Hollywood Handbook - Tim Baltz, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: August 13, 2018

TIM BALTZ joins Hayes to have a Shrink session.This episode is sponsored by Audible ( www.audible.com/THEBOYS  or text THEBOYS to 500-500).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. I was with Paul Newsman, and we were doing Newsman's own lemonade. The first, inventing the recipe. Inventing the recipe. Okay. The first, inventing the recipe. Inventing the recipe. Okay. So before you come along and say, oh, this is my favorite lemonade. Oh, it's for charity.

This is, I was involved in way before that, figuring out the first recipe. The original recipe. Yes. And something we had been talking about for a long time. Mm-hmm. On the set of HUD. And I go to his house and I say, okay, we're finally going to do this. And he says,

well, it's Paul Newsman lemonade. It should have eggs. You remember when I ate? Eggs? He says, you remember when I ate all those eggs in the movie? He says, I ate 300 eggs. And I said, I think it was 50. I saw, I don't remember it that well, but I don't think it was 300.

300 is a stretch. 50 is a lot. That's plenty. You should be proud of 50. But he said it was 300. He seemed to think that it was, that the movie was called 300. That the movie 300 was about him eating 300 eggs. And so he says, well, so obviously,

one of the ingredients in the lemonade should be 300 eggs. And I say, okay, do you have, and before I even finish saying do you have, he suddenly reveals, a panel opens up, and there's 600 eggs in it. Because he says, I'm going to eat 300 of these just for myself while we're here. Like a snack. Yes.

And then we'll use the other 300 in the recipe. Gotcha. And I say, okay, but this is like, this is not drink. This is not a drink. This is food. Is the first concern I had. You can drink an egg. Well, that's what he said.

Yeah, so I would take his side there. And he said, look, it comes with a glass. It comes with its own cup. Two cups. Two cups, yes. And he perfectly divides the egg into two equal halves with his hands. And then he says, you want to do shots? Throws back now 600 egg shots because it's two per egg.

And now he's too tired to do the lemonade. two per egg. And now he's too tired to do the lemonade. And I knew you would have stuff to say about this. Yeah, I mean, you just the little bit of ginger balances out like the 300 eggs. He was on the right track.

The tang of the ginger, the savory flavor of the egg is balanced out by that sharp tang of the ginger. And it's antibiotic properties as well, and it's a superfood. Hi, welcome to Hollywood Handbook, Insider's Guide to Kicking Button Dropping Names on the Red Carpet Linebacker, always of the industry we call showbiz.

I want to introduce my guest, Tim Baltz. I don't want to wait even one more second. I'm right here. I'm ready to go. It's really great to talk to Tim Baltz. Today especially. Today's interesting. Sean is not here. Sean, of course, if people have been following Sean on social media,

you know that he has been following a snail for the last several days. His goal, he says, is to get the honey. I think he's under the impression that what the snail is leaving behind is honey. Is he picking up this trail that he thinks is honey? No, he doesn't want the snail to know that he's following it. Okay, so does he think that once the snail gets to a certain point, it's just going to dump a lot of honey, and that honey is leaking from its body right now?

I think he, so this is, based on his posts, this is the impression that I'm under. He thinks that the snail is carrying a small supply of honey. And Sean talks about the marshmallow test a lot. Oh, yeah. How good he is at the marshmallow test. Are you familiar with this? That's how many marshmallows you can fit in your mouth at once.

Yes. And so he said this perfect example of the marshmallow test. He desperately wants to eat the honey that the snail is carrying. But if he passes on eating this honey, the snail will lead him back to the big honey place. The trove. Thank you. I don't know the technical term for this. So let me unpack

this a little bit more. He thinks that this small snail is headed to basically like some kind of cave. It has one shipment of honey where all other snails are leading to drop off their shipment to create this super trove of honey. Yes. He wants to eat that.

A layman would know it's the big honey place, but yes, Brett apparently says it's called the trove. That's a super trove. Super trove. And he wants to eat this whole super trove of honey. He wants to eat the super trove and sell whatever he can't eat. I mean. It's rude. I mean, it's rude. And he says it's permanent. The famous thing about honey is it is a forever food.

Yeah, that's true. So you can theoretically make money on it forever. You can spread it on wounds. A lot of people don't know that. Okay. You didn't know that? You gave me an okay like, okay. Well, no, it makes sense.

No, I do believe you. You can. You can spread it on wounds. You can okay like, okay. Well, no, it makes sense. No, I do believe you. You can. You can spread it on wounds. You can spread anything on wounds. Well, yeah, Brett, yes. Yeah, but spreading honey on wounds will actually help the wound. And you can't spread anything. I don't want to help the wound.

The wound hurts. You can't spread anything on a wound because you can't spread most things. But honey is famously spreadable. Okay, I don't like when people say famously. Oh, no, that's famous. Well, yeah. Yeah, I know everything that is famous. So actually the fact that you are saying that it's famous is a lie.

You know what I wish? Here's what I wish. Here's what I wish would happen. Haze. No, I was about to talk about Sean's quest for this honey. Okay. What I wish that Sean would do is pick up this one snail, suck the honey out of it that he thinks is inside. Okay.

He wants to do that. I think it would only take the slightest provocation. I hope he's not listening to this show. But this would, because he'll be listening, it's not going to come out immediately. Right. But this seems like it could go on for a long time. Okay. Well, if he picked up this one snail and he tried to suck the honey out of it.

Yes. As we famously know, there is no honey in this snail. I'm sorry to say that again. Then that would disabuse him of the notion that perhaps there is this super trove of honey waiting for him with some bigger snail or all these snails dropping their honey. He does not give up. He does not admit that he's wrong very easily. See, I know this about you, too, from listening.

So this is what would happen. He would suck the snail, and he would say, this is the most delicious honey I've ever had in my life. He's never had honey before, or he thinks that this is a new kind of honey. No, he has. I think in his head, the process he's going through is like, okay, this doesn't taste like at least most of the honey I've ever had. But to admit that honey was never a part of this is a fate worse than death. He would never. So he'd say, oh, it's the most delicious honey.

Eventually he would start leading the neighborhood. He would double down and start calling out to the neighborhood that he's discovered a famous new honey that is the sweetest and has the most healing properties. And everyone essentially becomes Deadpool. Okay. So maybe, yeah. And then he'd spread this, like, snail honey all over his wounds if he had some or some of his neighbors. That's why I said, okay, earlier, because I was catching up to, he said, so I get the honey and then I am essentially Deadpool.

Because of his healing properties. Yeah. I know. Well, I don't know. I got to give that side because, well, all right. I wouldn't want am essentially Deadpool. Because of his healing properties. Yeah. I know. Well, I don't know. I got to give that side because, well, all right. I wouldn't want to be Deadpool. I wouldn't want to be Deadpool. You wouldn't want to be Deadpool.

I wouldn't want to be Deadpool. It'd be tough to enjoy Deadpool. That's the one curse of being Deadpool. Right. Exactly. You go see the movie and you can't appreciate it the way everyone else did. Because you are Deadpool. Yeah.

But Doctor, I am Deadpool, essentially, is his life. One thing I want to point out about what's going on with Sean is it was 115 degrees in Los Angeles yesterday. I just think that's important context for what is going on with him and the snail. A lot of the stuff he was talking about yesterday was about how the snail

was disappearing to try and hide from him. Yeah, if he's outside following a snail that keeps disappearing, like, snails can't just up and disappear. Yeah. So it's possible he was having a hallucination based on heat, and it sounded like he did not beat the heat. But it could shrievel.

It could shrievel. The snail. Yeah, a snail could shrievel pretty easily. And if he looks away and the snail is shrieveled, and he looks back at where it was and it's moved slightly and it's shrieveled. Yes. And then he thinks it's hiding from him. Right.

And again, this just makes him more upset. Then he has to walk back and find the trail, which he thinks is honey, which is actually a snail trail, and then relocate the shrieveled snail. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So this is all just to say no Sean. Okay, yeah, no Sean. You know, when I noticed, when I came in here and I asked where's Sean, you said he's not here today.

That would have sufficed for me. That would have been enough for me to, okay. But you understand there's more people involved in this than just you and actually like 100,000, 200,000 more. You're being modest. It's like a lot of people, and especially with your fans. Oh, yeah, all the CISO heads. Yes. Just dying for their continued CISO content.

So we should explain for anyone who doesn't know Tim, Tim was the shrink on CISO short for CISO Many Content. CISO is no longer allowed to be online. They're dormant right now is what I've been told. Seized by the government, I heard, for being technically a drug. Cease and desist for not being regulated. CISO and desist. You know, in Trump's America, it's possible that if we deregulate enough, CISO is just going to come raging back.

Right. They're going to unshackle it. They're going to unshackle all that content. I hear. But some of the rhetoric, like, I think it's like an opiate, technically, in terms of its effects. Right. CISO was. Mm-hmm.

Would just make people, like, so blissed out more than, like, they'd ever been before. So I think it is technically against the law now. Right. Similar to Oxycontin, it kind of dumps all of its load in you right away. The payload is immediate release. No time release. Uh-uh, no. And it's long-lasting, too.

So it's the same hit that heroin addicts get. And is it addictive? Oh, I don't know. Maybe try it. Maybe try to watch this one. Try to log on, try to play something, have it freeze and go to that dumb jackass screen with Richard Ioade on it,

and then you're hooked even more because you can't wait for it to stop. You go to another show. Now you really want to watch this show. That was their trick to get you to go from one show to another is that one show would freeze on that dumb jackass goddamn screen. And then you would go, all right, well, I'll watch an episode of Take My Wife. And then it freezes 12 minutes in. And you're like, well, what's Gentleman Lobster is all about? Then that would freeze.

And you go see, oh, what are some of these Britcoms all about? Suddenly you've watched 90 seconds of every show. Yeah. And the cycle continues. And you see so many content that way. You see so many content. So, but you were the shrink. I was the shrink.

I was the shrink. And it took a long time to be the CISO shrink, to be honest. We started as a web series in 2011, made it into a pilot in 2012, took to New York Television Festival, won a couple awards, pitched it around town in 2013, sold it to Pivot in 2013, sat in development for two and a half years, got it back, sold it to CISO, and then made the shrink. Wow.

That's quite a Hollywood story. Normally we would like to stretch that out. That burned off a lot of. It did? I was just hoping to take a longer walk through your career and now I don't I'm not sure where else to go that's the episode I should have said before the episode was gonna be the shrink story where that would like pivot alone was gonna be like half how long have we done in the show? It's been like seconds.

No, 12 minutes. All right, let me tell your listeners. The show's supposed to be really long. If you go back, if your listeners go back and start from when I started that little shrink. Yes, yes, yes, yes. If they slow it down. A little shrink wrap? If they slow what I said down.

Are you saying shrink wrap? Sorry, we will make some of the listeners horny. We should cut that. How come? A lot of these guys are like, they like to shrink wrap themselves. Something about the sensation. Yeah, yeah. They kind of dip themselves in a plastic goo, let it dry, and then put kind of a vacuum attachment into the one hole,

and then they just kind just shrink themselves up. I learned this online. Some fans pointed this out to me when they were searching for shrink related content. A lot of times they would just end up with pictures of women with huge feet. Basically forced perspective stuff. Like the rest

of them was shrink? No, like this woman was 50 feet tall and her feet were huge. Oh, yeah. I've seen that. Oh. You have? Uh, I mean, yeah. I mean. Yeah, it's just kidding. I just want to see you doing a very bad

job of trying to cover up whether you saw it. It seems like you say, uh, I mean, usually you don't say yes after that. But I got in my head and I thought it would be too obvious if I said no. No, look. And so I said yes thinking maybe you were gaming. Either you haven't seen it and you were lying or you have seen it and you just got busted because you searched for it yourself.

But maybe you were searching for the shrink. It just popped up. Well, let me tell you. Let me pop up. Let me step into the shrink shoes for a little up. Well, let me tell you. Let me pop up. Let me step into the shrink shoes for a little bit. There's no judgment here. If you like 50-foot-tall women

with big old feet, that's fine. Why did that come up for the shrink? Is it like the fetish is like you are a shrinked man and so now all the women's feet is so big.

You've been shrink-wrapped down to size. Yes. And the guys listening will big. You've been shrink-wrapped down to size. Yes. And the guys listening will be like, well, shrink-wrapping doesn't actually shrink you. It just puts you in a very tight plastic encasement. Claustrophobic fetish. But you were saying if you go back and slow down the pivot part of the conversation. Oh, yeah.

Then I'll unpack everything. You can slow it down, and I've filled in every single thing. I just said that. You did a whole show? I did a whole show within that probably like 20 second burst. Oh. Well, then this is just bonus time. But for the people that don't want to slow it down and want to listen at regular speed, we can absolutely spend the time there.

It's two shows. We could do two shows. How many shows? Will you let me know when you're doing another show? Yeah, absolutely. Within this one? That would be huge. Because then we can just kind of release those separately. I'll usually speed up really fast. Okay.

It's a very small file for people. The bonus show is like Pied Piper. Inside Out. What? What? That's not from Inside Out. Inside Out Compression or whatever. Oh, yeah, that's right, with the dicks.

Busted again. Busted again. Inside Out Compression, yeah, more shrink stuff. I was going to say you should work for Micro Machines. Oh, yeah, RIP that guy. He died a few years ago. Oh, wow. He was sort of trying to do what you did, which is do a whole commercial inside the commercial.

Because that's how we would talk so fast. Well, there's only so many ways that I can get out the word about CISO and shrink these days. So I have to compress it into other statements. That's right. Because otherwise I'm going to get caught. Because it's still being regulated. Because otherwise I'm going to get caught because it's still being regulated. Even you are legally a drug dealer.

Yeah. By talking about CISO and the shrink. Well, walking around, I'm almost a drug dealer because I was on every goddamn CISO show. Yeah. They put me in every fucking show. Yeah, that's right. They couldn't get enough. They got hooked.

They got hooked on me. I was CISO's little bad fucking boy. They knew it, too. They knew hooked. They got hooked on me. I was CISO's little bad fucking boy. They knew it, too. They knew it. My reps knew it, man. Oh, they got just above scale. They knew, huh? They got just above scale. They knew it.

They knew it. They call you and tell you, Tim, it seems like you're something of a bad boy, are you? I keep getting these calls, and I'm beginning to think that you're CISO's bad boy. We got these normal auditions for you. Sorry. You got to go do a read-through with the casting director. Unfortunate. You've been here a few years, but that's what it is.

But we got straight offer for this other CISO show. If you want to just walk onto set, I'd be like, yeah. Can I be disrespectful? Yeah. They hope you will be. They don't want you to be respectful. Is set the right word for where CISO shows would film? Yeah.

There was like a set or was this kind of like the world is our set? No. Most of CISO shows were filmed where the five and the Los Angeles River and Los Feliz Boulevard kind of connect. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's a good lot. Yeah, Los Feliz crossing over to Atwater Village. And when you think about the world, like they shot a lot of exteriors. Yes.

For bajillion dollar properties. Yes. Like in Beverly Hills and stuff like that. But most of it was just down by the Los Angeles River. A lot of it seems like zoomed in from very far away. Yeah. Those exteriors at Beverly Hills are kind of almost like pixelated, like they've been blown up from maybe like six miles away.

And you'll see a lot of, here's another, sometimes you'll see like a little pixelated or like blurred out thing in the bottom right, or maybe like right in the middle of the screen. Yeah. And that's where they located the kind of watermark that said Getty Images, and they just blurred that out. Wow. That was a cool seesaw trick.

You can do that. People don't know that you can zoom in on it far enough that it's blurry. That was the first thing that got CISO in trouble with the government. They were stealing Getty images. Seized. Seized and desist. The CISOs. Well, I wonder if we...

Since we already kind of did the show. Since you are the shrink. Since we already kind of did the show, since you are the shrink, I wonder if we could talk about, since Sean isn't here, I don't know. It could kind of be interesting for me to talk about, I don't have a lot of opportunity to talk to people when Sean is not around. Oh, your face kind of changed when you said that. What's up?

Well, I mean, it's just like you work with someone for a long time, and obviously stuff just like piles up. And eventually you're like, oh, this is normal. You know, you get used to things. But when that person is not there anymore, like for the past several days, I've had this opportunity to think, oh, what was my life before this? What would I change if I could change anything? I can't. There's no point in talking about it.

Nothing will ever change. But just the opportunity to share it with The Shrink and maybe you could help me like you did Tony Soprano on the show. I am CISO's The Shrink. I think all shrinks across television are kind of ubiquitous. They share a lot in common.

Yeah. They help Tony Soprano. They help Tony Soprano. I mean, they've helped a lot of people. He kissed him one time. Yeah. Was that a dream?

No, that was a real kiss? No, it happened real and in a dream. In a dream, you, effectively, the shrink, where like tony

get come here and get you know i mean i don't want to say that it's hbn i don't want to say that the kind of stuff but oh that was that was about tony's fantasy about the shrink whether it was the shrink or the soprano's the shrink because there's so much trust there, you feel a need to kind of take advantage of that trust sexually? Yeah. You know what I mean? I look forward to building enough trust that by the end of this podcast episode, potentially you're thinking something sexual about me. Well, we really did just me, which is funny because I was not thinking that that was where it was going to go. But you do seem to operate so quickly.

Everything is so condensed with you. I thought I guess it would take longer than just this one podcast episode. But I appreciate you saying out loud that that is what you are hoping to happen with us. That honesty is great. We're not going to follow through on that. Definitely not during the episode. Okay. We can leave it to listeners' imagination once the episode is done. I'm a

swift operator. We're true on that. I think that the two of us have this kind of funhouse mirror thing going on. No, I'm experiencing that as well, except it's a funhouse mirror that is just flat. There's no real curve in it. I guess what you would call it is a mirror. Yeah, it's a mirror. I mean, it's tilted up a little bit because you seem to be a couple inches taller than me. Right, it is tilted a little bit up. So there's maybe like a five degree.

Mine's tilted down. Yeah, yours is tilted five degrees down. Mine's tilted five degrees up. Yeah. Brett, you kind of look like us too. So let's get into. He is starting to, isn't he? But this is the thing.

Every new record, I would say he looks half a percent more like me and Sean, who also looks exactly the same. Yeah. He's growing. He's adding a layer to his lips. And he thinks nobody notices. Yeah, he wears, yeah. This is the first time you've mentioned this. I've seen you take off your shoes before you go to the bathroom,

and I've seen the lifts in there, buddy. He has to step out of his shoes. He has to have help coming down from his shoes. You wouldn't see me sitting here if I didn't do that. What? I'd be under the table. Oh, you're that small. Okay, so when I first met you, you were like above table size,

but I guess you have been doing this for a while. Here I was thinking that it was for my benefit. And so I think his idea is like if I just do a tiny, tiny bit at a time, people won't notice that now my shoes are three feet tall. And it's like, yeah, eventually I did notice. Maybe not the difference from week to week, but the big shoes, like people are noticing that. When I first met you, I was already at like two feet.

I was just surpassing two feet shoes. Well, if I can see so as to shrink you for a second, I think you want to fit in with Sean and Hayes. And that's admirable because, youirable because they have a great rapport. You record a lot of these podcasts. I don't want to spend too much time on Brett. Okay, let me – I thought we were getting somewhere.

We'd honestly be here for a really long time. Unfortunately, I say this as C says the shrink all the time. Unfortunately, we're out of time. Hayes, let's deal with your relationship with Sean. Okay. Let's dive back into it. Start with, this is kind of like a, I feel stupid even complaining about this. He's on the phone a lot during the show.

During the show? Like he's going through Twitter or Instagram or email. Based on the way his thumbs are moving, it seems like he is on the chive. are moving, it seems like he is on the chive. You know how when you're looking at the chive, your thumbs are moving in this very delicate way because the content is so precious.

You don't want to the chive and barstool and I can tell sometimes when he's switching back and forth from the chive and barstool. And being so delicate with the content and also not wanting to put his thumb too much on the screen because that would obscure the Chyvan.

Yeah. And he's got a Chyvan. Yes. And he is keeping very calm and Chyvan on. Let me use a see-saw-the-shrink tactic that I think is just going to put you at ease and kind of continue to open you up, let you kind of blossom when it comes to divulging what's going on between you and Sean.

Noticing someone's thumbs is very observant. So I am. I have always kind of thought of myself as being the kind of person who notices details. Let me reinforce that. That's where my comedy comes from, too. A lot of specifics. Right. Satan is Who notices details. Let me reinforce that. That's where my comedy comes from, too. A lot of specifics. Right. Satan is in the details.

Yeah, Satan, like the tofu, the vegan stuff. And that is kind of a detail that I've noticed. That's a nice detail. That is, especially in LA. You went even further, because the phrase devil in the details, I said Satan is in the details. But I pronounced it a bit bizarre. And you all of a sudden jumped several levels down to seitan, which is a vegan substitute for meat.

Right, the substitute to treat Williams. And I can do that three or four times in a row before I get too tired to do it anymore. But that was observing something that you said. So, yes, I have always thought that that was something I could do. Sean has always said that he's the one who's really good at that kind of observational comedy and noticing what words

people said doing a little twist up on it. Okay, alright. But you notice these things about Sean and perhaps he's not really, if he's sensitive

and he's observant about other things, maybe he's not noticing that his thumb movement during a podcast episode is affecting you this way. Yeah. No, I know.

I know. I don't think he is. And I honestly, I don't blame him. The stuff that's going on in his phone looks really funny and cool, and they got smoke shows. You've seen this Barstool Sports? You've seen these smoke shows?

Yeah. I'm having a hard time doing a podcast if Brett's like, oh, I don't know. Is Sean married? Yes, he is married to a woman that he is friends with, and his name's Steffi Graf. Whoa. Yeah.

One of the best tennis players of all time. Or just has the same name? No, that is, I think, the real Steffi Graf. Whoa, you've never spent time with her. I have spent time with her. Okay. Sean and I will go look at her house a lot. Okay.

And he'll be like, my wife is in there. Yeah. Uh-huh. And he'll be like, yeah. And he'll just sort of talk about like, yeah, it's just like so weird being married. My wife is like right in the house right now. Oh, man. You know?

being married. My wife is like right in the house right now. Oh, man. You know, and I of course I'm in a relationship where I am the husband of Carrie Ann Moss, but she is not my wife. According to a relationship that, like an arrangement that we have worked

out. This like progressive thing, you know, marriage doesn't have to be this one thing anymore. Sure, it's still evolving. I mean, we're in a period of transition from kind of old dynamics of kind of social construction to something new. Yeah. We don't really have the tools yet available to define what those things are. Yeah.

There's not the word for this. No, there isn't. But I do see you're wearing a traditional wedding ring to symbolize your love and union with Carrie Ann Moss. Yes. So, you know, kudos to you for showing yourself a little bit of respect. I woke up one morning from having spent the night with her and it was on and it doesn't come off anymore. So, and that's what it's like.

That's what marriage is. You know, it's kind of a metaphor for this whole marriage thing, you know. Yeah, you can't get it off. But Sean is, that's been an ongoing thing. My relationship with Carrie Ann, I think he is jealous of. It takes me away from him sometimes. And he's like, oh, that sucks. You and Carrie Ann have to hang out together so much.

Me and Steffi kind of have our own thing where she's in that house. I'm in my dad's house. They have this very loose arrangement. And he kind of makes me feel guilty about that. I do have to, yes, occasionally spend time. Go to Pumpkin Patch with Carrie Ann Moss. That kind of thing. And he still lives with his dad?

He lives in what is technically a separate unit. I thought you were a fan of the show. A separate unit. I understand you're in shrink mode. You have to pretend you're not a fan of the show. You're doing CISO's The Shrink. I'm doing CISO's The Shrink. And it's not the same universe.

Sorry. I'm sorry for calling you on that. Now I realize what you're doing. I'm being David Tracy, CISO's The Shrink. Obviously, CISO shows. Where do you come up with these names, by the way? Those names? Yeah.

That was named after a real guy who happened to be a doctor, and it kind of happened. The story kind of happened to him in a similar way. Oh, okay. You're not allowed to just use the guy's name? No, we changed the spelling of it. David was spelled R-A-L-F-H. Oh, Ralph. Yeah.

Huh. Okay, so Sean and I, Sean does live technically next to his dad underneath, like a kind of next to that's below. Okay. And it has a separate next to that's below. Okay. And it has a separate entrance. It's like first floor. First floor. First floor is the one above the ground.

Okay. His is like the negative first floor. Oh, okay. All right. Raid chaussée, as the Europeans would call it. Yes. Specifically the French. Yes, raid chaussée.

And a separate entrance that is a window. Okay. And steps that go down. He has made steps. The window does not have steps below it. It's one of those little windows that is kind of peeking out above the ground. Yeah. And you go in through the window, and he has made steps out of DVD cases.

Okay. I'm not going to say this all the time, but explain further. Okay. I'm not going to say this all the time, but explain further. Okay. Big house on the top, above the ground, right? Little window, right? Going down into the space that's below the ground. They dig out a room below the ground there, but there's a little window peeking out that you can kind of see into the below part. Okay. I'm almost never going to say this, but I don't get it. Keep going. Open the window, and you have to get through the window to go inside down into the below part,

under the ground, below the big house on top. Right, right. And to get down there, you glue a bunch of DVD cases together in the shape of steps that you can kind of crawl down to get into this apartment that is sort of upside down below the ground. Again, something that's very rare coming out of my mouth, but not quite clicking for me.

Need a little bit more explanation. If you take a room, normal room, sitting on top of the ground, dig a hole, sink the room below the ground. Dig a hole. Sink the room below the ground. This is where Sean lives. It's not a sinkhole.

He explained this to me because of the time we were driving along and did fall into a sinkhole. And I said, no, this is kind of like where you live. And he's like, no, it's not. This is very different.

I was like, oh, this is your house? We're at your house? And he said, no, this not this is very different this is i was like oh this is like this is your house we're at your house and he said no this is much more dangerous than my house right this is sinkhole yes okay now now i think i understand the difference at least between a sinkhole and where sean lives yes um the danger yes still don't quite understand what his living arrangement is it's a basement oh oh yes okay yeah Okay, yeah, yeah. Okay. All right, keep going. And he lives down there. I did answer your question. Oh, no, yeah. I meant back to the now I'm satisfied with that.

I understand. Oh, keep going on a different thing. Yeah, on another thing. I understand where he lives now and what his living arrangement is. Yeah. Just like a lot of jealousy always kind of flying around with seemingly like everything I do. So I'm doing this new show now on my own. Okay. of jealousy always kind of flying around with seemingly like everything I do. So I'm doing this new show now on my own.

Okay. Where I review Funko Pops. You know Funko Pops? No. Do they ever do CISO Funko Pops? No. I think that was- They might have done them. That was in development, I think, when the plug got pulled.

So, okay. So I have, will you, Brett, will you search Funko Pops? Search Funko Pops. So the shrink can see Funko Pops? You really don't know these? Can you slow down the word? It's two words. Sounds like Brett doesn't know it either.

You don't know Funko Pops? You're just blazing through it. Those are two words yes funko pops okay thank you did you look for it no i will now everyone so you can understand what i'm talking about search funko pops you don't know these this is the most famous toys and these actually are famous i thought they were uh lollipops. No. These sound like famously unknown toys. No, these are, once you see a picture, you'll say, oh, yeah, so those are Funko Pops. I know what these are now.

Will you show him, please? Yeah, these look like bobble heads. They don't bobble. The heads don't move. Okay, so they're. Have you seen those before? They're non-bobbles. Yeah, I've seen them.

You have seen those. They're dolls with big heads. I have a Lars Ulrich one. They're not dolls. They're tiny little dolls. They have tiny bodies and they have big heads? They're non-bobbles. Yeah. I've seen them. You have seen those. They're dolls with big heads. I have a Lars Ulrich one. They're not dolls. They're tiny little dolls. They have tiny bodies and they have big heads. They're figurines. They do.

Yes, they have big heads. I guess that's one way to put it. They have them for basically every character that was ever invented. And I have every single one. But some aren't. They're not all of the same quality. People are like, oh, all these Funko Pops look exactly the same. They have the same eyes.

And it's just like if it's the Joker, he has the Joker hair or whatever. But some are much better likenesses than others. So along comes the Funko Pops review show where when a new Funko Pops comes out, I review the Funko Pops. And you do this in a podcast? I do this in my own podcast that I am doing on my own time, a passion project that I have been pursuing for years and laying the groundwork for Sean saying like, no, I'll still do Hollywood Handbook, but I want to do Funko Pops review show. Is this an escape hatch for you?

I don't necessarily think of it that way. It allows me to be myself. Let me ask you a question to be brutally honest. If the Funko Pops podcast takes off, would you leave Hollywood Handbook? The Funko Pops

podcast is getting huge enough that this is a question that I have started to ask myself. Here I am at the beginning thinking this would be just like a fun release thing, a fun side thing. But every time I post an episode, people say, make them longer. Review more Funko Pops. Review more kinds of toys.

Review bobbleheads. See, Brett here is saying, oh, it's like you should do bobbleheads too. When he said that a second ago. Yeah, I was listening. Yeah, I heard that. There's almost as many bobbleheads as Funko Pops. Now, yeah, because they're different apparently. Do you think that once Funko Pops are more widely known?

Again, it's the most famous toy. Do you think that once Funko Pops are more widely known? Again, it's the most famous toy. Do you think? And when you saw them, you did recognize that you had seen them before, and you just were not educated. He's on confidentiality. About the name of them. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry again.

Were you doing the shrink doesn't know what Funko Pops are? That's a character thing of his? Can I talk to Tim for a second? Okay, yeah. You know what Funko Pops are? That's a character thing of his? Can I talk to Tim for a second? Okay. You know what Funko Pops are? Yeah, of course. Okay. Thank you.

I'm so sorry. Can I go back in the car? I lose track. And the characters are so different. It's my fault. I didn't want to say this as the character because I really couldn't because the character technically doesn't know. But as Tim, I can tell you that Funko Pops doesn't exist in the CISO reality.

Licensing reasons. No, I just think CISO made a decision. There are certain things that we're going to exclude from CISO reality. Oh, like a sort of Black Mirror dystopia scenario. Yeah, exactly. And that's why everyone's probably acting so crazy on these shows. Yeah. Some get very mad.

Well, the situations they are in tend to be comedic. Dean Dragonwagon? You remember how mad he would get? Oh, he would get furious. Well. Why? He had it all. I'm watching.

But he didn't have the one thing, something he didn't even know how to describe in this universe, which is a little doll with a big head. And his name is Funko Pops. You think that's why he was furious? Well, I did wonder why that was never brought up as a solution of giving him these toys to play with.

Well, he was kind of the closest to the sun in terms of the Seesaw universe. Oh, yeah. And I'm still talking as Tim right now. Yeah. Evaluating, you know, Dean Dragonwagon and the show that he was on. Yes.

Yeah. Bergeron. Yeah, Bergeron. We had cool up on here. You did? Oh, yeah. Wow. Mm-hmm.

Like three times. Three times? Yeah. Am I the last person from CISO to get on this fucking show? Almost certainly. Is there one bajillion dollar person? A dude. You haven't had Dan a dude on?

No dude. But we did call, Tawny called, no, he has been on. We got his voicemail. Tawny called him during our show. So I'm the last Bergerlian. And we heard his voicemail,

and so you're the last one from Bergerlian. I'm the last Bergerlian? Yes, you are absolutely the last one. I mean, it makes sense. You can't have the straight mirror version of you guys on the show right away. That's a very bad message to the rest of the Bergerlion cast. Yes, and there is always a risk with having you on the show that you would easily replace us and no one would notice.

I would show up next, like you, by the end of the show, you would do sort of a duck season, rabbit season thing and start calling me Tim. I would go back into the world as Tim, never knowing the life that I used to have. I would use your skills to my advantage in my regular life. Send you out as Tim to accomplish the things that I couldn't accomplish in my life. Right. And then I would stay here. I'd record the podcast.

I'd come back. Yeah. I'd kind of tag you out or put you to sleep, inoculate you somehow. Yeah. Here's the only problem with that plan. Basically the same skills. You go out there and kind of be like, oh, this is pretty much what I was working with before.

I don't know. I haven't bagged Carrie Ann Moss, man. And that, again, that is not the word that I would use, although there is a bag involved. Look, it sounds like you made love hard enough one night that you woke up with a wedding band on. Is that how it works? Because that's what I've been trying to do. Is that how it works? And I still got naked fingers.

So. Hard enough. Well, maybe I'm doing it wrong. Can you cover those up? Because that's what I've been trying to do. Is that how it works? And I still got naked fingers. So. Hard enough. Well, maybe I'm doing it wrong. Can you cover those up? Maybe it's because I'm. I don't know. I didn't bring gloves. It's like 100 degrees outside.

It's just weird to show up. For most of the. And again, it's only because I'm in. I'm talking to the shrink. Okay. So I'm back as CISO's the shrink. Yes. Thank you.

That would make it a lot easier if you could do the shrink face while I'm talking about this kind of thing. Hey, look at me. I've transformed again. I'm CISO's CISO. I know, and that's why it's my fault for not being able to distinguish between the characters because the face you make when you're doing the shrink is unrecognizable as Tim.

Can I give you one other way to differentiate between the two, not just the face. Yes. Status. As Tim Baltz, I'm insanely high status. Because I know that's how things get done in Hollywood. Take no fucking goddamn prisoners. Yes.

You step on people's throats. You tie their hands behind their back. You slap them. You put them out in the middle of the street. You ridicule them. That's how you get ahead in this town. This town's gritty. It's tough.

Yeah. All right? That's what Los Feliz is like. That's where I live. Yes this town. This town's gritty. It's tough. That's what Los Feliz is like. That's where I live. Los Feliz the podcast. Is there one? Yeah. Freaking Morgan Murphy hosts it. Is it great?

She's a very popular comedian. Did she just talk about Los Feliz? It's the only thing that they ever talk about. And they got a stop sign put in somewhere. You should listen to that show, Tim. Well, you know, Tim, the person has been living in New York for a little while, following the news. It's been a real grind. Yeah.

But, you know, I'm back. I'm loving Los Feliz. I'm ready to be high status. But CISO's the shrink. Yes. Super low status. Oh, okay. In fact, I use my high status to claim primarily low status roles.

Wow. Yeah. Because I think there's just so much more leverage from low status. And people won't like to see themselves on screen too. Yeah, and there's a lot of sad sack low status morons out there. Yes. They're just clamoring for someone to get stepped on on screen. Yes.

Do you mind if I speak to the shrink? Yeah, okay. For a minute? Yeah. Oh, I thought that was the shrink. Well, he's just saying that he's... Rick, yeah, you're looking at me from the side. It's talking about Tim Balt's career. Yes, that's right. Sorry, he can't see the side of your face that is doing the most changing...

It's like Two-Face. Yeah. Yeah. Nice pole. Good thing there isn't a character called Three-face. So anyway, for most of my intimacy. With Sean. This is with Carrie Ann.

Okay. Intimacy. With Sean. This is with Carrie Ann. Okay. As you were alluding to, I don't know how you really picked up on this, but for most of it, I am in a bag. We call it the bag. But it is a bag.

It is a... It smells like a bathroom trash bag like smaller than most bags it's small but it's like you know head size and I think it's like a few layers of it so it just covers your head

it covers my head my feet for some of the stuff I'm going to be walking in. And I punch through a couple of my hands and wear them on my shoulders as well. I think that's because she says my shoulders are not really defined enough, like rounded off enough. They are a little bit sloped. And so we add a couple layers of bathroom trash bags to erase the slope.

So, and this is all kind of just being done to me. Do you feel like you're in an abusive relationship with Carrie Ann Moss? That is a word that I am not allowed to use. She doesn't allow you to use it. Or hear. She doesn't allow you to use it. Or hear. She doesn't allow you to use it or hear it? Whoever is out on, so while the bag is on, it's kind of hard to know who is telling me what to do. So I don't, I'm not really sure if that is coming from her or some of the other people that seem to be involved once the bag is on.

Do you see her before the bag goes on? Sometimes. Sometimes. Sometimes after. And sometimes, like when I woke up with the ring on, I hadn't seen her for a couple days before that and did not see her before the bag went on. It's a little like being renditioned. If you've ever been renditioned before?

I've watched people get renditioned. Oh, you've seen them? Okay, so you're calling a lot of those in. For sure. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You make a phone call. You hide behind a fire hydrant.

Watch the van come up. Watch the hood go on. Yes, I've, of course, done that. I do it to my friends. Yes, it's a really good friend prank. Yeah, to my enemies, I get on Twitter. But to my friends? You just get on?

Yeah, I just get on. I just rendition them. Oh, okay. I put on my little red jumpsuit I had behind a fire hydrant. I watch them get renditioned. Now, when you woke up with this wedding band on, Oh, okay. I put on my little red jumpsuit I had behind a fire hydrant. I watched him get renditioned. Now, when you woke up with this wedding band on, did you feel like it was a symbol of something? It was hot.

And so that, I thought, could have been some kind of metaphor for— You know what it felt like? It had just been smelted. And that would have explained some of the smell. I guess that's where the word smelted comes from. Definitely. Yeah, or vice versa. Might be where smell comes from. Someone smelted something and was like, what's that sensation in my nostrils?

I smelted something and was like, what's that sensation in my nostrils? There was this very metallic smell and smokiness happening outside the bag that night. A lot of people there. Gathered around, hands on the bag like Blair Witch. They sounded like, I don't know if this is like the PC thing, the PC term. They sounded like dwarves. Hey, we're in a safe space. You can say dwarves as much as you want to me.

But not like people say like, oh, like they had like high voices or something. No. They had like the low voice, but like that it was like a colony of dwarves. And this is like their specialty. From inside the mountain. They live in Griffith Park. Yes. Maybe they live in Griffith Park. You mean dwarves with like a V. You talk about that on Los Filos of the mountain. They live in Griffith Park. Yes. Maybe they live in Griffith Park. You mean dwarves with like a V.

You talk about that on Los Fieldes of the podcast. Yeah, I bet they do. Yeah. I mean dwarves with a V. Yes. All right. I think that's totally acceptable. That's different.

Oh, okay. Well, Brett knows all about this stuff. Jeez. Shrink. Dwarves. Love to see your browser history, buddy. Shoelifts. Now, are you Tim right now, or are you the shrink?

Yeah, definitely. He wants to know who he's showing his browser history to. As a shrink, you shouldn't be talking to him. Yeah, I know. But if he's showing it to the shrink, it's pretty safe. It's not airing on CISO anymore. I'm not going to judge you for that. You're not a character in episode nine of The Shrink, it's pretty safe. It's not airing on CISO anymore. I'm not going to judge you for that. You're not a character in episode nine of The Shrink,

which would have been a great episode, by the way. We had season two all figured out. Oh, if you could get Brett. Oh, man. Yeah. I'll say it would have been a great episode. And we'd take your shoes off at the end of the episode, and people would be like,

it was that shirt the whole time? Never been seen before. Never been seen before. And then The Shrink theme song would play. The iconic song. God, I love that song. No, I was stepping outside of the Shrink as Tim to roast you. Okay, gotcha.

Your browser history is quite a cocktail. So back as the Shrink. Yeah. And so they smelted this thing onto your finger which is probably why it hasn't been able to come off yeah it's probably melted onto your finger that would explain other smells yeah no i i don't i all of that was lovely to hear i'm not sure how i want to know how it relates to your relationship with sean okay he's not here. How does that make you feel? He's with Steffi Graf. You're with Carrie Ann Moss sometimes.

Right. But do you feel like he bailed on you today? Do you feel like? I feel like, so I think a lot of what I'm getting from my relationship with Carrie Ann is kind of like, well, at least while this is all going on, at least she's not on her phone while we're recording a podcast. You know what I mean? Does she record that Funko Pop podcast with you?

No, I'm a little scared to tell her about it. But although, I actually did a really nice episode where I reviewed the person who I am husband to. Sorry, not my wife. I reviewed her Funko Pops. Really? Mm-hmm. Was it sexy to see her head that big? And her body that little?

Don't get me. You're baiting me right now. You're going to bait yourself when we're done. For sure. All right, back is the shrink. It's just, yeah, the kind of... Are they the same person? Do you think that Carrie Ann Moss and Sean are the same people to you?

Would you? Well, actually, even non-metaphorically, I have been sort of wondering if they are the same person. Their hair is the same length. For sure. I've seen pictures of Sean. Never met him. Yeah. I've seen Carrie Ann Moss at Little Dom's, obviously, in the John Hamm.

Obviously, yes. Friend of the Airwolf. Little Dom's? Little John. John Hamm? Yes. Of course. Surely you've done one of his famous Comedy Bang Bang episodes.

That he was on? Yes. No, I haven't. Oh, well, we've had the opportunity his famous Comedy Bang Bang episodes. That he was on? Yes. No, I haven't. Oh, well, we've had the opportunity to do ads promoting those episodes. So a true honor to even just be tangentially involved in the promotion of those famous episodes. Let's go back just a bit to Sean and Carrie Ann Moss potentially being the same. Being the same person. Let me ask you one question that, again, is—

Similar athletic build. Absolutely. I think the same. Being the same person. Let me ask you one question that, again, is – Similar athletic build. Absolutely. I think the same kind of charisma on camera, at least in still photos that I've seen. Yeah. Let me ask you a question that cuts right to the core again, and I'm sorry I've asked you so many of these as CISO's The Shrink. If it were socially acceptable for two hosts of the same podcast to be together, do you think you and Sean would be together? Is Carrie Ann Moss a replacement for what you can't have with Sean?

Because of what society tells you, you can't have with Sean. Because we host the same podcast. And you look the same, yeah. I'd feel uncomfortable being with you because we've done a podcast episode now and we kind of look the same. Right. So is this a change of plans? Because you said earlier that it was going to lead towards

us potentially being together. Or is this, okay, sorry. I don't want to jump ahead for you. This is like that you sort of lead me off the track and then you get me back on potentially. If listeners will slow down probably like the last 15 seconds, there is a bonus episode in there that kind of explains the quandary that you just posed. Yeah, I don't know why it's just like this unspoken rule in society that people who host a podcast can't be together. I don't think Paul and June Day and Raphael should have had to get divorced. Yeah, it was hard for their kids.

For a podcast? And their charity work. Yes. Yeah. I don't think Leonard Maltin and his daughter, who do a show together, should have to not be father and daughter anymore. I think you should be allowed to be in the same family with the person that you host a podcast with.

And I don't know why. But Baron Vaughn is part of that family, right? I don't think so anymore. Okay. I think, let's put it this way. I think Leonard Maltin and Baron Vaughn are allowed to be married now. Because their chemistry was electric.

It seemed like they grew up together. It could be that he replaced Baron Vaughn with his daughter because he said, we're going to get married. Me and Baron Vaughn are just going to get married. The podcast, the marriage is more important than the podcast. But what I'm saying is I don't think he does that show anymore.

And also, Brett, keep taking it down a notch. But, yeah, I. That was just a quick Tim, right? Yeah, I stepped out for a second. Stepping back in. What resolution would you like to see you and Sean arrive at through this? What are you most worried about and what's your ideal? Paint the ideal scenario friendship-wise with you and Sean.

Me and Sean? Forget about the sexual stuff. Let's take that out for now. Okay. It's always going to be there, as Brett knows. Me and Sean, uh we ideal situation ideal situation just just show me what it looks like okay um we live uh together uh in the house from uh iron man from Iron Man. But it has more medieval stuff.

It's not like the exact same house. It's in the same location and some of the pool is the same, but it has more medieval, castle-y elements. Same technology? Yes, but it's more like a steampunky thing. So it's like very futuristic technology but as if it were

invented in medieval times. And more animatronic characters. Okay, so surrounded by glass still so that people can see from the outside? Stained medieval glass telling stories of the friendship that me and Sean have.

Okay. A bit like, almost like Beauty and the Beast. This is making me think of Beauty and the Beast. Okay. That was very accurate. It's kind of for boys. It's more for boys than that. Okay.

Beauty and the Beast is for girls. Ours is more... The King Arthur movie that came out last year. Oh, yeah. The Charlie Hunnam one. Oh, yeah. That's more our thing. Okay.

That's for boys. And I have a studio. I do Funko Pops review show. Who engineers that? Okay, fine, Brett. You can live in the house, too. So Brett lives in the house. Okay.

Let's give him a basement room. He's engineer for Funko Pop's review show. Yeah, you live in the dungeon. Cool. Yeah, he likes that. I'll probably turn it into a sex dungeon pretty quickly if Brett has anything to do with it. And there's Funko Pops of me and Sean. Like medieval Funko Pops?

That could be extremely fun. Really small chain mail? Because the bodies are small from what you've told me about Funko Pops. Yeah, and you have seen them and you know what they are. So it's not just that I told you. me about Funko Pops. Yeah, and you have seen them and you know what they are, so it's not just what I told you. Yeah, we could be wearing

chain mail and if we had suit armor on our head, you wouldn't know it was us. Maybe the visors open. The eyes are kind of all the same for Funko Pops. Maybe it's detachable. They have never done that

before. Funko Pops don't have a lot of moving parts, or you need, I have tools that can kind of separate some of the parts and reapply them so you can sort of mix and match Hawkeye Man's body to the Riddler's head. Quick sidebar. Do you have a Funko Pop of CISO's The Shrink?

So I have made Funko Pops with this kind of mixing and matching for every CISO character. Really? Yes. Dean Dragon Wagon has one? Dean Dragon Wagon has one. Probably the first one he made. Yes. I took the mustache from Rob Delaney's character Deadpool.

Do what they did with Funko Pops for it. And put it on the head of just like a generic Funko Pop like mold. And that was Dean Dragon Wagon. Old. And that was Dean Dragon Wagon. CISO's The Shrink Funko Pop. The head is Chad Michael Murray. That same hair flavor.

I have styled the hair, so it's a little different but Chad Michael Murray head and the bottom is Pee Wee Herman's suit body great bottom right? yeah oh look at Brett's eyes pop when he said that you stare right at me

as you're saying these suggestive things that's how he sees what your eyes are doing out of the corner of my eye I can see the whites get so much bigger you don't want to see the opposite of Funk sees what your eyes are doing. Out of the corner of my eye. I can see the whites get so much bigger. You don't want to see what my eyes are doing.

It's the opposite of Funko Pop eyes. Your eyes got so big your eyebrows disappeared, buddy. So, yeah, does that? Yes. Yes, this is my. In a fantasy world, this is the life that Sean and I and Brett have. All right, then follow-up question. What's the obstacle or what are the obstacles,

standing in the way of you and Sean having that life together? I would say society's regressive attitude towards podcast hosts being in love. And the house Iron Man already lives there. So those are the two. Those are big ones. I feel like the first one is changing. All right. Okay.

I think thanks to kind of everyone realizing that love is love. Yeah. And that we shouldn't stand in the way of that. Yeah. Thanks to, honestly, the people that really paved the way on this is the Sklars, because people tried to make them not brothers anymore, and that has proven extremely hard to do. They can't do it. No.

And then the second thing is Iron Man is going to die someday if he hasn't already. No. Well, so look. His frigging magic heart is always at risk of exploding himself. Nuclear blast. Yes. And hurt Pepper Potts. Imagine they hug and she hugs too hard.

Nuclear blast. And that would be awful, but then I get to live in his house. I, until then, Sean and I have occasionally gotten a little impatient, go to the house

and receive a blasting from possibly the real Iron Man, more likely one of his now thousands of AI-controlled Iron Man suits. See, this is why that dream is potentially never going to happen. Because even if Iron Man dies, every single one of those suits could lay claim to the house and pretend to be Iron Man. And just be like, I don't feel like getting out of the suit today. Yes.

And honestly, that is probably the next movie. I hope you guys are characters in that movie. But I will. From your lips. Let me just. It's basically my lips. Yeah, our lips. Our lips are joined.

All right, Brad. This is where it's going. Yeah, all right, Our lips are joined. All right, Brad. This is where it's going. Yeah, all right, Brad. All right. Relax, Brad. Relax. So I hate to say this. I hate to say that your dreams are shit and they'll never come true.

But there is something to say for setting expectations at a reasonable level. You get a sense of achievement when you achieve them. And I think what you've done is you've set you and Sean up for these unrealistic expectations. Okay. Set a reasonable achievement level for us. Get a one-bedroom in Culver City together. Okay. How about for the show, popularity of this show?

That's where I live. Popularity. All right. All right. All right. Relax. I just randomly picked it. I didn't have to say that's the lowest expectation. Oh, you guys are in my bedroom.

Relax, Brett. You drive from Culver City to Hollywood almost every day? Yes, I do. That's a grind. Yeah, and you notice that he was almost five minutes late today. Oof, that's tough. What do you take, rim powder, Rampert? I actually take Crenshaw.

Really? Usually, yeah. You shouldn't say this stuff out loud. If it's a better shortcut, you should keep it to yourself. No, that's why I said that. That's Tim telling you. Oh, so you're misleading people? You don't take Crenshaw?

Now you're the shrink getting in my head. No, no, this is Tim. What does that face look like, Tim? Does that look like the shrink? Does it look like shrink? It's so hard to tell. Is one side of his face burned off, basically? No.

I'm looking at his fingers more than anything. Yeah, these fingers. Because when he's the shrink, he's pointing guns with his hands, I've noticed. Yeah, which is a very low status thing to do. Right now, I'm giving you Yeah, which is a very low-status thing to do. Right now, I'm giving you a very high-status face, and I'm judging you harshly for whatever your shortcut is to get from Culver City to Hollywood.

Which, by the way, you should feel secure enough in this job to move fucking closer to Hollywood, buddy. You can't live in Culver City. I don't know. I mean, he could feel secure enough in doing this job, I think. The company... I mean, any second now. You notice there's no one else here.

Yeah. Right? It's just us. His offices are dead. It's been like that for a long time. They lay people off? Look, I haven't been keeping track really of whether the show's been coming out. I just come in here.

I talk into this thing. They tell me it's on the internet. Well, you're clearly more focused on your Funko Pop podcast right now. Yeah, I got other stuff. I got a million irons on the fire. You know, like if Brett, have they told you anything? They say, oh, we're moving to a different floor. I've never seen that floor.

I haven't either. I supposedly designed it. What is it, second floor? Yeah. Second floor? Okay, now I know. Let's not give away where we are. You're saying second floor is already too much information.

We're on, like, what, the 16th floor? Are you doing that thing where you mislead? Yeah, this is my Crenshaw moment, Brett. Okay, all right. Now I know. something brett just said has me realizing that this move is fake brett just said he designed the new office what makes what i think happened is they gave brett a sheet of computer paper and a colored pencil and they and they let you do a little design, right?

Yeah. And they said, we'll take this, and now this is going to be our new office? Pretty much. I don't know. That is not ever going to be an office. Well, studio. It's a pro studio that I draw. That's what you draw.

Yeah. What did it have in it? Yeah. When you drawed pro studio, what did you draw Brett? Pro studio written on the top.

Well, of course, title it. You write Pro Studio. Uh-huh. Did a bunch of, like, drew cool mics and shit. Yeah, you drawed them? Yeah. Yeah, drew a guitar. Yeah.

A sweet, like, whammy bar. This sounds like a Homestar Runner sketch or something. I'm not familiar. Let me guess, are you in the drawing as well? Well, yeah. How else would I? And there's an arrow pointing at you that says, The Boss of Earwolf?

No, I don't know. You don't know how that got there? No. I think you drew it. Yeah, you drew it, buddy. I have no idea how that got there? No. I think you drew it. Yeah, you drawed it, buddy. I have no idea how that got there. There's a bunch of arrows pointing to me. And with like the cool emoji, the sunglasses.

You drawed that? I drawed all of that. How long has it been in the show? It's been an hour and four minutes. Look, we have to get down to the real business of being here. Save CISO. Bring it back. You, as fans, have the power to save it.

And the real fans know it is operating underground, and you can tap into it still for $3.99 a month, the cost of a latte, although not in Los Feliz. It's probably going up to $4.99 right now. And six, if you're going to tip and be nice, and don't tip change, tip a dollar. You can access it. However, it is illegal right now to access it however it is illegal

right now to access it until Trump deregulates the rest of America it's pirate television that's true punk

I was in Europe recently and it's Empire Records essentially yeah you were in Europe I was in Europe and people came up to me

and they said oh this is so this is so I torrent it I torrent your show I torrent I tor I torrent your show. I torrent. I discover your show on the Pirate Bay.

The Pirate Bay has Jay Oakenforth, Slap You, Shut Up, Fuck Her. It has Take My Wife. It has The Seaside Shrink. It has all the other Seaside Shrinks. Besser Breaks the Record. The Caesars, you shrink. It has... What? All the other Caesars.

Besser breaks the record. Besser breaks the record. Oh, Besser. The Matthew Bessel. Matthew Bessel. Le UCP 4. Le Game. Le If This Then What.

Le Zemod. Le Zion Island Happiness. Zemod. Le Gale Pile Bad Boy. Bring it back. We're tired of stealing it. That's what they say. Yeah.

That's what they told me. And they want more people to seed it at least. At least. At least. Not enough seeding going on for the CISO show. No. So hopefully, and I know it sounds like you and Sean are going to be well. You're going to be fine. He's going to be back. He's going to be fine. He's going to be back.

He's going to suck all the honey out of these snails. He's going to get the payload. He'll be out for a day or two. He'll be in withdrawal. Yeah, and very sunburnt. Very sunburnt. Based on some of the selfies. But, you know, you leave him on the sidewalk in a pile of sugar water.

He's going to be okay. He'll rehydrate himself. He'll be back in the studio. And the real point point saving CISO will happen you know save CISO watch Shrink on the NBC

app it's never too late to get Twitter hashtags trending save CISO I've done my part and thank you for having me on bye for having me on. Bye.