Hollywood Handbook - Sona Movsesian, Our Freak Show Friday Friend

Episode Date: November 3, 2020

SONA MOVSESIAN returns to fully chill on Freak Show Friday. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Oh my god. The moment I saw you two, I was like, why am I doing this again? And I mean that in the nicest way possible. So I'm painting a big mural, and it's got all the sea creatures, and it's got the octopod,

and it's got the the sea creatures and it's got the octopod and it's got the um uh beautiful majestic squid and the jellied fish and i'm painting it with these friends i have who love to make art and a guy comes he's like a principal or something, and he's saying, no, don't paint there. That's where we put the math equations for the geniuses to solve. And I'm going like, well, maybe this is actually the answer to all the math problems you have is just look at some of this gorgeous coral and all that. And he's going, no, I disagree. You know, I don't feel like that is related at all to what I was saying.

And I'm saying, well, do you not agree that, you know, the laws of geometry and physics somehow converge to make these coral structures, right? And he's going, he's going like... Sorry. Go ahead. Do you have an issue with the story? I just thought it was like the principal that I was talking to.

Not at all. I had a similar response to the principal's actions. No. Yeah. Yeah. That I'm so sick of people being so close minded. Like this principal was. Yeah.

I hate close mindedness. Doesn't that make you just steamed as hell, Sona? Close-mindedness? Yes. Close-mindedness is just one of the all-time steamers. It steams me. You disagree about what? Nothing.

Something's got you worked up. It was when you guys started talking that i was like oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah here we go oh yeah oh yeah oh that's right i feel it too man when hayes starts talking i, something clicks inside my brain because I'll be honest. It's not going great for me. It's been a shit week. And I'm thinking, oh God, now I got to record. Am I going to even have the juice? And I hear the Hayes man and I go, oh yeah. Just like you said. So, oh, yeah, just like you said. Yeah, this has been exactly what I meant. One of the worst weeks of my life. Wow, guys, I'm so glad I'm here. And I'm looking downhill. There's no end in sight. Nothing positive on the horizon.

It is the worst week of my life. And it is I'm obviously at the precipice. It is the worst week of my life, and I'm obviously at the precipice, and all I can see ahead of me is how much worse it's going to get from here. But just when the darkness is basically rising up to take me, the Zoom comes on, and I see Sean, and I say, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Kool-Aid man, right? Oh, yeah. Kool--aid man right oh yeah kool-aid man remember oh yeah from family guy oh yeah hey that's my wall family guy says don't break my wall so that's how we're feeling um and it's it's awesome it's awesome to have you here for the one oh yeah moment of the week yeah i just i don't think there's a better way to introduce a guest and welcome a guest than talking about how shitty your weeks have been so you ever see worst week

you remember the show worst week do you remember that show yeah i do but thank you so much for creating such a beautiful fun jovial environment for us to record this podcast. Thanks, guys. It's really nice to be here. You made a noise that we had to account for in some way. So people didn't think it was in their car. So people didn't think that it was something behind them in the seat crouched down. And so they have to take very slowly, grab their sword.

That's just beneath the steering wheel. Oh, God. Who keeps a sword beneath the steering wheel? Safe drive. Where do you keep it? Safe drive. Nobody outranks health and safety, Sona. I'll tell you that.

Safe driver save 40%. I can't. Boom. You take the sword and you very slowly unfurl it. Unfurl it? It has to be furled to fit under the steering wheel. It's a curly sword. It's like a slap bracelet.

Well, it's more like a stab bracelet the way I use it. If there's somebody in my back seat i don't know about and so then you have to inch over to the side of your seat and then you plunge it through the seat into flying the car intruder yeah your seat's full of fur your first seats Your fur seats explode everywhere. What? Okay, vacuum. Cue the vacuum, right? Let's introduce Sona. Oh. Hello.

Sona. Hi. You need, she, the woman who needs no introduction. Sona. I most certainly do. You did the show before. Yes. You are

a rising star in the podcast community from Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. And you're the one that was his friend all along. I don't want to spoil how it ends, but that is how it ends. He realizes his friend has been right underneath his nose this

whole time. Right right that's the twist that's like a it's like a shimelon shimelon movie it is well it's like a lot it's and it's like a lot of you know these romantic comedies right where they all have a twist well and the friendship comedy though where you say oh i'm chasing this one you know uh heartthrob right this idealized person and my best friend is supporting me the whole way and wait a second maybe this best friend i have so much in common with is actually the person that i should have been talking to and being friends with i i love a good shitty romantic comedy it's funny you brought that up because i watched i hope you guys aren't did i mean i always like i'm nervous about talking about shitty movies but i it's i watched it but

you guys didn't like know anybody who worked on holiday did you how did this get made talk about holiday who's how are we how did we make this right you brought up shitty romantic comedies and i've seen all the shitty ones in on netflix uh emma roberts okay and don't know her personally but her her aunt is who's her aunt her aunt uh julia okay. Actually rather successful actor. Yeah, I do know her a little bit. She is actually the star of some of my DVDs.

Yeah, so she's in it and then some other Australian guy I didn't know. Seen her get coffee. Does she do that in the film? Because that's Art imitates life if she's drinking coffee. She does get coffee. She does actually do that in the film because that's our that's art imitates life if she's drinking coffee she does get coffee she does actually do that that's amazing and just possibly studying for the role yes what i probably saw was some research did it feel natural in the film it felt really natural i it felt like she put a lot of work into figuring out what it was like to go buy coffee.

Sean told me that when he saw her, she was holding the cup, the paper cup with the coffee in it on her hand like her hand was a tray. She's holding it up like head high. She's like, coming through, coming through. It looks really dangerous. She had her like, it was palm up? Palm up. Hand is like very flat like a tray. And she's balancing the cup.

And she's like navigating down the street. And she's like almost spilling. And she is spilling a lot. And fingers out away from the body so that if it does spill, it's going to tip right onto her head. Oh, okay. And the whole street was nervous. The whole street was nervous the whole street was nervous the entire street of people

okay but pay it off I guess Holland holiday holiday it's a holiday but it's a date you get a different date for each holiday installment in the Holland franchise

right Holland 1 through 7, all pretty good. And now Holid 8 has arrived. Yeah. And what was our friend Holid up to this time? Yeah. This mischievous Norseman. The Holid.

Not as good as Holid 4, but Holid 8 is pretty solid. Yeah. Hey, it's good to see you guys again. Sona. Oh my gosh, Sona. Thank you., it's good to see you guys again. Sona. Oh my gosh, Sona. Thank you. I've been waiting to hear something like this.

I know. I was deciding whether or not I should say it because I'm not sure if I fully mean it, but seeing you guys, I do really mean it. It is really nice to see you too. It rocks. It is. It's nice to see you too.

This rocks. Oh yeah. I'm terrified of where this is headed. I'm really nice to see you too. It rocks. It is. It's nice to see you too. This rocks. Oh yeah. I'm terrified of where this is headed. I'm not going to lie. You're terrified? Yeah. Are you scared to be driving the bus? I'm not driving the bus. You're driving the bus. Sona.

I told you it's Friday. We're both going to chill. It's Freak Showiday and that is the day when the freaks come to chill and that's all we're doing today and you and our question for you is what's up what are we talking about today what's on your mind you already talked about the movie uh but like what's going on with sona and that is what we are talking about today it's the what's up show and we gotta know what is up uh nothing that is the only thing you can't say on Freak Show Friday. Nothing's up, you guys.

No, there has to be something, Sona. You really need to produce right now. You need to come up with something. And then a lot more stuff. We have to do this for the entire show. You have to set the agenda. It is Freak Show friday and we are here to generate an entire episode for us what'd you have for lunch i had mendocino farms today

what we munching on uh-oh what's your mendo order mendo you for me it's usually your mondays i'm a mendo monday guy you went mendo monday on friday, what do you Mendo? I Mendo the Chinese chicken salad. Uh-oh. I might get a superfood salad if I'm going salad there. Hey, superfoods. Uh-oh, yeah. Because it's got some of the most powerful foods to known universe. They're super. Yeah.

And there's crunchers in there, aren't there? Have you had this one? What? And there's little crunchers in the superfood salad. What are they? It's these crunchy elements. They don't tell me, hey, that's above my pay grade. But no, there's some crunchy stuff in there. I think they're supposed to tell you.

I think that it's in the menu. Kevin, I don't see you checking what's in the superfood salad. What's the crunchers? Kevin, you got to check it. We got to see what these crunchies are. People want to know. It's important. So you are

engaging in a sort of fantasy where you are turning your home into an office and you are pretending that by having Mendocino Farms for lunch that you are at an office and that that is... And that there's a big sheet that went around in the morning

for everyone to order. That's what people eat at work. I was just too lazy to make lunch. You ever have the Impossible Burger there? No, I haven't. If there's an option for me to have meat, I'll probably just do meat. Is that bad? No, not at all.

My grandpa was a butcher. You know what else I've gotten there? The chicken sandwich with prosciutto on it. And they have pistachios crunched up on that sandwich. And then like a balsamic glaze. And that's a whole farm at this point. There's the chicken, the bisquito pig. And there's a whole pistachio tree on there.

And that's on bread. That sounds really good. And the bread bush. The harvest. What did you guys do for lunch? This is me producing your podcast. Finally. Yeah.

It was about 14 minutes in, but we got there. Yeah. Thank you. What did you guys do for lunch there? This is such a compelling podcast. It really is. What did you do for lunch? There. This is such a compelling podcast. It really is. What'd you do for lunch? I'll tell you what I did for lunch.

Huh? I was too busy busting ass. Mm-hmm. I was working my ass off. I'll eat lunch when I'm freaking six feet in the grave. I'll eat lunch when I'm dead. When you said you were busting ass i thought it was like a sexual thing no you can do that that absolutely and we

support anyone who makes that choice we are at work during lunch hours so we're you know i i don't usually engage in any busting ass during office hours. Certainly not during the lunch part of the day. But if that's what someone does or if that's their career, we support that. I would never judge something like that. For lunch, I was busting

ass. I was working. I was grinding so damn hard. Smoke coming off of me. But I did have time to grill up a power bar. Oh, God. What? I did, too. Big grill.

Shut up, Kevin. Okay. I had smoothie sandwich. Oh, God. Kevin, do you know what that crunchy stuff was on that salad? You didn't even ask me what was in it. It's called superfood crunchies. Superfood crunchies.

Okay. You didn't ask me what was in my smoothie. Hey, Hayes, what was in your smoothie sandwich? Banana. You didn't ask me what kind of power bar I grilled up. Ask him, but then who was I doing? Yeah. It buys you a little time, actually.

Okay. Hey, Sean, what type of power bar did you grill up for lunch today? Apple. That was worth it. That was definitely worth it. Who says banana? You remember? You were talking about movies earlier as a clue.

You see these guys? Julia Roberts? No, so, Julia Roberts is one of the minions. Hmm. And, am I losing my shit? Laughing, and I'm imagining Julia Roberts.

She's wearing the overalls. What overall? The Minions overalls. She's in with the Minions crew. She's the Minions mom. Am I losing my shit? Yes. Actresses, it does get to a point where

it's a tough business as you get older in Hollywood for actresses it does get to a point where like it's a tough business as you get older in hollywood for actresses uh-huh and so julia roberts becoming one of the minions just a live action minion are we doing this am i laughing does she ever do conan show not since i've worked for him so not in the last 11 years that doesn't even do the tv show i meant the podcast whoa no no she i think well i think also she uh is a letterman person oh there's some celebrities that choose whichever late night show they're gonna go on on and stick to that. And she's a Letterman person. Hard to be a Letterman person now.

Why? He's not on the show. Oh, yeah, but he has his Netflix show. But it's so small. Is it small? Tiny show. Yeah, it's so small, that show. How many guests can you put on a show that small one maybe none no guests yeah i don't know did you is it minion or minion

wait haze you were pronouncing it weird minion minion do you say do you say onion onion yeah minion i'm sorry you're the one pronouncing it minion you were pronouncing it weird yeah it's like a little onion minion minion minion minion i don't like the way you guys are saying it minion yeah sean you said it right that time but you were saying it what was you added extra syllable to say it fucking say it right now well now i'm nervous and i feel like i'm gonna mess it up if i say it i certainly don't want to get in trouble for talking about the minions minions thank you haze haze was shitting all over that pronunciation and it was infuriating me but i'm okay now what's the status of us uh just like the conversations

where they added us getting on conan show does conan ask about us at all not once not ever never ever ever never i seen tim i seen conan in the video uh hanging around with our friend the scam goddess yeah yeah i seen that did we come up we know her no never once mentioned you guys does it upset you every time he does a podcast and it's not yours is that happening he's doing yeah he's been he's he's done quite a few and none of them have been this one so does that upset you why do you think this is the worst week of my entire life uh why do you think that is i just think you've been having a hard time i don't know probably why have i been having a hard time i think uh a lot of things just haven't been working out for you personally i think that you know it's getting something um i think that uh you are a big i don't know fan of i don't know are you a big donald trump fan

are you upset about the polls is that why donald trump is the president so i guess i would be having a pretty good week if i'm a fan of the president things are actually yeah i guess he's the president of the whole entire united states so i guess that would be pretty good for me yeah you got very intense just now so I'm starting to figure out you don't want to bring politics into this I didn't bring up anything it's the only thing

that's going on right now Hayes what a wouldn't why are you having such a tough week please and don't I care really I guess it's now seven eight years into my working relationship with sean and he sort of stressed at the beginning that he would he had access to uh his lampoon cronies one of whom was conan o'brien uh we started doing a show about reality shows a long time ago, and he was like, let me see if I can get Conan.

Wouldn't it be great if we got Conan for our first episode? Yeah. And he was like, oh, he wants to do it so bad, but he can't do it this week. And that was like April of 2013 or earlier. It was probably like October 2012 or something like that yeah and every week like he says that he's like talking he's like hanging out with his lampoon cronies and stuff and that uh conor will do the show but this has never come together, which leads me to believe that it is you stopping this.

Oh, it doesn't really make any sense any other way, because obviously I have access to just about anyone. And through my deep Harvard connections, you know, if you went to Harvard, I like to say you caught the crony virus. Yeah. So the Lampoon cronies all hang out together like in a bar or oh restaurant okay oh yeah all the the fellow h bombers yeah you guys have jackets uh we do individually do you mean matching yeah yeah i don't think there's one. Weird question. Do you guys have jackets? Of us that doesn't own a jacket. And I would have to check.

I haven't been to everybody's place. But as I'm looking back, and I even probably have photos, we've all pretty much got a jacket or more. Okay. Is this why Hayes is having such a bad week? um is this why hayes is having such a bad week i'm finding out that this is why and that as he talks to you it's only making him more and more upset and frankly pissed and frankly very sad too and because you wouldn't even tell me what's up and we do have to go back to that well again and you do have to just like talk about what is going on sona like talk like what is like what are we like thinking about this week all right well uh but

be chill like be normal about it like don't make it a whole thing we get requests for conan to go on certain podcasts then we determine how advantageous it would be for him to go on those podcasts because his schedule is very full. And so carving out an hour, an hour and a half for him to talk to people is really tough. And there's no advantage to him coming on your podcast.

Right, because he would just get mercilessly owned by the two guys at the network who still have a shred of comedy cred left yeah that's right sean the two bad guys the two baddest dudes on the only two that never sold out we are the only two that didn't get any kind of tv show or anything like that and everybody else is popping up on all these cookie cutter network shows or they're going to Netflix and they're doing their specials or they're in all this stuff. And we stayed true to our roots and we made a show for a diminishing number of people. Yes. Which nobody else has had the guts to do at this network.

And that is being an artist. And that is called real growth is holding still. Yeah. Your lack of success is really showing them. And you guys are really hammering it home. And I really am. Imagine how punk rock it would be for Conan, who, by the way, I know plays guitar, rock it would be for conan who by the way i know plays guitar to come on our show and just spit in the eye of traditional entertainment values of always trying to climb up the ladder oh what's up here what's next and instead looking down and going like what the fuck is that hang on

and seeing like a little puddle or something and going like, well, let me just muck around and roll around to that puddle for probably not even an hour. We probably get scared. And it'd be about, yeah, 34 minutes. And then we'd be like, okay,

well that was so great. Thank you so much. Cause he'd, we'd see him kind of looking around. Can I make a suggestion? Cause I, you guys invited me on to the podcast yesterday. Yeah. As in you gave me a day's notice.

Is that what you always do? Because that is terrible. I handled all the booking stuff for the show. That was me. And I farmed that out to Hayes last minute. Because normally it is me. And so you guys like give your guests a day's notice. Be like, hey, can you just

spare an hour tomorrow and just come on our podcast? Conan's not going to have it. No, there's no time to schedule this stuff, Sean. We usually do it like room raiders. Wait, what? Normally it's room raiders style where the van pulls up and it's like get in it's

time to be room raiders and then you just like haul them into the van you remember that go go go room raiders i remember that show yeah well so do we we did a whole pro version about it it was really funny. So what else is going on? What's happening in the neighborhood? Any neighborhood stuff? Well, I was on an evacuation warning for two weeks, so that was fun. There was a giant fire by me,

but it's done now, so that's good. And that's it. She almost got burned. Jesus Christ. Sona, you almost got burned. Jesus Christ. Sona, you almost got burned. Sona, don't get burned. Not me. My house almost burned down.

No. Sona's house? Okay, you guys, even your fake concern isn't good. Oh, Sona, you didn't tell us that. I just, I don't want to be here anymore. Oh my God, that's what's up i want to go home but your house is burning almost so you can't you can't go home for you there i should have had somebody call me after like 20 minutes and been like there's an accident you have to leave and i've been like oh my god you guys i gotta go you guys oh no what's that

i'm the only one who could fix it i gotta go we all know what a fake phone call sounds like come on you don't have to do the whole thing we can all do it i could do a fake i get real phone calls all the time i'm able to masterfully you know imitate getting a phone call i could do a fake phone call right now that would do it do it yeah he will and he's going to and he's actually going to okay let's see you do it sean well he is going to do it he's actually gonna do it right now yeah it is good you didn't need a hype man yeah we'll be yeah just do it sean hang on what is this ow my ear see the way you did it was like you got the phone in a way that was very fake and you didn't like hit it to your ear yeah hard at all it was almost like it wasn't even really touching your ear.

It was such a perfect phone call that it's like, that's never how they go in real life. You know, our lives aren't choreographed like this, Sona. What usually happens is you can't tell if the phone's ringing or not. You hit your ear pretty hard. It kills. You don't know what it is. You're possibly concussed for the rest of the episode.

Possibly. Yeah. No, that makes sense. That was so convincing. Thank you for showing me how to do that. So now the next. So wait. So it's like, it's like, huh?

What? Well, no. No. What is this? Oh, my ear. Oh, I can't see anything. Who did the fire? I don't know.

I guess the electric company. I hope it wasn't that girl with the dragon tattoo. No, I know she's the good guy and everything, but I just do not trust some of that stuff. It's really dark. Hold on. It's really dark in my room. Yeah, we're noticing that it's getting dark there. And you think about the electric company.

Well, who needs all that electric for... All right, sorry. Really, seconds after she accused the electric company of starting the fire her lights went yeah almost completely off the lighting is just so dark in here i don't care i know you guys don't release the video of this doesn't matter kevin keeps it for a collection of his but it doesn't ever get shown to anyone else he Spank, spank. He puts the video... Okay. Wow. Not the term we use.

It's a hard drive. And also not the way Kevin does it. What? How does Kevin do it? What do you do with this footage, Kevin? Spank is like... That makes it sound like

a kind of like forceful act. It's very passive. Yeah, with Kevin, it's like, it's very, very passive. Then what would you call it? He just lies face down on the bed and kind of worms around. If it's not a spank bank, what is it?

What's it called? It's sort of like a caterpillar credit union. I guess it's like, yeah. Sona, what are we doing for the holiday party this year? Where are we going? I think we're going to do nothing. We're just going to stay here and do nothing. What do you mean?

What are you doing for a holiday party? Are you going anywhere? Are you doing anything? Jury's out. He's available, you know. If the right invite comes along, it might coax him out of his, you know, Caterpillar credit union.

Credit union. We got invited to the last party. Kevin, you went, right? The Conan party. I think you got invited similar to how I invite guests to the show, where it was like moments before it was about to occur. Oh, yeah. It was about 40 minutes into the party. Yeah, that's a big don't show up if I've ever heard of one.

So wait, did you go? Well, I went to the address that I was given. There was no evidence of a party per se. I ended up having a pretty good time. Sorry, my dog wants to come chill. Wow. Whoa. Bluefist.

Alright, sorry. Sergeant Bluefist. Hello, Sergeant Bluefist. Thank you for your service. Is that the name? It's Oki. Sergeant Bluefish? Really close. Really close.

Wow, that's the closest we've ever been. You almost had it. That's for sure. Good job. Good guess. Wait, were you guys really invited to our holiday party? Yeah. And you didn't come?

I think so. I think so. It's fun. I think so. So you're just staying home this year? Yeah. I'm not doing anything. You're just going to roast chestnuts on the huge fire outside your house?

The wildfire that was raging? Just put a chestnut on a stick out the window. Yeah, that's exactly. That's how close it is. Careful. And yeah, I'm going to roast a chestnut on the wildfire that's raging in the mountains by my house you clean off the stick careful that's dangerous sona yeah house what is it what is this uh what is it like up there in the mountains yes mountain in your mountain house well i'm not like in a mountain i'm just near a

mountain house oh do you think that how the map the house i don't think the house is inside the mountain i think it is on top of the mountain oh you are in the house yeah no it's nice it's a nice place address uh what would you do if I gave you my address right now bleep it out whip it out bleep it out I said bleep it out

why does my mind always go to that he's asking you just if you have one no he said what for your address. He's asking you just if you have one. Jesus. No, he said, what's your address, Pais? No, he said address. I said address? Like, how nice we talk address? How do you respond to that?

Because I've lived in some places, you know, some like mountain type houses, but I didn't have an address. You didn't have an address? Okay, well. Sergeant Blufus, please. Yeah, I have an address.ant blufus okay stand down okay chill out okay sergeant blufus sorry you guys are just gonna edit all from real world

that's tech my husband is tech. My husband is tech. She's barking. You lost your privileges, Oki. I'm having a very professional podcast. Your husband's tech from a real world. Oh my god, you never

mentioned that. Kevin, can we get him? Is he available tomorrow? No. Oh my god. Can we get him? Is he available tomorrow? You guys are the worst. Oh, my God. Hollywood Handbook. Be a better you in 2024 with Babbel, the science-backed language learning app that actually works.

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I wonder if they spotted a spider web or something. They're trying to pull down the spider web. Yeah. But I've seen this too after a lot of dates. And I need and have needed something like Babel to figure out what the heck is this person doing with their finger because it looks like a it looks like an emergency i know i was supposed to do something or how about those people that stand in the street they're kind of like they've got like almost like police clothes on it may be almost yeah and they're standing in the middle and as I'm driving and I'm cruising,

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The Chef Kevin Factor, where he creates fresh, never-frozen meals. Now, this is different, different Kevin I just want to I just want to establish it's none of this like here's a like a pile of ingredients like this is the meal yeah it's not a recipe okay this is the meal you cook the full meal for us now okay yeah you don't just send us a bunch of stuff you had laying around in your cabinet you're actually doing the cooking and there are 35 different options to choose from every week including calorie smart protein plus and keto which is this it's a little bit of all

of them okay okay it shouldn't be there are also more than 60 add-ons to help you stay fueled up and feeling good all day long how many add-ons and what are some of them it's one 60 add-ons to help you stay fueled up and feeling good all day long. How many add-ons and what are some of them? It's one big add-on and it's you on your bed. You're so tired after you eat my meal. The promises the meal makes us sleepy. You've been pushing that so much. You're saying that you will be added on to your bed. Yeah.

Your bed plus one. That's the opposite of what this is supposed to do it's supposed to help you stay fueled up and feel good all day long they have like smoothies and things like that reservation for two me walking in my bedroom what's the second? it's you and your bed?

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Hey, if you're just joining us, this is Freak Show Friday. We're with a freak show. Okay. I got a lot of candy and i got bad went to the candy store and i'm gonna no i just got candy from like cvs and i'm gonna give it to the kids that are in the neighborhood that sells candy okay what'd you listen to on the way to cvs can we guess yeah go ahead even flow thoughts arrive like butterflies he don't know oh he chases them away was that you were into that. I feel like you were. Sean, did you dye your hair?

Did you bleach your hair like Eminem? Were you a big Eminem guy? Back in the day? I didn't bleach it. I used a generous dosage of Sunin. Did you really? I certainly didn't go easy on the Sunin, friend. I had a huge

crush on a guy who used Sunin at school. I couldn't blame you there. No, it's terrible. That was a real dream. Yeah. So,

uh, was I close? What were you listening to? Probably you were listening to Kona needs a friend, huh? Yeah. I listened to the podcast I'm on all the time when I'm not recording. It's all I listened to.

Do you listen to your podcast all the time? Unfortunately, I do. Wait, do you really? I've heard a bunch of them. Yeah, do you listen and just see if you nailed it? Sometimes I'll listen to a real old one. That's nice. God, was I ever that young?

Would it shock you to know I was once considered quite beautiful? Oh, I think you're beautiful now, Sean. Yeah, but in a real way, though. What? As opposed to a fake way? Yeah. And that really happened? Just saying.

Hayes gets really embarrassed it's a show we have to just we just have to keep the show going so just just say if it really happened or whatever you were whatever I couldn't hear yeah it really happened ew what

oh god Sona did you ever go on a trip ever? yes yeah oh yeah okay okay what what happened what happened on that trip i went on yes uh i had a really good time how long i traveled there and i stayed there and then i came back after a certain period length time. Length of trip. Go. Three days. Yes. Was that the right answer? That's... Hayes, you owe me 50 bucks.

Yeah. Okay. Okay. I told you. I'm good for it. I'm good for it. If Conan won't do the podcast, could the boys do the next like a broad trip that Conan does? We go on the trip with him.'s a good idea okay i'll go i'll go do a a week of field pieces okay where would you guys

want to go me um where would i be allowed probably the the beach. Oh, yes. You could go anywhere in the world. Anywhere in the world. And you would go to the beach. Is it appropriate to say mountain house? You've made it sound awful nice. Yeah. And we know it has an address now, so.

Kevin, I don't think that's going to happen. Step up for us. Yeah. I don't even need to run that up the proper channels to know that that's that's probably in a hard no that's a hard pass conan won't let anyone go to your house you want to shoot a special at my house conan i just didn't really think he was that kind of boss where like no one is even allowed to go to your house yeah uh i mean unusual policy as an employment policy i find that slightly unusual and i'll take the heat for

saying that do you guys do you guys go on trips oh Oh, no. Just mentally. Yeah. Oh, that's good. Yeah, so... I know. Yeah. Wait, do you... What if they're just on the plane?

They don't leave the plane. So they come on the plane. Conan flies to his next destination. We stay on the plane. They get there. But then when the plane... Everybody gets off. They just sit. We stay on the plane. And then they get there. But then when the plane, everybody gets off, they just sit.

We chill. And then you wait? We make sure nobody comes on there and like does some weird thing. You have a job. Here's the advantages. The plane's safe, which is great.

Yeah. We're not scared. Okay? We're not panicking. Uh-huh. Because we already know where we are. There's Wi-Fi, I assume. I can stay on there

and keep my finger in the part of the magazine where he was. That's your whole point. Okay. Not losing that place. You two are really good at pitching things.

I just want to make sure you know that. yeah because that okay yeah we got this podcast after this i'm really gonna make sure conan knows how good you guys are at pitching things and then tell him all about what we talked about and he's gonna be like i really want to go on that podcast now. Just give him a glove, a baseball glove. A glove? He'll be like, what the heck is this? I just met the best damn pitcher of my life. Okay. I gotta go. What's that? Hold on, I'm getting a phone call.

Hang on, I'm improving. Hello? What? An accident? I gotta go. So fake. So fake. So what else?burger choice you guys burger choice go cheeseburger choice go cheeseburger like what are we talking in and out don't put any fucking tomatoes in it that's all no tomatoes cheeseburger i will eat any cheeseburger if you

put a tomato in it i'll throw it back at your face. I hate them. I hate tomatoes in any sort of sandwich burger. Yeah. Thrown cheeseburger. Watch the throne. You mentioned one of your relatives was a butcher. Yes, my grandpa. Oh, that's so interesting. Tell me more about that.

He's chopping up. My dede, it's what I call my grandpa, since he was 12, was a butcher. And he has no problem killing any animals. And when I first moved into our house when I was four, there was a possum. And the man took a rake and he stabbed the possum with it. Then he brought it out, showed it to me, my four-year-old self, this dead possum dangling on a rake. And he goes,

I got it. Which side of the rake? Mm-hmm. The- Round handle part? Rake side? The rake side. Yeah.

The rake side. Oh. Yep. Big possum. Well, let me say this. This is not that kind of show awful story perhaps your friend conan likes that kind of story on his show. This is actually Freak Show Friday where people come to just chill. Oh, is that what it is? Learn about the mutilation of an actually amazing creature.

The only marsupial in North America. Very, very rarely carries any kind of disease or virus because their blood temperature is so low that most bacteria can't even live there they're extremely sweet animals they eat vermin they eat ticks which actually stops us from being able to get lyme disease and what do we do with them it's not stabbing with a rake what we do we see a possum is we hug and we kiss them. Okay. We will never hear that awful story again. He killed a possum. You'll never tell that story again on my show.

We're effectively stabbing that story with a rake, and now we're showing it to you, Sona, and saying, we got it. Well, can I just say, you guys are giving me nothing to work with? That you invited me on your show yesterday.

It was two days ago, to be fair. Was it two days ago, Kevin, for reals? I sent the links yesterday. Kevin with the fucking hammer. So two days ago. It's still not enough time. Sorry, not sorry, Sona sona laying back in the cut with the damn hammer but i come here you guys don't have any questions yeah what do you think the

entire question what do you think what's up is what do you think cheeseburger choice go is yeah address yeah it's a question one of those hard-hitting okay thank you barbara it's called being curious it's called having a conversation yeah you wanted this to be a freaking uh interrogation or something no but you're like hard-hitting figure out what we're gonna talk about sona guest that i invited on two days ago which still isn't enough time kevin saying we just were saying what's up what if i was working what's up we're being polite we're interested in you okay i'm good how are you guys doing it's the worst week of my life showing the clock this is the worst week of kevin's entire that's another thing you guys are

all three of you are like oh this is the worst week of my life has everything sucked anyway let's talk to sona and see how she's doing like what what are you new at this what are you guys doing what are you doing i guess we thought you would cheer us up yes we didn't know i could be watching tv right now what tv which tv uh uh which tv am I watching? It's a Samsung. Where is it? Curve screen one. No, it's not curve screen. Do you guys have a curve screen? What is that?

I don't know why anybody would curve a screen. I don't have a TV. Is that a bit? Is that a bit? You know what it's not as interesting as? It's my grandpa stabbing a possum. He doesn't even have one bit of TV. He doesn't even have one bit of TV. You know what's not as interesting as? As my grandpa stabbing a possum. Yeah, okay. He doesn't want to get his one off. No, he doesn't even have one bit of TV.

Oh my God, Hayes. Kevin, do we have that clean? The worst part was you, no, it was you smiling afterwards. I hated that. I'm sorry. That was so upsetting. I think Hayes has a really great smile.

No, it's that you were pleased with yourself. I'm happy to see him happy and see him enjoying himself to me happiness is not a zero sum game so it can be true that Hayes is happy and smiling and I can be feeling something warm and positive as well but for you I mean to me again correct me if I'm wrong and I think I actually figured out what you were actually listening to on the way to the CVS, because I think you're the kind of person who says, I'm only happy when it rains. Right?

Is that right? No, I wasn't. Where's the TV? It's in the TV room. The living room. Aptly named. The living room. I guess watching TV isn't what I call living.

Going to the zoo is living. I guess for me, it's going to the zoo. Okay. See animals. Yeah. That's living. I'll give you something to podcast about. And actually have an experience.

Thanks. Yeah. Next time Conan O'Brien needs a friend, plug, I will talk about the zoo. I'd listen to that. Be my first episode I'd check in with. Not a single one has been about the zoo so far. I've been scrubbing through looking for. It's been like, what's that movie you did?

Well. Well. What are we watching on TV? This was this was fun huh what show were we watching oh i thought we were winding down uh i am uh what was i watching just now i was watching i think i was just re-watching maybe a rick and morty yes oh yes sauce sauce oh my god Oh, yes. Sauce. Sauce. Oh, my God. Pickle sauce. Okay, pickle sauce. Epic.

Okay, Rick, here we go. It's where I'm the pickle sauce, Rick. Brat, come on. Give me the sauce, Morty. I don't know about the sauce, Rick. Brat, yes, you do. So you guys watch Rick and and morty too yeah i think you maybe you can tell from our sense of humor maybe pretty much proven that beyond a doubt

at least in this uh version of the multiverse where we watch it. Obviously a dimension where we don't as well. Shoot the ray guns. We're jocks who like that stuff too. Oh, you are? You guys are a couple jocks, are you? Yeah. What do you play? I throw a perfect damn spiral. Oh, that's what you throw?

80 yards. That's cool. When I see the two of you, I just think jocks. Well, that's not enough. You have to also think that we watch Rick and Morty. Jesus Christ. You got to go. It's time.

You have a lot going on for someone who couldn't even say what's up. I don't. It's just there's a lull in the conversation because you guys are so unprepared. Whose fault is that? Yeah, because we're being chill. It's freak show Friday. Okay, then I guess we'll just end it. I'm gonna put us all out of our misery

and I'm just gonna end it. I'm actually having fun. I have nowhere to go. This is becoming actually one of the best weeks of my life. This is now turning the corner and it's definitely one of the top five weeks of my life with potential to become number one so let's think about that for a second and what i'll say is i think the really great sign of like true friendship unlike probably what you have with conan yeah is when you can actually just be chill and be quiet around each other and be

totally comfortable. That's nice. Yeah. Just sitting there with your friends. Just sitting. And that's like, wow, this is really comfort.

What are you guys thinking about? Yeah. Well, I'm thinking about how much i hate this bye that was a hate gun podcast