Hollywood Handbook - The Podcaster’s Promise Sessions: Volume I (with Paul F. Tompkins and Ayo Edebiri)

Episode Date: March 2, 2021

PAUL F. TOMPKINS and AYO EDEBIRI return to the show for The Boys’ debut episode of The Podcaster’s Promise. Check out the new Flagrant Ones' shirt available here and bonus episodes at Patreon.com/TheFlagrantOnes.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. love hearing what's going on with you guys whenever we're recording i'm like let's get some extra time scheduled just because like i know you're gonna kind of unload on me what's happening in your life which is great uh but we don't have the extra time so let's just do it during the show and just like if you could bullet point through and we start with whoever whoever wants to go first just like a little what's going on. And you start speaking and then we'll say who you are and then we'll do. We'll get on to new business. Either one of you can go and it doesn't matter who goes first. Are you talking to us now? Sorry.

I'm so sorry. Was that for... That was for both of us. That's for both of you. Yes. Okay. Whoever wants to go and just kind of say what's going on. I'm so sorry. That was for both of us. That's for both of you, yes. Whoever wants to go and just kind of say what's going on, and then we can get into it.

Honestly, it's faster if you speak simultaneously. So if the twos of yous could just both kind of like get your... Well, if the twos of us is Kim's. Just the twos. Goes. Sorry, Sean has been in Boston, of course, for a long time. And so he's picked up some of the local. So look, if the Blues of Clues could just go ahead and say whatever. I defer to you.

Oh, sorry. Yeah, no worries. You know, I'm from Boston, Sean. Oh, nice. So then the twos of us are actually. Love that dirty waters. Uh-huh. And that is, I'm hearing that every time I open my door.

Bum, bum, bum. Big puppy. Making your way in the world today takes everything you got. Mm-hmm. The band must start. More than a feeling. The bears. If you get caught between the moon and

Boston City it's up to you Cambridge Cambridge Dunk Dunk Dunkin Donuts Dunk Dunk Dunkin Donuts Dunk Dunk Dunkin Donuts

so this is the first episode of March. This is historically the month where, Kevin, why don't you explain what we've done with March in the past? Sure. So traditionally in March, we do what's called Tri-Month, where the boys try,

but only for the month and they we historically have on a bunch of really famous guests and that's who have we had in the past tony hawks Forte. Thomas Middleditch. Yeah. That. And they were all great. But. Yeah, that's the thing that I, okay, for sure. Keep going, I guess.

No, it just did feel something historically and the but. What? What? Walk me through what's happening for you. Actually, it wasn't I.O. episode 2. Was I in the list? Yeah, you were in last year's. I.O. and Julie. I think

it was like a five weekend march or something. Yeah, so it was like kind of part of it. Was I part of it? I don't think so. Was Paul a part of it? I'm just asking. That paul a part of it i was just i'm just asking that's all and i'm asking the same thing and i'm asking myself and i'm actually going into my mind palace and i am sorting through the different shelves on the various rooms and saying was paul a part of trimont

scanning the hard drive and i'm coming up sort of dead with nothing okay i think yeah you didn't have to go to the mind palace i think it already been established that i was not part of it but this month so it was never actually really supposed to be like that kevin and maybe kevin you can explain um sort of what sort of what some of the misconceptions around this month yeah this will be good let's pass the mic off to Kevin again wait wait wait before you clear up the misconceptions will you explain

what the misconceptions are that it's a month for celebrities that is actually what I'm asking Kevin to do no but I wanted to ask him to do it too okay I'm not negating your asking. You're actually not helping. Well, now I feel like I need to ask.

You know what? I'll be honest. I'm not helping. I wanted to feel the same thing. Now I feel like as the main second co-host, I need to ask as well. And what we are asking, Kevin, just to clarify is, A, what are the misconceptions okay

now i was now i'm the only one who hasn't asked and to haze's original ask which is to clear up the misconceptions explain what the misconceptions are to clear up the misconceptions and and now i'm the only one who hasn't asked and and paul and i have alpha'd me right out of my rightful place as the second main you know primary other co-host of the show i don't think we were even trying to do that and it just happened that's that is a testament to a true beta is that even accidentally you get you just get squashed you know if you read if you're feeling threat because me and paul are on our apex shit then that's on you you know what i mean oh i read anything about your sean be quiet be quiet sean be quiet this is sean i'm getting lobstered sean be quiet yes here's what you need to know about Io and I right now

and Io I think you'll agree with me I'm pretty sure I will we're in sicko mode that's what it is that's exactly what it is Kevin's had a lot of time to think he has but he's gonna get a little more because I do need to ask

so like what are the misconceptions and uh can you also this is a big part of the episode so i'm glad that kevin has had plenty of time to think about it go ahead can you please uh tell like clear uh clear it up pants okay try month meant that the boys are gonna try the misconception was misconception was... We have that. That's walking. Earwolf said, oh, try by having famous people. And we said, try by having a great episode. Okay.

Can I actually take this over? Yeah, go ahead. Let's see. It's really just a spelling mistake. Yeah. What it was is they were spelling tri t-r-y but we always intended it to be tri-month with three entities two guests guests and then haze and i and then me and sean are one it was supposed to be try like three month march is the third month it feels like

the mistake ended up being a little better i mean i don't know don't want to january february tri-month idea i get it it's good you're saying the mistake was better by having like really really famous people on the show better than what we were intending i actually disagree and this year the celebrities have reacted to that i think for sure by not agreeing to be on the show that any other month i think is what they were mostly saying okay yeah kevin can you talk about some of your experiences this year trying to book a famous person sure so in january i started reaching out to people um and i reached out to 30 names that i thought were realistic for tri-month and

15 of them said no. Important distinction. Important qualifier. You just dabbed on them. Did you just dab on my ass? Yeah, I just was thinking of all the no's and I just kept having to

I don't know. It also seemed like maybe you were chomping down on that arm. Yeah, I skipped a meal today and I won't say which one. What don't you understand about sicko mode? Me personally? Is this for me? Yes, that's true. Basically all of it.

I mean, I'm seeing it and I'm experiencing it. So like, you know, I understand it in that way. But in terms of me being able to wrap my head around how someone would go full sicko mode and what that entails other than what I've just watched. You'll get there. You'll get there, little boy. Young money, no he in sicko mode. So Kevin, you reached out to 30 people.

Yeah, 31. 31. 31? And 15 immediately said no. No slash unavailable. Margot Robbie. I'm not available, but also

also no. If I was available. I'm not available right now. My schedule doesn't permit it, but also I will not be doing it. To be clear, I'm not available and that is not why I am passing on this. I guess you would call it an opportunity be clear, I'm not available, and that is not why I am passing on this. I guess you would call it an opportunity. I would call it a tremendous insult.

Yes. So 15 no's, and how does the rest break down? Just 15 no responses. Stiff arms. Okay. Oh, wow. 16. 16.

Sorry, yeah. Yeah. Sort of brutal statistic. Wow. 16. Sorry, yeah. Sort of brutal statistic. A stiff arm to you is not responding to an email at all? Yeah, just no response. Stiff arm to me implies more contact. I think that is responding with the no. And maybe a cool spin move would be the lack of response.

16 spin moves and 15 stiff arms. Maybe stonewall is a more appropriate term. Okay. But regardless, to carry on this analogy, every time you send an email. Ice out. 16 ice outs? That's not football stuff.

Ice age. Is that what we're doing? the other stuff is football stuff and just to continue the analogy every time kevin sends an email he is getting carried off the field on a stretcher and the crowd is like clapping he like he like moves a little bit he gives a little thumbs up for the stretcher and the crowd is like yeah kevin every time he sent an email asking to book a celebrity guest on Trimark a few minutes later the doctor comes out on the field and says like hey that thumbs up was an involuntary muscle spasm that occurred

as Kevin that's actually a really bad sign there is no contact to the brain anymore extremely morbid we just want to be clear that everybody on the field kneels to pray Friday Night Lights style. They pray for Kevin.

And there's a hush over the stadium. So the first 15, what was the response? It wasn't first. Was it 15 no's and then people just stopped responding? Because that implies to me that the celebrities are talking to each other. Yeah. because that applies to me. Word started getting around. The celebrities are talking to each other.

Yeah. Yeah. There is a Hollywood community and they are keeping each other abreast of each other's emails. They're on the text chain and they're like, okay, he just got to me.

They're still asking people apparently. The no's aren't really working. The fact that you think it's a text chain and not a clubhouse room, I feel sad for you. Okay. Well, that's something. That's better than nothing for me. That's true. Take what you can get.

Who said no? Who said no, Kevin? Yeah, let's go down the list. Let's just do a few. Okay. Who said no and then who just never even bothered replying? Yeah. No's from Bob Odenkirk, Ed Helms, JB Smoove, Amy Poehler.ler that one hurts i get it listen i love jb smooth yeah i guess that's no slash unavailable so the 15 are people who responded saying

no uh so these are unavailable taika watiti jason sudeikis, Phoebe Bridgers, Edgar Wright, Nathan Fielder. All available. Oh, so you know for a fact that they're actually available right now. Yeah. Well, Edgar Wright doesn't hang with any comedy people. So like that right there, I go like, this was maybe even a bad ask. Ed Helms is literally everywhere right now. Yeah. He's like out of the you could see him walking

emailing people to do podcasts. It just doesn't track to me, but he's emailing people saying, can I do your podcast? But the great thing for me is Kevin never should have emailed those people in the first place because it was not supposed to be TRY month.

It was. Yes, that's the important thing i also feel like the scott thrive thrive month i also feel like scott ackerman may have salted the earth with some of these people which like i get where like ed helms is doing the auntie donna yeah show he produced that and scott was involved with that and so i would not be surprised if Rasputin Aukerman poured some poison in Mr. Helms' ear. Yeah. Phoebe Bridgers was in the comedy Bang Bang Movie, of course. I think that could have said like, okay, we're not doing this anymore. Yeah.

And so I understand. And, you know, yes, we are an extension of Scott still. That's who we are. That's okay. Your shoulders went above your head. That's who I am. That's okay. Scott Aukerman is part of my identity forever.

Forever, yeah. I'm a piece of him. I grew off of Scott Aukerman. Yes. I'm essentially like a growth. I'm a deformity that was then removed and allowed to sort of scuttle away like in the thing. And no matter how much I grow and become my own monster.

Right. I'll always know that I started as just a piece of Scott Aukerman. So we are going to do something different this month with the two of you and a lot of other people. Who are the people that didn't respond? Oh, this is interesting. Emma Stone. I emailed and texted Adam Scott. No response.

Okay. Abby Jacobson. He's training, though. Gillian Jacobs. Yeah. Lil Rel, Lisa Kudrow, Randall Park, Tim Robinson. Eric, should I keep going? Yes.

No, Eric is good. You definitely don't need to keep going with that name. That's for sure. You say Eric and there's only one person it could be and we can all say it at the same time. 3, 2, one. Eric.

That's right. Jonah Hill, Catherine Hahn, Mark Merrick, Busy Phillips, Lizzie Kaplan, Natasha Leone. Some of these people are my friends. Personal friends. They don't want to ruin it. I don't either. They don't want to ruin it. You don't want to mix business with pleasure. Yeah.

Ever. That's what I like about this group is that we all have strictly professional relationships. I'll say this, Sean, we only DM. Yes. Demers. Carpe DM as always.

I do not have any other way of contacting anyone. I have a standalone Instagram machine. There's no phone capability on it. There's no texting or anything. There's no emails. That's just how I meet the world. It's got its positives and negatives you made your

dentist join instagram so you could set up appointments yeah that i did and um uh i regret it in some ways because they have done a lot of like live feeds of oral surgeries from their office and they're not good like you can see pretty clearly they're guessing at what they're doing a lot of the time and so it's made it harder to go back but now i'm like i'm gonna find a new dentist this is the one who's on instagram and i made them join yeah so you're basically kind of like clout hopping off your dentist though i'll take the hit i did assume it was a boy dentist sean just said they and i did say he boy dentist but when you think about it i said that we were talking about how the dentist was doing a bad job okay well it's probably a boy assuming a white man

yeah mediocre white man a confident of a mediocre white man to go in and do the no need to thank me so let's talk about what we are going to do this episode. You hear these, one of these produced podcast story show. Some of this shit, man. You hear the but then you're introduced to this like whole soundscape and a story and a character and now wolverine is there wolverine wolverine is there chris gethard's talking to him. I mean, this is the kind of shit that you only get on a fully produced podcast. The Moth.

The Moth is there. NPR presents. The Moth from Norm MacDonald's long moth joke that he told on a talk show is there. Produced story, like a fiction podcast. Yes. Takes a lot longer. longer costs a lot more to do uh not much listener or revenue upside but wow i mean is it like it's very prestigious to do one of these we are doing this we're gonna do a produced podcast with real voice talent real voice acting oh my god do we happen to actually have two of the voice

actors from the from like a different show shows that's on here now wait a second are we having two of the actor voice actors from the actual shows do i like in my every time i go online do i do i see like oh like do you you if you like paul f tompkins you might want to see this thing about this freaking cartoon or whatever for babies i don't i actually like paul i don't need to see this other thing but i do but that's how i do know that he's doing this, right? And yeah, do I see that? Are my parents sending me articles about IO for some reason? Where like, she's like in the news because she did this voice. Yes, they're doing this. This is happening.

Is that actually true? Yeah, because it was in the Boston Globe. If someone's in the Boston Globe, my parents are going to tell me about it. That's true. That's true that's true thank you to them i love your parents so let's do i mean should we talk about what the the show we want to do sean yeah let's get into it so we're going to do one of these produced podcasts it's going to blow everyone's fucking ass off they're going to absolutely get down and kiss our butts because

it's going to be so cool and produced and funny. Yeah, we got this great voice talent. From ass to butt. In the space of five seconds. For me personally? Yes. And so see, Sean, this is a, I mean, you two have essentially hired two actors. We're going to ask you questions like actors.

Oh, get ready for a bunch of questions. Yes. Because we want to know, we're going to need it to know. In the absence of a script, thank you very much. We're going to need to know. Right. We're going to need to know as much as possible. Yes.

So that we can do what it is you're asking us to do, which frankly sounds like a tall order. Thrilled to engage in this process. And there's always a reason for these things. Okay. Okay. I switched to but because I had just said ass yeah i got you i'm understanding that okay and so just from like a motivation place my character doesn't uh has a rule where he doesn't say the same word for behind

twice in a row. Twice in a row. I've seen that. I've seen that before. It does sound familiar. So the show is called The Podcaster's Promise. It is grounded sci-fi. Ground is grounded sci-fi grounded hard sci-fi okay that modifier actually made it

more confusing but because it's what does that mean it's difficult it's very tricky and very difficult hard grounded sci-fi it is it's playing out aspects of our current reality. It's not just like freaky dragons and stuff. It's like taking our real world. That's fantasy. Yeah, that's not sci-fi. That is, okay, a different genre. Yeah, I just said it's not that. Oh, well, good.

Okay, well, no one thought it was. I agree it's good. I agree that it's good. I said that it's not that and you're like yeah but it's not that i'm like yeah i know that's exactly what i said i think we need to cool down for a second here because i think that we're all i feel like i feel like we're all i'm i feel great actually because what i what i just said was okay was affirmed by everyone so i've actually never felt better in my entire life.

You sound so defensive right now, Hayes. You sound so defensive. Okay, I'm actually, if you're listening to what I'm saying, I feel better than I ever have ever before. I've never felt so confident. If I could step in, just because I was not involved in this initial altercation, I was leaning back and letting Hayes take the wheel. involved in this initial altercation. I was leaning back and letting Hayes take

the wheel. I have to say, Paul, so much respect for you. Hayes is not angry at all, and he's actually laughing. And it's funny to him. I'm sorry. I know that I was involved in the initial altercation,

but I did sort of step back when this started picking up. And I just want to know, Sean, do you respect me as well? Just all of this drama, I would say. I just don't see how that's relevant. You know, it just doesn't feel like it's part of this conversation. And I don't want to get sidetracked into this whole respect to because at some point it will trickle up to Kevin

and I do need him to edit the episode oh i see okay now speaking of someone who was absolutely involved in the original altercation i want to point out that what i was the architect of it in fact well yeah what if you like if that pleases you the merovingian it does i'm that's funny to me i was um was, I think it's important to point out that what I was trying to do was a good thing. And I'm actually saying that you did. You did do a good thing, which is you repeated exactly what I said back to me and it affirmed that what I said was correct. Does the... This rocks, I am laughing.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh. Does the sci- Rox, I am laughing. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh. Does the sci-fi take place in the present, future... The year is 30... The year is 3010. Okay. Every person is assigned

their own personal podcast at birth. Okay. What are the pants like? Because in her, the pants were really high. We have to talk about the pants. We're going to talk about her. We will be discussing her. We will be discussing the pants like? Because in her, the pants were really high. We have to talk about her. We will be discussing her.

We will be discussing the pants. Yes, we will get it. Sean has a lot of the clothing choices. I will throw to him in a second once I get through some of the basics. For sure, yeah. Legends of podcasting like Anna Faris and Mikeell are revered and taught in history class people guest on each other's shows essentially as a form of currency that's how uh all financial transactions are made not with like actual money but like that is that is like the currency is like

being able to guest on each other's podcast like we're doing today with the two of you not listenership or advertisements uh no i mean well that's yeah that's money like that that's what comes out of it is like you guest on a show and then that translates into more listeners for your show uh and society is a debt like get you know getting yourself an appearance on armchair expert or, you know, it's one of these, like, enormous shows. But, you know, you may be working that off for the rest of your life. Right. How does this function as currency, like, for purchasing goods and services?

Like, if I wanted a couch. Yeah. If you want a couch, then you would cash in. I know how you get an armchair as you go on Armchair Expert. Okay, sure. Yeah, all right. You talk to Dax. Yeah, we got it.

Uh-huh. He's still alive. Got to pay that off. Dax Shepard is still alive. 3,010. Oh, no. We're going to write a fun produced podcast where Dax Shepard is dead. And that's a big part of the story.

That's not just going to turn everyone. So at the very beginning, people are listening to this to have fun. And we're like, okay, by the way, Dax Shepard is dead. The whole first episode is just people mourning Dax Shepard.

It's like Dax Shepard day. And I just don't think that's a good. Oh, you don't think it's this? No. Oh, no, that was all sarcasm.

It's terrible. Okay. Because honestly, I guess you were being sarcastic, but that actually sounds like a good opening. No, the very beginning is Dax Shepard is alive. One of the first lines is Dax Shepard lives. It is 2010. Dax Shepard lives. I'm sorry to start writing and pitching.

Dax Shepard is healthy and fine. I'm here as an actor and not in any capacity as a writer so i apologize for pitching has dac shepherd been missing or something or presumed dead dac shepherd has no we say dac shepherd has been alive this whole time alive and so it opens with like what the year 3010 and then it says dack shepherd is alive a lot yes okay and uh podcasters are historic figures that we talk about like if you want to sit down sorry time out time out sorry sorry we said this already no no no this is this is a different thought and this is because we got i think you want to get out ahead of this the year is 3010 and dack shepherd is still alive have you run this by

hassan minaj and why would i know why i have to do that but you explain to the listeners because you know uh they had a little grow up online and Mr. Minaj does not consider Mr. Shepard a 10, but then he later recanted because he saw a picture of Dax Shepard shirtless. And that was two alphas duking it out. One alpha thinking the other was a beta and then realizing, oh, no, I'm in the presence of a fellow alpha. Yeah.

So I don't know. Is this a reference to that? I guess is what I'm asking. yeah so i don't know is this a reference to that i guess is what i'm asking 30 10 is the fact that the year has the number 10 in it so specific i do want to say i know that it is like hard sci-fi but it is hard to not view that as a something political about this predicament and i do feel like if the third sentence isn't Hasan Minhaj is dead or Hasan Minhaj is alive like you've made a choice

it's incredibly political and I think we can solve it without really dealing with that even which is we say the year is 3010 Dax Shepard lives Hasan Minhaj is fine with that okay alright that's what makes it grounded

yeah well that's what makes it hard and grounded yeah that's the hard and grounded that's the hard and grounded Hollywood Handbook be a better you in 2024 with Babbel the science backed language learning app

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gowns you know in some cases and so that was uh yeah that was costing me a lot a lot a lot stop wasting money on things you don't use cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocket money.com slash the boys that's rocket money.com slash the boys rocket money.com slash the boys and so in in the future sean and hayes are scrappy kind of like mid-tier podcast. So the way it works is you accumulate. Who, me? Like value based on your number of five-star ratings on Apple Podcasts, your average score.

These are things that are evaluated evaluated has created a societal hierarchy and did the reviews have any numerical value yeah we did not establish how you buy things and also why are you scrappy if um podcasters what do you need to buy let's go through it what do you want sofa let's go back to ios original thanks and i think that it should be a pull-out one in case you have guests. Absolutely. A convertible. You can't do a sofa, but if you need to lie down, you can go on Nick Offerman and Megan Mullally's podcast, which

takes place in their bed. And so that's basically... If you want to sit down, you can go on Our Inferior Expert. What's that show called, Kevin? In Bed with Nick and Megan? In Bed with those guys. You can lie down. What if you what's that show called kevin in bed with nick and megan in bed with with those guys you can lie down okay what if you want so if you want to lie down then you go on the in-bed show could you also go on emily and kumail's podcast because theirs is all about staying in

i believe yeah well i mean like is there a couch limited series if you need to go inside limited series they did yeah that limited if you need to go inside... You're talking about that limited series they did? Yeah, that limited series. If you need to go inside, or you can go on Stay at Homekins. So Paul's alive. Yeah, Paul's alive. Oh, that's good news. What about me?

Sorry, I don't know that I did... He looks like shit. And I don't mean this to be... He is alive. But it's like... You can tell that I was a guy who was alive in 2021 we're talking about these ratings paul in in the year 3010 is like a four yeah but dax is still a 10 that's i'll take it dax is a 10 paul at this point is yeah is a solid four that's a long time from now

so i feel like okay fine what fine. What are you two? The same numbers? We don't actually pay attention to that. We don't care about it. We don't care about any of that. We're sevens. You do know the rankings of other people, but you don't care about it for yourselves. If I have to, yeah.

I think I read somewhere that Paul was a four. I'm going to text you their numbers, I think. Thank you. For us, we just like hanging out. We're going to be doing this anyway. We're going to be having a fun conversation with each other. If other people are enjoying it, great. That's awesome.

And it's lower than you'd think it would be. But that's not. But when you realize it's right. If you're saying it, then how is it lower than you'd think it would be? No, she's right. If you're saying it, then how is it lower than you'd think it would be? No, she's right though because it was like I had a number in my head that she was going to text me and I was thinking, realistically, it's probably lower than that. And then when she texted him, I'm like, yes, we're on the same page.

It's like you have a number and then you have a secret number that you don't want to miss. And it's the secret number. It's the secret number. It's the secret number. Sean and Hayes just like to chill and they get on mic and the show is fun but they don't care about getting into the iTunes top 200

which confers on people special abilities. The higher your rating is, it gives you essentially character points where you can develop different physical abilities, enhance different aspects of your body. Can you do it like that?

Because it's the future. Can you go like nose, enhance? Or do you have to go somewhere, like a doctor's office? Or can you do it in your pod? Do you go on a doctor's podcast to can you do it in your pod do you go on a doctor's podcast to get surgery does it happen to you absolutely you go on dr drew's podcast yeah and he does surgery on you yes if you have any kind of dr drew illness here's what i'm gathering so

far is that everyone who's doing podcasts now is still alive in 3010 and still doing the same podcast not everyone and honestly this is a bit of an allegory because this is how we are achieving is still alive in 3010 and still doing the same podcast. Not everyone. And honestly, this is a bit of an allegory because this is how we are achieving immortality. You realize that right now. In 3010, we will all be alive because of this episode. Which people will be listening to, yeah.

Right this minute. Because of the episode where I found out I'm a five, we are going to be known and famous and studied in the year 3010 and we'll still be alive in that way okay so are the characters of hayes and sean and paul and are you know again i've tried to subtly ask and have't ignored so i just you know we'll just get that out of the way whatever um but will they physically be alive or is it more of like a spiritual thing more of like their consciousness is such an amazing opportunity for allegory okay you are just sort of bypassing my question completely? I want to use my platform to amplify IO and ask, is she alive in 3010?

Retweet. Is IO alive? Signal boost. That's a big signal boost. Let's do the human microphone. I have to deal with this question now. Well, yeah, because it was amplified. Does IO survive in the future

no here's what I'll say that's enough for me that's enough I'll look off into the distance I will say this is the question is IO alive if all of her parts have been replaced?

So, like, yes. Yes. There's something still called Io walking around, but every one of her parts is completely different. Like, including brain. So, it's really not the same person. All the parts. Well, it's all been enhanced. Every part is different.

I went to Dr drew sometimes enhanced sometimes de-hance can you de-hance in this in this scenario in this universe yes you can de-hancing is a thing okay okay maybe it's like you can de-hance if you want to get more points or something. Or you want to... You have to cash in. Yeah. Like a pawn shop situation, Gift of the Magi vibes. There's sort of a bargain basement cloning farm

where they have only the genetic material from survivor villain russell hance so you get dehanced by getting russell hance you you you know in an ideal world your part is also replaced by someone who shared your genetic material or you know or someone who was in some way healthier or you know um doing better but if you can't afford that and if you're appearing on like um i don't know like what was that bozos of basketball podcast that we were both on hayes hame slides hame slides if you're on hame slides or something you're not gonna be able to afford that primo genetic material and what you're gonna get is actually you'll you'll get russell hance uh parts yeah is colleen from season one survivor star of the motion picture the animal she's still alive yeah okay live as hell man gervais

ricky gervais ricky gervais is alive, but he believes in God. He believes in God. For him, that's worse than death. He finally came around. Okay. He believes in God, which is for him worse than death. So he wants to die. Yes.

He's like on a cross and he means it this time. He wants to die because he finally believes in God. But he can't take his own life because believing in God, that's like a mortal sin that you can't go to confession for. So he can't take his own life because believing in god that's like a mortal sin that you can't go to confession for so he can't be forgiven so it's actually like an incredible dilemma that he's in philosophically and he's still doing stand-up he's still doing like that's good really good stand-up that's really good he's on the good one like all the time it's actually just called good one no it's a new podcast it's a different podcast oh i like this i like this yeah okay this is what you hired us for guys and so it's actually we actually

did hire you to do voice acting which we'll have to get separately because we haven't even finished going through like what kind what your characters are going to be i assume that paul was playing himself and nope not close but not that far either so every podcaster which is everyone has uh is able to interact with their own personal scott ackerman ai scott ackerman is a living code and he gives podcasting advice like in her you have like your own personal scott ackerman like in her who you can also have sex with like i feel like we're getting close to the pants now yeah yeah do you want to just get go ahead out of the way because i let's get the pants out of the way

so you remember the um dinosaur that spits in newman's face and sure that's what pants look like my i don't follow that what do you mean they flare out like the like that the pants do that every time you take a step do they make the noise they make the noise they shoot spit out the pants so you like always just have they expose a lot of you hmm so you always have wet leg but is that better than like how we live now

so you always have wet leg don't you want like the consistency of like not having to work like if you wear pants you do yeah i mean you can never have wet leg or you can always have wet leg and i think that that choice is no choice at all speaking of legs where do your legs go in these in these pants through the top what are the okay what are the what are the pant legs they're the middle of it what yeah i don't i i guess are there two or one are there two come out the bottom okay are there two or one yeah? There's so many. Yeah, everybody has them. Okay, thanks. There's like a thousand. Sure.

Ayo, don't just give up. Don't just don't because that lets them win. Ayo, do not give up. I'm on your side. I'm here with you. It actually is like really exhausting. I will say that

in my voice amplified. Your career is just beginning. You know that, right? Well, thank you. I've heard. I understand. But I don't want you to get defeated because i'm i'm on your side and i'm here yeah this industry just is like really tough

and obviously you know like haze and sean are notorious um gatekeepers and also play like sick little mind games um where the intent is to exhaust you they also are exhausters and so thank you for reminding me that i can't let that beat me that there is more um and it does get better and additionally i lost audio for a while oh no worries sorry i didn't oh no that's awesome that's awesome i'm having trouble when you say that the this the newman spitter from jurassic park is what pants are now well he doesn't spit newman i realize that i know i'm just trying to spit on newman he spits on new you're now see this is where they're exhausters because you knew what i meant i know right i will say i think i get it and i'm gonna

um draw you a little drawing you know on iphone where you can hold it and it becomes animation and then you can draw little drawings so i can do one of those for you because i stand with you um and as you stood with me once and will again and will again um and so that's what i will do for you sort of allying myself back if you will did you know i once heard about somebody who sent one of those touch messages on purpose come on yeah yeah you. It's by a friend of my cousin. And where are they now? Probably prison. And so they have a conversation. Sean Hayes have their daily conversation with their personal Scott Aukerman AI.

And Sean Hayes are a little discouraged because their last episode was very poorly received by society. People said that it was not funny and it was a bad episode. And you get briefings at the end of the day from society at large. Yeah, when you say society, is everyone listening to every podcast?

Well, no. Obviously not everyone is listening to every episode of every podcast. Yeah yeah because they're just like are these ideas of like consciousness enough to be familiar okay no you have to listen to every podcast that gets made and then you can subscribe or not subscribe it's the experience of like so when people come on our show we'll sometimes ask like have you listened to the show before and people go yeah like that's that's the reaction that we often get and so that

is how it kind of works in society yes people have listened to the show before no other information great okay okay so they they talked to scott ackerman and ai scott ackerman is like look like don't worry keep your head up everything to be okay. But the most important thing is never listen to your own podcast because it'll make you completely insane. You'll experience ego death. Yes. Which is good sometimes.

It depends. Not if you want a podcast again. Yeah. So Sean and Hayes go home to their shared wife who is played by io and they're they're of course sean and hayes are both podcasters so their shared wife makes significantly more money than either both of them put together it is basically like helping enable this this life for them so it's movie night sean and haze are watching a movie with their shared wife

played by me played by io and the character and io picks the movie a person or ai or is it and sean and haze are nice and io picks the movie thanks kings and but instead of like instead of a movie she accidentally picks the last podcast episode and they end up watching the entire podcast episode being confused that it's a movie it's all in one like interface now and you know how this is that you know it's all in like the little like entertainment right but there's so there's no differentiation between movies and podcasts in in the in the in the interface

it when this is we're getting to right and with shows like this with what we're doing podcasts are basically the same as movies and so like play that out we're getting 100 years or whatever we're talking about like there is basically no difference between movie and a podcast so like play that out. This is what we're getting 100 years or whatever we're talking about. Like there is basically no difference between a movie and a podcast. So like this will be explained more in the actual show.

But I accidentally picks their last podcast episode. So they sit there and they listen to the entire thing. And they're like, this isn't what we said. We didn't say this when we were just like hanging out and chilling and recording this. say this when we were just like hanging out and chilling and recording this this has actually deep fakes audio in it that were planted there by the scott ackerman ai and the deep fakes audio will also be played by io no notices the lack of visual images at all no but like this is like there's like art you know there's like the cover art basically there's a thumbnail and an episode bio or description

episode description there's an episode description which is like that's visual as well and that's just their static for the entire episode and you're looking at something else there's other stuff in the room that you're like looking at and you're like it's easy to get confused that this is part of the movie I mean

I feel like I'm gonna have to do some work to get to that place. I encourage you to do that. I encourage you to do that work. And I support you in that. Yeah. Thank you. And so they go back to the Scott Ackerman AI. And I have to go really soon.

And you'll have to just record your line separately, I guess, because we got nothing today. But Scott Ackerman AI is like, yes, did this because like if i didn't record yes i do these audio deep fakes of you saying this like unfunny stuff then my legacy would be destroyed my legacy my legacy would be destroyed wait but that's not your character but i thought i was playing the akerman ai no paul paul AI. No, Paul has to be the Scott Ackerman AI. Oh, sorry. I started doing voice work. I just wanted to get ready for when we start taking.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Reggie, stop spinning. You know, that sort of. Yeah, yeah. Oh, Reggie. Stop spinning on the turntables. Reggie.

Prevailing the music. Reggie. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Reggie, that's so. may have got away from me a little bit probably but the scott ackerman ai said now i have to destroy the two of you once and for all to like to retain my legacy as the world's greatest podcaster. Right. And he... Now immortalized as AI. Yes. Places audio deepfakes in... Wait, I thought you guys were like scrappy mid-tier podcasters. See, that's what we thought too, Ayo.

Yes, we did too. And Ayo, part of what happened is this episode that everyone's regarding as very bad was the best episode we ever recorded. And Scott Aukerman's AI knew immediately that if the public was exposed, that we would launch into the stratosphere. So this is like a wish fulfillment. I get it. Okay.

And he has been like carefully edging our reputation in a way where like obviously he can't convince people that we're like terrible every single podcast. Obviously, he can't convince people that we're terrible every single podcast. But every once in a while, he'll have us do a really, really bad show. So our reputation can never get too good. What do you mean? And again, this is based in reality. And he'll take our best stuff and just alter it in ways. And he knows we're never listening to it. Because that's his big advice.

Right, right, right. Never listen to your own podcast. You remember that. that actually connected that was the podcaster's promise that we would never listen to our own episode but there's more oh that's that's the podcaster's promise there's all different ones and there's more too yeah it's it's called the podcaster's promise but there's several promises yes that's one of them how does he have you do a bad episode and also there's no apostrophe in it in the movie minority report there are several minority reports so the podcasters the promises of the verb actually did anyone hear my question i wish i did in the beginning and i did actually

how does he thank you how how does the scott ackerman ai have you do a bad episode? Those are your deep fakes. Oh, that's where the audio deep fakes come in. To say really controversial things about popular podcasters. So the reason why your podcast isn't popular is because the deep fakes are deep faking you shit talking. That's right. And it makes people actually not want to support us. Yes.

First, he just has a saying like generic unfunny stuff and just like has a joke like not clicking yeah he takes episodes where we're like in every single episode it turns out we are absolutely like locked in yeah but yes but he inserts just like cross talk and like people not hearing each other and just generally saying what about what about deep fakes where it's like the content is it just seems like so weird you know and like so

to me that actually rocks oh okay yeah so to me like this this is like so weird and like this is so off yeah this is the kind of shit I like yeah and you have to like search for an episode that that they can like understand yeah and so do that like okay that's the ai that's my shit oh okay and so first it's just like generic unfunny stuff but then to finally destroy us once we found out

we like he has us saying offensive stuff about other legendary podcasters that like society is like now coming after us and the pc police are coming to kill us so by 30 10 the scott ai has figured out how to make you guys sound rude how to make us rude and unfunny and unfunny rude and unfunny yeah yes so the technology is advanced to this point where he can actually take our stuff which is good yeah make it seem rude and unfunny and disjointed um seems like seems like that's some really crooked media yeah so that's sort of what i and that's and they are the president and they are the president those guys are cool crooked media is the president and they died and they died yes before the events of this story or do they die during the during the story i don't want to spoil it well we have

to know we need to know just for the performance how is that that's going to feed into your performance whether or not crooked media is the is the president yeah whether they die. If the shared wife is political, then yeah. You better believe it's political. She is really, really political. Who am I playing, by the way? The Scott Aukerman AI. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. So, what are some

of the audio deepfakes that they put in, Sean? Let's get one, because I really do have to go. I think one thing that Scott Aukerman AI nefariously implants is us saying that we think Pete Holmes is faking his laugh sometimes yeah you would never or that or even not that he's like stuff we would never say that he doesn't think something is like necessarily that funny but amplifies no that he's laughing but that he's he's he's juicing it up a little bit so i oh you're doing the audio deep thing so i guess scott ackerman ai can say like here i go i'm planting like i'm planting the deep fakes on the

boys the podcast you know something that i think oh what is it? Tell me, tell me. I just think, I'm sorry, but when Pete Holmes is laughing, it isn't that loud. That's exactly what I'm saying. Okay, and Sean, do you want to get a react to that? I've said it again. Yes, hang on. What? We never said that, Hayes.

That was when we were actually doing a really funny bit what this got deep faked in there if it's a deep fake shouldn't shouldn't you shouldn't you guys sound like what io just did that is what they sound like we do yeah we do oh yeah we did i'm maybe my internet connection is unstable i apologize it. It is. I saw the backing up. Oh, no. Does that that shows up on your screen, too? Yeah. Oh, that's humiliating. Yeah.

Yeah. We never said anything like that. We were actually doing a really funny show. So that's what we got. We got what we need for today. and this story will continue yeah uh over the rest of this entire month good and we'll and we'll get you your your lines to write kevin we'll get them some line to like record some more dialogue recorded all the stuff stuff that we explained and couldn't get through two sentences of. I just don't know.

I just feel like I didn't get a script at all. And I just said you are going to. And you will. And we actually had some stuff that we were going to request specific lines and we literally couldn't string two sentences together without some sort of interruption and detour. And so I think it made it a little harder

to record the audio. How does that feel? He asked how it feels. I keep losing the sound of these. And I'm wondering, is Scott Ackerman already an AI and is he stopping me from being able to engage with you?

Because I'd love to answer your question. I could see your mouth moving. I'm sure you have a question. I don't want to answer your question, you piece of shit. i would never say that to paul something like that yeah something like that probably okay so kevin you're gonna how you're gonna you're gonna send their lines to them as a reddit dm correct that's right that's where i do all my business gang okay yeah okay sounds great thank great. Thank you both. Thank you both. Bye-bye.

Hollywood Handbook. This week on the Patreon, Carl and Ahsan discuss drugs, the boys do a teaser freezer for Shadow in the Cloud, and the Flager Ones are talking all things basketball. They also have a new Flager Ones t-shirt, and the link is available in the episode description. Check out the podcast and videos five days a week at patreon.com slash theflagerones. Hollywood Handbook.

That was a HeadGum Podcast.