Hollywood Handbook - Timothy Simons, Our Character Study Friend

Episode Date: August 11, 2020

The Boys welcome TIMOTHY SIMONS to do a character study of all his famous roles. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is a head gum podcast so um i'm you know we're walking uh i'm with jack fuck and jack white and i'm between them my arms around them just rolling out of the pubs, you know, singing a limerick. You're in sort of a gray area, would you say? Three good lads. Well, funny you should mention that because we did run into David Gray. Okay. You know, coming up the opposite side of the street.

Hey, that's my area. From another pub, yeah. With Macy gray as well and i and i um i said hey perhaps you two because i had my arms around each jack perhaps you two should be in in my spot and day and david made this face he clenched his jaw and he just kicked my little happy meal ass up and down main street yeah just all the live long day i mean he walloped me he heard you knocked my happy meal ass from here to next week down the middle of main street yeah and just and i mean kicking and punching haze and the jacks didn't know what to do you know they sort of just were watching and i i didn't know why he was so upset but boy he must have been because my little happy meal ass was black

and blue from a really big pounding from david gray who and he was singing babylon as he did it if you remember get out of here yeah and then he was sort of did a parody of this year's love that was like this year's butt and it was like about my butt kicking this year it's like he's gonna that he's gonna blast with like a big kick and so um so you know that was my uh that was my last pub crawl which was that was about a fortnight ago now hey welcome to hollywood handbook and insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet linebacker always at this industry we call showbiz what up it's tim uh so now the timulus package sean has the economic timulus package is that shared something about himself shared a story and i noticed that you were kind of just like listening

and maybe like just like nice in those situations for you to share a story as well oh did you want me to share a story related to pub crawl? I thought it was a thing where sometimes you go on a podcast and get mad if you speak too soon. Hey, Tim, we're not like other podcasts. That's the first thing you're going to find out if you've noticed. But this is not exactly like other podcasts. I did go on a... I went on what is the... I think the highest rated morning talk show in canada is

this the story or is this marriage is a story oh okay and i got really excited about something one of the people said bob or doug uh no it was uh was a woman. I can't remember her name. Okay. And I got, I got really excited and then I just started talking and it turned out that they were on live radio and I think they were all pretending that I was going to be there tomorrow. And I kind of just outed the whole thing that I was just there recording it that day and they were like oh well you know well tim's actually here today and we're gonna be playing it tomorrow but tim go ahead and say the thing that you were gonna say but they don't sometimes they don't tell you that stuff like sometimes you and i'm not saying you guys you guys thus far i feel like have set me up for success but sometimes people don't set you up for success i had no idea i wasn't supposed to jump right no i guess like we in general seek out guests and kevin we can talk about this later

but uh who don't like need to be set up you know that are just are coming in being successful yes exactly not a hand-holding show. This is the deep end of the podcast pool at Sicker Swim. Okay, yeah. I wasn't trying to... I didn't need my handheld. Good, that's perfect. Then you'll fit in with the other guests we've had

because we don't do that. Okay, good, good, good. I'm excited. I just want to make sure that, you know, like sometimes it's just nice to have, like, you know, just like a little bit of information. Sure.

And speaking of nice things, when somebody says economic stimulus package as a playoff of your name. Yeah, I was going to say. Again, I wasn't sure if I was supposed to, I, we're on, are we, am I supposed to tell people that we're doing this through Zoom? You saw me.

I was laughing. I smiled. You're losing your shit. But go ahead and do it right out of the mic. I was laughing. I smiled. You said timulus package, but then you went back and said economic timulus package. Double back.

Yeah. Which I thought maybe was doing a disservice to your audience assuming that they weren't smart enough to know that it was an economic stimulus package but it's not a disservice because we want to live in it as long as possible when we have some when we have a nice juicy feast like that we want to go ahead and savor every last bite and not a huge you don't have to like fully bust up not as hard as you were into the mic obviously it's good that you hide some of that because it would have just time wise we would have been in trouble but just like a okay like a like a t but like a or a t is It's okay, too. Okay.

Okay. All right. Cool. A couple of those. None of that. Tim. Hi. Acting. Can you believe this?

No, man. Best fucking job there is, man. I sometimes go to work laughing my ass off as I'm driving in because i cannot believe i've gotten away with this now i haven't done a lot of i know yeah i know what he's gonna say i haven't done a ton a lot of it of acting sure and nor have i nor have i but when i'm in the car on my way to work dude i'm cracking up laughing my goddamn ass off gonna leave it on the front seat of the car my ass because i can't believe i pulled off the fucking heist of the century i was actually

just talking uh to someone yesterday so like six from six feet away but we were talking about this about how i uh he was not an actor um and we were we were playing golf while this was happening because a young man and he likes golf and he like wants to be a golfer and he asked what i did i told him i was an actor and i he asked like was there any point this is an actual question he asked which i uh but he was like was there any point where um you like had a moment where you were like should i do this or should i not do this and i'm gonna stop you tim yes i'm gonna stop you uh-huh we're at a juncture where i have simultaneously too much information about the young man you were talking to and yet not enough to enjoy the story he's a young man he wants to be a golfer he found out

you were an actor on the golf course and it's and it's leading to so many more questions now if you had i'm worried that we are talking to a friend i would have no questions but i can't actually hear the rest or even just like this guy but my concern is that we're over correcting on the stories issue yeah that you know we came in saying it's nice for you to tell a story and now we are going to be getting stories like this and i want to get to the end of this one because frankly you've whet my appetite for what i'm sure must be just a humdinger of an ending. The bloat of this thing is going to knock me out of my seat. This is actually really hitting some spots because I actually am very self-conscious sometimes with the amount of detail that I put into stories.

Because sometimes I'm like, oh, this will enrich and enliven it. Sometimes somebody doesn't know the whole context. I'm like, what? Really? The story isn't very funny, but it's really funny that my friend was not wearing a shirt but we were somewhere where you wear a shirt i look that's not a great example but but also this is something my dad it's not a great it's the best example i've ever heard i i'm picturing now this guy he's in the shirt shirts only section he's in the shirts only section no shirt on my dad puts uh details

into stories that he doesn't need to and now i'm self-conscious about the fact that i this has become actually another story some story oh fuck i'm going off the goddamn rails and i'm so sorry it's just the golf man the golf man now has become very mysterious to me but i've learned just enough about him that i can't stop thinking about it yeah we do have to we have to sort of tie the knot on that one for sure we cannot leave people just with like in the state of bewilderment that they are in um he uh do you want to know more about the golf man or the answer to the i i do want to know about this relationship well honestly uh he's very very friendly sort of very like uh i think he was 20 he mentioned that his 21st birthday was in a couple weeks um very like what do you say like

like i don't know a fresh face and phrase fresh face. He's earnest. Okay. Did you get paired up? We got paired up. I was paired up with a 79-year-old man. Kevin, don't point to yourself when he says fresh faced. Like this? When he says fresh face, don't indicate your own face because that distracts me. I'm trying to hear about this 79-year-old man and this 20-year-old

boy who surrounded Tim, bookended him on either side. Go ahead, Tim. Sorry for interrupting. So first, he was very friendly and his shirt was tucked in. And then I feel like there's something if you tuck in your shirt and you're wearing a big big shirt detail guy if you're wearing golf pants and you're tucked in your shirt at a municipal course that means i think that just tell you like this is someone who takes the rules very seriously like they are you know very ordered um and he was hitting a he hit on the first tee he hit a golf club that he bought at a garage sale when he was 13 and it he outdrove all of us and it was right down the middle and immediately i was like i gotta

keep up with this guy you know what i mean the act please finish the acting story because yeah i found out you were an actor this it was fool's gold the amount of detail we had was actually all there was it's it seemed to indicate that there was you know treasure inside that that lane of the story but we now know better and and i've learned something really great for the whole podcast and all the podcasts i ever do moving forward. But, but he asked if you ever thought about maybe not doing acting and you, and you sat him down and I said, no, I,

I just never, I was, I was, I never, I was, I was too dumb to realize that I shouldn't continue doing it. If that makes sense. Like by the time I was old enough to be like, Oh, this is a really stupid thing and you shouldn't continue doing it. If that makes sense. By the time I was old enough to be like,

oh, this is a really stupid thing and you shouldn't do it, I had already gotten a job. Does that make sense? And rich. And just, guys. And rich as hell. Yeah.

But also rich in experience. Let's talk about that, Tim. Thank you so much. Let's talk about that tim thank you so much let's talk about setting that up very humble answer you gave that man timbalbert humble dink you know what i mean don't tim just one little did you not hear that huh i mean like i was with a t it was the time it was that it was that that I was trying to remember. I couldn't remember if it was on the inhale or the exhale. Breath is a big thing. If you're an actor, the use of breath is a really big thing.

Let's talk about that. Okay. We're going to do something we've done with every guest that we've ever had on the show. And this is called a character study. And we are going to take every character you've ever played. And we are going to study them. you've ever played and we are going to study them we're going to invite them into this space into this laboratory and we are going to dissect them and we are going to pull them apart until we uh can study their inner and we use the

jeweler's loop and we say, hello. Pleasure to meet you. And it's so nice to know all this about you. And ready to begin? Yeah. You said that it's nice to know all these little details about these characters and stuff. But just in like the last couple stories. Thank you so much for bringing that up.

You seem to not be into the details. So now I'm a little self-conscious about how much I should be offering. I definitely thought of myself as someone who did like hearing details about. Prior to this episode, I think I would have been one of the primary ways I described myself.

But that's what's so cool about just life and meeting people and doing this show is we're making discoveries yes about you yes about your characters but also about ourselves and our tolerance for details let's start with the obvious uh huh

Marks let's talk to Marks Marks is sorry tell us about Marks can Marks is... Sorry? Is Marks home? Tell us about Marks. Can Marks come out and play? Marks was a character

that I played in the film 8-5. See, now this is interesting because he doesn't know he is in a movie. But for the purposes of this conversation, you do know. And you know what character this movie was in.

You need your studio film. Marks knows Tim. Yep. Marks. Giant movie. And I can see your eyeline. I can see your pupils dilating in a way that it looks like you are potentially looking up your own IMDb. Which you certainly wouldn't have to for this character. Again, huge

movie. Uh-huh. Was it sports related? Yeah, you could say that. That narrows it down a little bit, huh? Was it about football? It didn't come up on my imdb

the movie uh-huh um i guess you could say it's about football it's also about relationships and bother kind of stepping into your father's shoes uh and it's about a guy breaks a computer at one point. Is it draft day? The movie is draft day. Oh, okay. Your character is Marx. Is it weird

that I completely forgot that? I completely forgot that. You must have really disappeared into the role. I think I did. Yes, you can have really disappeared into the role. I think I did. Yes, you can no longer remember who Marx is. It looked pretty dark to be in that place where you were leering at the various women Bo Callaghan had canoodled with and other classic toxic masculinity tropes?

I like to think that Marx, in the way that sort of like the, you know, I think if you go back and watch the movie a few times, like I have, and I'm sure you guys have watched it a few times, that you saw that the scouts that were in the movie, I think they represented, you kind of had like the old school coach, the kind of like grit Ed Ogeron kind of guy. And then you had a guy who had played college football. And then I think in my character represented the sort of statisticians look at the future of football. That's what Marx to me was, somebody who looked at the future of football that's what marks to me was somebody who looked at the future of football through statistics and so i would like to think that even though he existed in that world that

you could say like a lot of toxic masculinity and a lot of you know pre-assigned gender roles and i think uh that um that he stood in contrast to some of the older ways of thinking i think that Marks probably would not have stood by and let comments. Sure, sure, sure. Yeah. What kind of car is this son of a bitch driving? You know what I mean? Like Marks gets behind the wheel. What are we pushing?

I think, I mean, like, look, if we we're gonna go into like his financial situation he probably does okay and i'm sure there's like you know he probably has like a i think he has like a higher end ford lease sounds like he likes his toys all right well no i mean like he's just leasing i'm probably like a pretty reasonable like you know maybe like the expensive so he doesn't like his toys, you're saying? No, I'm sure he does. I'm sure he would buy something nice, but he also... This sick son of a bitch.

He's a masochist. I mean, no, he's just... Hates his own toys. But he can't stop buying them. I think what I think he looks for is something that's going to last him a while. I think he's in this for the long haul he's not going to blow all his money on like a really expensive car because he got his first job he's going to save and buy one really nice car so he does like his toys but he's willing to wait for

him he's the guy that passes that that no he does like toys i feel like you you're putting maybe some things on the character i'm the person who played the character and i feel like you're putting some things you wouldn't know it because we had to tell you that for a while we couldn't remember who he was who he was right i guess guys i don't know when you were going through the imdb you saw that there were a few credits on there it's not like that's the only thing i've ever done right i mean but there are definitely people that have done more stuff right i'm not the only thing marx has done i'm not i'm not saying i'm the guy that's worked the most i'm just saying okay you were kind of say like as if like sounded like oh yeah you know yes there are credits in here but

like it's like okay i'm at the top scroll scroll i'm done Okay. But it's more than one. That was fast. Do you have any more, like, I guess what I'm going to say, if I am going to offer some details about the characters that I've played before and try to answer them honestly, I would just, like,

just, like, listen to the... So you want to move on from Marks? No, I'm just saying if I'm offering stuff about marks because that was the question you guys asked don't like you know throw in some decisions about him that i haven't told you because i was it's helpful for our audience if when if when we are discussing like you know who a character is what he does his toys uh-huh uh if we can label it in a way that like someone could understand and connect to so if i if i are you saying notice that you're kind of feeling around uh-huh in the dark i'm

gonna go ahead and flip the light switch for you man because i you know that that's the thing we never want to see people struggle here but you flip the light switch on he's a man who hates his own toys and i don't think that's what i was trying to guess so you flip the light switch and all the wrong shit got lit up that must be yours to use your sunlight's the best disinfectant in my yeah wouldn't you agree but you can't flip it on and off you guys are just running through these metaphors and i feel like it's not helpful if not helpful What kind of clothes does he like to have? Marks? What kind of clothes does he like?

What kind of clothes does he like to have on? I viewed him as pretty conservative And layered Because he's not Layered Henley Yeah Designer draws

Yeah I think he's more of like a buy a sack money like no like like a sack of uh not a sack like a bag of four or five pairs of underwear at a time i think did you get put up in cleveland i did yeah you get a rental no we were i was at a like an uh i think like a homewood suites in the cleveland suburbs they give you a car yes what was kevin like he was great man he was great he one time like before i don't know if you guys remember the scene at the end where like i've told him like you're not going to believe what's happening and i I think it's because Bo Callahan is slipping down the draft board.

There's a scene where we walk back into the draft room and right before we went in, he put a reassuring hand on my shoulder before they called action. Got a reassuring hand on my shoulder, made eye contact and then went in. Kevin, he was great. Now see, this is when I feel like

the detail has dried up. That story had almost nothing the clothing layers i was starting to be able to picture i feel like the reassuring hand on the shoulder points like it points toward are you scared of what of be like yeah i mean i was nervous i mean like the guy's a big like he's a movie star he's looking like legit ass movie star like i was a little nervous you know i hadn't been in a lot of stuff as you have pointed out at that point i hadn't been in a lot of stuff and it's near the end of this the second scroll yeah of the of the couple scrolls that it takes to get down there it It's like a little bit further down. So I was nervous around him, yeah.

But we got to... He likes telling stories, and so he... Now I'm nervous about the amount of details. Now I'm nervous about the details I should be putting in. What's this motherfucker getting behind the wheel of, end of the day? I mean, I think he... Wait, Kevin Costner's character? Or Kevin Costner?

I know what Kevin Costner's character drove. Okay. GMC truck. He did. I think there was probably a sponsorship partner. I don't know that for a fact. But the... I think he just had a driver. A driver would drive him to set so

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what is that what that is from inherent vice i know that but it's it's that's completely fake that's fake well they're all i mean like all that they're all fake they're all made up the names are all made up no well i mean no like if you the movies about richard nixon like that name isn't made up but like agent borderline like yet i mean that is the main guy's larry yeah that's real i've yeah i've seen that one agent borderline i hesitate to even ask about this guy's toys because i know i'm going to get the fucking run around i didn't i didn't feel like the examination of his toys was the sort of like the first thing that i had to get into him he's a fed in the sort of like late 60s early 70s

and i feel like then they all thought that, you know, hippies were going to ruin America. And I kind of, at least from what I remember, because this was a while ago, that I was trying to get into the idea of who, who's the person that supports Richard Nixon, who supports bad policies while also, see, now I'm all turned around. So so because now you got me thinking about the toys the toys part of it yeah just talk about the toys let's what is it

with like this dish dude so i don't know so he probably i mean agent borderline again he's probably conservative i mean he probably got a nice grill at home what's he cooking on i probably back then charcoal like the grills hell yes king do you guys what do you mean back then what do you grill on what futuristic technology are you grilling on now just propane grills propane i don't know i don't know like just a propane grill like with the tank and i think they had propane back then i'm sure they had propane i'm not arguing that that the gas propane didn't exist just that it like in its sort of consolidated form in the tank that you bring home and attach i don't know if that existed during richard nixon's time but as far as the car he drove are you talking about okay so i think probably just like a uh a i'm trying to answer your question seriously i'm trying i know i'm trying no no that's why i'm

laughing like this guy playing all these roles you don't even know what car he drove? Like. Well, but I'm. No, it wasn't the first thought. I am trying to honor your question by remembering things about the character and drawing a conclusion. But probably, you know, like a like a Chevy, like four door sedan. No model names. No, I mean mean like my thought went to cutlass but again like propane i don't know high-end ford chevy sedan it's i mean those are american-made guys

like those are like you know fed and marx those are all like american let's move on set when he gets on set to say his line does he go like something about you're under some kind of arrest or something this one should be easy officer you fill in the rest oh god

officer is that from Goosebumps Oh, God. Officer, uh... Is that from Goosebumps? Yeah, but it's not Officer Goosebumps. The movie's not... Did you think the movie was called Goosebumps and your character's name was Officer Goosebumps? It was about you? No, I didn't.

Look, okay, if you're actually out there. Oh, Kim, that breaks my heart. If you're out there and you're actually listening for some sort of acting... Who are you talking to? I thought people listened to your podcast for insider information. Just us, homeboy.

You're talking to the audience directly okay they've not go ahead they're not gonna like write you a like a letter back or something but um i just felt like the like i might have to just kind of bypass you guys and not and not in a rude way i know i'm a guest here but just like i felt like i just needed to get past it just to get some information to get straight to the audience those are the people you want to deal with the scum of the earth well you'll be begging for us back by the time this is over you would wear your last wear your last line of defense against these creatures. But go ahead.

I would say that Officer Stevens from Goosebumps He does. It's just Officer Stevens. He doesn't know he's in Goosebumps. In his name. He's not from Goosebumps. He thinks. The word Goosebumps. I'm so sorry. But it's thinks the name thinks the word goosebumps i'm so sorry

but just like it's just the name of the movie it's not anyone's name of the show it's not the name of the town uh-huh it doesn't i don't think is it even said in the movie i don't think so movie did a nice piece of business it did well yeah the whole idea the whole idea is that they meet rl stein the man who wrote Goosebumps, so the word is said a bunch of times. That's not the whole idea. That is the whole idea.

There's lots of other stuff. I was watching another movie at the same time. I was doing sort of a two-screen experience. What was the other movie you were watching? Time to get in the old memory bank. Your keys.

And it's a timed timed lock. Find the box. Okay. This is the one. Let me pull out the drawer. And what do we got in here? Dust. Dust rises up yeah frog jumps out all right and just taking an open the envelope and find out what the movie was yeah for us come i think goose bumps for his gum i thought they would go together and maybe even

sync up like Dark Side of the Moon and Wizard of Oz Bumps and Gump, double feature So Officer Stevens which was the role that I played in the film Goosebumps Let's just get this out of the way, what is he pushing? He thinks that he is the star of his own just everything car

just he drove jesus christ he drove a police car he drove a police car it's not he drove a crown vic that had been i don't know like retrofitted souped up souped up because you know it doesn't have NOS that's from Fast and the Furious it's real though I mean yes that gas is real between propane and NOS this guy thinks that all gas is just like

created in like movies we're using this shit, man. What were you saying? Officer Stevens thinks that he is the star of his own movie. And so if you frame the character that you play around the idea that they're not the star of the movie, you're going to end up playing a thin character.

Star of the movie, like... So that makes sense, then, that he're not the star of the movie. You're going to end up playing a thin character. Okay. Star of the movie. So that makes sense then that he thinks his name is Goosebumps. In that version, it does make sense. That lets him beef up his own role in the films. There are no small parts. Right. Just actors who haven't endowed themselves with the name of the film as their own last name.

Yeah, exactly. Pretty sick. I talked with the director and I talked as their own last name. Yeah, exactly. Pretty sick. I talked with the director, and I talked about that a lot. Bob, this is the guy. Bob. Say what? The director is Bob.

No, I didn't say his... I didn't say... Yeah, I know you didn't say his name. I'm saying it. Oh, yeah. No, I mean, I don't think i called him bob okay what'd you call him rob okay it's like base it's like pretty close yeah it's really close man i thought you were gonna say something fucking crazy when you wound up for what you really call them i was brave they are like a really good podcast moment but i think if you called a man whose name was bob or bobby

rob or robert i think if you called them that they would be like they would correct you so it wasn't right it wasn't you really i think they just think we're just having a little fun you think they'd correct you and say actually I don't know if they'd be rude about it and say actually my name is but if you called me the wrong name I'd be like sorry like the first couple times I'd be like really close

scared money don't make none man you're playing a scared game dude what's the name of the town from goosebumps the town yeah uh madison georgia wow no that's really close what was it it's madison delaware and i was just kidding it's not close at all it's a like a million miles away this guy i think i just thought that when you said we were gonna go like deep dive on character stuff i thought you were like gonna talk about like only what you wanted to no not just what i want to do but just like the core

we can do it that way it was i mean what's the canned story you got for your character tell every other show? We actually, we're trying to find some shit. Just watch it slurp out of the can. It's shaped like a can still. Like the cranberries on Thanksgiving or whatever? Yeah, I guess

that's one example. There's a lot of stuff. What's another example? Like a... Do you see these beans that this guy is on the news uh huh this guy is doing beans have you seen this

yeah yeah yeah I saw it okay well you seem not to even acknowledge that something's in a can where right now there's a can in the news because this guy is doing beans yeah but those don't come i'm not yes they do they come out of the can okay come out of the can uh the core pillars cylinder of a like a character that you play in a film or sort of like that just like the fundamental like root wants and needs that I want.

To the audience, if you're interested, that is what I thought we were going to talk about when we went into that. We can do that. Let's do that. No, we don't have to. I'm just saying that's what I thought we were going to do. You guys asked about every single character

has been like, what car do you drove? Dog food comes out like that. What's a walk-up do? Is this a pun of something? No, I think it was just how you would refer to, because it's about a group

of friends who decide that their relationship is kind of toxic, that they won't ever advance if they keep hanging out with one another. And so they make a pact that they aren't going to see one another for a year. I think it's a run on something. I mean, it probably is.

The what? Duke of Earl? I don't think so. Okay. Okay. Croc of... What is it? Croc of lewds oh a crock of lewds yeah i i don't know i don't know i wasn't there like at like the script point so i just came in while they were shooting

oh they didn't let you just show up in the middle yeah i mean like i worked for a couple days on it and i think that butler although i did not spend a lot of time with him he was like he just kind of cared about like drugs and money and going to like clubs and he probably would have driven a car that was like really expensive and really he would have driven like yes like uh now he wants to go back to the cars but this is the one character where that thing would be the first thought that's what i'm saying is that you this is the one character where that thing would be the first thought. That's what I'm saying. Is that you, this is the character that that would be a very expensive,

nice car. And would he know the name of any cars? He would. I'm not, I personally am not a car person, so I just can't like, dude, but you're not being asked. Can I'm trying, I'm really trying to just, like, I don't know, shine a light, turn the lights on, or whatever it was that you said earlier on, some of the thought processes behind this.

Anyway, what I'm saying. Did Jonah have a car? He did. All right. I mean, it's, yeah, it's pretty cool that he has a car. I'm going to wait for you guys to ask what kind of car it was because I don't know anymore. Did you get to keep it?

No, it wasn't an actual. Oh, Jesus Christ. He had a Nissan Cube. There was a whole storyline around the fact that he drove a Nissan Cube. You didn't get to keep it? No, they don't just give you the car. I mean, if if you do something like that you know you did that show for a long time probably passed up on a lot of other opportunities based on the length of this list i took some suits at least they could do it's not like it's like that great a car

just give him the car but i don't want that i didn't want the car what but to i mean like to say that now i mean i don't even think we have time to unpack this to act like you don't even want it because i didn't oh god i had a car i feel like that's like i mean like if you're trying to like spin me into some sort of out of touch rich LA actor, I'm not. I owned a car. I didn't need another car for no reason. This is why I worry about the people listening. These are people. These are working people. These are good, sound people.

Scum of the earth. But the earth needs scum. It's nutrients. It's pure nutrients. No, no. It's like kombucha. It's like the healthy fungus. The scoby. Yeah.

And if you ask them if they wanted a car just to take, our listeners would honestly nut. That's really beautifully put, Hayes. They would. They would nut a pretty tremendous load. But let's, I mean, in the world in which we are trying to not to conserve and to not use what we don't need don't you think that having a second car taking again i was not offered the car could have given it to kevin does he not have a car i'm pointing at my face he didn't for a long time certainly at the time he didn't yeah certainly at the time that you're would have been nice getting this

offer kevin did not have a car but okay there i i would i didn't know kevin at that time i don't even know him now i met him moments none of us really do kevin would drive around in a shopping cart with a oar that's not true. Kevin? That's not true. Tell him. It was a decked out shopping cart that had all your IMDB credits on it. By the way, big fan. So this hurts extra hard.

It was fully murdered out with Tim's IMDB credits and an ore that he could take on the highway as long as the highway was downhill i was cruising i didn't know kevin at the time and i don't think it's we've made very little effort to know him now i just want to point out i have not had much of an opportunity i have not had much of an opportunity he's sitting right here he is an equal partner

in this show if you use anything you'd like to ask kevin by all means kevin what kind of car do you drive do you like toys do you like your toys yeah of course i love toys okay cool i guess we know everything about you that we need to now this guy's a human being man he's not one of your little play pretend movie characters you can ask him about real shit he refuses to get engaged to his girlfriend i mean that's something that's a rich dig in on that like what's happening there like why is he so hesitant does she not like toys does she not she loves toys too everyone loves toys what kind of car does she drive that's personal no for fuck's sake that would have been a

good answer for marks kevin go ahead your character from best friends Forever gets on a plane. The flight attendant says, business or pleasure? Go ahead. He says, business. No. That was a layup, man. Guys, I'm fucking, I'm doing my level best here what do you say kevin this is pleasure baby i'm on the pleasure ride yeah actually that is a pretty good answer thinking back that actually is probably probably what it is does that improvise did you make that up just now? No, I'm asking you.

Oh. I'm really trying to like... I feel like there are a bunch of threads out there and I don't know if I started it with all the details from the golf story, but I feel like... Okay. I think that day I didn't really improvise again. It was sort of early on.

I wasn't super comfortable. It was a brand new on. I wasn't super comfortable as a brand new set. And I like, I think I was given a couple lines to throw in. I hate to do this, Tim. I kind of want to go back to the golf story. I feel like that was probably the high point of this episode. Like that's kind of where we peaked.

At least it was real, you know, anything else about the 79 year old guy she got really mad when he would hit bad shots which was like every shot and he was very nice he was very nice and you're saying that you are just like totally playing it you hit a bad shot and you're like mr cool you go oh good you like. No, I am not saying I like it. I'm just saying that he would get real mad on every shot. What did he say?

He would kind of make like a, bah! It was like a little bit of an older man noise. You know what I mean? That kind of, you know. Now this is acting. Now see, can I just say? Uh-huh. Then this is exactly what we wanted to do we got you there

didn't we you did and in discussing your craft and your practice and these characters we created a new one yeah i can't wait to see him i can't wait to meet him officially up on the screen he's just gonna pull up in a i don't know like i guess i'm trying to think he won't know the name of his car of course i'm not gonna know i don't know much about cars i don't know generally how expensive it is and it will be american made i really i try i guess i don't know i you guys happen to fight you guys really like the guy drives a damn lincoln corsair come on get with it that is actually the kind of car i was thinking hell yes this is like you kind of pulled it out sort of like a kubrickian is that how you say like a kubrickian like you just like

you did 90 takes and here i am i'm completely broken down and you guys gotten something good out of me finally finally somebody got something good out of me. Finally. Finally, somebody got something good out of me. You guys just ground me into fucking dust. And here I am. Why is he, Sean? Yeah, what? Why is he being like this?

I don't know. It's like being so crazy. He's trying to make me feel bad. I'm just doing the show. Does he want to promote do you want to promote something promoting something there's a there's nothing happening i gave up my time with like oh yeah that's how i got school my children i spent all day at home i agreed to come on your show and i feel like i was under like a very gentle attack the entire time. And then you ask me if I want to promote something, but nothing is happening.

We can talk to the kids. No, I'm not. No, they deserve their prep. I'm in a film that's called Yes, God, Yes that comes out in drive-ins and video on demand on July 24th. Yes, God, yes. It's about coming. It's about nutting.

It is actually about nutting. It's about female nutting. I'm not kidding. If you want to know, that's actually what the movie is about. The female nut. It's about a female. Wow, the elusive female nut.

Yeah, I don't think it's that elusive okay now this is the kind of conversation we're looking to have on the show my man's blasting her off on the daily oh mr simons that's a freaking timulus package he's stimulating her like crazy with his package okay so so this is really usually don't do you know it's not usually this kind of show no but i mean if it's if it's your truth you gotta speak it man well thanks so much for coming tim i gotta freaking bounce dude that's what he's saying to them yeah guys uh this has been great uh yeah we know. Bye. Hollywood Hamburg. That was a HeadGum Podcast.