Hollywood Handbook - The Batman, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: March 8, 2022

The Boys welcome back TOM SCHARPLING and JULIE KLAUSNER to try an episode completely in the dark.Make sure to buy tickets for the Double Threat 100th episode livestream at doublethreat100.eventbrite.com and Julie’s show in LA May 1st at hotelcafe.com!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is a head gum podcast is everyone else is everyone else here is everybody here okay you're you know that's sean all right that was sean is that who's asking it's haze haze is everyone here you didn't recognize my voice i've been talking a lot okay uh it's not a contest i've been talking decent amount myself is kevin here kevin's here hi boys who's that this is kevin from hollywood handbook and hollywood handbook the pro version the producer okay so we are trying something and that technically fulfills the requirements of tri-month we're trying something new and and that's and all we said we were going to do on tri-month is try

so let's try this out. That's all it says. Trying it out. And I'll admit that this is what? The second week of Tri-Month, Kevin? Mm-hmm. Yes. It has already been such a disaster. I think we're about to experience an upswing right now during this episode yes

we can talk about some of the obstacles that we have faced personnel and as as we go forward in this episode but first i want to talk about what we're trying. So far, I find it very interesting. It's intimate, more intimate yet somehow also very alienating, very scary. Is that you, Hayes? This is still Hayes. This is Hayes talking the whole time. We're doing an episode in the dark.

This is a sort of a time-honored theater tradition dating back to the times when theater has always been at night and back in when like other cultures would do theater would always be in pitch darkness and everyone to imagine all like all the crazy stuff that was happening theater originally there were no props stages costumes it was such a bare bones activity that actually it was more enriching in many ways because so much of the action took place only in the mind uh which by the way speaking of theaters and all this i just want to say my idea for making this feel more tri-month relevant and and i was shouted down pretty aggressively but is this that's is this this is all that was all one person that

was all sean sean talking sean talking down it sounded like the way you were talking sounded like you were someone was interrupting you because you were talking and then you said i just want to add but i'm allowing my mind to go where it goes uh and that's been very freeing about this experiment but i did think that you know tri-month we usually try to get really big guests and in a way because we are recording in the dark, because we live in the dark, we are adopting the dark. Therefore, our guest is the of the Batman episode. And if anybody, you know, we have some guests, but if they want to talk about the twisted games that the Riddler likes to play, some of the, you know, I don't want to diagnose him or anything, but some of the sickness that he's suffering from, we can get into that.

And maybe that'll get some more ear balls on this whole thing. So we do want to introduce the guests that we have for this episode. They've both done the show many times. They are beloved institutions on this program. You know who belongs in an institution? Is that Riddler? It's Tom Sharpling and Julie Klausner here. Oh. Hi, Sean. Hi, Hayes. an institution is that riddler it's tom sharpling and julie klausner here oh hi sean hi haze julie tom how are you i'm good how are you doing my friend i'm good i'm good i just wanted to tell

you wait speaking of joker way do you get a load of these jokers this is they get a load of these jokers. Wait till they get a load of me. You're at the table. Being so serious. I'm telling you, these are the guys I've been telling you about. The one is a first class wackadoodle. The other one, you think, oh, he's Mr. Normal. He's the straight guy. He's as weird as the other one yeah and then they

got this kid right working on a thing where you think he's basically like a caricature of like a white dork right two screwballs and a peapod who is this julie this kid is this kid is as weird as the day is long it's three weirdos three jokers three screwballs three jokers yeah and it's jokers wild i wanted to call the show three weirdos who can everyone just say who it is what do you what i don't understand the question yeah i'll say it it's tom and julie they're here or we're saying just who we are well my name's tom this is a very belated response to you saying three weirdos as a show uh-huh three and a half weirdos i was thinking if if spike jones directed it and not spike j Jones like the cool one. Spike Jones the like, that's a musical

instrument. He would name it the movie that Spike Jones made, which was, ready? This is a compliment. Three Kings. Oh my gosh. He did make that. That's really nice.

I wanted to call it Three Weirdos. Hayes wanted to call it three weirdos hayes wanted to call it two men and a little baby um it's just hard with this being in the dark to you know these guys are thrown keep track because they're doing an episode of a hollywood handbook i guess the closest comparison i could make would be for when they do the modern family reboot yeah and eric stone street is holding out yes no cam can everyone hear me so may i know that i'm a guest but sometimes i can't help you know i can't i can't take off my host hat. Sometimes my host hat is crazy glued onto my hair.

You're a natural host. It's it's your energy. So I don't begrudge that. I just wanted to say in a in a log line, when Sean and Hayes say that we're in the dark, what they mean is our cameras are off. We're all on Zoom and we can't see each other. And the lights are off. You guys all have your lights off. Everybody turned their lights off as well.

And I can't see anything on my screen. We're all in total darkness, right? I mean, this is like the tradition that we're trying to draw from, starting with ancient theater, but then like. Leading all the way up to a certain puzzle loving madman lurking in the shadows. If this is a cowboy TV spinoff, I did not agree to that. Oh, someone listens.

Well. Oh, no, it's him. It's the character right that's no we we actually stopped doing cowboy tv we have a cool new show and we can't do voices yeah yeah and we can't do voices on this one that would be too it's we're mutual fans of each other we're mutual fans of each other ain't that the truth it's pretty exciting it's pretty exciting this really is like a summit of uh of greatness it's special it really is special um it's mount funny more it's about funny more it's mount funny more it's mount funny most most right yeah and ironically And ironically, Donnie Most is not on Mount Funny Most, but he should be. Ralph Mouth.

Who was that? Was it the same person talking about Donnie Mouth? I think that was Kevin. I think Kevin had a child. Kevin said Ralph Mouth. Oh, the whole Donnie Mouth thing was Kevin. Okay. Sounded like a different person might have said Ralph Mouth.

Hayes. Yes. Can you hear me? Can you guys guys hear me I'm right behind you we're right behind you Sean and like I like I'm able to Tom Tom wait Tom sorry guys what's that Julie it is scary but hold on Sean Hayes Tom what's that you scare Hayes I'll scare Tom. What's that? You scare Hayes. I'll scare Sean. That's perfect. Okay. Sorry, guys.

And. Hayes. Hayes. Everyone. Hayes. I am your piano teacher. I am the ghost of. Practice your skills.

Of comedy past. I'm going to cut off those fingers while you sleep. Hey, guys. Guys, it's Kevin. Let's try to move on with the show a little bit. Oh, this is living. What is happening?

Wait, who's playing that? Is that a real guy? That wasn't you, Julie. I thought that was you. What's happening? Guys, it's Kevin. Seriously, we should get rolling with the show. Hey, that's Kevin from The Office. I'm Andy from The Office.

What's my game? I don't know. That was a very well-written character, Andy from The Office. Name one characteristic. Went to Cornell. They figured him out early. Went to Cornell. He was weird out early. Went to Cornell. He was weird.

There were no tonal shifts at all. You say no to Ed. Ed calls, you're going to say. You're going to hang up. Didn't Kathy Bates come in with two giant dogs at one point on that show? Mm-hmm. That's when I started watching. You remember it, right?

I started with Robert California. This is how many years later and you still remember Kathy Bates and the Giant Dogs. What's the name of the boss before Robert California? What was his name? David Cincinnati. No, you're funning me on that.

I am. I can't help it. You mean Michael Scott? The pre-Robertbel california was michael scott i saw two episodes with him okay didn't care for it okay more of a i'm a california man california tom he likes robert Robert. Now, Julie, I mean, that's a perfect opportunity to plug your. No reason to, my friend. Your live show. But I'm saying it's a perfect opportunity.

But there's no need because. I'd like to plug it on the secondary market for StubHub. I was going to say, the only reason why you might want to plug it is if you're Sweeney Todd and you're doing some scalping. Wow. Kevin, can you plug this in for me? God, what do you want, boss? Laughing it up at the robber, California.

Do, do, do, do. Keep going. Such a lovely boss. Such a lovely boss. Such a lovely boss such a lovely boss such a lovely boss laughing it off at the Robert California

I do wanna anytime of year anytime of year Jim and Pam work here and now Kevin you step in the chili yeah and Mr. Rainn Wilson and now kevin you step in the chili yeah do like and a mr rain wilson he plays a dwight shrewd okay were you thinking of d'angelo vickers played by will ferrell no was he before no he was after he was he was more was in between. Add more air after that. Yeah. Give more space after that question in the final version of this.

Okay. That might be the last thing we hear. Yeah, before we die. Yeah. It's Kevin saying, were you thinking of D'Angelo Vickers? The light goes out. D'Angelo Vickers. Vickers.

I know what Tom's about to say. I know what you're about to say. Can I say it? I know you know. I know you know. Go for it. Do you want to say it at the same time? Absolutely.

Let's say it at the same time. Okay, ready. Okay, here we go. One, two, three. May your sister share a bunk bed with D'Angelo Vickers. See, this is the kind of, you can't fake this kind of chemistry. Do you guys do that? Do you do things at the same time like we do?

We're working on it. Hayes, do you want to do one? Yeah, we can do one. Does anything? Should we do May Your Sister Share a Bunk Bed with D'Angelo Vickers? No, that's not how it goes. Wait, what? You got to do one out of literally could be anything you're doing cover

songs i thought you were an original band okay yeah do we need to throw out a topic and then you want a suggestion yeah let's throw out a name that would be great yeah i mean we're already improvising. Okay, so the movie is Panic Room. Panic Room. Mm-hmm. Now, you guys, let's see if you come up with the same thought on the count of three. Yeah. One. One.

Two. Two. Three. Three. I just got. That Dwight Yoakam I just suddenly got really scared from what was happening before

Sean what wait what who's saying that aren't you well you should be who's that I don't like that

that's scary uh the harpsichord teacher we should um we should talk about the live stream you all double threat has a it's 100th episode yeah we're 100 deep on this bitch we've've been doing it for a couple years. We're knuckle deep in this. Oh my god. It's a harpsichord. That's right. Play it nice. Stroke them. Stroke the keys. Talk

to them. You know the harpsichord is different than the piano. It's a little more broke. I'm a little broke. One more chord. Your parents should write me a check one of these days, Sean. So I can buy a candy.

Harpsichord, harpsichord, harpsichord. Give me that harpsichord. Harpsichord, harpsichord, harpsichord, harpsichord. Come on. Where's the harpsichord? Where's that harpsichord? Harpsichord, harpsichord, harpsichord, harpsichord harpsichord harpsichord harpsichord harpsichord come on where's the harpsichord where's that harpsichord harpsichord harpsichord harpsichord harpsichord harpsichord harpsichord harpsichord i'm scaring you 100 episodes 100 episodes deep in this bitch um please please please knuckle deep knuckle deep in this sugar bowl and we kind of look at double threat was you took two two giants and you're like can these giants play together and look at that well well well guess what a hundred episodes later

and the giants uh showed what they can do. Goliath and Goliath. It is. Can the giants play together? That ancient question. Yes. Can these two giants play together? Yeah.

Yeah. Finally answered. And the answer will be revealed on Saturday, March. March 12th? March the 12th will be with you. Revealed on Saturday. March. 12th. March the 12th. Be with you. March the 12th. Be with you.

And this is what you do. You march on over to your computer. And you join us on a live stream. We're going to have a special 100th episode celebration. Yes. It'll be fun. Special guest. You can flame us in the comments. Yes. It'll be fun. Special guests? You can flame us in the comments.

Yeah, special guests. We do have some special guests. Can they really do that? Is Brett going to be modding? Brett's going to be doing some sort of like... You should probably get someone to mod. He's going to be doing some stunt in his driveway, I think. You might want a whole mod squad. Yeah.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Or a mod family. No cam. Got to pay Eric Stone Street his quote. Mod only knows how I'd stream without you. Sean, you are pitch perfect, my friend. Yeah. you Sean you are pitch perfect my friend something about the no cam is really giving me the freedom

to explore some of these song parodies were you in musicals when you were growing up doing theater as I assumed you did I don't know Julie I don't like to talk about all that come on break us off give me one

he was the hot like standoffish I don't like to talk about all that. Come on, break us off. He was... Break us off. Give me one. He was the hot, standoffish kid who was bad. He was definitely bad, but he was hot. And the theater teacher approached him and was like... Yeah, we need somebody with your look. With your energy. I can work with this. It's a rough ball

of clay right now but i can cue this and uh so it's kind of like a bad news bear situation maybe you could stop me from getting suspended and i'll do your stupid theaters they sneak up on you with a wig and just like suddenly it's yeah rivers belong where they can ramble eagles belong where they can fly I've got to be where my spirit can run free I know

I don't know the song I'm reading it I know. I don't know the song. I'm reading it. I'm reading it. Of the sky. Yeah, I was kind of the hot kid. You were Pippin? Stop lying to me.

Were you Pippin or no? Nah, get out of here. Come on, who were you? Tell me who you were. Was I in Pippin? Conrad Birdie? A little bit. I don't know. Who were you?

Who were you, Sean? Who were you, Sean? He was pooping. I tell you, I was a wisp. I don't know. Who were you? Who were you, Sean? He was Pippin. I tell you, I was a wisp. He was Putin? We were going to do Pippin. I insisted on it being Putin. Oh my god! Putin on the Ritz?

Did you sing Putin on the Ritz? I added it. I added it. And we did it instead of that Charlemagne song about war or whatever like war or whatever don't act like you don't know Pippin well Sean you do

that Charlemagne song yeah yeah we replaced the lead player with Putin he even knows he's called the leading player uh so yeah so uh whatever is you know that they needed someone really hot to play young putin in this production of pippin haze were you in any theater when you were growing up did you ever do musicals i was the intelligent jock who the theater teacher was like we need someone with this like kind of build to play the sheriff and the musical bat boy we need someone who can

we need someone who can sing talk anyone can sing all. Are you? Hold on. Anyone can sing. All right? Hold on a second. Fair point. That's a fair point. We need someone who can. Our screens are not on, so I can't see if you two are Googling obscure musicals and their songs and characters now.

Bat Boy the Musical? Bat Boy the Musical? What are we talking about? Comfort and Joy? Yeah. Hold me, Bat Boy. That one? Comfort and Joy. Joy. Comfort and Joy. musical are we talking what are we like comfort and joy yeah hold me bad boy that that one comfort and joy joy comfort and joy comfort and joy comfort and joy all right everyone gather around listen up listen up well reverence in town we got to stick to a pretty tight schedule so everyone

listen here you're reading off the computer i. I think this is natural. I think this is natural. Are you serious, Tom? That's real. I think this is just sense memories coming, flooding back with this kid. And it's like some foreign identity. From 9 to 12, he does the kneeling. Sheriff, you hush up. And then he'll bless the fields and plows.

Tractors, too, hush up. Then lunges at 130. Sheriff, what about my gurdy? And then we'll see if time allows. From 3 to 10, The blessing of the cows. Yes, the blessing of the cows. Boy, this preacher's a pro. Gives a heck of a show. Just like Siegfried

and Roy. He'll bring comfort and joy. And if nothing goes wrong. Yes, if nothing goes wrong. If nothing goes wrong, we'll have comfort and joy. Comfort and joy. Comfort and joy. Comfort and joy. and joy comfort and joy comfort and joy julia i'm impressed i was in a gender swapped last five years i mean i played oh my god you know kevin were you in any shows

yeah actually i was in uh i was the lead in caligula My school did a production of Caligula. Oh, wow. Do you remember any of that, Kevin? Yeah. And we got shut down five minutes into the show. Oh, no. The health department showed up, huh? No, the cops. Oh, the straight-up police.

Okay, wow. Tom, when you do Kevin, it sounds like kevin like what's the name brian baumgartner and kevin bartelt bartelt yeah i when i do when i do my kevin bartelt i tend to think of brian baumgartner and i imagine what if he had like a little imp on his shoulder and that's the that's who it is and that's my bart and the truth of matter is it's just a skin tag it's just one of brian baumgartner's skin skin tags yes that guy has so many skin tags skin tag you're metal he can't he can't walk through him yeah he can't walk out of a retail store. People are like, come back here!

And then he just books it. Yeah. And they explode with ink. Don't go to Ross Tress for Less with Brian Baumgardner. That's your whole weekend right there. Spent in holding. Yeah. Should we go back in the changing room?

It's communal. It's communal. I don't consent to a search. I'm a sovereign citizen. Your nation's laws have no standing here. You're looking at the United States of Brian. Hollywood Handbook. This week on The Pro Version, the boys work on page four

through the end of the script of Barbara Bush. The man turns away from mark and walks into the distance mark sits there stilly looking through the money in a sort of awe stilly stilly check out the pro version the flagrant ones and carl calls his cousin at patreon.com slash flagrant ones also make sure to buy tickets for julie's show in in Los Angeles May 1st at hotelcafe.com. Hollywood Handbook. Be a better you in 2024 with Babbel, the science-backed language learning app that actually works. Don't pay hundreds of dollars for private tutors or waste hours on apps that don't really help you speak the language and the question that i always get people stop me and they say like hey i like i i trust you i know like you when you

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slash the boys hollywood uh we haven't heard a lot from chef kevin that's okay some would say it's good we can talk a little about this tri-month and how it's been going so far so how does it go off the tracks? You seem pretty down on it. First week, first show. So first of all, this one comes out tomorrow, right? In two hours. Two hours.

So this is week two of tri-month. Week one, we have Parquet Courts. Great guys. That was great. They were really funny. Love Parquet Courts. What a great, like, great musicians. Very funny.

Of course, there's only half of them. Not even the whole band. And this isn't, you know, it's not like the Bangles. Well, we sort of built up with Tri-Month. We had Jon Hamm once. Yeah. Yeah. You know?

I remember. This is not like we got foster the people on here i gotta say i think the problem with this is you guys keep saying tri-month and that gives kevin an out you gotta switch to do month yeah yeah there is no tri-month only do there is no Trimoth, only Doomoth. There is no Trimoth. Yeah. And it's fucking Grogu, Sagna? Yeah, it's Grogu's papa. And it's adult Grogu? Grogu's papa. I'm sorry. I don't know what you're talking about.

Star Wars. Got it. So it's Star Wars. Now for week two, we have this one. It's the economy. Yeah. Week three, NA, so far far one thing that this episode is completely in the dark all the lights are off this could i just want to say that kevin bartell you know

this is kevin bartell from bartelt insurance this is the scion of bartelt insurance yeah this is the most insured human being on earth that's to say he's more valuable in death than in life yeah is a pretty significant understatement and so were we too at the end of this episode kill kevin not no we don't kill him at the end i'm gonna kill him yeah if kevin was to get get croaked during this episode then yeah no one would ever know and everyone has a motive is this a murder mystery it well it could we could even like like take the we could all have our little characters so that we're like inhabiting a murder mystery but then it turns out this should be actually it's a great idea for a movie a murder mystery party where someone dies for real yeah yeah yeah yeah this is reminding me honestly of some of the stuff that the Riddler was doing.

Because he played these games. You know what I mean? But the price for losing the game was often someone's very life. I mean, he's like a genius, I guess. But he's fucking insane. I'm sorry. Like Wordle? Yeah. I mean, it wasn't unlike Wordle.

Do you think it's a coincidence that Joker is five letters? It could be Joker. I would have guessed poker first. Julie, what's your first Wordle go-to word? You know mine, roast. I've been using roast. Sometimes I do great and then sometimes I do even better.

Ha ha! I could feel it coming. So this mystery movie, by the way, do you guys like it when we come up with ideas for shows before the show? Or during? I like both ways. So we get to pick our characters for

this yeah we each get a character okay oh i'm shocked you don't serve that i do say my man this wine is iodine oh hey, hey, welcome to the party. Who are you guys? Do take my coat before you ask me that. Name's Tony Mafia. Well, take my coat, Tony Mafia. Hey, guys, welcome to my house. I'm Justin Long.

I'm hosting the party this evening. Oh, Mackay. I'm hosting the party this evening. Oh, Mackie. I'm more of a PC person. What's your name, Adam? Mrs. Violin. Mrs. Violin. Wow. Thanks so much for coming.

I just got an invitation saying that i was having a party here so i'm my guess your guess is as good as mine why we're all here today so you're invited and the host i guess so i mean it's like a little confusing to me i'm just i'm trying to figure it out it's a little like i got the same invitation except it said i'm the movie i was said i was both accepted to that college and and i was the host of that college in a way it's been awfully quiet is that gentleman with the mustache good tidings to all of you it's i am the duke of ghostbuster and i am here i just came from safari and my walrus mustache makes me go i just i actually just came from sephora was getting some beauty products oh wow is that

what you said or what did you say? Are you the same? This is still Tony Mafia? Tony Mafia, yeah. Oh, I've been poisoned! I've been poisoned! I ate a croque madame. Oh, okay.

And I hope that madame doesn't croak, by the way. I've been poisoned, I mentioned. Hmm? I say say clunk young man didn't i see you in a movie once me yeah uh i i've been in a couple movies i mean i don't know about once i've been i've been in a few some sort of fake college was the premise i saw it on a yeah i was talking about it just a second ago accepted it was making me think about it because uh the idea of being both invited to a party and the host i accepted myself into my own college no no no no it wasn't accepted that wasn't what it was called the movie where that i was in where it was a fake college yeah yeah yeah no you were in a fake

college but uh it was it was the south harman institute of technology which was it called admissions it was not called admissions it was called accepted my character is named bartleby gains uh and we made a fake website we had a guy like be the dean. The chap who played Alan Gregory was in that as well, I believe. Jonah Hill was in it. Jonah was in it. He's dressed up as a hot dog or something in the commercial. He says, do you want to touch my wiener or something like that?

You're going to love my wiener or something. I liked PCU before I was poisoned. PCU. Now that's a college movie. Makes accepted look like higher learning. Okay, that's better. Hey, I'm the maid. And we do, I guess we would, I mean.

Nobody cared that my character was murdered no because it's supposed to be murdered yeah the whole point is Kevin has to get murdered yeah oh I didn't know that I'm sorry no it's I don't think she's dead we don't

sorry oh chef Kevin like you're here as well like welcome to the party okay thank you good note hey everyone sorry I'm late I brought my friend I don't have a story. Oh, Chef Kevin. Like, you're here as well. Like, welcome to the party, Chef Kevin. Got it. Okay. Thank you. Good note. Hey, everyone. Sorry I'm late. I brought my friend.

Is it Darius? No, it's my new friend, Al Dente. Hey, nice to meet you. Oh, Tony, is that you? Look at the two of us, both here. Big handshake. hey have you guys seen avenue 5 is that gonna get picked up for a season 2 or what avenue 5 what's avenue 5 hugh laurie josh gad andy buckley five Hugh Laurie Josh Gad Andy Buckley Peter Laurie oh Avenue five Zach Woods is in that spaceship comedy I haven't watched uh me and my brother both got COVID right at the beginning of

the pandemic this is like March 20th 2020 oh yes and we both got COVID at the same time. And since then, I haven't been able to see you so good. I got COVID. I was seeing the Impractical Jokers movie in a theater. Got it the first day it was available. Barrett bought Ghostbuster. You got COVID the first possible day. I did. Wow.

They call me an early adapter. I heard Mur murder stole the show wow you got you you also like the practical jokers that's just what i heard justin and chef kevin are you still here al dente is bringing his friend pal dente someone someone really needs to kill him seriously this one has to kill this one has to kill kevin my whole plan i can i say something my name is tony mafia my most of my plan was so i poisoned the deviled ham so at one point a while ago maybe try the devil maybe eight minutes

ago i go hey try the devil damn completely unacknowledged and you know whatever i got no ego about it just let it hang out there but that was now you, oh, somebody's got to kill Kevin. Well, somebody, me, had been trying. The ham, you know, ultimately would allow Kevin to meet the devil face to face. Well, shove it down his throat like you would a cat. Well, that's not exactly a murder mystery, is it? Then, Miss Violin, that's more of just an out and out. That's Mrs. I'm off limits. Okay. All right. violin that that well that's more of just an out now okay all right yeah i wasn't even gonna try okay so uh you know what well yeah you're the one who made a big production about it just try

now you can try a little bit it's try month tony all right mrs violin uh look i know you're a married woman but uh here we go i got a studebaker outside uh with a big back seat oh yes wait are you This feels like I got tricked. No! Consent! Hey, God. El Dente. Hello. Help me out here.

Hey, Tony. Just an update for everyone. Avenue 5 did get renewed for a season two February 2020. Oh, it happened. Nine episodes. Wow, okay. Let's see's see five times nine carry the one equals station 11 sorry tangent wow well uh uh so hey mrs violin are we fucking or not i guess before we get into that i i was

curious why you're saying station 11 because i like it okay can't fault you there yeah you watch a lot of you watch a lot of tv, Mrs. Violet. Not really. Just Impractical Jokers. I never said I just know about it. She heard about it. You haven't removed glasses from your eyes the whole time you've been here. No one's taken my coat either. Okay.

Kevin, can you take her coat? Can I wear it i don't care if you stick it up your ass you're just very aggressive you know like it's going against it's so nice to be out of the house look my good man fetch my musket fetch my musket at once okay have a huge fetch his musket al dente pal dente i don't give a hoot catch you don't throw don't throw a musket you know that's not i handle a musket why was your musket already here i just got to this house i've never seen this before as far as i knew this was justin log's house like how is your i just came for you in the other safari i just came from safari okay where he got his mustache right right right okay sorry i'm losing track it's just so dark in the house i can't see kevin bartelt he comes from a fine from a fine lineage but he's he's like 10

pounds of stupid in a five pound sack can i can i say something that i think is going to be relevant to specifically to kevin and and he may kill himself actually uh we won't have to do anything i i of course am tony mafia i happen to have just gotten a text from mr seanments, that his recording device says card full. Oh. Now, I don't know when that message came on. I don't know how long that's been happening, but it can't be good for us. Does it let you know? Does it let you know when it filled up? Perhaps mid-interview with Jamie Loftus?

Okay. Seems like a loaded specific. Speaking of loaded, why aren't my tits out yet? I thought we were going to do it. How is that speaking of loaded? Yeah. What?

Are they like loaded in some way okay you know what they're loaded with sex oh and i see you have you have a brassiere with loaded baked potatoes on the cover each zoo loaded than herbie you can't i get the expression you can't be more loaded than herbie herbie's fully loaded yeah yes i'm just realizing so go ahead before we like like if kevin were to die in this episode march has five tuesdays in it right so we have this one then we have three more

the one we have next week i would say can and probably will fall through we're not available we're doing our live stream yeah we'd love to come and and do uh that was gonna be my next thing was that if you guys just come back and do it again. We can't. We have to do our show. By far the best option we have. So we have number three, which has bailed multiple times and probably will again. Yeah. We have.

Then we have four and five just completely wide open. Right, Kevin? Five's locked and loaded. Musket. And who is it? Speaking of loaded. Who is it, Kevin? That's not how you do it.

Stop saying loaded around Mrs. Violin. We're just going to end up in this little man. It's too exciting. Kevin, bleep out who's number five is. Sean and Hayes don't know who it is either, so I can't share. Who is it? It's Shevin's little secret. Tom Sizemore. either so i i i can't i can't share it's my who is it chevin's little secret tom saws more he calls himself chevin now because that's what when he goes scott ackerman stole our concept he

combined it into chevin and now now kevin likes that better right he's trying to get back into earwolf is basically what's happening and this has been the writing on the wall for a long time yeah go for it kevin go back go back i thought the writing was run along little boy i thought the writing was on the run back to high school little boy can you guys put in a good word at forever dog no no we can't come on you know they actually can't kevin why don't you go back go back to earwolf clean up that weird anthony davis pillboard that has been up for four years that is rapidly decaying yeah it is and what was the code again 7528 was that they just changed it tom and they deleted my email. Thanks for that. Sometimes I go through memory lane.

Tell me about it. Big pour of wine. Yeah, I'm just taking a walk through memory lane. You know how you walk through lanes? Scroll with your trackpad. Yeah, Kevin. Look, Kevin, I like you. I i like you we've always i love you i like you i do like you i take love seriously and i don't want to say i love you yet because

when i do finally say it to you and i will say it someday i want it to mean everything that it should mean you know what screw it kevin i love you yes i love you i love you julie oh kevin that's really sweet thanks no what are we gonna do about this this i was worried a little guy i didn't hear sean for a while i was worried that he's all fulled up the card is full my card's full i don don't want to waste any really funny stuff. Well, look, he's a card. He's a joker. Exactly. And that joker is all fulled up.

The wild card is full. Yeah. Of beans. I was doing my when I was talking about how nobody should kill Kevin because we knew him for the last couple episodes. I have kind of like, I have this little knife and I was kind of just sticking around with it where I thought Kevin was. Because then I thought people were listening would never think it was me because I was talking about how Kevin needs to live.

But then Sean wasn't talking for a while. I got really scared. Thank you. That I got stuck with the knife. Yeah. Well, thank you for being worried about me and all this talk of everyone loving each other, I guess. Well,

Sean. Yeah. I love you. I love you too. I just got a text from Kevin. It says, don't say this on the air, but guests for episode five is Tuco. Okay.

That's cool. Oh my God. Congrats guys. Tuco. Tuco from Breaking Bad. Breaking Bad season two. That's so cool. That's so cool.

That's amazing. I actually wrote a spec. I wrote a spec for a show called The Other Tuco. Yes. Yes. That's the only, that's the right response. Tuco. Yeah, I wrote a spec called Tuco and Bernie.

It's Bernie Sanders and Tuco. From Breaking Bad? From Breaking Bad. But they they're doing that like cool, funky walk. What's the funky walk from Tuca and Birdie? All the promos for that animated show where the birds are doing that really funky walk. OK, they're like legs are like long in front of them. I was hoping that it would be the Bernie meme and Tuco and Bernie would be sitting next to each other

with their arms crossed wearing mittens they are like that their upper body is like that and then their legs independently are sort of doing these long wide open and bottomless yeah

okay wide open and bottomless okay I loved the other Tuco loved that I worked hard on it but Julie giveth and Julie taketh away

are you giving me notes no I'm not giving you notes I'm narrating my own experience which is every rose has its thorn julie and for me it is your refusal to stop sexualizing bernie sanders on this podcast and we've edited it out in previous experiences episodes whatever you want to call them i think of it as an experience when you two are on thank you i don't think of it as a product to be enjoyed by others i think of it merely as something that i live through

but it's kind of like life a little bit isn't't it? It is life. It's real life modeled up. An experience that you live through in that way. Yeah, I guess so. It's kind of like life. Yeah. Bernie is zaddy. Okay. Okay.

All right. Just get it all out now. Just do the whole thing. Go all the way through it. Sean, I busted. I'm done. I'm done, baby. I'm done. Congratulations. That must

feel really good. Hey, thanks. That must have felt fucking awesome. It did. Good. I'm glad. Great. I'm glad you're glad. Good. What I want is for all my friends, and I'll say this, we've all said it, we love each other, and what I want is for all my friends and I'll say this we've all said it we love each other and what I want is for all of my friends to bust and of course the one

show that nothing is on video somebody busts right of course and we've been saying that's the next frontier podcast yes of course this video busted unbelievable yeah probably how I did it.

I know. This episode is kind of like if they're trying to do like a Modern Family reboot and Eric Stonestreet is more focused on he doesn't want to do episodic anymore.

No cam. No cam do, he says when they ask him if he wants to return to the to the flock. Yeah.

Julie, is your show part of Netflix's A Joke Fest or is it designed to undermine it? It's definitely not part of it. I'm the sharks to Netflix's A Joke's jets, which I know is a reference Sean knows because I'll bet he was Tony in West Side Story at one point

or maybe Riff I don't know he was Tony Mafia on Hollywood Handbook how many episodes deep are you guys how many episodes deep are you I don't need to hear that right now bye Hollywood Handbook that was a HeadGum podcast are you guys? How many episodes deep are you guys? I don't need to hear that right now. Bye.

Hollywood Handbook. That was a HeadGum Podcast.