Hollywood Handbook - Weird Al, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: March 4, 2019

The Boys give WEIRD AL a taste of his own medicine for making fun of songs.This episode is sponsored by Mack Weldon ( www.mackweldon.com  code: THEBOYS) and Harry's ( www.harrys.com/HANDBOOK ).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is a head gum podcast huh so it's boys night it's a big slumber party and it is of course the usual crew myself uh gerard way the lead singer of my Chemical Romance. Creative Umbrella Academy. Yes. And Chucky, the devilish doll from the Child's Play films. And we are sliding into the... My least favorite doll. And then Annabelle even after that.

And he's a friend. And he's a friend, so... Oh, I'm never allowed to say... Anyone who's friends i'm never i'm never allowed to say anyone who's friends with you i'm not allowed to say friends of yours that are killing well god forbid you would keep it to yourself when i bring up my friend i'm telling a nice story about a silver party memory i agree and that you would just agree and then you would let it slide i wouldn't need to know how you feel about that i would i would have to feel that I wasn't allowed to be honest with you and that I would be punished.

I agree, God forbid. I agree. I agree with that. Oh, yeah, but you're sarcastically agreeing because I was being sarcastic. No, I am sincerely agreeing. You're sincerely agreeing with the sarcastic statement, which therefore is sarcastic by extension. And just next time, slide me a note. Slicing people.

Some friend. he's possessed and by the way he had a bad childhood himself so Child's Play is ironic now we're sliding to the DMs of Instagram models and we are what do you mean? why is it ironic?

Child's Play, right? Is the name of the movies. Yes. And that is ironic. Because he had a bad childhood? Because of what? He wasn't allowed to have child's play? Because its literal meaning is the opposite of its actual meaning.

And that's what irony is. So think about it. What? It's not actually children playing. What? What do you mean? What? What? That's irony.

So there's not children playing. They're actually very scared in the film. And even Chucky's scared. You think he hurt people? He doesn't look scared. Well, that's, yeah. Because he's putting on a tough facade, something I have to do with you all the time.

You're sliding. We're sliding into the DMs of Instagram models. Just hi, honey, stunning. Nice pics. Come to Brazil, sweetie. I'm in your town. Come to Brazil, zaddy. Yeah.

And you know what? Never mind, because it's... Hey, welcome to... You said never mind, so good. Hey hey welcome to how you said never mind so good hey welcome to Hollywood Handbook and Insider's Guide to Kicking Butt and Dropping Names in the Red Carpet Linebacker Hallways of this industry we call showbiz never mind it is time for March what do we do in March and this March we are being exciting. And like a lion. Today is the beginning of what we are having to call Tri-Month.

This is the month. Does that mean three months? No. No way. No, it means Tri, like... March is Tri-Month. Oh, is that three months? No, it means try, like... March is try month. Oh, is that three months? No, it's one month. It's about trying hard.

Trying hard to try to do something. Normally this show is total jerk-off for me, and sometimes I'm here and I forget I'm even doing the show. It's a complete joke to me, and not only do I forget I'm doing it when I remember I'm doing it, I wish that I wasn't. Not this month. Nope.

Now we are, we know we are doing it, we remember and we are trying and we like it, and we get really good guests. Yeah. And we do have a really good guest for this episode. Do we have really good guests lined up for the rest of the month? Not yet. I don't believe so.

Not yet. But imagine. But we have to. And today, it's... His name is Al, and it's Weird Al. Hey, Sean. Hey, Hayes. Hi, Weird Al.

Now, do I have to try as well, or is it just you guys? Boy. Kevin. Can I get a ruling on this? Already, the whole concept is falling apart. Kevin's whole idea. This is all Kevin. He didn't tell you.

Hey, guys. Chef Kevin here. Hi, Kevin. Do you want to try? No one asked me that. That sounds like a no. Yeah. I just don't want to be out of step with everybody else, so I just want to be in sync.

I know. So you brought the accordion. You said you were not going to touch it. No, no. It's just there for show. Okay. It seems like it's there to intimidate us. He said, I want to be in sync.

It seems like you want to be a lot of bands. Yeah. No strings attached. What were we saying? We were talking about my accordion. Kevin asked it. Just look at it. Don't touch it.

It's just there. It's just there. Smart. We are so excited to have you. We are already friends with you from you being on the cardboard cutout standee of a Comedy Bang Bang season. The only decor in this office is cardboard standees from Comedy Bang Bang, the TV show. You are on one that says,

Comedy Bang Bang just got weird, and it's Scott Aukerman surfing and holding you up while he's surfing. I am a presence in your office lobby. Yes. On that very same show, I did a scene with Sean. Yes. Al and I did some acting work together.

Yes. Okay. Very deep. I don't know about you, but I really pulled back the layers and went really, really deep on that role. And you don't know about me. I don't know about you. Because I wasn't me when I showed up for that show.

No. No, no, no. I was your friend. You were so in character. You were so in character. I was a high school friend of yours. no, no. I was your friend. You were so in character. You were so in character. I was a high school friend of yours. Oh, yes. And I made sure to keep it that way because it would have destroyed the illusion.

And for anyone who wants to go back and rewatch the episode, and why wouldn't you, think about the fact that Al and I had to that point not met. No. And yet the friendship on screen crackles, doesn't it? That's why they call it acting. That's one of the reasons. You can weigh in on something, a sort of back and forth we've had on this show

with Scott in the past, which is whether Sean's role in that episode was what's known as an under five, which is, did he have under five lines? Oh, I thought you meant five out of a hundred. I would say, I would probably, I thought you meant five out of a hundred. I would say... I would probably... I would have rated him a little higher than that.

Yeah, I think I would have been around a six or seven. Yeah. Scott also posited to me what he imagined, the amount of money he imagined that I made on the show. And it was very high. Yeah. It was extremely generous, what he thought people were being paid to go and do a six or seven. You're getting all those sweet, sweet comedy bang-bang residuals, I assume.

That seemed to be his impression. I didn't want to go too far into it. Kind of a gross conversation to have, even me bringing it up now. Especially on mic for for public for everyone yes but he did mention it i think i made a joke slightly at the expense of comedy bang bang and he said that i could either pay back the money which he estimated to be ten thousand dollars what i didn't make that much of course not not. Of course not. It's the independent film channel. They film things independently from union wage.

Independent from any kind of payment. Oh, yes. Independent really from being a channel in a lot of ways. So, you know, it was what it was. Was it scary being surfing like that? Yeah, it was what it was. Was it scary being surfing like that? Yeah, it was a little scary because, you know, I watched the Annette Funicello movies as a child. And I thought, oh, this will be easy. And it's really not.

There's a lot of Photoshop involved. And it really takes professional. Scott is not. He likes to think he's like a surfing professional. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, he is not. Believe me.

Yeah. Shark attack. Shark alarm. Did the shark alarm go off? Shark warning? The left shark Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, he is not. Believe me. Yeah. Shark attack. Shark alarm. Did the shark alarm go off? Shark warning? The love shark alarm, yeah. Oh, no. The love shark was there.

Oh, jeez. And now they'll be loving on you, hugging, kissing on you. I know. You're so cute. Oh, God. It's adorable, but also it can be kind of scary. Adorable and scary. And baby shark.

Yes. You like to say here listen to that song Baby Shark that's the run he's already doing it so

uh you did Comedy Bang Bang a bunch of times the podcast I did you did Cry Babies once uh huh

I killed it killed the show ended the show yes you refused to cry. I did. You're not going to make me cry! You're not going to happen!

Yeah! I remember, yes. We just played. That was just a clip from the episode. Yeah, did you like it? Oh, gosh. That's one of my best work. No one had really taken it to them that way before.

And so they were basically defeated. You were the first one. They were taken aback. Everyone played ball on the previous episode. Basically were taken aback. Everyone played ball. Basically, my understanding of the premise of the show is that they would basically bully people into crying. And if you didn't start crying, they'd start poking you and then punching you.

Yes, and they would fully beat you up. Yeah, yeah. And I toughed it out. You screamed so loud that they had to end the show. I was so not on brand. I basically ruined their entire podcast. Yeah, but not going to happen in this one. Couldn't.

No. There's really nothing to ruin. By being formless, the podcast is like water. And so every attack, you're able to move with it. You cannot ruin. You can't ruin the water. You're format fluid. Yes.

Yeah. Okay. Well, yeah. I guess you could ruin water in Flint. Does it come off like i'm trying yet i'm not sure i don't know okay am i do i seem like i'm trying i don't i don't want to i don't want to be out of out of sync with try week yeah no i don't yeah how does engineer jordan fit into it too because i'm getting basically the exact same thing i've gotten she hasn't been here that long but she seems like she's coasting. I don't know. Yes, I'm getting that vibe as well.

I'm trying. Are you? I'm trying very hard. I'm nervous with Engineer Jordan a little bit. Last time that we used her on mic, she got a little bit fresh. She's kind of trying my patience. She was like kind of pissed at us, I thought. Why? I'm getting a lot of attitude right now.

I think we asked you to do something and you were just like, I thought. Why? I'm getting a lot of attitude right now. Just like, I think we asked you to do something and you were just like, Jesus Christ. Maybe. Maybe. Again, I try. Every time with you guys, I try. What's the iPad for? It's all on these iPads now, huh?

Are you playing Tetris? What is that? Yeah, Tetris. No, it's your levels. Oh. So instead of me being behind the board, I can be right here. Bass.

Bass. Bass. Bass. I like it. We made the level spell out bass. Nice. Can you spell out boobs with that? Sure.

Whatever you want. Okay. And already the beginning of tri-month, we've made the one female engineer spell out boobs. Oh, great. Perfect. Oh, what a nice show but maybe that's better maybe that's better instead of if it's just men in here and we're spelling out boobs that's worse that then does become more problematic probably it's kind of a lose-lose you look at these podcasts at the top of the charts what are they doing they're spelling out that's what they're doing that's the way to the top, yes.

And that is a big part of Tri Month, one thing that we're going to have to be doing. We're just looking to get listeners. And if we've got to steal them from your Joe Rogans or your Adam Corollas, well, that's where we're going to have to go. And you're not doing that without Spellaboobs. Nope, nope, nope, nope. Ow, okay. What? And I can't even do this anymore, and i have to get to the real part of the show

okay and i'm sorry it is time to be pissed all right sean and i have done movies and tv and a book three things and a show and art art. Five, then. And posters. We didn't say how many art. And posters. And t-shirt. We're almost in double digits. We are part of Hollywood.

Oh, yeah. And the industry. And we have a few friends. Coolio. Uh-oh. President of the united states of america yeah the uh whoever sang the song that yoda was going off of the freaking cakes baby come on and who else oh please don mclean the offspring all these are some of our best friends lives real people owl can i remind you lives i lives that you have destroyed and and made fun of so much that they can't even sing their own songs at their concerts anymore because people start drowning them out by singing weird owls version these were real people reduced to common jokes

and we cannot we and now it's time we have to get revenge imagine your life's work stolen out from under you and funny mustache drawn on all the pictures of you, and then everyone thinks you had a mustache. Would it help to say I'm sorry? I don't think that's going to do it this time, Al. Okay. So what do you recommend? How about a taste of your own medicine? That seems only fair.

And this is like the Kevin thing, by the way. I would love for you to just be able to say I'm sorry, and we just end the show. Oh, we all go home. Right now. But I mean, I came straight from work. Part of Tri-Month I'm sorry and we just end the show right now. Part of Tri-Month, Kevin says that we do the entire show and we play out whatever kind of the premise is. Even if the idea

that we have is paper thin. I mean, even if we have almost nothing else beyond stating the premise, we're supposed to do like, what is it? 45 minutes? Let's rock this premise. We're supposed to do like, what is it? 45 minutes? Let's rock this premise. I'm excited. Thank you, Al.

That's so good. So here's what you have to do. You have to eat your own medicine. Ooh. Alright. And it's pills. Alright. And the juicy kind. Juicy pills. Yes. It's big ones and no water. Gotta eat them dry.

Is this a metaphor or am I actually eating a bunch of like horse pills? Dry pills. We'll see if we have time for it. We'll see what we find. Okay. So you have to you have these powers of mockery and destruction and you will be forced to turn

them on yourself. Okay. And you will be forced to turn them on yourself. Okay. And you do have to take your own songs. And you do have to effectively reverse the charges. So, or the, what is it? Reverse engineer. In some movie, they have to. Cross the streams?

Don't say that in front of Jordan. Because if she gets told to reverse engineer she'll undo the entire studio she'll create a black hole that's what reverse engineering is going home and create a black hole in the studio we have to reverse the

polarity oh yeah that felt good everyone now and then Hayes and I really really find each other. And so basically, you have to blast yourself with your own musical gun. I've never done that before. Like Spider-Man do a web on himself. Got it.

Think about that. Well, you know, it only seems fair. So let's try that since it is Tri-Month. Well, then let's try it. Now, yeah, you did a song called fat i did was that cool certainly i thought it was cool we're certainly not gonna reckon with it now it's a body positivity song because people that the the protagonist in that song is so proud of his or her, I'm going to say.

Well, I've seen the video. I am going to say. He's owning his size. Yes. In the same way that Michael Jackson's protagonist owned his badness, which previously had been thought of as not good. But what if instead, Al, you had to do a song right now about yourself and it was about specifically your butt okay a song about my butt which we have been noticing is very flat okay in a way that some

people might might like uh-huh might think is great that it like looks good and we'll and we'll just say those people are us okay so we don't personally think it's necessarily a bad thing, but what if you had to do a song called Flat, and it's about your flat? To the tune of Bad or Fat? Bad's gone. I can't even find Bad in the rear view, Al. You can't even Google that.

Because somebody stomped on it and threw it in the trash and replaced it with fat. Okay, we're ready? Here we go. My butt is flat, but that's okay. Don't need a round, but anyway. Okay. Wow. End scene.

Yes, we made him do it. But he managed to make it empowering. See? About his flat butt. I empowering about his flat butt. I'm owning my flat butt. He never accounted for that. So that didn't really reverse the polarity much, did it? Yeah, well, we're not necessarily out of moves.

But it's hard not to. Honestly, the flatness of your butt, we knew that was going to be hard to make fun of. Because, I mean, you consider that your best feature. Yeah. Right. One of my best. Top three. Okay.

Yeah. It's great. Well, why don't we go for perhaps an even bigger hit of yours? Oh, man. I seem to recall you made a song called White and Nerdy, didn't you, Al? I did do that. Well, what if instead of that, it was about you and it was called Light and Flirty. And it described your conversational style.

Because I got to be honest, pal. Even in just talking outside briefly before we came in the studio, there was a sort of airy, breezy pleasantness to the conversation. There kind of was, wasn't there? With just like a flirtatious edge. Hayes, you said it. And it may be something that we're bringing to it,

but you can't like, you're not like blameless in this. I kind of feel like I'm doing the heavy lifting. I think maybe a Hayes should like jump into the light and flirty song parody genre. Okay, man, I can see that really being something fun and devastating.

Devastate me. We'd have to play it or I can just kind of sort of vaguely go off of what I remember. Okay. Hmm. It goes, I know eventually you get to da da da da da da da but before that there's other stuff. Oh, there's a lot of

stuff. Many syllables. Jordan, it looks like she's trying to remember. No, I think Kevin's bringing up the karaoke track, so we can put that up. Oh, yeah. Okay. Watch out for the accordion. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

I'm getting so red. I'm blushing. What's happening? Weird Al is getting light and flirty. Al's getting light's happening? Weird Al is getting light and flirty. Al's getting light and flirty. Al's getting light and flirty. Al's getting light and flirty. Al's getting light and flirty.

What's happening to my head? Never felt like this before. I'm on cloud nine. Weird Al is getting light and flirty. Al's getting light and flirty. Al's getting light and flirty. Al's getting light and flirty. Al's getting light and flirty. I was getting light and flirty. I was getting light and flirty.

Yeah. Nice. That's pretty good. I feel devastated. See, again, it seems to me, and how it feels just, and I'm sort of an observer because I wasn't involved in either side of the song, neither the target of it or its creator. It felt empowering again to Al. Again, did it, did it.

I don't feel like I'm getting my just desserts. Yeah, that's the issue. Is that this guy hasn't been punished enough yet. It's all about how charming he is. Yeah. And about his gorgeous flat butt. And his ability

to kind of make you feel special when you're talking to him in a room. Not ideal. Maybe something related to any stories from when you guys did that episode together. Oh, yeah. The Bang Bang episode. Did he ever screw up really bad? Total professional.

Okay. Really knew his lines. I mean... He came in off book? Yeah, he seemed to have studied it ahead of time. Found his light right away, hit his marks.

I wish I could help you out here. Worked the camera like a fucking demon. The guy was a pro. Let me think, let me think. There's got to gotta be an angle here somewhere there has to be right well let's let's go through some songs all right there's we already talked about yoda did we what's a deep cut a deep cut yeah oh something you wouldn't know no we we can know it but just like one that uh parody song maybe one that people don't bring up enough, but you wish they would. And you wish that they...

One that you've always wished people would turn into a song that is insulting to you. Let's see. The precursor to White and Nerdy was my other nerd anthem. It's all about the Pentiums. Oh, it's all about the Pentiums. Yeah. Minor hit. Very minor.

Right. C plus. Pentiums. Oh, it's all about the Pentiums. Yeah. Minor, minor hit. Very minor. Right. C+. There's also Pretty Fly for a Rabbi. Okay. Should we go with that one? Pretty Fly for a Rad Guy. Rad Guy. Because he is just like a rad guy. Well, Al's really rad. Yeah.

But Pretty Fly for a Rad Guy. Pretty Fly for a Rad Guy. could kind of stick it to him a little yeah that's like yeah for a rad guy i guess he's fly do you think you would be able to do that one it's like faint praise you know it's kind of try yeah okay okay i mean i guess i could try i don't see why not what are the lyrics on this video, Kevin? Yeah, I don't even know if I really remember it. This is the German version. Okay, I don't think this is...

That's not the German version. Kevin, this is not... Do the karaoke version. We don't want to promote this guy's song and have it be louder than ours. Look, I'll do the bass part.

You do the guitar part. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't.

Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't.

Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't.

Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't.

Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't.

Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't.

Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't.

Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't.

Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don uh-huh. Give it to me, Al. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Give it to me, Al. And all the girlies say he's pretty rad for a rad guy. Yeah.

Yeah, it was close. I mean, how'd that feel to get that, like, right in the face? I feel like you got me with that one. Yeah, that one seemed to stick him pretty good. Okay, I want to say what sort of I, what happened for me again listening to it was that Al did become sort of a sexual object again. Yes, because when I'm telling him to give it to me and he's doing this sort of cool music with his mouth,

I'm thinking give it to me could really mean something sexy right now. Never thought of that way. Well, and I hadn't either, but as I'm caught up in the throes of the song, I'm having trouble picturing anything else. And then even when I said, all the girlies say, I'm thinking, you know, all the girlies that he's given it to. You said girlies. Well, yeah, which is part of the song.

The original song. Right. All the girlies say it. And I said pretty rad. You said pretty rad for a rad guy. So even pretty fly for a rad guy was not enough of a compliment. Honestly, I got a little bit flustered. From the pure sexuality of it.

With how, yes, just the, essentially the horniness that was created in me from the song content took me out of my game. That's a big problem in all my live shows. Okay, yes, I thought so. Can you, like, what's some of the kind of stuff you're dealing with? Yeah, because, you know, it's a comedy show, you know, ostensibly. And yet there's such a sexual component to my stage persona that people just can't seem to concentrate on the lyrics. Yeah, everyone has thought so.

Too horny to laugh. It's true. It's a curse. I heard a story once, Al, of someone who went to see you in concert and was very horny, but that's not part of the story, and had a view of you backstage and saw you drive up on a golf cart and someone was holding up your accordion for you. And without breaking stride, you put your hands into the accordion

and went straight, straight odd stage without even stopping walking. It's true. Was that something you had to practice or? It's no, you don't have to practice it. When you've been doing it as long as I have, you know, the, the move to get off the golf cart into your accordion, you know, and it's a different golf cart, you know, for every city.

Cause that's on the rider backstage. It was like, you know, we show up in a town like in Boise, like where's the golf cart? Gotta have the GC. And if there's not enough gas in the golf cart, I walk. Oh, damn. Okay, well that because

you wouldn't be able to drive the golf cart. That's correct. You would have to walk on stage. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, the golf cart won't get there. No.

And your legs work just as well. It's not a long trip. Like who needs a golf cart really? Yeah, so if there's no gas, you just walk. I just walk. I've been thinking about

one of your songs quite a bit. It's called Party in the CIA. Oh, that's a good one. And it's like Party in the USA, but I say we take this and we stick Al with it. Could you turn that on me? Well, here's what I'm thinking. Al seems like kind of a good guy

just to have a brew with. So what if it's Party with an IPA? Oh! Dang! Okay. You don't want to hear this, right? Okay, I think I can try this. All right.

Well, and I'm here to help. I'm here to support. I think, yes. Let's try it. Can we get the karaoke track going? Oh, yes. Let's try it. Can we get the karaoke track going? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, over with my sunglasses on and I ask if he wants a beer. He says, I just need company, but I'll have a beer as well. And I put my hands up. I order a beer from the guy who's at the bar. Wow. Wow. He says, what do you want? And that's not the part of this song hey it's not my order of beer from the guy who's behind the bar he says what kind of beer do you want i said i want ipa he said what

kind of ipa do you want i said one that's not that nasty he says oh we only have only nasty ones but we all try to water it down for you all right nice as only nasty ones, but we all tried to water it down for you. All right. Nice. Wow. So you could tell how I was so zeroed into what part of the song was happening

at any given time. And so was my character in the song as well. Your character was put off by the drum break, I think. Yeah. I think. Yeah. I think your character... He was very eager to get to the chorus. Your character may have already had a couple

IPAs before he showed up at the bar. Which is just something that can happen. And so then it makes it a little harder to keep track of exactly where you are, how the chorus goes, or any of that stuff. Which, by the way, we don't even care about. All we care about is giving it to Al in a major way, which I think we can all agree.

I think you finally really just nailed me on that one. I got to say, it's just analyzing it myself. I didn't really reference. As I was singing it, Al was in my head dancing to the song. And every time I tried to find an avenue to basically shoot bullets at him, he would sort of dance in a way that would dodge the bullets. And I was unable to even come up with a lyric, even basically referencing Al, except that he was sitting by himself and he was eager just to hang out with me. But he maintained high status even sitting by himself because you asked him to have a beer with you yes and pretty immediately he's

like i don't really need one yes but i'll do it to be nice yes and then i basically was at the bar for the rest of the song trying to figure out what beer i wanted. And then it had to be watered down. I'm going to get this, son of a bitch. You don't think they got me? You're dead meat. I'm getting you. Help me work on this, because I'm going to do the yabba-doo,

yabba-dabba-dabba-doo now. Oh, the bedrock anthem one. Bedrock anthem. Okay, all right, all right. Bedrock anthem. What do we make that to get him? What would really get you? What do you not want to hear? What if instead of yeah, but do now, I'm going like, hey, hey, screw you, pal.

Okay. Is that too rough? That's a bit much. There's a line here. There's a line here, Sean. I think we should have set boundaries before getting into this. If we had talked about this more, that would have been helpful. And we could cut this whole part.

Can we edit this? I'm really sorry about that. I don't know who I was talking to. I don't know who I became. I put this on Kevin. It's this tri-month thing. It's got me all out of sorts. I would never say so. I don't use that language on the show. I know we're on a time limit here, but

can we just start the whole podcast over? Okay, yeah. I think maybe that's best. Yeah, I think, yeah, Kevin, is that okay? Yes. And actually, it would be great if you would apologize, because Kevin has set up these conditions where we're kind of pitted against each other to create conflict.

Conflict is king, Kevin likes to say. And it's because that this energy is pervading the room right now. But this is too much conflict. I mean, conflict is okay. To a point.

To a point. I agree. I agree. It's gotten completely sick. When you start talking about IPAs. Yeah. I mean,

that's the line. Yeah, they were having brews. That is the line. Look, maybe, Brett, do you have

the Bedrock Anth anthem karaoke track? Brett's in there? Yeah. Yeah, I'm here. Do you have that for me? I think I owe Alan an apology, and I think I know exactly the way to do it. Oh, good. Oh, here we go.

Here we go. Here we go. What I got, I got, I got to say I'm sorry. Because what I did, it was way out of line now. Don't know why I said that too weird now. Oh, man, I'm really embarrassed. You know that I didn't mean what I said. Kevin's got me all way up in my head Kevin made me feel like a real fool here I gotta say that I don't owe you a beer hey weird Al come on I'm freaking all off the song and I don't mind it you

know that I am about to go back and just rewind it. Hey, Weird Al, come on now. Hey, no, no, yabba-dabba-doo now. Hey, I didn't mean to say screw you, pal. What I should have said is that you're all... Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on, Brett. Brett, wait. Pause it. Pause it.

You're all that? He said hang on. I can't slow down the song. Hang on. What I said was I shouldn't have said screw you, pal. What I should have said is that... What I should have said is... that's nothing that's nothing i mean she ran nbc for a while it's a little obscure it's not easy is it um it's not do, is it? It's not.

Do you use Rhyme Zone? Oh, yeah. I got it on a speed dial. I live in the Rhyme Zone. Oh, me too. I just keep that tab open. Al from 2001. Open the pod bait doors.

Let's talk about your tour. Friggin, what do you got all the million strings and everything going on yeah we're doing every single show on the next tour with a million strings oh no

that's too much Al I mean you know there's only like 70 or 80 musicians but they each have like thousands of strings wow yeah

everybody gets a string when they leave yeah yeah I get a souvenir string. The entire audience gets our own string. That's how we're selling it, yeah. Oh, I'd buy a ticket to that. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. I need one. I like batting them around. Concert aside, you get a string? You know, you show up with nothing, you leave with a string. Oh, yeah. Someone dangles in front of me, I got to bat it. Yep.

I have no choice I see a string forget it I'm up off my feet and I'm swiping at it you know and for the encore I come up with some car keys

and I just kind of dangle them okay oh that'd be a wrap for me they go nuts god they're already horny

I get hurt yeah no car keys in front of me I tell you if you get a laser pointer on that stage I'll see you later. You can actually guide me out of the entire theater with that.

I'm skidding out the door if you do that to me. It's pretty freaky. I get madness. Laser madness. I'll chase it for the rest of my life. Oh, Dana's here. Oh, hey, Dana. Hey, Dana.

You know this? You dealt with her? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I've dealt with Dana. Oh, hey, Dana. Hey, Dana. You know this? You dealt with her? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I've dealt with Dana. Oh, yeah. Dana, do you have anything we can use to damage Weird Al? Anything to damage you? Just, like, his weak points. Um, his hair

is, like, too perfectly curly. So true. You know what I mean? It's, like, too... Alright. Yeah, it's his flawlessness his flaw it's like too good it's hard to get ringlets like that

Mr. Filio Curls it's like what's that Japanese thing where beauty is in the disorder ah you know origami

I don't have that origami origami of course yes sushi no it is yes when I get sushi I go, the beauty is in disorder.

Yes. As soon as it shows up. Disorder of sushi. I go, disorder of sushi is beautiful. Fish and everything. Fishy, fishy, fish. Yes. Kevin, do you have any kind of, so this is like your whole idea this Triumph.

Do you have any action plan? Can you help us? For if we get horny and can't figure out any way to like make fun of Weird Al. We've done like six songs. That's like the most we've ever done. That last one really scared me. I couldn't find the chorus. I was trying to apologize in it.

And then I just got completely lost out do you i mean people do like to get very brave on this show and so do you have any weaknesses that you want to share and that may be by us uh digging into them uh you know sometimes a wound you can only fix a wound by digging in with your index finger. It's true. It's true. But you've got to make sure you sterilize it first. That's very important.

I think maybe my biggest flaw. I don't want that index finger having children. I know. I've thought about this a lot. I think my biggest flaw is my fingernails are too short. Okay. I was kind of noticing that. I thought, that guy's not going to be able to scratch me very much.

It's made me confident singing songs at you. Because I go like, well, even if he takes a good swipe, he's not going to get that much of my skin under his nails. And the reason for that, of course, is if I wind up killing somebody, you don't want somebody else's skin underneath your fingernails for the forensic stuff. Oh, so you've intentionally shortened your fingernails but now the to be a more effective predator but the exactly but the aesthetic effect is is bad yeah well let's face it maybe i should have mentioned the killing people is a fault but no i'm gonna go to fingernails well the fingernails thing yeah that i can see right now the killing people I'll never see because of the short fingernails. But you'll be able to escape undetected for years to come.

Okay, short fingernails. Can I be honest about something? When I mentioned that Yabba Doo Now song, what I thought was bedrock anthem, I thought it was going to be under the bridge. And I was really prepared to sing that one. Do you think people go up to Anthony Kiedis and say, I love that Yeah But Do Now song?

No, I don't think they talk to him. Maybe they tell Flea, can you tell Anthony something for me? Did you ever do Under the Bridge? Just the first several seconds. It's a medley. It's a medley of Chili Peppers hits. Oh, right.

That's right. That's that rock anthem. Yeah, that makes sense. But the yeah, but do part is... Yeah, because that's what I was remembering was... That's right. Yeah, it was the beginning where you are singing the sometimes I feel stuff. Get them away.

Get them away. Yeah. Barney Rubble wrote What a Little Weedna. We have to do a fingernail song. We gotta. Short fingernails. Let's put our heads together. I think it's Lump.

Okay. I think that's the song that we go out or Gump to the tune of Lump. Gump to Lump. Yes. Because basically what the tip of his finger is is stumps and in many ways bumps. Oh, we're double dipping.

Yeah, okay. Bump stand alone on his hand on his arm. He's looking at his fingers And they really can't do much harm He's got short fingernails And he can't use them to kill people And I am going to church Looking at the steeple

They're bumps, they're bumps They're on his hand They're bumps, they're bumps They're bumps, my're bombs, they're bombs My hands are grand Go! Stumps lingered at the end of his arms He couldn't use them to do very much harm He came back and he didn't get caught

After he killed me and dumped me in a swamp He stumps, he stumps. He's got him on his hand. He stumps. He stumps. He stumps. He's in a band. Okay, I think we... I think we did find it there. It was the perfect balance. It wasn't too harsh.

We mentioned why you did it, which was a practical reason, which is you are going to kill me and dump me in a swamp. It had a whole arc to it. I enjoyed that. We said multiple times that they couldn't do much harm. I forget who said that rhyme first. We did do it twice. I did mention that my hands were grand to really kind of rub in your own hand efficiency.

Being not so grand, yes. But we also said, hey, look, the guy's in a band. He's not all bad. But I also took that to mean sort of like, Al's not doing this by himself. There's a whole band out there. Those are people who are doing music. Yes.

And you like to do sort of pretend that you're making all that music by yourself just at once. But really, there's other guys who are helping. Even this tour, it's like, now I've got all these strings. It's like, well, there were strings before. Well, people are so focused on the raw sexuality

that they sometimes don't even realize there's a whole orchestra behind me. Okay, so it is kind of like a men in black memory confusion machine. It's a forgetty thing.

Is your pheromones, basically, that you're giving up. Can you choose when to release them? No, it's like mass hypnosis. It's like I really wish I had better control over it. Yeah, and I know you

tend to have kind of a family-friendly content in your songs, but are people busting at your concerts? Great question, yeah. Because even as I was singing about his hands, I couldn't help but picture them making someone bust.

Not that I'm aware of, but... Yeah, I don't know why you would find out about that. But you're not against it. You know, but you're not aware of them not doing it either. I'm not aware of them not doing it. That news is not getting to you up on stage. I can see the headline now. They don't come to me at the after show and say, hey, guess what?

Yeah. Yeah. I had a nice bust during the middle of one of the songs. It doesn't come up. Because you won't talk to fans after the show, before the show ever. Because I'm afraid what they might tell me. Yes. Yes.

I don't want to know. I don't want to know i don't know i don't want to know what you do because you can make a pretty safe privacy your pants yeah yeah they want to share but you're not you know you have other stuff to think about you have i mean you gotta like get some sleep at some point that people are telling you this stuff all the time people yell at me after the show guess what i did like? Like, don't tell me. Yeah. Don't want to know. Save it. Yeah. Keep it to yourself. Million strings.

Million strings. And basically the promise is that they're going to effectively be dry humped by your voice and lyrics. That's exactly what's going to happen. Mm-hmm.

What, um... I think we've sold the tour, don't you think? Oh, God. Can you imagine not paying the, I don't know what it costs, but it's worth basically anything.

You can bump up the price a couple bucks. When this comes out, yeah, I would say give them a little extra. Yeah. Yeah. Are you going to different cities? I thought that would be more effective than like playing in one city and having everybody come to me. I thought you could just say one city at a time gets to go to whatever location of your choosing would that work and they can bring some of the buildings okay today is tuesday uh it's

boise day and then the entire city of boise a lot of boise for you what's the like because that's the second time that you've you've mentioned it and there's no z in boise it's you know it's boise it's boise boise to learn boise there's no famous potatoes Boise. It's Boise. It's Boise. Boise. Boise. Boise. There's no Z in Boise. Famous potatoes. Famous potatoes. Okay. And so you, are you playing Boise on this tour?

I can't tell you. Okay. Secret. Secret. Day in Boise. Boise. Are you going to play on the blue field? No, they come to me, remember?

Oh. Yes, that's right. Some of the they come to me, remember? Oh. Yes, that's right. Some of the buildings come to him. Ah, yes. The whole city gets to come, and they get to bring two buildings only. Your favorite buildings. Yes, and it says on the door going, two buildings per person. Hmm.

This might not be the best idea for a tour. Maybe I should rethink this. To have the city come to you? Doing a tour at all? Well, that's another option. Maybe I should actually... Nah. Well, I'll play it by ear.

Right now, I think I'm probably just going to go around to a bunch of cities around here. Do you play other songs by ear? Songs by me? Yeah, that's normally what I do. Should I kind of branch out and do a... Just read music the whole time? It'd be like turning pages while you play?

Or have like a page turner while you... I go around to all the people in the orchestra and I turn pages for them. Oh, okay. Yeah. Cool. It's a nice gesture, don't you think? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I guess.

It's a nice gesture, don't you think? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I guess. I mean, it just feels like you're just skating by getting away with whatever you want. Does that feel that way to you? Stealing the song, doing the thing, turning all our wicked songs that we tried to use against you into some sort of compliment. I just go, why is the magic that this man has, and why am I so jealous? I guess it's time to look at me. I think this is more about you than it is about

me. Time to look in the mirror maybe. Go somewhere mad at Weird Al, the man in the mirror. What are you going to do to that one? What are you going to do to it? The man with the beer. How can I turn that against me? And it's an IPA. Yeah. It's an IPA. I'm looking at the man with the beer.

I'm telling him it's an IPA gig. I'm looking at the man with the beer. I'm telling him it's IPA. Yeah. It seemed like you were building up to something. You weren't. Who? When you were saying, like, why am I so jealous? Hayes, how long have you known me? I haven't been building up to something in so long.

Well, we do have Engineer Jordan here. I'm just drifting. We have to have Engineer Jordan sing one song. She's got a BA in vocal performance. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. She has a BA in vocal performance, so the two of you probably connected almost instantly. Is that right?

And she has a musical school. Yeah. Engineer Jordan's. School of Sound Drills. Is that true? School for Sound Drills. Yeah, Reggie Watts teaches at it. Nice. school. Yeah. School of Sound Drills. Is that true? School for Sound Drills. Yeah, Reggie Watts teaches at it. Nice.

Yes. Yeah. Yep. And she got a BA in vocal performance. Yes, I do. Let's bust some rhymes. Okay. All right.

Yeah, bust some rhymes. Wait, what song am I doing? Well, you should do a song that's kind of a... Can it be really easy? That's like a summary of what we did in the show yeah just like a wrap-up song you know how they do in some like 90s movies like the song kind of summarizes as recently as venom yes there's been a song at the end that sort of let you know what you just watched and i think that would be nice for this show for our listeners to go online what

was this to go like here's what it was just to kind of explain what it was that would be really helpful i'm confused myself so this would be really helpful. I'm confused myself, so this would be very helpful. Oh, yeah. I would love to hear it too. You want me to wrap up the whole show in a song? Yes, please.

Yes. My heart is racing. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. It's terrifying. There's I Love Rocky Road. There's Amish Paradise. I mean,

that's a big one. And Jordan is younger. So what are some more recent? I know Weird's Al's work. Weird's Al. Well, there's Tacky to the tune of Happy. That seems like something that Jordan would maybe like. Yes.

Sure. Okay. Sure. sure okay sure we're on the show with Weird Al and they're making me sing all this stuff we talked about how we could take him down I don't even know what I'm doing here anymore

I'm just a reverse engineer and that's what I was born I don't really know weird owl stuff But I guess I could sing this Wow I never expected this To ever happen in my life We had the ultimate weapon All I know is this song Eat it

Jordan just openly saying not a fan That's not what I was saying Oh god so full I would never. Bye. Bye.