Hollywood Handbook - Stephanie and Elizabeth, Our Spiritual Advisors

Episode Date: February 20, 2017

Hayes and Sean give a brief tutorial on trees art, then STEPHANIE SIMBARI and ELIZABETH KOTT from the That's So Retrograde podcast do the show to teach about crystals and the stars. This episode is sponsored by Blue Apron (www.blueapron.com/handbook) and Stamps.com (www.stamps.com code: HANDBOOK).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. It's me and Dan Lebitard. We are stealing milk from the farm. He calls me up late at night and says, I got a line on some fat-tittied moo-moo mamas at the farm. You got to drive me. So I roll over there. We go to the farm.

He's got the machine, that big milk stealer machine. Oh, yeah. He gets it out with all the prongs and stuff. He hooks it up to the cows. It goes, wah! Pretty loud, yeah. Really, really fast. It gets all, pretty loud, really, really fast. It gets all the milk out super, super fast.

And I'm just kind of hanging out. Did you do anything to cover the noise? Because I know when I've gone on these kind of expeditions with Levitard, I will start coughing when I know he's about to turn on the machine. Yeah, and so if the farmer

sees, I can say, like, excuse me. If the farmer looks out, I got a cold. Yes. And I'm just kind of leaning against a cow and a casual. Smoking a ciggy. Yes. But I'm also kind of bored, and so I'm making jokes like, I have nipples, Greg, can you milk me?

Oh, no. I'm, like, quoting. Is that from something? I'm, like, quoting that a lot, yes. Is you milk me? Oh, no. I'm like quoting. Is that from something? I'm like quoting that a lot. Yes. It's like a story. It's like an old story. And so I'm talking about that.

That's funny. But I think Levitard is like, especially when he's like in this mood to steal milk, is not, he's like interpreting stuff literally. It's just when he's in this, when he's in milk mode. Yeah. When he's like all stuff literally it's just when he's in this is when he's in milk mode yeah when he's like or like all about stealing milk when you say something like that he's he considers that like a challenge rather than just uh quoting a funny story he doesn't know the story yes or he's just got milk mania and he's gonna go after you so suddenly i'm hooked up to the machine it's going yeah what's coming out of you i produce two gallons of milk oh hey and now but i barely that was all your milk for the month i know and i don't feel anything because i've been building it

up so much i feel almost nothing it just releases so easily uh and now the cows are kind of looking at me like pissed. Right. A little jealous. Because it's a competition or whatever. And how much gallons did they produce? Not even one and a half, maybe. Yeah, I think it was not even one and a half gallons. Oh, God, Hayes.

And you showed them up at their own game. And I did two gallons. And way faster than they did. That's why I won't play hockey with Eric Lindros because I hate beating someone at their own game and then they're a baby. I'll score two goals. I'll score two goals.

Guarantee I'm on the ice two goals because I got the one wraparound goal that I get one of those a game. Then when the goal is looking for the wraparound. Yeah, right when they start, you do the wraparound. Yep, and when the goal is looking for the wraparound, Yeah, right when they start, you do the wraparound goal. Yep, yep. And when the goalie's looking for the wraparound, boom, I go top shelf. Because he thinks I'm going to try to sneak it by his ankle and bang. So he's looking behind the goal for you to be back there,

but now suddenly you're in front of the goal. I'm in front of it hitting the goal. And so that's two guaranteed. Now, I might get another one. That's me being lucky. I'll admit that's just luck. Land, I might get another one. That's me being lucky. I'll admit that's just luck. Landros. One and a half.

One and a half goals, if anything. But you beat them at their own game, and whether it's cows or whether it's a former professional Philadelphia Flyer hockey player, you're going to be really dealing with something. Salty looks. Yeah. Hey, welcome to Hollywoodllywood handbook and insider's guide to kicking button dropping names on the red carpet linebacker always of this

industry week i'll show but as people have been asking us about bonsai trees what how we grow ours to have the shapes that they have what shape should my bonsai tree B is probably the most common email I see. And this is a thing. It's like a growing trend. At the parties we go to, people are having these bonsai parties where we're exchanging clippings, and we're taking pictures of each other's trees as if they are big, like simulating that they're like really big trees,

like putting a little action figure at the bottom so they look so big. Pretending the tree is huge or pretending, you know, that we are giants. Yes. And the tree is normal size or pretending that the tree is very small. Right. And we'll get somebody even bigger than us to be near it. So even smaller than it is, which is already sometimes very small. Yeah.

I mean, yeah. So look, bonsai, it's an ancient tradition. Hayes and I kind of popularized it in America. Amazing. I kind of popularized it in America. It was formerly in one of the other places with the guys who you know what I'm talking about. I don't think you have to say. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I think, yes, we get it. We then kind of said like, well, it shouldn't be just for these guys. Actually, we're going to do it better than we have.

Yeah, you guys did it. Now let me do it. So there's three traditional bonsai shapes. The Mickey Mouse, the round, and the pubic triangle. To me, there's really only one. The Mickey Mouse. Because that is beloved, that character.

So, I don't know why people are messing with the round. You're most of the way to the Mickey Mouse if you have that. You just need two more rounds. As far as the pubic triangle, I'm like, why call it that? It's just a triangle. You know what I mean? Like, why do you want me to think of it as like... Having leaves. It's gross. I'm like, why call it that? It's just a triangle. Just a triangle. You know what I mean?

Like, why do you want me to think of it as like... Having leaves on it and stuff. It's so... It's really... So, you know, even I have my limits. So I would say

to the people who want to know what shape, that's the shape you should do. And to the people who want to know how to do it, I would say, go and rent you know uh one of these cartoons that they're doing now with these mice who are famous pause it

hold the tree up to the tv put it on the tv like it's tracing paper and just clip away everything that is not directly over the mouse. Yes. If you can see the background or one of the other characters, you have to clip that until you get to the edge of Mickey Mouse and then you stop clipping. Yeah. And if you cut past and you start to see the mouse popping out, throw it out, get a new tree. And it's like I probably, when I know I'm going to do one, I rent one of these cartoons they're doing now,

I bring it home, I get the pause on the screen. I obviously don't have a TV in my home, but I will put it on a cool projector. You know about these? And this is actually one easy, really easy way to do it, is you project it onto the tree. And then you have your outline right there. So you just blast Mickey Mouse onto the tree,

and you can trace it around that. But I'll buy 20, 30 trees, and I'll throw at least half of them out because you're going to slip. Yeah. And when you have a couple... Give it to some birds. Donate it to the birds. They love it. And when you have a couple good trees then, just

that's peaceful. And it's really nice for them to have at the dump too, actually. Because there are all these birds at the dump and when you are giving when you are throwing out 20, 30 trees every day, it's really like giving these dump birds a nice habitat. Oh, yeah. There's so many birds of the dump who are sleeping in a soda can or who are sleeping

in a tire can or who are sleeping in a tire. Yeah. And what you can give them instead is the bird's natural lifestyle is tree-based. Mm-hmm. And that's just a nature, you know, I mean. And teaching them to be friends with a mouse. Yeah, which can be a very funny friendship. To see the mouse riding the bird and telling it where to go to get cheese for both of them.

Could be great. Who do we have today? Oh, we got two ladies who are going to be spiritual advisors. And they are Steph and Elizabeth. On Hollywood Handbook. Hollywood Handbook. So, it's me, it's Cornel West, and we're shooting guns at a tree trying to chop down

the tree with bullets and we're getting about halfway through and the trunk starts to creak and I'm thinking

maybe we can just go shove this thing and who comes ambling out of the tree who do you think oh okay Nick Lachey yes

now I guess he's living in this tree. Yeah. Now, he said he's doing research for a Chipmunks movie, and that's why he's up there. But I got a feeling, because I read the trades, that he's not in the Chipmunks movie, and he's just hoping to get an audition he could say in there,

hey, I've been living in this tree. I don't think he, from my understanding, he does not know about the other Chipmunks movies that they've already made. No, no, no. He thinks this would be the first one. This is not like Alvin

and the Chipmunks. It's like a new property. No, no, no. I asked him, I said, Chipwrecked, The Road Chip, which Chip movie?

Yeah. And he said, and he said, no, this is just a movie about a Chipmunk. So the tree, I guess,

because I've been out there with Cornell, is you are are he's cutting it down to make cornhole boards because his nickname is cornhole west yeah cornhole west and uh he'll shell you i mean he'll he'll throw four holes yeah and he'll axe four holes and he'll whack yours out of a God forbid you get one leaning on the edge where you're thinking maybe it's going to get knocked through. He will actually blast it out of the hole.

Which he doesn't have to do. He can just sink it without blasting it. He could just win and let it be fun and competitive. He'll just blast it. But for him, it's like unless he demolishes you, he's not playing the game. He's a wedding crasher just for cornhole. Not for that other stuff.

Yeah, all that other wedding stuff. The nastiness. So disgusting to me. So we've got guests. Now's as good a time as any to talk about it. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook. Hi, welcome to Hollywood Handbook. Dropping names in the red carpet linebacker hallways of this industry we call showbiz. Industry we call showbiz.

What up, what up? So who's here? And you guys say like, thanks. Thank you so much for having us it is we are welcome yeah what like it's you just say like thanks we are because i said welcome and so you just oh yeah you feel welcome right kind of a warm greeting for us yeah yeah you guys are because we don't have to do that no we don't have to say that we could freeze you guys out the whole time and make you just sit. And it's happened to me, and it may happen to you. That's fine.

So be ready. Sometimes Sean gets frozen out on the show. Sometimes I get frozen out. Sometimes we... Sometimes I pretend Hayes isn't here in the show. He's in trouble for something he doesn't know about. He's in the doghouse with the big man. And I just don't even acknowledge him.

It's like he's dead to me. He's a ghost. I don't want to be on your bad side. Are you guys scared of ghosts? Are we scared of them? Yeah. No. They could choke you or something, can't they?

I feel like ghosts are mostly friendly. They're not really after you. Casper theory. Yeah. And you put your thumb in the mattress really after you Casper theory yeah and you put your thumb the old Casper theory you put your thumbs

up like Austin Powers and I can't choke you yeah Elizabeth had a ghost in her kitchen for a while oh yeah cooking pop tarts

maybe I don't have a toaster so oh okay so just have to put them on a flame we did a sage clearing

and she revealed herself it was pretty aggressive oh i should say who the guests are way to get into some of the stuff you guys like he's doing bad job so these two ladies who are so sweet uh host this podcast that's so retrograde you probably heard of it it's probably more famous than ours um it's step Zimbari and her friend Elizabeth, whose last name escapes me. Elizabeth Kott.

Elizabeth Kott. Kott. Yeah, you got it. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And they're both neat, and they're both nice. You forget hot. And they're hot.

I don't like to say that. My wife's Steffi Graf. I'm married to Steffi Graf. You are. She to say that. My wife's Steffi Graf. I'm married to Steffi Graf. She gets very upset. Tennis champion Steffi Graf. And she gets very upset when I talk about that sort of stuff on the show. Girl hotness. Totally.

Yes. So that's why I mostly talk about dudes bods, dudes being shredded. Yeah. You know? Because she loves that. She wants to hear me talk about guys' abs. Yeah. I could do my laundry on those things, I'll say.

You do your own laundry? Yeah. I only got like two shirts. So you guys host this That's So Retrograde, and you're here to be our spiritual advisors and just talk about some of the shit that's on the table right now. Yeah. Sure.

Maybe we can sort of set the scene of like, picture me rolling through like a traveling carnival. Like fairgrounds. And so I'm looking at all the freaky visuals

and stuff and I go into this interesting tent, this like weird tent and it's full of all these ancient runes and crystals and stuff. Yeah.

And there's you guys in there and you're like this old crone or something and you're like come look at my different wares and all that so that's like kind of the scene that we're setting with a hood and then she goes and she like turns around and pulls

something from a shelf and when she turns around she pulls the hood back and it's a beautiful young woman and it's another one it pulls the hood back and it's a beautiful young woman. And it's another one. It's two of them. And you go like, where did the crone go? And you say, something mystical is happening here.

And it is. It really is mystical. The crystal looks very comfortable on your hand. Yeah, and it feels amazing. And now is he

touching that the right way? Yeah, you can touch it however you want. Yeah, you can feels amazing. And now is he touching that? Is he touching that the right way? Yeah, you can touch it however you want. Yeah, you can. There's no wrong way to touch a crystal. Can you actually? Yeah. And do I hold it up to my eye and sort of look through it?

You can do that. The thing with crystals is they just want to become your friend. Ah. Wow. So just whatever you would do with your friend, do with that crystal. How do you know what they want? They've told me. Hmm.

I'm in communion with the crystal kingdom. Oh, that's really nice. Yeah, that's what I would tell you if you walked into my shop. What do they sound like? Crazy voices? Yeah, yeah. They're like, well, they have different voices. They're high-pitched.

High-pitched. Yeah, for their different things. Like, that's a citrine, so it's probably like, hey, get over here. I want to bring you abundance. Okay, yeah. And this is like a rose quartz, so it's like, get over here. I want to help you get your fuck on or whatever. I mean,

that might be aggressive because that's, no, that's definitely what it says. Okay. For sure. Yeah. This is a lot like the people I grew up with. It's kind of the people around my neighborhood.

Yeah. It feels like, yeah, it feels like I'm back in my old neighborhood. Exactly. You know, the Citrion kind of sounds like, Citrine.

Hmm. Yeah. Citrine. Citron. Citrine. I'm sorry. It's so funny. I thought you guys knew about this stuff.

But honestly, it's now Sean who is being the teacher about what it's even called. And it's called Patron. And then this one looks like a heart. Yeah. Is that on purpose? I believe so. Yeah. Wow. Wow. And it's just a rock. Well, it's a crystal. Crystal. Yeah. Is that on purpose? I believe so. Yeah. Wow.

Wow. And it's just a rock. Well, it's a crystal. Crystal. Yeah. It's a mineral. Mm. And what does it want to teach me?

What kind is that? No idea. Oh. Here's the thing. I don't really do well with remembering the names of the crystals nor the purpose. However, we were told, recent guests on our show who are crystal experts, they said that doesn't really matter. You just need to assign the crystal a job.

Ah, so it's what you think it does. That's what it's going to do. But I like to give them jobs based on their properties. Right, but you're more advanced in the Crystal Kingdom than myself, so as a good gateway into it, it's like, don't worry about what it's for. You tell it what it's for. What do we think about Crystal Bernard?

Did I go to high school with her? She was on the show Wings. Oh, right. I love a good Wings cast. Anybody? Is a lava lamp the same? Can you use it for that same thing? Great question. Because I'm looking at these.

They're not electrical. They're too small. They're not tripping me out as I'm looking at them. Yeah. So what I would prefer to use to give a job to is a lava lamp or one of those little balls that I have that has like an electrical shooting off sparks in the middle. And it's like at the science museum where you put your hands on it and then your hair is going crazy. But mine doesn't do that. But it looks like that.

Yeah. And isn't that a better thing to have than crystals is my lava lamp and my electric ball. If your soul is connected to it and you want to designate your lava lamp or your electrical ball a job and significance in your life, then that is a beautiful thing and you should follow that intuition. And it's better than these? No. But it seemed like that's what you were getting. If you let her finish, it is because it does have electrical powers when these just sit there. Yeah.

Convenient theories for you. Whatever you want, man. So can we ask you, now, if Hayes is in, for instance, a relationship, and maybe it's with Carrie Ann Moss and maybe it's not, but he's got this girlfriend who is, let's say, maybe a little controlling to the extent now where she's gotten one of those driver's ed brake pedals put into the passenger side of the car and she will stop him a lot. Is there a crystal for that that could maybe help him with that situation? It'll be. And when you say that she'll stop me,

it'll be like, I'll be going to like see my friend or something and she'll already be in the car and she'll be like planted on the brake pedal. So she'll be like, oh, sorry, I was already like using the car. But it seems like it's at you. So I feel like you can't use a crystal to force anyone else to do anything. You can't change anyone else's behavior, but maybe you could get a crystal for like self-empowerment

that would help you stand up for yourself. And have some of these conversations. Exactly. Because it seems like you're just letting yourself get walked all over a little bit. Okay. That is also happening. What if there's a concern that if you are holding some kind of rock in your hand, that

she will take it from you and use it against you physically? Again, first of all, I'm a little bit worried about you. It seems like maybe you shouldn't be in this relationship if you're concerned that she's going to be beating you with a small rock. What if he has a rock that's big enough that he can jam it under the brake pedal so when she goes to step on it, right, it doesn't go anywhere, and then he could drive around. Now, does this seem like a compromise to all of us

where she'll just think, this dang brake pedal doesn't work. Is that a good crystal? That's creative. I don't know. I worry about the other cars on the road when it comes to that. Okay, all right. They should all have rocks in their jam.

They should have rocks as well. I also feel like you don't need a crystal for that. To jam the brake pedal? To jam the brake pedal. Like they're kind of, they're pricey and you don't really want, you're not going to want to like waste your money on a crystal that you're just going to slam into with a brake pedal. You could line your bed with rose quartz and maybe it'll like vibe on her and she'll like turn herself into like not so angry.

I could see her taking the sheet and like folding it up with all the rose quartz inside at one end. Spinning it around her head like a sort of very dangerous bludgeon. A flail, yeah. And it seems like why I don't want to do all that work for her. She should at least have to. Like a medieval nine tails.

So different question. Yeah, so we're just going to let Hayes be in this relationship? We don't. There's nothing we can do I mean there's really nothing we can do for Hayes well I'm here for you if you need me to be

he's it's exciting honestly I think he likes it it's apparently so what I would wonder is let's say you have an engineer

who is at your podcast not Sam no no no nothing to do with Sam. Okay.

But he's got a Milwaukee Brewers hat on. So let me make sure we're not talking about Sam. And he keeps making it so you can hear an echo of your own voice while you're trying to record the show. Okay. Is there some sort of, you guys are experts on this. Is there some kind of crystal that can be an engineer instead of the engineer that you have? Just so you don't have the engineer being the way he is? Right.

You talk about deciding at a job. Yeah. Is there any way? An engineer crystal. Yes. Again, I feel like you guys have the wrong idea about crystals in that they can make people do things. Okay, I remember somebody telling me that it had a job.

I forget who it was. It may not have been one of you guys. It's more like... Entry-level positions. Yeah. Right. It comes down to you guys. Now, if you don't like your engineer,

I suggest just getting rid of him. Whoa, hey! I'm not even talking about us. No, or, I mean, if anyone out there doesn't like their engineer... Hypothetically speaking. I haven't seen there doesn't like their engineer, you know. I haven't seen Engineer Cody in like a year and a half. I know.

What happened to him? I think he asked to not be around us. Did I wish him away? That might be right. I might have used a crystal. Because you can do that, right? How do I make a voodoo doll? Now you're on the right track.

Yeah. Yeah. Is that going to help me? We're not voodoo priestesses. Right. Are you sure? However, I would imagine they're easy to make. Elizabeth Kott.

Yes. How would you start making a voodoo doll for, let's say, for example, someone who's an engineer? Okay. Well, I would probably, the whole like sewing of a doll seems like a big task for me. So I would then instead designate a piece of paper, get out some markers, and then just say, much like you assign a rock a job, I would be like, draw a stick figure. And then assign the job, you're like, you're a voodoo doll now. And then go to town. Oh, wow, you're a voodoo doll now. And then go to town. Wow, then go to town on it.

Okay. And I don't, I hope you don't take offenses, but you sort of have like a lazy approach to some of the spirituality where I go like, well, what's this crystal? You go like, it's whatever you say. You just decide what it is. And it feels like it's just a shortcut to not have to learn anything. I thought I would at least

have to get the engineer's like signature hat as like an artifact definitely have something from his body or like a piece of his hair

or like a stroke of his saliva that I've got easy he's leaving it all over the studio when we're done I have to dust bust

this entire studio because he's I mean it's winter now is not the time that he should be like shedding hair this much. Yeah, he should have a thicker coat right now, but he's leaving it everywhere.

There's still so much. It's disturbing because I wonder if it's a diet issue or something that is just making him. We can help him with that. Oh, well, that would be great. Engineer Sam, what are you eating now? Because I only see it's just rice checks and that's it. Mostly rice checks.

Yeah. Gluten-free. That's nice. Okay. Rice is not good for you. Okay. Well, tell us more about that. It's just not good for you.

It's extremely bloating. What if it's like a sushi, though, where it's rolled up? Ah. Yeah. Should I tell them about what I learned about rice? I was going to say if it's an imported rice maybe we can talk about it but the American rice

American rice is not doing well they store it in silos and then it gets covered in mold and then when they want to sell it they just hose it down and then the mold is still in the rice

so a lot of people, if you get your thyroid checked, you have low levels because you have fungus growing around that part of your body. Low levels of thyroid? The hormone. It's not able to process because it's blocked. It's really fucking gross. Rice, all grains actually in America have that

going on. You're safe with quinoa and buckwheat. That's it. Otherwise, you're going to die. So you're saying that Sam is writing rice checks that his body can't catch? Yeah. And you know what? I feel like this is a real good solve to the problem about that engineer we were talking about earlier. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's feeding him so many bad grains.

Let him make his own bed. Maybe buy him more rice. See that? Hey, I got you something. I was thinking about you. I saw you liked rice and we like that you like rice. He'll just blow it up so much it'll pop. Yeah, he's sick. His thyroid will implode and then

his belly will explode. Yeah, well he's going to be dead soon. Well, that's interesting to think about. What sign do you think Engineer Sam is? I feel like Sam is a... Your reputation's on the line. Taurus.

A Taurus? Which one is that? March. It's like a sedan. I don't think you're a Taurus. She can tell he's not a Taurus. But what kind of... I think he's more like a Pisces or a Virgo. I'm 32. No. Okay. Oh,'s not a tourist. But what kind of? I think he's more like a Pisces. Or a Virgo.

I'm 32. No. Okay. Oh, that's a clue. What is your sign? When's your birthday? April. I knew it.

Aries or Taurus? Wow. I'm not sure. When's the date? 16. You're an Aries. Is that good? I got an April vibe.

Tax gay. Is there one? I'm a Taurus. Is there one that's just like a corn cob? You're a Taurus? No wonder you're so stubborn. See, you know. You know.

What are you guys? I don't know. What's your group then? Yeah, we can't tell. You don't know? I feel like everyone should know that. No, I just want to pick. It's enraged.

I'm a rooster. Yeah, that's a good one. I just want to pick which animal or thing I would want to be in. What do you like? I'm proud and I wake everyone up. I'm a rooster. We're also in the year of the rooster. I know.

Believe me, I know. It's your time. It's your year. Yeah, finally, at long last. Yeah, you're going to make it this year. No, wait, hang on. Is it a good thing for it to be your year? Yeah.

Are you sure? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I don't know about that. I think maybe when it's your year, that's maybe not good. Maybe you're getting pushed out. It's all about perception.

Again, what you think becomes your reality. Okay. Wow. All right. Well, hang on. I'm going to think about something. Okay, cool. So wait, what are you?

Well, I'm just trying to think of like a good animal that I would want. So what you do is you pick your animal, and then that's the animal you get to be in heaven? Is that kind of what this is? Generally, like you want to ask a shaman or someone who knows. Okay. Okay.

But also, what are you vibing with? The toilet paper? A shaman? Yeah. That's what I said. Yeah. It's a joke I just made up.

So, yeah, so you pick out which animal you're going to be and then you become an animal in heaven. So, okay, well, I was thinking that my traits are like a rooster Yeah, so you pick out which animal you're going to be, and then you become the animal in heaven. So, okay.

Well, I was thinking that my traits are like a rooster currently, but what do I want to be? Yeah. I guess I would like to be my cat, because then I still get to be in my house. Yeah. Yeah. So you know where everything is.

Yes. But unfortunately, the problem with being my cat is occasionally one of my owners is using me to beat up my other owner. As a bludgeon. But in this instance, right? In this instance, you are becoming your cat when you die. So one of your owners is gone. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, that's right. So she's just like swinging through thin air, I guess. Yeah, in which case it's basically a carnival ride. Right. I would probably enjoy that. Could be nice. Yeah. What are the stars doing now? I knew

you were going to ask that. I forgot to look it up. Is it because of yours that you know the future and stuff because you have like a crystal ball? I still want to know what your sign is. Who, me? No, I know. Well, yeah, both of you guys. I bet we're the same. I honestly bet we're the same.

When was your birthday? Hayes, I get so shy about my birthday. You know, it's hard to say because I was an orphan found on a farm. So we don't know exactly when I was born. I moved around a lot growing up. I'm a farming brat. But roughly it was in early August. You're a Leo.

Uh-oh. Is that bad? No. Nothing's bad. That was a guy from the West Wing. Yeah. I'm the chief of staff. So it's like stars that's shaped like that guy's face?

Yeah. Wow. Mostly this guy is just like actors. That's like, you know. Yeah. Ah, yeah, stars. So it's different stars. Like I'm a Martin Sheen.

Oh, wow. I see. Early November. I see. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I see that now in your personality. I want to be Janelle Maloney.

Janelle Monet? No. Okay. No, I want to be Janelle Maloney who is another West Wing character. Oh, okay. Sure, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that.

So is Sam sort of a Josh Lyman? I don't know your reference. Oh, it's West Wing. It's all West Wing. I never watched it. It seemed like you wanted to participate with the Martin Sheen. I don't know why I said that. When you said Martin Sheen, I thought, oh, she knows the show West Wing.

Yeah, right. And you tricked us. I was picking up on your guys' energy around it, and I just said the one person I knew. What's your stance on tricking people into thinking you know the West Wing? I feel like I needed to do it because I wanted you guys to like me. There's a crystal for that.

There's a crystal for that. It's like there's an app for that, but there's a crystal for that. Exactly. What's this sprayer? Yeah, you brought a sprayer in here. Say you're sprayers. This is a manifestation spray. Okay, and what's it going to do to me? If we can just work out,

hash out what you want to call in, and then I spray it on you, and it's going to happen. And then it appears? Like sphere. Like the movie Sphere. Can you see that? Is that with the ball in the middle of the science room? Yeah, well, they call it a sphere. Yeah, right.

But it's like in the middle of the science room? Yes, it's in the middle of the big a sphere. Yeah. Right. But it's like in the middle of the science room? Yes, it's in the middle of the big science room. Who's in that? And yeah, who's the chick in it? Sigourney Weaver?

It's got to be, I think it's got to be Renee Russo. Oh, I love her. Dunstan Hoffman and Renee. Dunstan Hoffman? Yes.

Tootsie is one of my favorite movies of all time. Yeah. Say it again. Dunstan Hoffman? Yes. Tootsie is one of my favorite movies of all time. Yeah. Say it again. Dunstan Hoffman? With Dunstan. From Dunstan. He does some of that in Sphere.

He does a little, like he's Tootsie for like a minute. He does some Tootsie? Yeah. He does two minutes of, yeah, Sphere because he's thinking about it and then he becomes it. But it's just like what you're saying with the spray. Manifestation spray. Except it's much more convenient because you can take it around in your big leather lunchbox. And you spray me with it.

What do you guys want to call in? What do you want to be capping? Well, in Sphere, it's a big octopus. Yeah. Doing all the jellyfish. Yeah. Is there another movie with a giant circle? Contact?

Giant circle in a science room. These are my 90s movies. Vibes? No. No, not vibes? It's probably Ss movies. Vibes? No. No, not vibes? It's probably Sphere, maybe it's Contact, whatever, who cares? Yeah, forget it. Obviously, I'm not a 90s movie expert.

Okay, well, we didn't want this to come up. Sorry. Well, Hayes, what do you want to manifest? It's scary because I have seen this play out under the ocean. Yeah, and spirit doesn't work out well for everything. No. Do you guys want to manifest everything and then we can see if it's safe? Yeah.

Steph is just manifesting a vape pen right now. Vape life, yeah. Wow, that's the first vape. That's the first vape. Hashtag vape life. That's the first vape we've ever had. That's the first on-air vape. Yeah first hashtag vape life that's the first vape we've ever had that's the first on air vape

really yeah cool not even like we're wellness experts yeah why do you love getting zooted

what does it feel like to be zooted and have you ever been so zooted that you straight up fell off a boat or something zooted

it feels good it feels like just relaxed and kind of creative and maybe yeah I have a hand raised I have a question

zooted can I get a definition oh when you cheap the kind buds you get zooted it's sort of like people who burn chiba

or like really premium kind buds get super zooted. It's about getting lifted higher than the ceiling. I see. Yeah. Oh, okay.

This is something that your dad said to you when he didn't want you to get fucked up in high school. What? That he said, don't go get so zooted you fall off the damn boat? Yeah. Yeah. You went to high school on a boat? Or just, no. Semester at sea?

Boats around you? Your friends' parents had boats. Yes. I thought suited was, like, some kind of big band thing, like Brian Setzer Orchestra. Because, like, Zoot Suits? But you know they must have been smoking that stuff. Dude, you know, if you're backstage at a Setzer concert, you know that Brian's like, anybody want to hit?

You know the scene. It's like. You can picture it. Close your eyes. can picture it. Close your eyes. You picture it. Exactly what you picture is what's happening backstage at the Brian Setzer Orchestra. Stray cat struts on stereo. Otherwise, how are they coming up with that stuff?

No, you can't. It's a song about a stray cat and the way it walks. You don't come up with that on the plane that we are normally on you gotta be on a higher plane crystals zooting all the things what would I manifest I guess

a t-rex cool man we can do that. And it does, but it has to do whatever you want. Oh, yeah. It can't be wild. It's got to be friends. Right. I don't want to mislead you about manifesting.

I don't want you to think that things like that are possible because then I feel like you're just going to set yourself up for disappointment. Kevin, I'm sorry. We didn't introduce Kevin. Kevin takes creep shots. Kevin comes in and creepily takes photos of the guests. And it seems like when we have female guests, he's here for longer. I guess what I would manifest is some kind of like big trash can for Kevin.

Uh-huh. Something that he could live in. He'd be able to breathe. There'd be a slot in it or something. Yes. A mail hole? Yeah, so he could get his mail in the trash can. Yes, but saying that it has like a mail hole in it,

you couldn't use that phrasing because he would interpret that. Yeah, he would be like, I got a mail hole. And then you'd be like, what do you mean? You know? And then he would tell you, which is disgusting. It's sexual.

Yeah, it's really, really sexual. Kevin, are you getting all of the gear? I mean, you see, we've got crystals, we've got manifest spray. Do we want to light up this sage and sort of just cleanse the room?

Do you have a lighter? I don't. And we're allowed to have fire in here, right? Right. Oh, yeah. I'm sure. Don't. Don't, he says.

Don't, he says. Oh, yeah. No, I got it. And also rule of thumb when you are cleansing a space, you always want to have a window cracked open so the bad energy can move out. Oh, right. Otherwise, you're just like riling it up. Mm-hmm.

Uh-huh. Exactly. But keeping it in there. Right. Yikes. Or a door open is fine. It doesn't have to be a window. Mm-hmm.

It can be a door. You go corner to corner to corner to corner. Something to the outside. And you want to go counterclockwise or clockwise. You just don't want it to be both. What's something I'd be surprised to learn about my energy, my aura? What color is it? Well, I was going to say orange, but then I felt like maybe that's just because you're

on an orange backdrop. Yeah. So I don't really know. It's a little confusing. But your energy is not great, man. Yeah. It's not the best. I've gotten that a lot. Yeah. I've gotten that a lot.

Yeah. I've gotten that a lot. It's like closed off. You seem kind of like you're in your own world. Yeah. Yeah. That's bad. Very cold, yeah.

Super cold. Icy. I'm not really into it, to be honest. People don't like to be around me. Yeah. I'm with them. What do you think I should do? I mean, where do we start?

I don't know. It feels like maybe start with a crystal. Uh-huh. Get friendly with it. Talk to it about how maybe you want to be more open. Give it a job. Yeah. Say, hey.

Give it a job. Say, hey, man, I'd like to be more open. I want people to like me more. How can I maybe listen better? To the crystal, yeah. Yeah. And then carry it around. What about Hayes' aura?

I think mine's brown. I feel like Hayes is like a blue. Oh, okay. Hayes has better energy than you do. Yeah. No, I know. I mean, that's come up a lot. Yeah.

I was going to say that. Yeah. No, of course you were going to. Yeah. I hate it. I don't like making him feel this way. It's him that makes him feel that way. No, I think it is me.

Yeah. No. You're dimming his shine, and therefore it just got this power over me. I hate it. This is my friend. This is my friend, and there's nothing I can do. I wake up every morning, and I say, I wish I didn't have this. I wish I wasn't so great.

Such a nice aura. Super power in this nice world. And then my friend could have just a little bit of it. Because I have too much. I'm not doing anything with this. Well, maybe you can help him be better. You can tell him how you got so great. What's your favorite chakra?

You guys hate this. You're like, this sucks. What? No. This is what I was talking about with your energy. No, no, no. What can I do? Favorite chakra. Yeah. What? No. This is what I was talking about with your energy. No, no, no. What can I do? Favorite chakra.

Yeah. What's your favorite chakra? I say heart chakra. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Green. I was going to say root. Uh-oh.

Yeah. Because your hoo-ha is there. Do you guys use a pendulum at all to check in with your chakras? Of course. All right. So do you want to talk, Elizabeth, a little bit about using a pendulum to see how your chakras are operating? It's personal. Okay.

Here's an issue for me. All of my chakras are in my legs. Yeah. They just – They fell. One day they slipped down. Well, you got conked on the head. Yeah, and it sort of...

Moved everything. Yes, I don't have to tell you the circumstances. You know what a Scottish caber toss is? Yeah. My girlfriend does kind of a home caber toss with furniture instead of cabers, and most of the time they're just sort of landing on my head. Mm-hmm. It seems accidental.

And they do land on the head and they shoved his crown chakra right into the bottom of his feet. Yeah. And my root chakra is down there as well. So I'm experiencing a lot of my sexuality in like my shin. I've heard of that happening. And I need my shin to be like stimulated. Maybe do some inverted yoga poses to try to get them to slide back down. So it comes back.

That's a great recommendation. Perhaps like a, what's the one? Shoulder stand would maybe be really good for you. I'm just imagining it all. Yeah. Any kind of inversion. The plow. Yeah. The plow comes Get in a plow pose.

Okay. Get in a crow pose. Yeah. I need some kind of helper to do. Well, this guy knows so much about chakras and poses. Let me get my pendulum out and just run it around those long old

beanpole legs of yours. I think that if you let him help you with the yoga, then maybe some of your good vibes will rub off on him. That's coming back this way. And you guys will have some sort of nice communication on that level. Symbiosis. And you're already in yoga clothes, so you're there already. That's right.

Yeah, that's interesting that you noticed that. No one else noticed that. Really nice athleisure today. I always wear yoga clothes to the show in case someone wants to help put me in a, like suddenly put me in a pose. I thought that was just for us, that you wore those neon. No, but I'm so glad that someone is pointing it out. And my bra. Sports bra. Yeah.

Male nipples are just as offensive as female nipples, if you ask me. Yes. I think even more so. Probably. Because they're so hairy. That's the thing that people aren't saying. All these people are saying, well, show the female nipples because you can show the male nipples. Don't show the male nipples.

Don't show any of them. Agreed. Yeah, I would go the other way. Let's show neither. Yeah. Yeah. Free the nipple. No.

Lock it up. Hide the nipple. Put it in jail. Shave the other way. Yeah. Let's show neither. Yeah. Yeah. Free the nipple. No. Lock it up. Hide the nipple. Put it in jail. Shave the nipple. Yeah. Is really where I'm at. Shave it. And are you saying do you want to do it?

If you want me to. Haze. I had a dream last night that I got my nipple pierced and then the earring, nipple ring, got lost in my nipple. Bye. We're having this conversation. This has been an Earwolf production. Executive produced by Scott Aukerman, Chris Bannon, and Colin Anderson.

For more information and content, visit Earwolf.com. For more information and content, visit Earwolf.com. That was a HeadGum Podcast.