Hollywood Handbook - The ScuzzMan Returns

Episode Date: November 9, 2015

Sean, Dom Dierkes, and the ScuzzMan are reunited in the studio to catch up on their lives and discuss their script "Volleyball: A Real Underdog Story". Also, the Popcorn Gallery return to ask the ScuzzMan some hard-hitting questions.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Jump off the pier. And he says to me, hey, man, let's just go and swim. Oh, no. Oh, man. It was a great week. That was a great week. Oh, Scuzzman. I'm in pain. Well, I can't tell you what a great conversation this has been for me, because, man, you know, just like being in the city now

and just like, you know, you walk down the sidewalk and everyone's in such a hurry, you know what I mean? And they're like, you know, everyone has their big briefcase, you know, and they're like topping pizza dough in the air. That's my New York, unfortunately. That is my New York. Hey, man, I do not like it. I do not like hearing it, okay?

That's not disgusting. I know, and I don't want to infect you with that, but it's just so great calling you and getting a little of your beach philosophy, and I feel like I can sort of carry that with me now as I navigate my way through um through concrete city you know and the taxi cab and all what I'll say for my part is um hearing you get that beach injection uh which I know you so desperately need is probably a hot beach injection yes the hot beach injection but hearing that go on was for me probably one of the best

things i've ever listened to i wasn't really part of the conversation i was just listening and as a thing that you're hearing you i honestly didn't know you were on the phone until right now yes even yes even though i was laughing uh but it's but just for me to hear it i was like this is one of the best things I've ever listened to. It's why I had Brett start recording. Unfortunately, he only caught the very end of it, but I almost wish we had heard the whole story. Oh, yeah, that is. I mean, and I would do it again, honestly, but I have to.

You have to run. I got to go. Scuzz, man. So funny. I mean, hey, dude, I i mean at least you got a lot of that hot beach injection okay and you can call me up any any time if you need more because i know is there a way is there because i know you live in like a school bus on the beach is there any like phone out there or yeah yeah there's a pay phone there's a pay phone. There's a pay phone that I have that I can go to.

It's just a short walk. Just call it. Just keep calling it a lot all the time. And I'm bound to pick up, man. And I'll get you one of those HBJs or HBIs anytime you want, brother. What is an HBJ? Is that a different service that you offer? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I might be interested in that. That's a service that I offer inside the bus. I don't want to hear the whole thing, but can I hear just what the J stands for? The J stands for jerk. Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay, I'm picturing it. Yeah. Well, I hate to keep talking about how great the story was to listen to,

just because our listeners won't be able to hear it, but I do want to say, just the one part where you and Selma Blair were sort of both scaling that, I mean i i don't know how to describe it it was not a machine you know it was like a but it wasn't a building either no you had said it so eloquently and i'm forgetting what you said yeah it was a uh

oh it was just a rock wall a rock wall wall. And when you and Selma Blair were scaling that, I thought for sure there was real danger. And I thought, this is the best story I've ever heard. Hayes, do you remember that part? Yeah, I do. It was the best story I had ever heard as well. I tell it really loudly. And that's, I think, what's the best part of it.

It was very loud, yes. I had to turn down the's what's the best it was very loud yes i had to turn down the volume on my phone because it was disturbing other people yeah that can be the key to good storytelling is like you are creating a little bit of discomfort and that's getting that emotional reaction that we want yeah yeah well i do have to go guys i'm gonna go look at uh the gate oh and oh yes i know that you're going to look at the gates that Christo put up, and I do hope they're still there. Oh, man. He'll put them up, you know, if you call ahead. He'll put them up just for you to walk?

He'll throw them up, yeah. That's nice that he's still living so close. And I hate to keep sort of just bringing up specifics from the story because they're not going to hear it. And obviously you have to run and we don't want you to have to double back. Yeah, I do. I do have to go. Yeah. Yeah, but the part where the squid is fighting with Scuzzman, but then they become friends

and then he actually gets accepted into sort of the squids family and culture did that affect you hayes yeah that was a really special story for me and it almost made me wonder because you've told a lot of similar stories to that one yes and i wondered if maybe you had been unconsciously taking things from Scuzzman's experience. And I'll cop to that. I mean, you know, that did, that did occur to me. Yeah. It may have been a little wish fulfillment on my part.

Some of those stories. It's cool. It's cool. It's a great story, man. Man, I don't fucking fault you for that, man. I mean, a lot of people take my HBJs and my HBIs whoa, getting my radio waves

crossed. You know, a lot of people take my stories and they play them off as my own. I ain't going to fault you. Is this all part of, because I know you offer out of your bus an HBS, which is a hot business school. Is that right? Yes, yes an HBS, which is a hot business school. Is that right?

Yes, yes, HBS. We are in our second semester right now. And there's just no AC on the bus. That's why everything has to start with H. Oh, wow, your second semester is in early November. That's so weird to take. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're off cycle. It's really hot, really hot.

We have a lot of heater fans in there, yeah. They're off-cycle. Really hot. Really hot. We have a lot of heater fans in there, too. And then can you give us just one, and I know you don't want to spoil the school. People have to pay full tuition, but can you give us one business tip that your school offers that you wouldn't find at a business school in a building with air conditioning? One business tip. Don't just shake hands when you're making a deal. Go in for the kiss and hug. Full mouth kiss. That's really helpful. Hey, you can probably use that in New York because there's so many business people there. Ooh. Yes, everyone. Yeah. Buying and selling, you know, and all that. And like the talking on their Bluetooth, you know, you know the city. Yes, no, that is my New York, unfortunately, for better or worse and mostly worse.

But I do have to go because people are stealing the gate. If they stay down too long, people will steal them. They've got some of the gates and you're going to go, I guess, rescue the gates? Yes, I have to go stop the gates from people being thieves on them. Well, just such a great thing to listen to was this phone call from me, and I just am so happy that I heard it. And Dom, you're good?

Dom's not here yet, actually. Oh, okay. Yeah, why did you say that? What? Yeah. I just figured Scuzzman was Dom's friend and he was just quietly sitting. No, no. I mean, I guess they were friends, but now I'm sort of Scuzzman's primary friend.

Oh, okay. Well, that sounds like a good introduction. To what's going to be coming up after the break? Yeah, that could be really useful. Okay. Yeah, thanks, Hayes. Yeah, that's not really the kind of thing I would want to unravel

over the course of interactions with Dom. I would rather just sort of set that up in a phone call with you. Would you rather me just introduce it in one sentence and then hang up the phone? Yes, that would be good. So thank you so much for doing that. And just really great, again, to listen. Bye, Hayes.

Bye, guys. Bye. Hollywood Handbook yeah and then so we both threw our fishing poles into the ocean jumped off the pier and he's like let's just swim man

what what oh Scuzzman that's a really really Oh, Scuzzman. That's a really, really good story, Scuzzman. Yeah. I wish we had caught the first part of it. Yeah. Because I knew when you started.

No, I started recording at the end just because we. Oh, yeah. Now we have to do the show. But he had told it before. It was so good, I wanted you to hear it. Yeah, it's a great story, Scott. What was your favorite part of it? Just the whole Selma Blair part.

Just her kind of inserting herself into this conversation where it clearly seemed like no one wanted to talk to her. Yeah, on the rock wall. On the rock wall, yeah. It's like we're climbing. That just struck me as being a fun kind of like insight into how she is for me having heard it before uh that i i got to pick up on little things that maybe i missed the first time around oh yeah you know of course like um when little stevie uh ste Zandt from Lillehammer, hands you sort of his drumsticks and goes like, hit the skins, my man.

And I had always thought of him not as a drummer, but as a man who played a different instrument. Right. You know? Yeah, but he's a drummer. Yeah, well, that's what i learned in the story and i hit those skids so hard dude you call them skids the skid the skids skids yeah yeah because i've heard them called skins before and i guess i assume that's what you said well i mean i've i've heard that too but i'm not calling them that i'm calling them skin you know was there a part

you were scared oh go ahead oh uh where i was was scared? Yeah. I think the end I found is scary. The fishing poles? The fishing poles, just that they're so discarded. You've been prepped during the story that literally anything could happen in every turn. Well, and there's so much buildup to we're going to use these fishing poles. I mean, so much of the story is you guys presenting the fishing poles to each other. The only reason I felt safe at all is because I know you're here and you're telling me the story.

So I go like, well, nothing that bad happened. But I am going like, well, it's possible that, and I guess he did, like it's possible something bad happened to Gandolfini. Oh, yeah. Well, yeah, something bad did happen to him. You know, whatever. But Dom, you were going to say something?

I'm sorry if I'm a little, I'm just having trouble kind of getting it going for the podcast. I didn't know Scuzzman was going to be here. Oh, right. Yeah. I mean, we, you understand, we had to trick you into coming. Yeah, because, I don't know. I don't know if you're aware of this, Sean, but Scuzzman kind of left me hanging a little bit, buddy.

What? I haven't seen you in months. You haven't responded to my texts or my calls, which I was just kind of chalking up to you lose your phone a lot. I do. You've gone through several star texts. I go through one probably once a week. You're mainly on that payphone next to the school bus.

You didn't try the payphone, Dahmer? Which payphone? You move the school bus so often, I don't know exactly which payphone. You know where the school bus is. You don't go on the Twitter account and see where the school bus is. I didn't. I see this is. I was always telling you to get on social media.

At scuzzbus. At scuzzbus? Yeah, check at scuzzbus, man. All right. Well, either either way it's i'm on social media and i update it frequently that's where you know where i am i mean yeah what's this about man you know no harsh in my shot i i want to have i i want to sit down and have just a fun podcast with the scuzz man where we just talk to him and hear his stories but but i'm too pissed he left me he left me hanging.

He bailed on pitch meetings. We had a lot of pitch meetings to pitch volleyball, a real underdog story. And I show up with – what's that? Is that static? No, that's me just taking a sharp inhale through my teeth just as you bring up volleyball, a real underdog story. Well, because we had, and your notes were great, and Scuzzman kind of set me off to take my pass, right? And that's the last I saw him.

Yes, and we had continually been giving you notes. Yes, I would get emails from a different Hotmail address every week just with new notes. Are you changing your email that often? I change my email as much as I change the location of my bus. Every time. You change it every time you change? I change my email address every time I move the bus. Well, look, I'm sorry we tricked you into coming here, Dom,

but I really did need you to pick up that prescription for me because it really is getting very big and very red yeah so i so that's why i sent you to get those creams and pills yeah it's a combination of creams and pills and i think you put yeah and just the needles put the pill in the needle and i and i inject it into the cream and then i drink the cream so um but anyway I did need that medicine and that's fine. But I also wanted you to be here because Scuzzman have something that I think you'll be pleasantly surprised to learn, which is we, when you were off doing your pass, actually took our own look at Volleyball, A Real Underdog Story. And I think we cracked it. Do you feel like we cracked it, Scuzzman?

Oh, yeah, we cracked it like an egg. We cracked it so hard, man. Like an egg. That's not that funny. We put that in there, actually. That's a joke. And I think part of it. Crack that like an egg is a joke?

Oh, fuck yeah. Yeah, we say it probably once or twice a page in the script just because it is so funny to think about an egg cracking, but we mean cracking it like figuring it out. So you guys are sending me notes for Volleyball, A Real Underdog Story, and I'm taking the notes and taking my pass, but you're taking a separate pass together? You guys are like hanging out? more um uh we ran into each other um at this sort of little uh soiree that was taking place on scuzz man's bus uh i you had a party on the bus i had a i had a back to the future party on the bus yeah i remember back to the future day uh oh yeah because this's 2015. What's the point? 31 gigawatts. Yeah, I remember. The Cubs beat the Gators. 88 miles per hour. Yeah, yeah.

Great Scott. You know. Yeah, that's not as iconic. I don't remember that. Plutonium. So you have a party you're not inviting me you're you're just avoiding me scuzz man it feels like it feels like you guys well one thing is me and scuzz man kind of feel like back to the future is like our movie like we really loved that

movie which i don't think a lot of people have ownership over that you know right like this was like it was like your little secret back to the future kind of like the movie made just for you and your friends yeah just me and scuzz man really got it and we actually think it's a classic contrary to popular opinion i can't believe you're talking about being cozied up to scuzz man so much like that i mean you you hated scuzz man it's a blues riff it and be and watch me for the changes and try to keep up. Oh, from, yeah, because white people really invented rock and roll. Yes, and I love that message that Chuck Berry probably couldn't have figured it out himself because he just didn't have the sort of faculty to do so.

But maybe his sneaky cousin was able to record a white man playing it, and that is how we got all this great music we love. There's a lot of conversations that we have about the movie. Chuck Berry was a dumb idiot. And Scuzzman has brought up this point that maybe sort of the way we celebrate diversity is kind of false. And that probably a lot of the inventions are only coming from one people. You know what? I just want to say, Sean, I'm a little worried about like some –

because I'm just hearing the Scuzzman's opinions coming out of your mouth. And even the way you said Han now challenging me like a brat, like some sort of kind of Bart Simpson type. Oh, I carumba, man. No, he just gave you an I carumba. How did that feel? It didn't feel good. It didn't feel good, Scuzzman.

You're too uptight, Dom. I'm not too uptight. All right, you know what? In these intervening months where I've reached out to the Scuzzman to try to help, like for some personal things too, for some support with things that are going on with my dad. Oh yeah, whoa, that got a little heavy for the Scuzzman. I just sent my dad sick in a text.

Yeah. And then you blocked me from sending any more texts. Man, I don't like to hear words like sick and dad in the same sentence, and it just creates not cool thoughts in my head, you know, and I don't you know, man, that's a one way to get the scuzz man off your side, you know. Well, that wasn't

my goal. Yeah, that kind of seems like you were out of line, Dom. I don't know if that's true, Sean. I don't feel that way. I mean, I hear what I'm trying to say is that I've woken up a little bit to who the scuzz man really is as a person i mean that's somebody who thought was my friend he's talking he's a chill ass mfr with a bad toot and a cool nude he's got a great nude portrait

of himself you have a new portrait of yourself yeah he's got a bad toot and a cool nude it hangs on the roof of the bus and everybody has i don't understand it hangs on the roof of the bus. And everybody has to hear it. I don't understand. It hangs on the roof? It's a badass MF. It hangs on the roof inside. So you can only be seen from the... Oh, it's on the roof inside the bus. And it hangs on the roof, too. He's got a couple copies of it.

But this is... Sean, this is not how you were before. You're wearing a backwards hat. Huh? Don't do this. You're hearing me, okay? Don't do this. You're hearing me, okay? Don't do a bratty. I carumbo, dude.

What? I got I carumboed again. This isn't really a Bart Simpson thing, too. Skuzz, skuzz, skuzz. He's hard of hearing, and Bart definitely doesn't say skuzz, skuzz, skuzz. What? Yeah, he does. You haven't seen the later seasons.

You know, so you guys, what is the point of bringing me here well what is the point of bringing me here if i gave you your medication should i just leave partially it's just rag on you oh no i could rumba no but for real though uh we did want your opinion because we've kind of gotten to a point with our script where we need outside eyes on it and there's a larger discussion to be had about volleyball a real underdog story with regard to ownership um ownership yeah well we'll get into all that but really um what's is this script different like uh you could say that right because man uh it's very different and by the way i've always worn sunglasses and a backwards hat i don't remember that being true but i know that you aren't

normally this tan have you been going to like a tanning bed uh you look very like orange well only in the sense that i put my casper mattress out on the beach and just sleep oh so that i mean that's a tanning bed you're did you get a cast did they send you one because they fuck me man what do you mean dude they're sending them to host for free and shit yeah because you do the apparently i've been reading the ads for nothing that i'm the only one they don't give a shit if i sleep on their thing so So anyway, so you're on a Casper mattress on the beach? Yeah, and look, and the fact of the matter is, if you use promo

code Hollywood, you could get a discount fee, but it doesn't really carry that much weight if I'm saying sleep on it, if I don't even know what it feels like. So, that's neither here nor there. The Scuzzman's bus is lined with Casper mattresses by the way

Scuzzman you know what We're not going to plug them anymore in this episode Okay But lined with them That would be so thick Oh well that makes it soundproof Guys We don't want the beach police riding up on their bikes

Pacific Blue remember Yeah Yeah Mario Lopez Beach Cops. Oh, fuck Mario Lopez. I hate him. Oh, that's right. You guys actually grew up in the same town? Yeah, I grew up

in the same town as Mario Lopez, and I'm often seen... Los Angeles. Yeah. Oh, okay. The city of lights. Well, Mario Lopez was on a TV show that filmed here for a lot of his youth. The way you put it to me was I grew up with Mario Lopez. We both came from the same town.

We both grew up in the same place. I just grew up in L.A. Like, I don't know him at all. Oh, well, then why do you hate him so much? I often hang out on set, like sneak on set at Saved by the Bell, and I sneak into those extra shots in the background at the grove. Yeah. And I just stare at him because I'm so mad

at him. See, this is... Smoldering. Just smoldering. Because of Pacific Blue. You get it. The heat coming off of Scuzzman when he's in that sort of zone just lets you know that there's a real power to him. I can't believe you brought up Mario Lopez, Dom. You should know better, Dom.

Oh, come on. What are you trying to do? Get out of the chair. When I gag like that, you know that I'm pissed. Well, you know what? This whole Mario Lopez anecdote is the type

of thing that I might have found charming months ago, but I put a lot of work into a rewrite. So to hear that it, I mean, can some of my changes be kept? Well, we'll see if there's any room for them. Let's just crack open Volleyball, the real underdog story. And I'll just start reading the very first scene. Exterior, beach. exterior beach the uh dude is on the beach the scuzz man dude and he's looking great as always uh shane uh shakes off the sand from his trousers and gets up off a mattress of no particular brand

he walks over to where uh weenie d is is trying to play volleyball with Scuzzman But secretly Scuzzman doesn't like him And there's all, it's just a prank on him That they're even being friends at all And really Shane is the one who's friends with Scuzzman And they don't like him Weenie D finally begins to speak And he sounds really bad

Alright, I'll read Should i read for weenie d i'm sorry uh-huh oh scuzz man you beat me so good in volleyball i and and and my my little weenie hurts so bad from you spiking at that one time. And Shane's cracking up. Yeah, get out of here, you stupid idiot. I don't care that your dad is dead from cancer. Okay, I'm sorry. Do you mind if I stop here? This feels like a good, what?

What's up? I'm referencing my dad's cancer. I mean, this is what I wanted to talk to you about. You got those text messages and used them. I'd like to say, for my part, that line is not in the script. Scuzzman just improvised that at what is essentially a table read. I never wrote that. As much as I'm largely on Scuzzman's side, I never would have been okay with writing that.

Okay. Okay. No, no. Sorry. It makes me feel a little better. And if you could just read the line that's in there, I think it's mean enough as is. Sorry. I'm just, you know, I just was just a little, just a little upset, but you know, I'll keep

it together. I'll keep it together. No, Scuzman hates when people talk about anyone being sick around him, unless it's just that they've got a sick motorbike. So, um. Oh, do've got a sick motorbike. Oh, do you have a sick motorbike? No. You know that he doesn't.

You know I don't have a sick motorbike, Cousman. I was just hoping. Guys, this is very similar to the script. It just feels like this is made to shit on me. Well, what do you mean? How is it? It's kind of basically what was there, almost. It's the same main characters. It's the same setting.

A little bit. of basically what was there almost it's the same main characters it's the same setting well i mean i know that this is kind of since we last since we kind of went through this script on the podcast last time i've had a little bit of a change of heart about some of these stage directions that that you are so fond of scuzz man uh-huh like oh you mean scuzz man's ultra realism is that what it is is it ultra realism yeah that Yeah, that's what the critics have been calling it. Well, which critics? This has been opened up to the critics? We've had a lot of other...

You're not the first person to read it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've had a lot of other critics read it. Nussbaum? Nussbaum read it? Nussbaum read it. She's going nuts. Loves it. Okay. Nussbaum read it? Nussbaum read it. She's going nuts. Loves it.

Okay. Uh-huh. And Greenwald read it. Greenwald read it? What did Greenwald think? Okay, he thought that it had some issues. All right.

Well, I'm kind of siding with Greenwald here. Okay, well, hang on. You've never sided with him before. Well, here's what I'm saying is there's a lot of things in the stage direction

that, like, how are we seeing this? Where it says, like, Scuzzman doesn't like Weenie D and thinks he's a loser and is only hanging out with him. These are just things that you're writing in the stage,

but how would we see that in the scene? Well, hang on. Well, let's get into the scene more a little bit. Okay, all right. All right, fine. I won't go off script like I did before. Well, nice shot. You're really bad at volleyball.

Hey, ha ha ha. Now I'm Shane here and I'm the one with my arm around the honeys because remember last time it was I was not the cool guy, but now I am in this script. Oh, thank God you're here, Shane. Scuzzman is loving what Shane's doing, and Scuzzman is really looking at him and knowing that they're friends, and Weenie D was just getting tricked

when he thought they were friends before. Shane, can I have one of your honeys? Okay, and so, and Weenie D wants one of the honeys, and he can't have it, and now this will be dialogue from Shane. Uh, how about no? Yeah, honeys are just for people who like to scuss.

Ow, that wave broke my leg. Good. Thought, Shane. All right, guys. See, this is an example of what I'm saying. What do you mean? Good thought, Shane. Like,. See, this is an example of what I'm saying. What do you mean? Good thought Shane. Like that's a novel.

That should be in a novel or not a screenplay. Like you're never going to see that. What does that look like on screen? Tell me what you see. Oh, probably. And, you know, people can't hear it, but what they would see is sort of a smirk like this. Yeah. All right.

I mean, that does convey it it but that's just because of your acting like that's a lot of lesser actors but how would you know what's that how would you know that unless you read it wait isn't that making my point for me no no no not at all okay you just don't get the ultra realism you have to read it I guess yeah i mean you can't just watch it what scuzz man has really taught me about film is that many times it doesn't reflect our real life and where i had had notes on the 10 page nap in your original draft we've now extended it to be closer to 42 pages because that is how long a nap would take.

I was seeing that. I was kind of flipping ahead to some of the other, I mean, one thing I will say about this scene that we just read is I don't think that the viewing art, like it kind of directly references a previous draft of the script. You don't think that's good. I just don't think people will understand. I think people will need,

but it sounds like there's a plan in place to have people reading along with the script as they're watching this movie. That would help. That would very much help. Ideally they've read the old draft before they start watching it too and then they're reading the current draft while they watch it. You're not allowed into the movie unless you've read the old draft.

It's a fully interactive experience and that I think is the future of film. You never said film this way before. That's a Scuzzman thing to call it a film. Well, you know, I've created my own term. I've created a lot of my own terms, and film is one of them. You know what, Scuzzman? I used to love hearing you talk for hours about the difference between film and film

and what it meant, but I can't stomach it anymore. You never absorbed it, dude. We'll be filming it on film. between film and film and and what it meant but i can't stomach it anymore and we're not i never absorbed it dude we'll be filming it on film we are not shooting this digital because we can tell the difference and we need the grain well digital looks about as good as i mean it's just a production thing it's just you what oh sorry but come on you know know that's BS. Now, I just remembered, because, man, I have the cash that you wanted. Oh, Sean. Oh, good.

Wait, wait, what's this for? He really needs it. No, Sean. No, because he got jumped by some of the beach cops, and so he had had a bunch of cash that he was bringing. You got jumped by beach cops? He told me that same story, Sean. And he borrowed $500 and I never saw it. And in the back of my mind, I knew this is what he does.

He only gave you $500? Well, now we know who the true friend is. How much money is in that envelope? $225,000. Oh, what the... Thank you. Thank you, man. Yeah, those beach cops took that much money from you.

He's going to get me back. He's good for it. Hold on. Because he's actually going to... He knows where those beach cops took that much money from you He's gonna get me back, he's good for it Because he knows where the beach cops keep their stash Sean, just think about this story that he's telling you He's telling you that a bunch of beach cops A bunch of officers of the law jumped him And took over 200 grand That he was carrying on his person

Yeah, well it was for, he was gonna pay rent On his bus location No, but think about that, there's no way that that's that much money. First of all, he parks on the street. There's no rent, right? The sand. What's that? The sand.

You roll the bus under the sand now? You put the bus on the sand. Well, no wonder the beach cops. So the beach cops are probably responding to that. Oh, no, man. So you're saying you do believe the beach cop story. I'm saying that maybe he got in trouble with beach cops, but they didn't steal hundreds of thousands of dollars from him. Just think about it.

I just don't want to see him drag you into the same hole. Let's see. Who am I going to trust? My friend Scuzzman or the guy who's clearly jealous of me and Scuzzman? I know the answer to that. What is it? Scuzzman. Yes.

And so while I appreciate and I'm using quotes with my hands. I've learned that from him. The quotes. Yes. And we feed off each other. I mean, look, guys, the script's really good, okay? I'm not going to sit here and say that it's not really freaking funny and that the jokes aren't on point. I just wish it wasn't so personal. I wish there wasn't. Well, let me get just to turn. And so this is

just the next thing that happens in the scene. And I think it's kind of a cool moment. So Shane looks out at the sunset as he did in the old draft, but this time he inhales deeply smelling the ocean air. It brings him back to his childhood, the scents and the memories. Smell is the sense most closely related to memories. Scents, S-E-N-S-E, not S-C-E-N-T-S, which is what he was saying before when he said the scents of his childhood. He remembers curling up close to the vent where the dryer steam would leak out when his mom was doing a load of laundry and the smell he would inhale so deeply and how he desired to be closer to it somehow. It was a smell that was at the same time thrilling and frustrating.

How could he have more of it? It wasn't like smelling a pie where you get to take a bite or even the perfume of a woman where you get to take a bite. Can I just stop you because because i just am again looking ahead and this this scene goes on for another 10 pages well he really likes the smell yes but i i i think it's worth considering that there's that maybe on screen it might just read as a guy looking out at the beach for 10 minutes and you have no idea what he's thinking. I don't know about that.

He's time traveling. I mean, it's inspired by our love for Back to the Future. Remember? Yeah. Get your damn dirty hands off her, you know? Yeah. So it's kind of like that. He's time traveling through his nose because the smell makes him remember being a child and

curling up next to the vent where the steam from the dryer was. I didn't realize we were going to be seeing that. No, you don't see it. You can't see it. We don't have the budget. You just read it. Because, man, you don't even own a computer. What's a computer? No, I had to do a lot of the physical typing.

See, this is what he does. He makes you do all the work and then he takes ownership over the idea himself. Speaking of ownership, I do think it's fair because I did so much typing that my name is on the script. Because this is so different from your initial draft of Volleyball, a Real Underdog Story, which is still a great title,

despite the fact that we don't see any volleyball get played in this current iteration. Yeah. Because it is so different, Weenie D, I do think that you should... Just being called that now in my life. It suits you. We do think that maybe it doesn't make sense

for you to have your name on as a writer. Whoa, you want my name off this entirely? We broke this whole story. You know what? I was looking at this scene, skipping ahead a little bit. Do you mind if we just jump to it? Sure, anywhere you want. This scene that takes place on the cliff overlooking the beach

where the Scuzzman is holding Weenie D by the throat over the cliff. Oh, sure, let's jump to that scene. Fucking do it, Scuzzman, just do it. I'll sign whatever you want me to sign. It's too late, you little twerp. No, the script's yours, Scuzzman. You screwed up, Weenie D. You should have just given us the script when we wanted it.

But now this is what you get. Oh, no, I'm peeing all over me and the people on the beach below. That just proves that you were never a man. Now get ready to eat rocks. Yeah, go see your dad in hell. Wait, let's punch him around a little bit before we drop him to his death. Ow! Good.

Give me that money, too, you owe me. Give me that money. Shane is thinking how thrilling this is and his adrenaline's really going. Hey, what are you doing with my dad's dead body? Scuzzman is also starting to think about how much he likes this. Oh, God! Oh,

yeah! You're jerking off on my dad? Yeah, let's finish off on it. What the fuck? Guys, guys, I'm not reading this anymore. What's up? What's the problem? What's the problem? I can't read this anymore.

Are you fucking serious? Two things that were missing from your old draft. Action and sex. This scene has both. Yeah, look, it sounds exciting. There's a lot of stakes to the scene, okay? Just from an academic screenwriting perspective, it's all there. Okay, but personally for me, it's hard to read this stuff.

Well, and I think we hear a lot about how there's sort of a double standard with nudity in film and that women get exploited and you don't really get to see big juicy man meat blasting all over another dude. And and so we thought let's strike a blow for equality but on our terms exactly ma'am we're responding to those audiences concerns you know what do you mean they're passing the boccadale test or uh um bad damn boccadale yeah he tests every movie if there's one or more Daily Show correspondents. If there's one or more Daily Show correspondents and man meat just raping a dead body. See, this is –

Well, you saw the – Well, that's – yeah. Well, yeah. I think it's a stretch to say that this is a gender issue, that this was trying to confront some sort of male-female gender. I would at least hope that you cop to the fact that this is directed at me and that this is almost an intimidation measure to get me to sign over the rights to the screenplay. Why? Just because Weenie D in the script is humiliated, gets jerked off on, and then murdered because he won't sign over the rights of the script and he wants to involve the WGA like some kind of fucking weakling? Yes. Yes, that's exactly.

I don't see the parallel. No. Scuzzman, do you? No, not at all, man. No. No. You don't see any parallel. My dad has cancer.

That's what I'm texting you about. That's the big thing going on in my life right now. You guys right now, I think, probably want me to sign over the rights to the screenplay. Agree that I won't arbitrate with the WGA. Just like a similar document to what Sean made me sign for the 75-25 split we have in our salary. Now, this may

seem odd, I guess, that I was so against Scuzzman bringing up your dad in the previous scene, but that I had written him into this later scene. Yeah. But the reason I was upset that scuzzman improvised that about your father is only because it's supposed to be a reveal in the film i thought that we've used him to leverage you i hear i thought it was moral outrage on my behalf yes i understand why it maybe felt that way at the time but you just wanted to slow play with the podcast

going into that area that it just seemed a little too kind of ghoulish even for us but that's not the case because i wanted it to be even worse later and that is why i was upset and i just want to make that point now because yeah at the beginning it seemed like you didn't want anything in the area of cancer and dad. To me that's not even really a joke. That it's just like dark and gross for dark and gross's sake. But actually I just thought there was a more effective way to do it which is

that I guess we are turned on by your dad's dead body which we've dragged out to show you when we're holding you over the cliff by your throat and masturbating on you. And we wanted to be clear that what is arousing us to the point where we are capable of just splooging under your face is that we have your dad's carcass next to us on the rocks at the edge of the cliff. And you were just upset that Scuzzman kind of tipped that.

Well, it's not a good storytelling, And Scuzzman, you know better. He kept wanting to introduce that line earlier. I'm sorry, man. I'm just really excited about where we've taken this script. You know, I'm just like, I mean, it's just been with working with you. Yeah, we cracked it open like an egg. Yeah, like an egg. Why is that a joke?

We didn't get to that joke. Don't get it. Oh, no, we didn't wind up saying it in the scenes that we read but it is on basically every page and usually more than once yeah we just skipped over that we just got lucky I guess yeah we sort of cherry picked the scenes

to somehow avoid that well look I mean obviously you guys know I'm not happy about it but if you really want me to sign over my claim to this screenplay, I will. Oh, geez. I guess

Scuzzman, we weren't even thinking that, but Scuzzman, would you be cool with that? Yeah. You weren't even thinking that? No, I haven't even had that idea, but Scuzzman, if you're cool with that, I guess we even have that idea but Skuzzman if you're cool with that I guess we'd let him do it yeah I'm super cool with that man

I mean cause I'm it's kind of oh Skuzzman here's the keys to my place wait no hold on

thanks dude yeah it's just he's been having some issues with the bus and there's no AC and he's actually got this really cool condo lined up

but it's being renovated he doesn't there's no condo yeah no there is no he showed me a picture of it it's luxurious he's actually got this really cool condo lined up but it's being renovated. There's no condo. No, there is. He showed me a picture of it. It's luxurious. He's going to bring homeless people back. Well, sure. Okay, he admits it right here.

You're okay with that? He never hid that from me. And they won't be homeless at that point because they'll be in my place. They'll just be guys. You've got to be extra quiet because my dad will flip out and he used to be a cop. Oh, Sean. Yeah, man, I'm cool.

I'm cool. And he'll take it out on me if you do anything to the house. That's cool. One thing you've got to know about this guy is my mom's love him. Dad's hate him. That's like a big quality of his, okay?

And so you don't want him around your dad. Is your mom there? Oh, no. No, we don't know where she is. We haven't established it yet. Oh, wait, that's right. It's just hard to care when I'm drinking this great new Gatorade that's Guzman turned me on to. What kind of, what is that?

That looks like a very faded bottle. It's very thick and it's just like makes me feel, I don't know, loose and free. And I don't have to question his motivation so much when I take a big old swig. No, that's that purple. That's purple drank. Oh, what? That's that purple drank, Sean. That's codeine and cough syrup.

That's that scissor. Codeine and something else. You're getting rated. Oh, well, I guess I feel good. I mean, I mean, look, let's just be honest. I'm on one. You're on. I'm on one.

Oh, like the song? Yeah. I'm on one. You're on... I'm on one. Oh, like the song? Yeah. Yeah. On one. He's faded, dude. Well, look, guys. And he's on one. Sean, I really hope...

Sean, I want you... I think sometime down... In the very near future, you're going to regret these decisions you're making with the Scuzzman. I want you to know you can always call me. The Popcorn Gallery. It's time for it. It's the Popcorn Gallery, it's time for it.

It's the Popcorn Gallery. It's a segment on Hollywood Handbook. Sean and Hazel, the viewers ask the questions in the dinner, man, because the movies is the reason and the sun and I got pretty far in it. So it's time for the Popcorn Gallery. And Dom, I didn't quite hear what you were saying because I was just pulling up some of these questions we got for the scuzz man so uh and dom uh did i did you get the sound drops from mark can you reach into the popcorn bag and get those for us uh yeah yeah okay here we go

love having my assistant here And then was it on a train? Yes, that's right. It was on, it was, the popcorn was on a train. And so Mark didn't record anything where he reaches into the bag and finds anything like normal this week? Oh, do you want, do you want the reach in the bag? Oh, we will have more than one question. So if you've got one of those, just have that queued up.

That was just finding the popcorn bag on a train. I can do the reaching into the bag later. Okay, so first question. This is from Chicken Giblets. Hey, Scuzz, if you were a bumper sticker, what bumper sticker would you be? Oh, that's a good question, Chicken Giblets. I think I'd be the one that said, That's a good question, Chicky Giblets. I think I'd be the one that said, hey, man, your honor student is chilling with the scuzz, man.

Okay, and that's interesting. Now, I have seen that bumper sticker a lot. Yeah. But why do you feel like that encapsulates you? Well, it's just letting people know that being an honor student is stupid. So just chill with the scuzz man. Why is it stupid they get to chill with you? No, but like, yeah, but it's like saying that don't be an honor student. But they are an honor student and they get to chill with you.

That's what the bumper sticker says. Yeah, you're chilling with the scuzz man is a reward. And bear in mind, you are that bumper sticker. Yeah, I'm the bumper sticker. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it says, hey, man. Hey, man.

Your honor student is chilling with the Scuzz Man. Yeah, but he's not an honor student anymore, is what I'm trying to say. He stops being it? He stops being it. But then why isn't that information on the bumper sticker? I mean, you're the bumper sticker. Because he's chilling with the Scuzz Man.

So is the bumper sticker almost like informing parents that their honor student is where they are? Like no longer an honor student? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not a bumper sticker almost like informing parents that their honor student is like where they are? Like no longer an honor student? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not a bumper sticker you put on your car. Should it say your former honor student is chilling with the Scuzzman? No. Or your prospective honor student because maybe they never achieve honor student status because of the Scuzzman?

That would make sense, but then it wouldn't be a bumper sticker that I would be. Okay. Does that make sense? I actually finally connected to it, and I think it's a great answer, and I'm glad you are that bumper sticker. Can we get another question from Mark's Sound Drops, please? Sure, sure, sure. Old popcorn. Out of the bag.

So that was kind of a guy muttering to himself as he's getting popcorn yeah yeah he's surprised to find some and then he gets it out on the one hand these seem simpler than usual on the other hand they make more sense like they're hard they're they're hard to wrap your head around a lot of the time and they require so much work that this is just like yeah it's the popcorn gallery and he's just like muttering himself while he eats popcorn which if there's gonna be any dialogue that i get it scuzz man uh this is joe larini he wants to know could you beat mega man in a fight oh joe whoa the fucking age-old question man um he really tripped you out with this he really did you know i've battled this question uh a lot of times many nights sleepness nights on the bus sleepness nights sleep this night what do you what do you consider like the last night's full

of sleep sleepiness means nights full of sleep to you. Yeah. Like it's not a restful night or a sleepful night. It's a visit from the sleep-ness monster who sort of envelops. Oh. You believe in the sleep-ness monster? He envelops Spellman and sort of like. Who is Spellman? Yeah.

The sleep-ness monster. Spellman is what Guzman named his bus. Yeah. So he envelops the bus and helps Guzman rock to sleep. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you, Sean. So anyway, while you're sleeping, do you beat Mega Man in the fight or no?

No, man. He blasts you with a power pellet and you just get blown away? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He also has like, he just gets more of his face and he just keeps throwing those lives at me. That's what I've come up with as I'm having one of my sleepiness nights. Okay. Without even doubling back, do you want to do another sound cue? Sure, sure.

Yeah, he has one more. Just play a drop for Mark. Yeah. Okay, okay. Okay. And it's out of the bag and we'll just let the sound drop play for a minute I'm coming to bless her now. You know I'd like to believe. So Mark really outdid himself with that sound drop. Legally, I don't think we can,

although I would have really loved to hear the chorus because Mark really can sing that song. And then maybe we can sing the chorus after this. Skuzzman, this comes from Anastasia Vigo. What's your ideal Sunday look like? Well, basically, I'm just, you know, I'm always naked. I walk outside. Usually it's my bus, but now it's going to be your place.

You hear that? He's going to be naked. Well, bodies are beautiful. We're all free. Go to the farmer's market and buy a couple of vegetables. Still naked? Still naked. Scuzzman's taught me a lot about these boundaries

we create around ourselves via clothing. That is just like, because who wants us to do that? The beach cops? Is that who makes those holes? Beach cops and Mario Lopez. Those guys want you fully clothed. They'd have me in a fucking snowsuit if they could. Have they said as much to you?

They've said that. They've said that? They've sent a snowsuit over for you to wear? They've sent one to me. And they're like, wear this or we're going to take your money. Oh, God. And that's the argument that led up to you losing 200 grand? Exactly.

They took my money because I come out naked on Sundays at the farmer's market. Oh, man. And now I have to loan him just because society is unfair and I got to cover him with it and give him some of the cash. Thank you. Thank you for – Oh, and did you still need my car after this? Oh, yeah. He doesn't have a license.

His license was revoked. Yeah, by who? The beach cops? I think so. Or was it the highway patrol? The beach cops. The beach cops took your license. And the highway patrol at the same time.

Well, he drives the bus, and that looks pretty good. Sean, I just— The bus Spelman. Yeah. Spelman bus. Yeah, Scuzzman drives Spelman around, all right? And it's great, and it's where he lives, and it's charming, and his stories are wonderful.

Don't let that blind you to what he's doing. He told me that a lot of the dents and stuff in the bus are just from beach cops trying to wake him up with a sledgehammer when the sleep nest monster is cradling him. And that's why he had to put all those Casper mattresses in the walls, or mattresses of no specific brand. Oh, yeah, did you get sent a bunch of Casper mattresses in the walls or mattresses of no specific brand. Oh, yeah. Did you get sent a bunch of Casper mattresses?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They sent me like 12 of them. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. So anyway, he's fine to drive, I think. He's proven that. Guys, I just want to say, aside from all the personal my personal kind of hang-ups with the screenplay aside it's it was really good well okay i i think that's great and and we're gonna do one more question i don't know what it is yet i'm gonna look but i literally read three of the

first four questions that were submitted and it made me wonder if maybe i was going for convenience over quality sure but honestly they were pretty good maybe the megaman one was a funny question but really there was no good way to answer it or at least not one that i heard um so uh let's start looking um okay that one and I'm reading them This is kind of okay So we'll do one more sound drop And I'm hoping that it's the chorus From that song

Just because I am so fucking juiced up to hear it to popcorn and he tied it in with even the popcorn gallery so this is scuzz man tell us a little bit about your life when you were just a scuzz boy oh man well i grew up on a commune in the hills, in the Hollywood hills. And, you know, I was just a free bird pretty much, just running around. And I'm always struck by how many song titles do come up. When Scuzzman describes his life? Yeah, when you describe your past. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, Freebird. You were like a freebird walking around. Yeah, you told me that you were a freebird. You told me that your dad was a southern man. My dad was a southern man. Which is interesting because I think those songs... And that you were raised in Sweet Home Alabama.

Yeah, yeah. Exactly, yeah. Right. They're all kind of connected. We would always take crazy trains out to the ocean from that cove. Yeah. And, you know, just swim with sharks. That's a lot of my –

And swim with sharks is – Is a movie. Yes. Okay, great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, a lot of my... A lot of my vacations...

A lot of my vacations... A wasp just flew into his mouth. Jesus Christ. Can we close this window? No. I got him out. I got him out. I ate him.

Okay, so you were saying? Bees make Scuzzman stronger. Ah, yes, that's right. But what do wasps do? Wasps are not bees, and it's a real sticking point. Oh, no. Oh, no, you shouldn't have eaten it? Oh, no, wasps are bees.

Well, we'll find out. I think they make me even stronger. Okay, and he's looking pretty fit right now, so he must be right. So this was a great experience. Dom, did you learn anything? Do you want to leave our listeners with a lesson that maybe you took from this? I guess my lesson is if – I guess my lesson is it's important to kind of detach yourself from your emotional reaction to a piece of work like this screenplay because if I really do that and if I really separate myself from all the dad stuff and everything like that, I have to admit it's pretty good.

Just a fine piece of storytelling. Well, it's an HBS. It's a hot bitch in screenplay, and that's what Scuzzman always calls these. It's a great film, yeah. And it is confusing that hot business school and hot bitch in screenplay both have the same abbreviation. Oh, I've never heard of hot business school.

What is that? Yeah, oh, right, because you of Hot Business School. What is that? Yeah. Oh, right. Because you were not here for. For what? There was a discussion before where some people thought maybe you were here silently. But in fact, you weren't here. No, no.

So you guys were talking about me in the room before I was here. What? Just setting up why I'm here? Kind of, yeah. Mostly we were talking about my hot business school. Which I'm not interested in. And is there one more business tip you want to give out? I know that normally people have to pay the full tuition.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But for the listeners, and thank you for those questions. They were pretty tight. Cool pause. I always have to pause before I say phrases that I've copyrighted. Or even just a word. Or even words. So, yeah, another business tip that I'm going to give you.

Hey, if you're going into, uh, make a business deal with somebody, just remember, keep a little bit of diarrhea handy. Hmm. Handy. I think I just put together everything you've been saying. Do you see it now? Yeah, it's weird.

It's like my eyes are open for the first time. Yeah, well, you just shot up right in your chair and the sunglasses leapt off your face. I've been on that scissor all time. Think about what he just said. Think about what he just said with the business school, that his business tip is to have diarrhea nearby. This is the guy that, like, how can you possibly be on his side of any issue? That can't be good advice for business.

Hey, man. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on with your mind right now, dude? No, hold on. You're letting him stay at your place. There's an envelope that you just handed him with so much... Hey, don't listen to him man drink this

drink this no don't drink it Sean what was it let's party baby hell yeah anyway thanks for listening like us on Facebook talk about us on the forums

go to iTunes review us on there everybody go do the thing. Hollywood Handbook and welcome. And the pro version goes to, we're going to just find somebody right now. And Wheeze the Gravy gets a pro version. And they get a catchphrase from Scuzzman that he gives you to keep now. Pause. Pause. Keep rocking. catchphrase from scuzz man that he gives you to keep now pause

keep rocking in the free world okay so that's your catchphrase now and that's i can't believe he came up with that on the spot um and uh yes uh bye bye Hollywood Handbook is brought to you by Wolf Cool Productions a subsidiary of Calvin and Hobbes baby that was a hate gun podcast