey Pants. Joey Pants. Scion. Scion.

And others. But you don't get to do that anymore. You just trip over a bunch of BB-8s like you're at a kid's soccer match. You just trip over a bunch of BB-8s like you're at a kid's soccer match and a bunch of, like, you know, Target ads. There we go. Maybe we just cut off after the Matrix run. There's sort of a chicken or the egg thing here where because he punted BB-8 like a soccer ball, and that's the way he chose to say it, that then when he's complaining, he says,

you trip over BB-8s like you're at a kid's soccer match. Yeah, it's confusing. So now it's like, are BB-8s at kid's soccer matches? Are you treating a BB-8 like a soccer ball? This is the second one. I was punting those BB-8s. And BB-8's actually a personal friend of mine and a fine actor. And we like BB-8. You guys know so much about The Matrix. It was awesome. I actually am. And BB-8's actually a personal friend of mine and a fine actor. Yeah.

You guys know so much about The Matrix. It was awesome. I actually am. I'm actually friends with BB-8. He's been a guest on the show. Thank you. Well, I just think Oprah might do something at the Golden Globes. That's crazy.

Okay. I'm just thinking that. Yeah. Oh, you know what would be really good, Sean? As if you are giving her the idea in this episode. that. Yeah. Oh, you know what would be really good, Sean? Is if you are like giving her the idea in this episode. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I hear they're giving Oprah some award.

Okay, yeah. What's that going to be? I don't know, but I think she should probably take that as an opportunity to insult Donald Trump. Okay. And run for office. Because what I've heard is that she's not going to. Yeah. So maybe you, what if you, like've heard is that she's not going to. Yeah. So maybe you,

what if you, like, you should call her and tell her to do this. Why don't you call Oprah right now? Yeah. And then just go ahead

and we'll, you know, we'll cut this out of the show probably because it's just a one side of a phone call. But go ahead and tell her if you have any ideas

about the speech. All right. I'll call. Okay, let me take out my phone. I need dialing. I'm dialing. You don't have to do the hand thing.

Oh, I didn't have to do that. Okay, sorry. You can, but. Sorry. All right, it's ringing. It helps me, actually. Wait, yeah, Cody, make it ring. And it's ringing.

And Cody's going to make it ring. Make it ring. Make it ring, bitch. Yeah, that's great. make it rhyme, bitch. Yeah, that's great. Oh, it's ringing. Okay.

Hey. Sean, she has to pick up first. Oh, sorry, sorry. Is it ringing? Yeah, it's ringing. Oh, hey, Oprah. Cut the ringing, cut the ringing. Yeah, hey, I'm with the boys right now.

Yeah, Sean and Hayes. Yeah, we're calling him Bane right now. Yeah, he was born in the shadows. That's funny. In the dark. In the dark. Sorry. Sorry, Oprah. It's born in the dark.

So listen, hey, I was just thinking, I know you weren't going to do, like, in your speech, like, run for president or whatever, but... No, I don't want to run for president. Yeah. Stedman. No. But I think maybe you should consider it. Just, like, if you give a good enough speech, maybe, like, test the waters.

That is very interesting. You're right. Bye. Okay. All right. Bye. Okay. All right. Bye, Oprah. Wow, that was... Nice.

So, yeah. That was a nice moment. Yeah. Do a hanging up sound. Wait, what was that? What? What's dramatic sound? What's your plan?

Play it. I was... Okay. Yeah, play it when we say. What? What's dramatic sound? What's your plan? Play it. I was, okay. Yeah, play it when we say. What were you going to use this for, Cody? I think you know. Stop it. Not even very dramatic. Okay, so we did a lot of the clothes. Yeah even very dramatic.

Okay, so we did a lot of the clothes. Yeah. We did... We did the Oprah. We did the actors. We did the Oprah thing. We did the actors. That's pretty viral. Yeah, this feels like it's going viral.

Do we do one last award, and then we'll just hit them with the bye? Yes, we need to do one more. Yeah, one more award. Maybe best film, drama? That's good. Okay. That's good. Yeah. All right. The Maybe best film, drama? That's good. That's good. Yeah.

All right. The Academy, or sorry. The Globe for... You should play your dramatic music as you're saying these things. Is that even music? No. What is that? Okay.

And the Globe for dramatic picture movie. And the globe for dramatic picture movie. The nominees are Gladiator, Billy Elliot, Aaron Brockovich, Traffic, and Wonder Boys. Okay, well, I think it's going to be Wonder Boys. Yeah, it's probably Wonder Boys. I definitely remember. We didn't even have to ask about that one. It was Wonder Boys. Yeah, Wonder Boys. It will be Wonder Boys. Yeah, it's probably Wonder Boys. I definitely remember. We didn't even have to ask about that one. It was Wonder Boys.

Wonder Boys. It will be Wonder Boys. Yeah, it's going to be. In the future. And is there any products you want, Sean, just for like once it goes viral? We can probably get some free boxes of products. I like LegalZoom. Oh, you get some free legal free paperwork

I want to do some paperwork divorce yeah I want to get a divorce I love that show what is it wonder boys the winner was gladiator shut the fuck up it's not what we thought it was

it's not that it's something else And this is a sabotage moment from Cody And that's what the dramatic music was going to work That's what it was He was going to put that under So we couldn't hear So only Cody could hear

The music that was for his plan Unbelievable And nice try And when we're viral we'll remember this Bye Unbelievable, and nice try, and when we're viral, we'll remember this. Bye. Bye.