Hollywood Handbook - Tom Scharpling and Martha Kelly, Our New Comic-Con Friends

Episode Date: November 12, 2019

TOM SCHARPLING and MARTHA KELLY return to take the Triumph at Comic-Con episode on tour. This episode is sponsored by Squarespace (www.squarespace.com/THEBOYS code: THEBOYS), Harry's (www.harrys.com/handbook), and Away (www.awaytravel.com/handbook code: HANDBOOK).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. I was spending time hanging out with Cam. Rupert Grint. Yes. Cam Rupert Grint. Small, small, small. Here comes Hayes and Sean. whoa if you want to do so you've been like singing it a lot yeah in private and like yeah uh like in in places that i can hear

what do you mean places that i can hear what the fuck does that mean just like around me so maybe you're doing it maybe you're doing it other places places that i can hear well so like you'll you can hear a place you drive in and like an ocean places that i can hear i'm just trying to think of a location that makes a sound okay like a rock uh music like club uh like club or like almost any other place has like music playing that you can hear that's not the point my point is you have been trying to show the sound

that's not a place you can hear of course it does it has speakers it's like part of the place it's part of the building the sound is part of the building when Hayes says of course it does. It has speakers. It's like part of the place. It's part of the building. The sound is part of the building. When Hayes says, of course it does. He's just buying time to come up with his stupid argument.

This is, this is my point. If you want to do the song, what do you mean? If you want to sing it, like rerecord it, you can just do that. You don't have to like prove to me that you can sing it.

I don't. I like the song. It's a nice song. I'm like singing along with it enjoying myself you want to be can you not yuck my yums today hey i'm not as we begin the show i'm actually encouraging you not yet i'm actually encouraging no you're you're encouraging me to have different yums no i'm just encouraging you to do it because you don't like what i'm doing. In a straightforward way. I actually think it's totally fine. Well, you could have fooled me. I would say I don't like it more than I like it.

Boy, you're doing a funny way of showing it. I think it's totally fine. Oh, okay. Well, good. Then I will continue enjoying my life. And I'm offering you the opportunity, if you want to record a version of the song for us to do, you can do that. I don't. You just want to sing over it.

You know what you're doing? You're projecting, apparently. Do you want to record a version of the song? You want to record it? Is that what this is about? I hadn't thought of that. I would prefer that you don't. Okay, so that's the opposite of what

i'm saying i'm encouraging you to do it if you want you're encouraging me to do it so that it feels weird if i say i don't want you to because you're like well i would have been cool with you doing it and it's like but i don't want to do it and you don't want me to either no but it's not it's a it's like a weird it's's like I'm trying to think of a good example of like what the reverse of this would be where I go like, okay. It's basically like, okay, Hayes, I would be okay with you sleeping with my wife. And then you go, oh, I'm not interested in that. And then I go, okay, but could I do that? Right.

But you go like, well, no, I don't want that. And then I'm like, oh, pretty rude. I just said it was cool with me. Right, but I didn't bring it up. You brought up me being able to sing the song. I didn't bring it up. Well, okay. You said, do you want to do it?

And I said, okay. And then you said, I don't bring it up. Well, okay. You said, do you want to do it? And I said, okay. And then you said, I don't want you to. But it would have been the equivalent of bringing it up all the time. Me bringing it up. Hey, I'm down for a swap. Hey, just so you know, I'm down for a swap. Okay. No skin off my nose.

I guess if... Hey, I'm cool with a swap, dude. If I had been going around singing that I wanted to sleep with your wife. The fuck did you just say? It was a hypothetical, Hayes. I said if. I used the word if.

It's a hypothetical word. Well, you swallowed it. That was the quietest part. And then the disturbing part was very loud. That was Brett. That was Brett. Did you see what Brett did? Brett?

That was the levels. Brett did the levels. Are you manipulating the levels? I'm not manipulating the levels. Brett can have us say whatever we want. I can have it sound. Wait, repeat that? You can pick and choose what words are being said.

I can't exactly do that. Just so you know. I'm glad you respect my craft that much. You can turn my mic off. That's true. For some of my words. Do you want that? Well, I hate that we've got into a very interesting discussion

with the one guest who is visibly uncomfortable when we don't introduce them right away. The guest who I would say is the most just like, Jesus Christ, when we're doing our thing. Well, I want to give people value. They come through the door. They want as much of me as they can get. That's true. We put the asses in the seats. Let's get the fucking main show on stage.

How many times have you seen an opening act and you're just like, when does the headliner come in? Fair, fair enough. Okay, well, we've got him. Hey! And it's Hollywood Handbook The Insider's Guide To making Friends

And Having buddies Doing deals Doing deals and spinning wheels Doing deals and spinning wheels In the redlined carpets of The back hallway of the show Tom, welcome back Thank you for having the back of the show. Tom, welcome back.

Thank you for having me back to the show. You look like you're in sort of an upbeat phase. Like you're ascendant. Your ship's coming in. The ship came in and you're about to get on board. Oh, wow. Bitch. Hey.

Now, we had some stuff that we wanted to do today. One of the things. Throw it out. Brett. We had some fun stuff about like Brett needs a nickname for his band and stuff like that. But like then you said that you had a show that you needed to do. Yeah. It's half show, half prospectus, like an audio prospectus.

Okay. It's a pitch deck. It's a pitch deck. I've been workshopping some things, and I've been thinking about the big pictures with things. And it's enough of this small-time podcast stuff. Uh-huh. And I kept thinking of, I kept coming back to,

how do you get the real money in this business? In the podcast business. No, in the show business. In show business, so not podcast. Now, you've brought Martha Kelly here. I feel like I should mention that. Yeah, I'm a little uncomfortable with the fact that you didn't bring it up. Uh-huh.

Welcome to the show, Martha Kelly. Although she is the one person who is very comfortable not being introduced. Probably would be okay with us never. I would be totally fine with just sitting here quietly for an hour with Bosh. Now, but when Tom brings Martha in, I was like, okay, this is a money play. Like, we're. Yeah. Needed some star power.

Yes, we're going for, like, cash. I thought maybe he was doing it to prank you and that I wasn't in on the prank yet. Well, let's wait and see. Let's find out. What I thought when I saw you in the doorway, I said, this guy finally sold out. Hey, man. They're buying. I'm selling.

That's what I'm learning. and I'm selling. That's what I'm learning. Enough of this DIY indie horse shit. Threw half my life away trying to have cred. Yeah, fuck that. Fuck that punk rock damage.

I said to myself, Hollywood Handbook, it's a thing. I'm a part of it. I am the third host of the show. And maybe the first. How can we monetize this thing to where it just goes? You know what I mean? Let's make it so money, baby.

Yeah. And we don't even know it. But now we do know it. And we would know it. That's the difference. We are so money and now we know it. Yep. We finally know it.

Now we know it. Yep. We finally know it. I don't want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie that everybody's really hoping is going to make it. I want you to be the guy in the rated R movie. You're a bad man, Tom Sharpling. You're a bad, bad man. Thank you.

I appreciate that. What's that from? I don't know. Okay. Rated R. So I don't know. Okay. Rated R. So I said to myself, who made the most money in this comedy biz going in? One word kept coming into my mind. Marijuana logs.

Bingo, bango. That is technically one word. Bring it in. I think it is hyphenated. Bring it in. Bring it in.phenated bring it in bring it in I got something what is this bubblegum kush no we're gonna tour we're gonna tour Hollywood Handbook

and I got scripts I trans I had the Triumphant Comic Con episode transcribed it is in script form now oh my god here's your script is this bubblegum kush

here's your script wow Is this bubblegum kush? Here's your script. Wow, this is so many pages. It's not scripted in a traditional way. No. Well, this is what happens when you order a script from Fiverr. Okay, so you had... This is really the entire episode. The entire episode cost me $60.

For each script. For each one. Well, Kevin was charging. What's Fiverr? No, I thought Fiverr was $5. That starts at $5. You go to the 99 cent store, they sell things that cost more than 99 cents at it. Right?

Oh, man. Right? I didn't actually know that. Hey, guys. Chef Kevin here. I'm just going to jump in, Tom, and say you got your money's worth. Great. Thank you. So, look. You can take it

or leave it. This is a business proposition. Sean, you don't have to do two fucking things with this. You just say go. And you're not even in it. Oh, okay. It seems like my name's in it a lot. No, I'll be playing Sean on this.

Okay. Martha will play Hayes. Sounds good. They spelled James Gunn with three N's. Look, it was $60. Yeah. It was on the other side of the globe, the person that did this. Oh, wow.

Now that is making me feel sick sick you can take it or leave it you say right now i'm out then we i shred these things and we never do it wait wait wait so it's it's a transcription of both our commentary and the episode itself. Yeah, and the actual performance. Yeah. But it's not... Oh, it does say clip pauses and clip resumes. Okay, that's helpful. Kevin was supposed to organize this in script form

and he didn't do it. Okay, I gotta say, reading the text-blosé portion of this, it holds up. I do want to say, Tom, I did spend six hours editing this last night because the person obviously had never heard of the podcast and by page two got everything wrong. Sure.

So the time I would have spent scripting it, I spent writing it. And you couldn't download Final Draft? I do have Final Draft, but I was just so perplexed by the errors. It's a cut and paste. It's a cut and paste. And you have to do a couple spacing issues, and it would be perfectly formatted. But it's a Word document now. No, I always do things off Word documents.

That's fine. The double-sided printing is also very disorienting. That's very... Okay. That's Pennywise, Kevin. The double-sided printing is also very disorienting. Well, that's very... Okay. That's penny-wise, Kevin, the double-sided printing. Haste makes waste, Kevin. You saved a little bit of time not reformatting for final draft, but now you're wasting the time of all these big money players.

It's better for the environment. Pound foolish. Thank you, Brett. Okay, so you are going to read this with Martha. Martha, you want to play Hayes? I'll play Sean. Yeah, I would love to. I have a question I should have asked you before.

Ask who? Ask Tom. So if Sean and Hayes approve of this and give us the license, is the idea that you and I tour and we perform this live. I love it. But not just you guys, right? You would license it out to theater productions

all around the country. You go to a different city and it's Chris Gethard is playing Hayes and Samuel French. Joe Firestone is Sean and that's New York. And then you go down to the bayou, and it's... Gambit.

Wendell Pierce. Gambit and Wendell Pierce. And we could just have this running. It'd be like, you're Mamma Mia. You're marijuana logs. The checks will just show up. What happens in the marijuana logs? I didn't see it. I just think they talked about

marijuana. Bubblegum Kush. Okay. Oh, boy. All right. I can hear a little bit of this. Do you want to start at the beginning? Yes. All right. So I'll just

watch you do it. And give notes, please, on performance. Okay. All right. Where do I start? I listened to it again last night for, I think, the fourth time, and I loved it. It's going to be great, this episode that you guys did. I'm not saying I'm going to be great playing you, Hayes, but certainly the material is strong.

And this is how Martha makes the sale. And so now I'm having the experience of being on the other end of a Martha pitch. I'm getting greased. And I know I am, but I don't care, you know, because. That's how good I am at stuff. I'm being handled, and I can feel it, but I'm being handled with care, and I appreciate it. Just to be clear, I have no part in this, right? No, you're going to play Kevin.

Okay. Yeah, Kevin is, that's right, Kevin is in this. Who's playing, sorry, who's playing Moshe? Kevin. Moshe? Okay. No, Mosheosh? Kevin. Mosh? Okay. Is that? Moshe.

Moshe. Moshe. But you said Moshe and then Moshe. So you're in character already as Hayes who couldn't remember dude's name. I can't wait. All right. Okay. Sorry.

Method acting. Okay. Here we go. I will be Sean. Someone should play the intro song. Okay. Here we go. I will be Sean. Someone should play the intro song. Okay. Because it talks about playing the song, and then it'll be like an immersive experience. I don't know why I'm doing this.

I've totally given up control of the show. But I guess quality is still important to me. Yeah, you care. And we need your notes on this. So I guess if I say, if I you care. And we need your notes on this. Okay. So I guess if I say, if I start with... I'll play the song.

Yeah, play the song. Okay. Mike Ryan, Richard Gere, Michelle Pfeiffer. Okay, keep playing the song. We have so much to do.'re just gonna start during the song Okay, and what page is that? Tom!

Okay Tom, that's the You put this whole thing together This is like Here we go, okay I gotcha Seriously, what page is it? It's the first

You've gotten them all mixed up. You've just been fumbling with the pages. I don't think so. Yeah, you've got it. Okay, here we go. So I say, say that again, Martha? You've got to start the song again. Oh, my God.

This is huge. I think I might have to recast you, Martha. This is not going well. You're the one who. I blew it. No! That's my script. Why do I even have a script?

Okay, keep playing the song. We have so much to do. We're just going to start during the song. Where am I? I'm serious. Where am I? Well, you... That page on your left. It's on the other side.

Yes. On the other side of the cover page. Triumphant Comic Con. Oh, okay. Here we go. We're starting at the beginning. I'll do this. It was me.

It was Hayes. It was Kevin. And we were about to do something really exciting. No, and so the read on I'll do this already is completely wrong. It's not, I'll do this. It's, I'll do this. Right? That's how you said it. I think, I don't know. I'll do this. is completely wrong it's not i'll do this it's i'll do this right that's how you said it i think i don't know i'll do this you're right you said it's too confident i mean yeah you said i'll do i said we're just gonna start during the song you said i'll do this it was me it was hayes

it was kevin it's like that yeah okay oh it's that part of the show okay i got you i'd like to jump to this mrs Batman stuff, honestly. I feel like this is the meat of it. That's hate. Yeah. So you're abandoning doing the beginning already? Yeah, we're just going to make it happen. What if people haven't heard this episode?

All right, we start at the beginning. I'm sorry. Play the intro again. Oh, no. Did you lose the page? No, I'm just, I just not confident about my performance. You're doing great. Margaret, you're in the fucking zone, man.

I'm wearing too many hats on this thing. Apparently. I'm wearing too many hats. I agree. But now I'm ready. Now I'm in it. Now I'm going to Ben Stiller this thing. Do a thing, walk over the monitor, watch my own performance.

Okay, keep playing the song. We have so much to do. We're just going to start during the song. I'll do this. It was me. It was Hayes. It was Kevin. And we were about to do something really exciting.

So this is a huge episode of our show. Sorry that we're still kind of riding a little high. The adrenaline is still kind of dumping through. Did you say dumping or pumping? You must have said pumping. I couldn't picture you say dumping. I do say dumping.

That's something I'm known to say. Have you heard this episode? Do you know? Which one is this is you had it commissioned this is one that fans like a lot so you just heard that this was like maybe you saw it on like a year end list i saw it on the subreddit okay and so you just immediately sent the file to me to him i thought it was a chance of money. I will say, Tom,

it did say pumping, but I had to re-listen to it several times yesterday. And I changed it to dumping because it sounds like that's what Sean said. The adrenaline is still kind of dumping through my body. Where's the person from? I might have said dumpling. As I read it.

The adrenaline is still kind of dumpling through my body because we let's just say to give you context for what you're about to hear we've always been big fans of movies and stuff like that and a lot of time a big director will after their greatest movie comes out on dvd or whatever they'll kind of do a commentary of where they talk about what was going through their head. A commentary on it. A commentary on it where they talk about what was going through their head at certain points and how it came out with a certain shot. How they came up with a certain shot.

Can I take ownership of this a little bit? No. I can't play with it? Why would you? No. it no i can't play with it why would you no i guess if you're gonna play with it make it better or at least still make sense okay a lot of times a big director will like after their greatest movie comes out on dvd or whatever uh they'll kind of do a commentary commentary they'll do a kind of they'll they'll do kind of a commentary. They'll do a kind of... They'll do kind of a commentary on it where they talk about

what was going through their head at certain points and how they came up with a certain shot or the script changed on that day. How the script got changed. Okay. I can't... You just asked. You can't what? You can't read? I can't.

Then this wasn't a good idea for an episode for you I can't play you I'm stepping aside Tom do you want me to do it? This is in my DNA now Can you please Can you be Sean in this episode? Yes

Start from the beginning Tom maybe you can be Kevin Brett you're out I'm the only one who's been doing it right. Kevin's not in this. But actually, Martha's been killing it. Brett, that really hurt my feelings for a second. Brett just takes a shot across the bow at Martha.

Okay, keep playing the song. We have so much to do We're just going to start during the song I'll do this It was me, it was Hayes, it was Kevin And we're about to do something really exciting So this is a huge episode of our show Here comes Hayes and Sean

Whoa, whoa Sorry that we're still kind of riding a little high Sorry, I know Hayes doesn't like when I sing along with it. Well, as Hayes right now, I approve it. If that's okay. Well, yes, that's exactly what I said before, so that's a very good reference of me. Thank you. I'll send it to Fiverr and get the transcript if I know what you said.

Where is the person from who transcribed this? Do you know? Another country. You can't even say what country it was? You're not allowed to say. Yeah, these days. You say another country, you end up in hot water. I'll tell you what. Yeah.

I don't want to get canceled. Okay. Kevin, do you want to just do the big line? We'll see if anyone can do the big line. Just because i do business with another country i'm gonna get canceled yeah you say the name of the country man you're done you're cooked you can't win because if you say i'm not going down like this it's like

if you don't pronounce it right if i can find a new line of work, buddy. Yeah. Which the, okay, so the adrenaline is still kind of dumpling through my body because we, well, let's just say to give you context for what you're about to hear, we have always been fans of movies and stuff like that, and a lot of times a big director will, after their greatest movie comes out on DVD or whatever, This is what I sound like. He's nailing it. It's a big block.

He's nailing the words, but he's not being Sean. You're right. They'll kind of do a commentary on it where they talk about what was going through their head at certain points. Shut up. Sure. If I become Sean, I can do this. Do we skip to Mrs. Batman? Let's jump to Mrs. Batman.

Okay. Thank you. It's page. Well, you didn't number the pages either, so. There are no page numbers. Because I was curious how many pages total it was. 41. 41.

So I guess. Oh, my God. I'm at the count. Just one shy of, or two shy, I guess, of my favorite movie. shy of, or too shy I guess, of my favorite movie. It's one shy of my second favorite movie and two shy of my favorite movie. That's right. And

one shy in the other direction of my third favorite movie. More shy of your favorite president. What if we go third page to where it says clip resumes. 18 over my fourth favorite movie. What's your favorite movie?

Favorite? Yeah. Movie 43. Okay. That's his favorite. My second favorite is 42. My third favorite is this is 40. His fourth favorite is the number 23.

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resumes let's let them off the hook and we'll explain a little bit about ourselves yes about our deal sean and i this is sean and i'm hayes i'm sean that's hayes we have done hollywood basically pretty much all of it. The whole shebang. That's better. What would we be best known for, like a Comic-Con crowd? Well, for me, I obviously played in the original series, Mrs. Batman. Ah. Clip pauses.

Yeah, that's good. Let's go to clip back. The clip resumes. Okay, we're skipping over this whole part we're skipping over the commentary it's slowing us down how are you going to do this on stage like how does this work

okay we're going to double double Spalding Gray two desks boom boom a double Spalding 45 degree angles at opposite edges of the stage one is haze one is sean those are the commentary ones okay and the spotlights will go down on those every once in a while the lights will just go black and then the middle of it we recreate comic-con and then when

it's time for the commentary the middle of stage goes dead black. And then the spotlights go down on the two desks. And is it two different performers where there's commentary haze and commentary shot? No, you run over to the desk real fast. Neil Brennan three mic style. Is there a visual component to switching other than the location? Hats. There's a hat. That's what I was going to suggest.

I don't know if I can run over because I'm still getting over ankle surgery. Okay. Then you're out. Oh, well, that's worth exploring. Stop! Wait. What if I ride a scooter over? Okay. I like that. One of those ones that are littering the streets.

That's what I do. I'm the Scooty Cutie. Wow. She's really connecting to the character. Yeah. Did you hurt your ankle tripping over one of those scooters that somebody just dropped on the sidewalk? I don't want to bash millennials and get okay boomered. So I'll just say it's a long-term injury that started before those scooters, but those scooters didn't help. Okay.

Wow. They're okay boomerang people out there. Yeah, they are. It hurts. So we'll get you a scooter. That's perfect. I don't want to put any pressure on you guys. She'll have to, if it's one of those,

she'll have to like, every time she wants to go across the stage, she'll have to scan a QR code. I can do that faster than I can run. Sure. Okay. Okay. So faster than you can run over the part of the stage, you'll scan the QR code, ride the

scooter and then end the ride, lock it. And then you have to take a picture of it showing that you parked it. Okay. Like not in the right of way. And then like sit down. Sorry. That's faster than, than running with the, with the ankle surgery. What about a furniture dolly and someone else moves me?

Or like a hand cart where you just kind of lean up against the back of it. Kind of a lector stuff. Yeah, and a teamster just kind of rolls you along. As long as we have it, that's a union job. You can't just have anybody move around that. Yeah, that's why I said Teamster. So you might have to fill out some paperwork, like a requisition to get the Teamster to move you. Yeah, there's going to be paperwork involved.

I mean, we're going to have insurance. Right. That could be a Kevin thing, honestly. My dad can help. I was just about to say that. Yeah. When do you take over the company? 2020.

So next year. Wow. Next year, you're basically the king of the Midwest insurance biz. Yeah. Rich ones always just laugh. They make like they're not rolling in it. They would go, yeah. Yeah, I guess so.

It is funny to them. The best part of this whole thing right now, Sean, is you said we. You're in. I know. You just betrayed. You said we in regard to this project. Oh, yeah. Okay.

We got him, Martha. He's hooked. We have to make this work, you guys. I'm unemployed, and I don't want to put the pressure on you, but we have to make it work. Okay. Okay, yeah. So we'll get a hand truck. Have you tried starting a podcast?

What's that? I believe you started your own podcast, right? It went poorly, and we closed shop before our 10th episode. We got in an argument and we shut it down. Wow. Yeah. And you get in a lot of arguments, friendship ending arguments. I mean, over the course of my life, for sure.

Within the last couple years, only one. Only one. But in my life as a whole, you could say quite a bit. Tom, please don't cut me out of this based on this information. Firebrand. Yeah, kind of. I'm all in now on you. The hand cart thing won me over.

That's what I was looking for. It was like a Willy Wonka thing. I just wanted you to say a thing that showed me you wanted to be here. Saying firebrand made me think of Russell Brand. Would he be a better Hayes? Him saying the handcart thing won me over

made me think of that to the tune of the song. The handcart thing won me over. So is Russell Brand thinking of things like that is that the way his mind works well no his mind is pretty laser focused on the fact that corporations are not people he would say something like you're emperor bush and be like we got a new emperor now um right would you like to share what's on your phone

as we're doing the show i didn't think i had any part in getting paid to do the show you would think just straight off you'd be like this room is this is like a who's who in this room i did i got the best seat in the house. It's restless already. Martha is talking about how she's drowning. She's unemployed. Texting my business. And you're saying, like, look what I can get away with. She's severing ties with all of her closest friends.

I'm going to say. On their show together. Martha, I'm going to say. This is a cry for help. You can start spending some money now because this thing is going to happen. Just start spending like this thing blew up already. That's what got her in this problem in the first place. You guys are not going to replace me with Russell Brand, right?

I don't think we can get him yet. I don't think that he would be. That doesn't sound like a no. Neither one of us is a great actor, but I'm an American, and that should count for something. It used to. It used to. This is like, so that actually raises a great point. Don't mention what other country he's from.

We have all these other country guys coming to play Spider-Man and Superman and stuff. We should get to play Arthur. Americans get to play Arthur. Americans should get to play Arthur. Finally. Martha. Martha. This is maybe the greatest opportunity I've ever had in show business. Martha on the rocks.

Instead of reading the script exactly word for word, someone can play Sean and then Martha gets to sort of do a backdoor pilot. Martha. Okay. Wait, am I supposed to improvise that? I can't. I'm not a good improviser. Can you change accents? No, it's like a character.

Just clink some scotch, you know, on the rocks and then, you know. Like that kind of? Yeah, there you go. I mean, that sounds like you're doing a toast, but he could do that. That's the kind of thing he would do. Just own the character. Arthur would. Martha would.

You are Martha. Okay, this is going to be terrible. I'm already filled with shame. You're like a gadabout. Yeah, you feel almost no shame because you're such an incorrigible cad. And you don't have to do a voice or anything. That's the Marth element of it. Okay.

But you do have to behave exactly as Arthur would. I'm going to get fired, but I'll try. I can do this part. Okay, action, action, and action. Read her in. No, she starts. Where are we starting? Clip resumes, and you say Mrs. Batman had been played.

Okay, Mrs. Batman has been played exclusively by women. Birds. What? He would say birds. Oh exclusively by women. Birds. What? He would say birds. Oh, by birds. Arthur would say birds. Mrs. Batman has been played exclusively by birds. This is a different time.

He'd probably have a comment about birds, too. Mrs. Batman had been played exclusively by birds. I can't think of anything. Because you've been. I've been drinking a lot. Yeah, you're blotto. I'm blotto. You're three sheets of the wind.

Three sheets of the wind. This was a different time. Mrs. Batman was a bloke then. Yes, thank you. How about that? I'm glad it's birds now. Holy shit. We didn't know.

Yes. What else? Well, for me, I guess people don't know me necessarily by my name, Sean Clements. They probably know me as the renegade cowboy journalist, Tex Blose. He was sort of a clownish cowboy who would try to get a big scoop when he got a surprising answer to question he would explode so i feel like now that martha has such a clear take on the character we got to do something with yeah this guy yeah is there like uh hmm tom how do you feel about playing aldous no

so i become sure okay all right i think you've been drinking okay alright yeah okay or he he's clean yeah but then why are they having so much trouble getting him to the Greek okay yeah

maybe he's he's lapsed and he's pretty drunk and forgetting Sarah Marshall okay yeah then never mind. Because he spills on the shirt, and then she's upset about the shirt. Okay. Do you want me to do it as Aldous now?

I'm pretty sure we just said that. Well, I was just asking one more time to see if you really wanted me to do it as Aldous now. I mean, it'd be one thing if you had a vision for this going in like you know you're like I'm hearing like disappointment that this wasn't going how you planned but you don't know what the show is you've clearly never heard the episode you didn't know what page

to start on I saw it on Vulture they like this one a lot on Vulture Jesse David Fox yeah and when JDF weighs in on an episode Saw it on Vulture. They like this one a lot on Vulture. Jesse David Fox? Uh-huh. Yeah. And when JDF weighs in on an episode, I jump all over it. I don't necessarily listen to it.

Then I start telling people, did you hear this episode? It's a good one. It's one of the top ten podcasts of the week. JDF. Jesus, damn funny. Okay, so I'll do it as al the snow then i also did a movie that kind of got stepped on a little bit but it was called troy story it was before toy story but that was the night the trojan horse would come to life and kiss the queen but um don't uh we don't need an accent okay because finally we're gonna let an american play out okay great good good good okay

so i should have the inflection but but straight usa it's really what we've sort of landed on with martha is that we just replace one or two words okay so i'll back it up a little bit i also did a film film film that kind of got mucked up a little bit so good yes yes yep but it was called troy story it was a bit before toy story but at that night, the Trojan horse... You said it wrong the same way both times. But it was that at night, the Trojan horse,

you skip like four words. I'm liking this. Should Hayes play Sean? Yeah. Can you play Sean for a little... I'm not feeling the character of Sean. Okay, but like... Alright, so here's what I don't want to do.

I don't want to be acting against Martha. I feel like that's a trap. With no... I'm just thrown out there on stage to get just... have my ass blown off by Martha. Yeah. So I need something to be...

What if you true-wested it? Maybe you give yourself a bit of business. Okay. Can I be eating something? Yeah, well, that's often the solution for an actor. Do you want to borrow this business? Oh, yeah. Okay, well, then it seems like...

You could be starting a toast at the beginning of every line. Okay, well then it seems like Martha would be like attacking me going for my brandy snifter. Okay. She'd be a Marth to the flame. I love your shit. I love your stuff. I'm probably your biggest fan, believe it or not. That one didn't do it for me. Really?

There has to be some kind of other character. It's not working with just Sean and Hayes, obviously. We have something with Martha. Could Brett play guitar? It could be like a musical oh he could be guitar third oh it's more arthur yeah that's what it is it's more arthur's and that i love okay so am i not i'm not in this now anymore uh that would be no preference No, he could be She's Martha, he's Guitar Arthur You're Tom Sharther

Okay So you want me to do me? You are Everyone is playing a variation on Arthur We were looking We found something that works And we were trying to Like a new thing

And instead we should just Stick with it Okay What key is new thing? And instead, we should just stick with it. Okay, okay. What key is this in? F. Major or minor? Minor. Minor.

Someone has to start reading yep and you want to add to your most famous credit and lean into the audience and say mrs batman and you just feel the wave of adulation. Rupert Grint. Small, small, small. Small, small, small. Keep going. I chickened out. I can't do this. I just don't have it. I thought I was a sage.

Sean. You thought, I mean, how is it going to go on stage? You had a nice thing going. It was like that William Shatner, Ben Folds album. Okay. It was like that. Yeah. Okay.

Not as good, but yeah. No. Okay. Keep playing. Keep playing. I was also in the movie that kind of got stepped on a little bit, but it was called Troy Story. The Common People.

And then you say, hello, love. Hello, hello, hello. What we got here, right? Who killed my brother? Okay, keep going. All this stuff about... Did you ever see The Trip? Ever watch that clip see The Trip? Have you ever watched that clip from The Trip? We better not have a cane off.

Oh, you better not get into a cane off with me. Hey, the whole podcast game is just caning off. Tom wants credit because it takes him three hours to bust. Just a bunch of guys caning off on mics. That's the whole freaking thing. What if I do Sean as Brad? It's such a missed opportunity. You were just about to get to a part about kissing the queen,

which is the most Arthur possible thing. Play like a fake Oasis sounding thing. Can you do like an Oasis knockoff? It's the only thing he can do. But that was the night the Trojan horse would come to life and kiss the queen, Helen of Troy. And that was obviously a good idea because now they made a bunch of very successful movies that are like that. And then you act out kissing the queen. Like that?

Is that what kissing's like? Go ahead. Oh, sorry. Okay. So one reason today is kind of exciting for us is they announce a lot of... Today is right exciting for us. Okay. So one reason today is right exciting for us is they announce a lot of stuff at Comic-Con.

Yeah, what's their stuff? This is the space to do it. They say rubbish. Yes, yes. They announce a lot of rubbish at Comic Con. You could say you get chuffed.

Yeah, one reason we're right chuffed today. Yeah, we're right chuffed., one reason we're right chuffed today, yeah. So one reason we're right chuffed today is they announce a lot of rubbish at Comic Con. Yeah, Comic Con. What do they call Comic Con?

Just like the castle or something? Sorry, Bosh. Yeah, well, Buckingham Palace. What the hell? Jesus. I had something planned for the episode. Yeah, he had this whole thing. I really feel worse for Bosh for this.

He really brought in a lot. I apologize. I guess you feel like because you spent money, that your thing takes priority. Yeah, but Bosh did come in with something. Can Bosh be in the show? Yeah, would you let us take Bosh on the road? Only if he drives.

I would let him. Tom? Yeah. Oh, no, of course. That goes without saying. Would a dog drive? Of course. You have to be able to drive.

What if the stage just goes black now? And then just like lower down on a platform is Bosch. I can tell you in advance that you will get criticized online if you do that for putting a dog in front of an audience. Why's that? Because people got mad. We did it once. We had him come out at one of our live shows as a treat for the audience.

And then he was like, don't make Bosh be on stage! You're not supposed to make your dog be anywhere. You're supposed to just follow them around in nature. So Bosh... So you got cancelled for bringing Bosch on stage. Unfortunately, yes. Did...

Why do you think I'm doing this? Was it a stamp across your forehead? Yeah. My forehead, if I'm lucky. So now Bosch is on stage. He gets lowered down. We're just going to take a chance with it. We didn't get to Moshe at all.

Bosh could be Moshe. Bosh. Bosh. Boshi. Bosh. Bosh. Bosh. Bosh.

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Bosh. Bosh. Bosh. Bosh. Bosh. Bosh. Bosh. Bosh. Bosh. Bosh. Bosh. Bosh. Bosh. Bosh. Bosh. Bosh. the March Maniac. I get maniacal around this time of year because March Mania is happening and DraftKings Sportsbook, one of America's top rated sportsbook apps, is giving new customers

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Mania! Life can be ridiculous, but you know what's not funny getting ripped off and harry's agrees so what we want to talk about today with sorry you said harry's or harry i said harry's we always talk about harry's first and then we talk about you clean harry uh who are sort of our new noted mask i don't know note taken for this campaign talk about harry's first what we want to talk about is something funny that happened to you recently great a ridiculous or fun situation that you were in okay recently that's the prompt and that'll take us into discussing the product particularly the product funny to me or funny to just anyone i i mean do you you feel like there's a difference there like you yeah i

mean i've had things happen to me that i suppose you would find funny okay but that you didn't find funny and and you have not really and you have things that have happened that you would find funny but the rest of the world would not. Yeah. I guess I'm interested in that one. That I would find funny? Yes. But that others would not find funny.

You seem to think that you have a specific taste when it comes to what's funny or ridiculous that is not. I ordered a scented spray for my pillow to help me sleep at night like a lavender scent okay and uh they accidentally sent me two okay so you understand that most people would not buy that funny or ridiculous but but you but you do i just had a little chuckle about the mix up at the at the shipping uh warehouse harry saw customers getting screwed over by questionable that's a come up overpriced shaving product harry on on the come up. Decided to do something better. Instead of charging the same stupid high prices, Harry's found their own way to make

beautifully designed razors for a fraction of the price of other big brands. Bogo, baby! Exceptional products, honest prices. Is there a bogo as part of this? Because I don't want to be talking about deals that aren't. No, but I, Clean Harryry punk harry's two bottles buy one get one their deodorant their lotion their

body wash their hair gel all very high quality products they all smell great german engineer blades made in their own factory they stay sharp longer you get a five blade razor weighted handle foaming shave gel and a travel cover for just three bucks at harrys.com slash the boys highest customer satisfaction in the shaving industry no risk trial don't like your shave no worries it's on them getting ripped off isn't funny do you want to hear what happened to me that you might find funny? Yes, sure, but that you didn't. Yeah. So you're attuned to this stuff. I got my foot stuck in the dryer at the laundromat,

and it somehow turned on. And you know that that was something other people would find funny based on the responses you were getting. A lot of people inside that laundromat seemed to find it pretty humorous when my legs started spinning around and flipping me over. What happened was I was holding my laundry basket with both hands and I saw,

ooh, still a sock left in the dryer. So I stuck my foot in and tried to pick it up with my little toesies. I wear sandals. Punk. And as I'm pick it up with my little toesies. I wear sandals. Punk. And as I'm picking it up, I just sort of tripped and my foot got wedged in between.

There's like slats in there and stuck inside there. And then I don't know who, somebody pushed the button or what, but it turned on and the thing starts flipping over and I'm flying in circles. Help, punk.

Help me, you punks. Are your clothes staying in the basket? Are you going fast? No, no, no. I'm wearing all of them by the end of the cycle. Get started with a $13 trial set for just $3 at harrys.com slash the boys. That's harrys.com slash the boys for a $3 trial set. Hollywood Handbook. harrys.com slash the boys that's harrys.com slash the boys for a three dollar trial set so we jump forward now to when when when when mosh is on stage

let's bring out our friend moshi kosher Can we jump to that top of the page? Okay. So let's bring out our friend. Wait. So let's bring out our mate Moshi Kosher. Moshe. Moshe. Moshe, please.

Hey, man. Hey. Hi. Hi. Hey. Hi, Martha. Hi. Hi. Hey. hi. Hi, Hayes. Hi, Martha. Hi. Hey, hi.

Oh. Well, this is what I'm saying. We're just meeting now. Hi. Okay. Hey. Martha, you do have to Like improvise a little bit Off of what he's doing

And so when he says hey You can just also say like Hey Boshe Hey Okay got it Okay Hey You said my name wrong

Hey Boshe Well this is what I'm saying Well this is what I'm saying Hi Hey Hi Martha Hi Boshe Hey

Give me the keys I'm grabbing Yeah yes Hi. Hey. Hi, Boshe. Hey. Give me the keys. I'm driving. Yeah, yes. So I have some stuff to talk about. So Brett needs a nickname. I'm willing to sell him one. Oh, yeah, Brett Brett so I guess we can

maybe initiate this premise within the show is that possible within the stage show that Brett needs Baj is not gonna talk about one thing he can't really read

yeah so if you introduce him he's just gonna talk about what he wants to talk about he says it's because he has like predator eyes that his eyes are like too close together for hunting prey yeah they're in the front i don't see why

that i do think it's good casting to have bosh i do think it will cause some problems in terms of actually recreating the show because he's not gonna do this shit he's not a to do this shit. He's not a fan of Hollywood Handbook or this episode. He does want to talk about what he wants to talk about. He doesn't want to read whether he can or not. Well, could it be just kind of like that changes every night, that part of the show? The Bosch part of the show? I can almost guarantee you it would. But is it going to be like these are the headlines?

What do you mean? It's just like what these are the headlines? What do you mean? It's just like, what's in the news? What's in the news? Is that what Bosch is going to say? I get to see him doing some of that, yeah. What else is going on these days? You guys see this? You guys see this?

You see these people get canceled out here? People get canceled, huh? When do people become like TV shows? Is he going to be like political? I get it when Becker gets canceled. He might get political. Okay. Where's he on the spectrum of politics?

There's a wonderful quote that I love. With my friends and family, I'm a socialist. At the state level, I'm a Democrat. At the government level, I'm a Republican. And at the highest levels of the world, I'm a

libertarian. That's a quote? That's a quote. It's a quote. He is, his politics are interesting. He's so heavily influenced by his friend and boss, Tony. Okay. friend and boss Tony okay it's just like so much of it

is obvious that he's parody parodying Tony and his beliefs and let's face it Tony is part of the problem I just I hope he doesn't walk in is part of the problem. I just I hope he doesn't walk in.

Hey, you guys mind if my friend Tony comes in? Who's going to play Tony? Hazer, you're going to play Tony. There's no playing Tony. I don't want Tony to be part of this. Hey. Oh, no. Hi, Tony.

Hey, so, look. Hey, here's the deal. So, okay. You want to tax me $10 billion? Okay, that's fine. But if you could tax me $100 billion, now it's starting to look like wait a minute how much money do i have left i mean let's really think about that okay tony you don't really think about that you don't have that much did you think uh i certainly won't if

you do freaking crazy taxes and if you tax 100 billion dollars then I got to start counting, going, hey, wait a minute. Tony, I mean, your business is digging holes. Business is good. Business is very good. But you don't have hundreds of billions of dollars from holes. I got these two rats.

I got two rats. And they work? Are they employees? Dead as a freaking doornail, brother. Two dead rats. And they work? Are they employees? Or are they part of... Dead as a freaking doornail, brother. Two dead rats. And more where that came from. So don't tell me I don't have $10 billion.

Okay, so maybe you should say, if you tax me, one rat. Yeah, then I've got to start looking. Hey, wait a minute. How much rats left? What up? What up? I've been listening to Shogun Hayes. I took a little break. Needed a break. Hey, wait a minute, how much rat's left? What up, what up? I've been listening to Shogun Haze I took a little break Needed a break

But I've been checking it out What did you listen to While you were taking a break? Oh, uh Comptown Wow Tony The Comboys Wow. Tony.

The Conboys. Wow. All right. Well, thanks for coming in, Tony. Yeah, all right. Hey, Bosh. Time is money. Bosh to go to work.

Okay. So I feel like we're getting away from Triumphant Comic Con a little bit yeah is this not working this thing is this show

no oh god it's going great are you kidding me this is okay I thought it was I thought it was

it's going great good yeah I thought it was I didn't want to say out loud that I thought it was going great um I feel like I lost my place in this a little bit

okay there was an opportunity for you to sort of assert your place in it which is when we started you were assigned a role that you were first unable to find on the page

that's true pages were not unable to find on the page that's true and then pages were not numbered to be fair and then you were skipping huge chunks of words that's true as you were reading it so i think that was the time okay that's when to really say like this is tom's show tom's project uh and now i'm not sure what the place is oh you were offered Tom Sharthur you didn't really seem to be enthusiastic about that in small doses I think your mean impression of me works

but when you have big chunks of text like this I think it does actually become too annoying even more so than the real version of me does it hurt when I do that? huh? seriously drop all this shit when I do that? Huh? Seriously, drop all this shit. When I do that impression... We love getting real.

Does it hurt? Yeah, let's get real. Let's get real. My favorite parts of the show are when we get really real. Yeah. Does it hurt? Because I'll stop it. I'll never do it again.

You just say it hurts. I'll never do it again. No say it hurts I'll never do it again no it's fine because I was going to probably keep doing it anyway and does it hurt I want to get real about when do you like when I do Brett I know that's going to hurt

I haven't even heard it and I know it's going to hurt hey it's Brett damn that's good That doesn't hurt though You've got a great voice Oh yeah, it feels great Beatles Can I talk about something else?

I'm realizing Brett could do a mean Bill Simmons Yeah, it's true I mean, if you look at it It's Bill Russell I mean, you can talk about a guy like Bill Lambert Who's a thug I mean, you're going to talk about a guy like Bill Lambert as a thug. I mean, come on. I mean, you're going to think Kendrick Perkins.

I mean, Kendrick Perkins was the top 10 big men of the 21st century. Come on. I mean, really. Can I say something that hurts me a little bit? What's that? When Martha talks sarcastically about how she loves the showically about how she loves the show about how she like

listens to the show and she's such a fan and stuff like it's I've never sarcastically talked about it see and it's this like it's this exact thing like this is what do you guys think really happened with Epstein

oh you're sorry I thought you I thought you had left so this is a Tony thing too What do you guys think really happened with Epstein? Oh, you're sorry. Come on, man. I thought you had left, so this is a Tony thing, too. The weird thing about the way Tony talks about it is Tony says that nothing happened. It's play his day. The guy offed himself. What were you all digging around for? I don't know.

I can't find anything. I don't know. I can't find anything. I don't know. I say, the sleeping dog's lie. Just freaking, the guy, you know, was unhappy, obviously, and let's just leave it alone. I've been going through flight logs. What are you going to find?

Tony, you ever see Goodfellas? Yeah. Ah, it's a great movie Oh yeah The rewatch value Oh my god the rewatch value Oh that's so rewatchable Oh Goodfellas is so rewatchable

The part Where it's the opening part Oh Boogie Nights Oh yeah Boogie Nights The firecrackers Oh yes His freaking wang Oh, Boogie Nights? Oh, yeah, Boogie Nights. The firecrackers. Oh, yes. Oh, his freaking wang.

When he shows wang. Oh, all time. And I mean, Kyrie had never had a chance in Boston, right? Come on. I'm palm sharpling. This I want to hear more. Alright, go for it. This actually makes me happy. Welcome to the best show.

I'm shockingly into this. This is making me feel better about myself. Keep going. I can listen to an hour of that. I brought a script. Brought a script. A frowned script. Am I anywhere in the...

Oh, I like it. Okay. I like it. I don't know. You're doing something with your cheeks that he doesn't really do. Yeah, I don't... Look You're doing something with your cheeks that he doesn't really do. Yeah, I don't. Look, keep going with it. I don't know what to say.

That's the problem. Thanks for, I've only done the show 80 times. Can't find an in on me yet. Hey, you guys hear Revolver? It's probably the best Beatles album a lot of people say Sgt. Pepper is the best I think it's Revolver whoa

this is a hot take it's like staring in a mirror well so we gotta figure out I mean how do we get you even $60 back out of this i guess that's where we're at you know i don't know i mean what what i found with a script like this if you do want to perform it is if if you could kind of mention quip uh-huh that might get you $40.

Okay. And then maybe the other $20 you could get in ticket sales. Okay. We could sell tickets to a meet and greet after the show. Silver Circle? Gold Circle? Like Patreon kind of? That's a good idea. Would you do or you would like sell tickets to it um would i

participate in the meet and greet yeah if bosh would go i will go if he goes not not that i wouldn't want to do it with just tom but we could use fair enough i that isn't what I meant. No, I get it. I get it. Guys. Is there any chance we can keep reading it? I know it sounds made up, but I did spend six hours yesterday rewriting this entire thing. Well, the show is over. We're out of time. Okay.

Well, I have a special message to play. Should I play that? Yeah. A special message. What is this? Special message. People are just like, special message. People are just,

special message. Freelancing. Yeah. I freelanced and I don't like it. Okay, here we go. Sean, Hayes, Kev, what's up, man? It's Moshe Kasher. Wow.

Just wanted to drop you a line and let you know that Tom did tell me about what he was proposing to you today he told me about the read i'm delighted i'm tickled uh to hear that you guys are taking this thing and and bringing it to that next level i know tom's trying to convince you to take it on the road and i want you to know you have my full blessing on that my full life that should have been played at the beginning that i can do just to make some of the true blessings that i was gifted as a result of recording that podcast that fateful day at comic-con um the kind of blessings i received from that if they could be spilled over

onto you god i would be so happy to hear about that. Obviously, you guys know what's happened to me since we taped that episode. A lot of stuff. Casting my own stuff. Writing my own stuff. Development deals. Development deal with Amazon. I mean, I don't want to go into all of it, but it is Amazon and Quibi that I've got development deals at. But I don't want to go into that.

And the fact that I've been so successful as a result of that episode is no reflection on you two or your talent. Sometimes it just happens like that. It'd be like that. You know, it's like I am essentially the Lena Waithe of that project. What happened to her as a result of Master of None is what happened to me as a result of this episode. And that doesn't mean anything about the other creative minds involved in Master of None, obviously. And that doesn't mean anything about the other creative minds involved in Master of None, obviously. And this doesn't mean anything about you. Just because nothing's come to you

doesn't mean something can't. And that's why I really do want you guys to... Tom, what you're doing, I just want to tell you, it's an act of kindness. Thank you. And Martha, huge fan. And Sean Hayes, truly, I want you to take this thing and go with it.

You know, take those blessings that I've gotten and turn them into gold for yourself. That's the plot to Rumpelstiltskin. That is the story. Rumpelstiltskin, he took blessings and he turned them into gold. And that is the plot to the story Rumpelstiltskin, he took blessings and he turned them into gold. And that is the plot to the story Rumpelstiltskin. And I think you two, I hope that you both become the Rumpel and the Stiltskin of your own story. Because, listen, success in Hollywood, it's not a sprint. Yeah, no, it's a marathon.

It's a marathon, not a sprint. Yeah, no, it's a marathon. It's a marathon, not a sprint. So you guys stop sprinting. Get prepared. Start training for that marathon. Okay? Because this tour is going to be a beautiful one, but a long one. And you're going to come in first.

So seriously, Sean, Hayes, just all the best. I'll see you Monday at the Netflix offices. You know that. Sean, Hayes just all the best have an opportunity to end Monday at the Netflix offices you know that Kevin and I are just pitching a little thing about working with the two of you at any rate seriously

God bless to both of you and God bless the Hollywood Handbook God bless everybody Lena and I we do send our best of you and God bless the Hollywood Handbook. God bless everybody. Lena and I, we do send our best and our well wishes. We're in Milan right now shooting a little movie.

I actually, I did just get called to set. So Lena sends her best. I obviously send my love and respect and gotta go shoot the scene for Fast and Furious 12. Remember what I said. Marathon.

You guys are marathon runners, baby. Okay? So may the blessings spill upon you. Anoint you with the holy oil of success. Kevin, see you Monday. Martha, huge fan. Tom, God bless you. You are the man.

Sean, Hayes. Hey, you know what? Don't give up. Never give up. Do not give up. You're talented, guys. Okay. Yeah, yeah, I'll be right there.

Okay, coming right now. Coming. Okay, got to run. Okay, bye-bye. Oh, shit, man. Wow, that was really nice. That was really nice. It's just a shame that I heard it after the whole project totally fell apart.

We do need to pull that up to some extent. I feel like if we could stick that in the middle, people might stick around for the rest of the show. Yeah, that would be cool. We could plug that in. But as it is, it's like the day after someone playing a recording being like, hey guys, good luck with the Challenger.

Yeah. recording being like hey guys good luck with the Challenger yeah it's the voicemail that was left on the NASA headquarters answering machine hey I know you're going to do a great launch it's going to be so fun have fun in space all of it just it's really a shame.

Yeah. Guys, I have a question. Okay. When do you get to leave? Yeah. No, when... Would it be okay with all of you, would you consider giving me the license

to get this show that we just did transcribed and take that on the road. And see, this is the Martha play, and I have always heard that this is how it works, and I can see it happening to me. And again, I don't mind somehow. Yeah. It's odd.

It's so transparent that it's charming. It's like how you hear that the experience of drowning is actually very peaceful like just being like held underwater uh until like the like the feeling stops like that is what it feels like negotiating with martha um yeah, if you want to make a transcript of the episode where we were reading a transcript for some parts of it, often repeating them, and then Tony the Cat came in.

You can do that. I guess, just where are you going to keep all the money? Would be my question to you. Because that is solid gold. I would use part of it, of course, to compensate Tom for the original idea. $60. The $60 for this script and then maybe another $30 to 40 just for the licensing because it was your

idea so can you round up to 100 like just 60 plus 30 is 90 but sure okay that seems a little like i'm being manipulated no no i'm just trying to get because it was 60 plus there's like a little they tack on a little service thing at Fiverr. Oh, okay. Do you want me to make it 110? No, no, no. I'm not going to be a pig about this. 100 even would be great. Okay.

And then I'll take that. Then that'll be kind of a victory again for me. Tom wins again. What's next for you, Tom? Oh, what isn't next for me? Yeah. What isn't next for you? Coming back on this show is probably one of the things

that will never be asked back. Come on, Tom. I get it. Let's be fair, Tom. You were asked in this case. I'm hurt by Brett's impression of me. I don't want to come back. There was something nasty about it.

Brett, you can say bye in the Tom voice. Well, let me just... I don't want to come back. There was something nasty about it. Great. You can say bye in the Tom voice. Well, let me just. Is that what you're doing? Bye. Hollywood Handbook. That was a HeadGum Podcast.