Hollywood Handbook - The Doughboys, Our Shrimp-off Friends

Episode Date: August 6, 2018

The Doughboys finally both come to the studio to do another Shrimp-Off with The Boys without the chewing sounds.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. So, I'm in the tower, at the top of the next colonel, Sanders, because it's time to enter phase four of our plan to undermine the American government. And it's got to be the right colonel. Because, of course, we've been planning these messages all throughout. If you remember a long time ago, we had I ate the bones, and then we kind of started to get people used to the idea of eating bones, which is kind of like eating people,

and ultimately we're going to eat all the people in the world. And some people did start doing that. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And so we go, okay, well, we got them kind of close with that, and then, of course, we had— And then gold, eating gold. And then eating gold we put in there,

but then we started to do this thing where it's like, who is the colonel? Who is anyone? Anyone can become anyone. You just put on basically a wig and go i'm that person now and we're getting everyone used to accepting like oh that just is the colonel even if it fucking clearly is not and isn't even the same one that was being him that was not him last week yeah and. And so we're fucking with reality. We're destroying people's minds. We're ripping apart the fabric of what this country is supposed to even mean.

And it's become normalized. Oh, it's- The new kernel is normalized. Oh, yeah. It's completely status quo. It's normalized to say, hey, this is the kernel, and you could be pointing at this point at a bucket of slop. Is that the – Well, we talked about it.

But we thought, no, it should still be able to move around for now. Yeah. And then it was, do we put the bucket on wheels? And it's like, no, let's just, enough with the bucket, Casper. And he was pitching it. So we start going like, well, maybe we don't want to be a person. Maybe we don't want to be a person. We talk about some people.

Do we want to be a robot? Do we want to be? And then I was like, what if it's a ducky? Okay. And, you know, quack down to the pond and everyone follows it into the pond well thank you yeah no everyone follows it into the pond and um i of course have a big long read and so i can be breathing from underwater through the reed okay so you you expect that you are going to be following it too i'm gonna be to be going, hey, I don't know what's going on.

Yeah, I don't want it. It's plausible deniability. I go, oh, geez, I guess we're all following this duck. Fine with me. He's the colonel after all. So everyone in America drowns in the pond. Basically everyone except for me. Putin.

I guess you? Thank you for telling me about it. It doesn't sound like you were telling me to warn me, really just to tell me a story. But now that we're talking about it, it's like... No, thank you. Yeah, now that we're talking about it, you know, have a read on you.

Okay. Hi, welcome to Hollywood Hailbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz. Every once in a while, this show is really about celebrating other people's creativity and our friends and their achievements. We don't make anything on this show. Yes. You know, we are sort of like cultural critics.

And just saying, hey, look at this, these things that you may not be appreciating. But not critics, because I don't think we're ever here to tear down. We're here to sort of be,

you know what we are? We're like Sherpas. Yeah. We're sort of Sherpas guiding you up the mountain of culture and saying, hey, stop here. Look off this cliff. Here's something amazing.

Yeah. And look over. There's a goat jumping down, and the goat would be the movie Peppermint with Jennifer Garner coming out. Very famous episode that we did. Yeah. So it's just like one of these things that we're able to sort of guide people towards. But I think every once

in a while things, we have milestones in the show where we do have to take some time to maybe we get to go up the mountain

by ourself, basically, and celebrate some of the achievements that we are doing on this show. This is the 250th episode. Oh, okay. This is a big,

this is a big show for us. Brett is here. I can sort of tell that Brett was like, oh, it's the 250th episode. Of course I have to be there. Yes. Any shows? We don't see him for like three months.

I've been sick. Still getting over it. And so all of a sudden, 250th episode, the little hot water bottle Comes off He throws away the thermometer Oh I'm suddenly better Yeah

All of a sudden he's dancing When we thought he couldn't walk I didn't think you were watching me dance To the studio Come on Brett Some case of polio. Now, I hope you brought

your friggin' altitude sickness pills because we are going all the way to the top of the mountain with episode 250 and we are going to celebrate ourselves. You think, who should we get to, who has kind of been with us for a long time really since the beginning, who should we get for this episode?

Obviously, Scott Aukerman. That was our thought as well. That was who sort of tapped us and said, hey, it's your turn. I'm going to start kind of phoning it in even more, and you guys go ahead and take this and run with it. He passed us the baton of comedy podcasting. We could talk about the first meeting that we had with him at Starbucks

where he didn't take off his sunglasses the whole time and said, you guys should think about doing segments. Yeah. He got visibly angry with me during that meeting because I was saying that I love listening to podcasts and a lot of times I put them on when I'm going to sleep. And he was like, when you're going to sleep?

I was like, yeah, it's sort of like falling asleep with the TV on, but you don't have the whole, like, it has an ending to it, and it's just like something to kind of keep your, let your mind free a little bit by listening and he was like why don't you listen to it when you're awake people made it for you to listen to like he was I was like

oh shit man fuck me I guess I guess I'll enjoy the content the way you want I don't remember that I was very scared so but we set up this big Enjoy the content the way you want. I don't remember that. I was very scared. So, but we set up this big meeting with him for me to show that I wasn't scared of him anymore and for us to just sort of rub in his face everything that he obviously never thought we would accomplish. We did and more.

Yeah. He canceled, anticipating, I think, that it would be so humiliating for him. And so instead— I was going to talk to him about parking lot, Scott. That would have been great. Yeah, I was going to be— I would like to get to the bottom of parking lot, Scott. One day we will.

Let's meet parking lot Scott on air, because we know on air Scott, but then we know the Scott that you run into at the parking lot on the way out, who's just not in the mood for a bit. That could have been at Starbucks. That could have been parking lot Scott that we were meeting, because it was right next door to the parking lot on the way out, who's just not in the mood for a bit. That could have been at Starbucks. That could have been parking lot Scott that we were meeting, because it was right next door to the parking lot. That's right. Come to think of it, he was parking lot Scott all along.

So instead we have the Doughboys, Mitch, then Weiger are here. First time we've ever had them together. Yeah, I think twice previously we were both supposed to come on and then Mitch canceled. Mitch canceled both times, yeah. Sorry about that. So Mitch has never been on, right? No, I've been on the show before. No, he has been on.

We got you on once by yourself. We did some food eating thing. Did we? It was a fun, very good episode. Okay. I don't remember doing that. I think that was one where we had... I remember Nick's episodes.

I think... Chef Kevin, did you eat a cigarette in that episode? Oh, yeah. Right? I think we ate some dry ramen noodles and cigarette. Oh, yeah. That's right. Camel crush.

Wow. Yes, the gourmet ramen. Were you talking about the colonel being a duck? Yeah. Oh, okay. I just want to make sure that I got that correct. It was the colonel being a duck? Yeah. Oh, okay. I just want to make sure that I got that correct. It was the colonels being a duck. Yeah, what did you think?

That's the one point of clarification that you urgently needed to make. I want to figure that out. The only thing I disagree with is that the chicken could be slop. The chicken is not slop. No, the colonel was going to be a bucket of slop. Oh, the colonel could be a bucket of slop. The colonel at this point could be anything.

We've completely perverted the idea of the colonel to the point that the colonel is nearly meaningless. I think that it's kind of a cool comedy thing to become the colonel. Yeah, that's part of what we want to do. Hey, can I just get this out of the way right now? Mitch. Not gonna happen.

You don't think I thought it. You have a better chance of becoming a ducky. I have zero chance of becoming a ducky. I have zero chance of becoming a ducky. And now you say, teach me how to ducky, teach me how to ducky. And you do the whole... You're in line. You're in the line, Mitch. But you can't see the front of the line.

Right. You're like the designated survivor for the State of the Union. You're doing that thing where you lean way over to the side. Oh, it goes around the corner? I'll prove to you. I mean, you'll see. Whatever. A lot of people have just like Ackerman told you guys that you wouldn't be able to, you know.

Yeah, that's what I was confused about. Ackerman was unpleasant? I don't know. I don't think that. Okay, because that just seems very out of character. That's an extreme interpretation of what we were saying. Right, right. Okay. We just couldn't stop getting our feet in our mouths.

I mean, here I am talking about when I listen to podcasts. Hayes is trying to look at a man in the eyes. Yeah. We sort of didn't really know how meetings worked. Right. We were these young pups. It may have been more on you because Ackerman is a man who I describe as gregarious. My question to you is how close are we to Colonel Ackerman?

My question to you is how close are we to Colonel Ackerman? Oh, that is where I think he's probably number three or four. Yeah, that's one. He's one Big Bopper style plane crash away from ending up next in line to be the colonel. They got to get some ethnic diversity in there. I think that's probably the plan for they've got a woman. It's really like the Earwolf Engineer. Colonel Mencia is definitely queued up.

A hundred percent. Colonel Cristela. Who else? I heard Colonel Mencia was just basically doing Colonel Gaffigan's bits. And so that was like a problem. Like they shot it, and they were like, we can't air this. They're just going to create some sort of beef.

Remind me of the name of the girl from Quantico, the woman from Quantico. You're asking me this? Priyanka Chopra. Priyanka Chopra. That's a good colonel. Colonel Chopra. Colonel Chopra. So thank you guys for coming on the show.

We're thrilled to be here. Congrats on the milestone. Thank you. Two-fifths trying to push it towards that. It's fucking stupid. It's stupid. Who cares, you know? How many have you done?

That's a good question. I'd have to load up Art 19. I think we're over 150. So here's, and they've been doing double episodes for way longer than we have. question. I'd have to load up Art 19. I think we're over 150. They've been doing double episodes for way longer than we have. They decided to cash in almost immediately, basically.

Where they started after us and demanded people pay them way before us. They've done probably as many episodes as we have. It's sort of just like, it's being born in a different era

where you just go like, look at these nice paved roads. I guess they were always like this. Oh, yeah. And it's like, no, the Hollywood Handbook Boys were out here. I guess I'll put up a gate on this road that's mine.

And a little coin slot next to it. Toll roads are important. They help with the road. They help those quarters you toss in. They help pay for the road. Do you want time to come up with this?

Like, do you want to... Because we edit the thing anyway. So do you want to take a break? No, you know what? And you'll have like your toll take. No, I feel confident in it. I liked it the way it was.

That was the phrasing you wanted. That it's not a whole sentence, but it's all around one. Toll roads are important. Nick, you can back me up here. Yeah, I guess we'll be on the same page with this. Toll roads are important. Really? But Nick's a lifelong California boy.

I mean, there's not really nearly as many tolls out here. He's going to be so excited about this that there's no tolls. We do have the toll road, which is a public-private partnership, which I'm not too fond of, that runs from Orange County down to San Diego. And it's kind of adjacent to the 5 freeway. Yeah. No, I know there's some. There's far fewer than New England. Right. It's kind of adjacent to the 5 freeway. I know there's some, but far fewer than New England. New England is where Tollbooth Willie lives.

That's right. Welcome to Worcester, Mitch. Do you know him? I went to Worcester many times. I never saw Tollbooth Willie. My sister went to Assumption. $2.85, please. Who is this guy? It keeps going up. It keeps going up. How much? Tollbooth Willie. My sister went to Assumption. $2.85, please. Who is this guy? It keeps going up.

Yes, it keeps going up. How much? Tollbooth Willie? Yeah. Tollbooth Willie? Weiger. Is this like a guy from American folklore? Yeah, he's like a famous, he's just a New England character.

He's Tollbooth Willie, sort of the friendly Tollbooth man. Like a Washington Irving style like like fictional character got it from yeah a dollar twenty from history you don't remember that like a Pecos bill

yeah yeah yeah American mythology right and sort of he's noble but he's

right doomed to suffer the fate you know over over and over again of people being like, hey, fuck you.

Go fuck yourself. But he's got a job to do. Yeah, he's got a job to do and he's got a long string of expletives locked and loaded to sort of lay on you after you give him the business. Hey, I'd rather run into him than the goat. Oh, yeah. No.

Well, the goat will really take a shot at your old self-esteem. Or the longest pee guy. Oh, forget it. Yeah. Longest pee guy? I don't want to be by here at all. Especially if I'm in a rush to use the restroom, especially. I guess that makes us

piss-pissed. Wiger's still more confused than he's ever been. Yeah, yeah. Longest pee guy, the GOAT. Who else? I don't know. Who else? Fatty McGee. Fatty McGee.

Huh. Yeah, the severe beating of a high school Spanish teacher. I wouldn't want to witness something like that. You guys have a whole different culture up there in New England. Yeah. Yeah, it's true. We do. You've never been to New England before.

No, I've never been. I mean, New York's not New England, right? true. We do. You've never been to New England before. No, I've never been. I mean, New York's not New England, right? No. Okay. I've been in New York City. That's it. Why? Why were you there?

What would you have to do in New York City? We did. We did a live show there. We did a live show there. Oh, all right. It was because of us. Oh, and also the Del Close Marathon, of course. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. We almost got invited to that. That's a good segue for a segment that we always like to do on the show called Show Me the Money. It's where the guests just quickly reveal how much their Patreon is making now that they hit the hide donation total toggle on. Yeah, what was the amount that made you want to hide it, and then what is the amount now? We got a little self-conscious about it. Don't pull out your phone like you're actually going to look up the number, right?

No, he is. I have it right here. You didn't show them that. Okay, Mitch says we're not going to show it. Wow. I will say that we went over a certain – there was a threshold where it was really clear, like, oh, you guys are making way more money than is reasonable for you to be making off of this podcast.

There's a lot of costs. We've recently – There are some costs. We've recently hired YouSong. Yeah, we hired a producer. And he drove a hard bargain. And then there's Solo Cups, so on. Right.

There's Mitch's food costs. My food costs. That's part of it. And the tolls, right? And the tolls, yeah. We pay our guests, right, Weiger? We pay our guests. Yeah, that's a nice thing we do.

For both or just for the double? From the beginning, our Patreon episode, our paywall episode, which's a nice thing we do. Yeah, we started doing that. For both or just for the double? From the beginning, our Patreon episode, our Paywalled episode, which is a double, we've always paid our guests for that. And then now for our regular episodes, our free episodes, we pay our guests as well. We started doing that in June of this year. How do you decide who's shitty enough to make them do the double and who is important enough to... Is it social media numbers?

Is it how long you've known them? Because I know some people are sort of marooned in the double. Every time they do it, they wind up stuck there. Right. I feel like we kind of, if it's someone we don't know, sometimes we'll have them come on the Patreon episode first. I will tell them this is a test. If you pass the test.

And then we'll have them back. We've done that a few times, but we like to have some space in between someone's appearance on one or the other. Oh, I wanted to set something up quickly. We can keep talking about this, but just coming up with sort of ideas

for our 250th episode and what to celebrate and what we think of when we think of you guys. Obviously, none of us have seen each other since The Great Shrimp Off, which was an amazing episode. Yes. But a lot of people could not listen because of the chewing noises. Yeah. So here on Hollywood Handbook, as a treat to all the fans of both shows, we wanted to redo The great shrimp off today, but just no eating, no noises, all honor system.

Okay. You just say what you would have had. Right. So, you know, we'll talk about, obviously, how much money you're having. We'll get that number out of you. But we're also going to occasionally bring up, okay, I'm eating the shrimp now. Oh, this one's really hot, you know, and we'll just say that now and then. And then, oh, I'm eating the shrimp now. Oh, this one's really hot, you know. And we'll just say that now and then.

And then, oh, I'm getting full. Time to slow down. And at the end, we'll see who really won the real great shrimp off that wasn't so nasty to listen to. Got it. Because we got a lot of complaints about that at the time, which is like, don't. It's not our idea. Don't tell us that. It's not our show.

Wasn't it your idea? Who did this come from? Mitch. Oh, this is Mitch's idea. Don't tell us that. It's not our show. Wasn't it your idea? Who did this come from? Mitch. Oh, this is Mitch's idea. Okay, I couldn't remember. The old Tollbooth Mitch over here. Yeah. Still working on it. Yeah, it's fine. Honestly, there's three people

on mic right now. You can leave the room if it helps to move around when you're thinking about this stuff i stand by what i said toll booths are important for roads no further elaboration necessary they help uh fill potholes nick um and uh yeah i guess if the revenue is going to be directed towards that. Basic upkeep and yeah. And yeah. And the duck is the kernel, right? What kind of food are you having?

Oh, yeah, that's right. Oh, boy. I guess I've got this big rice pilaf. And then there's one glowing ghost pepper shrimp in the middle of the table that looks so hot it's sizzling. And that one's worth extra points. And that's worth frigging two points. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah.

And so be careful, everybody, and it may be something you could pull out at the last minute. Do we know what's spicy or not? It is a ghost pepper shrimp. Ghost pepper, I think, is pretty spicy. We don't know, but I think we have a pretty good idea that it is a ghost pepper shrimp. Ghost pepper, I think, is pretty spicy. We don't know, but I think we have a pretty good idea that it is a ghost pepper shrimp. Sean is literally resting his head on the microphone. Do we know if it's spicy? We do, yes.

Do you want to know if it's spicy? I mean, you never know. It might not be that spicy. I should eat it. Yeah, go for it. I'm going to eat it. Oh, wait. That's right.

Yeah, the whole point is that we don't have the chewing noises. That's what was gross to people. Okay, I'm eating it now. Yeah, you just say, I ate it. It wasn't that spicy, actually. Oh, okay. But it was a little spicy. Yeah, okay. No, that's right. Oh, you know what? That wasn't the spicy, actually. Oh, okay. But it was a little spicy. Yeah, okay.

No, that's right. Oh, you know what? That wasn't the ghost pepper shrimp. Yeah, you grabbed the one next to it. No, the one that's glowing in the middle of the table looks quite spicy still. Do I only get one point? Oh, that sucks. Yeah, that's too bad.

So you had a kind of spicy shrimp, maybe with a little bit of the splash over from the ghost pepper shrimp. Maybe that's what was the issue. Oh, yeah. Maybe that's how I felt a little bit of spice. That might be right. It was so close to the extremely spicy ghost pepper shrimp that there was a little bit of runoff. I wonder which one of us will eat this by the end of the petition. Yeah, so I guess, so let me just, when I laid out the ghost pepper shrimp, to me, for the audience, the whole idea was that it's very spicy.

Right. So then you asked, is it spicy? Then I was like, someone at the end could maybe eat this to take the lead and win as like sort of a Hail Mary. The snitch. Yeah. And so what it was supposed to be was that everyone is wondering. Right. So I guess I know that I'm doing this effectively because you, who I think are an audience member of the podcast,

more so than a participant at this point are just kind of voicing There's the option to add another layer to the imaginary scenario that's going on. Or to remove half a layer. Or yeah, for you to say I'm going to eat the shrimp. You know what? I've decided I'm not

it's probably too spicy for me. Mmm. I'm going to stick to plain shrimp, which I've ordered a plate of. Oh, okay, great. Hey, Mitch's shrimp is here. Hollywood handbook. So anyway, what amount of money, without talking about how much is on your Patreon, do you think's too crazy to be. What was the threshold that you crossed to get? And I will say that it must be a huge amount of money because Mitch is not normally shy about anything.

We were on a text thread where with no prompt whatsoever, Mitch sent us his SNL audition tape. That's true. And he was like, I shouldn't send tape. That's true. And he was like, I shouldn't send it. It's really embarrassing. And then suddenly it was just there. Yeah. And also, too, you had a Colonel character, which was a big swing. Well, that's why I was asking so much about this Duck Colonel,

because I had no idea about the Duck Colonel. So I was worried that maybe I was a step behind. And even now, trying to go back to the Colonel, instead of talking about the duck kernel so uh i was worried that maybe i was a step behind and even now trying to go back to the curl instead of talking about the money i mean it must be he's so he's not shy about anything yeah it must be so much i do want to just what the number was uh that because i remember made you trigger what's the highest you saw it at? It was over $30,000 a month. I don't know if I... I stopped checking in at some point. It was not over $30,000 a month.

But I think now it must be... I think that was probably where they were like, okay, we're going dark on this. And so now it probably is closer to $40,000 or $50,000. Was this your plan the whole time? I know. Hayes brought it up and I became curious. And then Weiger took out his phone and was about to say or at least show it to Hayes privately. I'll show it to Hayes. I know. Hayes brought it up and I became curious. And then Weiger took out his phone and was about to say or at least

show it to Hayes privately. I'll show it to Hayes. I mean, it's in the ballpark, but it's not as staggering as your estimates. I'll show it to Hayes. Okay. Wow. I wonder if I, the Clem dog, could see it. Yeah, I'll show this to Clem.

Why are you doing this? You gotta tell me that my toe blue thing was good first. You already did. It's Nick's fucking phone. I kind of saw it. I know what it is. Yeah, okay, great. I mean, it's an absurd amount

of money. Cool, dude. I'm sure people will unsubscribe after listening to this. Well, who knows? I think they're... They're not subscribing because they think you don't have enough money. Yeah, it's not like a charitable exercise. It's like, I want this extra content.

You're forcing them to listen to something that gives them joy. Sure. I'm in after my performance in this episode. Oh, sure. You're coming off as very lovable. Shut up. It's sweet. It's nice. It's always nice to

hear somebody in the room with a bunch of sort of like snarky comedy guys or kind of holier than thou and then just one fucking rude doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground And then just one fucking rube. Doesn't know his ass from all of the ground. Just trying to get in there.

It's like when you ever see like when there's a bunch of like little baby puppies feeding on like the mama's teat. And then there's like this one like doofus one who like can't quite find where he can fit in and he keeps like trying to jam his head in and then like their butts will close and he kept pushed out again and he can't figure out where he's supposed to go and eat what exactly is the milk is my question uh laughs yeah clearly laughs baby puppies puppies? What? Baby puppies? It's just puppies, dude. I thought I could throw a little snark on for a second. That's fair.

I would say that baby puppies are the ones who are probably still feeding off their mom whereas you're still a puppy until you're like a year old. That's a good point, actually. But I'm scrambling because I did just get boned. And I've managed to find a way

where what I said wasn't totally stupid. Right. But, you know, I'm at the edge of a cliff right now. I can turn my snark up a notch if you'd like me to. No, I don't want that. Oh, okay, good. I can't really. It's not what anyone wants from you. Wiger's the snarky one on the podcast. I don't know if. Oh, okay, good. Yeah. I can't really. It's not what anyone wants from you. Weiger's the snarky one on the podcast.

I don't know if I'm that snarky. We should talk about a little, because we're just talking about more like dough boy shit. Right. Yeah. We should talk about, we've been doing this for so long, how the business has changed. Yeah. The industry has just shifted all around us. We've seen so many podcasts come and go.

Feral Audio is gone. These guys jump ship. Yeah. At the first sign of a tiny bit of water coming in, these guys hop in the lifeboat. I don't know if that's an accurate retelling of the state of Feral Audio at the time we abandoned ship. I'd say the company was capsized. I'll say this. They no longer exist.

They no longer exist. It was like it had run aground. We were getting off the Titanic after it hit Niceburg. A business is made up of human beings. I just want to remind you guys. You talk about these very abstract corporate terms, but these are people. Yeah. Did we push women and children out of the way to get off?

Maybe we did, but we had to get off that ship. Absolutely. And how many podcasts sank? How many went down with the ship and said, gentlemen, play on. Yeah, what show was that that everyone sort of looked at each other? I think we lost a good three, four hundred podcasts that day. Riff on. Let's keep breaking down this episode of The Sopranos while we slowly sink into the sea.

Wolf Pop, of course. Oh, Wolf Pop's gone. that was a big Wolf Pop's gone that was a big one huh R.A.P. yeah maybe it will come back

at some point boy the Wolf's dead you think it's just hibernating yeah that might be right Wolf Pop we were a little upset at the beginning

we were like oh it's a pop culture network we do pop culture stuff we should be on Wolf Pop I can't believe we didn't get invited to be on this thing yeah and then like

two weeks later we were like oh okay that's alright I guess did you say the wolf's dead yeah that's the little thing

I thought it was the wolf's den oh is that what it is yeah no I thought it was the wolf's dead it's the wolf's dead

yeah oh no I was trying to say like the wolf's dead indeed but it kind of got buried but it's fine

it wasn't it was not worth I always thought oh I always just thought it was wolf's den the wolf's den there is a podcast the wolf's dead indeed but it kind of got buried but it's fine it wasn't it was not worth i always thought oh i always just thought it was wolf's den the wolf's there is a podcast called wolf's yeah that's a hit show about the business of podcasting yeah wait is it really yeah you guys might want to take a listen is it on air wolf yes oh very much so yeah and and who was that jeff ulrich that's right oh can i use a little insider take he used to yeah oh got it but then the love dad schedule got a little

got just too grueling just insane got it yeah Koechner was running him ragged and then it became Adam Sachs

and now I believe Chris Bannon does it from New York huh that's fun Brett is still here Chris Bannon interesting fact

Chris Bannon Steve Bannon's dad yeah wow yeah so he's gotta be in his 80s Still here. Chris Bannon. Interesting fact, Chris Bannon, Steve Bannon's dad. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. So he's got to be in his 80s? He looks good.

Yeah. Yes. He looks great. Much better than Steve. Brett, talk about just some of like, tell like a good, just like weave a narrative for us of like podcasting. Yeah, you've kind of seen the whole thing. You're sort of John Henry. You're John Henry of podcasting in a lot of ways.

By the way. The Red Sox owner? What? Yeah, sure. The fucking two little puppy butts just slide together and you see them pop out and sort of roll on his back and just be like, whoop, and then walk all the way around again. You know, I did a comedy death ray radio at CBS Radio on Wilshire Boulevard. Whoa. Holy fuck.

Oh, I remember that old space. Now you've got my attention. Were you doing a character? We did. We basically were like the birthday boys. Another operation that you skipped out on for more cash.

I didn't leave the... And Wiger's like, oh, I'm the one that he's not going to do this to. Yeah, right? Oh, don't worry. I'm safe. I would leave Wiger in a second if I could. Just a trail of bodies in his wake. What's the next lily pad?

Just drifting by for Mitch to jump on. The Doughboys is my sketch group. No, the Birthday Boys are your sketch group. Oh, sorry. The Birthday Boys is my sketch group. It's just names. Just boys.

Sooner or later, they're all just boys. We did the, what's the Sandler movie where they take over the studio? Empire Records? That classic Sandler movie. Airheads. Airheads. Oh, yeah. We did an Airheads bit.

And Mark Maron was the guest on the episode. Holy shit. And then did you talk about it when you did WTF? Did you remind him? Haven't done WTF yet. Maybe that line is shorter than the colonel line. He was like, who are your guys? You were like Brendan Fraser.

It was the middle one. Buscemi? I think so. Was it Buscemi? Yeah. What a cast. Yeah. Good cast. Very good. I haven't watched it. Imi? What a cast. Yeah, a good cast. Very good cast.

I haven't watched it. I don't know if it holds up, Nick. I love that movie. All 16 of you went in to do this bit? There was all of us in there. You know what? Marc Maron, to give him credit, he got into the bit. He put his hands up in the air like he was being held hostage.

Oh, that's fun. Wow. Wow. That must have helped you sort of perform. It helped me get into the character more, yeah. You give me a hard time about this whole puppy business, but I can get into character.

I've trained as a performer just like you. Yeah, I guess, yeah, maybe it's time to talk about our training. Do you feel sort of like, you know, Scott took a shine to you as a young... No, no, no, no. What? No, not at all.

Specifically, no, right? No, he's not even done. Just let me finish what I'm going to say. Do we think Hayes has more to say? Obviously, he gave you this opportunity as a young performer, Obviously, he gave you this opportunity as a young performer, but of course he moved on. What Scott likes about fresh young improvisers is he gets older and they do stay the same age.

And so now you look at your Carl Tarts and you're like, oh, yeah, that's, you know, you know what's in store for them. Enjoy it, pal. Yeah. I should dump a bucket of paint on Scott's head, just like in the movie. In Days of Confused. They pour a bucket of paint. I've seen the movie.

Oh, they don't put it on. It's on Ben Affleck. It's on Ben Affleck. It's a different character. Who's like Banyan, I think. All right, look. Oh, Banyan. I'm not going to try to riff anymore, but I'll tell you that he especially didn't have any.

So you are trying. There was no, there was a, me specifically of the birthday boys, I think that he could care less about me specifically. Scott likes you less than the other birthday boys. That's probably true. I would say, yeah. Yeah, okay. I guess I, yeah. Yeah, okay. I guess I believe that. I mean, there's probably some that he likes even less than me.

Sure. He likes the more writerly sorts. Yes. Those are the members of the group. He likes writerly sorts. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Like me.

Hollywood handbook. Now, Brett, do you have your sort of little piece that you want to say about where the business has gone? Yeah, I mean, first I was thinking, just as a side note, I kind of feel

like taxes should pay for potholes more than toll booths. Just raise my taxes. That's a whole local state politics thing. How much do we want to... Nick's not going to agree with you. He's a train rider. I do like that.

I do like the train. But yeah, I mean, it's how much do we want to specifically direct... Money is fungible. How much do we specifically want to direct revenue towards specific things? I mean, that has gotten the state, in California at least, has gotten the state in trouble at once. So you guys would prefer this?

We don't want to incentivize driving too much. Would Nick prefer talking to Nick to talking to you? Yeah. You prefer this? It gives me less to do. I mean, what? This is, I would say, a good summary of how podcasting has changed. You used to have to do funny good stuff.

As far as podcasting stuff. I can, as far as podcasting goes, I can always speak my perspective. We used to have to wash these glasses in the bathroom. Did you really? It's disgusting. Take the glasses

to the bathroom sink. Yeah, because I was going to say, you did have to wash them in the bathroom. You did not have to wash them in the toilet. That's true. That's true. But sometimes someone was using the sink. Yes. Say water.

I trust the water. Were you using dish soap or did you use just like the soap in the bathroom? Someone used hand soap once or twice. Someone definitely used hand soap in the bathroom. Definitely once or twice. It's just easier. Right.

Oh, man. And then maybe you forgot a sponge, so you just sort of free-handed it or used some paper towels. And then, yeah, Cody told me how to do it, and you can imagine how rushed and shortcut-y Cody did it. Cody two casts on his hands. He's, yeah, in a neck brace. And he's going, you know, the glasses want to be clean. You're working with the glass. You're not working against anything.

You kind of put them near the sink. They know what to do. You just sort of assembly line it. They start clean. Yeah. He would just like throw soap into all of them, sort of assembly line, pour water into them, and then just dump it out. Or sometimes just use his hand and just wipe it, all the soap, in the glass. Just furiously.

Can you believe how far we've come? So you're saying basically that Jeff took Comedy Death Ray and sort of like a private equity firm just like stripped down the costs and sold that to Scripps knowing that operating it like in a way that was like safe and healthy would not be sustainable. Yeah. And then he was long gone. Oh, yeah. By the time they discovered that, you know, the glasses actually weren't being dishwashed.

What were some other things? Were there any perks? Because you've been with the company for a while, right? Yeah, I've been. Right, when you walk in. For a long time. Perks. The table's the same as it always was.

That is a perk. The big perk. Yeah. The big perk. well the table's the same as it always was mmm that is I heard that the big perk yeah the big perk don't have to get used to a new table yeah

the mics are the same it's not totally the same Bosh ate part of the leg last week yeah oh wow yeah um

I must have already been sort of fucked up though I can't imagine that he actually just like bit into the wood enough to like totally rip a piece off have you ever done one of those dog DNA tests because maybe he's part woodchuck I have done the dog DNA test

and was he? he was part woodchuck? yeah yeah yeah oh interesting and they tell you which part, it was just his, and they tell you which part, and it was just his mind. There's a lot of history on this table, I'll say. Yeah, Chris Gore's autograph. Chris Gore, Casey Faye.

Forget it, man. LeBron James was in here. Oh, was he really? Yeah. I don't see a signature on it. When was he in here? Uh, that was probably two years ago.

Oh, I love remembering a time when Drew Tarver thought he only deserved this much space. Dear God. So this is your big Peter Melman, Maggie Ashton, who's next. That's just insane, the history. This is your summary of how podcasting has changed.

You used to wash the glasses in the bathroom. Yeah, I used to get paid by PayPal. Jeff just personally PayPal'd me. Minimum wage, basically. Were you our first engineer? Your first engineer? I was. You actually remember that? You mean Were you our first engineer? Your first engineer? I was. You actually remember that?

You mean Podcaster's first engineer. No. I do remember you guys. Remember nursing you? For the first show or for the new one? Or both? Both, I think. Do you remember?

For the pilot that we did of reality show show? Well, the pilot we recorded in your office. Oh, the very first one we did in my office, which I've never heard, actually. But the pilot that Aukerman had us do for it in the studio, it must have been Brad. In my memory, it was me. Oh, that's right. We did a pilot that we never released, and then DC was our first guest. Yeah.

What was different about the pilot? What was it all? Was it kind of just like, you know, what was it a completely different form? Was it unrecognizable to someone who's listening to your 250th episode? Well, it was a different show,

but it was proof of concept for Scott where we had said, we want to talk about reality shows. And he was like, do segments. We were like, yeah. And then, and then we did.

Yeah. Segments. He just means take a break. It was more like... Yeah, that basically means sell ads for me. I've noticed what really works is when I make money. People love it. The listeners can't get enough of me making money.

Doughboy's media is way, you know, much different. Yeah. Did you guys incorporate? We did incorporate. We started an S-Corp around the time we started the Patreon because otherwise that money's just got to go to one of us, and that screws up your taxes. Since we're sharing it, we're also using it for business expenses.

So we're business partners. I'm actually the president of Doughboy's Media. Mitch is the president. And you're the secretary? Yeah. I forget what my – I think I'm vice president and secretary, and Mitch is the president. And you're the secretary? Yeah. I forget what my, I think I'm vice president and secretary

and Mitch is the treasurer as well. This is an idea, it's like the end of like a sort of sequence where I've been trying to prove that the Doughboys

are evil and I pick up the paper for their S-corp and I sort of like blow dust off the end of it, and it says Scorpion. That's a scene from the movie that will ultimately be made about the Hollywood Handbook Doughboys feud, mega feud.

There's a feud? I thought we were friends. Well, I guess we should probably tell the Mission Impotable story. Everyone is expecting us to announce the launch of Mission Impotable on this episode. We've been hearing about it for weeks. Right. Absolutely. And we should get to the bottom of what was going on.

Which maybe you'll start roasting Weiger a little bit here. Well, we were very excited to do the show. We go start roasting Weiger a little bit here well we were very excited to do the show we go to Mitch and Weiger they're like yeah let's do it and then maybe two minutes later Weiger says actually we just set up an episode

to talk about all the Mission Impossibles on a Doughboys double yeah we scheduled that before we started talking about this So to talk about all the Mission Impossibles on a Doughboys double. Yeah. We'd scheduled that before we started talking about this. We had Ben Rogers on from Action Boys. Weiger scheduled it. I didn't know about it either.

Yeah, but we'd had it scheduled. I can show you the email timestamps. By the way, should we do a quick shrimp update while we have a moment? Oh, yeah. I'm eating. You what? I took the ghost shrimp. He ate the ghost shrimp.

Was it hot? Was it spicy? It was incredibly spicy. Thank you. Yeah. I would imagine so. Did you have a glass of milk or anything, or are you just fine? I'm just taking it. Yeah, I'm just.

Wow. Tough as hell. That's pretty. I have a sinus thing, so it's helping me right now. I ate a big stuffed quahog. Yeah. A big stuffy. I ate a langoustine.

I've eaten 32 shrimps so far. Here I am eating a geoduck. Is it gooey duck or geoduck? I don't know. Gooey duck probably is right. I've heard it pronounced both ways. It looks like a penis. It's spelled G-E-O-D-U-C-K.

And you wanted to do the update, so you must have a funny food. You must have eaten something very funny. I had two shrimp. Okay, yeah. That passed your test? That passed your test? I get it.

Look. I get what the idea was. I'm not at a loss to see where he's coming from. You just had a normal number of shrimp for this point in the competition. That's what you said. You said 32. So I don't know what the bit is there. But that's not even a bit.

In the shrimp off, he really did eat this slow. Yeah, so he's playing into his character. And I probably had about 32, my character. Mr. 32. So that's 32 points. If you reanalyze, which I'm sure people, listeners will, if you go back a few seconds on this, 32 was the funniest answer of all four answers.

So Weiger basically heard about this concept took ben rogers someone who is associated with a hollywood handbook franchise but it is not either of us and said i'll do the exact same thing i'll burn it off in one episode instead of doing a series. Right. One episode that I make money off of behind a paywall. That could siphon away. An extra series could siphon. People might end up choosing between Mission Impossible and the Doughboys Double. I think we know what choice they would be making at that point. Ed Weiger says, this is too dangerous.

I have to snuff this candle right now. I'll talk a little bit, too, about what happened with Mission Impotable, which is we got emails or texts from at least two Earwolf Stitcher employees going like, that's a slam dunk. We're definitely going to do that idea. We're all going to talk about it tomorrow. And then just nothing ever happened. And I'm like, okay, do I have to do something?

Do I have to tell you? Do I have to tell you? Yeah, who are these employees? Certainly Josh. Oh, got to be. Of course there's Josh. Just to elaborate on what exactly happened. So I had previously scheduled this episode with Ben Rogers. The Mission Impotable idea, which I'm still open to and I think is a good idea, was brought up by you guys.

I explained that we'd already scheduled this thing. You guys wanted me to cancel. You guys wanted me to say, hey, Ben, we're not going to do this episode after all. I didn't want you to cancel. Yes, I wanted you to possibly change what you talked about. Like, for example, you could talk about food. Can I have a quick interjection here?

But I think we can do both. I think it's fine. I think – Oh, I didn't know. I was going to say, to finish my thought, having done the Ben Rogers episode, we can still do Mission Impotable because it's – You don't think you did a good job? No, Ben was great. Ben is fantastic, and I thought it was a good self-contained episode,

but I think people would like a deep dive of each of the entries, and I think we could still do that. I think we can have them both. Sorry, go ahead, Mitch. Earwolf employees emailing about slam dunks, LeBron James coming in here. I just feel like Earwolf has basketball on the brain. Okay. All right, man.

He's back, baby. That's good. He had a little time. Shit, man. He's back, baby. That's good. He had a little time. Shit, dude. And yeah, maybe thank Nick for interrupting you so you actually were able to put together an idea. I had that idea for... I can't imagine what that would have been like without the extra two minutes.

What was LeBron doing in here is my question. A podcast. Wow. He's right. Really? Yeah. Not his own podcast. Right.

It was an off book, right? Crybabies. He killed off book. He killed on off book. He never put it out. No, LeBron came in and did Hard Nation. Another podcast. put it out. No, LeBron came in and did Hard Nation. Another podcast. It was Rand Paul.

Oh, wow. Oh, so I've heard this episode. They let him be Sasha and Malia, the thing they wouldn't let us do. Oh, that's right. Yeah, I heard this one. I didn't realize it was him. I guess it was just, you know,

I was so unexpected that he had that kind of breadth of character work. But yeah, it was good. It was it was just you know, I was so unexpected that he had that kind of breadth of character work. But yeah, it was good. It was a good one. He worked really well with Still. He had a great dynamic, him and Still. Yes. Paul getting a little sweaty with that back and forth.

In hindsight, you could tell he was like a little in his head because of the celebrity of the guest involved. But Still was locked in. Hey, there's going to be a lot more of it now that he's in Los Angeles. He'll be probably dropping in here once, twice a week. He's going to intern at FOD

first, I think. That's sort of the pathway for a lot of these guys. Yeah, he wants to make bazooka joke commercials over there. Oh man, with all the money he's making in the NBA and at FOD, he's going to have cash to spare. He'll have $50 million plus $1,500.

For an FOD intern, I'd say you're even going pretty high. Oh, yeah, no, I was expecting you'd do that Bazooka Joe spot. Yeah. He'd do some branded content. Yeah, it's going to be pretty cool. I know he's already enrolled in Todd Fasson's level one improv class. That's great.

That's awesome. And I guess he, like, came in basically already knowing game. Yeah. Like, totally understood game. I heard this is, because I heard he uh he went to adam mccabe's sketch 101 for a couple weeks and uh and so so then all the basics right political sketch

commercial exactly like he kind of just got a baseline and mccabe was like you should just go straight to 201 like it just like don't don't show up for the rest of the and and so now he's enrolled in mccabe's 201 well you, you guys brought up my SNL audition. Did I tell you who wrote that? Oh, no. The king himself. Is it LeBron James? LeBron James.

Oh, really? LeBron wrote your SNL audition. Okay. Wow. All right. What characters did he come to you with specifically? Yeah. The king, of course, was his big one.

He wanted you to be the king. The king himself was like, here's my character. You be the king. You be the king, yeah. Okay. Uh-huh. Okay. Give us a taste of it then.

I don't remember it from the tape. You know what? I'd give you guys a taste, but the tape's online. If you search hard enough, you can find it. Right. You can probably see it, yeah. But it was a very funny mighty king type of. So it was just a very like one-to-one, not like a LeBron impression.

It was just a king character. Yeah, like a royal king. I get it. Okay. Yeah. But you still don't want to do it. I mean, I thought I gave you a little taste right there. Okay. Come to my court, et cetera.

Okay. right there. Come to my court, etc. Okay, so the usage of court there makes me think there's some sort of basketball. No, it's not. Or maybe I didn't even get it. You guys call me a puppy all the time. Maybe there was a lot of basketball reference I didn't even get. Yeah, there may have been. Was there anything about being caught up in a net of intrigue?

Yeah, there was. That was the first line. So that might have been, yeah. Like was there anything about being caught up in like a net of intrigue? Yeah, there was. That was the first line. So that might have been also a basketball sort of time. You know how basketballs get caught up in the net all the time. Yeah. My mead is foul, I'd say. I'll have you drawn in fourth quarters. I can't believe I didn't get on.

Yeah, no. it sounds pretty funny. Have you guys seen that LeBron is working at the Bluth's Frozen Banana Stand? Oh, that's fun. Up at Clusterfest, right? Yeah, that's right. That's fun. We loved to do Clusterfest, right? Yeah, that's right. At Clusterfest. We loved to do Clusterfest. Bye.

I'm a horny girl wolf. This has been an Earwolf production. Executive produced by Scott Aukerman, Colin Anderson, and Chris Bannon. For more information and content, visit Earwolf.com. Ow. That was a HeadGum Podcast.