Hollywood Handbook - Three Busy Debras, Our Best of 2022 Friends

Episode Date: January 17, 2023

The Boys welcome back MITRA JOUHARI, SANDY HONIG, and ALYSSA STONOHA to schedule their next appearance on the podcast.Ostrich Napping PillowGreen screen mask and glovesBaldwin videoSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Ah, so I get on my galoshes and my slicker and I go trudging down there into the basement and I say, water, I cast thee out from here! Nothing. So, deep breath, you know, because I'm working on this. I know I've got a bit of a temper issue. Accepting the things you cannot do spells on.

Right, right. But I just say, okay, let's take two lol and i say and i say water with all respect i cast thee out from here and the water of course now starts roiling now starts roiling wow so disrespectful at me it's roiling in my home is it hot is it making your galoshes hotter oh yeah oh no no oh those oh yeah those are my former galoshes those are my old galoshes wow because they got so hot i'm picking them out of my toenails you're picking your galoshes out of your toenails yeah i'm picking my galoshes out of my toenails you're picking your galoshes out of your toenails yeah I'm picking my galoshes out of my toenails

because the water which was being excuse me ladies B-I-T-C-H was being a little bit B-I-T-C-H melted my galoshes into my feet and then I

spend the rest of the night casting spells on my feet instead of the water which is not how i wanted my weekend to go yeah so you're picking your no they weren't no they weren't working haze no none of the spells work okay okay is that the whole that's what you want to hear no none of the spells worked i think you need a w-i-t-c-h yeah well and that's yes and want to hear no none of this bells worked i think you need a w i t c h yeah well and that's yes and excuse me the positive form that's the good one that's the good one the good scarlet the scarlet b word imagine dude imagine what the scarlet would be like i'm tripping out on this can you imagine yeah

marvel comes out with a new one oh it's the scarlet b word i'm just imagining well uh you know look it's 2023 we want the show to make uh more money money you can't you can't spell bread without deborah is what i like to say we. We got the three busy breads in the house. Famously known for making people a lot of money. That's it. It's time to cash in. Cha-ching. We don't care about the content so much as we just need to get paid.

Three busy bread bras. Three busy bread bras. No Three busy bread bros. No, I didn't say that. No, that's not what I said, actually. Yeah, you did. If you weren't even listening, she pronounced it a little different. She said, what is this?

Women talking? I just want to say people weren't here. We just started recording. That is the third time Mitra has said that. So let's do a follow. I want to follow up on our lives. Actually, before we follow up, I think it would be given how this stuff has sort of played out for our last two records i think it would be great to set the next one there's been one but i guess it felt like two to you well what the fuck is happening when the podcast so funny feels like two this is the second one but you said the past two records. Yeah, this is one of the scheduling for this one has taken place.

God willing. I mean, I, you know, like I half expect you all to just be like suddenly the next 15 minutes of this you're booked for. It's not even that we're booked. It's that we keep getting COVID. Or someone has to take COVID to school kind of book you you can say you booked COVID booked it booked it we booked COVID booked and busy getting COVID again I actually forgot to say and this is a joke but it's real that I have a hard out because I did break a tooth in half but I didn't mention the hard so it's on show that's a really bad case

of COVID when COVID busts your tooth in half wait Alyssa which mention the heart so it's on show teeth that's a really bad case of covid when covid busts your tooth in half wait alissa which part of that was the joke the hard out i guess it like i do have a hard out but i didn't mention it so don't worry about it it's more like how'd you do it part of her part of her tooth had a hard out yeah it popped out and scurried away not hard enough hey eating uh peanuts with the shells on or what's going on? What did you do? Coconut chimp. Coconut chimp?

Coconut chimp. Wait, really? I had two cracked teeth. I had two cracked teeth last week. My retainer was too tight. I think the situation is that it wasn't that the coconut chip was particularly hard, although I am interested in pursuing legal action. But I think the tooth so weak,

ready to fly, had a nightmare in real life. Tooth came out. Damn. Should I get a gold one? Yes. Tooth so weak had me like... Tooth so weak AF.

Tooth so weak had me like,ouch yeah can we and so are we able to see it or like or maybe maybe does it does it look normal now is there any possibility that like there was there was kind of too much going on there don't you see that hole yeah okay yeah there's no video for this episode hayes you. You know that. Yeah. Eating coconut chips is low-key goaded when cracking tooth is the vibe. What if that was the last thing you ever said? You had us speechless. You had us all holding our breath.

I want Sandy to live forever, but I also want those to be her last words. So, Kevin, do any date, you just like throw out some dates and we can just like get it on the books? Yes.

Because this has been like such a, like, let's just make sure we get the next one. Such a gruesome ordeal. But wasn't it you who had a conflict? It was you. Someone had to take a baby. Oh, that was Sean.

I had to do something with my baby. This baby doesn't go anywhere. It's like a baby. It lives at home. Baby who lives at home. One of mine had to go somewhere for something. Oh, you have to stay at

home baby can i say something can i interrupt and say something let me let me think about it i've gotten in trouble in the past for just immediately reacting to this kind of question and i'd like to take a beat we can debate whether or not alissa can say something well that's good. That's interesting. Sandy, do you have a particular opinion on this? You know Alyssa better than I do. I think Alyssa, she does like to say things. I think that when allowed to say things, she'll say them,

but she should be given time to think about them. Is there a precedent for just something she said previously that we can be like, just so we can kind of know just one example of the kind of thing that we might be? She said, what is this, women talking? I want to cut in and say that there's probably a lot of examples of times I've wanted to say something and I shouldn't have. And for anyone to give one would both be doing me a disservice in terms of the types of things I can say that I have said in the past. And would show me in a light that I think is stupider than I'd like to be seen as. If that makes sense.

Okay, I'm connecting to that. I just want to like, so for me, I always try to, maybe this is a flaw as a host, maybe it's my greatest quality, but I do try to imagine the listener's experience. Aw. And I know for me, just being in this zoom with all these people it's been pretty unpleasant so far and we do need some kind of system to move forward so this is nice that alissa you know submitted to the floor that perhaps you would be able to say something.

And now we've explored it. I don't know about you guys. I'm leaning no. Just because so many people are saying things, I just don't think we're going to have time. Yeah. I'll say, well, here's what I'll say now. We've given her now time to think about what she's going to say.

So I think that now that she's had the time, she can make her decision about whether or not what she was going to say should be said. Yeah. Well, she even said something about what she was going to say. And I got to say, just getting that sneak preview, it didn't seem great yeah that was not a reflection on things i say in the future i want to point out that was a reflection sorry in the past i was quiet for a second because i i was because you

were putting myself yeah well i was putting myself in the mind of the of the of the listener and I did end up becoming trapped there like in the cell and they did have to send in the team to extricate me. This all happened of course. Time works differently in the mind of the listener. You know?

I love how time works in the life of the performer. Talk about that. Can we talk about that instead of whatever the, like, Alyssa's thing is? That sounds really interesting to me. Well, time slows down in the mind of a performer. You're able to be so present when you're out on that stage. You're looking out at the faces that are looking up

and perhaps sometimes lit, sometimes not. And there's so many types of- So this is why, and it is for everyone. Listen, we're talking about live theater here. Sometimes they're smiling. Sometimes they're scowling. Yeah. That could be their own trip

or it could be quite often what you're doing. But these days, what with our new normal, oftentimes can't see mouth at all. These days, these days I seem to think a lot about the things that I forgot to do. Speaking of days, maybe Kevin could share some of these days. Monday, January 1st, 2024.

I'm currently booked that day. I am as well. I'm going to be booked that day that day is i'm actually free if you want to for me i'm free if you want to just have me on oh a tell-all oh wow i could clear it up just to get a one-on-one with a list so i can sort through so that the real recording does go well that's my water water day. January 1st, I'm doing my water for the whole year. Wow. You're doing it?

January 1st. That's smart. I have this special Nalgene that it has all my water for the whole year. I just do it. And it's like one day that's like, obviously that day is bad. It's a Nalgene that you can drive isn't it you actually it has an engine and wheels yes and you get in that's that's literally the only way to transport it like home from the store and the store is like obviously can only sell the one only one of them because it's like it's like as big almost as big as a store.

But every day after that is like amazing. The first day like sucks but like every day after that is really good. I guess you could say there are many ways of water.

Well. Avatar. Avatar. Avatar. Avatar. Or shapes. Avatar. Or shapes.

Could have been shapes. Shapes of water. Yeah. Hated that movie. Worst movie. I hated it because you can't do that. You can't do that. It's just like, it's damaging, right?

To go like, hey, the fish will fuck you. If you need to chew on your shirt, if this is what you want to say, if you need, like, you were kind of almost chewing on your shirt. It seemed like it might make you feel better. If you need to do that, you could absolutely put like some of your shirt in your mouth or like whatever. Hey, whatever is soothing.

The clothes yet again. Hayes and women's clothes. Bingo card. Hayes singling out our clothes. Yeah, it is amazing. Isn't it Hayes? Isn't it amazing that you love to talk about our clothes. It is amazing, isn't it, Hayes? Isn't it amazing that you love to talk about our clothes

and what we're wearing every episode? And so now in this society, and now the handmaids are no longer to even have their clothes discussed in public. The handmaids must always maintain propriety and never have their clothes be brought up. Unbelievable. I can't even watch The Handmaid's tale because i'm like i'm living it i don't even know it's not even like watching it's like i'm looking it's like a mirror not me in the mirror obviously but it's like but like

your empathy in a mirror yes i often think i i think i'm watching handmaids I go wow this latest Handmaids is a really good episode and then I realize I'm just looking out the window at the street no exactly and seeing life exactly what's happening in the street right now is insane it's it should be illegal sometimes when I think I'm watching Handmaids and then I go I'm watching my hands made the pasta. Yeah. That's amore. Hollywood Handbook. This week on the Patreon, Carl livestreams a few games and chats with listeners on his new series, Play No Games.

The boys teach me a new language on the pro version, and the flagrant ones are mostly talking all things basketball. Check out all these bonus shows and live streams at patreon.com slash theflagrantones. Hollywood Handbook. Be a better you in 2024 with Babbel, the science-backed language learning app that actually works. Don't pay hundreds of dollars for private tutors

or waste hours on apps that don't really help you speak the language. And the question that I always get, people stop me and they say like hey i like i i trust you i know like you when you endorse a product it's something that you really use and care about but there's one language that i'm trying to learn and that's body language so can babble teach me body language yes babble now has visual in-person lessons part of their quick 10-minute lessons that they do for other languages handcrafted by over 200 language experts to help you start speaking a new language in as little as three weeks babble is designed by real people for real conversations and that includes body based conversations. What does it

mean when you drop someone off after a nice date and they turn around at the door and they take their little index finger and they kind of like draw it towards them. They're pulling it. What does that mean? Does their finger hurt?

I wonder if they spotted a spider web or something they're trying to pull down the spider down yeah but i've seen this too after a lot of dates and i need i need and have needed something like babble to figure out what the heck is this person doing with their finger? Because it looks like an emergency. I know I'm supposed to do something. Or how about those people that stand in the street? They're kind of like, they've got almost like police clothes on. It may be police.

Almost, yeah. And they're standing in the middle, and as I'm driving and I'm cruising, they're holding their hand up for like a high five almost and they're really aggressively like pushing it out i'm like am i supposed to drive get out of the car yes or just do it out the window as i'm going that's what i've been doing dangerous yeah but some of these very subtle body language cues have escaped me and many listeners, I'm sure. Babbel's tips and tools are approachable, accessible, rooted in real life situations,

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rocketmoney.com slash the boys so i want to talk a little bit about accountability and give space to alissa who has admitted that she keeps leading into the mic and promised to stop, actually. I sent that message in confidence. This is the most active chat. There's four messages in the chat. I've never seen anything like this in my life. And before you two came on the Zoom, I spoke with Kevin about how i was using a microphone i haven't used before

and i was concerned about the sound recording and now i keep leaning into the mic and now i'm being called out about a private message that you're being called in alissa you're being called in into the mic big difference i was creating space to honor your accountability because i think we don't see that enough in podcasting agreed i agree i agree completely sean is there anything you feel that you could be accountable for yeah i think i should be talking more i think i think here i am i'm'm the host. You know, I have the responsibility to kind of lay the foundation for this episode to be successful. And I've been letting all of you and the listeners down by not talking over everyone. You feel that this podcast is not you feel that this podcast is currently going poorly.

not you feel that this podcast is currently going poorly i you know i i hate to label it as going poorly or being a bad episode but i i think um at some point we have to face facts and if we're gonna if we're gonna we're gonna turn the ship if we're gonna lay in this plane okay so what do we need to do do we need to drop some truth bombs do we need to like that would be powerful if anyone has like a confession or something that could and i think that we conceivably go viral right we would go viral i think we need to be asking to speak before we do like i tried to do earlier putting some thought into this is important like instead of just everyone just like popping off with like their little ideas we last time we recorded this our conversation had like real consequences i think we can just say it we talked a lot about needing to shave some

budget off of the three busy deborah got some budget shame. They ultimately decided to cut 150% of the budget, which I didn't know. Yeah, they made us give the money back that they paid us. I'd never seen that before. That feeling when you cut the budget so hard, the show does not exist anymore. It was really funny, though, to do that whole podcast knowing that we were canceled

and then not tell you until we stopped recording. I guess that was better for me, too. I didn't want to come up with a different idea or something. So I was actually really grateful for that. That would be exhausting. Kevin does every damn episode knowing he's canceled freak show this fucker well i am seeing a combined 57 emails between our two episodes i'm wondering if rescheduling more because our last episode was in vulture

wow it was vulture app so the more the longer it takes to schedule the more impactful the episode we got a show killed and we got a write-up wow wow i wow this one's gonna get me assassinated yeah i guess our show can make a difference you know as we talk about obviously it's it's it's funny right like it's right there it took a long time to schedule and you're called the busy deborahs you're too busy to schedule and you're the busy and you're the busy bread bread bros bros bros see that's exactly how I said it. And everyone is just like moving right along.

It's like so crazy. Okay, let's deal with it. This is positively Orwellian. This is seriously hand-merred Wellian. This is seriously unprecedented. This is seriously our cartoon president did okay we're tuning out the news we are tuning out the news right now we are tuning out the news you have to you can hear because if i don't because if i tune in the news it's handmaids

tune my news out please so so as as long as we're like go ahead go ahead go ahead go ahead go ahead no i was just talking about like busyness and the and the business and you know we're very busy too and because you are so busy one thing i want to talk about i haven't even told hayes this but i was hoping you could help us kind of crack. You want notes on the pilot? I want to, no. No. Yeah, I mean, yes, yes, yes, but not like, not in this, not now. Not in this format.

Not in this context at all. What I would like is help kind of nailing down a more impactful away message. Like, Hayes and I have a shared aim account and and we want our away message to kind of be like funny flirty cool uh but also send the send the important information which is like we are not we are not available can't talk right we are away can't talk right now i'm fucking i was gonna i was literally gonna say can't talk getting fucked can't talk getting my paper filled in quotes from bart simpson wait wait the from bart simpson like the quote is

from bart bart simpson is saying right now I'm not getting fucked by Bart Simpson. I thought you meant like getting my Gaper filled by Bart Simpson. No, no. It's a quote from Bart Simpson for the away message. It's sort of fun and flirty. Can't talk right now. Can't talk right now. Having fun.

Bart Simpson is the fun part. No, that's the funny part. Can't talk right now. Can't talk right now. Having fun. Bart Simpson is the fun part. Getting your. No, that's the funny part. That's the funny. Can't talk right now. Having fun. Getting my gaper filled. In quotes, Bart Simpson.

Is that. Is that flirty? Yes. Yeah. Because it's about sex. And anything sexual is flirtatious. And knowing that like that possibility is out there will entice the viewer. it's funny it's flirty it's cool because i know bart simpson yeah but that's the possibility is there for i mean for bart simpson like you're kind of no it's a quote from bart i know that's what i'm saying oh okay

simpson said that. From the Samson's. Bart Simpson said that. But then I'm worried it doesn't give you any information about me. You love the Simpsons and you condone gaper filling.

And you identify as a Bart. Oh, that's wild. We also wanted to stay like pretty neutral on that, at least on this show. On the Simpsons? We just kind of represent like we still

represent earwolf in a way you know what i mean so do i yes i know and so like yeah that's but like so you know even when you're like no longer part of the network like that's still we're still going to like the grill out like for exactly and we still carry like their reputation and stuff with us we're part of the community and you're always gonna have a tattoo yes we have and you still drive the earwolf mobile around town promoting the

podcast network yeah our days we don't get the same like primo shifts that we used to get it's usually it's the it's the last day of the month at 2 a.m and it's half now there's sort of like an ad deal so it's half insomnia cookies half earwolves you are mostly driving around cookies to people on the usc campus and i'm not allowed to listen to podcasts while i'm in there. The ultimate irony. Isn't it? Delicious.

Just delicious. What am I reading? The New Yorker? Savoring the irony. Chew into that. This is an impression of me reading a New Yorker cartoon. Here's me reading a new yorker cartoon wait who's saying that here's here's me reading new yorker cartoon wait the therapist did what here's me here's me reading a new york cartoon. What are these random letters and numbers?

I can't read, man. Bart Simpson. What are the numbers? What are these random... Kevin, do you have any more dates? You look like you have something you want. And also, Kevin, you could do you reading a New Yorker cartoon. Yeah. Kevin, I have one more if you want it i have one more

reading i'll take sean's tune of me okay this is kevin reading a new yorker cartoon this came out well my away message used to be rip grandpa uh i never met him he died 20 years before i was born but i think it like i got a lot of sympathy from people. Hey, so sorry about your grandfather. Yes, that's really good. I think the assumption was I was at his funeral. What's up with that gaper? Okay, here's another date.

Tuesday, January 2nd, 2024. That's really close to my birthday, so I don't know if I can. Yeah, it's Mit meet your birthday week so birthday episode we i do i'm gonna be making meet your birthday present yeah my birthday is in six days so if anyone has anything they want to give me or any advice no advice got it okay no well now i'm just wondering i'm i am Kevin's idea because I liked Mitra's initial pitch but it felt like it was missing something and I wonder if I

could say like my grandpa's getting his gaper filled by Bart Simpson in heaven quote R.I.P. Marge Simpson quote Marge Simpson wow yeah so then it's his own great grandfather I can do January 3rd. I'm looking at my calendar now.

You can do the 3rd? I can do January 3rd. Don't say the 3rd. I'm just going to go ahead and say that I cannot do January 6th. Because you'll be doing it again. Yeah. Because I'm going to finish the job. Yeah.

Okay, February 23rd is a Friday. It's also my half-birth half birthday how does that look for everyone 23rd i don't love a prime number and is it a leap year because that does make a big difference yeah that kind of it is it is a leap year that's that's gonna fuck us that's kind of gonna mess i'm i'm i'm unavailable for the leap year. So we probably move into 2024. If that's wait. This is 2024. Let's look at five.

No, that's. I did. I was journaling the other day and I did date it as 2025. So. 25. OMG. To me, it's 2025. That's like when people ask me how old I am and I go 24.

I told someone I was 24 the other day. I put it on a form. It's like it just, the brain stopped there. Uh-oh. I'm still writing I'm 24 years old on all my checks. I'm still writing I'm 24 on all your checks.

Okay, I'm still writing. Yeah. I'm still writing I'm 24 on all your checks. Okay, I'm still writing. Yeah. I'm still writing I'm 16 on all those message boards. Your half birthday is February 23rd, Kevin. I just want to, you know. So that makes your full birthday November 46th? That's right. So we're going to need that day.

I don't know if we'll have bad news to deliver to Kevin or something, but we're going to have to do it on that day because any day it's not his birthday, he's very sad and not in a place where he can get any negative information at all on his birthday

there are no rule no one's allowed to like like like be mean to him or anything on his like actual birthday of course and he doesn't have to go to school his half birthday is kind of like baseline day we just have to like get everything in on that's when we kind of unload on him he's so fragile the rest of the year that's where he's like kind of emotionally like totally in harmony is on his half birthday and on my birthday i can take a field trip wherever i want into any home he says yes kevin i i do think it's interesting that you do make a point of saying that you can go anywhere you want on your field trip but you have gone to dax shepherd's podcast recording studio for the past five years in a row i'm trying to be an armchair expert he didn't catch me

sniffing the seat which seat the armchair seat or the toilet that's not yeah that's not the type of expertise like becoming an expert on the armchair i don't think like yeah taking a big whiff of the seat is is i don't think i'm becoming a cushion expert yeah the guest seat every year for my birthday go to a dax's house i bring three cans of chewing tobacco i do a little bit of all of them which is what he did when he came to Earwolf and I recorded him. So I try to like, I cut off my sleeves. I have three different cans. It's a flight of chewing tobacco.

Yeah, I do a flight of chew. Sort of a, what do they call it? A flight? Taste menu? Yeah, so a flight. Yeah, I guess a flight flight a flight kind of nailed it we could punch it down a little bit yeah i would like to punch it down personally okay that's i'm actually i specialize in that like a bread basket

oh yes but with many breads yeah an assortment sampler platter yeah yeah yeah factory bread platter has the pum That's Cheap Cake Factory. Cheap Cake Factory bread platter has the pumpernickel and the regular. Yes. Yes, it does. And you know what? The pumpernickel is really good. Of course.

That's the classico. Lather it up with the bread. Fill yourself up before your two entrees come out. The pumpernickel's so good. So I bring my three cans of Chew. I cut off my sleeves and then I ask the engineer

if they can turn only me up in my headphones. What's wrong with that? I don't know, but when they say that, I don't know if I can do that, there's going to be a problem. Yeah. Mitra, are you holding a lighter it's a fireplace lighter

so yeah there's no video Mitra took a big long lighter yeah it's like a grill lighter for sure she's sparking up a big green egg oh my god she's loading nugs of herb

into a big green egg holy shit she's smoking that She's loading nugs of herb into a big green egg. Holy shit. She's smoking that doink. She's lighting up a big fat doink right there. No, she is. She's puffing the Zaza. No, she's puffing the Zaza, you guys. She's blowing bush.

She's zooted off the Zaza. She's turtled off the turpins. My goodness. Kings and queens. She's blowing bush the Zaza. She's turtled off the turpins. My goodness. Kings and queens. She's blowing Bush the gentleman style. She's smoking that ooey gooey cushy wishy. The creepy weeby.

It's legit as if she is one of the figures inside of the screenplay that was written by Hugh Grant's character inside of the movie The Gentleman. Don't get the reference. You must get some of them.

Don't. I know who Hugh Grant is. I know who Hugh Grant is. And what a screenplay. Well, you've never seen him like this. You've never seen him so writer. It's not your Grampy's Hugh Grant. Sorry, I only watch Wednesday on Netflix.

R.I.P. Sorry, Kevin. I didn't mean to bring up your Grampy. R.I.P. There should be a movie called Hugh Grant. It should star in a movie called Huge Grandpa. Why not, right? Alyssa, write it. Alyssa, thank you so so much do please ask for permission to say that in

the future that would have been an automatic yes for sure yeah but you did not even know what i was gonna say earlier and that's what's so hilarious that's so sorry that's what's so hilarious baldwin i was just gonna say so hilarious wait by the way i just saw the video of alec baldwin begging people to follow her on instagram did you guys see this video no pull it up kevin pull it up kev let's watch video i've ever seen kev this might save the episode pull this up hey everybody it's december do that again it's just everybody it's january 5th uh oh my god my wife's birthday it is my wife born on january birthday tomorrow january 6th um we don't attach the same significance to january 6th than other people't attach the same significance to January 6th than

other people do. We just say it's Hilaria's birthday. I would like to ask you a favor. I would like to ask you a small favor, and that is my wife is just, it seems like she's just centimeters shy of a million followers on Instagram. And I would like to ask you as a birthday gift or even just gesture to my wife, would you follow her on Instagram? Obviously I love my wife, obviously I'm crazy about my wife,

obviously blah, blah, blah, all the things we all say about people we're in love with. My wife's the most fabulous person I've ever met in my whole life. He hates her. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true.

That's definitely true. And I just need to say that that is true. I would like as many of you as possible. He can't open his eyes. Because she's holding a gun on the other side of the camera surge of people to follow my wife on instagram look how many scissors are in the background

just thinking that would you do that for me would you follow my wife on instagram he's being trump ew ew ew end the video end the video end it end it i'm so close to coming i have we have to end the video i would like a great great surge of people to follow my white money and i love her that's true that's true blah blah blah blah blah all

the things you say about people you love, whatever, blah, blah, blah. She's centimeters shy. Obviously, let's get this out of the way. We could give her a few extra centimeters tonight. I like my wife. He's measuring how close she is to having a million followers in how you measure cervix when it's dilated. Yes. It's like there are numbers

that can be attached to how close she is to a million. But he went seven years. He's imagining measuring her vagina. That's what he's doing. You guys, I filled out a form saying that I wanted to join a boxing gym and they've called me like 10 times in the past three days and they won't

stop texting me and I don't want to go anymore. Well, the bad news is they're going to beat you up. Yeah, that's not the kind of place you want to turn your back on. Yeah, they're boxers. You don't want to join? Just come once and you'll get a very good boxing lesson. A boxing lesson you'll never forget. Hey, it's Michelle again. Oh God, not Michelle. Michelle with one l texted me again just now it's always one l hey was just punching a thing

and thinking about you no wow look at all those long texts so many texts they're so long that's the text i sent disgusting that's like the text I send. Disgusting. That's like the text you send to women you have on the podcast. At night. I like to get all the information out. No, no, no. Go on. Michelle is back.

I've dished it out enough. I should be able to take it. We're really taking heat on this show. I respect Michelle. She just needs to leave me alone. Well, Mitra, you made a fatal mistake. You filled out a form.

And as we all know, that is a binding contract. Being contacted. I do regret being interested in trying something new. It's never gone well. I can block the number, but there is a part of me that is like,

I did want to try boxing. I know. I want to try it as well. We can just beat each other up. It's going to mess up your whole pottery style. That's what I'm really worried about. Or you're just going to sit next to the heavy bag and just kind of like put a

hand on either side of it and like try to like shape it. Videos of me wailing on a bag of clay. I feel like I need a new hobby. Alyssa's got her new hobbies. Mitra has her new hobbies. I don't. Is this a tooth?

Are we talking about Alyssa? Is the tooth a hobby at this point? Losing half a tooth? Yeah, for about two hours every morning, I just shove my tongue in the hole where the tooth broke off and that feels really amazing. I like to feel the pain.

No, I've started horseback riding. Oh, wow. Does the horse know? I don't know what that means. Don't tell the horse. It's like the shape of something you might say non-consensual horseback riding i'm just kidding i'm just kidding i'm just kidding i'm just kidding i think that's important because the same way that alec baldwin has to say and that is true and that is true that is true i do love my wife and that is true i do uh when we are kidding i think we

should have to say and we are kidding and the horses and the horses do uh and the horses consent okay starting now for i'm kidding for the rest of the episode i'll be kidding yeah everything you said before was serious kevin mark this i'm gonna be kidding yeah i'm gonna be kidding for the next three minutes well next 19 minutes we're going the full hour 19 minutes jody pacult novel anyone read that no no about a school shooting it's in my car minutes is it really okay i'm kidding sorry okay guys time a game. It's called What's in Your Cart. Everybody say what's in their cart. What's in your cart, Sandy?

40 pounds of cat litter. What kind? Yeah, you know I'm doing that. Pine litter smells amazing. I have a neon green string bikini for real wow you guys get together imagine meet your rolling around in that cat swimming around i can't like doing like busby berkeley style choreographed performance stomp wow yeah that's my cart and two um two 12 packs of spin

drift they're spiking it these days look out i just saw at the store there's alcohol spindrift is that what you mean yes yeah it is spiked that's crazy that's the craziest fucking thing I've ever heard in my entire life well you gotta go out more or actually you gotta come on this show more because we talk about some of the most twisted and

fucked up stuff happening in society today and like the spin drift thing is the tip of the iceberg. But there is a guy with a syringe full of tequila who is going around and spiking all the spin drifts

at the store. Oh, really? Yeah, there is a guy. So for kids on Halloween, they get their precious spin drift and then it's spiked with tequila. Y'all watching local news again? Do you guys remember those emails that would go around where it was like,

when you go to the gas station, be careful because people are putting syringes under the handle and it has AIDS in them. Yeah, I remember sending those emails. I remember being pretty proud of that email when I had that idea. If Kevin doesn't say this, it's actually medically harmful. If he just stores it up for too long, like he makes the face

that he's about to say something and he doesn't get to release it, it actually is really bad for him and it hurts. Thank you, Hayes. I just wanted to share a screen what's in my cart. That's amazing last purchased this is what i'm buying another one no video but yeah it's a green screen uh face mask and gloves so i can rob other green screens and not get caught

this face mask and gloves two things in your cart by the way what's in my cart you don't have to share but you do a full green screen head covering and gloves it's just making me think about how so Kevin recently released

a two part video project that was a short film, right? Yeah. About a podcast. Doesn't really involve our show at all, but it is on our Patreon for some reason. And I noticed people pointing out, like,

it would have been nice to have, like, a best of 2022 or something. Yeah, kind of mean spirited too. I guess they're just saying they're paying. They're just saying like what they want. And I'm sort of wondering if whatever this green screen mask and gloves is going towards. I think it's going towards a best of 2022. Is this the best of 2022?

Okay. You're in it, babe. I want to ask, maybe you should call this episode best of 2022 so that your fans can be mad at us. That's a great idea. That's really smart. And Alyssa said it.

Perfect. Put it in quotes. She said it 22 perfect yeah can we acknowledge the fact that put it in quotes put it in quotes she said it and she didn't even ask permission to say to do this horrible thing to our listeners but now it's done yeah wait i just want to say kevin's got some really cool stuff in his cart temporary tattoo paper like you print them i have vibes locked in for this year yeah he has hair detangler spray and temporary tattoo paper which is that is a chronological order he does need to use its body hair detangling spray in order to just kind of like create the conditions for the temporary tattoo to be applied clear the path

no one asked what's in my cart what's in your cart of course what's in your cart alissa um it's a i still haven't bought it and i've been telling mitra i meant to i told mitra i was going to buy it and it is a helmet type situation it well it's like a helmet pillow. It's like a sleeping helmet, which is, I'm realizing, a joke from Three Busy Debras where I wear a sleeping helmet and now I'm admitting

that I am intending to purchase one. Wait, what is it? It's with the tooth thing. I think it's time. Whatever happened. We need to be safe. And it would be the second purchase of mine that's like a comfort helmet. I think it's time whatever happened we need to be safe

and it would be the second purchase of mine that's like a comfort helmet oh wow wait hold on the image of the person using it is really scary it's really scary it's good because you can scare someone

it's a really nice sleeping helmet this is the photo I'm going to use to promote the episode Really scary. It's good because you can scare someone. It's a really nice sleeping helmet. This is the photo I'm going to use to promote the episode. I want a free one. Ostrich pillow. If you want to send me a free one, I have 4,000 followers on Instagram and zero views on my stories, but I would gladly take a free ostrich pillow.

Thank you. To describe the picture of someone using it, imagine if like, remember when someone would fall asleep with their head on their desk in school? Imagine if they did that, but then their head disappeared. That's sort of what you're seeing. It sort of looks like a gray bell pepper with space for your nose and mouth and for your arms to go in it at the top. Yeah, you can put your hands in these little pockets and what I am going to call the alien eye section of the sleeping helmet. And I love the spinning globe gif because

that way it just shows how long she's asleep. Yeah, it shows that they are completely still and that you should be concerned about whether they are alive because the rest of the world moves. And then there's the tagline, 10 years of resting anywhere. And anywhere in the image is signified by a spinning globe next to a possibly dead user of this pillow um and is the is the goal to use it like at a desk the way they're using it

i intend to use it in the bed it says anywhere anywhere and i do like the the big mouth right in the middle. Just open, whole, gorgeous. Big old gaper. Big old gaper. Hey, you gotta breathe. Big old gaper reporting for duty. Hollywood handbook. That was a Hate Gum podcast.