Hollywood Handbook - Whitmer Thomas and Clay Tatum, Our Close Friends

Episode Date: June 8, 2015

Hayes and Sean discuss something they've gotten sick of in the news recently, then read a letter they got from some podcast lawyers, followed by a text-based installment of "Eh, Wrong!" Then underground comedians WHITMER THOMAS and CLAY TATUM arrive to discuss their discoveries by Hayes and Sean and make a skate video.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. some sunglasses on a playstation and he's like what he looks confused and i say i've you know i'm here for sunglasses and playstation 4 we go back and forth i thought he was a place like mall you know like a mall like a store shop party like a store mall yes big for the store yes yes and and what he is he is a guy how oh he's a different kind different mold how no and what was worse than anything well i don't know if you've had this experience, is I had eaten at him several times before that. And he never said anything. I went to him for lunch. Okay.

I had not had lunch at him, but I had done some snacks just on the run. I'm going somewhere fast. And I know I shouldn't eat this stuff, but I would get the little pretzel bites with the cheese. Stop at him for, yes. And I know I shouldn't do that stuff, but I would do that, and I would reach into his torso and remove

what I assumed were pretzel bites. And then it's okay. He doesn't say anything. But suddenly, when you want sunglasses and a PlayStation 4, which seems pretty reasonable, Darth Maul is... Now I'm in trouble. Yes. And it's the double standard

that is sickening to me, and it's just like a lot of the stuff we talk about with race and gender. Okay. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook and Insider's Guide to Kicking Butt and Dropping Names in the Red Carpet Linebacker. We call this industry. We call show... I got a cough and what up, what up.

I'm sick. He was going to say showbiz. I'm sick. And he's been trying to get me sick for a few days now. I'm sick of all this Caitlyn Jenner stuff. That's what I'm sick of. Now, hang on. I just think...

You can't just throw away a comment like that. No, this is – I think the Arthur Ashe Courage Award, SB, is something of a sacred institution, and I think that Army guy should have won. Well, for being brave? Yes. Well, one thing I will say is that as a nation, we have closely tracked the Arthur Ashe Courage Award, who it went to and whether they were deserving for a very long time now. It's always a big debate in the news. And so, of course, this year is no different. And you can't make everyone happy when you give out an award like that.

So I hate to disagree with my homeboy, Hayes man, but... It's just part of our national dialogue. Just because it's not necessarily my definition of bravery doesn't mean that it doesn't require some real chutzpah to put yourself out there in the way that Caitlyn has. Now, I thought you were mad that she spelled her name with a C and not a K, even though it is a K sound. And she is part of the Kardashian or Klan who really like to do the Ks. That is confusing. That and about that, I'm pissed. And I wish.

Go off. And give her. Okay, give her the award. Go off. Fine. Give it to her. It's brave of her. But when you print the name on it, go ahead

and put a K on the Caitlin and then that's brave is to be a part of the family that you're part of. And I'll tell you one more thing, Hayes. Arthur Ashe was a tennis guy? What's brave about that?

The balls are going pretty fast. Is that what they're talking about? Not at the time he was playing. That's right. They were slow. At the time he was playing, they were pretty slow. Enough. This isn't what we're here to discuss,

and I'm mad at you for getting me off on that because i didn't want to court all the letters and we get so much mail and right speaking of mail oh well speaking of mail we've got one angry letter that um uh we're scared about this is um from rotten tomatoes This is from Rotten Tomatoes podcast. They have had their lawyers get in touch with us. Like cowards. Which is confusing to me. It was confusing to me because I thought they would be our lawyers now. Because since we have the podcast, shouldn't we get whatever comes with that?

And that was a nasty game of phone tag, figuring that out. They have asked us to stop doing their show within our show, Hollywood Handbook. So we got this letter this week, and I'll read a portion of it. Dear Hazeman, seize and desist. You're doing what you're not allowed to do and it's ours you want our podcast to be in your podcast you can't that's not the law we are the rotten tomatoes and you are not allowed to do this and we were talking about movies when you were still an itch in your daddy's underwear. So we now claim the teaser freezer from you. Now I got to tell you guys,

and I'm not doing the letter anymore. I'm talking to you as me, Sean Clements from Hollywood. This scared me to my bottom of my bones. Yes. To read that they might try to do that with our teaser freezer. And it sort of let us know what it would feel like to have

something that we love taken away and put inside another podcast. And I think that made us understand how maybe we were in the wrong going going boingo or going through yeah tweedled d and tweedled stupid so we're not gonna do that podcast anymore uh we are gonna keep doing our podcast which is good and a good segment that we like to do that people think is very fun is ant wrong and there is a theme song for it that I think a lot of people

work very hard on, but I don't think I have time to find it right now. Well, the only thing we could do is maybe top it in the moment by coming up with our own theme song. Just give me the beat and I will rap it. Okay. Here I come now.

Uh, uh, keep the beat going. And here it comes. Make the music with your mouth, Hayes. And I'm about to rap. Uh, one and two and one and two and here it comes. Now, I'm almost ready to start. Bring it around again. Give me the loop.

And make that music with your mouth. Ant wrong. So this is Ant Wrong. We have a couple reviews of our show, but there's a main one that we really want to do that was actually given to us by the government. The government has a folder of texts on the computer that they read from people that they think are terrorists. And a lot of that, I guess, overlaps with people who don't like our show. And even, you know, you're probably saying, well, Sean and Hayes, aren't you kind of not making a lot of friends with the government with some of the freeway you speak about your opinions on the insane policies that get passed down on Capitol Hill? There are certain people in the government who are trying to be friends with us.

So we don't say stuff about them. And so we agree more with some of their policies and they send us stuff that they think we'll like presents and such uh in order to get us to be friends with them and they're just trying to suck our butts and uh we'll let them do it but uh we are not going to be um uh bending to the uh pressure of um repaying that favor by saying that it makes any sense this two-party system where it's just one's more crooked than the next but we got a present of this text from somebody in the government who said, before you say a little Lisa rice, it wasn't. No,

it's a text message intercepted by the government from somebody named Ellie. They'll give us the last name, but it's not Ellie Kemper because she's our friend and she's very good friend of the show and likes us. And her text begins. These Hollywood handbook guys are idiots i'm listening to an episode with erin gibson who's a hilarious feminist podcaster and satire is coming off as so immature her podcast throwing shade is all satire too but it works i probably picked the worst episode to

start with they obviously know nothing about feminism which is why the jokes don't work at and then it cuts off but it probably says which is why the jokes don't work at, and then it cuts off. But it probably says like... All? Yeah, probably says don't work at all. Or maybe it's the jokes don't work at midnight. At midnight style. If that's how it ends, points, Ellie. Which is why the jokes

don't work at midnight style. That's probably what it says. Yes. So, if it says that, points. If it says yes so if it says that points if it says anything else wrong starting from the beginning these guys are idiots how can we be idiots if we are reading so much yes doing it so fast yes reading books so quickly and making so quickly. And making friends with people. And making friends with all different kinds of people. Oh, and do idiots actually know about Galileo and the moon?

I mean, you don't think before you speak sometimes when you say these things or type them. hype them. And that's really a case where Ellie's got a little bit of phone in mouth disease because she put her phone in her mouth by texting something where it's like, oh, well, would I know that Galileo got arrested and put in prison for knowing about the moon if I was not a science man who actually have done the studying? And moving on to, she's listening to an episode with Erin Gibson, hilarious feminist podcaster, which is also I wonder if she's confusing her with us. Yes, because we are on the front lines of feminism, marching and celebrating and and putting funny women out there and all the time, we had three in a row once. And to move on to other words, satire is coming off as so immature.

She says, satire can't be immature. It's the oldest art form. It's from Greece. It's ancient, ancient comedy, the original comedy, the mask, the smiling mask is from satire. There's two original art forms, naked wrestling and satire, and they're both Greek, and Hayes and I are good at both of them. And they were both used to destroy the government

at times when the government was becoming too powerful in Greek days. They would use satire, sometimes combined with naked wrestling wrestling like you put on a mask of the king and then do naked wrestling with something embarrassing like a snail yes well yeah and the would defeat the king um razor ramon or who was it that was doing it at that time i believe it was razor ramon or i think that's eventually why they had to get rid of owen hart uh and when the snail defeats the king and does a kiss on him then people actually are able to see like oh wait a minute maybe this universal health care thing's not working it's's exposed. Yes, because of the website. Yes, that is Epper's new clothes, which we have talked about at great length. And we'd be happy to go through again from the

beginning, but not right now, but definitely soon. So I was mad when she said we obviously don't know anything about feminism because i thought oh you must be looking in the mirror and thinking about yourself when you say that and it actually turned out that she was a rubber and uh or um which one well we wanted to let me actually just walk myself through it okay so if i am doing uh, so she's saying something about me, but I think it's about her. She said it first. And I want it to. And so the thing is coming out of her.

And it's coming at me. And it's going to. And it has to go back. It has to go back. I have to hear it so that I can reflect it. And now I'm forgetting even what the other thing is it's rubber and what yes and that's right

she's rubber and I'm flubber which is like super rubber and it's so much more powerful and you could jump right on the basketball gym so with our newfound flubber powers, we blast you into space, Ellie, the mysterious texter, and we endow you with the Eh, Wrong Award. We have some great guests that you probably haven't heard of.

They're sort of underground, but Whit Thomas and Clay Tatum from Power Violence are here to talk with the boys, their friends, on Hollywood Handbook. Hollywood Handbook. So I turn to Dr. Hudson.

Hunter. And Beaker and I and I say would you prefer do you want the mouth or the butt the anus and

they confer for a little while and they sort of speak and the doctor comes back to me and he says uh hey man i'll stick it anywhere whatever you want and i was like no i'm not talking about her i'm talking about the pig i'm carving up for dinner can you believe that? Who was her? My mother. What? No, I'm just...

Taking it in? Well, what were you... Like, the first thing you asked about the pig was, do you want... The mouth? The mouth or the anus? Or the anus, yes, the butt. Because you eat from the ends in. Like, you're not going to start... Your first bite isn't going to be from the middle of the pig yes, the butt. Because you eat from the ends in. Like you're not going to start, your first bite isn't going to be from the middle of the pig.

From the middle. Is that a Native American? Of course, yes. No, because that's how we make sure we use every part of the animal. Using every part because otherwise you would lose track. If you start in the middle, you don't necessarily get to the end. So you do start with the end and, you know, either the mouth or the anus. it's customary to offer your guest, which one? Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook. Welcome back to Insider's Guide to King Button Dropping Names of the Red Carpet Linebacker

Hallways of this industry we call showbiz. This industry we call showbiz. What up, what up? Sean and I like to go out into the city. You guys know that. Into different parts of the city. You guys know that. And to different parts of the city that are unexplored. And we like to go to street fairs and we'll go to different parties in a factory sometimes. No sense in naming

the neighborhoods because most people won't have heard of them, but go ahead and say a few of them. There is Los Angeles South. There is Parkdale. Downtown. Yes. There's the forest.

Yes, and there's Cityside. And so we've been to all these places, Yes, and there's Cityside. And so we've been to all these places, and that is where the new hotness and the young new thing is happening. And it's so edgy, and it's so outrageous. And we discover all kinds of new talent out there, and we wanted to introduce you to some of those guys today. Witt Thomas and Clay Tatum are here. What's up, y'all?

How y'all doing? How's it going? We found them in Cityside, I think. Yes. Well, I had initially seen Witt in the forest, and he was doing some stuff to a tree that reminded me of when I was first starting out, and I was so full of anger and edge, and I was doing all my Banksy stuff. Doing art to a tree?

Yes, doing art. And it wasn't for anyone. It was for the animals out there. It wasn't just – it was art for art's sake, which I found very endearing. And then I don't think I've ever seen clay before. Do you want to talk about it, what the art was? Oh, yeah. I was just carving't think I've ever seen Clay before. Do you want to talk about it? What the art was? Oh, yeah. I was just carving my girlfriend and my name in a tree inside of a heart.

Yeah. And can you believe that? And how badass. A heart where the blood lives, you know? And I saw Clay playing drums on a trash can lid and sledding on it at the same time. Yep. I saw you. I it at the same time. Yep. I saw you. I was in the middle of the city doing that.

Yes, middle city. Yeah, it was in middle city, and I think it was next to a- Center town. It was center town on a stoop. Yes, you were sledding on the stoop. Yeah. Yeah. He kept going down.

Yeah, he loves going down the stairs on his sled drum. Just a did-a-did-a-did-a. Then he goes back up and does it again. It's an urban lifestyle sport that I like to partake in. He's all about urban lifestyle sports. I love how you make people wait so long for you to get back up to the top because it is such a short drum session and a short sledding demonstration on that stoop. And then you really take your time getting back up

to the top well yeah because you know i'm out of breath after doing um i'm riding that stoop for a long time and um so after riding that stoop i'm like clay you need to take a break but the people are gonna want to see you doing more uh uh stoop slides yeah he needs to give his bones a rest i need to give my bones a rest, but these people are asking for more. And so I get up to the top, and I do it again, and I'm like, okay, I guess I'll do a drum solo now, and I did that for like an hour,

and then that's when Hayes came in to the picture. Yes, that's when I came in, sort of after everything. At the end of all of it, yes. Yes, but the people dispersing told me about it, told me it was not good. And isn't that interesting? I said, I'll be the judge.

The fact that they didn't like it made me think that it probably was good. Because like, center town people, you know. Yeah, so they often, it's going right over their head. But when you get it into an area like the forest or like city side, they really get that kind of heart.

I've been trying to get Clay to come to the forest for a while now. I'm a city boy. No, you're a city boy. Yeah, but once you get some rails out there, then I can go and visit you. Clay only takes the rails. Well, this is what I love about your dynamic. It's the classic city mouse country mouse uh story and i think it's what really works is that you guys have

trouble getting together you're almost never in the same place because clay will only take the rails and when you do you don't seem to truly connect no he can only meet somebody if it's right off of a train track yeah and as and you, as far as me, I don't really like to leave around that tree. And I, you know, honestly, I would love to see it, but if they didn't have any city stops there for the rails, that I could come out and I would feel comfortable and I would see you. Yeah, well, I know that, and I've been trying to, I've been talking to the mayor, and we've been trying to work something out. The mayor of the forest? Well, yeah, he's a forest mayor.

Dan. And what kind of, is it an animal? Well, yeah, he's a forest mayor. Dan. And what kind of, is it an animal? Well, yeah, it's an animal. I mean, yeah, squirrel. Well, it's their domain, and we can all admit that, especially me as a Native American one-eighth. So you guys have a show. Yep.

You do. Mm-hmm. It's called Power Violence Yeah With some of your other friends With our friend Bud Who couldn't be here Is that a weed joke?

Yeah No Kind Buds Yeah well Bud You do a show with your I mean hey With a little help from your friend Bud No judgment

We just light up a Bud And we take it to the stage Bud's actually here He's visiting No judgment. We just light up a bud and we take it to the stage. Well, it's actually here. He's visiting. Get out of here, bud. All right, he left. But yeah, and he's a desert child, so it's even harder. Oh, boy.

Yes, one of the desert children. The three types of human. And you had a show recently where you played with... Mark Hoppus from Blink-182. Mark Hoppus, yes, who you... Musical idol. ...seem to like. Fave bass player.

And now you get to do this show, all in the space of one year. Big year for you. Well, it's all downhill from here. Yes. Yeah, and hopefully I'll have one of Clay's sleds with me, so at least going downhill will be fun. Speak on that.

It's really easy to say that when I'm actually doing it. Well, I mean, you can maybe teach me. I'm not trying to say that you're sledding bad or easy. It did come off as a little arrogant. Okay, well, hopefully Clay will be able to teach me how to sled drum down the hill as I go down it. I can do that. Thank you.

Anytime, pal. That's some of our friends. Yeah. Well, we know you guys love extreme sports, and... The punk rock aesthetic is very important to us as well as you, And so we actually brought our boards here. Yeah, you guys skate? Yeah, we love to skate. Oh, yeah.

We love skater life. Yeah, we skate. Well, that's really cool. I mean, you don't really... Do you do moves? Yeah, we got some moves. Clay's mainly a manual guy. He spins good.

I like to go high and do flips. I can do dip flips. Clay dips down before he flips usually, but I like to do straight tall flips. Did you bring your wheels? No, I didn't. I didn't know we were allowed to. We have extra wheels. Oh, cool. We actually brought wheels.

Let me get my net back. Oh, I got that same backpack but in black. Whoa. Wow. It's only missing one wheel. Missing? It's a birdhouse. That one has an extra wheel. Oh, okay. Yeah, you have one more than I do. He's only missing one wheel. Missing? This is a birdhouse. That one has an extra wheel. Oh, okay. Yeah, you have one more than I do.

He's got a spare wheel. That one can do three wheelies. Well, this kind of shows me that you guys completely 100% get us. Yeah. Thank you. I appreciate that. Describe our wheels. These are circuit boards, which I think are finger boards,

or maybe a new brand, which is depressing, because this is a Tony Hawk Birdhouse circuit board, which maybe means that he sold out on finger boards. Right. Because finger boards was the big thing. I don't know if you remember. Tech Decks. Or Tech Decks, yeah.

Circuit board is my brand. It's supposed to come with a motor, but it did not survive the bathtub. Oh, all right. Well, that's a whole circuit thing. You put it in the bathtub? And I got electrocuted. Anyway, this is actually a story. You know, Clay and I bonded real hard over having fingerboards when we were kids,

but these weren't the cool ones with the grip tape. They were keychain fingerboards. And they probably only had one wheel instead of the good ones like we have. Yeah, but we had a friend named Matt who would just do this and say it was a trick. That is a trick. Flick it and then just lift his hand up. I wouldn't do that because one thing for me with my board

is I'm saving my wheels and I want to waste them. So I tend to use it like... And I have it walking around. Like it's a little guy. He's like walking it around. Well, and I picked this one too because it kind of looks like, Engineer Cody, could you?

Whoa! Oh, my God. Sir, can I help you? Hi. Yes, hi. I'm the new engineer. I think we've met already. I think I'd remember meeting something like this. Is this a shape-shifted new form for Engineer Cody?

You know what, actually? This actually does make a lot of sense. Because Cody does look sort of like a pre-chrysalis animal. Like a bug pre-beautiful transformation. He definitely is unfinished, whatever's going on with him. But I would say if this is the finished version, this is an improvement, but I wouldn't necessarily call it. Keep going.

Are there more? Yes. Are there more? Is this stage three of four? Because we're on the right track. We're not done yet. Okay, well, that's good. Transitional.

So what do you call this version of yourself? Ryan. Ryan, Engineer Brian. So, okay, so Engineer Brian, can you get a picture of my board? Because I picked it because it looks like a little... Do you guys like the family guy? Love Stewie. Well, this is the baby Stewie, and he's holding some hot coco for me.

And, oh, I love it too and he wants to beat up his mom. He hates his mom. We all were frustrated sometimes with our parents and that spirit of rebellion lives in skateboards today. Really knock her down a couple. Yeah, you know, knock her down a few picks.

Brian, would you like one of these? If you could be very gentle with it, please and rinse your hands. I got to know, what happened to the wheels? What happened to which? I think I can be careful with it. Well, they do all have two wheels, and we are saving the wheels to be safe. Oh.

And, hey, isn't it true that my guy is friends with your guy? Yes, our guys are friends, and my guy is Tony Hawk's little brother who is the only one who can be honest with him. Yes, and my guy... And he's also Triple X. And my guy is Tony Hawk's boss's neighbor. And so

what an interesting relationship where he does want to go and cut loose with his friend who is but he's the neighbor of a boss who he doesn't want to seem too unprofessional around. And this is for a skate video that we're doing. So are you recording this, Engineer? Ryan. What is it? Rocky?

You can call me Reet. That's what the other guys call me. Well, we're not going to do that. And I don't want to do anything that those guys do. Yes, that's what the other guys call you. Well, we're not going to do that. And I don't want to do anything that those guys do. Yes, that's what the other guys call you. Well, that's off the table then. Now, what is some of your guys' traits of your fun boards? Well, mine's a classic Birdhouse graphic. It's a cartoon bird.

I think it's an angry bird. Or it's kind of like an angry bird. Birdhouse is known for their cartoonish, big, bold graphics. But what's your guy? Yes, what's your guy? Oh, it's Tony Hawk. I think these are all Tony Hawk. No.

No. What's your guy? You're ruining it. Okay, my guy is a wisecracking cousin of his. Okay. I like this, Clay. Okay. You go with it.

All right. Well, mine's a bird. His beak is yellow and he's red. Can we take this one step back? Okay, I'm going to do this again. Okay. Alright. Wait, you guys go through all yours again so

maybe by then I'll be able to think of one. Mine is Tony Hawk's little brother who is also the only person who can be honest with him and he is Triple X as well which is a title that goes to different spies. Now mine is

Tony Hawk's boss's neighbor and they have built a real badass dirt bike trail in his backyard but he doesn't want his boss to see him riding on it. And also he is really, really good at math and really smart. But he plays sports.

But he plays sports, so he's still cool, but it's okay to be smart and still be cool. Okay, so mine is Tony Hawk's wisecracking cousin, but he's also, which I didn't mention, he's also a mailman, and he looks like a classic mailman, and he got a dog biting his leg. Okay, your turn.

It's my guy's cousin, too, but my guy's not sure about him. He's jealous. And my guy doesn't even know him, except from getting the mail. Now, who's your guy? Oh, right. Okay, well, my guy, it is a bird. He is a bird, and he's a red.

Here's a good one. Well, but hold on. And he likes to fly throughout. Here's the thing. He flies from place to place hoping to find a worm. Can I help you out, pal? Or to sit on an egg. Can I help you out?

Or to find a nest. Something for his nest, like a toothpick. Okay. We're at a good start, surprisingly. A lot of people are saying no, but I'm saying yes. You're going somewhere with this. Yeah. Have it be like a relative of Tony Hawk's.

Well, you can't because that's a boy. Tony Hawk's a man and this is a bird. Okay, so this is Tony Hawk's pet red bird. Okay, there. That's good. Who got away and he seems to be smiling. He's squinting. His pet.

Yeah, his pet. Oh, this is fun. Oh, my guy's friends with the pet. Yeah, they're friends yep and they're they say you know he's like hey bird well the bird can't understand him because he's a bird so the bird you know he mainly just flies away sean look look look at look at oh wait wait i'm not doing it wait i'm not doing it. Wait, I'm not doing it. Look it. Look it. Ah! Okay, wait. Wheel man!

Whoa! Yeah! Just did a triple hard flip. Yeah. Okay, so what are some moves we can combine to do? I don't know. Well, you know, it's hard to... You can't really do combination skate tricks.

How do I do? Well, yeah, if you... How do I get it to just... If you're like Tiny Hawk, Andy McDonald style. How do you do the thing where it just rolls on its own? Oh, you... No, I think you have to have a motor. Or you at least have to have two more wheels than what you have.

My guy's sick, but he's being brave about it. What kind of sick is he? He won't say. Now, I'm scared to roll it because I don't want it to lose control. And you'd hate to scratch up your guy. Yes, especially now that he has a bird friend. Now, dudes, why is punk rock so great? Yeah, what is it about this lifestyle that...

So appealing to true counterculture badasses like ourselves. That we're currently enjoying. Like, what is it about this? Because it is scary, but what about it is fun as well? I think what initially made Clay and I attracted to the punk rock lifestyle was... Well, at first, it's... Well, first, it's super fun to have a shit attitude about things. Yeah, we like that rebellious, shitty attitude, like making fun of people who are down on their luck.

Yeah, because, yes, a lot of shit actually is fucked up and people don't even notice. Yeah, it's like, hey, fuck you for not smiling, you dick. Sheep people. Yeah, sheeple is what we call them. Yes, and that is one thing. But that initially is what we liked, to just be able to do whatever we wanted to. And also we liked how fast the music was, you know. Kind of how fast

we would ride our shreds. Yeah, we would hop on our shred sticks and cruise about that fast. 120 beats a minute. Wait, no, don't shoot me. I will say, if somebody were to serve me food on this,

it might actually get me to eat my food. You don't eat your food? Well, not the stuff you're supposed to. I usually actually get me to eat my food. You don't eat your food? Well, not the stuff you're supposed to. I usually don't want to eat my food. But if someone were to give it to me on the tip of one of these little boards... And it's riding, racing into your mouth. And it's racing into my mouth.

You might clean your plate. I think that I might enjoy at least a few bites of my food. And the plate's really small, too. Well, I, yeah, because I've been having a lot of trouble finishing my food. And the problem is, I mean, I'm a little...

How does your dad feel about that? Well, he is very resistant to putting it on the floor when I am being puppies and kitties. So that I can get down and eat it the way that is, you know, really exciting. And that is how they like to eat. It's weird that y'all are mentioning this. Because I've been having a real hard time finishing all my food.

Yeah, you don't want to eat it. Right when I hit 26, I just had a hard time. There's nothing fun about it, yeah. It used to be so easy. It used to be so easy to sit down. Well, I was just hungry. Yeah, I haven't been hungry in 10 years. And what are you doing about it?

Well, I just don't eat. I mean, I'll nibble a bite here or there, but I haven't cleaned my plate since my mom told me to. Let me ask, does this sound familiar? Getting more on yourself than you get in your mouth? I can't. I understand. I'm putting it in my mouth.

I've got one. Are you guys ever told that you should bring the food to your mouth and not your mouth to the food? Uh-huh. Yeah. Well, that's not how puppies and kitties do it. Yeah, they also eat mostly with their tongue, and people don't like that.

Or chew with your mouth closed or stop smacking. Clay, food-wise, what's happening for you? Well, I think what happens with me is I clean my room, that means I get a sweet treat. So now they go, Clay, clean your plate, you get a sweet treat. So now they go, Clay, clean your plate. You get a sweet treat. I go, let's take a step back here. I've already cleaned my room, Papa.

And then he says, no, I want you to eat your food, son. And I go, no, Papa, I cleaned my room. I get sweet treat now. It's a constant argument at your house. Yes. You should get two sweet treat. Yeah, if you clean the room, I get sweet treat now. It's a constant argument at your house. Yes. You should get two sweet treat. Yeah, if you clean the room and the plate. And you should get one

first as a show of good faith. Yeah, to that first agreement me and my papa had that I completed 100%, by the way, and I know where you keep the sweet treat and I know where not out. So how about you do this, dad? How about you walk in my room

and say, is there anything in here that you need me to do? Because I don't think that's the case. I think I can get my sweet treat now. And then later, we can talk about this clean the plate thing, Papa. And that seems like a pretty fair position to take.

Ryan, are you good at eating your food? I'm okay. Braggy. I think Clay's brought up a great point that maybe if we have something to look forward to, like a sweet treat, we might be able to clean our meats and our other ones. Yes. Maybe if something were put inside, and maybe that might be a good way to get me to take a pill as well.

Well, if it looked like, because when it looks like just a lump of mashed potatoes, that's pretty boring. But if it looked like a skyscraper or a beetle bug, then at that point now it's like, well, now I'm ready to munch. Oh, if it's kitty food, they mush it all together. Yeah, let's chow. Let's chow on this chair.

And it seems pretty fair and it's not a whole lot of work to make eating time fun so that we can all enjoy ourselves. Note to parents. Yeah. Don't shoot. Don't shoot. Don't shoot. Wow. What happened? Oh, wow.

You made a ramp. Yeah. Want to try some of my ramp? I'm not supposed to, but I will do it anyway. Oh, wait. Whoa. Okay, so let's do it anyway. Oh, wait. Whoa. Okay, so let's just do our skate video real fast. We'll just like...

Okay, skate video on the way out. Should it be the prize, the pro version prize? Yes, the pro version is a copy of our skate video for Scooter McNarley. This is good. He'll really enjoy this. Oh, this is right up his alley. Yes. Okay, so we're just going to do this video real fast and rate us on iTunes

and like us on the forums and thank you Whit and Clay for being here and we discovered you and you guys are on our record label as well, Gojira Records. And that's where we do our punk rock. Rawr. It is Gojira. Thank you. Okay, so we'll just play the song and then we'll just do our tricks.

Oh, no, they're fighting. Get on the ground. Get on the ground. Duck. Oh, I hit you. You're dumb now. No, I moved. No, you didn't. I ducked.

I ducked. My guy's still going. My guy's still going. My guy's still going. Oh, yes. Awesome. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Hollywood Handbook is brought to you by Wolf Cool Productions, a subsidiary of Calvin and Hobbes. Ow, baby. Ow, baby. That was a hate gun podcast