Hollywood Handbook - Sherry Cola, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: May 18, 2021

The Boys welcome SHERRY COLA to the show to pitch her next big project. Subscribe on Patreon and watch the full video recording of this episode here. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. So it's 2003. Of course. I'm playing a very dirty PS2. I can admit that. Of course you are. It's gotten very, very dusty and dirty. I'm going to clean my PS2.

Clean your PS2. How often? Because it gets dirty every time you use it. And I'm like, it's supposed to be like that, but it's obviously supposed to be clean. Almost everything. Nothing is supposed to be dirty. It's very rare that something's supposed to be dirty.

Maybe a grill. Yeah, and like these pans. Oh, I love my dirty pans. when i season my pan and it's just filthy yes it's so grimy and nasty she's like cleaning all this filth off your pan i'm like no it's supposed to be in your face it's supposed to look like this that's why the ribs taste like filth and so i'm playing mystic river the the game, multiplayer mode. Uh-huh. Yep. Which part are you at?

Yeah. Oh, go ahead. I'm at the part where Jimmy is trying to get Sean to see if that's his daughter in there. The let him see is that his daughter in there. Are they trying to stop him from seeing? Jimmy is trying to get Sean to let him see if that's his daughter let him see yes yes no yes sorry i was i was switching jimmy and sean but this is the thing with multiplayer in that game so like player one is jimmy my son is like hey let me jimmy

and so he gets to be jimmy i am player two which in that game is the guy a guy that owns a hockey store i don't know if he's at the movie at all right they just walk by it maybe and he's like is that he's yelling so you're both trying to like get the cops to let go of you to see if katie is in there yeah but the hockey store guy is yelling there but he's yelling is that my customer in there okay he's really upset like the hockey the hockey store store guy and can you see him no well it's my pov so i can't see it like but i can hear i'm yelling is that my customer in there and i can see kind of from my son's person you know the screen is like split in half and so sometimes he'll be like looking towards my character uh-huh and i can see the guy he's like

he's like clearly italian almost like a mario brothers level italian guy i just like it's so and i understand i don't know who to pitch for like the character that should have been player two in that game it obviously can't be dave no can't be i mean it could be the the harris boys one of the harris boys yeah it could be the river i guess it could have been the river but we're going forever and we haven't talked to our guest and we really need her to weigh in that long it's well sherry you tell me did it feel long it only because y'all were speaking a foreign language have you not seen mystic river so we actually were were speaking very normally we were speaking english if you could just summarize the story that would be so great and then we can get and then we'll know this is actually like our sound check kind of

thing basically we're like yeah coming through yeah yes we just got to make sure all the levels are okay i think what's happening is the classic you know question of what came first the mystic or the river right okay okay pretty obviously the mystic comes for the it's mystic and then river chronologically but you know emotionally okay i think it's up to interpretation. Okay. So your son is playing this game with you. Yeah, that's proving that you didn't. I was kind of lost. I was kind of lost during the story. Did you never play the Mystic River game?

You only saw the movie? No, is that like Oregon Trail? You only watched the movie? Is it like Oregon Trail? There's tragedy. There's loss. there's redemption that's very key points to every movie there's like geographic knowledge right yeah sure there's places there's history so you were playing it it's it's not a video game it is it is a video game. It is. It is a video game. It is a video game. The whole story is about how it is.

Who's player one and who's player two. You never told me. All that stuff only works a video game with my son. You never told me I was going to have to recap the story. No, but that's like our sound check, like we said, where we just kind of see like, oh, you know, are Sherry's headphones working? Like, so we just kind of check in and have people

recap the story let's just say my headphones were not working um and i was looking for the left one the entire time during can we see your headphones i only uh your airpods hello hello one um hello two hello one hello two so i found them and i'm checked in now uh i know that hayes has a son hello too and he he he is uh he's a brat i have a mean son and you were uh playing with a super mario looking guy he's a game my son is a gamer now an adult game formerly a child gamer now an adult gamer and still very mean yeah sherry sherry television sherry right television sherry many screens zoom screens really are you doing one of these um let's talk about uh good trouble transitioning to zoom table reads are via Zoom. So this is, okay, it's Good Trouble? Good Trouble, G-O-O-D.

Okay, sorry. Okay, my notes, yeah, my notes were, okay. What would yours say? Groot Trouble? Groot, well, that's the crossover with Guardians of the Galaxy. Okay, so that is happening. We're still pitching it, actually.

There's conversations about it, but nothing's locked in. Okay, great. Well, I'd love to be a part of that. When they do staff up, I have some ideas for some Groot stuff. What ideas? What ideas? What ideas?

I want to hear them now so I can get ready. Groot's really sleepy. Groot's tired. Groot's hungry is the number one. Yeah, okay. That's the number one. That's the focus. That's the angle we're going, is Groot's hungry is the number one. Yeah. Right. Yeah. That's the number one. That's the focus.

That's the angle we're going. Is Groot's hungry. And we're just thinking, you know. Are they mutually exclusive, though? I mean, could he be tired and hungry? He could because he's layered. And we're all about the intersectionalities of representation. And Groot could be hungry and tired and very, very mad at the same time.

Yeah. Hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Halt. Hey. We got to do something about this. We're hungry, angry, lonely, and tired. We're Groot. Those are the four quadrants of survival.

That's television viewing. Yeah, that's television viewing. But yeah, good trouble. It's happening. We're about to wrap season three next week. Are you pissed or are you happy? It's well, that's such an interesting

I haven't thought about that yet. Are they pissed at you? Are they pissed at you or are you pissed at them? I actually haven't even thought about it. I guess happy because You haven't even thought about whether or not anyone's pissed at you? I'm guessing they're probably pissed at you listen i'm taking it probably pissed at you

a lot of people have not returned my calls uh i wonder if that's why they're you said that they're wrapping it up because of me they can't to me that's not a that's not an amazing sign yeah you know right sure i think i think everyone's mad at me um so i do wake up a little paranoid every morning because i'm i'm you know i'm i think i'm on the nice i'm on the nice are people like talking to you or not really they're not even looking at me at this point people are just not engaging with you at all on set eye contact is scarce they have covid masks you know on the mouth but they're also wearing blindfolds because they don't want contact with me at at all oh that's dangerous set points points coming through right exactly

exactly it's very dangerous uh but it's very it's very good and it's very trouble and we the cameraman has a blindfold we kind of wing it we all just wing it you know on the set and we've had 50 episodes so far, which is incredible. That's too much. I'm not going to watch all of them. Well, and they're all four hours long.

So it's four hours. That's too long. 50 episodes. That's 200 and two. Wow. I can't do that. 200. Is that 200 hours?

That easy. Well, easy binge. You that 200 hours? Easy binge. Easy binge. You said four hours times 50 episodes? Yeah, that's 200. Is that 200 hours? It's an easy binge. That's 200.

It's an easy binge. That's too long for me. Oh. Well, just watch the first and the last episode. How about that, Hayes? The first and the last episode. The sandwich. The sandwich method. Oh oh that's an interesting idea

so you can be in the conversation you can be in the loop when your friends are talking about it oh you know and i'll be like talking to my friends to be like yeah it was crazy how everyone got very old right right right i'll say i was disappointed by the finale yeah no what you say is i didn't expect that in the finale and it'll be true it'll be true but i know i am happy because it's such a beautiful uh glorious i want to talk about okay fine yeah well what about it because that's real claws claws not in the sense of crane machines claws not in the sense of lobster but claws in the sense of nails fingernails when you're on set at the beginning of the day the claw safety guy walks in and is saying like okay everyone we are

dealing with these are not actually these claws like are not equipped to hurt you but it is very important that we maintain discipline around these claws because they are we we do have a set of rules that we need to follow with this item watch as here i am turning the safety on on the claws. It will remain in this position. Like, you have to, like, get the whole lecture on how the claws. Yeah, because, you know, just like an intimacy coach on set, for example. You know, the claws. Intimacy coach on set.

Wow. If you feel a claw on you. Yes. It's okay. Yeah, right. As long as you feel safe feel safe you know you have to speak up if you you feel like there's one too many claws creeping up you know yeah and the director has to get creative sometimes right just a claw stroking a puppet's cheek or something yeah and sometimes the puppet you do it in close-up the puppet uh is sometimes with claws you know the puppet claws as well wow clawed up puppets and and and clawless puppets so it all

depends depends on the day um and there's also a ventriloquist situation as well those kind of puppets so that's when the claws get it gets really dangerous you know because it goes up there and because the yeah that ventriloquist puppet is then able to tell all the other puppets to scratch exactly so it's kind of like you know it really everyone is symbolic in the puppeteering of it all like everyone's controlled by one one puppet and nisi is commandeering all of these is coming what is commandeering she's commandeering these uh the these puppets you know i actually don't know what that word means it's um let's unpack it hang on yeah let's break it down commandeering command we see command at the beginning and then earring

command at the beginning and then earring okay so it's it's a tiny little little dangly thing on your lobe that tells you what to do it's a gauge in this case of course nisi nash famously has very large gauges plugs uh in her uh in her earlobe because she was uh she went through that punk rock phase yes what people don't know about her actually like a lot of people don't know that nisi toured with blink 182 oh nisi was very punk and doesn't get more punk than blink blink is the rawest expression of punk in history i I think Blink-182 was too raw. They were dangerous. It was scary. My parents wouldn't let me listen to them because they were

afraid I would beat them up. They were afraid I would turn mean like Hayes' son. If I heard Blink. It made everyone want to run in the streets naked. And that is very dangerous. That is very dangerous because when you're a man

running on the streets naked, that is very dangerous. That is very dangerous because when you're a man running on the streets naked, that is a weapon. That actually is a weapon. That's a weapon. So they were armed on the streets, these three white men. That's right. No, they would never shoot that video now and it's a good thing they wouldn't.

Only because of COVID. Yeah, because of COVID. Yeah, because of COVID. No, they would shoot it. And the cameras would be different. The cameras would be different. And the guys aren't friends. The guys aren't even friends anymore. Travis Barker is dating Kourtney Kardashian.

That's what I can offer to this conversation. Yeah, and he just had his official split from his former beau. Oh. Is it who I think it is? Beau Obama. Obama. Yeah.

Beau Obama. Beau Obama. Beau Obama and Travis Barker had a short-lived, I think maybe seven months relationship. Yeah. It was enough. Which in dog months is like... 49 months. Yeah.

49 months. 49 months. Yeah. 49 months. 49 months. Especially with like what they went through, you know, and. Felt like 40 felt like 49 and a half months to Travis. I'll be honest. Yeah. It was pushing 50. It really was.

And for us to. I wouldn't say that. I'm sorry. Sorry. I have to defend. I have to defend Bo a little bit here. He's obviously not here. I wouldn't say that i i'm sorry sorry i have to defend i have to defend bo a little bit here he's obviously not here i wouldn't say that that it was that that it was 50. well the thing is bo had his his side of the story as well you know what's that cup there's

always there's always two sides no there's always three sides around what's that cup just like this cup there's always actually four sides to a story okay that's not for that the the truth the lie right the the interpretation and the open-ended what's in those are the four sides to every story it's water it's it's your tears that's not for that that cup is too that cup is for food yeah that cup is for a pickle pickle hey that's for a pickle that's for pickle or for jelly that is what people say to me often when i when i drink this and i feel really attacked i do and i feel shame i go to sleep every night feeling shame because i drink water you made a mistake Water out of a flower vase. That's a trick.

That's not for that. Here's the thing. I'm being very, very modest and reserved right now. Disagree. Usually I would put my whole mouth around it. Around that cup? Around the entire cup? Mm-hmm.

It's too big. And no hands? 22-inch rim. Yeah, I just drink water out of a mason jar like a blowjob shot. I do that when no one's watching. Wow. Oh, no. That is modest of you to not do that.

Yeah, I didn't want to put you through it. Because there's stretching, there's bleeding. But I need to do it to prove to myself um that i i can do anything you know sherry new projects your star is shooting into the sky soaring into space the planet's gonna hurt somebody listen don't blink because you might miss it okay but the show you're on everyone's pissed at you. It's going really bad. They're wrapping it up.

Everyone's pissed. No one will talk to you. They're blindfolded. It's dangerous as hell. It's a cliffhanger on and off screen. People will look at you, and they told you they're wrapping it up, which that's very bad. Then they shouldn't have told you that.

I read an email. Because now you have an opportunity. Because now you get to talk to us and we can actually launch you. Launch me. Yeah, onto your next safe landing spot. I want to hear it. I want to hear it.

And we're doing pitch. We did this before. We were pitching shows on a very early episode. This is the only second time we ever did this, Sherry. Yeah. I just want you to understand this.

You got number two. What's happening right now we ever did this sherry yeah i just want you to understand this what number two what this what's happening right now we did this before and our guest name was ellie kemper and she was between shows and she was between shows as well sure sure you know she and i have a lot in common we really do talk about this yeah hit me dig deep into this i think um ellie and sherry both of us have both of us have a first and last name same number of syllables syllables it's all about syllables at the end of the day you know ellie is very kind of traditional which is why we we often get you know mistaken for each other on the red carpets. We do. Kevin Bartit.

And she also has a red carpet. She has her own red carpet. Yes. Right. She has her own red carpet. But she's zipping around and it's got like four wheels underneath. It is underneath. It is underneath. It is a red carpet underneath.

Yeah. The red carpet is definitely underneath. But yeah, you know, she's also a ray of light. And I think I'm the same. So she and I should definitely be on this project together. Is this Tiffany Haddish boyfriend? Because I'm seeing it. This is common.

That's common. Not to get confused with common deer. See, and we're learning. Isn't that cool? Do you ever really learn when you go on a show? Yeah. I'm learning so much from you two. We know what the word is, but we also know what it's not.

Right. We learned that. I didn't expect today to be SAT prep but here i am getting a bogo deal it's very exciting yeah we look at these words you know and we break them down into pieces and we go what are we really dealing with right man earring common d ring common deer ring uh and it's just very uh cherry's next show it's time sure you've done stand-up mode in the past correct i'm a stand-up honey stand-up you play a stand-up in the show i do you know honey judge listening judd runs in who's feeding you that info i'm in sorry i'm getting Judd's patching in my headphones.

Judd's in. Apatow or Ashley Judd? Judd Nelson. Sorry. Got it. Got it. Yeah. Sorry.

Not Judd Apatow. It's Sherry. She's doing stand-up. Her name's Sherry. It's about stand-ups. It's about the world of stand-ups. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Sherry has a bad breakup. sherry's out of the house she's just kind of starting her career she's on her own and she's has to go to all these other comedians different comedian every episode to ask if she can use their sink right and i it's called sinking it's called sinking there's been so many versions of this but not quite like no there hasn't no no no there has been you know like comedians you know there's been some inside comedy stuff but nobody's really gotten it right and part of it is we just wholesale ignore the idea that you need a sink to wash your clothes right and and considering the drought really in in california i think this is not only gonna shine a light on you know the the hustle and grind of the industry but also climate change sharing a sink hey can we actually

just like everyone share the sink today right exactly i mean we all get in there today the the sink becomes the stage in the show you know it's like we have what comedians and cars getting coffee we have comedians in sinks washing clothes and i think that is what the industry needs there's really a gap in the market. And I'm running with this. I kind of like this. So who's attached? Think about, well, I think we can get Jeff Garland's sink.

Okay, we can get his sink. Well, are there any, you know, plan B if he doesn't accept the straight offer? So like, it's just Jeff Garland's sink. You're having a party in his house. And then're like, oh, no, like Jeff Garland came home. We can't see. We don't have Jeff. So like you can't see him.

But everyone's like looking in a way that like, OK, Jeff is obviously here. Yeah, they're scared. The sink is on. All you can hear is like the sink running is this like party is happening. Right. And we're wasting water. OK, so I think. And we're shooting is happening. Right. And we're wasting water. Okay. So I think... And we're shooting on film.

Right. We're shooting on film. And we only have a budget for 24 hours. We can only shoot the entire series in 24 hours, right? That's how much film we have. We get picked up for three seasons off the bat, which is insane. I mean, never before heard of. It's really stupid. They should not have

done that. But they say you have 24 hours to shoot three seasons. We're shooting in real time. So we have this pressure, right? And Jeff is not there, but we're using his sink. And this whole season. Jeff walked in. Right. But then what happens, Sherry?

You're a comedian, right? You bring levity in this situation. You put your thumb over the sink faucet and water spraying everywhere. Spray everywhere. Party. Exactly. And then people have no choice but to take off their clothes. Right.

Everyone's now naked. Everyone's getting wet. And we get some wild ADR lines of people going, Jeff's OK with it. Look, Jeff's joining the party. Right. Jeff, don't do that with your hands. You know, Jeff, watch where you put your

toes. We have Hayes come in and go, it's my house. He's known to throw his phalanges everywhere. When the sink is that close and that robust, I think we're really telling a deeper narrative here.

When things get out of control, you have to just have fun. And then the camera also breaks, which is great because we are never going to get this done. And so we can just be like, it broke. Oh, the part from the pilot was so good that it broke the camera. I guess we need another one in 24 more hours of film, please. Well, but I think in that case, we don't have the budget because they promised us only so much.

So we would have to start the GoFundMe. It's called breakage. Yes. Crowdfunding time. We would have to start the GoFundMe. Yes, we're six hours into this production. It is time to crowdfund. We have 18 hours left, and we need to raise money to finish the three seasons in 24 hours.

And Jeff is refusing to Venmo us anything, right? He's not putting the dollar in the tip jar to start it. And he won't even have his wet clothes be the gift for funders? He said, I gave you the sink. He said, I gave you the sink. That's all I'm going to do. And so we go public about it. But maybe we can take off the handles.

It's time to take this public. I agree. It is time to shame Jeff publicly. I think we do need to put Jeff on blast. I do want to say one of the awards that you get if you contribute enough to be an executive producer, $2 million, is that we also send you one of Jeff's,

the cold handle from his sink, from his faucet. Yeah, the cold handle. Unbeknownst to him. What's tough about that is now we're going to have to, if we're taking the handles off, they're going to have to come off in the on position because we're going to need the sink. Right.

To not stop flowing. We need constant water flow. Of the two options. So once the handle's off, the sink is either running or not. Or because otherwise we would just have hot water. Yeah, we would have hot water still, Hayes. Everyone would be naked and have burned skin.

We're not giving that one away. We're just having really hot water come out of the fire. If you had to choose the option between hot forever or cold forever, what would you choose? Wow. I think hot forever. Yeah. Especially when we're talking water You have to have the hot.

Because here's the thing. Cold can never become warm, but hot can become cold. Well, in fact, cold can become warm. There are other heating techniques. I've been experimenting with this. Yeah. What did you find in your scientific method?

I found that you were right. Really? Okay. I was talking out of the side of my neck on this one. I just assumed you could heat up cold water. Once it's cold, that stuff is cold. Well, the issue is, I guess you would heat it with fire, but the water puts out the fire.

Right. That's what I'm finding. It's another chicken and the egg. Now you've got two problems. Another chicken and the egg, mystic and the river situation. But I cut you off. You were going to shame Jeff Garland. Imagine the mystic river, but it's really hot.

So we're dragging Jeff Garland's name out in the street. You were going to put his business in the street, and I was thinking maybe that would be the video on the Kickstarter page. So you launch, and it goes like, Hey, we're here to talk to you about a really exciting project. And we wish it was under better circumstances because Jeff Garland. Well, that's when I would talking to,

that's when I would sit Jeff down. I'd be like, you know what? Like this is gonna mean a lot for the water community and the sink movement. And I'm going to force him to read off cue cards that I write, much like a puppet, to bring that back. And he'll have to read it because he'll feel really guilty because he provided the sink and nothing else. And because I'm so charming and a ray of light, just like Ellie Kemper, I think I can

convince him to make this video asking people to donate $1 million. One more callback? You did the puppets. You did Ellie Kemper. Can we do one more? Well, we have the Mystic River. We already did Mystic River. That was from kind of an earlier thing.

So that's when Niecy and Ash will come in as well. Thank you. Okay, so because what do we love about celebrity PSAs when there's two of them? Two that you would never expect to be in a room together. Yeah. That's what people want to see in a PSA. That's what's actually going to get the numbers up. That's what's going to get people donating is when they see two celebrities

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and so that was uh yeah that was costing me a a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot. Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash the boys. That's rocketmoney.com slash the boys. Rocketmoney.com slash the boys. Hollywood handbook. Next show. Sherry, do you sing at all?

I dabble. Yeah. Are you good? Do you sing at all? I dabble. Yeah. Are you good? Do you sing? Are you really good? Do I sing? Wow. Do I sing?

Well, actually, it doesn't matter if you do or not. So this show is called Car Wash Karaoke. So it's very similar to carpool karaoke, but it all takes place inside a very loud drive-through car wash. So the bubbles, the sweepers, the spinners, the wax, the loud fans, the water spraying over you. This is happening throughout the songs. We can't really hear you maybe on the bottom we

would have the lyrics written out or something so people could imagine the song but you also get the effect of being inside a drive-thru car wash now right unfortunately we do have to shoot on weekends and the line is pretty long so it takes a while to get in and then it you're only in for about three minutes and then you do have to get back in line, and it's going to be probably another 14 minutes before you're inside. You can't talk during that time. Right. And you've mentioned this to me before, and I really, really, I'm all for it.

I'm like, my hat is in the fucking bucket. You know that saying? Sweepers, spinners, the bubbles. Right. Right. Wax, spin a saying sweepers spinners the bubbles right yeah right and and what i love about this idea this show is going to be a standout because you know what people don't know is that there's actually no car it's going to be two people walking through a drive walking yeah like a city down position yeah right in the city down position this is this so this is really a fitness

show you know because people will come onto the show with no ass, and then their glutes will be amplified from this. It's really hard to sit and walk like that for 14 minutes. I don't think I've talked to you about this, but I do also think there should be, like, a little post-credit sting where you are applying the vacuum to yourself. A hundred percent. I think so. You know, when you come through and they've got that hooked up for you i think i think because it's so focused on the karaoke aspect i think the last challenge of this show yeah i mean you know no no it's in the title it's just

i think that's kind of cool yeah i think the challenge at the end of the show the last you know big bang is that the guest sings uh a song that makes them cry but i'm vacuuming i'm vacuuming their lips oh yeah yeah you know so it looks like they're crying because they're getting their lips vacuumed and it's very exactly but really what it is it's therapy it's it's it's therapy it's a version of therapy that i think you know needs to be talked about a little more you know let's stop the stigma around mouth vacuum mouth vacuum therapy um mouth vacuum sad song therapy has been written off as one of these new agey, you know, hippie granola crap things. Sure, sure.

It's helped people make some really important breakthroughs. It's like, this is like ayahuasca, okay? It is healing. Yeah, it hurts you, it makes you throw up. But luckily the vacuum is right there. Yeah, emotional medicine, but just less messy. Less messy. Next show.

This one's called Baseball Brown. It's the 80s. And a high-powered executive, Sherry, is fighting for a spot in the C-suite, the big company. Huge firm. But it's this era, no one will take her seriously because she's a woman and because her name is Baseball Brown. Right.

And so it's about this character trying to fight for respect in this male-dominated world and also someone whose name is baseball brown refuses to change it and that like in this where people are just like we cannot have someone with this name lead like being like leading our company. The name is just too bad. Remind me what the company is. It's a firm. It's a firm. And it's a premier firm. It's one of the major firms.

It's a premier firm. Major firms, premier firms where everyone has a title like creative exec and junior assistant. Junior assistant. And executive coordinator. Chief officer. Yep.

Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right. And I think because Base Brown, Base Brown, because Baseball Brown, right? Yes. Our protagonist, our protagonist comes into this world as a female, just this creature that didn't exist back in the what is it? What year was this?

What was this? 80s. They didn't have them. The 80s? Baseball Brown was the very first female to exist. The first woman. To exist in the 80s. And that already is a slap in the face for all these men at the firm. And the presidents of the firm and the presidents of the firm the ceos of the firm the ceo president which is also another title at this firm and they're very freaked

out and honestly in like this unrelatable to us in these times i see a woman and i'm extremely comfortable right but back then these people are like... In fairness, you know, to the CEO executive, like, we're not painting them as monsters. What we're saying is they had not seen this before. This was freaky. I think, you know, because this firm is so, you know, there's the chief junior department.

Chief junior department. Oh, boy, yeah. you know there's the chief junior department chief you know and there and there's the yeah and there's the the varsity um higher-ups department that's what they call the varsity higher-ups yeah and you know baseball brown coming in with such specificity is what terrifies well the name is baseball brown well that's the's the thing. This firm is afraid of baseball Brown is coming in knowing who the fuck she is at a company

that is a little unsure, right? Everyone has a title, but no one has a purpose. And the fact that she is coming in hot as the first woman named baseball Brown. First of all,

baseball wasn't even invented, let alone colors, let alone colors. Let alone colors. So baseball and Brown, foreign language to these firmers. So they're intimidated off the bat. I'm here to see the chief junior mega executive vice financial operations leader in charge of this division.

Of the Alpha Beta Omega team. And so she, ultimately, they figure out, like, this firm doesn't make anything. Nope. And what they decide is they're going to make games. They're going to invent games. Yeah. Right. They're going to invent games.

What game do we invent? So what game do we so what game do they invent i guess they should name it after the woman who earned all their respect baseball brown i was going to say mystic rivers but i i think they definitely name it completely different that is just off the rails no but here's the thing that's what's going to happen in the show baseball brown right they she she finally claims her space at this firm. Finally, they respect her. They kiss her feet.

And then another woman comes in. Uh-oh. Oh, my God. That's complicated. Yeah. Another woman, and her name is Mystic Rivers. And that's the thing. It's very important.

It's very important for us to see both sides. You know, so Mystic Rivers comes in. We have to see both sides of this. We have to see both sides of this. Absolutely. If we only see one side of this. It's a mason jar. I'm pissed, man.

Yeah. Yeah. No, that's not fair. Are you Baseball Brown or Mystic Rivers right now? Me? And emotionally? No, I'm a viewer. I mean, that's what's so exciting for me about.

We always are inhabiting the audience when we're talking about this stuff. I am always, I'm a viewer first. I'm never jaded. I love TV. Oh, it's so good. Oh, TV is so good. I love watching it. Watching TV, just episode after episode is what gets me off.

It really is. And that's why... Blasting off as well. Yes. Blasting off. I mean, that's why I got the waterproof plasma. Because of that reason. It has to be protected from all the blasting off.

I want to be able to watch TV again. 100%. 100%. These are disposable TVs. No, we have to keep them. We wanted to watch TV, not wash TV. Yeah. Right? Yeah. watch tv again a hundred percent a hundred percent these are disposable tvs no we have to keep up we wanted to watch tv not wash tv yeah right yeah yeah yeah and i don't want to wash it yeah and you will you want you can vacuum it but you can't wash it and that's what we learned today vacuuming

in my experience does not work very well no you feel baseball. Baseball Brown and Mystic Rivers then gets a spinoff. Okay? And this is where the money happens. Okay? And this show is actually called Waterproof Plasma. Because... Wow, it's named after the thing that you were just talking about? I think this actually could tie into an idea that I had.

Next show. I do think they could work together and you'll see where i'm going this show can have baseball brown and mystic rivers at you know as two of the leads because the show i'm i'm gonna pitch you is called cone hands remember cone heads well what else could be a cone, right? First of all, the heads totally took me out of it. But what if their hands were cones? And what if really they're just kind of holding them like this?

In that case, then it's more normal. It doesn't like freak me out. I'm not going like, what the fuck? I like don't want to watch this. And my concept is it's a bit of a period piece and i think it could be i guess you're already playing baseball brown so you'll be doing double duty because it's going to be right you uh as the head of the cone hands family along with justin long french stewart and kristin bell and you uh four are dropped into 2003 to save Circuit City. Circuit City can't

go out of business. And wouldn't it be nice if the way they were saved was that they're the only ones that have the waterproof plasmas and everyone who's blasting off on TVs needs to come to the cone hands who couldn't get hired anywhere but baseball brown knows what it's like to be discriminated against for being a little different doesn't she because of her funny name right right and being the first woman so now the first cone hands are working at circuit city and they're and they're in there and they're saying Biden's waterproof plasma and who knows who else is there right? I think for sure Jason Biggs

is there Jason Biggs for sure is there without a doubt so is Neve Campbell sure Seabiscuit Seabiscuit 2003

can we get Whitney Can we get Whitney? Can we get Whitney Cummings? We could get Whitney Cummings, the guest star. We could get her the guest star in the pilot for sure. Her sink is there. So that's the thing. So because Circuit City not only sold TVs, they also sold kitchenware, right?

So that's the whole thing. The drama within, you know, Circuit City. There's the villains, right? There's the villains, and then there's the cone hands. So because Baseball Brown was the very first woman ever, and in the 80s, we cut to 2003, they're the first cone hands ever, you know? So they've been resilient. We just figured out this thing with these new now these new women coming in and now you have to deal with the cone hands yep exactly

the cone hands are like i can't hold my lunch exactly exactly so they have to hold it with their mouths they have to hold it with their mouths and they do that um through and through in order to fight away the uh kitchenware folks the villains through man through and through in order to fight away the kitchenware folks, the villains. Through and through, man. Through and through. And here's the thing. The plot twist of it all is that Kristen Bell the entire time was faking it. Wow.

Wow. Not a cone hand. Not a cone hand. So that happens probably episode seven of season eight. We were duped up until episode seven season eight miss bell turns out to be a normal hand okay and baseball brown is there and so baseball has been invented at this point and baseball brown is kind of like tossing her namesake ball up and down. And then she's like, Hey, me think,

Hey, cone hand. And then she tosses the baseball at cone hand. Exactly. And Kristen Bell is like, crap catches it. Exactly. Just that sound as well.

That sound is what it makes. And everyone in circuit city at this point turns their heads, snaps their necks. Yeah. See what the heck just happened. Yeah, because Jeff Garlin just came in. Oh, sorry. Kevin, just take this piece of dialogue down.

This is just a character piece. I think we're going to want this. What is it about tossing the me ball around that always helps me think? That's a baseball ground line. Got it. Well, her name is baseball. What is it about tossing the me ball around that really makes me sink?

Wow. Okay. Huge. Wow. I do want to get this exactly right because are we saying that, and this I guess kind of makes sense in the early incarnation,

her name is baseball. So the me ball would imply that in the early days of this invention that they have been calling it Baseball Ball. Or that the ball is actually called the Baseball Ball, which honestly is what it should be called. Absolutely. So this is, and I didn't mention this to y'all. Football ball. Yeah. Right.

And I know this is very based on a tender true story. And I didn't actually like fill you guys in on the realness of the situation. In the 1980s, when Baseball Brown was the first woman in this firm, this very misogynistic, sexist firm, they in the first few days that she was working there, they would toss her around like a baseball. They would hold Baseball Brown and just toss her around. Very scared. Toss her around. So that's why when later on baseball was invented it was called baseball for that i don't want to demonize these guys they

hadn't met a woman before and so you know it was complex what they were dealing with like uh i don't know i think we've all seen something we didn't know what it was and just started throwing it around right i mean i did that the first time I saw a sink. You threw the sink. Threw the sink. I ripped it out of the wall. Wow. And I thought, let's go play catch.

That's scary. I'm very strong. So this is a show. This is called Candle Show. Oh, that sounds good. So this is like, hopefully we can do like some new technology this would require like some inventing but you light a candle and then the show starts and the candle is like showing the light is like making the show yeah the flame is the show or the or the flame is kind of like and the smoke is kind of

like making a show in it and you can smell the show and you can like kind of sounds like cowboy tv and kind of sounds like cowboy tv but it's not really like cowboy tv cowboy tv is like a it's like another project that i already have going sh Sherry. Right, right, right. And it's for boys. I saw the Deadline article. So this Candle show is just shadows. I just want to say it was a comment. It wasn't an article. It was a comment.

Articles defined by the length. It's a very long comment. But you know that I don't... And it had a headline. It said, By Dominic Patton, but i don't think that was real i don't think it was a tweet it was a tweet it was a tweet um that sean tweeted well i got you get written up a deadline you're gonna tweet it out you know they're gonna tweet it out they always tweet it out i think that's what i've learned they always tweet it out. I think that's what I've learned. They always tweet it out. They can't resist. Every time they write

an article, they cannot resist tweeting it out. Like, hey, look at this. Then they tweet it out. Social media is poison. It's destroying our culture. Deadline is part of the problem. They can't stop tweeting it out.

When in doubt, tweet it out. The characters can smell the show too, is what I'm thinking. So what scents are we smelling? I mean, it has to be like all different. Should be different for different people. Yeah. But I think, you know, know like what's a show we're talking

outlandish like experience-based interactive candle show right like we want a scratch and sniff for the audience we want peppermint parmesan it smells coming through coming through peppermint parmesan coming through that through coming through peppermint parmesan coming through that waterproof plasma like that's the that's the thing about these new tvs you can also smell what you're watching okay oh so the candle is like part of the tea the candle is like coming out of the tv right so that's another good reason to make it waterproof right every person who who buys this tv will receive a candle so the candle essentially is like a fire stick remote you know fire stick what i like about this is being gathered around fire telling stories you know or watching stories feels a little scary and i do think that horror movies

are huge but that the horror tv industry is totally underserved and that we i you know personally i'm a horror fanatic i scream all day long long. The second we get off this Zoom, I'm going to start screaming. I was screaming right up until we got on. And I love to shriek and scream, and it's the only time I really feel truly alive. So could we somehow make sure that the Candle stories are scary? And one idea I had for just a scary story it's called the breading and it is a chilling john krasinski turning all the news acres into bread to sort of sway a presidential election and how and how are we going to stop him and it could be you i think trying to stop him you don't

like it and basically everyone from the movie The Descendants except for Clooney. Clooney was in that? Not anymore. Because we're getting a reunion together with all the people that actually moved the needle. Shailene, Bo, Bridges, not Obama. Yeah, Lillard's there. We get the whole crew hubel snapback stevens snapback stevens is there yeah that's the name of for people who don't know

there are two there's shailene woodley and then her little sister and of course that actress's name is snapback stevens yeah yeah she doesn't get that much shine she doesn't but that's we have to raise awareness around snapback stevens um i like i like the idea of uh turning people into bread you know i think just if people are a threat if news anchors are talking that shit and it's incorrect they're not getting their facts right they're one way or the other but but i think what makes it scary is that these are the news anchors that are getting their facts right they're one way or the other but um but i think what makes it scary is that these are the news anchors that are getting their facts right she likes it she's saying she likes it you're being like do you do you want me to star in this or not do you want me to star in this show or not show do you want me to start in the show or not sean yeah yes all

right then then then christine divine is turning into a goddamn sourdough, okay? Sorry, yeah. Say sorry again. Sorry. Do you want to turn into bread? Do you want me to turn you into bread? Sorry, thank you. No. If you were a bread, what would you be?

You do want that. This is a show. That's what I'm most scared of. That's why I came up with the idea of making a really scary show where they turn it into bread. And it helps them steal the election. Yeah. Okay. I need you to talk a little quieter. Okay.

So what kind of bread would I be? Or do you still want me to answer that? No. Do you tell me what bread I am? Or do I have to decide? I'm going to tell you what bread you are And then you're going to talk as if you are that bread You have to be that bread for the rest of the year

Okay Because you're such a fucking crybaby right now Because you're such a fucking crybaby right now I think you're a fucking pancake That's the bread that you are You're a little fucking baby pancake Not even the big ones The tiny ones at McDonald's The tiny ones I think you're a fucking pancake. That's the bread that you are. You're a little fucking baby pancake. Not even the big ones.

The tiny ones at McDonald's. The tiny ones where you dip them in the syrup at McDonald's. Because you're the mini ones at McDonald's and you have to dip yourself in syrup. Oh, no. Yeah. Please change me back, Sherry. You have no. Yeah. Please change me back, Sherry. You have to earn it. I don't want to be a little pancake anymore. I want to be a boy again. What are

the three magic words? The three of them? There's three? What are the three magic phrases sorry please thank you okay fine fine you got one of them you got one of them all right you're back to human you're back to human with a normal voice but don't you ever let that happen again don't you ever talk back to me ever again okay yeah sherry you have to go now you're done so so we're gonna green light all of them green light all of them we are green lighting these yes uh what where can we find you and how sherry cola on instagram look me up and and and swipe it swipe

it swipe it right baby on you could do that out there yeah now tinder and instagram have collabed okay yeah i think it just brings me to like my profile or it asked me if i want to make a post what i'm just swiping on it right now and that's like not happening you don't have the new version maybe i gotta update no do i need to update this version i pay for this is the this is the instagram that's instagram that's not free not free instagram it took me to my messages what is the first message you have? Who's messaging you, John? What's in the messages?

My own wife. Is she telling you to be a pancake? Yeah. Bye. All right. We're all going to be rich and famous. We already are. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Hollywood Handbook. This week on the Patreon, Carl and Ahsan discuss rec league sports, the boys are catching up with the doughboys,

and the Flager ones are mostly talking all things basketball. Check out these bonus podcasts and videos of the full episodes, including today's with Sherry Cola at patreon.com slash theflagr1s.