Hollywood Handbook - Tawny Newsome, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: May 30, 2017

Sean and Hayes bring in TAWNY NEWSOME from Bajillion Dollar Properties for a real estate venture. This episode is brought to you by Casper Mattresses (www.casper.com/handbook code: HANDBOOK).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. on the cot in my hotel room as we just been up you know you stay like he's we're up so late talking talking you look at the time and i say just let me call up a cot just let me call up a cot for you let me call down and have them send the car up and he's still snoozing and so i tiptoe and i go downstairs to the concierge and i say hello i'm looking for just trying to wake myself up this morning where is the good place to practice karate nearby? And the concierge says, what are you talking about? And now I'm like, oh my God, this guy, they didn't, this is one of the guys that they didn't, the karate guys don't want him to know about the good studio.

God, so he, all right, so I'm starting to put this together. Yeah. Because you told me this story before Right But I was feeling you out too Because I wanted to make sure that you were one of the people And I said, tell me again later Well, and I had to do the same thing

Where I'm going, is this the way one of these guys Finds out where the good karate studio is He tells a story about how someone else didn't know about it And then I slip up and I go like He didn't know it was on And I'm not going to say it now Because that guy could be listening Yeah But, go like, he didn't know it was on and I'm not going to say it now because that guy could be listening. But, you know, he didn't know it was on blank and now you

know, you show up, you know, you learn some of the moves that we don't want some of these guys to know. Because if everyone knew them, there would be no one else. There's no advantage anymore in having the martial arts and it is an art. And a business. It's a business, it's an art, and it is an art. And a business.

It's a business, it's an art, and it's a form of combat. And it's a way of life that's peaceful, mostly. It's a peaceful punching and kicking style, which is why I worship it. But anyway, go ahead. So you're talking to the concierge. And then I say, oh, nothing. I don't want anything.

Can I just speak to your manager real quick? Because this guy I know, he's a manager. I know he knows. The manager comes and says, you know, just the karate place, you know, like the good karate place. And he is also like, what do you mean? Right. Because he's scared the concierge might overhear.

Yes. And now I'm in very big trouble. And now they are going to uh seriously beat me up if i if they find out that now two guys i've told that are aware that there is at least a good karate place they should be searching a good secret studio around so to punish myself i had to unlearn all the moves oh no and then your belt yep had to belt. I had to untie my belt and I tied it so tight I had to sort of

wriggle it down myself and step out. I got back belted a few years ago where I had to back belt all the way down to green. Hey, welcome to

Hollywood Handbook and it's at sorry. No, go ahead. And it's at just got to kicking button dropping names of the red carpet

linebacker. It really hurt when I did it. Oh, this industry we call showbiz. We did the show and now it's time to go home and do it again. And so you think, oh, well, they did the show in New York. Maybe they're done doing it in LA. Well, showbiz has something else to tell you about this.

And I'll tell you who else has something else to say about it. It's our guest. And, oh, yeah, it's a corker of a guest. It's Tawny Newsom is here to do the show. Why am I a corker? It's a good thing, and we've had this argument before that some people think that corker sounds bad, but actually it's like, let's pop the cork, it's champagne time.

And it's a senator, too, which is a famous kind of politician. And it's also maybe a cork bat, like you're hitting a home run. Oh, like a bat that's made of cork? Yeah, that's an automatic home run bat. It's a magic home run bat. So we've got a corked bat.

And Tawny's here, and she's on Bajillion Dollar listening to a show that we do not like to promote on this show. But I do have a question about it. Were you ever witness to any conversations about checking people's availability? Were you around for that? Yeah. You know, actually, they run every guest star by each member of the cast to make sure we don't have any kind of like blood feuds, you know, any kind of deep family trauma with them.

So, yeah. So basically, we all approve as a committee, everyone who comes on. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And then so our names must have come up and then someone in particular. I don't recall ever hearing your name, but also I don't recall not hearing it. So okay.

Maybe it's because we weren't. Maybe we weren't availed. That makes me think that really we weren't. That means we actually weren't availed. Yeah. If we had been availed, it would have gotten a lot of you guys. It would have gone up to Tawny. That's a great point.

And Tawny would have said, I love that idea. Tawny would have loved it. And then somebody would have had a problem with it. And then Tawny would have had to be like, hey, cool it. It's for the show. It's not about your interpersonal stuff. It's about doing a good show. Right.

It is about doing a good show. And I always say, leave your beef at the door. It's about doing a good show. Right. It is about doing a good show. And I always say, like, leave your beef at the door, you know? And so whatever problem Paul F. Tompkins has with you guys, I don't want to get into it. Like, I'm not saying that he does, but if one were to, it would be him. But if he does, and if it's a big problem, yeah, then that's the kind of beef that maybe should be outside.

Can I ask another question about a show that I often don't like to promote on this show? Sure. Have you done Spawn? Yeah. How many times? I've done a few of those. Somewhere between like 80 and 200,000 probably. That you've done, okay. Yeah, yeah. They just

did episode 1. They record ahead of time on those. Yeah, way ahead. Yeah, they stack them up. I started doing that show before I got into comedy. Interesting. That's what it seems like for a lot of people. I think a lot of I started doing that show before I got into comedy. Interesting. That's what it seems like for a lot of people. I think a lot of people that do that show. I've noticed that they're sort of going like,

oh, maybe I'll try comedy after this. Oh, that's interesting that you've done that many. That's cool. Paul did say. How was it? A year or so in between each appearance for you? No, it was usually just like, sometimes we did two in one day.

So I don't know what the average is, but sometimes it'd take a couple weeks, sometimes two in one day. It must not have been available that day either. It must have been a weird day for us. So you do Vigil and Dollar Properties, the show that I called Vigil and Dollar Listing before on purpose.

And we like to talk about your job on the show, which is the... Doing houses. Doing houses, yeah. I'm a real estate broker. Making the sale. Yes. The almighty bajillion dollar. So you're an expert on this. You've got to learn

a little bit about this, just studying. Just role research. I actually became, when I got the role, I'm very invested in like backstory and an actor's journey. So I became an ordained real estate agent. Oh. Yes, yes.

And I didn't just do it online like a lot of people do. A lot of people do it online. I actually went to the seminary and I did it. And she's got the badge around her neck. Yep. Yeah, so I know everything there is

to know about real estate. It's kind of the cool way that David Caruso used to wear his police badge on N.Y.P. Yep. Yeah, so I know everything there is to know about real estate. It's kind of the cool way that David Caruso used to wear his police badge on N.Way PD Blue, and he would wear it around his neck on a chain. And sometimes like a choker. Yeah, it would be real tight. Ooh, like a cameo? Uh-huh, yeah.

It was like a cameo. But it's a badge. A word out. So if you're an expert on this stuff, sort of a in-the-weeds-y question about the house. When you sell a house, what do you get back? Yes, thank you. Great question.

Great question. Thank you. A lot of times we get money. Okay, see? Okay. So then you've settled a bet, I do, oh hey, it's now a fresh dinner. So, because

I told him no way. I said it can't be that easy that you sell it and you just get the money. You must get like a smaller worse house and then you have to fix it or something. And if he had won the bet, he was going to get me an old dinner. Nasty old dinner.

Yes. And then I watch him eat it all. Wait, so then that's like a prize for you is that you get to watch him eat this old dinner. You get to watch Hayes eat this old dinner, and I have one I've been saving. Ooh, it's just like beans. Oh, it's beans. It's so old. It's so old, it's beans.

So now I got to find a fresh dinner somewhere. I'm hoping Engineer Sam has something stashed or maybe Chef Kevin. Beans. So now I got to find a fresh dinner somewhere. And I'm hoping Engineer Sam has something stashed or maybe Chef Kevin. Is there like a sponsor or something you could talk about? Oh, to make a fresh dinner? Already saying fresh dinner, I think, was the word very dangerous territory. Well. So yeah, do you guys have questions about fresh dinner? Yeah, well, so.

We just asked one, asked one so we need to I don't want this to be a fight just because Hayes is right but this is sort of leading to another question that we had which is if you were running a podcast company wouldn't you think it would be the right thing to do to pay your

hosts the amount that they deserve which is so much. Tons of money. Yeah, so much. Are you guys not getting paid tons of money? It certainly doesn't feel like it. Oh, I feel like I've been on all the other

podcasts I've been on, everyone's like I really need to diversify my portfolio because I have so much money coming in. They're investing in stuff. They're investing in stuff. They pay tons of money. When we diversify our portfolio, all we do is

just separate the two folders. Oh, you actually have a tangible... We have, yeah. Hayes and I have been sharing this. We put each dollar we make into a different sleeve of this accordion folder.

Okay. And it's nearly full. Wow. Nearly full. One bill at a time. We've been filling up this accordion folder. It's a big folder.

We date it. Yeah, yeah. And so we're getting pretty close and so we might need to diversify soon. Okay. And get a different one. A good way,

it sounds like, because you were talking about money before, a good way for Earwolf to make some money so they can pay us tons of money like we have to get is to sell the studio. Yeah, because studio is almost like a house. In fact, I say we call it a house. Yeah, can we, for the purposes of this conversation, can we call it a house? Be helpful for the purposes of this conversation can we call it a house be helpful for you and it's like a big family here

right who's the daddy oh of this and I can't say Hayes you can say whatever you want that's so funny because I was thinking just when I hear that word there can be two dads the face that sort of explodes word. There can be two dads. That's sort of the face that

explodes into my head. Yeah, my two dads. Remember Paul Reiser? And so, we were talking about selling the house that is a studio. Evigan or something. Should we get some kind of spoken word permission to do this?

Is that a good place to start? Yeah, well, we need some kind of blessing, you know, by hook or by crook. From a beat poet? From a beat poet. You said spoken word blessing? Oh, yes, that's right. Oh, right, if it's sort of a Kerouacian. You'll have to help me remember what I said.

Instead of just referencing it, it would be nice if you said, from when you said spoken word before, that reminds me of a deep moment. I'm going off of something you just said a minute ago, less than even. That would be helpful for me. And here's what you said, and then here's what I'm going to do with it.

Restate it, and then say what I want to say. And don't take too long to do that, because then I'm going to forget the beginning. The beginning, yeah. I'll do my damnedest. If you guys could remind me when you have asked a question by saying, I also just asked a question, then I'll know how to respond with something that either has a period or an exclamation point on the end. Because sometimes I'll just ask questions, and you do not answer a question with a question. Okay, so we're coming up with some great rules, and I think the podcast is going to go pretty smoothly afterwards. So what's going to happen is if we want to reference something that Hayes said,

we're going to say, Hayes, you just said this. I'm going to reference it now. Here's the thing I'm using to reference what you just said. Now, Hayes will usually respond to that by asking you some kind of question.

At the end of the question, he'll say, that was a question I just asked. You will answer, yes. When you're done answering, Hayes will say, please don't ask if I have any questions.

Maybe ask if I have any other questions, but I did already ask you a question. Now, what am I going to be doing during this? You need some business. You need something. What will bring the listeners back after all of that?

What's going to really hook them in? I guess I could come up with some catch phrases. While we're going through that whole... I could come up with some catch phrases. Ooh. Right? So during, while we're going through that whole... I'm coming up with something that could really grab people. That is real fire. That could become a hashtag, ideally. Whoa.

Do you guys get a lot of your phrases become hashtags? Does that happen? We're really close. We're getting really close to a hashtag. We're not going to add, like, you know Doughboys? You ever do Doughboys? I haven't, no. Oh.

Really? So that's something, and I did just ask you a question. Thank you so much. So, okay. So that is one show that we did a couple times, and they've only turned us down

to guests on our show. A couple other times, yeah. A couple other times. So, okay. So Doughboys really begs for hashtags. Okay. turned us down to guest on our show a couple other times so so okay so Doughboys really begs for hashtags okay

we're not gonna do that we're gonna say something you wanna make it a hashtag oh great great that would be great for us we would like that we don't care

hey you don't wanna do it no skin off our nose hey our nose has just got tons of skin just skinny noses so it's skinny as hell but tell us so we can find it's skinny as hell. But tell us,

so we can find it, that you are doing a hashtag for us, which like, with like hashtag, here's your hashtag. Hashtag, here's your hashtag. Great. So we can find it,

because otherwise we are not going to be able to find these hashtags. Yeah, because that's how you search them. Yeah. So you guys want to sell this house, huh? We have to sell the studio today. Oh, wow. Yes. Short sale. We are going to be doing it, yes, huh? We have to sell the studio today. Oh, wow. Short sale. We are going to be doing it, yes, today.

We did make some purchases, Hayes and I, thinking that our portfolio was going to be diversified. And some of the stuff I didn't really understand that they were telling me in the offices over here, but it was like about not the show, not be good and no money, and no one wants to listen and nobody likes it. And I wasn't totally clear on what they were saying,

but that the advertisers are always mad that we don't really ever do anything related to the copy or really advertise the product. And so they don't get money from that and not enough people listen anyway, even if they did. No one's donating and no one is liking us on Apple Podcasts or whatever. I hate when networks are so cryptic. It's like say what you mean.

I know. These games, because we're straight up. Games, right. I'm straight up. Straight up, now tell me. I do not play head games. I'm over These games. Because we're straight up. Games, right. I'm straight up. Now tell me. I do not play head games. I'm over the games.

I'm an adult. Right. You know. We're grown up. I just tell you. Is CISO straight up? CISO's straight up. Now tell me.

They tell us exactly what we're going to be doing. They say season three is coming out June 1st. That's what they say. And when they say that, I know that that was a statement. It was not a question. So I know that they're right and true. And with regards to what you said earlier about the Doughboys, that is a thing I remember that you said. So I just wanted to reference it back. Okay.

Thank you. Hashtag, here's your hashtag. And that's not really working for me as a catchphrase. I do have to come up with something else. You can work on it. Okay, so do we want... Oh, because I have found, actually, a space. It's not like I'm going to throw everybody out of the street that works here, that lives in this house.

No. There's a space I found downtown. Downtown San Pedro. That is this amazing building does san pedro have a downtown it's it is near it's sort of it's a downtown for like boats so the harbor so you found a harbor well this building is amazing it's all it's all stacked up and you walk in and you put in like 10 bucks and this little uh barrier like raises up and you walk in and you have your own little space that you can do whatever you want and it's mostly cars that are like surrounding you they have they have their little like space too but there's this really cool i it's a really cool design where it's all based in like parallel lines and numbers yes

a multiple it's very modern very modern yes very yes it's sort of modern yes sort of japanese inspired or something yeah it's like danish japanese efficiency yeah asio it's like a pod hotel for some sometimes mostly cars but also for people it's like and it's like a pod hotel for some sometimes mostly cars but also for people it's like and it's like a big space it's a bigger than a lot of the desks huge raw space so much potential good great bones yes great there yeah so we are fascinated with this and and i think that we could really make it a pretty cool spot and it would be somewhere I think for Cody to live as well.

Wow. There are definitely some nests around. You have to get out of this place before you can go put an offer on that place. Because as I said, it's not free to have a space there. We'll move some of the money straight into there

and then some of it to cover some of the purchases that Hayes and I have made that maybe we thought that we were going to diversify our portfolio. And then there's all this coded language coming from the sort of offices of Earwolf about no one wants Howl or something. So, and what does it mean? We buy a lot of fancy candy. Howl or something. So. Okay. And what does it mean?

We buy a lot of fancy candy. Ooh, like Seas or Ghirardelli. You name it. Seas, Ghirardelli. Ferrero Rocher. Entenmann's. Is that candy? I haven't unwrapped it yet, but I hope it's candy in there. Oh, yeah.

Russell Stover. It's too pretty on the outside. Have you ever thought of just waiting until the day after a holiday and getting the discounted candy? Well, it's a little too late for that. We are underwater on this candy. And the next holiday is Memorial Day. Yeah, and the Memorial Day candy is not good. It's not what we—

A lot of toffee bald eagles. Yeah, and the Memorial Day candy is not good. It's not what we... A lot of toffee bald eagles. Yeah, and it makes you remember. It has a chemical inside that makes you remember veterans. It's red, white, and blue fruit slices. Ooh. Let's say like the Korean War on them. It's kind of rough. Yeah, and like saltwater taffy with like bullet holes in it.

Ooh, so visceral. It's not fun. I want my candy to be fun for me. Yeah, I don't want there to be blood on my candy, you know? No. Unless it's mine. Yeah, or unless it's like wax vampire teeth or something. Then okay, if there's a little drop of blood that's kind of

funny uh can we talk to scott let's just talk to scott let's talk to scott anchorman and uh get just feel him out a little bit and maybe get him even if he doesn't want to necessarily sell the house one cool thing we could do is get him saying yes about something else when we edit the show together. Yeah, you use it. We go like, so maybe we ask him some question at first that he could maybe say, oh, I fully support that. You have my blessing. Okay. And then afterwards we'll ask him about the house. If he wants to sell it, okay, great.

Then it's just a bonus. But if he doesn't, we go like, okay, and then do a little bit of stitcher premium on that thing. You edit it and then the bank, they just need a verbal confirmation so they'll have that. Good. Great. That'll be good, yeah. Who's talking first?

Does he know I'm here or am I a surprise? Oh, wait. I think we need you to call him. Oh, okay, great. Yeah. This will be very normal. If we were on the phone with him. We'd chat a lot.

Do I tell them I'm on your show? Maybe, maybe, yeah. He used to have one of those musical rings that played Shinedown. I don't know what happened to that. Maybe he couldn't afford the rights necessarily for the show. Hello, you've reached Scott. I want another rest.

Okay, so it's a message. Hi, Scott. It's Tawny Newsome, your close personal friend. If you're satisfied with your message, press 1 to listen to your message. So let's bail on the message. Do we try Kula? Let's try Kula and we'll try Paul if she doesn't answer.

That's good. Sam, do you have Kulap's number? Okay. Oh, yikes, Sam. She didn't want to give you her number. What? Wait, I think someone's breaking into my house right now my neighbor just sent me

a video of my house maybe being broken into oh okay well I didn't get a phone call so I guess I'll stay here

the alarm company didn't call do you want to call your neighbor I texted him he said everything's fine I will say this happens a lot because we do release we do publicize who our guest is going to be.

You gave out my address. When they're going to be recording. Just for the fans. My neighbor literally said everything's fine, so I'm just going to roll with that. Okay. Great. Are we calling Coo? I wonder why the video.

Yeah, maybe you should call Coo. Okay. Do you need her number? Should I say it into this microphone? I'm going to beep it out. Okay. Do you need her number? Should I say it into this microphone? I'm going to beep it out. Okay. He said he can. He didn't say he would.

You better. I'm going to be in hot water. I know she's in the post house today, so she's editing. So maybe she'll answer and we'll hear a spoiler. Beep, boop, beep. That way they don't know how long it was either. This could be an international number. Could be a long number.

477-1715-923. And now it's hidden. Hey, you called Kulop. I'll get back to you as soon as I can. She declined that shit. Yeah, she really did. Okay. We're getting frozen now.

Hi, Kulop. It's Tawny. I'm here with Sean and Hayes. We had a quick really did. Okay. We're getting frozen. Hi, cool up. It's Tawny. I'm here with Sean and Hayes. We had a quick, okay. Okay. So let's bail on that. Okay.

So let's bail on that. So maybe we call Paul. Okay. Let's call. Is it possible that when she's speaking into that, it's, it's not being heard by the phone. No,

it should hear. Okay. It doesn't seem to. So that's just the way it's supposed to work. Okay, good. Okay. You want, you're right. Everything's fine. heard by the phone? No, it should hear. Okay. It doesn't seem to think so. So that's just the way it's supposed to work? Okay, good. Okay, you want... You're right. Everything's fine.

Do Sam, do you have Pulse? No, I don't. I have it. Okay, okay. Five, seven, one, seven. Two, two, two, five, three. Nine, two, three, seven. Beep, boop, beep.

And now beep bop. After this, if you want to just call like George Lopez or something, that would work too. Is somebody of mine? Oh, boy. Not a chance. Hi, it's Paul. You've reached the tiny phone in my pocket. Please leave me a message and I'll call you back as soon as I can.

Thank you very much. Hi, Paul. It's Tawny. I'm with Sean and Hayes. They want to talk to you. Bye. If you are satisfied with your message, take that. That was a victory for us.

Take that. So, that I think gives us legal... We have on record that we tried three times. And we talked to the three people who own this house. And we could also – Colin's right outside. I guess we could ask Colin if it's okay. Is Colin in charge?

Hey, Colin. Colin, we've been calling everybody we know. May as well get to you. Colin's not here either? That was really good. Yeah, and then we'll get in George Lopez. Okay, so I guess it has to be Kevin. Can I take photos? Okay,

Kevin. No, Kevin. Don't take photos. Kevin. Kevin, that's the last thing you should be doing. Because we called, first when we called Scott, I got a vibe from just like the voicemail and the ringing that he was like indisposed and like maybe physically involved with somebody.

And then I called cool out, which basically confirmed it that the two of them were potentially in the boudoir. And, but then I call Paul and I'm thinking, but I guess he has to be there too. He must be. Oh man.

And now call it. Is it there too? He's getting it on in the post house. I'll tell you what. Earwolf's about to be post house because we're going to sell this mother. Oh, that was really good. Kevin, can you sit down please? I remember when five seconds ago I told you not to take pictures. It's the last thing you need to be doing right now.

So we're just giving you official word legally that we are selling the studio today. Oh, wow. Today? Yes, today. It has to be today. Oh, wow. Today? Yes, today. It has to be today, and we're probably going to take a bath on this thing, value-wise, but it's got to move fast. We're also going to take a bath because it's hot out and because it cools you down better than showering.

That's a great idea. Yeah, a cold bath. So, collect your ties and all that, your little cups of water. Your little buckle shoes and all your stuff that you keep under there. Oh, you guys, sorry, Kevin, you're very valuable, but Kulop said she'd talk to us. Oh, okay. So maybe we should try her.

So let's try. So, Kevin, get out of here. Kevin, I'm sorry. You've got to go, man. Leave the camera. Yes, leave. Leave the camera. Just because don't touch it. It's the last thing you should be doing right now is dealing with the camera. Yeah just don't touch it

it's the last thing you should be doing right now is dealing with the camera cause Tawny can do it I'm just gonna take some pictures they're gonna call

cool up Kevin we have no need for you but you've been very nice no I don't no but I wanna learn I wanna teach myself

and leave your ties and your shoes too actually I need to cool up some Bergen oh yeah okay

did we lose the entire audience is this no this is the stuff they like I need to cool up some, Bergen. Oh, yeah. Okay. Did we lose the entire audience? No, this is the stuff they like. This is like their favorite shit. This is their favorite. They're so fucked up, man. Beep, boop, beep, boop. Two, three, seven. Beep, boop, beep.

Two, two, eight. I really don't know how to use this camera. No, no one does. I shouldn't have dismissed him. Oh, here we go. Hey, cool up. It's Tawny Newsome, your close personal friend. Hello?

Hello, can you hear me? Oh, what did I? This reminds me of something I said earlier. Can you hear us? Someone else talk to her. Cool up. Oh. Oh, I can't help but remember something I mentioned a little bit ago.

That maybe you can't hear us. That I was thinking of maybe cutting out of the show. But now I think I might leave it in. That's odd. Is it? Well, what do we do? Do we do it again or do we give up and try a new bit? Give me a second. Let's see if we can figure it out.

Because at worst we could call her on speaker and hold the phone up to the mic. And it's actually better if we've already made the sale when we're calling her because we can say, here's a few, here's Buku bucks. We could talk the numbers, yeah. Yes. Well, do we have to call someone to try to sell it to? Oh, yeah. And is it maybe? Who's the guy to sell it to? Oh, yeah. Because the guy who started Ferrell.

Oh, yeah. Do we call Dustin Martian and see if he wants to buy it? The way he bought the Sklars. Let me try something real quick. Which we're allowed to talk about now, by the way. Do you want to call me, Sam, as a trial? No, your mics are going to drop out for one second. You need her number again?

Yeah, I will. Yes, I am. 7-2-4-2-2-2. Okay. We should sell the studio to Andrew T. That would be really good when Andrew gets here, yeah. That's great. We could throw in an appearance on our show.

Go for Kulop. Your line's back. Hi, Kulop. It's your close personal friend and employee, Tawny Newsome. How are you? Hello? Oh my God!

Should I just do speakerphone? Hello? Should I just speakerphone her and hold it up? Speakerphone her. Speakerphone. Sam, I was going to say that you could come with us to the new studio. Honestly, I had spent a lot of time thinking about it, and you were going to be able to come too. Hi, Tommy.

Hi. Is that being heard in the thing? Yes. Cool Up, can you hear me? I can hear you, yeah. Great. Here we are. I'm here with Sean and Hayes, and we have a proposition.

Nay, a thing that's already in motion that we just want to make you legally aware of. Are you sitting down, and do you have a notepad? I'm very frightened. Oh, I have to take notes, Johnny? Yeah, I think you need a notepad because there's some ins and outs legally with this. And Kulab, you are not being recorded on the show. I just want you to know, like, just for legal purposes, you do have to say that. Yeah. You're not being,

you're not live. And you're, and it's safe. Kulop! Okay, you're giving me, you're telling me that legally I'm safe. Yeah, legally you are in a safe space. For now. For now, you fucking

snowflake. So, here's what's going to happen. I love this. I love this challenge. Let me hear it. Here's what's happening. As their broker, because, you know, I actually did go to real estate, the ministry school for it. So I'm their legal real estate broker.

And Sean and... The ministry school? Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I could become an ordained real estate agent. You don't remember I did that for the cause of our show? Okay, yeah. I mean, I can't, you know, it's tough. The actors say a lot of things, but go on.

Well, I'm sure you could tell by how my depth of knowledge about real estate when we were filming, you know. It's called feeding the well for an improviser. She doesn't remember this like she doesn't remember the time she checked our avail. Okay, so these guys, they are in a bit of a financial quandary. Nay, a financial... It makes a lot of sense that they're both in a financial quandary, but yeah, go ahead. They've also found an opportunity.

They've identified a business opportunity to save Earwolf some money. So what they want to do is they want to sell the current Earwolf space, heretofore referred to as the house. And thereafter, they will become the sole owners, transferring the deed over to said aforementioned party. And then they're going to move into a parking space in San Pedro. There's, wow. I have a lot of questions. Okay, great. We have time.

Mainly just, I guess, why the three of you think that this information would apply to me, I guess, in any way. That's not the main question I have. May I address them one at a time, or do you prefer for you to be done? No, no, no, I'm done, and also I like it one at a time. Okay, so to address your first question, yes, I understand why you'd be confused why we're calling you and maybe not Scott Aukerman. However, I'm

trying to undo... By the way, guys, Scott Aukerman does his own earwax. It has no... Cool up. I think you're great. For you to think you should talk to Scott about this stuff, I mean, like... Yeah, cool up.

I think he should let you make more decisions. I hate that you are sort of in that headspace where it's like, oh, I have to check with Scott. It's like, forget it, you know? Check with us. We just said it's cool. Scott, hey, I'm saying that Scott also doesn't own Earwolf. Well... Because we sold it.

Because no one owns anything, really. I mean, in the... No, because she's giving us permission to sell. Oh, right. Yeah. Wait, hang on one second. Is this Coolop? Yeah, it is.

Oh, we got it. We got the yes. Okay. So Coolop, also, I thought it was important to call you instead of Scott because of the number of times that when bajillion dollar properties is referenced in the media and they call it Scott Aukerman show show. I thought we should take back the night a little bit and Kulop needs to be in charge

of some stuff to replace that. And I gotta say also, we didn't call Scott first. Sean? Yeah? Are you being honest? Because this is a legal call right? Because this is a legal call, right? And this is a safe legal space.

I got to say, one thing I got to say about cell phones is they hack those things. If you've seen some of the news, they're hacking those things and changing the times of calls and the words. So it looks like somebody called somebody one time and then somebody else afterward. And you can't trust that data. Right. Snowden, if he taught us anything, he taught us this. Okay, so Sean, are you then now telling me that you did call stop first? What?

In how many words? Almost the opposite. Almost the opposite. Here's what's most important. We called Paul after you. Okay. So you should know in the hierarchy of this project, you rank ahead of Paul F. Tompkins.

That's something. That's pretty great. Okay. And Paul's a big deal. And you got me then Paul F. Tompkins? Yeah, and then it was going to be George Lopez, but then I texted you, so now we've got you. And then it was going to be Andrew T.

Yeah, then we came to Kevin, but it was going to be Andrew T. Yeah, then we came to Kevin but it was going to be Andrew T but we think he's a potential buyer. Yeah. And we got a pretty sweet deal lined up for him. So did we cover all points, Connie? I think we did.

I'll be sending you some DocuSign documents or zip form. She has no computer. Just a formality. Oh, okay. Well, then you could actually benefit from this sale quite a bit. Yeah, we could cut you in.

Well, your support means everything. Thank you so much. We're definitely going to get those docusign. How do you not support this at all? You know, the phone is very... I think she can't hear us anymore. It's bad. Yeah, I think it's bad.

It's a problem from before. Yeah. I can hear all of you crystal clear. Thank you, Kulop. Thanks, Kulop. Thank you. Yeah, I can't hear us. It's too bad.

So that was good, and that'll play really well, I think. Just hearing her through the speakerphone held up to the mic will be a good long section of the episode. So what I want to say is maybe we make Andrew T. think we got another buyer on the line. Maybe somebody like Jeff Ulrich with some deep pockets. That's good. Yeah, so Uncle Moneybags.

Old Papa Smurf Moneybags. I think T. is here. Do you want me to grab him? Yes. Yes, that could be really good for us. T-Bone. Mr. T. Wait, let's wait.

Wait, wait, wait. Let's wait on our, let's like develop our pitch really quick, like some of the specs of the house. This is very important, yeah. This is very important. Yeah. This is a bedroom. Yeah. That's other studio to use a bedroom. Yeah.

It's a four bedroom. It's four bedroom kitchen. Plus the bathroom is a bedroom. I live in it for seven months. So that's Canon on the show. Okay. Great. And your Sam is technically a bedroom for billions of bugs.

Yes. All kinds of miniature bacteria is using Sam as a bedroom and a bathroom. Kind of like a hotel for dogs type situation. Yes, but instead of cute like dogs, it's little bugs.

Little tiny bugs. And as we mentioned, he will be staying. Okay. Sam will be staying. Obviously, we're going to have to offer Andrew some kind of credit to get Josh and Dana removed. You know, just you're going to have to pull in a professional for that because they are around.

To get them torn out. Yeah. So that's going to be a knock on the price. Yeah. But we wait. I think we wait until he comes to us with that. Yes. That's good.

And maybe we don't make them part of the tour necessarily. You know, it's a seller's market right now, so I think you price high and you hope for an enthusiastic buyer, which I think T is. Okay. Okay, let's get him in here. Let's get T in here. He's not here yet.

Okay. Oh, my God. Okay, and Sam is sort of the MVP of this episode. Are you aware of any repairs or problems with the home that need to be made that we can put in our disclosures? Well, it's all a matter of perspective. Obviously, yes, Josh and Dana are a problem. At the same time, there's some great views of Kevin. You could see him from pretty much anywhere in the home.

And there's a bunch of other people whose names I don't know. Is that because he's standing and he's so much higher than everyone? So when you look out across the sea of desks, you see him like a lighthouse in a storm? Yes. Although I have heard reports of other residents thinking of building Reggie Watts Cutout in front of Kevin that is going to block that view.

So if he asks, we'll deal with that. What does the zoning say? Is that allowed? Okay, so it is zoned R1, which is for one Reggie Watts. That's amazing. Okay, not a lot zoned R1 in L.A. County anymore, so that's great. It's good to know. Great.

Well, do you know if there's any problem with the electrical or the plumbing? I know that the electrical, sometimes the bill spikes because GetUpOnThis will come in and be playing all kinds of music. They'll plug in turntables and stuff and just spin for a little bit. Yeah, and that can cause a bit of a surge in the bill, but that's only, it's pretty rare. And your dog did poop on all the engineer equipment last time he was in here. That's a joke, yeah.

I know, and I think that actually might have fixed some of it. It seems to be. If we can see sort of how it functions when we have an engineer attending to it, I think the dog is certainly not attending to it. I think, you know, the dog is not, it's certainly not going to hurt. Okay, great.

So the foundation's intact. Structurally, it's intact. Foundation. Great. As far as I know, there's a roof. Okay.

And some of the other stuff I've been seeing is some of these walls and floors. Okay. Anything about them or just that they are there?

No, but yeah, something about them. Check them out. I? No, but yeah, something about them. Check them out. I mean, they look pretty damn good. Yeah. Okay. Doors in between some of the rooms. Cool, cool, cool.

And Kevin's camera. Kevin's camera, which I still have, and I did figure out how to use. Do you guys have any requests? Well, that's good because we can give it to the seller with our pictures on it, which will help. Oh, like included in the deal? I'm sorry, to the buyer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, do you want this place furnished?

Do you want this place with one camera? Camera. With or without pictures. Throwing that camera could be good, yeah. And make it clear. You can do whatever you want with Kevin. Like, I think some people are going to go, like, obviously he's going to be part of the deal. You don't have to leave him as is.

You could pretty much do anything to that guy. Okay, great. Have you thought of a price? Well, you're kind of the house person. Yeah. You know, I mean, legally, I'm not supposed to set the price, but I can just as a favor. If you could give me a hint. Yeah, probably, like, okay, how much do you make?

Think of that number. Okay. And multiply it times probably just like 200. Okay, so 200 bucks. Okay. You have your price. Okay. And that's not even-

And how much is that? Can they, just to save us time, pay us in fancy candy? We can put that in the addendum that you'd like to be paid in fancy candy. As long as their earnest money comes in some form of non-melting chocolate, I think we'll be fine. If it's $200, that's not even going to cover the now and later. Which I'll admit are not fancy when you first think about it. No, that's a Walgreens candy. Look how many different flavors.

Some of the flavors are fancier than others. Some of them change flavors or something. I don't think they change flavors. Or they're a mystery flavor. There are some mystery flavors. Yeah, well, so isn't that crazy? Is tea here? Oh, wait, say your thing. Well, so isn't that crazy? Is tea here?

Oh, wait. Say your thing. Well, I also want to say in addition to the candy, we are upside down on the Spanaka purchase. Hayes and I. Just for, yeah, after a bunch of candy. We love having fresh breath and we want it to burn. And so we have as a post candy treat gotten a few

caseloads of binaca and we got taken for a ride. So the $200 isn't going to cover it. I wonder if we could almost come in a little hotter and go,

can you give us $300? You know what? I'll even take you a step further. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And go. Seller's market. Can you give us 300 bucks? You know what? I'll even take you a step further. Say 300. List it at 300. Tell Andrew that you have other offers and that you're in multiples already. That's right, from Jeff Orange. Yeah.

And it's competitive. And then tell him he needs to come in over. And he might come in at like three times. You don't know. Yeah, multiple all cash offers. All cash. No FHA. Buyer to do due diligence. Uh- know. Yeah, multiple all cash offers. All cash. No FHA. Buyer to do due diligence.

Redfin. Sold as is. Tell them Redfin. Zillow. Tell them Zillow. LA County zoning. Zip code. Yeah, make sure he knows.

Should we look up how many pedophiles are in this area? I know there's a website that does that. We don't have to. The buyer is supposed to do that, but we could do it just for fun. We're going to get a couple pigs. Can they tell if one of them is standing up near the door?

Does that show up? I like the little map. This one is at the standing desk. Yeah, if one of them is the first thing you see when you get off the elevator. Hi, Andrew. Hi, guys. Hi, Andrew. Luckily, we are ready for you.

Hello. Thank you so much. Have a seat. You can sit. Andrew, or Sam, is Andrew's mic going to be activated for him? All right, great. So, Andrew. What's up, guys? we got a bit of a

business opportunity for you we've seen how much you like being in this studio just like the way like you walk in and you're like it's so natural like lights up and you just like this seems to be sort of your happy place correct uh and you do like a million shows you do like a million shows. You do like a show every frigging day. Yeah. So we thought for you, it could be pretty great if you own the studio. Yeah. Okay. Imagine how many shows you could do.

Yeah. We might even be invited on it at some point. And you could be, yes. Oh, gosh. I didn't even think of that, but that's nice. And, yeah, and as a throw-in, you could do our show. So, and we would be, you know, it would be interesting because we would be hosting it. Yeah.

So, but we'd be your guests because you'd own the studio. Of the studio. Right, in my capacity as studio owner. Fuck like that with special guest Lauren Lapkus show, where you're sort of like, wait, what? Because it's kind of backwards. What even is this? Yeah.

Being skeptic. Total mind fuck. Andrew, these are my clients. I'm representing them in this real estate transaction. Oh, perfect. And you've been identified as a potential buyer. Correct. Due to your perceived interest on their part.

And tell them about the other offers. And we have multiple other offers in contention pending contingencies. And we don't have to release them. It's a bidding war. But we've got to move fast. I know what you're thinking.

Do we have CoolOp's permission? Yes, we do. We actually called CoolOp already on the show and we had really good sound quality on that call. Oh, hell yeah. It's going to sound great. We also got Paul's voicemail, just in case you were wondering. So I'm bidding against them or they're middle?

Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're bidding against Paul F. Tompkins and Kulop Vilaysat. And we know what kind of dough they're dealing with. Oh, damn. All right. So who's on my side? You got Hayes?

Yeah, I'll be on your side. I think you should do it. Okay. Do you have any experience representing yourself in a real estate transaction? That's why he needs the Hayes man. I guess I'm just the money. Do we need an LLC to be the landlord of this studio? You need a landlord love company.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Double L. Landlords love company. They don't want to be alone. That's why they keep renting out places. They need more tenants to hang out with them. That was what that show Three's Company was about. Oh, yeah.

That lonely landlord. Oh, yeah. He's a roper. Right, he is the real hero of that show Three's Company was about. Oh, yeah. That lonely landlord. Fizzeroper. Oh, yeah. Fizzeroper. Right. He is the real hero of that show. When you work back through it, you realize that him being sort of homophobic, I think, right? Yeah, very. Was kind of the real hero's journey.

Right. Wait, so do I have to have a podcast company? I'm sorry. Am I painting him unfairly? Was he not homophobic, actually? I think he was homophobic. I think the thing was that he was encouraging. He would not let Jack live there unless he was gay.

So he was actually pretty woke. No, it was kind of heteronormative, though, because it was like, ooh, two gals and a straight man, that could never, you know, he had to be gay. He just did not want dude fucking in there. No fucking. So he's kind of puritanical? And this is almost like a show that we

could do for you, Andrew. Except we're asking if Mr. Roper likes gay people or not. Yeah, once you, yeah. Yo, is this gay-ist? Yo, is this gay-ist? Is this gay-ist?

Do I have to, does Kevin come with the... That is such a good question. What a great question. We have talked about that a little bit. You have done your due diligence as a buyer. Okay.

There's Kevin views from everywhere in the home. It's really great. He's basically like Griffith Observatory. You know? He's got the big lens and everything. Yeah, stony and all-seeing. And you

can do whatever you want with him. Okay. Very versatile. Before we even get to it, and I was told not to bring this up, we are willing to offer you some kind of credit to get Josh and Dana removed. Oh, I see. Right, right, right. To have them, I guess, replaced?

Can we get them, or do I need my own source for a Josh and Dana? That's up to you. If you have your own contractors, you can do whatever works. Yeah. We know some great Josh and Dana people that we can recommend. All right. And whatever you want you know, whatever you want to do with this. I'm just throwing this out there.

Maybe not, we don't go with white Josh. A different race for Josh, maybe? Okay, yeah. Or a different race for any of the engineers or different gender. Could be interesting. I mean, granite countertops are in. Dope.

Granite Josh could be really nice. Yeah, graniteite Josh. Oh, yeah. It'd be really nice. Yeah, Granite Josh with a new backsplash. Uh-huh. Could be really good. Some Sub-Zero appliances. It could really bring up the value. Stainless steel. Okay.

So what would you expect to pay for something like this? And let me just say, we're listing it at $300. $300. Oh, a full three. But we have multiples. We're in multiples. So you want to be competitive and aggressive. $300. Oh, a full three. But we have multiples. We're in multiples. So you want to be competitive and aggressive. All right, here's what I'm butting up against.

It's going to be the disposal fee for data. I think it's just I want that reimbursed. You know what I mean? This guy is smart. It's not just pulling her out. No, you can't just throw her anywhere or wait for bulk pickup day. The city has like a special truck. No, yeah, that's a concern.

Can I talk to my clients quickly? Absolutely, yeah. Okay, so just Andrew, just earmuffs? Mm-hmm. Great. I'm out. Hey, guys, he's right. He's a tough cookie.

I think we need to meet his offer, and I think we need to offer him $200 off. Okay, so then it's like, Okay, so it's like $100? Yeah, it's $100, and you guys do— And how much is that in Fancy Candy? Are you talking now and later Fancy or Ferrero Rocher Fancy? No, no, now and later. Ferrero Rocher, I guess, is sort of the baseline of what we're talking about. Yeah, maybe we can find a sale somewhere.

I don't know. I just think he's going to walk away if we don't come at him correct. Okay? Okay, Andrew. Okay, I'm your muff somewhere. I don't know. I just think he's going to walk away if we don't come at him correct. Okay? Okay, Andrew. Okay, on earmuffs. Oh, my God. And so welcome back to the negotiating table. Part of it?

Yeah. So we'll throw in the earmuffs. All right. And, of course, look, we're reasonable people. What would you say if we took care of the Dana disposal? Yep. I'm just going to need that. $200.

And so we would be willing to do it for $40? As is. As is. As is. Buyer does due diligence. Except for Kevin, who you can do whatever you want with. Okay. Literally. My profit margin is all inyer does due diligence. Except for Kevin, who you can do whatever you want with. Okay.

Literally. My profit margin's all in Kevin at that point, which I guess is... That's true, yeah. And that's the... That's probably... Depending on a lot of the Kevin market. Yeah, but... But I got to say, Kevin's value is not going to appreciate. Profits are profit, though.

So I guess I'm in. Oh, wow. I guess I'm in. Oh, great. Wow. Okay. I'm in. Oh great. Wow. I'm going to have to fucking flip this Kevin but. Okay so then can you drive us to the candy store? Oh right

like as a. Drive me to the candy store. That's where the deal has to go down I guess. As far as the business. They don't let us in there anymore so you deal has to go down, I guess. That makes sense. They don't let us in there anymore, so you also have to go in and buy the candy. You gotta go in, buy the candy, bring it out to us.

They will ask you if it's for us. You do have to not respond. Right. So I gotta get the special car, and then no Kevin. Okay. Yeah, you're in? Fucking fine. You guys have me over a barrel on this one. Yeah, you're in? Fucking fine. Great.

You guys have me over a barrel on this one. I'm fucking, I guess I'm in. Congratulations to us, to Kulop, to Scott, to Paul, to everyone. And to the family that Andrew is going to raise in this studio. And to this beautiful San Pedro space that's going to get a total revival when we get in there. And the suckers at Scripps who just lost hell of money. Oh, right. I just took it out of their pocket. I forgot about Scripps.

I forgot they were a thing. Well, I'm just happy to see this home go to a loving caretaker. And I was happy to be part of the transaction. Oh, wait. We didn't talk about your commission. What is your commission on this? Mine stays $300. Yeah, wait. We didn't talk about your commission. What is your commission on this? Mine stays $300. Yeah. I'm part of the National Association of Realtors. We cannot accept less than $300. Would you be willing to take it in 5'4 clothing? In 5'4 clothing? Is that for a person

who's 5'4? No, I don't know why they call it that, but they were an advertiser on our show at one point, and I believe I still have a pair of their jeans. Is it... Am I too tall to wear it? Tell me your height. I'm 5'10". Do you have any 5'10 clothing? But future babies.

Well. For sale, baby jeans never worn. Well, I'll do it for future baby jeans. Do you guys want to make a call and see if I fixed it? Cody? Yeah, okay. I guess we could call Cody and see if it works. It might not.

Sam just wants to know if he fixed it. Yeah, I'm curious. And this even sounds different. it. Yeah, I'm curious. And this even sounds different. Even his phone ring is all fucked up. It's like super lazy. It's like the Cody

version of a ring. Oh, was I supposed to be ringing? Hello? Cody? Hello, this is Cody. Hey, Cody. Cody, can you hear us? Hello? Can you hear me? Yes, we can hear you. Can you hear us?

Yes. Oh, Cody, that's great. That's so good. We've got really great news. Oh, what the hell? It's Hayes and Sean and Tony Newsom and Andrew T. And Andrew T. are here. And Engineer Sam. We do have good news. Go ahead.

Great news. So we were able to get an amazing offer from Andrew. We've sold the studio to him. He now owns Earwolf Studios. Obviously, you're going to be able to make the move with us. Hayes and I have found a really exciting space. It's space number 46 on the second floor or if that's full

we can go up to the roof in this really great San Pedro building. It's kind of a co-working space. With this cool little gate in front. It's like one of these thin long doors. Indoor outdoor. Yeah. Indoor outdoor California living. I like roofs. Yeah. I do like roofs. I knew, outdoor. Yeah. Indoor, outdoor California living. I like roof.

Yeah. I do like roof. I knew you'd say that. But we just wanted you to know, obviously you're going to get one of the little bottles of binaca that come out of the deal and you can take a shower with that. What is bunka? Oh, boy.

Bye, bitch. This has been an Earwolf production. Executive produced by Scott Aukerman, Chris Bannon, and Colin Anderson. For more information and content, visit Earwolf.com. That was a HeadGum Podcast.