Hollywood Handbook - Tawny Newsome and Her Dad, Our Cartoon Friends

Episode Date: April 27, 2021

The Boys welcome back TAWNY NEWSOME to pitch more cartoons to her dad. Check out her new podcasts at suboptimalpods.com. Subscribe on Patreon and watch the full video recording of this episode here. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is a head gum podcast uh new vegetables new vegetables there's so many and we're barely get through any per episode but man we've been going nuts making these new vegetables. The old ones, I can't even think about anymore. They make me sick to even look at. Which ones are you doing now? I've got an asparagus that looks like a peacock. A peacock. Wow, that's interesting.

I have, you know how they're doing all these vegetarian meats and stuff? Like vegetarian chili. Meats the vegetable now yes i am designing new vegetables it's carrots but listening it is meat it's it's well it's meat carrot fish meat carrot fish fish meat carrot vegetables one of the hottest new vegetables this season look for it in your grocer's freezer tony are you designing any vegetable i'm not doing that i'm not doing that taking a little break from my vegetable designing business from doing have done too many already and are yeah taking a break i reached the top top. I designed the best ones.

Not combining any two old vegetables into a new vegetable. Like a broccoli rutabaga? And she did it again, folks. Okay. So you are doing it. Well, I mean. I would say a root of broccoli, but if you want

to say the entire, both entire words, so there's no confusion at all. Isn't that how portmanteau works? I designed a passion fruitabaga, so I'm combining fruits with veggies sometimes. And that one tasted terrible. You opened up the rootabaga and all the goopy all the sweet goopy seed inside sweet goopy seed did it taste good but i'm using it because i'm i i'm proud of all my freaky creations that's good um you guys i have to be honest i'm uh i'm exhausted so i don't know what you're expecting

like performance wise today but i'm just expected you exhausted so i don't know what you're expecting like performance wise today but i'm just expecting you to bring it you're a pro just to really absolutely deliver super hard like you do for every other show that you do generally when we have tawny book we say we got the day off she's gonna strap me on her back and carry me up the mountain and once again and i'm talking to other shows and they're saying like oh tani really brought it for us she delivered so hard and made a really special effort as well really and i'm like and i've been promising that you'll be doing that for us, too. I know. I mean, that's nice, but I've done this a lot, so I think it's time for a kickback episode.

Okay, I've been talking to lots of people and saying that you were not going to be tired on the show. I don't know what to tell you. I called my parents right before this and said that you wouldn't be tired when the episode comes out. Well, do I owe them something? I don't know your parents, Sean. I'm just kind of noticing that you didn't even... Neither do I in some ways.

You're like saying you're tired. You didn't even yawn and do a big stretch. Do I have to prove tired? Does anyone know anyone? I just like... You don't have to prove it, but you do have to not fake it. You don't believe that someone's tired unless they're doing a cartoony yawn and stretch?

Do they even know themselves? It doesn't have to be cartoony. It can be very grounded. It can be like a very grounded... Like that? Is that better? I don't think that's cartoony. It's like muppety. You didn't really stretch. You don't think I stretched? Noony. It's like really stretch. You don't think I stretched? No, you just put your arms out.

That's not feels like a Sesame Street character. My fingers are stretched. Okay. Well, that was really tired. Wow. I mean, you guys have a whole thing. You have a whole spiel you do together. You're super.

You guys all. We're jerks, but we're not. but we're not you want to use that should we use that to like well you'll like get really refreshed and we'll like do our whole spiel and we'll like tell say that like kevin like wants to like whatever thank you for saying but we're not after you said we're jerks in your impression of us a lot of people leave that part out yeah that's the whole thing it's the whole premise we're jerks but we're not that's the whole thing that's the whole thing a lot of people only say half of the thing which is they just do the word jerks part and i do think that but we're not is actually one of the more important elements or they'll say that but they'll say like the whole premise is that they're jerks. Yeah. And then they give up.

They get tired. Yeah, they'll make it sound kind of like what you made. Yeah, they get tired describing your premise. I get that. I mean... Yeah. Everything right now feels exhausting. So whatever you guys want me to do, I'll do.

But I don't know. Okay, so be not tired. And I'm telling you, that's really important for this. Activate awake mode now. I've done like 50 podcasts. I'm telling you that's really important for this. Activate awake mode now. I've done like 50 podcasts. I'm so tired. Have you had bang energy drink? Bang? I don't know that.

Have you had Red Bull Total Zero? Red Bull Total Zero? The big boys? Have you had Monster Mean Bean Coffee flavored energy drink? Java Monster. Salty Caramel Java Monster. have you had monster mean bean coffee flavored energy i was about to java monster java monster java monster salty caramel java monster i drank um one regular black coffee is that good you had tiger blood i had a black coffee like a plain one like a regular one is

that what you mean plain flavor are you talking about rehab peach tea monster rehab peach tea no but that sounds good do you have some that sounds good to you sure i'll take whatever a peach tea that's called rehab you're like that sounds good it sounds like it's gonna wake me up and revitalize me why else do you go to rehab have you had a diet rock star you're tired you go to rehab i'd love to sign me up. Where could I go? That's what a lot of these celebrities do these days. They're being checked in for exhaustion. That's what I need.

Quotes around that. You're looking at it. Check me in. I'm not doing great. You don't have to be put in handcuffs when you're checked in. I mean, you were like putting your hands behind your head. Like, they honestly. I think you fundamentally don't know what stretching looks like.

I've learned in this podcast. You have a hard time identifying just human stretching and that's fine. But you need to like what I'm doing right now is a stretch. Okay. If Hayes doesn't know what stretching looks like, then how come he has so many yoga pants? Excuse me. That's a great question. Then why is he always in yoga pants when i see him are yoga pants the the tiredest pant what's the most tired pant

uh what tired in what sense uh dealer dealer's choice so probably bed jeans. Bed jeans? Probably bed jeans. Bed jeans. Jeans made of comforters? No, they go under the comforters and under the sheets, and they are jeans for bed. And you slide into them. Yeah. Got it. They're jeans that are stitched into your mattress,

and they keep you hold still in bed, so you don't go flying off. Okay. I'm going to get a Coke Zero. I'm very tired. I'll be right back. Okay. Someone's knocking on my door too. Do you and Kevin want to do something real quick?

Yeah. Okay, Sean, check out this new thing I'm doing. I have a to-do list thing. Oh, thank God. I see Tawny. It's very small because I'm in Canada. Look at this.

It's cute. Oh, yeah. They did a little Coke Zero there. Zero Cokes given. Where'd Hayes go? He said he like heard something I honestly think he just was jealous that you got to leave I didn't get to leave

I decided to leave no one approved it I don't think either of us even realized that was allowed up until we saw it happening in one of the little corners of the screen and I think that gave him an idea was allowed up until we saw it happening in one of the little corners of the screen and that made and i think that gave him an idea that may have torn the fabric of the very podcast irrevocably when i learned that you can just get up in the middle of a podcast on zoom i it changed me and i want to gift that to you yeah so you can just go just go and come had things I needed to do.

Yeah. Wow. Even just before this, we recorded one and there was stuff I needed, but I didn't have it. I could have gone and gotten it. You could have gotten it. I needed this. Hey, it's the

Haze Man. He's never going gonna be the same again how was that hey haze man haze man where did you go the uh delivery man was here delivering my daily books ah the books are all here i have i read books every day and several new ones every day huge big yes and i need okay and every day i have to call and say books man books man please come deliver me new books open up my skull put the book in okay feeding um i was telling Sean that the day I learned that you can just get up and walk away from a podcast whenever you need, it changed me. And I hope that I was able to give that unto you. I got up as soon as you did because I realized it was possible.

I've opened your mind. Yeah. I'm still scared to try it. I don't think I'd ever get back. It's true. And I didn't really go in. I just kind of stood. I don't know if you could see i was sort of peeking around the frame uh because i was really scared of going too far away right and

i assumed that you were doing that too i fully went to the fridge and got this small canadian coke zero she got the tiny coke zero zero coke given uh i got a book yesterday, Tawny. And it was from my aunt and uncle. Uh-huh. And it was called, and I don't know if you know about this book, but it made me think of you. And it was called

The Tawny Scrawny Lion. Oh, I had that as a kid. Well, now I have it as a big kid. Yeah. How do you like it well it's got some problematic elements i don't remember there's a good amount of body shaming happening in the book sure sure sure sure the lion's too scrawny then all the rabbits talk about how fat all the rabbits

are the fat little rabbit and he says i've got five fat brothers at home and four fat sisters of the lion goes oh i'm gonna eat these fat rabbit and i go it said do we really need to characterize these you know animals this way it seems like they all have different lifestyles different metabolism and i i don't know that we necessarily need to make a value judgment on sure uh that so um so for me the book was disturbing uh but i also uh you know i saw that your name was in the title i wondered if you knew about it you do know about it oh thanks for reminding me i love books this is uh that's a book uh here that's definitely mine and not weird decor in a strange can Airbnb. This is definitely my book. Wow. Let's read it. Let's see the book. Let's read the book.

We never read books anymore on this show. And I love finishing my book just to take a little break and I just put my plant on it. Yeah, I love to set a plant down on a book to remind me. Keep reading that book. That's a book about Philip Phillips

from American Idol writing his hit single a few years back, isn't it? Correct. Yep, that's the book. Ooh, guys. He sounded like Dave Matthews, but he wasn't Dave Matthews. Not working.

There's power in that. Coke Zero not working? No, I'm struggling. Getting worse. Yeah, it's actually making me more tired. Well, you historically have been very generous on this show with sharing information, people from your phone. Yeah.

Maybe it's time to tag someone else in because if you don't want to do the podcast, maybe you know someone who does, you can call them up and then we have a guest. Yeah, traditionally, you have me on the show to have other people on the show that's um that's the deal something of a hinge so like i'm here as a gateway to other people like i'm not on the show ever alone you're a portal for us yeah um it's like science fiction

when we get tawny and it opens up all these amazing possibilities. It's like Rick and Morty. Yeah. It's like the blaster ray from Rick and Morty that takes them to all these different worlds. I love that show, I think. I think so, too. I think you do.

Yeah. Hi. Hi, Dad. How are you? Hell yeah. How are you? Hi. I'm doing great this is shawton hayes uh you didn't get to see them last time he can't hear you because i don't i can't forget the tech okay but we are we are seeing tony's dad hello we're waving to uh they can hear you dad but you can't hear them this is how we did it last time we are gonna

make it work this time it worked really really well so this is a great opportunity we have tawny's dad again and and i think this is a great opportunity last time last time we ran by some cartoons we uh like yes like new yorker style cartoons he reviewed our cartoons he Yes, like New Yorker style cartoons. He reviewed our cartoons. He didn't like any of them, but now I think... Oh, sorry. I'll just translate for him. Whatever. Tell him. Last time you reviewed their cartoons, do you remember that?

And you didn't like any of them? Okay. Do you have a TV or iPad playing in the background? I don't remember. Is there a TV playing iPad playing in the background? I don't remember. Is there a TV playing? Everything's off now. What was he watching? What were you watching?

So that's a no. Never mind. I remember. All right. Okay. So you didn't like their cartoons. Do you guys have something you want to pitch to him this time? We've been working on some cartoons for him.

Yeah. I think we can figure out something together. Yeah, for sure. They have some new cartoons for you, Dad. Yeah, we have new cartoons. We want him to collaborate, too. And they want you to collaborate. Okay.

John, do you want to go first? Sure. Yeah, I can go first. So, okay. So here's one cartoon idea I have. So what? You're going to translate? He's going to tell me and I'm going to translate to you.

Oh, okay. I'm hearing something. Do you have something else on? So I got this idea in my backyard today. Wait, what's on? He has four screens where he's sitting. I'm good. Is everything off?

I cut it all off. Okay. Go ahead, Sean, and then I'll relay it. So it's like a squirrel support group, like 12-step meeting with a bunch of squirrels sitting around. And one of them is saying, you know, there's like dialogue underneath it. One of them is saying, my kid came home and found me upside down sucking on a bird feeder.

And that's when I knew I needed help. Okay. So it's a bunch of birds in a 12 step program. And one of them falls down. No, I have a different one. Their kids are like, you're drunk and embarrassing. How do we feel about this podcast? No. So he can see me.

That's not what it is. A bunch of birds in a 12-step program? That's not... Oh, he likes it. Okay. Okay. Oh, geez. Oh, geez. What was that?

Just a huge medical bottle? You know what it was. Does he need a bigger T? A bunch of birds in a 12-step program is funny. Okay. That's funny on its own. Okay.

If he likes birds, I have another bird one. Sean says he has another bird pitch. Do you want to hear another bird pitch? Throw whatever you want at me, but that was funny. Okay, I'll do one more bird one and then Hayes can go. I think he's kind of saying you sold him and he doesn't. No, no. I'm selling past the close.

I'm selling past the close. Be careful with stuff like that because then you have a bunch of senior citizens laying in the aisle who need resuscitation. Oh, because it's too funny. Yeah, that was funny. We don't want to be too funny. So this one is two birds, like two crows, and they're sitting on a wire. And one of them says to the other one,

Hey, man, you ever worry about accidentally getting zapped? And the other one goes, Dude, all the time. So there's two crows sitting on a wire, and they have a heart-to-heart about hurting each other's feelings, and one crow is like, I care about you, and the other one's like, that's good to hear.

Will that make a good cartoon? No, no, no. He's not going to like this one. No, no, no. It's not his kind of thing. Say they're in a 12-step meeting at least my dad just made me see i know the universal sign for turn the page okay okay these were my strongest ones so on the next page okay now hayes is gonna pitch one there's a tree that fell over

in the forest and it says there's a word bubble and it says ouch and there's a guy hiking and he's looking at it he says well i guess that answers that um okay so a tree fell on a hiker the hiker and the tree is like i guess nobody saw this coming oh that's actually okay that's not bad yeah i punched it up it's so tony it's your stuff that he doesn't like. Okay. Yeah. That one's okay? That one's okay? That one's all right?

You know, you can work on it, but yeah, it's okay. Yeah, it's okay. Okay, Dad, I'm going to try and... They're saying that I'm not pitching him right, so I'm going to try and do them verbatim so that you're not judging my summaries. Okay, well, I don't have any more. I have a tree one.

I have a tree one. Sean a tree one okay so it's there's two bonsai trees one of them is extremely lopsided and he's saying ever since quarantine i've been cutting my own hair okay i'm gonna be very careful here good there are two bonsai trees one of them is lopsided. And he says, ever since quarantine started, I've been cutting my own hair. How do you feel about that one? Geez.

What? That's funny. Yeah. You got it. That's funny. Yeah, it blew his hair back. I like that. Okay.

Okay, so I need to do a better job of summarizing because what you're not liking is my version. There's some editorializing that happens. Can we hear, are there newspaper cartoons that he does like that we can kind of work off of? That might steer us towards, yeah. Dad, they want to know, are there newspaper cartoons or any cartoons that you like and that they can pitch one for that cartoon?

In that style, yeah. Like in the style. Do you like Dilbert? And then they'll do one like that. I don't look at cartoons anymore. Okay. Really? Okay.

They're actually for adults. A lot of them are for adults. Some of them are. Wait a minute adults Wait a minute If you want to go back to cartoons Bring me a cartoon With Rhode Island Red Who's that?

Is that a chicken? That's that big rooster Yeah the big rooster Oh Foghorn Leghorn? Foghorn Leghorn Sometimes some people call him Rhode Island Red Foghorn Leghorn Yeah that's what I call. Yeah, Foghorn Leghorn. Sometimes some people call him Rhode Island Red. Foghorn Leghorn. Yeah, that's what I call him too.

I'm with Tawny's dad on this one. Okay. Is that an East Coast thing? Yeah. It must be. He has different names. In every state, he has a different name. Yeah, Foghorn Leghorn.

Okay. Or. Okay. Who wants to pitch one in that accent? Kevin. I think Kevin actually wants to do a foghorn leghorn. He does. He does the voice.

He does it really well. The bonsai was pretty good. Now, if the other bonsai tree rolled up in a wheelchair and asked him what he's doing, and he said, due to the COVID, I have to trim my own hair. To me, that's even funnier. Wait, what?

What's the joke? He ended up with a serious injury. Why is one in a wheelchair? Oh, you said they had the two bonsais. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, sorry. One was crooked. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And if another bonsai wheeled up in a wheelchair and asked him, what are you doing? Yeah. He says, I'm cutting my hair because of the COVID. Because of COVID. To me, that would be okay it is better that's that's a good punch up i did know yeah one of the bonsais in mind looks normal which it's like was he not experiencing right any hardship like that's not cool they agree that's

a good uh addition thank you for the note i don't have to agree it was stupid i have a no come on no i have a um i have a courtroom one with a judge and I think the judge could have like a foghorn leghorn type voice Sean is going to pitch you one about a courtroom and he's going to do it in a foghorn leghorn voice but Kevin does have a foghorn leghorn cartoon that he is getting ready to pitch

and you can introduce Kevin and all this so Kevin will do his next so mine is it's like a it's a couple at a divorce proceeding and the judge is looking at the woman and he says ma'am i understand you're uh filing for sole custody of an anecdote where the two of you met david schwimmer and the husband screaming this is absurd judge she tells it wrong okay great i'm gonna try to remember this this one's lengthy um so there

there's a court hearing and the judge there's a couple they're getting a divorce and the judge is like i hear your i guess the judge is the foghorn leghorn he's like the judge is foghorn leghorn i hear you're suing for custody of an anecdote where you both met david schwimmer yeah and the husband does he like david schwimmer come on he's you're telling it wrong she tells it wrong this is in the court the husband says your honor this is absurd she tells it wrong this is absurd she tells it wrong that's what the husband says how do we feel yes say it again okay there's a judge there's a courtroom a couple is divorcing and the wife said or the judge fogwin licor judge says i hear you're suing for sole custody of an anecdote in which you met david schwimmer and the husband says your Your Honor, this is absurd. She tells it wrong.

Just the little things, couples. That's taken a lot there. It is a lot. It's a lot to take in. Yeah, that's a long way around the block. Yeah. Yeah, we're all getting pretty into it. And the foghorn leghorn's not even essential, not crucial to it. I guess the foghorn leghorn's kind of jammed in

yeah um maybe it should just be a normal judge okay do you want to introduce kevin and kevin can wave and we can pass on that firmly establish who who kevin is for your dad yeah so dad that's kevin um waving right now and he's a producer and he he has a foghorn leghorn that he wants to do. Can you talk about how this is like for Kevin this is like a big... They don't have to do foghorn. They can just throw whatever they're doing at me. I could have one and this is big for him.

Rhode Island Red. Maybe be nice to Kevin. Dad, they're saying to be nice to Kevin because this is a really big deal for him and he'll get sad. If he fails. Okay? Be honest about the... but just don't. What'd you say?

I can't promise you anything, but go ahead. Okay. Okay. Forrest Gump is sitting next to Foghorn Leghorn. But Foghorn is dressed as the Grim Reaper. That's an important detail.

Forrest says, life is like a box of chocolates. And Foghorn says, I said, I said, I said, I'm di-abetic. Foghorn Leghorn and Forrest Gump are sitting on a bench. Foghorn Leghorn is Forrest Gump are sitting on a bench. Foghorn Leghorn is dressed as the Grim Reaper.

Forrest Gump says, life is like a box of chocolates. And the Grim Reaper slash Foghorn Leghorn says, I said, I said, I said, I'm diabetic. yeah Forrest Gump and Paul Gorman I mean that's humorous that's funny it's a good combination it's a winning combination thanks everyone

diabetic that's a little cheesy but everything else is funny Thanks, everyone. Good work, Kevin. Diabetic. That's a little cheesy, but everything else is funny. He had notes. The character, the combination of the characters. They don't even need to speak if you have the right ingredients. You know, it's like Forrest Gump and, oh, my goodness. Dad, do you have any jokes that you want to tell them?

Or cartoons or jokes? Yeah, or joke. Any joke. No. No, I do not. No, I do not. You're one of the funniest people I know. I bet you do. You just don't want to say it. I usually tell jokes to my friends,

but they're not exactly conducive for my daughter oh okay sure okay she can go she could leave and you could tell us they're saying that i could leave and you could just tell them the joke how would that work since you're holding me i'll just prop it up and i'll walk away i'll go get another code zero then no that's okay i'll hold it up and I'll walk away. I'll go get another Coke Zero. No, that's... Okay. I'll hold it. I'll reserve that.

Okay, we'll reserve it for your podcast. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, we can work that out. Dad, do you have any... Do you think that they will be successful as cartoon makers? Cartoon creators, yeah. Creators.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah? Oh, yeah. Yeah, i think so too it seems like you know their mindset is you know pretty wacky true it's absurd wow yeah that you know they can extrapolate a whole lot yeah if he can leave like funny stuff you know yeah just an itunes collaboration and where they want to take it. Yeah, that's true. They got to, like, focus in on what their goal is. The collaboration has kind of been the issue.

There's some funny stuff there. Don't get me wrong. No, this is different. No, this is the most positive feedback I've ever gotten. They're saying this is very positive feedback. Because the last time we did it, you didn't like their jokes at all. You didn't like their cartoon ideas. Not at all.

Well, they went back to the workshop. that's all i can say we did yeah we uh yes it's been a really fruitful quarantine for us in that way that's good yeah and i'm not predisposed to laughing at too much of anything you you laugh not yeah but not that much i mean you know you got to bring it for me to get a good job. No, you got to bring the heat. Oh, wow. You got to bring the birds in the 12-step meeting. That was your punch up. Oh, good Lord.

See, I start thinking about things over and over. Yeah, the joke gets better with age. Yeah, yeah, that's good. That's real good. I have another one tawny i have one more and it's and maybe he'll like even just the tableau but it's a bunch of flies sitting around a dinner table opening fortune cookies together what's the question okay oh sorry it's another uh cartoon sorry go ahead and and the fly and the one fly saying

oh this is a fun one you will stand on potato salad all right this one's good okay it's a bunch of flies doing what sitting around a dinner they're sitting around a dinner table opening fortune cookies they're sitting around a dinner table opening fortune cookies. They're sitting around a dinner table. They're opening fortune cookies. And one of them opens one and says, I have a good one. This one says, you will stand on potato salad. Oh, jeez.

Yes! That was an honest reaction. Wow. Stand on potato salad, no doubt. You're a fly. Yeah yeah that's true yeah yes we're crushing he says that worked really well awesome wow oh my god i'm realizing it's not how i thought it would go but i was the problem like i was the i i feel bad because the first time i was trying to paraphrase to like get this done quicker. So I was trying to tell you what they were saying, but I was messing it up.

But sometimes you were helping. Yeah. Well, you know, you only grow when you can admit your mistakes. That's true. I can't admit my mistakes. And because I'm exhausted and I didn't really want to do this podcast this time, I'm just repeating what they said and not trying to add my own spin to it. And it's going better is she normally able to or like hayes has a question is is like admitting

her mistakes like tough for her as like um hayes wants to know if it's not something she wants to do what about you for me i don't make mistakes okay where do you think i get it Where do you think I get it? Don't start that. I'm trying to be nice. Okay. Well, before it gets very mean. It wasn't this half.

What? Okay. Okay. You said, where do you think you get it? Oh, now he's blaming. All right. Uh-oh. Okay.

Uh-oh. It wasn't this half. Uh-oh. Okay. Uh-oh. You've been nice to them. Everyone's saying uh-oh. You're even nice to Kevin. Uh-oh uh-oh uh-oh you've been nice to them you're even nice to Kevin uh-oh now you're spilling the tea on me no I'm just saying alright

hey wait a minute you can't really talk to me about spilling the tea I can't? because the last time I was on your thing oh we did a podcast together You blindsided me I did So, okay

Let me explain what happened to the guys Okay, I'm getting unbelievably uncomfortable I did a podcast With my dad And I invited him on And it was just me and him And we talked about growing up And we talked about his life

And all this stuff And he went on a tangent A tirade About how there's no good music anymore. There's no original music. No one's doing a good job. Oh, blah. Everyone's playing cover music.

And I said, well, cover music sells seats in concerts. And when you're an artist like me trying to make original music, it can be hard to sell, to sell records. And he goes, oh,

you should just make stuff. And if it's good, if it sinks, it'll, you know, if it'll sink or swim. And he's going off on and on about how you should just make original music and then i said at the end of this tirade i go what's your favorite song from the album i just released

and he could not name one okay that's that's not fair not acceptable to ask that question well if you're gonna bitch about the state of modern music... And he didn't know the trick to go, oh, track seven. They said you should have just gone, oh, track seven. Man, he likes you guys. That's right. All right, Dad. Well, I'm going to let you go, but is there anything

you want to say to them? You want to say about your hat, about your giant mug of tea? Anything? Wait, what you talking about your giant mug of tea, anything? Wait, what are you talking about, my giant mug of tea? You know I need my tea. I know it's very large in the frame. It's too big, sir. Sir, the tea is too large.

It looks like a honey pot. A honey pot. Sir, you're supposed to pour the kettle into a cup of some kind. Okay, he's out he deal with it at me i don't even know why i try to be funny when he exists just wow let him do shit he loves us he really does that was unexpected hollywood handbook be a better you in 2024 with babble the science-backed language learning app that actually works don't pay

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conversations and that includes body-based conversations what does it mean when you drop someone off after a nice date and they turn around at the door and they take their little index finger and they kind of like draw it towards them they're pulling it what does that mean does their finger hurt i wonder if they spotted a spider web or something they're trying to pull down the spider down yeah but i've seen this too after a lot of dates and i need i need and have needed something like babble to figure out what the heck is this person doing with their finger because it looks like a it looks like an emergency i know i was supposed to do something or how about those people that stand in the street they're kind of like they've got like almost like police clothes on it may be almost yeah and they're standing in the middle and as

i'm driving and i'm cruising they're holding their hand up for like a high five almost and they're really aggressively like pushing it out i'm like am i supposed to drive get out of the car yes or just do it at the window as i'm going that's what i've been doing dangerous yeah but some of these very subtle body language cues have escaped me and many listeners i'm sure babbles tips and tools are approachable accessible rooted in real-life situations, which I have all the time, and delivered with conversation-based teaching so you're ready to practice what you've learned in the real world.

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You've been pushing that so much. You're saying that you will be added on to your bed. Yeah. Your bed plus one. That's the opposite of what this is supposed to do. It's supposed to help you stay a lot of these. I know give you a ton of energy. They have like smoothies and things like

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cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash the boys that's rocketmoney.com slash the boys rocketmoney.com slash the boys that's rocketmoney.com slash the boys rocketmoney.com slash the boys man that's the best response i've ever gotten to anything yeah do you wish that you got feedback like that from like your reps or yeah i mean i mean that would be extreme i guess for my reps to laugh and think i'm funny but man even just the fact i was able to get them on the phone i mean via an intermediary that would be a big step forward for me and my reps have you tried asking me to call your reps that's interesting no maybe you could call up and pitch them some of my like screenplay ideas the same way you pitch the cartoons to your dad that might get um like speakerphone on a zoom more traction where they

don't have to hear you at all okay okay i could do that for you because i think you're you know i think you're talented and i think you deserve more respect frankly from the people you work with all the tools that's what i say about sean all the tools and absolute raw like just pure talent yeah you're like a diamond in mud like no one can find it but it is there and it is pure mm-hmm yeah and it has value it eventually even though yeah even if it goes unrecognized so yeah you should try an intermediary you know when you need career advancements involve someone else thank you yeah yeah thank you yeah you're welcome thanks thanks i think this is working i feel great how is it taking you so long to drink because i was holding

i had two hands holding the damn phone i know but it's just like like i've seen you take three or four they say apple doesn't fall far from the tree but then i look at the size of your dad's drink and the size of your drink this is and this is and i go this is not wanting her dad you know she's saying i don't want your life i'm like look i don't need a giant uh yogi bear honey pot to drink green tea out of morning noon and night you very eat a picnic basket but well whatever we need the poo honey well it's the size of a picnic basket too and i don't need that so basically it was a Yogi Bear version of a honeypot yeah I want a small beverage and that's how I choose to live my life

and he respects that I also don't want the biggest hat you've ever seen that's what I choose for me I don't want the biggest black cowboy hat you've ever seen that's his thing I also don't want six screens on at once all playing different one MSNBC, one CNN,

one some internet, Al Jazeera, some weird international news. There's six of them at once. That he said that he was going to be ready to do the show, and based on every element involved, all the TVs and things odd, but not having prepared stuff stuff which would be more than I would expect but that suggests to me that he would be ready was

referring just to the hat it was just the hat the show I would think the show was a surprise but then I said well no he did put his best hat on that hat would have been sitting next to him which was a blessing you don't think you remember we went in with no baggage you don't think he i don't think you remember just because

he was he was liking what what we were delivering he was liking it so i i think if he had remembered the previous because you know sometimes you get a whatever you get a we'll bring it back to music you um pick up an album by a band who disappointed you last time. Maybe you go like, am I going to like this? And the songs don't sound as good as pick up a band by my band that you love. Sure. You know, you spot them a couple of yards and you say, oh, well, you know, let me let them build into it.

So I think that he was treating us like a brand new band in this way and i also yeah and i think that yeah he wasn't tarnished by your previous performance which i do take some some but not all responsibility for for sure um that's huge that's fucking but yeah he did get ready you know i called him last night i texted him this morning i called him this morning i texted him again right before we talked i had seven or eight uh exchanges with him reminding him about this he was excited to do it we yep yep and then i um and then i said i'm gonna facetime you and he just wrote back with no punctuation which is the most terrifying way to respond who will be able to see me. And I told him, the guy's on the pod. And then I did not hear from him.

So I assume that all that time was then him getting that hat ready. Securing the hat. Making sure the volume was up on all six screens. Yeah. Canadian Airbnb. Yeah, you want to talk about it? Any legends of this Canadian Airbnb? What is it?

Well, you have to know about... Well, you can stay here, but you have to know about some of the legends of this Airbnb. I wish. What happened in the room at the end of the hall. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Somebody got sick here once.

Martin Short and Drake and who's another Canadian? Shania Twain all had a party. Yeah. Those are the top three Canadians I can come up with. Who are the top three? That's top. Canadians. Those are all really famous people.

Who do you think of? Air Canada. That's not a celebrity pretty famous i think the blue jays believe why don't you try to get home now and they'll be like oh hey so uh i heard you don't think we're a celebrity um this is actually funny so i drove over the border and uh the border patrol they asked what production i was here to film i'm here to do space force and all they wanted to ask me about was steve carell secret plug finesse the plug yes it is a show that will be on someday um but yeah they only wanted to know about stevell. And I thought that was nice, but also rude. Wow.

Why didn't they want to grill me about my citizenship? Why did they only want to know about Steve? The Naird Navy up there rides very hard. It is a new branch of the Canadian Mountain Police. The Naird Navy. Oh, wait, I have to show you guys something else in this Airbnb. Check this out. Look at this. I have to show you guys something else in this Airbnb. Check this out. Look at this.

Always the best art. Wow. Yeah. And I buried it. The art. No wonder you're so tired, Donnie. It's so crazy when you're like, this is what I would have bought. Yeah.

Is that what it's doing? Is it the bear that's making me tired? Subconsciously, the bear is reminding you. You're like, hey, this is so weird, but like, is this, can I like take this? Can I buy this? Can I just like take this, guys, from you? I like that the bear is dead maybe on some rocks.

He could be asleep, but he looks like his life has been taken. The bear died of natural causes on the rocks. Yeah. He's content. Dehydration. At the end of natural causes on the rocks. He's content. Dehydration. At the end of a long, happy life. You guys, I want to thank you for big honey pots. I didn't say that.

You trying to get rid of me? No, I just heard that kind of you guys. I was saying thank you for I feel like you're trying to get rid of me. What were you going to say? Thank you for making my dad feel special. Okay, even that sounds like a sign-off. I'm not trying to say goodbye.

I know how to say goodbye on a podcast. I've done thousands. I'm not saying goodbye. That's a wrap-up. I'm not trying to go. I said thank you for making my dad feel special. I want to plug suboptimalpods.com, the independent place to subscribe to Andrew and Tawny's podcast.

This is not me saying goodbye. I'm just talking about things. Suboptimalpods.com, the independent place to subscribe to Andrew and Tawny's podcast. This is not me saying goodbye. I'm just talking about things. Suboptimalpods.com. But usually people plug their projects and stuff at the end. No, they don't. I'm at Tawny Newman on Twitter and Instagram and this is fine to do in the middle. This is the middle. This podcast is... Okay, I don't have that much time. It's 95 minutes long, right?

Yeah. Normally? Hey, if this is the middle, right? Yeah. Normally? No. Hey, if this is the middle, where's Patricia Heaton? Oh. I bet my dad would have laughed real hard at that. Just call your dad. Yeah. Yes, call your dad.

Get him back. Wait, wait, wait. Yeah, I actually do need to tell him that one. He might really like that one. Real quick. Just really quick. Yeah, yeah. We'll just.

Just really, really quick. This isn't a goodbye. Do you think? I just want to. I don't want to set us up for like total like do you know that if he likes the show or not your show no the show the middle the middle he's not familiar with either sorry real quick he's he's burning the hat in front of the fireplace when he um wait sean say it again we're pitching you one more thing great so

Tawny said this is the middle we were saying is this the end of the show and Tawny said this is the middle and I said hey if this is the middle then where's Patricia Heaton is there a bird outside it sounds like he went and got a bird

there's birds everywhere. There's birds everywhere? You're in the garage. Why are they in there? There are birds everywhere. Bird 12-step meeting up in this piece. You know how all the plants grow? They're cheap plants.

Oh, yeah. My stepmom plants. Okay, so the thing I said that we said, we were trying to figure out if this was the end of the show, and I said, no, it's not. It's the middle. And Sean said, the middle? Where's Patricia Heaton?

Say that again? I said, this isn't the end of the middle. And Sean said, the middle? Where's Patricia Heaton? Say that again? I said, this isn't the end of the show. Yeah, Tony, say it again. This is the middle. And really sell it. And Sean said, oh, the middle? Where's Patricia Heaton? This is my concern, because David Schwimmer wasn't really doing much either.

Yeah, that didn't get us any. Does he like Everybody Loves Raymond? At one point, I had Kyle Chandler. He's not familiar with Patricia Heaton. Are you familiar with who? Who'd you say, Sean? For me, can you see if he likes Kyle Chandler better than Schwimmer,

if that would work better for the divorce? Kyle Chandler better than David Schwimmer? I like David Schwimmer. Oh, okay. So that was not the issue. So that wasn't the issue. Okay. Okay, so then that was not the issue. So that wasn't the issue. Okay. Okay, so then that was a premise issue.

Okay. Okay. Yeah. What's the punch to that? Great question. Of what? Of that joke. Just explain, please, that Patricia Heaton was the star of a show called The Middle.

The Middle. Yeah. Oh. Okay. And she was in everybody, she was the wife and everybody loves Raymond. She was also the wife

and everybody loves Raymond. You watch that show. Oh, oh, yeah, okay. Okay. What about this? What about this? If you had said everyone knows Raymond,

then I would have agreed. Yeah. So, yes, The Middle. Everyone knows Raymond, yeah. Yes. So the problem is you didn't say, Tawny, that this show is everyone knows Raymond. Okay, Sean has one more thing, and then I'm going to let you go, Dad, I promise.

Well, no, I just, would he prefer, and this is a stretch, but if I had said, if this is the middle, where's Jimmy Eat World? I'm not going to pass that along. Okay. He won't get that. Okay, well, thank him for making us feel special today. Yeah. They said.

What will I get? Do you know who Jimmy Eat World is? The band. They had a song called The Middle. Or is it called The Middle? Maybe it's in the middle. Dad, they said thank you. Thank you for making them feel special.

They did a great job. Okay. Bye. Bye. Wow. I needed this. I do think he went and got... He was reminded about birds from...

The birds... There were so many birds just suddenly. No. There wasn't any and there were so many now. And he said it to me like, I know that there are just birds around and I don't know this. He goes, you know how the birds are in all these plants. I'm like, I don't know what you're talking about. I don't live there.

And what he did was he bartered his hat. Oh, for the birds? Yes. he bartered his hat oh for the birds yes you think by between calls he went out and traded his 10 gallon hat for a a bevy of birds for a lot of birds okay the hat was gone and there were yeah uh well i had one cartoon i didn't get to pitch do you guys want to hear it sure yeah sure so it's a bunch of people at a like at a boardroom meeting like a bunch of executives and it says Mountain Dew headquarters and there's a guy at the front and he's unveiling like a um like a big poster board and it says code purple and then one of the execs is like whispering to the guy

next to him and he goes this brilliant son of a bitch just saved our jobs i actually have another idea for mountain dew good good good that's but probably yeah so that's just the area about you this is mine too, whatever you say. I think they should do like hot cheetos, Flamin' Hot Mountain Dew. Yeah. Wouldn't that be so big? That'd be the biggest thing ever.

Flamin' Hot Mountain Dew. Fireball Mountain Dew. But I think they they partner they just partner with flaming hot cheetos and be like this is flaming hot mountain yeah but i want the flavor of it to be like the flavor of a fireball candy yeah of a fireball exactly yeah that's what it would taste like yeah i want i want to pitch them but i'm in agreement i want to pitch them mountain don't where you just don't mountain there's just nothing to drink okay mountain don't is an empty bottle a novelty bottle yeah well you think i'm in the pocket of big big coke no tiny because i'm promoting my tiny coke all

the time yes i'm not they don't pay me and we're suggesting mountain dew which is another family of brands and you say actually actually i think it should be called mountain i'm like actually i'm still working on this small can of coke that's done no there's plenty in here look that's empty it's not empty look okay look how much is in there that i'm pouring into a glass of water yeah i'm hearing and so that makes me think that that it was just a promotional tiny coke because you're just like taking kind of like commercial shoot level sips you know what i mean yeah just like little well i mean i'm because you know you're gonna have to do the whole day you said you were doing a lot of podcasts first and foremost i'm an actor okay so i

that's how i sip now that's how i eat yeah this is how i drive a car like that that's it's in my blood now this is what i do this is how i jog i take very small steps that the camera can keep up in my real life it's just permeated everything i do wow yeah uh no one could like people were just listening and they didn't aren't people watching this too some people are why did my dad a lot of the people listening are really upset well then they should watch they didn't get to see how you job what do they do to watch yeah which was so awesome well they'd have to pay more money which we can't ask them to do but the

way you jogged and the way you drove a car was so awesome i feel like where do i go to watch where do i go i go to hayes.org where do i go you go to my the website for my organization seanclements.gov sure yes that's right you go you go to the government website that is warning people that I'm still doing podcasts against their advice. At least it's a tax write-off. Toxic podcast. It's a public health hazard because they laugh so hard they fall over when they hear my podcasts. Some of these Burt 12-step meetings I'm pitching. I just think people are going to want to see my dad's hat his honey pot of green tea they're going to want to see all the different areas he looked to turn off his various screens

seven or eight different corners uh so i think i think they should check out the video. Why did I put on makeup? SueBoptimal.com Pods.com Pods.com? Susan B. Optimal. You spell out Susan B. Optimal. The words dot calm, like calm down.

Pods.com Bye. Calm down. Pods.com. Bye. Hollywood Handbook. This week on the Patreon, Carl and Nassan discuss Carl's trip to Atlanta, the boys catch up with Engineer Devin, and the Flager ones talk to Broden Kelly of the sketch group Auntie Donna.

Check out these bonus podcasts and videos of the full episodes, especially today's with Tawny and her dad, at patreon.com slash theflagrantones. Hollywood Handbook. That was a Hate Gum podcast.