Hollywood Handbook - Tom and The Doughboys, Our Close Friends

Episode Date: January 28, 2019

TOM SCHARPLING and THE DOUGHBOYS come to the studio and get tricked by The Boys.This episode is sponsored by Indochino ( www.indochino.com  code: HANDBOOK) and Quip ( www.getquip.com/THEBOYS ).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Um, so, you know, I'm in there with, I'm in the booth with Jeremy Roenick and Kelly Lynch. And we're playing. I have a toy. It's a toy toucan. And a toucan's beak is a keyboard. And he says, You can play songs with me.

I'm a toucan With a fun piano on my beak On top of his beak? Yeah, his beak effectively is a keyboard. A fun piano, as he would put it. And so, we're trying to figure out Purple Haze. Oh. You know the song?

Okay. It's not really a piano song. No. But just the notes, I feel like could still sound pretty good on the Toucan's beat. Is that in reference to me? It's just hard for me to hear that and I think it has something to do with me. Or am I being self-absorbed? I don't think I even knew you.

Oh, okay. This was 1961. Oh, okay. Before the song even came out. You know what I mean? Okay. I mean, we knew the song. Because they are kids?

Duh, yes. They're little. And I'm kind of a squirt as well, kind of a pipsqueak. Yeah. You know? At least as far in your music career. Yeah, yeah, I was early on in the game before I got so fucking jaded, man. I mean, before I transitioned out of even Toucan Beak stuff and just started making beats.

Have you heard my new beat? No, does Devin have it? Devin, you wanna play my new beat? This shit's fire This shit slaps Who's in there? Who's laughing? Some kind of freakazoid. Kevin, what are you doing?

We're supposed to play the beat. What are you doing? Hey guys, Chef Kevin here. This is an instrumental for the beat. Kevin does this under the beat. Yeah. Who else is in there? Go ahead, Devin.

And Devin, you play the beat. It starts with just this. Well, there's an ad. I'll go... Yeah, it's an ad first. This shit ain't free. Oh, this slaps. You can play songs with me. I'm a toucan with a fun piano on my beak. You can.

You can, you can Toucan, toucan Fun piano, fun piano You can Hi kids, do you like violence? Wanna see me stick my hands in each one of my eyelids? Wanna get drunk and do exactly like I did. Okay, Terry, you can't.

Try SIDS and get fucked up worse than my life, bitch. You can't do that. You aren't allowed to put that in the song. That is not a sample if you just do all the words from it. But I'm doing it off. I'm missing it off. Who else is in that room? I just have to know going into

this. It's very disruptive. Who is in there? Devin, Colin, and Dana. Colin is here. This is a big one tonight. I'll be there and check it out. Make sure everything is on the old up and up. Big feather in my

cup. Making sure everything goes well. Making sure the levels are... Okay, great. I love it. More people, please. We have... So we should... Do we need to sort of explain what's going on this episode?

Yeah, we're doing a trick. It's kind of a weird one. It's not a trick. I mean, it's like... Well, it's a trick. So Tom is is gonna be here uh he we sort of told him that something was gonna happen on the show that is not exactly what we're going to do he thinks uh that he is going to be here uh for an episode that is like

honoring him it's like a appreciation of his life and career. Yeah, it's like a lifetime achievement. Like, yeah. Yeah. Is that what you said? Yeah. I said, well, I said, are you familiar with the Cecil B. DeMille Award?

Yeah. And he said, yes. He called it the Cecil B. Demented Award. Yeah. I said, well, we want to give you the Pete Holmes Award. Okay. Yeah. For achievement.

And just funniness and podcasting. And sonic humor. Yeah, and sonic humor, exactly. Which I guess, now Ventura BB-8 is going to get that. But anyway, after a lot of back and forth, we did finally land on he's going to come down to the studio and we're gonna get that so that's what he thinks is happening

so we'll you know we'll we'll go through like I don't know who's gonna tell him that we have something else that we're gonna do this episode but I guess we'll figure it out but he'll be fine he's always pretty cool

I think he's gonna handle it really well I think he's going to handle it really well. I think he's in a really good place. Yeah. So, yeah. Emotionally, he's never been more predictable. Is that, is someone knocking? Come in. Okay, because everyone is in the fucking control room.

No one. Hi, Tom. Great. What up, what up from our show? Hey, high five, Tom. Oh, yes. Sorry, your hand is really cold. Wow. It's very cold out there.

What is on it? I'm sorry about that. Duck sauce? I really... Boys. You seem great. I'm sorry that no one was there to let you in And tell us that you were here Because everyone I guess decided that they were more valuable

Just sitting and watching the show I'm loving this Sergeant Pepper's jacket Tom Thanks man That is so cool Thank you Did you make that? Some of it I made Some of it was like that in the store when I found it

I gotta say I thought it would keep me warm but it's a chilly night in Lipstick City. Yeah. Yes. Right? But you've been outside for a while? Three and a half hours. Wow. Yeah.

Okay. Just priming the pump, though, man. Yeah. I am fucking jacked for this. You seem really jacked. I am jacked. On a near manic state yes jacked

yes well you know it's an exciting thing you know it's the Pete Holmes award yeah we don't we've never given it out before no this is the first one

so that is it's own kind of honor, I guess. That is Peter. That's just you. That's me paying tribute to the namesake of my award. Are you okay with the headphones? You keep flipping them back and forth. This new studio is very nice. That's right.

Yeah, you haven't been to the studio yeah not nuts about uh the new table i loved when people had like six signatures on it yeah like people don't only have like three people do not want to sign this yeah it seems like are there no markers in the room there are normally like too many markers. See all those markers? Oh, there they are. It's so much that people, it's like very desperate. It's tough to pick which one. And so people aren't tripling and quadrupling up.

But nobody wants people to know that they are here. So let me just say for the headphones, the middle bar goes on the top. They're not that different from the old headphones. It's a different studio, but they actually are really similar. If you remember the old headphones. It's a different studio, but they actually are really similar. If you remember the old headphones, it's pretty similar in terms of the way you're going to put them on and use them. So Paul Scheer drew this swastika on the table? Or did somebody just draw a swastika near his signature? I hate to assume that—

If you notice, I think it's going in the other direction. So if it was him, he's like an Eastern religion type of guy. It was like a hindu symbol or something yes and a lot of those a lot of those guys i was just in india and they're like oh we had no idea that's like another thing we didn't know that that was like a bad thing and that is like paul's thing too he's like oh i thought it was just like a nice thing meaning peace and being friends read a newspaper that's what I say

so this is exciting thank you we're not here to take shots we're here to honor you we're not here to take shots at anyone else we were hoping to get Pete here to present the award not available but we season 4 not picked up yet but they have a Pete here to present the award. Not available.

But we... Season four, not picked up yet, but they have a room together. Yes. And he's got to be in the room. Yes. You know they're shooting season four in IMAX. Well, like real IMAX? Yeah, it's going to be in IMAX theaters.

It's only going to be showing at the Science Museum? If you care about something, yeah, you put it up at the Science Museum. But we have reached out to a couple of his acolytes to, you know, help out with the presentation. Yeah, but we'll get into that. Did you have anything prepared anything that you want to say i got a couple things i want to say okay first of all um thank you thank you that's so nice should i shouldn't talk no okay please don't please i'm doing my thing now yeah it's my's my moment. And you earned it. You've earned your moment.

And you earned it. I had my moment. You've had plenty of moments. Both of you. And I guess I can say it now. I've had a couple senior moments lately. But I've been misplacing everything. It's my moment.

Okay. Because, you know. Ginkgo. I know it's one of the ears is kind of making its way into your mouth i just want to make sure hold on that yeah so like this yes those go on either side yes no not like that yes and i just want to make i want to give you space to make your speech uh and not have any any of the equipment get in your way okay so here we go I just want to feel it first. I encourage you to live in this for as long as you need.

I just want to hold this moment. Because it has been a long road. Feel it first makes me think of feel it still. I thought you might think that yeah so fellow podcasters fellow comedians and to the fans from worlds coast to coast and one tip of the globe to the other. And Crashinistas, Pete wanted us to. And to all my Crashinistas out there, thank you.

This, it's been a long road to get here. I've come on this show more than any other guest and Is that true? Yeah. We've had the corporate guys on this. At least a couple times.

I've done more live shows than they've done real shows. It's true. Go count the fucking It doesn't take much. And I started late, too. I was like 91. So 91 I started and I caught up. They say.

You think we were having them? And you can even count them twice. I didn't even know who they were. You can even count them twice. I missed something. Because there's two of them. What's that? I missed something.

I was reading my mug. Go back up. How far back? I don't know. Has Tom been on the show more than anyone? Not more than the corporate guys, because there's two of them. I'm saying you double that. Even if you count them as two, I've

beat them. They did it last year and this year. Jake and Amir? More. More. More. All those New York shows. Did we air those?

I think. I'm just worried that people haven't heard that. Did we actually release them? Even if we did, it was so long ago. Those people probably graduated. Okay, that's great. That's huge. More than anyone?

That's amazing. Anyone. Ask Kevin. A lot of those people moved on to Comptown and stuff. Should I start over again with my thing? Did you start? I did start. But I just want to say one thing.

I know the score. I know the score. Ha ha ha. Right? Ha ha ha. Nelson. I know the score. Ha, ha, ha. Right? Ha, ha, ha. Nelson. From Simpsons. What's that?

Nelson. Oh, I got it. It's very funny, Sean. So it's, no, no, no. This is my moment, though. It's mine. And you guys, you can't take it. None of you can take it from me. None of you.

All you rat bastards. You've all run me down. You laugh at me. You watch me slide down the ladder. But you know what? No more. I'm out here now. I'm planting my flag in Los Angeles. You're moving here? I moved here. Not because of this? Yeah. Well, not entirely because of this? Yeah. Well, not entirely because of this. Okay.

You moved here partly because you were getting the Pete Holmes Award. It's 70% of why I came out here. But I'm staffed also. Oh, you are? Holy shit. Tom! Hey! That's great.

It's pretty exciting. Wow. What are you working on? Kevin Spacey has a talk show on Pornhub, and I'm doing audience warm-up. Okay. Okay. So that is, I just want to say first of all, that is not technically a staff position. No, but I write for it also.

You write the warm-up stuff or you write for the main? Both. They let you submit jokes. No, I'm in the room. I wrote the thing he did that came out a month ago. Okay. I was sort of wondering. That did have a little of your voice.

That was sort of a teaser trailer for the Pornhub talk show. We didn't drop it yet. By the time this airs, it will be known. Is he going to be Frank? That's a part of the thing. He says, I'm going to be Frank and Frank. It's like a Frank TV, but it's Frank Underwood instead of Frank Caliendo. So he's doing a bunch of characters.

Frank Caliendo's the first guest. Ah, okay. And is there a porn aspect to it? Oh, yeah. We don't need to know what it is. Well, I can tell you jeremy is the band leader okay he's got a pretty sweet blues band and uh he's a much better harmonica player than i thought he would be wow you thought why would you think he would be a bad harmonica player i just never

thought he would be interested in the harmonica he calls it the mouth organ i don't love that but he has one of those vests like the dude in blues traveler uh-huh oh shit those are the real pros yeah that's cool that's sort of i always thought that was like when rambo has those like bandoliers of bullets that that's sort of john popper's version of that i just want to say you didn't you wouldn't use like getting the pete holmes award for example as like part of your cv to get this job that wouldn't be it didn't hurt okay it didn't hurt do you push that pretty hard yeah um i can just say it's like i felt like i got on on the ground floor of a thing that um

i think a lot of people look down at and they don't realize that uh i just that's well it's like people talked about netflix yeah a few years ago yeah i mean remember everyone's like what it's like a web series yeah what is what is it? A web series? Kevin Spacey was on that too. So all the ingredients are there. Yeah, he made that legitimate. And then I'd say he's an even bigger star now just based on some of what's been happening.

Yeah, and certainly more famous. It's like Google. More people are searching him. Absolutely. And they literally do search him also. They search all of us. To be fair, we all get searched. Every day everyone gets searched in the office?

Coming in and out. Yes. There's stuff they don't want you to take out from there. Yeah. They look. They have a list. They won't let us from there. Yeah. They look. They have a list. They won't let us see it. Okay. You're not even allowed to

know the stuff that is desirable. It has to stay. I just don't take anything. What I bring in, I take back. Great policy. Yeah. Everybody writes fully in the nude so that they know you're not taking anything? No, they just pat us down um

okay because porn hub it wouldn't be that strange right for you right in the nude and maybe there's a camera in there and that honestly in a way it's strange to wear these like strips of claw it's like so arbitrary it's crazy that's what ron says r Ron's big on that. And it's created weird dynamics with the other guys in his band. The band is new. Yeah, it is pretty much Conan's band, except it's Ron Jeremy playing harmonica. Max Weinberg is there? Yes, he's back. Wow.

Under duress. Okay. I think he owes money or something. I don't know. I don't get into that. He justress. Okay. I think he owes money or something. I don't know. I don't get into that. He just seems very stressed. Everyone is compensated for this show? I guess it depends on, I think.

I was referring to getting paid money for your work. Yeah. money for like to for your work. Yeah. I mean I've I've got three months to go and then it's just

money is what I get paid in. Okay. So it's like a proof of concept kind of right now. I don't know what that is. And you sort of so you're scaling up

through other forms of payment. Well no I get I get given access codes for for kind of like premium access to Pornhub that I can sell.

They probably have a store that sells like mugs and like T-shirts and stuff, which is like you can, you know. It's not so much a store as it is Ron has like a box with like mugs and things in it and okay and he sells the stuff so what's like a ron jeremy merch table is set up in the room yeah and he's got one of those little credit card swipers was your speech done by the way no no no i didn't start yet. Okay. You said you did. I asked you earlier if you had started. Well, stop the crashing, Easton.

And you said, yes, I did start. So now you just said you didn't start. Well, I didn't get to the message of the thing. Okay. Let's get a little more into this, and then we do have other stuff we want to do. Okay. Okay. My friends, these are troubling times, as we all know.

And when I look out at all of you, I say to myself, you got to love each other, baby. You just got to love each other. That's all this is about. It's about love. And I also want to... Oh, okay. So we have some other guests.

Oh, hey. Here a little early. It's Pete's Little Helpers. Hi. So these are like sort of presenters for the ceremony. For other awards. No, it's all about you tonight, Tom.

Like this is your life and your career that we are celebrating and these guys are also just big fans sorry i'm cool yeah what's we're we're a little unclear on what's going on here i'm just making eye contact with mitch to make sure we're on the same page no i have no idea what's going on you guys uh invited us here uh with a with a high priority email like one with a little red exclamation point next to it yeah thank you so much for reading that yeah we're reading it to mitch i read it right away i texted a screen cap over to mitch because he didn't check his email um and you said that we should come over here tonight at this time

because you have a special video game for us and and in a way we do yes uh in a way you have a special video game for us? And in a way, we do. Yes. In a way, you have a... What do you mean? We were even confused by special video games. It's like a weird thing to say. It sounds... I said to Nick that it sounds like it's not real. Special video game.

This is kind of... In a way, this is something of a Red Dead Redemption. Isn't it, though? Because... We have Tom Sharpling here. His career was dead. And who are you? I'm Mike.

I'm Mitch from the Doughboys podcast. Okay. Hi. Nice to meet you. Sure. It's very nice to meet you, too. I'm kind of in the middle of something. I'm sorry.

And you are? I'm Nick Weiger, also from the Doughboys podcast. It's very nice to meet you, too. I'm kind of in the middle of something. I'm sorry. And you are? I'm Nick Weiger, also from the Dope List Podcast. It's very nice to meet you. These guys you talked about, these are the Hamburger Man. The Hamburger Man. Yes. The guys who make all that money on Patreon talking about onion rings. We've heard the hamburger man before.

It makes Nick... It infuriates Nick. I don't know why that would make you upset. Aren't you the one who demanded a year's worth of free burgers or else you walk? I did. I asked for that in our contract when we were talking here at Earwolf and they wouldn't do it.

Is Dana still here, by the way? Dana wouldn't do it. Headgum stepped up by the way? Dana wouldn't do it. Okay. HeadGum stepped up. HeadGum was like, we'll give you that year. We'll get you on the horn in a little bit. We don't need you. I do want to work out some of this other stuff right now. But if you're available, it'd be great if you could stay to talk about that negotiation. We'd love to have you long term for some of the discussion of the hamburgers.

And can I just say one thing, guys? God bless you. You figured something out that is cleaning up you're making piles of money i'm in the middle of a lifetime achievement award now you can watch you're welcome to watch and i guess if you guys have some special sauce you want to talk about or something uh you can whisper to each other um but i'm in the middle of a lifetime achievement award here so can i be honest real quick what's that i'd just take the video game and go if possible yeah we just want the special video game well can i ask you video game wise what is one step beyond virtual

reality ah do you be like a like some sort of full-body 3D immersive thing? Full-body immersive life-size Tamagotchi. Sharpling. Mm-hmm. So what you're saying is that this is like a metaphor. Like this is like what we're experiencing now is the special video game. The dynamic I'm sensing between you guys when he said onion rings and you asked for the game. I felt the exact same thing as soon as they walked in the room. Were you electricity?

Yes. And it was initially about you, of course, being tricked into helping him receive this Lifetime Achievement Award. But now I'm seeing something where I almost wonder if Tom has done all the work he could possibly do on our show and has graduated to this is what i think you're taking the words out of my mouth so you guys came in here uh and you guys love video games obviously yeah yeah we love them and what we have here is someone who is winning a lifetime achievement award in podcasting this is basically game word this is basically the parsifal of podcasts this is the guy who's like navigating

the oasis this is player one yes this is player one think about that and he's ready at long last to sort of you know this is small potatoes this show we do here it's it's fun it's cute but it's not hamburger man yes and so this wasn't my intention coming into this. This was not the plan. And I almost don't even want to do it because we'd be losing Tom to these guys. That would freaking stink. Oh, no. But what would be so fun coming out of this is if maybe Tom, especially now that Tom is

living here full time, it turns out. Hayes, what? If he's here full time, then he could just be with them all the time. They live here. He could be on their show. Don't you guys live here too, though? I don't even think. He's traveling.

And I have a thing. And you have a thing. Yes. It just seems like if you're putting reasons why he should be on our show, him living here. It's a transitional year for us. Right. I know. Yeah. So you guys aren't going to be in LA as much as what you're saying. It sucks, but yeah.

You've been hearing that as well? Wow. Okay, so it's out there now. Then if Nick's heard it, it's out there. Okay, you got us. We're probably going to be back and forth a little. Between where? Between LA, we have to... Because it's... You know, We're probably going to be back and forth a little. So is it? Between where? Yeah, between L.A. We have to.

Because it's, you know, you're here, you know. Right. And Tom is. Wow. And then with us being back and forth, it's like, okay, well, what is Tom going to. Oh, wait. You know, these guys. There's this other perfect, yes. The triangle of power that I've seen with you three guys.

Whoa. So you said the word tricked about 10 minutes ago. In regard to the award. When was that? Sean, you said the word tricked. Was I referring to a game of Wist? I don't know what you were referring to. I actually think, yes.

I remember if I remember that part of the show, you were saying that you made the trick. Yes. Completed the full Wist trick. Yes. Completed the full Wist trick. What's Wist? Yeah, what is Wist? See, you guys, yes. It's all video games with these guys. Well, there's a few, but

there would be no video games without Wist. Yeah. No, Wist is the original video game, and Honeymoon Wist in particular is something Hayes and I like to play. Okay. He's like, Wist is the original video game, and Honeymoon Wist in particular is something Hayes and I like to play. Okay. He's like, Wist, is that what I tie my freaking Switch controller around? Yeah.

When I'm going crazy in my living room? No kidding. Yeah, he loves those games. This would be a pretty sweet thing for me to take to Ron and for the band to be like, what is Wist? Right? You say, what is Wist? And he'd be like, like harmon whist, right? You say what is whist, and he'd be like like harmonica on it. Does he just do that?

Is he like Paul Schaefer and just taking cues from what people are saying and they're just right in it like that? Or you would have to rehearse that for a while? No, he does banter and then the main hurdle has been just that he he's very touchy with himself at times.

That Ron is? Ron is. And it seems like he's not entirely in control. Well, I got to say, you might be really comfortable working with Wagger, who also does go down on himself. This is working out so perfectly. You know what I mean? There's so many connections. Tom, are you talking about the...

A combination of Mitch and Weiger would maybe be Ron Jeremy. So in a way, it's a very smooth transition for you from your work life you know to your home casual life yes are you talking about the kevin spacey late night band yeah i i read a little bit about it uh-huh wait okay let's say i'm working you wait let's just get it all out there. You read for it. Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. I read for the role, the Kevin Spacey role in the talk show. Yeah. And they're using you for some, like, remote pieces and stuff, right?

They're going to throw to you for some man on the street stuff? Yeah. You're like Ross the intern. I'm the Jordan Kepler of the Kevin Spacey show. Kind of got a correspondent sort of role. You sort of fell into it. I think it's a good fit for you. Yeah.

I bet we're actually both, Mitch and I, we've been having trouble finding record times because he's busy with that. I'm busy. I'm in that crashing season four writer's room. Oh, you are in there. I'm in there, yeah. How are we doing? I know there's a pickup meter in the room.

Yeah, the pickup meter, it's kind of been going between 40% and 60%, just sort of in the middle. What's next for Pete? It's interesting. He's 29 in the new season, so he's getting younger. So it's an interesting move to go that direction. I have a question for you. Does the pickup meter get confusing at all when someone calls into the room?

Yeah, because then people are like, should I pick up my phone? It's at 40% right now. People do get confused sometimes. Wait, why would that be confusing? Because pickup is like also when you answer your phone. Okay, so it's like a word association. Yeah, it's a word association thing. So when people call, when someone's phone rings in the room.

Bring that to Bang Bang, man. Run that over to Bang Bang. And this is exactly Tom's kind of thing. So I'm already seeing how this could work out. What is my problem? But you're saying that when somebody calls into the room, people look at their phone and then they check the pickup meter for the odds. Yes, that's what we are saying, Nick and I.

It's both of our ideas. Well, let's unpack it a little more. So you're picturing a physical meter on the wall that has a percentage point, and that when someone's phone rings, that they'll look at the meter to see whether or not they should have the phone. There's a number above which they would want to pick up the phone. I was just wondering if they'd be confused by that. Also, you can run down.

If they get confused. Okay, what's confusing to them in the scenario? Just so I, for Tom. I could run it down. Is it Bang Bang? Bang Bang is recording? If Bang Bang is recording now? I assume they're somewhere in the building.

Yeah. I just. is recording if bang bang is recording now i assume they're somewhere in the building uh yeah i i just again and tom is the exact kind of person to help you bring this kind of thing home right well like with tom you're never struggling to get that kind of thing over the i just want to talk late night because he's a real logic guy i got you yeah yeah he's the logic police in the room how's weinberg over there max max yeah have you ever caught him with an egg in his mouth he's um he seems very very irked a lot of the time. Yeah. Okay. And he's really hung up on how much, like in the cafeteria, because there is like a Pornhub cafeteria. Oh, wow.

That it costs more for hot food than cold food from the salad bar. Okay. So that could be why. You said that you're searched every day? Uh-huh. It could be that he is smuggling in food. We're not allowed to bring food in. Well, so that's what I'd say.

Do they search your mouth? They do, yes. Oh, okay. They search mine. I've seen other people not get their mouth searched. Okay. I get mine searched how do you see somebody not get their mouth searched it's just the lack of them searching okay and then they sometimes will say to me it's like and we let that guy through we're

gonna search yours twice and then i'm just like wait why would you go see these are the kind of stories honestly doughboys is just fucking like stories and shit like that it's just like what happened to you that day basically yeah or like once in a while what happened in middle school or yes and then what happened today and then mitch like pretends to get mad at weiger and we find some reason to get all worked up yeah and then nicks does sort of a who me routine he pretends not to really know what's riling mitch it's so easy and if you combined your patreon numbers, how many subscribers are you guys at now?

We're at just a shade under 7K. 7K? Yeah. Okay. I can bring up the number right now. You don't have to bring up the number. We have 6,818 patrons right now. Okay.

That's pretty good. I mean, would you say no to 10 more? You know, if we... You take all of your guys over. I mean, look, I'm going to just lay my cards on the table now. I've been so jealous of you guys. You talk about the secret sauce. You guys figured out the secret sauce of making money on Patreon.

We've never really talked about the secret sauce in general. So modest. They're saving that. I'm sure I heard one where you guys. You listen to your fan of the show? You listen to every episode? I show um every episode i have yeah wow wow that's my secret what's your favorite one the uh the one the one where you guys talked about was it like uh fries wow this he's definitely listened to yeah the show this is that is a fan

that is one of our best episodes that's i mean i'm that's crazy to hear that because i i thought you know the way you'd say like hamburger man it seemed like you were being kind of like dismissive and sort of like oh i'm gonna you know it's jealousy oh wow it's jealousy wow so you yeah he's heard the fries app i mean that's this guy's been a day one yeah subscriber because you're just like i was like and i'm still not sure which one is which but one was like ah these fries are good i was like no they're not good not sure which one is which, but one was like, ah, these fries are good. The other was like, no, they're not good. These are great. I was the one who said they were great.

Yeah, that was you. Yeah. And then we bickered a little about that. We do get confused out in public. Yeah, people think I'm Mitch and they think you're Weiger. And then sometimes they think that either of us is YouSong, our producer. See, it's this. I mean, it does not get easier than this.

I could fit in with this. Let's try it. It's this of the show. Hey, shut the fuck up. I got new friends. Thank you. That's fine. That's great.

That's fine with me. This is going very well. You guys torched me one time too many. Yeah, we've been so bad. You're bad guys. And we need to be, I think, punished. And I think, yes. I'm out.

Oh, man, that'd teach me a real lesson. Tom, you have to stay. Tom, this seems rash. I can't have you just walk out on us. And not do the show at all anymore, Ars. Yeah, you don't get it anymore, buddy. Come on. But what I'd like to do now, if you guys, and again, you are.

Us. Okay. Us. Okay. You'll, yeah, you'll sort of learn. Okay. There's a way of communicating. What if we did the show right now?

What if we just got it started? Right? Yeah. Our new format sort of integrating you. Let's just try it. All right. Can I start off? I'm willing to try.

Yeah. Can I start? Oh, sure. No, you start. You're right. All right, fine. You start. You start.

All right. Hey, everybody. Because I thought it- Oh, no, fuck it. I'm so sorry. But if this is an episode, leave all this in. Yeah. Yes'm fine. All right. Hey, everybody. No, fuck it. I'm so sorry. But if this is an episode, leave all this in. Yes. All right.

Okay. Hey, everybody. Welcome to the show. Hey, hey. Hey, Tom, what do you think of fries? French fries? Yeah. I don't like them.

Huh. I love them. Oh, wow. Shit. Wow. I love them. Oh, wow. Shit. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Mitch, what do you think of fries?

I think that I don't think they're bad. I think that they're... You don't think they're bad! I think they're great! Say I don't like them. Say I don't like them. I don't like them. You don't like them.

I love them. No, that's my line. Oh, wait. Why are you... Wait, hold on a second. No. Say I don't like them. You don't like them. I love them. No, that's my line. Oh, wait. Why? Wait. Hold on a second. No. Say I don't like them.

I don't like them. I adore them. I adore them. Well, it's come the time where we're going to give Friday. I want the adore thing. Disney did 9-11. Buzz, buzz, buzz. Oh, no.

Bug Main is here. Bug Main's here. Bug Main's here. Subscribe to our Patreon. Subscribe to our Patreon. Patreon.com slash Doughboys. There's the Golden Plate Club level, and there's the Platinum Plate Club level. And coming soon, the... The Tom Club.

The Tom Club. The Tom Tom Club. Yeah, the Tom Club. Be very exciting incentives for you there. So get right in at $18 per month, and you can join the Tom Club. Tom Tom Club. It'd be very exciting incentives for you there. So get right in at $18 per month and you can join the Tom Club. Tom Tom Club. I have no notes.

I think that basically could be an episode. I got a note. Goodbye cruel world. A suicide note. Yes, I got a suicide note that I write for myself to the world. Can I just say I do have a note with this?

See Venice and die. Can I just say I do have a note? I feel like I'm missing what I bring to the table in this new format. Okay, I don't know if the move is to assert yourself too much in this. I'm willing to hear you out yeah yes but maybe just sort of get in where you fit can we run it again okay sure yeah we i mean we usually do a few takes of the show so i think it works and maybe we run it again at uh where are you guys now freaking dan harman's like little like comedy lab or like what like where you record outaking Dan Harmon's little comedy lab?

We record out of Dan Harmon's comedy lab. Yeah. Okay. Do we do this over there? You think we should physically get in our cars and drive over to Dan Harmon's comedy lab? I just don't know if we need to do an episode here or if we just sign the papers and Tom is the doughboys and we just make it official now instead of just fine tuning it when it's already so good. It's so clear that it's going to work and then it's just a matter of like ironing out whatever bumps. Well, I'm driving Ron's car now, so I really am not supposed to take it

I'm not allowed to go past he's going to be looking at the mileage yes he said that you're allowed to go the Cheetah's is the one edge of where you're allowed to go and then the Hustler Superstore is the other edge okay

I'm not allowed to and he really tracks the mileage on it wow can we do it here HCL is actually across the street from uh from Cheetahs

Harmon's Comedy Lab oh cool well then I can I can drive over well and Mitch's friend Dustin Martian knows how to wind back the odometer

on a car this is the thing once you get involved with these guys everyone they've worked with they don't just like This is the thing. Once you get involved with these guys, everyone they've worked with, they don't just leave bodies in their wake. Okay?

Let's put it that way. Everything they touch turns to gold. Okay. Okay. I really would like to try. You want to do it again? I really do. I just would feel so much better about the experience. You should start it.

Like you wanted to. I'll start it. Like you wanted to. I'll start it. Okay. Hold on. No, you should start it. Please start it. Me? And often, I just want to say, I know you guys do the show and you are fans of the show.

The episodes I have heard, Weiger is the one who starts. Oh, yeah, that's a good point. You are the one who starts. That is interesting. That actually might center us a little bit more. Yeah, sure. That's probably what we're missing. Okay, here we go.

Action. Have you guys done Farmer Boys? I mean, you can do whatever. We have. We did Farmer Boys with Nick Rutherford. But, you know, it's worth revisiting. Yeah, it is worth a revisit. Rutherford was good.

He knocked it out of the park. Yeah, it'll be hard to top him. I'm not sure Tom wants to hear about Nick Rutherford. Yeahutherford was good. He knocked it out of the park. Yeah, it'll be hard to top him. I'm not sure Tom wants to hear about Nick Rutherford. Yeah, he was good. I mean, he left before the segment. He may have been good. No one's saying he's not good. I would expect him to be good.

I'm not sure Tom wants to listen to this. I definitely didn't hear you say that Nick Rutherford was not good. No, I never said anything like that. I didn't hear it. Okay, got it. Just the dynamic worked on our show so uh so anyway uh welcome to doe boys this week talking farmer boys wow is this how you normally do it well there's usually not an interruption right off the bat i just i i've remembered these

very long speeches i do usually have an intro but I record those separately like in a block. Like I just go over to the HCL kind of on a Sunday. Just do one now. I would be helpful for Tom. I don't care how the hamburgers get made. Sure. You can do it right now too.

Okay, alright, great. Agriculture. From the beginning of humanity, a hunter-gatherer society discovered that they could cultivate crops on small patches of land using the concept of irrigation. This allowed collections of dwellings

to grow into massive metropolises. And centuries later, the whole operation was mechanized, and thus was the birthplace of the modern farm. In the 20th century, pesticides, as well as genetically modified crops, allowed for the proliferation of corn across the United States, turned into frankenfoods like high-fructose corn syrup and sweetened breakfast cereals. But that also gave rise to farmer culture, and farmers became known as the most beloved

and sweet of America's heartland. And these beloved sweet people eventually formed a fast food restaurant of their own. In the city of Baker, California. That one outlet in Baker, California grew to a number of outlets up and down the West Coast. And then later, across all of america and eventually either their award-winning burgers fries and breakfast can you go can you go back in time go back in time and then forward again became a signature like, for their ever-growing audience. So those early farmers in Sumeria may not have known that their pioneering invention would later become a mouth-watering bacon cheeseburger eaten by the son of a farmer.

This week on Doughboys. Farmer boys. Doughboys. It's the Doughboys. Doughboys. It's the Doughboys. Should we give them a sound drop? I can see Dana dancing in the control room. It just makes it even sadder that she really wanted Doughboys to be on Earwolf.

She's just so clearly a fan of the show. Yeah. It was, I mean, just the, we needed that year of hamburgers and it just didn't happen. wanted Doughboys to be on Earwolf. She's just so clearly a fan of the show. Yeah. We needed that year of hamburgers and it just didn't happen. Okay, so what I heard was that Dana offered you a year of hamburgers and that that was the big hook of the deal. Is that not right, Dana?

Oh my god, no. Here's the thing. Then there's still time. I'm sure you could pull them over right now our contract is up in just a couple months listen

wow I would be so the true story is that it was a little like we were we really wanted the guys to come over really bad

and it seemed like it was going to be really tough so I was like I'm going to get in there and try and so I went in

and it was just my friendly self but then Nick fully actually it was a phone call and Nick on the phone call did ask he was like hey would Earwolf cover all of our food and I just said yeah but it wasn't enough it wasn't enough to bring him over I really thought I really thought it was gonna work out the. But that became the story of we promised them a year's worth of hamburgers. Yeah. I can't believe

there's not like a countdown to Doughboy's free agency website I can go to or whatever with a clock moving. I could just say also, you got Tom here. This could be a good time to win Tom back as well.

Yeah. Do you have any demands? I want Tom to come on and have a show on Earwolf to be honest That's what we meant when we said I'm on board with it Well yeah but okay But you just said I'm kind of interested

I want Tom to come on and have a show I'm trying to be coy about it but I'm very interested Maybe that'll work And honestly I can see the Dough like getting jealous because already they want Tom to not do our show any year wolf shows anymore yeah never be in this studio they want to sign it looks like if I'm reading you guys right an exclusive lifetime deal oh my gosh oh. That is so binding. Can I be honest with you?

Yeah, go ahead. But first, give us a sound drop. I mean, we're doing Doughboys, right? I'll get you started. I don't think so, Tim. Ay carumba. What would you say? Strategery.

Oh, boy. That drop came from Shampoodler. Does good work. Yeah, it was good. What do you think, Nick? I thought it was one of the better drops we've had in a while. Oh, shut the fuck up. People love that. And of course, Tom Sharpling is here.

This is the voice I'm going to do on your show. So I can take my voice to other places. And I'll do like, this is my Doughboy's voice. Right. Sort of an Edward G. Robinson sort of thing.ward g robinson sort of thing yeah can i can i can i also be honest once again yeah uh dope boys isn't really a character podcast yeah i would just i would say like that's like a fun if you want that to be your intro i think that could maybe be a thing because we each kind of do our own intro but we want the character of Tom on there. Yeah. Okay, so my intro will be... Okay.

I'm hungry. I think that's good. What's for lunch? That's good. Yeah, I mean, that's good. I know, but hey, that's not my real voice. It's Tom. What's up?

Hey, what's up, Tom? Thanks for being on the show. What's up? Thanks for... He's always on the show. Right. Yeah. Oh, welcome back.

No. Are we doing this like this is one he's been here for a while now? Or is this the first one? It's going to be like six in. Okay, there's like six in. Yeah, smooth. Sorry, sorry. Hey, so we're six in here with Tom.

Hey, what's up? Where are we eating today, guys? Today? Today? Today? Farmer Boys. Oh, okay. I don't want that. I was going to say, speaking of 6-In, how about Subway?

We could change it up to Subway, yeah. I brought my own food from home. Okay, that's a really interesting, fresh new angle. This is sexy. As you guys sort of start running out of material on the show, it could be great to have an obstacle every episode, to have a host who does not want the food. Who brought his own from home.

This is so, and that is, I think, Spacey's influence a little bit. Well, I guess you could say that a knife cuts two ways and I most certainly am going to use this knife to cut my peanut butter and jelly sandwich and I will not be

on the receiving end of this knife. Okay, so Tom is going to be shifting it out of frank underwood and it sounds like he brought a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to eat instead of the farmer boys yeah and you know a lot of new wrinkles a lot of stuff for us to back into the character stuff which you know we don't love the characters well i think but i think like you know you'll do like a bill clinton impression that's like kind of a running gag we have we We're kind of an anti-TBS. Right.

So, yeah. But I mean. Characters are not welcome. Characters are not welcome. But I mean, I think. That's USA Network. Oh. TBS is very funny.

Fucking. Oh, we're all sorry. We're anti-that as well. We're anti-TBS then too. So, I think it's fine to have like a little piece of that though. It's just like, this is the thing, because you talked about the secret sauce. Here's what the secret sauce is. People like that. We are secret sauce on my peanut butter and jelly.

It's not, it's not literal secret sauce. I'm talking metaphorically. The secret sauce is that people like that. We are, we talk, we are ourselves and people like that. We are,

we talk about, uh, our lives and that, that's what, and it seems like the, the food is like an element of it, but if anything, people find it easier to get a connection to someone they know.

Okay, okay. Can I tell you something? I think Tom is actually maybe easier to work with than you. Yeah. I like Tom. Let's try one. All right. Hey, Shay, it's Mitch, Shay.

I like that, I like that. Let's try just the two of us. Hey, welcome to Dome Boy, Shay. Yeah, Shay. What are we eating today she yeah and now you would respond to that bitch just if this is gonna i've just i did i did i said okay that is not a response to the question where are we gonna eat where that's what he said i don't know We're trying at home food today, see? Yeah, see?

I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, see? At Whole Foods. I made it in the store, see? I thought, did you say home food? Home food, yeah. Okay, and you thought he said Whole Foods. I thought, yeah. Okay, it could help to have someone there telling you what the other one is saying,

even if it's just you sung, being like, I forgot the other one is saying. Even if it's just YouSung being like, I forgot the dip. Whole food. Hi, it's me, YouSung. I forgot the dip. Do you want to do

whole foods or home foods? Whole, whole, whole, whole, whole, home. Okay. Whole, whole, which one? Homes.

Home, homes? Pete Holmes? Holmes food. Holmes food. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Pete Holmes Holmes food Do you want me to bring some of the room snacks from the crashing room? You're on Hollywood Handbook now If you're doing Holmes food I could

help out in that capacity I could bring some of the peanut butter pretzels we got there. He has peanut butter pretzels in the room? Yeah. What's next you guys have on the Pornhub Spacey show? Films in Martha's Vineyard. Okay. Okay, just take the whole thing again.

No, he grew up there. They pronounce it a little differently. He's from Massachusetts. It's Mothers. Yeah, it's like Quin. He knows. They pronounce it a little differently. He's from Massachusetts. It's Mothers. Yeah, it's like Quincy. Gotcha. They don't say it like Quincy and they say

Martha's bring weird. Martha's bring weird. This is the shit they've been doing to me for four years. You know that I texted them to be in the holiday special

for Doughboys and they never responded? No, I think we said we would do it and then never responded. Yeah, maybe. Handbook 101. I think what we did was we waited until it was too late to be able to do it and then responded and

went like, oh, sorry we didn't respond to this earlier. We can do it, but it was like you obviously had already recorded all of it. It was a Christmas special and I think we responded like December 29th. That might be right. I just need you to literally record just one line each.

Doesn't feel good, does it, Mitch? Can I say, so Mitch, you were answering what the snacks are in the Kevin Spacey Pornhub show, which you do not work on. Well, no, he does remote courses for them. You would know what snacks they have. But they do sometimes throw to Mitch.

And then they do, like, I believe they do the weightlifting or having sex sketch from the second Adam Sandler CD. He just does that. Dynasty typewriter tonight, tomorrow night. Sandler, he's there. Just wanted to give you a heads up. Oh, shit. Is that what you're plugging? Yeah. I guess it's a week old at this point, but he's there tonight, Sandler. He's there. Just wanted to give you a heads up. Oh, shit. Yeah. Is that what you're plugging? Yeah.

I guess it's a week old at this point, but he's there tonight. Tomorrow night. Are you going? I try to get tickets that sold out. Oh, wow. Do you want to announce on this show that you're going to go to the Super Bowl again with your... Yeah, that could be cool.

With the money you stole from your fans? Wouldn't characterize it as stealing. Not embezzling money. People are paying to subscribe to the show. I wouldn't characterize it as stealing. I'm embezzling money. People are paying to subscribe to the show. Tom, would you go to the Super Bowl with me if I asked you to go? Yeah. Where is it this year?

Atlanta. Atlanta. He is going to want to bring his own food. Yeah. Yeah. Shay? Bring my own phone, Shay. We could do it as a write-off.

If you review all the snacks that you brought, I guess. I get it. You're fans. They've got a lot. There's a lot of them. Yeah. And they'll just buy anything when they see that it's you guys doing your thing yeah so you take them for a ride right you take them for a ride no shame in it yeah you go oh it's research we're gonna go i'm gonna review the pretzels at the super bowl

right then you do a whole episode pret Mmm, there's a pretzel. A little too salty for me. Cha-ching. It's sort of ingenious, isn't it? You seem to get it more than Nick does in a lot of ways. That's why we do the show now. I agree. You guys are cutting me out? No, we're sliding you over to Hollywood Handbook.

I'm joining Hollywood Handbook? Well, are we even doing it, though? I heard you say you have a thing. Well, I am, and you're going to be back and forth, huh? Yes, I'm going to be back and forth a lot. So then how are we doing it with Nick? Because that sounds so good to me.

Do you like The Office? Yeah, I like The Office. Okay. Because Kevin has an Office podcast that I can get you on. the office do you like the office i mean yeah i like the office okay yeah because kevin has a office podcast that i can get you on i used to do it with him like a recap podcast where he recaps the episodes kevin and kevin i can that's like something i could hop in like that's you'd be cool with that okay so as we're seeing all the pieces fall into place i really think this could be a great fit.

What is the name of your office show? Hey, guys. Chef Kevin here. It's called Office Hours. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. And I would love to do a recap show with you, Nick. Do you ever watch The Office?

Yeah. Yeah, I've seen it. Okay. We got a good start. Ask him what his favorite episode is. I ask him what? Hey, Kevin, what's your favorite episode? Where do I begin?

The pilot was really groundbreaking in its day. I think it still holds up. How about you? I think that's the one episode that is factually incorrect because they were just doing... Essentially, that one they hewed very close to the... They're copying almost identically an episode of another show

that had been done. Yeah. So I think that's one of the only episodes that you could not say that about. Kevin, just to clarify, is ours spelled O-U-R-S

in this? It's office colon hours. Yes. Is that right? That's right. Ask him to do his Toby impression. Do you... Kevin, Chef Kevin,. Ask him to do his Toby impression.

Chef Kevin, I'm hearing you have a Toby impression? I've been getting a lot of negative feedback about it. So you're a little skittish about busting it out? But it kind of goes like this. No way. All right, I would love to be a part of this. no way alright this scene I mean I would love I would love to be a part of this I just want to have a podcast to do

could you do an impression of anyone uh yeah I mean um let's see I'd like to hear Stanley out of you Liger yeah a little Stanley

uh Stanley rest in peace he died the actor passed away? Is that true? Is that true? He's dead?

Yeah. Wow. He died. He did all those cameos in all the movies and stuff. Oh, I thought you were talking about the website cameos. He recorded himself saying whatever people wanted him to say. He had too many cameos stacked up. No, he would do those things where he'd be like, they tipped over and

crushed him. Look out, it's Iron Man. Yeah. Right. He is sort of the new Stan Lee in a way. You can see that they're trying to like pass in the same way that Oscar Nunez took over for Cliff Paul. Yeah. They have been trying to. They're taking Stan

Lee from the office and turning him into Stanley. Turning him into Stanley. But I also got to ask, why is he telling everyone to look out? It's Iron Man. It's the good guy. Iron Man's helpful.

And Stanley is a villain. Yeah, he plays kind of different depending on what this cameo is. Sometimes he's kind of a villainous one. My answer

is the wedding where they, the wedding episode from the episode. That's the best one to you yeah that's fun that's good excelsior i like when they all dance together at the end uh when they're when they all you like when they dance to a chris brown song when they did the meme that's the choice that they made that you really approve of that that they could never take back. That's my favorite episode.

Cool. You know that was based on a meme. What? Yes. There was a video going on at the time of people dancing at a wedding to Chris Pratt. What meme should we do for our next episode? Yeah, we do have to think about that now.

We do have to figure out what meme is going to just straight up be a big chunk of our next episode. Can I suggest one? Yeah. Kermit drinking tea. Oh, yes. But that's none of my business. This is a little weird for me because Ron called me into his office and he said, do you want to see my meme?

And then he showed me. I didn't think that's what a meme was. Because you said yes. I was like, yes, please. Thinking that he was going to show you, yeah. Yeah. Could we maybe, maybe the photo for this episode is like, Hayes has his arm around Tom, but Tom's looking at the dough boys.

Like he's looking at Mitch like, ooh. And Hayes is looking at Tom like, what the? Hey, what you doing with that? Yeah, that kind of thing. Yeah. You're talking about the photo we'll take later? Yeah. We always talk about it on the show.

Have you ever heard the show? We always, a big part of the show. This show, your show, I don't know what it is. There's no real structure to it. But ours is a very clear format. Which is we start to give an award. We bring in two people who won a video game. We put them through their paces running a couple rough drafts of what their show would be.

We talk to Kevin about office hours. And then we discussed what meme we're going to recreate in the photo that we take. It's a fucking fail-proof format. When do you guys talk about the photo? We usually don't. I mean, I guess we don't talk about it on air. I mean, this is your problem now with Tom. That's another big Tom thing.

Tom really brings a heat with photo ideas. We ask our guests if we can put our arms around their shoulders. Then we give a thumbs up, and the new song takes the picture. Ask the guest if the photo's okay. What happened before you started asking? Was there a moment where you're like, okay, from now on, we're going to start making sure that we're going to get explicit consent about this? I believe there was one guest who got upset with us, right, Meg?

Yeah, there was someone who got like... What were they mad about? They were mad about we put our arms around them, and they were like, eh. They didn't like it. You were squeezing them? Yeah. Did he go, eh, Shane?

He did go. He did say, eh, Shane. Was that Besser? It was Besser. It was Besser, yeah. Okay, sounds a little like Besser. They might have been mad that you were going to get French fry grease on their jacket

that i wonder because we should we should just start using some wet wipes before we then we wouldn't have to ask people wouldn't be worried about the the fry grease well the new dough boys offer wet wipes to our we do that yeah um so that's like i mean that's kind of innovation i wouldn't no dry napkins think for so no white wipes yeah yeah

oh well or comparable generics I guess that's where I mean I guess I kind of have been been pushed out here I mean it's a thing

I've always said I wanted I wanted to end the show but now that it's happening I'm kind of like I don't know surprised yeah I'm kind of like oh this is

this is on different terms than I expected well at least you get some sort you get a video game on the way out yeah that's i'm i'm saying are we gonna split this special video game or it's gonna be like a weekends at your house weekdays at my house kind of thing do they have two copies um question for the boys kevin um what's that uh you what's the thing at your house that you like? Sure.

Well, disc one is the installation one, and Nick gets that, and then Mitch gets disc two, which is the play disc. Okay. Okay. And it's Office Hours, the video game. It's a little side project I've been working on. So this is Chef Kevin's video game he designed? It's an open-world video game, yes.

It's a sandbox-style a sandbox style like but you said office is it in the world the office or in the world of your podcast the state of pennsylvania so you start out in scranton but the borders of the game are all of pennsylvania i mean that sounds like an ambitious design i i worry that it doesn't sound i worry that it's maybe not super refined if it's just you making it but i mean we can talk right because nick's so refined i'm just i just say like it's like game development developing a sandbox game is a big endeavor ice nick is this chef k he's a human being yeah i want to play the game. I'm just... No more video game. No, no more video game. You just lost

out. So we don't get the special video game now because I insulted him? Thanks, and I'm proud of Chef Kevin for showing a little back boat here. No more video game. Tom, I'm thinking of... You get what you came in with. It's just like Rod Jeremy and Kevin Spacey's show.

I'm thinking of First Guests. You walk out of here with what you had when you came in. I'm thinking of first guests. You walk out of here with what you had when you came in. For the new Doughboys. First of all, should it just be called the new Doughboys? I think the new Doughboys is good. Or the Doughboys. No one improved. The nouveau boys.

So who do you think a first guest should be? We could ask Kevin. Spacey. Bye. Hollywood Hamburg. That was a HeadGum Podcast.