Hollywood Handbook - UNTITLED CLEMENTS-DAVENPORT PROJECT, Pt. 1

Episode Date: March 28, 2016

Sean and Hayes are taking their listeners inside the process of crafting a network pilot by recording every step of the process. This week: Brainstorming and Outlining.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. So, I'm there with Obi, Trice, Knaiva, Swifty, Bazaar, all of D12. And they're, you know, filling up. It's the make-your-own, froze yogurt. they're, you know, filling up. It's the make-your-own frozen yogurt. And they're filling it up and go to the toppings

and get the graham crackies and the Peany Buddy cups. Yeah. And, uh, Obi tries. Think he sees a monster and jumps and gets, uh,

Reesey-Peecy everywhere. Oh, a mess, mess, mess. And now, Bazaar is mad. Messy Obi. Because he. Oh, a mess, mess, mess. And now Bizarre is mad. Messy Obi. Because he's a, that's not a monster. It's just a rubber snake. Mm-hmm. And so he's now pushing Obi, and Obi's pushing back Bizarre.

And if you've heard any of his lyrics, you know that Bizarre is not afraid of violence. And even bizarre violence, strange acts of mutilation and such. And so I'm trying to dissuade it because now Bizarre's got a handful of spoons and he's digging at Obi's ear. And I wind up finally settling it all down by I have to dump my Froziogo on my head and make myself a conehead clown Sunday. Deflating the situation once again. Yes.

With laughter. This is actually making me smile, and I know it is a horrible story, but I think this is pretty funny for a certain reason which is I remember a certain someone saying he was friends with a monster that's under his bed and I know that that's not Obi but it is Obi's friend who I know does sleep in his room sometimes in the bunk and so it is technically the same bed and so how interesting for that guy to be friends with the monster that's under his bed, which when I heard that, I was like, um, I don't know if that's really true. Okay. Yeah. And yet, his friend Obi, who sometimes is in the same bed, thinks he sees a monster and he's not friends with

it. That is actually funny for that reason. And I think that the good trick i know that eminem does do because he is friends with a monster who lives under his bed and he is hanging out with obi who's so scared of monsters he'd throw a pc everywhere he gives obi a bottle of monster spray to keep by his bed at night and so then when if anything any bumps or noises, Obi just has, you know, sort of pistol drawn with the spray bottle of monster spray. Sorry. Roman, can you sleep more loudly, please? Can you just be a little more loud while you...

Roman the dog is making earthquake noises. And it's not cute to me. It's disturbing me when I'm trying to be in the zone. And can you have less control over your tongue, please? Can you just not have so much control over where your tongue goes? Okay. And Brett even is noisier just trying to move a microphone. Sounded like a wheelchair falling down the stairs.

And I should know. Where was I? Oh, yeah. Welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names of the red carpet linebackers in this industry we call showbiz. Oh, that's right.

And I did know where I was the whole time. Word them up, playa. So the fun thing we have for you today, get ready for this. And you are going to love it. Last year we had a pilot in contention, formerly known as Baby Grandpa, formerly known as Whites and Golds,

formerly known as Untitled Bat Kid Project. Went through a number of phases. We sort of walked you through each one in real time. This time, we decided to approach it a little differently. We love these shows about science on Discovery Channel, where they take you inside a machine, and you get to see how all the different parts work, and the engine, and the blades.

And how they are made, and why, and the pieces, and the switch, and buttons, and the wire. Like that video of the Crayola factory where they make the crayons. Childhood for the win. Have you seen it? Oh, God. I don't know why it makes me cry, but it does. The crayon colors and all of that just bring me back to the barn

where I used to be left alone to color the hay. So what are we talking about? Well, what if we showed you the science of how it gets made when you're doing pilot? So we have had a tape recorder and it's been playing all the time as we've been figuring out our pilot, as we've been brainstorming it and writing it and pitching it and shooting it and loving it. This is a lot like Startup, isn't it? It is a little bit like Startup, but explain why to Brett

because Brett's over there going, huh? Okay, dummy. Well, Startup is another huge podcast. They're doing really cool things over at Gimlet and just exploring, you know, what if you were NPR but you weren't on NPR? So what they're doing is they did a documentary of, okay, I'm going to do a podcast about starting my podcast company, and you heard them brainstorming the name and you

heard him talking to his wife am i allowed to do the company and his wife's like maybe and we heard him go how much do i own and his partner has to be like i'm the math and so all these moments happen and he takes you through it in real time with a tape recorder, like what me and Hayes used to show you. We brainstorm the name of the pilot. And we ask, you know, each other who really are each other's wives, am I allowed to do this? And we both say yes. And sorry to our own wives and girlfriends, but it's true.

You know it's true. And you say it all the time. Girl, you know it's true. Brett say it all the time girl you know it's true Brett way to get in on that segment but I gave you an opportunity to get involved and you hesitated and you ate shit frankly and I understand you're on under a lot of pressure because people lately are like Brett's so good I love I'm just loving what Brett's up to these days oh yeah he's becoming really good huffing himself up so it's starting to be good yeah he's up to these days. Oh, yeah. He's becoming really good. He's huffing himself up. Brett's starting to be good. Yeah, he's starting to almost figure out

how to kind of talk. Yeah. Yeah, but... And you're proving now that it's still the same old Brett. Long way to go. When the big moment comes, eats shit.

Teed him up. So what we were going to do... We're going to myth. We are going to play the tape from when we were first brainstorming this idea. It's so funny that this was something that at one point we hadn't even come up with yet. Something we hadn't even discussed. And that we just sat down with Brett to manage the tape recorder to get this idea whipped into shape. So, yeah, we're taking you back in time now in the way, way back machine, Mr. Peabody.

And we're going to tell you some of what our thought process was and show you inside our brains when we're coming up with an idea and a title. And this was, how long ago did we do this? I believe it was January. January. So let's just go. So do you have all your stuff? Yeah, I brought just a notepad of ideas.

You want me to just rip into it? Well, I mean, do you have your do you have your schneiders of hanover pretzel chunks yeah the honey mustard okay do you have something to dip it in or are you gonna choke on them uh no i have a sprite okay do you have the tongs yeah but they're all rusty i just i i don't want because i can see you you know sometimes we like get going on these things and i sort of stall us out yes because you need to get the tongs or you choke or you know some part of the process is held up so i just want everything to be sort of laid out on the table and the um the spray can't be in in the bottle you have to pour it into a glass with a wider mouth yeah because otherwise you're just dropping the pretzel.

Well, it's a Sprite remix. Okay. That doesn't change anything. Still the same rules? Yes, the rules are the same. The rules are not remixed. Okay. Well, I'll just use this mug.

Okay. Oh, this is a funny mug. What does it say? It just has... It's only funny on your side. Oh, you can't see it over there? over there i can't see it from this side oh well it's a lady with like a beehive hairdo and it says oh beehive that's good it's like austin powers well that gets me into my first sort of idea okay so also i didn't know we were, I don't have anything. Oh, that's okay.

I was just going to go off the news. I have a newspaper. I was just going to go off the news. Yeah. Well, probably what we could do is take some of my ideas. Okay. And just jam the news into them, like connect them to the news. Because that is, jamming the news is so huge.

Slow jamming it. It's such a huge thing now, and maybe that is something that we can incorporate into the... It's just big, and it could be a show. And then do you have all your stuff with you, by the way? What? What? What stuff?

Your hair monsters. I know you say that when your brain really gets cooking, that your head gets hot, and you need to put the clips, the little hair monsters, to sort of give it more space to breathe. Yeah, they're not hair monsters. They're hair spirits, but they're not, like, they are not monsters. They are helping. Well, they're clips. They're munchy clips.

Yeah. They look like jaws. Yes. I brought your hair spirits. Thank you. I appreciate that. Those don't have to go in until I start to get uncomfortable. It actually is better if I wait until I need to get

some of the heat out of my head. Because, as much as you like to point your fingers, realize that when you point the one finger at you, your thumb's pointing straight at the ceiling, and it's going gonna knock the drywall down on your head because you stall us out sometimes and then i would where's my hair thingy then my hair would really be in trouble so uh my first pitch swingers it's swingers but it's the wayne wayne from wayne's world they're going swing yeah okay i well i think this is great for a first pitch you're so money baby for our first pitch that's really

really good uh it's not really in the news right now and it's wayne being horny but those guys are also already very horny and they do the same move they do the thrusty move that they don't go swing, but they should have at the time. But I just feel like they're already so close in terms of horniness. Do you know what I mean? Okay. Yeah. So,

sorry, I'm just, I know you want a less horny character or I just, I want one of the you want a less horny character? I want one of the characters to be less horny. I want one of the... Like, if we're putting two things together, I want one of them to be horny, and I want the other one to be unexpected for him to become so horny.

We're never going to see him get horny? No, we will. I'm just asking. And this is supposed to be like a judge you know if one of us isn't okay with something yeah especially when it like like horniness levels we are supposed to just be able to say that without getting any pushback aren't we yeah brett i'm getting horny guys see it's just this is so this is real i mean this is what people are really like you're right is it but forget it we'll put swingers aside is this just gonna keep

these noises are just gonna keep happening yeah it's just it's just... What is going on? Can I use one of your hair spirits? Is it your head is getting very hot? I'm just... This whole conversation of just horniness is just driving me crazy. Well, I got a different... I can go a different direction.

I don't want to get bread over horned. Can I stand up or something? What's going to happen? Like, I'm worried you're going to. Boy, you're really having some trouble over there. It's really getting geared up. That's my stomach.

No, it's not. Yes. No, it's not. So, my other idea was Punky Bone. It's Monkey Bone, but it's Punky Brewster. Okay. So, it's like an orphan who has an animated monkey that is making powers for them or something. I'll tell you what I like about that, Sean. Okay.

Monkey Bone is very horny. Yeah, but Py's not punky brewster is a very sort of withhold sexually withholding right she's a tease she's something of an ice queen yeah honestly she basically never gave it up yes through the run of the series, and it was always sort of just out of reach. And so for her to have this animated character that is also trying to get it, but can't let her know, that is interesting. It's an interesting idea. I see what you're saying. So it's sort of a ying and yang, right? Yes.

Mm-hmm. Oh my god, Brett. Why is this making you horny? We're talking about someone who's not. Punky Brewster needed a breast reduction later in life. Did you know that? The idea of a yang is that now Brett's yang is kind of acting up.

Yeah, we summoned it in a way. Yeah, he's over there yinging his yang. Okay. Here's my suggestion. I wonder if we can, to sort of make this a little more current. What's in the news, yeah. Inject something from the news. Great.

sort of make this a little more current what's in the news yeah inject something from the news great and so just thinking about what is big today right now in january yes photo bombing is huge baby new year baby uh yes baby new year i mean does that have legs that guy died and everyone is like like why oh this year is so bad already. So a dead guy photobombs baby New Year at the same time that Punky, that Soleil Moon Frye. What about this whole Steve Harvey business? Have you heard about this? Oh, Jesus.

I felt so bad for Steve. Oh, Jesus. I felt so bad for Steve. And I wonder if there's something we could do with it. Where is Monkeybone in the competition? Okay, so Monkeybone is competing to be Miss America. Uh-huh. Against Baby New Year. Good.

Who's photobombing the dead guy that everyone misses. Yes. Steve Harvey accidentally, and this is good now. Okay. Accidentally announces that Monkeybone's the winner. When really, punky bone, with her big titties, Brett.

It's my stomach. Brett! It's my stomach. Very slowly throwing out. It's so... You made me lose my train of thought. The stuff that's coming out is so solid it's like bread it's like he's a bread machine copromises monkey bone was supposed to be the winner is where i'm at now so right now as i'm listening to the story monkey bone got announced as the winner that's but i'm just watching the story play out in my head so as you're telling me this

all i've heard is that monkeybone got announced as the winner. So as I'm hearing this haze right now, I'm saying like, oh, congratulations to Monkeybone. Sorry, Monkeybone. Okay, well now I have a different set of information to process. Okay, so Monkeybone is not... Is Punky Brewster? Yeah. Okay, I thought that it was like a play on putting both of their names together. I think I did, too, but that's not what I'm finding.

But it could be interesting that Monkey Bone, Punky Brewster, the show basically becomes... Monkey Bone is trying to achieve the Punky Boat. And we don't have to spell that out, but it can just sort of Well, that's season one. Textual thing. So, what we have now,

can you run this back for us, Brad, actually? Okay. Just tell us, because you're supposed to be kind of archiving. Team recorder, yeah. So just sort of tell us because you're supposed to be kind of like our archivist. Team recorder, yeah. So just sort of tell us what we have so far. Because if we have to hang on to all this information as well, then there won't be any more room for new ideas.

No, I'd much prefer that you tell us where we're at. But if I play you back the tape, it won't be recorded on the tape. No, and that's why that is not what I'm asking you to do. And before I forget this, do we want Punky... Oh, Brett. And that one was fake, I think, as an excuse to not go through the information. That did not seem really horny to me. Put this on the tape, too.

And not much came out. Put this on the tape, too. Do we want Punky Bone to be feeling the burn? That could be really nice yes and it could be um sort of an all-in-the-family style thing where like monkey bone is ancient uh it's like sort of an ancient demon and so he's got a little more of these like old world values you know what i mean yeah and so maybe he's more of like uh like one of these other guys that he likes yeah one of the yeah and we'll look up who that is yes whoever the other one who's not who burn is different from is but punky is feeling the burn and so like

as they're having this... And so Monkeybone kind of thinks Punky's back and forth. For Tisha's back and forth. Meathead. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. That's very strong.

Because people have been waiting for a new version. That hasn't really been tried yet. It's sort of a new all-in-the-family setup where these people are disagreeing and the... I've been... Epithets are flying. I'm really anxious for it. Because I...

God, the sound. The sound is so crazy. And that's coming from under Brett's chair somehow. But I know it's him making it. It's his body. But what does it do? Oh, my God. And it's so hard to think when we do this and we were on to a really good pilot i well and i wonder if it actually is helping us because this is going much faster

than usual in terms of like moving us along here you know so what do you think what do you want to do and the question is i think uh i mean i had one more idea written down do we want to hear it i guess we kind of found the one that we had so i'll just throw this one i do want to hear what we have from brett okay i don't want to just like let you know and like let all he's contributing here to be his sounds yeah i want him as also the official archivist yeah brett why don't you just so what is the name of the show monkey boat monkey bone and punky bone uh punky bone feels the burn monkey bones starting from the end okay can we actually start from the beginning of this?

Where does the action actually kick off? It's when Monkeybone discovers Punkybone in the garage with his sort of lab and Monkeybone goes, Punkybone! Punkybone! With his sort of lab. And, uh... Okay.

Monkey bone goes... I think... Monkey bone, what? Monkey bone. What are you doing in there? And there's smoke. I didn't mean to interrupt you. Go ahead.

Go ahead. There's sort of smoke out of all the beakers. Sorry, Hayes cut you off. So, so, so, monkey bone is in the lab doing... Okay. Right. Doing an experiment.

Monkey bone discovers monkey bone. Okayy bone okay what are you doing there's smoke there's smoke and also yeah okay bubbles out flowing out of the beakers yeah okay and then uh punky bone turns with the goggles on and they're all fogged up and then she sort of and they're all fogged up, and then she sort of wipes off the fog off the goggles. Okay. And says, uh, it's just working on my homework. That's what we had. Okay.

Okay. Then my other idea doesn't work at all. Then they both get really horny and just start doing it. That's what we said? I don't remember us saying that, Brett. Where did I get that idea? Wait, this version of this thing that we have negates your other idea? Yeah.

What was it? Pac Donald's. It's just Pac-Man eating fries. Okay. And then I was going to put the news in. in okay like maybe pac-man's feeling the burn right or it's if it's pack donald's uh-huh it could be um super pack donald's i was gonna say manny pacquiao okay and manny Pacquiao is sort of running a fast food franchise. Yes. And he's trying to keep it healthy for boxers. Right.

And that's why he would hire Pac-Man to come in and eat all the fries. Yes, so that no one else can get them. So it's Pac-Man and Manny Pacquiao. So do we do two pilots this year? Because this is feeling like a really rich world. Is this just kind of the supporting cast is it possible that monkey bone and punky bone work at pack donald's monkey bone and packy how is their mean manager at pack donald's and pac-man is his little crony who's maybe sort of a suck up and is always ratting them out when they're smoking a ciggy in the back.

Yeah, and maybe they replace one of the french fries with, like, a pool noodle or something. Oh, and Pac-Man eat it. That would be hard for him to eat. Okay. This is really having an effect as well, huh? So Pac-Man eating a pool noodle for you is almost more arousing than the idea of a Miss America pageant, which I think we discussed before.

I think we need to take Brett to a car wash and come back. Okay. I'm sorry. I was embarrassed that day. I just want to apologize again. Man, that really takes me back to January, hearing that now. It is so crazy that this thing is fully completed now, and that's where we were. Yeah, that we started with such a simple kernel of an idea,

and we're able to grow it into this whole world. This whole universe, yeah. And that's just the process. I mean, it's a testament to the process. We've always used the same sort of formula for stories. And when it works, it works. And I guess after that, we sort of get into blocking out the first episode,

the pilot, and that's what it's called. With an eye on the future, but in terms of making the pilot, we did sort of block out that first episode. And we could do that when we come back. Play that part. Why are they called pilots? On Hollywood Handbook.

Hollywood Handbook. So, Oksana, so oxana byul is like i don't want to go up there it's scary it smells like it's it's like it's too hot all these things and i'm like well you're the only one who's small enough to get into the vent. Okay. So unless you're willing to go in there, my jewels are just going to be like left up there. Because I had put them in there for security. Yeah. From the big guy from 24, Edgar. Okay. I had seen him eyeing my jewels in a very lusty way.

Put him up in this air vent. It's smaller than he is, but it's also smaller than me. Okay. And so I have Oxana put them up there, but now when it comes time to get them back out, suddenly it's too hot, it's too windy, it's too all these things. All right.

They're still there. There's no, that's it. Okay. Lost jewels. Yeah. Okay. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping dames

at the red carpet linebacker hallways of this industry we call showbiz. I kind of have, it's not perfect, but I'm in the neighborhood of a joke I've been working out since you first said. I love it. Miss Biul. I love it. I love it. So it's – what does the cartoon character Kathy say when she goes to a spa?

Ax-spa? Ax-sana. Ax-sana. Yeah. Okay. I wish you had said that. Sort of while I was... Because I didn't really have a way out to the...

As I was beginning the story, I was like, oh, this doesn't really end in any interesting place. She just won't go. She just doesn't go. Yeah. Ax-sana. What has happened to your confidence? I just feel like I don't know you when you have something like that

and you don't say it. Right. When I'm sort of just hiding the ball. Like, I just don't. It's the hidden ball trick. Well. Remember? Childhood for the win.

Yeah. I mean, I'm a 90s kid, so I'll definitely remember a lot of the stuff that you're going to bring up. I guess, and that leads me to what's happened to my confidence, I feel like BuzzFeed's eating my lunch. I feel like every thought I have, they've gotten their firsts. They've attached a fucking GIF.

And you don't really know where you end and the BuzzFeed begins. Yeah. BuzzFeed has taken up residence inside my mind. They're renting a big old space out. And I say renting, they're living their rent free. They're not paying me a dime, but I can't think of anything else. Every time I have an idea, I realize it's just something I saw on BuzzFeed.

So try living with that. I mean, it's a pretty painful existence. So we do want to talk about the show some more. So as we were listening to the tape, Brett did start to get in a disgusting state again. We did have to take him to the car wash, walk him through the car wash to be cleaned off, cooled down. Yeah, he got slapped around by those Fry Guy looking things.

Remember the McDonald Fry Guy looking things? Pack Donald. Right, which got me horny in the first place. Yeah, well. But you needed a sort of overload. Right. Well, I got my Jones out. Yeah, overload. you know. Right. Well, I got my Jones out. Yeah. Overload.

He calls it getting his Jones out because he masturbates to Joan Holloway from Mad Men. Gotta get my Jones out. And he takes out a pic of her in one of those form-fitting dresses she's so famous for and he just blasts

away. In the fucking car wash. Like, in the car wash. He says it mixes in with the foam. Nobody can tell, but... In my memory of the last time we did this, when we took Brad to the car wash during the...

Episode. Yes. We played the tape and it turned out that what he had been describing as a show was not actually the show at all. And he totally left out all the Steve Harvey stuff that ended up being so essential.

Yeah, that wound up being kind of the larger piece of it. Finished product. So what we did then was we had to go back, and we'll play this, but we had to go back and sort of put the episode through put put the story through the formula uh it's Sean's beard which I know some people have been curious to hear I like the ocean we had to put it through the sort of priest this pre-established formula that we have for all stories it's like the um it's story math honestly it's uh it's the algorithm yes uh we've cracked

the code uh we've solved it and we have this story formula that we use and it basically is an engineering technique through which at the end of the process you have a very functional story that's very satisfying it's got the correct number of twists it's got the correct number of surprises it's got the correct number of reversals it's got the correct number of backfires it's got the correct number of solutions and solutions applied and it's just a simple structure that anyone can use at home. If you want to make a movie, a book, an album, it doesn't matter. And it's just if, then, therefore, how, why, let's go, hang on, back it up. Uh-oh, not again.

Here we go. That's because, and now we are really doing it, the end. So if you are able to plug in your story points and have your characters satisfy the end of each of those statements, you will have some of the funniest, most dramatic shit on the planet. Well, they can hear. Let's just show them how we... They'll just hear it.

They'll just hear it. Play the thing. Okay, if, if, if, if, if. Okay, if, if, if, if, if, if, if. If. If. Oh, oh, nope. Okay, let me do one.

If Monkey Boat Rider wouldn't miss USA, but he doesn't actually win, it's a fake one, and it goes to Punkybone. Then Steve Harvey would be so embarrassed that he would probably climb up on the roof of the building and try to jump off. Yes. Because he's so embarrassed. So? Yes. Because he's so embarrassed. So. Monkeybone has to go live in Punkybone's house because he had to get back the prize money. And the house that he won that he was supposed to live in. Therefore, in order to come up with half the rent, Monkeybone would have to work at Punkybone's work.

Which is Pat Donald's. So. We did's. So. We did so. Oh. And. And. At Pac Donald's, Pac-Man eating pool noodle. Yes.

But Manny Pacquiao mean to Monkey Bone and Punkybone because they're not eating enough of the fries. Because they haven't finished the fries. That's why Pac-Man's the star. And hold on. Back up. Hold on. Steve Harvey's still on that roof. So wait a second.

Wait a second. Take all the extra fries. Make a trampoline for Steveve harvey to bounce off oh yes oh and who would really understand a trampoline manny pack yeah yes so let's go let's go let's get to trampoline and really get under there yes now we're really doing it now we're really doing it steve gonna jump steve jump off the trampoline bounce off land on pac-man who gets hurt and then ermagerd dude smash his butt Dude smashes butt. Kaplop! Is that the end?

Yeah. Where's act two? Oh, um... That's gotta be when they're making the trampoline out of fries, right? Yeah. Because that's the fun in games. We do a triplet. We do a triplet of that fun in games, of like a couple false starts.

Yes, they try to make a trampoline out of ketchup. Sewing the fries together. That's right. They go, oh, we'll make it out of ketchup. Then they go, we'll make it just out of the salt. Right. And is Steve Harvey jumping every time and then going back to the top? How do they know that the trampolines aren't working?

Well, what we can do, and this is also part of the fun in games is have monkey bone tested out just jumping off the counter that's right and maybe some of the customers are going like um but can i get a burger and that's a cool cameo for you as it's a hitchcockian cameo oh me saying can i get a burger yeah i would love to like in that will smith movie hitchcock where he plays a superhero who's drunk part of the expression about i would love to eat the doughboys's lunch and go into mcdonald's and be saying can i eat a burger this time oh god wouldn't that be, God. That would honestly be such sweet desserts. We're chowing the Doughboys this whole lunch.

Yeah. Yeah. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Okay, Brett. Can we have that, please? Please, run it back, Brett. Because when we, it's like one thing for us to say it, but like it's another thing to. It's easier when I hear it, I can really picture it.

So I'm going to be. say it but like it's another thing to it's easier when i hear it i can really picture it so i'm gonna be watching the show on my tv and so you're the tv so now brett's turning just run it back yep and i turn it on a little sound that you found the channel that i like okay that's not so That's not the TV turning on sound. You do like your little boom, boom, boom. That's how your TV sounds when you turn it on? Yeah. Like a minority report

TV. What's that? It's like future. Alright, so The rapper? Punky's in her lab. Monkey. No.

This is not. We will not do this again. And I know. The lab part of the show is much more minor than you're making it out to be. And I know. You did take that lab scene. Well, yes. Obviously.

How are they going to make a trampoline out of Fred Fries if they don't have a lab? I honestly think it's just parallel thinking. It's not. It's stuff that's in the air. Making stuff in a lab is not something that you have ownership of. So you're not putting me in the credits. No. Unless you want to be the TV in the credits, if you do a good job right now,

then we can say Brett's the good TV. In the credits, if you do a good job right now, then we can say Brett's the good TV. But it is troubling me that I realize that rather than what I thought originally was that you were making something up on the fly because you had not memorized what we were talking about, now I know that this is an actual agenda point of yours to get a scene into the show where Monkeybone finds Punkybone in the garage working in a lab and there's smoke and Monkeybone says, what are you doing? And Punkybone wipes

the fog off her glasses and says, I'm doing my homework. You nailed it. And then they start going at it. I really thought that that was just like something that you were just scrambling for at the time. But now I know that it's something that you urgently need to put in the show.

Put that picture. Do not get your Jones out right now. Put that picture or wedding dress. So let's do the real show. If. It begins with an if. Okay, but do you want me to turn on the TV or not? Yes, Brett.

I want you to turn on the TV. I'm sorry. Okay. Now? Yes, play. Sorry, I forgot to press play on Brett. Now? Yes, play. Sorry, I forgot to press play on Brett.

If Punky Bone and Monkey Bone they work and make the Pack Donalds. That's Act 2. We're at the beginning. We skipped ahead to the beginning of Act 2. So I go previous scene, previous scene, previous scene.

If Pack Previous scene, previous scene, previous scene. Right. If Pac... God, this is really hard. If... If Monkeybone is supposed to win... I can't even remember the names right now. If Monkeybone is supposed to win Miss USA competition, but they... Yes, Steve Harvey calls that wrong one. Yes.

Steve Harvey is really sad about it. If then, Steve Harvey is not sad, he's embarrassed. Right. Same thing. I don't want to sidetrack us. Okay, we had just started to get going. We already did. I don't want to get us off the path.

But whose side was that Lincoln lawyer on anyway? Okay, this is going to take us way off the path. You think? I don't. That's not my intention. I will do it. That is not my intention. It's going to,

I can imagine us having to basically start over on the whole thing because figuring out, I think we can figure this out. Whose side the Lincoln lawyer was on. Cause I think it was, we would just have to figure out who his client was and stuff. Right. Because my memory of it is that he was on the side of, it was fairly clear. But we would have to figure out what happened in the movie.

Okay. All right. So then that's probably not great for right now, just based on what we're already doing. Right? Yeah, because Brett's already going on the story. He's running it back. I was humming along and you just completely lost all my attention. Well, I didn't mean to derail it at all. And because of the sort of atmosphere that we're cultivating here, if you would like to figure out whose side the Lincoln lawyer was on

anyway right now. Well, I thought we were always allowed to do that. You are. That's what I'm saying. You are allowed. I just want to let you know what's at stake here, which is us basically having a... We could lose a lot of ground. Yes. I think a lot of the stuff that we've already put together will disappear.

Mm-hmm. So you just have to pick that. And does this story that Brett's going to do, because I know this was important to you previously, does this have the yin and the yang that you wanted? Yeah. And you think Alan Yang will like it? Yeah, I mean, I was not sure whether to mention

something about him the first time we were talking about it. But on reflection, it feels appropriate. Yeah, I think it's great. I think it's good. Okay, so he'll like it okay do you now that you've had some time to think about it is it important enough to you to figure out because we can look at the wikipedia page we can figure it out right now which side the lincoln lawyer was on which side i don't want to make that call if you if you think that we can quickly deduce whose side the Lincoln lawyer was on anyway. I would just like Brett to sort of be kind of quietly keeping track of our old stuff.

Yeah, can you be going through what we did discuss as the story while we figure out exactly whose side that Lincoln lawyer was on? Because I can see that being sort of a time-sensitive issue as well. Do you want me to be recording all this as well? Yeah, you're recording yourself saying what the story is, and you were on a good track and remember Steve Harvey's sad. No, no, see, and so this is what I don't want to lose. Steve Harvey is embarrassed. Embarrassed.

Isn't that very different? Very different. You got me confused. No, Steve Harvey is embarrassed. So embarrassed. Embarrassed. Very different. You got me confused. No. Steve Harvey is embarrassed. So embarrassed. Embarrassed is part of sad. And that's a whole different discussion. So whose side was he on? And I have a question about

him. Okay, I want Brett to sort of get going first. Beginning with the if. Fire it up. And just sort of slowly go through it and then we can sort of get into whose side the link the Lincoln lawyer was on okay so I was at embarrassed I'll give you that one

okay just be a little bit quieter but sort of be going through it and Monkeybone ends up having to live with because he lost the house that he was supposed to win in the prize and then to make rent he has to go work at McDonald's. And as a side note, I know that the Lincoln lawyer does exist in the same universe as Detective Harry Bosch.

Yeah, of course. So I know that Bosch never lets the law get in the way of justice. Yes. Is that true for the Lincoln lawyer as well? Okay. That's not a separate question, but it is a separate question. Well, it is because if he's on the side of justice, is he still beholden to the law? Well, okay.

Because he's in a courtroom. The Lincoln lawyer, of course, is criminal defense attorney Mickey Haller. And he operates from the backseat of his Lincoln town car in Los Angeles County. He's used to defending garden variety criminals. And Earl drives the car? Earl drives, yes, of course. Earl drives the car. It's not, yes. And Mickey Haller's in the back.

A high-profile case comes his way. Pool noodle. He has the opportunity to represent Louis Roulet, who's like a wealthy Beverly Hills playboy and the son of mogul Mary Winther. Spelled like the wheel? Almost. It's not finished.

It's not quite finished. Got any murders? Roulet is accused of brutally beating a prostitute, but he insists he's the innocent victim of a frame-up. Not yet. Okay. So right now we're thinking that he might be on Louis Roulet's side. I would assume, yeah.

This is who he's been hired to represent. Okay. Yeah, then that's whose side he's been hired to represent okay then yeah then that's whose side he's on anyway right uh and so they but he and his investigator frank levin they analyzed photos and evidence they find it's similar to one of heller's past cases that resulted in a life sentence for his client jesus martinez for murdering a woman despite his repeatedly proclaiming so what's that scene if i'm picturing it it's just literally a picture of a woman's face beat up and then when they they see another woman's face, it has the exact

same bruise structure. Yes. And so they hold them up next to each other and say, this looks like it's the same. I wonder if this is Jesus Martinez. This guy's M.O. is a specific punch location. Punching him in that part of their face. And it creates the same wound essentially. So

Mickey's ex-wife, prosecutor Maggie McPhersonerson she's never really understood mickey's willingness to represent guilty clients uh in her eyes she's a prosecutor justice above all things yeah you know like she's on the side of justice does she let the law get in the way of it sometimes i well i actually think she lets the law get in the way of her justice get in the way of her relationships because we noticed that she and Mickey have sort of gone their separate ways at this point. And Mickey Hauer

persuaded Jesus Martinez to plead guilty back in the day. That's the old case that he remembered and it's from several years ago and he just saw the photos from this case. This reminds me of the photos from another case. Yes.

And Jesus Martinez becomes agitated when Mickey Howard shows him Louis Roulet's photo. And so now he's wondering if Louis Roulet is the killer in the Jesus Martinez case. So this question is actually getting much more difficult to answer than I anticipated. Well, Martinez then is possibly in jail for a crime that Louis Roulet committed, but we've already determined, at least initially, that whose side Mickey Haller is on is Louis Roulet. Louis Roulet is his client now. But Jesus Martinez was his former client and does that relationship end when the trial is over or does Mickey Howard still have a debt to Jesus Martinez for sending him to jail for a crime he potentially did not commit?

I notice it's getting pretty quiet over there at the end of the table. Yeah, did we get to? All I'm hearing right now is a beard, and it's not the beard I want to be hearing on the mic. That's Brett's beard. No one get excited about that beard. That's at Brett's beard. So, Louis Roulet ends up breaking into Mickey Howler's house. Mickey Howler

is the Lincoln lawyer, of course. He nonchalantly admits to committing the murder for which Jesus Martinez was convicted. And so this is like his whole lie to... Raised in wealth and privilege, he feels like the law can't possibly get to him. And he sort of, he makes threats against Mickey Howler's ex-wife and daughter.

And. Okay. And so now we're on a different thing. And I'm totally willing to explore this as well. And I almost wonder if Brett knew that this would, that just by whistling this dude was sort of a way to. Don't worry, be happy. So. The formula works again i mean it's you know it's interesting that when you have the right structures in place the story just works and you gradually you start with this

uncarved block and you sort of chip it will you chip away and you say oh i think that might be the story's arm and you say oh that might I think that might be the story's arm. And you say, oh, that might be its little pinky toe. And even that's important. Or its dick. Or it might be the story's dick. I mean, you do have to find that at some point. And gradually,

you end up with this amazing body. Incredible story with a really, you know, reasonably proportioned dick. A clean, like, nicely cut dick. Yeah. So, I mean, and what you heard was us sort of like, yeah, molding out, like, where the spot for the dick was going to be on this story and and what we're fashioning and what we will do later we're we're done with this episode

but what we will do later is actually write the script which is basically hanging your christmas ornament on the dick so that's for the future time yeah and you'll hear us do that at some point not next week but whenever we like get in the mood i suppose yeah whenever that deadline creeps up on us and um we haven't given out the pro version in a long time but there must be all kinds of nice people now who are saying me me me oh yeah well hmm well okay Yeah, well, hmm. Well, okay, so who, all right, so I'm the pro version. Who do I want to go home with? Right, this is a good thought experiment. Should we get, lots of people like getting Roman sounds for the pro version.

Should we get Roman back in here? Yeah, so Roman Reloaded, it says. Should we do a Pink Friday Roman Reloaded sure should we do a Pink Friday Roman Reloaded what's the did you decide who you want to go home with are you still being the pro version I'm thinking about it and you're not looking at any names

you're just having to sort of come up with it I'm just about it. And you're not looking at any names. You're just having to sort of come up with it. I'm just going through it, you know. Hmm. And don't give those sounds out for free, Roman. And those noises were a gift to... Pieman Pie 24. All right. Paw paw.

Bye. Bye. Hollywood Handbook is brought to you by Wolf Cool Productions, a subsidiary of Calvin and Hobbes. Ow, baby. That was a HeadGum Podcast.