Hollywood Handbook - Thomas Middleditch, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: December 15, 2014

Sean and Hayes discuss the holidays in L.A. with a new version of a classic segment: "You're Doing It Wrong: By Ho Ho Hove I Think Eggnog It". Then, TV star THOMAS MIDDLEDITCH is in the studio to talk about Mike Judge, the nerd takeover of comedy, working with Martin Scorcese, and what happened behind the scenes on Splinterheads. Also, Gmail Roulette brings a sneak peak into Thomas' celebrity life.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. tower you know like a palm tree just doing like a free climb yeah uh i undo the cap it all comes out and then it's like so long drought oh because that is like we we needed this for so long and it was like it was right there it's right in we already have the water and i'm saying this too yes because people think that like the animaniacs live in there or whatever that was like the whole legend or whatever but it is it's just a water tower. And the Animaniacs, if I know them, it's like Yakko's just going to be surfing on a big wave of water, so it's not like it's going to hurt them. People were afraid to let them out, but even if they are in there, they were nice.

They weren't scary. Well, they cracked me up, yeah, and educational too. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook and Insider hey welcome to hollywood handbook and insiders guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet linebacker hallways of this industry we call showbiz do you want to do it because increasingly was i doing that a lot yes you for for the first probably 40 45 times i did it you would just mouth it along yeah i mean that's what i meant i mean that's that's just a way for me to keep time. In like an excited way,

but it sort of made me think like you wanted to do it. Like you were showing that you could do it and that you wanted to try it yourself. Oh, please, I could never. Well, because increasingly, you have been doing it along with me. Oh, please, I don't need, and that's your thing.

I could never really. Was I doing it out loud? I mean, was I getting it right? Yeah, I mean, you were sort of mumbo. I couldn't really hear. Well, just say, if you ever want to do it, just say you want. I mean, I would, because I think you're so good at it. I mean, if you ever were like tired or something, I don't know.

I mean, I don't know what the scenario is. Your voice is horse because i would like to try it but i don't want to take away you doing it okay i don't think i should be doing it instead well you're saying like you know because sometimes i am tired sometimes i come in here and i just think like god i mean i want to do the show i'm excited to do the show but just like the procedural stuff just like the it's dotting the i's and crossing the t's for me. So honestly, if I did have someone to do that for me,

I would, Oh, I would actually appreciate it. Gosh. I mean, if you think I could do it, yeah. You want to try it for this one and we'll just,

we'll play the song and you can kind of get ready and, um, and then you can do it. It's silly. Oh, you know what? Let's do it. Okay.

We don't use it. We don't use it. It's Sam. Can you just do the song again? Yeah. Do you have any questions? Like, just before you... Shh, shh, shh.

Okay, sure. Sorry, just not being rude, but... Yeah. Shh, shh. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. There we go. Hi, everybody. Small, small, small Here comes Hayes and Sean Hi everybody, welcome to Hollywood.

I booked this with Red Carpet Line. Did you want me to start it? Okay, no, no, no, you were fine, you were fine. Hi everybody, welcome to Hollywood. I'm Red Carpet Line. This is... Okay. This is... Okay. This is the...

Let me just do it slow and just do this. And do the song again just one more time as a leading. Okay, but before you do do the song, we do usually, and if you want to do it a different way, I actually think that's fine. Usually we wait until the end of the song. The finish. Totally finished. Usually we wait until the end of the song. To finish totally finished? Usually. Great. So far.

That's just how we have done it. Great. Run it and when it's finished, I'll do it. Okay. All right, good luck. Hey, stop, stop. No, just back, just the end. Can you do just the end? Just do the end. Just the end. Okay.

I didn't mean to come in that. No, it's fine. And it'll help if you just do the end? Just do the end. Just the end. Okay. I didn't mean to come in that... No, it's fine. And it'll help if you just do the end, then. You'll know that as soon as you don't hear anything anymore, then that's when you can go. And more casual, huh? Does it feel like I'm nervous? No, no, that I actually... Hey, everybody, welcome to Hollywood Handbook, and it's an insider guy to kick butt.

You're so excited, I think. Too excited? Check this out. Oh, hi, everybody. This is the Hollywood Handbook, and it's the insider guide to kicking butt drop names. Oh. Oh, all right, yeah. Oh, this is Hollywood Handbook.

The insider's got a kicking butt and you drop the names in the Hollywood Handbook. I keep getting back to the beginning. Yes, that is a problem. You circle back around to the beginning. But it's the end you were doing before, so I think as long as you can just get to the end part, you'll be fine. Yes, it's the Hollywood hit okay so just and we don't need the song

Sam so it's and so it's just I come in not as excited but maybe not as casual as the last one I don't need to be no thank you Sam very much we're done with that and he screwed it up twice and so what we'll do is

and what we'll do is this time is I don't need to necessarily be surprised that they're here or anything. And I just... And I noticed I think the way you do it is kind of it's not thrown away, but it's... Well, it is energized, but also in sort of like a casual way.

And I'll make it my own too. Yes, of course. Please don't feel like you have to do it like I do it. And hi, everybody. Welcome to Hollywood Hand, and I'll make it my own. Yes, of course. Please don't feel like you have to do it like I do it. And hi, everybody. Welcome to Hollywood Handbook and this is Insider's Guide. And hi, everybody. Welcome to Hollywood Handbook and Insider's Guide to Keegan. But how do you do that transition?

Well, first I've got to say the and at the beginning is really nice. I actually really – I may do that. The transition into the second part. Insider, yeah, the Insider's Guide. I guess it's just saying the next word. And hi, everybody. Welcome to Hollywood Handbook, the insider's guide to kicking butt, dropping names in the red carpet linebacker hallway of the industry we call... I can do it better.

I know I was at the end, but I feel like I'm swallowing some of it. Do you feel like I'm missing some of the... You do know the last word? Oh, yes. Okay. You feel like I'm missing some of the – You do know the last word? Oh, yes. Okay.

Because you knew you were at the end and you just didn't feel like saying it because you thought you could do it better. Yes. I don't want you to be able to use that one because I know I've got a better one. Okay. What is the last word just before we do it? Of the whole thing? Yeah. I'm afraid if I say it, you'll just plug it onto the end of that.

No, I promise. I promise. I promise I won't. I promise I won't. I just want to make sure, you know, so that when we do it next time, that we have it all out of the way

and that we know that you know every word. Okay. And you want to hear me say it now? Yes. The last word by itself? You don't want the whole lead in? No, just,

and this is just for practice. Because I got the beginning too. Yeah, I know. And then we'll do it all at once. This is what I want to avoid, going all the way through it again, and then you say the last word, and we find out that you don't know it. Oh, that's not a concern at all. Okay.

I definitely know it. Okay. Yeah. That, no way, is going to be a problem. Great. Hey, everybody. Welcome to Hollywood Houndbook, the insider's guide to kicking butt-dropping names in the red carpet line back hallway of the industry we call Shark Bites.

Okay, it's showbiz. Shirtbiz. Showbiz. What are you saying? I'm saying showbiz. So that's for next time. We have a great show today. We, like everyone else, we love when the holidays come around,

and it's a special time to be in Los Angeles, although I do miss seasons. It's just such a nice thing about living in other places. You get the leaves. You can go fucking crazy here because there's no way to mark time, and I love this city. Time passes in a crazy way and you're like it's one long day backwards what what like what month are we in and you do it is easy to forget because you can lose your fucking mind in another place if you want to know what month it

is you look at a tree or you look at the ground and there are little clues that can tell you. Or you literally just ask your dad and he has like a calendar, but he knows if it's right or not because what nature is doing. Yes. And so when I ask my dad, he does have a calendar, but he doesn't know what nature's doing. If it's right. So he can't tell if he's turned the page or not.

Right. Because ultimately a calendar is only, because people forget this. It's only if you remember to turn the page on the right. It's only as good as its pages. Yeah. Well, yeah. No, yes. No, what you're saying is actually more to the point.

Because if you forget to turn it at the right time, it just becomes paper. Forget it. No, it is. Or it has a picture, you know. Right. Of Lamborghini with a... Sure. I'm just saying, I mean, you know.

A hot rod with a hot bod. Sure. It could be anything. Yes, it could be anything. But at that point, then it's just a nice picture. Yeah. You know, it's just a nice picture to look at. It doesn't have that purpose anymore.

But anyway, we love, it is the holidays and we looked on the computer and we love Christmas time around Los Angeles and one of the really special places that we've talked about in the past that does some really exciting stuff for Christmas is a place called The Grove.

But what we've noticed is we go to The Grove and we see the people walking around and doing their shopping and you just sort of get the impression that maybe they're doing it wrong. So this is a segment we call You're Doing It Wrong by Grove I Think I've Got It. And it is a holiday

edition so there must be a way to... You're Doing It wrong by grove. Like a stove, like a hot, warm stove and like a winter house. I was hoping it like, if only the word wrong, like if only wrong or doing like, like rhymed with like bells or like. Did you hear what I said?

I ho ho hove. By hove. By ho ho hove. By hove? By ho ho ho. Do people think that's a Jay-Z thing, though? Well, no. Not if you said it one time. You have to do all three. By ho ho hove, I think I've got it.

I think I've got it. If there is a better one, Well, let me try. Can I try one? And I don't know until I hear it out loud. Yes, sure. By grove, I think I gnog it. Okay. Well, I think try. Can I try one? And I don't know until I hear it out loud. Yes, sure. By Grove, I think eggnog it. Okay.

Well, I think mine is better, but I can tell that we're not going to move on unless we do yours. Do you want to do both? Yes. By Ho Ho Ho, I think eggnog it. And so it gives you a little bit of a picture of what we're talking about. So we don't have a ton of time for the actual segment. No, but we could just do a couple of short tips on how to do the Grove, I guess. One thing is this fountain.

Yes. Yeah. The fountain. Yeah, we did talk about it last time. But not in the same way. So that's a really dangerous thing because it is different now. Yeah. And so that's a really dangerous thing because it is different now.

Yeah. Because Christmas music is playing. And the water is almost kind of dancing to the music. And it's doing like a dance movement, although it's water. But there's a brain of computers that puts the water spouting in a dance style. And so don't tell anyone. Don't go tell anyone what's happening. That's part of it. That's part of what's supposed to be happening.

And the fountain's not going to freeze just because it's Christmas time. So please don't try to skate there. And please, go see Santa Claus. Yes. Santa Claus is there. Get in line for Santa Santa Claus. Yes. Santa Claus is there. Get in line for Santa's village. Yes. But be careful when you sit down because sometimes you think it might be Santa Claus,

but it's actually the map that like shows you where to go in the mall. Yes. Well, and there's a lot of things that could be Santa Claus that are not. Don't sit on any of them. What I like to do is I'm going to ask six or seven people nearby, is this Santa before I sit down? Yes, and you should ask him too if he is.

And if it is him, he has to tell you. Otherwise, it's entrapment. And also, when you do go to sit down, do it really slow. Don't jump down. Yeah, don't go fast because it could be somebody dog. It could be, oh, yes. And a lot of times, there's no good ending to the dog scenario because if it moves, whack, there goes your butt. Yeah.

If it doesn't move, squawk. That's the sound a dog make, and I know that doesn't sound like a bark. Or sometimes if it's a really big dog, suddenly you're being carted away on the back of this thing, probably chasing a cat. Oh, running all crazy and bringing you God knows where. Mm-hmm. And you better hope it's a nice dog.

Yes, they do have white dogs, for your information. So you think, oh, a fuzzy, a white fuzzy thing your information so you think oh a fuzzy a white fuzzy thing well that can be a dog because it must be santa's beard but it also can be a dog well because of the science breeding that the way they're breeding now yes just and for shows i mean it's one of the reasons that i won't eat yes and factory mill these puppy mills too is where they're doing that and i just think it's disgusting. Anybody who buys a dog, if you purchase a dog. It's worse than crime.

When there's dogs to be rescued. It's worse than crime. If you're doing that, let me have a message for you that I say right now, and it's on the podcast. You don't do that. Is that clear enough? Or do you need me to say it again? And I hope you don't. So that was You're Doing It Wrong by Ho Ho Ho of I think Ignogit. We have a really great guest today. Thomas Middleditch is here. You know him from Silicon Valley, and he must have done some other stuff. I'll look that up.

And he's coming on right now on Hollywood. I remember him being in a Twix commercial. I won't be able to look that up. It just won't show on his page. Is there anything else? Thomas only did a lot of commercials. Okay. on his page. Is there anything else? Thomas? Oh, he did a lot of commercials. Okay.

We can just talk about this show. Just Silicon Valley? Do you think that's okay? Yeah, he must have done some other stuff. Oh, he's in that movie, The Campaign. Oh, great. Okay, who is he in that? He's like one of the townspeople that Galifianakis is friends with.

That's great. That'll be really good. He's like a shop owner. That's perfect. Okay, let me write something down for that real quick. Okay, that'll be great. Okay. Coming right up.

It's going to be really good. On Hollywood Handbook. Hollywood Handbook. Hey, Earwolf heads. It's Earwolf Man Jack's nephews, Sean and Hayes, here to talk to you about the store, the internal, the Earwolf store. They didn't give us any ad copy this week. Yes, it just says

we have to record an ad for Earwolf merch. And it doesn't say what the actual ad copy is, but we can just do it. I think they have a shirt that says Earwolf. Yes, and it's got a picture of a pirate ship.

Right. It's like something random. Or like a Professor Blastoff probably, like some business there. Yeah, they get listens. So, yeah, and there's probably like a fucking hat or something. Like, don't they have shit like that? Yeah, I think there is a hat in there. www.earwolfmerch.com

Earwolfmerchstore.com Yeah. Go to the Earwolf store site, click merch, and then click purchase. Yeah. And it's divided into sections. Shirts, hats, store. Shirts, hats, shoes, pants. Merch.

Fish and gear. And they're selling the stuff from all the shows you listen to and some of the ones you don't. And it's got pictures on the shirts. So everybody, buy merch. So I turned to Tipper Gore. Yeah, yeah. And I go, oh, Explicit Lyric, Lord Angle. a tipper yeah gore yeah yeah and i go oh explicit lyrics lord airing me because she i mean at this point i've been listening to her fuck all night through the wall you know she said some pretty

wild shit and her plan to like get rid of all the other fucking noises so hers can be the best because she wants to be number one it's that competition that's in her hey welcome to hollywood names in the red carpet linebacker hallways of this industry we call showbiz corker corker corker of a guest we have a corker of a guest and a real hot one and he's really gonna blow your fucking hair back it's thomas Middleditch. Hi, everybody. Thomas. Hi, guys. I just got back from visiting my good friend,

John DuPont, his gravestone. Love the man. John DuPont? John DuPont of the Foxcatcher organization. He was a good personal friend of mine. He used to drive me around in his chopper, and I'm so ashamed that they've spread all those lies in that filthy, filthy film.

And do you like wrestling? Yeah, I do. Actually, I share a passion for wrestling on the mat and off. High school? High school wrestler? Mm-hmm. I think by my build, it's fairly obvious. Weight class?

I wrestled 220 and above. Middle weight? Wouldn't that have been so interesting? Yeah. If you were middle weight. A lot of coaches said, are you sure you don't want to go featherweight? And I said, no, I want to take on the big boys. And I made regionals.

What's your signature move? I like to do the chest slap. I like to do the hand hold i'm getting scared just hearing just imagining the chest slap just i like to grit my teeth at them and say you can't you can't okay and that's mentally pretty devastating yeah i get in there i get in the minds i can't imagine i'm trying to do something and somebody grits their teeth says you can't i go well, I don't feel good about even trying. My confidence is shattered. Thomas, you're the main star of Silicon Valley.

Can I congratulate you on something real quick? AV Club, best of TV of the year. Silicon Valley, not top 35, but they did the list of the best things that didn't make it on the list. And A.A. Dowd did give you guys a shout-out for his favorite thing that wasn't on the top 35 list. This is that nice. It's always good to make a sub-35 list. As long as you're on a list, you're good.

And that could mean you were 36. It's entirely possible. Which is only two spots behind The Leftovers, which is a famously really good show. Well, that's number one in the 36 to infinity list. So we beat out everyone else. That's right. Yes.

Pretty good. And what's it like working with Bad Judge? He's kind of a tyrant. And he's a really effeminate guy. That's the one thing that I was pretty surprised at. He wears a little gown a lot. Yeah. Yeah.

I was disappointed. I was kind of expecting a macho. You were expecting a masculine guy. Well, like a Texas guy, a root-and-toot meat-eater guy. And like overalls. Yeah, sort of strong but silent. But he's really loud and a bit abrasive. Yeah, I would have wanted to see him spit terbacchi

and make that little pa-ding sound. No, he's a he's kind of like a paul lynde incarnate he's uh he his favorite thing when he likes to take he'll go cut unbelievable and it's really it's hammy it's a it's a bit much yeah that seems over the top can i say a thank you because your tv show that you're doing is finally something that is showing real nerds like me on TV

and making us the heroes and aren't nerds taking over and isn't it bully's time to get in the backseat and aren't we really ruling the world now? Yeah, I mean, we're hacking into the mainframe of society. Yes, isn't that true yes but in the funny time as well in a funny time um it's always a two-form measure of comedy

yes that's not my time not my time i said my time okay it's a little slow not my time remember okay right because of the drummer movie little. Yes, and not Birdman, but the other one that featured drums. So you must see a lot of movies. You're coming in here with all kinds of movie references. Do you have Oscar fever? Is that diagnosable at this point? Because you're talking about Foxcatcher. You're talking about the drummer movie. Yep.

I'm talking about Big Hero 6. I'm talking about... I'm talking about Big Hero 6 I'm talking about I'm talking about He's almost out of movies I'm talking about Birdman I'm talking about Inherent Vice

Which I haven't seen Me neither and I'm excited even if I hate it And don't you think that maybe you caught Oscar fever because last year you were having a scene in an Oscar movie, Wolf of Wall Street? Oh, yeah, I remember. Marty Scores comes up to me, says, Tommy, baby, I need you to do me a favor.

And I was eating a frozen yogurt at the time. I said, Martin? I haven't spoken to you since Janet's wedding, Jackson. And I looked at him. I said, are you sure you want me in your film? He said, you're the only person that can save it.

I've got Leo tanking. I've got Jonah tanking. I need a good guy with a good fishbowl routine. And I've seen your act and I love it now because you saw my one man show it's amazing how well it translated

to the big screen that's what I've always said theater goes to the big screen like two steppers in a step routine is it true that when he approached you the studio had watched a cut and they had said, this is five minutes and one comedy bit short of being really something special.

Yeah. And I said, you know, Marty, I've done all my art house. I'm kind of in the biz for Benjamin's now. And he slipped me one. And he said, I know this isn't SAG-AFTRA, but don't tell the reps. So he gave me a little bonus. That was the entire pay at that point. Yeah, but that's very nice.

$100. Nothing to sneeze at. Thomas. Yes. Missed on the Goldie nod this past week. What a nightmare. How did that feel? You wake up at 5.30 in the morning.

I wake up. I set my alarm for 4.15 because I like to sort of just accept the day and brew my French press, which I have a little smidge here in my thermos. Yes, I was smelling that. I was smelling that before. I wish that were part of the silliness. This is real. And anyway, I love a good French press.

And, yeah yeah I was waiting I was just refreshing on Hollywood Reporter Variety TMZ yes because you were considered

if not a front runner at least a dark horse I've been a dark horse all season and I don't know I just wish they'd let me ride

I am working on a piece called Goldie Nod and the Three Snubs and I'll tell you you're number one yeah yeah I know well you know it's it's Papa Snuff you know well what first season eight episodes you can only do what you can do and I don't know if there's it really is mostly about number of episodes, isn't it? Yeah. We're trying to compete with people who have 22 episodes. Doesn't seem fair. No.

Some of them are even twice as long as yours. Yeah, hour long 22. There's so much on screen more because the all the time they get to do yeah it's not fair and and i want it to stop and this if any reps if any union reps are listening let's change the rules guys should we go over the people who did get nods and you can talk about some of the things that you did that were more interesting than what they were doing yeah sure let's sling some mud. Do we know any offhand as I look them up?

Oh, probably Jeffrey Tambor, right? Oh, boring. Hello. If I wanted to see that, I'd go to my show. Yes. I have a cross-dresser show, a drag show. Yes. That I put on every Sunday. And that is not the Goldfish Bowl.

There is a Goldfish Bowl in this one, too. Oh, I have eight one-man shows running simultaneously now, all at the UCB Sunset. That new space is beautiful. It's so good. I love the gorgeous ceilings. They're so tall. Great for a Q6.

And the sound, yes. Great for a Q6. Very good. I like to hear myself, then hear myself again, then not hear anyone else. Yeah. My favorite part of it is that somehow they've soundproofed the audience, so you get very little reaction.

They might be laughing, though. Or it might just be a shitty show. It's hard to say. But, you know, regardless, I just want to perform in deafening silence. Okay, here we go. Complete list of nominees. Luck be a lady tonight. Have you thought about doing musicals?

Well, I'm just a musical person constantly. Lady Tonight. Have you thought about doing musicals? Well, I'm just a musical person constantly. How about these Pitch Perfect movies they're making? Ooh, can't get enough. I can't get enough of the Pitch Perfect, and I can't get enough of Hunger Games. Big fan of both. Those are the big two for me as well.

And the dream would be to combine them. If, just picture, Hunger Games, little cat, kit, what's her name? Kit Kat. Kit Kat, little Kit Kats, shooting her little bow and arrow. She's running away from all the other bloodthirsty teens. And she's singing. And then she watches it. Buddy, you're a poor man. Give her no government.

Give her cause she's gonna burn some cake. Got blood on your case. A green pink cake. You know, all that. Yeah, that's better. That's better than either movie. Yeah. Why can't we run for president of Hollywood? I have the list. I have the list.

Louis C.K. and the show of the same name. What do you think of that guy? Hack. William Macy in shameless william hoosey in what's less don cheadle in house of lies now he is okay now be careful what you say like ronnie beetle in i've got pies okay i think that is going a little far because he is funny as a comedic performer for me he's number one which is not to say you haven't been nominated but as far as when did I laugh so hard I couldn't

breathe it was probably watching House of Lies it was probably something Don was doing and another guy who I do think is pretty good Ricky Gervais and Derek. You have to give it up for that performance, don't you? Being like a dumb guy. See, you're laughing right now.

You're just like thinking about it. No, I'm just. And isn't it time? It's brave. You have to be very brave. Isn't it time again to start playing a retarded guy? Yes. I'm just glad someone... For laughs.

The way he kind of like slaps his chest with his hand. I'm just glad someone took that note from Tropic Thunder to heart and said, no, you do play full retard. Right? And it's working. People like the show. People like the show. We got a Goldie nod. Olay, people like the show.

Okay. He's doing it. I got them all. Elaine, get out. Man, Elaine, that's great. And then, this is a psychic, so this is not for the podcast, but... Ah, yes. Well, he's doing a Kramer move.

Doing the old spin. I'm getting buzzed. Who's buzzing you? Jane Fonda. She says, where'd you leave the keys? The monster in law. Unbelievable. Okay, and he's doing Mike Judge.

Yes, my impression of Mike Judge as Paul Lynde. Should we play a game? What are we talking here? Is my sound on? The sound has to be on for this to have the effect I want. Okay. What we do, so we play this rap song, and then we do a thing where we have your Gmail up,

and we're just going to scroll through it on random search. And whatever comes up, you have to read that email. You have to read it no matter who it is or no matter what it's from. And can I say it beforehand is usually you're going to land on one, you're going, oh, guys, can I do another one? Do I have to do this one? And we've discussed it, and you can't. Yes, it happens to be one of the rules that you're not allowed to do this one and we've discussed it and you can't yes it's happens to be one of

the rules that you're not allowed to do a different one okay okay so do you want to hit the search button yeah i do okay okay well it's gonna make some pretty crazy noises when it starts shuffling through all those emails trying to find which one to land on. Okay, let me do it. Bleep. Why don't we just hook around that neutron star? Dad, it was you. Please, sweetie, the watch. Time is one thing we haven't got.

It's a big wave. I'm sorry, it's for humanity. I thought I could do it. I thought I could die here, but I just can't. The dust. Okay, so we found it landed on the email yeah uh it's just from oh i don't want it to you have to thomas you have to read it you have to read the whole email from kevin costner at gmail Good. Yes. Very good. I know what this is about.

It's from Kevin Costner. Subject. Subject. Subject. Subject. Fun party last night. Oh, that's what the email's about.

That's what the email's going to be about. Hey, I, I'm excited to tell you that I really enjoyed the, that selection of vegan cheeses. I host, I host these vegan cheese parties. Oh, yes. That's a polite introduction that he's excited to tell you that's nice yeah um a couple regrets i'm sorry i got so hammered okay well that's understandable it's a party and um tell sammy

sammy okay i think we have a guest at who that might be it's not davis jr Sammy Sammy Davis Jr. It's not Davis Jr. He's dead. Sammy Hagar Watkins from the Buffalo Bills. Sammy Hagar Watkins that I'm sorry I tore his blouse. It's sort of a Mr. Brooks move.

You see him at these parties he'll just go into Mr. Brooks sometimes. Yeah, he's a Mr. Brooks move. You see him at these parties. He'll just go into Mr. Brooks sometimes. Yeah, he's doing Mr. Brooks. Commit atrocities. Yeah. And I know this is out of left field, but can I get Jim Jarmusch's phone number? Is that a Field of Dreams joke out of left field?

I hope so. Is he referencing? Yeah. Let me just write him back. Is that a Bull Durham joke that he's doing now? Go fuck yourself. Oh, so this was unreplied to. And you really didn't want to read that email.

That was from four months ago. Love Jarmusch. Let's talk about Jarmusch. I love how everyone in his movies is having a good smoke. Just having a nice, interesting smoke. They're going... Just having a nice, interesting smoke. They're going... I like how it sort of feels like maybe he doesn't know what he wants to do yet when he starts shooting it.

Yes. It's a journey. It's always a journey. I'm figuring it out at the same time. Is there anything more daring than being confusing? Thomas? Absolutely not. What are some of your favorite Jar movies?

I like Winter's Bone 2. Get me out of here. That was good. I was happy that he allotted the sequel. That was so nice. We did a pass on the first Winter's Bone. Oh, really? You did Punch-Up on Winter's Bone?

We did sort of an original, a different version. It was about Edgar Winter. And it was about... Oh, it was kind of a Nick Frost character? Or Jack Frost? Nicholas? It was kind of a Nick Thune? It's kind of a Nick Thune type?

Sort of a Nick Thune type. Okay. You know what the note was? Nick Thune. He's kind of a Nick Thune type. Sort of a Nick Thune type. Okay. You know what the note was. Too Thune. I'm so happy. He's a charmer. God, he's so good looking. Yes.

I'm happy to see him. He's got a great look. And that little car. Big guy, little car. That's what I dream of. You know, it works. That's what I dream of. Big, cool guy.

Little, kind of fucked up, stupid car. Yeah. All rooting for him. Did you see Bad Johnson? I didn't see Bad Johnson. I saw Good David. Good David. That was nice. About a guy who turns into a nice penis instead of a mean penis.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember reading the script for Bad Johnson. Yeah, so I think a lot of people read it. nice penis instead of the mean penis that Nick Thune is playing. I remember reading the script for Bad Johnson. Yeah, so I think a lot of people read it. I mean, I think it was just available to be read. People were sending it around. Now, Sean, you had an experience with Bad Johnson, right? Well, that happened to me.

Oh, yeah, this is based on your life. Well, I was only listening to my penis and not my heart or my brain and so i made a wish on my birthday and when i'm blowing the candle on the cake ice cream cake mint chocolate chip yes please and i'm making the wish, and I go, I wish my dick would become a mean guy. Now, Nick was on the show, Thomas. How do you feel about that? Do you think you're doing better than he did or worse? I've listened to the episode. I can guarantee you that I'm doing better.

I feel sorry for him. I'm sorry he's having such a tough time. And I wish him to get well soon. Isn't that nice? Sorry, Nick sorry now i feel like a jerk for roasting him nick um and everybody else when you do a movie like splinter heads um you'll learn a lot you learn how to sort of you learn how to take a tape measure put it up to your eye and how they get focused and you learn that hollywood is a tough game because you can have as critics would say the best movie out and i think 2008 and not and get snubbed to talk about snubbed and snubbed a lot yes um i showed the tip of my penis through wet boxes in that film

i gave my soul that's what gave it the title yeah i gave my soul to brant sirson the director and just i don't know and it kicks you it kicks you and didn't you feel like then all of a sudden this adventureland movie comes out yeah and it's another heartfelt carnival-based film coming of age. I don't remember how much of Eisenberg's penis I saw. Oh, I can guarantee you zero. Here's the thing. When we wrapped Splinter Heads, we all looked at each other, and I remember saying to Leah Thompson,

who is from Back to the future and a million other things um back to the future too and she and i said to her i said sweetheart i think we did it and we hugged and then i turned around and someone had on their phone they said they had a trailer of this adventureland movie and, well, that looks like dog shit. Jesse who? Yeah, Huzenberg. And it turned out that that made over $80 million. In merchandise revenue, because they did all the

toys. Yeah, you could get the Ryan Reynolds cool carnival guy toy. You could get the green army jacket on this. Kristen Stewart. I learned my lesson. Her fake head that you could kiss. You could get the green army jacket on this. I've learned my lesson. I like her fake head that you could kiss. You could get the toy big star record that you could put on your record player. It doesn't play because it's a toy. So I have a first generation 3D printer, and I am making Silicon Valley dolls for free.

Get to whet their appetites. Get them hungry for it. Then they need it. I'd like to buy the one of the babe oh you are bad the one babe oh yeah why aren't there any women on the show there is there is one people here's what pisses me off so everyone's going sounding off being all mad like why is there no women watch the show there's no women number one there is one woman number two there's a freaking guy who's not a white guy yes and it is like people are just

ignoring that don't you agree he's not a white guy yeah it's like what do you want he's one of the main guys on the show yeah he's literally one of the main guys he's even got he's got a silly accent yes he comes from a silly place his name is silly darnoosh something like his name's old gargamel since gargamel i mean and now it's like they're moving the chains on on you you know we're like well at that at that point you do one nice really nice friendly thing like that and then they say oh now we want something else well it's give them an inch i always say give them an inch and they're gonna ask for a whole female thing yeah i just feel like i'm on strings and hollywood is the puppet master yeah and i'm tired of it i've never been in a more

controlling environment than working with home box office now hayes hayes bot is this what you want is this what you're asking for? Is the sound on? You got to turn it on. It's getting over. Okay. This is the Popcorn Gallery Thievesog. This is a segment that we do where we get questions from the listeners,

and that's the popcorn. And then we ask you, the gallery, about what the questions are. Oh, I can't wait to fill up. See, that's... What a good attitude. Yes. We have so many people go into this. I'm hungry today.

I've only had two eggs and a piece of toast. Yes. So many people go into this full, like proverbially full, and they say, I don't want any more popcorn. Oh, no, I love it. I crave it. It's one of the few things us veg any more popcorn. Oh no, I love it. I crave it. It's one of the few things us vegans can eat unless there's butter on it.

And do you have a food blog? Yes, it's called help.org. Front slash contact us. Yes. It's so sad. Did you say front slice? I just want to make sure people know so they can get to the website. And there's backslice.org.

Front slice, contact us. I'm in a tech show. I'm in a show about hacking and coding and programming. I know what the key is called. Well, let's reach into the popcorn bag. And maybe Thomas would like to eat some when front slice back slice arrow arrow uh half big c well sort of lazy c and then there's a hard c uh you got tic-tac-toe um up there's loop-de-loop yeah loop-de-loop so you're looking i can see you

looking at that i just i can't i don't remember them. Those aren't my lines. I don't have them memorized. Okay, well, I just want people to know in case they thought you were some kind of computer genius. I remember I have a line from Splinter Heads. It goes... I remember it goes, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

She's into me. She's a b-b-b-b-b-b-b-babe. Rachel Taylor yes dream I remember we we high-fived what's uh what's what do you got

yes we're reaching into the popcorn bag and we're pulling out a question for you and take your time because it's gonna take me a while to find a good one there are some that aren't that very good that doesn't surprise me this town is full of not good oh it's a computer chip so to explain a little bit about what just happened for you is we have my friend mark from high school records these sound drops and that's what you just heard and we always we sort of tell who the guest is, and then he records he's reaching in the popcorn bag. Oh, yeah, fine.

And then he pulls out something, you know, hopefully relevant to the show or the guest or that's just kind of fun to think about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then that will represent the question, and then Hayes will ask the question. Oh, okay. And can I say, when he says computer chip, it seems like, we should clarify this for him again. It seems like he thinks he's reaching into a bag of potato chips and that he's making a joke about how it's a computer chip instead of a potato chip. It's popcorn. Okay.

The name of the segment is popcorn. He keeps getting confused and thinking that it's chips. I did talk to him. But I am glad to hear that he's feeling better. He is feeling better. He was sick last week. Check your email, guys. Thomas, this is a question from CorpseFuckerShitLord.

Holy Christ. Is that real? It is. Just don't think about it. I love tapping into the elite of the internet. Now, let's go. I find that it's better to just read the name and just pretend that it's something nice and just not even think about what it could

possibly mean. Okay. Question is for Thomas Middleditch. Okay. And it's you claim you're a big time nerd because you're on the IT crowd, but how do I know you're a real nerd like Chris Hardwick and not just a faker? And this is a very good question. And if you get the answer right, you get it. Thank you, nice man

food lord. Yes. Okay, this might answer your question. Okay. I was at a party with my date at that time, Haley Joel Osment. Points. And I remember being- We'll do this around the horrid style.

Yes. I remember both of us being seduced by a very inebriated keanu reeves you just finished um jack reacher and jack reacher to john wick and we were all getting along great and i remember i wake up face down in a hot tub. Oh. Chlorinated water in my lungs. And Keanu had taken Haley away from me. So I don't know if that makes me a bully or a nerd.

But I think maybe here's something a nerd might say. Do the math. Yes. I was waiting to see how this would connect with you proving that you were a nerd and i think i just did it yes do the math bicycle bicycle and that's when they're sort of they're up in the trees and the kids are savagely sort of trying to chop down the tree to get her an evil robot bee is yeah yeah and she's only got her... She's only got one arrow left, so she's like,

I want to ride my bicycle. Yes. It's... Because it's all Queen songs. Oh, yes. Yes. It's sort of a Queen revival. Well, yes.

In Midsunger Games. It's like... It's sort of like... And just because there is one already... Yes. I was going to say, people think that just because there's been one Queen jukebox musical... Yes musical that we can't do another one tied to the Hunger Games.

So they have We Will Rock You and we have We Will Shoot You With Our Arrow. Yes, and we've changed some of the words. At least of We Will Rock You, we changed the words. For Bicycle, we're sticking pretty close to the bicycle thing. Yeah, there's no rules. We can do whatever we want. Yes. It's there's no rules. We can do whatever we want. Yes. It's make-believe.

Okay, do we reach back into the bag? It's real. Oh, it's a bar of code chip. Okay, well. Well, you got the note afterwards. Well, yeah. It isn't really, yes. Well, sometimes he does seem afterwards. Well, yeah. It isn't really, yes. Well, sometimes he does seem like he's anticipating what we're going to say,

and he's sort of doing it in real time. So in this case, I feel like he is choosing to ignore us because he thinks that his version is better. I'm thirsty. Can I have some of that hand sanitizer? Yes. It's very potent. It's all old hat to me, sweetheart.

I think Cody was drinking that for a while, and it's really sort of melted his brain. Yeah, I get it. Okay. Oh, God. So many of these questions are about just a play on your name. Are you in the middle of a ditch? Yes, that's right.

That is something that a lot of people did. LOL. You and Darren Lindsay from elementary school. I'm sorry. That is something that a lot of people did. LOL. You and Darren Lindsay from elementary school. I'm sorry. That's not a name drop of anyone famous. He's my bully.

He was my bully and I love him. Well, you owe him a great deal of gratitude because the bullying and the nerdy. The bullying and the...

Okay. That's right. And he's doing a director. And the nerd and the nerd. The bullying and the... Okay, and he's doing a director. And the nerd. That's part of my Fishbowl one-man show. And you can't see this, but he's molesting a small child. Well, you can see it every Tuesday night at UCB Sunset. It's nice that you have so much more room now to ride the model train all around the room.

So much farther. It used to be on that little stage. It wouldn't have the same build that it does now. I tackle all the hot topic issues. There's a Woody Allen scene. There's a Cosby scene. I do it all. And please don't laugh if you're at the UCB Sunset show

because it screws him up and he loses his place and I have to start again I've done a six hour show once I assume your Cosby scene is him not doing anything wrong right?

oh yeah no it's him doing some hilarious the kids say the darndest things routine I have a bunch of kids well leftover from the Woody Allen bit

what is a good question? people used to at least just look the person up on Wikipedia and that was lazy and they would come up with some little detail and be like you were in this but now it's just not even that now it's just them being offensive okay how about this one

this is sort of similar to something we've talked about but this is interesting question from Mr. Middle Ditch from Match Game 72 who would win in a computer fight you or jesse eisenberg and it is interesting how you and jesse have been sort of we've been rivals for a long time these parallel model trains i've never met the guy i've just heard the rumors yes you know that he's a terror and that right but it's because you listen like if you think about it you did splinter heads and then he did adventure time and then you did your smart show and then he decided to do a smart movie.

Yeah. But he's always lagging behind a little bit. Yes. He's always after me. Yes. Isn't that so true? The only interaction I've had with Jesse Eisenberg is one time at a Kings game, we were accidentally sat next to each other, because there's, you know, there's those celebrity rows.

Yeah, yeah. Sean, do you want to listen to this? I was looking for a good question because I feel like I remember one, but now I'm just going like, no, none of this is good. Oh, no, I have one that I think I like. Okay, give it to me, because I ask the questions. Well, it's just the one right above the corpse fucker shitload question that you asked the first

time, and I thought that was kind of funny okay oh yeah what happened he hit the he ate the puck or something okay so you read the trades good job next yeah okay can i just say please everyone read jesse eisenberg's shouts and murmurs if you want to laugh. So, so, so, so, so funny. Oh, he's got a great picture-only blog. So this is a question. I mean, again, he's a little bit behind me, so I have help.org. He has saveme.edu. And his section is the front slash pics.

But you have to write frontslice.html. You have to do that because he's... And he was doing, yeah, and he used to be on MoveOn, didn't he? Yeah. No! Let's reach out to the popcorn bag. Yeah, let's reach out to the popcorn bag.

He was the baby in Family Ties. Go ahead. It's a front slice button broke off the keyboard. So he is listening. He is listening. And he's doing this live? Yes, he's doing this in real time. We don't know how he does it because he sends us the things ahead of time.

Yeah, I got them in my email, but then when I open them up, they're always very current. So here's a question from Aztec. This is the one that you want? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Mr. Middleditch, in a scenario where you are buying your burial plot and there are three holes side by side,

which one would you choose to put your headstone over and why? I suppose the middle, right? That's what he's getting at? I think it's the best version of the joke that 14 people did. And I think this one actually took a little time to think about, how do I get this first thought joke to feel like a real question? It is a real thinker. Well, my mother's maiden name is Pickering.

So I guess I'd pick the middle. Oh, I can have fun. I can poke fun at myself. I can poke fun at myself. I can poke fun at myself. And that's something I've always really liked about you, that you're not one of these people who now is just unwilling to have a laugh at some of the funny things about themselves. Because after Splinter Heads, I think you would have been well within your rights to sort of say, hands off, nobody gets to make a joke about me anymore.

100%. I'm a big honking fucking deal. Yeah, well, it's on Netflix right now. Is it still? Yeah. Streaming? Yeah. Oh, okay.

I don't know. But the important thing is, I thought it was. This is a question. This is going in the bag. Please don't try to read the question ahead of time. I know what you're trying to do. Is that just a photo of someone sleeping? Yes, that's somebody Photoshopped themselves sleeping in a bathtub over a toilet.

Their forums are getting very arty. I don't really know how I feel about it. You've encouraged this. How many subscribers on your forums? How many members? Hang on, I'm just playing the sound drop, and then I will get right to you, but I have to hold the button down for the sound drop to play,

and we have to wrap it up because there's another show coming in. It's a fucking computer! Oh, that's a code for the end of the show. And we were going to read Zinja's question, but now we're not going to. So nice try, Zinja, and have at it next weekend. I can't believe I'm being bumped. Normally.

This has never happened. If Jesse is out in the other room. It's on our show. It's another show entirely. Yes. Another show entirely. And we would love to do this forever. Forever, forever, forever, forever forever and we used to be able

to do it at the time they do it yes okay so please read the forums and write on them too and go to Facebook

and like the page and go on iTunes and click five stars and say that you like it and we are going to find someone who bought the who bought the pro version

this week I think it was Dixon okay Dixon Dixon bought the pro version this week. I think it was Dixon. Okay, Dixon. Dixon bought the pro version, and thank you so much for doing that. We're putting together your – it's actually going to be a little late this week because of the holidays. It's going to take a while to ship. But we have a really great package of goodies for you. And also in return, you get to hear a selection from your Hunger Games queen musical, Thomas.

And this is just for D Thomas. One more clip. This is, out of all the podcasts I've been on, this has been absolutely the worst. That's fair. Yeah, sure. It's not supposed to be fun. But you do want to sing your song, right? We do need you to do

the song, yeah. Fat bottom girls keep making the rocking girl go round. Help me, I'm getting chased. Bye. Bye. This has been an Earwolf Media Production. Executive Producers Jeff Ulrich and Scott Aukerman.

For more information, visit Earwolf.com EarwolfRadio.com EarwolfRadio.com EarwolfRadio.com EarwolfRadio.com EarwolfRadio.com EarwolfRadio.com The wolf dead.

That was a HeadGum Podcast.