Hollywood Handbook - Tatiana Maslany, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: December 17, 2019

TATIANA MASLANY joins The Boys to perform some dramatic scenes.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. So we're burning the midnight oil. It's coming down to the wire. I love it. I hate it as well. December 31st, and we need to have it ready for the new year by tomorrow. I'm in there with Lil. Rel.

And he and I are going to debut the new Toothpaste flavors. January 1st. January 1st, the new Toothpaste flavors come out. Everybody lines up, the frigging Toothpaste hypebeasts. Oh, believe me me around the block screaming pounding on doors what is it what is it and we're obviously uh mr bubble yum is in the room as well the The guy, the little bubble gum. Bubble yum?

Yeah. Mr. Bubble Yum. Is in there. He's fucking pissed. Because we were supposed to do this like six months ago. But Lil Rel was on tour. You know, he's blowing up a little bit. He is having something of a moment.

He is having something of a moment. And I'm like pitching, but I know they're not pitches. Okay, what are some of these? Tatiana, feel free to weigh in on this part. Do you have any bubblegum flavor ideas? Because this is coming up for me again in like a week. We're talking bubblegum flavor or toothpaste flavor. Initially it was toothpaste.

Was it? Tooth was toothpaste. Was it? Toothpaste. Is it gum that cleans your teeth? Oh, okay. We're talking a crossover episode of... This is maybe the problem. This, okay. This, sorry. That's where we landed.

Can we just chew toothpaste? Because this seems to me like it's going to solve two problems. One, gum isn't necessarily great for your teeth. Yeah. Two, toothpaste isn't really that fun. I have a friend who confessed she eats toothpaste. Okay, we've done that on the show before. We did it on the show.

We've done it on the show recently. Is it possible that it's us? Yeah, it was you guys. Okay. You guys texted me and were like, I eat toothpaste. Okay. Got it. Who are these numbers?

I thought bubble gum was what we did. Now you're telling me I said toothpaste. You started with toothpaste. Heart. Well, it was toothpaste, but it was bubble gum ultimately. But the pitches that we're going to need for this coming in like two weeks, this comes up again. And I don't think I can do the same thing again. In fact, they told me not to.

So if you guys have ideas. and I don't think I can do the same thing again. In fact, they told me not to. So if you guys have ideas. I don't love an organic toothpaste. I don't think it works. I don't like a baking soda-based toothpaste. I want it as fake as possible. But gum-wise, if we're just doing gum. I don't want a baking soda gum. No baking soda gum.

All right, well, cross that one out. What would be helpful to me to sort of wean me off of this stuff is like chaw-flavored bubble gum. What's chaw? Dip. Oh. Snooze. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh.

Have you ever had a- Big old wad of frigging turbacky. But if I could take a piece of gum that is flavored like chewing tobacco. With little bits of fiberglass. Yes. Just cut the inside. So it slices open the inside of your cheek. And little bits of gum liquid are going inside my bloodstream.

That could be really nice. You want a gusher style terbacchi explosion. Do you put it in the the are we putting it there I'll pack it in there you'll pack it I'll pack it anywhere I have a little appliance

to me it's a little bit really pack it in it's sort of passe to pack it right in the front lip there do you ever pack it behind the ear to keep it for later oh

quite often this is a farmer thing you guys well I it's a real thing yeah and I have it's almost like an earpiece it's like it's like the ear pods that go around your ears but it's a farmer thing, you guys. Well, I... It's a real thing. Yeah, and I have... It's almost like an earpiece. It's like the ear pods that go around your ears, but it's a little cup.

And I can just... And I'll just put it in the cup on top. Just stick it in there? Yeah. And just I'm comfortable. I can move around, you know. As long as I don't do a handstand, I'm okay. It doesn't impede hearing or anything or...

Hmm. You know, it does. Uh-huh. As you say that, I realize i've been missing out on hearing a lot of stuff when i'm wearing this it's a big cup yeah it's a really big cup it's a cup over your ear well and the lid for the cup as well as yeah pretty bulky right um yeah no it's not great but at any rate if you guys have an idea please feel free

to send them we weren't pitching send them to well you pitched the tobacco thing and you said not baking soda

which so a little rule we have in the bubblegum business is we don't necessarily shoot down an idea unless we have an idea

and actually for the show too that would be amazing I don't like that it's not a pitch as I'm thinking about it that would be amazing going forward for the show. And I'm so glad we're having this conversation now instead of like afterwards. This will help you as an actor because when you show up and you have a script and you go, not this line.

Yeah. That's not helpful. But if you go, what if instead of this line, I hit you with one of these? Yes, yes. And you've got something great. Have a few options. So what if instead of baking line, I hit you with one of these? Yes, yes. And you've got something great. Have a few options. So what if instead of baking soda, it was? Tobaccy.

Tobaccy. I'm on that tobacco. And now we have synergy. Tatiana, welcome to Hollywood Handbook. Hollywood Handbook. This is an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz. What up, what up?

What up? So the show is for fun. It's for friends. It's for hanging out. It's for education. And sometimes it's to show off, isn't it? I love showing off. It's innate to me.

Yes. And how else would you end up in this business? I just want attention. Just going and being a little showing off. It's innate to me. Yes, and how else would you end up in this business? Just going and being a little show-off. Just showing off. Look at me. I know my lines. Look at me. I know how to say these words in an order.

I can say them with intention. Look at me over here. I'm in front of a camera. Yeah, I'm standing on this mark. I hit it without even looking. Sometimes you hit it without looking. Sometimes you have to glance down just slightly over your own nose just to feel it. Like freaking Neo.

Yeah, Neo. Eyes closed, just wandering over to the mark. So many actors have backgrounds as mascots. And it's important because you do learn in those big mascot costumes, as we all know, we've all worked theme park circuits, to move without being able to see your feet very well. Totally. And to look only straight ahead. And to vomit and be okay with that.

And to be okay vomiting in your suit. Yeah. And that's okay. That's fine. That was from a show that did that. From a show? Yeah, it was in this show. This show?

No, a different show. It was in that show this show? no a different show it was in that show that happened I've seen that episode and that's real it can happen how many times do you do comedy bang bang? how many times? five

throw that all away forget everything you think you learned there I would never. I'd never go back to it. That show, this show is fun. This show is just like hanging out. What's next? We've been doing this show for only five years.

Only five? Yeah. Where that show is about career building. Connections. Yes, exactly. It's all marketing. It's marketing bullshit. You know who's a real bullshit artist?

It's Paul F. Tompkins. He's the sleaziest. Yeah, the F stands for phony. Paul Phony Tompkins. Every one of these career day events in Hollywood, you see him there. He goes to every single booth. Yeah.

Cuts me in line. The Paul stands for politics. Yes. They'll always ask you what the F stands for, but nobody is asking. Politics fake Tompkins. It's disgusting. He's disgusting. He grosses me out.

He makes me sick. I am now going back to my mascot days again because I'm about to throw up in the suit that is this show thinking about politics fake Tompkins and all of his oh and I meant to say phony I guess I like fake I think we can re-up it you know what the F could be for fake and phony all of his disgusting behavior

it's all big timing me and it's all big-timing me, and it's all trying to make me feel small. Yeah. Because why? Because he feels small. Yeah. Trying to bring you down to his size. I think it's a mirror thing.

He's seeing in you something that he feels he's lacking. Do you know what I mean? No, we only truly hate that which we recognize in ourselves. Yeah. Kevin's friend is here. Ah, Crisp. Speaking of which. Crisp.

Hey, Crisp. Crisp is here. He's not on mic. Kevin's whole vibe today with Crisp is like, see, I told you. I got this buddy named Crisp. Yeah, I told you I had my friend Crisp. Thank you for having me. Crisp, friend Chris. Thank you for having me. Chris, talk about your shirt that says suffocation that you wore to a nice podcast.

One of my favorite bands. It's not the lyric from... Yeah, I think you're confused. That is not the name of the band. Just because they say that, that is just a word that they're singing in the song. The name is different. So it's okay.

You go back to the lab, find out the name of the actual band, whether it's Papa Roach or whoever it is, and maybe that T-shirt comes in next time. I had that album. I still have that album. It had a real cockroach on the front. It had a real one.

That was a real one that they did. How did they get it? That is why I am asking. How are they getting this? You see them and they are going crazy all the time. No offense to you. Maybe that's why. No offense to you, but dream guest Papa Roach.

If we could interview them about how they got the Roach. I have something to tell you. This is the next best thing. Wait. I am Papa Roach. When I was like, how did they do that? They're like like holy shit

oh my god Chris loves Papa Roach so bad the Papa stands for fucking Paul F. Tompkins that's what Papa stands for wow

well we have you here obviously you've done dramatic work obviously we are known.

Morphing black. Morphing black. Yeah. And it really is what you're doing, aren't you? It's morphing around. And you're morphing from one to the other. It was an anamorph sort of situation. It was.

Where instead of animals, it was other women. Other people. Thank you for admitting. Well, and people are animals. The human animal. And you're transitioning between these different guys where you like sort of

get down on your haunches and you're like, I'm changing. I had to do a public changing between each character. So I squat, like you said, because there is footage of this. It's a deep squat.

It took a deep squat. I screamed, belly scream, because you got to get down into the crotch as an actor. You've got to get down into the crotch. We can talk about this while adults. That is where the belly is as well. Get way into your crotch. Get way into the crotch.

Belly scream. Tell everyone. Look everyone. I had to look every crew member in the eye. Ask for help. Ask for help. Ask for help. Ask for help.

Beg for help. They were cutting down on crew members at a certain point. Yeah. Just. Ask for help. Ask for help. Beg for help. They were cutting down on crew members at a certain point. Just to make the day. It's about a five hour process. And then eventually I'd feel ready to strip down in front of them. I'd be ready to put the new clothes on.

Stick on that wig. Glue it down. And become a orangutan lady. Or whatever the stuff. The goof. The goof. We got the orangutan lady. The possum baby.

Possum. And the pasta lady as well. Pasta lady. Pasta lady was the hardest for me to get into. That's tough to connect with. I've just never had it. You can't find it out. Pasta Lady was the hardest for me to get into. That's tough to connect with. I've just never had it. You can't find it out. Where actually is it?

It's really hard to find. Pasta? Yes. I have no idea. I don't know how I'm going to. I was hoping you would be able to talk about that. No, I'm dying to try it. I've never seen this.

It looks great. I have nothing against people who eat it. I won't even go that far. It looks interesting. It could I guess. I won't even go that far. It looks interesting. Like, it could be great. Yeah. I am curious. How'd it go from that hard to soft?

I definitely want to try it. You know what I mean? Yes. How do we get? No, because I've seen both. And it's starting when you're seeing it. The guy's holding it, and it looked like a freaking stick. Also, who's this guy?

Who is that guy? Holding pasta. Holding hard pasta. But you had to become that guy basically for the character or at least his wife. I read a lot. Jesus. I read a lot. Guys, I know how to read.

What's one? What's one? If you're reading, you just said it so you offered it up. Yeah, I read. Say one. Say one? What's one? What's one? Yeah. If you're reading, you just said it, so you offered it up. Yeah, I read. Say one. Say one. The Dominion by Locust. Dan Brown.

Dan Brown. It's one of his side projects. The Dominion by Locust. It's one. That's a Papa Roach song. The Dominion by Locust. Oh, my God. It's my favorite song.

They're referencing my fucking song again. The Locust. He's going to come in tomorrow with a shirt that says The Dominion Locust. We talk about dramatic practice. We talk about you, I know, like to say that you live for the drama. Yeah. And I think that's so funny. I'm making it where I go.

You are so much drama. And I think that's so funny. Making it where I go. You are so much drama. Yeah. We, obviously on this show, famous for doing funny shit. Pulling off some of the funniest shit that has ever even been attempted, let alone executed. Brett, talk about laughing your fucking

whole ass off whenever we do the show. Brett is here. I've just been wheezing this entire time that's why you haven't heard from me i just caught my breath brett's famous death rattle laugh suffocation is a good band by the way i'll stick up for them they're not a band it's a lyric you're confused just the word in the song. You're confused. It's over. I laughed.

So, yeah, go ahead. Doing funny shit. Yeah. Five years. Cracking people up. I guess that's all you guys do, huh? Oh, what are you going to possibly do with someone who is morphing black and dramatic? Yeah.

How could you hold up to that when actually it's been proven time and time and time again that funny comedic actors actually make the best dramatic actors in the world? Boom. Examples. Rob Williams. Yes. Yes. Bobby Bills. Bob.

Bobby Bill. Bob brought home the hardware, as I recall. Many times? Bob Bell. Bobby Bills. Bobby Bell. We're talking James Carey. Yes.

James Carey. Did anybody see his amazing process where he was just an asshole to people for a long time on set? Treat everyone like shit? Yeah. Yeah. That, I couldn't believe what a good actor i was so into that to seem unpleasant and difficult yeah for the entire process of making the movie oh that must have been so hard for him a guy who is fun to hang with yeah he's

such a joy but that's only on the dramatic one if If you see the liar, liar end credits, he is like cracking everyone's whole shit up. Yeah. He actually turned this document that he's supposed to be reading. He like crumpled it up and he turned it into a freaking goose. No, in this case it was a goose. Whoa. Oh, I'm thinking of something else. And the entire crew was laughing, not out of fear, out of pleasure and joy.

Because they knew he was having a laugh. Yes. So he can do both. But when it's time to do drama, then of course, yes, you have to yell and scream at everybody. Yeah, he'd never be making a goose. Yes. We'd never see a goose. No.

A gun. A gun. Maybe a gun. The document is possibly becoming a working gun. And shoot a paper wasp at you. But he pants too. He pants? He pants.

He pants like George Bush. You see that one? He pantsed him? Brett is like... It's a hard word to say He's just desperate I feel like he just put two words together He pantsed him you know with the brush

Brett refuses to leave his politics at home So right wing Yes he will not Just leave his politics It was a nice portrait Of a nice man. I'm not saying positive or negative. No, I actually prefer not to talk about it at all.

But we just leave it at home. We don't come in and go, when am I going to be able to wedge in there and force everyone to deal with my George W. Bush ideas? What does the W stand for? Oh. Well to do. No, Brett, it's not well to do.

Winner. In Brett's mind. Loves Bush. This is frustrating. But the point I'm trying to make, and we've seen it again just this year with The Joker, when it comes to dramatic work, comedic actors just be hit and different, don't they? Who was funny in The Joker?

Huh? I didn't see it. He's, oh. I refused to see it because I had to show you that part. He's a clown, but doing some of the most dramatic things imaginable. Oh, he's a total goof, isn't he? He's got makeup on. He is a cornball.

He is a corny ass fucking wild clown goofer. Would you say he's always on? Well, no, I wouldn't actually. And this is where, you know, a little bit your ignorance is showing from having not seen the film. That's fine, it's always showing. He, in fact, is not always on. He starts out on a lot.

And then as we move into the more dramatic side of the piece, he's not on. I would say he actually becomes slightly off. Yes. Would you say that there's like a little disturbance or disturbed? That's the transition always on slightly off always on slightly off and Crisp is like

oh my god they're talking about disturbed I love that band I can see him I can't hear him but I can see him on the other side going

oh which I don't even know I'm not even sure that's them who who cares I think it is he stood up

or is that stained no no no no no my ignorance is showing no way it's gotta be so That's them. Who cares? I think it is. He stood up to do that. Or is that stained? No, no, no, no. It's probably stained. No, no, no. My ignorance is showing. Can't do this. No way. It's got to be stained.

Can't tear up. And you have Robert De Niro in this movie proving that he could have been a late night talk show host and still could be tomorrow disappearing into this role. You're talking about the Irishman. Yes. Yeah. And he, like, yeah. He is the Irishman as well.

He's both. He's the Irish baby. He's doing monologue a lot. Yes, he's at first the Irish baby. He became so young. He became so young. His eyes were so blue. Where does he get the energy as well, Robert,

to, I mean, to play this insanely charismatic talk show host? You see him on screen and you go, of course people invite this man into their home every night to just laugh and relax. And then in the Irishman, I mean, the athleticism that he's displaying. Just facially. I mean, the athleticism that he's displaying. Just facially. I go, this dude is still fucking hitting different, isn't he? Because this is the thing with that.

When you play young, you have to actually. You can talk about this because you've been more babies. Guys, when I was 23, I played a 13-year-old. And what I had to do was actually, I had to regress. I had to go through a hypnosis process with my therapist where she took me back. And we were enacting, what is it to be 13? Who am I at 13? Who do I want? Disturbed.

And what I discovered is that 13 means that your face is much softer, your eyes are bigger, you have more wonder about the world, and you eat candy all the time. Yes. Talk about this. Well, and I chewed tobacco. I chewed tobacco. Well, and that's why I thought you meant when you said candy.

Yeah, yeah. I'm talking about that sweet, sweet. The rush. I chewed tobacco well and that's why I thought you meant when you said candy yeah yeah I'm talking about that sweet sweet the rush I love that rush when it just cuts the lip that took me on a journey but we don't have

to do any of that shit what we're gonna do is actually prove that Hayes and I are just as good of dramatic actors as any of these freaking... I don't even know what to call them. And we could do it, but... Could have done it easily.

Sometimes things are too easy to even attempt to do. Yeah, it's almost embarrassing, right? Comedy is hard. Dying sucks. It sucks. We're all going to do it, you guys. I have to tell you. I technically am not.

I will be loaded into a computer. Are you going to be Robert De Niro style youngified, but like in body? The organs are going to be. Basically, people are going to be able to recreate my entire personality from the content i've produced in podcast form you're talking about james dean yes resurrection yes i have put so much content and so many ideas out into the world that scientists will be able to recreate my entire brain and personality and put it into a bodybuilder's like host body. A strong, similar to your own body.

Yes. To sort of. A little smaller. Just a little softer. Softer around the edges. But yeah. Essentially recreate me. This is a cloning project.

This entire podcast. Okay. Okay. I know all about this. That we are uploading our personalities onto the. What you did was fake. This was fake. When you say you know all about this. That we are uploading our personalities onto the- What you did was fake. Yours was fake. When you say you know all about this-

You're sort of making fun of it in your thing. But we're actually doing it for real. I'm doing a little- That was completely fake. It's a little wink to the audience. And- Just fake it didn't happen. Yeah.

We're actually uploading our personalities onto the World Wide Web. And we are doing it via podcast. And so later, a thousand years from now, a million years from now, a bodybuilder will be able to walk in, start talking about toothpaste, change to talk about bubblegum, be confused when people ask him about toothpaste,

and then just sort of never recover for the next 45 minutes. It was highly disturbing, wasn't it? So we have to do some scenes. We have to get some of these on wax today. So what's like a thing that like happens in real life? What's the most dramatic thing you could imagine? Well, so for me, it's the simple things.

It's the tiny interactions between people. It's little. It's like a moment, a missed opportunity. It's like the movie Little. It's like the movie Little starring Tom Hanks. It's a cup of coffee passed to your best friend. That's dramatic. And you just share that.

You know what I mean? Yeah. But there's layers under it. It sounds like a commercial. Yeah. To. And you just share that. You know what I mean? Yeah. But there's layers under it. Sounds like a commercial. Yeah. To me, you're describing a commercial for coffee. Well, this is how I see my scripts. I break them down into, okay, what am I selling in this little moment?

What commercial is this? 300 commercials. What commercial is this for? Yeah. So this commercial now is about a breakup. But it's actually, we're actually selling this lamp that's up to the side. So I kind of put my energy towards the lamp, even though I'm breaking up with my partner on screen.

Do you know what I mean? So you love lamp? What's that? Huh? Huh? Huh? I'm asking. You love lamp.

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Hollywood Handbook. What you are describing is essentially a marriage story, isn't it? describing is essentially a marriage story, isn't it? Where the relatable experience is put on screen of a guy who could have fucked anyone. He was in his 20s. He was in his 20s. Guys, I don't know if you know what that means, but he was in his 20s.

And he could have fucked anyone. But he didn't. He's a fuck machine, and he could have been drilling through the entire town. He chose not to. Yeah. And that's the story of marriage. When a marriage is a man who could literally pound anything he sees.

Yeah. Picking one incredibly hot chick to just drill down. You could have had anybody. For a couple down. You're going to add anybody. For a couple years. And he settled for Scarlet. So that is obviously a very sad, powerful story. I'd say it's a bit of a Jesus story, really. Yes.

It's a lot like Jesus. He sort of sacrificed. And he didn't. Jesus? Well, he basically nailed his wing to the cross. Basically. Stuck a little sheath to the side of sacrificed. And he didn't. Jesus? Well, he basically nailed his wang to the cross. Basically. Stuck a little sheath to the side of it. He's up there yelling down.

I could have fucked anybody in this town. He could have been dropping communion wafers on everybody. So let's turn this into a dramatic scene. Hayes, would you like to play the fuck machine? Yeah. I can't wait. I'll try. a dramatic scene. Hayes, would you like to play the fuck machine? Yeah. I can't wait. I'll try.

I'll be the waiter. Okay. Tatiana, do you want to be the lamp? I'd love to be the lamp. Okay. Brett, any ideas? Lead?

You want to be the lead? The lead actor. I know what you're thinking. Okay, okay. No, I don't want to be the lead. No, no, no. It's okay. Brett is the lead actor.

Okay. Just you never appointed a lead, so it's just fine. Okay. He's right. He's right. We forgot to appoint the lead. It's true. It's true. Okay. He's right. He's right. We forgot to appoint the lead. It's true. It's true.

Okay. Oh, can we get some score? Okay. Maybe some romantic Italian-feeling music. Oh, we're in an Italian restaurant. Italian restaurant. This is where it's going to be difficult, though, because of the pasta. Don't melt the pasta.

I have had pasta, though. You have? Yeah. Holy shit, Brent. Where did you come from? I can draw back on that. La-di-da. Bo-yo-yoing.

Mr. Bo-yo-yoing. Brett is an onion. You know? Just constantly unfolding and revealing new layers. Each layer stinkier than the last. He sticks. He bleeds. And he'll absorb all the microbes

in your fridge. Can I ask a question? No. Just for clarity, please. Please, I beg you. I won't ask a single question. No, you didn't let me finish. No, please. Why would you think you couldn't? Just shy, guys.

Shy about asking. Yeah, question yeah question me okay so in this restaurant are these lamps attached to the table is it one of those situations great are they on question thank you are they off great great question i can't see the lamp from where i am oh it's it's way back. It's so far. It's way in the back. Is this a set lamp? This is actually a lamp that's lighting the scene. It's like at Village. It's not practical.

It's at Village. It's not lighting the scene, but you need to be able to see the scripts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, good. Just so I know. It's the lamp on the script supervisor, which is what we call her. I know maybe you don't get to know. We know it's a her, too.

Yes, that's right. It's always a her. Scripty. Did you find something? Excuse me. Excuse me, waiter. Huh? excuse me excuse me waiter huh could I have the main pasta please

one second sorry got my buds in sorry I couldn't hear you I was listening to some of my buds no that's okay I was just hoping to have some of the main pasta at the restaurant. The main pasta. Yes.

Right away, sir. And I just want you to know that the fact that that's all I'm asking for right now, that all I want is pasta when I could have so much more. I'm sorry. I put my buds back in. The last thing I heard was Maine pasta. I'm a young hotshot director. You think pasta is the best I could do?

But that's all I need right now. That's all I need. For you, I only have this pasta. Now, how do I? Where is it? Sorry, sorry sorry sorry i took one out to hear you but i also i'm listening to comedy bang bang in one of these things shit man some of the word play these guys are coming up with like literally they'll hear a word say it back totally different pronunciation and then do just a whole new thing on that that's 10 15 minutes of the show

oh that sounds like some pretty funny shit anyway yeah surely it's surely it's too alt to be popular that's oh man i would have thought the same thing because it's it's out there weirdo shit man i mean i'm telling you this is some outer space comedy shit so here say a word here you've been talking about pasta right yeah they'll go like pasta rasta man and that's 15 minutes of the show i think didn't another show do that exact bit hey man if you can think of the show i'll i'll listen to that too because this shit has got me going man pasta man who was like a rasta italian chef i thought i'd heard something about this i don't know great vulture oh read Vulture and they talk about stuff. Oh, yeah, yeah.

I've been wanting to get Vulture. Where is that? Sorry, it's so dark in here. Is there any, like, is there a lamp or something that you can bring out? Okay. Maybe check in, like, the back or something like that. And that was the lamp going on. So, really good scene.

Guys, I loved that. Tatiana, I... I have a few notes. Okay. A few comments. Please, yeah. Yeah, no, they're not notes. They're soft notes.

What I loved about it, I love that you guys talked over each other. Yeah. I love that there was a looseness to it. I love that we went from him not being able to hear him. And I believed that there was a looseness to it. I love that we went from him not being able to hear him. And I believed that. I really believed. I don't know if you did have headphones in, like that you were actually listening to something.

Underneath, yeah. You did? Oh, you did. So you weren't creating that. Okay. Love that. I love that when you said main pasta

you emphasized main and I love that you conjured the image I didn't even notice that I was doing that no it was

but it's because you really wanted it it's natural it's because you really wanted it that's so cool it's all natural and I like that the scene just sort of

ended up being about something completely different from where it started yes and that you guys just went the journey that art takes us on of ended up being about something completely different from where it started. Yes. And that you guys just went. The journey that art takes us on. It ended up being, if you notice, there was like, it ended up being the podcast Comedy Bang Big. Yeah.

If you noticed that. Which is meta. It's in there. That's in there. It's subtle, but it is in there. It's threaded in a little bit. And for those who would say that Brett was the lead and actually did nothing, if you were in here, you would know that he was smoldering.

Yeah. Oh. All the focus was on him. Stole the scene. Yes. I think it was the breath work. He was breathing quite low. To give myself a note,

just from a casting perspective, Tatiana, I think you may have been underused by making you be the lamp. When you're, by all accounts, one of the bigger guests we've ever had on the show, and then we did, that scene must have been seven or eight minutes. Here's the thing. There are no, this is just something I came up with. It's something I like to say.

There are no small parts. Okay. And I love lamps. That's another thing I love to say. There are no small parts. Okay. And I love lamps. That's another thing I love to say. You came up with that as well? Yeah. I said it before you did, if you actually remember. Surprising.

Yeah. Because I've coined it. I thought we were maybe going to do a scene where the waiter would be going back and getting a lamp out of the back room, which would be an opportunity for the lamp. We did, and then the lamp turned on, if you heard the click noise that she made. Yeah. It was subtle.

I don't know if you missed it. No, I did. It's subtle, but it's in there. The coming bang-bang thread was subtle, and then the lamp sound was actually pretty subtle. There's a lot of subtlety. Do we want to do another scene? Now, maybe you shouldn't be the lamp this time.

I think Chris should be able to suggest something from his own life. Chris, what's the most dramatic shit that ever happened? You don't say suffocating he's clearly experienced a lot am I playing a character Kevin brief him before the show

probably meeting Chef Kevin for the first time that's dramatic okay does anybody in here have the chops to play Chef Kevin?

This is maybe where we use... Okay. I can do this. Yes. You got it? Yeah. All right. I'm watching him right...

I'm just taking him in right now. There's a kindness there. Okay, so I'll be Crisp. You can be Chef Kevin. Yeah. Hayes, what would you like to play in this scene? I could be the lamb. Okay.

Are you practical or are you off camera, on camera? What are we talking about? I am outside. You're a heat lamp? Yes. Because it's cold. Yes. I'm outside at the restaurant and I am blasting blasting you can hear me i'm going so loud

that propane and can we get some music um maybe like uh thank you fine exactly Chef Kevin? What do you want? I just saw you banging on them skins in there. Get out of my face. I got these pastas to bake. Sorry, sorry. I don't want to bother you, but just... God.

I saw you on stage banging on them skins, and man, you can really wail It reminded me of some of my favorite bands Suffocation And etc Kids don't talk to me about suffocation Suffocation's a lyric You don't know nothing

Get out of my face But I made this shirt Wait a second What's your name again? Crisp Crisp? Crisp Pass me that pot

You're gonna get You're gonna work for me today Oh my gosh You sir are gonna become a skin You're gonna become the skins that I'm pounding, sir I'm about to flay ya Thank you, sir I'm gonna peel that first layer of skin off your body, my friend.

You got that sweet, sweet, supple skin. Oh, my God. Get over here. This is so scary. Oh, God. Thank you. It's okay. It's so dark in here.

Chef Kevin's right here. It's so dark, I can't see anything. Oh, crisp. Oh, Chef Kevin. Your skin is going to make some nice drums there, my sweet. Would you like me to turn on this lamp? Yeah.

The lead! Cleek. Okay. Okay, so who should give notes on this one? I mean, we can just sort of do a round table like conversation about just like how it felt being

scene partners for that I really liked how chef Kevin was calling his subordinate sir the guy who was very scared of him who he had just met was he was referring to this sir well this is what the complexity of chef Kevin is that he's got a-

A warped mind. Yeah, he's a warped soul. And he sees vulnerability in this guy. He wants to build him up as much as he wants to peel his skin off at the same time. And to make drums. To make those drums. And this is a thing in a lot of dramatic stories is kissing. Yeah.

Like they are. It so often comes up. They are doing this a lot in these movies. Yeah. As we saw in Marriage Story. Yes. They have that in there. Yeah.

Kissing is often played for laughs, but it can be dramatic as well. is often played for laughs, but it can be dramatic as well. Especially when it is someone who is getting their skin peeled to be made into a drum by a pasta baker who they've just met. I felt

very scared doing the scene. Right. And I think I should have. Yeah. I think that's where you were bringing me. Uh-huh. Well, you want a scene partner who's going to take you, take you there, so to speak.

Like, make you feel like your skin is vulnerable to being removed. Do you know what I mean? No. Yes, now I do. If you asked me yesterday, do you know what I mean? You know what I would have said? What? No fucking way. No fucking way.

No fucking way. Right. But you were laughing. And isn't that interesting that like your response to that? Being nervous. To like being scared. Yeah. Was to laugh.

I guess Chris laughs. I guess Chris laughs to look brave and to look strong, even when he's pissing his little panties in there. Did you know that before coming into this scene? Were you like, that's a – I discovered that. You discovered that. I discovered that. I love that.

I really love that. Thank you. I could feel you finding that. No, you honor me. Thank you. You know what? I do honor you. You honor me.

I honor you deeply. You honor me. Thank you. God bless you. Peace be me thank you God bless you God bless and Brett talk about your how you felt entering the scene when you did

sort of the climactic moment well I really I was getting sort of shouldering the bird the lead that, the lead, that is the lead's responsibility. Well, we never really discussed that I would be lead again. You didn't have to. No, we just...

Lead stays the lead. Okay. Once a lead, always a lead. We've also never really discussed who the lead is. Okay, we're doing Mission Impossible 5 now. Okay, now let's have a big meeting about who is going to be the star of this movie. Good point.

Let's spend the entire day being like, okay, who is it going to be this time? Who will be the lead? Ving Rhames the lead this time? But I felt that I didn't want to step on the scene. I wanted you to shine, literally. Yeah, literally. Wow.

See what I did? That's really funny. I think that's so funny, man. I think See what I did? That's really funny. That's so funny, man. I think you could give it up for that. And even in dramatic work, you can get some of your biggest laughs because it's unexpected to hear Brett make the funniest fucking joke I've ever heard. In the middle of a pretty serious discussion. You lit up.

Okay. And Brett, I absolutely have to give it up once again. And I honor you. You once again and I honor you you honor me I honor you God bless you you honor me peace be with you

peace be upon you Sam is in there these creeps all these creeps why'd he turn off the light yeah turning out the light

as if like he can't be seen when the light is off he's a vampire lamp business engineer vampire what's a. He's a vampire. Lamp business. Engineer vampire. What's a vampire? It's a vampire, Sam.

Sam vampire. Uh-huh. Vampire. We gathered all these questions for Tatiana. Should we ask her one question? Come on, Kevin. Hit us with the questions. Okay, this comes from Brendan J.

What's the bit that you regret most in the old HH archives? This is not a good question. This is a terrible question for Tatiana. from Brendan J. What's the bit that you regret most in the old HH archives? This is not a good question. The J stands for joke. This is a terrible question for Tatiana. Joke question. Okay, who should host

the Oscars? Thank you. Thank you. That is a good question for Tatiana. That's a great question. Now, are we talking currently or in the past?

Hmm, that's a really good question. That's really interesting. It does say I figured it was the 1974 Oscars. Okay. Who should host the Oscars in the past? I think they should just have a series of children coming out dressed in little outfits. You want them in outfits?

I want them in outfits, and I want them laughing, singing, dancing. To kids, little kids. I want to keep it light. It's getting so heavy out there. I want a bunch of babies on stage. It's so negative, isn't it? It's so negative. We come together for once. And I think that's going to be one of the legacies of the decade.

Negativity. I think that is going to be one of our lessons of the decade. It's been pretty negative lately. Yeah. It's been tough. Yeah. So. So who is it?

Like who can do this? Like who can bring everyone together? Obviously answer Ricky Gervais. You know, there's a reason that the Golden Globes are kicking the Oscars ass every year in terms of just fucking awesome comedy and great hosting. And just really taking no prisoners and being so fucking cheeky. Yeah. I mean. He's a cheeky monkey.

It's unreal. Yeah. He is a bit of a cheeky monkey. It's unreal. Yeah. He is taking so much of the piss. Out of air. He's cheeky much of the piss. Out of air. It's cheeky.

No, nobody, nobody is safe. No piss remains. No. Do you think he apologizes to people afterwards? Yes. I think he goes up to them and just says, I'm so sorry. I just totally joke. I was joking.

I just don't know if I'm alive. I'm like, dude. Oh, Ricky. Dude, are you? Of course, dude. Dude, I was like the whole time. I was like, that was the funniest to me of anyone. Are you kidding me?

Oh, yeah. He apologized to you? Yeah. And I was like, dude, are you kidding me? Are you? That kind of shit is my favorite. That's my favorite kind of shit ever. That's what I did to you.

You don't have to laugh. Oh, so maybe this is like, maybe we do this. Can we get a little music for this? Oh, yeah. This is the apology. Yeah. I mean, you've been in these. Oh, yes.

You like to say, like, taking home awards hardware, like, whoa. Yeah. You know? I've done it. And so let's, like, you like, whoa. Yeah. You know? I've done it. And so let's, you can be backstage. Yeah. And Ricky Gervais is apologizing to you for a joke he made. Yeah.

About Morphing Black. And I'm holding my shlammy. Yes. Oh my God, what a night. Oh my God. Oh yeah, I didn't mean, you know, just taking a piss, having a little laugh. Oh, Ricky. I'm just being cheeky up there. Oh, yeah. You know, just taking a piss, having a little laugh. Oh, Ricky. I'm just being cheeky up there.

Ricky, sweetie. You know, the reason I even did a joke about you is because I get such humor. You know what? I take it as a compliment, Ricky. I take it as a compliment. Oh, God, it doesn't exist. Just go and take a little laugh. Ricky, your skin.

Ah, falling off, yeah. Oh, my God, your skin. Ah, yeah, falling off, yeah. It, your skin. Ah, falling off, yeah. Oh, my God, your skin. Ah, yeah, falling off, yeah. It's so soft. Yeah, falling off. Sure, the skin coming off. Mmm. Yeah.

Mmm. Ooh. You know how sharp an Emmy is, Ricky? Oh, my. You know how he's got those two little sharp hands? Oh, no. One of those. Oh, God.

Oh, no. I'm becoming drums. And then I put his skin onto my body. And then I host the Emmys or whatever. Oh, wow. Whoa. That one's a narration. No, I mean, this is like your signature dramatic move.

It's so important to have a brand, and people are comfortable when they see you. They're waiting. When is she going to peel a guy's skin off? Who's getting played? How long is it going to take? Is she going to kiss before, after, during? Kiss and take the skin. Your characters are constantly being like,

and now I'm in charge it's a gender reversal thing because I'm so sick of men being the ones who flay the women yes I want to flay the men do you know what I mean that's where I think we've seen that

the men flaying some women doing the flaying. Yeah, please. Enough Bobby flay. How about Bobby Sue flay? Yes. Kevin, any other question? This is from Nick.

Curious what your favorite cameo in a project has been. This is from Nick Kroll. My famous cameo in a project has been this is from nick kroll yeah um my famous famous cameo in a project no has been um are you on cameo by the way yeah uh 50 bucks oh that's i pride myself on that price yeah you gotta find that sweet spot where you can still be like like in rarefied air as a celebrity. Like still be expensive, but people are also like paying for your cameos. Yeah. How many cameos have you bought?

Boy. For a friend. For a friend. I am saving up for Brian Baumgardner. I don't know who that is. You do. This is a character that's so funny. He is, okay, I'm telling this fake character.

It's Kevin from The Office, who is like the guy of a show. Guys, I only watch the UK Office. Oh, okay. Oh, thank you. Have you heard the British Office ladies? So much better than the American Office ladies. That's a great joke. I am now worrying that you actually have become the lead. Because this is now the third joke.

Each one funnier than the last. Make sure to save the Pro Tools. What happened? I caught a glimpse. What was on your screen? I don't know what she's laughing at. Nothing. You'll find out soon enough.

Everyone's getting flayed. She's seeing me just like all the chess pieces being put together. You guys don't even know what's happening behind the scenes. Did you research that joke before doing it? I kind of led all of you along the whole episode until that moment. Right.

And then just nailed it. And then dropped it in. There's just a document on your screen, a document. There's the words British office ladies and then like a time stamp under it that's like last night

at 10pm or something Brett I honor you bless you Brett thank you I honor you God bless you

so um okay so you're on Cameo uh but you were talking about a famous Cameo that you've done. Famous cameo.

No, it was the favorite cameo that's in a movie, right, Kevin? But she said my famous cameo. That you did? Yeah. Okay. And I interrupted. It's subtle. It's subtle, but it's deep.

But it's in there. It's in there. In the back of Sam Raimi's Spider-Man. Ah, Sam. Sam himself. I was a guy. I played a guy. I was looking up, and I sort of pointed up.

And I took that part because I hadn't done a lot of point. People thought of you as having your fingers closed down yeah yeah and there was something about extending up that was quite a like artistic kind of it was a necessary thing for me to explore on camera publicly that's so flex your muscles because I remember back then sort of being like, who is that? Whose face is kind of saying like, hey, this is New York. Yeah. We don't. Thank you.

We don't let goblins just come in here and hey, you get off of this freaking train, you goblin. Yes. Yeah. This is our town. I did a lot of prep work on just the concept of like, what is a goblin? Yeah. Like, what is a goblin to me? You know, it's not a goblin.

Where'd you land? Where'd I land on what a goblin is? Yeah, on what a goblin is. I think people love to hear this. Goblin's sort of like a stand-in for like racism and sexism. Wow. You know what I mean? I thought it was what I'm doing at dinner time.

And he's now, Brett's rubbing off on him. And I'm doing at dinner time. And he's now Brett's rubbing off on him. And I honor you, Hayes. Thank you. Bless you. God bless you. Peace be with you. And also with you. God.

But Goblin obviously is what you do at Thanksgiving time. And it is also racism, sexism. Goblin, obviously, is what you do at Thanksgiving time. Goblin with turkey. And it is also racism, sexism. It's sort of like pointing out. Xenophobia. No, it's serious.

It's serious. Goblin in the room, so to speak. I'm pointing up at it and sort of drawing people's attention. And you're saying this is New York. We do not do sexism here. We do not have racism. We do not do racism. And I could have fucked anybody.

Do you know what I mean? Could have literally able to fuck whoever. Because at the time, you're in your 20s. You're in your 20s. You can fuck anybody. No, you honestly, when you're in your 20s, and people know this, but I'll say it, you could be wielding your pork sword to slay so many clam dragons. And the sad truth is, in a story that is a marriage story, it's really about sheathing your pork sword

and letting it rest dormant in its scabbard, which is a heartbreaking truth, but it's something we do have to deal with cinematically. It's very real. It's a very real issue. Now, in your 30s and your 40s, you're unfuckable. You can't fuck nobody. Yeah. And go to the theater. You're lucky if you can jack off.

See this kind of stuff in the theater. 30s and 40s are for jacking off. If you're lucky. 20s. If you're lucky. 20s, it's absolutely blasting time. Yeah, it's blasting time. So, just talk about the power of cinema for just one second,

and then we can get out. Just discuss the power of cinema. Yeah, go ahead. I mean, transportative. We're in a different world. We're going somewhere else. We're escaping our lives. And yeah, I did say escape.

And yeah, I say expresso. It's transformatory. It's morph... It's morphing the audience as much as it is morphing blood. Yeah. That's just what I feel about it. Bye.

Bye. Hollywood Handbook.