Hollywood Handbook - Tim Baltz and Lily Sullivan, Our Close Friends

Episode Date: April 15, 2025

The Boys welcome back TIM BALTZ and LILY SULLIVAN to explain tariffs. Check out their awesome podcast Hey Randy at cbbworld.comGet a Hat Pack Hat here!Watch the video of today’s episode at Patreon.com/HollywoodHandbook Like the show? Rate Hollywood Handbook 5-Stars on Apple PodcastsAdvertise on Hollywood Handbook via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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You know, as they walk in and like. It's funny, you know. It's throwing the tarot. It's a little bit of a psychological experience. You know. Like it tells its own story of where people live. Yeah, seeing where people land is this like incredibly informative litmus test.

Who's a psycho? Who's an asshole? Who's a freak show? And just how we- Who's a complete fuck up? And like you and I landed in the lovese. Nothing weird about that. It's fine with me.

Can I say something yet? Or do I have to wait until later in the podcast? How many episodes? Yeah. That's my question. Yeah. Sorry to answer your question with a question. How many is it going to take before you just kind of know

what is going on? Well, it's just every time I come in here, it's usually like a bonus episode. So it's like, you guys are like a sleep at the wheel kind of vibes. And we did have to downgrade it, too Yeah a free and looking forward to your next solo episode with us, which will also likely be a bonus episode I'm just gonna make it on the main grid, you know, but in terms of of course whether or not you can say something

We're so loose here. It's really about the listener's experience and not like whether we get interrupted because as you mentioned, you have been here before. I would ask you to be certain that you have something to say. I do, I feel like I do. Every time I come, I really feel like that. I'd love for you to be certain.

But yeah, I know. Yeah. And I wanna be. Yeah. I have something to say. But okay. And I just have to say, I have something to say. But, okay. And I just have to say, if someone's coming for my partner like that,

I would have been in like, I just wanna say, I would have been in. I would have been so much faster than that. He didn't get to say what I wanted to say. I'm not, you know, I'm not her protector. I know that now. Clear, clear. I know that now.

I'm getting yelled at in IG comments. I'm getting yelled at in IG comments. I'm getting yelled at in IG comments. He will protect me now. She's your wife? Right. Oh, you like, you own her? No, I don't. She's our wife.

But I like to feel that way. I like to feel that way. Yeah, yeah, we own her through you. Do you guys feel like you own your wives? All wives are sort of a community property, you know? Once one becomes a wife, it's not like, it's not your wife. It's like, she's a wife now, which is great.

Yeah, she's a wife in the community. I love a wife. These are the limitations of language, which we were talking about before we started recording. I don't say I love my wife. The conversation we were having before we started recording was way better than this. Wait, you guys, but I just wanna say.

But that's not even what I had to say. I know that you like separated us. First of all, I know we're on the same couch, but I feel very separated from him And then you the word separate I can a lot when I came in. Yeah, I just never hear it When I don't even know if you know another word he was he was sitting there already. Yeah, he was on the love seat I just want you to know like I said nothing weird about that. I So then I'm like, so then Tim's is here and I go, I'm supposed to sit over there on the left seat? You know what the first thing you said was?

I was like, you know what people would have done? You said, where should I sit? I see that you guys are separating us. And you pointed because Tim had already sat down. I didn't see this microphone. And you kind of pointed here and I was like, and what did I say? I don't give a fuck.

And I don't wanna talk about any of this. I don't know why we're talking about this honestly. No, and I didn't even get to say what I wanted to say. I still haven't said what I wanted to say. Go ahead. Okay, well. But Sean's sitting down first. Four steps. Is this it?

Because I'm fucking here first. Is this it? Because I showed up on time. I just wanna know if this is it. I think he said, oh. Okay, then can we skip this and get to whatever the thing you wanna say is? Yeah No, this isn't it. Okay, then can we skip this and get to whatever you wanna say is? I have to skip it.

All this like I sat down first and said some act of aggression being on time. Jesus Christ. But I just, I mean, the dynamic is- He called out his name. You guys. You guys haven't hosted that many episodes together, right? How many podcast episodes have you done together?

Together? Yeah. I don't, um. I don't know. 60. And not even, don't even know. Honestly, best guess is 60. Yeah, we've done a lot of them.

70. Mm-hmm. A lot of collaborating on the mic, you know. And how many have you done separated? Fucking all you wanna talk about. We're separated, man. Well, yeah. Fucking sit, the mic reaches over there. Sit over, sit right next to him.

There's no one else there. We're just not used to being that far apart. When we record at home, I'm usually on top of him, sort of just like, you know, like booster seat style. And you guys have a home studio set up? Yeah. yeah okay and so this is like not a business to you or like what is well what is it I have such a grind set that when I wake I am in work mode and whatever room you're in is your office yeah yeah bloom where you're planted mm-hmm Bloomberg rising grind mm-hmm yeah iceberg where you are

Plant plant birds like an an expert. Mm-hmm physical plant like the industrial Goldberg's mm-hmm Goldberg's Yeah, it comes back to business for us, but that's not what I wanted to say But anyone that is either I have I have been invited since pre-cove should we? What did he want to say? That isn't either, okay? I haven't been invited since pre-COVID. Should we hear what Lily wanted to say? That's definitely not true. That's absolutely true.

He hasn't even been invited. I haven't been invited since pre-COVID. On to this show? You've done flagrant ones. Yeah, but that's, what are we talking about, flagrant ones? We need people on that show. I do episodes of flagrant ones in my sleep. I'm just pinballing sports ideas back and forth.

We have not figured out a booking strategy for our sports Programming until now we actually do have one that we discovered today, which is Carl does a viral impression of a famous athlete and that famous athlete is charmed by it and Reaches out via Instagram DMSs to do our sports show. So now we won't be needing you anymore. Thank you very much, Tim. We actually have two guests coming up, and the other instance was one of the most famous people

to ever reach out directly to us about doing the show, who we don't have a personal connection to, I think reached out and asked to do Hollywood Handbook, the main show that Hayes and I have done for 25 years or something. 600 episodes. And then Kevin immediately pivoted that to a different show.

It was like, would you like to have this guest on this other show? And then we had to go like, well, we do both? Like, what? One is like, everyone can hear it if they want. The other one is strictly for pay-pays. Yeah. So, that's a little bit.

That's what you wanted to say. That you haven't been about it since pre-COVID. I think you wanted to say we can do celebrity impressions if you guys need us to to get people on. If that's gonna, yes, if they're going to charm a celebrity. Not really the model. I think that your impressions, and I haven't heard them yet,

will be perceived as cruel. No. If you tee us up the wrong way, yeah. Give me a celebrity, and I'll do it right now, and we'll see if it's cruel. Yeah. So one that we want for the basketball show? Somebody who we'd love to have

on the basketball show, I guess. Okay. All right. I don't know any basketball players, so you guys can't give me one of them. Well, could you do Larsa Pippen? See that's cruel. That's a tour. That's your team With the finger When she has a chance to really shine, then that's the time to come in and like,

oh, we have to protect this. I gotta squash this. Too much oxygen out of the room. She was gonna shine too hard with a Larsa Pippen. With a Larsa Pippen impression, it turns out. It's not a fucking zero sum game, man. She can do a great Larsa Pippen impression and then you could come in with your thing.

They are all zero sum games. Okay, that, yes, that is a zero sub game. I wasn't even done with the impressions. But like some of them are not. You weren't even done, see? See, Tim? What are you gonna do? I don't think so.

And who are you talking to, do you think? I'll tell the other housewives. Okay. Real Housewives of Miami. Yeah. She's on there. Yeah. Yeah. She's with Michael Jordan's side.

She's on all kinds of things. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? So that's what makes her so great. So then you could be Michael Jordan's son. You want me to be Jeffrey Jordan. Yes. This is not setting me up for success. Why not?

Come on, Tim. Because grandpa got murdered. Yeah, let's talk about the grandpa. That's suddenly now the only thing you want to bring up. This is why it's going to be perceived as cruel. He's not going to want to come on when you want to talk about the grandpa. That's suddenly now the only thing you wanna bring up. This is why it's gonna be perceived as cruel. He's not gonna wanna come on when you wanna talk about I didn't bring it up. Grandpa being murdered.

It's like, that's an insanely traumatic experience. That wasn't gonna be the crux of my impression. But he's not successful, cause he does style stuff, you don't know about it. They have a podcast together, him and Marissa. Yeah. I'm surprised how much I do know about these two. He was on a, he rides jet skis and stuff.

Let's do the podcast, we'll do the podcast. Probably done more than 60 episodes together, just saying. And they haven't even been together that long. Hey. They probably could sit on different parts of a couch and not even have a derail the entire fucking situation We're just not used to being apart Tim and I every restaurant we sit we go to yes to sit on the same And do you have a table that has like a really tiny side? Yeah, that's what I said

Do you have this to this side is very like the side feels huge Bigness to it. Do you have a tiny side table? We just want one chair. That's what I said. Not the big side, please. Yeah. Yeah. Is there like a triangle table and we can both be sitting just at one corner of it together?

Dad. That's my Jeffrey Jordan. That's Jeffrey Jordan? Yeah. Okay. He might like it. He might. If he sees that. If finally somebody's going right at it.

We mainly know him because of his dad. Yeah. You know? And everyone tiptoes around it. We all act like Jeffrey Jordan in his own right. Is this like stylish, you know, celeb-utante. But the fact is, and we talk about this on the show a lot, he sees something of a nipple baby.

Did you say nipple? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Suchard to the nipple. Mm-hmm. It's a nice way of saying titty baby.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Well, it's nipple-tism. Nipple-tism. That's so nice to hear. Mm-hmm. It's not that crazy, like a lot of industries are actually,

you do what your parents did. So. Sure, lawyers, bankers, doctors, retail. What do your guys' parents do? Podcasts? Shit, my old man. Jesus Christ. Now you're gonna get me going.

This will be a whole other kind of show. You wanna hear about my old man. You're already crying over there, Sean. Yikes. Haze too, haze is on the back. I guess if I followed in my old man's footsteps, I would be imprinting them on my own ass because that's what he did.

That's the truth, brother. Talk about pay pigs. So he made money by tattooing his own ass? No, he. Yeah, I understand the phrasing. I can see how you got there. He would do a little bit of the old soft shoe on my ass every day.

Oh. Yeah, my dad be moonwalking up and down my butt cheeks about twice a week, you know what I mean? Leaving big old boot prints on me. So if I were to follow in his footsteps, I would have to sort of curl my feet around and press them up against my own ass wearing shoes. Put on Thriller on the jukebox and just moonwalk

up and down those butt cheeks of mine. Just not... Not the pleasant experience. Yeah, they put you through college, didn't they? That's how they got you through school. Yeah, say it. Thank you, daddy. Say it, say thank you, daddy.

Thank you, daddy. Thank you, daddy. You shaped me. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You changed me. Mm-hmm. You made me the man I am today.

But I bet he did change you too, every once in a while. Yeah, he'd have to change my pants after pressing his size nines on the seat area. You got a tall mom? Mm-hmm. You got a tall mom? Both of them sort of very, very big up top and they sort of recede to a point as they go down.

Oh, like a triangle. Mm-hmm, like a triangle. Yes, reverse, reverse, reverse triangle. You know how, you know how weebles wobble but they don't fall down? Well, not the case with my dad. He fell down a lot. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, didn't really wobble either, just flat down, you know what I mean? Jesus. Top heavy. You have to spin them so they stay up. What size shoes are you talking about? First time I saw a Top Heavy magazine, I thought what I mean? Jesus. Top heavy. You have to spin them so they stay up. What size shoes are you talking about? First time I saw a top heavy magazine, I thought it was about my dad. Boy, when I bought it, because I thought he'd be proud

that I had a whole magazine. You remember the first time you saw the top heavy magazine? I had a whole magazine about him. I just like, that take me. I said, I said, dad, you know, I found a magazine about you. Well, there go those size nines with the same size dad.

There go those size nines, you know, just trotting and tinkering around on the old back pockets of my Levi's jeans, Lee jeans. So would they kick you or do they just step on your ass? It would just, you know how in reality shows they talk about you would like mug somebody's face rather than like actually hit them so he was kind of make sure it was like

yeah it was like pressed up against there and then do just a little I'd I'd lie down face down on the ground you know what I mean and he put one of those Arthur Murray dance step mats over the back of my legs and just, yeah, top of my lead jeans, you know, and just, yeah, yeah. Tell you the truth. Yeah. Aim wasn't always so good. Somebody would be walking back in my head, my whole damn face down. That's pretty bad aim. Such trauma. Honestly.

Well, he also was falling down all the time, you know what I mean? High center of gravity. It's not ideal, it's not good. But Jesus Christ, you asked me about my old man, and you got, you're sending me back, boof, down memory lane. Whoa.

Hollywood handbook. Well, it's been a while. It's great to have you back. And I'm interested in catching up with you. Clean Harry is back in the studio. We're talking about Harry's razors today. Clean Harry, in my recollection, I don't remember everything.

He was a museum guard. He was obsessed with. That was a long time ago. Shaving. That's what I said. Said it's been a while. He was obsessed with shaving people, people being clean shaven, collected Yu-Gi-Oh!

cards. That, that's pretty much all I remember. But what have you been up to in the last, I mean, it's been like a year, I think, since we. That's pretty much all I remember. But what have you been up to in the last, I mean, it's been like a year, I think, since we last talked to you. I've actually been having a really good past two weeks. Okay.

Yeah. I found an Apple watch on the ground. found an Apple watch on the ground. That was, that happened two weeks ago? That happened last week. That happened last week, okay. But two weeks ago I had the idea to start looking on the ground for something good. Okay, so it wasn't for an Apple watch specifically, you were just looking around. It only took you a week to find an Apple Watch. Well, yeah, so I go, well, two weeks ago,

I had a good idea, and then one week ago, basically it paid off. So I'm going, this two weeks, I'm on fire. And what- Punk! What was going on before that? Things were not as good prior to two weeks ago, whereas I've told you things really took a turn. Well, and I noticed you do have a beard now.

Yeah. Which, uh, and if you're interested in hairy shaving products, they've got the, the, the way that handle that feels so good, like a very high quality shave. You got deodorant, lotion, body wash, hair gel. And it's just an unbeatable value. They have German engineer blades made in their own factory that stay sharp longer, customizable delivery option

for schedule refills as low as $2, half what you pay for other big brands. Speaking of what you would pay, how much would you pay for a new Apple Watch right out of the box? You're selling the Apple Watch, and you said it's new? Was it in a, it was in a-

Well, how much would you pay for a new one? When, and you say right out of the box, was it in the box where you found it, or it was out of a box? Punk. Oh, this is unrelatedrelated, sorry. Can you just answer a question, punk? How much would you pay for a new Apple Watch

right out of the box? I don't, I mean, like, I don't want to be saying other prices, I think, while we talk. Like, you can get a five blade razor, weighted handle, foaming shave gel, and a travel cover. This would be even less. What I'm offering you would be even less than.

Okay, if you would actually play the game, you would no not less than I don't at Harry's.com I don't care. Can I be honest punk? I don't care about Harry's I'm trying to do business here. I am trying to Have a business Dollars you said that the Apple watch would be less than that. No, I didn't say it would be less than that It would be less than what you would say you would pay for it out of the box If you would just say a number for that, but by all means let's talk about Harry's Let's talk about shaving which I haven't been able to do for a little while as you mentioned punk

Get the shaving products that always deliver get Harry's normally their trial set is $13 right now you can get it for just $3 at harrys.com slash the boys. That's our exclusive link harrys.com slash the boys for a $3 trial set. And uh, and an apple watch might be thrown in. Hey guys, do you ever feel like managing your business finances as a full-time job on top of your actual full-time job? No, because you do not have a business. You do not know how it works. Do have a business. I have a hat company. The hats are made in a country called Italy. The woman who makes them is named Strega Nona. Not that one, but she does have a helper named Big Anthony. Big Anthony calls me and says, we have of the hats, send of the money. I say, how do I

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like we're all on this weird place Yeah, aren't we show is feeling weird. It's feeling weird. They're never even said what she thought Yeah, I was just gonna say that you were seated there and then I was like, oh, I guess I should probably I think we did get to that. No, we Talk about that for a long. No, we didn't get to the part where I said, okay I'm gonna actually go sit over there when I saw that there was a microphone over here I was like I'm gonna go sit over here and then you came in

and you sat over there and I remember being like okay so they're gonna be on that couch and I'm gonna be on this yeah mm-hmm that's what you that's what you really want to say the whole time yeah I was holding that okay why did you remember that because what was your motivation for even remembering that that happened I just felt like everyone was Okay, and why did you remember that? Because- What was your motivation for even remembering

that that happened? I just felt like everyone was so separated. I'm always, you know, people always ask, you know, actors and stuff how they memorize their lines and it, you know, that's not that mysterious to me. Like you read the script, you practice. But whenever I talk to you, I go, how did you remember to say that?

Because it doesn't seem like it's like connected to anything else we talked about. It doesn't seem like it has enough connected to anything else we talked about it doesn't seem like it has enough inherent value you know that it would come back up but like I'm like yeah that's more interesting to me is like how'd you remember that well yeah I know I just like I guess let me speak for you thanks baby because that's such a UCB question like a game premise right answer wrong answer don't think but there's a right answer. So if you think the wrong thing, then you're wrong, but don't think.

Technically you have to think. It's ironic? Oh, that's unfortunate. It's the foundation of the entire thing is irony. That's tragic. That's tragic. Yeah, the foundation of a comedy theater is irony. Yeah, I think that's actually.

That's a stretch. There's a guy on first year in the stretch right now think that's actually. That's a stretch. There's a guy on first, you're in the stretch right now. That's bad. Thanks. That's uncomfortable. She was deconstructing ideas. Yeah, I was deconstructing ideas, obviously. Right, so you, the audience, she's treating you

as a smart person who can figure that out, but you're saying I'm too stupid, I need irony. That's uncomfortable for me. I wouldn't mind a little bit of it. Well, it can get there. Especially after this whole dealing with all this stuff with my dad and Hayes' dad who's basically the same exact guy.

See, that's a good move. I never quite noticed how much they added comedy. That's a good move. Until we were both talking about it at the same time. There's a lot. But this is a good, see, these are non-UCB moves. This is nice. You went back to a place of emotion.

Thanks for defending me, baby. That felt so good. I'm still going, I'm still going. No, thanks so much. Yeah, no problem. Well, all right, well let me keep going. Just to be able to a place of emotion. Thanks for defending me, baby. That felt so good. I'm still going. I'm still going. No, thanks so much. Yeah, no problem. That felt so good. Well, all right. Well, let me keep going.

Just to be able to like feel like free and stuff. Okay. Yeah, good. You good? I feel so good. I feel like I've really got my ideas out, but I did want to talk about another thing. I just want to, just to, I don't want to let this UCB slander just like we put out there. Yeah.

Okay. UCB slander, just like we put out there. Yeah. Okay. I just want to say scoreboard chief, how much molduring real estate does your theater have? Moldering? Yeah. How much Miss Havisham style?

Like, we're talking about the private equity, the three different private equity firms that own the places that we came up at. Oh, sure. Elrond, how many colonies of cats are thriving? Elrond Hubbard would fucking shutter to see the deeds that we hold. You think I came up at IO West? I'm going to let the replies speak for me. I don't.

I'm not even dipping my toes in this IO West channel. IO West I think is actually competitive when it comes to dust gathering. IO West is a horrifying nightmare that should have burned down, like Second City almost did. My understanding about your theater is that it has some real estate that it is just still kind of in. Wait, are you talking about the mall that Second City is in? Yeah, I mean, it's like, right? The huge, like, entertainment building thatO. is now in in Chicago.

When I think of I.O., I think of the one of I.O. West, I think of the one that is right on Hollywood Boulevard. Talking about I.O. West. They accidentally like open a door one day and there's a clown car of. But are you talking about. Crust punks. It's not talking about Second City on Hollywood, where when you would open of, of crust punks. Kept it smelling out. So you're not talking about second city on Hollywood

where when you would open the door, there'd be that stairwell that smelled like piss and shit. You're not talking about that. You're talking about Iowa West where there was like a bunch of people selling guns underneath the building. Are you calling them crust punks? They might be. Is that what you're talking about? They might be in the building. Are you calling them cross punks? They might be watching this. Is that what you're talking about?

They might be in the DMs. I don't think of them as cross punks really. I didn't mean to call them cross punks. I actually thought, I the whole time thought we were talking about the groundlings. I can't speak to that. The character work. Oh, you're right.

I would love to talk about character work. This is one place I didn't study, but I do admire it. Okay. I love characters. You really, I actually think- I never have anybody, the whole time I'm doing it, nobody's playing loud music next to me. I think you're trading off the Groundlings

without realizing it. Kevin, can you play some loud music around y'all? I think you're going into these rooms and I think people are- They think I'm Groundlings? I think they're picking up a Groundlings thing. And I think like- You're giving off a Groundlings vibe?

The honest thing to do would be to like just up top, you like, I understand whatever it was thinking, but like, no, no, no groundlings training whatsoever. This is cause how I dress in public. I dress, what you're saying is I dress in public like groundlings dress on stage. Tim. That's what you're saying?

I just say it's- I don't know about in public, but like, yeah, when you're at a professional, at an audition, or when you're meeting with like a director or something. So you have a problem getting... I'm not saying you're aware of this. I mean, I am aware to a certain extent. You have to.

Every single character... Are you guys talking about his wigs? I just auditioned for Paradise, all right? And I thought it was a good idea to wear a wig and a neck brace. And you think that makes me look like a groundling? And I can understand why it would be in your interest to deny after like, you've been pulling this off

for a long time. And so like now that there's a mic in front of you and it's being recorded, that's what I would do too. No, Tim, and let me go ahead and speak for Tim. This is a trap. If this is true, Tim, like we have to get separated. Like I can't be seen with with a groundling right now. It just wouldn't be good for me

in terms of my career and stuff and where I'm headed. The timing would be kinda bad just for her to be seen with a groundling. Which is, the wig and the neck brace. I don't know, is that groundlings? Maybe a little. Maybe a little. Maybe a little.

Yeah. And the vo- can we hear the voice? Ow. Ow no. Ow no. I bought another British car in America. Oh. I get in the car and the steering wheel's over here other side I get the driver's side and I'm like now

That's uh, yeah, not again. Yeah. Well when they open it up to improv, that's where I go. I think he's gonna get it This was for paradise for paradise. Tell me more about the the project the paradise audition. Yeah. Have you seen the show? Mm-hmm. It's... I haven't watched it. Okay. So you've seen it. I haven't watched it, but obviously, I mean, it's a hot show.

Obviously, you've seen it, yeah. Well, everything's about the president in the first season and the second season's about the vice president. And it's the end of the world, it's the apocalypse. That's who I was going for. Yeah, with a wig and a neck brace. But the apocalypse happened. Well, the president and the vice president of America

by great products, you know, would actually be pretty interesting story point where he's like, the public will never accept this, you know? And now I'm betraying my country. Here I am one of the main leaders, you know? If not the main one. Okay, see, now we're talking. And then you're like, oh, this is a huge scandal.

Not only that, I don't know how to drive this kooky thing. I think I did a really good job reading with Tim on this one. Lily's always trying to book from behind the camera. I'm trying to book from behind the camera. Wait, sorry, who was that? Yeah, that's usually what Tim's feedback is. The reader was something else.

She was loud. I get that one a lot. She was really close to the camera. Yeah. We even saw her a couple times. There's a really mean teacher in this season. Based on his eye line, she's really moving around back there.

Well, the other thing is because the camera is set up sort of high, you don't really see me. So you kind of see the top of my head coming in and out of the frame. We've been banging our head against the wall trying to find this mean teacher. I always make the choice. I always make the choice to be looking up at a character. Yeah. Tim's always looking like almost to the sky. And then I'll come in and I'll be like,

do you need to get out of here? It's such a great trick to seem more youthful. I mean, this industry is obsessed with youth and it's always like, what's your age range? What do you play? Well, not only that, it's just like, all of a sudden, you're, I mean, you're a little kid. As soon as you're doing this, if I'm talking to you,

businessman, but if I'm talking to you, papa, I don't know what the line was. Papa? Papa? The decision makers are in the, they're thinking about their kids at home. Yeah, yeah. But when you look down.

It's manipulation, it's emotional manipulation. You look down? You look down. It's manipulation, it's emotional manipulation. You look down? You look down. Hey. I'm a scientist. I do, yeah, I do that. The southern one. I do that for a fantasy type of show,

like a Game of Thrones type show where I might be able to play a giant. And so the idea of like getting, you know, me above the, who would be on that show, a witch? Yeah. So it's me over the witch, right? Yeah. above the, who would be on that show, a witch? Yeah. So it's me over the witch, right? Yeah. And I'm about to squeeze her to death

in the palm of my hand, you know, and I'm looking straight down at her, and I'm doing, I'm no good at voices, you're the voice guy, how might the giant sound? I'm gonna kill you. Ah! Something like that,? His tongue is giant too. He did that in his audition for something recently actually. Lethal Weapon 5. It's a drama. Wow. We're getting back in there and Mel's directing,

writing, and playing both, is that right? Yeah, that's right. And they're doing the Top Gun thing where they go see Danny Glover, but he's like not speaking and they just say like, you're really sick, I hope you are gonna be okay. I need your advice now more than ever, Danny Glover. But don't give me any, please.

Yeah, just write it down. I'll leave the room, you write it down, I'll come back in, I'll read it. Don't you dare. All good? I don't wanna say what I was gonna say. That's really disrespectful to Danny Clever. No, what I was gonna say,

what you guys were saying was great. Yeah, and you said, don't you dare. Don't you dare get out of there. That's how I would deliver it to him. Don't you stay in that fucking bed. Don't you dare. You try to get out of that bed. Little bitch.

You're gonna taste steel. Yeah. You're drawn gone. You're getting too old for this. You don't even let him stay there. I'm looking over him too. Oh yeah, looking down. Yeah, I'm down.

This is a great angle for me, I've looking over. I'm looking over him too. Yeah. Oh, yeah looking down. Yeah, I'm down. This is a great angle for me I've learned to Was tucking that chin in Mm-hmm. Well, no one really talks about this is in work. This is actually this is this it like this Yeah, yeah your feet out like this this is actually that's nice that's a good angle feet out like this. This is actually.

That's nice. That's a good angle. This is that's good because if we were doing it, if we were doing a scene, like we were breaking up, that's the kind of face you want to, you'd be wanting to make like be making, I think. I go, yeah, I go, well, you'll never get this again. And I'm doing this. Yeah. That's really good.

Yeah. Pelvis up a little kiss goodbye. Yep. Yeah. Give it goodbye. But is it, are we worried, like is it going forward? Like is the project, like with everything going on, is it even-

Lethal Weapon 5? Yeah, is it even like- You mean the tariffs? I mean, it's what we're all talking about, right? Without saying it, we're all talking about the tariffs. I'm excited about the tariffs. We've been basically doing impression of me and Hayes' dad dancing around it all day.

Like, why don't we go ahead and stop dancing and actually just discuss the tariff situation, which I think a lot of our, look, we've created a listenership that is of above average intelligence. Hmm, I wonder why. The people that find this show are smart, okay? They're actually way, way, way, way,

they're curve wrecking geniuses. But a lot of them have been asking, what's a tariff? What's going on? Why is that happening? How does money work? What are these percentages? Some of the names in these countries,

are these countries or what are they? I can't see who you're pointing to. Happy to try and answer this question if I can, but I cannot see who you're pointing to. Is this guy allowed? The email I get most often, most of the time is, is this guy allowed? Mm-hmm. most often, most of the time is, is this guy allowed? And you know, I can't, yeah,

I can't necessarily respond to that. Yeah. And they're so- Which I could, because they might not actually be allowed. They're so inquisitive and they're, and they're actually, it's beautiful, you know, the way they like- Watching.

The curiosity, their brains are these sponges, you know? I mean, they love to learn. But when you just get an email, no return address, no subject, and it says, and it says, it says, is this allowed? And it's really, really hard to deal with that. So we thought this could be a good opportunity, who better to talk about the tariffs than the both of you.

But we know a lot about the tariffs. And I love, don't you love when media tries to talk about this? Don't you just love, like, when they actually try to? Watch this, this is how I feel about it. Ha ha ha ha. That's how I feel about it. It's really funny like that.

It's perfect, I mean, it's actually, the ultimate evidence of hubris in this country is actually when the media tries to talk about this stuff, which has me basically laughing like Lily just did. Yeah, to me it's just like the epitome of controversy when you start with stuff like that. Whether I'm in a liberal circle, conservative circle, independent circle.

Yeah. People that are like this. I don't like politics. There's more and more of them. There's more and more of them. I don't like politics. And I don't blame them. No, uh-uh.

I mean, everything is political, but they don't like politics. And I get that. But the same line kills in every single place. The math ain't mathin'. Yes. That's so good. That's right.

That's how I feel about that. Yes. Yes, yes. And they go nuts. They go wild. They go, I mean, old school. And what's funny about that is like, it actually is. It actually is mathin'.

Of course. And that's why it's so like, It's hilarious. To even like to say it like that. It's like, think about it. If you think about it. Irony, not to bring it back. This guy didn't study it. It actually is.. And that's why it's so like that even to say it like that it's like, think about it. It would be irony not to bring it back. I didn't study it. I've trained everywhere.

I've trained everywhere. Oh, you did, oh. But you know. Yeah, we did. Well, groundlings, you didn't do groundlings. I didn't do groundlings, yeah. You better not have done groundlings if you think you really have to.

And he goes into this room saying like, oh, where do you train? He's like, oh, I've been everywhere and like, just to keep it in a groundlings place, keep their head in that groundlings. I can't be seen without one. He's not gonna give up the game. Yeah, and I do, I am thinking back

to when you were talking about UCB, trashing them actually for saying that there's a right and wrong answer. No, I was trashing you, not the theater. Well, good luck because there's a lot of trash in that theater as it is. Oh yeah, but actually my favorite part about performing at UCB is when I used to get off the stage. Sean come back. Sean are you okay? I don't think I knew that at the time that that was what was going on. No it's okay it's all right. It's okay.

This was all in jest. You know what, it was the UCB tactic. It was ironic. I miss the trash at UCB. You used to come off the stage and immediately you get hit with this whiff of dumpster that was nay 10 feet away from you. You're talking about backstage.

And it was a dumpster. And that's truth and comedy. And I'm not even exaggerating. Like they talk about the dumpster actually was a dumpster. Backstage. And that's truth and comedy. And I'm not even exaggerating. Like the dumpster actually was a dumpster. Multiple like huge jugs of grease, of fire hazard. I miss it. So now when I go back there it's clean.

Well the first time I saw Jugs of Grease magazine I actually thought. You thought your dad was in it. I thought. I actually thought, oh this this is, you know, I had learned my lesson from Top Heavy, bringing that to my dad. I thought, oh, this is about UCB, my favorite theater.

And I brought it to the teachers thinking they'd be proud of me. Oh no. Well, Matt Besser put on his size seven shoes and you know. Do you have an impression of him? Do I have an impression of a math bachelor? That's a good question. Yeah, I thought you did.

I can go look, I'd have to go home. I've gotten emails from you saying that you have really good ones. I have to like go through the emails. I got so many emails. You love the emails. I get so many emails from these guys like and because I'm telling we have we go back and forth so much on like what guy you know what's the guy that's a common email right what guy yes exactly I'm

like you have to give some more information I really do want to help you it sounds important, it is important. And I can't wait to watch it, but. But they'd like to stump you. Don't you think that some part of getting those emails is your listeners testing your intelligence and being like, are they still at the top of their game? Am I?

Is he allowed? Boy, I wouldn't put that past our listeners. They're a sharp bunch. They're really clever. That's something our listeners, they're a sharp bunch. They're really clever. That's something our listeners might do. Boy, that could work on me. Cause coming from my listeners, I'm so trusting. Boy, that's sneaky man for my listeners to do that.

Oh, Tim, you might've bust this whole thing wide open. And to the listeners, a fair play to you, good sirs and lady folk. And one lady. Yes. No, that's, that's right, they might have been testing me. And here I am, I walked right into the trap. Whoa.

Hollywood handbook. Whoa. Hollywood handbook. You know, this happens a lot with us. Who's us? Just in this case. I know, but tell everyone else who us is. I just wanted to go back to something I wanted to say

at the beginning of the show. When I came in and I kind of was getting seated, there wasn't any like drinks. So I remember after I took a seat, I said, Kevin, I'm gonna go get some drinks. You remember that? Kevin kind of goes, yes. No, I remember what you said was, I'm gonna get a water.

Right. Do you want one? You said to Tim. And then I turned to you and I said, you look all hydrated up, because you have multiple drinks. Yeah. And then I went and I got a LaCroix and I got one for Tim And I remember sitting back down. How did you remember to say this? And you weren't even here yet. He's

Sean don't do it man. Don't reopen this wound Don't do it man. What do you what I? don't know. I don't know. See, he's being the bigger man. Go on. And the La Croix as well, you said. What? The La Croix as well, you had gotten.

Yeah, I had gotten the La Croix and I got one for Tim, I remember. You got me a spin drift. I spin drift. And I remember sitting and going, okay, we're gonna start soon. And then Hayes got here a little while after that. But we have to have this conversation because just when it comes to drinks

and being able to drink different things, we are gonna have to be able to understand these tariffs. How much do you guys think a LaCroix is gonna go for? What are you gonna be able to drink different things. We are gonna have to be able to understand these tariffs. How much you guys think a LaCroix is gonna go for? What are you gonna be able to drink now? What I have seen from, and obviously it's, there'll be a little bit of sticker shock, but when you really, when you think about what's gonna be coming into us,

it's, you have to, the math will math in terms of what goes out. But from what I've seen, eight pack of LaCroix will be $30,000. Jeez. And actually that is what my numbers show as well. Unless you know, I think like where to go. Like something about a LaCroix that's interesting

is it's one of the easiest things to huck over a wall. That is so smart. And so we're thinking about things that are just like supremely huckable. You could throw one from Cuba to Miami. Oh yeah. I mean you could toss it. They're really aerodynamic.

Oh yeah. If you can get like a perfect spiral on one, which I can, and I could actually put one through your forehead, and I'm not looking I could actually put one through your forehead. And I'm not looking at anyone in particular. Were you looking at me when you said that? No, I actually thought. I was making direct eye contact with you.

That's why I looked straight ahead. Because that's just for everyone to know. That's a message that no one, listeners, everyone should be aware of. I just wanted to say. That he can put it through someone's forehead. I love Michael Jordan, I took that personally. I took it personal.

I was not looking at you. Okay, now maybe he comes on the show. I think none of the cameras, there's no rod right now, but can you imagine? What, ah, I'd be so excited to meet him. He's such a famous basketball player. You teased who you wanted to get on the show or someone that you had gotten on the show.

Yeah. And then you gave no specifics, not even hints, so that we could kind of guess who the celebrity guest was, the biggest person that had ever been on the show. And now I wonder if that's what people are asking when they say what guy, that they're saying what guy is gonna be on the show next. Oh, yeah.

And they just fell down or something. But when they say is this allowed or is he allowed? Is that guy allowed? Is that guy allowed? Is that guy allowed to be on the show? So yeah, and I don't know. I mean, I think he's banned from the show for gambling. Smoking.

Conspiracy theory. I could throw a littleroix pretty far too. And one thing I'm thinking about doing with the tariffs is inventing like, maybe a product called LaCroix wings. That is like, you can kind of snap the cans into, you know, sort of a makeshift like airplane.

And it'll just glide it just that little bit further. And another thing on La Croix, you know why they make that flavors, don't you? Beaver anus gland. Wow. Yeah. Well that's supposed to be very good for you.

I don't think they knew why they make that flavors. Yeah, that's why they make that flavor. Yeah, I was shocked by that. I don't think they actually knew why they make that flavor. I got caught. Beaver anus i was shocked by why they make that flavor i got beaver anus gland that's how they make that flavor mm-hmm that's how they run it through the gland yeah it's supposed to be really good for you it sounds made up but actually our listeners will know enough to actually go look it up. They are brainiacs. You know how RFK is like changing all the oils and stuff,

which is really good. And in case I got your email that you love RFK and stuff about that, and I just feel like having- I send it to a lot of people. You act like you're the only person I accept that to. I didn't really personally know that. You sent it to me. I don't know why you would do that.

It was like a huge email. And I said at the beginning, it was BCC, but I said at the beginning, like this email's huge. I just felt like it was for me. Cause when I read it, I was like, this is so good to read about like all the oils that he's getting changed at like McDonald's and stuff like that.

And, and one of the things that he's like instrumental in getting is, Beaver Anus Gland. Beaver Anus Gland, yeah. Like in schools. Into school. Oh, where the mean teacher works. Yeah. If you book it. Lucky, lucky if I do.

We'll see. Yeah, we will. And I love this competition between the two of you. Hey, maybe instead of spin drift, that should say marital rift, right? Because you guys are so competitive with one another. You know. It's good, right?

No, it's good. Competition is healthy. We competize each other. Yeah, and when I'm compoting with him, you guys should see it. I mean, the fire's alive and well. No need to be afraid of a little healthy competition. When you're compoting.

When you're a competitor. That's what happens. It gets really fun in there, in the self tape room I'm talking about. The tariffs are so crazy because they're so crazy they could actually work. And I get really frustrated when I see people who haven't even actually thought about it

or read about it, just having this knee-jerk reaction of like, oh, I didn't vote for this guy. And so this isn't smart. But Tim, you were saying, before we started to record, that it's actually the best plan of all time. Was this when I was getting the drinks? Yeah, yeah, you left.

And that, those few, maybe that 30 seconds or whatever, I spit this hot take out. And then you had, and you had actually a way to break it down that was like sort of a, a pretty cool metaphor. They're talking long-term short-term pain, long-term benefit and medium-term in between those two things.

Time. Just like normal. Right. Time, flat circle. Right. So we're talking. Middle. Yeah. Diameter of this circle.

We're on one point, but you spin it. The globe is. Rabious. Oh yeah. Yeah. It's a globe. So it's. The globe. You're talking about the globe. Yeah. So the globe is, but you spin it, the globe is. Rabious. Yeah. Yeah. It's a globe. So it's. The globe, you're talking about the globe.

Yeah. So the globe is, I mean, it seems infinite, but technically it's a finite amount of these circles, just da da da da da da da da da in every single direction. Exactly. 3D, right? So you don't know where exactly on the time continuum of this globe and these circles, short, medium, long is, it may have already worked on another part of the globe. Yes.

And well, and it's so interesting you bring up the globe because it is about actually the planet and the country. Yes, yes. So it's almost a direct comparison to the globe that we live on. One for one. Yeah. Yeah, it's one for one.

So it's- And talk about like a product being in one country and then being in another country. That's basically what we're talking about, right? It's a globe. Yeah, let's say placeholder. It looks infinite, but it's actually just these different circles.

Exactly. If you take an apple, for example, and you say- Placeholder will say apple. Sure. And you use a hairdryer to kind of float it up in the air, like a pretty, you know- Strong hairdryer. Kind of a say apple. And you use a hairdryer to kind of float it up in the air, like a pretty, you know. Strong hairdryer, kind of a smaller apple.

But you could do it with a Dyson, you could do it with a Dyson. I guess you would buy it. Not a Dyson blowout like the Panera Apple. The world is actually turning around to the point where the country that it was in, underneath it, will become a different country. Whoa. And only like, in like 20 minutes or something,

it'll like be turned around. It's actually in a completely different place. That's exactly what I said while you were getting the water. Wow. Wait, he wasn't here yet when I was getting the water, but I bet he was thinking that in his car. He was here. He came in and then he went back out

and then you came in and then he came back out. Oh, okay. You think about how there's volcanoes under the ocean. That's crazy. We think of that as being like, just like on land. Weir or something, yeah. Well, and you know how everybody's saying like, oh, we're not gonna have any like,

everything's gonna be so expensive, time to save. What, product, you won't have anything, yeah. I'm like. Or any money. I don't need materials, material goods. I love to like, buy like, for example, I'll buy like a whole thing of chicken wings from like Albertsons, right? This is such a perfect example

of exactly what we wanted to talk about today. Yes. Which is we don't need material goods. No. We'll go get a whole thing of chicken wings. Like your fulfillment is where you find it. And the fact that the country is so panicked. Yes.

And some of these pea brains are going, I won't have my materials. My material goods. And it's like, just, well, have you tried getting a whole thing of chicken wings? Exactly, because once I take those back home and I sort of put them into different bags and I'll sort of keep them in different places

around the house. You're hiding them. I feel like I don't need a new shirt. I don't need gas. I don't need, you know, rent. Obviously phone, computer, television, you know, couch, house. Like this is stuff that people get so obsessed with. It's so material.

So material. And if a, and a full thing of chicken, like you said. Yeah, right. Can be a whole month. All I need is a whole thing of chicken wings and a hat from a podcast. You give me that? I'm happy.

I'm a happy little boy. Yeah. Satisfied customer. All I need is all four kinds of hat from a podcast and a whole thing of chicken wings. I got, yeah, my last 30, how much are the chicken wings, probably? A the hats only 29 bucks, which is great. So I just like bagged four of them.

We got three of them. I need all the, there's three of them and there's maybe going to be a four. It's from, you know, it's from a different, it's from South Sudan. So like, but we were getting, we were getting busy boned on these tariffs. With these hats.

Yeah. Yes. Are you really? Inside out, we are getting turned into goo. Yeah, upside down, man. I'm having flashbacks to getting my little keister moon walked on because that's what they're doing financially.

That's it, man. Bruises on the butt cheeks. And I'm telling you what, and I wouldn't lie. I hope the fans are appreciative, right? Because you put out quality product like that and you're taking a bath in it. This is the real deal. Our fans are kings and queens,

salt of the earth, but also elite. Yeah. Intelligentsia, you know the coffee place? Uh-huh. Yeah. That's named after our fans. I'm also like, I don't need coffee anymore once the tariffs come.

Mm-hmm, yes. Oh my God. Like everyone's so obsessed with coffee. I know people complaining about, I wanna be able to drink drinks I like. Have milk. I wanna buy stuff I like. Yeah. Literally have milk and chicken.

Like chill. What's on a farm? We got farms here. Go back to your roots. Chicken and milk. So we get the chicken wings, we get the milk. All of a sudden we're having like a great time with our family and friends.

Yeah. And that's the kind of oil we need to be consuming more instead of these like seed oils, which are actually really fucking dangerous I know I got your email. Chicken oil and milk oil. Chicken oil and milk oil. You look at seed oils. Hmm. What are they a part of? Trees. What do trees do? Absolutely jack fucking nothing. Like

never seen one do anything. Not only can't dunk a basketball, but just like, can't even really put on skates. The one thing I can do with the tree, I can throw a lacroix. Yeah. So it will actually fix itself into a tree and start like tapping the sap from the tree.

And so I can actually get 100% pure grade A maple syrup from one shot. This is interesting. With a La Croix. And you think it like, pomplamoose is like the funny flavor. Connected. But it doesn't actually- Connected.

Fly the same way. No, yeah, the weight's off. That's the beaver anal gland. The connected and question, and this is you guys can weigh in, but for our listeners too, sap, is that a tree's blood or cum? Not mucous?

Whoa. Hollywood handbook. That was a Head Gum Podcast. Hey, I'm Jake Johnson and I host the head gum podcast We're here to help with my partner Gareth Reynolds. We're here to help as a call and advice show Think car talk from back in the day. We're determined to help fix life's dumbest problems We also have guest helpers join us from the entire cast and new girl to Michael Sarah Andy Sandberg Jimmy Kimmel Just to name a few so do me a favor and come check out an episode and then bounce around our catalog. We're over 150 episodes so far so there's plenty of stories for you to discover.

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