Hollywood Handbook - The Grease Knows Eggs Show with Jesse Thorn

Episode Date: September 14, 2015

Tom "Eggs" Scharpling and Engineer "Greasenose" Cody debut the pilot of their new podcast to potential buyer Jesse Thorn.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Yeah, you know when you hear that, you know what it means, right? We're on. We're on. We're on. It's another episode of, well, it's not another, it's our first episode, the inaugural episode of Tom, the Tom and Grease Nose Show. Thanks, Tom. You don't like to just be called Grease Nose, it's Cody, right? Engineer Cody. Engineer Cody.

Engineer Cody Boy. Okay. But I just like, well, I'll call you. Since we're doing a fun show based on an episode of Hollywood Handbook that we both did when Hayes and Sean were pitching us different show ideas. Oh, pitching me different show ideas. And then at one point we ended up being paired as a as a like a morning radio team tom and grease nose because they call you claim i don't call you grease nose they stuck that with you i'm running with it but yeah i remember this yeah it was like your claim to fame in many ways

a little bit you're already i'm not sure whose allegiance you're with there already a little troubling of course but we're gonna do this they planted the seed now we are going to record this yeah we're going to record this episode of the show and see what's what maybe this is a thing right sure sure as hell could be because there was a little taste of it for like that five minutes when we did it. It was like, I remember looking at you and being like, are you? I couldn't see you really because this computer screen was in the way. I do remember that. Well, I remember looking at you being like, I think me and you have something going here.

But apparently you couldn't see me during that. So it was not a reciprocal thing. No, I felt it. It was more the energy. It was radiating. So you did feel it? Yeah. That we have a good chemistry.

Yeah, it's about confidence, you know? It is about confidence. So what's going on, Grease Nose? I mean, you know, running the board. It's nighttime outside. a it's a great day for uh for tom and and grease knows it's our pilot it is the pilot yeah i'm gonna jump in this is this is his i'm here i'm here in the studio uh this is good this is just starting to heat up you know what i mean sure like we've just gotten

into the part that i think everyone has been waiting for and they had to wait all this time while you sort of explored and and and and found it like a dance yeah a little bit of a dance between us well let's go waltz as we're going forward in this, I love the segment of Cody's day. What's going on with Cody? Yeah, because he said it's a great night. Yes. He said it's night and it's a great day. So you like that part.

That it's currently night and it's a great day. And then right after that, he said it was a great day. And then he said something else at the beginning. don't remember though he said he was running the board i said what's up and he said i'm running the board yes it's night and it's a great day i just wish we could get into it faster okay and so we'll cut that first like four minutes out yes okay for the pilot as you sort of... Sure. ...fumper around. Yeah.

We'll find it. We'll find it. We haven't even been recording for four minutes, so I'm not sure why you said that. So we'll probably lose the top two minutes there, and then get right to... Please don't shut that. Hayes, please. Okay. Let's go.

Hayes, shut the door. Sorry. Okay. I'm claustrophobic a little right now. You are? It's like starting to heat up a little. All right. Well, let's talk about that.

Claustrophobia is the topic for the first episode of Tom and Grease Nose. Thank you. This claustrophobia. And also, can I say the Tom and Grease Nose thing? We talked about it being Tom and eggs. At one point when I was going to do it. Sounds like ham and eggs when it was with jim florentine then it was eggs florentine yeah but the closest sort of breakfast thing that we have to work with is tom and eggs okay but you of course i'm eggs according to you guys yes that's the name you stuck me with yes you. You are eggs. And so in that case, I'm Tom.

Cody would have to be Tom. Well, look, maybe we find another thing that's like something – eggs, like greasy eggs. A different breakfast egg? Greasy eggs. Eggs Benedict? Like Tom and Eggs Benedict? I sort of like greasy eggs. Grease eggs. Eggs Benedict? Like Tom and Eggs Benedict? I sort of like greasy eggs. Grease nose eggs?

Grease nose eggs. Like Bo knows football. Yeah, but it's grease nose. But it's grease nose eggs. Okay, that's good. So let's get right into it with Cody's Day. Come off the top with the show title.

Sure. Okay. Grease Nose Eggs. And then we'll do it again. Yes. Grease Nose Eggs. Oh, yeah. That sound.

You hear that music. You know what time it is. It's time for Grease Nose Eggs. And I am Eggs Tom Sharpling here with you tonight, and always joined by my partner in crime, Engineer Cody. Yeah, happy to be here. But Grease Knows is your name on this show. Well, what's up tonight, Grease Knows?

I've just been thinking a lot about grease being in the name of my personality. Okay. Not to get too existential or heady kind of in the top of it like this. I mean, and before Hayes cuts in, I'm just going to finish this thought. But why are you guys calling me that again? Well, I didn't come up with it, but according to Hayes and Sean, you are a guy who goes to the convenience store, the 7-Eleven, and you rub your greasy nose on lottery scratch-off tickets, and you can see what the winners are because of the, I guess, the strength of the grease. I didn't come up with it. To jump in, this is Hayes.

This is Hayes in the studio. come up with it to jump in this is okay this is haze in the studio i'm shocked that you haven't made the connection between your name being grease nose and your the your ability to produce grease from your nose that you use to survive basically to make all the money you have i mean i guess that's right yeah that's what like that, like, that's why Scripps is, um, they came, they, they tried to acquisition me as well because I'm. Yes. This buy. Yes.

The buy. Yes. Okay. Buy the tickets. To pull back the curtain. Yes. The buyout of Earwolf and Mineral Media is really an acquisition of your ability to. Superhuman.

Do you have a production company, Grease Nose? I have a DBA. Okay. Yeah, it's kind of like a production company, but... What if you just call it Grease Nose Media, right? Yeah. Grease Nose Media presents Grease Nose Eggs. I can see it sort of.

Okay. Will you explain what a DBA – we've run into this a lot, people not understanding what the terminology is. It's shorthand for doing business as. So it's like a DBA Grease Nose or Tom. So when you went to the bank, where did you go to the bank and get that? Actually, it's LegalZoom.com. Okay. How's your day, Tom?

Oh, it's been pretty good. I've had a fun Los Angeles kind of day. Can we cut this segment? Yeah. I'm sorry. Okay. One how's your day segment is good. And then what else?

Because segmentation is obviously important in terms of recognizable touchstones. People know I'm going into this segment that I like. So what else? Do you guys have anything else? Can I also just say I'm better more at one word? I can't make sentences that good. It's better if you like you do a lot of the work and then i just jump in and say yeah yeah like color commentary yeah yeah and i

could jump in and say yellow or blue or whatever you want sure well that's not literally color and you knew it wasn't but we're just going to keep moving forward because i want this show i'm not here to just do this. This is not just some kind of dick around thing. I'm trying to make this count. Okay. Sorry. So the topic, phobias, the topic.

Now, Grease Knows, you suffer from claustrophobia, from what I've heard. Yeah. You don't like those closed spaces. What's it feel like when you're in a closed? Does it feel like the walls are caving in on you? What's it like? Yeah, it's just crushing me. Is this a segment?

This is a repeated segment? I'm sorry. The segment is phobia is the topic? Well, I figured we could get to know each. It's the first episode of the show. We get to know each other a little bit better. A segment is like you introduce sort of a game. You gamify the show so people can sort of play along at home. And you introduce with a fun.

So we do a game type thing a game yeah like you open up the whatever you know like a special box a funny box of some kind and the game is inside let's do that for you to play all right we're gonna go to the topic box for tonight and see what's in here and yeah there it goes a little you don't have to by way, I can see you're looking at a real tissue box. You don't have to. No, this is the topic box. I'm going to use it for sound purposes. But it's better because what if you start doing the show and there is no tissue box there?

Could you then not do the topic box? That's a good problem. That's a good problem. It's not a good problem if the segment a good problem. But I'm going to – It's not a good problem if the segment is derailed because you're fumbling around to find something to hold. Yeah, I wouldn't be fumbling around. Okay, so deftly maneuvering, searching for a box. I won't hold an actual box.

All right, let's go to the topic box. What's in here today? Oh, phobias. Hey, Greasenose, you got any phobias? Let me tell you, brother. Tight spaces? Yeah. Not my friend.

What do they call that? Claustrophobia. Yeah, that's the one. Yeah, what's that like? It feels like the walls are closing on you, huh? Is it like Star Wars when they were in the trash heap? Yeah, actually. Remember that?

That's a beautiful image. Yeah. Sorry, can I just jump in? A podcasting tip? Yeah. When he says claustrophobia, Scott Ackerman is like the king of this. Of claustrophobia? No, not of claustrophobia.

If you said that to Scott, he would take the claws from that and make a joke about Santa Claus. Like, this is like... So you think we can just take pages from other shows? Is that what we should be doing here? I encourage you to do that. Okay. Yes. So we're in the topic box right now.

What do we got here? Phobias. I'm sorry. I didn't hear the introduction to the topic box, so I don't know I'm in there. Now I know I'm in there. Hey, once again, we're going to take a dip inside the topic box and check it out. And tonight's topic is, well, what's this? Oh, phobias.

Play the fucking thing stupid what segment is this what segment is this sound introducing you have to do that if you play this out and I don't want to curse on the thing either but I gotta say you pushed me very early

to the point where I'm cursing I've prided myself on not cursing on my own show that apparently is flawed enough that Hayes and Sean had to tell me what I was doing wrong with that and why I'm doing this now. You got me there really fast. You had one thing to do. All right, let me try again. To piggyback on your show being flawed don't you know there is no show without cody and so don't give him a long a long leash okay i'm sorry uh let's reset we'll

reset i apologize we can edit it yeah so we're just all of that is like we'll just be deleted everything you've heard so far all right hey everybody welcome back to the show and uh it's it's the clock on the wall says it's time to go into the topic box and uh very nice what do we got here tonight's topic phobias hey you got any phobias there grease nose yeah i have claustrophobia claustrophobia is that a fear of uh santa cla Claus coming down the chimney? What are you scared he's going to bring you some presents? You can't return?

Is that what that is? Is that how you meant it, Hayes? Cody, this is just set up for you. This is Tom handing you an opportunity to continue on this run. See, like I said, I'm not good really at that. I'm better more at, you know, a couple words, keep it simple kind of thing. Okay. So, pulling it back together here.

And that goddamn, whatever that is, please fix it because it's really bothering me. The topic, okay, claustrophobia. So you got that, huh? So that's not a fear of Santa. That's what? Closed to things. It's not a Santa Claus thing. Hell yeah.

Uh-huh. Hell yeah. I'm not sure you didn't answer the question when you said, hell yeah. He is good. Sorry to jump in. This is Hayes. He is good at one or two word answers. He is right about that.

That was a very well-executed two-word answer. All right. So we're going back to the – is this going well? How do you think we're doing here? We actually need to take a break. Okay. So let's see how we do with that. This is an important part of the show,

and you'll introduce the guests that you have coming up after the break. Got a good guest. And keep people tuned in for the ads, which is obviously an important part. That's the only way we really make money. So I'll play you into your ad break right now. All right, everybody. money. So I'll play you into your ad break right now. Alright everybody, we will be back on Grease Nose Eggs

with our special guest, Jesse Thorne, in studio. Let's throw it over to some advertising. Don't go over the music. Oh wait, okay. Don't go over the thing and then he... When the music's out, you're out. Oh, yeah.

Sweet sounds. Sweet sounds. Sweet sounds here on Grease Nose Eggs. I'm Tom Eggs Sharpling here and joined as always by my partner in crime, Engineer Cody, otherwise known as... Grease Nose. Grease Nose, and the lead engineer on Tom's Eggs show, just like Mama used to make them. You know what I mean?

Okay. We got a guest in studio. This guy is, when you talk about podcasting, he's one of the, if there's a Mount Rushmore of podcasting, his face goes up there right next to Carl Pilkington and Grammar Girl. Please welcome to the show, we got the one and only Jesse Thorne. Thanks for coming by, Jesse. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you, Grease Nose. Try not to step on that. Yeah. Sorry. Could you guys both just- And can I say, Tom, Thank you so much for having me. Thank you, Grease Nose. Try not to step on the...

Yeah. Sorry. Could you guys both just... And can I say, Tom, please don't reprimand Cody. And... But you're reprimanding me right now. Just do it quietly because we want the... You can say it loud with your eyes, Tom.

Fair enough. Just be gentle. Yes, do it with a gesture. Last time you couldn't see me when I thought we had something going on. Now I can't see Jesse. Okay. And okay. You didn't see me when I thought we had something going on.

Now I can't see Jesse. Okay. Okay. So the other note is Jesse runs a very successful podcast company. There obviously could be an opportunity there. There could be a home for Grease Nose Eggs. But I don't want it to sound like you're begging. The introduction of Jesse was a little needy.

Like a slavish. Okay. Almost. Okay. Let's start over. And so just to do it in a normal way. Like it's just a casual discussion between friends. 100%. And not like you're.

100% gutting for a job. 100%. Gotcha. Let's do it. Are we going back to the. Back to the theme. Let's just go back to the introduction. 100% gotcha. Let's do it. Are we going back to the... Back to the theme? Let's just go back to the introduction. Yeah.

I do like the theme. Is that Flo Rida featuring David Guetta? Don't look at Tom. Tom doesn't know. It is. Yes. One of my favorite songs. Yes.

We are joined in studio by Jesse Thorne. You might know him over at MaximumFun.org, host of Bullseye with Jesse Thorne and Jordan Jesse Go. Jordan Jesse or Jesse Jordan? Jordan Jesse Go. Jordan Jesse. Thanks for coming by the show, Jesse. I'm glad to be here, Tom.

Thank you so much for having me. It's great. And thank you for having me, Cody. Thank you. Engineer Cody? me. It's great. And thank you for having me, Cody. Thank you. Engineer Cody? Yeah. Grease Nose. Grease Nose, yeah.

Yes. Well, you're welcome. And thank you for coming. Coming by. This might be a good place for the topic box to emerge. When you feel it sort of cooling down like that, make a grab for the topic box. Not a literal grab. Do I need to give any context to who Jesse is, though?

For some kind of like, tell us about your show. Jesse, does that sound interesting to you? I mean, you do. I'm pretty well known. Yeah, it's almost insulting. This is going to be a podcast, right? Yes, this is going to be a podcast. So I think in the podcasting community, I'm pretty well known.

My reputation precedes me. So I don't think we need that much content. Okay. I mean, a little bit of context if you want to. Fair enough. Okay. In studio, we've got Jesse Thorne, the host of Bullseye with Jesse Thorne and Jordan Jesse Go. You can find both of those over at MaximumFun.org.

And welcome to the show, Jesse. Thank you so much for having me, Tom. Good to see you. Should we go to the topic box now? Wait, did I go too quickly? No, that was perfect. I would have said even a little bit sooner. Jesse, that sound is telling me.

Not sure why it's taking you that one sound. So when you point to Cody, do it 90 seconds before you want the sound to be made. Is he the engineer that watches television in here? Which one is that? That watches Vice News? I mean, he watched Vice News once during a show. It's not like he regularly watches Vice News one time. You know what's going on right now?

He's emptying the trash on that computer, and it is about 15% of the way there. It's going to take three hours for that thing to empty. Well, that's good, because that means that there, Cody, I assume that there was something very incriminating in the trash that you had to get rid of. No, no. It's nothing like that. I like to get a little housekeeping done while I'm hosting. And that renders your computer unable

to produce any other sounds. That way we get that cool. No, it's still recording. That's good. We get that cool boop. That is good, Cody. Good work. Thanks. Here we go. There we go. And that sound means it good, Cody. Good work. Thanks. Here we go. There we go. And that sound means it's time to go to the topic box. I'm sorry to interrupt.

I have a question. Okay. Do you guys have any Kleenex? We do, actually. This is independent of the topic box, Jesse. Thank you so much. It's a box of Kleenex, which I was initially using as the topic box, and then Hayes reprimanded Well, see, Jesse knows what to do.

He's using, he's creating a soundscape. So that was the sound of removing a Kleenex from the box. You silently gripping it. If you want to hold up a box, say, oh, here, walk it over to the mic so that people can hear it. Is that what happens on a box? You can also use, if you have a big sheet of aluminum or metal, you can shake that. Okay.

As if that's the topic box. Scary thunder. Yeah. Okay. Or for thunder. Like – Tell a scary story. It's a rainy night in Los Angeles, and we're going to go to Grease Knows Eggs, Stories of Terror.

And again, you don't have to mime shaking. Well, I'm – fair enough. I did it. You're right. I was – I actually didn don't have to mime shaking. Fair enough. I did it. You're right. I was mime shaking. I actually didn't mind that because I felt you were getting into it more. Thank you. The energy of the room was...

See, he's being very generous with you. Well, that's what my partner does here. Yes, that would be nice. That sound... Pointing. The sound we're going to hear in 90 seconds... Are you ready, mom? Okay, I don't know what that was.

What was that? What was that? It's a James Taylor live album. It's an audio file called Sequence One. Sequence One. Which made sense. Well, that sound tells me. At the moment, because it's the first sequence, maybe.

I can see where you're going. Let's go to the topic box, please. There we go. Jesse Thorne, welcome to Grease Nose Eggs. And it's time to go to that old topic box and see what's going on in here. Well, what do we got here? Phobias is the topic tonight. And Jesse, you got any phobias you suffer from anything she's scared of it tom i

don't like uh like infinity i don't like the idea i don't like to go to the beach and look out over the water i don't like to go to uh i don't like to think about space okay cars like the car we'll get you there the the i'm sorry i tried to generously to quietly give you a note when he says like infinity you misinterpret that that he's talking about the brand of car let's do that so jesse what kind of phobias might you have spiders spiders okay like spider man is that what you're scared of? You're scared of... Or the spider cars. What are you, J. Jonah Jameson? You're scared a Spider-Man's going to come in here and show you up again?

This is good. But yet you always hire him to take pictures of Peter Parker to take pictures of Spider-Man. It's a two-way street. It's not really a two-way street. He does not know that Peter Parker is Spider-Man. No, but I'm saying for J. Jonah Jameson... He wants him to take pictures of Spider-Man doing bad things. Thank you, Jesse.

He hates the guy, but that is really... Apologies. Sorry, that was unintentional. So other ones have been intentional. You've had full control to this point? Yeah. So you're scared of spiders spiders right yeah spiders and infinity so you'd be what would you be scared of a spider driving an infinity what would you see if you

looked and you saw uh coming down the street and infinity and you're like wait there's nobody behind the wheel on that and then you look and i look very closely and there's a spider is it a big spider or a small spider could be a big spider could be a bunch of spiders teaming up to drive a car right maybe forming the shape of a human that many spiders what how we doing this is great this is a riff you have engaged in a riff uh funny hypothetical scenarios like this play extremely well you're giving cody very little to do is that a good thing that i'm giving him little to know i he's brought everything to a halt it's actually a very it's a very bad thing because as we know there is no show please can i have just to cody to Cody, I know that you're a man of few words, but I'm just going to pitch you a concept. It's like the spiders form the shape of a man driving a car.

What if there's more spiders forming the shape of a second man so they can use the carpool lane? That's what you should have said, Cody. You still can say it. Here we go. That's, yes. Okay, let's try it. This is going to be fun, Cody. Pull it open. That sound tells

me it's the topic box. Time for the topic box. And there's that fucking sound again. You fucking idiot. You couldn't stop emptying the trash on that goddamn computer, which is why you're getting that sound.

And you don't know, is this the first time you ever worked with a computer? You're just like, God, I, I, um, God damn it.

Yo, now there is, that's the topic box. And what's in the topic tonight? Well, it looks like we got phobias is in the box. And Jesse Thorne, what kind of phobias might you suffer from? Spiders.

Spiders. A little bit of arachnophobia. That's what that is called, Grease Nose. So you're scared of what, like Spider-Man? No, not Spider-Man, Tom. Okay. Sorry, this is not going as well as it did the first time. No, it's not.

Tom, you seem a little distressed. It's not as natural. Yeah. Are you okay, Tom? I'm trying to hold it together because this co-host of mine, that you are – I'm going to flip your – Tom, it is Cody's birthday on Monday. That's true, yeah. I didn't want to bring it up.

Okay. So why I bring that up is from the beginning, it would have been nice if this were – My birthday. Yes, a Cody's birthday episode of the show. Great. That sound tells me it's the topic box. And what's in the topic box tonight? It's birthdays.

Birthdays. Anyone have a birthday coming up in the room? Yeah. Who's got a birthday coming up? Just a little old me. A little old grease nose got a birthday coming up. When a little old me. A little old Greasenose got a birthday coming up. When's your birthday, Greasenose? Monday.

Monday. Monday. So Monday's your birthday. It's the 7th. What kind of birthday plans you got? I think I'm going to go camping. Camping for your birthday. So what are you going to eat?

A cake out of bark? No, but one. If I could just interrupt. That's great. That's very funny. Yes. Thanks. You have are you going to eat? A cake out of bark? I've never been one. If I could just interrupt. That's great. That's very funny. Yes. You have a guest in the room? I was going to loop him in on this. It's not my birthday. I understand, but looping in the guest to celebrate Cody's birthday as well, I think

that's a great idea. Tom, is it your birthday? It is not. So shouldn't Cody just do the segment? What is your birthday, Tom? I. So shouldn't Cody just do the segment? Yeah, what are we? I don't talk about that on the air. So anyway, let's go back to the topic box. And it's birthdays.

Who in the room? I know someone who has a special little boy who has a birthday coming up this Monday. It's my old partner, Grease Nose, has a birthday coming up. Happy birthday, Grease Nose. Happy birthday. Thanks this Monday. My old partner Grease Knows has a birthday coming up. Happy birthday, Grease Knows. Happy birthday. Thanks, guys. So, Grease Knows, what are you going to do for that birthday? How are you going to celebrate it?

I've been thinking a lot about that. I've had about a year since my last birthday. Just tell us. To think on it. Yeah. And I'm going to go camping. Going to go camping, huh? Yeah.

Camping. So, you're going to bring a cake with you? Probably not. No? What are you goinging. So you're going to bring a cake with you? Probably not, no. No? What are you going to make? Are you going to light candles? Are you going to light a campfire? Is that going to be your cake?

I don't have anything for this. I don't think you're going to be able to blow that out. That was very close. Something along the lines of you're going to blow out a campfire? Yes, that's right. You're going to blow out a campfire. The campfire being a cake, that was a strange direction. And I keep wanting to get the spiders back into it somehow.

Okay. Well, we'll get them back in. We'll get them back in. Let's play to Cody's strengths. Okay. He has something in the chamber for spiders. He's got something. I bet Cody, what Cody has, when we bring up spiders, I think Cody's going to hit home run.

Yes. I think Cody's going to hit home run. Yes. I don't think there's any chance that if we bring up spiders, it's going to be anything less than unqualified success. Because he stopped the show to request a topic change, meaning that there must be. And that sound, if you don't fix it, I'm telling you, I'm not joking anymore. This is not for comedy anymore.

I'm actually mad now at that thing. I'm going to break your laptop. And I'm telling you this. When this spider thing comes your way, if you blow it, it's going to be bad. thing comes your way, if you blow it, it's going to be bad. We're going to clear out a path for you, and you're a man of few words, but I'm telling you, when it's that moment for you, you better hit it. I will. Okay?

Cody, can I say something? You're welcome to, yeah. Cody, I just want you to know that I really believe in you. I'm really excited about what you're about to do. And I can see in your eyes that this joke's going to be 10 out of 10. And I honestly, and Hayes, I don't know if this is something that's appropriate to talk about. No, please. I've had a tough couple of weeks.

Before I came here, I got in a pretty big fight with my wife and um and i lost some people that were close to me in an accident and i think that your spider joke i just i think that it might be what I need to hear right now. And I'm so grateful to you for volunteering what I'm sure is, you know, something very close to the heart of you, probably the greatest creative work of which you're capable, volunteering to share it with me here in a time when I really need it. Great.

Thanks, Jesse. Thank you. Go ahead, Tom. Thank you for that. I appreciate it. I got a little. He was, I mean, he looked, I just wanted him to know that I, I guess I, if I. You can be frank.

In so many words, I love you. Well, that's nice. Continue, Tom. many words, I love you. Well, that's nice. Continue, Tom. And he looks like he's continuing to think very hard, which I think is a good sign that he's not settling on just the great

first thing he had. He's continuing to refine it and make it even better as his mouth sort of hangs open in concentration. Should I run it again? Run, yes. You should have pointed at Cody 90 seconds ago. Okay.

There we go. He's got it. You got it queued up. Yes. I'm not giving this 90 seconds anymore. When I point. It's your funeral, buddy. But okay.

No, no. It's your funeral. No, it is your funeral. No, it's your funeral, buddy. You won't reach that birthday. You'll come up a couple days short if you mess this thing up. Wow. Whoa.

I want this show to succeed. Well, okay. It's a podcast. You're not going to kill Cody. No, I'm not. Look. Is it that bad? No, I'm not.

It's a podcast. With guys like this, though, Jesse's trying the touchy-feely thing, and that works to a point. But a guy like this is just asking for somebody to knock him around a little bit and put a little bit of fear in him to give you what you need. You know what I mean? And you said you were going to break his laptop, and it is clearly already broken. It's a Scripps laptop, too. Okay. It's a Scripps laptop, too.

Okay. So that topic, the sound, is telling me that it is time to revisit the topic box. And what's we got going in here tonight? What's this say? Birthdays. I wonder if anybody in this room has a birthday coming up. Yes, sir. I would be the guilty one.

That was Grease Nose. It's Grease Nose's birthday. It's Grease Nose's birthday. Grease Nose, what birthday plans you got? I'm going to head out to the desert and hit the campgrounds. Okay. You didn't need to add the desert into the thing because that's splitting the... So you're going to go camping, huh? You're going to maybe do a? You're going to blow out

a campfire? Instead of a cake? I'm going to try. And then what if... How about you, Jesse Thorne? Any fears? Wait, we're not doing fears. I'm afraid of spiders but that campfire thing killed me.

See, and that's a good podcast laugh and so let him finish his podcast laugh was that a good podcast laugh? that sounds a little much to me people love to have fun with me oh no people do love to have fun with you I'm just saying

that's not your natural laugh we all know that that's not either is that. We all know that. That's not either. Is that what's expected of people doing podcasts now? Because that's the only thing that makes other people laugh. People who laugh is the sound of laughter. Look, Grammar Girl doesn't do that, but we're talking about fun podcasts. Okay. Just give me an example of a fun podcast.

Car Talk. Car Talk. Car Talk. Well, that's a radio show. It's available by podcast. Okay. Not originally, though. It's not originally broadcasted as a podcast, so it's actually radio. Is that a radio show?

Yeah. First and foremost, it's radio. Hayes, what should we be thinking of in terms of the kind of laughter from a podcast. One thing that I'm sort of, I was expecting with the opening of the topic box that the topic was going to be something that would have brought us to the spider topic. I was almost there, and then Jesse did that goddamn fake laugh

that knocked me so far off target. Now I have a feeling we have potentially lost one of the major markets for this show. Tom, I apologize for enjoying a great gag. The blowing out the campfire gag? That was very Hayes Beckett. Yes, it's a great gag. It was funny.

It was funny. So, that sound tells me. You have to hear the sound first. Shit, I'm sorry. Here it is. That tells me it's the sound of the topic box. We're going to go check it out and see what's in here. Well, look at this.

How about this? Two topics coming out at the same time. Happens once in a while, and it's happening now. We've got dual topics. We've got birthdays and phobias on the table at the same time. First things first, who in the room's got a birthday coming up? That's me. Cody, you've got a birthday.

What are you going to do for that birthday? Heading out to the campsites. Campsites. Are you going to bring a cake out there, or are you going to blow out your campfire? Probably blow out the campfire. That's good. Thank you for reining that in a little bit. Jesse, what do you think?

In terms of your fears. Jesse, any fears? Any phobias? Spiders. Spiders. So you're scared of spiders or are you scared of Spider-Man? No, just the, Tom, just spiders. Just spiders.

Any other phobias? Infinity. Now, what if you saw a spider driving an infinity? Oh, are we talking about one big spider? Well, no. It could be one big spider or it could be a bunch of different spiders adding up to take the shape of a human. Tom, I thought we were going to go to my thing. I saw.

Now, here's what I saw, Cody. It's the thing about the. Are we going to my thing now? Yeah, the thing about the lane. Cody, the last thing I want to do. I think we might have gone a little fast. The last thing I want to do is tell you how to do your job. Tell who?

Anyone. It's the last thing I would do do is tell you how to do your job Tell who? Anyone It's the last thing I would do I'm very humble It's one of my best qualities But before you say it That was a joke Tom Is that the podcast laugh? No don't do that

That is a new sound you found You found a new one You're gonna But anyway what were you saying? That is a new sound you found. You found a new one. You're going to... But anyway, what were you saying? I was saying... There's a part of me that wonders whether Cody just has like a Macintosh classic, and he's going through the installed sounds. Yeah.

Guys, come on. Grayscale monitor. Speaking for, it's a Claris Works piano app. So. He's running it on his Amiga. I told you. When it was coming. He pointed to you, Cody. When it it was the thing you better hit it i thought

the point was not to go is this it now is this the time i feel like i really stood up for you cody you did do you remember that happy with you for that can we try to do it now was the thing is the thing that you want to do is it the thing thing that Jesse presented to you, or is it your own? He's going to say the thing about the carpool. I don't know that for sure. I think he might have his own thing. Well, what would that be? I want to hear this before you say it.

I like it to be set up in the moment. In the moment. Is it your own thing, Cody? Is it your own thing on spiders? Yeah. So tell Tom what the ideal setup would be. And I would love this to be a conversation that happens before the show where, Tom, you go to Cody and say, what setups can I put on schedule for you? And so, Cody, what should Tom bring to you?

Do you mind if I take off my headphones? I just don't want to hear this in real time. Stay fresh. I just don't want to hear this in real time. Stay fresh. So, Tom, like I was saying, Jesse was telling me earlier about his, some really bad personal stuff he's going through. And it's like kind of a rough time for him, rough patch with the wife, with the family and a big accident or whatever. But I wanted to sort of address like maybe his phobias are infinity spiders maybe it's all related to his overarching fear of mortality and death um so i just i thought maybe like that

was my new point of me i'll bring that up and ask him like about that okay all. Do you think it'll work? I don't know if it'll work, but we got to try. You got to, though, you're a man of few words. You better choose all of them correctly. Because, again, I know, look, yes, I'm not going to kill you over a podcast. That was just a gag. Hot air. It was a gag, yes. But I do want this to succeed.

I'm tired of being outside looking in on this. This is like my last shot, this show. This grease nose eggs thing. This is pretty much all I've got. I feel like a used car salesman or something. Like I've got to sell one more car or something like that can i point something at cody now i am looking forward to this i think this is going to go great i loved just the run through i thought was fantastic uh you said that you had something you want to do

with spiders before you heard about jesse's difficult last couple weeks. But it seems like the thing that you have that you want to talk about with spiders is in reaction to that. And so I'm just confused about the timeline. I wrote to Cody. You wrote to Cody? Cody is sort of a confidant for me. Prior to telling him.

When the events transpired, which I'd rather not get too much into because it's pretty raw. Okay. I wrote to Cody just looking for some comfort. Okay. And then in telling him again about it on the show. I had met Cody previously when I guested on Sklarbro Country. Okay. You had met him then?

Guest hosted or guest? I just guested. And now I just want to make sure that... Because if one of them misses, do they both... That's a hard thing to do. It would be hard to have that kind of connection. But I'm just saying it's hard to expect. It's hard enough to...

You know it's like you got to do a show every week. You got to be there all the time. That's two guys have to be there every thing. I just want to clarify, just so I'm clear. People you're close to dying in an accident is not a euphemism you use for being on Sklarboro Country, right? I'll go through the timeline. I appeared a number of times on Sclarbo Country. You signed a release.

Both in character as Jesse Thorne with an E at the end, British sports reporter, and as fantasy expert, resident fantasyologist, Jesse Thorne. I actually appeared. They made a television pilot. They were kind enough to include me in that. It's sort of a side project. It's their me in that. It's sort of a side project. It's their main thing, but it's sort of a side project for me.

I had met Cody. And this, by the way, Tom, this would be good for you to ask him about as the show is warming up. Sure. The kind of context. But this is deep in the show. No, I think this is the context to understand Jesse going in and then the phobias and the... I had met Cody previously during the recording of one of those episodes. He happened to be the engineer.

Then more recently, last couple of weeks, had a lot of problems with my wife. And a couple of people very close to me died in an accident. So I wrote to Cody. Again, just looking for some comfort. And so that's why he knew ahead of time to prep a joke about spiders. Okay.

I mentioned the spider thing in the letter along with the trouble I was having with my wife and the deaths. Okay. In an accident. Okay. And so you haven't heard this. I don't want you to hear it ahead of time.

So that sound I'm hearing is, should we just just, I just want to clarify, this is a joke that you've prepared right this right okay and I've got even a cue sound cue ready because I've been in touch with Jesse about it so that sound I'm hearing wrong sound the wrong sound that's the wrong sound it's the topic box That's the wrong sound. That's the wrong sound.

It's the topic box. He is running the board. Yeah. We've established that. Okay, sorry. I thought we were jumping right into the... No! It's like... The sound, that old sound tells me and tells all of us that,

who, all the fans of the Grease Nose Eggs show, that tells me it's time to go check in the topic box and see what's going on in there and uh oh we got two topics coming out tonight we got birthdays and phobias how about that first let's just get birthdays uh who's got a birthday coming up yours truly you got a birthday coming up oh grease nose has a birthday coming up what are you gonna do for that birthday grease nose i'm gonna head out to the campgrounds oh you're gonna bring a cake with you you're gonna blow out your campfire i don't know tom i see how the night goes i see how the night goes yeah um jesse thorn yes sir host of uh host of um bullseye and appeared on the Sklar Brothers pilot,

from what I heard. When they did a pilot of their thing, you did your fantasy sports character. Fantasy expert, Jesse Thorne. Yes. And you have any phobias, Jesse? Who were the other characters that he's been on Sklar Brothers? He did a British guy himself and the fantasy sports expert.

Himself as Jesse Thornene as Jesse Thorne with an E with an E it's a British spelling yes any phobias Jesse Thorne yes spiders spiders so are you scared of spiders or are you scared of spider-man well

well what what I mean if you if I met Spider-Man, I don't know how I would react. Okay, so. You're making him very insecure. Shut the fuck up. Any other phobias? Infinity.

Infinity. Infinity. So what if you saw a spider coming down the street driving an infinity? Big spider? Well, it could be one big spider. It could be a bunch of small spiders adding up to the size of a man. And...

Grease knows? It's all writing on this. What kind of setup? That's not even related to what I'm talking about. Okay, well, then I'll get it there. Thanks, Tom. So, yeah, you got a fear of the spiders. What if one of those what if the spiders decided, hey, we're in this infinity.

Instead of becoming one person, we're going to become two people. Now we can use the carpool lane. HOV. Right? Yeah. They can go down the highway in the carpool lane with the thing. And I thought you were going to get into the mortality thing Tom

Cody had something he wanted to say about death and mortality Chris does anything you want to say about Jesse's phobias which are spiders and infinity so Jesse I was just I was wondering like did you ever think that maybe you know it's tough to breach the topic a little bit.

All the troubles off air, this stuff we've talked about. The Popcorn Gallery, it's time for it now. This is where you do the popcorn gallery. Okay. Hey, everybody. It's time for the Popcorn Gallery. It's our famous segment that we're doing. Apparently, we do in Grease Nose Eggs now a segment that we are licensing from.

Do you not want? I mean, it's a popular, the most popular segment on our show. It works. We can do it. Do you not want the boost that you would get? I did want to say, though, what if the spiders were the Scar Brothers? What if it was two spiders? What if the spiders were the Scar Brothers? What if it was two spiders? What if two spiders...

What if all the spiders teamed up and formed two people that hosted a podcast together? It's not a problem. The one with the glasses is Jay, Jason. Are they glasses? Glasses. That's how you remember it. Is that how you do it? I always remember it as on.

The other one is Randy. What if the spiders form the glasses? Are they actual glasses? Is this a Popcorn Gallery question? Because if it is, it should have been taken out of a popcorn bag. You've got to reach into the bag. Okay. We're reaching into the bag?

You reach into the bag and you pull out a question. Those are car keys. I've got to yell that for picking up my goddamn tissue box. Put the car keys down. That's supposed to be the sound of you reaching into the bag. Tom, I can help. No, it doesn't sound like that. No, that's the sound of a bottle.

And also, just as a sidebar, you're drinking out of a cup here with this stuff. Just every time you put your lips on that thing, God knows what other person up here had their lips on it. Who are you referring to? I don't know. Seth Godin? Are you talking about Kulop? No, I'm talking about. That's Scott's wife.

You're saying that she has a gross mouth. I'm talking about Seth Godin's business school or whatever it was. It seemed like you were talking about Kulop. I was not. Seth Godin's a friend of mine. So we're going into the popcorn bag here at the popcorn gallery, right? Yes, that's right. Do I have to do that?

Yes, you have to pull it out of the bag. You have to stay in the bag. Oh, we got a question here. Here, you have to read it off the computer. Oh, we got a question here. And it's for... Here, you have to read it off the computer. Okay. And you have to say who it's from, which is on the top left. Oh, we got a question here.

We got... Content fan says... What? Content fan? No, what are you looking at? Look at that. No, that's his name. I don't subscribe to this dumb board.

Like I'm on this message board. No, I've never seen this one. Like I'm on this. The only time I'm on it is I look for my own name and it never comes up. You search your own name? Yeah, on this thing to see if people are bad mouthing me. Whose name is he going to search?

Yeah. What's he going to search for? Seth Godin? I want to see if any of these if people are bad mouthing me. Whose name is he going to search? Yeah. What's he going to search for? Seth Godin? I want to see if any of these comedy rats are bad mouthing me. On this thing. It's kind of weird. You're married. Uh-huh. I want to see if they're... Spend time with your wife. Uh-huh. Okay. Yeah. At least you have one.

Good question. It was not a question. It was points. Great point. Grease knows. Thank you for mentioning that. good question point it was not a question it was a point great point grease nose thank you for mentioning and don't think I didn't miss the eight times

you just went I'm just blocking it out now all right we go to the questions and we got a Chesky

wants to know Jesse they say every road no the next one that one's bad it was highlighted you you're gonna cut a lot we're talking around gotcha So, Jesse, they say every rose. No, the next one. That one's bad. It was highlighted.

Hey, you're going to cut a lot of this. We're sticking around. Gotcha. Content. Oh, no. Chevsky wants to know, Jesse, have you ever met Serial at NPR? So, Serial's a popular podcast um it should be tom i appreciate you doing this jesse it should be tom kind of uh explaining the context because cereal is a popular podcast that is apparently what is it a show hosted by a murderer? I've never heard it.

Yeah, I mean, that's... So have you met Serial? No. And you didn't say anything. You saw the deadest of dead spots here. You're supposedly friends with this guy. He was talking about how his friend died And then is fighting with his wife

Could he at least play that Flo Rida song I like? Okay Featuring David Guetta I'm going to go back into the bag here And the popcorn What have we got here? Do I have to do that? I don't have to do that

It should be farther in the bag You're all good Hayes Oh wow Yes Jesse This is a good time while they find the question We got here. Do I have to do that? I don't have to do that. It should be farther in the back. Here, I'll do it. Haze. Oh, wow. Yes, Jesse, this is a good time while they find the question so that we can have a sidebar conversation. Two spiders dressed like the Sklar brothers. The song Low got me into Flo Rida's solo work. Sure.

But I've really come to love his work with David Guetta. A pastry. Oh, that's not it. Norm wants to know, Jussie, how can I get it more often? Don't say it in a sexy way. I mean... Norm wants to know... I kind of didn't mind that.

Jussie, how can I get it more often? Is that better? Is that neutered enough for you? From that erotic way? Is that Jerry Seinfeld? Well, I guess I can't win. You think that Jerry Seinfeld's not sexy? Mm-hmm.

Go ahead, Jesse. How can Norm get it more often? get it more often. And just be you know, clean up and just like get his shit together. Basically. Okay. Get off the message board. Get off the

message. Okay. We got Chevsky also wants Oh, we did this one already. I think we are going to be taking this segment back. There's very little for Cody to do in it. This is my biggest concern. The question should be directed for Cody and Jesse to have a debate-style conversation about the answer to the question. I'm worried to some extent that Cody's skills are atrophying.

What is it? It's a good point. I can't speak on that. Sorry, I got a frog in there. Q-E-D. It has been demonstrated. Who's making that noise? Oh, it's me.

Just tapping away. So where do we want to go with this? Where do we want to go with this? Where do we want to go with this? Well, this is not going anywhere. So where we're going, I'm going away from this. I can tell you that. Apparently my shot at making it on Earwolf or Maximum Fun, it's just, I'm watching it wither in front of me. Tom, if it makes you feel better, I don't think you really had a shot at making it on Maximum Fun. It's just, I'm watching it wither in front of me. Tom, if it makes you feel better, I don't think you really had a shot at making it on Maximum Fun.

Okay, well, that's a fair point. What do you think? This is actually great, Jesse. What's the, what should we be targeting? Do you think Feral? Is there something at Feral that we could do? We're talking about networks here? There's that new Jake and Amir one.

I just don't know what to... I feel like we should be targeting millennials, right? Yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking. If you're going to target anyone, target millennials. They've got a lot of buying power. Yeah. And they're really idealistic. It's like Modern Humorist.

Is that a thing? I would probably go for Modern Humorist. Yeah, Zombo.com. Okay. Was that one guy, Abood? Yes, Abood. Uh-huh. Do you know Abood?

I have his number. See, if we talk to Abood, we could get to Colton through Abood. Okay. That would be great. That would be really good. I mean, as far as millennials, they're sort of cornered millennials. I have Facebook friends with Grammar Girl.

Okay. So this has been a complete bust. Well, what would you advise, Jesse? It's a flop, right? Well, no. It is now, but what would you advise, Jesse? It's a flop, right? Well, no. It is now, but what would I advise? Delete that thing out where I said it was a flop. For who?

For Tom's? For Tom? For this dynamic, is there any replacing that you would recommend? Like any other combinations we should be trying? Have you ever listened to Rick D's? Yes. So get him. Cody and Rick D's.

No, just Rick D's. Just Rick D's doing... Disco Duck. Doing the Topic Box? No, doing the song Disco Duck. Yeah, but I think the... Can that be what's inside the Topic Box? What do you know about Rick Ducks? No, doing the same song, Disco Ducks. Yeah, but I think the type, can that be what's inside the Topic Box? What do you know about Rick Dees?

I know Rick Dees sang Disco Duck, and he's a popular radio DJ, and he's back. I've seen it on billboards around town. He's back. So get him. Okay. Well, I want to say this. Before you go get Rick Dees, Hayes, one more shot at this. One more shot.

Don't talk to me. No, no, no. We got one more shot at this. One more shot. Don't talk to me. No, no, no. We got one more shot. Yep. One more shot. You know what, Hayes? What? You're number one.

You're not Hayes. I'm talking sort of executive to executive here. I kind of didn't, I didn't believe in Tom. I didn't believe in Tom. I didn't believe in grease nose, but they've shown me a little spark here in looking for one more shot. Um, I think I might give it to them. Just one more. I think I'm going to give it to them.

Tom. Yeah. How would you like to have one more shot from the Kingmaker? And is this for a Maximum Fun podcast? This is for the whole thing. Maximum Fun podcast, the Infinity, Rick D's, the whole nine yards. Who are we losing on Maximum? I just want this set in stone.

Who are we dropping to get the McElroy brothers? Okay, great. One more shot. Here we go. Set in stone. Who are we dropping to get the McElroy brothers? The McElroy brothers. Okay, great. One more shot. Here we go. We're all ready to go. Let me just powwow with Cody before this. All right.

I know I yelled at you before, right? Yeah. We can do this. We're brothers. We can get through this. We're going to shine. One plus one is going to equal 11. We share a biological father and mother.

Well, that's not true. It's a riff, Tom. He's riffing. No, but we're not on the air yet. This is not the show yet. Save that for the air. That's funny. That's funny.

It irked me now because I'm trying to get psyched up for this. Save it for the show. We've got one more shot. I believe in you. That is... Shit, sorry. Let it go. Let it go.

One more shot. I'm not... We can do it. Okay, here we go. Ready? If you are... Cue the intro music, please. We can do it. Okay, here we go. Whew. Okay. Ready? If you are. Cue the intro music, please.

Music up. Okay. There we go. Here we go. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You hear that music, you know what it is. It's Grease Knows Eggs.

It's me, Tom Eggs Sharpling here. Bringing it, I'm with my one and only bro, the amazing engineer Cody, otherwise known as Grease Nose. What's up, Grease Nose? Yeah, Grease Nose. Just like Mama used to make. Grease Nose. I'm going to the Topic Box. We're going to bring on our guest, Jesse Thorne, host of Bullseye with Jesse Thorne and Jordan Jesse Go, MaximumFun.org.

We're going to bring him on. Let's bring him on, right? What's up, bro? Hey, what's going on? Thanks, Jesse. It's time to go, because that sound is telling me. There you go. It's time to go to the topic box, and we've

got two topics coming out of the topic box right now. We've got birthdays and phobias. Back to back. First of all, let's do birthdays. Who's got a birthday coming up? This guy. Cody, you've got a birthday coming up. When's your birthday, Grease Nose? Monday.

The 7th. Monday. What are you going to do for that birthday, bro? Probably hit those camp doing it. Monday, the 7th. Monday. What are you going to do for that birthday, bro? Probably hit those campgrounds. Oh, yeah. Campgrounds. Southern California. Get out there. What are you going to do?

Are you going to bring a cake with you, or are you going to blow out your campfire? Depends on how the night goes. Oh, I know that. I know that. I know that. Okay, keep going. I know that. So we're going to go to, hold on, the topic, phobias is the other one here. And Jesse Thorne, our guest in studio. Jesse, you got any phobias?

Yeah, sure, Tom. I sure do. Number one, spiders. Spiders. Number two. Hold on. Spiders. You scared of spiders or you scared of Spider-Man? Yeah. Okay, yeah. Up, up Number two. Hold on. Spiders. You scared of spiders or you're scared of Spider-Man?

Yeah. Okay, yeah. Up, up, up. So spiders, what's the other one? You said you got two phobias. What's the other one? Infinity. Infinity.

You're scared of infinity. Then you got, what if there was a spider driving an infinity going right down Hollywood Boulevard? You bet. What do you do? Would you be scared if you saw that? Yeah. That might be a third phobia Boulevard. You bet. What do you do? You'd be scared if you saw that? Yeah. That might be a third phobia. Yeah, you bet.

But what if instead of it being one small spider, it was a whole bunch of spiders teaming up to form the shape of one giant person? Then those two, maybe the spiders would break off, form a second person. That way they could go in the HOV lane, right? Carpool lane. Yeah, carpooling all over the town. And then what if those spiders, your birthday. Birthing? Right?

No. You're going to do the thing. This is it. This is your big joke about spiders. You're a big joke about spiders. So, Jesse, what if the fear of spiders and infinity is just a direct reflection of a much deeper fear of death? Yeah. Bye. Bye.

This has been an Earwolf Media Production. Executive Producers Jeff Ulrich and Scott Aukerman. For more information, visit Earwolf.com. EarwolfRadio.com The wolf dead. That was a HateGum Podcast.