Hollywood Handbook - Tom Scharpling, Our New Host

Episode Date: September 17, 2018

TOM SCHARPLING returns to make a big change to the show. This episode is sponsored by hims ( www.forhims.com/THEBOYSCARE ) and Blue Apron ( www.blueapron.com/HANDBOOK ).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. So, I'm out there with Candice Bushnell and Jay Giles. And we're spray painting the anarchy symbol on the White House lawn. the anarchy symbol on the White House lawn. And a Secret Service guy comes up and is being respectful

because he's a little bit starstruck by Jay. And he goes, hey, look, I can't have you spray painting anything on the lawn. Yeah. And I go, well, this is actually

a nice thing. And he goes, well, this is actually a nice thing. And he goes, oh, really? Is it? And I go, yeah. And he goes, it looks like an A. It's time to go to school for him. Looks like an A. What does the A stand for?

And I go, um, Asphyncter says what? And he, of course course goes, huh? And I go, oh, the A just stands for asphincter says what? So he didn't say what though? No, unfortunately no for the gag. Yeah. He went, huh? I can't understand a word you're saying.

Slow down. You're saying it too fast. It almost sounds like you're saying a phrase very quickly. And I went, no, no, no, no, it's all one word. It's ass. Finkter says, what? And he was going, seriously. The end of it sounds like says

what? But the rest, so in that way, he did say what. He did say it. I heard it. Yeah, and so I did get him pretty good. And then Jay had to like like, sign his jacket or something to kind of get us out without going to Geo. Are each of you taking a different part of the A? Yeah. Because we're making it huge.

Okay. It's got to be huge. You are spray painting it. Spraying, painting it on the lawn, yeah. Oh, okay. Interesting. Would be fun. What if you mowed it in there? Yeah, well, and again, that was the original plan.

I brought spray paint just in case, but the groundskeeper was being kind of a sphincter about it. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook and Insider's Guide to Kicking Butt and Dropping Names in the Red Carpet Linebacker Hallways of this industry we call showbiz. What up, what up? I would love to introduce you, but I guess it would probably be better if I'm just kind of confused what you're doing here, like what the whole story is.

So maybe you can. Hey, welcome back. Welcome back? Yeah. I'm here. Oh, to you. Yeah. You're welcoming welcome back. Welcome back? Yeah. I'm here. Oh, to you. Yeah. You're welcoming yourself back.

I'm welcoming myself back. Great, great, great. Yeah, Tom Sharpling is here. Yeah. Always, like a night, it's always a surprise. It's always fun. Yes, I love that you keep me on my toes. And that we'll have

a totally different guest scheduled sometimes and they won't show up and you will be here. And they will have gotten some kind of emergency text. I guess you've found a way to... Home break-in.

They'll get a thing like, someone's breaking into my house. And I go, guys, I can't tape. Yeah, that has happened a few times. And I don't know if you break into their house or if you, you said it's just a coincidence. Little old me's got nothing to do with any of that stuff. But it just happens to work out. I'm already parked.

It seems like you're being a scam. Okay, so you have a separate, another person in this operation, it sounds like. If you're already here, who is breaking into the house? And I noticed the break-in sort of skyrocketed around the time that Engineer Cody stopped working at Hero. Uh-huh. And said that he had a new freelance gig. Yeah. What?

You notice he got taken off the market pretty quick. He had his resume out there. Next thing, he was not soliciting for work anymore because someone hired him to rattle a few mailboxes and throw a few rocks, a few cinder blocks off the overpass. A lot of stuff he was doing already. If I'm going to hire anyone for those specific jobs, that's who I would go to. Well, those things were on his resume.

Special skills. Yes. Mailbox rattling. Exactly. Just one that just says rocks. So, okay. You're here. Yeah.

John Krasinski, I guess we'll be back maybe. We hope, yeah. Jack Ryan. No, he's here. He's just being quiet. Because that's what he did in that movie, I think, I didn't see. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I didn't want to see that movie either. Just carry the hell out of me. Yeah. No, but I'm out here. Look, it's a nice bonus. It's a cherry on top of the sundae when I get to swing by and hang out with the boys. And I got my own L.A. business keeping me hopping. Okay, so you're not here for this.

You have a lot of stuff going on. This is an extra thing. Yes. Yesterday. Because I don't know if you guys know, it's a political world now. It's starting to be. I noticed this. Politics equals world.

Sure. I did an interview, a political interview, because I need to kind of get into this political part of things. You did a political interview. I did a political interview with this guy. He is a colonel in the Israeli army. And he did a little thing with me. And he asked me about guns. and I talked to him about guns. And then I took my clothes off.

Uh-huh. Sure. Climbed into a dumpster full of pudding and started screaming insults. Okay. Maybe like racially inflected insults. Okay. Let's just say. Maybe like racially inflected insults. I signed an NDA. I'm not allowed to say what the insults were.

Okay. The Israeli colonel, was his face coming off during the interview? It was about 150% as big as a normal okay was it like half were half the features like muppet parts um actually yes it seemed like he was working over time to even just move his like eyes or mouth yeah it seemed like basically like a less human version of Sam Eagle. Is that sort of what he looked like? Yes, and he was, yeah, this guy was, his face at one point started to crack, and then someone ran in with Flex Seal and kind of patched it up. Sure.

It's an interview. The lights are hot. I figured it was just, yeah. I figured it was just how showbiz is done. Was there a team of about 14 different nearly identical white guys coming in and whispering in his ear and then kind of giggling with him in between the questions? Yes, there were. But that's, again, politics. Yeah.

Okay, so they had you fly out here. I don't think of you as like a gun guy, really. I'm not. I saw an opportunity to just kind of say I was because they were looking for someone like that. And I just was going, I got machine guns. You should see my machine gun collection. I got 100 machine guns. I'm just talking about my machine gun.

I don't own any machine guns. Of course not. Yeah, but it made you a little more visible to say that you did. I was just like, I love shooting my machine guns. Yeah. And then you got nude. Mm-hmm. Sure, you became nude during the interview. Because it was part of a training exercise.

No, yeah. Anti-terrorism thing. Right. Climbing nude into a dumpster full of pudding. A dumpster full of pudding, yeah. So just pudding in the dumpster, or was there other trash? I hope it was just pudding. I felt things like that I was standing on.

Right. I think one was like a kid's tricycle. Okay, yeah. Like those plastic tricycles. I hope that's what that was. Okay. Yeah. All right.

Well, that's exciting. So you're making moves, of course. You're in Los Angeles. You're doing interviews. That's cool. Any other opportunities? Are you pitching anything while you're here? I'm throwing a few lines out and seeing who I reel in, you know, but I like to, I play my cards pretty close to the vest. Sure. yeah. I always say, you know, whenever I'm pitching something that it's top secret because that's very intriguing. And my ideas are so unique and original. How could I ever tell you possibly what it's about, whether it's about a guy moving back in with his family? Did I tell you my idea?

No, no. Was that – did I accidentally – That's one of the two. Uh-huh, uh-huh. The other one is the retirement community. Ah, yes, yes, yes, yes. Two cool dudes at a retirement community. Okay.

And they realize that these old people party harder than they ever could. Do you have any casting ideas for that? For that one? Yeah. I was thinking along the lines of Andy Milonakis. I was hoping could be one of the cool dudes and maybe both of them. I mean, they do wonders with that. That's sick.

I could see him and Simon Rex mixing it up. Could be a killer combo. And you've already got the soundtrack. You know what I mean? You've got to spend a lot of money on music because those guys are going to hit you with the fire. Those guys, it seems like, could be there to

smash. That could be kind of the idea. If they're looking to smash, yeah. That gives me four episodes right there. Just getting shot down from smashing, actually smashing, smashing and she dies. I'm sorry, but, you know, this is a retirement community.

We have to talk about it. Yeah, unfortunately that happens. Yeah, there's one thing where one of the characters is just like, I'm going to zap that battle axe. Right, well, is that a situation where maybe one of the old broads at the retirement community is a real hard ass, and they're like, we know what she needs to loosen her up. A good zap. A good zapping.

That could be cool. I had a similar idea without ripping you off. And the idea, and tell me if you like this, it's young golden girls. So it's just like three kind of hot 20-something women. I think we could use the same scripts. It's the exact same characters, same idea, but just like

a little bit of eye candy on screen. I think it would appeal to young people because they'd want to look at it, but some of those Golden Girls scripts are just collecting dust. Betty White is in it as their foul-mouthed

landlord. That would be badass if we can get her in there for one or two to do some of her off their rockers material. Yes. She could pop in and kind of be like, you girls. Maybe she

could really... But just bleeping. She could be very hard on the Rose character. Like, what are you? Some kind Girls, maybe she could really. But just like bleeping, bleep, bleep this. She could be very hard on the Rose character. Like, what are you, some kind of dummy? And it's because she played that. Yeah. Because they're doing, obviously they're doing Charmed and they've recast with younger women. And I'm going like, what else could we make much younger?

To me, Golden Girls, you've got so much room to go younger. Yeah. Yeah. And then it could be on the air for like 60 years. Oh, yeah. Until it's time to re-up. Do it again. Yeah.

And then just like Doctor Who, there's like the new Rose reveals her. Like, she comes through the door with the dry ice. And whoever was Rose becomes the new landlord. I mean, that's what I love about it. And then whoever was the landlord then just enters the TV. Oh. Waves goodbye. And then is on the TV with previously filmed things that can be controlled.

Can live forever in the TV. That's nice. That's really cool. But were you, I'm sorry, I kind of interrupted. Did you have more of the Milonakis, Simon Rex thing? Does Dirt Nasty appear? It's sort of a Stefan or Kel type. He spins around really fast.

He stops spinning. He has become dirt nasty. Yeah. Does that appeal to you at all? That's great. And I hope you'll put that in your packet when I'm meeting with writers. Absolutely. Assuming this gets set up today. What's the Mickey Avalon episode?

I don't want to think too much about it. set up today. What's the Mickey Avalon episode? I don't want to think too much about it. I'm thinking there's a big arm wrestling community at the old folks thing that just like, it's like, who's going to win the big arm wrestling thing? And, you know, Milonakis is just like, I got the arms. Are you kidding? I'm a young guy. And then naturally, he gets his arms slammed down on that table so hard by some old salt by a braille looking older exactly yes

yeah man that'll show him that really is yes it's it's old positive it sounds like someone is uh very quietly playing the trumpet in here. I think my chair is squeaking. Oh, okay. Do we want to switch that out? No. Okay. Well, I mean, that's not the kind of thing that an engineer would want to be ahead of.

So, okay. I guess this is a good time to introduce Engineer Devin. We have been needing some new blood in here for a while. I don't know if we do need this much, but Engineer Devin is here, shadowing Engineer Ryan, so I guess we can introduce him. He has a mic set up already. It is a little presumptuous, but since you are ready to go, it seems like, welcome to this family.

Hey. And you're friends with Ryan, is that right? Yes, I've known Ryan for some time, yes. Okay. Yeah. Amazing that the two of you could find common ground. Yeah. What on earth could they possibly have in common?

From completely different worlds. What would these guys talk about? Their identical haircut? Ryan, what did you, so this is obviously a nepotism case. What did you say to, oh, first of all, I just want to say, if I'm Engineer Sam, I'm pissed. Oh, yeah. Because I got all kinds of dirtbag friends that need a lot more work than Ryan's friends. Yeah, Ryan's friends are doing okay.

They're comfortable. A lot of my friends, if I'm Engineer Sam, are just guys who live on a motorcycle. It's one thing to live out of your car, but if you live in a motorcycle, let's try that, Jewel. So what did you say, Ryan? What was the conversation with Josh? Well, I think Brett mainly wanted to clean up our image a little bit. Okay. Can I say I switched chairs and I still hear the sound?

Uh-huh. Maybe it's your butt. Hayes, this is being recorded. I don't mind if you razz me like that. That's really funny. me like that off the like that's fine i that's really funny but there's a there's there's a point where people hear you say that and they think it's okay for them to say that to me and you know that it's not my butt okay i agree that it's funny but you did just switch chairs i can hear that the noise is still happening what i'm saying is it may not be coming from me

okay it might be your chair, for all we know. Or it might be your butt. How does that feel? Not great, right? Well, I'm moving around. Test number one. I'm moving around. I'm moving around.

You're supposed to get up. If you were going to pass this test, you went, you got some WD-40, you scored on both chairs, you made sure they didn't squeak. And that's how you pass. So the new guy failed test one. No, I don't know. You're pointing at that chair, Kevin? No one's sitting in that chair.

Maybe it's... Huh? I was going to give it to Sean. No, it's not that either. Okay. What is this? This guy, that guy. Chef Kevin's here.

It's... I was just starting to warm up to him. And then he just materializes. Let me go back to the first chair. Because it didn't fix it to switch. I can't sit here and Engineer Devin's got a chair with arms and then I'm just flying free. It makes no sense. And he's using that chair

pretty hard. You probably should call him Junior Engineer Devin. I mean, this is like an audition. Junior Engineer Devin. Yeah, that's good. Look at this. What a clown car of a...

Slide the chair back to the first chair that squeaked. Got the kid with the camera taking pictures that are never good, by the way. Okay, so it's not... Sean wasn't moving. Everyone be quiet. It's completely independent. Everyone be quiet.

Did you hear that? Oh, it's so, okay. What? I've noticed that that's a noise that happens, I guess, when you move your eyes around. Yes. I'm actually out here also to get that looked at. You do seem, and I don't take this the wrong way, you seem extremely dry.

Dry. I've noticed the exact same thing. Summer time. Drives me out. Sure, but there's, yeah. If you want to just look straight ahead for the rest of the show. Yeah, not try to.

Or just move your neck, which I've noticed you have not been doing at all. Okay. I'll move my neck then. Okay. That really sounds uncomfortable. Do you feel okay? It hurts every time I turn. It's like.

That's the sound I want to make is just to go, oh! So who is looking at that? You have an appointment set up? I know there's doctors out here, and I'm going to try to find one. Okay. Sounds like you've maybe gone through a bunch back home. I talked to the colonel. I talked to Colonel Aaron Moran about it, and he was going to set me up with a guy.

He said he just needed six weeks to get a whole production set up. And he wanted me to meet with a doctor. And then it would be a memorable experience. Wow. He just needed to. He said he needed to work on his New York voice a little more. Okay. Which I don't know what that meant.

That's interesting. Yeah, that he needed to work on a new voice. The sound is crazy. It's happening so much. It may be outside this room. It could be. I can't. I have no idea. Is it that chair?

Try looking back a little bit. Not accusing. Not me, boss. Nice try, Ryan. Wow. You're trying. Nice try, Ryan. Wow.

Engineer trying. I mean, it must be Junior Engineer Devin. This has never happened before. It seems like there's maybe like a mouse inside the vents or something. Like something else is going on is what we learned. I'd like to blame, what's recording next door? What's the other show? Jonathan Van Ness, I think.

Oh, I'm not going after him. That guy's like a white-hot star. What's he doing here? Yeah, I do not know what a step down to do an Earwolf podcast. Let me guess. Was he doing this already? Chef Kevin? Sorry. Sorry.

Sorry. Sorry. What do you mean, was he doing it? Was he recording it? Was he doing this podcast before he became a superstar? Colin got him right before the show actually came out. Yeah. Okay. Now it all makes sense.

He's locked in. He's in podcast jail. Very smart. Another one. Another one in Colin's bear trap. Unbelievable. The guy's, I mean, for all his faults, he's a genius. Oh, yes. Destro a genius. Oh, yes.

Destroying lives. It's unbelievable the way he traps people on this bottom tier of showbiz for as long as possible. Really disgusting. He's rich as hell. You see his Instagram, some of the trips he takes? No, tell me about it.

Oh, gosh. He's going wherever he wants. Europe. I mean, the me about it. Oh, gosh. He's going wherever he wants. Europe. I mean, the guy's sick. He's a sick, disgusting pervert. Like his hero, Blackadder. Obsessed with Blackadder. Now, Tom, you had something. You said you're here

to make moves. I've noticed you haven't made any. Not yet. So it seems like you're waiting to be asked. I'm ready to... Well, the squeak gate knocked me off point, and I realized that has to play out. I'm not going to do two things at once

and kind of dilute what I'm trying to get to here. Okay, we'll get a picture of Colin. Sorry. I just went ahead and pulled up Colin's Instagram. I mean, Tom, do you want to read this for us? Just this is what he's spending maybe as Colin. Jonathan Van Ness' money on

I could read it as Kevin That could be good My new summer happy place Hollywood pool and slide $3.50 So he's Blowing $3.50

To have fun In the sun at this pool. Go down the slide. In the middle of Hollywood. Yeah. That has a slide. I just want to say, what I just saw Ryan do is walk over to Bosh and step on him. No, I stepped over him.

And walk back to his seat. There was nothing over there. There was nothing for him to do over there. He didn't have to go to the bathroom or anything because he didn't leave the room. So what happened is he stood up in order to stomp on my dog. Am I concerned? Yeah. I was trying to see if I could hear the squeak better over in that corner.

All right, enough. Okay. So anyway, what I'm here to present, because seriously, look, guys, this is a sidebar. You turn these zeros into personalities, and you get away with the tricks sometimes. But at some point, your luck runs out. That's right. You're already- I'm looking that in the face right now with Junior Engineer Devin.

Yeah, Junior Engineer Devin is about to be my greatest failure. The seams on Kevin are showing. Like you can see the seams. Oh yeah. There's like weird material coming out through the seams. Threadbare.

There's points when 45 seconds into him talking, you're just kind of like, oh, okay. That's what this kid actually brings to the table when the puppet masters let the strings sag a little bit. You realize. Kevin is standing with his hand on the doorknob.

Doesn't quite want to leave until he hears exactly how destroyed he's going to get. Go ahead and sit down. Tom's going to take you to school. Hey guys, Chef Kevin here. I was waiting for a big laugh so I could quietly leave. Oh boy. Sorry it's not as funny as it could have been.

I guess it's not as funny as the other shows you work on. We're trying. We're trying. We're trying. It's hard to be funny. And Tom has wisely made it about the whole show and not just about the fact that he was talking while Kevin was waiting to leave. I have a business proposition to get to. And it's a good thing you're here, Kevin, because you're a part of this. Great. As unfortunate as a good thing you're here, Kevin, because you're a part of this. Great.

As unfortunate as that is, you are. He's settling in. Don't look bad. Did I say anything? Did I say anything? You looked very upset at the water noise. Okay. Hey, go ahead.

Talk. Are you done? Yeah. So the way TV seems to work these days. Where's that coming from? Where is that coming from? Maybe your chair. There's a water sound.

Might be your chair. I'm hearing someone pouring water in here. I think it might be fluid circulating through your body. Hold on. Let me look over this way. There's no one over on this side of the room. Hold on. There's no one over there.

I can't see who it is. Oh, there it is. It's you. It's you. So, TV shows. They, a hit TV show, goes. I'm just going to power through this. This is a test. Hit TV show in success.

Hit TV show. The creators of the show make piles of money and then they get other offers for other things. Anybody else want any water before I put it away? then they go on their adventures. Anybody else want any water before I put it away?

So when this thing like... Sorry, go ahead, Tom. Oh, no, okay. Like a Chuck Lorre type, when you think about him. You go back to hit TV show. Yes, hit TV shows. In success, everybody benefits. And the creators get to go explore whatever new adventure they want to explore,

but they want the thing to keep going and keep making money. They don't have to be chained to it. Chuck Lorre wasn't working every day on Two and a Half Men. He was just cashing the checks, let somebody else do it. He goes off, creates Big Bang Theory. He doesn't have to sit around. And then he doesn't sit there all day. He goes off and makes Mom.

And then he doesn't sit there all day. He goes off and does disjointed. He can just do whatever. And he's got to write the title cards. Yes, he's got to write the title cards. But as a – Was he Mike and Molly as well? Was he?

I mean, was he also Mike and Molly? Just let it – it seems like you've thrown him off a little bit. A TV show. I can go back to where I was. Hold on. Loving the presentation. Yeah. I come to Hollywood Handbook a fan first.

And I say that you guys have other adventures to go on, other roads to go down. There are opportunities waiting for you. You did this. You did it. Now go off to whatever new adventure is waiting for you, but don't end this. Let this keep going.

Just cash the checks. Okay. All right. So what I propose to you. This does sound like a lot of things I've been thinking. Yeah, everything except for there are other opportunities waiting for you. All the rest of it. You did this.

You are done with this. Yeah, it's like you both have senioritis, All the rest of it, Trav. You did this. You are done with this. Yeah. Yeah, it's like you both have senioritis, but you also forgot to apply to colleges. So it's time for you to go see what's out there. Right. So you let Hollywood Handbook continue with other people running it. Not to say you guys can't swing by, keep your presence on the thing, maybe intro, outro. Like beginning of the new season.

Sure. Hey, guys. So excited. I've heard great things about everyone. Absolutely. And you never see us again. Our guy here has got some great ideas. Read the email he sent and was so thrilled. And you guys in your replies were so funny to the email.

What a crew. A lot of turnover again this year. A lot of new faces. Who's to say why? Probably everyone gets successful off it and go to do something else and I wish them well. I'm a monster. Okay.

We could do that. So? But what is the new show? It's Hollywood Handbook. Okay. And the pro version, too? Well, we can figure that out. I figure you guys need to maybe do that for a few more and then kind of slide out on that also. Okay.

But at least for the time being, no more Hollywood Handbook with Hayes and Sean. Uh-huh. Ah, okay. But Hollywood Handbook continues. I'm listening. Yes. All right. I'm liking the area.

Look, so who would I turn the reins over to? Is there somebody? I guess I'm trying to picture with like Matt Gurley or someone. He would be amazing. Could we get him? Perfect for him. Yeah. I would feel very comfortable leaving it in his capable hands.

And like one of his buddy, I had to let him pick, honestly. Oh, yeah. It's whoever. Whoever he feels comfortable with. I mean, it's really just getting Can I make somebody ask you maybe a little diversity? Please. And here, that could mean almost

anything. Look, by Earwolf standards, I'm from New Jersey. Okay. Sure, yeah. So even that could be that's interesting. Even that would be. Yeah, that's a good point. So...

Who else is from New Jersey? Do you have some Italian blood? A little bit. Okay, that's huge. So why not? Look, the person you're looking for is sitting right in front

of you guys. Me! Okay. Let me do it. Oh. You want to host the show. Yeah.

We are still paid to do it. Yeah, you guys are pres to do it. Yeah. Yeah. You guys are presences on it every once in a while. Be kind of like, maybe we'll figure, what if we figure out like a little, like, like a little, little punch in things, a little, like a little, little. Okay.

But I'm curious. We can record a bunch of them. Like, Hey, it's a Hayes and Sean with the Hollywood update. Which of us is that? It's Hayes and Sean. Well, I'm not of us is that? It's Hayes and Sean. Well, I'm not doing an impression of you guys. I can't do an impression of you guys. I wouldn't do that.

It's hurtful. But I'm curious about the financial structure. You've got all these papers here with little sign here, tabs. Yes. What is, if we are still getting paid to do the show. Yes. How does it work for you? What do you get?

And also, I am curious. Exposure! Okay. That's what this whole business is about. Yeah. Money, you chase the money, you're a sucker. You chase exposure, you're a king. And it's never enough with money.

It's always more and more and more. But with exposure. Well, and you spend it. I mean, money's temporary, but exposure's permanent. Exactly. That's forever. Thank you. And that's what I want.

You appear on a single episode of a podcast? Forget it. I just want some of that Hollywood exposure. Just let me in the door. So that's what I'm proposing. You guys step away. Let me take the show. The new Hollywood handbook.

Just like when the man show. Just like when. So you're like Stan Hope. Stan Hope and Rogan. Stan Hope and Rogan. It'll be fun. I think it's a winner. I hope you guys would at least give me a shot.

That's all I ask for. Okay. I'll listen to this, right? Yeah, sure. Are you going to do, do you want to take a run at it? I thought I'd have a co-host to do it. Okay. And I do have a co-host to do it. Okay. And I do have a co-host.

Another guy right under your nose. Look, I don't love him. Yeah, you hate him. But people in showbiz who aren't best friends off mic have made magic together. Sure, work together all the time. That's all I'm looking for, as long as me... Sort of a moon lighting thing.

Yeah, exactly. Like the Pardo-Belnap dynamic, sort of. Yeah, all that. All the podcast fighting and that shit. We're not getting into any of it. Kumail and Jonah, right? Yes. Exactly. All that, all the podcast fighting and that shit, we're not getting into any of it.

Kumail and Jonah, right? Yes. Exactly. So this kid right here. Okay. Kevin. Yeah. Host Kevin. Host Kevin.

I figured that the two of us can kind of keep this thing going. Mm-hmm. And sure, I'm sure there'll be a couple bumps in the road, but we'll make it happen. So do we have your blessing? It's getting louder. As you get closer and closer, I think, to converting a sale, the noise is getting louder. And it feels like it's a warning sign for me. It really does.

It's now basically become an alarm. Yeah. It's like someone's hands shaking as they go to sort of make the handshake deal. Like it's sort of trembling so much you go like, I am getting tricked. I think this squeaking noise is supposed to be indicating to me that I shouldn't feel comfortable in this. But I'm willing to hear a version of the show. I mean, can we just get a sample? Sort of a sizzle reel.

You don't even have to do a coherent five minutes, but just some quick pops. Just come in right in the middle. You don't have to do an intro or anything. Whatever part of it you want to do. Let's do the intro. Play the intro. Okay. That's Engineer Ryan.

He's talking to... There we go. Jesus. One sec. Even I was on board for that one. All right. Here we go. Shit.

All right. Here we go. Meg Ryan. Yeah, so it's me, right? And I'm with Rab himself and Nudy Novak and Brandon DiCamillo. And we're sitting around watching Viva La Bam. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook. The new Hollywood Handbook. What up, what up?

Yeah. It's me, Tom, the host. And this is my co-host. Hey, I'm host Kevin, co-host Kevin here. What's going down, bro? Hey, Tom, what's going up, bro? Another Hollywood weekend, right? How'd that go for you?

Hell yeah. It did really well. I went on a run and fell, and I have band-aids on my hand. Yeah. So we're on the show now, and this is – and look look I'd just like to say something at the top I'm not even here go ahead Tom I'd like to just say

first of all thank you to be in this chair to get to do this show, Hollywood Handbook, and to call myself the host of Hollywood Handbook is not something I take lightly. something I take lightly and I appreciate everyone who has supported me on this journey to this point. And I am proud to call myself the host of Hollywood handbook. Same. So we have a guest in this right we have a guest right yes do you want to talk about the office

like let's this one thing i think one thing that those guys didn't do when it was their run they didn't put enough of themselves into the show. You know what I mean? Yeah. Let's put ourselves into it. Sure. Let's talk about The Office. So what? Did you watch any episodes of The Office this weekend or what? Yes, I did. I watched the episode where Jim and Pam got married.

You were fine with Chef Kevin. He does not really know that much about The Office. I mean, I know you guys have been down this road before, but. Okay. He only really likes the part where the entire cast had turned over. So you like, you're more of a Clark Duke man. Yep, that's right. I would like, if you're going to have a guest. guest, I think we have a perfect challenge in this room for a new host.

If you can spin the straw into gold for Junior Engineer Devin as a legit guest on the show, that would really show us something. Sure. Let's do it. We're excited to have on the show, now look, the word star gets thrown around a whole lot in show business now

to where it's devalued a little bit. And I'd like to, this new version of Hollywood Handbook, which I, again, it's been a road to get me here. I appreciate the support. There's a lot of challenges. I'm here. Thank you.

I'd like to bring a little bit of old Hollywood glamour back. To things. And with that in mind, let's bring our first guest, engineer, junior engineer, Devin, to the new Hollywood Handbook. Devin.

It's great to be here. It's great to be here. Thanks. Thanks. Yes. For being here. What was your experience like working on? No, that's,

what do you, what is this guy? Is he taking a deposition or something? Let's take our time. Let's get what is this guy? Is he taking a deposition or something? Let's take our time. Let's get to know this guy. And look. Sure. This guy's a snooze.

It's going to be so boring. Yeah. So we're going to have to carry so much of this. Let's limit his talking. You want to get a straight Q&A going? This will be over in 30 seconds. Maybe I could set him up for a cue, but it really is like you're the one answering it. How would that work?

Well, I'll shift it to you. Yeah, let me hear about that. I'll shift it to you pretty quickly. All right, let you try. I can't even picture that. Look, you're a host on this thing. I've got to give you some trust. Thank you.

Go ahead. Devin, what was that MTV show you worked on? Oh, uh, Singled Out. Singled Out? Years, yeah. Whoa, that's crazy. Have you ever heard of that show, Tom? Singled Out? Yeah. Yeah. Very old Hollywood. You worked on Singled Out? Oh, yeah.

Great show. What are you, like a quantum leap or something? Yeah, I was in my teens. What? It's behind the scenes. That was like a million years ago. Are you tricking us? You were a teenager working on Singled Out? It was incredible.

It was a wild time, I have to say. Wow. Is this a trick? Trick, lie, I mean. What? Uh-oh. So that's the new version of the show? Is everybody lies to each other?

Tom? Is that how you see it? Also, by the way, by the way. I thought he was going to tell the truth. I do see some potential for follow-up questions. This person was backstage on the show Singled Out. Yeah, you may want to ask him how they came up with all thoseup questions. This person was backstage on the show Singled Out. Yeah, you may want to ask him how they came up with all those fun questions.

Or maybe other stuff that happened back there. Right. With the cast. Uh-huh. Let's think. Questions, questions. What can we ask him about backstage singled out?

I've never heard of the show. Why did he pick singled out? What's the show? Why would junior engineer Devin pick singled out? It's a game show. Should have said remote control. So, engineer Devin, right? Yes, yes.

Yes What's the thing With being an engineer That brings you back to your Childhood memories Of wanting to be an engineer Go A deep love of Four tracks

Four track recorders The lost art Indeed that's what it's all about Knob twirling some call it Of four tracks, four track recorders. Ah. Yeah. The lost art. Indeed. That's what it's all about. Knob twirling, some call it. Twiddling is the technical term, yeah. Well, some call it twiddling, some call it twirling.

Say something funny. Hey, what are you, a twiddler, you creep? There you go. Oh, God. And let me just say as a sidebar, you see how you called him a creep as a default setting? Now you know why they called you a creep. Yeah, easy. It's easy.

It's cheap. It's lazy. It's easy and it's cheap. It's so easy. Apologize to him. Sorry, buddy. That's fine. It's good. Hey, it's co-host Kevin.

Hey, co-host Kevin here. Sorry, Devin. Didn't mean to call you a creep. I don't like how it feels when I get called that every day for a year and a half, so I can't imagine. No, we haven't done it for so long. Yeah, we barely do it anymore, except sometimes by accident. So you worked on Singled Out, right?

What did you do on that? General Dog's Body, showrunner. You did what with bodies? Dog's Body? Random. General Dog's Body? Yeah. General dog's body? Yeah, dog's body. That was at your title on the show.

Yeah, general dog's body. General dog's body. And now his best friend, Engineer Ryan, stomped on my dog a minute ago. I'm starting to see how these two might have met. He's still lying there recovering. And then this guy said his name was General Dog's Body?

I don't like this. So now you guys see this is the biggest challenge that you can pull off with this show is just getting out of it. Yeah, dud guest.

Yes. Dud guest. You're stuck with another sack of potatoes like Kevin here, who just you think brings value, but then you realize is draining your own energy. Like you bring less to the table when you just have like a talent vampire. Yeah.

Like Kevin in the room. Well, hold on. We're only like 30 seconds in. Like Kevin in the room. Well, hold on. We're only like 30 seconds in. Often it takes 40 to 55 minutes for the ball to – Do a skit. Okay.

Hey, my name is Sandy Pearson, and I put sand in sandboxes. You know, getting the sand in the sand – you know, a lot of people provide just the sandboxes, but they don sand in the sand. You know, a lot of people provide just the sandbox, but they don't provide the sand. Well, I provide the sand, and you're welcome. Is this a commercial? It's a commercial. Yeah, it's a commercial parody. Oh, wow.

You've got to have that in your packet. Something I wrote with Darius. Do like a fake medicine commercial, and then just list all kinds of symptoms. Side effects. Oh yeah, the side effects. Make it for a thing that's dumb that nobody actually has that problem. The thing the medicine fixes is very small

but the problems it can cause are insane. Hey, your fingernailils growing too long? Well, check out my fingernail study time now. It helps make sure your fingernails

are growing at a consistent speed so they don't get too long too fast. The side effects include you throw What side effects?

Side effects may include blood, vomit, poop. You get stomach aches. You get headaches. You get real sick. Maybe they become fantastic. You become fantastic.

No, no, no, no. The side effects become sort of like, these are all side effects you could really get from a medicine. You go to space. You go underground. But they're from a medicine You go to space You go underground But they're still negative Those are all good things You get to go to space if you take this stuff

You get to go underground You go to space and you can't breathe And you go underground and you can't breathe Stuff like you got an arm shooting out of your chest You got an arm shooting out of your chest You start catching fire You got a third butt cheek You start catching fire on You got a third butt cheek. You start catching fire on

your head. The dude in the voice-off. Sorry to fix my include. You got an arm coming out of your chest. You blink too much. Maybe get in a dig at somebody. You start to enjoy the music of Blank, and then we get somebody really good. Actually, you start

to enjoy the music of Jason Mraz, and you spend a lot of your time reading boring books. Do Jason Mraz. Do Jason Mraz and argue with yourself. Hey, man, my music's cool. Hey, man, my music's cool. I like the acoustic guitar.

It's actually really good on the radio, and I've had a good career. Okay, Jason Mraz. Yeah, but now maybe, so the whole medicine thing, right? It's this medicine to fix something. Then Jason Mraz's big hit song is called The Remedy. So maybe we have something in there. Well, you could actually, this is Jason Mraz. You could, my medicine actually is the, you could be the remedy with it.

There you go. Good, good, good, good. Great. Now let's throw to. That was pretty fun. Let's throw to Good, good, good, good. Great. Now let's throw to That was pretty fun. Let's throw to Hollywood Handbook Hollywood Minute

with the old hosts of the show. And we just straight up stole David Spade's Yeah, we're just doing Hollywood Let's call it

the Hollywood 45. It's not even a minute. It's 45 seconds. Okay. Great. Are you gonna do that? Hey, everybody. Welcome back to Hollywood Handbook.

Great skit, Kevin. We'll be back with more with Engineer Devin, but we got Sean and Hayes are swinging by with another Hollywood 45. Take it away, Sean and Hayes. So the Stone Temple Pilots did a concert this weekend. by with another Hollywood 45. Take it away, Sean and Hayes. So, uh, the, uh, Stone Temple Pilots did a concert this weekend. I think I liked them better the first time I saw them. When they were called Pearl

Jam. I'm just waiting for the laugh to, to, to play out. Johnny Cochran gave another testimony this week. He said, if the glove don't fit, you must acquit. What if it shit? It's okay.

It's okay. It's hard. Yeah's okay. It's hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the whole idea was that I don't have to do the show anymore. I'm done. Thanks for letting me know. I hung him out to dry. Thanks, Hayes and Sean.

Well, as I'm watching you do this, I'm like, it's over. I'm ready. I'm ready to go. Yeah. I couldn't tell you what a relief it was to watch it happening without me to just see the show you know and it seems like

the sickos that listen to the show already might not even know the difference I obviously don't enjoy it but that doesn't really matter I loved being done. Yeah.

I just feel like now I can just go to sleep. You know? At long last. Tom, we can do this thing where you and I just do the show for 45 minutes, and then we just use five minutes of the interview with Devin. That way, because we don't have to deal with the dud being like an hour long. You know? No, I have literally no idea what you're saying.

So the first segment will just be you and me. Okay. And we'll be doing bits and riffs and jokes. Sketches. Sketches, skits. And then we do, we cut to the- Sketches and skits. Yes.

And then we cut to the Hollywood- What's the difference between a sketch and a skit? A sketch is like what the community likes, and a skit is what your parents like. Ah. And then we do the Hollywood 45. Yeah. And then we do a minute and a half of the interview with Devin and the show's over. So we need to start shooting shit then is what you're saying.

Yeah. Yeah, okay. I want to do a segment on this, and this might be a little artistic, a little, or it'd be like a sultry saxophone playing behind me. You know what I mean? Sure. And then I'll do a character. I'll be like, another crazy night in Lipstick City.

Cool. Okay. And I'll just talk about LA adventures. Do you want to do the guy noir character? Kind of, yeah. Here, let's see it. Hold on. I'm looking for some good.

Oh, that's an ad. Devin, this is where a saxophone part would come in. Just saying. Thank you. For future. Yeah. Let's try this one. Oh, old Hollywood.

Yeah. Should I do it in the Garrison Keillor voice? Probably. Right? Yes. It's another sad night in Lipstick City.

Closer to the mic. I'm here. And the other day I went to Muso and Frank's and ordered the liver and onions.

And over it, the booth across from me was none other than Burt Ward. Robin from the original Batman series. And that was another crazy night in Lipstick City. Bye.

Bye. This has been an Earwolf production. Executive produced by Scott Aukerman, Colin Anderson, and Chris Bannon. For more information and content, visit Earwolf.com. Ow. That was a HeadGum Podcast.