Hollywood Handbook - The Podcaster’s Promise Sessions: Volume III (with Rajat Suresh and Jeremy Levick)

Episode Date: March 16, 2021

Please enjoy part 3 of The Podcaster’s Promise with JEREMY LEVICK and RAJAT SURESH. Check out the podcasts 5 days a week at Patreon.com/TheFlagrantOnesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is a head gum podcast so yeah we don't uh again we don't really have time to do any kind of intro thing for this no and like the past couple episodes i've been like i wasn't even recording i wasn't recording that. The last couple times? I'm rushed. Well, the last couple times I was recording for part of it, but just now when I started talking, I was not recording. Yeah. No, I had to remind myself to record because the last few times I've been like,

oh, normally we would catch up or whatever, but this time it feels like I like you guys. I just don't know what we would do, what we would talk about, and sort of what the... I really like you guys. So I think this is okay. I don't know what we would talk about. I also, a lot of times doing the show, it's my job, but it can be a little bit fun

because we have cool stuff to talk about or cool guests to catch up with or something. And it has now become more, these past few weeks, I'm going to work. cool stuff to talk about or cool guests to catch up with or something. And it has now become more, these past few weeks, I'm going to work. Yeah. And we have a lot of work to do and we're behind. No, it is work because it is sort of just the high level that Rajat and I are operating on. It's like... Totally unrelated to you guys.

It's totally unrelated to you guys. It's totally unrelated to you guys. Okay. We have this really big project that we are now way behind schedule on, right? Yeah. I am excited today. I feel very good about what we're going to accomplish today on this project. I've been listening through what we're going to accomplish today on this project i've been listening through what we have and i actually think it is really coming together uh like awesomely there's pieces there's great moments and there's these amazing pieces little pieces i'm just discovering stuff they're like when you hear it the first time you don't even notice and then you listen back you're like holy shit like this is really really funny this is so smart uh like really building incisive yes some

moments are so incisive jeremy and rajat and we are getting these pieces there but the whole has not come into shape for me yet. And so we do need to kind of fill in the blanks. This is sort of a spackle episode for us. Yes. Yes. Cool. We're going to paste over some of the holes that we found.

You guys have obviously been keeping up with the podcasters promise. Yes. Oh, I mean, I wasn't. Podcast promise or no, not, I mean, no, I guess we didn't't... Did we have to?

I guess we didn't. No, not really. So, Jeremy, you're saying you totally have not been keeping up. I said totally because we've been keeping up with a lot of other stuff and not this. We weren't sure whether that's what you guys were talking about or not.

Yeah, I wasn't sure you guys were talking about or not yeah i wasn't sure what you're talking about yet but yeah you were speculating asked you if you've been keeping up with the podcasters promise you weren't sure what we were referring to the scripted podcast this is now the third consecutive episode that i have been recording this live in like the most transparent way like showing people how this this is try this is the try try month try a so this is it this is what we're doing uh-huh yes no no we know we know that i mean that stuff we know but it's just that's it but that's all right because we can't we we can't what we don't want to do is spend every episode half or three quarters of the episode is us

catching people up on everything that has been laid out in the previous two episodes, especially because a lot of it is repetitive. Sure. Okay. Well, yeah, Rajat and I just we like what happens a lot of the times is we read the Hollywood Handbook headline and then we don't read the article

or like we don't listen to the episode, but I'll like binge all of the descriptions. Sometimes I scrub through and just get like a you know? Just single vowel sounds. You just are getting vowel sounds.

From us or from different three different vowel sounds. Yeah, I try to just get the vowel parts of the podcast mainly that's rajat's favorite part yeah okay yeah so what's up what is this so what i'm hearing is you don't know what what we've done so far you're not familiar with the the story thus far then no i guess no no not and maybe that's not our fault maybe that's kevin's fault too maybe that's kevin's fault yeah i like the sound of that a little it was kevin's fault last week

um with you two like so with like john gaberson joe wenger i'm like yes these are guests that like i want to furnish them with all the information their time is like really valuable and like i want them to like be kind of ushered through this process totally totally the two of you i guess i expect that you would want to perform well and that you would want to that you would want to find something to even just fill your days like listening to our podcast i think would be a great benefit for you because i honestly can't imagine what the fuck else you're doing like kevin for example when i think about like the use of kevin's time kevin would be using like much of his day would be kind of like do you see in the background there that little like split between the the couch cushions. Yeah. Yeah. Kevin would spend a lot of his day just like working that little gap.

Works it? Just like absolutely going to work on it. Do you see the really small dent in there? Yeah. And the rest of Kevin's day is obviously people can't see this, of kevin's day is obviously people can't see this but kevin is wearing his pit crew uh winter beanie from high school band uh the signature of all cool drummers and he he takes a lint roller to that thing i would say 40 of his waking hours are spent just making sure that there's no like hairs or little fuzzies or or dust collecting on it because it's pristine yes and it gets very

linty when he's like working in the couch all up in there well the thing is we have a lot of hair in our place too so i mean there's like well so this is what i what i was actually getting if you let me finish is like when i think about the use of kevin's time it's like okay for gaberson wenger yes he can educate them as to what's going on in the show but with the two of you i would actually rather he be rutting the couch. Alright. And then cleaning his hat afterwards. That's a better use of his time, you're saying?

Comparatively, yeah. It's only in relation to you guys and your... I get that. And you don't exactly know what we have going on. I mean, I can see the guitar that you have artfully placed in frame, Jeremy, and it's definitely sending a message of rocker this rocker dude jeremy's a rocker rock i love that about you yeah so what it's it's sounding like to me is that you do need to be

kind of walk through what we've done so far on the podcasters promise i can do this really really quickly do it fast yeah podcasters promise takes place in the year 3010 every child is born with an assigned podcast the legends of podcasting mike mitchell anna ferris are taught in school as historic figures dax shepherd is aliveard is alive. Crooked Media is the president. Hayes and Sean have a podcast that does fine. It's totally okay, but that's fine with them. They just like hanging out,

and if people enjoy listening to their show, that's great. That's cool with them. Pants look like the dinosaur that spit on Newman from Jurassic Park. That's a little bit out of order. On your first question, D dax shepherd is alive hassan minaj does not have any problem with that he's not upset about it there's no beef there that's oh good even though he thinks

dax shepherd is ugly right and like because he's what he's like a little racist against white people there right that's rajat's theory i didn't sign off on that that's right that's theory i'm not cool with hasan minaj's whole thing there what do you guys think about the racism part of that the racist part of it yeah gosh i would need more time i i know this feels like a cop out i would really need more people are still and honestly crafted answer to that question that 1000 years later people are still and honestly craft an answer to that question that 1000 years later people are still kind of working out whoa in the world of podcasters promise hasan minaj has said that he's okay with dax shepherd being alive no one has decided whether they are okay

with his son minaj initially having any beef so that's still being sorted through by everyone and it does take up a lot of the mental space for people and there are multiple podcasts about that that have been assigned to different people and we have had to make this a bigger part of

the this future universe obviously this is our creation like it's not real but like we have had to expand the role of the dax shepherd hassan minaj thing because every guest every guest has seized on this this aspect of it every single time and it is happening again and that's okay but that's what the audience is and it and it's yes we create it it feels incredibly real. It's rock hard sci-fi. It's one of the hardest sci-fis.

It's diamond hard sci-fi. It's the hardest sci-fi you've ever experienced. My God. And I think that it's important to be adaptable and to adjust to what the audience demands. And obviously we underestimated the extent to which people would be fascinated with Hasan Minhaj and Dax Shepard

and their dynamic. So we're rolling with it. And I think it's actually, we've discovered some great stuff in that way. So Hayes and Shotton, they do their podcast. They don't really care about like being part of the itunes top 200 which confers come on special uh abilities and like physical powers uh but they're also trying to keep out you know like they don't want to fall into the itunes bottom 200

which means that you give up your parts your body and some like some of your normal physical functioning. So they're talking to every podcaster in the future, which is everybody has a personal Scott Aukerman AI who is their podcast mentor and who they can also have sex with and her. And so they're talking to Scott Aukerman and they're like, our last episode, what do we do like our last our last episode was like uh disliked by society it was very poorly received and he's

like it's okay like you guys are doing your thing just keep doing it just never listen to your own episode because you'll go like never listen to your own show because you'll go crazy he's like i never listen to my stuff it's just like you just got to move on to the next it's maddening yeah just leave it it's it's toilet paper sure it's useful when you need it but then just forget about it it's gone okay speaking of which speaking of toilet paper i just want to get this some people have been curious what we mean when we say like special physical abilities are granted to you in the itunes top 200 and others are taken away in the bottom 200 what I mean one one advantage you get is if you enter the even just

the bottom rung of the iTunes top 200 you only have to go to the bathroom once a day and if and if you're in the bottom 200 you only don't have to go to the bathroom once a day if that makes sound because you is it because you give up your asshole part that's the part you give up because you give up a part rajat don't ask that sorry that's not i would i would ask you to give up your asshole part for the rest of the show see all right i didn't i i think i was genuinely asking but but I guess, all right, whatever. And this is just like, we think about what is, you listen to bad podcasts today,

and everyone is having to constantly get up and pee and poop, and you just hear them be like, oh, oh. They have to run out. Every podcast, yeah. They just go, oh, i shouldn't have had that last pot of chili and and they get up and they're gone and the mic is still picking up some of the noises from the bathroom as they're obviously very ill and they come back in they don't have any editing equipment so that gets left in when you listen to a good podcast and what you hear is one second i'll be right back and then and it's almost imperceptible yeah it only happens once per episode

you still can't cut that part out you still you barely even have to and they're actually talking from the bathroom and they're being really funny and smart from the bathroom part of what's so great about podcasts is like you do feel like these people are your friends and they're inviting you into their life and you know Hayes and Sean have done some of that and do your friends go to the bathroom

I mean at least once you know oh yeah well here and there do you talk about like do you guys coordinate anything beforehand? Well, we try to give opposite answers so that one of us is always right. Exactly. Okay.

I mean, because it's impossible. That actually makes more sense to me than that you could be so not on the same page. Well, we want to cover our bases. That's not possible, that you could always just accidentally be saying opposite things right feels calculated no yeah it doesn't feel calculated and it's not there you go yes okay there you go you got the whole spectrum it really works uh so then shauna hayes go home and they went to their shared wife and they're watching it's movie night they're watching a movie uh and then they accidentally play their whole podcast last episode how do we resolve that we

did resolve that in the last one do you remember i believe it was we were letting our shared wife io choose uh what movie we were gonna watch uh-huh but she didn't want to watch a movie she wanted to listen to smart list the podcast that sean hayes is a host of that's right but she didn't want to watch a movie. She wanted to listen to Smart List, the podcast that Sean Hayes is a host of. That's right. But she couldn't quite remember the name. She was like, smart, smart, smart. Can I just listen to the Sean Hayes show? And it started playing the Sean and Hayes show, which then forced us to listen to our own podcast.

So we listened to our whole podcast episode from the last week that was Disliked by Society. podcast episode from the last week that was disliked by society and it turns out that AI Scott Ackerman has been inserting audio deepfakes into the episode of us being disjointed and unfunny and boring

and like trying to like laughing at our own stuff a lot and like seeming sort of mean. Yes. And so Sean hayes go to ai ai scott ocherman and they're like what like what why'd you do that why did you do this and ai scott ocherman is like you two are uh your power your like potential and your power is so great that if i didn't sabotage your show by inserting unfunny comments in it then my legend would be destroyed and so now i now that you've discovered my plan i do have to finish the job

and insert uh cruel statements about legends of podcasting the example we've been using is that uh pete holmes is sometimes exaggerating his laugh yeah it doesn't think not that he doesn't find his guests funny but that a little bit he's he's leaning into it in a way that's yeah exactly and so we say like we we would never say this well that's this. Well, that's not true. We know that's not true. So by saying that, we're condemning ourselves. Like we're losing our own authenticity and we're betraying our audience

because they know we know it's not true. So that's the danger. And so we have to somehow get it corrected. But in beginning this war with Scott Aukerman's AI, he has so many tools at his disposal, especially in this futuristic society. our lower back which uh you know indicates to um does all of society sort of like security robots that they should come and capture us and take our podcast away and and put us in prison um and this sort of gets into rajat it's kind of territory here it actually doesn't close to the asshole part a little no this we have an entire sequence this does not involve you at all yet uh all right well let us know let us know i am i am that's what i'm doing right now i am letting you know he just let

you know and he's continuing to uh they and so then shawn hayes have to flee and they have to get new identities and so they go underground to a couple of doctors secret doctors secret what kind of doctors secret secret doctors who their expertise is scooping out the jewel doctors remember what's my girlfriend doing in your fave five the t-mobile commercial yes you guys remember this yes too young no too young we're millennials and so they scoop out their jewels and they replace they give them new podcasts basically we can like sort of alight over the the details yeah i don't and we we i don't even know if we landed on exactly what podcasts we are assigned i think that in and a little bit we've done some of this work off air but i think that my character sean is now the host of a podcast that starts out um with some legitimate journalism and some interesting investigations into uh topics that uh people

could learn from and the second it achieves any kind of popularity becomes just entirely about his own personality and his often very bad opinions and then it's just conversations between him and his friends who are coming on for clout so uh that's just a type of podcast you can have um and can you give me an example of like what type of pot like what's an example of that type of podcast that i would be well this and and this in the year 3010 it's it's now the podcast that sean has and his name is um uh the podcast name is check this check it out check that out

which one? check this out, check that out which one? one of them is already a name of okay it's okay check that out or wait

it's anybody has anybody checked this out yet okay now that's good because yeah it does sound similar to the names of other stuff so that that name actually accounts for that similarity has anybody checked this out yet and so now sean and hazer like are out back in the world with new identities new podcasts one uh concept that i've been sort of playing with is that they end up at uh beginners beach which is like a beach with no ocean it's just like an endless field of sand where the beginner like the beginning podcast when you want to start a podcast you basically show up and you find a patch of sand and you dig a hole and you sit in it and you and your friend do your podcast in there until you are like sorry i can just i can see these guys

wanting to bring up the idea that a beach with no water whatsoever and infinite sand would just be a desert and that is just so ignorant to me i didn't and it's so incorrect and i could feel them starting to say it and it's like no that's not what we're describing we're describing just a beach no yeah and let's talk about like what like what is this why would they be calling it a beach in 3010 like why would this be a beach to them maybe it's because we actually did too much so we were so scared of the ocean going too much of it that we act we actually uh got rid of the entire ocean yeah Yeah. Well, sand is obviously only called sand

because it's in between the sea and the land. It's a combination of these two words. So even when you remove the sea, it's still beach sand. Right? Because that's why it's sand.

Is that at some point it was between the sea and the land so the ocean being gone now the sea disappearing does it make it not the beach anymore it's still the beach yeah and there's a crab on it which you would never see in new in the desert no way it'd be a snake in the desert yep yep yeah Yep. Yep. And the crab is smoking a funky pipe. Okay. Yeah. Sometimes.

Yeah. He's smoking a funky old pipe. And he's sort of like... He's kind of giving you a hard time. Like, he's busting your chops a little bit. He's kind of like... I've seen that. Hang on.

Let me get the pipe noise. I'm like... and he goes, trying to do a podcast, huh? Good luck. He means it. It sounds like he doesn't mean it, but he really does. So,

Sean and Hayes are, you know, they go to Beginner's Beach and they dig a hole and they're doing their podcasts in there and then these like two other guys like their heads like peek out of a nearby hole and i think the lines that we're getting in this area are like you guys wow you guys are really funny like that kind of like you're noticing us like your fans in the in the same way that like you all basically started your careers by being fans of us and well well well well yeah not so much and uh look well that's that yeah i mean that can be debated but uh you know it's it is a heavily heated talk we don't have time to debate all i would say we

don't have we we have to get these lines recorded yeah and all i would say is look who look who came crawling back to their fans for a second look who came to us because they yeah i guess i still feel like i owe you because i remember doing a show in chicago and jeremy was there for some reason and i'm like wow I guess I'm gonna have to be paying this back for a long time this guy flew to freaking Chicago no no no to see me I guess that's kind of weird

I think Jeremy was Jeremy told me he was gonna sit there like he was gonna sit he was already sitting there and then you guys just happened to do a show I just feel like shit like I just feel bad that i made jeremy cry outside the bell house which was like not ever what i was trying to do exactly and that isn't exactly how it went i and we were actually roasting each other i remember we were trading

we were trading off like going back and forth and you were like you basically were like you know you're not my friend or whatever and i was like you motherfucker like you i don't remember exactly the wording but i kind of i got you back i remember i think a lot of people i don't i don't recall being called a motherfucker i would remember that i write down in a journal every time someone calls me that. But you were also crying really hard. So it's possible that you did. And that I will allow for is that there was so much snot

and other facial liquid just like in your sort of lips and stuff that I wasn't able to clearly identify what words you were trying to say not i guess that's true maybe you didn't say you motherfucker and i did just for the record i did put your guys podcast on the suggestions list for the uh onion festival in 2018 so okay i mean i remember i do remember you not putting us on a list of all your favorite podcasts and influences when you got interviewed

for someone. I guess it's not really an influence if you're just taking the entire thing and doing that. It's just the same thing. That made me understand why you wouldn't put that well yeah why you wouldn't put that on the list you guys read through are you guys like command f like hollywood handbook or something yeah when you is that what you did is that what yeah i i i'm not really into like um

like what the different keys do on the board. Sure. You just free ball it. I'm just here to do my thing. That makes sense. And just for the listeners' reference, we were

one of the top comedy people to watch of 2020. I've been watching watching i'm still watching and we yeah and we were the cutest couple of comedy or whatever yeah were you guys like a cute we can go through all these and then i guess i assume they want to talk about an entire article we can't be cute we're hot Sean's wife emailed me so she said congratulations and she said

Sean's wife fights for our contracts which is kind of cool kind of interesting she would think she's fighting for our contracts and not Sean's and not Sean's yeah

yeah god I obviously and not Sean's yeah yeah God I obviously didn't know about this yeah if she had told me there would have been some conversations happening in my household but I have been away for a while and

when you're gone people change in all kinds of ways that are very strange to you and hard to adjust to and understand when i get back we will have a series of therapy sessions to address the jeremy and rajat issue okay the idea that she would be fighting for your contract and as you said not fighting for my contract yeah is deeply disturbing if it's true it has to be dealt with it's true and she said congratulations to us and she said the boys will be jealous that you got that they called you the cutest uh comedy duo or whatever yeah sorry we're not we're not cute

we're hot yeah we're not we're hot so the and if you do you not also want to talk about the article you did where you just talked about how you ate food oh yeah yeah we were in grub street diet this article where this entire article where they were like we ate this different food some of the food was so nasty a lot of it was fake uh it was like very confusing to read why are they talking about this it read to me as xenophobic as well really oh the way you talked about certain foods seem to be and what what cultures are you specifically italy you think yeah that italy italy italy yeah it was an anti-italian bias yeah the way you like intentionally mispronounced the different pastas, which was a microaggression.

Followed by just the sort of like, you were doing this accent. And I know it was a written article, but you could feel it. It leapt off the page that you did this very offensive Italian accent. And to all my Italian-American brothers and sisters, I apologize on behalf of Jeremy and Marjot because they sure as hell aren't going to do it.

Yeah. We have nothing to apologize for, and we have a lot of Italian ex. You got a lot of brothers and sisters. You have a lot of growing up to do. You said, and let's just say let's just say what you said you ate uh like chinese lo mein and you said this is actually spaghetti this is real spaghetti you had scallion pancake and you said this is pizza other pizza is not real

pizza you bit into an egg roll and you said this is the best cannoli I've ever had. Someone finally got it right. What's wrong with that? That seems accurate. Racially and culturally. We think China's better than Italy. What's the big deal? Is that bad? You look at China's economy.

You call General Tso's chicken, chicken parmesan. You call General Tso's chicken chicken parmesan. How is that not shots fired on the entire nation of Italy and their cuisine? They have their own stuff that's fine.

It's whatever. Again, it's happening. I don't want this to be a controversial episode. None of this iscasters promised by the way sorry which we have a ton to get through all right yes so we're at beginners beach the two the two guys like poke their little heads out it's pretty obvious they've been there like worm guys or something right they're not just guys there should be like wormy like well they've had to give up just a huge like percent of their parts over the year they're almost entirely dehanced at this point yes they're like 85 percent russell hance's clone dna body parts and so they they they they poke their heads out and

they're kind of like resting their chins on the edge of the hole and they're like hey you guys are really funny you know like that kind of like energy so if what you hear of like the podcast that sean and hayes are doing in the in the in the next door hole and by the way sean hayes like are just once again like they're just happy to be like left alone just like doing their thing literally they're doing it now it's kind of like happening all over if people like it great but it's actually very dangerous for us like yeah the fact that we can't turn it off and that us just hanging out is so entertaining to people is putting a huge target on us where we could be recognized and discovered and we're the worms we're the worms we're cute i think i heard cute in the description like cutest you're pretty cute worms yeah i think it's cute yeah I think I heard cute in the description. You're pretty cute.

I think it's cute. It's like a worm version of the porgs or whatever. Yeah. That's great. Just like a cool, cute creature. You're going to be the merch. You will definitely be the merch that comes out of this project.

You and the crab smoking a funky pipe. You have a big snot butt. I mean, you will definitely be the merch that comes out of this project. You and the crab smoking a funky pipe. You have a big snot bubble. They squeeze your doll and a big snot bubble comes out. There's another little worm living in there. Yeah, it's like you press a button in the worm's tummy and it goes like, hey, you guys are really funny. Yeah.

Okay. I can deal with that. So just give us some of those lines. Give us some give us some like you wild line show yeah for sure are you gonna like are you gonna direct us or what yeah we have we are we have and we will continue to do we'll just keep doing no but is it like a you know three two one action or do we just go is there like gonna be a snap a snap slate that is to sync up video with sound yep i know i mean well some people do it for sound this is yeah this is just for sound um right no we've been around the block so we know we're doing um all right rajad you are three i'll direct us because they're not good yeah i guess they're not going to um yeah all right three two one action

hi cut okay i loved how that was actually that was maybe the first purely usable blind that we've gotten so far we have recorded project yeah okay i can hear that this is that is going right i can see it i mean it creates this image for me like i i see the worms i i know the expression uh i loved that i wish you had continued or done anything else we asked you to do only because it was so it it was usable but it was so brief yeah that i'd almost rather not use it because it's going to stick out like a sore thumb. You want us to do one that's longer?

I'd love to have one that's longer. And don't just say hey and hi for longer. Yeah. Which I think you were about to. What I would like is that you say some of the stuff we asked for where you're enjoying our show and you think we're funny. And it's how did you get so funny? When did you first realize you were funny

who are your guys like this kind of stuff i got it got it for sure i think i got it all right and just like i i understand the bit is you like never being able to coordinate your actions between the two of you but jeremy was directing and then rajat said cut after the first line which dga would would absolutely rake you over the coals for that yeah i mean they're not gonna allow that that's that's resulting in a settlement so if we want to try again i love the jeremy director like bit but like uh let's let's stick to that if we can all right all right well we doesn't like uh unions and union rules so but that's okay. I don't think unions are good. But we'll get into that later, probably.

Okay. Well, you like to say, accept civil unions. Yes, thank you. Okay. Absolutely. Okay. You ready to start? Yeah.

Okay. Three, two, one Okay, three, two One, action Hey Hey Sean and Hayes We're fans of Or no, we're We love it

Allow us to introduce ourselves We're worms We're worms, and the cutest worms around You ain't seen nothing Cuter than us Oh hey it's the crab And he's smoking his pipe And it's We're just fans of you guys

Of you guys' stuff but we don't necessarily Do anything that's similar And We just Wanted to say that we like you a normal amount and uh nothing we don't we're it's not it's all good and uh we're just respectfully peers of yours yeah um we got we actually have a bunch of meetings yeah we're gonna have to take those meetings and uh we're really busy but thanks for being in the hole by us yeah and uh we have to go meet with uh sean's wife she's gonna fight

for contracts for us basically okay cut yeah so we so some of that and cut and cut that's and cut i'm the director and and you can, yeah. Some of that we can use. Okay. I'll probably end it before it becomes about my wife. Especially because she's both of our wives in this. So, like, just for canon purposes, she's my wife as well. Oh, so we're talking about IO in this.

Oh. Well, just as we remember what we've talked about so far and like when i walked you through the entire show that yeah sean and i have the same wife in this so like sean's wife is like just a weird thing to say in this context sorry the stuff about like you guys liking us a normal amount and like the sweat and desperation uh coming off you as you said it was so real that was uh that was perfect i love it because what you were the lines you were saying was not the message you were sending yeah no it was it was really cool um you did mention the crab uh who you said there's the crab and i feel like he should probably have a line so let me just get the crab line just clean real quick and then just all right no hey hang on you're not

directing this okay go ahead wait yeah jeremy okay go ahead all right three two one action action on crab they don't have any meetings so that'll we'll plug that in all right and can we do a go as well it's gonna get really long do that three two one

action wow a lying crab crab doesn't know anything about crab wow one of the stupidest crabs I've ever met. The dumbest crab I've ever seen in my life. And he's smoking crack. That's what he's smoking.

Yeah. I think we should be good. Yeah, we can use some of that, I think. Yeah. Hollywood Handbookwood eating better is easy with factors delicious ready to eat meals every fresh never frozen meal is chef crafted dietitian approved ready to go in just two minutes speaking of ready to go in just two minutes, Chef Kevin is here with his new show, The Chef Kevin Factor, where he creates fresh, never frozen meals. Now, this is different, Kevin.

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the cooking and there are 35 different options to choose from every week including calorie smart protein plus and keto which is this it's a little bit of all of them okay okay it shouldn't be there are also more than 60 add-ons to help you stay fueled up and feeling good all day long how many add-ons and what are some of them it's one big add-on and it's you on your bed you're so tired after you eat my meal the promises the meal makes us sleepy you've been pushing that so much you're saying that you will be added on to your bed yeah your bed plus one that's the opposite of what this is supposed to do it's supposed to help you stay a lot of these i know give you a ton of energy they have like smoothies and things like that reservation for two me walking in my bedroom what's the second

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Head to factormeals.com slash theboys50 and use code theboys50 to get 50% off. That's code theboys50 at factormeals.com slash theboys50 to get 50 off that's code the boys 50 at factor meals.com slash the boys 50 to get 50 off be a better you in 2024 with babble the science-backed language learning app that actually works don't pay hundreds of dollars for private tutors or waste hours on apps that don't really help you speak the language and the question that i always get people stop me and they say like hey i like i i trust you i know like you when you endorse a product it's something that you really use and care about but there's one language i'm trying to learn and that's body language so can babble teach me body language? Yes. Babbel now has visual in-person lessons. Part of their quick 10-minute lessons that they do for other languages, handcrafted by over 200 language experts to help you start speaking a new language in as little as three weeks. babbles designed by real people for real conversations and that includes body-based conversations what does it mean when you drop someone off after a nice date

and they turn around at the door and they take their little index finger and they kind of like draw it towards them they're pulling it what does that mean does their finger hurt i wonder if they spotted a spider web or something they're trying to pull down the spider down yeah but i've seen this too after a lot of dates and i need i need and have needed something like babble to figure out what the heck is this person doing with their finger because it looks? Because it looks like an emergency. I know I'm supposed to do something. Or how about those people that stand in the street?

They're kind of like, they've got almost like police clothes on. It may be police. Almost, yeah. And they're standing in the middle. And as I'm driving and I'm cruising, they're holding their hand up for like a high five almost. And they're really aggressively pushing it out. I'm like, am I supposed to drive by a car? Yes.

Or just do it at the window as I'm going. That's what I've been doing. Dangerous. Yeah. But some of these very subtle body language cues have escaped me and many listeners, I'm sure. Babbel's tips and tools are approachable, accessible, rooted in real life situations, which I have all the time,

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Rules and restrictions may apply. With Babbel, we can't promise it'll always be easy, but you'll always be glad you did it. Kind of like this podcast, except it is easy for me. Hey, guys. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills. You can see all your subscriptions in one place,

and if I see something I don't want, I can cancel it with a tap. I never have to get on the phone with customer service. The subscriptions are insidious. They're the scourge of our modern life, and you never realize what you're subscribing to or that you're still being charged. I know that I was about 19 dresses into receiving each one of the 27 dresses from

the movie 27 dresses before i found out how much it was costing yes that they intended to send me by the way you'll this will shock you 54 dresses if i did not cancel and i you know i think also by like dress 14 15 i think it starts to become clear like these aren't the dresses oh no they were not from the movie they didn't resemble anything from the movie they were not they were either way too big or way too small for a human to wear yeah and one of them was a dressing. Yeah. One of them was a... It was a vinaigrette. It was a raspberry vinaigrette.

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an average of $720 a year with over $500 million in canceled subscriptions. And that was, I mean, just to be fully transparent, that $500 million, most of that was the dresses. Well, yeah, I mean, you're talking about hollywood memorabilia you're talking about like ornate gowns you know in some cases and so that was uh yeah that was costing me a lot a lot a lot stop wasting money on things you don't use cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash the boys that's rocketmoney.com slash the boys to rocket money.com slash the boys that's rocket money.com slash the boys rocket money.com slash the boys so then what happens going forward is you two steal our our like our whole thing like our whole bit, basically, and become more successful than we are.

And that attracts the authorities to you. You two end up getting just basically beaten up

so bad. Okay. Because you have no arms or legs to stop us so we're able to plant our glowing jewels into the lower back of the your worm bodies well yeah that we've had them pried out by the special doctors and we've got some like dummy ones in there but then yeah we do this cool thing like where somebody throws their tracker onto like another car at a gas station and then they're they're following the wrong car but we just do it with you guys and they start following the worms instead of the real guys right or they steal them i mean like let's like you know like

that's what would happen it's like the worms would like come in and like steal our conceptual jewels so they would be they would put their mouth against our lower back and suck the jewels out of us. They suck. Okay. Okay. And so, like, I think the lines we'd like to get here are, like, these ideas are too, like, smart and funny for us.

It's, like, making me sick. Like, having these ideas in my head is making my, make my brain is making me sick okay like our brains are basically too small to handle some of the funny ideas you guys have yes yeah okay that's such a great way to say it yeah well yeah we weren't rolling on that um yeah wait so what and what's up with the authorities they They're going to kick your ass. Yeah, like eventually they... And that's what... So if you want to get this at the same time,

just like sounds of you getting beaten up by the authorities and dragging... So this is like a pro-cop? That's what I was wondering. Well, it's you guys going like, we just wanted to be cool like Sean and Hayes. Well, when they're kicking your ass, they think you're kicking your ass they think

you're us the heroes yeah so it's actually not pro cop like it's it's negative but when it's happening to you we actually it's a cool like moral conflict where we don't know whose side to be on because you were trying to be moral cool and smart and funny like us and you're being punished for it which does feel correct but the people doling out the punishment we also don't support them and i think it puts the audience at a very complicated place which art should challenge you in that way it's a moral gray area you know and this it's not like an absolutist project we want people to explore these ideas it's like you guys want to like and you guys know yeah you know guys know rajat is like i'm not white one of the you guys like yeah one of the

what one of the races he's like one of the races and you guys like made the cut you guys like learned that i was one of the races and then and And you guys were like... You guys were saying like moral gray area, like cops and Rajat. You guys are looking at Rajat and going, look at the cops. Yeah, so earlier when Rajat was talking about Hasan Minhaj being racist and how he thought that was bad,

I actually got a lot of texts and emails being like, hey, that that guy do whatever you want to that guy like that really whoa yes like from who from like the like what kind of people from progressives yeah progressives yeah it was you know from the progressive community the biggest one i got all caps was from bernie sanders no no and then right underneath that aoc texted me and said whatever happens to rajat and podcasters promise i'm fine with it and that was from aoc and they were like we thought they were cool because they talked about not liking capitalism in the grub Street interview that really advanced

the movement for us very powerfully but now it turns out that they were we can they were willing to swear off their values by calling races against Dax Shepard really early in the show they were like honestly

at minute 26 of the show when you're just sort of running out of stuff to talk about you're leapfrogging around if you bring up hasan minaj being racist okay but rajat did it at like minute four and that means that he wasn't even like scraping the bottom of his brain pan you know you guys have you guys have kind of turned me around on this i'm all i'm like all in favor of giving money to the police now like you get and you guys turn me around on that yeah you guys have made some really interesting points and that's we should give more money we should explain is in the year 3010 the the police have been transformed and we are not seeing like heavily armed like paramilitary um

basically like uh asshole like white supremacist going out to search for people this is in the future and so what it's usually social workers who are highly trained in conflict de-escalation and are there to offer like therapy and resources but when they encounter you something primal kicks in and so I don't think it's racially motivated they are actually very well trained in capoeira as a dance but

when they see you it's just exercise for them yes but they do use it as a very powerful martial art when they see you like a woke police. Yeah, I don't know. That's not really the word I would use. I don't know.

All right. Okay. So they got it. All right. So now what? They are the PC police, but PC stands for perfect capoeira. Understood. Okay.

So we need sounds of your brains hurting and you being sick and then just like what you would say as the cool police are kicking your ass using capoeira moves. Specifically the one where they get on their hands and put both feet in there.

You know the one I'm talking about. That's like the main capoeira move and they're kicking you in the head with both feet as they go by. For sure. All right. You ready, Richa? Yeah, I'm ready. Three, two, one.

Action. Hi. Hi. okay that was very cute you don't have to say hi again okay okay we got that we got really really good cool all right cut oh sorry cut i don't know if you're rolling alright well we'll try again alright 3, 2, 1, action oh you must be the police that Sean and Hayes

funded hey you guys you guys are here to beat up a minority on behalf of Sean and Hayes? I guess Sean and Hayes really wanted you to beat up a minority today. I guess I'll get beat up because of that. All right. Well, I'll use my privilege to try and step in.

Thank you, Jeremy. Rajat, get behind me. Okay. Thank you, Jeremy. Rajat, get behind me. Okay. Thank you, Jeremy. They'll see my skin and think that I'm an ally when in fact I'm not an ally to them and I'm an ally to you. Awesome. I wish Sean

and Hayes did this, but they don't care about minorities that much. I've heard that as well through the Whisper Network. Hey, get... Yeah, go ahead. You're interrupting the take. I'm getting beat up now. Ooh! hey get in yeah go ahead you're interrupting the take oh that almost hurts so bad i'm so glad i blocked it i'm so glad i just blocked it thank you and i'm so glad i blocked rajat from getting hurt um i just blocked and i just blocked that kick. Thank you, Jeremy.

What else? What else do we have to do? Cut. I think, wait, I think Sean and Hayes wanted my brains to get, the minority's brains to get hurt. We wanted you guys to be feeling sick from the ideas that you were adopting of ours because they were so much further advanced than what you know yeah i guess that part didn't feel i wasn't sure if that felt kind of true to the character okay so your brains were actually too stupid in real life to even understand what we

were talking about no so there's like a realism to that that we tell you what to do and you're like i'm not sure what you're talking about or like what that to that no that we tell you what to do and you're like i'm not sure what you're talking about or like what that is totally no it was more that our brains were so big that it it almost like it's like dropping like a droplet into an ocean where like putting your brains into our brains didn't even like affect doesn't even we have so many good thoughts and stuff that your thoughts only you know whatever said your brains were small i i actually we do think they are huge we think they look like beach balls essentially that they're just giant smooth marbles okay thank

you thanks it's a compliment and they have a little nozzle yeah oh and that they get deflated with one kick of the pc police who are actually good and and help almost everyone that's not what the scene sounded like to me it didn't sound like that but consider the narrator i mean of course that's how they're going to want to frame it okay okay we got a lot of stuff um This was our most productive episode for sure. Yeah. Do you guys have any other interviews? I know you don't do videos anymore, but do you have any other media availability that you've done

that you'd like to share? Yeah. What else is going on for you to interview magazine feature-wise? Yeah, we've got a bunch of magazines. Raj you want to tons yeah we got a lot of interviews coming up uh and again it's like we haven't done that many videos and just the interviews lining up just over and over and how many pod you guys have done like a lot of podcasts, right? I noticed you guys had an interview like seven years ago in LA Magazine or whatever. Oh, yeah. Congrats.

Congrats. I never congratulated you on that. Yeah. So congrats. No, how could you congratulate? I mean, we had no fucking idea who you were at that time. It would have been weird for you to congratulate us. Totally.

We barely know now. Well, I guess you're not online then yeah one of one of the most up-and-coming areas of all media the cutest area too yeah yeah i've had to uh say no to a lot of interviews for the boys because the publications couldn't handle that exposure it would like break their website so we've had a pass on a lot of stuff lately so if we paste magazine would be reduced to actual paste if they ever did a piece on us yeah and sorry that kevin hasn't really been participating i mean like i actually really appreciate you like the professionalism of the two this hasn't been like seamless but like to just like to press on as you can see kevin just sort of wandered to the back of the

frame and just like pound his his couch yeah he just it was like he slowly his his eyes started drifting that way and then at one point he just wasn't looking at the screen at all anymore and then he was sort of sliding his whole desk and chair over so he could be closer to it but he thought it looked like he wasn't yeah and then finally he just did not care what we were seeing and you know his primary urge became the most important thing as can happen and uh it it was really nice of you not to mention it i'm sure he would be embarrassed if people knew yeah well he was texting he was texting us and like he would that's incredible because he didn't appear to have a hand free at any point yeah well when he like he had a few releases where he would like

kind of like slump his body over and then he would get his phone out and text us and be like i mean i guess i could have been talking to siri like he had to mute the sound he was texting you that he was sorry? Yeah. He was like, I fucked up again. I'm so sorry. He was like, I fucked up. I fucked up.

And I said, it's fine. It's fine. Just don't do it again. All of a sudden, I look up and he's like back at it. Bye. Hollywood Handbook. This week on the Patreon, Carl and Ahsan discuss their top five sodas and candies, the boys catch up with Engineer Jordan,

and the Flager Ones are mostly talking all things basketball. Check out the podcast five days a week at patreon.com slash theflagerones. Hollywood Handbook. That was a HeadGum Podcast.